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Accessory Tuesday: Memory Foam Slippers

Recent Recs

Although not at all stylish, and not to be seen in public, these slippers have been my favorite accessory lately. My house’s floors are hardwood and tile. Yes, we have rugs, but not covering the whole floor or even close. When we first moved in, my feet ached from walking around barefoot all day (lots more steps in a house than a small NYC apartment), not to mention were freezing cold. Socks were too slippery. I dug out a pair of ratty slippers, but when I realized I would be working from home for who knows how long, I knew I needed an upgrade. These slippers are soft, lightweight, and have a nice cushioned insole. I can wear them barefoot or with socks, and the bottom sole lets me walk outside to grab the mail without them soaking up water. If you haven’t already, grab a pair of slippers and your feet and joints will thank you! These are $28.90 at Amazon. Memory Foam Slippers

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About April

April is a working mom, a longtime reader of CorporetteMoms, and wrote our morning fashion advice for working moms from April 2018 to October 2020. She has one child (born 2/17!) and she’s a public interest lawyer in NYC.

Comments

  1. Life Insurance says

    I posted this late yesterday on the main site, but with the combination of the coronavirus and my upcoming baby due this summer, I’m starting to understand the consequences of my mortality. I’ve been thinking about life insurance for a few months, and now at 6 months pregnant, I’m a little concerned about not having it before the baby arrives.
    Is this even practical? My blood pressure is above the standard for someone my age because of the baby. My weight is obviously elevated. Should I just wait until a couple months postpartum to apply? I’ve gotten a few quotes through our financial advisor so I know what my options are. I’m concerned about not passing the health exam and also not wanting to have a stranger come out and examine me right now.
    Has anyone on here used Ladder or a similar service? They claim that many people are approved without a medical exam, though I don’t see how that’s prudent for them.
    I know my risk of dying in childbirth is relatively low, but with everything going on it’s riskier than normal.

    • almost insured says

      Initially, our financial advisor said to wait until after baby to apply, due to health exam. However, due to COVID, the insurer we used waived the exam and opted to use medical records, etc, as they are not doing in person exams. Check with your advisor again – not sure if this is industry wide. And good luck to you, sending good vibes!!

    • Knope says

      You should definitely get life insurance now if it’s something you can afford. I doubt they will make you do a medical exam b/c of COVID, but even if they did there are different markers for pregnancy – they will note in your record that you are pregnant and take that into account when evaluating your record. If you have GD or something though that might affect it. I had my medical exam for it at 36 weeks and still got the best rate offered.

      • Realist says

        +1. There are so many companies offering life insurance, so get other quotes and see other options if the quotes through your advisor require an exam.

    • Anonymous says

      We got life insurance during pregnancy, and it was not an issue at all. They took our initial information during pregnancy but waited until after for my exam (maybe both of ours?). I think it just needed to be completed within X months of getting the insurance. We were lucky not to be worried about the exam changing our rate or something. But even then, you should be able to get it now with no issues. We went through an advisor but the policy is form Legal & General if that helps.

      • Anonymous says

        I decided to wait till after I had my child bc I could get a better rate. Price it out. What are the terms of the insurance? Could you cancel the policy in a year or two after this is over and get a new policy after you were able to have the medical exam (and a better rate)?

    • Katarina says

      I couldn’t get health insurance while I was pregnant. I got it shortly after giving birth. I was still overweight at the time, but my blood pressure and blood tests were good, and I still got a good rate. This was almost 7 years ago, so COVID-19 was not an issue, and I am not sure how that affects things.

    • anne-on says

      We got life insurance, our wills and estate planning done at that time. Not to scare you, but I also very clearly had a discussion with my husband (and communicated to my OB) what I would like to happen if there were any emergencies (ie – I literally said, if it comes down to my life or the baby’s save me, which is NOT the decision catholic hospitals will default to, I also said I didn’t want to be on a ventilator if there were no brain signs, etc.). Quite frankly, giving birth is one of the physically most dangerous things you may do as an otherwise healthy woman. I wanted my ducks in order in case things went sideways.
      It also I think helped mentally that my ideal ‘birth plan’ was whatever needs to happen to have mom and baby both alive and leaving the hospital together. Which meant that even with an emergency c-section and horrific labor I was still pretty happy because, hey, at the end – goal reached – we’re all alive and leaving together!

      • Anonymous says

        Many hospitals also offer an advance directive you can fill out ahead of time to get these wishes down in writing.

      • OP says

        I am in the exact same boat. I literally sat my husband down when all this corona stuff started and had that chat, which he did not enjoy.
        My birth plan is basically none because I’m willing to do whatever the medical staff thinks is necessary to get me and kid out alive. I certainly have preferences, but not strong ones.
        Good to know about the advanced directive through the hospital. I’d like to have it in writing somewhere.

        • anne-on says

          Good for you – it was NOT a fun chat to have, but it definitely woke him up to just how physically dangerous childbirth can be. There was also a fairly horrific story in the NY Times around when my son was born about a dad who had a baby and his wife had an unexpected complication, died, and now he was a new dad alone having to bury his wife. While cold-hearted, we both agreed I’d be happier to single parent in that situation and he simply didn’t think he could handle it (ie – how we landed on my life over baby).
          Others may make a different decision (which is fine of course!) but I don’t think being faced with making that choice in the hospital without ever having talked about it jointly is wise.

          • Anon says

            I mean, that’s nice in theory, but often mother vs. baby is not a decision the father (or anyone) gets to make in the moment. What happens happens. I think the person you’re referring to is Matt Logelin? (Of course there are other people in this situation but he’s perhaps the most famous – he wrote a memoir about it). I believe it was a high-risk pregnancy and his wife delivered early, but the baby was healthy and then the mother died of a pulmonary embolism. No one knew it was coming and it wasn’t a situation where they could have sacrificed the baby to save her even if they’d wanted to, except I guess in the sense that you could choose to terminate any high-risk pregnancy.

