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I saw these moisturizer body stones on a few gift guides this past holiday season, and I do agree that they make a great gift for someone — or a purchase for yourself. This product is a moisturizer that is in the shape of a bar. Instead of pumping it out of a plastic container, you rub the stone over your dry skin, and it melts onto it. These are made with all-natural ingredients and are free of plastic packaging. The first one you buy comes in a nice bamboo container, and the next ones you order are held in that same container as “refills.”
This particular stone is for maternity and postpartum. I see it being a soothing ritual to rub the body stone on your belly, and it mentions in the description you can use it on irritated nipples after nursing. Do note that it is not safe for people with nut allergies, however. Pamper yourself or give an indulgent gift to a friend. The stone is $45 at katemcleod.com. Mama Stone
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Cb says
I like lotion bars – something about it feels quite luxurious and I like that they dry quicker than lotion. I’ve moved to bar formulations of things in an effort to reduce plastic waste, but haven’t found a shampoo bar I like. Lush is alright, but too smelly, and most locally-produced ones rely heavily on lavender, which make me sneeze.
rosie says
I haven’t tried any of these myself, but have heard that Lush has an unscented one and also the brand Hibar has some good options. Not sure how the shampoo would work for thicker & curly hair — any advice there?
Anonymous says
Silver Falls Sustainability Co makes shampoo bars that aren’t lavender scented. I find they don’t get my hair quite as clean as I’d like, but they work for some of my friends.
DLC says
i picked up a shampoo bar from Whole Foods and have been having mixed results. (Medium, short, Asian hair, with postpartum shedding) I find I have to do a apple cider vinegar rinse almost every time or my hair will feel gunky. And it takes a lot more rinsing than regular shampoo. (So maybe my hopes of reducing plastic is being offset by my increased water consumption….)
Anon says
My friend went bald (literally) from a Lush shampoo bar, so I’ve stayed away. She spent months getting expensive medical tests in an attempt to determine what was wrong with her before finally identifying the shampoo bar as the culprit.
Scilady says
Does anyone have suggestions for what to do in LA/ Anaheim with a young toddler in February for about 4-5 days?
Looking for places to stay, things to do (other than Disneyland?) and good eats! Hiking/ outdoor activities would be great too. DH wants to lay on a beach (understanding that it is February and cold for CA) but hotels near a beach for part of the stay would be a bonus.
Thanks ladies!
anon says
Hi! If you’re trying to avoid Disney, but would like to try a theme park I highly recommend Knott’s Berry Farm. Its really chill, cheaper than Disney, and Camp Snoopy is perfect for toddlers.
Beach – Little Corona Del Mar is my favorite in OC. Kids have a great time looking for animals in the tide pools. Newport Beach is also great – Balboa Island has a ferris wheel and bikes for rent. You cant go wrong. I would just advise that you pick an area to stick to for a day or two and the move on. LA and OC are really spread out and you don’t want to be stuck in traffic.
Anonymous says
+1 for Knott’s Berry Farm. I would also encourage you to give Disneyland a second look, even if you hate Disney World. I am not a huge fan of Disney World, but I love Disneyland. It’s less overwhelming, and the landscaping is much prettier.
shortperson says
long beach aquarium, irvine adventure playground. there are playgrounds on the beach, including in laguna niguel and on the newport peninsula. pretend city has a mini trader joes that is adorable. you can hike at crystal cove and there is a good restaurant (tackle box) on the beach you can reach. there’s also legoland. you can do a character meal at a disneyland hotel without paying for admission. another great thing about the OC is the amazing asian food, especially chinese and vietnamese.
NYCer says
If you want to stay in Orange County, I would recommend the Surf & Sand Hotel in Laguna Beach if you want to be right on the beach. Otherwise, the Hyatt in Newport is another good (likely cheaper) option that is close to a lot of the recommendations that the earlier poster suggested (Balboa Island, Balboa Peninsula fun zone, Corona Del Mar, etc. – and I agree that these would all be fun things to do). Anaheim is probably a 35-45 minute drive from both Newport and Laguna.
Clementine says
Can somebody help me find a pair of plain old thick black leggings for less than $40? Looking for something to wear to the grocery store. High waisted is good, wide waistband is better.
I tore a small hole in the knee of my beloved luluemon leggings while trying to navigate 2 kids through an icy parking lot in the dark… they snagged on a bent license plate. They’re less than 6 months old – do they have any type of a warranty that I can use? (yes, I could google this, no I don’t have the time).
anonymous says
I like the High Waisted Stevie Ponte Knit pants from Old Navy.
Cb says
I’d try an outdoor store, like the thermal layer ones. I have some wooly ones from Mountain Warehouse and they are thick, warm, and have a wide waistband.
