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I like these wide-leg pants from H&M’s maternity line. In non-pregnant life, I tend to skew skinny pants/loose shirt combo. However, when I was pregnant, the part of my body I usually am most self-conscious about (stomach area) suddenly became a moot point. I definitely owned my share of tent-like shirts, but I did not shy away from a body-hugging top. I like how these wide-leg pants can balance out a tighter top, and with summer coming along, I can imagine wanting a breezier pants option that is still work-appropriate. These pants are $29.99 and come in three color options in sizes 0–22. MAMA Wide-Leg Pants Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here.Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
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- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Ifiknew says
Diaper backpack recommendations for a 2 year old and soon to be born baby? I’ve managed with toddler with a tiny little bag, but will be hard with newborn too. Not looking for anything over $150..Tia!
Annie says
I really like the skip hop forma. It’s worked well for a toddler and infant.
Anonymous says
Not a diaper bag, but I have my sights set on replacing my 10+ year old law school backpack with this one before the next time I fly with my kiddo.
https://www.everlane.com/products/womens-nylon-commuter-backpack-lightgrey?collection=womens-backpacks-bags
rosie says
Oh, this is nice. My current Patagonia backpack has mesh on the back, which is nice for breathability but makes the back of my shirts/sweaters pill. May have to try this…would be cheaper than having to replace my clothes more quickly.
9:02 Anon says
Makes sense! My only concern is that it would be too small for my purposes. But I like it enough to probably order it at some point and investigate.
rosie says
I suspect it would be big enough for my day to day (mainly laptop + lunch + purse stuff), but maybe not for travel.
AwayEmily says
We use the Baggu drawstring canvas backpack — it worked great for our toddler + newborn (enough room for diapers, changing pad, a couple changes of clothes, snacks, bottle). It also hangs really nicely on the back of a stroller if you loop one of the shoulder straps over the push bar. AND you can throw the entire thing in the washing machine. And it’s not diaper bag specific so can be re-used post-baby.
HSAL says
I’m annoyed with myself for how much I like the JuJuBe Be Right Back diaper bag. It’s expensive (regular price is over $150 but you can generally find a few colors on sale for closer to $100) but I like it so much better than other backpack diaper bags I’ve tried. I use it for my 3.5 year old and 11 month old twins. It’s got great pockets/organization with plenty of open space as well, and it’s machine washable.
TheElms says
Have you washed it? If it washes well that could make it worth the price for me.
HSAL says
Nope – I’ve had it a year and it still looks brand new, but I imagine the lighter colors would show dirt faster? I did find some posts online about people who successfully washed them.
CCLA says
We like our JuJuBe XY Vector for our two kids who have the same spacing as yours.
SOAnon4this says
Need some thoughts.
Mother’s Day was great…until DH tried to put DS in the Ergo in back carry and DS accidentally slipped out while DH was trying to fasten it. Fortunately we were at home, it happened on carpet, and DS is fine.
DS took a bit to be consoled, but ultimately fine. DH was already snapping at me when trying to get DS in the carrier, and then got a bit snappy at me even when trying to console DS, and that’s when I got pissed and raised my voice and said “STOP SNAPPING AND YELLING AT EVERYONE!”. I should add that DH’s mom was around too.
DH stormed away to our bedroom, and I took DS to his room and made a quick call to the nurse line just to make sure we were watching out for any weird symptoms. DH was apparently pissed that I did this, and then stormed out for a walk and came back within 45 minutes. We were civil all evening but didn’t talk much. Got it bed, read our books, and didn’t say anything. My MIL is a bit tone-deaf when it comes to emotions or anything abstract so I’m not too concerned about her vantage point. Plus, I did apologize to her for yelling (although I REFUSE to apologize to DH because I did 0 wrong here. This is big for me – I usually am someone who would rather just apologize and move on, or try to talk things out to move on).
We were fine this AM – again didn’t talk much and aligned on logistics and I left on the earlier side for the day due to a work deadline.
Not really sure what to do – we had a date night on Saturday evening that started on the wrong foot (ultimately we had a great time), and now this. Just feeling a bit low in the marital bliss department. Sigh. Looking for insights, empathy, advice…really anything.
AwayEmily says
I have so, so been there. And in fact was there, yesterday, with a semi-argument over whose responsibility it is to put the Amazon subscribe and save diaper orders away. Same process — some snapping, some lingering annoyance that mostly dissipated on its own, then finally a brief conversation.
I will say that your strategy of just Not Talking for awhile and letting it go away mostly on its own is what we do, too. Honestly I think that if you try to Talk It Out while everyone is still emotionally amped up, it never goes well. After a day or so has passed it’s easier to put everything into perspective.
Anyway, what we do in these situations is that one of us will make an Opening Apologetic and Acknowledging Statement, like “I’m sorry I yelled yesterday, I was scared. I’m sure you were, too. I love you.” Then, usually, the other person will make a similar statement back, and we both feel better. I think the key is to enter into the conversation not with the goal (either explicit or implicit) of “winning” but rather with the goal of making sure both of you feel loved and forgiven. The nice thing about this is that the more you do it, the easier it gets.
