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Sales of Note…
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Kid/Family Sales
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- Old Navy – 50% off back-to-school styles; 30% off your order, even clearance
- Target – Backpacks from $7.99; toddler & kids’ uniforms on sale from $5
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
I know a lot has been said about this, but can I just let out how much anxiety and guilt I’ve been having, especially lately.
I’m in a state where our governor and whole public health system have been really on top of everything. Decisions are evidence based. But… every decision is so hard.
There’s a part of me that wants to take my family and just hole up in a commune with a select group of people and never leave.
BethC says
I said exactly the same thing yesterday. Moving to a commune in Vermont is currently high on my list.
AIMS says
I actually came her this morning to ask for tips for dealing with anxiety. I don’t know if it’s the length of time we’ve been dealing with this, the seeming endlessness, the exhaustion, work demands, the impending schools issue, or all the above (I know it’s all of the above), but I am just at peak disfunction right now. I feel physically anxious at least half the day and the last few days, most of the day. It’s all just so much. I don’t have any tips but I find it helps to just know that I’m not alone. You’re not alone too! And if others have found good coping mechanisms, please post! I’m all ears.
anon says
I’m right there with you. My morning workout buys me time before the physical anxiety settles in, but it still does. I read an article last night that recommended taking short, restorative breaks throughout the day. More than you think you need.
This is all really hard. I feel like I’m failing at everything, even though I know that I’m doing the best I can to manage a sh!tty situation.
Anonymous says
Exercise. It is the only way I can burn off some of the excess adrenaline. Long, brisk walks are especially good because you get fresh air and exercise at the same time.
Redux says
Exercise. I work in pandemic-adjacent response and a couple months ago when I was really under water I started getting up and immediately going for a walk in the morning before starting my day. The sunshine and exercise really helps to ground me.
Cb says
Oh gosh, I think so many people are there alongside you. I find exercise helps – just a walk at the end of the day and I’ve been doing yoga nidra meditations which put me to sleep.
Anon says
I take an extra 15-30 minutes to just lay in bed snuggled with my husband and child and just be – warm, relaxed, knowing that all of my people are safely in my reach, and remind myself that even though they are going to drive me absolutely bonkers by the end of the day, this is why I keep getting up and doing it over and over again. Helps set the tone for the day.
Cb says
Yes, we drink our tea and my son drinks a sippy cup in our bed in the am. We read stories and snuggle and it is one of the things keeping me together.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Stop checking social media. Seriously, don’t go on fb or even Insta. I’ve found that not clicking on either daily helps my mood. Stop reading news article that are fear-mongering. Yes, it means that I’m not as informed as I could be, but I listen to a few news podcasts and check my local news developments, but otherwise it can be too much. Exercise like everyone is saying. Therapy. If you feel that the anxiety is interfering with your sleep (sleep is so important) or just general day to day, a low does of an SSRI. Not to say that this situation isn’t worthy of stress and anxiety, it is, but your health is important.
Redux says
+ 1000 to this important advice to unplug from social media.
Anonymous says
I do no phone Saturday, which is a lie because I use my phone for everything. But it really means no reading anything on the internet (news, social media, nothing). And no email (which is usually work). I can call people, text, order groceries, and use my phone as a remote for the TV (and the like). No phone Saturday is so relaxing.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
This is SO helpful. I was once at a point where I was literally toggling between refreshing local news, twitter, and WaPo/NYT. It wasn’t great. Add that to the non-small contingent of influences and folks on SM who seem to be living summer as usual (seriously, y’all I have a friend who is based in NYC, came to visit her family in TX for 3 weeks, went back to NYC, and is now in Chicago…all leisure flights during a pandemic and plenty of non-masked interactions with friends based on her photos)
Also, I think about how fortunate we are. We just moved into our new home so we have a lot more space/are feeling more centered. are all healthy, and are ABLE (including still being employed) to work from home/keep DS home from daycare during a surge. Majority of loved ones are safe and healthy so far AND taking this seriously (downside: we don’t see folks, upside: they’re safe).
Thanks to our luck and privilege, we will probably be okay and recover from this. A lot of other communities are not going to be as fortunate unless and until there are major systematic changes.
BethC says
Exercise definitely. When you find yourself feeling anxious, take a few deep breaths. I try to do 5 min or so of stretching/yoga/meditation when I’m really feeling it and that helps. Reduce caffeine/sugar/alcohol, increase water and protein also seems to help me.
Realist says
Solidarity. It is really hard.
anon says
I feel the same and I think it’s compounded by the realization this may be the best it is for a while. Surely things are going to get worse when flu season starts up and people can’t be outside. What then? Ugh.
Anon says
Yes this is my “favorite” spiraling thought lately. I can’t believe this is the BEST it will be for a while. No trying to keep track of my kids’ classroom zooms, no arguing over homework, much less noise while I’m trying to work because they can be outside the entire day. We’re leaning to the in-person option our district is offering (social emotional benefits plus age of our kids mean zoom is not nearly as effective as it should be, and neither my DH nor I can homeschool – we have talents but teaching is NOT one of them) but the thought of bouncing in and out as the classes get quarantined… it’s a lot.
I was burnt out before all this started and this was supposed to be my year of “leaning out” to try to recharge myself. But instead of that, I feel like I’m running 24 hours a day and still not keeping up with work or kids or house or husband.
Anon says
I’m worried about COVID, but I’m also really worried about losing my job. I’m pregnant and need the health insurance I get through my employer for my family. My pay was already cut and other departments have been outsourced. Is anyone else worried about job security?
SC says
I am. My husband is a SAHD, which is really convenient in some ways right now, but it also puts pressure on me to keep my job. My pay hasn’t been cut, but my largest client is in the process of being sold–I’m hoping for work from the buyer, but not guarantees.
