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I like this pajama set to inject some joy into the haze of the newborn days. Unfortunately, it seems like due to COVID-19, there won’t be the normal parade of visitors to see the new baby. In order to make the best of a stressful and overwhelming situation, I like the idea of sending out/posting an extra-special photo, or even doing a traditional birth announcement through snail mail. I think wearing this matching set elevates a photo that likely won’t be taken by a professional photographer. I could even see bringing this to the hospital to feel put-together, at least on the outside. This also seems like a great gift for a friend who is expecting! The set is between $37 and $98 at Nordstrom, depending on color. Analise During & After Maternity/Nursing Sleep Set
Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.
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Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Happy Monday! How long did it take you to get your cycle back to normal after your second baby? Was it different from your first?
After my first, I was nursing/pumping when I went back to work and enjoyed 8 months of cycle-free bliss, and it seems this time around it came back after six weeks! Still exclusively nursing and she’s sleeping a bit better than my first, but I still feel totally jipped!
Anonymous says
Gentle reminder for all that gypped is a racist term that slanders the Roma people. I know it’s a super common one that many of us use without realizing it’s offensive!
anon says
I had a boyfriend tell me that years ago and it blew my mind! Like OP, I always spelled it “jipped” in my mind. I had no idea it was an ethnic slur.
To answer the original question, I am 6 months pp and still gloriously cycle free.
Ifiknew says
With both my kids, I had a little movement around 6 weeks that I thought was cycle but it was just finishing the birth cycle.
With both kids, did not return until about 8 or 9 months when I went to morning and night bfeeding.
Anonymous says
Not sure if this is what your referring to…but I do think you can have a final bleed (after not bleeding for 1-2 weeks) around 6 weeks pp. I looked it up and it’s the placental scab falling out (yum!). I got my cycle back at 7.5 months with both kids. But it’s totally possible to get it back at 6 weeks even with EBF. Not common, but not unheard of
HSAL says
It came back with my first at 7 months, right when she stopped nursing. I only had one before going back on the pill, but it was about the same. After my twins, I got one period at 8 months, shortly after I had some work travel, another a couple months later, and then it came back for good when I stopped nursing just after a year. And it came back with a vengeance. It’s basically Carrie down there every 3 1/2 weeks and it’s a real bummer. At my last annual the NP suggested that a few months of birth control could provide a reset, but I haven’t tried it – anyone have experience there?
Cb says
I’d try it. I had really heavy periods after an IUD insertion and the nurse suggested I could do a few months of the mini pill to reset it. I have a copper IUD so it wouldn’t have been a hormone issue. It ended up getting better on its own but would have been worth a try.
Pogo says
I went straight on the mini pill right away after my first and never got a period until I went off it to try and get pregnant w/ #2.
AnonATL says
I was on the mini-pill for a long time pre-baby and generally had fewer side effects than the standard blend of birth control (my body doesn’t do well with the estrogen). I did spot a lot, so that might be a possible side effect for you. You also have to be more careful about taking it the same time every day if that is your sole form of birth control.
HSAL says
Haha, definitely not. I got my tubes tied during my c-section and my husband still got a vasectomy three months later. So that’s why I’m slightly reluctant.
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
Mine was about the same after both kids. My cycle didn’t return until about a month after I stopped breastfeeding (about 10 mo postpartum with #1 and 15 mo pp with #2).
Boston Legal Eagle says
With my first, nothing until I stopped b feeding (around 9-10 months). With my second, I got the Mirena IUD and I didn’t get anything until 18 months, at which point I got a very light period.
Anonymous says
6 months for the first, 8 months for the second
Anonymous says
between baby 1 and normal cycle: stopped BF at 8 months PP and was back to normal by 10 months PP.
Baby 2 and normal: stopped BF around 8 months, was back to normal about 10 months PP
Baby 3 and normal: stopped BF around 10 months, back back to normal around 14 months PP
lawsuited says
Around 2 months with both babies.
Anonymous says
I thought mine came back at 8 weeks but I think it was lingering pp bleeding because it didn’t come back after that.
Tags on Stuffed Animals: PSA says
We had a little scare this morning. DD is 2 and sleeps with stuffed animals in her crib. Between the time that she woke up and when I got to her (10 mins?) she had stuck her middle finger through the loop of a tag that was on the butt of one of her stuffed animals, twisted it so tightly and so many times around the base of her finger that when I got to her her finger was purple, borderline black. As soon as we untwisted and cut it back the finger regained blood flow and normal coloring but holy guacamole, that was a giant scare.
I’m only now recalling reading a warning somewhere sometime about those tags and exactly this but let me tell you, please consider looking at your kid’s stuffed animals and cutting all of these tags off.
Pogo says
yikes. I had a scare like that as a child with a rubber band so I am hypervigilant about all bands, hair elastics, strings, necklaces, etc. But did not think about tags! Luckily kiddo typically demands we cut the tags off his animals, anyway but I will look more closely.
Cb says
Yikes! That’s very scary.
