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Happy Monday, ladies! Today I’m liking this sleek maternity dress — it could easily take you from desk to dinner, and the draped front detail makes it both bump flattering and comfortable. It’s available in sizes S-XL from Macys for $39.98. Motherhood Maternity Draped Sheath Dress
Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Anonymous says
Any suggestions for pants for a tall boy? My standby is usually Carters/Osh Kosh. He has been wearing their shorts in size 4T all summer, but 4T will be way to short for pants, and I’m afraid 5T will be too wide in the waist. Now that it is finally fall, I realize he has no pants that fit him, poor kid.
I know this has been asked here a number of times, but I can’t figure out how to search for it…
mascot says
Try a regular size 5 with an adjustable waist. Gap offers a 5 slim in several pants if the regular pants are too big in the legs/rear. Lands End pants work well on slender boys too, but if he’s really leggy, you may have to try a few sizes for length.
Anonymous says
Old Navy has a slim line for boys. Avoid Carters – their fit is definitely short and wide.
JayJay says
Old Navy also has the adjustable waist on the inside of their khaki shorts and pants. We use those for uniforms every day for my skinny and tall guys.
Betty says
Carter’s now has an actual drawstring in their pants. My oldest is very skinny and the pants work for him. He loves their fleece cargo pants.
JTX says
I have the same issue with my 3-year-old. I recently purchased a ton of pants from Gap and Old Navy, and the ones with the smallest waist/slimmest fit were the 1969 supersoft denim joggers (#1985320023000) from Gap, the 1969 high stretch slim jeans (#2308600023000) from Gap, and the Fleece Cargo-Pocket Joggers (#2751020023000) from Old Navy.
hoola hoopa says
Lands End is a great choice for my slim daughter. Their cut is just slim (their “slims” don’t start until size 7), plus the adjustable waist. Not sure if their boy stuff is also cut slim, but definitely worth trying.
Ditto to stop shopping in toddlers. Go to kids, which will have longer legs for the same waist size.
InterviewHelpNeeded says
Interviewing for my first post-baby job in a few weeks and trying to get an idea of how to handle any “leading” interview questions about what I like to do outside work and what my local ties are. I don’t want to bring up that I have a baby if I don’t have to, but it feels disingenuous to be overly obfuscative about it. Also, I want to make sure this is a good fit and need to ensure that the hours are reasonable because I want to be “home for dinner” and all that. Do any of you have a good way to ask if the job is really a 9-5/weekday-only kind of gig without sounding lazy? I’m incredibly productive and happy to sign on after bedtime but leaving late just isn’t in the cards for me these days.
Anonymous says
Ask them to tell you what a typical day looks like.
Ask them what their tech set up is for working from home if you need to log on in the evenings (can you get an Ipad or only laptop etc).
For what you like to do outside work – say you enjoy spending time with your family and running/hiking/painting/whatever. “I enjoy spending time with my family and hiking. We did the XYZ trail last weekend which is our favorite/first time we did it. I got into hiking when I was in law school/my parents were big hikers and start us into it young.” Basically acknowledge spending time with your family – reference another activity – add sentence about that activity.
Anonymous says
I would not mention your family in the interview. In response to questions about local ties, I would say something like “I have been living here for XX years and just love it here,” or “I went to school in this city and liked it so much I decided to stay.” Regarding hobbies, think like someone without kids and give an answer that reflects on personal qualities the employer will see as strengths–e.g., “I like to run marathons” (shows you are tough and goal-oriented), “I like hiking” (you are energetic), “I love gourmet cooking and recently learned how to make XYZ dish” (you are sophisticated), “I enjoy pottery” (you are creative).
Anon at 9:08 says
But do you really want to work somewhere that you can’t even mention in passing that you have a family? Obviously you don’t want to spend your whole interview chatting about it, but to not even include a vague reference to family?
I get it if OP was desperate for a job, but she said “want to make sure this is a good fit” so I don’t think it’s a ‘get this job or risk losing their house’ kind of thing.
AnonMN says
I tend to agree with Anon at 9:08, but I think this is very industry/job specific. I have always mentioned that I have a family in interviews for the reason mentioned above: I don’t want to work somewhere where they do not support families/having a family.
TBK says
Yeah, I’ve never obscured the fact that I’m married or that I have kids. I don’t lead with it, but if it naturally comes up I don’t hide it. I’m a human being. Human beings overwhelmingly pair off with another human and overwhelmingly produce offspring.
Betty says
I agree with asking about a typical workday during the interview process. I have also saved my lifestyle type questions for after I receive an offer. After you have the offer, I have been very straight forward and asked, “What are the typical hours? I need to make sure I have adequate childcare.” If you can find a fellow working mom, ask her about her childcare set-up and why her family selected that set-up. I have found those answers to be rather telling.
New Job says
I agree with saving lifestyle/work from home questions until later in the process. I also just found two new blogs that I love for interviewing/HR topics: Ask A Manager and Evil HR Lady
I just went through the interview process and have found that jobs with good work/life balance will brag about it during the interview process, so I haven’t had to bring it up. I just left a big 3 consulting firm for corporate life and most of the companies I interviewed with were excited to brag about work/life balance and could relate to why I was leaving my old company for better balance/less travel. I initially tried to downplay that, but for them it was a good thing – they weren’t worried that the reasons I left my old job were something that would be an issue at the new job (underperformance at an old job vs. having a 15 month old and wanting a better lifestyle). That might not resonate in your situation, but I was pleasantly surprised in multiple interviews!
Finally, I’d be really open about having a kid – you’ll be interviewing with senior folks who all have kids. Also, I could see them thinking that interviewing a candidate who has a kid is less risky than interviewing someone who doesn’t have kids but will likely have them in the next few years. They will know that you aren’t going to opt out of the workforce after kids. You have a child and still want to work. (i know that’s a sad statement, but at my old firm that was the big concern – such a small % of women stayed with it after babies because of the demands of the job)
Anon says
A few years ago I worked at a law firm and it was terrible and I was adamant that I wanted a job with regular hours so when I was interviewing I straight up asked what the typical hours were during the interview (this was before I had a kid). I wasn’t willing to work crazy hours and didn’t see a point in acting like I was, since I wasn’t interested in any jobs that would require it. I interviewed for one in-house position that responded that the hours would be similar to a law firm (they needed attorneys on-call 24/7 who could work long hours), so they didn’t offer me the job and I would not have taken it if they had. My current position is 8-5. This was discussed in the interview and they still hired me, so I assume they didn’t think I would be a lazy worker.
Double trouble says
I’m going back to work next week after a too-short maternity leave, and I am nervous about my morning routine. My 3 month old and 25 month old will need to be dropped off at day care by yours truly most mornings, and I need to be out of the house by 6:45 so I have time to get them to daycare and settled in (may need to nurse baby) before heading to work. My 2 year old presently attends that daycare, but his father has been taking him while I stay at home with the baby. Any tips on how we can get out the door in the morning?
AnonMN says
Get as much done the night before as possible. Bottles ready and in a transporting container, everything that doesn’t need to be refridgerated into the car (work bag, pump stuff, etc.). I only have to do drop off one week every quarter when my husband is traveling, but this is what works for me: wake up before everyone and get ready (shower the night before so I only have to straigten my hair), wake up baby get him ready/fed, get quick toddler breakfast ready (lara bar and milk at our house), get toddler up and dressed before actually awake (this works well for my 2 year older, who is cranky but compliant upon wake-up) hand toddler bar and milk and shuffle everyone to car. I put a list by the door of things that aren’t already in the car (bottles, coffee, etc).
It’s going to be hard while baby is 3-6 months if he/she is not okay with being put down (perhaps baby wearing would help?) but now that my youngest is 7 months it was way easier because he is happy to be plopped anywhere.
mascot says
Automate/prep the night before for the things that you can control- outfits laid out, bags/lunches packed.
You can’t control everyone’s moods and potty needs so be flexible for that. My kid was the champion of having to potty right as we were trying to get out the door. Can the older child eat breakfast at daycare?
Anonymous says
Can Dad take the 2 year old for a week or two while you get adjusted to being back to work? It would be a huge help if you could get into the routine of getting yourself ready and dropping off 3 month old before you have to add toddler into the mix. If you had another week of leave, Dad would still be doing drop offs.
Get as much as possible ready the night before. Dress two year old while sleepy and don’t be afraid to park them in a pack and play for 15 minutes with Daniel Tiger and a bottle/sippy of milk so you can run around and finish getting things ready to get out the door.
If you’re into smoothies, I find my toddler actually loves smoothies from a straw cup so that’s another way to feed toddler in the morning.
Double trouble says
I think our plan is to have dad continue to handle drop offs for the toddler while baby and I get adjusted to the infant room. Thanks all!
anon says
I have a friend who champions young kids sleeping in their clothes to expedite the morning process. Might be worth a try?
Anonymous says
+1. I do this with my 2-year-old and it saves so much time in the morning. I also frequently don’t change her out of her night diaper (wet only) before taking her to daycare because it is just such a fight.
pjs says
Or take them to daycare in their pjs. 100% have done this with our 10 month old.
GCA says
I’ve always wondered how people do this, because, even bib and all, my toddler still manages to wear a small portion of his breakfast most days. Which means I can’t get dressed until he is done eating unless I want to wear his breakfast too!
Anonymous says
Ikea bib with long sleeves solves this for us.
Anons says
Bumkins makes something similar. It looks like a Hazmat suit, but keeps the baby clean unless the baby eats something like oatmeal and decides to fling it everywhere.
Meg Murry says
We’ve been able to do this because daycare serves breakfast, so the kids only had a sippy of milk or a snack like raisins or dry cereal for breakfast, we didn’t need to feed them a real meal before we took them to daycare. We also allowed 1 PBS show (on TiVo or streaming, so it stopped when that show was over) while eating the breakfast/morning milk or snack, which buys enough time for the adult to get ready, and serves as a good bribe – “once you get up and get dressed you can go have your morning milk and watch Curious George!”