          • Anon says

            Adding that I’m not trying to be morbid or fear-mongering here, but I guess this sentence — “we both agreed I’d be happier to single parent in that situation and he simply didn’t think he could handle it (ie – how we landed on my life over baby)” — just doesn’t sit right with me.
            When you conceive a child, there is a small but real chance you will die during pregnancy or childbirth (as you note, it’s the riskiest thing most otherwise-healthy women do). If your husband “can’t handle” being a single father, you shouldn’t conceive, because it’s not like you always get to make a choice about who comes out of this alive.

        • OP says

          On the medical directive note, I am inclined to select the option to not use unnecessary machinery, medicines, etc that would keep me alive but not cure me. How does this apply to the COVID use of ventilators? Would a ventilator be considered reasonable medical care in that case?
          I don’t want to be on a ventilator if I’m a braindead vegetable, but if it’s going to save my life with COVID, I would like to give it a try. They seem like 2 distinct issues.
          I am not a lawyer, but I want to be sure I’m putting the proper thing on paper before it gets filed with the hospital.

          • Anonymous says

            This is why I did not sign an advance directive. I appointed a health care proxy and then explained my wishes in detail to that person. I want nuanced decision-making in response to the situation.

    • Pogo says

      Check with your employer or your husband’s. Husband’s offered a MetLife policy at a discounted group rate and the medical exam was super minimal. I wasn’t weighed, I think everything was self-reported and I had to sign an affidavit. The nurse may have taken my blood pressure and a blood sample but I honestly can’t remember – since it was through the work pool I think the main thing they care about is that you don’t smoke. I reported all my pre-existing conditions, and still got a good rate.

      Would also agree if you can to do estate planning and living will.

    • octagon says

      I would get it now, you may be surprised at the rates. Also, if you feel like you are overpaying, you can always apply again at 6 months postpartum or whenever, and cancel your existing policy. But on the off chance that you develop a condition or have complications from pregnancy that might raise your rates later, I would get it now.

      • Get it now! says

        Seconding this. I ended up with a c-section, a hemorrhage, and post-partum pre-eclampsia. All worked out totally fine, but I suspect pregnant me (with none of that in the medical record yet) got a better life insurance rate than post-partum me (lighter and with better blood pressure, but with all of that in my record) would now get. If everything goes swimmingly and you’re in the best shape and health of your life 6 months or a year after delivery, you can always cancel in favor of a better rate at that point. The big lesson of life insurance for me was that pushing it off is just more time to accumulate negative stuff in your medical records that will raise your rates (another n.b. here is my husband, who was so unhappy with his rate quote that he wanted to wait a year, in which he was sure he’d lose weight, and then apply again. He ultimately bought the initial policy on the idea I described above and 18 months later, he’s not lost weight and we’re both extremely happy we have life insurance policies in place).

  2. anon says

    Does anyone else have a kid who is really struggling? My 1st grader has been having lots of stress about the current situation. So many meltdowns. So much yelling.

    What have you found to help? Any good tips for stress relief for early elementary aged kids?

    • Beth @ Parent Lightly says

      My kids have been up and down. The solution for us has been as much outdoor time as possible plus trying to interact with friends via letter, text and video. It seems to help. My Kindergartner has written letters to her teachers, had a few Zoom meetings with her best buddies from daycare, and delivered letters to her neighborhood friends. She’s also having fun texting our babysitters.

    • Anonymous says

      My kindergartner (who is one of the oldest kids in her class and is already 6.5) likes to zoom with friends and use messenger kids on facebook. She can read/text which not everyone in K can do, but she has some first grade friends too. It helps a lot.

    • Anonymous says

      my K kiddo (who is the oldest in her class and has a lot of 1st grade friends) likes to zoom with friends and talks to them/texts with them on messenger kids. We also do a lot of long bike rides, sometimes to drop little notes off at friends’ houses.

    • Clementine says

      Oddly, lots of Yoga.

      My kid has really enjoyed Cosmic Kids Yoga (free, on YouTube). I actually allow myself to not count it as true ‘TV Time’ because I notice him visibly calmer and more centered afterwards.

      The episodes are great – there’s like a Spiderman Yoga, a Treasure Island Yoga, a Dino yoga.

      Also, your kid’s world has been turned upside down. Kids thrive on routine and structure and predictability and… well… we’re in a crisis. Be kind to yourself too, this is hard.

    • Anonymous says

      My 2nd grader was fine for a while, but all of a sudden mid-April he started getting extremely irritable. I guess we are all hitting a wall with stress, anxiety, and grief? I know my mental state took a turn around the same time. (We are in NYC). I don’t really have any great tips. I’m trying to not let myself get so anxious about his reactions, because I am afraid he’s basically catching my anxiety and it is manifesting as anger. So I’m trying to make it safe for him to have feelings without it being a catastrophe – basically to accept his feelings and let them run their course. TRYING being the operative word! I’ve been looking for tips on the ChildMind website, which is vaguely helpful, but it doesn’t have any earth shattering advice (e.g., stick to routines, get enough sleep, etc.)

    • Spirograph says

      My first grader has turned a bad corner in the last week or two as well. He says hates online school and misses his sports teams, which sucks because there is nothing I can do about either of those. We got rollerblades for him, and the novelty seemed to take the edge off for a while, but obviously I can’t keep buying him new things to curb his feelings. We’re planning to talk to his teacher and the school counselor this week to see if they have any ideas. One thing I’m going to suggest is backing off the school reading curriculum and just spending time 1:1 with a parent reading a book of his choice aloud with him, instead. I think all of us feel like everything is out of our control, and being able to take back one bit of power – even just to pick his own books – plus the focused parent time, might help.

