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My husband and I knew we wanted to have one last big trip before having kids, and so we planned a trip to Japan.
While we were there, I was on a mission to try lots of different Japanese beauty products.
One item I picked up that I’m still using on a daily basis (but am running out of!), is a crème eyeshadow/highlighter that I wear as a base to my eyeshadow.
I use a dab of it on my finger to blend and blur any harsh makeup lines, and when dressing up, dab it on my cheekbones and under the arch of my eyebrow.
This product seems like a pretty convincing dupe. I am by no means an expert at contouring, so this is a way to get that look in a foolproof way. It’s $38 at Sephora, where it has a lot of great reviews as well as the site’s Clean seal. RMS Beauty Living Luminizer
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Anonymous says
Is it normal for a baby to not really swallow solids (purees) when you start? We’ve given my 6 month old pureed vegetables a few times and she didn’t really actively spit out the food, but she didn’t seem to know how to swallow it, and it eventually fell out of her mouth. She was also coughing a lot. Does this mean she’s not ready? She’s 6 months, can sit up well, acts interested in our food and is drinking an insane amount of milk (nursing 8-10 times a day when I’m home, and taking a bottle of formula on top of that) so I really thought she was ready.
Clementine says
Totally normal. It’s called the tongue thrust reflex – I’ll guess she basically took the food in and then sorta mushed it right back out with her tongue. Try again in a week and see how it goes.
My kid actually preferred to start with gnawing on very hard foods (he didn’t have teeth) – I remember the babe really going to town on celery sticks, strips of red and green pepper, and cauliflower florets (nice big handle there too).
AIMS says
Mango is another good one, in the fruit category. My daughter used to love gnawing on that middle part.
Jeffiner says
My kid preferred to gnaw on hard foods as well. Her favorites were pickles and baby corn. We kept a close eye on her to make sure she didn’t bite off a large piece and choke.
AIMS says
Totally normal. She has no idea how to eat yet! Just keep at it. It can take a couple of week to finally get the hang of it. My unsupported personal theory is that this is a super important time to just keep at it. I think caregivers tend to get discouraged when their babies don’t get the hang of it right away.
FWIW, with both my kids warm apple sauce and yogurt were the biggest hits at this early stage.
Anon in NYC says
My daughter also loved applesauce, but we noticed that she became constipated if she ate too much. We switched to pear sauce, and everything went back to normal.
OP – totally normal if your kid doesn’t get the hang of it at first! Just give it time.
Anonanonanon says
OK I’m so glad you said this, because we’ve been having constipation issues and the only common factor was apple baby food, but that seemed odd. Glad to know it’s a “thing” (I guess that’s why it’s in the BRAT diet?)
Anon in NYC says
That’s what I figured! Be careful with baby food pouches too. A lot of them contain applesauce.
The good news is that my daughter can eat apples without a problem, so it seems like it was just the applesauce.
MCR says
Echoing the “totally normal” sentiments, and also want to point out that even if your LO decides to eat some puree in the next couple weeks, she might reject it a week later. Just keep offering and don’t force anything. Also consider offering other textures besides completely smooth purees – mash up a ripe banana or avocado, for instance. Your LO might prefer one texture over another.
OP says
Thanks! Do you think we should take a break and try again in a week or just keep offering (but not forcing) solids? She’s actually 6 months and a couple weeks, so I want to get her in the habit of eating solids regularly and want to make sure we can move on from veggies and introduce potentially allergenic foods well before age 1. But I don’t want to give her any negative associations with mealtime, and I’m not sure she’s having fun so far.
Anon2 says
I would keep at it, but you don’t need to do it every day. If she doesn’t seem into it or you are pressed for time, skip it that day. Her habits and routines will change so much and so quickly between now and a year. Unless you have a family history, I’d go ahead and start allegens whenever you have a chance. My ped actually told me this time around (second kid) that peanuts should be the second food introduced. And as more anecdata, my son gagged on/refused every purée at 6 months…by 9 months he was eating all table food (no purées) and now at 11 months eats more than his brother.
Anonanonanon says
I’ve wanted to explore the world of contouring, but I’m very pale, and it seems difficult to find products without “shimmer” in them that won’t look like I put on the glitter gel of our middle school years when I step into the sunlight.
Pogo says
For those of you who have KonMari’d – how do you deal with the fact that you may be throwing away a ton of stuff? Some things can be donated, but others I imagine have to just end up in a landfill.
I guess it’s not really doing the environment any favors collecting dust in my house, but I feel bad about dumping things into the trash.
ElisaR says
yes Pogo, that is my issue too! (so I’m just still at the dust collecting point)
lala says
It was hard, but I try to keep a good mental picture of those things when I am shopping so that I don’t buy anything that will end up collecting dust just to get thrown away.
Honestly though, most of our stuff could be donated to textile recycling or the thrift shop, or recycled. Have you looked at all of the recycling options in your area?
Pogo says
I was worried more about the komono – like, random chargers for phones I don’t have any more, or samples of perfume/makeup/lotion. I can see if our public works has a electronics recycling that might do the old chargers, that is a thought.
I absolutely think it will help when shopping in the future!
anon says
put the chargers on free cycle or buy nothing! They will find a good home. And same with samples of perfume/makeup/lotion – people are always wanting those on my buy nothing group!
Pogo says
thank you! I will try that.
anon8 says
You can recycle phone chargers and other electronics at Best Buy.
Anonymous says
A women shelter may accept the samples.