Anonanonanon says
That last paragraph is so important, and something that we do as well (though it took a bit for me to become mature enough to do it). I can’t just not acknowledge things and move on (even though my husband can), I have to have that closure. Without that, I have an almost physical sense of one more area of hurt in my chest that just hardens and doesn’t go away and slowly builds into resentment (see: end of my first marriage).
Anonymous says
Okay, so this might not be the healthiest advice…but in that situation, DH and I would probably just ignore it and move on normally the next day. Don’t apologize, but also don’t hold a grudge. Act normal toward him. This was a situation where you were both really stressed and freaked out and took it out on each other. Neither of you should have done that and you were both a little bit wrong and/or insensitive. Just move on and learn from it. You’ll feel better tonight after work when you can be together as a family a bit.
Anonymous says
Agreed
Anonymous says
This. Sometimes talking stuff to death isn’t the best resolution. DH and I need to work on just letting stuff go more. Not saying that applies here, but I am saying I agree that every upset doesn’t necessarily need a ‘resolution’ conversation.
Emma says
+1. We often do the “silently move on technique” and after we’ve cooled off and interacted civilly for a while, we’ll calmly revisit the topic a bit later (“Hey, I’m sorry about the other day, I was scared for kiddo and I overreacted.” “Same, I’m sorry too”).
Anonymous says
I’m glad your son is ok. I think it’s pretty normal to just sort of move on after these kind of fights. It wasn’t a fight about A Thing that needs to be resolved (like infidelity or money or whatever), it was just bickering and it’s ok to just be cool to each other for a day or two and then go back to normal. That said, I’m not sure I agree that you did nothing wrong. It sounds like you raised your voice first so I don’t think it would be the worst thing in the world to apologize for yelling and hopefully he will apologize for snapping.
OP says
Thank you all for the gut-checks. I just needed to hear some context that this is normal and not all doom-and-gloom even though it feels so weird right now.
DC catering says
DC ladies — ideas on where to cater for a party that is reasonably priced? We are having a very casual party in a few weeks at a rec center with an adjoining playground. About 50 adults and kids, and this isn’t a kids’ party but there will be a good number of kids. I was originally thinking of just ordering pizza but now I’m wondering if we can step it up from pizza but not go crazy expensive either. Food will be all vegetarian. Other suggestions? Thanks!
AwayEmily says
It’s not DC-specific but Chipotle generally does a nice job with catering.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Lebanese Taverna has been great when I’ve had it catered. Or, you can always go the Costco route and get a few other things to add to ordered pizza. I think pizza is always a hit! :)
Anonanonanon says
I’ve used the following for cheap work-related vegetarian catering in the area with good results:
Corner Bakery
Zoe’s Kitchen (Has VA and MD locations… I don’t know if they do the district or not)
Anonymous says
Cava?
Anon says
+1
anon says
Just got Bethesda Bagels and it worked very well. Frittata, bagel platter (they did it w/mini bagels, which was perfect — and it will be 3 mini bagels per person that you order for). We supplemented w/Costco veggies and fruit to save money, but you could order more from them. They seemed very flexible as well.
Knope says
I had a good experience with Bethesda Bagels catering too – affordable and high quality food. However, I would highly recommend UNDER estimating the amount of food you will need. We told them the number of people we had and they gave us easily double the amount we needed!
anon says
Yes! We estimated about 40 people and ordered bagels for 25 (which was 75 mini bagels)…lots of leftovers. The catering person there was super responsive & helpful.
OP says
All of these ideas are wonderful, thank you! I especially love Cava and Lebanese Taverna. Keep the ideas coming. :)
Patty Mayonnaise says
District Taco!
Anon says
What spray park friendly shoes should I get for my 13 month old? (Shoe size 3.5/4)
She’s generally wears stride rite soft motion sneakers, which I love for their super bendy rubber soles. She’ll probably continue to wear them most of the time, except for water activities.
AwayEmily says
We liked the Keen newport H2 sandals, which I found from a recommendation on here. They’re closed toe and they open really wide so they are easy to get on and off chubby feet, and they have good traction. Seem to hold up well, too — my daughter wore hers hard for a full summer and now my son is wearing them and they still look almost new.
Anonymous says
Second vote for Keens! I don’t recall what model we’ve had in the past, but I definitely recommend them for water play!
Ducky36 says
+1. We buy Keens for both kids every summer because they are perfect for everything we do and they hold up so well.
rosie says
Nike adjustable sandals or the water sock things (got ours from Amazon).
anon says
We usually just get water shoes from Target.
GCA says
I feel like Keens are better when walking is more established, but for a just-walking toddler I’d say the socklike water shoes with the bendy soles. Or for safe surfaces (rubberized splash pad surface etc), just bare feet.
shortperson says
native jefferson and/or saltwaters. we have a pair of each for each summer but you really only need one or the other.