      • IHeartBacon says

        “ backing off the school reading curriculum and just spending time 1:1 with a parent reading a book of his choice aloud with him, instead”

        Just reading this was calming; I’m certain it will have a good impact on your kiddo. Great idea.

        • Spirograph says

          I hope so! I can’t take credit for the idea; it came from my teacher mom, who recommended the same to the parents of one of her students. Paraphrasing her wisdom: For elementary school, it’s better to read something – anything – and have the kid enjoy it than it is to fight with your kid to do all the critical thinking exercises about an assigned text.

          Which makes perfect sense, I just feel like I need permission to ditch the curriculum. In a perfect world I’d have time for both, but… you know.

    • anne-on says

      What are the meltdowns about? We also recently decided to cut back on some aspects of school – we focus on math/reading/writing but if he misses art or music that day (which he doesn’t really like, and I don’t want to fight over) that’s ok with me. I also found that too many videos/zoom calls were stressing him out, so we try to limit and cut back on those. Science asks them to watch a video on nature/birds laying eggs? Instead we take a walk after dinner and talk about that same topic.
      Beyond that, yea, it’s tough. We’re trying to just let him feel his feelings while also reinforcing that it’s totally ok to be sad/mad/anxious, but it’s not ok to hurt/yell/say mean things to people because of your feelings. We are having A LOT of feelings talk and narrating our own choices – I’m feeling sad today, I’m going to ask daddy for a hug, and then do a puzzle or read, I am MAD about not getting to do something fun, I’m going to be alone in my room/do some air kicks outside/ and then ask for a cuddle when I come back, etc.

      • anon says

        OP here, Thanks all for the ideas. We’re doing many of these things and everything can be fine one moment and totally awful the next. She is a good reader and does find a lot of calm in curling up with a book, so I’ve been trying to balance that with outdoor activity, some social zoom calls and a bit of school work (really not much, given our school district’s choice not to teach K-2 during the closure).

        The meltdowns are largely irrational, which makes me think that they are mostly symptoms of general stress rather than any actual issue. In the past 24 hours she’s melted about brushing her teeth, putting on shoes to go for a walk, the fact that it’s not warm enough outside for her to play without a sweatshirt, needing to get her own fork from the drawer for dinner, that she doesn’t like what her dad made for dinner, her ponytail felt crooked, her sister was using her crayons, the book I ordered for her on Amazon is taking too long to arrive, and the fact that the rain washed away her sidewalk chalk.

        It’s the dramatic mood swings that are really getting to us all. I’d love some solution that would break that tension and allow her to find some peace instead being consumed by stress, anxiety, and grief, but it’s so hard. She is continually acting out, which drives us all to react negatively (especially since we’re all stressed too). I know she needs hugs and calm, but it’s so so hard.

        • Anon says

          Search for “A to Z Coping Skills” by Elsa Support. The school social worker sent that to every parent a few weeks ago and it’s been a major help.

          We printed that out and taped it to the wall in three places in our house. When we feel our emotions getting out of control, all of us, adults included, are supposed to go to that chart and pick three things to try. If we’re still feeling out of control, then we go to A: Ask for Help and whoever you ask has to drop everything to help you within the next 5 minutes (yes even putting a work call on mute – both of us parents are fairly senior and can get away with that.)

          The first few days of using it were tough and it didn’t help much. But each of us found our preferred letters that help us calm down enough to take a breath and react more calmly. To be really honest, it’s helped me and DH a ton. We now model how to recognize the out of control feeling and then how to appropriately address it, which I think is then helping the kids calm down more too as they see us do it in real time. We still have blowups of course, but at least we have a tool to use to help.

    • AwayEmily says

      Reading this thread has been reassuring. My newly-4-yo has for the most part been fine. She’s never been kinder to her little brother, she hasn’t verbally expressed missing her friends — BUT she is suddenly terrified of dogs, to the level of screaming (never was before) and is also super sensitive about anything even mildly scary in media (we’re talking scared of Swiper in Dora the Explorer). I guess kids are all expressing their anxiety in different ways, and the best thing we can do is help them through it and be patient.

  3. WFH with Nanny says

    We have decided to hire a nanny to help with the kids. Nanny will start in approx 3-4 weeks (which is when our state is tentatively scheduled to open up slightly). Unless cases get much worse in our state, this is when we feel comfortable letting someone in the house. We are going to hire someone on a .7 schedule with the idea that they would continue if/when things open up. While I am cautiously optimistic on returning to work, I am in the camp of those that think we will not open up for a few more months, and even when we do there might not be full daycare or school coverage.
    It seems that working from home with a nanny in the house has it’s own special issues. For those of you that have WFH with nanny, either before covid or just due to covid, do you have any advice? Either in how to navigate once we start, and any questions for a prospective nanny regarding WFH? We have set up two offices that are separated from the areas the kids will be during the day. We know that we should support nanny being in charge when she will be working. I’m also thinking of setting up set break periods throughout the day so nanny can get some time away from the kids (and parents).
    Moving forward, I feel like we have to do to stay sane and keep our jobs. Both for now, and for when things open up, or partially open, or open and close again? I mean do any of us really know what is going to happen?

    • Anon says

      so we had a nanny pre-covid, and still have her now. we live in a 2 bedroom apartment with toddler twins. DH’s desk is in the living room, so there is essentially no separation between kids and DH. Do your kids nap? Our nanny gets a break when the kids nap. She doesn’t really get a break from DH per se, but he is on calls for a lot of the day and I don’t think he is really bothering her. He also said she does such a good job with the kids, that sometimes he forgets they are there. I think that your set up sounds much better than ours!

