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Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
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Kid/Family Sales
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
Sorry, I know this isn’t mom-related, but I don’t visit the main site any more.
My POS ex-boyfriend from 10+ years ago has been trying to contact me recently via email. I’m guessing it’s because his daughter had a baby this spring. I’m in contact with her but have him (and his enabler mother, who also tried to reach out) blocked on social media and have my settings as private as I know how.
For the three years we dated, he was physically and emotionally abusive; he lied and stole constantly and gaslighted me. I finally moved away and cut off contact. After I left he had children with several different women and did time in prison. And now I’m incredibly anxious about his attempts to reach out. Does anyone have advice for resources for advice?
anon says
I’d be unnerved too. If you were my sister, I’d want you to talk through with someone who knows DV issues to assess. Maybe a DV support organization could help assess or refer you to a resource?
Anonanonanon says
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It is very jarring when someone like that suddenly reaches out.
First, DO NOT REPLY. Next, go to thehotline.org and chat with someone there. They’re very helpful. Please don’t tell yourself “well this isn’t as bad as other people they’ll think I’m dramatic.” They won’t, I promise.
Anonanonanon says
Also, I’m guessing he’ll say he’s reaching out to “apologize” or because he’s “in recovery” and he “needs” to apologize to progress. NOPE. you.don’t.owe.him.anything.
Halloween Mom says
I don’t have any good advice — other than to not respond — but I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. That is very unnerving.
lsw says
Thinking of you and hoping you feel safe. Not sure if it would help but “The Gift of Fear” and “Why does he do that?” are both good resources that reinforce that you should trust your instincts. Also, congrats on cutting him off – that’s really hard. You’re amazing.
Anon says
There’s SO MUCH DRAMA in our local school board elections and… I’m actually somewhat interested in it? I don’t think anything has made me feel quite as much like a mom.
Anonymous says
Love to see it! (I’m a school board lawyer).
Cb says
Oh my goodness, there is so much drama in my hometown school board elections and a friend who is living in town due to Covid is keeping me up to date. One of the candidates was a teacher/counsellor who told kids to ‘dream smaller’. She also rigged the valedictorian rankings in favour of her daughter. Now that she’s running, all these stories are coming out.
Anon says
Yes, school board politics are crazy! But it’s really important to pay attention and vote (even if your kids don’t attend – do it for the other kids in your community). The board has such an impact on the resources and direction of the schools… and usually all the old people in town vote NO to everything so it’s up to us parents to advocate for the kids
Anonymous says
Our school board is appointed by the county supervisors. I have never paid much attention to the school board until this summer, when things blew up over the COVID response and confederate school names and I started listening to their meetings on line. OMG is that board a total $hitshow, and there is virtually nothing that voters can do about it.
NoVa Mom says
Do you by chance live in Northern Virginia? I’m experiencing the same thing here..
Anon says
Nope, Midwest. I think there’s just drama everywhere :)
anon says
There was a lot of drama in ours too. My district in a smallish southern city had two people running, one of whom was a tea party republican guy (they are not supposed to be political races, but he felt compared to announce his politics) who was a partner at the firm I used to work at. He was one of the most horrible human beings I’ve ever worked with — openly racist, would walk through the halls screaming obscenities at people into his cell phone, threw things around in his office when in a rage, etc. He’s from an extremely prominent family in town. I expected him to win and was so depressed about it. And he lost!! To a hispanic man! It was glorious and restored a tiny bit of my faith in humanity.
Best tips for labor/delivery/hospital stay says
I’m due in 2 weeks with our first child. What’s your best advice for labor/delivery/hospital stay?
I have my preferences for how things will go down, but top of list is Healthy Baby, Healthy Mama, so would love to hear from people across the spectrum (unmedicated v, medicated v, planned c, unplanned c, etc).
Anonymous says
Go with the flow.
New Here says
Agree with this. My “plan” was similar to yours – Safe & Healthy delivery for baby and mom. I wanted an epidural. I was fine with being induced. I ended up going into labor while my doc was on call, spiked a fever and had to have a c-section while under general anesthesia. Not at all what I had planned, but it was the best course of action for both of us.
MamaOtter says
You will likely hear this a lot, but it really does help to just have a list of preferences, rather than being wedded to a strict plan, especially depending on your personality. Also, when I say “list” I mean it might be helpful to write them down, because you will totally forget in the rush of everything! Even just little things like “have a nurse take a photo of you, DH, and the baby”. In everything going on (our situation was more complicated with the baby being rushed to NICU – she’s fine now), we totally forgot to take that photograph and now we don’t have one :(
Cb says
So true, we don’t have the photos and it makes me sad!
Anon says
We don’t have that photo either but I didn’t even realize that until I read this comment so I guess we don’t really miss it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I had two medicated v deliveries. My main “goal” was to get an epidural as soon as I could and to make sure the baby and I were healthy and safe at the end. I was induced with my first, who was almost 2 weeks overdue, so from the start of the induction to his birth was about 40 hours, so super long but I got an epidural pretty early so at least I wasn’t in too much pain. The second was faster, with labor pains starting the day before, laboring overnight (with the epidural I even got to take a few hour nap!) and he was born the next morning.
I personally think the epidural is one of modern medicine’s greatest invention so I’m not the best person to make an argument for an unmedicated delivery, but YMMV. I saw no downsides to the epidural.
AwayEmily says
+1 million. I had two long labors (with both I had to be induced after my water broke). I got an epidural with my first and not with my second (basically the nurse was incompetent/distracted, kept saying “oh, it’s too early for an epidural” and then by the time I was like “um I think the baby is coming now,” it was too late). Epidural birth was SO MUCH better for me physically and more important mentally. I bonded with the baby and recovered much faster. Of course, this is not true for everyone, some people have lovely magical non-medicated births but for me the epidural positively affected my birth experience. And also let me SLEEP through part of my long labor so I wasn’t totally exhausted after taking the baby home.
But I guess my takeaway is that if you want an epidural you do need to make that clear. Also, trust your intuition if a nurse/doctor doesn’t seem to be paying attention (I guess this is why people have doulas — to help them advocate).
Cb says
I think articulating your preferences is a good idea, as long as you can be flexible. Healthy baby/mom is the goal, here’s some things that I would prefer…
I wanted to be up and about as much as possible and wanted drugs but not an epidural. I ended up with a very long labour, never got any good drugs (gas and air made me queasy), asked for an epidural quite late in the game and it never worked, and a very, very speedy delivery. But kiddo and I were happy and healthy and home 24 hours later so all was well.
Anon says
Ask them exactly what they’re going to be doing whenever they touch you. The doctor on call stripped my membranes without my consent at a cervical check early on in my induction. I really did not want that done, particularly without any notice, and I’m still annoyed about it even though I overall had a smooth labor and delivery.
