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I am always on the hunt for waterproof shoes, and if they are sneakers, even better. My complaints for waterproof shoes are that they’re usually clunky, heavy, and ill-fitting. The shoes I would wear for being outdoors/commuting wouldn’t be ones I would also want to wear all day in the office. Also, on the days I would travel/sightsee, I would need comfortable shoes that could also withstand any weather.
It looks like this brand is serious about their waterproof sneakers — it seems to be the only type of shoe they make. These are currently on major sale, with an extra 10% off with code WATERPROOFME, and they’re available in both black and white.
The shoes are $99, down from $249.99, at Loomfootwear.com. Waterproof Sneakers
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Clementine says
I have trail running shoes that are waterproof and I wear them for the same purposes.
Actually, living in the Northeast, they’re my go-to sneakers in the winter. I bought them for trail running but have gotten much more wear for winter runs on the regular roads than for trails. I bought mine at a local running store and they’re also designed to help you keep grip – pretty clutch when it’s wet or icy.
GCA says
Likewise. Merrells forever. I’ve only had to break out the Yaktrax a few times in the past few years!
Anonanonanon says
My go to water-proof shoes that aren’t wellies are
Blondo waterproof booties in black suede https://blondo.com/products/elvina-1?variant=30255040561251
Sorel Ainsley Chelsea boot in black https://www.sorel.com/p/womens-ainsley-chelsea-boot-1809101.html?dwvar_1809101_color=282&pos=26
Both are warm and comfortable.
Sleepy anon says
What happens if you don’t sleep train a baby? At some point, will they be big enough to sleep through the night without going through that kind of process, or is that a prerequisite?
DD slept like a dream in the Snoo until she outgrew it at around six months. Post-Snoo life has been rockier: she’s almost nine months, and she wakes up two or three times a night to nurse and will only fall back asleep in my arms. If she wakes up when I’m putting her in her crib, she’s upset, we end up going back to the chair to nurse some more and try again. Functionally, this means I’m in the nursery for several hours a night, sometimes all night, and sleeping late in the morning once DH takes over.
This wouldn’t be sustainable if we weren’t both teleworking. But given that we’re home literally all the time, I feel Ike the cost/benefit analysis weighs against sleep training for me right now. I’m glad that she’s continuing to nurse at night, since she’s lost some interest in nursing during the day. I do need to find some more productive hours work-wise; my day functionally starts at 9:30 or so and winds down at 6 or 6:30, when dinner kicks off the evening wind down to bedtime and then I’m back in the nursery soon after. I’m willing to trade some productivity and a sore neck for this time with her. At nine months, I think we’re in the home stretch of the baby days (and nights). I am enjoying this sleepy, cozy time with her. I don’t feel inclined not to nurse if that’s what helps her wind down. But I’m not sure if this becomes easier or harder as she gets older; I don’t want to have a two year-old who only sleeps in my arms, especially once we’re back in offices from nine to five.
Am I just delaying something we’ll eventually have to do? And if so, is there a drawback to continuing to delay? Is this a mistake? I would appreciate any words of wisdom!
AwayEmily says
I think that if you guys are happy and you are enjoying this time, then you should continue to enjoy it as long as it works for your family. Your baby will eventually figure it out, or you will help her figure it out.
(and I say this as someone who did NOT enjoy getting up with their kids and sleep trained both of them at nine weeks)
GCA says
Agree completely! Do what works for your family, including maximizing sleep for all of you to meet all of your sleep needs as far as possible. And I say this as someone at the opposite end of things: we never sleep trained at all.
Kid 1 probably could’ve done with some sleep training but we were in a studio then a 1br at the time so it was kind of a non-starter. Kid 2 is a significantly better sleeper than her brother. I enjoy baby snuggles, and sometimes that meant cosleeping with infants/ young toddlers. But each kid figured out how to sleep independently when I needed them to, in ways that fit our circumstances: kid 1 gleefully adopted his big kid bed at 3, kid 2 loved her twin mattress on the floor at 18 months.
What this tells me is that there is huge variation in what works. If you need more uninterrupted sleep, there are lots of options. You could drop a nursing session, cosleep after nursing in the middle of the night, or hand baby off to partner after you nurse.
