Maternity Monday: Front Tie Blazer

Tie Front Maternity Blazer: Maternal America Maternity Front Tie BlazerI was looking through comments on a recentish post, and some lucky reader scored a major sale on this blazer — which I immediately recognized as the very same blazer I had bought during my first pregnancy, probably a good five years ago at this point. It was one of my favorite blazers for pregnancy. (Admittedly I only had two maternity blazers — this one in gray, and a boyfriend ponte blazer from Pea in the Pod or some such — and in my second pregnancy was able to keep wearing my regular blazers). It’s always calming (and exciting in a weird way? I’m such a shopper) to find a gem that a company keeps making. Indeed, Amazon has the same blazer in beige, a dark maroon, and a more tweedy gray version for $42-$128; there are even a smattering of matching skirts and pants (such as here and here). The pictured color is available for most sizes, XS-XL, for $121. Maternal America Maternity Front Tie Blazer

Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.



  1. Weaning and Travel says:

    Re-posting from main s i t e.

    Should I wean my 1 year old? We’re going on a trip to India at the end of March when she will be exactly 1. She nurses to sleep but if she’s in bed with me she tends to wake up more to nurse (when she’s in her crib she’ll stay asleep for 10-12 hours). On the trip she will be in our bed and I dont want to wake up frequently to nurse her. On the other hand, I am worried about food quality and want her to have a reliable source of food if she gets sick. We will be gone for one week. Would you wean? If I wasnt going on the trip, I would probably continue nursing only at night before bedtime but I am really dreading the idea of waking every 2-3 hours to nurse her (and creating a bad habit!).

    • My attitude with traveling with kids is to not worry about creating bad habits and just do what makes everyone happy while you’re on the road, then suffer the consequences later. Being able to nurse might be helpful, e.g., on flights, when food is questionable, etc. It might also be hard to convince her not to want to nurse when she is sharing the bed with you if she has only been weaned for a couple weeks. Just my 2 cents!

    • Momata says:

      I would not wean. There is going to be enough change and disruption — it might really come in handy as a way to restore some sense of normalcy and calm. And I wouldn’t worry about sleep habits forming while you’re on a trip. If you can get through one week of cosleeping (which – your sleep is likely to be disrupted by jet lag anyway) I would keep on keeping on.

    • I wouldn’t. It’ll be calming for baby among the chaos of travel … and sometimes weaning causes crazy hormonal mood swings for mom (it did for me) that would be a challenge to handle during international travel when already dealing with change to sleep schedule, etc.

    • Agree with not weaning. Could you take a PNP so she wouldn’t have to sleep with you, since it sounds like that’s not the norm otherwise? Haven’t been to India, but most hotels we’ve stayed at have been able to provide a crib or PNP. We bought a foldable mattress that fits a PNP (and can go in a large suitcase) that made it possible for my son to actually sleep in one. (He seemed to be very uncomfortable without it and woke frequently.)

    • Anonymous says:

      No advice on the weaning since I haven’t done it yet, but don’t resign yourself to cosleeping if you don’t want to. I bought a Phil and Ted’s travel crib that folds up super small (can fit in suitcase- much smaller than the baby bjorn equivalent) and it takes up much less floor space than a pack and play when it is assembled (we bought it to use specifically somewhere that a pack n play won’t fit). I’m just mentioning this because I’m not sure how tiny hotel rooms are in India.

    • EB0220 says:

      Do not wean! Nursing will be invaluable while traveling. My philosophy is to do what it takes while traveling and deal with the consequences when we get back.

  2. Momata says:

    Tips for encouraging a 26 month old to nap at home? A few weeks ago she started climbing out of her crib; we’ve had 3 napless weekends in a row. We’ve removed all toys except books from her room, but I can’t remove, like, her dresser full of clothes. She still needs the nap, and takes a 2 hour nap at daycare. We’ve tried the “silent return” to her crib, ignoring her and letting her have an hour or so of quiet time, lying down next to her . . . nothing has worked. Help!

    • DD is 26 months, and we moved her to a toddler bed last week (DH saw her try to climb out of the crib, had visions of her falling on her head, we set up a toddler bed that weekend) and it has drastically improved all sleeping in our house. After about 2 days, she has fully embraced the idea that she’s a big girl, she lays down by herself, and she lays in bed until she’s asleep. This has extended to naps, she knows the routine, she completes the steps by herself as much as possible, and has been sleeping and napping great. We also realized that her nap window has moved up by about 2 hours, so we were keeping her up too long.

      Can you ask daycare what the nap routine is like?

    • mascot says:

      It may be time to move her out of the crib. By that age, my daycare was using cots for naps. I agree about asking what their timing and routine is for naps, and trying to line up her home schedule to mimic that.