For the OP – does daycare serve breakfast? If so, figure out the easiest non-messy thing you can give the 2 year old in the morning and don’t worry about a real breakfast.
Are you driving? I managed to make early drop offs work by doing a lot of the getting ready in my car or in my office. I put on makeup that gets my hands dirty like foundation/tinted moisturizer at home (or in the office bathroom if I really want to wear it but am running late, or I skip it), but mascara, lip gloss, etc is usually applied in the car, and I typically eat my own breakfast in the car or in the office – oatmeal at my desk from a mug is easy to do, or PB&J, etc.
How far is daycare from your house, and what time was dad taking the oldest? Would it be crazy out of your way to have both of you go for drop-off for the first week or two? Can dad help with the morning routine? I also agree that if it isn’t too far out of the way, dividing and conquering – you taking the baby, dad taking the oldest, even if it’s to the same daycare – isn’t the worst plan, that’s what we did for a little while when I needed to nurse and leave drop off the baby before my oldest was usually out of bed.
Double trouble says
My plan is to walk kiddos to daycare and then take public transit to work, but I think I’ll focus on getting baby to daycare and have dad worry about toddler for the time being. Yes, toddler can eat breakfast at daycare, which saves us from having to feed him before we rush out of the house. Dad is definitely going to need to do some heavy lifting. I’m just worried about the early wake-up for me. I’ve gotten used to going back to bed after baby feeds around 4 or 5. Now it might make more sense for me to stay up as it takes me forever to fall back asleep.
It’s only temporary, right?
Anonymous says
It’s only temporary.
Instead of thinking about it was ‘taking forever to fall asleep’ I’d embrace the being in bed and awake. Like get up when you need to at 5:30/6 but if you feed at 4am and can’t get back to sleep, instead of lying in bed awake being frustrated that you can’t sleep – try to think of it was a peaceful time where you are not responsible for anyone else (moms have way too few of those). It won’t get you more sleep but starting off the day in a relaxed state of mind vs stressed/annoyed that you couldn’t fall back asleep might be a more pleasant start to your day.
Anon for this says
Augh, yet another morning of stupid drama with DH. I am starting to genuinely wonder if the relationship is worth trying to save, or continue to tolerate. Today for the first time I had the thought “I don’t have to stay married if I don’t want to, even if DH wants to.” I grew up in a very traditional family, so the idea of divorce post-kids has always been like “only if he hits you.” But I am so, so tired of walking on eggshells and agreeing to things I don’t agree with just to keep the peace with my spouse. He can be very derisive of me and my opinions/habits/mistakes, and I’m just so tired of falling on my sword all the time about everything I do wrong while simultaneously feeling that I’m not allowed to say anything my DH does or doesn’t do that makes me angry/irritated/upset. Anyone else deal with a spouse who can dish it out but can’t take it? I’m not there yet, but it would be so helpful to hear from other women– when do you hunker down and work on things? What were your deal-breakers? When did you cross from “try to fix it” to “try to get out as whole as you can?”
anon says
What have you done to try to fix it?
Anon for this says
Working on liking myself and meeting my own needs, working on communicating better, only using “I” statements, never talking in absolutes, swallowing a ton of crap that upsets me but didn’t seem worth bringing up, arranging for my SAHD spouse to have childcare at least two days a week, sleeping under 5 hours a night so that I can do housework at night and on weekends, taking the kid so he also gets at least one weekend morning or afternoon to himself, basically always putting myself last no matter what, unless it’s for work, which is our sole income. Walking away instead of getting upset. Lately the only thing that works with not responding to barbs/condescension/being called an idiot is pretending my spouse is a sullen teenager in my charge, because then I can just roll my eyes, stay calm, and get whatever needs to get done done.
Anon says
Yes, I have been there, and I want to share what I/we went through on the off chance that it may be applicable to you. Pre-kids, DH and I were best of friends, rarely fought and thought we were so very lucky to have each other. (In hindsight, the years in biglaw pre-kids did our relationship no favors.) Then, after we had our first child, everything changed. I felt like I was walking on eggshells with DH. He was critical of me and the world. He would bite at the littlest of things. I got to a place where I felt like I was swallowing my tears, and the wonderful marriage that we had had was gone. What I did not realize at the time was that having our child triggered major depressive disorder in my husband. His mother was depressed most of his childhood and she has borderline personality disorder, his father was what I will call “middle class abusive” (hit him on the head whenever my husband upset his mother), and my husband simply could not process having a child and the unconditional love that I showered on our child. It took three years for him to receive his diagnosis and begin the very long journey (with many set-backs) to wellness.
I have no way of knowing what is going on in your relationship. But I do know that while women becoming depressed after children is becoming more widely discussed, the counterpart — depression in fathers — is not discussed but is also common. I truly wish that I had insisted we get help sooner because then my husband’s depression would have been found and treated sooner. It would have saved so much heartache.
To answer your specific questions: It helps to frame your marriage as a choice that you get to make every day rather than a sentence to be endured. If I were in your shoes, I would ask for marital counseling. Start there. If he will not go with you, go by yourself. And take care of yourself. Carve out time (even short minutes a day) for what brings you joy. For me, it is running.
Anon for this says
I am crying at my desk because this is exactly, exactly what is going on. I had bad PPD, and it’s easy to see the same behaviors and patterns of thinking on my DH, who I really do love ferociously, despite being frustrated and self-protective and at the end of my rope. Please tell me any wisdom you have to share, and thank you so, so much for responding. You’re describing how I feel exactly. I will do anything to help him get mental healthcare– because of some issues from his childcare (abusive parent who abused psych meds and treatment on and off for years) he is very averse to getting counseling or meds. What worked for you? How did you insist?
The choice thing is really key, I think, and I will try to do that. Depression sucks. I’m tolerating a lot of emotionally abusive behavior that I would not otherwise swallow, much as DH did when I was in the throes of PPD. Thank you again for sharing– I can’t tell you how much less alone I feel now. I think part of this is that when you’re a woman, and the breadwinner, this stuff brings up some extra emotional buttons– like “you are being taken advantage of! don’t let any man treat you this way!’ that I don’t think would be there if our genders were switched and I was a SAHM.
NewMomAnon says
Sooo….I dealt with something similar and ended up divorced. I tried really hard to force my ex to seek help, and thought it was *my* failure when he didn’t seek it or lied his way through counseling. It wasn’t my fault. Never forget that you have no control over this man; you can only control yourself. You can try to stage an intervention, but it may not work, and that is his choice.
Also consider whether you want your kids to view this as a “normal” relationship. Know that your daughter(s) will expect nothing more and nothing less of their future spouses than they see your husband giving you. If that is intolerable for you, it’s OK to ask for a separation so they can see mom kicking a** and taking names. You don’t have to jump straight to a divorce.
Anon says
I agree with NewMomAnon. You cannot force him to go, and only he can make the changes that may be required to get a handle on his depression (if that is what is going on). If he is depressed, it is not your fault and you cannot make his depression better or worse. From my end: it has been a very rocky few years. Right now (no telling what tomorrow will bring), we are in a really good place. My husband’s depression is finally being well treated. I am in therapy because I need the support to process the last few years and to understand how to forgive and move on.
In terms of approaching your husband, I would suggest talking with him while you are outside on a walk. I know that seems random, but moving plus outdoors plus not direct eye contact always seemed to help deliver these messages to my husband. Do you think he would talk to his GP? Or go to couples counseling to support your marriage? Depression is a jerk who lies and tells you that things will not get better. Assure him that he and your marriage can get better, but steps need to be taken to get there. Ask him if he would go if you made the appointment (GP, couples, individual). And then reward him like crazy for any forward step he makes toward going.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. As my priest told me three years ago, “this is not the hardest walk to walk, but I would not wish it on anyone.” You are not alone. I fear that this situation is surprisingly common, but it is not discussed. And for a female breadwinner, it is so easy for others to point the finger at you (hi to my in-laws!) or to think that you can figure this out or to try and make yourself smaller and loose yourself in this process.
Anon says
“you are being taken advantage of! don’t let any man treat you this way” Yes. This so depends on where you’re coming from. But I grew up with a single mom who was really, really resentful of pretty much all men always. To be fair, my grandfather was not the best father, especially for her. And my dad was the opposite of my grandfather in all the worst ways, which is part of why they wound up divorced. For me, I felt similarly to you — walking on eggshells, always afraid of saying the wrong thing, feeling like he could have any bad feelings he wanted but I wasn’t allowed to ever be upset. But it was only recently that I realized that I was also escalating everything way, way, way out of whack. I basically took any of my husband’s bad moods to be “you can’t treat me like this! I’m being taken advantage of!” when really my husband was just in a cr@ppy mood and if I left him alone for an hour, he’d be fine. Instead, I’d grill him to find out what was wrong, then be offended that he’d been angry about that, tell him it was totally unfair to be angry about that, and become furious that he’d been mad about that in the first place. Were his bad moods always fair? No. But he’d usually try to hide himself away while he was feeling them and if he was allowed to hide away, he’d come back realizing he was being a bear. If I poked him and insisted he have it out, he’d just get angrier. Then he’d feel like I was constantly disappointed in him (I was) and I’d feel like it was all about his bad feelings all the time. He also suffers from depression and anxiety, which makes him more irritable when it’s flaring up. He does see a doctor and he is on meds, but he also has to sort of manage it consciously, too, and sometimes it tells him things that make him upset and makes him view the world a certain way, which isn’t really accurate. Since he’s readjusted his meds and been more conscious about interpreting things (to not always assume the worst) and since I’ve acknowledged his bad moods and let him just sort of get over them on his own, our marriage has gotten so much better. So, so much better. Good luck!
Thank you says
OP here. Just wanted to thank you for this– it’s been so, so helpful.