Anonymous says
You need to sleep as well but you don’t have to sleep train in the form of CIO if that doesn’t feel right for your family. Keeping a hand on baby’s chest for a few minutes after I put them in the crib tended to help keep them asleep. DH and I alternated nights of putting them down. If you’re still getting nighttime wake ups regularly, try upping the solid food intake throughout the day, greek yoghurt has tons of protein or peanut butter on toast before bed if dinner is more than an hour before bed can also help. You might also look at your nap routine – at least 4 hours of awake time after the last nap, and two naps a day not three at nine months. You can nurse, morning, before each nap, and before bed. 4-5 times a day is plenty at this age.
We used the ‘No Cry Sleep Solution’ by Pantley with success on all three kids. This board tends to be pretty pro-CIO but there are other options if you don’t want to go that route. If CIO doesn’t feel right for you, pick up the Pantley book and give it a try.
Anonymous says
I don’t think there is any drawback to delaying IF you are ok with your current setup. There is a slimchance that your baby will magically start sleeping all on her own, but right now she clearly needs nursing to get back to sleep (which is ok if you’re ok with it). We sleep trained my first at 18 months and it still worked. Sleep trained my second at 10 months. The lack of sleep was making me unhappy and resentful, and an unhappy mommy wasn’t good for our family. But being able to get to sleep yourself and put yourself back to sleep is a good skill. FWIW – anyone I know who never did any sort of sleep training (and there are many methods that aren’t Ferber/cry it out), has children in their bed or who wake up still at 4-5.
Anon says
+1. You can sleep train your kid at any age (it doesn’t need to be CIO – there are many ways to teach your kid, especially an older one, to stay in bed). So keep doing what feels right now, and change it when it stops working.
Some kids do magically start sleeping all night, but that wasn’t the case with my kids (as much as I love extended breastfeeding, it does seem to be the formula fed kids with no b**b attachment who do so). So you will probably have to do *something* to improve sleep, but there is a big range of techniques.
Anon says
My kids were awful sleepers. They fought bedtime and we would take hours each night to get them to bed, only to get up and do it again a few times a night. Friends and family tried to help and nothing worked. We hired a sleep consultant and tried a bunch of methods, and although I’ve blocked a lot of the details, I know that in the third week of extinction training the sleep consultant finally said some babies just don’t take to sleep training and gave us a graceful way of giving up. My second gave all the signs of being similar to the oldest so we didn’t make it quite as far, but also gave up.
By about 15 months both of them were fabulous sleepers. They transitioned from the crib to a twin bed (with a railing) with no problems, not even waking up once. I didn’t do anything, it’s like they decided one day to finally sleep through the night. I have friends who still have their five year olds climbing into bed with them at night, but other than super sick times, mine have never even asked to get in my bed.
I know this is anecdata, but there’s definitely a chance the world’s worst sleeper will become a champion sleeper if left to their own devices.
layered bob says
We never sleep-trained any of my kids. By 2 they were all sleeping 7:30pm-6:30am in their own beds.
I’m a transactional biglaw associate who, like you, appreciated the night nursing/snuggles since I didn’t get much of that during the day. I co-slept (with baby in a crib sidecar-ed to our bed, mattresses on the same level so I could just pull baby over to nurse and then roll her back when done) until 12ish months, then we transition straight to a twin bed on the floor in their own room so I can lay in bed with them there and nurse/snooze. Around 11-13 months I also work more on separating nursing from sleeping.
I night wean around 18-19 months (which is very, very easy at that age) and fully wean around 23-25 months. Between night weaning and age two we also talk more about how they are growing up and need more sleep at night time, and mama does too, and help them develop strategies like snuggling an animal, pulling up their blankets, turning over, etc. when they wake up at night, so by 2 they are sleeping entirely independently after book/song/prayers at bedtime.
No crying, no fighting, just lots of sleepy baby snuggles. I know this approach is not for everyone but since you said the cost/benefit analysis for you right now is in favor of continuing to nurse to sleep, I wanted to share my experience to indicate that you absolutely can continue to do that for now and still have a kid who sleeps well by themselves next year, you do not have to do formal sleep training.
Anonymous says
I guess the question is- how much longer will you be teleworking? Would it be easier to do some of the sleep training now (like night wean) so you don’t have to do it all in a transition period?
Anon says
I resisted sleep training for as long as possible as well, but it was a complete game changer. Short-term pain for huge long-term benefits. Your baby doesn’t need to nurse multiple times a night. Tending to her two or three times a night is a lot for a nine month baby. I never had to do that at nine months unless my baby had an ear infection or something. I wouldn’t rule out sleep training.