    • Legally Brunette says:

      My son is 3 and fighting his naps at home as well, although he will gladly nap for 2 hours at preschool. The only thing I have found that works is napping (ie: reading my phone) in the room with him and then sneaking out once he falls asleep. Not ideal but it’s a thought.

      • Anonymous says:

        Something similar in our house too. Toddler was missing us from all week in daycare and reluctant to nap because he didn’t want to be away from us. Naps at daycare were fine. We either waited in his room until he fell asleep, or when he got bigger, said it was nap time for everyone and he needs to have his nap so mommy can have her nap. Then tried to be as quiet as possible during naptime.

        • Anonymous says:

          Wait…you all pretend to nap during naptime? Toddler naptime is TOTALLY mommy/daddy naptime in our house. (Every weekend when we wake up from our naps: “Ugh, we didn’t accomplish anything! But that was a great nap!”)

    • A friend of mine lowered the crib mattress all the way to the floor to prevent climbing. Whether that works might depend on your crib model, though.

    • Anonymous says:

      My kid is 29 (? about 2.5) months and we started having the same issue with napping. She’d been in a real bed since 18 months, so while I don’t think a bed is a bad idea, I’m not sure it’s the total answer. What we found (and frankly, are still finding) is that she’s old enough to “make it” through the day if she wants to, wheras when she was younger, she physically couldn’t *not* sleep after like, 2pm. Now if she skips, she’s a bear and has to go to bed 1.5 hours early, but she can do it without falling asleep on the floor at 4pm.

      What worked:
      1. Make the room dark and follow daycare’s routine as closely as possible. She’d previously had no issues napping in her sunny bedroom but we put up room darkening sheets (actually, i put a blanket over her window but hey) and that helps.
      2. The big one- really tire her out. On weekends, we tend to wake up later, get moving later, and have a generally lower-key day that weekdays + daycare. On weekends where we all get up at or before 7, eat breakfast then play outside, at the park, run around etc. she naps at 1:30 like a champ. On mornings where we wake up 8am (she’s a late sleeper if we let her!), hang out watching cartoons or reading the paper til 9 or 10, get dressed lazily then maybe go run errands (where she’s in the shopping card), nap doesn’t happen. So now we consciously plan our mornings around ACTIVITY and if we don’t, then we know to plan our afternoon/evening around No Nap. Our town pool does toddler open swim at 11am on Sundays, so we hit that up bigtime in the winter. Surefire way to knock her out :)

      I also nap with her, but not because it helps her. Sometimes I lie there and pass out. Sometimes she falls asleep, sometimes she reads to me the entire time (at least she likes books?).

      Good luck!

      • Anonymous says:

        oh and FWIW moving around bedtime did not help. She goes to bed at 8:30 if she’s napped, and no later than 7pm if she hasn’t, or there is h3ll to pay from the Overtired Fairy.

  3. Sugar for toddlers? says:

    I’m curious how careful you all are with sugar for your toddlers. My one year old really likes oatmeal these days and I eat myself the trader joes frozen ones with maple syrup and brown sugar added, and give those to her too, for example. I could also just give her plain oatmeal.

    FWIW, she also likes kraft mac n cheese. Oops. But in a lot of other respects, we tend to be pretty good about giving her whole foods, if that makes sense?

    • About as careful as I am with sugar for myself. We eat sweetened oatmeal (because plain oatmeal isn’t very tasty to me), and Annie’s fruit snacks have been known to show up in the cabinet, but the majority of our food is of the plant/grain/protein variety. And yes, sometimes there’s boxed mac and cheese for dinner, but that would happen even if we didn’t have a toddler tbh.
      I do limit juice (DD would drink a quart of it in a day if I let her) and try to avoid things that really stick to her teeth.

    • This is something I’m curious about too. We try for a general “no added sugar” policy with our almost 14MO but at the same time try not to be overly dogmatic and allow exceptions. E.g., he had a birthday cupcake, and I will give him a bite of my blueberry muffin if he wants it. But we do plain yogurt (adding fruit), plain oatmeal (cinnamon only), no sweetened beverages (no juice at all, actually) & things like that.

      HUGE caveat— he eats the “school lunch” at daycare. The menu doesn’t reflect anything sugary but I would not be at all surprised to find out there is some lurking in there, like in the pasta sauce or the bread or something. This is perhaps why we keep a closer eye on it at home.

      I have some friends who have a very strict NO REFINED SUGAR EVER policy. I know we’re supposed to not judge, but I find it pretty off-putting.

