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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 102 Comments · by

Washable Wednesday: Annie Dress

Machine-Washable Work Clothes

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machine washable A-line sheath dressSometimes, you just want a simple, tried and true shape — but in a superior fabric that fits with your lifestyle (i.e., is washable) — and comes in several colors. Is that so much to ask? Well, no — the ladies at MM.LaFleur have done the hard work and created the Annie dress, a killer A-line sheath dress that is machine washable, travel friendly, and comes in four lovely colors — all for $165. Nice. The Annie Dress (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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Comments

  1. KA says

    Hi – I’m a week postpartum and definitely did not buy enough clothes in advance for this period. Does anyone have yoga pants recommendations that don’t have elastic or control top (which hurts the recovery area)? Amazon prime would be great but not necessarily. Thanks!

    • AIMS says

      I liked my low cut yoga pants the best for this period. No pressure on the stomach area at all. Maybe try that instead of something that goes higher?
      Congratulations!

    • BTanon says

      Old Navy Maternity Fold-Over Waistband Yoga Shorts. Best thing ever. I bought two pairs while I was pregnant, and then another postpartum just because I was living in them all the time. Inexpensive, but nice thickness and held up really well.

      • Katala says

        +1 I was going to recommend Old Navy yoga pants with the foldover waistband. Not sure there’s much difference between the maternity and regular. I’ve been wearing my maternity pair for 2 years and they’ve held up.

      • Anonymama says

        Omg these helped me survive a very long hot pregnant summer. Very comfy.

    • MDMom says

      The low cut gap maternity leggings are great. Did you have a c section? I’m not sure how they would line up with incision area, but they hit kind of same area as low cut jeans. The waist band is wide and soft, not constricting.

    • Closet Redux says

      Immediately post-partum I loved scrubs. They are basically one size fits all in the waist and were soft and roomy and easy on my post-partum recovery until I could wear my trusty yoga pants again.

    • lucy stone says

      I’m two weeks out and have been living in the Zella soul pants and capris from Nordstrom. Congratulations!

  2. Anonynopotomus says

    We just started daycare about a week ago, and my provider is giving our baby what I consider to be too much breastmilk. He’s only there from about 10:30-5 right now, and she’s giving him two 7-8 oz bottles. We had never given him more than 6 oz (and usually more like 5). I can’t tell if he really needs it (she says he cries for more) or if she’s just feeding him too quickly (she says she’s not). The only real issue is that it’s hard to keep up with that with pumping. I’m happy to supplement with formula if he needs it, but not if it’s just her way to get him to sleep/stop crying. (He’s 16 weeks and 16lbs.)

    • Huzzah! says

      Yeah, I’ll validate that it sounds like she’s overfeeding him. The normal rule of thumb I’ve been told is that bf babies eat an ounce to an ounce and a half every hour. I’d expect that baby would do much better with three 4 ounce bottles over that period (so 12 oz). Every kid is different, obviously, but breastfed babies normally eat between 24-36 oz per 24 hours.

      It sounds like the provider is really used to formula feeding, which is generally a larger volume to fill up baby. Can you specifically send four ounce bottles and ask her to stop every ounce and a half and burp baby? Also, look up ‘paced feeding’. It’s a thing and it’s great.

      Remember, you can heat up breast milk twice, so make sure she’s not wasting anything- Kellymom is a good resource.

      • Huzzah! says

        Oh! and make sure you’re using a really slow flow nipple. Dr. Brown’s even makes a preemie nipple which can help.

        • Meg Murry says

          +1 to slow flow n*pple. Even though he’s almost 4 months old, use a n*pple labeled for infant or 0 months, not the ones labeled for 3-6 months – that’s really only relevant for formula fed babies, my bf kids stayed on the smallest size n*pple until they were 9+ months.

          Also, are you assembling the bottles, or are you sending milk and she is making the bottles? Our daycare washed and sterilized the bottles for us (awesome!) but it sometimes caused issues because multiple kids all used the same type of bottle/n*pple but in different sizes, and some of those size differences are so difficult to see because it’s a clear number on a clear n*pple – which caused problems when my tiny baby was given the super fast flow n*pple that belonged to the oldest kids.

      • Anonymous says

        Kelly mom also has a good article on how to bottle feed a breastfed baby

      • Another R says

        +1 on the “paced feeding”. You can find videos online.

        Agree with everyone else that 7-8oz of BM at a time is a HUGE amount at any age, but esp that age.

    • POSITA says

      I agree. Those sound like big bottles to me. My breastfed baby never took bottles larger than 5 ounces. Perhaps send 5 ounce bottles and then a 2 ounce supplemental bottle and tell her only use the 2 ounce bottle if he’s still fussy 30 minutes after a feed? I might even send the 2 ounces frozen so she has to thaw it to use it.