Anonymous says
Super late in the day but adding that my marriage went through a rough patch. I sat down and started planning finances and custody arrangements to leave. We had been doing couples counselling on and off for about 4 years. Made a last ditch attempt to improve things by trying a new counselor and it made a HUGE difference. New counselor was trained and practiced exclusively as a couples counseling and used Gottman Institute (certification? methods? however you call it). We have made more progress in the last four months than the last 4 years.
It sounds like your DH has depression issues in addition but it doesn’t sound like he’d be open to counseling if it’s about ‘fixing him’. To start counseling, I would try talking to him about wanting you to be ‘happy’ as a couple again – to not just survive being married but being happy in your marriage. Gottman Institute has a website where you can look up counselors in your area (not affiliated with them in any way)
Carine says
This is probably totally obvious and not news to anyone, but I had a lightbulb/duh moment in using my crockpot last week. I have never really understood why it’s supposed to be a working mom’s best friend and yada yada, because it seemed like the majority of recipes are warm, mushy one-pot meals that aren’t all that appealing on a regular basis, or if I do try to cook something interesting in it, I spend as long prepping as I might spend hands-on cooking just about anything else. So, my epiphany: I put in just chicken breasts with a little bit of broth so that the meat would be prepared and easily shredded for use in a recipe. A-ha! I was able to come home and make a dinner that seemed fresh (not like it sat on the counter all day), but with a significant headstart from the use of the crockpot. I don’t know why I never thought to do that before–use it as a tool to prep only a component of the meal that typically takes a while to cook, e.g., the protein–but now I think I understand the hype. I just thought I’d share in case anyone else is late to the party, or if there are other suggestions for using the crockpot creatively. Happy Monday!
CPA Lady says
Something I discovered recently that was what felt like a genius moment was using the kitchenaid mixer with paddle attachment to shred hot chicken. Throw it all in there, turn on the mixer for about 10-15 seconds, and it’s done. I don’t know what possessed me to try it, but it revolutionized my chicken life.
Carine says
Yes! This is an awesome tip. I can’t stand shredding chicken by hand.
NewMomAnon says
I used to do this all the time! I should start again. You can do it with other cuts of meat too – pork, turkey, beef.
MDMom says
Ah yes, I hate “quick weeknight recipes” where one ingredient is cooked shredded chicken. You can also roast a whole chicken in the crockpot and it’s fantastic- better than any I’ve ever roasted in the oven. I use the recipe from 100 days of real food.
Carine says
I’ll have to check that out. Thanks!
Anonymous says
I do this with chicken thighs. I find they stay moist in the crockpot better than chicken breasts, and they can be shredded with a spoon in no time.
Butter says
This is an awesome tip. In post-baby life I feel like I need to relearn basic cooking – gone are the days of leisurely lengthy recipes, using esoteric ingredients, etc. Now I just need food, quickly, but it seems like I’ve forgotten everything basic. If anyone has more to share I’d love to hear them!
Momata says
This. I’m an excellent cook. But only if I have an hour or more. Kat – please do a thread on 30 min or less meals that kids like!
Anon in mpls says
+1
Meg Murry says
Yes, I also have found that in general I don’t like the crock pot to create a whole one-pot meal, but that it does work better just to prepare a component of the meal. I also use it just to make chicken breasts or thighs (either in broth or in salsa or enchilada sauce) and then shred that chicken and use it as a meal component. I’ve had a couple of stews or chili recipes turn out ok in the crock pot, but nothing else that has been so very great without a lot of other steps like pre-browning the meat, etc.
I also can’t get it together enough to use the crock pot in the morning, so instead I tend to use it on the weekends to make components like shredded chicken, which I then freeze in smaller portions and can pull out to make quick burritos or add to salads, etc.
Serious eats did an article at one point that I can’t find now comparing slow cooker to pressure cooker to stovetop or in-oven cooking, and the slow cooker didn’t win the taste test for any of the recipes – basically, it was “fine” at best for a lot of them, but nothing they cooked was improved by using the slow cooker, other than the convenience factor.
NewMomAnon says
So update on the sleep situation – on Friday, kiddo’s daycare teacher casually mentioned that kiddo hasn’t been napping during “nap time” as school, even though they’ve been logging it as a nap every day. Grr…..
Which made a lot more sense. I thought kiddo was getting 12-13 hours of sleep each day, but she was actually getting 10.5-11 (not enough). So this weekend I moved bedtime an hour and a half earlier. Voila – 5 minute bedtime and she slept until 8 am. BUT there were still a lot of late night wakings. I’m hoping this resolves as the sleep gap diminishes?
Anyway, cross your fingers because this is life changing. I might actually be able to get back into a TV show or two after bedtime….or pay my bills on my time…or something else amazing.
Anonymous says
That’s great! For wakings, is it a continuous problem or recent? When my toddlers were cutting teeth, they were often wakeful at night. During the day they were so busy that the pain didn’t bother them but at night it was just enough to wake them up between sleep cycles. Advil at bedtime for a couple days usually took the edge off.
NewMomAnon says
Night wakings have been going on since the preschool transition about a month and a half ago….I’ve asked if her teeth hurt or “tickle” and she says no.
Anonymous says
Is she waking up and calling out or dreaming? Now that toddler #2 has started talking in the daytime I find he talks in his dreams as well. I usually wait for him to stand up and call out for me before going in.
I know a lot of people say don’t do a bottle at night but I’ve done that during times when I suspected toddler wasn’t eating much at daycare in the daytime (when sick or teacher transition etc) and was genuinely hungry at night.
NewMomAnon says
She stands and shouts, “MAMA!!! Covers!!! Covers!!” until I come and tuck her in again. If I don’t move fast enough, she devolves into full-on wailing, complete with snot running down her chin and hiccups. Gotta hand it to her – the girl knows what she wants.
Sarabeth says
ARGH! I had the same experience when my child transitioned classrooms. I was getting reports that she napped every day…but one day I had to pick her up during naptime, and she was not sleeping. I asked if she had slept at all, they said no. I asked if she usually napped, they said, “Well, yes, but she doesn’t usually go to sleep.” To me, napping means actually sleeping, but apparently that’s not as universal as I assumed!
NewMomAnon says
Our daycare has an app, and I think they just post the same activities to every kid’s log even if the kid doesn’t participate? So all the kids’ logs say they took a 1.5 hour nap, even though only some of them napped. I wondered, because I picked my kiddo up once during “nap time” and it looked more like “chaos” than “nap time” to me. Kiddo is so easily distracted from sleep that I didn’t see how she’d ever sleep in that environment.
It was freeing on my end though – I had been trying to keep the “daycare schedule” on weekends, and nap time was my downfall. Once I realized that she wasn’t taking a nap at school, I turned that into “lights out quiet reading” time on Saturday. It was glorious. I actually read 40 pages of my own novel while kiddo quietly read her own books. She even asked to do it again on Sunday!
Closet Redux says
How old is your kid? Mine still likes to nap, but I am wondering if when she drops it we can institute a quiet reading hour, or if she is still too little for that.
Meg Murry says
Keep “quiet time” for as long as you possibly can get away with it! Our rule was that they had to stay in the bed and be quiet, and could only get up to go back and forth to the bookshelf or bathroom. If we managed to get the kids to run around in the morning, sometimes they passed out during quiet time – and sometimes not, but at least I got some peace and quiet.
If “quiet reading time” goes well during the weekend, you could try it as a calming down step toward bedtime, allowing for 15 minutes or so of quiet reading time in bed before you come back and turn off the lights for good.
NewMomAnon says
My daughter is 2.5 and extremely social. I was not at all optimistic about our chances of some quiet time. I think it only worked because we were both sitting in her room together, and she could still interact with me a little bit (but I was careful to quiet her down when she got too excited).
Sarabeth says
It’s funny, my daughter still naps for 2 hours on weekends, so I assumed that she was doing the same at school. Now that I know otherwise, I understand better why she’s so freaking grumpy on weekday evenings! I think she doesn’t nap at daycare because 1)other kids in the room = distractions, and 2) they have nap at 12:30, while she often doesn’t go down for nap until after 2 on weekends.
NewMomAnon says
When I could get my daughter to nap on weekends, she took long naps – 2 hours or more. But it usually took an hour or more of fighting to get her to sleep. It was such a relief to spend an hour of calm quiet time together instead of an hour of fighting.
Em says
We are about to hit the baby proofing stage and plan to get baby gates for stairs and outlet plugs. What else do I need to keep my baby alive without going overboard on the baby proofing? I need to figure out something for our cleaning supplies (our cabinets do not have knobs/handles).
Anonymous says
Knives/scissors are an important one to secure. Toddlers seem to be extra attracted to nice shiny things.
And anything small and swallowable – thumbtacks/safety pins/spare batteries etc in your junk drawer means you need a drawer lock.
NewMomAnon says
I put really toxic stuff (drain cleaner, cleaning chemicals,dishwasher packets, button batteries) up in a high cabinet with a lock on it. If I had it to do over again, I would get the magnetic door locks – you install a latch inside the cabinet, and there is a round magnetic “key” that you have to pass over the outside of the cabinet door in just the right spot to get it to unlatch. I found some that have 3M adhesive so you don’t have to screw them in if you are renting.
One of the best “baby proofing” things I did was set aside a lower cabinet with tupperware, baby plates/cups, small indestructible pots and pans, etc that kiddo could raid. If she was getting into trouble elsewhere, I could redirect her to “cook” with me.
How old is your kiddo? Corners were the biggest issue with my kiddo when she was cruising/early walker. You can get the foam corner protectors. Also, toilets and other standing water. I don’t have a good solution for those; we kept the bathroom doors closed and kept the dog bowls out of the main areas.
Anonymous says
Pens, pencils, and electrical wires. Hidden, completely secured, or removed. (My mother frequently had her laptop plugged in on the kitchen table, and my daughter would just go grab the wire.)
Frozen Peach says
We have little latch-thingies on the insides of our cabinets that prevent them from opening. You reach in and undo the latch– no knob required. Also outlet covers!!
