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These red flats are on clearance at Saks OFF 5th and are a great deal for Cole Haan leather shoes — they were originally $170 but are on sale for $59.99. I like that they are the classic ballet style but in a bright, fun color. I actually find that shoes like this are easier to incorporate into my mostly gray and black work wardrobe than I would initially imagine. I am a huge fan of the very popular Sam Edelman Felicia flat; however, my least favorite part about it is the logo charm and the logo embroidery on the heel. These Cole Haan flats have the same look without any obvious logos, and I actually like the shape of the bow better. (Bye, Felicia!) Megan Leather Ballet Flats This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
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- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
What questions did you ask when interviewing your doula? How did you decide to go with the person you went with? Any regrets?
EB0220 says
My favorite was: How do you work with medical staff? and Tell me about medicated labors you’ve assisted. I interviewed many doulas who were very anti-doctor and anti-meds and I just didn’t like that. I wanted someone who was flexible and would support me regardless of what I chose. I was also giving birth in a hospital both times and I didn’t want a doula who was going to be grumpy with the nurses and doctors. I didn’t have a doula for my first (medicated) birth. I did have a doula for my second, which was unmedicated.
AwayEmily says
this is so smart.
Anonymous says
Sorry to TJ but can you tell me a little about the pros and cons of both ways in your experience? I am 6 months pregnant and leaning toward medicated and no doula, but I am terrified of the epidural (I had a VERY bad experience with a botched lumbar puncture in the past), so I’m still somewhat on the fence.
Anon in NYC says
I can’t do a comparison (only 1 birth, epidural – totally fine, no doula), but just wanted to chime in that there are other pain management options that don’t involve an epidural, including narcotics and laughing gas. Good luck!
lsw says
I did narcotics and laughing gas and it worked great for me (no epidural). If I had another I’d do the same.
Anonymous says
Thanks, I will look into this.
EB0220 says
Sure!
Epi pros: Much more calm experience, pain-free
Epi cons: Slower labor, harder to figure out when to push, not able to get up and move around until it wears off, small risk of issues when the epidural is inserted
Unmedicated pros: Faster, much more connected with the whole process, up and moving a little faster after
Unmedicated cons: Pain – delivering the placenta was so much more painful than I expected and kept me from being able to focus on my baby.
Overall, I’m glad I had the unmedicated birth to say I’d done it and to feel it but it was a less pleasant experience by far than my medicated birth.
Anonymous says
I think the faster/slower really depends — I know my progression only kicked into gear AFTER my epidural for my first birth. I did have a couple of different issues, fairly serious but immediately treatable, with the injection of my second epidural and let me say they were among the scarier things I have experienced. I would still do it again because the pain relief is so amazing — I was awake for 48 hours straight with my second and can’t imagine I would have had any energy for pushing without the rest an epidural can help you have. I had no trouble moving my legs or pushing and was able to get up and walk around within an hour of birth both times– basically by the time they were done stitching me up and I was done snuggling/feeding the baby.
Anonymous says
I disagree that an epidural slows down labor. Anecdotally, I went from 5 cm to 10 cm in less than an hour once I got my epidural. But more scientifically, the medical research actually says that if you get the epidural after a certain point (I think 2-3 cm dilated and in active labor with frequent contractions), it doesn’t slow labor down. My doctor was very insistent that the “epidural slows down labor” research is outdated and has been disproven. There is a lot of newer research that shows that when given at the right point it can actually speed things up.
I am obsessed with my epidural birth. It was blissful, I wasn’t in any pain (I could have slept but I was too excited), but I could definitely still tell when to push – in fact I had a very strong “I must push NOW!!!” feeling – and I could tell when my daughter come out. My epidural took an abnormally long time to wear off, so I was able to enjoy my first day with my daughter wtih minimal pain (except my nipples, lol) and really focus on bonding with her. The second day I was in so much more pain and it was hard to concentrate on the baby (DH mostly took care of her that day) so I’m really glad we had that bonding time right at the beginning. I know people talk about the pain of getting the epidural, but for me it was nothing – far less painful than the cervical checks and then, later on, breastfeeding. My labor was short and I think it would have been even more essential for a long labor. For me it was 1000% the right decision.
EB0220 says
Yep…true about the length of labor/epi. Should have been more detailed in my response. My own epidural labor was longer (12 hrs) than my unmedicated labor (3 hrs) but not inherently bc of the epi. I think there are studies that pushing time is longer with an epidural.
Sounds like your epis were less strong than mine! They must have really loaded me up.
octagon says
Ask about how they support you if a c-section becomes necessary, either because the baby is out of position or other complications during labor. Ask her feelings on inductions and if she has supported other moms through them. Ask when they expect to show up at the hospital — how long will you be laboring without them?
I really liked my doula, who also helped me with wellness coaching during pregnancy. But her policy was to not arrive at the hospital until contractions were 4-5 minutes apart, and mine never got there. I had a failed induction due a week after my due date. I was in regular contact with my doula for the 36 hours of irregular/no contractions, and then the baby went into distress and I had an emergency c-section. But she didn’t show up at the hospital until I was in surgery and in retrospect I wish she’d come earlier to help support me through a stressful time.
LadyNFS says
I asked about her general philosophy and just had conversations with her to get an idea if we were a “fit” – i.e. if I’d want her around for hours and hours. Her experience obviously, as well as how she worked with clients -her style, her personal preferences, how much I could expect from her, how she would adapt if the plans changed. FWIW, I had a fantastic experience with her and even the hospital staff commented to me how great she was (she was very unassuming and supported me but didn’t tell them how to do their jobs, which I got a feeling was maybe not the norm given the comments the nurses made to me afterwards). For reference, my doula did 2 pre-birth “sessions” with me where we talked about what happens during L&D (my first child), what my options were, and how I’d want things to go in an ideal situation, and then with other options and back ups so that we were fully on the same page. Her practice is to come wherever you are laboring when you want her, so she came to my house and we labored there together (part of my plan was to avoid being at the hospital for as long as we could while still being safe). When we finally went to the hospital, I was 6 cm, 90% effaced and I ultimately opted for an epidural. Even though it wasn’t part of my initial plan, she fully supported me and didn’t try to talk me out of it in any way, didn’t make me feel judged. She stayed at the hospital until the first latch (again, part of my plan) and then her fee also included a few hours of post-partum care, when she also taught me how to use a breast pump. I would use her again in a heartbeat. This is probably not what you were asking for, but hopefully detailing the experience can help you decide what you want to learn from a potential doula and what you are hoping to get out of the experience. In hindsight, I went in pretty blind and lucked out with this woman, as she was the only one I interviewed!
Anonymous says
Slight TJ– for those of you who’ve had doulas, did you find them overall to be helpful? I’m considering it because DH is not great with medical settings (he has come close to passing out at routine doctor exams) and my mom would probably annoy me in the delivery room. I’m only 12 weeks so lots of time to think about it but I’m curious whether the doula is doing anything more helpful than what your medical team and spouse would be doing.