    • Anonymous says

      How old are your kids? My mom comes over 9:30-1 every day to help and it’s a LOT to watch all 3 (ages 2, 4 and a first grader). I would suggest helping the nanny come up with a good schedule/routine for the family. While it’s true that nannies are experienced, if you have older kids at home that would normally not be, and/or cannot normally do things like visit playgrounds/parks/museums, things will go much better with help from you.

      I would suggest and encourage as much outside time as possible. Buy all the outside toys: bikes, chalk, swings, water balloons, whatever. if you have lots of kids, try and “pack” their food to the extent that is reasonable for you. This will allow the nanny to focus on them and not meal prep, which will in turn make things less noisy around the house. Of course, you can have nanny do meal prep–just know that it isn’t magic. The kids will do to her what they do to you (run around and make messes and noise when you are cooking).

    • TheElms says

      We have hired a nanny for our 11 month home and my husband and I are WFH for now. The nanny is here 8-4pm (not the hours we would have picked but this candidate met our social distancing expectations and that was the single most important factor for us with respect to hiring). Our daughter still naps so the nanny has an approximately 1-2 hour break each day during that time. One day a week I ask her to fold kid laundry during that time. We do all the laundry on weekends so its not that hard to just throw the kid laundry in and dump it on the bed, but I suppose I could ask her to do the laundry as well. I’d like to ask her to do more kid cooking, but with groceries sort of a disaster it feels like a tough ask. While the nanny is here DH and I share an office on the top floor and kiddo and nanny don’t come up there at all (helps that kiddo can’t climb stairs). If you have a toddler I would definitely try to put as much physical distance between you and kiddo. Also, we try really hard to not come down during the day so kiddo doesn’t see us. Kiddo has pretty bad separation anxiety so seeing us and then us makes it very challenging for the nanny to manage kiddo. It sucks because we are effectively trapped upstairs except when kiddo is napping or kiddo goes out for a walk, but it could be so much worse.

    • Anonanonanon says

      Ours is just for COVID and comes 9-5. There isn’t really a break, necessarily, because when the toddler is napping she usually engages with the elementary-schooler. I usually work 6-8, but 8-9 is generally off the table because the kids are done with TV, need breakfast, need to get dressed, etc. 9-5 is obviously not enough hours, but it’s what I feel like is a reasonable expectation of her and what we can afford. My husband is out of the house in the office every day still, so I am definitely bearing the brunt of this since I can telework most days.

      It isn’t anything that I feel like would work for me long-term, because I frequently telework and miss having the house to myself. We don’t have a home office, so I’m trapped in the bedroom. If my 2 year-old sees me, she wants to come into my room with me. So, I see the nanny, tell the kids “goodbye” and that I’m “going to work” and hide in my room. I miss being able to throw a load of laundry in while on a conference call, get coffee whenever I want to, etc. I try to sneak out and do those things while she takes the younger one out for a walk, but it’s not always a convenient time to step away from work. Mentally, it has been very difficult to be trapped in the bedroom all day and then have nowhere to go on evenings and weekends.

      She is 100% in charge while here. It would not be fair to expect her to make sure the kids don’t bother me and to act like I’m not here, while suddenly appearing and disrupting them and intervening. The only housework we ask her to do is to clean up after herself/the kids, and she has taken to emptying and reloading the dishwasher while the little one naps, which is very nice of her and much appreciated. I will sometimes text her and ask her to set the oven to preheat at about 4:45 so it’s ready at 5 and I can stick food in immediately when she’s leaving.

    • lawsuited says

      We have hired a college student to look after our 1 and 3 year old from 9am-5pm. My husband and I have both set up offices upstairs, and the kids stay on the main floor or in the basement except for naps. We feed the kids breakfast before 9am, and come downstairs for a family lunch if our call schedules allow it to provide a bit of relief. We have no expectation that she do any housework beyond cleaning up kid messes. The 1 year old has a morning nap and then both kids share a nap in the afternoon, so she has a break during that time. I’m totally cool for her to decompress and scroll through Instagram during that time, because looking after 2 toddlers is a LOT. The kids sometimes sleep until 5pm, sometimes not, and I will often come downstairs while they are still sleeping to prepare dinner but I’ve been explicit that relaxing in another room while I’m in the kitchen is completely fine. My standards might be different if this were a professional nanny, but I’m extremely grateful for the help and aware that it’s made more difficult by not being able to go to the park, out for ice cream, etc.

      • IHeartBacon says

        I very highly second the recommendation to allow the nanny to relax when kiddo is sleeping. Since the kids can’t be taken anywhere to burn off energy, your nanny will probably be exhausted everyday. You may even want to encourage her to take a nap on the couch.

    • IHeartBacon says

      Be clear and consistent with your kids and your nanny that she will be in charge of discipline (in whatever form you allow in your house) while you are working. You need to empower your nanny to know that she should not tolerate intolerable behavior (e.g., hitting, throwing things, slamming door, or whatever) and tell her how you want her to handle them. She will probably have a difficult time at first because your kids will test boundaries and she will feel like you’re always watching her since you’re home all day. For example, you can tell your nanny that if your kiddo starts throwing a tantrum, you will leave it to her to deal with it because you have to work. That seems obvious, but if your kid is having a meltdown and she can’t get him/her to stop crying, it would probably add to her stress in the moment that she has you “watching.”

  4. Anonymous says

    My kindergartner (who is one of the oldest kids in her class and is already 6.5) likes to zoom with friends and use messenger kids on facebook. She can read/text which not everyone in K can do, but she has some first grade friends too. It helps a lot.