And don’t be afraid to get an epidural if you want one. I got mine around 5 cm after several hours of mild contractions and was dilated to 10 cm an hour later (I was on Pitocin because of the induction). The evidence about epidurals slowing down labor or leading to more c sections is outdated. The new thinking is they allow the mom to relax which allows the body to do its thing faster.
Anonymous says
“The evidence about epidurals slowing down labor or leading to more c sections is outdated.” My dad is in anesthesia. He agrees with you, and the proliferation of incorrect information about this really frustrates him. It’s very much a “Don’t get him started” subject. ;)
anonn says
Ok but he mostly only sees how the ones who got epidurals turn out so…..
Anonymous says
I’m guessing he’s speaking not just from personal experience but also from the medical literature in his field, things he learns at conferences, etc. Doctors have a lot of knowledge that isn’t directly from treating their own patients.
Anon says
I read a lot of the research on this subject, and my best guess is that the people who get epidurals may not be the same as those who do not get them. Sorry for the bullet points, but here’s my thoughts:
*Women who want an unmedicated birth often (but not always) train for it. They run, do yoga, do Pilates, elliptical – all of which are proven to speed up delivery. The studies could simply be picking up that effect.
*Second and third births go faster than the first. Depending on the study, it could just be picking up that women who have already given birth might opt for unmedicated childbirth more frequently than those who have not.
*It’s hard to perform studies of what happens in a clinical setting. Women do change their minds about medication during the delivery (which is totally fine!), but that could confound study results. Let’s say there are two women who are in a fair amount of pain when they are 3 cm dilated. Several hours later, one of them is at 8 cm and progressing nicely; the other is at 4 cm. Which one is more likely to ask for an epidural – the one who sees the finish line in sight or the one who wonders if she’s going to be doing this for the next 30 hours?
Anonn says
Yes if you wanted an unmedicated birth, 38 weeks is a little late to start “training” for that. It could happen, but for me it was lot of prep work and having the right team in place.
Anonymous says
If you want something, ask early before everything gets crazy because it’s too late. I wanted a mirror to see my second, but it was all too fast so I missed it. Oh well!
We took a small speaker and had music whenever we were awake. My daughter loves that she came into the world with Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald playing.
Anon says
Don’t be a hero. That’s it. There are no medals for making things harder on yourself. Send the baby to the nursery so you can sleep (if they still let you do that with Covid), combo feed or formula feed if you want (not NEED to, just WANT to), and get the epidural. Per Jessi Klein: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/10/opinion/sunday/get-the-epidural.html.
Signed, someone who did not take her own advice and deeply regretted it
cbackson says
+1 to all this. My early labor was brutally painful – I was barely dilated but I was having regular contractions so intense that I was vomiting from the pain and unable to stand – but I had heard from all my friends that I needed to wait to get the epidural so I was having fentanyl injections instead. They weren’t really helping at all. Finally, when a new nurse came on at the shift change, she was like, if you were planning on an epidural anyway there is literally no reason for us not to call the anesthesiologist now. We did, and he came, and everything got tons better (even though my epidural didn’t fully work and I still had some significant pain – but nothing like the first 6 hours of my early labor).
I also stayed in the hospital as long as they would let me (up to preference, but I wanted to take advantage of the help and support of the nursing staff), supplemented with formula in the hospital, and sent my baby to the nursery several times so that I could rest. He’s a happy healthy almost-four-month old and we have a great breastfeeding relationship, even though I had been told that supplementing would lead to nipple confusion and I’d never be able to nurse and all that.
Pogo says
I feel like it’s also common for anesthesiologist to take a while to get to you if there are other women on the floor who need them, so definitely get that preference made clear and everything lined up (paperwork, blood tests, etc) ASAP. With my first it took over two hours from asking to getting epidural (tho I had a specific situation with my blood disorder that caused some of this delay, the availability of the doctor contributed).
Anon says
“It’s interesting that no one cares very much about women doing anything “naturally” until it involves their being in excruciating pain.
No one ever asks a man if he’s having a “natural root canal.” No one ever asks if a man is having a “natural vasectomy.””
YEEESSSS.
My birth plan was healthy baby, healthy mom, epidural without shame. I have had enough physical pain in my life and don’t need more. My husband would have supported any choice I made but was a lot happier not seeing his wife, the woman he loves to death, in brutal screaming agony.
Anonymous says
The medical establishment is dead set against natural childbirth. They want women medicated so they are easier to control.
Anon Lawyer says
Personally, I am more able to exercise my own agency when not in excruciating pain.
cbackson says
My epidural didn’t impede my ability to think or communicate, but the pain I felt prior to my epidural definitely did. I was far more susceptible control when I was on my hands and knees on the bathroom floor vomiting from pain than I was after my epidural kicked in.
Anonymous says
A third vote that I had far more control and ability to advocate for myself when I wasn’t in pain.
Anon says
HAHAHAHAHAHA
-Anon at 11:51 am.
Anonymous says
Yes, definitely this! I did end up taking advantage of both the nursery and formula supplementation but I beat myself up about it unnecessarily. I had a great BFing relationship (my daughter self-weaned just before she turned a year and a half) and feel very bonded to her (what mom doesn’t?) You have your whole life to get to know your child and build that bond, it doesn’t have to happen in the first 48 hours after you give birth when you haven’t slept and have just put your body through this huge physical effort.
Anon says
It is OK if you don’t fall in love with your baby right away, or for a while. I felt a deep, deep need to protect my baby but that head-over-heels, crazy love took time to develop, just like with a real person! It doesn’t mean anything is wrong!
Anon says
So true.
Anonymous says
Labor at home for as long as possible. I did unmedicated deliveries for both my births but I had a much better experience the second time when I stayed home as long as possible. First babies tend to take a while so don’t rush to the hospital on the first contraction. I had my first contraction on my second pregnancy at like 4am and it wasn’t that bad so I actually went back to bed and slept a couple more hours whereas on my first pregnancy I was immediately packing up and counting the contractions until I could go to the hospital.
Anon says
My advice is to make the stay as enjoyable as you can, even if that means bringing extra stuff in since it seems like now most hospitals don’t allow you to leave once you’re in. Make sure you bring food or order it before the kitchen closes, even if you haven’t given birth yet, so that you can save it for later in case you deliver after everything is closed. I remember sending my husband to Wawa to get me a sandwich after the baby was born in the middle of the night! It’s also nice to have stuff to help you sleep like earplugs and eye shades. Nursing pillow also is nice if you’re planning to nurse, but when they’re just born it doesn’t really hurt your hands to cradle them like it can later.