    • I’m with rakma – about as careful with sugar for him as I am for myself. He can have desserts if we’re all having them, but we don’t have them every day. For something like oatmeal, I’ll make plain oatmeal and add maple syrup, rather than doing pre-sweetened. Same with yogurt.

      I’ve also found that he gets the most crazy about wanting sweets when he is overly hungry. I’m the same way. So I try to fill him up on meals and healthy snacks first, and then he isn’t as interested in sweets.

    • I try to avoid on a regular basis but not be too dogmatic. I like Ellyn Satter’s thinking on this, as well as most food issues. I don’t want sweets to be a ‘forbidden fruit’ so we offer them on occasions (either parties, or if we are out somewhere where there is a specialty). But I try to make the bulk of their meal from unprocessed, unsweetened, real food (with exceptions for Annies Mac and Cheese of course)

    • Momata says:

      I’m all over this board today. I’m pretty careful about it – at home, plain yogurt sweetened only with actual fruit, no juice/candy/dessert unless it’s a party. (I do cave to the convenience of prepackaged yogurt cups for packed lunches.) This is how my husband and I eat, and it works for us — I’m trying to show that treats are best enjoyed in a social environment on special occasions. I don’t know if this is causation or correlation, but she really doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth.

    • OP here, it’s funny this chat is kind of all over the main site today too! (Not started by me) I think this all makes sense. My daughter’s a fabulous eater and as likely to eat a pile of okra or brussel sprouts or sauteed spinach as she is to enjoy her sweetened oatmeal, so I think that’s why I haven’t worried about it too much. And will probably continue not to. It sounds like most people have a pretty balanced approach.

      I totally do plain yogurt b/c I want her to like that! I just really enjoy these pre-sweetened trader joe’s oatmeals myself so that’s what I buy… if she ends up with her mom’s eating habits it probably won’t be the end of the world! thanks for all the replies.

    • Spirograph says:

      I’m also with rakma: about as careful as I am with sugar for myself. Kiddos get almost the exact same food as H and I do, and 90% of the time it’s pretty healthy. We have a stash of squeeze pouches of applesauce and chocolate chip granola bars for snacks on the go, but other than that I can’t think of any artificially sugary foods that make regular appearances. We eat a *lot* of fruit, but rarely have juice. Although I do plain yogurt + fruit for myself, convenience wins and we send yogurt cups for daycare breakfast, but I do buy the “no sugar added” kind. I like to bake, and we often have cookies around, but it’s a 1 cookie for dessert kind of thing. The only time I give sugar a second thought is if it’s close to nap or bedtime. My kids definitely like sweets, but they don’t demand them unless they’re looking right at them (at which point, I’m already giving it to them; otherwise sweets hide in cupboards where they won’t tempt *me*), and they also like meat, fruit, and vegetables. And cheese. So much cheese. Overall, their diet’s pretty well-rounded by toddler standards, I think.

      side note: I make plain oatmeal for all of us and sprinkle brown sugar (and nuts and raisins. yum) on top. I don’t buy the pre-made packs because they’re comparatively expensive and I actually find them too sweet. A giant carton of Quaker oats is SO CHEAP and cooking a couple servings of it takes 10 seconds of measuring the water in my 4-cup Pyrex + dumping a cup of oatmeal on top, then 3 minutes in the microwave. And then I eat mine out of the pyrex after scooping out kid servings, because I’m that lazy and it’s one less bowl to wash. Yup, I am classy.

      • I also eat my oatmeal out of a Pyrex measuring cup. :)

      • Could you share the brand of no sugar added yogurt you buy? The pre-packaged ones I’ve found (at least the ones marketed to kids) tend to be crazy artificial colors and full of sugar. Do you just buy “adult” yogurt? (Which now that I think of it, probably makes more sense…)

        • Spirograph says:

          Yup, I just buy adult yogurt. Usually Yoplait, but whatever is cheapest at the store that day, because my kids are not picky like I am. I wondered for ages what the difference between “baby” “kid” and “adult” yogurt is. The only thing I could see different was the serving size and the packaging. And the price. Throw “baby” on anything and apparently you can mark it up 30%.

        • Same – I buy full fat adult yogurt in the larger (quart-sized?) containers. I usually get a brand called Brown Cow that is unbelievably good.

        • The Fage whole fat one.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      Yeah….I am definitely not as careful about avoiding “processed” foods. Animal crackers, goldfish crackers (not Annie’s bunnies! gasp!), fruit leathers from Target, fruit flavored yogurt; it’s all on the table at my house. Heck, I even feed my kid Kraft mac and cheese once in a while! Along with fresh fruits and veggies, meat, eggs, cheese, and the occasional brown rice/quinoa/beans (which my toddler ignores).