Anon in NYC says
Not sure where you are, but assuming that you can’t just donate them to goodwill / salvation army, textile recycling and/or shoe recycling. Where clothes are still in good condition, a lot of companies will ship them overseas to secondary markets. If they’re not in wearable condition, they will process them into rags or apparently even things like insulation. Check out grownyc DOT org.
avocado says
The sooner you let go of things, the more likely they are to be reused by someone else instead of going to the landfill. If you give away a relatively current piece of clothing, someone else may buy it at the thrift store. If you wait ten years and then give it away, it’s going to be recycled or discarded.
I have noticed that since my big KonMari purge, I now tend to think about waste when I am considering acquiring a new item, not just when I am thinking about getting rid of an item. Post-KonMari, the thought of eventually throwing something away will often prevent me from buying it in the first place. I am also much more picky about what I bring into my clean, organized space. So you may find that throwing out all the extra stuff now prevents you from having to throw out as much stuff in the long run.
anon says
Between my local Buy Nothing on group on FB, Freecycle, Nextdoor and Goodwill I haven’t thrown out something in forever. Bits and bobs of craft supplies, old spices, half used lotion etc it has all found a home!
It also has taught me not to buy crap and not to let crap into my home. If a place is offering a free tote bag – I say no. I have enough. If my husband’s work is giving out free t shirts – he says no. We have communicated to family and friends over and over again that we don’t want actual gifts. Give us an experience or donate money to a charity but we don’t want things.
Cb says
True, it’s amazing what people will come and collect. I do worry I’m contributing to someone’s hoarding tendencies but at least it isn’t in my house?
anon says
Yes – its not your house! I really think most people use the items. I wouldn’t let worries of others hoarding habits stop you from passing it on. Remember the 3 R’s are Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. We need everyone to do a lot more reuseing. So much stuff has a good life left in it and we just get rid of it. Having been a teacher for years , with a very limited classroom budget it is amazing what you can use in a classroom. All those random things you don’t think have a purpose can become amazing arts and crafts.
Cb says
How might going through this process shape your future life decisions in a positive direction? You might be more thoughtful about future purchases knowing how much you’ve discarded. You’ll need to purchase fewer organisational items. If you can see what you have, you might avoid buying a duplicate. If you need less storage, you might be willing to consider staying in your current place for longer or buying a smaller home when you otherwise would look for more space.
EB0220 says
Like avocado, I use the guilt from donating/pitching so many things as a deterrent to buying new things. Now I only buy items that I really, really need/want and plan to use often. I don’t think there’s any way around feeling some guilt when you get rid of so many things at once. If you are feeling super guilty, you can always sell/give away on Craigslist, FB groups, etc. so you know the item is going to someone who wants it. It takes more time but that may be a price you’re willing to pay.
ElisaR says
curious if anyone else has experience with a keratin treatment? I got one last week and finally washed my hair and….. its still curly! I blow dried it straight this morning and it was much easier and faster but I’m wondering if the treatment didn’t take properly or if this is how it works?
Anonymous says
Interested to hear what others say. I’ve done a lot of research on keratin treatments but haven’t bit the bullet yet. My hair is wavy, and with enough product I can style it that way. I prefer it straight, but it is a giant frizzball most of the time. FWIW, in my research I’ve come to the conclusion that keratin treatments aren’t meant to straighten hair – they’re to take out frizz and to smooth.
ElisaR says
yes! It is less frizzy and smoother….. my hair got more curly post babies and this treatment was a gift to myself in hopes of getting myself to wear my hair down again and feel like myself. It is a much quicker style-time I will say….. and that’s a big deal. But it’s not the magical life changer I was hoping for.
Anonymous says
That’s exactly what keratin is supposed to do.
ElisaR says
I guess so, the guy who did it definitely overpromised though!
10:03 Anon says
ElisaR, I would let the guy know he overpromised and underdelivered. There might a solution. I certainly think there is confusion about what keratin does and does not do. And formulas differ. He was the one who should have been able to tell you what to expect, and if the results aren’t living up to expectations, he should know. They cost a lot of money. I guess if nothing else, it will help him give better advice in the future?
EB0220 says
I’ve had keratin treatments a few times. My hair is straight in front and wavy in the back. For me, it takes less time to dry which is key because I have incredibly thick hair. I also found that it reduces but doesn’t eliminate the waves. If I dry my hair with a paddle brush, it will be straight regardless of the treatment. But if I let it air-dry before Keratin, it would look crazy – frizzy, wavy, etc. Now it looks mostly OK with just a little wave in the back that I can flatiron out. I also have had two different Keratin treatments and I liked one better than the other. (Unfortunately I don’t know much about them but I could ask my hair guy if you’re interested.) Finally – I’m sure you know this, but make sure to use sulfate-free shampoo. Chlorine also strips the treatment, so that may be why mine isn’t wonderful right now. It seems better in the winter for me since it doesn’t have humidity, heat and pool water to contend with. I would say your treatment seems a bit less effective than what I would expect but not totally outside of the realm of possibility.
ElisaR says
very helpful, thanks! (I hadn’t realized that the chlorine strips it at all – I’ll keep that in mind)
Anonymous says
I miss my friend. I just needed to share. She has a kid and I don’t amd its just hard. Weeknights are our, which I completely understand and then weekends are all “we’d love to see you” and when I follow up, it’s always “ahhh so busy 5 birthday parties!” And I just needed to share. It hurts, and our friendship is ending.
Anon in NYC says
I’m sorry. My best friend had two kids way before I was ready to have a kid, and it was a challenge to maintain our friendship. She couldn’t often do things that we used to do, like come visit for a weekend, and visits to her often meant doing things like going to a playground and entertaining her kids (not that that was bad, it just wasn’t a lot of quality time with my friend). I felt like I had to adjust more than her during that stage of our friendship, and make clear that I was totally fine with the playground trips.