Anne says
I like the Hue ones.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry what? You ripped your leggings. No. There is no “warranty” against you damaging your 6 month old leggings.
Anonymous says
I Googled Lululemon’s policy after reading this comment because it was so unnecessarily brusque. They don’t say anything definitive but I’d definitely try them. They say “if our product doesn’t work for you, we’ll take it back. While we pride ourselves on creating long-lasting gear, our quality promise does not cover usage beyond practical lifetime.” I would consider within 6 months to be will within the practical lifetime.
Anonymous says
She broke them! It’s not like a seam unraveled!
FFS says
Eh, I’m with Anonymous at 9:42, brusque or not. I would consider trying to return or replace them if they had torn in normal usage within 6 months, but they were torn by license plate. To me, it would be shady and an abuse of generous return policies, which hurts everyone.
Clementine says
Yeah, I figured. Which is why I wasn’t irately attempting to return them.
Let’s assume good intentions, guys.
TheElms says
I like these (but they are Amazon brand)
https://www.amazon.com/Core-10-Comfort-Full-Length-Legging/dp/B07KKYFPHD/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=core%2Bleggings&qid=1580136889&sr=8-6&th=1&psc=1
Anonymous says
Felina at Costco! Soooo comfortable and soft. I think the 2-pack is like $10 or something amazing like that.
anon says
+1, I love mine, with the caveat that I don’t find them super thick. They are very comfy and sturdy, though.
GCA says
I get my Athleta Metro tights secondhand from ThredUP or eBay!
AnotherAnon says
Although the quality has declined in recent years, Lulu is usually really reasonable about stuff like this. I’d try taking them in and just asking what they can do. Worst case, they’ll do nothing and you’re right back where you are now, but they might replace them for you.
Anonymous says
Honestly shocked anyone would contemplate this. The leggings aren’t defective, she broke them.
Clementine says
IDK, part of me wants to ‘stick it’ to Big Legging.
Clementine says
(this was a joke, btw… in the realm of actual problems in my life, this doesn’t even register.)
Redux says
I LOLd!
IHeartBacon says
Or even if they don’t replace them, they may offer a customer service discount for purchasing a new pair.
Clementine says
I’d honestly be thrilled with this.
It’s a small hole in the knee, but the knit is such that it’s not easily repairable.
Anonymous says
See if you can find Girlfriend Collective ones when on sale. Alternatively, 90 Degree on Amaz*n makes fleece-lined ones with pockets!
Emily S. says
I like Zella live-in leggings and the fleece lined Baleaf from A-zon (although they are shiny and really look like workout leggings.)
June says
I second Zella, although they are over $40. I haven’t tried lululemon so I can’t compare the quality, but my Zellas last for years
Anonymous says
LLL does repairs. Perhaps they could darn the hole if it’s small? I’d bring the leggings to the store, ask about the possibility of repair, and then see what they offer.
Clementine says
OOO PERFECT.
I do remember getting something hemmed there years ago – tall was too long but regular was too short and the solution was tall with a slight hem.
Betty says
I got a pair of similarly ripped lululemon leggins darned at my tailor. It’s barely visible and cost like $10.
I would look into this option first.
Also, I would spring for it even if your tailor discourages you. Mine (who is generaly great) was concerned it was too visible. For $10 though, I took the risk. It turned out great for wearing casually/to work out.
Anonymous says
We are trying to decide if we should take the kids to Disney World when they’ll be 2yr4m and 4.5 yrs old. Wondering if we’ll have an easier, less stressful time if we wait a year, but also wonder if it’ll just be a lot whenever we go. I really want to do the trip but am self-aware enough to know that I find long lines + long days stressful with little kids.
Anonymous says
I’d wait longer, until your littlest is 5 or even 6. They won’t remember it a 2.5 so to me there’s no point. (Obvi for many the point is that you the parents have the memories which I totally get, but the only reason I wanted to go was so my kid had the memories)
avocado says
We took ours at almost 4, and she has no memory of it. If you are only planning to go once, I’d go when they are more like 6 and 8.
Anon says
I have kids these ages and I’d wait a year, especially if the younger one still naps regularly (caveat that we haven’t done Disney, but even a day at the zoo is a lot). It probably also depends if Disney is something you can afford to do multiple times; it will probably be a once in a lifetime trip for us so I’m going to wait until my youngest is at least three. Trips with kids have to be tempered with lots of downtime and low expectations and I know I’d feel stressed about not getting to see/do enough. Can you find a smaller amusement park near you for this year, like Hershey Park or Storyland (clearly I’m in the Northeast).
Anonymous says
It’s a know your kids thing but we went with our 4.5 twins last year. One loved it and one was totally overwhelmed by the noise and people and basically hid in the stroller all day. I’d wait until at least 4.5, otherwise you’re pretty limited in what rides you can go on. At around age 4 they can get excited about trips in advance and remember them a bit afterwards as well.