It seems like labor is so different for everyone — I labored at home thinking that once it got bad I would go in, but it was never that painful (maybe because I labored in the bath/shower?) and my contractions didn’t get down to exactly whatever interval they tell you to go in at. I finally went to the hospital because my husband wanted to, convinced that I was going to be sent home, and ended up being 8cm and nearly missed the epidural. Once they hooked me up to the monitor I could see that I was having contractions but genuinely couldn’t feel them all. The nurse was trying to mentally prep me for an epiduralless birth but in my mind I was so certain I would get it in time and it worked out. Once I got it I took a nap for an hour, woke up, and gave birth. It was weirdly pretty calm and a very textbook experience overall – I even gave birth on my due date. Afterward I kind of wondered what it would have felt like to go without an epidural but there were absolutely no downsides to it. The build up to giving birth was so full of anticipation and nervousness and I’m sure I’m forgetting some bad things but I look back on it as such an exciting and fun night. I didn’t really hear any good stories before I had my baby so I wanted to share an easy experience with you
Anon says
I got my epidural a little earlier than you but I also barely felt my contractions even though the nurse said they were “intense.” And I’m very sensitive to pain in many other ways. Bodies are so weird! I’ve heard that if your water doesn’t break the contractions won’t be as painful but I don’t know if there’s any science behind that.
Pogo says
I had an un medicated second birth and compared to my first it NEVER got painful. My first I was literally like, knock me out please. My second I wasn’t even going to go to the hospital except my doula said I should, and I barely made it in time. Bodies are SO weird (second kid was even bigger than the first too?!)
Anonymous says
With my first I wanted an unmedicated birth but asked for an epidural during transition (which is common for women to ask for pain relief then), neither my husband or I realized I was in transition. So if you want unmedicated, I would definitely look up the signs of transition (feeling hot/cold, shaking, saying you can’t do it any longer, asking for drugs) It’s like the worst time to get an epidural and I started delivering right after so it didn’t even work.
Anyways, my second was totally unmedicated because we could recognize I was in transition and that the worst of it would be over quickly. My first labor was relatively quick for a FTM (8 hours), so I knew the second wouldn’t be long. I pushed for the wireless monitor so I could be moving around the whole time (both kids I stood/walked my entire labor) and said no to pitocin.
My advice – bring snacks and drinks! I ate during both labors, and we needed snacks for the hospital afterwards. Take a shower and put on some minimal makeup as soon as you feel comfortable as it will make you feel more human.
Anonanonanon says
“Whatever gets this baby out safely” is the goal for sure. I would advise you to keep your current approach. Having too concrete of a plan is setting yourself up to be disappointed.
I’ve done V and semi-planned C-section (had 24 hours notice, breech 10 lb baby and leaking fluid and laboring a bit) and much prefer to not have a C-section. The recovery was kind of awful (but I also had a pretty bad pelvis injury from the huge baby). I was also kind of devastated only because I was NOT prepared for my first birth (I was quite young) and I was looking forward to going into it a second time knowing what to expect, and then I didn’t get that. However, I didn’t really have a choice, because rotating the baby was not on the table because of some health conditions I have, so it is what it is. I can definitively say one was not more “magical” or “motherly” or bond-provoking than another.
I liked the epidural with my V birth because it was kind of a long labor (not story-worthy, but not 3 hours either) and I felt it was important to attempt to rest if possible. With a good epidural, you can still feel the contraction of your muscles, the pain is just muted. I could feel pressure and know when to push etc.
The only thing I felt pressured about with my first birth that I’m glad I stood my ground on was pitocin. They kept trying to give it to me but when I’d ask if I wasn’t progressing fast enough they’d say no, I was progressing fine. I’ve heard pitocin makes contractions hurt way more and I didn’t see any need to introduce it if it wasn’t needed.
AnonATL says
So I’m sitting here with my 2 month old (holy cow time flies) and my biggest advice is to go with the flow, unless there’s something you feel VERY strongly about. I thought I wanted to go natural, but that changed quickly for me.
My contractions started at noon on Sunday and were about 10 minutes apart all day. They stopped for a few hours and then started back up again right around bedtime pretty quickly getting to 5 minutes apart which wasn’t very painful and I was at home until my water broke at about 2am. I was GBS+ so we went to the hospital and got checked in. I came in hoping to be without an epidural as long as possible, but it got super painful when my water broke and I had been up like 28 hours at that point so I got an epidural at around 5cm (within 2 hours of my water breaking roughly), and it was glorious. No side effects, no pain, and mine wore off pretty quickly after birth. My husband snoozed while my body did it’s thing. I was too anxious to sleep, but I literally laid there and read a book for a couple hours. I pushed for an hour and my son was born at noon on that Monday.
I had a third degree tear and episiotomy (my son has a huge head) and all the doctors said thank goodness you had an epidural. It took them over an hour to repair everything, and I could just lay there with my son on my chest totally oblivious to the carnage below. I was up and walking within a couple hours. Which I highly suggest. Get moving when you can.
So that’s a very long way of saying just go with whatever feels right in the moment. If my water hadn’t broken so early I probably could have gone without an epidural longer, but I’m glad I got one. It also is nice to have it placed if you end up needing a csection. Mine did slow down my contractions slightly, but pitocin sped it back up.
AnonATL says
Oh also, if you can, research how to push especially if you do get an epidural.
I could feel the pressure from the contractions, so I knew when to push with them, but it took me a while to figure out how to push. I feel like the first 30 minutes I wasn’t really doing it right despite the nurse coaching me.
Anon says
I never felt like I was pushing “right” but the baby cane out so whatever.
Pogo says
Ha, same with my first.My contractions were stacked with little rest, and I had an epidural so I kept being like, should I push now? Finally near the end it felt like I wanted to push and was making progress but hours 1-4 of pushing I have no clue what I was doing but baby came out eventually anyway.
layered bob says
Your preferences count for something and you deserve to have your preferences respected by your caregivers. It is ok to have goals beyond “healthy baby healthy mama” and to feel sad or disappointed if things don’t turn out the way you hoped. You know your body and your baby best so feel free to advocate for what you want, even if it is not “the policy.”
My best advice is if you do have a c-section or serious tearing, do not let them send you home without a prescription for opioids. Many hospitals have moved to only offering Tylenol/Motrin to avoid “over-prescribing” due to the opioid epidemic but this is stupid and disrespectful to women, as judicious use of opioids in your first days of recovery will make your whole recovery shorter and less painful, even if you only take them for a few days.
Anonymous says
The flip side of that though is don’t take opioids just because they’re prescribed. We do make women needlessly suffer (see e.g., all the drama about epidurals) but at the same time there is a lot of opioid over-prescription in the US. I got codeine after my relatively routine V delivery, which was crazy to me. I know codeine isn’t as dangerous as something like Vicodin but I didn’t even really need Tylenol. I was just a little sore and uncomfortable, and it’s crazy to me that they gave me opioids without me even asking for them or expressing any serious discomfort.
AnonATL says
For sure. They only offered me 600mg ibuprofen in the hospital which was plenty for me with a severe tear. Percocet was my other option.