EB0220 says
Yes. I found mine immensely helpful. I had one birth with and one without. Here’s the thing: you haven’t seen a bunch of births, and neither has your husband. Doulas have seen a TON. So they know the variation that’s out there. They have a lot of data, whereas you have very little. They have a different perspective than the nurses and doctors. Example: My contractions are very low and short. In triage with my first, the doctor tried to SEND ME HOME before doing an internal exam and realizing I was 7-8 cm dilated. She didn’t like my contractions. With my 2nd, the nurses kept saying the contractions weren’t productive, they were too short and close together. I remember my doula locking eyes with me and saying, “These are great contractions. You’re getting this baby out. Don’t worry about what they’re saying.” And baby was born 20 minutes later. My husband was great, but this is not something within his realm of experience. I was very glad to have the doula there.
LadyNFS says
Yes. Aside from what I posted above about my experience, the nurses and doctors were wonderful, but they have a ton to do. There was a flurry of activity all around, vitals to check, charts to update, tasks to accomplish, and you’re not their only patient. DH was supportive, but frankly, wasn’t in a position to give me the strength that my doula gave me. She has been there, done that, and her sole task was keeping me focused, comfortable and reassured. I feel that without her I would have floundered and been scared, but having her by my side I felt like someone was watching and caring for ME nonstop and seeing her confidence gave me reassurance.
Rainbow Hair says
I’m the opposite one. I resent(ed) mine — she didn’t really DO much to help me. Like I wanted her to suggest that I move like this, or to press on my back like that, or breathe like that, or whatever… Nothing. She was very, very passive. And she didn’t show up at the hospital until I was in labor for IDK 6 hours or so. The most helpful thing she did was to talk me through some breathing on the phone when she wasn’t there. Ended up with an emergency. So like, eff her.
Rainbow Hair says
“Emergency-C” I mean. Baby was in the wrong position, sunny side up and her head was like… up too high, too close to my front. Anyway, would’ve been nice for someone to notice that *before* 26 hours of labor.
Anonymous says
Fwiw, you can birth a sunny side up baby vaginally and most doctors won’t automatically do a C for that reason so I doubt knowing her positioning earlier would have changed your labor experience. I know it sucks that you labored for so long and then had a C, but most doctors have the philosophy that unless you have a condition that makes vaginal birth dangerous (breech baby, placenta previa, something like that), then they want you to at least attempt vaginal birth.
Rainbow Hair says
Yeah, it was more just like… everyone had very clearly given up on the v-birth thing like way early on, and they were just like counting down until they could say it was bad enough for a C, and it was just like, “wellllllp here I am pushing and nothing is happening because her head is pushing against my stomach not my cervix and I can tell ya it’s not going anywhere so if y’all could think of anything else I could try rather than just having the doctor and nurse screaming one-two-three-push [I know how to count!] at me in unison for hours, that’d be cool?”
Sigh, in a way it’s good to remember the details though… sometimes I get close to wondering if I want another one, but nope, not doing it again.
Anonymous says
That stinks! I’m sorry she was so unsupportive. Thanks for sharing.
CBG says
YES, would 100% hire her again, even if I was going to have a planned C. It’s weird how heightened all your senses become in labor and DH’s nervousness was very apparent and not helpful(bless his heart). I could feel her confidence, and she dealt with everything so we didn’t have to (nurse questions, positioning, comfort, issues with my doctor, when to go to the hospital, postpartum constipation, lactation support). And, she was also my go to for questions for weeks before birth.
As far as quesitons to ask: What are some examples of situations where your clients have told you they appreciated something specific you did (said, helped with)?
If she can’t give you specific situations, she might not have much experience, and if she can it will be helpful for you to see her style and if its a good fit for you.
My city just had a Doula-matching event that was like speed-dating for Doulas, such a cool idea!
CBG says
also you’re like 28% less likely to end up with a C-section if you have a doula, which is absolutely where I would have been without ours.
Anon says
Favorite motherhood books along the lines of “Like a Mother” by Angela Garbes?
Favorite parenting podcasts: I currently listen to “Longest Shortest Time” (don’t love the new host as much), “Mom Rage”, and “Mom and Dad are Fighting” by Slate
Cb says
I find One Bad Mother annoying but am enjoying What Fresh Hell which is along those comedic lines. The Best of Both Worlds is fabulous. I also started listening to Jen Hatmaker’s parenting series and it is very good.
For books, I love Alison Gopnik’s writing on parenting.
Betty says
Best of Both Worlds podcast is amazing! Hosted by Laura Vanderkam (4 kids) and Sara Hart Unger, a pediatric endocrinologist (3 kids). The podcast is focused on having a big career and family. I find Laura more realistic than some of her books about time management and Sara is down to earth with a demanding job. Both of their spouses also have demanding jobs. The podcast normalizes so much of what I have experienced and has great advice.
anon says
I also recommend best of both worlds, but I actually find I like Laura more in her books and less on the podcast (Sarah is wonderful though). I sometimes find the podcast annoying in that in seems like their answer for everything is to hire 20 nannies to assist, but their guests are varied and very interesting. I also like a podcast called The Nuanced Life. Not exclusively about parenting but many of their episodes are about parenting
anon says
I love The Mom Hour podcast and have listened since the beginning. It’s so practical and down-to-earth. (I’m just really over parenting resources that present this pie-in-the-sky ideal of how things are “supposed” to be, without any practical guidance for carrying out a particular philosophy.) I also enjoy the What Fresh Hell podcast for the same reason. It’s real and honest without being negative.
DLC says
I really enjoyed reading Anne Lamott’s Breathing Lessons, about becoming a single mother later in life. Also Sarah Ruhl’s collection of essays 100 essays I don’t have time to write. She’s a playwright, so a lot of it is about life as a creative artist, but she also writes a lot about having children within that context. And the essays are short (bonus!). Not about Motherhood per se, but I just read Ron Lieber’s The Opposite of Spoiled, and I thought he had a lot of good things to say about instilling values, gratitude, and money wisdom in your kids.
I really like Best of Both Worlds, but I wish it were a little more relatable (i.e. I can’t afford two nannies and to put my children in twenty after school activities), and also I wish Laura had a little more empathy for women who struggle with coming to terms with the emotional aspects of motherhood.
There is a podcast called I Don’t Know How She Does It, which i like – each episode is some high achieving working mom and they talk a lot about logistics. I don’t think it is updating anymore, but the back episodes and a good listen.
Anon says
Exercise maternity leggings and tops. What works best? Are the Align by Lululemon really worth it?
Boston Legal Eagle says
I like the GapFit leggings and exercise t-shirts. Looks like they are on sale now.
Anonymous says
The align pants are amazing for maternity. And I like the fact that I can wear them post-maternity as well.
Cb says
Gap fit are really good. But depending on your exercise routine, you might not need them. I just wore my normal gap fit leggings lower.
GCA says
I second the GapFit leggings – good for cooler weather as they’re a fairly thick material. Can’t speak to the Align pants but I’ve heard multiple people rave about them!
As for tops, Old Navy have some nice looser-fit maternity active tops. Also, Under Armour Victory tank tops (non-maternity) are long and very stretchy, and I wore them for the early and middle stages of both pregnancies.
Anonymous says
Depending on where you are in your pregnancy, maybe wait and see if you need these. I just wore regular running shorts under my bump (which was by no means small). I did get a few maternity workout tops from Gap.
Anonymous says
I’m using a mix of Gap Fit and Old Navy maternity work out gear. I didn’t want to spend a lot on the gear I would only use for a few months, and it has worked really well. I really like the Gap Fit “breathe” tanks I’ve gotten, but heads up that the cups in the built in bras are super annoying and kept folding up on me. I ended up just taking them out. Personally I gain a lot in the hips and thigh area while pregnant, so my pre-pregnancy running shorts were an absolute no-go from pretty early on.
lawsuited says
Lululemon Align leggings really are great for maternity and postpartum. For tops, I found that all the ruched tops just rode up so I wore my favourite non-maternity tee in a waaaay bigger size.