OP says
If anybody ever watched Parks and Rec – there’s a part where the Rob Lowe character is talking about his constant exercise and says, ‘If I keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.’
That is so on the nose for how I feel right now…
Anon says
This will out me to anyone that knows me but a month or two ago when I realized I needed to up my antidepressant, I started running to get through it. Except I hadn’t done serious exercise in years. I had so much built up adrenaline that I just ran 6 miles more than once in a week and honestly, could have run further if the loop hadn’t taken me back by my house. And now I have a knee injury because apparently that is very unhealthy behavior and am seeing an orthopedic specialist at the end of the month. But my new antidepressant is working so I’m okay not running right now. I still do long walks.
I know the exact quote you are talking about and hadn’t thought of it until now but that was exactly what I was doing. Or just being Forrest Gump. I don’t know what to do so I’m just going to run and run and run.
Bean74 says
The constant risk-analysis is wearing me down. It feels like there is no such thing as a simple yes or no decision anymore and each decision leads to having to make five more decisions. I’m exhausted by the time we actually do whatever it is we decided to do.
I’ve worked really hard to get to the point where I make a decision and move forward in confidence, knowing I made the best decision with the information I had available. I’ve regressed since March and find myself second-guessing everything.
No advice, just commiseration.
Quail says
Yup. It’s exhausting. And since I’m a planner (of course) I try to do the decision tree in advance for something like school – when we have gotten zero information from our school district and therefore have no real decision to make. Which is…not awesome for my mental health.
avocado says
The contingency planning I am finding helpful is the kind that assumes that government and society will let us down. I keep thinking back to negotiation class in law school. It’s all about the BATNA. I’m focusing on strengthening my BATNA. If the school district doesn’t offer us an acceptable plan, we have an alternative on-line program ready to go for fall. I am chucking every penny I can into savings so that if my employer insists that I come back in to the office, I can tell them to go eff themselves. Etc.
Anonymous says
I downloaded the Headspace app to help me meditate and give my brain quiet time. It’s been a huge help.
IHeartBacon says
This app gets me to sleep every night. I fall asleep with my earphones meditating.
Anonanonanon says
My husband and I are both in response roles and it is just so so hard when it feels impossible to disconnect. I wish I could tell you that I exercise or eat right or practice sleep hygiene or something easy, but honestly, I just take it day by day. I let it feel normal even though it definitely isn’t. I block out the thoughts about how long this will go on, how bad it will be in the fall, how my kid is going to do on online school. I treat every day as a singular day and if it ends with everyone healthy and employed we move on to the next one. I’ll process it all when it’s over.
One moment I look forward to every day is in the evening around 5:30 I give each kid a popsicle (yes, before dinner) and they happily eat them sitting on the front steps while I sit outside with a weak cocktail or mocktail and enjoy sunshine and fresh air. It’s really only a 10 minute respite but it helps me transition into the evening feeling a bit refreshed.
Anonanonanon says
Also, this sounds counterintuitive, but it actually helps me to remember that this is one of the biggest catastrophes to happen in literally a century. It puts things like “oh no I snapped at my older one this morning” or “the kids had chicken nuggets for dinner three times this week” into perspective. This is going to change society in some way forever. Every child will be affected by/remember this. If the worst story your kid has to tell about this time is “my mom had me watch a lot of TV while she worked and she was grumpy sometimes”, they are extremely lucky and will be OK.
I’m also considering writing down what stresses me out and what I found hard in the day-to-day for my kids and grandkids to read someday. As someone who has made a career out of planning for things like pandemics, I feel like we don’t know a lot about what the day-to-day looked like in past ones.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, this certainly does put in perspective things like screen time and dinners. Also, you might be surprised by what your kids remember of this time. My grandfather grew up during WWI (not in the U.S.) and he remembers the fun and hours he spent exploring with his brother – they had a lot of time alone as their parents were busy with the war.
Anonanonanon says
Yes! A couple of months in I asked my 10-year-old what he thought he’d remember about this time, and he had only positive things to say! More video games, getting to eat cereal for breakfast more often, having more time to read, school ending early, etc. I kind of look forward to our kids being adults and fully comprehending what it must have been like for all of us to live through this as adults/parents.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Whoops – should say WWII.
AIMS says
My mom is convinced that my kids will remember this very fondly.
I think keeping things in perspective is great. Lately, I just have been feeling guilty on top of overwhelmed and that’s where the perspective doesn’t really go that far. But a journal is a great idea. And love all the other suggestions.
Anonanonanon says
And to clarify, I don’t mean it like “remember so many other people have it worse” because I think that is… not helpful? But I DO mean that, hopefully, this is one of the worst things I will ever live through and, looking at it through that lens, I’m doing a pretty darn great job. If someone who lived through the 1918 pandemic was like “I was so worried about helping my child with their schoolwork” I’d be like “wow it was a literal pandemic and you were still stressed about your kid’s schoolwork? Are you superwoman or insane?” so let’s cut ourselves some slack.
avocado says
This is the problem, though–society refuses to acknowledge that we are in the midst of a catastrophe and adjust accordingly. If policymakers and business leaders would admit that there is a deadly pandemic and we can’t just move work on line and pretend that nothing else has changed, then we could start to see some solutions beyond “let the moms figure it all out.”
layered bob says
My kids’ school is discontinuing their lunch service in favor of packed lunches to be eaten outside. If anyone else is in the same boat, heads up that PlanetBox is having a decent sale – they are our favorite lunch box so I am buying multiples to ease the lunch packing.