Absolutely get the meds if you have a c section or are in a lot of pain, but you likely don’t need them for most v deliveries.
Anon Lawyer says
Yeah, I had a c section but didn’t need anything stronger than a tylenol/ibuprofen combo. I don’t think anyone should suffer in treatable pain, but sometimes it’s not necessary to go there. I ended up not filling the opioid prescription.
Anonymous says
As an extension, if your pharmacy is at all convenient to your home and you have a partner or someone else who can fill you prescription whenever you need, don’t just get them because they were prescribed. Get that prescription filled only if you need it. We filled it ASAP, I didn’t take them, and then they were just sitting in my house. We finally got rid of them safely, but it was a pain, and I wasn’t comfortable having them sitting around.
Knope says
Everyone already gave good advice on framing the issue, but practical tips on the stuff few people talk about:
1) Have a towel underneath you at all times when the contractions start, and even after your water breaks. TMI but we had to get our car seats deep-cleaned because I didn’t think of this…
2) Have some stool softener pills at home for when you get back. You may not need them, but there is a good chance you will.
3) Be an advocate for yourself and make sure your support person is comfortable in that role, too. I kick myself for not speaking up the first time around when I had a lot of needs that I thought were just normal to grit and bear through – everything from being desperately thirsty when I was pushing and not asking for water because no one offered, to not asking for help from the nurses when I was super exhausted postpartum but couldn’t sleep because the baby was rooming in and crying constantly. I now know that I could have had a much better experience if I had spoken up or encouraged my partner to.
Pogo says
Having a doula is my #1 advice, even with COVID where mine couldn’t accompany me into L&D. I had two very different deliveries – one long and medicated and one quick and un medicated – and the doula was helpful for both! Even simple things like parking the car for us when we got to the hospital or reminding me to wear a pad in the car in case my water broke (it did). You will not be in your right mind during labor and your partner may not react how you’d expect either! It may not be physical for them but their emotions and mental state will be all over the map, so a calm, experienced 3rd party makes everything easier.
I would also make a list of last minute things you need to remember and can’t pre-pack (like glasses/contacts, your computer, whatever) and have they ready to hand off to your partner in case you need them to round everything up for you. Because I was making this list during my second hour of labor which was also my second to last hour of labor…. wish I’d done it earlier!
Best tips for labor/delivery/hospital stay says
We have a (virtual) doula! She’ll be on standby for calls/texts/Facetime from the start of labor through delivery, plus 2 weeks after. She’s great and has been a fantastic resource for us thusfar.
Last-minute list is already on top of my suitcase!
Anon Lawyer says
I LOVED my doula. I had a semi-scheduled c section (water broke early, baby was breach), so I was only in labor for five hours before surgery. But she was amazing and did things like make sure we got a room instead of being left in triage and finding the puke bags immediately. So supportive.
I interviewed three doulas in advance and was able to pick someone who matched my philosophy and was not at all judgmental.
Anonymous says
You’ve gotten a lot of advice on L&D, so I’ll skip to hospital stay:
Assuming your hospital has the baby and mother room in together, send the baby to the nursery and try to get some sleep. The nurses will bring him / her back to you in a few hours, but babies are NOISY even when they are sleeping and you need rest, too.
Consider having your partner go home to sleep, especially if you live near the hospital. My husband tried to sleep in the room (there’s a bed/couch thing, the hospital will provide linens if you ask) with us when my first child was born, because FAMILY! Between the uncomfortable bed, the noisy baby, and the regular interruptions to check on me and the baby, that just meant we were *both* exhausted once we got home. Subsequent deliveries, he left once I was in the recovery suite, and would just pop in for a few hours, bring me food, etc.
Best tips for labor/delivery/hospital stay says
Ah, Covid eliminates your second paragraph. Once my husband and I both test negative for Covid upon admission, he can’t leave the hospital building (although he can leave the room/unit/etc. as long as he’s masked). No going home, no getting a spare bag from the car, nothing. But I did pack him ear plugs and a sleep mask. And before someone asks, NO, I didn’t pack a bag for him – i bought 2 sets and threw them in my bag when I packed for me/baby :) he hasn’t packed yet and this makes me nervous, but he reminded me last night that the correct thing for me to say if I go into labor and he still hasn’t packed is “See, dumba**, I told you to pack your bag!” and that he’s only himself to blame if he has no clothes except for what he’s wearing.
Pogo says
FYI COVID rules prohibit the partner from leaving in many places (including where I just gave birth), so ask ahead to see if it’s even possible. I’m glad we knew this and packed our own pillows etc and brought food.
Best tips for labor/delivery/hospital stay says
Exactly – he can’t leave. We have a huge bag of food packed, as well as neck pillows for each of us.
Anon says
My hospital had a queen-size Tempurpedic bed for mother and partner. It was glorious.
AnonATL says
Where the heck did you give birth and can I go there now?
Anon says
Yeah seriously!! The only place I know of that has that here is the birth center where you cannot get an epidural. :(
Anonymous says
That sounds terrible if you have to share it with your partner.
Best tips for labor/delivery/hospital stay says
These are all so great! Thank you to everyone who responded :)
Pogo says
Oh the other thing I did this time was pre-create an email list for who I wanted to tel about the baby. Last time I just emailed my admin and she fwd’d to people but this time I wanted to make sure I didn’t leave people out so I made a big bcc list in preparation. Not necessary but it was so fun to share the news and pictures and hear from everyone who was (virtually) on this crazy Covid pregnancy journey with me.
Anon says
Practice self-advocacy and have your partner (or birthing attendant) do the same. Practice asking “why” when a particular intervention is proposed or practice saying things that are important to you – e.g., “actually, we’re formula feeding, so if you could help me with the bottle instead of the breast, that would be great.” Most important, be prepared to speak up if anything feels wrong and don’t settle for “you just had a baby, of course it’s painful/scary.” If you feel like something is wrong, demand to be seen.
Anon says
I had planned C-sections for my two enormous babies. For recovery, I highly recommend having supplies on hand to manage pooping: stool softeners and Tucks pads. And lots of fruit. Abdominal surgery + a couple days of opioids, plus the usual dehydration of breastfeeding, can cause some pretty serious constipation.
Also recommend wearing an abdominal binder after delivery. It took pressure off of the scar and provided back support for getting in and out of bed or reaching into bassinet for breastfeeding. I used a Bellefit and wore it 23 hours a day for a few weeks.
Finally, I recommend making a video “to baby” sometime before delivery. We made a 5-minute video with a tour through the baby’s nursery, and talking about how excited we were to meet him/her. We now watch the video together on the kids’ birthdays, and they get a big kick out of it.