How physically close are you to your friend? Can you pop in for 2 hours on a weekend evening? For a daytime visit, are you fine going to a playground and catching up while the kid runs around? Maybe part of the reason why it’s so hard to catch up with her is that she’s trying to maintain some separation between kid life and non-kid life because she thinks you’re uninterested, and if you’re clear that you’re fine to go with the flow and do kid-friendly things, that it will be easier to get together? Anyway, hugs.
Anonymous says
5 minutes away and I would love to hang out at the park with her and kid and have repeatedly suggested that! I think I just need to accept that she doesn’t value our friendship like I do and let go but. It’s just sad.
Anonymous says
You should try the main s!te instead of this one. You will get exactly the reaction you’re going for over there. Much better tr011ing there.
Anonymous says
? I was just looking for sympathy. Which I got from others.
ElisaR says
I was in your position for many years. It is hard and sad and it’s ok to mourn that…. But friendships have cycles, and when she is out of this young-kid phase, things may change again. And then you may be otherwise occupied…. I miss a lot of my friends too but love to reminisc and reconnect with them from time to time in a new way.
Anonymous says
Thanks!
NewMomAnon says
Gently, but I think you’re being unreasonable in saying that your friendship is ending. That’s a choice you’re making to say, “I’ll feel valued only if she stops her life to pay attention to me.” If the only way you can be friends is to be in the same physical space with her, then you’re not being a very good friend in this season of her life when she is hurting most for time and energy. Your friendship is changing, and my guess is she would greatly appreciate you leaning into that; maybe try sending her quirky texts after kiddo’s bedtime, and see if she responds. Or if you know she likes a certain show, watch it (in your own house, while she watches in hers and does laundry, watches the baby monitor, catches up on e-mails, cleans the kitchen, etc) and have a text convo about it afterward. Parenting young children is exhausting and time consuming, but it’s a relatively short period in a lifetime. If you value the friendship, it’s worth sticking around and watching how it evolves.
Anonymous says
. Girl lives 5 minutes away. She has plenty of time to take her 3 year old to multiple birthday parties a weekend. She just isn’t that into me. I get it. But you can take your condescending “gentle” tips and shove them.
NewMomAnon says
Wow….now I can see why she is avoiding you. The main s*te is definitely a better place for you, please go away.
Anonymous says
You were rude and nasty to me. Gently.
Anonymous says
Ah, there’s the tr0ll coming out! If you want to see your friend, schedule something concrete, don’t leave the open-ended “love to see you sometime” thing. You can’t honestly be suggesting she should flake on things she RSVP’d yes to because you came through with a better invitation. That’s rude, even if you think kids’ birthday parties are silly and unimportant.
I agree this is sad, and I’m projecting a little, but I have a friend very much like you. She claims to be open to hanging out at the park, but if I text her and say I’m taking my kids there on a Saturday afternoon, she has reasons she can’t show. She has to get up early for work, so hanging out after my kids’ bedtime is out. She’s allergic to my cats, so she won’t come to my house. She plans something with a group a half hour away for 10-3 on a Sunday, and I can’t go because that’s in the middle of church and family time. Maybe neither of us “values the friendship” as much as we should. Or maybe we enjoyed each other’s company when we were in a totally different and compatible phase of our lives, and now we’re going through a lull until we come around to compatibility again. We text and email occasionally, but we’ve seen each other in person twice in the last two years. It’s just how life goes sometimes, and I don’t think you should take it so personally. I don’t see most of my friends who live outside my neighborhood in person very often these days, irrespective of whether they have kids.
Anonymous says
Nope! Not me. I do all of that. Honestly, was just feeling bummed that it’s not working out. It is personal, and it’s sad is all.
Anonymous says
I meant very much like you in that she is really good about inviting me to things in an attempt to keep our friendship going with in-person contact. I’m sure it hurts her feelings that I’m constantly declining, and I’ve tried to address it honestly and head-on by saying that I enjoy spending time with her, I just have very little discretionary time these days. My life is in a very, very different place than it was when we met 15 years ago, and hers kind of isn’t. There’s no judgement attached to that, it’s just the truth, and it means our schedules and priorities are a mismatch.
I’m sorry you’re feeling bummed, but I don’t think “she’s just not that into me” is the best way to think about this. If she were blowing you off to hang out with other friends, OK, but she is almost certainly prioritizing her child, her sanity, and her marriage. When my time is limited, my friends don’t win against any of those, even the best of them.
Anonymous says
Gotcha. And thanks. I really appreciate this.
lala says
I need help with a non kid related thing, but I like you ladies for work related things as well! (sorry for the book)
I was put in charge of a project at work that required a significant amount of initiative and heavy lifting by the people who volunteered to work with me (this was known in advance). I received 5 volunteers from my co-workers. This project did not have much visibility or “glory” so to say. So really required internal motivation and work ethic to complete. A few of the volunteers were not willing to put in the effort and so things were not getting done as needed. I tried a number of motivation tactics with the help of my manager to no avail. So eventually my manager had me take the work back from these individuals, but not before this was escalated to some higher ups so they could be made aware of the delay issues.
I had to have a really hard conversation with a SVP about why certain line items on my spreadsheet (that were clearly marked with the person who had not been following up) were not being followed up on. It was not fun.