Anon says
This was me. With my first, I coslept for 13 months and nursed 3-4 times a night at least (latch on and fall asleep) until I’d had enough. For a long time I felt physically ill hearing her cry. Then at 12 months something clicked and I was over it. At 13 months, we used a crunchy RIE thinking sleep consultant but she basically did a graduated extinction plan. I think it was harder because of my toddler’s age. She’d stand up an refuse to lay down for hours. Eventually it took though and I was much better off.
For my second we did Taking Cara Babies ABCs at 5 months (again just graduated extinction). For me, I wish I did it that soon with my first. He’s a better sleeper overall. Some of it may be just a different personality but I know I didn’t have to undo as many sleep crutches the second time around.
Since sleep training is all about consistency, I’d just be concerned that holding off until too late will make it harder for the parents to stay consistent. A toddler can express a whole range of emotions to sway you that a younger baby cannot.
Anon says
I will add that even with my second I kept a timed once a night feed until he hit 9 mos old. I was afraid of dropping it and then prompting early morning wake ups. I think he was ready to drop it sooner than I was though.
SC says
My SIL never sleep trained her first. Their son took forever to go to sleep, woke up a bunch at night, and wouldn’t go back to sleep except in their bed. They read all the books and even hired a sleep consultant. Nothing worked (though BIL also confided to DH that SIL had a hard time being consistent with any sleep training method). At 5, the kid was still waking up in the middle of the night and going to their bed to sleep. Then SIL got pregnant again, and she and BIL spent several months getting the 5 year old to sleep in his own room. Their son is 8 now, and as far as I know, he sleeps through the night in his own room now, or at least puts him back to sleep. I have no idea if it’s been the same pattern with the 3 year old. So, yeah, worst-case scenario is that you will have to do some type of age-appropriate sleep “training” with an older kid whenever you’re ready.
I’m sure some toddlers and kids grow out of middle-of-the-night wake-ups by themselves. We lucked out with a great sleeper, and I’m sure it had more to do with Kiddo’s nature than our own parenting skills. We tried the Ferber method, and Kiddo was asleep within 10 minutes, and that was it. On the flip side, potty training was SO difficult for us, and Kiddo was almost 4 and not fully potty trained. I’d like to think that also had more to do with Kiddo’s nature than our own parenting skills.
Anon says
I would do the same and feed or nurse my baby when he woke up (1-2x per night at that age). Eventually I just stopped feeding him every time, or only feed a little and rocked him back to sleep. Then when he was ~12 months old I decided I should stop trying to rock him to sleep and put him in his crib. It worked for a while then teething happened so we kept rocking. Eventually one night I put him in his crib, let him cry for 10 minutes, and that seems to be all the sleep training he needed because he has been going down easy and sleeping through the night ever since. He is a very easygoing baby! You’re not ruining your baby by not sleep training and you can always do it later.
Anon says
I’m a raging insomniac and apply anti-insomnia techniques to my baby. The crib is for sleeping. During the day, we make sure he naps in light; the night is dark and dark means a lot of sleeping. When he used to wake up at night for feedings, we kept the lights off and changed his diaper immediately after so he wouldn’t wake up again for a diaper change.
You are training your baby to wake up for affection and safety at night.
My 2 cents says
It’s ultimately up to you, but I found ripping off the proverbial bandaid in these situations (sleep training,cutting out bottles, etc.) to be the best solution. The dread was always worse than the actual thing itself. You could also try to sleep train (using whichever method you prefer) and say “if it doesn’t work in 3 nights, we’ll try again another time.” That way you give it a chance but aren’t stuck in purgatory. Also, the sleep regressions are on their way, and I found that having solid habits before the regressions always helped us come out to the other side.
Anonymous says
Just really think it depends on the kid. I do there are kids who will be poor sleepers long term (just like there are adults who are poor sleepers), but many others will turn into great sleepers at some point whether you sleep train or not. Now, that time will depend… our older kid was sleeping 11-12 hours at 4 months with no sleep training (it was wonderful and totally tricked us into thinking that was normal!). Second child was more like 12-18 months (I don’t even remember- I think more like 12 but then was sick a lot so would wake? Totally a haze). After that he never ever wakes at night. I didn’t want to sleep train formally so we didn’t.
OtterMom says
We never sleep trained; we worked on helping our little one get herself to sleep independently through the “drowsy but awake” method, starting at 2 months (and she was still getting up 4X a night then to eat). We were consistent with that, and she slowly self-weaned feedings until she just simply started sleeping through all of them, and slept through the night around 6.5 months because she was eating enough during the day and slept through feeds. She still gets up sometimes when teething or sick, but otherwise it’s consistently through the night. We never purposefully weaned feedings either – we just encouraged daytime eating, and let her take the lead when she was ready. But, then again, maybe we’re just lucky.