Cb says
Kids Eat in Color just sent out a newsletter about ‘disposable lunches’ which might have some good ideas. I’m hoping and praying we don’t have to go back to packing lunches. Switching to school lunch was the best thing we ever did.
EB says
My husband and I got in a rip roaring fight this morning. I said some mean things, so did he, and it ended with him telling me he hates me right before the kids woke up and we had to get them packed up. I had planned to go into my office today anyways, so I just left while he was taking the kids to daycare. It started over a stupid little comment and just blew up into an airing of grievances.
Here’s my question – what is couples’ therapy like? How is it structured? Does the therapist talk most of the time? Do they give you their opinion or just kind of moderate a conversation? I have never been to therapy. I think one of our biggest problems is we both think we’re right all the time. I *think* if someone else (like a therapist) told me that I was being unreasonable, I would listen.
Anonanonanon says
I’m so so sorry that this was your morning. I literally gasped out loud when I read that he said he hates you. That’s horrible, I’m so sorry that happened.
EB says
Thank you :) To be fair, I said some pretty mean things too. Not as mean as “I hate you” which is very childish and out of character for him, but I certainly riled him up and it didn’t come out of the blue. I don’t think he meant it. You never know, I guess, but I think it was just an explosion of frustration.
Anonymous says
Couples therapy isn’t a one sized fits all thing. If you two recognize you have a problem, it’s a good way to start fixing it.
Re: “if someone else told me I was being unreasonable id listen” couples therapy isn’t about deciding your disputes. It’s about helping you both change deeper communication patterns. Why does rightness matter so much to both of you etc.
Anon says
+1 I always want couples therapy to be like this, ie just tell us who is right here, but that’s just not how it operates, for a variety of good reasons. It does help though.
If it helps to know OP my husband and I are also not in a good place right now and barely speaking to each other. Reaching out to our old therapist is on my to do for today…
DLC says
Oh my goodness- Hugs!I know that bottomless feeling of despair after a fight and it is awful. I’m sure different therapists have different approaches, but for us, our therapist would start by reviewing the things that we were going to work on from last session, and then see where the conversation naturally went. Either continue discussing last week’s topics or if there were new issues that came up- either specific moments or more general things. And then we would unpack them and try to understand and distill what was going on. Our therapist was especially helpful explaining how our brains worked and reacted to things. The sessions helped me understand what were the fundamental things that were bothering my husband (my inability to plan, my micromanaging him) which were linked to his childhood issues (very controlled environment growing up), and we discussed strategies to help (giving him more updates on what I was thinking, for example), but also recognizing what wasn’t going to change ( each other). It was helpful to vent and get things off my chest, but we weren’t there to feel justified/ get affirmation about anything, or to have our therapist play referee… or rather if we brought things up with that in mind she would steer us towards insights and strategies rather than right/wrong.
I am a big fan of couple’s therapy because sometimes you just need to get some objective distance. You have to be open to hearing and admitting tough truths or it won’t be as helpful. Also- we didn’t love our first therapist so don’t get discouraged if you don’t click with the first therapist you see. I find it very frustrating how difficult it is to find good mental care, but it is so so so important.
Good luck!
Anonymous says
Oof, that sounds hard. If it makes you feel any better, my husband actually once told me “I will kill you in your sleep” during an argument … and then we laughed about it 20 minutes later because it was so ridiculously over the top. (Obviously if there was a history of abuse in our relationship or in my past it would have been a huge red flag, but in the context of relationship it was clearly just ridiculous). That was 10 years ago but we just started marriage counseling for another issue, and I have to say this is a good time to do it – a lot of therapists are doing online appointments, and that has made it logistically feasible for us. Anyway, to answer your question, therapists are all different but the one we are working with definitely helps moderate and decipher meaning, like “Judy do you hear Bill say that he actually means xyz?” Or “Bill are you saying that because it is important to you or is it more in reaction to what Judy said?” It’s less about whether you are reasonable or not and more about helping both parties get their needs met. We are working with a Gottman trained therapist we found on their website. Only 2 sessions in but she has been great so far.
Anon says
I laughed out loud at this.
IHeartBacon says
I laughed out loud too because I said this once during an argument and when I said it, my husband and I both made this funny face because it was just so extreme. I clearly just wanted to say something outrageous to convey how angry I was at the moment. We both started laughing.
AnotherAnon says
There are lots of different therapy styles that you can research, but if your husband is amenable I would just find a therapist and try it. If it’s not a good fit, keep looking. It has been really beneficial for me to be in personal therapy alongside couples therapy (for me they are different therapists but that’s not necessary). I have also benefited from reading The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work.
Anonymous says
Late to posting here – I agree with the other posters that it’s not one size fits all, and they’re not going to settle your arguments. I wanted to offer another perspective as someone who is now on the other side of couples therapy and thinks they have a better and stronger relationship afterwards. My husband and I went because we had stopped being intimate (no fighting). For us, it was almost like we needed permission to talk to one another about certain things – like a first step/ripping off the band aid. So, now that we have been, we both feel that we’re in a constant state of having taken the first step/backwardness is removed/band aid ripped off. So, now that we have an infant and are back to struggling with intimacy (due to tiredness mostly) we’re about to talk about it freely with each other before it’s become a problem. It was never a yelling at each other/fighting communication issue, but we were having a communication issue (which is what I am reading you are going thru). So, your results may vary, but that Is the continual benefit I have seen in my life after a year of regular couples therapy.
Anonymous says
Along the lines of the Planetbox comment, does anyone have experience with Planetbox/ Bentgo/ other cheaper bento boxes for preschoolers? We need to start sending lunch this fall and I think one container to open would be easiest for her. Also, feedback on which insulated lunch bags/ boxes these containers fit into.