Anon in NYC says
The things we did beyond the outlets (small apartment) were: 1) gate off the one room that she definitely should not go into (because there was no way to make that area safer), 2) anchor bookcases, dressers, and the tv to the wall, and 3) drawer/cabinet locks for anything she can reach in the kitchen/bathroom.
In terms of drawer/cabinet locks, we used something that looks similar to this (http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=29561656&gclid=CjwKEAjwjqO_BRDribyJpc_mzHgSJABdnsFWW-In2KtOKNLf9jAtin_jJWGOuiL3Ne24hx_DGHbCuBoCoZTw_wcB&camp=PLAPPCG-_-PID17568093:BRUS&cagpspn=plab_17568093&eESource=CAPLA_DF:29561656:TRUS). I have friends that have a magnetic lock (like this: https://www.amazon.com/Magnetic-Safety-Locks-Cabinets-Drawers/dp/B00PNG1X1Q).
I think both of those would work for a cabinet without knobs or handles.
anne-on says
I’d also do tip restraints for bookshelves/large flat-screen tv’s/dressers. Too many horror stories of toddlers pulling them down on themselves trying to climb. We also got toilet bowl latches, locks for any cabinets with knives, locked the cabinets that had access to plumbing, and put the cord winder things high on the side of any window pulls (to wind the blind cords up high so the kids can’t play with it and accidentally strangle themselves – DO NOT google this, it is way too common and absolutely horrific).
YMMV, but we also cleared low shelves/tables of any knick knacks – more for avoiding having them pulled down than for any real danger.
Anon says
Secure your flat screens! A doctor friend of mine told me this was becoming a real problem.
Em says
Thankfully we only have one TV and it is mounted on the wall (no stand). We have a dresser and a bookshelf that will need to be mounted, though. I think our desk is safe – I can’t move it even if I try with all my weight. And the blind cords were on my radar.
Anonymous says
when checking the desk, make sure you pull all the drawers out. This is how babies/toddlers topple things surprisingly easily – often they pull out all the drawers and then stand on the drawers.
MDMom says
Be mindful of choking hazards on the floor. Ive found that the hazards change and at some point, perfect baby proofing becomes impossible. Start with the floor. Then you need to watch out for things they can pull up on that aren’t stable, and things they can reach by pulling up. Then they walk and the house is their oyster. My kid is 16 months now and just tall enough to reach almost every table/desk/surface in the house. Oh joy. He can’t reach doorknobs yet but he’s oh so close, so those are my next target. It helps to give them some areas they can access freely (like one free cupboard, low dresser drawers, etc). Otherwise, I basically have to watch him every second, particularly in some rooms, because we just aren’t neat enough to babyproof completely. Maybe in the next house…
Meg Murry says
Yes, there is no such thing as perfect baby proofing, just enough so that you aren’t a crazy person and don’t have to hover immediately next to the kid the whole time.
The other thing that made a big difference to us was how much time the kiddo actually spends at the house. If baby is in your house all day with a nanny or if you tend to spend all day at home together on the weekends, that calls for more serious baby proofing than if you are only home with an awake kid for an hour on the weeknights and almost always have 2 adults at home on the weekends. We focused on making sure the baby’s room and a space in the living room were kid-proofed enough that we felt comfortable leaving the kid there for 5-10 minutes so the adult could go to the bathroom by themselves, and then used gates for the rest of the house was more “kid resistant” than truly child-proof. We also gave up on trying to make the bathroom child (and dog) proof and just put a kidproof knob on the handle and kept the bathroom doors closed.
Whenever possible, try removing the hazards instead of installing a device to block it, because kids are smart and clever, and no childproof device is going to keep them out forever, it’s just going to slow them down. For the cleaning products, could you move them to a high shelf in the bathroom, laundry area, linen closet, etc instead of trying to put latches under the sinks?
Things you may not think to child-proof until your kid gets into them: trash cans, your makeup, and windows. Our house is older and the windows came down very close to the ground, so we had to install wooden sticks so that the windows couldn’t be opened from the bottom, only the top.
hoola hoopa says
I’ve baby proofed multiple homes with multiple kids, and definitely do magnetic door locks (rather than the other latch systems). No finger pinching, easy to use, you can turn them off, etc. Such a better product.
For the most part, I baby proof as needed. Stair gates, outlet covers, wall-mounting dressers/shelves/tvs, locking sharps and poisons, and removing choking hazards are baseline and required – but after that I would take care of things as they became issues. It varies so much what each kid will be into or not leave alone. One kid required us to put up all electrical cords (chew toy!), while others didn’t even give them a passing glance, for example. With another, we had to pay attention to anything box-like that they could move (climber!).
In House Lobbyist says
Any homeschool mamas out there? Am I crazy to even be thinking about this? My son started K this year. He is gone from 8-4 every day and misses all his time spent being a boy exploring outside. He is learning new things (mostly writing) but had an extra year of preschool so he already knows all the sight words he is supposed to know by December and can read the early reader books. My husband stays home so could do the bulk of it. He sort of ran stay at home dad time like homeschooling anyway- always taking hikes, talking about things, building things, etc. We moved to this area because it has the best public schools but I feel like there is a ton of wasted time in my son’s day now. And he has picked up those annoying little boy habits that he didn’t have before in just a month. Any advice?
Anon says
No advice on home school, but talk to me about: “And he has picked up those annoying little boy habits that he didn’t have before in just a month.” Just curious what you mean here. I’m getting ready to send a preschooler to K, and curious what sorts of things you are seeing.
In House Lobbyist says
It is hard to write out but he is annoying now. He runs around making silly noises; he acts goofy; it is hard to get him to be serious and talk like a person; he has started calling his sister names like stupid head and generally aggravating her more. He referred to her as “thing” this weekend which resulted in major drama from her saying “I am girl not a thing” (she’s 3) he said that’s how John refers to his sister. All in all typical kid behavior I guess but just out of character for him. He went to preschool 3 days a week since he was 2 and has lots of friends so it is not like he was home alone with just grownups until now.
Anonymous says
This isn’t boy stuff. This is kids starting kindergarten stuff. My daughter just started two weeks ago and we’re struggling with a lot of the same behaviors. “I know that Jane says ‘Oh my God’ but we don’t use that language in our family.” etc etc
They work really hard at being good all day and feel safe to let go around you. Someone shared this on FB and it hit home for me.
http://dirtandboogers.com/5-sure-fire-ways-to-stop-the-after-school-attitude/
Aon says
I think I agree. Part of school is being exposed to new social behaviors, and learning how/when the behavior is appropriate (i.e., why you are seeing it at home). Sheltering him completely at this stage may not be beneficial long-term*
*I say to myself as I continue to agonize over whether to pull my daughter from a Montessori preschool where grace and courtesy are paramount skills, to place her in a play based preschool where “freedom of expression” is encouraged.
Meg Murry says
Yup – this is a combo of “kid is trying new annoying things that he learned from other kids” and “kid is exhausted from being on his best behavior all day at school and is letting it all out at home”. Plus a side of “All day K is exhausting for 5 year olds”.
My 4 year old is going through this now – every time they get a new mix of kids in a class, he has a whole new list of phrases or annoying behaviors that he has to try out (excessive use of the word “butt” and dancing while smacking his backside are the newest ones in the past few weeks), and whenever we ask about it we hear that “Johnny said that” or whatever. If he hadn’t picked it up in K and you homeschooled instead, he probably would pick it up from Boy Scouts, kids on the soccer team, the homeschooling play group, whatever.
We do a lot of “every family has different rules, and that’s not ok at our house” for the really annoying behavior, and ignoring for the stuff that is trying to get a rise out of us. Not in a “passing judgement” way, but in a “I don’t care whether Johnny says that or not, you don’t do that at our house”.
I agree with the suggestion to try to get him more activity (can dad walk him to or from school? Or if it’s too far to walk from home and the pickup zone is a madhouse, can dad park a few blocks away and walk from there?) Could you arrange some specific enrichment activities (perhaps join Boy Scouts or find a nature area to go hiking on Tuesdays after school or plan some family weekend hikes, etc)?
School has only been in session for what, 1-2 months? There is nothing wrong with homeschooling, but there’s also nothing wrong with allowing for a little bit more of an adjustment period before you decide public school isn’t a good fit.
Another option could be that if you don’t think he needs all day academic K, you could see if there is a private half-day K that would allow for more time with Dad to do enrichment.
mascot says
Agree that this is just typical kindergarten aged behavior. We don’t have the sibling drama because our kid is an only, but the rest of it is full force. Everything is in “code” so he either makes some goofy hand gesture or wants to spell out his answer instead of just using yes or no or any other word in his extensive vocabulary. I get called “m-o-m” regularly or sometimes just “M”. Please child, just stop. We do a lot of things recommended in the above article and it really does help.
Betty says
Much of kindergarten is simply learning to be in school all day, especially at this point in the year. They are learning how to navigate the school with all its rules with a bunch of other kids. I would give it until December to see whether they have moved more away from process and into substance.
Regarding homeschooling: Does your husband have an education degree or is he willing to do what is necessary to give your child the same level of education that your child would receive from the teachers? If you are in a great school district, I bet that the teachers all have Master’s Degrees in Education in various subject matters. What about socialization?
I was homeschooled says
I am a regular poster going anon for this. I was home-schooled grades 3-12. My sister was home-schooled K-12. I would wait til he’s out of K before you make any decisions. I don’t think K is going to be a super rigorous academic environment that you should base his academic future on. Okay, so this is going to be a novel:
First off, I will say that I am a well adjusted normal successful adult. So homeschooling didn’t ruin me for life. I got a really great education and didn’t have to go through the trauma of being bullied by my peers or whatever. I learned to study independently, which was great when I went to college. But being home-schooled has definitely affected my life, how I view the world, and my relationship with my mother. Based on my experience, I would never ever home-school my child. I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t do it it. But if you do, go into it with eyes wide open.