I need help in how to interact with my coworkers that were pulled off the project (one of whom is a really close work friend of mine and I casually mentor her quite a bit). Once it was escalated they all started working really hard on it, and are now apologetic about how everything happened in the end. I don’t want to completely brush it off, because it was a huge disappointment for me to see the lack of work ethic and initiative plus now I have double the work, but I also don’t want this awkwardness to live on forever.
Thoughts on the best way to approach this when I see them all tomorrow for this first time since they were taken off the project? I am sure there are going to be a lot of “I am sorry this happened” etc, and I am trying to figure out what my response should be other than “it’s okay” because, well, it’s not really okay (but maybe it is not my place to tell them that and I should just say “it’s okay”?)
Anonymous says
I think you’re mad at the wrong people. What bonkers place of business is this that if they don’t feel like it they just don’t have to?!? Your supervisor should have insisted they do that work and you should insist on not doing double.
lala says
It was mutually decided that the deadline is more important than making people do work. And since I am efficient and effective at the work, that is a better use of my time than having to manage people not doing the work.
I am not worried about this aspect though, because I know that bonus time will level things out.
Anonymous says
Then let it go. If this is how your office manages things those coworkers are not to blame.
Pogo says
Ehh my company has these “initiatives” that people “volunteer” for, but no one really wants to do it, because it’s not part of their normal job. I led one of these last year and definitely had the experience of no one actually doing the work and it falling on me.
I handled it by scheduling 1:1 working meetings with the team members. I knew for at least that hour they would work on their assigned section. Motivating people who don’t report to you and whose work for you is not part of their job function is really tough.
lala says
Thanks for the commiseration Pogo. I constantly gravitate between disappointment in them for not doing the work, and disappointment in myself for not finding a way to motivate them.
I do think I just need to let go of the disappointment all around, but I am not there yet (maybe it’s too fresh? maybe it’s my first time being disappointed in people I thought would not disappoint me bc I see them as competent and efficient? idk).
Anonymous says
They probably are competent and efficient. And also don’t care to take on work for your project when no one is making them. Welcome to reality.
ElisaR says
yeah don’t say “it’s okay” because it’s not! If they apologize I would say “yeah it was a tough situation, I understand it’s not the most glamorous project but I own it and need to make sure it’s happening. Hopefully we get back on the right track now.”
9 Months Nursing says
Hi ladies. I feel like my almost-9-month old isn’t taking in as much milk. Part of this is because my pumping output has slightly increased and I worry it’s because he’s not “emptying” (I know that sounds counter-intuitive…) He LOVES solids and pretty much eats everything he’s allowed to eat at this point.
Weekdays: Wake up and Nurse, 12 oz of BM at daycare (Breakfast, Lunch, and Snack served at daycare, plus a small veggie solid and oatmeal cereal I pack for him), Nurse at home before Dinner, and Nurse before bed (6 feeds total).
Weekends: Nurse on demand (about 6-7 sessions total), with maybe a bottle of BM or F if we’re out.
Any suggestions? Or is everything okay? I know folks may say “cut his solids”, and I’m up for giving him a lighter dinner, but I love how he’s grown since having solids so don’t want to overcorrect. Thank you!
Anonymous says
This isn’t a problem. He’s growing and getting plenty of calories. As he eats more solids he’ll naturally need less milk.
ElisaR says
yes
9 months nursing says
TY!
9 Months Nursing says
For more context: he is generally happy and content, and his first two teeth are showing up. He’s always been on the skinnier/lower weight side so I’m always paranoid.
Knope says
It’s totally normal for him to drink less milk as he eats more solids. I’m more concerned that it looks like he’s not eating solids on the weekends? Maybe you just omitted that part, but he should definitely be having solids every day at 9 months! The key is for him to maintain his place on the growth curve – if he’s not falling off the curve, he’s getting what he needs!
Anonymous says
Oh yeah definitely! Good catch!
9 Months Nursing says
Yes he totally chows down on the weekends – I just didn’t write it in detail :) Love your name!
Knope says
Oh good – in that case, you and him are doing great! And thanks – I miss Parks and Rec!!
Anonymous says
Your pumping output will increase if your supply increases, so I would guess it’s increased because he’s taking MORE breastmilk, not less.
Even if he’s drinking less milk, 9 months is a very common time for babies to start eating more solids and less milk. If he loves solids, why don’t you offer him more solids? I wouldn’t restrict a kid’s food intake at all, especially if he’s eating solids right after nursing or a bottle.
Fwiw, it sounds like he’s eating plenty to me. 3 nursing sessions + 12 ounces in a bottle is more than my 8 month old drinks. And she’s nowhere near as good at solids as your son is.
9 months Nursing says
Thanks – and to your point, when I saw that he loved solids from the go, I just started giving him as much as he wanted (the Ped agreed to this approach, too). Your concrete example helps give context, as all the google searches led to me lactivist discussion boards. FWIW, with the last two nursing sessions (one after day care and one right before bed) – he usually only nurses “well” at one of them.
Anonymous says
FWIW, my kiddo dropped a feeding around 9/10 months. Right after daycare. I’d offer and she just stopped wanting to nurse at that time.
DLC says
Three things I really appreciated having:
Lip balm
Water bottle with a straw or sports top that I could drink from while reclining.
Slippers
Robe
DLC says
Oops! Meant for thread below.
Anon says
Can anyone share with me their packing list for their hospital bag? Expecting #2 and cannot for the life of me get my act together to do this. I recall having a lot of stuff in my bag last time that I did not end up needing/using. TIA!
anon says
Things I was happy that I brought- my own pjs, small bag of makeup and my hairdryer. I felt so much better after a shower and some concealer and I was more comfortable for visitors/pictures. Phone charger.