AwayEmily says
I know people love the Planetbox system but I used something similar for awhile and just found it so irritating to wash all the little containers (we used the dishwasher but it was still annoying — I think it brought up too many bad memories of washing endless bottle and pump parts). I much prefer one single piece, though I can imagine it would work less well for older kids.
Anyway, we started with the Bentgo Kids and it broke. So we ordered another one and that one broke too. Then we switched to Yumbox, which has been GREAT. My daughter used it daily for a year and never had an issue (the little pictures on the plastic insert scratched off but that’s it). We ordered another one for my son and it’s worked equally well. The inside part can go in the dishwasher and the outside case needs to be handwashed but it’s easy.
Yumbox fits perfectly (with an ice pack) in the LL Bean insulated lunchbox (the rectangle one).
CCLA says
Our preschooler (almost 4) has been using planetbox rover for a year on a rec from this site, and we just got more for the almost 2 yo to start using (definitely rec getting two so you can toss in dishwasher nightly!). The little one will have it served to her so it’s mostly a convenient way of packaging but the older one can open on her own and serve herself. We just use the insulated planetbox carry cases.
Realist says
+1. Most lunches I pack fit in the River without extra containers (typically, a lunch meat/protein option, a veggie serving, a fruit serving, and something extra like crackers or dried fruit). With two boxes, we just keep it in constant rotation and clean every night in the dishwasher. It is very easy to clean in the dishwasher if magnets are removed (make it kid’s job to put the magnets on and off). I would definitely buy it again. We replace the outer cover each year.
SC says
We bought an OmieBox recently, and I really like it. It’s all one piece, except there’s a thermos-like insert if you want to pack something warm.
Anon says
I love our OmieBox. Kid used it for two years and it’s still in perfect condition. Some nights I run it through the dishwasher and other nights I just handwash it.
anne-on says
We use a planetbox for camp and mostly abandon the little containers unless they are for liquids/squishy food. I really like that it is easy to clean and the solid metal holds up really well to being banged around. That being said we had worse luck with the thermos (my kid cracked the lid on 2 in a row, after the 3rd one we’re ready to give up on that piece if it breaks again). The rover size works well for early elementary but I’m a bit annoyed it isn’t deeper – it’s hard to fit sandwiches in there without squishing them. And forget about a bagel or something like that.
Basically – it’s fine, but I wouldn’t re-buy.
Anon says
+1 agree with this review. You can easily just supply foods that don’t require the little containers, but they’re nice to have if needed. A sandwich does not fit in the rover unless you cut the crusts off, which is annoying. My son ALSO cracked the lid of his thermos, but I will say when I reached out they sent me a new one for free (even after I made it abundantly clear it was his fault). This was within a year of owning it though which may have had something to do with the generosity.
Overall it’s good, but it’s not the holy grail of lunchboxes.
anne-on says
\What is up with the thermos?!? It has a fairly brittle plastic locking mechanism and I feel like the entire issue would be eliminated with a ‘soft’ plastic push button or a simple metal lock (like a growler almost). This one just seems designed to crack if it hits the ground (which, lets be honest, in a kids lunch box happens ALL the time).
DLC says
We use the Sistema containers. They are less expensive, albeit plastic. Pluses: cost, dishwasher friendly, easy to open. Not really leak proof though. Ours have lasted about five years now, and they have warped a little bit, but still very functional.
anon. says
We use the Amazon Basics divided tupperwares. They are great. Our kid has been opening them/ eating out of them himself since 18 months. Yes, they are plastic, but a case of 6 has lasted two years.
Sf says
We use lunch bots. Bentgo kept breaking and/or forming mold.
Blueberries says
I love our lunch bots. Absolutely worth the money. I have two so I can put one in the dishwasher while I pack the next day’s lunch.
Anonymous says
We used Easy Lunchboxes plastic containers. Actually my son is 8 and we are still using them. Not 100% leakproof but easy to open. My husband sewed a lunchbox that they fit, but they aren’t giant and would probably work in a lot of lunchboxes. https://www.amazon.com/EasyLunchboxes-3-Compartment-Bento-Containers-Classic/dp/B004S129AQ?ref_=ast_sto_dp
Anon says
We love our Bentgo kids and are 2 years in without any breaking or mold problems. But now they just sit useless in the cupboard because our preschool only allows completely disposable lunches… It is so much faster (in my opinion) to just back everything in one container than have to have separate bags for a sandwich, fruit, veggie, etc.
Pogo says
I have had no issues with Bentgo, though the actual plastic part did crack when it was dropped one time. Husband super glued it and it’s been fine. I like the sizing for a smaller kiddo and it makes lunch packing easy on me. I will say I only purchased the Bentgo *insert* which is only like $8, not the whole Bentgo box system.
anne-on says
As we’re trying to mentally prepare to do another stint of quarantining/shelter in place/home schooling, my husband and I are trying to ID what (if anything) will help make this a little less painful for all of us. Exercise equipment is our big purchase at the moment since things are coming back in stock, and we’re not comfortable with gyms.
What else would you (or did you!) buy that made your life easier with kids in quarantine? For us our quarantine MVP’s were a proper kids desk/seat set for ‘school’, exercise gear, and a stick vacuum/microfiber towels for cleaning (so we weren’t burning through paper towels)
Anon says
Spray cleaner so we don’t burn through our very limited stock of wipes for things like routine bathroom and kitchen cleaning, noise cancelling headphones, all the backyard toys (inflatable pool, basketball hoop, balls, new swing for the swing set, etc.). The fire pit is finally getting regular use (smores is a nice weekend treat). We were online shoppers before COVID, but having a grocery delivery subscription can save a lot if that is your primary method of shopping (we actually subscribe to both instacart and giant – formerly peapod). An aerogarden for a regular supply of fresh herbs if your child is old enough not to yank them all out (too hot and all shade in our yard, so not a lot of success there). Find a few favorite freezer meals to give yourself a break from cooking.