Anonymous says
We also went to Legoland as a part of the trip which my kids LOVED. Especially Duplo world. Much smaller and quieter than Disney.
AwayEmily says
We haven’t been yet (our kids are 2 and almost-4) but our plan is to put off that sort of intense experience (this includes both Disney as well as overseas travel) until both kids are no longer napping. I hate planning around naps and it makes the trip way more stressful for me. So, probably when they are 5 and 7.
Anon says
That’s funny, I’m scared of what travel will be like once my kid stops napping! Honestly, having that mid-day break at the hotel is a relief and makes life so much more pleasant for everyone ;)
Anon says
My kids are not the type to nap easily away from home, so we’d end up frustrated that we had to go back to the hotel to try to get them to sleep for an hour and then still end up with no nap and overtired kids.
Butter says
We took kiddo when he was~2 years 8 months old and he loved it. Bonus is that it’s free for kids under three, which obviously helps. We brought a stroller, but he powered through most of the day from 8-4pm before taking a cat nap in it, and then we lasted til about 7pm before we all crashed and headed home. While I’m sure it would be great with older kids too, I can assure you the magic was not lost on him.
anon says
We went this fall with one 3 and one 4.5. 4.5 was a perfect age – 3 was a little young but he/we had fun. Our 3 year old had dropped naps, which was helpful. Although I do think it’s good not to do too long of a day. I think one year from now might be perfect for you though!
Audrey III says
Huge Disney World fan and couldn’t wait to go with our kids, so offering this perspective in case that’s you. We have already taken our kids twice, once for a weekend when oldest was 2 years 4 months; last year for a week when oldest was 4 and youngest was 12 months. We had an absolute blast both times. Even my 12 month old found it magical (loved the characters and shows), and the kids still talk about it all the time. But I agree that the answer depends on whether it’s a once a lifetime. If the latter, I’d wait at least a year, maybe two. A 5-6 year old will still find it magical, and your 3-4 yo will be able to power through just a bit more. One other consideration is diapers — kind of a pain to deal with at Disney World, but not sure if it would be more of a pain to deal with a recently potty-trained kid. (I’ll tell you after we go again in April…)
OP says
Thank you! I am thinking we’ll go every 3ish years, and I want to make sure our oldest goes when it’s still very magical, but I am worried the youngest is a tad young. Mostly from the PITA perspective of diapers, naps, stamina, etc. It sounds like it may come down to personal preference/tolerance of chaos, but I appreciate all the perspectives! Very helpful.
Clementine says
Yeah, we’ve gone with a (just potty trained, but once he trained he was rock solid) 2 year old, a 3 year old, and are planning on going again with friends in the not too distant future.
It’s honestly great. I am not a ‘Disney’ person, but it’s been such a fun family trip. Highly suggest you rethink your schedule to plan for like 8AM – 1 and then go back to your hotel to chill, nap, swim in the pool, etc., then back to the parks from 4-close. You miss a lot of the lines and midday heat, everyone gets a break, and the parks are really cool at night.
I have lots of tips and thoughts on this if you decide to go!
OP says
That’s exactly what I was thinking schedule wise if we do go! How did you deal with the youngest’s bedtime in the park? (Not sure what time the park closes!)
Clementine says
Our kid usually stays up and and watches the fireworks and then passed out COLD in the stroller and stayed asleep on the bus ride back.
Also, we did 2 days in the park and then a ‘break’ day where we stayed at the pool, went to look at animals from the animal kingdom lodge, rode the free transportation, etc. That break day helped us all chill and made it much more enjoyable before our last day.
Anon says
We went when our kids were almost three and 5.5 and had a bleh time. There were moments that were fun and my kids want to go back, but my 5 yo melted down everytime we entered a park. She just couldn’t handle all of the stimulation and anticipation. And my almost 3 yo refused to nap despite us sitting in the hotel room in “nap jail” for four hours every afternoon, so she sobbed through dinner and bedtime every night. We had planned downtime at the hotel to swim on two days, but one down day it thundered and poured so we ended up sitting in the hotel room. The other down day some kid had pooped in the pool so it was closed all day. Bleh.
We went on one of the quietest weeks of the year and I did all of the planning for FP+ so the kids wouldn’t have to wait in lines, and it still wasn’t fun. And I really wanted fun and magic, but it just wasn’t.
I’d wait.
Jessamyn says
I would highly recommend against going at that age. We took ours at 2.5 and almost-4 and they were wayyyy too young. All the rides were too dark/scary/intense. They were scared of the characters. They of course didn’t like waiting in line. They had to be in a stroller to get annnnnnywhere because it’s so far to walk. The only part of the park they actually enjoyed was Toontown which is–spoiler alert–basically a playground where the climbing apparatuses are in Disney-ish shapes. Save your time and your money. YCMV (your children may vary).