  5. Sunscreen says

    Can I get some sunscreen information? I relocated to a much sunnier location (100+ sunnier days than my last location!) and now I think my sunscreen game is going to fail. I replaced my face lotion with sunscreen + lotion (Neutrogena) and have always been on the SPF 50+ bandwagon, but…

    When do you sunscreen yourself/kids? Every day? Every time before you go outside? If going outside for 10+ minutes? 20+? Easiest sunscreen for kids? (I use spray and think it’s convenient).

    • Anonymous says

      I wear sunscreen on my face every day. Sunscreen on the kids if it’s sunny and we’re out for more than 30 mins maybe? Or just throw on a hat. I’m pretty lax on this though and think my kids need a healthy dose of vitamin D. I think my daughter has gotten one very minor sunburn at the beach one day and she’s 3.

    • Anon says

      I am ghostly white. For the pool, I have really embraced long sleeve rash guards and shade for both me and kiddo. Cuts down on the amount of sunscreen you need to apply (and no reapplication).

      I use the Neutrogena Daily Defense for Sensitive Skin SPF 50 on my face every day. If I or kiddo will be outside for more than 30 minutes, I use Neutrogena pure and free baby lotion (for me and kiddo). We use either the Cerave mineral stick or the Neutrogena pure and free baby stick for faces, ears, backs of hands, etc. My psoriasis flares with chemical sunscreens, but before I realized that a couple of years ago, I liked the Neutrogena dry-touch lotion in SPF above 50 and the CVS clear touch spray. My relatives in Arizona like to use the Aveeno body lotion with SPF 15 built into it as well.

    • Spirograph says

      I use spf 30 face lotion on my face, neck, and however much of my chest is exposed every morning, and only apply sunscreen specifically if I am going outside for an activity, like tennis, bike ride, yardwork etc. I burn very easily, but therefore rarely wear anything sleeveless, so I’m OK for the 30 minutes I’d be outside without a specific purpose.

      In normal times, I sunscreen my kids on weekends in the summer in the morning and again after lunch. I don’t usually sunscreen them before school, but daycare reapplies sunscreen after lunch so they get it for the afternoon rays. My elementary school son keeps sunscreen in his backpack for aftercare, but I’m not sure whether anyone actually makes him apply it.

      Trader Joes sunscreen is my absolute favorite. We use spray at the beach, but I like lotion better at home because we can put it on inside the house.

    • blueberries says

      My first line of defense is avoiding being in the sun when the sun is strongest, next is long-sleeves (with UPF for workout clothes), hats, sunglasses.

      I prefer mineral sunscreens because of the potential skin cancer risks of certain chemical sunscreens. I have a bb cream with SPF that I really like for daily use. My kids tend to like sticks and will use them themselves (ThinkSport brand or the Trader Joe’s equivalent), but I find creams more convenient for myself.

    • Anon says

      I am pale and freckled, and I know this is shallow but I really want my pale kid to not be covered in freckles (even though I know sun isn’t the only factor – she had some freckles at birth), so we do SPF 50 on face and hands year-round and on any exposed skin from about March to October. At daycare, mid-day sun is inevitable, but when we’re home we do our best to avoid the sun from 10-4 on sunny days in late spring/summer/early fall. I expect this will get harder as she gets older and we have things like pool parties, but it’s been easy so far (she’s almost 3).

  6. anon for this says

    Has anyone gotten life insurance with a questionable health history? I’ve had a mini stroke once and gestational diabetes twice. I’ve kind of assumed that means life insurance would be overpriced for me, but seeing the discussion above wondering if maybe I should price it out… I have other savings in case my family lost my salary fwiw.

      • OP says

        Nothing! I should! I just hadn’t really bothered and now i’m feeling like maybe it’s worth a shot! It’s less the GD and more the fact that I’m an extremely high stroke risk (which I have a neurologist for, etc.) But you never know!

    • octagon says

      Price it out. You won’t know until you start the process. If your blood sugar numbers are good now you may not get dinged as much for the GD.

    • Anonymous says

      IIRC, I didn’t get dinged for GD — my blood sugar numbers are otherwise normal.

  7. anon - wwyd says

    I live in a state that will likely open in full by Mid-May. I have a 3 year old and 1 year old. The 3 year old is normally in a preschool and the 1 year old is home with grandparents. I work part-time and my husband works in big-law. During the pandemic, I’ve been working as the kids sleep and with some help from the grandparents during the week and honestly, I’ve been managing. It’s not always pleasant but I haven’t dropped the ball at all at work. My husband is billing 60 hours a week, so he’s fine too.

    I’m going to have to tell my employer that I don’t feel comfortable returning to the office until the fall, because in my heart, I just don’t feel ready to send my daughter this summer to camp. I know it may be okay, but in our particularly situation, it just does not feel necessary. However, I cannot ask our moms to watch both kids all day while I’m at the office, so I need to be home as well. My job isn’t a lot of calls and is a lot of work on the computer that I can do at anytime, so I think logically, it should be okay with my employer. I guess I just feel bad about asking for something different, but I’m already on a part-time track, so I’m trying to convince myself I don’t need to be like the full-time people.

    Thoughts?

    • Spirograph says

      I doubt you’ll be the only one who isn’t ready to rush back into the office. Your employer will either be OK with it, or not, but there’s no harm in having the conversation. You probably should be prepared for them to ask you to either take an unpaid LOA or quit, but if your work has not been suffering while you’ve done this the last couple months, you can make a decent case for continuing.

    • K says

      There’s nothing at all wrong with asking. Don’t focus your ask on the discomfort you feel in sending your kids back to school; instead, focus on how you’ve been able to be equally productive from home and don’t anticipate any negative impact to your employer for granting this request. However, I wouldn’t be surprised if you get push-back.