Emily S. says
We have used both Crocs and See Kai Run water shoes. Both worked well, kids seemed to like them, but Crocs are significantly cheaper. I would stay away from the iPlay water shoes — both pairs we’ve tried rubbed blisters on back of heels (wish I had not ignored the numerous reviews that mentioned that same problem!)
So Anon says
Looking for engineering and math resources: Does anyone know of any online learning in the math, engineering, architecture arena for kids (5-8th grade) or great books on the subject? My son has a passion for engineering and math, and it is something that I would like to nurture. To be clear, my goal is not to give him an academic advantage. Rather, he is a kid with ASD who is brilliant in this arena, and I am trying to nurture some of his strengths and find areas where he can feel great and challenged while we also address his weaknesses in other areas. There was a guy who did online math lessons, but google and my memory are failing this morning. Any other programs that anyone can think of (OM may be great for him in a few years!)?
Anonymous says
I think this might sound snarky and I really do not mean it to, but your local librarian would love to find these books for him and the skill of going to the library and asking for help is such a great one. And it’s a screen free enrichment.
Anonymous says
First Lego League
Anonymous says
Are you near a university at all? Most of them do a lot of enrichment programs for kids as young as 7-8. Summer camps, after school programs, weekend enrichment programs are all things that are offered by our local university. There’s a pretty diverse group of subjects covered, but STEM is a large focus. Our public library also has a STEM club, but I think that is for older kids (maybe middle school and up).
Anonanonanon says
Do you have any snap circuits kits? I feel like that could tie into the engineering aspect you’re looking to nurture. It comes with a booklet that has activities/projects that build off of one another and explain the type of circuit you’re building, how it applies to the “real world”, etc.
avocado says
+1 for Snap Circuits. LittleBits are even more fun and creative, although $$$. On line, Hour of Code has some great materials.
Anon says
Khan Academy!
Anonymous says
https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/05/single-moms-fewer-chores-free-time-married.html
In my experience this is very true
Anonymous says
I am married and have always suspected this to be true.
Anonymous says
Every time my husband goes out of town for more than 2 days, I notice this. There are a lot of other things that are harder with him gone, but having one fewer person around making mess/laundry makes a difference.
CPA Lady says
I would love to see how this study breaks down “single” mothers. Because the author’s x-husband has 50% custody, and she’s calling herself a single mother. I think that’s a completely different situation from a single mother who has 100% of custody all the time, which is more of what I think of when I hear the phrase “single mother”.
I mean, of course her life is awesome and filled with sleep and leisure. Mine would be too if I had plenty of money and could do whatever I wanted all by myself half the time because I had a stable x who had the kids half the time.
From my own experience with DH being out of town 75% of the time for about 18 months, it was much harder to do it by myself than it is when he’s at home. But he’s an active partner. He does bedtime by himself most nights. He does all the grocery shopping, meal planning, and cooking. He’s also neurotically tidy.
I totally agree with the article that I half-@$$ed things when there was not another adult in the house. But I also lost my temper with kiddo more often and lived like a slob, eating quesadillas over the sink while kiddo watched TV in the other room. (I’m the slob in our relationship, DH is neurotically tidy). I then hated myself for getting frustrated and for living in this kind of survival mode. The laundry was still insurmountable. The house still got dirty. When DH stopped traveling, things got a lot better. That said I didn’t get the kind of breaks a “single mom” whose ex has 50% custody does, and maybe I would have been able to handle it better if I did.
Anonymous says
I agree with a lot of what you said, but I’ve always heard divorced women who share custody refer to themselves as single moms. If you’re not married/coupled, you’re single and if you’re single and a parent, you’re a single parent. That’s how 99% of people I know (and public figures too, I think) use the term.
Anonymous says
I also have a very involved and present husband who travels and it is much harder with him gone. They also mention at the end of the article that single mothers are usually living with a family member, so presumably grandma is doing a lot of household chores. I wonder how this author would feel about being called a “part time parent” instead. I’d much rather have less sleep and more chores than not see my child 50% of the time
So Anon says
My ex has the kids for 6% of the time (every other weekend only during the day), and I found this article to ring true for me. I have found such relief and more downtime with my ex out of the picture, even though it means that I am doing 100% of the parenting (because even when he has the kids, he is not doing any parenting). I recognize that my perspective may be skewed because my ex is/was not stable, did not help with the kids and was a huge emotional drain on me.
Anonymous says
This is what I hear – if your husband is basically another child to take care of and just adds stress, then yeh being single and parenting is better. But a lot of people have spouses who aren’t total jerks and pull their weight. It just doesn’t make for flashy internet articles.
Anonanonanon says
^this. Similar custody arrangement (if he bothers…) and before I remarried I will say life was 1,000% easier as a single mom in an area with zero family support than married to my first husband. Honestly I think it was easier than I would find being married to most men. There’s something to be said for getting to actually be DONE when your kid(s) go to bed, getting to take only YOUR needs into account for the evening. Want to skip dinner to eat cheese and watch a movie and fall asleep at 8:30? sure! Want to stay up till 1am binging? Also sure! It doesn’t affect anyone else, go for it!