Anon. says
The mantra I learned from someone here that I apply to baby things: it’s not a problem until it’s a problem. Right now, you are okay with the set up, so you don’t have a problem. Other people would have a problem with your current set up, but if you’re good with it, enjoy the snuggles. At some point you’ll probably have to teach your baby how to sleep through the night, but you can do that later.
Anonymous says
I would get yourself down to one nurse per night, at a consistent time, before you figure out what to do next.
And once you do… I get the sentiment, ‘do what’s best for your family,’ but the flip side of that is, you’re the parent and it’s your responsibility to ensure that your child learns essential sleeping skills. We never did CIO, but that’s because we put all the building blocks in place for good sleep. Sure, there are always regressions, growing pains, etc. But if the foundation is there, then your kid works through them and gets back on track. I would focus on getting to a point where you can give them that foundation (falling asleep independently, self-soothing, etc).
Big Law Guilt says
Leaving Big Law advice. I’m 99% sure I’m going to accept an in house job with a non-firm client. This is likely to come as a disappointment, but maybe not a surprise, to the partner I work the most with, who also has a lot of pull in our practice group, the firm, and the general practice area.
My reasons for leaving are work life balance, hatred of billable hours, and knowing I can’t put in that push to go the next step — I’m capably of it, just burnt out — parenting in a pandemic pushed me there sooner than I expected. This is a HARD choice, but it’s not a chance that comes along often.
How do I tell him? I’m worried about burning a bridge with him, even though I know he’s not vindictive like that. I’m also worried about disappointing him, even though I know I don’t owe him anything but reasonable notice and an effective transfer of work.
Realist says
I would keep it brief and direct. This is not a decision you need to go to great lengths to justify or feel guilty over. One thing I would suggest is that after you leave, you write a thank you letter to him, and to any other people at your firm you want to appreciate, that lets them know how nice it was to work with them, what you learned from them or most appreciated about working with them, and that you want to stay in touch. I don’t think you will be burning any bridges from what you have said here, and you have a great opportunity to set up a good professional relationship in your field going forward.
Anon says
I think that’s a nice idea! I have had employees that I love quit and I have had employees I don’t love quit. Either way, I take it really well in-person. Than I moan or celebrate later. Quitting has no impact on my opinion of them or the reference I give. Unless you’re a jerk (give no notice, take it as an opportunity to unload, etc,), I think he will be happy for you.
Anonymous says
“Yo bro I quit peace out.”
You are dramatically overthinking this. Associates leaving to go in house is completely normal. Just say you’ll miss working together but are excited for the opportunity.
anon says
+1. The vast majority of associates leave. This is not a big deal to him the way it is to you. Depart gracefully and on good terms, but don’t make it weird with a big scene or explanation or apology.
Katarina says
Just tell him. I thanked the partner for training my well. FWIW partners tend to be nice to people leaving to go in house, even if they are disappointed, because there is always a chance that you will end up as a client, if not currently in the future.
If you were leaving to go to a competing firm it would be a different story.
I am really happy to be in house. I have a much more manageable and predictable workflow, and unlike with billable hours, I really get paid for time off.
AwayEmily says
Does anyone have an (adult) fleece jacket that they really like? Is it worth spending money on Patagonia? Basically I want something for fall/spring….
Anon says
I have a Patagonia, and it is wonderful. I have been trying to find a cheaper fleece in a size up since I’m pregnant, and nothing I’ve tried is anywhere close. I can wear the Patagonia all day and not get too hot (even pregnant). The cheaper fleeces I’ve tried are not nearly as breathable, and I get hot in like 5 minutes.
AwayEmily says
Thanks! Which Patagonia do you have?
amom says
I adore my Patagonia Better Sweater.
Anonymous says
I have the LL Bean one that looks just like it and like it very much. It was a gift; I would have bought Patagonia if I was buying it myself because I support their values so much, but LL Bean is good too. The wind does go right through it but I layer it with my patagonia rain shell on very windy/rainy days. It’s warm enough if there’s a slight breeze.
anon says
I’ll give a dissenting opinion and say that I don’t enjoy my Patagonia fleece much, but I have that fuzzy/furry kind and not the better sweater. Wind is a big factor where I live, and it allows so much air through! Even though it’s an objectively warm fleece and is great on calm days, those are rare. I keep trying to make myself like it (because it wasn’t cheap), but man, I really don’t.