Realist says
Amala sponge cloths (also known as Swedish fish cloths, I think). We use one or two a day to wipe down kitchen and dining surfaces. I’m embarrassed by how many paper towels we used to use when the Amala works so well.
DLC says
We upgraded a bunch of kitchen stuff since we are cooking at home so much more – most notable we bought a baking steel griddle so we could make our favorite diner food, including 6 pancakes at a time. I mean, yes, we could make it all in a frying pan (which, incidentally we also replaced a bunch of our pans with all-Clad when they had a sale last month, and that was so worth it), but the griddle has been so much fun!
Anon says
More silverware! With everyone eating at home for all their meals and snacks, we are running out of forks by dinner time. Equipment for local outdoor fun. Kayak or canoe? Better bikes? Outdoor furniture? Screen in a portion of your deck if you have one? Board games?
Outdoor beverage accessories. I cooler that actually keeps things cold and works for your lifestyle. Brumate coozies to keep seltzers or soda cold once it is out of the cooler. Or beers for the adults. Yeti or similar water bottles that keep things really cool. I basically upped my BBQ/hiking/paddling game 100%.
Anonanonanon says
Spray cleaner concentrate for all-purpose cleaner with glass spray bottles to put it in to dilute, and I got these nifty dissolvable tabs for glass cleaner that I drop in the glass spray bottle of water, so I can store much more cleaning solution at one time.
I actually reduced the number of sets of towels and sheets we had. I was letting 3 or 4 loads of towels pile up until we were completely out and, in our small home, it was chaos. It’s easier for everyone to have two towels and to do one load mid-way through the week or so. I kept a few extra for cleaning up unexpected disasters or stomach viruses.
Stocked up the medicine cabinet with every kind of band aid, antibiotic ointment, cortisone cream, adult and kid medicine, etc. so we can avoid pharmacies for OTC stuff, and in case those items become difficult to get.
Baking mixes that are “just add milk” (muffins) or “just add water” (cornbread) etc. so we will have some options on hand if we are out of milk, butter, and/or eggs and don’t want to go to the store or the supply chain is disrupted again.
Better work-from-home setup
I didn’t have a stand mixer before and now I do. I got a bread machine, too.
Stocked up on food staples in general, I’m worried that when this becomes real for most of the country instead of a few hot spots at a time, the supply chain will get disrupted again.
I have never been the type to do this before, but I bought a bunch of bath and body works foaming hand soaps. It’s been fun to pick out the next scent now that people are in the house all day and we go through soap faster. The kids get excited about it.
I’ve done some general organizing, finally taking the time to get pretty containers and baskets for things like the pantry and the linen closet. Trying to make our small home much more functional now that it has to store more, serve more purposes, and we’re in it so much more. Being honest with myself about what can go in the basement/in under-the-bed storage. For example, I will not be taking 24 cupcakes anywhere any time soon, so the big Tupperware thing I use for that can go in the basement and stop taking up room in the kitchen cabinet. I posted yesterday about putting all of my “fancy” work clothes in those vacuum space saving bags to clear closet and drawer room.
We ordered a chest freezer months ago that is set to come in August. Look forward to stocking up on easy meals and a lot of meat without something falling out every time I open the freezer.
CPA Lady says
Things that send me over the dang edge: people telling me I need to have a good attitude and and “find the positives” in crisis schooling my child at home while trying to work full time from home during a pandemic. Yeah, I know I do, but can you not let me have 10 minutes to grieve and be angry about it?
anon says
My mom, who was a SAHP, keeps sending me this rubbish. I’m sorry but I don’t have time for arts and crafts projects to enrich my children right now. This time isn’t a gift. I’m completely buried in work and crying at my desk, while my young kids scream their heads off in the background.
Anonymous says
Seriously. I’m in NYC and a childless friend in the South posted a question on Facebook in April – “what’s your quarantine goal?” All I could think was NOT DIE!
Pogo says
Was on a call today with a guy and one other woman, who is also a mom to young kids. You could hear both of our kids in the background and the guy made some comment like, “I don’t know you guys do it! Women are so much better at that multi-tasking stuff!” We were both icily silent. The implication that this was all women’s burden to bear alone almost made me throw my headset off and stomp away. I can only assume his wife is a SAHM (don’t know him well at all).
avocado says
Do these people have small children in households with two working parents?
There is a big difference between trying to identify and appreciate the positives while also acknowledging what you have lost (a conversation we had last night at moms’ group which was actually kind of nice, and which is also a lot easier when your kids are in high school and not preschool), and just telling someone to suck it up and slap on a happy face. Ugh ugh ugh.
You have the right to feel your feelings. And this whole thing just stinks.
In DC says
Uggghhh, my mom thinks I’m secretly enjoying this. I am not. She was a SAHM and judges me hardcore for working and thinks this is opening my eyes. (1) I never intended to be a SAHM. Never. (2) Working at home is not the same thing as being a SAHM.
Pregnant during Covid? says
A few weeks (maybe it was months?) ago there was a discussion about delaying trying to conceive because of Covid. There were mixed responses. How are folks feeling now? It would be our second, I’m in my late 30s so time is not on my side, but I got pregnant within a couple months of trying when I was also 35+ with number one. I’m apprehensive about being in early pregnancy during Covid and potentially peak cold and flu season (start trying now and hopefully get pregnant within 4-6 months) which would be peak cold and flu season for first trimester. So would you wait until January to start trying so in theory even if I got pregnant right away there would only be a couple months of peak flu season to deal with rather than a full 4-5 months? (In my area things get markedly better in March it seems). Is trying to time it just a fool’s errand?
anonchicago says
I don’t have an answer but I’m right there with you. Was planning to conceive this fall with our first and I just can’t. I have two friends who have given birth since COVID and two more expecting, and while they were all low risk and weathered it ok, the possibilities are still terrifying to me. I’m going to put off TTC another 6 months in hopes that hospital capacity and virus treatments have improved by then.