So Anon says
I receive shares of my company’s stock that vests after a period of years as part of my compensation. My first grant is set to vest in one month. My company is well-respected, highly regarded, and doing well right now. Nonetheless, I am hesitant to leave those funds entirely invested in my company. Thus far, my financial strategy has been pretty straight forward: no consumer/student loan debt, have 6-12 month emergency fund (single parent to two kids), max 401K and save for retirement, save for college and pay down my mortgage (initially purchased with less than 20% down). Is it time to look for a financial adviser? I feel like my financial picture is getting more complicated with the vesting of my company’s stock. For those who receive company stock as part of your compensation, do you keep those funds entirely invested in your company? Any advice?
FVNC says
My financial advisor recently told me to sell the vested shares of my employer — primarily because they were way under-performing the market, but also to prevent being overexposed by holding shares in an individual company. I did sell them (for a loss) and reinvested the money in shares of whatever fund she told me to buy.
That said, we also have shares in several companies that we purchased during the great recession that traditional advice would probably tell us to sell, but that we’re hanging onto because: they’re an overall small percentage of our portfolio, and they’ve grown astronomically since we purchased in 2009 — through mostly dumb luck, they’ve way out-performed the market. So, we’re keeping them for now.
I love working with our financial advisor. I consider it another way of outsourcing — sure, we could spend the time to figure it all out, but we choose not to do that, and it’s nice to have external validation of what we do with our money. If you can comfortably afford a fee based advisor, I highly recommend it.
Anonymous says
If you’re looking for an adviser, the term to search for is “fee-only” especially if you’re primarily looking for planning advice.
So Anon says
Excellent, thank you!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Both my husband and I receive stock that vests over time as part of our compensation. In general, I’d be wary of keeping too much invested in the company, so we try to sell either all of it or a majority of it when it vests. If there’s nothing specific you’d like to put the money to, then throw it in an index fund, which keeps you in the market and diversifies your holdings so you’re not dependent on one company. Yes, the company might be doing well now but if it suddenly doesn’t for whatever reason, you could be out of a job and also lose this money if the stock tanks. Yes it could be the next Apple, but I wouldn’t bet my savings on it. I’m a risk averse lawyer though :)
Anon says
I received company stock and it dropped 80% overnight after a disappointing earnings report. Everyone at the company thought it was the next Google, until that happened.
CPA Lady says
My husband works at a FAANG and gets a bunch of stock each year as part of his normal compensation (it doesn’t vest, he just automatically gets a certain amount depending on his level). Out of mostly negligence on my part, and the fact that we started getting the stocks like 8 years ago when the economy was still recovering and it wasn’t worth that much, we just kept it all. I basically stopped paying attention to our big picture financial situation after I had our kid, and we ended up with a boatload of extremely appreciated stock that made up over half of our net worth. Almost had a heart attack when I realized how non-diversified the situation was last summer when we sat down to do some financial decision making. So we sold about half of it in one big chunk, made a large estimated tax payment, and have all future stocks he receives set to sell as soon as he gets it.
I took the money from the sale last year and any money we’ve gotten going forward from that point and invest using the Boglehead three fund strategy (index stock fund, index bond fund, and index international fund) and that’s been working well for us. The theory behind this strategy is that it’s a really broad range of investments that will help you weather changes in the market as well as you can. It’s very simple and low cost too, which I appreciate.
If you get an investment adviser, definitely get a fee based one, or they’ll probably try to sell you a bunch of crappy expensive life insurance or weird investments that will make your tax situation obnoxious.
Anonanonanon says
Do you do anything to protect your childrens’ identities in a credit sense?
Wondering if I should contact the credit bureaus and freeze credit on their SSNs? Anything else I should do?
FVNC says
We did a credit freeze with the three credit bureaus for both our kids. I’m curious if there are other things that are recommended!
Anon says
I’ve heard advice that, absent a specific threat, it’s better not to do a credit freeze for young children because the credit bureaus otherwise don’t know they exist. The theory is that not existing is more secure than a freeze. I have no expertise in this area, though.
Anonymous says
This doesn’t make logical sense to me. If a bad guy gets hold of your child’s SSN, they can then open credit accounts in the child’s name whether or not the credit bureaus know the child exists.
FVNC says
Yes, this is the risk we are trying to protect against — that when a child applies for a credit card or lease for the first time, their credit is trashed because of identity theft they were previously unaware of.
Our family’s information was compromised in the Chinese hack of the DOD a few years ago, and since then we’ve had freezes on our (adult) accounts as well as our kids’. So I guess we also have a specific threat, but regardless we would have done a freeze for our kids.