Things I wish I had brought- snacks for the middle of the night when I was starving and the cafeteria wasn’t open yet. My heartburn medication.
Pogo says
My own pillow, with a pillow case I didn’t care about if it got bloody.
Layers!!! Robe, open front sweater, fuzzy socks, leggings, tank tops.
Nice bath products to use for your first post-baby shower.
Personal preference, I like Depends better than mesh undies + pads. Was so glad I had those!
Gatorade.
Anonymous says
I am not OP and not due until end of November so this is not top of my mind yet, but now I’m curious. Why does the hospital give mesh undies + big pads rather than regular (large comfy) undies +big pad? What is the function of the mesh?
LH says
The mesh is one size fits all (or almost all) so it’s convenient for the hospital that they don’t have to stock different sizes. I also think it’s more comfortable than large cotton underwear. It stretches so it’s neither too saggy nor too tight. Can you tell I really like the mesh underwear? ;) I wore it even after getting home from the hospital.
Anon2 says
Yes I don’t understand the hatred of mesh undies..if a hospital tried to make “real” undies at the same price point I’m sure they’d be much worse. They are essentially a bandage for keeping on pads those first few days…so mesh is perfect! And I also found them quite comfortable.
Pogo says
It’s totally personal preference. I found Depends so much more comfortable, less bulky and they were one piece. I had trouble getting the pad to stay flat/in place while I pulled up my pants with the mesh undies – like the mesh was so stretchy it wanted to stretch back onto itself and collapse the pad.
I also wore the Depends throughout my labor because my water had broken and I was leaking fluid the entire time.
LH says
The only things I packed that I used were iPhone + charger, camera, snacks, a nursing nightgown, toiletries and a going home outfit for baby.
I packed lots of postpartum recovery products (including Depends) but found the hospital’s products easier to use. I also packed lots of sweaters and blankets that I didn’t use. I’m normally cold but was very hot after giving birth (and still run warmer than normal 6 months pp). Anyway the hospital has blankets if you need them.
ElisaR says
also nobody mentioned yet – but slipper that slide on that you don’t mind throwing out later. You get in and out of bed SO much and the floors in hospital are nasty (think about doctors/nurses/staff going between different sections of the hospital…..like contagious disease floors if there’s such a thing). So I threw out my slippers both times (despite it being wasteful) and was glad I hadn’t brought my usual UGG slippers.
ElisaR says
infectious disease. not contagious disease. Duh.
LH says
I had a rough delivery and got out of bed exactly once during my three day hospital stay – to take a shower about 24 hours after the birth. I made my husband get up and hand me the baby whenever I needed to nurse, and made him help visiting family get in and out. Maybe I’m lazier than normal but I don’t think you HAVE to get up (you may want to though if you feel okay physically).
ElisaR says
I guess every birth is different. I had c sections and both times they made me get out of bed and walk around beginning in the middle of the night the first night. Walking is part of C section recovery.
AIMS says
-Nightgown/Robe
-Slippers
-moisturizer + regular toiletries + water wipes because I was too tired to shower but felt super gross just going to sleep as is
-granola bars (because I was famished after labor)
-long charger
-n*pple balm
-comfy clothes to go home in + “period” underwear + super long maxis
-gift for the older kid from the baby (for no. 2)
– outfit for baby to go home in + a cute hat and blanket because our hospital did those newborn photo shoots and I was bored (this actually worked out really well with no. 2 because the photographer came when older kiddo was visiting and snapped a super sweet shot of them together)
CCLA says
Dry shampoo and face and baby wipes. I ended up having to be transfused and was not allowed to shower – dry shampoo and wipes made me feel close to put together again. Deodorant. Depends. Extra long charger cord. Not a necessity, but we brought our portable Bose speaker which was in near constant use. Also enjoyed having playing cards for the 24 hours of labor. Echoing above for a robe/nightgown and slippers or flip flops.
Also, hands free pumping bra if you plan to breastfeed. Babe wasn’t latching well, they encouraged me to pump, and I was so confused when they brought me the hospital pump and told me I had to just hold the horns up while I pumped. Truly awful when I was already exhausted and overwhelmed.
BPS says
+1 for the hands free bra – great idea. Had the same issue with baby latching, had to pump from day 1, and didn’t really use the hands free bra until baby was 5 months (yes, was holding the da*n horns while pumping at work!). The hands free bra (although it looks insane when unfamiliar) is amazing at making something suck a bit less.
DLC says
Accidentally responded to the thread above, sorry for the repeat:
Thugs I really appreciated having:
– lip balm
– water bottle with straw or sports top so you can drink while reclined.
– slippers and robe
– Boppy/ breastfeeding pillow (if you are going that route)- I actually made my husband go home for this when my second was born
– journal
-extra long charging cable
-toothbrush
Funny story, when my first was born, I didn’t realize you had to bring clothes to bring the kid home in. (Not sure what I thought she was going to wear to leave the hospital?) Fortunately, in the NICU they had a closet of donated baby clothes and they pulled together an outfit for her.
Pogo says
My hospital gave us little plain white onesies! If baby spit up/had a blowout while the nurses had him, he’d come back in a white onesie.
Anonymous says
We brought a going home outfit, but the hospital gave us some plain white onesies and baby gowns.
Ella says
snacks
sharingroomsornot says
Talk to me about 3 bedroom homes with 2 children and needing a separate room for office. I know it’s 100% doable, but I’m just a bit confused on logistics.