Anonymous says
I have a 32 degrees heat one, and I love it, it is cozy and warm. I run cold, though, and I would find getting too hot a feature, not a bug.
Leatty says
Toddler sleep help desperately needed.
My exceptionally strong willed 3 year old will not go to sleep at night. Every night, we put her to bed between 730 and 8, and 10 minutes later, she comes downstairs to tell us that she pooped. We change her pull-up and send her back to bed, but she doesn’t stay in her bed. Instead, she runs around In her room, pulling books off the shelves, throwing toys around, removing the knobs from dressers and lights, etc. She also repeatedly comes downstairs with various excuses (sometimes after locking herself out of her room), and will not leave her lights off in her room. This goes on for at LEAST an hour every night, but last night it continued until 11 PM. I’m at my wit’s end, especially since it we have a 1 month old. I’ve been trying to go to bed around 9 while DH (whose leave is over) takes a shift with the baby, but I can’t fall asleep with her constant interruptions and noise. Any ideas?
Anon says
Is she still napping? It might be time to drop the nap…around that age my son started staying up later and later – he still seemed to need a nap but I just tried to go cold turkey on the nap and now he’s out by 8 every night (unless he falls asleep during the day despite my efforts to keep him up).
Anon says
+1. If my 3-year-old doesn’t nap he will go right to sleep at 8ish. If he naps, we don’t turn out the lights before 9:30. You may want to move bedtime forward or back based on if she is overtired or maybe needs less sleep at this age. You can also try having your husband sit with or rock her to get her nearly asleep – even if she didn’t need this before, she may need more connection right now and it eliminates the struggle. It’s okay to switch up routine for a season
Anonymous says
Yep at that age my kid would be up till 10 pm if he napped AT ALL. I was pregnant and needed to go bed earlier so we cut the nap. Then he was asleep at like 7. It was a rough few months in the late afternoon though!!!!
layered bob says
I’m sure others may have more comprehensive advice, but my strategy would be something like, 1) magnesium to move that poop earlier in the day, 2) earlier bedtime, 7:15 lights out at the latest, 3) remove everything from her room that you don’t want her to touch or might be the least bit interesting, think sensory-deprivation chamber, and cover light switches, 4) lock the door from the outside or hold it shut until she falls asleep.
We also briefly used a “ticket” system with one kid who always wanted to come out – they got two tickets at bedtime (actual pieces of paper, index cards that they’ve drawn on work well) – and could then call for us to come two times for any reason (potty, drink of water, whatever) and after that we wouldn’t come anymore. That worked well to give the child some autonomy.
Another child needed a wind-down time so we used a Hatch light – set brightly enough for them to look at books in the rocking chair by themselves for half an hour, then the light would darken slowly to the nighttime orange.
Anonymous says
On the light point – we have red lights in the kids closets and leave the closet door cracked slightly. Enough light to see without the white light that wakes them up. My kids would be upset and disorientated if they woke up in a pitch black room.
Anonymous says
With a new baby in the last month, I’d take a gentle approach because her whole little world has been turned upside down. Clearly she’s looking for attention and parent time. She’s acting out to get it. Can you read her a couple books and then have your DH sit on a chair in the bedroom with her and sing her to sleep? Then she gets one on one time with each of you. Or vice versa? Or alternate each night? It might only take 20 minutes or so. I’ve had to do this when on vacation with my kids. I tell them that I will stay and sing as long as their eyes are closed and they lie still but that I have to get up and go if they get up. I’d give 3 chances on the first few nights as the new routine will take some adjusting. After a couple weeks, you should be able to just sing for a few minutes and have her go to sleep by herself.
Is she still napping? At age 3 I wouldn’t do more than an hour nap at least 4-5 hours before bedtime.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, agreed — I am generally in the “take a firm stance” camp on these kinds of antics but I think given the new baby, she’s probably trying to tell you she needs more attention/time, so perhaps you can figure out a way for you to meet both your needs. I would try something like saying “I will stay here in your room with you reading my Kindle until you fall asleep, but if you get out of bed or talk to me, I will leave.” Hopefully you can phase this out after a month or so when she’s feeling more secure.
Anon says
Yes this. I’m guessing this is her way of saying she wants more parent time.
1) Tell the baby no in front of her. It’s so simple but it works a ton. If you’re finishing up dishes with toddler and baby starts to cry, tell baby “You’ll have to wait a minute, I’m in the kitchen with Toddler.” Or if you’re giving toddler a bath and it’s baby sleep time, call out to the baby “I know it’s time for bed but I’m going to take 3 more minutes with Toddler!”. Even when it’s stuff you would have done anyway, it helps the oldest feel like she’s just as important as the new one.