    • Anonymous says

      There is nothing wrong with asking. But also, isn’t there another option here? Instead of paying for camp, use the money for a sitter over the summer.

    • Anonymous says

      What’s your plan? You can’t just not work because you feel like being a full time mom. You’re going to need to take leave or hire a nanny.

      • OP says

        I have childcare with grandparents most days for the part-time hours I work. They just can’t watch 2 kids all day by themselves, so I need to be there. Also my work is so task based that lends itself well to being done outside of the office (few calls,meetings etc.) I work for a small firm where most people are not in th eoffice anyway. Also, I haven’t dropped the ball at all in the past six weeks, so I’m not trying to go to the office just because all the full-time people will be rushing in.

  8. Anon says

    My son starts 2nd grade next year. I just learned that one of the 2nd grade classrooms is taught by 2 teachers who job share -one is there MWF, the other TT, and then they switch, and they alternate lesson planning week by week.

    I’m not sure how I feel about this. The school is pushing that they’re both great teachers and the kids get exposed to two teaching styles, but I don’t know. My son adores his current teacher (who he also had for kindergarten), and this seems like a big change, plus I’d be concerned about mixed messages or one not having a full picture of the other’s experiences. Anyone done anything like this before?

    • Quail says

      No experience with my kids, but I had a job-share situation for my third-grade teachers. One in the mornings, one in the afternoon. They were both fantastic teachers, in fact some of my favorite elementary school teachers. They both came to my high school graduation party. I honestly don’t remember it being that weird and we all just kind of rolled with it, and it was great to have more teachers. I always loved and idolized my teachers, and now I had two of them! Finding a teacher that meshes is always kind of a crapshoot anyway, so maybe this actually increases the chances of having a click with at least one of them.

    • Anonanonanon says

      Things like this are pretty common. They eventually start switching to different teachers for different subjects, anyway. I think my son started having different teachers for Math etc. in around 2nd or 3rd grade when they started cohorting kids by those that needed additional help, those at grade level, and those doing advanced work.

    • Anon says

      are they both teaching all the same subjects? I went to a jewish school growing up, and beginning in 1st grade we switched classrooms for Hebrew, so I had two sets of primary teachers. and then in 3rd grade, we also started switching for math. I actually thought it was great! I genrally got lucky and liked most of my teachers, but there were some years I really did not mesh well with my English teacher or visa versa, so it was nice getting to spend time with teachers i liked better.

    • DLC says

      Growing up, I had two teachers who job shared during 3rd and 4th grade, and it wasn’t a big deal; it was just how it was.
      My daughter (now in second grade) is in a partial immersion program and has one teacher for English in the morning and one teacher who teaches in Mandarin in the afternoon- it’s been like this since K. The teachers are really good about communicating with each other and we always copy both teachers on any communication we do. I think having different classroom experiences can help kids learn to adapt and have a sense flexibility. Your concerns are definitely legitimate, particularly if the teachers don’t have a good system- The principal would probably be happy to answer your questions; I’m sure they are used to these concerns from parents who aren’t used to teachers job sharing.

    • Em says

      I went to a Catholic elementary school and although we had a primary class, we always switched for one subject, I believe based on what the other teacher’s expertise was. It was usually social studies and science, but I know in 1st grade it was math/science. It was NBD and honestly I never even thought about it before as being weird or unusual.

    • Anonymous says

      My husband had this one year in elementary school and loved it so much that I (who met him 20 years later) have heard all about it! He thought both teachers were great and it sounds like the part-time schedule allowed them to come to their teaching days feeling fresh. I think the real benefit of this approach is that even if a kid doesn’t click with one teacher they might click with the other. Beats having a teacher you don’t like and no alternative for a whole school year.

    • anon says

      My son and daughter have had the same teacher share. This pairing worked really well – they’ve known each other for a long time, they communicate really well. They worked a M/T and TH/F schedule, alternating W. One reason I liked it is because they have different interests (e.g., one likes art more, one likes outdoors more), so the kids got the best of both worlds. My son’s first year (we loop, so two years with the same teacher) was the first year that they shared, but they had been curriculum partners before that so it went really smoothly. They constantly email each other and they’re always telling the parents to email both of them.

  9. Quail says

    No experience as a parent, but I had two teachers share for third grade and all I remember is that they were both fantastic teachers (two of the best I had) and so dedicated. I invited both, and both came, to my high school graduation party. One taught mornings, one taught afternoons. From my perspective it was awesome to have two teachers, though they definitely had different styles and personalities.

  10. Anon says

    Do we think masks are going to be around for a long time? Probably? I ordered two for each kid (3 and 5), but not sure i really see them wearing them? I have one? Should we be building mask wardrobes here? Am I just being influenced by instagram too much? (yes, definitely)

    • Anonymous says

      I think they’ll be A Thing for a while. My kids each have one (my mom made them), and at the moment they don’t go anywhere often enough that we can’t wash in between. Once things start opening up again, we’ll probably add a few more.

    • Anonymous says

      I think they will be. We have a mask for 3yo but she cries and says “it’s weird”. I’ve only had to take her in public once and said she HAD to wear the mask and she reluctantly agreed with tears. There was cupcake bribing involved.

    • Clementine says

      My son likes his mask, but even the toddler liked wearing a bandana ‘like a cowboy’.

      (Spoiler alert: we did not have cowboy hats but we did have lots of firefighter hats, so the ‘look’ is a sideways firefighter helmet with a bandana worn over the nose/mouth/face…)

    • Anonymous says

      I’m in NYC and think they will be around until we have a vaccine.