Anonymous says
Help me hire a nanny! I screened a bunch of people on the phone and invited a couple to come to our house to meet the baby. I figured after the in person meetings I’d check references and do background checks before making an offer. But I don’t really know what to ask at the in person interview or how much money to offer. Is it fair to ask about their salary expectations? I hate when employers do that to me but I just have no idea what’s reasonable… Fwiw this position would only be for a few months (it’s a short term solution until we can get her into a good daycare – the candidates are well aware of this) and only 3 days per week. And do you offer any paid vacation/sick leave or not because it’s an hourly position? Husband and I have pretty flexible schedules and lots of PTO so I’m less concerned about reliability – if she’s regularly a few minute late it’s really not a big deal for us – and baby is very young so it’s not important that she have a “curriculum” or anything like that. I just want someone who is going to love on my baby and treat her well.
anne-on says
I would survey a group of friends/neighbors/etc. to get an idea of the going rate for sitters in your area. In our HCOL New England burb it’s easily $18-$20/hour. Less if you go through an agency and pay their fee.
FWIW – the main benefit of a ‘nanny’ position as opposed to a sitter is the ability to have them do things for YOU AND the baby. So – make sure they understand that their primary responsibility is baby, BUT when baby is napping you want them to do X/Y/Z (run laundry, fold and put away baby clothes, unload/load dishwasher, make baby food, etc. etc.).
If this person will be leaving your house with baby definitely check their driving record, and make sure they understand how to install and use your specific car seat/stroller combo. I’d also ask about training for infant choking/emergencies/etc. And definitely ask some ‘challenge’ questions – what would you do if baby is having a really bad day and simply won’t stop crying? what would you do with baby if the doorbell rings or you need to use the restroom? etc. etc. – checking for them to be aware of safety and best practices.
Anonymous says
Huge generalization ahead- but for your specific situation I’d look for a former mom/young grandma type. Energy and curriculum etc are much more important with the toddler crowd. You want someone that will snuggle and love your little baby and in my experience, your best bet is empty nesters. Plus, you only need part two me. If you were in 30 miles of my mother, this would be her dream job ,).
Driving record & ability to listen to your instructions would be my main things.
Anonymous says
Oh and I’m in a Boston suburb. Nannies are $18-28/hr and a mixed bag of on/off the books. You might want to offer a few paid holidays as incentive, but for a short term gig it may not be a dealbreaker.
Anonanonanon says
Seconding this. Again, a generalization, but for a young baby the “grandma” types are sometimes best, because it’s really all about having the peace of mind knowing your baby is being loved and snuggled. Do make sure to double check that they adhere to current safe sleep practices if that is important to you, though.
buffybot says
Not sure what city you’re in, but let me plug the Park Slope Parents resources for hiring a nanny in NYC. Their surveys are NYC specific (technically Brooklyn), but SO DETAILED – even if you’re outside of the area, I thought it was a very useful benchmark.
There is also r/nanny on reddit, which can give you a general sense of expectations by browsing the forum. I will say that it seems that people pay part time nannies a higher hourly rate, generally.
Questions I asked when interviewing: tell me about a typical day; did you ever have to deal with a medical emergency and how did that go; how do you approach discipline; what do you find most challenging about the job; are you familiar with dealing with breastmilk/formula/weaning (whatever your feeding strategy is); did you ever disagree with a parent re: how to handle something with the kid and how did you handle it.
Just a caution that I believe in NY (if you happen to be there – may be true in other states too) it is now illegal to ask about past salaries, but you can certainly ask if there is an hourly rate that the nanny is looking for. However, I found most candidates to be pretty cagey, so I just made an offer based on what I knew about the market (average for 1 kid in Brooklyn is about $18/hour, with the 25-75th percentile all clustering within the $17-25/hr range for full time, I believe).
dc anon says
Now that both kids are in school, I realized that I need to get all of their documents organized and in one place (prob should have done that a while ago…). So, tell me how you have organized your important documents like birth certificates, ss cards, passports, health forms. Is all of that stuff in a binder? File cabinet? Freezer? Help!
Anon says
Keep a running google doc for each kid that you fill in at each doctor appt. Write down what vaccinations they got (especially tetanus!), what the doctors said etc. Just a few notes.
Its so easy to forget what happened so I made it practice to not leave the doctor’s clinic until I jotted down these notes and then when I go visit the doctor I always can remember exactly where we left off. Its also helpful if you have these things that you have been noticing are off but don’t know how long you noticed it, you will have record of when you first brought it up.
lawsuited says
Our kid has his own hanging folder in our filing cabinet with a few file folders for “Government Docs”, “Medical”, “Daycare” and “Art” (which is by far the fullest folder :P)
anon says
Ugh, so much art! We are drowning! Does anyone have a good way to organize this? How do you decide what to keep vs toss?
lawsuited says
We have a frame that you can slip multiple sheets of paper into, so when the art comes home it goes in there to be displayed for a while. Once the frame is jammed so full of paper that not one more sheet will fit, I take them out and my husband and I each choose a few to keep and recycle the rest. I don’t have a single piece of art that my parents kept for me and I’m totally fine with that. My husband has 2 “books” that he wrote and illustrated as a kid that his grandmother held onto, but no art that his parents kept either. So, I think I’m a champion for keeping any of my 16 mo’s art at all, and definitely see my role as curator rather than archivist.
anon at 11:13 says
curator rather than archivist – I like this idea. Ok. I have work to do this weekend!
shortperson says
i keep about 10 things a year. the rest i may take a photo and then toss. i edit the photo to say what it is if i got a description from my 3 yo. i have a photo album for art in iphoto and then fill the last few pages of our annual photo album with tiny images of art from the year
SC says
I throw 99% of the art away. Sometimes, I will hang something–never more than one thing–on the refrigerator, but eventually I want to make space for something else and throw it away. Kiddo is 3.5 and has never noticed. I have a hanging file where I put all sorts of personal momentos, and a few things (cards, artwork that school laminated for us, artwork that incorporates a photo) get put in there every year. I used to take a picture before tossing, but I’ve largely stopped doing that.
FWIW, it probably helps that Kiddo is neither talented nor focused when it comes to art. For most of what school sends home, it’s pretty clear that he glued two things onto a sheet of paper and made a scribble because his teacher encouraged him to, and then moved on to playing with cars as soon as he was allowed to. That’s pretty much what happens at home.
Anonymous says
No matter where you put it (ours is in a filing cabinet), take photos of it all and email to yourself so it’s in the cloud and accessible anywhere.
Anon says
Encrypt those files though! You don’t want all those docs just floating around for anyone to grab on the interwebs if someone breaks into your accounts!
Em says
We have folders for all our records, which are kept in a desk cabinet, and my son has his own folder that is sub-divided for medical documents, insurance, daycare, etc. All birth certificates and social security cards go in our safe.
Anon says
Really important documents (birth certificates, Social Security cards) live in a fire-proof / water-proof safe under the bed. We live in an apartment building and I’m way more worried that if the fire department arrives to fight a fire our apartment will get trashed by the water.