I have one child, currently pregnant with #2. 1st child will be 2.5 when #2 arrives. Currently, the nursery is across the hall from our master bedroom and she shares the bathroom attached to our bedroom. Our 3rd bedroom is on the next floor up, which has a full bath attached to it. Currently, it’s our guest bedroom and office. My husband works in evenings/weekends a lot, so the office gets a lot of use.
Options are:
Kids share a room – Questions
1) Baby #2 will be in our room for 3 months, but I’d like to move baby to it’s room by around 4 months. If kids share a room, I’m worried they’ll wake each up incessantly.
2) Also, how do you sleep train if they share a room? Sleep training did not work in 1 or 2 nights with #1, so I’m just not sure how to work this.
3) How do you stage who goes to bed first without waking up the other one?
Kid #1 moves up to the guest room – Questions
1) Is 2.5 too young to move up to a different floor and new room ahead of new baby arrival? We’ve had tons of issues with sleep and I still get up atleast once at night for a cuddle when she wakes up. Sounds exhausting to climb up the stairs when pregnant or with a newborn.
2) We have no place for the office except in our master bedroom and that sounds challenging if my husband has the light on while working late or on the weekends with the kids making noise and using the bathroom attached to this bedroom.
I know plenty of people only have 3 bedrooms for 2 or more kids, so would love to hear how you guys make it work. Thanks in advance for any advice.
Anonymous says
They share a room and you muddle through.
JTX says
+1. And both your kids’ sleep needs and schedules will change frequently over the next few years, as they drop naps/go to bed at different times. It’s impossible to plan it very far in advance.
We have 2 kids who are 2 years apart sharing a room and it’s been wonderful. They are best friends and laugh/talk after we leave the room and it warms my heart so much. We recently moved and they did not want to be split up. I think they are both comforted by having a sibling in the room.
Re: waking each other up, this hasn’t been a problem. You will be shocked what your kids can sleep through.
I would consider keeping your baby in your room longer, perhaps. I also would not move the 2.5 year old now – why create problems before you have to. Reassess when your youngest is 3 months.
There was a similar thread in the last week or so, if you can find it.
Mom who asked this before says
This was me! And we did CIO last night with my 2 year old and he cried for so long (poor dude!) but his sister didn’t wake up! And he was his usual sunny self this morning.
lala says
We had similar spacing when our #2 arrived. But our bedrooms are all on the same level.
We had #2 in our room until 6-7 months/he was sleeping more consistently. Then we started him in shared room, but brought him to ours at first wake up. It never bothered #1 as he is not a light sleeper. We would do bedtime with #1 outside of the bedroom and then quietly bring him to the room. We don’t sleep train, so can’t speak to that piece though.
But I do agree with Anonymous at 11:36, it’s mostly trial and error as their sleep needs change and you have to re-evaluate the routine . . .
sharingroomsornot says
Thank you so much lala.
When did #2 start sleeping through the night? Just curious how it would look without sleep training.
When you brought him to your room at first wake-up, did he/she sleep in your bed or in a crib / playpen? Just asking for putting a crib in our room or not.
Lastly, did you have a bathroom attached to your room that you would brush teeth/shower etc. in? Did that ever pose an issue for baby as they get to be 4-6 months and more prone to awake with noise etc?
lala says
#2 started consistently sleeping all night around 13 months, but I stopped nursing at night around 9-10 months. So for us, this means that DH would go in, bring baby to living room, rock/feed bottle then put back in crib from 10-13 months.
We had a larger arms reach co-sleeper/pack n play that we had next to our bed. Before he started crawling it was co-sleeper/our bed. After that, it was pack n play.
We do have a bathroom and TV in our room. I do not recall it being an issue until 6/7 months, which was another reason for switching to the shared room at that point.
Anonymous says
I don’t think 2.5 is too young to be on a different floor, but if you’re consistently getting up every night that’s a different issue. Our master is on a separate floor from all the other bedrooms, so we’ve always had kids on the floor below once we moved them out of our bedroom at 6 months, but we’ve had pretty good sleepers.
Two Bed Apartment says
Sharing a room seems like the easiest option. We trained #2 at 3 months in our room (we slept on pull-out couch) and then moved her in with #1 at 6 months. There is an adjustment period, but they get used to each other and the noise. White noise might help, too. We’ve always done bedtime at the same time since they started sharing. It is a work in progress, but completely doable!
AwayEmily says
Not the OP but this is helpful — we have a 6mo and a 2.5yo and are planning on having them share a room, but I’m not sure when to take the plunge (baby is currently in the guest room). I think I just need to accept the fact that there will be an adjustment period.
Spirograph says
Your floorplan sounds similar to mine, so here’s what we did, fwiw:
Baby #2 in bassinet in our bedroom for the first 3 months, and sometimes me sleeping in the guest room with baby (cosleeping). Then, both kids share the nursery room. We had no problems sleep training, our kids were/are very heavy sleepers and rarely wake up.
We eventually moved the kids upstairs to the other bedroom, which is better for containing toys and keeping our main floor looking like an adult space. The determining factor for timing was arrival of baby #3, so that was when the older two were about 2 and 4 years old. They still go through phases where they prefer not to be upstairs alone, but they don’t need an adult, just another kid with them.
AwayEmily says
Playpen recommendations? Starting next month I will be solo-parenting a 2.5yo and a 6mo for a couple days a week (before and after daycare). The 6mo is almost mobile and I will need a safe place to put him while I run upstairs, take the toddler to the bathroom, prep dinner, etc. Slight preference for one that’s not brightly colored plastic.