Anon says
Thanks! I’ve been wondering whether I’m supposed to remove the tags off stuffed animals, and I’ve never worried about it enough to look into it. But it sounds like maybe removing them is safer!
Anone says
i will check my kids stuffed animals tonight. something similar – though not that bad – happened to me after i got engaged and slept in my ring. apparently the way i sleep with my hands under my head was causing the ring to cut off circulation, so i quickly started taking it off to sleep
OP says
Yes! there’s a name for that. Ring evulsion maybe? I refuse to google it because I did once and sorely regretted the images I saw. Oddly, but Jimmy Fallon quasi-famously fell, caught his ring and almost lost the entire finger because of how it pulled and cut off circualtion. It’s been a couple years and if you look at his left hand when he’s on TV you can see that it doesn’t have the same range of motion as the rest. It honestly looks liked of lifeless. Now whenever my ring catches – seems to be on the washer and dryer mostly – I totally cringe.
Jessamyn says
Great warning, thank you.
Anonymous says
Thank you this is really helpful!
ALC says
My 9 month old hates diaper changes and will not lie on his back for them! Any tips?
Anon says
Is he stable of you do changes on the floor and he leans against a wall? Google Montessori diaper changes. This worked for us once kid was more physically independent (esp If the wall has a low window)
Anon says
we went through a similar phase around that age. i followed the janet lansbury approach initially, but then we got a toy that lives on the changing table and is only held for diaper changes. Now at almost 2 my twins love choosing what to hold when they get their diaper changed
Spirograph says
My solution was to change diapers on the floor and pin the kid down with my leg over their tummy.
Katy says
+1 – we went through a super resistant phase. and then it got better again (marginally)
TheElms says
I am in the super resistant stage and have been for almost 2 months with my 11 month old. Some days are better than others. Standing helped for a bit, but now that she is walking a little bit it is not helpful at all. We use toys, singing, silly faces, and just plain old holding her down while she screams hysterically. I’d say 1/2 to 2/3 of diaper changes are epic battles at our house at the moment. Good luck, it sucks!
Anonymous says
I use the poopoose
Anon says
This is truly for like 80% of kids between 9 and 14 months. I moved our changing pad to the floor an powered through. Other parents start doing standing changes. Some people take it as a sign to start introducing sitting on the potty (if you’ve ever wondered about those people with “potty trained” 18 month olds).
Decide if you want to change or you want kid to and take appropriate action.
Anon says
the other week someone posted a site where you could order things online from independent bookstores? can you repost?
GCA says
Bookshop.org is what I use!
Anonymouse says
Or biblio.org – used, but they have some new things too
Maternity suit/dress? says
I need help finding something to wear for an appellate argument while pregnant. It looks like it will be held via video, if that matters? Maternity suits are surprisingly hard to find!
Is a dress and jacket ok if they aren’t technically a suit? This is proving harder than expected!
Anonymous says
By video? You need a blouse and a jacket that doesn’t need to button.
Realist says
Via video makes this a bit easier, I think. Just focus on your upper half and what will look professional on camera. I would think you could do a nice top and a scarf or a cardigan or even a suit jacket. Necklace, earrings, whatever accessories work for you. It can look ridiculous below your chest, doesn’t matter. Just test it out on the video screen. I would think neckline and flattering colors are the most important and what I would focus on. Plus making sure you have a clean and neutral background (a neutral wall or classy bookshelf, for example) and decent lighting.
avocado says
Will you be standing up with your entire outfit in view of the camera? If not, I would avoid a dress and not bother with a full suit. In my experience, dresses don’t work well for videoconferencing. A blazer or suit jacket with a plain, unfussy top tends to look most formal. If your pre-pregnancy jackets still fit across the shoulders, you can wear one of those.
Maternity suit/dress? says
Hmmm, good question. I don’t actually know how that works! I’ve never done anything like this by video so I’m not sure whether standing or sitting would be better (or whether the court will require one vs the other – this is all so weird!)
Anon says
If you are on video, can you just wear a non-maternity suit jacket and black maternity t shirt?
Pogo says
For formal settings when pregnant I wore a solid color maternity sheath dress and regular, unbuttoned blazer. I never bought a suit. If you think you’ll have to stand up, that’s what I’d do. If you’re sitting down, as others said, nice blouse and blazer should be fine.
lawsuited says
Wear a black ponte sheath dress and an unbuttoned black blazer. No one will able to see that the fabrics don’t match over video.
Jeffiner says
I have one child,a 5 year old daughter who is scheduled to start kindergarten in the fall. My husband and I both work full time, and the three of us have been staying at home for about 5 weeks now. DH and I take turns during the day working and spending time with DD. For the most part its going ok, although not having any kids to play with is wearing on DD, and we can’t play all the time with her (we need to cook, clean, etc). Should I expect her to learn to play by herself and how to handle boredom or is there some developmental milestone before she can do that? Should I just let her chill with her iPad?
avocado says
At age 5, she should be able to entertain herself for a while. The key is to let her get bored and then stay bored long enough that she thinks of something to do. It also takes practice.