The summer after I was in second grade, my mom announced that I was going to be home-schooled. That was it. There was no discussion. Not that you should rely on your 7 year old to make an important life decision, but there was absolutely no discussion at all. It was just a bomb dropped on me with no fore-warning. I was devastated, and I still am sad about missing out on a lot of experiences that normal kids get to have. I missed the experience of getting to be a normal kid. I am a very social person, and it was horrible to just have to spend all day long with my mother and sister. Getting to see a friend once a week was in no way the same experience that my peers had where they got to see and spend time with other children every day. I was keenly aware that my friends who went to “real” school had their “real” friends. I never had the opportunity to date or go to a school dance. I never had a “real” friend other than my sister. I had a handful of homeschool friends and some at church, but it was never like the kind of friends you make at school that you have shared experiences with. I was very lonely most of the time.
There are some people who home-school because they think they can provide a better education than the local schools. This is why my mother home-schooled me. And she was absolutely correct that she could give me a better education. However, the vast majority of people who home-school their kids do so because they are on the fringes of the political and social spectrum. Extremely conservative Christians who don’t want to expose their children to anything “worldly” or extreme hippies who don’t believe in teaching their children anything structured at all because they want their kid to learn things “naturally”. A lot of home-school curricula is geared towards conservative Christianity, but you can find some other stuff if you pick through that. We all got along at homeschooling events well enough, but it’s something to be aware of. It’s amazing how much people on the fringes have in common. There would be a row of neo-pagans lined up with their spinning wheels next to the conservative christian “women belong in the home, cutting your hair and wearing pants is a sin” women all nursing their babies and spinning yarn at the park on home-school play day. Not even joking. When I saw the Napoleon Dynamite movie while my non-homeschool friends were laughing at the absurdity, I cried at the meanness because I knew people who were that awkward and different.
You have to feel comfortable teaching a wide range of subjects if you really want your kid to have a good well rounded education. My mom had her masters degree in a hard science, so she had no issue teaching science or math all the way through the high school level. She also knew another language, so that wasn’t a problem. However, by the time we were in high school, she sent us to the local college to take 100-level English, because she didn’t feel like she could teach writing.
My relationship with my mother is mediocre. We didn’t have any time away from each other and we didn’t have any space to “cool off” from conflicts. Can you imagine yelling at your child to get his clothes on and eat breakfast and then turning around and having to be his teacher? You have no time apart so home and school conflicts bleed over. That to me was the hardest part. My mom was not the sort of parent who I could talk to (she thought she was though). So I had no one I could talk to. You know how they say “if you have a problem at home, tell a teacher”? Well, I didn’t have a teacher I could talk to about problems at home. I think if you are going to home-school you have to be self aware enough to be willing to admit that it’s not working. My mother would never admit that something was not working, so we forced our way through a decade plus of home-schooling. The day I left for college was the happiest day of my life.
NewMomAnon says
OMG, every day I am glad my mother worked and didn’t homeschool me. She threatened to homeschool a couple times when we had subpar teachers in elementary school. Our relationship now is arms-length on a good day, frosty on a bad day. I can’t imagine how that would have gone down with no other adult interaction.
H says
This is really interesting. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Wow says
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I learned a lot. I don’t know anyone who has been homeschooled, so your story is especially interesting.
Anonynopotomus says
Personally, I think much of the value of early education comes from teaching your child how to exist in the world with other children.
Anonymous says
I’d focus on your DH getting him outside as much as possible. Can you walk to school? Switching to walking to school in the morning has made a huge difference in wiggles in the first part of the day. And cut down on outside of school activities – like have DH take him for a hike or to the playground after school not going to music lessons or something that requires him to sit still.
Anonymous says
Eight hours is a long time to be gone every day just for elementary school with no after-school program. Is his bus ride unusually long? Could your husband reclaim some time for outdoor play by dropping your son off and picking him up instead of having him ride the bus?
In House Lobbyist says
I know the time away is so long! His school is from 8:35-3:35. We leave home around 8:15 because even though we are only 10 minutes away, there is always school traffic and we get there around 8:25. Even if my husband is in line at 3:15 to pick him up, it is still almost 4 before they are home. He doesn’t even ride the bus. He started taking a book to read while he waits for my husband to pick him up. Otherwise they just sit in a line and have to be still and quiet. We are hoping the pickup routine gets better but the school is really growing since everyone wants to move to this area. The pickup seems hugely inefficient since you have to tell the person your kids name and they walkie talkie it to the gym and then he comes out a few minutes later.
Anonymous says
Can they walk or bike or scooter to school?
Parking takes so long at my daughter’s school that it’s literally faster for me to walk her there, walk home and drive to work.
In House Lobbyist says
I wish but we are in the rural part of the county now so no sidewalks at all! My husband tried parking at the park across from school one day and walked in to get him and that really threw them for a loop. They kept telling him he couldn’t do that but couldn’t say why he couldn’t do that. And I don’t want to start school off being the difficult parent so we are back to the 30-45 minute car lines.
Meg Murry says
Can he not do that because they don’t want parents circumventing traffic by parking at the park, or because your son was in the “car riders” area not the “walkers” area? Or because there are no sidewalks, are there no walkers?
We also do the “tell the kid to be a ‘walker’ and we’ll park elsewhere and walk to the school rather than wait in the 20 minute pickup line” or send my son to the after school program in the cafeteria where he can at least get a snack and hang out with his friends and we can pick up 30 minutes after school lets out vs spending 20 minutes in the car line.
Or is there a bus to your house? In my state, ALL K students have the option to be bussed, even if they live literally 3 doors from the school. If he doesn’t’ get home until 4 from pickup, maybe the bus would be equal?
NewMomAnon says
On the homeschool question – there is a blog called “Stitched in Color.” The mom is an anti-vaxxer evangelical (or something like that), and she was homeschooling her two kids. She had a special needs baby and the homeschooling broke down. She was posting a lot about her homeschooling process and curriculum before the baby was born, and did a brief post about the changes after baby was born. I think she may have started up again recently. It was interesting to read.
On the kindergarten stuff – is it possible you’re just mourning the loss of your sweet little preschooler? Home schooling won’t stop a kid from growing up or developing irritating quirks. I just realized my kiddo is turning 3 soon and it’s breaking me. Which is probably why I’m all over this board instead of working today….
In House Lobbyist says
Thanks everyone, we plan on letting the year progress some before making any real changes. We don’t know anyone that isn’t homeschooling for super religions reasons so I wanted to see if I am crazy to even think about it. He is very social and also very agreeable. But I don’t want him to just be the agreeable kid that gets no attention because he does his work and doesn’t cause any problems. My husband is very smart but had no real motivation or drive in school because he could read the book once and score 100. So that is part of me being concerned that he isn’t learning much yet. But I took the school at their word when they sent homework for the summer – we did our worksheets and learned our sight words and they still haven’t made it through the alphabet.
And yes I get he needs to be able to function in society but I want to encourage his natural love of learning now. He knows more about space and planets than I do so I know he has the ability. I just wonder if he couldn’t learn in 4 hours a day and have more time to develop his own interests. I haven’t had any luck finding a K that goes part time in our area yet but I am still looking. And I am not really worried about the logistics of homeschooling now. There appears to be plenty of options available to purchase and to supplement through co ops and groups and other enrichment activities. And we are lucky enough that he can find plenty of other activities and events.
And hopefully the school is just overwhelmed right now. They are supposed to hire a crossing guard so maybe that will allow him to walk to the park to cut out the waiting around doing nothing time. Currently the only options are bus rides and car rides. There are no sidewalks anywhere in our area. We are in the rural part of the county where there aren’t a lot of subdivisions or neighborhoods – people move to this part to “get away” but still be close to the city. He stays after school until 5 pm one day a week for Spanish and maybe we should let him stay another few days for an hour just to have something instead of waiting.
Anonymous says
Maybe try thinking about school as where he learns the basics and social skills and your home where he learns the educational extras?
If you’re thinking of DH homeschooling anyway, then let him start planning activities to do after school – like hikes to look for animals and learning about the different sounds/footprints that different animals make.
Not sure extending his school day (by adding on to Spanish class) will help with his behavior as that just adds more time everyday where he has to put lots of energy into behaving vs. running around on the playground.
anon here says
I think there are some really good viewpoints here. That said, two of my four best friends were homeschooled and in a lot of ways they are more thoughtful, more inquisitive, and more ethical people than the majority of people – neither of whom were homeschooled for religious reasons.
I also am friends with three people who were public school teachers and are now homeschooling their children. One of my best friends homeschools her son, but not her daughter, and both are thriving. My husband and I have talked a lot about homeschooling our children and really, how different childhood looked until 100 years ago and how much of this is about fitting in and even consumerism.
That said, there are a lot of factors. But homeschooling is not, per se, bad, and in some areas of the country is a significant improvement over the public school system. For some children and families, it’s the right choice. For others, not.
I have a son who is wonderful and intelligent and kind and has been subjected to some teasing and mean remarks – all from children in preschool, not from children staying with their families/caretakers/sitters. Anecdotal, yes, but I can’t help but think that my job is not to show him how cruel and mean the world can be – not when he’s four and five years old. And maybe some people (certainly not all) suggest that children need to learn how the world is, or how to get along with (mean, bullying) kids, because there are things they don’t want to sacrifice. People will look askew at a doctor who stopped practicing to homeschool their child in a way that they don’t when the parent is a teacher or nurse or secretary – that’s reality. Yes, my child has to learn about “real life”. He has to learn how to drive a car, cook his own meals, and decide who to marry and why. But trying to make him come to terms with those things when he is five years old would be cruelty as a parent. I’m not so sure bullying and teasing is any different.