Anonymous says
I’ve always found life in some ways more manageable and relaxing when my husband goes out of town, but that’s because I let everything slide – we get takeout or eat freezer food, I relax screen time rules, I don’t do baths every day unless the kids are filthy, etc. I don’t think it’s a reflection on my husband not pulling his weight at all, and I wouldn’t want to live like that long-term – it’s something that’s fun when it’s for a few days while DH is out of town, but would feel kind of depressing if our lives always looked like that.
AwayEmily says
Does anyone have reasonably comfortable (adult) rainboots that have lasted for many many years? My Tretorns sprang a leak after about three years, which is very annoying since it’s not like they were cheap Target boots.
I’m a bit reluctant to get Hunters, even though I’m sure they are great quality, because I teach at a university and try to avoid wearing the same shoes as the undergrads. I’m kind of tempted by the Croc rainboot. Or maybe LL Bean?
anon says
Can you get the Tretorns repaired? Do you like them enough otherwise? Three years seems like a reasonable time for repairs (not to be totally worn out though, for rain boots anyhow). Wirecutter has an article on rain boots, too, specifically considering what women vs men preferred. My mom likes her Croc rain boots but only wears them in the yard (they are super lightweight, which is nice but means they won’t last as long as rubber boots). I have Hunters and find them somewhat uncomfortable to walk much distance in and to drive in.
So Anon says
LLBean’s duck boots are great rain boots! Mine have lasted for 10 years. Note that they are not great snow boots because the treads are designed for rain and mud, so they get very slippery in the snow.
Anon says
I have insulated Bog boots which I wear in winter slush too. They are the best for running around the backyard with the dogs in the mud.
Legally Brunette says
After buying and returning so many rain boots, I found Blondos waterproof boots (I got the ankle length but there are taller versions too). They are not rain boots per se but since they are waterproof that’s what I use them for. They are very comfortable and stylish and keep me dry in pouring rain.
Anon says
Hear you on the branding, but for what it’s worth my hunters are 7 years old and still going strong. If you don’t need knee high, they have a shorter version I believe that you could tuck under pants and then you might be able to escape notice. I recently got my toddler the Totes “cirrus” rain boots from Target, and I am amazed at how well made but incredibly light they are, and I know they make a women’s version.
anon says
I got these recently and love them. They are hunters, but they don’t look like the ones the typical 18 year old would wear.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07FMYXJZR/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Emily S. says
I’m going on 3 years with my Bean boots, after trying many pairs of more traditional wellies. They’re stable and move with my foot more than I found with the wellies.
ASD says
My kids have been screened for ASD at the pediatrician’s office starting from when they were around two. They talk a lot and engage in imaginative play. It’s a test that seems to screen for people at the far end of the spectrum. After some school difficulties, we got them tested privately and the diagnosis was ADD (inattentive), but that didn’t really capture the difficulties what one of them was having. Round 2 of testing how suggests some degree of ASD (perhaps what used to be called Asperber’s), but no one thinks that it is a significant impairment (just a quirk). OTOH, I think that for kiddo, it is a problem with interacting with peers (you can’t go to someone’s house and stop playing and go exploring the house; you can’t have people over and then decide to watch TV yourself although you can both decide to do that; losing friends b/c you are “weird;” getting teased at school b/c you may have some physical things you do oddly when feeling stressed).
Has anyone been down this road? I feel that the ASD world is set up for people at one place on the spectum and not for people who may fall at places along the spectrum.
We’re in a regular school (regular classes) and kiddo is 10.
Anonymous says
Aspergers is no longer a diagnosis for a reason. Lots of kids, especially with ADHD, wander off or put on the TV. Focus more on how to help your kid and less on labels.
Anonymous says
Except that ASD level 1 is is just this, with other impairments. And I don’t know an ASD parent who isn’t nervous, confused, and feeling alone. Every time our kid goes to a friend’s house, I worry that kiddo will do something odd that causes this to be the only time he gets invited over. Which is crushing for him. And since I’m not there, I’m at a loss to explain (did you just start playing with Joey’s legos and stop talking with him?).
For the rest of you, for ASD level 1:
Anxiety is a very common trait among people with higher functioning autism, and this can cause extreme challenges in typical settings. If a person is bright, verbal, and academically capable—but anxious and depressed, and thus in need of significant support in order to function in a job or school.
“Significant support” doesn’t create itself — a parent has to figure it out and arrange it. Schools don’t see it as a problem — but the kiddo is so stressed dealing with people that they feel like they are breaking from the inside.
The fact that a kid doesn’t have Level 3 ASD doesn’t mean that the kid’s problems are insignificant or deserve to be ignored.
Anonymous says
Are you the same mom who has been posting regularly about this on the main page? If so, you need to talk with a professional about this to allay your concerns.
Anonymous says
PLEASE.
Anonymous says
I don’t know why you’re so intensely fixated on getting the Asperger’s (which is not a thing anymore)/ASD label. If your kid is leaving playdates to watch TV, that seems like something worth addressing, but I don’t know why you need an ASD label to do it.