Anonymous says
Aww that’s such a sweet idea. I didn’t think to do that, but my daughter loves to watch the videos I took of my stomach moving when I was 9 months pregnant.
anon says
Don’t take everything as gospel. YMMV and may vary a lot. For instance, I read horror stories about c -section recovery. I had a planned c section and I was shocked at how easy the recovery was for me. I think I had a great Dr. but I barely have a scar anymore. I had laproscopic abdominal surgery that was much worse than the C section.
Scheduled C is supposed to be better than going through labor first, however.
I sent my husband home after the first night (gave birth early in the am and then spent 3 nights, but I could have gone home after 2 physically in my mind). I’m sure people judged but no sense for both of us to go into this with a severe sleep deficit when the baby came home. You won’t sleep at the hospital with the constant checks during the night. I also had a rush of endorphins or something and was legit not tired the first night and was awake staring at my baby the whole time lol. Also unless the hospital is far away don’t stress about the bag. My husband brought me stuff I needed. I found the packing of the bag stuff to be unnecessarily stressful for some reason.
Anonanonanon says
So, I posted above there were a lot of things I didn’t know before my first book (I read what to expect and did not, somehow, know what to expect) and I just… I want to share just in case. Sorry if these are dumb but I was young and didn’t know and I’ve occasionally shared these and had grown women say they had no idea:
-The placenta doesn’t come out with the baby. You’re not done when the baby comes out. You deliver that separately for a V birth
-Your water breaking is not like in the movies. After the first break, it just keeps coming out with every contraction. I had no idea and that was particularly gross and horrible.
-Someone will watch you pee after you give birth. (A nurse, not just a person off the street) you will be so tired you won’t even care. But it’s good to know.
-You are going to be so scared to poop for the first time post-birth regardless of the birth method. Take the stool softeners they give you. They give them to everyone for a reason.
-Depending on your partner/family dynamics, now is the time to discuss that YOU get to decide when visitors come in and YOU are an admitted hospital patient in this scenario and you get to have control over who comes in your room. Well I just realized it’s COVID so that is probably off the table, but mentioning just in case. Either way, it’s good to remember. This is America, they don’t keep mama in the hospital out of the goodness of their heart, they keep you because you need to be there.
Anonymous says
Big +1 on the hospital visitors, but nobody ever watched me pee and I didn’t have to do anything to deliver the placenta (I think they pushed on my stomach but I had an epidural so it was NBD). Also for me the first postpartum poop was not a big deal, but a few weeks later I ended up with constipation so bad it was like giving birth all over again (sorry for TMI). Fun fact – if you don’t drink enough water, stool softeners can have the opposite effect! As soon as I quit taking them things went back to normal with my GI tract.
Anon mama says
If you plan to b*feed be prepared that it’s really hard to know if things are going correctly. If your hospital has lactation consultants, try to schedule a visit before heading home and once you get home, schedule an appointment if things don’t feel right or your nipples hurt – it doesn’t have to be that way but you can magically figure this out on your own.
Eat a lot of prunes or other naturally stool-softening foods and drink a TON of water after giving birth or you will be in for a painful experience on first few bathroom visits.
Find a friend or relative that you can talk to about the really physical, perhaps gross aspects of childbirth and postpartum. Much of that time is beautiful but some of it is frankly really tough for most people and we do new parents a disservice by ignoring that as a society.
Anonymous says
THIS! Good friends don’t let friends deliver without knowing this!
Runner says
Talk to me about the “mama” phase. Husband just got a job (yay! Yay!) and is now not at home with the kids. We were able to transition our part time sitter to full time nanny. All of the sudden with the twins (girl especially) it’s “mama, mama, mama” all the time. I am not minding too much but it’s a hard hit for husband right as he goes back (it’s like they don’t notice/don’t care) and I suspect I am going to kind if it goes on too long. Kids are 23 months.
AwayEmily says
Things that have been helpful for us are having some special Dada-only activities (he takes them to play in the basement a lot, and is also more tolerant than me of boring books) and also some routines that only Dada does (he always puts the kids down for naps on weekends, for example).
Runner says
Talk to me about the “mama” phase. Husband got a job (yay! Yay!) and so has been going into the office for the last two weeks. We were able to transition our babysitter to nanny, she had been doing quite a few random hours for us and we feel really lucky to be able to have such a smooth transition.
Coincidence (or not), kids (B/G twins) are now just all about the “mama, mama, mama, mama”. Especially my girl. They are 23 months. Is this the phase at which it starts? How long does it go? Strategies for husband? It’s a bit like they don’t care that he’s gone at all…
Anon for this says
So I have battled how to type this out without sounding like one of the Wakefield twins, but I’m trying to navigate this petty mom group situation. I’m the only non-iPhone user in this group, so they made a WhatsApp group earlier this year. Over the quarantine, another thread materialized for the iPhone users, and it’s where a lot of invitations and gatherings are being communicated. Two people in this group are usually good about letting me know about relevant items from this other thread, but I just caught wind that one of those two hosted an event, communicated it through the alternate group, and never let me know about it. It annoys me that my phone carrier is the reason for exclusion in this shadow group and frustrated that this person could be so duplicitous (“oh it’s so stupid they exclude you, let me keep you in the loop”). Do they not like me? Are they lazy? How do I stop letting it bother me?
anon says
Having someone else responsible for getting the info to you on an informal text thread is expecting a bit much, I think. This kind of thing is so easy to overlook; I highly doubt it has anything to do with whether they like you. (I personally hate using another app when a text thread is easier to manage. Sorry, friends, my interest in Marco Polo is nil. I tried it, didn’t see the point.)
Anonymous says
I’m the iphone user in this scenario. I’m also familiar with Whats App because we use it with DH’s family but honestly it’s just easier to have a text group – being able to thumbs up/down comments etc. The interface is just better than Whatsapp so I can see how people default to it without wanting to be exclusionary. Do you make an effort to post in the Whatsapp group? If they are doing that group for you, you should make an effort to keep it going. Do you have an ipad? Can you join the group text through that?
Obviously it’s a bit mean and exclusionary that they left you off the event invites but I’d assume mistake vs intent especially as we all have so many balls in the air, I suspect they just let this one drop on accident not on malice.
Anon for this says
thanks for your perspective. I do post regularly; and some others have been added after me, as well, so I may not be the only one in this position. I will see about getting added to the group (i think the group originator has the power to add an Android user); and if that doesn’t work, use my iPad. I thought it would be ‘caving’, but it just may solve this. Plus, I’d be embarrassed to post about this again. ha!
Anon says
Caving to what?
Anonymous says
The comment on “caving” also struck me as weird. If you have an iPad and can participate in the text group that way, there’s your solution. The rest of the group is functioning perfectly fine on the text string, and it’s awfully demanding to expect them all to switch to an inconvenient app just because you insist upon only communicating through your incompatible phone when a compatible device is available.