      I just wanted to put it out there for moms who are reading this thread worrying about not feeding exclusively “whole foods.” It’s OK. Convenience improves my sanity, which makes me a better mom, which will counteract whatever negative effect the Red No. 5 in my daughter’s yogurt might have.

      • Maddie Ross says:

        Amen, NewMomAnon. I’m right there with you. My LO will eat an entire bowl of steamed broccoli, but she also eats Kraft Mac and Cheese, goldfish, Welch’s fruit snacks, kid’s Yoplait yogurt (because if they put Elsa on the side of it, we have to buy it), and all sorts of other processed foods. All of which contain added sugar. I’m totally down with you – convenience is a big part of it. I work full time, commute, work out, and try to manage the LO. If Elsa yogurt is the compromise (and I can’t lie – I think plain Fage is plain gross, and if I won’t eat it, I can’t make her), then it’s totally worth it for us.

      • Spirograph says:

        Agree that I don’t think it’s worth worrying about. I avoid buying processed foods not because I don’t want my kids eating them, but because I have NO WILLPOWER and to a lesser extent, neither does my husband. Our kids don’t eat much snack food (at least at home) because they only get snacks on weekends if we’re out somewhere. My husband sometimes buys giant boxes of individual pack fruit snacks or cartons of goldfish or whatever from Costco as “snacks for the kids,” and then we end up eating it while watching TV at night until they’re gone…the kids only actually eat a small portion of the total amount. I love goldfish, fruit snacks, graham crackers, animal crackers, sweet cereal like Lucky Charms and Golden Grahams, and basically every other food ever invented with small children in mind. I will not, however, snack on squeeze pouches of applesauce or Cheerios, so those are better for me to have around in large quantities. My whole approach to weight management is to exercise willpower once at the store so I don’t have to do it every day at home. :)

      • oh my daughter loves the cheddar annie’s bunnies! new recent discovery…

        • NewMomAnon says:

          Annie’s bunnies…grr…my daughter “loved” them at the grocery store, so I bought a 12 pack of the little bags. Got home and she wouldn’t touch them, and kept demanding goldfish instead. I tried to choke down a couple bags but finally brought the remaining bunnies to work and left them in the cafeteria.

          So now I have a giant box of Teddy Grahams, animal crackers, and Chips Ahoy (I ate all the Chips Ahoy, because I am the mother and therefore entitled to do so). Kiddo helps herself to the Teddy Grahams/animal crackers when she’s starving. We’re both much happier when she can practice some self help to avoid becoming hangry.

    • Anonymous says:

      In moderation, but frankly, not much. I am a little more concerned with sodium/prepackaged things, but we generally stick to a household of fresh meat/fruit/veggies. Her daycare snacks are applesauce (no sugar added), a piece of fruit (or pieces of fruit), nutrigrain bars, and yogurt (I tend to get trader joes whole fat yogurt, or the chobani yogurt sticks). I tend not to send cracker-y things because school does provide snack and they tend to do more of that. School snacks are lower sugar cereal, no-salt pretzles, graham crackers, etc.

      But outside of that? She eats what we eat.

  4. FTMinFL says:

    Ladies, can I get a reality check? I have to go on a recruiting trip next week to the college town where my husband and I met. A month ago when this came up, we decided it would be fun to go together, take our four month old, and my husband could interview law clerks at the same time (he owns his law practice). Now he is suggesting that I just take the trip alone so that he doesn’t have to be out of the office.

    I’m so not emotionally ready for this. Set aside the logistics of having to lug a pump around, DH has never managed to get the baby to sleep (lack of patience) and would not function at all the next day if he had to get up with baby twice (or more!) a night. If I really cram all the recruiting events/interviews together and take flights with some crazy connections, I can make the trip just one night.

    Can someone please talk me off this ledge? I’m upset that DH would put me in this position, but I know that on Mondays all he can see is work. I also know that baby won’t go 36 hours without sleeping – they may have a rough night, but the babysitter can get him to sleep during the day and then I’ll just have to deal with any lingering effects when I get home. At the same time, I am pretty sure I will be a terrible recruiter and the positions I’m hiring for are critical to my own professional success over the next year+. Do I beg DH into coming on the trip? Do I just suck it up and go? If option B, how do I get DH and baby ready for this?

    • Feel free to take my advice with a grain of salt, but given what you’ve provided here, I think you need to go on this trip by yourself. Your husband needs to be able to care for the baby by himself. He can be a big boy and get a little less sleep if necessary. Do not make the trip last just one night. Go, take your pump (I promise it’s not that bad, I’ve traveled with a pump a lot), spend a wonderful night sleeping by yourself in a quiet hotel room, and let your husband spend some quality time with your baby.