Anonymous says
For those of us with older kids, Asbergers was a thing when they were babies and the screening was just for autism. So it was what the parents of grade-schoolers became parents hearing and may even have kids diagnosed with that. I think that the rules changed in the DSM in . . . 2013? So I think that people need to dial it back a bit on the label outrage — my kid was born in 2008, so I really remember when Daryl Hannah came out and said “I have Asbergers.” I’m glad she did that — it gives former-Aspy-now-ASD1 parent like me hope.
So Anon says
We have recently gone through this with my son. We went through his regular pediatrician, had an Occupational Therapy assessment done, then went to a developmental pediatrician and then we also had the full battery of neuro-psych exams performed, which included the social piece. (This all took over a year.) The result was a diagnosis of ASD (level 1-2), but what would have been typically called Asperger’s prior to its removal from the DSM. I found the screening tests at the regular pediatrician were not sufficient to uncover my son’s ASD. He does not cause problems at school nor does he have academic difficulties so he was not “on the school’s radar.”
Yes, it seems like much of the resources for ASD are targeted to ASD level 3. I have found that OT is where we are getting the biggest help on the social challenges and emotional and sensory regulation. Our OT is also amazing at helping me through parenting challenges unique to my son. For us, the ASD diagnosis was required for insurance to cover the OT for more than a few months.
Anonymous says
Thank you — this is really helpful! Kiddo is really having problems that seem to be of the ASD variety and yet keeps “failing” the screening by not being full-blown ASD. It seems that something like OT or a social skills group is what is needed (or would be helpful to try). Our pediatrician recently changed to a NP who seems to be good with this, but have had no time to do more than an initial meeting and some IEP things at school, all of which were a huge time suck and the IEP stuff was no real help at all.
I feel like I am completely failing my kid. I don’t know where to do and where to start and the fact that this gets screened for and missed (well, your kid engaged in imaginative play; your kid doesn’t have a problem b/c they aren’t failing in school) makes me both stabby and want to cry.
Anon says
Are you sure there *is* a problem? I mean that gently – but nothing you said in your post really sounds that abnormal to me. Some kids are quirky! Some people are quirky. Maybe they’ll grow out of this, maybe they’re just the absent-minded professor type? Being labeled “weird” by kids doesn’t mean anything is actually wrong with a person.
Obviously you know your kid better than anyone, but I think it’s at least worth considering. You don’t want to try so hard to fix your kid that you convince them something is wrong with who they are.
Anonymous says
I do — there are more things going on that we are working on (because they so socially weird as to be off-putting). And those things have persisted for years.
I think all psychological labels can be damaging in a way that “allergic” or other physical conditions aren’t, so I didn’t want this. But kiddo has been so miserable that I just ant to help (and a label will help with school and also fashioning a path forward, which would not be with ADD meds but with things like OT and working on social skills).
So Anon says
I have received this comment many, many times. “But he [fill in the blank with normal behavior].” Yes, I knew that something was up for years, but it took a comment from his amazing first grade teacher for all of the pieces to fall into place. It can be difficult to articulate the challenges that I see, and, it can be like a gut punch to write out the things that I see that are true red flags.
Anonymous says
So what is the typical treatment for ASD1?
For us, so far it is just people noting no significant impairments, “try correcting her table manners so she doesn’t always chew with her mouth open,” “verbally correct her when she peels bark off of trees and chews it,” “buy her mechanical pencils so she won’t chew them b/c we are worried about splinters in her mouth.” Also: get her more exercise! And: Maybe you should buy only organic food. Like it’s all just a matter of her not being told (she has been) or reminded (she has been). It’s like back in olden times when autism was the mom’s fault for not bonding or something.
I want to scream: something is going on here and just b/c she’s not nonverbal doesn’t mean it’s OK not to help her or OK to treat it as some sort of parental manners failure. OMG PLEASE HELP US I DON”T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START.
So Anon says
For us, OT is our primary, out-of-the house therapy as it addresses social, motor, sensory issues and rigidity among other things. OT also gives me the vocabulary and approach to communicate with my son. For example, he quite literally gets stuck on certain trains of thought and has trouble moving on. When he keeps on the same subject or asking me the same question on repeat, I will let him ask 2-3 times and then say, “Ok, We have covered this. What do you need from me to move on/accept my answer?” We have also incorporated language regarding flexibility, e.g. “I assume not knowing how the sale of our house will go and where we will live makes you uncomfortable. The uncertainty is hard for me too. We are both going to practice being flexible and having this uncertainty in our lives right now.” Little dude is also crazy intelligent, so he understands the way things should work (including the mechanics of his body and things like riding a bike) but gets very frustrated when it does he cannot make his body work the way he can see it should. That insight from OT helps me to understand and help trouble shoot his frustrations and many of his behaviors. We tried play therapy but that was no help.
Anonymous says
Yes, I have also felt incredibly helpless in our path to trying to understand and support our son. OP, in my experience pediatricians (even developmental pediatricians) are not very helpful with these sort of issues. I would seek evaluation from a psychologist who has experience with high functioning autism/Level 1 autism; he or she may be able to connect you with more suitable resources.