Anonymous says
My kid is the same age so I have no idea what I “should” be doing. I have been following Busy Toddler on Instagram for suggestions on independent play.
rakma says
I’ve got a 3 and 6 year old, and while there’s a lot of screen time happening, there is also some independent play.
The things that are keeping them entertained the longest involve imagination (and honestly, large messes).
Wooden blocks, dress up, legos, playdough, large cardboard box + box of markers, the contents of the recycling bin + roll of painters tape (we have some impressive robots now).
Generally, after breakfast I set them up with an activity, it lasts as long as it lasts, they move to screen time, reset at lunch – quick clean up, eat, get them involved in new activity- and sometimes another reset around 3, with a snack.
6yo also has school work, so 3yo will usually draw at that time. We’ve been rotating art supplies for her to keep her interested, so colored pencils one day, markers the next, then crayons etc.
Spirograph says
This.
I imagine this homebound-ness is especially hard for only-children and their parents. A 5 year old should be able to entertain herself for a while, but many people just crave interaction at regular-ish intervals. Blocks, coloring, and fort-building with blankets and pillows are usually most successful for solo play in my house. Puzzles might also work if you help get her started. We have a big floor puzzle 30-40 pieces that my 5 year old can do totally alone. The 100-piece ones she needs some coaching to do edges and then work on filling in the middle.
Anon says
I have two 3-year-olds so it’s a little bit different because they have each other, but I’ve also found that what works best is having a set of “activities” to redirect them into when they start wanting parents to play with them. Sometimes it’s as simple as suggesting they cook something in their play kitchen, do a puzzle, get out their train tracks (e.g. remind them of toys they have) but other times I’ll need to help them set up something for 5 minutes before they’ll be self-entertaining. BusyToddler and DaysWithGray both have some good ideas for reset activities.
Anon says
My 2.5 YO gets lots of independent play time (and also lots of screen time – it’s a long day and she has low sleep needs). Right now she is sitting on the floor of my office, building train tracks while I work. Note that the TV is on in the other room, but she’d rather be in the same room as me (sigh). I can sometimes get up to 30 minutes at a time (multiple times a day) of her playing with her little people (in their castle, on the bookshelves, in a bowl of water by the sink, etc.) by herself. So, I would start with smaller chunks (e.g., you’re going to color for 10 minutes and I’m going to cook dinner), and slowly build from there.
CPA Lady says
Same situation (5 yo only child girl)– we make her play alone in her room with no screens from 1-3 pm each day. It’s a holdover from when that time frame was nap time. We let her play games and watch shows on her kindle all morning. We typically stop working at 3 pm and do stuff as a family from that point on. She has never played independently in her entire life unless forced to. Some kids do (from a young age), some kids don’t. It doesn’t matter what new cool toys DD has, she’s a people person.
Cb says
I think this is what we’re destined for. He’s an only child, super verbal, and like me, needs a lot of social interaction. He likes to be where we are and I often walk into nursery to find him having a chat with and scamming fruit off the nursery administrator or helping a teacher with a task. He really likes the one-on-one attention and isn’t a great joiner-inner.
SC says
I have a 5 year old. He is able to entertain himself for a while, but he also gets lonely. We’ve been trying to find a balance. DH is a SAHD, but as you say, there’s also cooking, cleaning, etc to do.
Our kid needs a routine/schedule. We balance times when a parent is fully engaged, when he’s mostly independent but has a parent nearby to chat with or help (for example, Kiddo does an art project at the table while I do dishes, but I set him up, tell him it looks great a couple of times, and help if there’s a problem), and when he’s expected to be completely independent. At certain times, like when dinner is being made, Kiddo has the choice between mostly independent play and helping cook or clean or set the table. He probably has one or both parents fully engaged 4-5 hours per day when you count meal times, is mostly independent 5-6 hours per day, and is entirely independent maybe 2-3 hours per day.
I agree with avocado that sometimes you have to let them get bored. I hear a lot of, “I just don’t know what to do.” He’s always doing something within 2 minutes of saying that. The flip side of that is that I’ve had to let go of any tendency to control how he plays, and to let him make messes. We’re working on instituting more frequent 5-minute cleanups.
Screen time in our house has varied a lot during the pandemic, but I’d estimate it at about 3 hours per day–1 hour of playing a video game with DH, one hour of Kiddo playing ABC Mouse or something called Button Bugs (recommended by his OT), and one hour of TV.
Anonanonanon says
My oldest was able to long before 5, but I was a stay at home mom for the first couple of years and then only worked part-time, so he had to learn. My younger one (2) struggles a lot more, because she is used to daycare where there are always other children to play with and there is structured activity time. I think it is a skill that just has to be learned, and it’s something I have always been willing to go “old school” parenting about with my older one. I have found suggesting that he clean his room when he says he’s bored is effective. Especially because he’ll usually find something to do/play with in there and quietly play, thinking he’s getting away with something ;-)
anon says
Pandemic times are different. I have a 5-year-old girl, who, under normal circumstances, can play independently fairly well. I can tell you the longer that we’re home, the more she seems to need us. My hunch is that she’s lonely and craving interaction she’d normally get with her peers. The bottom line is: I don’t think you can judge your kid’s ability for independent play by what’s happening NOW, in social isolation.