      • +100. No one will die while you’re away. If everyone misses a little sleep, that’s really not a big deal. Enjoy some time away!

      • Spirograph says:

        emphatic +1. Your husband might surprise you with his baby-competence. And even if he doesn’t, he and baby will both survive, and that in itself will be a good, confidence-boosting experience for all involved.

        You do not do anything to get your husband ready for this beyond making sure he has enough milk and formula to last until you get home, and understands how to put together and heat a bottle. Remind him that if he gets really frustrated, he can just put baby in the crib and walk away to calm down. Don’t micromanage HOW he takes care of your baby beyond that. He needs to figure out something that works for him.

      • Anon in NYC says:

        I 100% agree with this. Go on the trip as planned and focus on what you need to do. Your husband needs to be able to manage the baby on his own – and that means he’ll have to be a little more patient in getting him to sleep, and also be a little sleep deprived (seriously – do you do it all by yourself every night?!). Also, your baby will be fine.

    • You made a plan based on your husband agreeing to go with you–your plans don’t need to change because he changed his. Not going on the trip means he’s in charge of getting the baby to sleep, and getting up with the baby, etc, not just that he’s in the office next week. You don’t need to reduce the number of nights you’re away for his sake, but if you want to do it for your sake, I get that.

      I know leaving when your baby is this young is hard, but your baby won’t remember you being away, The pump logistics are a PITA, yes, but manageable. Don’t risk making your life hard for the next year to make it easier for one night.

      Can you discuss this with your husband tonight, laying out all of the consequences for both of you? If he’s blind sighted by work this morning, maybe he’ll be able to think more clearly later?

    • PregLawyer says:

      You have to put trust in your husband that he’s going to adequately take care of your kid. If he can run his own law practice, he can figure out how to get the baby to sleep. Seriously.

    • My first work trip away was at about this age. Not only did the two of them survive, the little stinker slept through the night! Pumping on the road is a small price to pay for you to have a full night of sleep by yourself.

    • I find this hilarious – husband thinks he got the easier deal by staying home with baby so he doesn’t miss work? Ha!

      Hopefully you’ll come back to a much more empathetic partner (if you’ve really been the only one responsible for putting baby to bed for the past 4 months.)

      Baby will be fine, husband will survive, and you will feel like you’ve slept for a year after a single good night’s sleep. Enjoy yourself!

      • FTMinFL says:

        I hadn’t thought of him thinking that he’s getting the easy end of the deal – that is hilarious!

        Thank you all for the perspective. I realize I’m much less worried about baby and DH together than I am how I will hold up emotionally, but that will likely be much easier after a night of unbroken sleep!

      • Anonymous says:

        +1. I went to trial out of town when my kid was 5 months old. Never in my life have I found a trial to be so restful, because when I went to sleep, I actually got to sleep for the first time since the baby was born.

  5. Resentful says:

    I’m afraid that I am beginning to build up some weird resentment issues with my in-laws. As far as in-laws go, they are really nice, generous, fun people who I know love my family. But, particularly since we have had the baby, there are things that have happened that I have tried to let go of but end up holding a weird grudge about. Like the time MIL kept putting off getting a flu shot when baby was born, or when they drove 6 hours to the hospital and knocked on the door when they heard I was in labor, or when she suggested I become a SAHM (just not who I am)…
    I usually tend to resolve things like this by just saying what’s on my mind. But, I’m not always able to do that on the spot with them, and it feels like making too big of an issue out of things if I bring it up later (a point my husband has made). It’s also hard because my husband does most of the managing for their relationship with our family, and I sometimes feel he doesn’t do enough to set limits with them, whereas he feels my limits are irrational and hurtful to his parents.
    Anyway, I guess I’m looking for some tips on how to be a big girl and just suck it up – acknowledging it could be much, much worse…..

    • Diapers says:

      THis is a husband issue, not an in-law issue!!! You need to decide what the limits are together, and he should enforce on your behalf. This seems like the point of your post:

      It’s also hard because my husband does most of the managing for their relationship with our family, and I sometimes feel he doesn’t do enough to set limits with them, whereas he feels my limits are irrational and hurtful to his parents.

      He thinks – objectively very reasonable and understandable – limits are IRRATIONAL and HURTFUL? Even if they weren’t reasonable, it would still be on you guys to work it out as a team. Unless he is willing to get on your side, he’ll undermine your wishes with them, and you’ll very reasonably resent them, and eventually him. That’s something to work out between you two, not your in-laws.