      • Anonymous says

        definitely avoid big bottles! we stayed at 4oz size until close to a year.

        • Katala says

          Yep, we never used big bottles. The most he got was a very full 5 oz (probably 5.5oz) bottle if I pumped extra, but normally 3.5-5 oz. bottles until he switched to cow’s milk at 12 months.

        • ChiLaw says

          Same, my kiddo never got more than 4 oz of bm in a bottle until she was a big, weaned 14 month old. Paced feeding really made a big difference.

      • AnonMN says

        Agree re: no big bottles. My 7 month old (20 pounder, so not small) just moved up to 4 ounces per bottle aroound 6 months. I would send smaller pre-portioned bottles with the directive to only give that amount and then try other things to get him to settle (pacifier because he might just be sucking for comfort, engaging toys, etc.). If he still seems hungry after an hour, then try the supplemental bottle.

    • AIMS says

      My kid is 9 months plus and we’ve never given her that much. Most of her bottles around that age were 4 oz, and went up to 5 shortly thereafter. BUT – she usually did 3 4-5 oz bottles vs. two so I don’t think she was eating less than your little one.

      As far as pumping goes, I didn’t pump much while I was on leave except to build a 2 week stash right before I came back to work, and then I found my supply increased once I was doing it at work regularly so that it was much easier to get 3 5 oz. bottles for the next day. I didn’t worry about having any extra beyond the week or two that I tried to have in a freezer (not sure if you are having trouble “keeping up” b/c you’re trying to also have extra, so just throwing that out there). Now we don’t even have that much, maybe 3 days worth, but again, it hasn’t been an issue. Also, we started introducing solids at 4 months and the baby took to it fairly quickly, which helped as she got into more and more foods. Now she eats less milk so that makes things easier. Anyway, long story short: supplement with formula if you need, but you may find your supply increase from just regular pumping at work. Nursing teas can also help. You’re doing great whatever happens!

    • EB0220 says

      That does seem like alot. My EBF kiddo (and seriously enthusiastic eater) rarely had more than 12 oz (3 4 oz bottles) at daycare between 9 am and 5 pm, although I did nurse her just before dropoff around 8:30.

    • Em says

      Assuming your baby is growing fine, I think you are fine to push back on this, particularly since what she is giving him seems to be quite a bit above average for an EBF baby. As everyone else has said, my son (who loves to eat anything and everything) was only taking 4 oz bottles every 2 1/2 – 3 hours at that age. Even now at 7 months he only takes 5 oz usually. POSITA’s advice is a good way to go.

    • Anon in NYC says

      My breastfed baby started daycare at around 4 months (9:30-6/6:30). She was roughly 15 lbs at the time. We initially sent her with 4 4-oz bottles, but in my opinion they were feeding her too quickly (every 2 hours). We decided that we wanted to stretch out the time between bottles so over the course of a week or two, switched to 3 6-oz bottles at daycare. That worked great for us and her growth stayed consistent. Maybe try sending 3 smaller bottles?

    • octagon says

      This was a frequent concern at my moms group. The leader suggested only sending small bottles — not 8 oz bottles with 4 oz in them, but literally the smaller bottles with only 4 or 5 oz in them. It tricks the eye and a provider is more likely to think a baby took a “full” bottle and will be less likely to top off.

    • CLMom says

      Everyone above has good suggestions. I don’t have a suggestion, but experience with this exact thing.
      My (partially) breastfed baby started daycare and they quickly ramped her up to two 6-7 ounces a bottle (I breastfed at lunch). She had weight gain issues before daycare, so I didn’t fight it, especially because I really trust her primary caregiver. I can’t keep up with production, so we supplement formula. I have chosen not to stress about it.
      For comparison, she eats much less when she is with my mom or husband by about 25%. I think part of the factor is daycare wants full, happy babies. But the other factor is likely how busy my mom and husband keep her. When she is attended to one-on-one and more distracted by games and toys and books, then I think she forgets she is hungry and is less demanding than she might be in a daycare setting.

      • BTanon says

        I had a very similar experience – prior weight gain issues, trusted caregiver and ended up supplementing. I go back and forth about whether I could/should have pushed back on how much they fed him. Ultimately though, my baby is healthy and happy so I’ve tried to take the same view as CLMom and choose to not stress about it.

    • Anonynopotomus says

      Thanks, all. This validates my concerns. I’m going to send him with two 5-6 oz bottles, tell her to stop after every 1-2 oz and burp him (she says she’s doing this), then wait 30 min after the feed. If he’s still hungry, she can give him 1-2 oz more. Thank you!