Anonymous says
yes – at 5 your child should be able to keep herself entertained for chunks of time. I think there have been some good suggestions here. I do think some of it is personality dependent (introvert vs extrovert) but we’ve always encouraged independent play and my 3 year old is good at it. We just check in or will do 5-10 mins of focused attention. A line I use is “my job right now is do X (work, laundry, etc…) your job is to play.” I repeat this like 10 times a day. I don’t think it’s a parents job to be cruise director and boredom is good. My sister in law makes her kids clean (wiping baseboards, windows, etc…) if they utter the B word.
Anonymous says
There was a relatively helpful article about teaching kids to play alone in the NY Times recently – https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/03/parenting/kids-independent-play-coronavirus-quarantine.html
Basically it is a skill that kids can learn. My son is 7 and is more content to play solo if we let him listen to podcast or audio book while he does it. This feels like a good compromise to me. It also is helpful to play with him for 10-15 minutes and then let him continue solo.
Anonymous says
I have a just turned 4 y/o and a kindergartner (who is 6.5 due to a fall birthday). I would recommend weaning her OFF the ipad. Devices turn my kids into needy, whiney, monsters who are incapable of entertaining themselves absent the device.
My older one has always played very independently. My younger one took until age 3.5 or so and she still won’t even really sit and watch a movie. But I like to let them loose in their respective rooms or playroom and just give them a jumping off point. Then i leave the room and can do so for a while on end. Ideas:
Start playing barbie and suggest she set up a shopping mall.
Give her a lego kit and get her going; let her know to only come to you if she needs help (beware LEGO CRISES)
Get her a coloring book and new (or new to her) pencils or pad. Suggest she draw a picture of everyone in the (extended) family
If all else fails, could she facetime (or use messenger kids) to talk to a grandparent, older cousin or aunt?
Anon says
I agree that at her age she is definitely capable of playing by herself, but it is somewhat of a skill that needs to be taught. She may not want to (neither does my oldest most of the time!) but she can and it is good and healthy for her. Some suggestions:
– Give her a chunk of undivided attention in the morning (20-30 min) so she has a good foundation of connection for the day (and you can feel less guilty)
– Get her started on an activity or play scenario and then fade away after 5-10 min and she can continue
– Keep repeating “I am doing X now; you can go do Y or Z. I will check with you in 45 min, when the clock looks like this.” Or something to that effect so she had a clear and firm boundary. Ignore her whining.
You probably will need to check in every 45-60 min for a while, and possibly play with her for snippets throughout the day/alternate with some screen time, but she will learn to be bored and entertain herself.
Redux says
Does your kid know how to tell time? Now might be a good time to learn! I.e., Now it’s time to go and play/color/something independent, when the clock says 10:30 come find me and we can have a snack, etc.
Anon says
I feel like there have been a million posts along these lines but I’m so frustrated by my inability to get anything done with a 3 year old and baby and my office not realizing that. We’ve tried to find childcare but haven’t found much luck. I feel like I’m working constantly but maybe billing 50%. How are any of you communicating to your team that you are operating at less capacity? I’m a partner so for the most part I’ve been leaning on an associate in my group. He’s young and unmarried and seems grateful for the extra work but I try to check in that he’s ok. For the most part I’m just trying to make sure the work gets done but am so frustrated.
Anonymous says
Do you have a partner at home, too? Or is it just you?
Anon op says
Yes I have a spouse at home who is also trying to work from home. We try to switch off shifts but our 3 yo has special needs so we usually end up on man to man parenting.
Part of the is just whining, I know. There’s no magic fix here, I know. As long as clients are served that’s what matters. But I’m frustrated by partners and clients expecting business as usual and I wish I had a solution or an effective way to communicate I’m doing my best but it’s just going to be different.
CCLA says
As a partner, unless it’s in title only, you may be the best positioned one to speak up at the firm and I encourage you to do so. I am the only partner with young kids and a working spouse, and I have definitely had conversations over the last few weeks reminding my partners, who are mostly male with SAHM spouses, that for many of our lawyers and staff we need to show flexibility as they try to manage children (there are of course other reasons to be flexible, but this was one issue where if I didn’t say it no one at the table was going to because they were that clueless). For clients, now more than ever (1) building a team of associates is incredibly important so they have someone trusted if you’re not available, and (2) some clients will always make ridiculous demands, whether during quarantine or not – sort out what is truly emergent and use the non-emergent requests to gently train them and set boundaries.
Pogo says
I’ve been unapologetic when I have to go “on toddler duty” and can’t respond in the moment (or can respond but say I can’t do the actual task right that minute). Husband and I have to take each day as it comes in terms of schedule, though we have my mother watch our son until nap so I have the core 9-3 protected.