When I was growing up my parents kept similarly important documents in a combination safe in the water heater closet. Now they keep everything in a gun safe in their closet. (They are responsible gun owners who keep ammunition and guns locked up. They are my dad’s from his military service.)
Lyssa says
We just learned that the teenager next door has been getting treatments for bone cancer for about a year. The family is very nice, but we’ve not really spent much time with them (though they’ve started bringing over some old toys for our little girl, so, like I said, super-nice). We actually learned it from the local paper, which did a story about his high school sports team doing a fundraiser for him. I don’t know what the prognosis is, but the story did say that he’s receiving local treatments, but they are managed by a specialist several states away, and that he’s not expected to return to school this year.
I can’t imagine what that must be like. Is there anything that we could do for them? Like I said, we don’t know them well; I don’t think that I’ve ever spoken to the wife, and it’s been a couple of years since I have to the husband. (My husband’s home and sees them more.) I don’t want to intrude and have no idea what they might need, but I’d like to do something.
lsw says
If they are giving you some toys for your daughter, you could bring something over to say thank you (baked goods, a gift certificate for the son or whoever’s toys they used to be) and use that as a segue to say that you saw Son’s fundraiser in the paper, and you’d like to either contribute to that or if there is anything else they might need. Maybe offer something concrete like “we’d be happy to mow your lawn or take care of anything around that house that might make things easier for you.”
octagon says
If they don’t have a service and you are able, mow their lawn. Honestly, I would just tell them when you see them – we’re going to mow your yard whenever we mow ours; let us know if you don’t want us to do that. Don’t put them in the position of having to ask for it. When fall arrives, rake their leaves. When winter arrives, shovel their walk.
If you are literally next door, make sure they have your contact information to text or call. Let them know that you are happy to keep an eye on things/get mail if they are traveling for medical visits.
Anonanonanon says
If they have other children, let them know you’re willing to be a resource to watch the children in an emergency. If they have to rush the son to the ER in the middle of the night or follow an ambulance to the hospital, let them know you can come sit in the house with the sleeping children until family or close friends or whoever they’re more comfortable with arrives. Or that they can send the kids to your house to bake cookies or something if they end up having in-home health or hospice and need to clear the kids out for difficult conversations that may occur. While they probably have family and closer friends to do this stuff, it’s nice to know there’s someone next door who can hold down the fort until those resources arrive.
lsw says
I echo this and should have thought of it. I came home from school a few times to a note from my parents to go next door because they had to take my brother to the hospital. As an adult, I realize, wow, that was great of our neighbors to be that resource.
Anonymous says
Hopefully not too late in my reply. The nicest thing people have done for us during kiddos medical/hospital visits is taking care of the chores that take time away from caring for the baby. Don’t ask, “how can I help?”; rather, just do it. Mow the lawn/yard care, send over dinner, fruit basket, movie night treat basket, etc. One of the nicest things people did for us was to text in the morning and say, “we are bringing the family dinner tonight, so don’t plan on cooking.” And, if they have extended hospital stays, offer to drive the other kids to school/practice, etc. I would have killed for a driver during our hospital stays. (Also, people brought us dinner to the hospital, which we also loved).
Anonymous says
I was really psyched up for applying for a promotion at work (different department) but I was just on a conference call with the person who is the interim in the role, who I know didn’t get it since it was just relisted, but now I’m psyching myself out – like, if she can’t get it, why would I? And then I was thinking, oh, and if I don’t, it will be just awkward and embarrassing. And, oh, if I do, I would have to drop off at daycare earlier and change our morning schedules. etc etc
I should just apply anyway, right? Timely post on impostor syndrome the other day, and, I’ll never get a promotion if I don’t apply for something. (We don’t really encourage people’s professional development at this organization.)
I don’t even know what I’m posting for other than someone to tell me, “Get it together, woman! Apply! Not getting a job is not embarrassing!”
ifiknew says
Yes!! Apply!! If you get it and then somehow change your mind, you can always decline with thoughtful reasons, but definitely apply. No one will know (except you) if you don’t get it right and if you don’t get it, you might get some thoughtful feedback as to what you need to do to be eligible in the future. Hugs, I know the fear of rejection is SO hard.
Anon in NYC says
Do it! The worst they can do is say no.
Anonanonanon says
I have literally never heard anyone make fun of another professional for applying to something. No one blames folks for trying, even if it’s a long shot (which I bet it’s not for you!)
Anonymous says
Maybe she didn’t get it because she’s not you ;) Apply!
Anony says
Can I get feedback on an idea?
A lighthearted spoken word / poetry or book reading event geared toward moms. Wine and cheese and recitations of the children’s books you have memorized because your child insists you read it nightly.
Currently, I have Dinosaurs Love Underpants ingrained due to the never ending requests to read it.
lsw says
I *love* this and would contribute by reciting The Foot Book or performing Baby Shark.
I did something similar-ish in college where we staged a dramatic reading of song lyrics, and everybody had a great time. (I did “Help” by The Beatles)
lawsuited says
This is a great idea. I think reading children’s books brings out the silly side in parents in a way that is really heartwarming. Our son loves The Gruffalo *with all the voices*. For food offerings, I’d also be cool with tea and cupcakes, or an elaborate 15-ingredient chopped salad that I will never have the time to make myself.
anne-on says
This is hilarious, I would totally go. Currently I believe I have about 85% of The Sleep Book, Oh the Places you’ll go, Cat in the Hat and the Cat in the Hat comes back, and a significant chunk of Where the Sidewalk Ends memorized. Apparently rhymes just stick in my head. That, and The Sleep book was like the perfect length for my son to nurse on both sides (or take a 6-8oz bottle) so I read it every.single.night for almost a year.
CPA Lady says
Oh Pooooooooookie! It’s time for bed now! Come out little Pookie, oh where can you be? Come out little Pookie, I’ll count 1, 2, 3.
I’m in.
AIMS says
Do you want the pajamas with cars or would you like the pajamas with stars?
CPA Lady says
Stars AND cars!
Anon. says
I’m so in. My husband and I can do a duet: “I wrote to the zoo to send me a pet . . . “
octagon says
Great idea!
a comb and a brush and a bowl full of mush….
ElisaR says
haha cute. Anything with wine is a good idea. I would perform “little blue truck” with “little excavator” for an encore (because my son seems to think my LBT is amazing therefore everyone else will want an encore too)
Paging Part Time Work says
There’s been a few posts asking about part-time work arrangements (I think one poster in particular). I’ve been able to negotiate one for myself in a field that’s usually pretty big on face time (finance/law/etc.) but I can’t share the details here without potentially outing myself. If you have a throwaway email address, drop it here and I’ll send you a note with how I did it.
Anon says
Where is everyone buying their large baby items now? I don’t have a buy buy baby close by and my go to was Babys R Us. Walmart? Target? Online? I’m at a loss and feel like it’s a bit ridiculous to travel over two hours to look at a crib, stroller, car seat, etc. Or do I just bite the bullet and make the trip?
Anonymous says
For us, buy buy baby was worth the 45-minute trip (they also price match). Two hours is kind of a stretch though. I also wanted to avoid Walmart. The sales associate at buy buy baby seem way more knowledgeable than people at a random retail store would be.
anon says
I would make the trip. Some of the big stuff is just best seen in person, IMO. I really liked being able to try out strollers and carseats at Babies ‘R Us. There were some I had been considering that I was able to eliminate right off the bat, once I saw them in person.