TheElms says
Can’t you be part of the iPhone text group? I have group texts with mixed iPhone /android users.
Anon for this says
It’s been tried, which is how we got WhatsApp in the first place.
AnotherAnon says
Yeah, my friend (I think she has a google phone) simply doesn’t receive any iphone-generated group texts. It’s pretty annoying that they don’t play nice with each other. We also use Whatsapp, but there are only 3 of us on the thread. Would it be worth it to (gently, ofc) confront the person who excluded you? It could have been an oversight, but it does skew kinda Mean Girls. TBH I think the alternative is to try to find some new friends. Sorry, I know that’s not easy.
anon says
My household is the only one in our mom group/covid sanity text chain without iphones but the rest of them just deal with it so we have a normal group text and they can’t react to messages. I actually have at least 6 group texts where I’m the only android user. It does work, someone just might need to update their settings.
Anon says
Would FB messenger be easier than What’s App? If you have ipad, that’s the way to go.
Anon says
Yikes – assuming that someone who forgot to remind you of a random event did so because they are duplicitous and lazy is pretty extreme. They probably just forgot? I’d explore why you are reacting so strongly and are so mad at being left out by someone you don’t seem to like.
anonymommy says
We are moving soon (closing next week) to a place 15 min away, but with more yard space, etc. My son, 2.5 yo, has consistently had rough transitions at daycare — moving classrooms or even going back to daycare after short vacations. I’m feeling horrible about moving daycares. I know he’s going to be so upset. My daughter will also be going to daycare for the first time (due to covid/wfh we’ve been able to wait until now, 9mo.). I’m wondering if I should just suck it up and drive the time to the old daycare (at least 15 min one way, so an hour a day when I’m wfh most days). But, if I change my mind and have both kids in original daycare and then change, I’ve just forced baby to switch daycares unnecessarily and at a young age. (Adding to this, COVID means I can’t sit in on the classroom to calm him down in the room the first few days…ugh!).
Boston Legal Eagle says
Bring them to the closer daycare, especially if you’re WFH. Having daycare close by is so so important, especially now when you may need to pick them up early. My kids have also had a hard time transitioning, especially at the younger ages, but they eventually got used to it. My older kid especially is more sensitive to changes but he’s now been at 3 different daycares, with multiples classes at each. Your kids will be ok.
Anon says
I would keep them, not so much because transitions are hard but because finding a daycare you like and trust is hard and I’d be hesitant to give that up, especially in Covid times with long waiting lists. I live in the Midwest and some of the commutes described here are mind-boggling to me but our daycare is 15 minutes away from home, near my ex-office, so now that I’m permanent WFH, it’s an hour a day in the car but it’s really not so bad. I have my 2.5 year old with me half the time and we talk so it doesn’t feel like wasted time.
anonymommy says
We actually have tours at two places that, due to COVID, actually have openings for both kids. But, these comments give me some perspective on how it will be fine either way. If I don’t feel like I LOVE one of the places we tour, we’ll just stay at our current daycare. Thank you both!
AnotherAnon says
It sounds like you’re considering making your life more difficult trying to anticipate a problem that might not even happen. If I’m wrong, please ignore. But you matter too! If you want to spend a couple of hours a day commuting, by all means do so. But my kiddo has gotten better at transitions as he’s grown older. I personally would not trade a few weeks of meltdowns for a long-term longer commute, but that’s me.
Anon says
Your kiddo is going to be out of sorts from moving anyway so switching daycares makes sense. You have a kid friendly explanation too. Now that we live in X town we go to Y daycare. Make the switch, save your sanity.
Swim Lessons? says
Indoor swim lessons are unsafe, right? Our swim school has reopened with new procedures – instructors wear masks, 4 kids/lesson, no changing rooms before- strongly encouraged not to change after, 1 parent per family masked/distanced, symptom checks, etc.. I really miss swim lessons for kiddo – but I’m struggling to understand if this is safe enough? Has anyone gone back to indoor swim? We’re in the midwest so an indoor winter activity would be amazing.
Anonymous says
Could you do a private lesson? The extra cost would be worth it to me. Then the only additional exposure is the teacher vs the other kids in the class as well. Also not clear how it works to not change after? Just put clothes on over wet suit?
I’m in Atlantic Canada with very low covid and even here, they are doing the lessons distanced. Instructor masked on pool deck, kids in water but distanced. If kids are not at a certain class level (very confident independent swimmers) a parent must attend and be in the water to do the things the instructor demonstrates from the pool deck.
TheElms says
I swam as a kid and through high school on teams. I often didn’t change after swimming, even in winter when the temperatures were around freezing at night. I just toweled off and pulled on fleece pants, fleece hoodie, and coat and walked to the car. It was fine.
Anonymous says
The Midwest gets much colder than freezing. I’ve been out in 30F with wet hair and it’s fine. 0F not so much.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We’ve gone back to indoor swim lessons for my 4.5 year old. Is it the strickest, safest thing ever? No, probably not. But we were ok with the lower risk of having fewer kids, kids in masks until they’re in the pool and teachers in face shields. I think chlorine might kill off some of the virus too? Don’t quote me on that. My kids learning to swim is important for us, so we weighed that against the risks. It will be harder in the winter when they have to change after, but they do require masks outside the pool and supposedly sanitize after every use of the changing rooms.
Anonymous says
Chlorine should kill the virus but the chlorine is only in the water. The concern, particularly with an indoor pool, is airborne transmission and chlorine doesn’t help with that.
Anonymous says
They’re certainly less safe than outdoor swim lessons, but I don’t think they’re categorically unsafe. It sounds like they have pretty good procedures in place. If you have elderly or high-risk family members it’s not something I would do, but otherwise I think it’s fine for you to decide to spend some of your “risk capital” (I didn’t invent that term but I like it) on this. I have to ask though, how does it work in the Midwest if you can’t change after? I can’t imagine stepping out into sub-zero temps in a wet bathing suit!
anon says
They’ve been open here (DC suburbs) for a while now and as far as I know there haven’t been issues. Personally, we don’t feel safe with indoor unmasked things for the kids, so aren’t doing it, but have friends who are comfortable with the risk.
Anonymous says
Yes I’m in MoCo and we go to Goldfish. I’m comfortable with the risk but my child’s preschool is closed. It’s her ONLY activity.
KLo says
We do Goldfish as well, in Falls Church. Happy with their protocol and totally at peace with our decision. Changing rooms are open after the lesson too.
Anonymous says
In the DC area as well. My child has been back at the Goldfish in Alexandria since it reopened.
anne-on says
We’re still skipping swimming lessons mainly for the changing room issues (its cold here in winter!) – I just don’t see how you can avoid changing kids from wet bathing suits into clothing without a changing room and ppl in an enclosed warm damp environment is just a bridge too far for me right now. If we were in a warm weather state where walking outside with a towel on over a bathing suit was NBD I’d feel differently.