Anonymama says
Hmm, I’ve found the teasing, potty mouth stuff correlates way more highly with who has an older sibling than with who went to daycare/preschool. But we also have a great public school that highly encourages outdoor activity, play-based learning, walking/biking to school, and learning mindfulness techniques. And I personally do not have the temperament to homeschool my very social, energetic kid.
hoola hoopa says
Waiting until the end of the year is a good idea. I think it’s very normal to have a knee-jerk reaction to elementary school. It’s a different world for you and the child. And there is a feeling of losing control over your child’s environment even compared to daycare. Maybe ultimately homeschooling is right for you, but it sounds like what you’re responding to is pretty normal so maybe everyone just needs time to adjust.
Regarding pick up line, I’d send him home by bus. My child actually gets home sooner in the bus than in the car pick up line. You might also look into aftercare activities, either at the school (ours does lots of gym/playground time) or through a private gym that does school pick up (our school has activity/daycare drivers go through the bus line), which would give him more active time. (Pick up lines do move quicker once all the new parents settle in).
Regarding skill level, talk to the teacher directly. Find out how they work with the kids at different levels. Consider how you feel about what they say and how it’s working for your son. They may split the kids up by ability soon, for example. My kids kindergarten classrooms have always started with the basics for the first month or so, then divided up. In general, when you have the tickle of concern, go straight to the teacher. IME, it’s cleared up so much more quickly than the approach most people take, which is to interpret what their kids say, overhear stuff from other parents, talk to friends/family outside the school, ruminate internally, and develop a bigger concern.
I need a name says
“But I don’t want him to just be the agreeable kid that gets no attention because he does his work and doesn’t cause any problems. My husband is very smart but had no real motivation or drive in school because he could read the book once and score 100. So that is part of me being concerned that he isn’t learning much yet. ”
I had and continue to have these same concerns about my 9-year-old. I was bored to death in elementary school, hated school, and developed terrible work habits that have held me back my whole life. For my daughter and our family, the best solution has been grade advancement. We were very fortunate to be able to put her in kindergarten a year early, so she is a grade ahead of where she would have been if we’d held her back until the traditional age. It has made a huge difference. She is still bored and frustrated sometimes, but grade advancement plus above-level instruction as the school permits (there are strict limits of one year ahead in reading and math in her grade) mean that she is appropriately challenged in some subjects. She is mostly happy and engaged academically and is thriving socially. If we hadn’t advanced her, I don’t believe things would have turned out as well for her.
For our family, homeschooling would be a terrible choice. Our daughter is very social and thrives on interacting with other kids throughout the day. I would feel qualified to get her through the early grades, but I don’t have the endless reserves of patience and energy that are required to homeschool successfully. We wouldn’t fit into either of the typical homeschooling family molds that “I was homeschooled” describes above.
For what it’s worth, our experience was that kindergarten was mostly a waste of time for a kid who was already reading and doing basic arithmetic and had developed the necessary fine motor and social skills in day care/preschool. It was mostly geared towards getting the kids who had never been exposed to a group setting and/or who had not picked up basic academic skills ready for first grade. The expectations in first grade were much higher. I would not necessarily give up on public school until after first or second grade.
Anonymous says
I knew four kids who “skipped” a grade. The only one who ended up completing college on time was the girl who went right to first grade. Two of the others made it through college and are fine. The one who got into a really good school (Claremont McKenna, if I remember right) failed out and attended a community college after.
For some people 17 is just too young for college. I’d really look into a gap year (especially a volunteering based year).
Anonymous says
Super late to this thread, but I just want to say that if you are concerned about your child being appropriately challenged, speak up. Especially if your child is identified as gifted and your school isn’t providing appropriate resources. A gifted child is a “special needs” learner just as much as a child with dyslexia or another learning difficulty. I skipped a grade (and did not complete college on time, dropped out and joined the military, actually) but gifted classes were a much bigger part of making my elementary school experience positive than just being one grade ahead. Learning the same things a year sooner is good, being in a social environment with kids who have similar abilities and a teacher trained to engage and stimulate them is much, much better.
Huh says
Is your husband an educator? Teaching is a profession, not just something anyone can “pick up.” I’m very well educated (as we probably all are here) and I know that while I would love to spend more time with my kids, I don’t have the patience/discipline/knowledge of different subjects to be their permanent teacher.
Betty says
My oldest has always been VERY skinny with a low BMI. After my husband was diagnosed with Celiac’s Disease, my son tested positive for the gene and responded positively to going gluten free. We hoped that that would increase his BMI, but it didn’t. We saw a pediatric gastroenterologist at that time, who also thought the gluten free would help (that was two years ago). He has been monitored by his pediatrician every 3-6 months. Last winter he stopped gaining (likely due to a series of nasty stomach bugs). We started seeing a dietitian, who has been wonderful and helped address a few eating behavior issues, but still his BMI is low. We finally got in to see a pediatric gastroenterologist on Friday (4 month wait for appointments). She suspects that my son has Crohn’s Disease. I know that there has been no diagnosis, but I am completely floored. I feel guilty for sticking to “oh he’s just a petite kid!” and “someone has to be on the bottom of the curve!” mentality for several years. And I still can’t wrap my head around what this will mean for him.
Betty says
Also, I guess what really took me aback was that the pediatric gastroenterologist believed that something is wrong. She did not seem to think that he just may be petite. So, more testing if it is not Crohn’s. I know that he is the same kid that he was on Thursday, and I love him fiercely. I am struggling with hurting for him that something is wrong. And I am scared.
Em says
My family has a history of Crohn’s and Ulcerative Colitis. They aren’t pleasant, but everyone in my family with these conditions live very normal lives. They are making huge strides in the treatment available for Crohn’s! The number one step you can take is ensure he has a good doctor, and it sounds like you are already on it.
quail says
Wow, that sounds really hard. You are so doing all the right things. There’s no way you could have known – that’s what doctors are for. You’re doing great, it’s really scary, and you are perfectly reasonable to be upset and scared and worried. Internet hugs to you.
MDMom says
Ugh, sorry. First, don’t feel guilty- your son has been seeing professionals about his weight for years so it’s not like you have been ignoring the issue! You’ve done everything you can. Second, your husband has it and is (it seems) a happy, successful adult so keep that in mind. Third, having a correct diagnosis will only be a positive thing in the long run, especially a relatively early diagnosis, so hopefully you are on the road to a definitive answer.
But it’s hard when anything is wrong with your kid. My kid had to have surgery for an undescended ball (avoiding moderation here) and also has some eye issues that require 6 month follow ups. None of these are serious, but they’ve still caused me some degree of anxiety and guilt. It sucks. Hang in there.
Anonymous says
I’m so sorry you’re going through this — there is nothing harder than a kid health issue. For what it’s worth, pediatric GIs aren’t at all infallible, and sometimes they spot problems where none exist. Also for what it’s worth, I have Crohn’s and have had a great (and largely very healthy) life.
I don’t want to sidetrack your thread too much, but I’m curious whether there was something besides the low BMI that worried your doctors. Both my 2 and 3 year old have always had <1st percentile BMIs; they always have about a 70-point gap between their weight and height percentiles. They have skinny parents, but not that skinny. We've definitely just chalked it up to "someone has to be on the bottom of the curve" and so have our peds — so, even if that doesn't turn out to be correct for you (and I hope it does!), you have nothing at all to feel guilty about — others parents and doctors are doing the same.
Good luck to you and your son.
Betty says
Thank you for your kind words. Do you mind me asking: How old were you when you were diagnosed?
It was not just the low BMI: I am petite but husband is not. My son is shorter than he should be. He continues to have diarh*ea (trying to avoid moderation) randomly. His iron levels are low (even though he is on an iron supplement). He does not eat much, even after saying that he is hungry. And his sister who is 2.5 years younger weighs the exact same (to the tenth of a pound) and is two inches smaller.
Anonymous says
I was 13 when I was diagnosed. My parents might remember it differently, but the most noticeable symptom to me was exhaustion — I was an athlete and just couldn’t do things I’d been able to do a year earlier. I assume there was weight change, but it’s faded from my memory. As an adult, it’s well controlled with medication.
And thank you for providing the extra details about what prompted further investigation. It sounds like a somewhat different situation than my kids, but I may have a longer conversation with the pediatrician next time we’re in about iron levels, etc.
Best wishes to you. The good news is that if it does turn out to be a diagnosable issue, you can likely get him treatment that will improve his life (and if he’s just small, hopefully you’ll figure that out without much stress!).
Meg Murry says
Yes, don’t beat yourself up over this – it is distinctly possible that the new doctor is just trying to eliminate all the “worst case scenario” options, not that he truly thinks there is something more serious going on. Or maybe he’ll find that it is Crohn’s, but then you’ll be able to develop a treatment plan and move forward.
FWIW, Crohn’s is the kind of disease that tends to get worse in flare-ups, so it’s distinctly possible that he really was pretty much fine until this latest bought of stomach bugs.
In case an allergist or elimination diet is next on the list, it might be a good idea to start a food and symptoms diary now – if nothing else, it will allow you to feel like you are doing something while you wait for the next steps.
Hugs to you. Hopefully now that you have a doctor you can get a handle on this. Don’t beat yourself up over this – I feel like just about everyone has a “thing that seems obvious after the diagnosis but that previous doctors weren’t concerned about”.
Momata says
What are your go-to gifts for the birthday parties of your kid’s classmates? My kid has just started attending birthday parties for newly minted three year olds. (We have a very full social life outside of school so we haven’t gone to many of these parties.) None of these invitations say “no gifts” so I assume most of the other parents are bringing gifts? (My husband takes daughter and he does not really pick up on whether there are gifts or what they might be.) Yesterday I sent sidewalk chalk and I’m afraid that was too cheap. Do folks really buy a real “gift” for basically every kid in their kid’s class over the course of a year? (We are Team No Gifts and probably won’t invite most of her class to her birthday party as the people who we socialize with on our own make for a pretty big party as it is.)
mascot says
People don’t open gifts at the party these days so your husband’s confusion is legit. We try to stay between $10-$20 for gifts. Once you find a good gift at a good price, order multiples. Crayola art kits and art supplies, books, character snackeez jr. cups, board games, puzzles, thunder tumbler remote control cars, the sale movies at target, etc. all fall in that range. Some of those are a little too old for age 3, but you can think ahead.