Anonymous says
Try costco too
Em says
We bought our stroller and car seat on Amazon. If I was in your situation, I would probably buy a crib from Target. The only baby item I would not buy online without seeing is a nursery chair, because you want to make sure it will be comfortable.
anne-on says
We made the trip. Check and see if there are any local furniture stores, many of them do have kids furniture (including rib sets). The one we got from Pali (convertible crib and dresser) is still in great shape 6 years later.
We also do not have a ton of big box stores near us and yup, I famously dragged my husband in the snow to go drive to a store nearly an hour a way to test a stroller (the UppaBaby) in person.
Luckily, a specialty baby store came to town about a year after we moved in and we intentionally go there for our other car seat purchases and baby gifts (despite the slightly higher costs) simply because I do not want them to go out of business!
Anon in NYC says
Personally, I think a trip to a baby store is worth it for a stroller. It really made a difference for us to push around a stroller, have a person demonstrate how it was supposed to fold, etc. I also think it’s helpful to actually lift up a car seat and feel how much it weighs. Also, if you want to buy a glider, it can be helpful to sit in a bunch of those and feel what is comfortable.
I don’t think a trip to the store is necessary for a crib.
Anon says
+1. We bought our stroller and car seat in person for exactly this reason. For the chair we sat in 100s before I found a company I liked and had good experiences with (FlexSteel) and ordered a chair that matched our preferred dimensions for width, depth, height, etc. and was a leather power rocking recliner. The crib I ordered sight unseen from Target because I knew it would be easy to return in person rather than trying to pack up and ship back if I didn’t like it – shout out to DaVinci cribs for holding up great, being reasonably priced and for the love of all that’s holy, making a crib in a medium wood tone.
ElisaR says
i agree. We made the trip to BBB 40 minutes away for the stroller. I went in CONVINCED of what i wanted and their associates are so knowledgable that I was convinced to get a different one. I bought my crib from amazon…
anon says
Target is good, but there isn’t a ton in the store.
Buy Buy Baby takes the Bed Bath and Beyond unexpired 20% off coupons so that may be worth it to you. It’s not as far away for us, but still a pain and was totally worth it for the crib, rocking chair, stroller, and carseat. Honestly though, I haven’t been there since we bought the next size up carseat when LO was about 13 months old so it’s not like you’re bound that store forever.
Boston Legal Eagle says
With our first, we bought most of the big items at Babies R Us (RIP :( ), and a few other big items like the stroller and car seat at Magic Beans (that might just be a MA store?). For #2, we went a little pricier with some new furniture from a local Pottery Barn Kids. Other smaller items were Amazon. I’d def. suggest going into a store and trying out big items like a crib, dresser, stroller and car seat in person, especially if this is your first. The sales associates at Magic Beans were really helpful and had some great tips for choosing between strollers, so a baby/kid-specific store would be my choice vs. a Target/Walmart.
anne-on says
+1 – we REALLY like Magic beans, their associates are SO helpful. Plus after we bought a car seat there they literally helped me take it out to our car and install it properly!
That, and they have weighted baby dolls so you could feel just how heavy a car seat would be with an actual child in it, which is slightly weird, but so very helpful.
Anonymous says
I’m an outlier I guess, but I’ve bought every single baby item I’ve ever purchased online. Mostly from Target (which we have nearby) but I also bought a glider from Wayfair and some furniture from Pottery Barn Kids. I researched everything meticulously, got recommendations from some close friends and was comfortable in my choices. I can see wanting to test out a glider to see if it’s comfortable, but I don’t think I would have gotten anything out of testing out a carseat, stroller or crib pre-baby because I had no clue what features to be looking for. I guess everyone is different but I got a lot more out of reading online reviews and Consumer Reports safety assesments and checking measurements to make sure it would fit in my space vs. seeing stuff in person.
Anonanonanon says
For my second, I bought everything online. And it was all different brands than my first. I checked return policies and vetted through online reviews (and this message board!) and was happy with everything I got.
Anonymous says
I bought everything online, too, from the pacifiers to the crib. Amazon delivered diapers every two weeks. I read online blogs and reviews in order to pick out what I wanted, so it made sense to buy everything online. I loved the jogging stroller I picked out based on blogs, and its not a brand you see in stores. I was really happy with most of the stuff, and the only things we didn’t like were because it just didn’t work for my baby. But I buy literally everything except food and prescriptions online (I do get some food and prescriptions online).
DLC says
Buy Buy Baby was worth it to us because the sales people’s reactions really helpful and they have those coupons. Otherwise, Amazon. Also, Craigslist and consignment (though not for car seats and cribs)
Anon says
I need some new playlists of music to focus at work. Anyone have any recommendations? Is there a way to search for ones on spotify? I have spotify and pandora but I am a tech idiot….TIA!
SG says
Spotify has one called Deep Focus that I’m loving right now
SG says
Probably should have elaborated on how to find … Browse > Genres and Moods > Focus
Or
Just search Deep Focus in the search bar.
ifiknew says
My rocking chair will not stop squeaking and it’s driving me insane. Toddler is 15 months and we’ve been using it since she was born daily, but UGHHH. Regretting my $400 purchase and wish I had spent more money, even though the chair looks and feels great.
How do I get rid of the squeaking??
Anon says
WD40 in the rocking mechanism. Seriously.
OP says
We’ve tried that and it worked briefly and then it was back, maybe we’ll try more.
Anonymous says
Try sewing machine oil instead. WD-40 isn’t a great long-lasting lubricant.
Anon says
Or try powdered graphite. A local hardware store should have it. It can be messy, but since it’s a powder it can blown in to tiny spaces that you can’t drip oil on.
Child care woes says
We’re into the second week of school, and I’m not pleased with my kid’s before/aftercare program. We’ve used it the past two years, but there is a new site supervisor that is not running a very tight ship. I also don’t love how she interacts with the parents and kids. When I picked up DS early the other day, it was pure chaos. Kids crawling on tables in the cafeteria, running in the halls — things were not under control at all. I’d never seen that before. Site supervisor also was riding DS about not doing his homework during homework time, when I’d specifically told her that we’re fine with him doing it at home. And, they messed up on delivering son’s ADHD medication to the health office, even though we’re required to drop off medications with them. School nurse called us and will now be picking him his meds herself, even though that’s not her job at all.
So I’m strongly considering a change, especially since DS really needs a structured environment to thrive. The bummer is that his program is on-site at his school, which makes life much easier for our family. I’ve heard mixed reviews about the daycares that offer after-school care, so I guess I need to consider a sitter who can pick him up from school and walk him home. The downside is that DS needs the social interaction he gets at a program and would probably be upset if we pulled him from the program. I also have concerns about a sitter being able to handle my kid and his issues. The behavioral techniques that work for most kids usually completely backfire for him, and even though he’s a great kid, I will not sugarcoat it — he can really wear out a caregiver.
What would you do? Bring up your concerns with the program, and hope it turns around soon, or cut your losses and hope you can find a sitter equipped to handle a high-energy kid with ADHD? This doesn’t even address the issue of finding a before-school sitter. Part of me wonders if I need to pitch a new work schedule so I can be home after school — but I don’t think that’s a sustainable solution.