Anonymous says
OMG is ASD the one thing we just ignore now unless it is severe? I hate that so many Level 1 kids really struggle and yet it is silent and ignorable.
When a kid has allergies, we don’t say “well, it’s not bad enough, don’t be obsessed with labels, please get help for yourself” and let the kid suffer. No, we treat other things. Just not this.
Anonymous says
+ a million.
So Anon says
It is really hard to navigate this! I found that there was no set way, or even recommended way, to go down this path. I was the one standing up and felt like I had to scream to be heard that this was not normal and just because he was functioning “ok” at school did not mean that everything was good or that he/we did not need help. Yes, he will follow along in the imaginative play that his little sister initiates, he is polite and a rule-follower, but that should not be the end of the discussion.
I am still working through the IEP process. At the initial meeting, they tried to not qualify him for services because he was passing standardized tests and not acting out in the classroom, and I pushed back. The whole thing makes me want to cry and be stabby too. I can see that he is struggling in so many ways and he is getting bored in class (5 minute tirade about having to sit through a teacher talking about math that he finds intuitive this morning). And so, I am searching for ways to keep him challenged (see post above), help him navigate social situations, and dragging all three of us to OT every week even though it is 40 minutes away.
FVNC says
My daughter received an Autism-related diagnosis when she was a little over two, relating to her social communication abilities. One of the diagnostic team (social worker or psychologist, I can’t remember) advised that my daughter’s differences might become more pronounced as social complexities increased (late elementary, certainly middle school), and mentioned that many elementary schools have resources like “lunch circles” where kids with social challenges eat in smaller groups and talk about interactions with peers with a counselor or teacher. Might your son’s school have something like this — less formal than a IEP but more structured than letting him navigate on his own?
FWIW, I think you’re doing well to identify this as a potential issue that can be helped (if not “fixed” to the level that a neurotypical kid would operate at). I can see myself being in your shoes in a few years, and just because my daughter doesn’t have an ASD diagnosis doesn’t mean I’m not going to help her and advocate for her if/when appropriate, even though I recognize there’s a wide range of personalities and that “quirks” aren’t all syndromes.
SC says
My son is only 4, so I don’t know how helpful this is for older kids. He has sensory and behavioral issues that overlap a lot with autism when he is in a group setting. His testing did not result in an ASD diagnosis because he behaves very differently in 1-on-1 setting with adults than he does in groups with his peers. His diagnosis, which the psychologist gave us mostly for insurance purposes, is a general conduct disorder. He also has sensory issues (auditory, proprioceptive, and vestibular). Behaviorally, the most concerning thing is frequent aggression toward other children, but there are also issues with social communication, regulation, and following directions.
We’ve been working with an occupational therapist for about a year. He has daily listening therapy and two OT sessions each week. For the past six months or so, one of his OT sessions is at school, and the OT helps with social and sensory issues in that environment. We’re also supposed to do certain exercises at home. We’ve been taking him to a behavioral therapist for group therapy since last fall. The occupational therapist and behavioral therapist work with my son’s teachers and daycare teachers and the director to implement strategies in the classroom. This summer, he’ll be attending a camp for kids with social-communication, attention, and regulation difficulties. The staff include occupational, speech, physical, art, and music therapists.
FWIW, I can tell there’s progress, but it’s slow. Mostly, I see progress when I compare behaviors in settings or on occasions that occur annually–last year at this kid’s birthday party, last year when we took this trip, etc.
Anonymous says
I need friendship advice. I have an 18 month old who is a bit of “late bloomer,” and a good friend who also had her first baby the same month. Friend lives in a different city so our relationship primarily consists of emails and texts, almost exclusively about our kids. She has been a good friend to me for a long time, and I don’t have an abundance of friends. I also don’t have many (any, really) local mom friends so having someone in the same parenting stage to discuss all the less fun parts of mom-ing with has been great. The problem is that she has a tendency to compare our kids, which I suppose is pretty natural, given how close their birthdays are. But lately I feel like her emails just consist of a list of things her kid is doing, peppered with questions about what milestones my kid is hitting and what we’re going to do about the things he’s not doing yet. They are not worded in an especially judgmental way (eg, about my kid not walking yet she says something like “Are you considering physical therapy?” not “Don’t you wan to do physical therapy?”) but they still don’t make me feel good. Admittedly, there is probably a lot of my own insecurity/worry wrapped up in this, although my gut tells me my kid is normal and just taking his time doing stuff. But reading and answering these emails has become a task I absolutely dread, and so I’ve found myself just leaving them unanswered for weeks until I can will myself to respond, which is probably not a very polite or mature way to handle this. Any suggestions? Is this something I should try to talk to her about? Or just beg off as “busy” for a little while to get some distance? Like I said, I don’t have many friends and hate to lose one, but I don’t currently feel like this friendship is a positive thing for me.