Anonymous says
I hate gifts for small kids – they don’t need that much ‘stuff’ so we bring a book or two as a gift for every party. Sometimes a puzzle/game/art supplies instead if kid has something specific in mind for their friend.
Maddie Ross says
I am definitely team consumables for 3 yo party set, so I always send sidewalk chalk/sidewalk paint, playdoh, art supplies or sticker books. $10-15 range generally.
CPA Lady says
For her 2 year old birthday party, CPA toddler got: 1 book, 1 book + 1 puzzle, and a shape sorter as her three gifts. I doubt any of them cost more than $15. I thought these things were perfect and I was relieved that no one brought more.
Sidewalk chalk sounds perfect.
Anonymous says
Legos (either duplo or regular depending on age), science kits for kids, and the Robert Sabuda dinosaur pop-up book (which is crazy expensive on Amazon now but usually costs like $30) are our go-tos.
anon says
I am cheap so I try to stay under $10. We’ve received a range of gifts at varying price points for my 4 year old son. Honestly I thought one of the more unexpected ones that was probably super cheap was a great idea – this foaming Batman shampoo/soap. Melissa and Doug activity books (like Water Wow) and kits, temporary tattoos, regular books, are my go tos.
jlg says
we are no-gifts for our parties but i actually don’t mind buying gifts for others. for toddler/preschool age my go-tos are duplos and cooperative board games (busytown, snug as a bug). i like that duplos work with legos and therefore can be used for a long time, and the games i like b/c they are by necessity interactive.
Sarah says
Any recommendations for non-cry-it-out sleep training resources? Does everyone eventually resort to CIO even if they think they aren’t CIO parents? (No judgment on CIO, I just honestly don’t know if I have the will power for it.)
Anonymous says
We’ve never done CIO. Three kids and no cosleeping. I like the ‘No Cry Sleep Solution’ by Pantley – apparently she has a toddler version out now. For older babies and especially 1 year plus – Dr. Jay Gordon has a non-CIO for cosleeping families that has some tips that are useful even when not cosleeping. He’s also a crazy anti-vaxx guy so ignore that part on his website.
Plus, you learn to trust your instincts and not jump at every noise. Gets easier when they are verbal and you can tell if they’re just talking in their sleep or actually awake and need you.
Sarah says
Thanks so much — we are trying to get our 5 month old to wake up less frequently. Were you able to see good results or did you just roll with it better with the help of the book?
Anonymous says
We got actual results from the book. At five months, we started doing a dream feed when we went to bed and that really helped get in a good stretch of sleep. Plus usual blackout blinds, white noise etc
AnonMN says
plus 1 for Pantley. It isn’t making my terrible sleeper a great sleeper (like my first was) but it did get him to do a stretch in his crib longer than 45 minutes.
For non-CIO + terrible sleeper sanity saving: I called in my husband to do 2 weekend nights with pumped milk bottles while I slept, because I am still nursing my 7 month old who wakes 2-4 times per night and after a week of sickness I was feeling done. Those two nights were just what I needed to gain my sanity back and go back to my typical mind-set of “sleeping through the night is a milestone, not something to be trained”. It helps that my husband is anti-CIO as well, so he’s willing to step in when needed.
Anonymous says
Health Sleep Habits, Happy Child
Anonymous says
She specifically asked from non-CIO and this is full on CIO.
Anonymous says
Really? I remember it talking about a range of ways to get your kids to sleep, and also about the different developmental needs of kids with their sleep over time. Sorry if this was a bad rec–that is not my recollection of it since we did not do CIO with our baby.
Anons says
I think you are right in that Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child talks about a range of different sleep methods. He talks about a lot of different sleep methods, but does discuss CIO at length. Basically, his conclusion seemed to be: ‘CIO is often the quickest way to get results and can make it easier on the parents to be consistent once they can commit to the CIO method. It is easier to be consistent with CIO because the rules are simple and “easy” to follow for the parents (easy to know what to do, still hard to hear the baby cry). Other methods will work, but they can take a long time and many parents are not able to commit to those methods consistently over the long-term, which can lead to failure if the parents are not consistent.’ That is my memory of the book, but I thought he was 100% on point. Even Dr. Gordon’s method, mentioned above, is essentially a CIO method with parental presence if you read through it. And the No Cry Sleep solution is not CIO, but can work so very, very slowly that it can be very hard for parents to follow through on it (which, surprise, can lead to more sleep troubles).
At the end of the day, sleep associations need to be broken and new patterns need to be set if a child learns to go to sleep and stay asleep by themselves. For many kids, this is a very upsetting experience that will involve some crying. Dr. Gordon has you sit through this experience with your child (which, I guess isn’t CIO in the minds of parents even though many tears may be involved). For some kids, parental presence can help and be comforting. For other kids, the baby doesn’t understand why you are there but just won’t give in and give them what they want to go to sleep, and then work themselves up more than they might if parental presence were removed. Same for the No Cry Sleep solution–this method can result in VERY slow progress for some babies as you try to remove mom from the sleep equation.
Anonymous says
I can’t take “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” by Weissbluth seriously when he goes against the American Pediatric Association. He says a lot of untrue stuff that will only make a sleep deprived mom feel panicked that their child isn’t getting enough sleep when the professional association of pediatrics says the child is fine.
It’s not CIO if you’re comforting your child. The whole point of why some people don’t want to CIO is they want to be able to comfort their child when the child is upset – day or night.
If you want to CIO, fine – you do you. My BFF and sister both made the same choice. But when someone ASKS for non-CIO recommendations then maybe don’t push the CIO book. And everyone that I know who’s read Pantley has had good improvement within a week – I definitely don’t think of that’s “VERY slow progress”.
Anons says
Please cite what goes against the American Pediatric Association and is “untrue” in this book. I found Dr. Weissbluth’s book to be well-researched and am not aware of any material differences with the AAP.
Dr. Weissbluth was the only book that I found that addressed [1] newborn cosleeping (he supports it if it works for the family), [2] b-feeding support (he acknowledges that some b-fed infants need a night feeding up until age 9 months–try to find that in other sleep training books), [3] the developmental science of infant sleep (he is less organized than Ferber, but I found the info more extensive), [4] a helpful comparison of various sleeptraining methods and why they may or may not work for some parents, and [5] the very real health risks of not developing healthy sleep patterns in childhood. I found the book extremely helpful and also recommend it to parents regardless of CIO philosophy. I appreciate that you may have a different view and am very glad that Pantley’s methods worked out for your crowd, but like all things, YMMV.
No need to pile on Anonymous for recommending a book that many have found extremely helpful.
@Anon 5:29 says
There was a post last week or the week before in which a reader said that per Weissbluth it wasn’t ‘normal’ for a toddler to wake at night. Citation and link to provided in response to that showed APA says that’s in fact totally normal – search the posts for Weissbluth and you’ll find it.
If OP asked about reader’s recommendations for sleep books – recommend what you want. But that’s not what OP asked. Iit’s against the spirit of the community here to provide CIO recommendations when someone specifically asks for non-CIO recommendations. Sleep issues can be highly controversial so let’s not make each other feel guilty for doing what works for their families. – EB0220 below noted that Weissbluth ‘made her feel terrible’.
MDMom says
I think there’s a range of crying it out, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I think most (but not all) parents get to the point where they do not respond to every cry and let kids cry 5 min or so before responding.
I read a bunch of sleep stuff and cobbled together methods that worked at different times. I wasn’t opposed to CIO but never ended up letting him cry all night. We took a gradual approach, tackling bedtime first, ultimately did CIO for bedtime (max crying 25 min) but still responded to feed at normal times (but not in between). Then withdrew feedings one at a time by gradual decreasing amount until he started sleeping through them. He is 16 months now and slept through the night entirely since probably 13 months but from 10-13 months he just slept 7-4 or 5 then slept in our bed till 7, so still sleeping through but there was one wake-up in early morning.
Maddie Ross says
Same here. We cobbled. I read a couple of different books and an interesting essay on “sleep hygiene” (“My Child Won’t Sleep” by Sujay Kansagra from Duke Peds) that ultimately convinced me to do a modified cry it out for bedtime. It honestly took 3 nights and wasn’t that bad (really only took one night where the crying lasted more than 5 minutes and even then my memory is that it was less than 20-30). I really liked “My Child Won’t Sleep” because it’s super short, doesn’t really proclaim a “method”, and it outlines the importance of learning to put oneself to sleep on your own as a developmental stage, which really helped me get passed the “my baby is hurting” thing.
CavedToCIO-anditworked says
I was you. I finally had a mom friend point me to preciouslittlesleep.com and I came around to understand CIO from a different perspective and am glad I did. I think its worth reading a few of this blogger’s articles — it’s way less of a commitment than the CIO books (which I was way too tired to read). It’s not for everyone (some babies don’t respond well to CIO and you have to give up), but if you wait until your kiddo is 6 months, it may be worth a try. We didn’t think my son would respond well, but it was a lot easier than we thought and our lives changed dramatically after only about a week. We were beyond exhausted and I would wake up crying nearly every morning in disbelief about how people functioned with so many wake-ups. So it saved us, and my kiddo got so much more total sleep, and finally could fall asleep on his own. I think it’s awesome if you can find another way to make a meaningful difference in sleep without CIO (like the white noise, black-out curtains, etc – which we also use), but I caution you not to believe every anti-CIO article you read. Some of them are flat-out wrong, and they can be overly guilt-inducing if you end up running out of options and needing to do CIO like we did. Best of luck -the loss of sleep is one of the hardest aspects of parenting I think.
EB0220 says
The Sleep Lady Shuffle is my favorite. I also like Dr Jay Gordon, which I think is similar to the Sleep Lady. Basically CIO with a steadily diminishing parental presence. I tried the No Cry Sleep Solution but that didn’t work well for us. Healthy Sleep Habits….made me feel terrible so I didn’t make it past the intro.