For my mental health when I need to be “on toddler duty” I try to unplug from work. If I try to do both I end up making mistakes in my work and kiddo is just annoyed I’m not paying attention to him. Like I said we just negotiate each day and get as much done as we can – today I was able to work starting at 8 while DH had kiddo, but I’ll need to be on from 3-6. If I have urgent stuff that I need to wrap up today, I can easily log another hour during bed/bathtime (DH has kiddo) and typically still get things done by 7pm (which is not technically EOD but for certain people and time zones that’s OK).
I do realize how fortunate we are to have my mother and the 9-3 hours protected; it helps immensely.
Anonymous says
Yes, be unapologetic, and stay in communication as much as you can. That’s what clients and superiors want. “Hi John, Thank you for your email. I’ll get it for you by 10:00 p.m. tonight.” Or whatever the realistic timeline is. Then do that. It’s enough. People just want communication and to know they are on your radar. There are very few tasks where you really need to drop everything and respond substantively as soon as you receive it.
Anon says
I’m not in a billable hour profession but I’ve just been doing less and not saying anything about it. My husband has a fully flexible schedule so I can have a call whenever someone requests a call, which helps.
Clementine says
I’ve been doing a lot of babywearing (and toddler wearing) which seems to help. It helps with the clingyness, helps with the need to keep the baby from being lobbed with toys by older siblings, and just… helps keep them quiet so I can work.
I discovered that a banquet/dry bar in our dining room is exactly the right height to use as a standing desk and am currently typing this standing there, wearing one baby while the toddler brings me toy dinosaurs to pile at my feet while waiting for a conference call to start.
Clementine says
But yah, it sucks.
Anonymous says
For those of you with a +/1 2 year old, what does their sleep schedule look like? This is my 3rd kid and I don’t know if it’s the pandemic or what but I can’t even remember what my older ones did at this age. Mine is napping ~1-3 and going to bed ~8:30 and waking up ~7. Which seems totally normal and what I recall my others doing.
Except for the past week she’s been fighting nap and fighting bedtime and then waking up at 3am ready to hang out. She’s not sick. She’s not teething. She probably IS sick of us ;). DH and I are thinking she may need to shorten her nap, but she’s not even 2–will an hour cut it?
Part of the issue is that she’s in a Big Bed now (she can climb out of the crib), so sometimes she gets tempted to get out of bed and play. Or by the time she’s gotten out of bed to come and find us in the middle of the night, she’s too awake to get back to sleep.
Anon says
Mine is 2.5 and just dropped her nap. Previously, she was sleeping from 11-8 and taking a 1-2 hour nap. With us being home and no preschool, there is no longer a nap, and she’s now typically doing closer from 10-8:30. Of course, yesterday was a disaster where she “napped” from 7-8:30 and then slept from 2-10:30…but she has never been a good (or regular) sleeper, and we’ll hopefully get back on track today.
Anon says
Mine is 26 months, and dropped her nap during the pandemic. Pre-pandemic she was in the crib 7 or 7:30 pm to 8 am (sleeping 8 or 8:30 pm to 8 am) with a ~1.5 hour naptime around noon. Now that she no longer naps, she falls asleep around 6:30/7 pm and sleeps through until 8 am. At first we assumed the dropped nap was due to the disrupted routine or teething, but she is actually holding up until a 6:30 pm bedtime pretty well with no meltdowns or obvious signs of tiredness, she’s getting enough overall sleep, and she seems a lot happier with bedtime now, so I’m starting to wonder if this will actually stick. Oh, and my husband dropped his nap before age 2, so there’s family history there. March/April 2020 was the worst possible time for her to decide she’s done napping, but it is what it is.
Pogo says
Mine is 2 years, 9 mos. Nap happens 3-5x/week; on days when it doesn’t has quiet rest time and goes down easily at 7p, wakes 6:30.
When he does nap, it is 1-3, and then bedtime is TOUGH. Realistically, he won’t fall asleep until almost 9. We’ve regressed (due to the change in routine, thanks covid) so that I have to basically sit there until he falls asleep or he wants to get up and party. Still wakes around 6:30, sometimes earlier, like today at 5:40 when he fell out of bed. He did go back down until 6:45, though. Prior to the virus, we could at least leave the room around 8:15 and he’d roll around and sing to himself til he fell asleep (still, wasn’t much before 9 but he was chilling in bed so I didn’t care).
I truly believe that sleep regressions are one way this disruption is playing out for young kiddos. It is hard on them to lose their routine. I found my LO is actually craving physical contact, too – like wants my hand on his back while I sing lullabies; he settles much faster when I do this. He’s fallen asleep in my arms a couple times, too which hasn’t done literally since was an infant.
Doodles says
I have a 23 month old. The schedule when he was in daycare (stopped about 6 weeks ago) was 7:30pm to 7/7:30 am sleeping in crib (we’d have to wake him up in the morning to get ready for daycare) and they napped 12:30-3ish in daycare. At home, he’s been leaning into more sleep. He’s now in his crib from 8pm to 8/9am (we usually wake him around 8:30 weekdays because we’re making noise upstairs, but everyone sleeps in on weekends). He naps from 1-3:30 but will sleep past 4pm around 3 to 4 days a week. We go in and wake at 4:30pm because we’re worried it will be hard to get him to bed by 8pm. My husband jokingly calls in the 4 – 3- 4 schedule. So he’s awake for 4 hour chunks and sleeping for at least 3. Based on friends, I don’t think is is necessarily a typical schedule for this age but it works for us and I don’t see him dropping his nap anytime soon.