Anonymous says
I don’t think that this is positive for you right now. “Being busy” is a fine way to tune out. I have a sibling who always gets all up in my business with unsolicited advice and it is so annoying — I don’t need you to look for tile stores in my city b/c I mentioned a bathroom project; I am fully competent to do that on my own time and I don’t know why you think your googling stuff is remotely helpful. Ugh.
I have a friend who has a wife like that. Xeno is so supremely gifted that he is in a special program! Look, Xeno’s first algorithm! Look, Xeno made me a fractal!
Xeno is an only child and I feel bad for Xeno b/c he is a person and not a human show dog. But Xeno’s mom makes me stabby so I avoid her.
Knope says
I think all first-time-moms (I am one!) are constantly comparing their kid to others to see if their kid is in the range of normal or not, so they are endlessly curious about what other kids are doing at the same age. I don’t think it’s likely that she’s trying to make you feel bad. If she’s a good friend I would gently express to her that her tone makes you needlessly anxious. Next time she writes I would throw in something like “DS’s ped says there’s a wide age range for lots of milestones, and he’s on track. I’m a little anxious that other kids are doing more than him, but I’m trying not to stress about it and let him develop on his own time.” Hopefully she takes the hint. Friends should be able to express concerns to each other – you really shouldn’t have to choose between “pretend things don’t bother you” and “lose friend!”
HSAL says
Yeah, I’m with this. It’s a natural conversation topic but I’m sure she’d feel bad if she knew it was stressing you out. I’d actually be more upfront about it and if she kept it up after that, then “be busy.”
Anon says
Can you just brush off the questions and change the subject – “we’re not worried about it. On another topic, XYZ..”
I think the key to this is not providing any explanation for WHY you aren’t worried, just stating that you aren’t and refusing to engage further on it.
AwayEmily says
Expressing vulnerability can often help to deepen a friendship. I would say to her something like “I value our friendship a lot and it is so wonderful to have you to talk to/complain to/etc, but I have to tell you that often makes me feel worried and anxious when we get into conversations comparing our two. Mine is definitely on the later side on a lot of milestones, and even though the pediatrician is totally fine with where he’s at, it sometimes stresses me out to talk about it. So maybe we can try to avoid those “milestone” conversations for now and stick to just sharing the hilarious things our kids say and the ongoing suckiness of sleep deprivation?” It seems like from what you say that she’s not doing it maliciously, so I bet she’d be really receptive to you opening up a bit to her about your anxiety, especially if you make it a little bit funny to reassure her you aren’t mad.
anon says
Oh man I went through this with a friend who had a kid born 3 weeks after mine. DD eventually had some gross motor developmental delays diagnosed and it was just so much easier to disengage than suffer the constant comparisons. I mourn the friendship at times, but it’s just so much better for my health. I also think you could disengage for a few months then try again. After 2 a lot of the milestones aren’t as clear cut physical ones and some of this might naturally fade away. At 2.5 DD still has significant gross motor delay, but she talks like a 3 year old. So I know this stuff can be hard but late bloomers can make up for it in other ways. Good luck to you.
Anonymous says
I hear you, but some parents are just always going to be competitive. They were probably horrible before they had kids, just about something else. I don’t care about your house, your car, your vacation, etc. But I get a bit Mama Bear when you bring my kid into it. Dracarys.
lawsuited says
I’ll start by saying I did not truly understand that 2 normal children can be completely different until I had more than 1 kid, so I think your friend unconsciously assuming that her kid and your kid should be the more or less the same is natural and not badly intentioned. The fact that she talks about differences in neutral rather than judgmental language is a sign that she is indeed a loving and interested friend, and would hopefully be receptive to you saying, “To be honest, I do feel stressed about the fact that my baby isn’t walking yet, even though the paediatrician assures me it’s normal. It would help me a lot if we could cool it with the milestone talk.”
Anonymous says
“I did not truly understand that 2 normal children can be completely different until I had more than 1 kid”…Really?? That’s kind of bizarre to me. I have one child, but isn’t it pretty obvious that kids hit milestones at different times, especially something like walking? There were kids in my mother’s group that walked at 8 months and kids that didn’t walk until after 18 months, I think it’s pretty weird to assume that all healthy kids would walk at 12 months on the dot, or whatever is average.
CHL says
I don’t think it’s that weird. If you’re not around a whole lot of babies, I don’t think the wide range of “normal” is that apparent. For example, I just googled what age do babies start walking and most of the top results give about a 3 month range (and given the search results it seems like a lot of people are worried when their kids aren’t walking by a certain age which is totally in the range). I might be that friend and I totally did not intend to make you feel badly. I am just continually mystified and marvel at their development. Talk to her and tell her how you feel.
lawsuited says
Fair enough to think it’s weird, but talking to other first-time moms I think it’s common. I academically understood that normal kids could progress differently when I reminded myself of it or was confronted by it, but unconsciously assumed all kids were like mine.
anon says
Chiming in late to say that I have a hard time with friends I don’t see in real life often enough. I don’t think I’ve had a friendship stay strong when we don’t live in the same city because most people won’t make time for regular phone calls and eventually there’s just to much (emotional) distance there. I also find myself getting annoyed with friends’ social media posts when I’m no longer close to them. There’s something in my head about not giving people as much latitude for missteps or slights when I’m not as close to them as I used to be.