JB, JD says
I’d start by looking at the Ask Moxie article regarding tension releasers/increasers. That helped a lot in figuring out if CIO would work for my two. I’ve also found Science Mommy Baby Consulting (she has a blog and an FB group) helpful. I also bought this Summer Infant travel vibration/white noise machine that went under the mattress in a fit of desperation and it seemed to help the transition a bit. Food is another where YMMV – with my first it was crucial that she have a full bottle otherwise she wouldn’t sleep. With my second, too much food seems to inhibit her sleep. In sum, what earlier commenters said, I cobbled together a solution out of a bunch of different strategies and also threw some money at the problem. I didn’t have the will for CIO either and both (eventually) started sleeping on their own for long stretches.
anon says
I also found Ask Moxie comforting. We were not very systematic and definitely didn’t do any organized CIO. I mean, we were trying to let him learn to fall asleep on his own, but it wasn’t Training, you know? We did let my son cry a bit, like for up to 10 minutes, sometimes with check ins (more so when he was younger), starting around 2.5 months or so. I would try to look at the Great Expectations: Sleep book (not sure of the exact title but its part of a series called Great Expectations). I skimmed it in a store, but my memory is that it just provides summaries of what various experts recommend as a menu of options rather than positing its own method. Although not as clear as the One True Path to sleep that other authors claim to offer, I think it is ultimately more empowering as a parent to realize that no one has the answers, and it is really up to you to do what you think will be best for your kid and your family.
bummed about daycare says
I really don’t like my daughter’s daycare. She comes back to me in generally the same condition I dropped her off (maybe with some boogers on her face), but the program isn’t enriching or educational at all (she’s 2.5). She just moved rooms and while her old teacher was really engaging and nurturing (always singing songs, doing “circle time” in the morning which my daughter really enjoyed) the new teacher is not. The old classroom wasn’t educational either, but I felt less bad about it because my daughter obviously enjoyed the singing a lot. Now I don’t even have that.
Moving her isn’t an option because this daycare is half the price of the other daycares in our extremely HCOL area and they give me the scheduling flexibility I need for my situation that I know the other daycares wouldn’t. I could try to move her into another room but I’m not sure the other room is better and it’s a lot of upheaval for her (we’re going to move in about 6 months anyway so I’m not sure that moving her classroom again is really worth it), and her best buddy is in her current room.
I’m bummed that because of various decisions on my part – the need for scheduling flexibility, the choice to live in a city instead of move to the suburbs, just generally prioritizing certain lifestyle choices – has led to my daughter being in a subpar daycare.
Anonymous says
Frustrating that new teacher isn’t as nurturing. Playing with their little friends becomes a bigger part of their lives at that age anyway. Plus for a 2.5 year old – singing is educational.
NewMomAnon says
So, I remember having the same sense of the toddler classrom not being “educational,” but the pediatrician pointed out that the best education at that age was playing and experiencing the world. So as long as the daycare has lots of interesting toys, climbing structures, opportunities for kiddos to use their imagination, etc, it’s probably exactly what your kiddo needs. I actually worry now when I see a bunch of structured activities that involve sitting in circles or sitting at tables.
But sorry you’re feeling underwhelmed by the teacher. That’s a tough one. We just got a new teacher in kiddo’s classroom to replace her awesome previous teacher, and I am really hoping that the new teacher is good. So far it looks like she’s trying to get to know the kids, which is a good start.
Navy Attorney says
Don’t fret too much – 6 months isn’t going to doom your child’s education. What are you looking for in terms of education? I thought most learning at that age is through play since they won’t really sit through anything other than a book. Are you looking for more activities and less general mayhem?
OP says
Thanks everyone. I’m not really looking for “educational” in that I expect her to be doing quadratic equations and learning Spanish, but more organized activities – dedicated music time, dedicated art time – instead of just lightly overseen free play all day (aka generalized putzing around). And I know my feelings are slightly irrational because she’s 2.5 and she has two highly educated parents and is probably already set for life, and it’s not like she’s being harmed by her daycare, but I think it’s mostly guilt that my decisions to not move to the suburbs, not work full time, buy stuff for myself (above and beyond necessities and probably what many here would consider extravagances) has created this situation in which this daycare is the only one that works. Am I a bad parent for putting all of those desires ahead of putting my kid in the best daycare money can buy?
I also just realized how ridiculous it is to feel guilty for working part time. Is there any winning?
anon says
I often catch myself feeling guilty for 2 opposite things AT THE SAME TIME! There is no winning. But really, free play all day is totally fine. Your daughter probably switches activities constantly anyway.
Anonymous says
I’m moving 3 weeks from yesterday. I’m having tremendous anxiety about being able to pack everything before we move. (It’s just daughter + me, no spouse to help with packing). Any tips for helping with the anxiety and/or packing well/quickly?
Anon in NYC says
This sounds so obvious, but do the easiest things first. Books on your bookcase can be packed up now – you won’t need them for 3 weeks. Pack up kitchen gear that you won’t need access to (stand mixer, immersion blender, food processor, etc.). Extra bathroom/cleaning supplies can be packed up. Pack up summer clothes, extra towels, blankets, and sheets. Spend an hour or two a night on this. Assuming that your daughter is too young to really be a help, take a day or two off of work while your daughter is at daycare/school and pack up her room, gear, and toys as much as you can.
Also, be very clear with labeling your boxes and do it on two sides so it can be seen if boxes are stacked. Beyond just “kitchen,” write things like, “pots and pans” or “flatware” so you know what you need to unpack first.
Good luck!
Frozen Peach says
Hugs, I know that stress well.
Paper plates and/or takeout the whole week of the move. If you have a trusted friend who’s willing to be your “body person” on moving day, we’ve always hired a friend to do that, and always been really glad. Just an extra set of hands/someone to go get coffee or cash or whatever. Takes a lot of the stress out.
NewMomAnon says
Get help!!!! I tried to pack a house alone with an infant, and ended up freaking out two days before the movers were set to come because all I’d been able to do was nibble around the edges (like, I’d packed the books and then gotten overwhelmed by the amount of stuff in the kitchen and the dressers and the closets, and and and…). A few of my friends came over and packed literally the entire house while I was at work. I don’t know what would have happened otherwise.
Otherwise, can you afford the “white glove” moving option? In another lifetime, it cost me about $5,500 to have the movers pack everything in boxes and then move it the next day. I was amazed; they arrived to the 1400 sq ft townhouse and had it completely packed, top to bottom, within 8 hours. The move the next day took about 3 hours. There were some surprises when we went to unpack – they had packed a garbage can full of trash in a box, sealed it up and delivered it to the new kitchen. They packed our medicine cabinet as-is, so unpacking it took a lot of sifting and discarding of empty/expired bottles. But somehow, it was less daunting to unpack carefully than it is to pack carefully.
And hugs. Moving is always hard, doing it alone is even harder.
Meg Murry says
+1 to get help! Are there any people in your life that have ever said “call me if you ever need anything?” Now is the time to call them. Even if they can’t physically be much help while you pack, perhaps they can play with your daughter in one room while you pack in another?
What are you most anxious about? Not having enough time? Not having enough packing supplies? Not having enough space in a moving truck? Not being able to make decisions about what should stay or go? Losing things?
Figure out what you are most worried about, then you can address how to deal with it or move past it. Remember, you just have to get your stuff from point A to point B. There will always have been a way to do it better or more efficiently or faster or cheaper – but don’t let perfection be the enemy of just getting what you have to do done.
Katala says
+1 to having the movers pack if at all possible. They did our 2-bedroom apartment in about 5 hours. And we were not at all organized for them. Amazing.
Hugs! Moving is so stressful. All I can suggest is trying to get out of the house at least once on the weekend to clear your head. I felt like I couldn’t leave the house in the few weeks before (moves other than when they packed for us) but getting away from the anxiety of seeing it all made me more efficient after. Good luck!
mascot says
Use wardrobe boxes for the hanging stuff. Toss shoes in the bottom of the box or in a suitcase. A lot of times you don’t even need to unload dresser drawers. They can just wrap them and slide them back in after they’ve moved the dresser.
I was ruthless on packing and unpacking for tossing stuff in the donation pile. For sentimental stuff, just pack it, don’t try to cull right now.
Anonymous says
Thank you all. It’s so helpful to read these comments! Most of my anxiety is fear of not being able to actually pack everything and still have space to function in the apartment (as it fills up with boxes). But you are all correct — I just have to get my stuff from A to B and it’ll work out somehow!
In House Lobbyist says
I like to mark each box “Kitchen 1” and then keep a notepad with what Kitchen 1 box actually has in it. Pasta bowls can wait but everyday dinner dishes need to be opened right away. I am also pretty ruthless about purging and moving is a great time to do that.
pockets says
Just start putting things in boxes! Anxiety is not helpful and the time you spent being anxious is better spent putting things in boxes. When I moved a year ago, having the movers pack up my apt would have been an extra $500. We didn’t do it but $500 for peace of mind is not a bad deal. Can you sent your daughter away for a weekend and dedicate that entire weekend to packing? We did that and made great headway in that one weekend.
My pro moving tip is to not seal up the boxes until you are all done. That way when you get to the part of packing where you have a zillion tiny things, you can just drop a few tiny things into your mostly-completely-full boxes.
Betty says
My advice: Do not try and organize your life at the same time you are packing. Its just not going to happen. Accept that there will be random boxes filled with random stuff, and that you will figure it out later (even if you hire movers). Get pre-marked labels that you can slap on boxes, and then just start throwing things in. Pack a box or two now for stuff you will need day 1: a set of sheets, rolls of toilet paper, a set of towels, etc. Set aside a box or two for “day of stuff” that you will pack last and open first, i.e. coffee maker (if you are like me), a set of pots, a few cereal bowls. This weekend or next, pack a suitcase that you can live out of for a week or two. Everything that does not fit into one of the prior categories can and should be making its way into a box. Good luck!!