The thought of getting limited prenatal care (telehealth only unless you’re high risk, fewer ultrasounds) then giving birth alone while wearing a mask, and not being able to put your kids in daycare when maternity leave ends…I guess I just don’t want kids THAT bad.
Anonymous says
Thank you for posting this. We have tried some extraordinary measures to get pregnant/adopt and we have since stopped because we can’t imagine adding a child to our lives right now with no assistance. If that means we never get to expand our family, so be it. I’ve had a lot of guilt with this thinking things didn’t work out because I didn’t want it bad enough. I think I need to flip my thinking and just be grateful we weren’t successful right before the pandemic. I feel the exact same way as you that I want kids but not like this.
Anon says
We are (have been) trying for #2 since January (really #3 counting our fall miscarriage). I feel like I got run over like a truck this week, so maybe we hit the jackpot (can test Monday), but also could just be lack of sleep, toddler not sleeping, and all of the things catching up to me. TBD. So hard to differentiate toddler pandemic parenting while WFH exhaustion from potentially making new life form exhaustion. Anyhow, my view is that life is too short to plan these things, and in our case we started trying for then actual #2 back in January 2019. I got pregnant in 1 month for kiddo #1. So my view is that if you’re ready (you’re never really ready, but you know what I mean), go for it.
Anon says
I got pregnant just before COVID (December 2019, due this August, FTM), which was after 1+ years of trying naturally and 1+ years of fertility treatments (IUIs, IVFs) and I was just so incredibly thankful to be pregnant and also to not be going through fertility treatments (or delayed treatment) during this time (my heart and thoughts goes out to anyone in this situation).
It hasn’t been so bad, honestly, and I am in NYC area. A lot of my prenatal appointments were remote initially, but all the major appointments/testing were still in person. This is my first and of course I am a little sad I didn’t get a more traditional pregnancy experience (no shower or babymoon, for example), but I’m just thankful to have had an easy, uncomplicated pregnancy and that NYC hospitals are allowing birth partners.
The silver lining to being pregnant at this time is that (1) I get to WFH which means no commute (especially in the heat!), less worry about maternity wardrobe, constant access to a bathroom, (2) my husband is also WFH so we get to spend WAY more time together than usual (e.g. eating dinner together each night, going for daily walks together), (3) I don’t feel like I’m missing out on any social activities/drinking/etc during pregnancy or maternity leave because no one is doing anything anyway, and (4) it’s kind of nice to just not have to think/worry about visitors at the hospital!
I’m hopeful that by the time the baby will go to daycare (January 2020) things will be more normal, and if not we have a contingency plan for my mother in law to watch the baby (she lives locally and has been very conservative about COVID exposure). Upon consultation with our pediatrician and OB, we’ll plan to allow only grandparents to meet baby within first 2 weeks (with masks on, washing hands), and after that will be case-by-case basis, likely meeting family/friends slowly outside, with masks, potentially not holding the baby.
AnonATL says
+1 to all of this. Due very soon and I don’t feel like my experience is all that different in ways that it matters but I’m a ftm so what do I know. Sure I missed my babymoon and getting to wear cute maternity clothes I bought pre-pandemic, but I get to be home and nap and hang out with my husband before our lives are forever changed.
I was fortunate enough to be a combination of gynecologically young and not have any other fertility issues making me feel like I needed to hurry up, but I have had several things pop up during my pregnancy that have required follow ups or specialist visits. My midwives/doctors have all been very receptive to in person appointments and seeing me soon if something didn’t seem right. For a couple weeks right at the start of March, my practice was trying to space out appointments, but that lasted all of two months before they went back to the standard recommended schedule. No support people allowed at appointments, but my husband will be at the birth.
I am mildly worried about childcare after my leave is up, but we will deal with that when we get to it. Worst case, my husband goes part time which he would love and we could swing financially for a bit.
I understand the worry, but this thing isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. If I were bumping up against the silly AMA label, I’d probably go ahead and start trying.
The anon above says
I am poster above, and also wanted to echo others below that you never know how long it will take to conceive. I never expected to need IVF or have any issues having a baby “when I wanted to”. I am early 30’s with no known fertility issues; we suffer from male infertility. My husband has no known comorbidities, doesn’t smoke, rarely drinks, is not overweight, very athletic/fit/healthy eater, and just has terrible sperm quality for an unknown reason (likely genetic).
If you really want children, in my opinion there’s never a perfect time :)
Anonymous says
In a very similar situation– pregnant in January, due early October, and echo all the “positives” you listed. OTOH, it’s my third kid. My first two were easy, low-risk pregnancies, and so far (early 3rd tri) this one is as well. I wasn’t particularly anxious during my first pregnancy, but it I do think it’d have been a bit more scary to have limited in-person health care. My biggest concern now is timing daycare return for my older kids– balancing not wanting to watch 3 kids under 6 full time during what’s almost certainly my last maternity leave, with not wanting the increased infection risk with a daycare return.
anon says
If you’re in your late 30s and really want a second child, I would not delay further. I’ve been pregnant for the duration of the pandemic (got pregnant in January, due in mid-september) and other than telehealth appointments for managing my GD, nothing else has really been that different. I am high risk, so I had my usual schedule of ultrasounds and monthly checkups with the sonographer and NP (followed by telehealth appts with my OB to review the results). I honestly do not feel like my care has been compromised at all, and like a PP mentioned, WFH while pregnant has been kind of awesome (for me mostly because I don’t have to wear uncomfortable maternity work clothes and because I get midday naps and extra time with my son). We have a nanny for my 20 month old who will continue on with us once #2 gets here so that is squared away, but it does seem like daycare is a more complicated scenario right now. As far as L&D, I was told I get one support person, and I will be tested at the hospital for covid when I go in to be induced – as long as the test comes back negative, I will not have to wear a mask at anytime (my husband will have to wear one the whole time since there are not enough tests to go around). So all in all, for me, the only downside is that my mom will not be at my son’s birth like she was for my older child.