2) Have a ritual time just for each parent and her. Maybe “Dad and Toddler” time is the 20 minutes before bed while brushing teeth, getting in pajamas, and snuggling on the bed to tell stories – he just stays with her during all the steps and then listens to her tell a story. Then “Mom and Toddler” time is the 20 minutes after bedtime. You read a book or two to her, then turn on the nightlights and read your Kindle on the edge of her bed while she “looks at books”. Then Dad brings in a small glass of warm milk, you both kiss her goodnight, and leave her to finish looking at her books.
2b) Relatedly, my kids need wind down time in bed. We allow as many books as they want, for as long as they want, as long as they stay quiet and in bed. So they pick out a giant stack before getting in bed, turn on their reading light, and then can stay up “reading” as late as they want after we leave the room. They rarely make it longer than an hour, but they’re quiet and in bed so I get time to finish chores and their bodies are still getting rest. You can introduce this by making a big deal of her age at dinner. “Did you know you’re 3 years and TWO WHOLE MONTHS old?? That means you’re now a Big Girl and get a special bedtime treat! Yay!!! Let me explain it to you and we’ll see if you can do it tonight.”
rosie says
I agree with some combo of the above. If she is still napping, I would shorten nap, move it earlier, or get rid of it altogether in favor of quiet time. Get into as stable of a routine as you can given new baby & pandemic — right now, we do lunch with quiet time right after, and if she does fall asleep, we wake her after a half hour.
Same for evening — get a routine down that ideally will include special time with one or both parents. Take toys out of her bedroom as much as possible, put a childlock door handle on the inside so she cannot open it. Encourage her to have some books or quiet toys next to her bed that she can look at if she isn’t feeling sleepy right away.
Do you have special big sister books? I really like I’m a Big Sister by Joanna Cole. It is a good one to talk about how special your older child is to you and to validate feelings they may have about the new baby.
Leatty says
Thanks all! I will give these tips a try. She skips her nap more often than not, but we make her stay in her room for quiet time if she skips her nap. DH does most of the childcare for her these days since I’m nursing, and I do try to spend some quality 1×1 time with her every day, but I’m sure we could both do a better job of giving her special attention. Fingers crossed for better luck tonight!
Anon says
My 3 year old daughter has a really hard time separating from me at night (easier time with her dad). What worked for us eventually is after I put her down to bed, telling her that I’d be back to check on her in an hour and make sure she was still tucked in. And then I really do it – kid is asleep but I’ll put a blanket back on and make a big deal in the morning about it (“oh do you remember? I came back and out the gray blanket on you and here it is!”) She just seemed to need that reassurance that she wasn’t being abandoned or something. So if you think it’s about wanting attention, that addition to the routine may be worth a try.
Redux says
Anyone know the best (read: cheapest) deal to get the Sunday NYT?
Anon says
The best deal I ever got was for digital, but I called to cancel and they asked me what I’d be willing to pay to keep subscribed. I paid $5/month for a year. If you have any kind of subscription now, I would call to cancel it and when they ask what they could do to keep you, say something like “I really want a Sunday paper, but yours is too expensive” and see if you can get a deal.
Family Photos again says
Hi! It’s me, Family Photos, again. Thanks for all the suggestions last week. So i’m taking your suggestions of the wine colored leggings and blue/ yellow/ neutral color scheme to go with husband’s blue quarter zip. We were just gifted an adorable chambray dress for the one year old so she will wear that with a yellow polka dot jacket. Three year old boy will be in blue/ burgundy plaid and khakis. The current wrench- eight year old wants to wear her Hanna Anderson short sleeved rainbow tulle dress. Clearly it will be too cold for this- suggestions for a top layer? I really appreciate the collective color sense you all have!
Here’s the dress:
https://www.hannaandersson.com/girls-clothing-dresses/60828-NV2.html
Anonymous says
The last three colors on the tiers sort of work with your color scheme so I would let her wear it but tell her she has to wear a sweater over it because it’s cold. Get a sweater dress in blue or one of the other coordinating colors.
AnotherAnon says
Could she wear a denim jacket over her dress? I can’t picture whether that would clash with the chambray but that’s my only idea so thought I’d share.
shortperson says
i would let her take individual portraits in that and make her wear something that coordinates for family photos. we do professional photography every year and my kids understand the special rules that only apply then: 1) mom picks out all the clothes, 2) chocolate is used liberally as bribes.