      FWIW, my in-laws have said similar (and worse) to me regarding my career. It’s never bothered me, really – it’s more of a reflection on their values than mine. But my husband also shares my view of what my career will look like, and so their comments just sort of fall on deaf ears. It hasn’t/won’t change our behavior. “Oh that’s interesting that you stayed him b/c you didn’t want a stranger to raise your children. Tell me more about how you make this lovely chicken dish we are eating.”

      With the benefit of a few years under my belt, it’s clear my in-laws just weren’t used to seeing two working parents, and I know seeing our life “work” has helped convince them that we haven’t totally outsourced our children’s care. My MIL has said to me: “It really surprised me how much you love your kids, and what a good mom you are.” As though working would have negated loving them? b/c her working husband didn’t love her children? Dunno. But with a supportive spouse, it just sort of works out. It means I very rarely call them if I need help (point of pride, there, but whatever – no one’s perfect), but we have a fine relationship. I get more angry at ingrained gender themes in society than I do at them personally when they make their comments.

    • I have similar issues with my in laws. I like them but we are very different culturally, especially in terms of boundaries. Is this the first grandchild? I have found that having a kid really flipped the power dynamics of my relationship with my inlaws and Ive been relishing it more than I should. It takes time for everyone to adjust to their new roles as parents/grandparents so issues during this time are common.

      I try to keep resentments to myself when I know they are petty. Vent with friends/anonymous online people more than your husband (for minor irritations, not serious issues). And I confront crap like the “why don’t you stay home?” stuff directly and immediately when it comes up. Their family tends toward the passive aggressive, while I am very direct (but diplomatic). If they are going to criticize my choices they are going to do it on my terms not theirs. They almost always back off/ back down when challenged directly. I dont get angry, but I dont let those kinds of statements go unchallenged. So much of this depends on the personalities involved though, so ymmv.

      • Anonymous says:

        I got the SAHM comment once (passive aggressively) from FIL. I said “I make more than your son, so if you you think baby needs a SAH parent, it’ll be (DH).” Shut him up right there.

        My in laws annoy the [email protected] out of me, but it’s just annoying; they are good people and I could do a whole lot worse. My mother is annoying as heck too, so maybe I’m just irritable ;)

    • Anonymous says:

      I try to set limits on the important things and let the little stuff go. My mother in law asks if there’s no option to work part time at my office? I say nope, too bad. I have zero interest in going part time. This would not work for things that are mentioned regularly though. There’s a lot of “smile, nod, ignore”.

      I do put my foot down (via DH) on car seats and other safety stuff.

  6. Resentful says:

    Thanks for the response! My husband is also super supportive of my career and I know my MIL does not mean any harm… I think husband just doesn’t think these things are that big of a deal because it doesn’t ultimately impact anything – just offhand comments that reflect their background more than any real expectation of us. I know this in my head, but am having a hard time shrugging things off. To clarify, my husband does not think all limits are irrational/hurtful, but does not always agree with the way I would respond (tone/content) if it were my own parents. We are talking about it a lot more, but still trying to find a place where we are both comfortable. Nothing has actually become a real issue – at the hospital he told them to go away and come back tomorrow, which I also agreed to; on the SAHM thing, it’s a moot point and hasn’t come up again. But now I’m just FEELING resentful for even the smallest things which I KNOW are not a big deal.

  7. lucy stone says:

    Has anyone here used BabyWise? I had a counselor recommend it to me and I like the concept but most of my friends are attachment parenting co-sleepers so they all think it sounds like the worst thing ever.

    • Anonymous says:

      I haven’t used BabyWise or heard of it. Wikipedia says that Ferber thinks it has unrealistic expectations for how long baby will sleep so I would be cautious around CIO that even Ferber thinks it is too much. I used The No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley with success (we never coslept). Friends have used the Baby Whisperer/EASY book with success.

    • Baby 411 — which I generally find somewhat reliable, and doesn’t typically recommend things in the attachment parent-y vein — recommends against Babywise. I recall that their reasoning is that it puts young babies on a feeding and sleeping schedule that is unrealistic and unlikely to meet the eating needs of many babies. No independent views (and definitely no judgment), but I found that pretty concerning.

    • Tunnel says:

      I followed Babywise and it was a godsend for me. I used it as a guideline (not strict enforcement). Secrets of a Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg is very similar but more relaxed. I highly recommend both. My one year old has been sleeping through the night since about 3 months old, is a great napper, and can soothe himself. Maybe I just got lucky with a great sleeper, but I will definitely be following the same method if I ever have another one.

      • Anonymous says:

        This is my dream. Obviously if the baby is yowling I’m not going to ignore her, but the idea of some sort of nighttime sleep (even just 5 or 6 hours) makes me less paranoid about this little critter coming out.