(Former) Clueless Summer says
Like a few others, I’m currently pregnant and got pregnant before COVID (February and due in November). I haven’t found my care has been compromised although I’m a FTM, so who knows? I’ve had all normal ultrasounds for my area/risk (low-risk pregnancy, under 35) – dating at 8 weeks (right when COVID was beginning), NT scan at 11 weeks, anatomy at 20 weeks. Normal blood testing, etc. as well. It’s a bit weird to go into the hospital and be screened and masked, etc. but understandable. My midwifery appointments have been mostly telehealth (only two in person) but honestly, it is mostly asking questions anyway. I have been into the midwifery clinic twice to do belly measurements, urine tests, blood pressure, etc. but they try to limit it as much as possible.
Honestly, and this is not just trying to look on the bright side, being pregnant during COVID has been way better than I imagined pregnancy being. I don’t have a long commute, I’m close to the bathroom, I eat what I want at home and wear leggings and flip flops every day, no maternity suits or work clothes (!!!!!!), no declining work drinks invites or sadly nursing a mocktail. Yes, I’m slightly concerned about things like being positive during delivery and having to be isolated from baby, or my husband not being able to accompany me during delivery, but we will deal with that if it comes. I obviously didn’t make this decision knowing COVID was coming but I would not delay, knowing what I know now.
Pogo says
33w with my second. Agree with others that the positives are less concern about wardrobe, bathroom access, generally being uncomfortable at work, commute, travel, etc. Of course I did a bunch of travel first tri when I was at my most miserable (and pre-pandemic), but I guess the nice part is not having to *decline* travel now due to my pregnancy, nor feeling like I’m missing out on anything in-person that normally would be a big career booster/networking/etc.
The negatives are……….everything else. I think if it were my first I wouldn’t feel these negatives as much, because it’s mostly childcare and uncertainty about the future (re: school, childcare, etc).
I actually think the reduction in in-person visits was a huge bonus (less time off from work! I can “bring” my toddler with me!) though as others mentioned so much of it is non-negotiable because you have to come in in-person to get certain tests and screening done anyway. The visits they convert to telehealth are all just the ones where it’s like, how are you feeling, do you you have questions. I had to buy a scale and bp cuff, as they don’t like you to go over a month without checking in on those. It was a bummer not to have DH at the 20w ultrasound, but they me have him on the phone the whole time.
Pregnant during Covid? says
Thanks for all the thoughts. I know there is no one right answer, so I appreciate hearing people’s thoughts. I’ll be considered high risk for age and possibly other reasons (I needed extra monitoring with my first pregnancy because none of the test results or measurements ever seemed to come back normal, but secondary testing / monitoring never turned up anything and I have a completely healthy kiddo). It just seems like a lot to be pregnant at the moment.
anon says
I’m 20 weeks with my second (found out I was pregnant right as this all started). Honestly, it hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be – as others pointed out, not having to go into the office/get dressed has been really nice. I can be in comfortable sweats all day, super close to a bathroom for morning sickness/frequent need to pee/hiding a pregnancy early on was super easy. I’m high risk due to complications with my first so have had all of my appointments but it doesn’t seem like a ton of appointments are being cancelled. It stinks DH can’t come to my appointments like last time but I feel like my doctor’s office is handling it really well with temperature checks, pre-appointment calls/texts reminding you to not come if you have symptoms, masks, staggered appointments/no visitors so waiting rooms are basically empty and chairs are blocked off to ensure social distancing.
Fertility is such a fickle thing, I’m team you can’t time it. I’m also not sure that there is going to be any magical breakthrough either on the vaccine or treatment front and if you’re in the US, I don’t think there’s any hope of this being contained so if you’re waiting this out, it could be several years. Maybe I’m being overly pessimistic but I just don’t see things getting better anytime soon.
anon says
I don’t see things getting better anytime soon which is why I’m afraid to have a kid! The calculus is different for people that already have at least one and are adding to their family. If things aren’t getting better, I don’t know how we would handle childcare with two full time working parents. I wanted a child because there are a lot of things I wanted to do with said child. If I’m stuck home quarantining for years, that’s not the life I wanted to live as a parent.
Anon says
The figuring out childcare is a valid concern, is a nanny a possibility? Gently, on your last sentence, I’d push back a bit. I don’t know any parents who are living the life they wanted to live as a parent, you have no idea what your kid is going to be like until they arrive. And they like to throw you for loops! Yes, this is an extreme example of things not going according to plan, but there are no guarantees that even absent corona that you would be able to do the things you want to do with a child, whether that’s due to the kid’s physical limitations, their temperament or something else entirely. There’s just no way to predict. And as people always say, there’s never a perfect time to have kids.
Anon says
Gave birth to our second in April and if I had known what was coming and could do it all over again, I would have waited to have another kid (currently in a hotspot state). I am privileged in that age is on my side and waiting another year or two wouldn’t have made a big difference in my fertility, though.