KW says
Any recs for a birthday gift for a 3 yo boy? He has sisters who are 4.5 and 7, if it matters. And I know the parents (like all of us!) would prefer things that don’t have lots of small pieces, make a mess, or make loud noises (i.e. drum set). Any thoughts? Thanks.
Anonymous says
Any kind of vehicle. Green Toys makes nice ones
Anonymous says
The Green Toys car carrier is awesome.
anon says
Yup, or books about vehicles.
Anonymous says
+1 to Green Toys vehicles. Or any other vehicles about the same size. We have a functional digger and bulldozer that live outside now and are big favorites for playing in the dirt. Playdough kind of makes a mess in the hands of a 3 year old, but the preschool set loves it.
Wow says
Check with the family if they don’t already have Magnatiles. If not, that’s always my first pick. It is not cheap though, but he and his siblings will play with it for years.
Anonymous says
Lego Duplo. Especially the construction vehicles. They get tons of use in our house.
Anonymous says
I’m a midlevel associate and 30 weeks pregnant, and can feel myself wanting to lean out of work already… any strategies for keeping my head in the game so I’m thought of well while I’m out? It doesn’t help that my group has been a bit slow and I haven’t been as eager to write articles/do CLEs/travel to conferences lately.
Ducky36 says
I know it’s not quite the advice you are looking for, but you shouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself to lean in right now. I felt the same way toward the end of my first pregnancy, but by the time my baby was 6 months old I was ready to really get back up to full-speed at work. (I went back to work 11 weeks PP after a c-section.)
Anon says
Sounds like your group is different than mine, but I just leaned out a bit. I knew there was no chance of making my hours even with the prorated credit. So I took care to do the work I was doing well, and be responsive, but I didn’t go out of my way to do the extras (CLE, non-required training, summer associate events, etc.), and as long as I was moderately busy (say, 70-80 percent), I didn’t actively go out searching for new work (but I didn’t turn down work if it came to me). I think the bigger reputational hit would likely come from turning in poor work or turning down or pushing back on work that comes to you. I don’t think folks will notice if you’re not beating the bushes for the extra work going in.
Anonymous says
So I have this weird theory that babies grow a lot around 29-32 weeks, and I’m always tired at that point of pregnancy. Honestly I think as long as you don’t drop the ball on something it’s fine to keep up a mediocre level of performance. You don’t have to lean in when you’re in your third trimester, despite what Sheryl Sandburg tells us. I tried to lean in at the end of my last pregnancy and it was totally unnecessary.
Irish Midori says
Echoing here. Cut yourself a bit of slack here. Growing a human is pretty engrossing physically, and your body is a big part of you. In the long term, this is just a phase of life. Don’t beat yourself up for not sprinting at this leg of the marathon.
Anonymous says
I want to surprise my husband with a new briefcase. Any suggestions?
Needs to fit a laptop and a file folder or two. Also needs to me commuter friendly—he takes the train to work every day.
Looking to stay under $1k—so no awesome but spendy LV bags please! He had a Frye bag before that he loved. The strap broke quickly though…
Thanks!
mascot says
Have you looked at Tumi? I can’t speak to their briefcases, but I use one of their coated canvas totes as my daily work bag and can’t say enough good things about the durability and how well designed it is from a pockets/organization standpoint..
anon says
People still carry briefcases? Do they look similar to the ones my dad took to work in the 90s???
Anonymous says
Is there a better term? He needs a bag to carry a laptop and a folder for trials. Man purse?
Anonymous says
Not the anon above, but I think of a briefcase as a hard-sided rectangular box-type device. A bag is a bag.
anon says
Briefcase is the term. Not sure why anyone is objecting…. A bag, a briefcase, whatever, both are right. I think of briefcase being slightly more formal and definitely for work, most often leather, usually soft-sided but sometimes hard-sided, and too be completely honest, I default to a masculine image, though not exclusively. A work bag for a man could be fabric (Tumi) or leather.
To the OP: you might look at Hartmann or Coach. You can often find it dramatically discounted at places like Last Call, Off 5th, Rue La La, etc. I have a gorgeous Coach tote bag/briefcase that I never use because it’s too heavy. I should have gone simpler–leather construction + all the pockets make it heavy.
shortperson says
i would ask this question on the main site.
SC says
My husband has had a Tumi laptop/messenger bag for at least a decade. He’s carried it daily for many of those years, traveled with it regularly, and isn’t very gentle or careful with it. It’s held up very well. So I highly recommend Tumi, which has a range of laptop bags, briefcases, etc.
Anonymous says
My husband also had a Frye, which was gorgeous, but quickly broke. He has a Filson bag now and cannot recommend it enough. It has held up beautifully and looks less staid than a Tumi.
MC says
Can anyone recommend a good pair of black maternity work pants — with a slim ankle style? I tried a pair from Motherhood Maternity (terrible pilling after 1 wear) and Loft (stuck between two sizes). thanks ladies!