This stinks. My husband and I have had LOTS of conversations about wtf we’re going to do in cold weather nearby (ie – when we can’t take the day and drive to a mountain for snow sports) and we really can’t ID many good options.
Halloween Mom says
Same here. I’m in the Midwest, and I don’t see how to navigate the changing room issues. I would probably stay in my car instead of watching inside the building. That place is a zoo under the best of circumstances.
Also, I REALLY don’t like how our swim school handled the whole shutdown period in March/April and the communication around it, so my trust in their procedures is not high at the moment.
SC says
We’ve been sending our son to indoor swim lessons since they reopened in mid-June. Since school started, there are no private lessons available after school or on weekends, so we’ve been doing group lessons. There are 2-3 children per group, but my husband says it’s only been 2 kids during Kiddo’s time slot.
There are restrictions for Covid in place. Instructors are masked, kids are not. Only one parent is allowed inside, and they have to be masked. The pool closed for a week in early July to renovate its deck to provide more social distancing between parents. Changing rooms are closed–DH gets Kiddo changed into his swimsuit in the car, and Kiddo wears wet clothes home. (I realize this may not be a good option in cold weather.)
The owners have relaxed their makeup policy so that people don’t feel like they have to go if they’re sick or might be sick or it’s-probably-just-allergies symptomatic. We’ve called and skipped a lesson when Kiddo had a sore throat, and they thanked us profusely and offered a makeup lesson. (Kid didn’t have Covid.) The pool also closed for several days in August after they learned of exposure to a positive case. All the employees were tested, and they reopened several days later when the results came back negative, and they offered makeup lessons. So, obviously, exposure is possible, but I appreciate that the business is being transparent and cautious.
Anonymous says
There aren’t many things I hope stick around post-pandemic but the relaxed make-up policies are one of them.
Anonymous says
Amen. I hope that a lot of the common-sense infection control measures like this stick around. I am so tired of catching a million colds, one or two strains of the flu, and a couple of GI viruses every winter. Yes, we get the flu shot. No, it doesn’t actually seem to help much.
Anonymous says
We restarted indoor swim lessons in June. For a while it was our kids only outside of the house activity. Now that my kids are back in daycare and the pool is doing camps for school aged kids during the week, we pulled them back out.
I really struggled with this. My kids love swimming, and I do think it is relatively safe (well safer than indoor gymnastics and soccer which used to be our winter activities). However, with the possibility of a big spike through fall winter I decided it was just not worth the extra worry. We have decided to keep the kids in daycare. I know logically that daycare is likely a bigger risk. However, we decided if we are taking the risk with daycare, we would try to minimize all the other risks.
Anonymous says
I know it’s early, but is anyone planning to pull kids out of daycare for an extended period over the holidays to see grandparents? We’ve been back since early August, it’s going great, no cases so far knock on wood, kiddo LOVES school and we’re so happy to have childcare again. But the one thing that’s making me said is our lack of contact with my parents. They’re a few hours drive away, close enough that pre-pandemic we saw them often, but far enough away that it’s not feasible for them to come for the day and meet us outdoors, and none of us feel that it’s safe enough for them to stay overnight in our home while our kiddo is at daycare. So it feels like taking a long break from school is the only way to see them. I’m also thinking it’s very likely we’ll see an explosion of cases a week or two after Thanksgiving, since even the people I know who’ve been very cautious about Covid are planning to see at least a few extended family members over the holiday. So I was thinking of keeping kiddo home from Thanksgiving through the New Year. We’d likely quarantine for 10 days or so, get tested, and then my parents would come stay with us for about a month. Part of me thinks that it’s the right thing to do because relationships with grandparents are really important, but part of me worries things will get really bad come January and we’ll be locked down again and I’ll really regret giving up the last few weeks of semi-normalcy that we had. I know none of us can predict the future, but I’m curious for thoughts/what you would do.
Anon says
If you can swing it, I think that sounds like a great plan. If we lock down in January, would you wish you had a memorable and family-filled holiday season? (Meaning, which would be more important to *you* in retrospect, the extra weeks of normal life or the holiday festivities?) We are unsure about what to do with the holidays, too… my husband’s family has a lot of school age/college/daycare attending children and we may skip their gatherings because of that anyway
CCLA says
Our center closes for 2 weeks end of December anyway, so I’m considering keeping our kids out an extra week at the end so that grandparents can come stay with us. This way, our only two weeks without childcare will be the weeks of xmas and new years where work is usually less busy (gpts can and will willingly watch the kids when here).
Anonymous says
We are working remotely from the grandparent’s for about a month (December to January).
Redux says
Pandemic health tips? I have gained 10 pounds in the last 6 months owing to LIFE. No mystery here: I am stress (and non-stress) snacking on junk food and not exercising as much as I used to. Any tips for turning things around? I have had good success with implementing a 3-mornings-a-week 20-min jog, but even though I am regularly doing that for the last 3 months I’m not seeing any change.
Anonymous says
I know it’s controversial but the only thing that helps me control my weight is intermittent fasting.
ElisaR says
same
Anonymous says
I have actually lost a few pounds during the pandemic, despite the fact that I had to give up my gym-based workout routine and haven’t been successful in replacing it with an at-home regime. The biggest dietary change has been giving up restaurant food. I used to travel about one week out of every month, and when I was home we ate dinner out about twice a week and lunch out once a week. We didn’t order takeout at all for the first several months, and since then have done it maybe every third week. I also cut down on the amount of processed food I am serving at home because I’m not shopping at Trader Joe’s anymore (no more orange chicken, jarred pasta sauce, or frozen mac and cheese). So I’d try cutting out all takeout and prepared meals and see how far that gets you.
Redux says
The meals are not the problem for me. We rarely eat out (admittedly more now, but still only a few times a month) and we don’t buy processed foods for meals. But I have never eaten this much snack food in my life. And now I remember why we never used to buy it– it’s because we love it!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ve been tracking my calories on MyFitnessPal and started strength training, in addition to cardio. Workouts during the day are more possible now that I’m working from home and the kids are in daycare.
Anonymous says
Some thoughts:
1. Keep healthy, snacks more easily accessible. I like cut up vegetables, berries, and hard boiled eggs, so I try to keep those on hand so they’re just as easy as grabbing a box of crackers or whatever.
2. Don’t buy junk food snacks. I know this is easier said than done with kids. If you “need” to have them, hide them in a high cupboard or somewhere else that requires extra effort to get to.
3. Go to sleep earlier. Also easier said than done these days, but if I get to bed at a reasonable hour a.) I can’t snack while I’m sleeping, and b.) It’s easier to make better food choices the next day. Your body craves simple carbs when you’re tired!