      • Another R says

        Depending who is watching your baby and where, there may be strict facility rules on saving bottles… hopefully wherever your baby is understands that BM and formula rules are different and their policies reflect this but it’s worth checking if this might be an issue. If it is, involve the director, please don’t try to make the teachers skirt the rules on their own.

    • Chi Squared says

      My baby who is around the same age and size takes 7.5 oz bottles of b-milk 4 times a day (at home, with dad). It seems like a huge amount to me, but he chugs happily away, and doesn’t spit up excessively afterwards. It takes him about 20 minutes to finish the bottle. My DH pushed to go up to #2 nipples a few weeks ago, and I didn’t fight it too much b/c I do not b-feed – baby never got the hang of it. My supply is not quite adequate, so he has been getting a bottle of formula every 1-2 days.

      • Anonymous says

        20 minutes would be a normal amount of time to finish a bottle. You don’t really want a baby drinking any faster than that because otherwise they don’t have a chance for their bodies to realize they are full and stop when they are full.

  3. grandparents says

    Does anyone have parents or ILs that are totally apathetic to their children? Most of the time I just let it go and I’m sad that my kids don’t get to have an awesome relationship with him like they do with my dad. My FIL was visiting this weekend from across the country and barely gave my kids the time of day for the whole weekend. How do you deal with it when they are in your house? Do I just let him do his thing and watch TV while we entertain the children in his presence? I’m not sure how else to approach the situation when he visits again.

    • grandparents says

      He is also dealing with some physical issues, so he can’t do a lot of things with us which is why we don’t leave the house, but he also doesn’t make any sort of effort for things he can do (ie – he turned down reading a bedtime story).

      • Coach Laura says

        to Grandparents – When you offer the bedtime story, perhaps offer to read it to your kids with FIL on the sofa, so he gets to participate. Sell it to your kids as an excuse to stay up later. Perhaps he is (strangely) worried about interrelating. Make it a routine when he comes so your kids look forward to it.

        How about developing a shared tradition? Depending on your kids’ ages and likes, how about starting a movie night tradition? Order Pizza, pop popcorn, rent a move (Ol Yeller, Parent Trap, something like that) and all sit and watch.

        Or puzzles. Set up an age-appropriate puzzle on a card table, put chairs and let them all work it together. Serve chex mix, pretzels, chips etc.

        Does grandpa like cards or games? Have a tradition of a game each visit. Scrabble, Boggle, “Go Fish”, Uno, checkers, Battleship, Mr. Potato Head, Connect4 – the possibilities are endless. Peanuts, candies, soda pop (or juice) and music in the background.

        Plan an at-home picnic. Spread out a blanket on the floor, have hot-dogs and hamburgers, potato salad and cupcakes. Let the kids eat on the floor, while grandpa uses a TV tray table. If you have a fireplace, roast marshmallows for s’mores or do s’mores in the microwave (they’ll still be fun). If the kids are old enough, get sparklers and let them go outside and be supervised while grandpa watches.

        • Not the OP says

          These are great ideas, but I think a big part is — how much effort should I put forth (as a wife and mom) to facilitate a relationship for my kids with people (in-laws) who don’t facilitate or work on their relationship to me as an individual, or on their relationship with my kids (or husband, but that part isn’t my issue at all)? A lot of this is, honestly, more than I’m willing to do for these people, and more than they do for me or for my kids.

          • Coach Laura says

            I understand that it feels weird to put in the effort if not reciprocated. No good answers for you there, sorry. My ideas were more for the mom who’s trapped with a house-guest. Doesn’t take much to set up movie night so if it was me, I’d just do it ’cause you have to feed kids and guest anyway and who knows – maybe card/game/puzzle night will stick.

    • Anonymous says

      Not much advice, but am in the same situation. My ILs are young and active, but completely uninterested in my five year old (their only grandkid). According to my husband, they had no interest in him and his siblings when they were growing up, so I assume this is not something I can change. It sucks, but I’ve come to terms with it. When they visit us, I don’t make plans around them, but invite them to do whatever we are doing. We no longer visit them for major holidays because they refuse to change plans to accommodate the fact we have a child. (The last Christmas we spent with them involved them ditching us for “family” activities like R-rated movies, wine tasting, and 9 p.m. dinners at restaurants, followed by them complaining that we were not spending time with them by not participating in these activities.) We visit them at other times when I won’t be disappointed by their failure to live up to my idea of what a holiday should be like, and follow the same strategy of making plans and letting them choose whether to participate.