Anonymous says
Similar schedule here so it can’t be that atypical. 20 month old is in bed between 7-7:30 (sleeping by 8), wakes between 7-8, naps 1-3:30 but often till after 4. Big sibling did the same till 3.
Cb says
Argh, my son turns 3 in August and I think he’s dropping his nap. He will go into his cot but then has a poo and needs changing and then struggles to go back to sleep. He gets screentime after his nap and we told him no screentime if he doesn’t stay in his cot for quiet time, and that seems to help.
He sleeps from 7:30 to 7:30 in lockdown but normally 6:45 to 6:15 when we have to be at nursery.
AnotherAnon says
Any advice on parenting a threenager? He turned 3 at the end of Feb, and the…feelings (?) are just starting. He’s like a sour patch kid. One minute he’s cuddly, the next he’s throwing a tantrum because I am not able to adequately define the word “art” (literal example from this morning). I use strategies in How to Talk, but they don’t seem to be working. He’s started growling when he doesn’t get his way or can’t tell me what he needs. He’s also annoyed by the DT strategy to “take a deep breath and count to four”, which worked previously. Help!
Anon says
Try Esme and Roy. They have different deep breathing and calming songs for “monster meltdowns”, he might like those better (mine does).
octagon says
When we were going through that someone here suggested naming, recognizing, and parroting his emotions in almost an exaggerated way. He needs to feel understood. Like OH, I get so frustrated when someone doesn’t know what I mean! Do you feel that way too? Let’s growl together, it is so frustrating!
rakma says
1st kid really responded to the Daniel Tiger methods, wanted reminders and help regulating her frustration, then needs hugs and reassurances for while after.
2nd kid needs 5 minutes to be MAD MAD MAD by herself, and then she’s pretty much over it. (Did it take me forever to figure this out because I was using the methods that worked for kid 1? of course) So now we ask her if she needs a minute, and she usually walks into another room (or crosses her arm and turns her back, which is adorable) and then she’s good.
Anonymous says
Ohhh I know it’s hard but can I just say that I love that his is growling? Yes small tot I want to as well.
Anonanonanon says
How long do we think workplaces will be understanding or flexible about people having kids at home? I feel like what little patience there was is quickly waning. My boss has already privately said “This is the new reality and people need to figure it out. It’s not my problem if someone has kids, they need to do the work they’re paid to do in the timeframe we need them to do it” to me. She was speaking about someone on the team who I have assigned a VERY light workload and is still getting paid their full salary and performing far below any reasonable expectations, so I’m sure it was said in a moment of frustration, but I think that’s the attitude that is starting to happen in workplaces in general. And frankly, even though I’m a mother, the “boss” side of me is starting to feel that frustration as well.
Anonymom says
Hopefully as long as schools and daycares are closed, unless your workplace plans to subsidize live in help?
Anonymous says
This. In reality, this is something that managers have to work out. It’s not realistic to expect someone with kids at home to work 8 hours during normal business hours and be just as on point as they are in an office (or at home without kids). It is realistic to expect people to get their work done and earn their salary. Our HR dept has put an unofficial hold on firing for performance issues, and the expectation is that everyone engages their manager to come up with reasonable goals and a workable schedule.
Anonanonanon says
No but everyone is very well-compensated and sitters are not prohibited in our location, and daycares are not closed. I’m not saying people should take that risk, but I’m saying I think-on paper- it looks like parents have multiple options for care, and childless bosses are getting frustrated that people aren’t taking advantage. Again, not saying people should, but it’s leading to frustration in my largely-childless field of work.
Anon says
I think it’s a little different if your daycare is open and you’re choosing not to send your kid. I’m not saying you need to send your child to group childcare if you feel it’s unsafe, but then it’s on you to make alternate arrangements.
Anon says
I don’t understand how it’s any different. Daycares in my area are not open, but our daycare (large chain) is closed. So where do I fall on that spectrum?
I’m also have a hard time reconciling this all of the posts about how it’s irresponsible to send your kid unless you’re an essential worker. I give up.
Anon says
I’m not sure what you mean by reconciling the comments. If someone made a comment about it being irresponsible to send your child to daycare, it wasn’t me. If your daycare is open only for the children of essential workers, then of course it’s not ok to lie and say you’re an essential worker. But I wouldn’t consider that “open” in the normal sense of the word. I was responding to someone who just said daycares are open (with no caveats about only for essential workers). I agree that if daycares are generally open for the public but your personal daycare is shut, it’s tricky. I can understand not wanting to leave your center, but ultimately if you’re finding that you can’t effectively work from home, your boss is upset about it, and daycare is available in your area, then yeah, I do think you should look into enrolling in a different center (or hiring a sitter or nanny if that’s your preference).