Nan says
This is such an interesting question. My spouse and I both have our credit frozen but have never considered it for kids. It just hasn’t even been on my radar, but now I’m wondering if I need to be more proactive about this.
Em says
My son’s credit is frozen, as is my own. It’s easy to lift the freeze if you need to do something with your credit (I just unfroze all of mine for 48 hours to request increases on all of our credit cards).
Anon says
I’m not really sure what my question is, but would appreciate any advice/commiseration. I blew up my career a few years back, leaving a really demanding, stressful job for something much more laidback and so different it’s almost a career change (think Big Law attorney to JD-not-required contracts analyst). I enjoyed the job for the first few years (nice people, enjoyable enough work, tons of vacation time, etc.) and it was challenging enough while I was learning the ropes, but I now know the job very well, have done all my work tasks literally dozens of times and am finding myself bored out of mind. However, I’ve earned the trust of my boss and have enormous flexibility about when and where I work. It’s been absolutely invaluable with babies/toddlers and will be even more invaluable with elementary schoolers. I don’t even have to put in a full 40 hours so long as I get my work done. I really value time with my kids, and hate to give up that flexibility/time at home, but I also can’t imagine doing this job for another decade or so (figuring that when my kids are in middle school or so I can take a job with more face time requirements). I think what I want – a more demanding, intellectually challenging-job where I could be part time or full-time with a ton of flexibility about hours in the office – doesn’t really exist, and at this point I’m not sure whether to prioritize my career or my desire to spend a lot of time with my family. On Monday mornings I always remember how miserable this job makes me and think I need to find something more interesting and challenging, but I feel like as soon as I took a new job I’d immediately feel regret about not being with my kids as much. Any thoughts welcome…
Anon says
I’m in a very similar position. It’s great having flexibility and a boss who trusts you, but boredom is its own form of torture when you enjoy being challenged. Interested to hear what others say. I’m keeping my eye out for other opportunities that would tick a lot of boxes.
anon says
I left a job with a lot of flexibility for something much more demanding right when our b/g twins turned 1.
Pros: I am happier. If I have to do something for 6-8-10 hours per day (and at my old job I could really get away with 6) I want it to be something I like. I *think* I am a better parent and happier because of it. I feel a bit more “honest” about my life and for me my job has always been about giving back to the world.
Cons: much more traditional working mom guilt. And the “these moments never come back” stuff.
I think maybe the difference was that at my old job I had a boss who was kind of a jerk and felt like things were sort of unsustainable for my role in the long term. So it wasn’t a question of if I would leave but when, and this dream job came along when it did. Would be interested to hear other’s thoughts.
Emily S. says
This is very personal decision, and I’m curious to hear what others say. I am pretty unambitious and very happy to take a job with a stagnant salary and limited advancement prospects but lots of time off, local travel only, and virtually no overtime so I can have a consistent weekly schedule and lots of time with my kids. This is to say — this is just my perspective and I imagine on this board, a bit unusual. I prefer better life outside of work than a super job, but you saying you were miserable on Monday gives me pause. Are you miserable all week, or is just the Monday blues? Are there things you can do in your current position to make it more challenging, like learning new skills, taking on related responsibilities, or cross-training? What advice would you offer to your best friend who came to you with this exact situation? How would your lifestyle change in you started working more hours, traveling more, longer commute, etc. — who would take on more childcare, household management, etc.? Answering those questions might help you decide whether you want to coast for a while longer or start looking now.
Anon says
This is me. It was crazy when I figured out I’m unambitious. I’ve always overachieved, but there has to be a goal in sight for me.
I am unambitious but i’m also a bit prestige driven (ugh, it’s true, good to admit it I think?) so I do like to have a stagnant job that I’m proud to talk about with people. That’s what I have right now. Honestly I am so pleased with my set-up I keep waiting for the job to drop. No upward mobility at all, but good hours, no travel, super short commute. I’m thinking this might be it for me!
Anon says
it took me a long time to realize that this is me too. there are some things about my current job i would change, but i do think i’m happier at a job with a predictable schedule, nice people and a short commute than i am in a high stress environment always trying to achieve the next thing, though after attending a competitive high school and an ivy for colleague it has taken me a very long time to accept that as being an acceptable goal (though to be honest, i’m probably still working on accepting it)
Anonymous says
This. Super short commute, decent pay and hours. Funds a lifestyle that allows time for trying new hobbies for myself and doing stuff with the kids or DH or friends. I don’t have to guess whether I can go skiing with the kids on a particular weekend, I just go because work emergencies or weekend work is so rare.