      • grandparents says

        This sounds similar. Last christmas he kept inviting my husband to do activities that didn’t’ involve me and the children(movies, watching football at a bar, casino). I can understand that he wants to spend time with his son, but i refuse to be left alone every night of our trip with no vehicle in a non-kid friendly house with all three kids. How did you convince your husband to not visit for holidays? Christmas was always his holiday to spend with his family, but it has been downright depressing the last few years. But this is all the family he has left and I think taking away Christmas would be really sad for him to admit.

        • MomAnon4This says

          I declared that I get 1 evening out by myself (or more) during visits to in-laws. It’s my vacation, too!
          It usually (not always) happens.

        • Anonymous says

          I told him he could go, but my son and I were not. He was p!ssed at them too for the way they handled the last holiday season we spent with them, so it wasn’t a hard sell. And we told them that on the years we don’t spend with my family, they are welcome to visit us. I find their benign neglect easier to tolerate when we haven’t traveled for the purpose of being ignored.

      • JayJay says

        Unrelated, but man I wish kid-friendly wine tasting was a standard Christmas activity.

      • Lurker says

        Is there any room for compromise where you could get a sitter at their house to do one or two of the adult activities with them? An aunt or uncle who would want to stay in and watch the kiddos?

        • Anonymous says

          My kid is bad with strangers. And I’m not willing to put him out when my in-laws aren’t willing to rearrange their lives in the slightest. Compromise is a two-way street. Plus, I work 80 hour weeks year round and prefer to spend my limited vacation time with my kid, who doesn’t see enough of me.

    • Anonymous4 says

      This sounds a bit like my MIL. She’s a bit more engaged, but she’s also a total screen junkie (it’s not unusal for her to be gaming, watching TV and reading a book on her kindle all at the same time). When she visits its like she schedules a time during the day to spend with my son, and the rest of the time follows her normal routine. Sometimes she even seems annoyed when he interrupts her game/movie/reading/social media to ask for a story or to sit on her lap. It drives me crazy, but it’s just how she is.

      I have basically accepted that every grandparent is going to grandparent in their own way. My parents do their thing, DH’s mom does her thing. It’s not how I would have it, but I can’t control how other people relate to me or to my children. When she’s visiting all I do is enforce our family screen time rules, since she’s a screen junkie. LO is not allowed to be on the computer, or play games. The TV is not on when LO is awake.

      I would just let him be. It is sad, but you can’t control his relationship with your children.

    • CLMom says

      FIL and his wife are content to seeing baby about 6 times a year (we live 20 min away from each other). My brother is much less interested than I had anticipated (he was hoping I would have a boy).

      • Closet Redux says

        My first reaction to your post was, Oh 6 times a year, great! Just goes to show it’s all relative. My ILs see our kid twice a year.

        • Anonymous says

          And my FIL has not met my 1.5 year old daughter, nor seen my son in 2 years…

      • Pogo says

        If nothing else, these threads help to show the range of family dynamics/relationships out there and remind me that once again, no one’s family is “perfect” (or even close to!).

    • MomAnon4This says

      Yes. My in-laws (DadinLaw and StepMomInLaw, who is not “just” FIL’s 2nd wife, but also parented my husband and his sister) have come for our 3 children the following times:
      – 1st child – when child was ~8weeks old, for 1 long weekend.
      – 2nd child – when child was ~3 months, for 8 hours.
      – 3rd child – Only DadinLaw is coming, for <1 weekend.

      They do live far, but thankfully their long-distance friends were in our town that day they saw our 2nd child, otherwise they wouldn't have come (they drove 20 hours roundtrip to see our kid 8 hours). Meanwhile they have tons of time and money to travel, buy and sell vacation homes, etc. It kills me, but I know it kills my husband more, so I try and support him and focus on him. Hey, their loss.

    • Jen says

      My FIL acts like this when he visits. He’s almost 80, and my kids are 3 and 6 months. He is a bit better when we visit him in his own setting– he goes about his business and I get the older kid engaged “look! grandpa is watering his plants! Let’s go outside and see if he needs help…” Then Grandpa and Kid water plants together for a while. Or “Hey FIL, I bet Kiddo would really like to ride around in your golf card. DH will go with you. When is a good time?” When FIL is at our house, he’s glued to a screen. He offers to take us out to dinner, which we decline since he has no patience for kids in restaurants. I try to at least put crayons and a coloring book in the chair next to him so kiddo can color in his presence.

      MIL is better, in that she likes engaging with the kids, but she isn’t great at it. I’m pretty good at setting up an activity for her to do in advance (“MIL, Kiddo wants to bake cookies. here are the ingredients! have at it and I’ll be right here if you need me!”)