AnonLaywer says
That’s nice in theory but you’re still coming down to “I should create more danger for myself and my family and those in our community so I can work the hours my boss wants.” Sometimes that’s necessary, but, often like, do the TPS reports really need to be done that urgently?
Anon says
I’m not sure where you draw the line though. We’re probably not going to have a vaccine for close to 2 years at the earliest, and until then there is always going to be some individual risk and some community risk involved in opening anything. So we’re going to just tell employees that they can work with no childcare for as long as they like? That doesn’t seem sustainable to me for either parents or employees. Everyone intended this working-with-no-daycare thing to be short term. Longer term, most public health officials seem to believe we’re going to find a way to reopen some things, including daycares, which means that those of us who are lower risk and less affluent will likely return to daycare, and those who are more affluent can choose to hire nannies if they feel unsafe going to daycare. Of course there are unique situations (like someone with a high-risk household member who can’t afford to hire a nanny) but OP’s question was more general than that.
AnonLaywer says
Sure, and I’m glad I live in a state where I trust the governor and am willing to follow her guidance on reopenings. But if you live in Georgia and are a decent employer, I think you have to accept that we’re not there yet.
Anon says
Yes, I fully agree most places are not ready to open now and obviously there’s a happy medium between opening today and not opening until we have a vaccine. OP didn’t say she’s in Georgia though? In fact, I assumed she was in a state with much fewer cases since it sounded like daycares never even closed in the first place, and her state has been doing relatively ok even without daycare closures.
AnonLaywer says
Georgia was just an example since things are reopening there.
Anon says
Many daycares in my area are closed and those that are open are not taking new kids. So I don’t think “go find a daycare that is willing to be open despite the the risks” is really reasonable. Parents are so darned if you do darned it you don’t in this situation that it isn’t even funny.
Expecting people to find in-home care is a completely different issue and probably reasonable for highly compensated employees.
IHeartBacon says
LOL to the “TPS report” reference!
My two cents on the whole thing is that I think a lot of businesses are getting to the point where they cannot keep paying their employees at the same level as if the employees were producing the same output as they were before. In the billable hour context, this is definitely true because the company’s income is generated solely from its employees’ time. It’s such a challenging position for employers because they can’t just reduce the pay of the folks with children because that seems discriminatory. On the other hand, if they do company-wide pay reductions, that is unfair to the folks who are not having any difficulty producing as usual.
anon for this says
I hope they will continue to be understanding until schools are back in session and/or summer day camps open. I am performing at below normal, but I have three kids under five at home. I’m usually the queen of having backups to my backup plans, but I did not contingency plan around a potential global pandemic where my normal backup care (my parents) would be high risk and unable to help us out.
Nan says
How are you handling it personally as both a parent and boss/employee?
I think it might also help to figure out exactly what you’re expectations are that you feel aren’t being met – obviously people can’t control daycare closures or the reality of small kids. Are you wanting impacted parents to go on leave, thinking they should hire in-home help if that’s allowed in your area, etc.?
Nan says
To be clear, I’m not suggesting those expectations are unreasonable, depending on the circumstances. I just think it might help the situation if you honestly assess what it is you’re expecting people to do that they aren’t doing.
Anon says
It’ll depend on your company, but in my (large multinational manufacturing) company’s reopening plan they realize that until schools/camps/daycares reopen that things won’t be ‘back to normal,’ and they’re planning accordingly at the highest level.
Cb says
Yep, my university is doing the same. This isn’t to say they won’t punish us later, but for now, no one is expecting anything near normal.
anon for this says
Also large multinational and management said the same. They did reduce compensation, though, so I don’t feel bad at all about putting in less than 100% because…they’re not paying me 100%.
My direct reports are both mothers, and both have told me (and I believe it based on their output and feedback from others) that they’re actually working more hours because of no commute and working off-times because they can’t just send the kids to school and go into the office (however they were both part-time b/f the pandemic). So I haven’t dealt with this as a manager at all, but as an employee I’m triaging what needs to be done so that my performance doesn’t visibly suffer, as well as being honest about what level of contribution I can commit to for various assignments. That’s all you can do.
Anon says
I think this is one reason why daycares will have to open relatively soon. You can WFH with an 8 year old, you can’t work from home effectively with a 2 year old. Most governors seem to recognize that childcare for the very youngest kids is kind of a pre-requisite for getting anyone back to work.
Anonanonanon says
And to be clear, daycares are open in my state. That doesn’t mean I think it’s right to tell people to send their kids (mine aren’t in theirs, we’ve hired a temporary nanny) but I think that’s the disconnect for childless bosses right now. On paper, people are “choosing” to keep their kids home.
My boss has always been very understanding so it just felt like a glimpse behind the curtain of what childless colleagues and bosses may be saying when we’re not in the conversation.
Anonymous says
When offices reopen before school and daycare many jobs will expect you to get a nanny or take leave. We should all be preparing for that
Anonymous says
It would be naive to think that employers and managers were ever truly “understanding” or “flexible.” Right now they might feel obligated to say the right things and act as if they are understanding, but it’s all just for show.