YMMV of course. Totally get why people are into prestigious/challenging jobs as I’ve really enjoyed that at different stages as well.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“at this point I’m not sure whether to prioritize my career or my desire to spend a lot of time with my family” – This is really really hard and ideally we’d be able to have both but our society doesn’t seem to provide a lot of opportunities for those of us who value the balance between these two things above either one of these two things (or at least I do). I have kind of an in-between now, though there are times when it gets to be too repetitive and takes not enough of my time and other times when it gets to be too stressful and takes too much of my time. I’ve found that having really great coworkers makes a job worth it more than the actual work itself.
This probably doesn’t answer your question, but hopefully provides you with some relief that you’re not alone in feeling this way.
Anonymous says
What is your partner’s job like, if you have one? Can he or she pick up more domestic responsibilities if your time becomes more limited? How old are your kids?
Pogo says
Is there opportunity for internal advancement? Like, not within your current role or division even, but the company as a whole?
Anon for this says
Is there any possibility for you to open your own, small practice so you can take on as many or as few clients as you want? I’m a former biglaw overachiever, now part-time at a boutique, realizing it isn’t going to work long term. I get paid for hours over my target, so its not financial, but part-time in such a high pressure job only leaves me a bit more time with my kids and I still have clients with crazy demands at all hours. I’m unbelievably lucky that we can survive on DH’s salary so I’m looking into striking out on my own, taking minimal work now and more as my kids get older.
Pogo says
Has anyone employed a PT nanny to drive their kid to and from pre-k and watch them in the afternoon when pre-k is over? If so would you pay this person on the books?
Also curious if anyone has employed a nanny FT to watch their infant + preschooler and had the nanny drive the preschooler to and from in addition to watching the infant. That seems like a lot to ask, but of course that’s what SAHMs do all the time.
Still trying to figure out the puzzle that will be childcare w/ 2 little ones. Reviewing the “week in the life” archives it seems like most do FT daycare for 2, which is also an option for us, but would likely be more expensive.
anon says
We have our nanny do driving for older two while watching an infant. We try to do drop off in the morning ourselves and our preschool also strongly encourages carpooling so it doesn’t end up being every day…
Anonymous says
We have thought about the PT nanny option if we end up in the public half-day preK next year. I suspect you’d have a hard time finding someone who could be available for morning dropoff and then not be paid again until afternoon dropoff.
My sister currently does the FT nanny for an infant and kid in preK. They do dropoff, so the nanny only picks the older kid up in the afternoons. The main issue is that the baby’s naptime is always messed up by preK pickup, but that’s what would happen with a SAHP, too.
Anon says
Of course you should do what works best for you, but I’m skeptical that a full-time nanny would be cheaper than full-time daycare for two. Most people I know who have nannies pay a minimum of $70k+/year (unless in a super LCOL area) and I think even in NYC/SF you can get daycare for less than <$35k/child. The financial balance really tips in favor of a nanny when you have three. Keep in mind that daycare typically provides 50-55 hours/week of coverage at no additional cost, while a nanny is only 40 hours unless you pay lots of overtime, and the overtime adds up fast.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree with this. I think you’re in the Boston area Pogo, so for reference, we’re paying around $40K for full-time daycare for two. A nanny at the lower end of $20/hr around here would only buy you 40 hours per week max for that much. I think more experienced nannies would be more per hour. Of course there are many many reasons to do nanny, like convenience and more support, but price-wise, I think daycare is still less.
Pogo says
Yes – I am in the Boston area, so you’re right, it might be much closer than I thought in terms of price. But we are far enough out that I know people with nannies for $40k/year, which is what daycare for two would also be. The public pre-k is a negligible cost (like $2k/year or something).
Without getting too much into the specifics of my situation, I know for sure we can send the baby to the current provider we use, and that’s my preference since she took care of our son. But I’m trying to figure out how to do that and avoid two dropoff/pickups and find a way to expose the 3yo to some form of ‘school’ (which he’s never had). In the end, easiest answer is of course daycare for 2. Just curious if others have made something different work!
Anonymous says
$70K/year for a nanny?!? When we looked into it a couple of years ago, it would have been around $20/hour through an agency, including all taxes and insurance. MCOL.
Anonymous says
$20/hour (which is on the low end for nanny pay, imo) is $40k as a base salary, and then overtime is time and a half. 50 hours/week at $20 hr base salary is $57,000. 55 hours/week would be $65,000.
Even if you only work 40 hours/week (and many here work more), you will need to commute, so you’re going to need a nanny for more than 40 hours/week.
Anonymous says
+1 We’re in a suburb of DC (but one of the cheaper ones) and full-time daycare for infant twins was cheaper than a nanny.
rosie says
I would definitely pay on the books. I think it could be hard to find a person to work those hours, though. In my area (DC), it just doesn’t seem like there are many good nanny candidates looking for part time work, although maybe we just haven’t looked in the right places (suggestions welcome).