        • Not the OP says

          Yeah! It must be exhausting for you? What does Husband/Partner say?

          • Jen says

            Eh, DH is an only child that was never close with his parents. My siblings and I are close (in spirit, not in distance), and my entire extended family is pretty close- not dinner-every-Sunday close, but I have an actual relationship with all my aunts/uncles/cousins.

            I also feel like if we schlep all the way to see the ILs (it’s a long, expensive flight), my kids better get real quality time in. I also make sure they ‘babysit’ ie DH and I piece out and get dinner.

  4. Edna Mazur says

    Guess what guys!!! My toddlers didn’t bite the dentist. I am considering this a major win! Happy Wednesday. Whoop!

    • Pogo says

      Yay! Though to be fair, dentists are probably somebody I’d like to bite, too.

  5. 40th Birthday Gift? says

    Not exactly a “mom” question, but I thought I’d throw it out to this group as most of you are in the same “corridor” (to use Kat speak) as I am — I need a 40th birthday gift suggestion for my husband. It’s coming up next week and I’m 8.5 months pregnant with our third, so assume no travel/special vacation option, but I want to get something memorable. Would like to spend no more than $500… Thoughts?

    • Momata says

      A watch? A leather weekender bag/toiletry bag? A new robe/slippers/sheets and towels? A really nice Bluetooth speaker? A new TV?

      The practical side of me would throw those $500 at a meal delivery service for after the baby is born and call it the gift of sanity.

    • MomAnon4This says

      Does he grill? My dad always gets grill and tennis stuff.
      My husband likes movies – a date night or special movie to own?
      Sorry, I’m not good at the $500 price range… having just had our 3rd, I’d go with something Dad-needed, since he’ll be at home more, probably, and doing kid stuff- a great baby carrier? A super stroller? I have no idea.

      • MomAnon4This says

        Changing my idea to one with $500 price range — either a night nanny for after the baby comes (for the baby, so y’all can sleep) or a night out for him and/or you at a fancy local hotel after the baby comes so you two can sleep or you know…

    • grandparents says

      For 30th bday, i got DH a Michael Jordan rookie card which was in the approx $500 range. He doesn’t collect baseball cards as an adult, but MJ was his childhood idol and having his rookie card was always a wish of his so it was just a cool memorable birthday present. He has it framed on his office wall now. Is there any sort of memorabilia like that that your husband might like?

    • Pogo says

      Depends on his hobbies. My husband is a foodie so I’m getting him a super fancy espresso machine for his birthday.

      He also likes golf, so in the past we’ve organized a foursome with his friends/brothers at a really nice club, with a caddy, and lunch afterwards.

      Other past gifts have been lawn care stuff (chainsaw, John Deere attachments) less because he loves caring for the lawn and more because he enjoys power tools.

      If none of these fit, maybe nice sunglasses? Sounds weird, but you can always use another pair, and he’ll wear them a lot.

  6. Another In-Law Q says

    Another in-law question for today: How do you manage your time with in-laws? I mean, who schedules birthdays, presents, get-togethers, etc for them? This stems from a comment on the “mommying your husband” post a while back, where the commenter said they didn’t do anything related to managing in-laws, that was their partner’s job. I LOVE this idea, mostly because I have enough to manage and don’t like my in-laws all that much, BUT, my husband is a terrible non-planner and doesn’t like his family all that much either. If I left it up to him, nothing would get done and then I would take the blame for that fact that we never see them (from them, not him FWIW).

    For example: I planned a birthday dinner for my husband with his family tonight. SIL wanted me to reschedule because she has a meeting at 7:30, FIL/stepMIL never responded. I sent a text out today seeing if anyone was coming, the response was that we should reschedule. So I threw out another date and FIL responds that he is busy that day. He offered up another date, but we are busy that day. ugh. I just don’t want to manage their schedules 24-7 and plan everything around everyone. I’m tempted to just cancel it, but i’m not sure if i am overreacting because I don’t like them, ha.

    So how do you deal with not managing your In-laws vs wanting your kids to have a relationship with their extended family.

    • Katala says

      Extended family management is 100% on the person whose family it is, in my house. I never talk to my in-laws on the phone (I hate the phone and rarely talk to my own parents, fwiw). They all live a plane ride away, so I’m sure that makes a difference. DH is a non-planner, so generally one of his parents will suggest a time they have off work and would like to visit. And he manages all of that, with my input as needed. I do the same with my dad, although I’m a bad daughter because of this unspoken rule that the younger person should be the one to call/invite the older. But I’m terrible at it. Kiddo has seen each grandparent 1-3 times in 1.5 years.