    • PinkKeyboard says:

      We didn’t do babywise but we did sleep train starting at 4 months (in a weird modified way I came up with after googling). Basically, change diaper, in swaddle (or sleep sack later), bottle in rocking chair, in crib with binky and muslin blanket. She got one immediate courtesy return visit, then 3 mintues, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes. We never got beyond 10 tbh. I’d also go back in if I heard the binky clatter out or if she seemed super upset (most likely wedged herself strangely or got her leg stuck). She is now 8 months and doesn’t seem damaged.

    • Do some research before deciding whether Babywise is right for you (it might be; I’m not saying there are people for whom it is not right). I read about its principles from other sources and thought it would be a good fit, but learned that the creators have a very different outlook than I do — fundamentalist Christians who are not doctors, I believe, and who believe strongly in the principle of breaking the child’s will — and I was not comfortable following their advice with that in mind. Any of these books that don’t have an evidence-based approach made me uncomfortable, though, when they say “your baby WILL do blah-blah-blah” if you follow our advice.
      All that said: The eat-play-sleep routine was MAGIC for us when used with flexibility and is one thing that Babywise started that did help us a lot.

      • Beans says:

        Agree. Babywise is created by people who aren’t doctors and I believe the AAP has warned against it. Some of the general principles may be OK but there are aspects of the teaching that view babies as manipulative, which is insane in my opinion. I would be very, very hesitant to use this method. It is promoted heavily by the evangelical Christian community and homeschool community.

      • MDMom says:

        I never read the book but did attempt eat-play-sleep (based on googled info) for a bit when the nonroutine of maternity leave was getting to me. The structure was appealing. That said, it was not a success for me. It wasnt a disaster or anything, but it resulted in very short naps because baby would wake up hungry. Feeding baby before sleep led to longer naps. A friend who had a baby a few months later ran into the same problem. Things got a lot better when I relaxed and tried to focus more on following babys lead, including feeding to sleep. The nurse to sleep association was pretty easy to break at 6 months. I think stressing about it at 6 weeks is just unnecessary.

        So I think there is no harm in trying it, but be open to abandoning it if it’s not working for you and baby.

        • Anonymous says:

          +1 nursing to sleep association has never been a problem for us and was actually a great way to get baby to sleep for many months. YMMV.

        • Anonymous says:

          I nursed to sleep until about 6-8 months. I was terrified of not…but once I decided to do it, it took 2-3 nights of “mini CIO”. Meaning, day 1, I put her to bed and she fussed for 8 min (we checked on her and resettled after every 2 min). Day 2 she fussed for 3 minutes. Day 3 she whimpered and passed out.

          I totally could have done it sooner, but it was ok by me. I knew she could do it since DH dos a lot of overnights when I was traveling and she passed out with a bottle usually, but sometimes not.

        • anon from 1:04 says:

          Yes! So much of this is “try out what works with YOUR baby.”

    • Anonymous says:

      I haven’t but I sleep trained using Ferber. I think “healthy sleep habits healthy child” is one of the best baby sleep books out there. The book applies whether you use “cry it out” or not. I would encourage you to read it and then if you want some scheduling help, there is a group on Facebook that breaks down the principles from the book into an easy to understand schedule (it’s called “expect to sleep again- sleep training support”). I have followed this with lots of success (sleep trained at 4 months, 8 month old now sleeps 12-13 hours at night plus 2-3 hours a day in naps)

    • lucy stone says:

      Thank you all for the feedback! I am trying to get all my baby-related reading in now since I’m sure I won’t have time when she gets here.

      • MDMom says:

        You’d be surprised. I read a lot on my kindle while nursing in the early days. Highly suggest loading up an ereader!

      • Anonymous says:

        If you’re planning on nursing, the La Leche League book “the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding” is something I wish I had read pre-baby. It has lots of great practical info. Ignore the preachy bits – I loved nursing but I’m sure baby would have been fine without. And don’t worry too much – it’s entirely possible that you’ll have a baby who nurses and sleeps well.

    • Skip Babywise. Read the chapters on sleep on sleep in Bringing Up Bebe (also, the only “parenting” book my husband would read! He thought the tone of parenting books was “condescending” and I was like, have you ever read a woman’s magazine? This is chill. But I digress.) You don’t put the baby on a schedule, but you observe and build up a schedule around your kiddo. (Frankly my LO’s naptimes make it impossible to take baby classes, but I’d rather she naps.) Babies are very active during sleep and so you should very much make sure yours is awake before you pick them up.