Anonymous says
That’s so frustrating! I can see why you want to pull him. Do they have a part-time option? Like maybe two days of this each week and two days sitter? Or could have the sitter take him to an afterschool activity so he still gets interaction with other children? My sitter takes my oldest to dance, gymnastics and skating which frees up our weekends.
Anon in NYC says
Either way, I think you should mention your concerns. In terms of childcare – can you do one or the other – keep before care and drop after care?
I know that by me there are after care programs that will pick up kids from a nearby elementary school and walk them to their center. Is that something that could be an option?
How much time do you need for the before-school sitter? Is this something that can be mitigated by you or your spouse staying at home for an extra 30 minutes and having an older neighborhood kid walk your son to school?
anon says
School doesn’t start until 9 a.m.. We all leave the house by 7:15 at the latest so we can leave work by 4:30. So, keeping the before care but dropping aftercare may be an option.
All the aftercare programs that serve our elementary school are outside our neighborhood, not within walking distance.
anne-on says
Is there any way you can swing an au pair? We had a super tough time finding before school care, and to me, that and coverage for random days off/summer breaks is one of the HUGE pluses.
I’d pull him and try for interaction in more structured places where you know it would be better managed – like martial arts classes/chess club/coding camp/etc.
rakma says
I would start with bringing your concerns to the program, particularly since you had two good years with them already. They may be able to address some of your concerns (particularly the chaos aspect, which can’t be good for any of the kids) more quickly than you can find another solution.
anon says
I agree, especially since the site supervisor is new and it’s the beginning of the year. Keep exploring other options, but things may settle down relatively quickly. My son had a long-term substitute last year, and the first three weeks were a disaster, but things settled down after that – there were some extenuating circumstances (a disruptive new student started at the same time), and it took them some time to find their groove.
EB0220 says
+1 I noticed with our after-school program that it’s been a bit chaotic for the first few weeks because a lot of the regular staff members are college students and are slowly filtering back in.
However, I would be worried about the medication situation.
lawsuited says
I’d give the after-school program more time to see if things improve as the supervisor finds his/her feet. If there’s information that can help the supervisor handle your kid and his issues, then definitely share that with him/her. Given the convenience and the beneficial social interaction that the after-school program provides, it worth giving it a second chance.
At the same time, you could start putting feelers out for a sitter. If you can find a great person that’s a good match for your kid (or if you can’t) that might clarify your options.
Anonanonanon says
Will the program let you register for just the before school option? Then you can have an after-school sitter.
Does this program normally cover teacher work days/snow delays etc. for you? If so, you’ll need to think through what your plan will be for those now.
I have had mixed experiences with the programs that do before/after school care off site and bus the kids to and from school. However, now that I’ve found a good one, it is SO worth it. They don’t operate on the school schedule, so they’re a great backup for some of the weather closures etc. Also, they provide summer care, so it provides consistency to my son, which it sounds like your son might appreciate as well.
RR says
When I listed for an after school nanny/sitter, I got a ton of great options that were people who worked in schools (and thus had the afternoon after school open), including a school psychologist and an intervention specialist. That meant that my ADHD son (I get exactly what you are saying about him wearing out a lot of caregivers) has a caregiver who is FANTASTIC with him. We really lucked out, and I’ve had better experience with her than any group childcare situation. I also find he gets great social time because they get outside and play with other kids all the time, or she takes him to the pool and he makes friends, etc. etc. etc. So I wouldn’t discount the potential for success with a sitter.
Anonymous says
Any baby gate recommendations? Little one is getting pretty close to crawling so it’s time…I’d prefer something easy to install and minimally ugly.
Anon says
We love, let me not understate it, love, our dreambaby gate with auto-close and stay open feature. I think the Boston is what we have. Key features – auto closing, stay open if desired and nice wide opening – some of them are so narrow I have to go through sideways, particularly when carrying something.
We have the munchkin auto-close and after a month the auto-close works maybe 50% of the time (plus side, it now has a stay open feature when it doesn’t work?). We had some cheap regalo gate ones, but the opening was too narrow so we replaced that with the munchkin for the wider opening at the bottom of the stairs.
Ultimately though, we’ve just gated the stairs and one opening so she can’t do laps around the house. Our main approach has been containment zones with the 8-panel Northgates Superyard in ivory. If she’s outside the playard, someone is at least half-way supervising her.
Anonymous says
We have a Summer at the top of our stairs. It gets the job done. For same-level gating, the $10 cheapos from Walmart are totally sufficient.
KW says
Do I need nursing bras? I’m due with #2 next month, and #1 is in first grade, so it’s been awhile since I’ve had a newborn. I EBF last time and pumped at work and never had any nursing bras, mostly because I didn’t want to spend the money. I had one nursing tank, but otherwise, as far as I can remember, I wore cheap sports bras and either pulled the strap down (when wearing a regular tank or nightgown) or pulled the sports bra and my shirt up from the bottom to BF. For pumping at work I wore regular bras and lifted them up to pump. I recently ordered a few more nursing tanks with a built in bra, which I’m planning to wear during maternity leave. Should I also sleep in those? What’s the benefit of a nursing bra, especially when I have to wear something else nursing friendly over it?
Anonymous says
Interesting — I can’t really contemplate not having nursing bras! For me, they are definitely worth the money — I think the alternative would be much more of a pain. But, if it worked for you without them last time, maybe you don’t?
Anonymous says
I’m very prone to clogged ducts – I’m 7 months postpartum and still can’t wear an underwire bra. If I do, I immediately get a badly clogged duct. I still wear soft nursing bras to work (with a cami layered on top to prevent people from seeing too much of me). YMMV and if you’ve been down this road before you probably know what works for you. But nursing bras are an absolute essential for some of us.
Anonymous says
I’ve only had them. Nothing fancy, $14.99 at Target.
anon says
The tanks with the built it bras would not have been enough support for me. I wore nursing bras everyday, with the b**b pad things in case of leakage. Which didn’t really happen, but I was paranoid. I got a couple from that Motherhood store in the mall. They weren’t that expensive. I only had 2 so I just washed them every week.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I basically lived in my nursing bras with my first while nursing – wore them all day and slept in them because it was uncomfortable without/leaking concerns. I also stuck those n*pple cushion pads on the inside of the bra. Just the nursing cami would have been too loose and not provide enough support. I had a few so I switched them out every few days to wash. I liked that I didn’t have to completely take the bra off or pull up or down to nurse.
Anon says
I have 3 soft ones (Cake Lingerie Cotton Candy) and 1 underwire for fancy or difficult clothes that gets worn maybe 2x a month, and since I am still nursing at 12 months, that’s a lot of wear for the nursing bras. My regular bras and underwire would be far too constricting for me and would likely give me clogged ducts, and the tanks with the built-ins are essentially laughable at my 38H self. Also, for purposes of nursing on the go, pumping, etc., I felt like a nursing bra opened up a lot more non-nursing clothes for me than if I would have had to pull up the entire bra to nurse.
Anonymous says
I think you’ve proven that you don’t need them. But I think they’d make your life a lot easier.
KW says
How so? I’m not trying to be snarky; I’m genuinely interested because I feel like I’m missing something. If I’m lounging at home in a t-shirt and nursing bra, I still have to pull up the t-shirt to BF. Is it just that it’s easier to unclasp a nursing bra as opposed to pulling a regular bra up? Are they just more comfortable and/or less likely to result in clogged ducts? This seems to be something that I should understand, but for some reason I don’t. I’m willing to buy some but just wondering the logistics of it, especially when wearing with regular shirts. Thank you for all of the input.