4. Buy chamomile or other herbal tea. I make myself tea when I want to eat after dinner. Again, it’s a boredom thing, not a hunger thing. I just need something to do with my hands, not calories.
extreme, but 5. We got a Peleton. Knowing I spent $$$$ on it makes me prioritize using it, plus I get a much more intense workout if I’m following along with a class than I do if I do something on my own. And it eliminates all my excuses like bad weather, not wanting to leave the house, blah blah blah.
Basically, I’ve learned that relying on willpower is a losing battle. I have to plan ahead a little bit and make it easy for myself to make better choices.
avocado says
Along the same lines, brush your teeth right after dinner. I am too lazy to brush my teeth again, so brushing my teeth keeps me from snacking.
Redux says
This is a great idea. I have had success with drinking a full glass of water before getting a snack, which I feel like are little tricks to help steer my behavior without being too rules-based.
Anonymous says
This. I brush my teeth when brushing the kids teeth for bedtime. I’m more likely to snack on junk after they are in bed so it curbs that plus they notice if I don’t brush my teeth and remind me.
Redux says
Yes, I live in a snowy clime and winter is close around the corner and I am worried about how to exercise in the winter. Jogging has been great for me but I know myself well enough to doubt that I will do it in the dead of winter.
Anon says
PSA you can get these mesh washcloths way cheaper – look for Salux cloths on Amazn.
lsw says
I actually learned about Salux cloths from Corporette! I can’t remember if it was in the comments or an actual post.
Sf says
Second time mom with a seven week old. He sleeps well enough at night. He can go down in a dockatot with little work when he falls asleep (7-8) and when he wakes up to feed around 11 and 2-4 and sometimes 6. But- he will only nap in a carrier. I try adjusting wake windows, I’ve tried the dockatot, bassinet, crib. He mostly won’t even nap in the stroller or car seat. Is there anything I’m missing or do I just have to wait a few weeks/months for him to develop more. I sleep trained my older one but I don’t remember this.
Anonymous says
I’m not sure how much you can do, I think some kids are just bad at naps. My toddler is and always has been an excellent night sleeper but would only nap on people as a baby and quit napping completely shortly after she turned 2. There was a window in there around age 1 where she took solid naps in the crib (never the car seat or stroller, which made vacations challenging) but it was brief. But at the end of the day I’ll take a good night sleeper over a good napper any day.
Anonymous says
+1. Some babies just don’t nap. If he sleeps at night, you’re ahead of the game.
SBJ says
Late in the day but in case you’re still reading: my third was like this at first but it did pass. (Actually, I think my second was, too, but it’s all kind of hazy). Naps in the carrier only until maybe ~3 months/when things solidified to 4 naps a day. Currently at seven months crib napping like a champ. And night sleeping well. So give it time and keep trying-it may get better!
Sf says
Second time mom with a seven week old. Who will only nap in the carrier (not the crib, dockatot, bassinet. Rarely the car seat or stroller). I’ve tried adjusting wake windows, swaddle, etc. he’s able to go to sleep without assistance at night. Anything I’m missing or do I just have to wait it out?
Sf says
Ugh sorry for the double post
So Anon says
How are people responding when there is a positive case in your child’s school? I thought this would happen eventually, but I am honestly surprised that it happened this quickly in a state that until recently has had the virus under control. A few specific questions: (1) Do you tell your child (9) about the positive case? (2) Did you consider pulling your child from in-person learning? I can’t imagine pulling him from his school (or his little sister from her school), but this feels like such a health gamble.
Anonymous says
School? No. Classroom, probably yes although in many places your kid would have no choice but to switch to virtual learning for 14 days. Our elementary school had a case the first week of school (almost 2 months ago) and hasn’t yet had a second, so there’s definitely a degree of randomness to it.
Anonymous says
I also want to point out that when one student or teacher tested positive, it doesn’t reflect negatively on the schools safety precautions. What would indicate a failure if the precautions is if one student tests positive and the next week others in their classroom get sick. I’ve seen a lot of people saying “I thought the procedures were working, but then a child in my kid’s class got sick!” But that’s not how this works. If there’s one isolated case, it was not contracted at school and doesn’t mean the school’s procedures aren’t working. So if you were comfortable with in person learning last week, that comfort level shouldn’t have changed since you have no information that suggests school isn’t as safe as you thought. If some of this child’s classmates test positive, different story.
Anonymous says
Re. question 1, you definitely tell him so you can provide context and reassurance. Otherwise he will find out about it through the grapevine.
anon says
Sigh. My kiddo with ADHD got in trouble at school today. Again. It’s the same behaviors that we’ve fought for years, but he’d been doing so much better before COVID hit. It’s become obvious how much his social/behavioral skills declined during that six-month period at home. It makes me so sad. We do the counseling, we do the exercises, he takes medication. And it’s still just really freaking hard and I am constantly worried that this very bright kid is going to struggle through life because he can’t follow directions to save his life or acknowledge his part in any conflict. This is mainly a rant, but I am at a loss here. If elementary school is this tough, what is middle school/high school going to be like?
So Anon says
Hugs. This is so hard. My only advice is to take it one school year (or one season of one school year) at a time. It is so easy to go down a mental road of: if it is this hard now, what will ___ be like?! But we cannot predict the future, and all you can do is focus on helping your kiddo today. And, I want to validate that it is really hard to see how much our kids lost over the last six months. My son has ASD1, and I have many of the same thoughts, concerns (oh middle school – I am SO concerned!), and frustrations with loss of progress since March. Wish I had an answer, but solidarity.
anon says
Thank you. You’re right. One day at a time. This is his last year of elementary, so it feels extra fraught. The differences between him and other kids his age is so obvious, and it breaks my heart. He actually did OK at home this summer, but his social/emotional/behavioral skills are so rusty and he’s having a very hard time. To make matters harder, he is developing a victim mentality that just sets my teeth on edge. Telemedicine for therapy is not great, IMO, but it’s all we have right now.
Anonymous says
We’ve had a bit of a rough start to school as well with my ADHD kid. If he had a good experience with his teachers/team in the previous grade, can you encourage the current teachers to reach out and compare notes? That’s what we did and it helped some. Otherwise, solidarity, especially with the reluctance to acknowledge his own part in the conflict. We just take it one hour/day/week at a time and try not to project into the future.
Anon says
I think school shifts too much blame onto kids when a lot of adults with ADHD who do fine in their adult lives would still struggle in the school environment.
Anonymous says
Hugs, my ADHD kid has really struggled too. Luckily he’s young enought that I kind of feel ok about him heading outside to play or blow off steam when he can’t deal with schoolwork and I’m stuck in meetings and can’t help. In-person school starts again next week and I know it will be a different set of problems, but at least they won’t feel like my personal failure anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, my husband has ADHD and has a pretty awesome life now, despite struggling through school. But yeah… I have the same fears about it for my son. A light at the end of a 20 year tunnel is still really far away.