It’s a really stressful time to have a newborn and you lose so much of the support system that you usually have (no friends/family visits, no mom groups, etc). I was cleaning my house 5 days after giving birth to a 9 pound baby because we couldn’t have our housekeeper come. Going to the pediatrician with your new baby is thrilling because you get out of the house but also terrifying because you’re out of your bubble and worried about virus exposure. It’s heartbreaking to have those close to you miss out on the sweetness of getting to know your new baby.
If you can wait, I would.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Adding here. I’m 16 weeks, with DS#2. Due at the end of December. I’m 36, and my pregnancy is low-risk for now, although I’m considered advanced maternal age…
Honestly, I think this not being my first pregnancy helps manage the anxiety a lot. Or maybe I’m forcing my brain to wire this way because I can’t freak out about things (which is not my m.o….I’m always overthinking and worrying, and have asked my husband “Should I worry that I’m not more worried?”) I haven’t thought too much about delivery, postpartum, and childcare because those take a lot of assessing of facts that aren’t completely ripe for me (yet) and I don’t feel like getting even more stressed, even though I know it’s going to still be hard to figure out in a few months. It’s also nice having some good news to focus on the midst of the sh*tshow going on right now. It also simplifies a lot of risk calculation – e.g. don’t go anywhere unless absolutely necessary.
Other posters are spot on – the “big” appointments are all in-person, and if anything indicates that you need additional care, I know they’d ask me to come in more, monitor more closely, etc. I’ve also historically relied a lot on telehealth (and also work in a non-clinical healthcare role that is a huge proponent of telehealth), so the additional appointments being moved to that setting don’t really surprise me, and probably will remain telehealth even post COVID-19 (as will a lot of healthcare functions FWIW).
Anon says
I am in my late 30s and got pregnant shortly after the pandemic began. I am happy with my decision and do not feel my medical care has been limited in any way other than wearing a mask. I was certain I wanted another child and didn’t want to lose the chance. I’ve delayed dreams in my life (postponing buying a home and starting a family so my spouse could change careers and go to grad school) and I didn’t want to let anything else get in the way now. COVID is a risk, not certain death.
octagon says
A friend told me that her agency announced that everyone is eligible for telework through June 2021, so that parents can best plan for the school year. It seems like forever away, but it also seems like such a smart way to do it. I wish my employer would do the same — I’d feel better about doing some light renovations to my home office (better lighting, more outlets) if I knew I wasn’t going to get called back to work in a month.
Anon says
Anyone have a 2 year old who has to wear a mask at daycare? We’re supposed to go back in a couple weeks and they require all kids over 24 months to wear masks all day except for naps and meals. We have been practicing and while fortunately my DD doesn’t freak out about it and thinks it’s fun to have her own mask (she’s seen us in them of course), she usually takes it off after a few minutes or pulls it down so her nose is out. I know the combination of peer pressure and daycare teachers can work magic with this stuff, but just wondering if anyone had any brilliant strategies or anecdata about how mask requirements are working for kids this young. Also would love sources for really small masks. Most kids’ masks are way too big for her. I’m debating buying doll masks – is that crazy!?
Sf says
My son is three but I was satisfied once I got him willing to wear the mask for about five minutes. I think it’s my job to get him to wear a mask up to the door of his care facility- then it’s their job.
Our place is also doing face shields so you could try that too.
AwayEmily says
We’ve tried a couple and the size XS from CarpeDiemWorkshoppe worked best for my small 2.5yo. Thanks to whoever on here recommended them — never would have found them otherwise.
AwayEmily says
Oh, it’s an Etsy shop. Shipping was fast too.
Anon says
Thanks!
Anne says
I know this has been covered but I need A LOT more masks for my very small 3.5 year old. The etsy carpediemworkshoppe ones fit her great but the elastic can come untied and so I’d like some manufactured ones to be easier for school. Jonah Love has been ordered to try but I’d love to order another brand or two too. Thanks!
anne-on says
They haven’t arrived yet but I ordered some of the Crayola school mask packs – maybe try those? They did have sizing guides and different types.
Anon says
I bought kid size ones from Trustela on Etsy. They have adjustable elastic bands for the ears so you can make them fit younger kids, and have a wire nose piece to get a better fit there too. They’re pricey, so I also got the Crayola ones and I’m hoping those work well too, when they come.
Shirt Help says
I just bought a shirt that is too low cut on me. But I really liked it otherwise and figured I could figure something out. I’d like to attach something to the shirt to hold it together, like a snap or hook or something. But I am really so much not a seamstress. Is there a no-sew option out there? Or any advice for sewing something on? I tried holding it together with some double stick tape the other day when I tried it on, and it did not work, lol. Thanks!
anon says
Just return the shirt; it is not worth so much grief to make it work.
anon in brooklyn says
Safety pin is the easiest solution.
Anonymous says
Question – anyone aware of the best mask option for labor? I have a good friend who is 38 weeks and might need to wear a mask while in labor, and I’m helping her with some research. Looking for the most comfortable and breathable options!
sf says
I would be surprised if the hospital doesn’t provide one. For every doctors appt i’ve had (35 weeks pregnant) they’ve made me replace or cover my mask with a medical grade one.
Masks says
Someone posted about this late last week, you might try looking back a bit. I think the consensus was that surgical masks are the most breathable. I delivered 2 weeks ago in a mask and my hospital required everyone coming in to wear the surgical masks they provided even if someone brought their own from home.
Anon says
I’ve tried a bunch and the lightest and most comfortable were the surgical disposable ones from the medical facility – which makes sense they would have perfected it.
The next lightest one I bought at Petsmart of all places. They don’t have them online but had them in person. You could call your store to see if they have them before going. Remember those old ads for the Yellow Pages, “let your fingers do the walking.”