2:53 Anon says
I might be imagining this wrong (and also not trying to be snarky), but for me pulling a bra up would have exposed all or part of both breasts. And especially in the first 10 months-ish I really, really needed nursing pads to absorb the milk that was spraying everywhere. I also wore a lot of non-nursing and non-maternity Target tank tops under open cardigans in those days and could decide whether to pull down or up when nursing. That seems difficult with a regular bra. And, honestly, this might not be “easier” but it just doesn’t seem comfortable to pull a bra all or partway up both breasts (partially because of the spraying and leaking), but also from the perspective of imagining the band would be really tight on the breasts. I wore sports bras for exercising while nursing and usually couldn’t wait for the comfort of a nursing bra. For me, too, I definitely needed bras of a different size during this time period, so I had to buy new bras anyway. Nursing bras made sense.
GCA says
For a different perspective: I’m probably a little peculiar, but having nursed 2 kids this way now, I still only use regular Coobie bralettes and pull everything up to nurse. The leaking resolves after the first few months anyway, and in the early weeks can be dealt with via a nursing pad or Haakaa pump. FWIW, however, I am roughly a 30DD/ 32D while nursing. I don’t think I even bothered with underwire bras until I weaned kid #1 and my bra size stabilized.
The only benefit of a nursing bra, for me personally, is the ability to nurse without pulling anything up & exposing tummy. They might also offer some extra support if you need it. You can use them with shirts or dresses that have nursing access (but then, you could also use a bralette the same way).
Anonymous says
The leaking doesn’t resolve for everyone just FYI. I’m 11 months and still spraying everywhere. I wear nursing pads and they get soaked.
Anonymous says
I was in the same boat.
anon says
Assuage my mom guilt, please. The children’s Christmas program at our church has spiraled out of control in recent years. It’s a full-scale musical production, not a bunch of kids singing Silent Night and O Come All Ye Faithful (which I’d vastly prefer). Think weekly Wednesday night rehearsals, from the first week in October (yes, really) through mid-December. Plus a dress rehearsal that always falls on the day of one of our major family holiday traditions. We’ve tried to make the church program work for the past two years, and all of us end up miserable because it adds too much to the plate: rehearsals, less time to complete homework, no downtime on those evenings, plus a million other requests for the parents to handle. So I told DH several months ago that we’re opting out this year, and he agreed that it’s the right call.
The youth coordinator sent the rehearsal schedule today. It’s the same setup as last year and I am trying to hold firm to our decision to opt out. However, I am feeling ALL the guilt. I have a child who actually likes music and drama, but I still feel like it’s too much for him to handle. So I feel guilty for denying him the chance to participate, and guilty for not being a “good” church parent. But I’m not crazy, right? Expecting elementary school kids to sign up for 8 weeks of rehearsals for a church program is madness, yes?
shortperson says
does your kid want to participate?
anon says
I can guess how the conversation would go. He’ll enthusiastically say yes now, then complain before every rehearsal! I sort of feel like we get to call the shots on this one.
shortperson says
can you say you’ll sign him up but you will not remind him about rehearsals or bring him if he’s whining? put the onus/planning on him? and tell him he needs to do his share on the extra requests?
octagon says
What does your kid want to do?
I definitely agree with you that it sounds like you’ve tried it in the past and it just doesn’t work for you. I mean, on balance, it’s not a huge commitment (10 rehearsals plus a dress rehearsal plus performance?) but it negatively impacted your life to the point where you already decided it wouldn’t be a good idea this year. I’d say skip this year and if your kid pushes back, say you can reconsider next year.
I also would say something to the coordinator about the time commitment and how you feel that it’s just too much for your family. For all you know, you are not the only one feeling this pressure.
lawsuited says
8 weeks of rehearsal for a kids’ musical isn’t crazy, but the decision is whether your kid wants to be in a musical rather than do other Christmas traditions. If you’re worried that you might be depriving your kid of an activity they enjoy, could you ask what he/she would prefer? If your kid is excited about being in a musical, the rehearsal schedule may be easier for you and your husband to take.
Anonymous says
I think it’s totally ok to take the year off, and maybe if your kid is disappointed look for a musical/drama activity at another point in the year (summer camp?)
I might also email the youth coordinator and tell them why you’re taking the year off, I doubt you’re the only one who finds that schedule stressful.
Anonymous says
I don’t think 8 weeks of rehearsal for a kids event is unusual. I was a figure skater growing up and we had a big spring ice show that had once or twice weekly rehearsals for a couple months (in addition to our regular practices with our individual coaches). There were preschoolers who participated in this event and followed the same rehearsal schedule. I had friends that did ballet and they had a similar rehearsal schedule for the annual recital, probably even a more intense schedule for the Nutcracker. But if it doesn’t work for your family, definitely don’t do it.
anon says
But that kind of proves my point. For an activity like ice skating or ballet, I would absolutely expect 8 weeks of rehearsals for a performance. For a Sunday School activity, it’s excessive.
Anonymous says
I don’t think this sounds like a crazy or unreasonable schedule at all. If it doesn’t work for your family absolutely say no but don’t deal with your guilt by demonizing it.
Anonymous says
Talk to me about ADD/ADHD. We’re only 3 weeks into kindergarten, but we’ve already had several calls home about my LOs inability sit still, fidgeting, listening to instructions, and acting out. These were all problems we’d had in pre-K, but they’d been addressed and I thought we were making progress. Now with a new school year and the inability to blame it on being “too advanced educationally” for her class, we’re faced with the fact that there may be something really wrong here. What to do here? Advice? Commiseration? Words of wisdom? My mama heart is hurting.
anon says
First of all, I’m so sorry you’re hurting. It is really hard to watch your child struggle with basic classroom expectations that come easily to most kids.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD at the end of second grade. By far, my biggest regret is not seeking an evaluation sooner when I first suspected something was wrong (i.e., kindergarten). When we were going through the evaluation process, I felt so angry that nobody had raised the possibility of ADHD. In hindsight, I can see that the teachers were speaking in code all along. I think in some districts, teachers are actively discouraged from mentioning behavioral/emotional delays, for fear that somebody will take it as a diagnosis.
If you suspect something is up, talk to your pediatrician ASAP. They should do an initial screen of symptoms, and if there are enough red flags, as to be referred to a behavioral psychologist for a full evaluation, which is more intensive than the pediatrician’s screening.
Believe me, making that first phone call was HARD. I cried during that initial appointment with the pediatrician. But life has actually gotten better since the diagnosis because we finally know what’s going on and have more tools to help DS, both at home and at school. Therapy has been good for all of us.
I wish we’d done it sooner, because some damage has been done with DS and his relationships with peers. Even at his young age, he’s having to rebuild a reputation, and that’s much easier said than done.
You can do this. Your kiddo is still amazing, and if it really is ADHD, that’s one part of who your LO is, not the total picture.