AnotherAnon says
We do cute things your kids have done a lot, but last night DH really impressed me. He took a bunch of bits and bobs out of the fridge and turned it into a gourmet meal. I could never do that. What’s something your DH does amazingly?
Anon. says
DH has completely taken over baby bedtime recently. Last night when I walked by the door I could hear him singing to baby girl and my heart completely melted.
Pogo says
The other night I was nursing the baby in his room and DH was giving the 3yo a bath. 3yo has a duplo submarine that’s yellow, and I sometimes play the Beatles song for him. DH didn’t have his phone so I heard them singing “We all live in a yellow submarine….” just out of nowhere. I blame hormones but I made me tear it, especially toddler with his “lellow swubmarine” and his dad so heartily into it.
Anon says
My husband is a saint when I am incapacitated in any way. Yesterday, I gave blood and was feeling tired (it always wipes me out. This is the first time I have given since I had kids!). He got the kids from daycare, made dinner, made sure I had water and food, did baths and bedtime (including handling a huge meltdown). I thanked him and he said he loves taking care of me, which made me feel great instead of guilty.
anon says
All baths and nail clipping for 3 kids + 2 dogs and haircuts for 2 boys. Also all the cooking.
AwayEmily says
are we married to the same person? I have never given my children a bath or clipped their nails and am so grateful. I guess we do have different partners, though, because mine has only two cooking modes: frozen pizza or gourmet meal that takes three hours to make.
No Face says
My husband can fix/build anything. I did not appreciate what an amazing quality that is before we got married and bought a house together.
Now that I’ve fully weaned, he handles baby bedtime and wakeup. He makes me coffee every morning and brings it to me in bed. Drinking my morning coffee alone while he gets the baby ready for the day is so, so amazing.
SC says
My husband is an excellent cook, including an uncanny ability to take stuff out of the refrigerator and make a gourmet meal. I can meal plan and cook along with a recipe, but I can also look in a refrigerator full of food and an overflowing pantry and declare that we have “nothing” to eat.
He’s also good at fixing things. He’s good at figuring out what’s wrong with technology and how to make it work. And this week he unclogged one toilet and cleaned out the drains on two sinks.
Cb says
My husband is really good at flatpack furniture. Which sounds dismissive, but I marvel at it. Like if a chair is wiggly, he’ll get out his toolbox and fix it, and I would be totally flummoxed and let it bother me for ages.
Anonymous says
Makes up insane and hilarious songs about anything and everything (including COVID…). He has a dark sense of humor and can just burst into song when we need to break out of routine or someone is being grumpy.
GCA says
All toddler showers. (When asked whom she wants to shower with, the toddler invariably says DH. And then screams through it because she hates water up her nose. Which she does with me, too. But she prefers when DH showers her.) And haircuts for the littles. And troubleshooting technology. And printing out insurance paperwork with little post-it flags for me to sign because he knows that I don’t have my life sufficiently together to do it.
Anonymous says
my husband is an amazing organizer. There are no piles of junk – he sorts, responds, files, and recycles/tosses like a champ. It helps us stay really clean.
So Anon says
I need to share with this community, which has been so completely supportive. My oldest was diagnosed with Crohn’s when he was in kindergarten. He is now in 4th grade. It was a long road to receive the diagnosis, and the multiple times under general anesthesia were so difficult (more for me than him). We had his well-child appointment yesterday with his pediatrician who has cared for him since he was 2; she made the referral to pediatric GI when he was 5. When we made that referral, he had not put on weight or height in many months and was off the bottom of the height and weight growth curves. Yesterday, he was on the 50th percentile for weight and 25th for height. I’ve felt that he was getting bigger, stronger and healthy, but it was wonderfully astonishing to see the progress he has made. And, he has made much of that growth since his Dad and I divorced 18 months ago.
Anonymous says
That’s wonderful! So happy for you.
FTMinFL says
My heart is so happy for you!! I think you are the poster who helped me with what to expect when my son had his first colonoscopy early this year. I can just imagine the joy this is giving you! It is also having the unintended consequence of giving me hope as we move down a similar road with my little guy. Congratulations!
Pogo says
Cheers to you – you deserve this happy news!
GCA says
That is so wonderful! I’m so happy for you.
TheElms says
Yay! So happy for you and your little (not so little guy)! AND well done you for making all the hard decisions and advocating for your kid to get to this place. Its not easy to put yourself out there and you did it!