      As for your dinner situation, I would be infuriated and no way would I bend over backwards to reschedule for people who couldn’t bother to respond until the day of. Is anyone else coming? If so, I’d just do it tonight and too bad for people who can’t make it. Or just the two of you go. Ugh, sorry you have to deal with that!

    • Anon in NYC says

      My husband and I each manage our own families (gifts, schedules, etc.), and he and I have made it explicitly clear to our parents about those roles. My inlaws never contact me about scheduling things, or much of anything, really, unless it’s a surprise for my husband. And I have a great relationship with them and we see them about every 6 weeks or so, and I don’t restrict access to my kid because I want her to have a relationship with them. Meanwhile, my BIL and his wife are the complete opposite. Pre-kids, she managed everything and then post-kids she just stopped and he has never really picked up the ball and they barely communicate with my inlaws. This has caused a ton of hurt feelings on the part of my inlaws, and yes, a lot of blame was initially heaped on the wife, but after years of this (and my/DH’s insistence that it is actually BIL’s fault), they finally seem able to recognize that BIL is mostly to blame for this situation.

      So, if I were in your shoes, I’d have a conversation with my husband and explain that I was not going to be responsible for planning social events with his family, and that you were going to start directing all of his family social calendar stuff to him. And then start saying things to his family like, “oh, I don’t know. I’ll have Steve get back to you” or “I’ll run that by Steve and ask him to email you,” and be explicit, “I’ve asked Steve to manage the logistics for X event, so I’ll forward your question to him.” Also, have him take ownership of this relationship directly to them. Like, you’re all out to dinner and they want to plan the next one… that’s the time for him to speak up and say, “we’ll check our calendar.”

      Just know that they will get frustrated and have hurt feelings and probably blame you and you need to be okay with that. Also, this will definitely take more than one conversation with your husband. Caveat that you will still have to plan his birthday dinner because you can’t ask him to plan that one!

    • Momata says

      I’m not sure that your anecdote matches your question. To me, your anecdote shows you are way overaccomodating — you planned the birthday dinner for tonight, got no RSVPs, then just today people are telling you to reschedule? Pick a day that works for you and invite them, and whoever can come, can come.

      As for your question: I keep the household calendar, but my husband does most of the communicating with his side of the family. So husband and family member will pick a few dates that might work and present them to me for final approval.

      • Anonymous says

        This is how it works in our house–I am the one who bothers to keep track of our schedule, so husband makes the plans with his side of the family and confirms our availability with me.

      • Anonymous says

        This is what we do.

        I offer to host something on a certain date. If people can come, great! If not, see you next time! When my husband’s planning something, we discuss a few dates that would work for our family (usually a month in advance) – if those dates work for others – great and if not, see you next time!

        There’s so many birthdays etc that we end up getting together at least once a month/every second month this way.

    • Anon says

      my ILs (just MIL and FIL, DH has no siblings) are way out of state. I used to remind DH once or twice a year that they existed and perhaps we should pick a holiday and go visit. But now we have 3 kids and that is no fun for me at ALL, so I told DH if he wants to see his family, he has to be proactive. He’s done nothing.

      His parents will eventually reach out about visiting us, which they do 1-2x/year. I have over the years made them coordinate with DH, since when I used to do it it drove me bonkers.

      I do try and keep a relationship up between the ILs and my kids, so I will bring DH his phone and tell him to FaceTime his parents with the kids once a week. Sometimes the kids will remind him.

      What you describe above sounds super obnoxious and I’d have no part in it, but I don’t have local ILs.

    • Pogo says

      It sounds like you wish your husband was more involved, so that’s a conversation you need to have with him. If he doesnt step up, and dealing with the in-laws is killing you, less time w/ the ILs might be a sacrifice you have to make for sanity.

      We typically plan things together over e-mail chains, with everyone on it (except the birthday boy or girl in surprise situations). That said, I really don’t mind dealing with my in-laws (can’t believe I’m saying that!!). They can get on my nerves but they’re typically accommodating planners.

    • Em says

      I manage our family schedule, but my husband is responsible for his family and I am responsible for mine. This sometimes means he drops the ball (it happened more often early in our relationship) and we don’t go to his family events. Does his family blame me? Probably. Do I care? Not so much. My inlaws are actually pretty easy going, so I have no issue texting my MIL and SIL and letting them know about events we plan because I know my husband will probably forget, but I draw the line at coordinating his family events, and I would not engage in the elaborate rescheduling you mention.