RR says
Talk to your pediatrician. There’s a pretty simple evaluation to get you started. ADHD is not a bad thing. I will speak from sort of a different experience. My son has ADHD, but he wasn’t diagnosed until he was 10. He’s also gifted, and that was both blamed for his issues (gifted children can be intense and have negative behaviors related to their giftedness) and masked his issues (because he didn’t exhibit issues with keeping up or understanding the material, which tend to be an early sign). We spent years having him evaluated for other things, talking to psychologists, meeting with the school and his teachers, and generally doing everything we could to fix something that we couldn’t identify. Finally, we evaluated him for ADHD, which everyone had excluded in the past, and it was so clear that was what he had. Now we have a plan and tools to help him, and he’s doing so much better. So, my perspective is that knowing what is going on makes it easier to help your kiddo. It makes it easier for the school and teachers to help your kiddo. I was happy when my son got diagnosed, because finally, finally, finally someone could answer what was going on and we could do something to help. He was happy, because we can give him tools to help him. It’s not been a bad thing at all. And it doesn’t make him any less brilliant, creative, kind, or funny. Being able to help him makes those things shine more.
So for us, I get that there were reasons we all thought it wasn’t ADHD, but I wish so so so so so much that I had known in kindergarten and been able to help him. It would have avoided a lot of difficulty for him, for us, for everyone.
Anon says
How do all of you people function in your high powered jobs with such little sleep?!?! I’m recently back to work after having twins and I’m lucky to be in a fairly low stress environment, but feel like I can barely keep it together. I feel like I can barely form coherent sentences. It’s a good thing I live in a city where I commute using public transit because I think I’d crash a car if I had to drive. I have no interest in staying home with my kids – I honestly did not enjoy maternity leave and it does feel good to get out of the house, but I am just SO tired. And when I am sleep deprived I turn into a basket case and really would prefer not to become a work crier…
Anon says
I ask myself this question every day, as my LO is 12 months old and I can count on one hand the number of times she has slept through the night despite our best efforts and trying every method we can think of – she’s just not ready to sleep (although we’ve been down to a consistent 0-1 wakeup until this last round of teething hit, so maybe soon?). Somehow, I just make it work and I keep getting accolades so I feel like I must be doing something right even if it feels like everything is so hard and my brain works so slowly. Also, my “sleeping time” is longer now than it was pre-baby because I am awake for hours in the middle. E.g., now I “sleep” from 11ish to 9ish and don’t come in until 10:30 but in reality that looks like a 3 hour chunk here and a 4 hour chunk there, vs. where I used to sleep straight through from midnight to 7 and be in the office around 9:30.
Anon at 2:01 says
More practically – see, sleep deprivation makes you forget the stuff that actually makes life run – We do grocery delivery every weekend (peapod), we have a housekeeper come 2x a month (we had her 1x a month pre-baby), I do not shop in stores – everything is online, my house is a disaster (except 2.5 days a month), and we eat a lot more takeout and frozen food (stouffers, pot pies, pizza, etc.) than we did pre-baby. Also, anything even remotely important goes in a calendar appointment or on a post-it. My short-term memory is gone, so if it doesn’t get written down, it is in one ear and out the other. I am actually not throwing caffeine at the problem because it exacerbates my child’s lack of sleep (still BFing, she seems to be extraordinarily sensitive and was in utero as well which lead to my no-caffeine so no erratic fetal heartbeats pregnancy) and because I know we want to try for #2 in a few months and I don’t want to have to wean myself back off.
Anonanonanon says
Coffee, Coffee, Coffee. Letting a lot of non-work stuff slide. Throwing money at things just to stay afloat (paying someone else to do grocery shopping, amazon prime for basically everything, etc.). I do a clothing rental service right now, which cuts down on laundry too since at least half of the stuff I wear a week I just throw in an envelope and mail back. Sometimes something fits my post-partum body well and I keep it (that’s an option with the service) and it has saved me time on shopping.
If this is an option with your job, schedule morning or afternoon off-site meetings that allow you to leave your house a bit later or get home a bit earlier than normal ;)
Pay a sitter to come play with them for a few hours every Saturday while you nap.
I have eyelash extensions (the maintenance is a 1hr appointment every 3 weeks) and am going to get my eyebrows microbladed to save on makeup application time.
We have some close friends with twins and an older child, and I really like their philosophy, which is that they are OK throwing money at convenience until everyone in their home is 4 or older. They just want to survive until then. They have a meal delivery service that brings a week of meals they just have to microwave, house cleaners, etc.
Hang in there.
Anonanonanon says
OH! and checklists at work!
Every time I’m in a meeting I write down the random “I should check into X” thoughts I have, I write down anything I say I’ll send to someone or follow up on (and put a check box to it so I know it’s an action item). At the end of a meeting I try to repeat what I’m going to deliver as follow-up so I know I’m not missing something huge. I put EVERYTHING on my work calendar. (For example, if I need to take a bunch of files to an off-site meeting the next morning, I put “ASSEMBLE FILES AND PUT THEM IN YOUR CAR” on my calendar so I don’t end up without them the next day). I have a power cord for home, a power cord for work, and a power cord for my bag for all of my electronics, including my laptop. When I’m sleep-deprived those are the things I tend to mess up.
Anonymous says
I’m in a low stress, 40 hour job with flexible hours (ie if my kid is up in the night I can sleep til 9 am and go in at 10) and my kid has mostly been sleeping through the night since I went back to work, but it’s still so hard. It’s unfathomable to me how people do Big Law and other big jobs with small children. My daughter goes to bed every night around 8:30 and I collapse into bed myself before 9.
But twins is a whole ‘nother level. You’re doing great!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree with checklists, checklists, checklists. And outsource anything you can afford to. We’re about to have #2 soon and I see more meal delivery and ready-made-meals in our future and possibly a laundry service, on top of our every other week housecleaner. Also agree with regular sitters on the weekends if local family is not an option.
For the day to day sleeplessness, can you trade off nights with your partner? I don’t have twins so it’s entirely possible that you both are up anyway every night, but if there is a way to trade off, or at least take shifts, that may help a little. Also, if your office has a pump room, try to close your eyes there. Not super relaxing when you’ve got a pump strapped to you but it’s something.
Hang in there! Twins and back to work is A LOT. I think normal people at your work will understand if you are not 100% right now.
ElisaR says
yesterday i got into somebody elses car. that’s how tired i was. it was parked in front of mine (same color, make/model) and it wasn’t locked. it wasn’t until i thought it smelled funny did i notice i was in the wrong car…… yeah so i wouldn’t say i’m functioning WELL. just functioning.
OP says
OP here. It’s not so much that I’m having trouble remembering to do things at work, it’s more like I cannot think straight. We are already paying for me to go to work, because my salary is so low and childcare is so expensive, so it is hard for me to justify spending more on childcare and outsourcing stuff. DH has been amazing since having the kids. He is very hands on. I literally did not change a diaper for the first month. I was able to return to work in a part time capacity, which I am EXTREMELY grateful for, but since his work day is so much longer than mine, I feel badly having him take on too many nights during the week because his job requires more focus. All I want to do is crawl into bed, cry for a couple of hours and then sleep for a month…
Anonymous says
It will get better. Also, you’ll get used to it. It’s hard at first but does become a new normal for a while. Pay attention to when you’re most alert or productive and try to align your difficult tasks with those times. I always felt like a break away from the office helped, too. A quick Target run at lunch for a break. Everything is a phase. Pretty soon you’ll be out of this phase and into something new. Every new mom wonders how she’ll get through it, and then before you know it, you’re there. It’ll be okay, and you can do it!!
RR says
I’m not sure how I didn’t commit malpractice the year I had my twins. That part gets a lot better. You just do the best you can and accept all help offered.