  11. Anon says

    Oh man, I’m spiraling today. We got an email from daycare today that they don’t expect to open before September 1. Our state is beginning gradual reopening in the next few weeks, and I can understand why they don’t feel ready to reopen now, but September 1 is so far away, and I feel like these dates only get pushed back, never moved up. These last 6 weeks have been so hard, and I don’t understand how we’re going to get through at least 4 more months of that. I know the answer is a babysitter, but that doesn’t fix the issue of my only child missing other kids.

      • Anon says

        The Midwest. Our state never legally ordered daycare shut, although a lot of them voluntarily closed. It’s a university-run daycare, so I think that’s relevant since there’s generally less of a need for childcare in the summer for faculty, although most of us want it and they’re normally open year-round except for a week in August.

    • lawsuited says

      We’ve been assuming our kids won’t be back in daycare until September, so we’ve hired a college student to care for them during the summer. It has improved my life immeasurably, and I don’t do nearly as much exhausted crying and when-will-this-be-over hand-wringing as I did when it was just me and my husband struggling to juggle 2 full-time jobs and full-time care for 2 toddlers. Definitely look into alternative childcare and it might change how you feel staring down the barrel of 4 more months of physical distancing. I fully expect our kids will see their local cousins before September though. They are being as careful as we are and we could consider “combining households” by designating one person (probably me seeing as I’ve had Covid already) to grocery shop for both households.

      • Anon says

        What do you think about posting on daycare and/or neighborhood facebook groups to find another family for a babysitter share? I don’t want people to think I’m a monster that doesn’t care about social distancing rules, but honestly I’m much more worried about the socialization aspect of this than the childcare aspect (since we only have the one child and my husband and I don’t have a set number of hours we “have” to be working, especially over the summer). No local cousins or close friends with kids.

        • lawsuited says

          I think this could work if you already know/trust the other family well. I don’t think I’d try this with a new family I’d never met or didn’t know well. I’d start by reaching out to the daycare parents you know well to chat about what they’re doing. If there’s a parent with similar concerns to you (and maybe even a lead on a sitter!) go from there. I do think we will have to find ways to make physical distancing workable long-teem, and that may require going from zero-risk to low- or moderate-risk behaviours.

      • Anon says

        Schools would open in late August at the earliest though, right? Since they’ve already canceled the school year pretty much everywhere. I interpreted his comments as “schools should reopen in the fall” not “school should reopen immediately.” I’m also not sure how much weight governors give Trump’s statements. Even our Republican governor seems to be doing his best to pretend Trump doesn’t exist…

    • anon says

      That sounds tough! Gently let them know that it’d really help your family if daycare could come back in some form before then.

      Daycares are trying to do the best for everyone with really limited information—it helps them to get more feedback, especially if it’s offered in a kind and respectful manner.

  12. Anon for this says

    One of the many reasons both my husband and I work is to provide a backstop to something happening to the other’s job. Well, today he got laid off (hard-hit industry) and I am grateful to still have my job. Not meant to start a debate about SAHPs (it’s hard work to do childcare full time), just wanted to share that no matter how much “working mom” guilt is thrown around, this ability to have a two separate jobs is insurance against situations like this and is a huge relief.

    • Cb says

      Yes, definitely! And manageable expenses. We’ve got a tiny mortgage (and a correspondingly tiny flat) but it could easily be paid on one salary and that’s such a relief in these uncertain times.

    • Clementine says

      Yes. This is part of why I still work.

      I enjoy what I do… but I also really love the being at home with the kids part of it. I like prepping nature ‘scavenger hunts’ the night before. I could be very good at this. But… if my husband loses his job, we’re okay. If he decides tomorrow he wants to take a job with lower travel (and a likely 50-60% paycut, minimum), we’re fine and he can.

      I still think about it… more than I admit.

    • Anon says

      so sorry to hear about your husband, but glad you guys will be ok. my income barely covers our childcare, so if DH lost his job we’d be kind of screwed (which is why we have a sizeable emergency fund). i largely work for my own sanity bc i would be a horrible SAHM. honestly, it is one thing that makes me feel really bad about myself, especially in comparison to so many of the women on this board.

      • anon says

        Don’t feel bad! I think there are many equally valid ways of insuring against things like job loss. A big emergency fund, living very modestly, etc are all great.

        I’m currently in work that is not at all lucrative, though it is flexible. What keeps me from worrying is savings and that we continue to save.

  13. Extra anon for this says

    At the risk of sounding like a monster, I’d like everyone’s input on this, particularly those with older kids.
    My husband and I both work in fields that have us focused all COVID all the time right now, so it’s… morbid, some days. My kids seem to have no idea what’s going on, the 10-year-old in particular. I don’t want to traumatize him or stress him out unnecessarily, but it’s starting to bother me that we’ve maybe sheltered him a bit too much from how serious this all is. I know he probably misses school, and that’s the reason for his uncharacteristically-poor attitude, but it’s really rubbing me the wrong way right now. He was largely left to his own devices the first couple of weeks after school closed and our work picked up, and now he is very mopy if placed under the slightest expectations of doing things like school work, or cleaning, etc. Last night he was super picky about a dinner he normally loves, and it really made me angry that he feels like he has the luxury to feel like he can refuse dinner because he thinks I put slightly too much garlic butter on something when there are MILLIONS more families than usual patronizing food pantries right now. I think part of it is a parental instinct kicking in where I’m like “oh my gosh is this kid going to make it if things get really tough? He can’t even handle too much garlic butter on the bread”.
    Anyway, my ask is, how do I balance letting him know how serious this is and how tough this is on a lot of people right now, without traumatizing him?