ElisaR says
what about a pack and play? (I am just assuming everybody has at least one of these because I think I have at least 3…..)
I am always alone with my 2 year old and 8 month old. The 8 month old often sits at the kitchen table in a seat attached while I do stuff, or on an activity mat (because he’s mobile but not THAT mobile. yet.) or in a bumbo seat on the floor. The 2 year old….. well that’s just always a sh*tshow.
BPS says
DS sleeps in his Pack and Play, and we also got a Guava Family Lotus for travel which I love – he sleeps well in that, but more importantly it packs up quickly into a 13 lb backpack, and there’s a crawl space feature. I can see this being great for the purpose you mentioned (and it can be stored away quickly when needed – I’ve learned that all Pack and Plays don’t do that – ours is one of the sturdier models and is about 50 lbs packed up!)
Anon says
+1 to Guava. It’s so portable and pain-free. And washable. And durable. I love this product so much in the sea of overpriced plastic crap.
anon says
Pack and Play
AwayEmily says
thanks all! Perhaps repurposing the pack n play is the best idea.
anon says
I would also suggest an exersaucer. My LO loved his when he was 6m – 1yr.
Anon says
Northgates Superyard in Ivory. Plastic, but white, so not obnoxious to me, and with the 8 panel one there is plenty of move to run around. My 1 year old is just outgrowing her exersaucer (she nearly tipped it over bending over trying to reach the floor), and I am going to miss it dearly as that was my favorite place to park her in the kitchen when I needed a quick minute to open the oven, unload the dishwasher, etc.
Pogo says
+1, we have the 10 panel arranged in a square. We bought the metal version (also in white) which was $$ but it is very sturdy.
Only problem is kiddo getting annoyed at being contained. Recently we started to get a lot of whining upon containment in the playpen. It’s frustrating to listen to, but it’s more frustrating to try and get anything done while chasing a toddler around. I also feel like it’s so much safer – no matter how babyproofed the house is, you look away for one second and that’s all it takes. In the playpen, I know he’s totally safe if I have to leave the room.
BabyBoom says
+2! We actually still use this to baby proof, contain toddlers, separate dog from toddlers, etc! A strong kid (and dog) can push it down, but even the 6 panel version provides far more space than a pack n play. Once you get the hang of it, it’s pretty easy to break down and reconfigure. I just actually took a few panels on our beach trip to keep kids out of certain spaces in the beach cottage. Highly useful.
sharingroomsornot says
Thank you so much lala.
When did #2 start sleeping through the night? Just curious how it would look without sleep training.
When you brought him to your room at first wake-up, did he/she sleep in your bed or in a crib / playpen? Just asking for putting a crib in our room or not.
Lastly, did you have a bathroom attached to your room that you would brush teeth/shower etc. in? Did that ever pose an issue for baby as they get to be 4-6 months and more prone to awake with noise etc?
Anon says
Pregnant with my 1st. What shampoo/lotion/diaper rash creams etc did you use with your baby? I prefer organic all natural products without much of a scent. What worked best? Any flops to stay away from
TIA
Anonymous says
Live clean baby wash (foaming pump bottle) for body and hair, vaseline for diaper changes – used at every change and never had diaper rash but also changed diaper as soon as it was wet every time, lotion – cerave baby.
Anonymous says
California baby shampoo/bodywash in the bath (sparingly) and Burt’s Bees diaper cream for any rashes. We don’t use lotion unless skin starts getting dry, and in that case we use Vanicream and/or Vaseline, depending on the situation (not organic, but they get the job done). Don’t bother buying a bunch of products ahead of time — most babies don’t need much in the way of skin care, and less is usually more.
anon says
I used Aveeno products with both kids. Minimal scent, and overall, they were more gentle than other products I tried (even some of the so-called natural stuff).
LH says
You might be surprised – I bought diaper cream in advance and never used it. My 6 month old (mostly but not exclusively breastfed) has never had a diaper rash. I’ve talked to other moms and apparently this isn’t uncommon, especially for breastfed babies. Of course it’s cheap and not a bad thing to have on hand in case you need it, but I definitely wouldn’t buy a large quantity.
Clementine says
As a heads up, my kiddo didn’t get diaper rashes until teething. Something about the acidity of the additional baby drool made it so he would immediately get a bit of diaper rash.
Anonymous says
Oh my kid’s been drooling like a maniac for 3 months now :) I have heard it’s more common once they start eating a lot of solid food so I’m prepared for it to happen at some point.
Turtle says
Interesting. My 16 week old is drooling like mad suddenly and has diaper rash this week. I figured it was from starting daycare last week, but maybe not…
AIMS says
Cetaphil baby wash for both shampoo and soap. Aquaphor diaper cream for everything else. Aveeno baby lotion when needed. I mostly stayed away from anything scented. The only exception being for Mustela newborn shampoo which I used to get rid of cradle cap when that sprouted up.
Anonymous says
Not on your list, but we are big fans of ThinkBaby sunscreen when you’re ready for that down the road. Aveeno Eczema Therapy has been great for us on the lotion front. We use at ton of A&D in the diaper area for prevention. Take the time to make sure the diaper region is dry after you wipe (we use a washcloth to dry). That with some A&D (or protectant of your choice) goes a long way toward preventing a rash.
I don’t have much of an opinion on the chemical-free/safety nature of Honest products, but haven’t been at all impressed with the functionality of any we’ve tried.
Pogo says
It has a scent, but I love Burt’s Bees all in one shampoo/body wash. We also used a Burt’s Bee’s lotion, but the baby massage class I went with actually recommended coconut oil (since it’s edible).