Anon says
I’m curious how old your kids are and what your personal child care situation is right now, as I think that probably impacts your personal experience with the situation more than you realize.
I do take your point, which is that at some point if daycares and schools can’t reopen people are going to have to do *something* differently — but I think that’s less because employers won’t tolerate kids being home and more because this whole full-time WFH and also take care of kids thing really isn’t sustainable for anyone.
Anonanonanon says
I have two kids and one is a toddler. We’re paying a temporary nanny. I hold myself to a higher standard than my staff, which I believe is appropriate
Anonymous says
This is so hard. In my situation (not a manager – just what I see at my firm), I think so much of the direct manager response is based on the attitude of the employee. Managers respond well to employees who generally perform well who are clearly trying their best. The struggle is with the attitude that work can only occur between 8am-5pm and then, at best, half that because of splitting with a spouse (where possible).
Anon says
I commented above that I think employers need to continue to be understanding — BUT to be clear, I don’t think it was ever really reasonable for anyone to expect to work 50% between the hours of 8-5 and continue to get paid 100% for any extended period of time, unless they’re on some kind of leave. If that’s what OP’s talking about then I think frustration is completely warranted.
If “flexibility” means the employer acknowledging that the employee may be unavailable during what are “normal business hours” in normal times, then I think that is going to need to continue for quite some time.
Anonanonanon says
This. I’ve been assigning what is frankly 50% work to people with kids to allow time for people to transition to the new normal and make arrangements etc. but some of them aren’t even doing that 50% well and it’s starting to feel like they’re taking this as some kind of fully-paid vacation.
Anon says
That is totally different from what I had assumed and sounds like it is more of a people slacking off problem than a parenting problem. A lot of us are working late nights, paying $$$$$$ for whatever in-home help we can find, etc.
Anon says
Related ….
Summer care will likely be open in my state beginning in mid-June. Right now, our 6-year old is home with us – two f/t lawyer parents. We have local grandparents who are great at following all of the social distancing/ stay at home guidelines, and who are in good health – but we’ve not asked them do any childcare for the time being, more for their safety than ours.
Things are at a breaking point with our careers and we’re going to need to either open the door to some risk in terms of childcare, or accept that one or both parents is at risk of losing a job.
So, since we’re opening the door anyway – should we send 6 y.o. to summer camp, knowing this means he won’t be able to see Grandparents (at least without a 2-week self isolation period at home with us), or should we instead start having grandparents do some childcare? F/t care at a camp is easier for us to coordinate, but the exposure risk is higher. Arranging grandparent care will take some work and exposure likelihood is lower, but consequence of exposure are of a greater concern due to their age.
Help!
Anon says
Many companies will need to lay off more people or cut pay soon if the economy doesn’t reopen asap. Although companies may try to accommodate working parents and others who are struggling for a couple months, there’s only so much revenue loss they can take. I’m not saying parents will be the first to go. It depends on your job and manager and the state of the company and industry. But those who still have jobs and can work from home are the lucky ones.
Anonymous says
Ah, well since my other two dropped all naps by 2.5 I’m not holding out hopes for naps til 2.9 :). But I vaguely remember mine having a real nap well into 2….but the more I think about it the more I think I’m deluding myself and they fought it starting around 2 but daycare helped them keep it going. Since we don’t have daycare, that’s probably the issue.
Crap.
Anon says
How long did it take and how old was your baby? We’ve got a 4 1/2 month old and the last 3 nights have been terrible! She doesn’t seem to be any better than she was on night one. How long would you continue if you aren’t seeing improvement? Been up since 3:30am, ugh.
Anon says
Oops, “it” meaning sleep training! :) again, have been up since 3:30!
anon says
If you are doing it cold turkey, I’d expect results by night 4. If you are doing the gentle way, i think it takes longer because they are figuring out the new rules (ie, if I fuss, they might eventually come get me vs. cold turkey which is black and white)
AwayEmily says
+1 to this, I’d want to know more info about the method. Based on me and my friends, gentle method often takes a few weeks, but cold turkey rarely takes more than 4 nights.
And re: knope’s comment below — I totally agree all babies are different. Many 4 month old babies are capable of going for a night without eating very early on (my kids slept for ~11 hours without eating by 3 months). Some babies are not. I think this is something you can trust your gut on.
make em say uh.... anon-anon says
Did she already go through sleep regression? That could be it. I nabbed as much free advice as I could from Taking Cara Babies and we got on a better path around nights 7/8 at 5.5 months. GOOD LUCK!
Knope says
My sympathies, the 4 month sleep regression was the hardest part of parenting for me so far (mom of a 3 year old now). What method are you using? Some babies do not respond well to particular methods – I would say if the method you’re using doesn’t work after 5 days, it may be time to deploy new strategies. FWIW – and not saying this is necessarily what you’re doing – but I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect a 4.5 month old to sleep through the night without eating. Especially if your baby was doing multiple feedings before this, I would still expect 1-2 wakeups a night even while you are sleep training.