We are thinking about FT nanny for infant that would also handle preschool pickup for older child. I am a little worried about naps for younger getting messed up but figure this is not an uncommon situation and people make do. We have been going back and forth on nanny share for infant where the nanny could also pick up the older one, but I do think that that would be a lot to ask of the nanny, as well as the other family.
anne-on says
+1 to the other comments about it being hard to find those hours. Those are prime ‘full time’ nanny hours. We engaged a nanny placement agency and after a few months gave up because nobody wanted only morning and afternoon hours for part time pay (not shocking). It’s one of the multiple reasons we have an au pair – we can swing AM/PM coverage on snow days/late starts/sick days, but we needed guaranteed care when I travel.
Pogo says
I agree about the hours being weird – I’d be using a college student most likely, so someone whose class hours allow for this, which I understand is a totally unicorn thing and may not be possible to find.
SJ says
We did this for about 2 years. We had to pay a premium hourly wage to get someone. And then we went through 3 people in those 2 years because they inevitably would get a better gig. So, not ideal, but we made it work.
Anonymous says
Nanny is often pricier than daycare but advantage is that kids are less likely to get sick in the crucial first year when you may not have a lot of post-maternity leave days to draw down. Sick kid can stay with nanny, sick kid cannot go to daycare. Totally depends on how good your backup care is. We were fine with daycare because my mom was a great backup whenever I needed even though she didn’t have energy for full time M-F care.
Could you find another family willing to do a share and be okay with nanny picking up pre-K kid?You’d probably have to do drop off in that scenario and it would be tough to have a vehicle with three car seats.
RR says
We have a PT nanny. She’s there when they get off the bus and drives them to evening extracurriculars that start at or before around 5:30.
We absolutely pay her on the books. There’s a line based upon how much they make. Anyone you employ for a full year, even part time, is likely to cross that line.
Anon says
We’ve done an au pair with a toddler and preschooler and it worked well. For my comfort, I think the little one needs to be at least 18 months for an au pair to work. And you max out at 45 hours so unless you and your spouse can stagger hours, you will need a preschool or other care provider to pick up some hours. (We had grandparents who could do about 5 hour a week, but not full or even PT care.)
Anon says
scooter recommendations for soon to be 2 year olds? they want to steal all the ones they see at the park
Anonymous says
Micro Mini hands down, if that’s in your budget.
Anonymous says
+1 my daughter looooooves hers. Very sturdy.
Anonymous says
+1 – we got a used one and used it for 3 years (replaced brake and handle pads), and then resold it for basically what we paid for it.
ElisaR says
yes. micro mini ftw!
anon says
Okay, an unusual question for the pumping experts. I’m a blind mom, and I’m having a really hard time with hands free pumping. The problem seems to be that my letdown is very sensitive to the placement of my bre@st in the little tunnel. If it’s not perfectly centered, I don’t produce anything. Once letdown is triggered I’m fine as I have lots of milk. So I do well pumping with my hand on the parts to keep adjusting it until I hear the milk hit the bottle. But hands free (with a Simple Wishes pumping bra) is just not working. One side or the other is always off center and I spend minutes on end adjusting. This seems unsustainable when I return to biglaw soon.
Any thoughts? Is there a pumping system that depends less on perfect placement? I have a Spectra now and otherwise like it. Did anyone get good at placement nonvisually?
Emily S. says
I had a similar problem with one side and switching pumping bras and flanges was the solution. i switched from Simple Wishes to the LactaMed Simplicity Hands Free bra. I brought in my flanges to a lactation consultant and she helped me pick the right flange (maybe you need a different size for each side?) I can’t speak to the placement non-visually, but I would think/hope that a great lactation consultant could work with you on that. (I took liberal advantage of the LCs on staff at the pediatrician’s office. If you haven’t found one you like, keep looking; they are worth their weight in gold!) Good luck!
lsw says
I also experimented with different flanges. I bought a set with three sizes on Amazon and found that they required much less specific placement than the ones that came with my PIS!
rosie says
I preferred the Rumina hands free bras — they are like sports bras and I would wear them all day, so that would eliminate some issues related to placement of the simple wishes one each time. I agree that a lactation consultant may be able to help. Potentially larger flanges may be more forgiving of placement, but I probably wouldn’t do that without the advice of a lactation consultant because if they are too big, that can cause other problems. I heard good things about Pumpin Pals, which I believe are a more flexible material, but have never tried them. Seems like they could be better to line up with touch/feel, though. They should come with adapters to use with a variety of pump types.
rakma says
I switched to the Pumpin Pals brand flanges, which are angled, and found that I got a better result and they were also more comfortable. They also seemed to be more forgiving in regards to placement in my experience.
anon says
Thanks for this, and to everyone. Some good ideas here. I will probably try various new products in order from cheapest first to see what helps. Obviously I get why pump equipment is not returnable, but man, that would make this cheaper.
cryptictove says
Maybe try your local moms/parents buynothing group? You might be able to find people who can pass along (for example) 2 of the 3 horn sizes in a multi pack (since they are using one), or a different sent of horns. There are people who have a whole storage bin of various pumps and accessions they tried or have different types from different insurance companies/pregnancies, to get a variety
.