    • anon says

      What about books? I made my 11 year old read the Long Winter, but I’m sure there are others. Also, I think you can work it into conversations in bits. 10 years old is old enough to understand that people live in different circumstances without being traumatized. I would focus on the socioeconomic aspects and not necessarily COVID-19. And not when he’s refusing dinner, but more every day conversation, like talking about a donation to the food pantry and about how we’re lucky to have full access to food.

      • Extra anon for this says

        I think this is part of why I’m so annoyed. We have him read books like “Refugee” and the young people’s version of Howard Zinn’s “A People’s History” etc. and talk about current events, stress how it’s sheer luck to be born to a stable family in a stable country with stable access to food and how we should help others who aren’t, because that could have just as easily been you, so I thought we were raising him with that kind of understanding, but there seems to be a disconnect between things in the past and what is happening right now. I’m sure it’s age-appropriate, but it’s frustrating.

        • AnonLaywer says

          I do think it’s age appropriate, to be honest. I don’t think kids have the cognitive ability to connect “generalized empathy” with “instant frustrations.” (A lot of adults barely have that cognitive ability.) And everyone takes out their larger stress on small things unless they’re really being conscious not to. Kids have not yet had the chance to learn how to be conscious of this – having a large amount of stress in his general life probably makes him more likely to freak out about the garlic butter, not less.

          I think reading books about others in hard situations is great long-term, but you might get more immediate results by instituting family mindfulness meditation time or something.

          • Extra anon for this says

            you’re absolutely right. He’s freaking out about the garlic butter for the same reason I’m freaking out about his garlic butter freakout. haha

      • avocado says

        At the beginning of lockdown, when there was literally no food on the grocery store shelves, I tried to make my 13-year-old read The Long Winter. It did not go well.

        Extra Anon, I don’t have any good answers. My daughter swings from volunteering to cook dinner and snuggling on the couch one day to the next day refusing to shower and whining that her life is ruined because I won’t buy her dangerous equipment for practicing her sport at home. Like you, I find it infuriating when she wastes food or balks at doing chores because she has it so good right now. I also get really angry when she complains that she is never going to get to see her friends or play her sport again because I am “paranoid”—about the terrible disease that killed her grandmother less than a week ago. The things that seem to help most are banning non-academic usage of electronics until the end of the day, indulging reasonable wants (baking cookies, movie selections, etc.), and dragging her outside to walk the dog.

        • Extra anon for this says

          This makes me feel better. He is so helpful and delightful one day, and then- exactly like you said- I ask him to brush his teeth and he is sooooo mistreated he’s on the verge of tears.

          We used to have no non-academic use of electronics during the week, so maybe we need to go back to that. It needs to stop being vacation time.

          • avocado says

            Electronics turn my kid into a monster. If she starts the morning by playing video games or scrolling Instagram, that day is pretty much guaranteed to be a total loss.

          • mascot says

            Yeah, we’ve had to modify our screen time rules several times during this. The trick has been trying to balance our need for him to self amuse, his interests, and the fact that online gaming is basically his only social interaction with his friends. I try to remind myself that this isn’t easy for him either and that modeling grace is a good life lesson.

          • Extra anon for this says

            You’re absolutely right. The electronics really seem to have a negative effect for some reason (it’s like the experts know what they’re talking about!) I hate to cut them out because, as mascot mentioned, in the moment it’s an easy way to keep him entertained but it really affects his attitude in an unhealthy way for whatever reason.

    • Anonymous says

      I think it’s just part of the privilege of growing up healthy and financially secure. We talk about how we are all very lucky (especially now) that we have a nice safe place to live, we’re healthy, and we have everything we need and lots of things we want, and we involve the kids in donating food, items, and money to help others who are not as lucky… but sometimes they throw a fit because dinner has too many onions or whatever. It’s a hard thing to wrap your brain around scarcity when you don’t experience it.

      We’ve been going around the table at dinnertime saying one thing we’re thankful for or that made us happy that day, or one thing we’re looking forward to when coronavirus is over. Hopefully the gratitude sinks in a little, and the coronavirus piece gives us an opening to talk about *why* we can’t do those things now (and gives me and DH insight on what we should try to find a creative solution for).

    • anon says

      My older kid is 6 and we have a good balance.

      We talk about the pandemic, how it’s serious, but focus on what we’re doing to help (stay home to keep hospitals from getting too busy, giving money to the food bank, chalk obstacle course to entertain passersby), that what everyone is doing to help is working really well in our community, and how we’re fine (lots of food, good food delivery, all together and healthy).

      It might help that my kids are already comfortable talking about death because we’ve had some of that in our family and we’ve spent a lot of time talking about a dead loved one and what death means.

  14. AnotherAnon says

    Our state is starting to reopen, in stages. My boss asked for volunteers to go into the office next week – you will be required to wear a mask, which is all fine and good with me as my office houses 10,000 people on a normal day. The catch is: our day care has chosen to remain closed until June 1. Would it be ill-advised to let my boss know up front that I would feel more comfortable WFH until my kid is back in day care? Should I just keep my mouth shut until they actually demand that we come back into the office? If I’m being totally honest, I feel like I got the rug pulled from under me. This pandemic is awful, but I cannot go back to 9+ hours in the office, not seeing the sun, not seeing my family, and getting zero exercise while eating trash from the cafeteria. My company has a “no one works from home ever for any reason” policy before this, so I expect that to be put right back into play once they declare that our office is open. I was really hoping to get fired so I wouldn’t have to deal with these decisions.

    • Anonymous says

      I wouldn’t draw attention to yourself by saying anything now. Just don’t volunteer to be in the first wave. If they get fewer volunteers than they expect, they may have to pull back on any planned demands to get people back in the office. If they get a lot of volunteers, they may realize that maintaining workplace safety is more difficult than they thought and have to slow down for that reason. Just sit back and see how it plays out.

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