      My LO ate every four hours in the hospital (actually longer — I’d have to fight to wake her up) and when we got home she tried on day two to eat every two hours (eat on one side and fall asleep). And I knew she could do better — I really fought to get her to eat on both sides (tickle feet and ears, kisses and cuddle awake, washcloth on feet or face if absolutely necessary [but never a cold or rough one]) If your baby can sleep for four hours that means they’re doing two sleep cycles (at least!) so they will eventually be able to sleep through the night. My baby slept through the night just after two months, with no sleep training and she’s EBF. (She actually freaked me out when she dropped her last night feeding — I woke up convinced she would be missing instead of in her co-sleeper.)

      Also if you need to feel better about your attachment parenting friends, I’d read Baby Meets World: Suck, Smile, Touch, Toddle. It’s really the natural history of what we know about babies — the history of the science and where it falls short or is reported poorly. Like, for instance one of the statistics attachment parenting proponents trot out constantly is that babies in the San culture are responded to within 15 seconds — but they leave out that only 1/3 of those responses are the baby’s own mother.

      Other books I’ve loved over the years: Everything You’ve Never Wanted Your Kid to Know About S3x (But Were Afraid They’d Ask), Nature Shock, The Importance of Being Little,

      Also I found that I preferred checking parenting books out of the library: some I disagreed with so profoundly that it ticked me off that I bought them. So I tend to read first, buy later if I think the book is something I want as a reference.

    • Anon. says:

      I disliked Babywise — it came across as condescending gobeldygook that was not scientifically supported. (I was reading on very little sleep, but still.) I found a book by a sleep researcher that seemed much more evidence-based, that I really liked: The Good Sleeper: The Essential Guide to Sleep for Your Baby–and You, by Janet Kennedy. Again, I read through it really quickly in sleepless desperation, but I appreciated it for being balanced, well researched and non-dogmatic. (Ultimately, we let the babe cry it out when he was not even 4 months old, because we were at our wits’ end — he would literally not sleep unless I was holding him. Maybe reading this book earlier would have prevented that….) I think he developed a thumb-sucking habit, as we didn’t give him a pacifier, but he turned out to be a much better sleeper than my other kid, who was nursed to sleep until he was 9 months old!

      I also recommend the 90 Minute Sleep Solution. Also well researched and written by a scientist. Also life-changing :)

      Good luck!

    • PregLawyer says:

      I’m convinced that whether you get a good sleeper is just luck of the draw. I don’t really know if there is any method that “works” for all babies.

      We lucked out and got a great sleeper – he slept through the night at about 3 months (and like, 10 hours straight, not the fake 6-hour “sleep through the night.” I’m sorry but 8:00 pm to 2:00 am is not sleeping through the night.) We didn’t really do anything specific. We switched him to his crib at 1 month because he was a summer baby and his nursery was air-conditioned–our attic bedroom was not. He always nursed to sleep because that was the easiest way to get him to fall asleep, and now we still tank him up with a bottle before bed. He got attached to a pacifier right away, so now it’s like a little sleep drug. We pop it in and he passes out. We broke all the SIDS rules and gave him a little stuffed animal that he could hold onto after we transitioned him out of the swaddle, and now he will lay in bed stroking its ears (it’s a bunny) to soothe himself. We didn’t ever do full CIO, but definitely let him whimper a bit before going into him to allow him to figure out how to self-soothe. I don’t know if any of those decisions helped him to sleep through the night, or if he is just one of those babies that likes to sleep. (He’s a terrible napper, though. Go figure).

      Regarding schedules, I do more or less follow a schedule. He always ate every 2 hours, unless he showed signs of hunger before that. And we try to put him down for a nap every 2-3 hours–or when he started yawning, whatever came first. That’s pretty much the same schedule he is on now at 8 months, except that it’s a bottle every 3 hours, and solids in-between, so he pretty much eats ALL THE TIME.

    • Philanthropy Girl says:

      I read Babywise – and for me it was way too black and white. It didn’t seem to leave room for the individuality of a child or a parent.It also seemed a bit contradictory. I finished it with more questions than I had when I started. I know people who love it and use it like the bible of child-rearing. I was not that person.

      I shared those thoughts with a friend and she suggested Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth. It was exactly what I needed – well thought out, clearly explained, with plenty of flexibility. I found that the modified cry it out and the sleep cues were by far the most helpful bits, but the book extends all the way through the teen years, so there are sections I haven’t read yet.

      A schedule is pretty important, especially once your maternity leave is over. I think Health Sleep Habits recommends not starting a true schedule until the baby is about six weeks old, and at that point working toward a schedule (unless you need to start earlier due to the length of your leave). I found the book far more balanced and rational than BabyWise. It just worked better for me and my LO, but I also think so much of this is dependent on your parenting style and your child.

      I also found The Baby Sleep Site to be helpful. They had very useful suggested schedules for multiple ages, and have had good advise for sleep regressions.

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