    • Anonymous4 says

      DH does the scheduling with his family, I do the scheduling with mine. With the clear understanding that he never schedules anything (nor do I) without first consulting the other. This is how I save my sanity by not opening my home to my MIL for a three-week stretch during my busiest season of the year – which happened the first year we were married. Not good.

      DH makes all travel arrangements for visiting his family, I do for mine unless it involves something more complicated than a 2 hour road trip (if we need to book a hotel, etc… I often leave that to DH – he’s a master hotel bargain hunter).

      I generally take care of all presents and providing gift ideas for the LO to the inlaws, aided significantly by Amazon wish lists. For gifts for my inlaws I consult but generally do the planning, purchasing and wrapping.

      In regards to your example, however, to plan a birthday party (which I’ve never done as inlaws live 10+ hours away) – I would probably work with his mom directly and let her coordinate with her other children. With no RSVPs I would have cancelled the event and told them if they wished to celebrate DH’s birthday they would need to formulate their own plans. I’d hate to see DH sad, but if this is typical he wouldn’t be surprised by their lack of response.

  7. Anon says

    Help. I had to fall on the mercy of another mom today to watch my son for about 6 hours (stupid, stupid tiered first week of school). I sent him with a frozen pizza to feed the kids lunch, and a bottle of wine.

    What else can I do to show my thanks/appreciation? She has three kids (two were in school this morning, but she’ll have all three this afternoon), and but for an issue that came up, I had hoped it would only be for the morning. I have offered to return the favor, but I’d like to do something more concrete for her.

    • VKJ says

      Honestly, I think you are in good shape. You sent lunch and a treat, plus offered to do the same if she is in a pinch. If you really, really wanted to do something else, I would suggest a restaurant giftcard and maybe having her kids over for an evening so they could use it.

      • Anon says

        Thanks. That makes me feel a little better. I hate that I had to ask her to do this (but would gladly do it for another mom), and just don’t want to estrange a friend. I also feel like there’s a higher emphasis on reciprocating/showing appropriate gratitude b/c she’s someone I became friendly with after our children got close in shcool. So, rather than begging for help from a close friend of mine who happens to have kids (and who I know would take me up on the offer to reciprocate!), I asked for help from someone I consider a friend, but not someone whom I’d typically have this sort of relationship with.

    • Anon says

      If you feel like you want to do more, reciprocate with a date night.

      I’m in a position to do this for other moms (I work odd hours, from home) and honestly, it’s no big deal. It gives my kid someone to play with, so I offer. They never take me up on it and I can tell they don’t want to impose. Oh well!

      • Meg Murry says

        +1 to date night, and honestly, sometimes it’s easier to have a friend over to play with your kid – honestly, I found that on snow days or other no school days it’s easier to watch 2 kids the same age that will play with each other than your own single kid that wants you to play with him all day.

        Does she work outside the home, or is she a SAHM? Could you look at your calendar and the school calendar and offer to take the kids (or at least the one your kid’s age if she’d prefer) on the next random day off like “teacher work day” or whatever?

        Do your kids do some kind of extra curricular together? Could you offer to take on some of the carpooling for that? It’s such a pain to have to drag all the kids along to pick up just one, so to be able to stay home and let someone else handle the driving is a treat.

  8. geneva says

    Anybody lived or currently lived in Geneva, Switzerland? (It’s been a source of confusion – not Geneva, IL…)
    Would specifically love to hear about having small children there and even giving birth to one if anyone has experience… A lot of the posts I’m seeing on ex-pat websites are a bit dated, and don’t really discuss childcare. Husband is interviewing for a job there and I’m thrilled about the prospect of living abroad for a bit, but trying to see what the real costs would be. Thanks in advance!

  9. Betty says

    ARGH!! Quick vent: I was just starting to feel like I have things back to normal-ish: new au pair is great and working today, both kids attended their respective schools, and I am working at work (as opposed to working at home). I took my “me time” to go for a run at lunch, and… twisted my ankle. I can put weight on it, but it is tender and swollen. This is not not not what I needed right now!!

    • Anonymous says

      Oh no! I hope it’s not serious, but suggestion: ice and elevate NOW, don’t wait til you get home. I twisted my ankle a couple years ago (at 8 months pregnant, because of course) and didn’t baby it as much as I should have at work. By that night, it had ballooned to twice the normal size and I couldn’t walk at all. Don’t be like me. :)

      Happy to hear your childcare woes are resolved, though!

      • Betty says

        Thanks! And thank you for your warning. I was going to ignore it until I got home, but decided to repurpose a pashmina into a wrap and ice it.