Anonymous says
I had a hardtime with hands free pumping. Can you pump one side at a time? I used one of my hands to express in time with the pump so it actually emptied each side relatively quickly and didn’t take too long overall to pump compared to fiddling with hands free pumping and not getting good let down.
Knope says
I wonder if you could work with a lactation consultant to put in some kind of physical indicator that your flanges are placed appropriately. I think, but don’t know for sure, that you could put some kind of tape around the center of the inside of the flange to help guide you to appropriate placement.
shortperson says
i havent used it so more research would be required but i would investigate the willow pump.
Anon Lawyer says
This is what I was going to say. I also haven’t tried it but I’ve heard it’s incredibly simple and comfortable (it should be for the price!)
Pogo says
I know what you mean and not sure how I’d do it without a visual indicator. I do think I could feel if I was off-center, like it felt like it was tugging at me weird. Do you feel that at all?
Agree w/ others to work with an LC to make sure you have the best size flanges and see if they can come up with a method to help you get them centered.
op says
Yes, I know what feeling you are talking about. Basically, I place it, wait to see if it feels right, then move if it doesn’t within 10 or 20 seconds. So at least I’m not waiting minuts and minutes to see if it is right. But the constant fiddling where I have to place the parts over and over again and get it right to the micrometer, apparently, is frustrating.
Anon says
What about putting on the strapless bra (Simple Wishes), centering the cones and then putting your finger down the neck of the cone (from the front) to see if your nipple is centered? Then slide on the bottle assembly. Am I missing something?
rosie says
You could do this with Medela parts but not Spectra ones, which are all one piece. However, if OP wanted to try this, there are adapters you can get to easily use Medela parts with a Spectra system.
drpepperesq says
Speaking of leggings, does anyone have a smart way to organize your leggings? Right now I am folding them and stacking them on a shelf in my closet, but they all look the same! I have like 5 variations of black leggings that are all slightly different, and I have to pull them all out to find the ones I want. File this under a first world problem, but I wanted to see if anyone had an organizing tip!
rakma says
Mine are rolled and get put in a drawer by length,one layer front to back, longest to shortest in the winter, then shortest to longest in the summer. Other than length, the other differences are usually minimal enough to not matter to me.
Anonymous says
Mine have slightly different waistbands depending on the style. I fold them so the waistband is out and then flip through the stack to find the ones I want. Or you could hang them.
layered bob says
Another nanny/childcare question:
Due to some unicorn job arrangements in the works, we think we will only need childcare 9-3 M-F next school year (summer + the following school year might be the same, not sure), with flexibility on snow days/spring break etc.
We are thinking of trying to find someone whose own children are in school who would be happy to have a school-hours-only schedule. Would such a person exist? If so what else would we need to think about?
I am thinking of this schedule because I’m thinking of ways to find good, affordable part time care. If it’s going to be a bad idea, I would look into ways of structuring my and DH’s schedule so that we’d do like… three nine hour days of care? Or what part time schedule is going to be easiest to attract a good caregiver?
Assume that we definitely want a part time (25-30 hrs) nanny in our home, not daycare, a nanny share, an au pair, etc.
rosie says
Are you in an area where you might be able to find a family who needs the opposite hours and could work with them to offer someone full time hours? If I could find someone that I could pay for care 3-6, with occasional snow days or in-service days where potentially the kids could all be together for more $$ for the caregiver, that would be amazing.
Anonanonanon says
I would caution working with someone who has their own children in school ,unless you are comfortable with them bringing their kids to work on teacher work days, weather closures, etc. Might not be a problem for you, but I would be concerned that there would be an issue I’d have to address and that stresses me out. However, there may be people in school who take night classes etc. who would be willing to work your 9-3 schedule!
layered bob says
So we actually wouldn’t need care on snow days and scheduled school breaks, which is why I’m thinking this might work?
anon says
I think those part time hours aren’t hard to find so I’d just look the nanny route more traditionally rather than a specific parent search. Part time is hard to find when hours are split (poster above) or its after school (very in demand).
Anonymous says
I’m envious because those are the hours of our local preschool, which I LOVE but can’t use because we need full time care. Would something like that work?