Trying to Hold it Together says
I just got rejected for a job that I would be perfect for, and would have gotten me out of a very unfortunate job situation that I am in right now (I hate my job – the substance of it, the people, and the role — and even more, it’s an “on call all the time” sort of gig). This is coming the day after we received a letter that our tax preparer made mistakes on our 2018 taxes to the tune of thousands of dollars and huge penalties; the tax preparer is handling but we still need to gather documents from my husband’s self-employed business from the first half of 2018. This is all with a sick infant (not cold/flu, but long term medical needs with a specialist) and my husband now being required to go into the office daily. I’ve been working every nap and every night after bedtime at a job I hate, getting yelled at for not responding to emails within a half hour while wrangling a crying infant, and this rejection was just the icing on that cake. What’s more is that it was a phone call set up nearly a week ago to “discuss my application” from my would-be boss, that I had, reasonably, thought would be a job offer (because, who wouldn’t?), but he wanted to tell me personally that it was a tough decision and to apply if they have another opening. So, I was second choice. But, I had been looking forward to this call all week…
Anon says
Oh, big hug. That sounds like a huge disappointment. I hope you have someone in IRL who will give you some loving?
Do you want suggestions, or just empathy? Because…this sounds like a lot and you deserve relief. Can you afford to take some unpaid leave to recover and figure out next steps (apply for jobs outside your organization, other jobs inside, quit, hire nanny, scream into the void)? Can you talk to HR and see if something can be fixed?
Trying to Hold it Together says
Both, maybe? My issues with the job aren’t HR related, more just a very bad fit. I came back from maternity leave mid-summer and my previous role (role X) had completely vanished (due to the client not making it through COVID). I was put into role Y because there was a need, and no need in role X. I have enough experience to be marginally competent at role Y, but I dislike the subject matter intensely, I don’t want this to be the direction my career goes, and (probably because of my lack of experience) I’m being treated like everyone’s b*tch, when I’m used to being the go-to expert in role X. I’m waiting for role X to open back up to transfer back, but who knows if and when that will happen. That was also an “on call all the time” gig, but at least it was something I enjoyed more.
My husband has been nothing but wonderful and supportive, but he can’t help that he has to go to work in person. Family help is a no-go, because my (widowed) MIL just had surgery and will not be able to walk as a result until December, and my mother is taking care of my ailing, 93-year old grandfather who has cancer and she needs to drive him 1.5h each way for treatments daily, and my non-retired father also has to work in person. Only sibling is local, but both she and her husband work daily in health care, and our risk tolerance cuts against us asking them for childcare help in the evenings given their hospital exposure. I could explore a nanny but I have heard they are few and far between in my (fairly rural) area and were already all snapped up, and I’m not sure how much of a premium we would have to pay to steal one away, let alone for a baby with medical needs (enough medical needs to need some care, but not enough to qualify for home nursing care).
Anonymous says
Aim for progress not perfection. Maybe you can find someone interested in part- time sitting but who is not able to commit to full time hours. Even that would be a help. If a friend was struggling like you are, you would tell her to bring in help. Treat yourself with the same grace.
Anon says
It’s really easy to see self-care tasks as “too hard” when you’re already overwhelmed and the first step is unclear. I am going to suggest two concrete tasks to find a sitter: 1. post on Nextdoor or a local FB group that you need a sitter, hours negotiable; and 2. ask on FB for recommendations.
I promise you, if you put out the word that you need a sitter, you will find someone who can help you. You may not be able to find a 9-5 nanny with medical expertise, but you can probably find a neighbor who could help with lunch, or take an afternoon shift between nap and dinner to buy you a bigger block of time.
Anonymous says
Ugh, American Girl marketing somehow knew to send us a BittyBaby catalogue and I want all the things. But my 2 year old already has a baby doll that she adores. It is excessive to get a second doll? I really like that these dolls have different hair and skin tones and we could get one that looks more like her. Do the AG accessories work with a smaller doll? We have a 12″ and I gather Bitty Baby is 15″.
Anonymous says
Bitty and her accessories are much cuter in the catalogue than in person. In person, it all looks super cheap and plastic-y.
One baby doll is plenty, and her interest in baby dolls will probably wane by age 3. Once they start playing with little girl dolls (Wellie Wishers, the regular AG dolls, etc.), it’s more fun to have two dolls that can interact.
shortperson says
the bitty baby dolls are really nice but the clothes and accessories are horribly cheap. just buy from target or etsy. my daughter just moved up to an ag doll that is very nice, but her cheap shoes broke immediately when we opened her up. i will not buy her any more ag clothes either. i’m buying pleasant company clothes on ebay.