  10. Is this working-parent unfriendly? says

    I work in-house for a large, multinational corporation. Every 3-6 months, the entire legal and compliance departments (including Europe and Asia) participate in a “town hall” webinar of sorts. The upcoming one is scheduled at 8 a.m. EST on Halloween. I know that Halloween is not universally celebrated. However, for a working parent who will need to send her kids to school in costume and otherwise deal with Halloween related issues that day, this seems incredibly unfriendly to working parents. This will require me to leave my home 45 minutes earlier than I would on a day that is inherently hectic. Is this a time to just deal with it? Say something?

    • Meg Murry says

      Since it’s a webinar, could you ask if you could call in to it from your home computer and then drive in (or and then otherwise take a vacation day so you can go to any celebrations at the school that day)?

    • EP-er says

      How long is the meeting? I think that you could try calling in from home or getting dad/grandma to get the kids ready for the day.

      I would also check with the school on the costume thing. We aren’t allowed to send the kids in costumes. It is something that they need to change into themselves after lunch. You can go at lunchtime to assist, but they have really dialed back the celebration from what I remember. No birthdays, either!

      • Anonymous says

        +1 on checking with the school. My daughter’s public elementary school allows no Halloween costumes at all. Also no birthday celebrations and no food at class parties. It’s all about maximizing instructional time and minimizing the risk that someone is accidentally exposed to an allergen.

        And definitely dad’s turn to put the kids on the bus that day.

        • Meg Murry says

          Another +1 for checking with the schools. Especially since Halloween is on a Monday this year, it’s possible the school will choose to celebrate on Friday instead of Monday. When our town switched trick or treat from actual Halloween (Friday night) to the night before (Thursday) the school also did their celebration activities on Thursday, not Friday.

          Our schools also had a “only change into costume after lunch” policy, and our daycare had a “no costumes that aren’t real clothes and we aren’t having a party” policy (so my son’s Charlie Brown costume that was just a Charlie Brown shirt and regular pants was ok, most typical costumes were not).

    • Navy Attorney says

      I have [small] children, and the idea that it’s a hectic day would never have crossed my mind. I can see how it would be annoying, but I don’t think it rises to the occasion to highlight a working parent idea (say, unlike the first day of school, or Christmas Eve). I’d try to arrange for minimal accessories, disallow face paint, elaborate hairdos, and costumes that do not fit in a car seat, and lay out the costumes the night before.

    • OP says

      This is one of the few “face time” requirements with the larger corporation (they put all of the offices up on the screen). I had otherwise planned to put my eldest on the bus (in costume or in his backpack) and take the youngest to school in her costume (preschool). I absolutely *can* miss these things, but I do not want to and am peeved at having to meet this rare face time requirement on a memorable day with my kids.

      • Anonymous says

        I know exactly how you feel. A few months ago I had to get another mom to take my daughter to a gymnastics meet because I was on a business trip. I felt like a terrible person for missing the meet, but my daughter and I both got over it eventually. I was resentful of my job that time. Most of the time, though, my resentment is directed towards the school for demanding that working moms show up in the middle of the day for awards ceremonies, student government speeches, spelling bees, etc.

        All in all, it stinks that you have to miss this morning with your kids that’s important to you, but it’s great that there are few “face time” requirements like this one.

    • EB0220 says

      How many people are involved? What percentage are working parents in the US? I think I would probably just suck it up because things like this are usually subject to a million different scheduling constraints.

    • MomAnon4This says

      Our public school has an early -morning parade of costumes that day (must be a “book character that makes good choices” and also bring the book) so yes, I would say it is generally working-parent unfriendly. Even our religious preschool (Jewish) seemed like all the parents picked up their kids early that day to get home to go trick-or-treating. If it’s in the evening there’s a TON of Halloween traffic.
      I would say it’s working MOM unfriendly — how many dads will be at the school parade?
      Can you get your partner to do the school part?
      I’d mention it, just to see if other people are mentioning it, but not make a big deal do-or-die thing about it but yeah, I agree.

    • mascot says

      Eh, I’d be more annoyed if they had a 5:30 call on Halloween night when I needed to fight traffic to get home for Trick or Treat. Can a partner or a friend attend the parade and get you some pictures? I’ve been to the parade at my child’s school and about half the parents actually come. I’ve taken pictures that I’ve shared with other parents. But yes, it’s hard to miss these things.

    • anne-on says

      Maybe its a US thing, but in my big 4 firm it is one of the days we intentionally DO NOT schedule in-person meetings with senior partners because we have gotten hell for making them (mostly male, mostly late 30s/40s) miss their kids parties/seeing them dress up/trick or treat in the neighborhood. I was surprised at first but quite amused and pleased at how seriously these men took their Halloween with small kids time.

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