For diaper rash, we use GroVia Magic Stick with every diaper change (cloth diapers). That has a scent as well, but it’s fairly minor.
For diaper rash with regular/disposables, we used Dr Boudreaux’s per the ped’s recommendation. I think there are several brands that are equivalent – zinc oxide is the key. I actually think the “extra strength” version spreads easier than the regular (which is like.. spackling paste).
For baby sunscreen it’s the same deal – you want zinc oxide. We use California Baby, I think. It spreads better than I expected, we have the spray pump one.
jlg says
If you don’t wash your baby in harsh chemicals you probably don’t need lotion. We really only used lotion on arms/legs in the winter, and mostly it was arms and due to daycare using harsh detergent-based hand soaps. Nose/mouth area sometimes needs help during a cold or teething. But the idea that you have to lotion your baby after every bath, at least as far as I can tell, is made up by J&J/P&G to sell more stuff. Here’s what we have used and liked over the last 5.5 yrs:
Dr Bronner’s baby mild (unscented) liquid soap. Use for hair and body. Both kids heads smell amazing despite it being unscented.
Earth Mama Angel Baby Bottom Balm. This stuff is like windex. Fixes everything — bums, chapped hands, minor scrapes, mosquito bites — just make sure you only put clean fingers in or keep a separate one for non-bum boo-boos
Organic coconut oil — also great for dry skin and chapped lips and noses; we just get it from the grocery aisle and use it straight from the tub; unrefined is better and has a lovely natural coconut smell
Badger sunscreen — just stay away from the kind with the built in bug repellent as it has a strong smell; the baby and sport versions are fine and have been quite effective
For stubborn dry skin after trying the above options we have resorted to baby aquaphor even though its a petroleum product; at least the baby version is unscented.
For DS1’s ridiculously dramatic mosquito bite reactions we have to use hydrocortisone cream or ointment.
Basically we try the natural options first, but if kiddo needs something stronger to make sure they get better, we look for at least an unscented version of the conventional item.
You will have to figure out what works for you — there are lots of great resources that help sift through a lot of confusion with “natural” claims and such — safemama I think has some product suggestions and cheat sheets; EWG has info about a wide variety of baby items. Unfortunately a lot of what is labelled as safe for babies isn’t nGood luck!
anon says
I have a bit of a logistics situation that I can’t see my way out of. My sister is pregnant. It’s been a difficult pregnancy, there are issues with the placenta, and the doctor wants to induce at 37 weeks, which is Labor Day weekend. Since I’m one of the few family members in-town, I had already agreed to watch her 2 kids while she’s at the hospital, long before she knew she’d be induced.
Problem is, I’m also having house guests that weekend. DH is working overtime that weekend, and it’s a non-negotiable. And I have two kids of my own to entertain.
What now? Apologize to the house guests for not being super present, because I’m entertaining all 4 kids alone? (I’d planned to stay at my sister’s house, but I think her kids will need to come to mine instead.) Luckily, the house guests already have plans all day Saturday, so that’s one less day to think about, but … arg. Talk about being spread way too thin.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I think just let the houseguests know about the situation. They’ll have to understand.
ElisaR says
that sounds like a tough one – any way to tell the house guests it isn’t a good weekend to be house guests??
Anonymous says
Yeah, I’m generally of the mind that if you accept house guests you can’t uninvite them – but this is a really special situation. It’s not like there was a cool concert in town that you decided you’d rather go to instead. I can’t imagine them not understanding. (And if they are DH’s guests and he doesn’t want to uninvite them, then he needs to entertain them).
anon says
Tell your guests immediately how the situation has unexpectedly changed. You need to be there for your sister. They will understand and hopefully offer to get a hotel room instead (which you should say yes to).
If they don’t offer up a hotel room, you suggest it and say you will pay for one night (use credit card points if you have to!).
If they insist on coming and you don’t want to go the hotel route get a house cleaner to come the day before they arrive and put out some take out menus for them.
anon says
I love the idea, but they’re coming into town for a special event. All hotel rooms in our small city will be booked at this point (yes, really). :(
anon says
Other ideas:
Reach out to family/friends to see if anyone will be out of town that your house guests can stay in their empty house.
If they can’t stay anywhere else I would then move out for the weekend to your sister’s place. Set it up as if you aren’t going to be there at all that weekend. Have a house cleaner come make up the beds and then your houseguests are on their own for food and everything.
Then “all” you have to do is watch 4 kids at your sister’s and don’t have to worry about the juggle of being a host.
EB0220 says
That’s a pretty good idea. Vacate your house for the guests and stay at your sister’s. They’re coming for a special event, not explicitly to see you, so I think you can do this without feeling guilty.
Anonymous says
+1
If you stay with your guests, you’ll feel like you need to host. Stay at your sister’s place and they can stay at your place.
anon says
That could work. I’m sure my kids would be thrilled with the idea of having a cousin sleepover!
Reading the post below about inductions, I guess I was unaware that an induction could prolong labor that much? So, it’s possible that I may have time on my side, depending on when my sister is induced.
Anonymous says
You will still have to take the kids before they start the induction.
Anonymous says
You’re hospitalized while you’re being induced. She won’t be able to watch her kids even if she’s not yet in active labor.
octagon says
Let your house guests know the situation ASAP. If there are no other lodging options, it is what it is. If they are in town for an event, they may not be at the house much anyway.
Find a babysitter to put on-call for that weekend, to help with both your kids and your sister’s. Maybe pay the babysitter a nominal fee to be able to come with like 2 hours’ notice, or maybe just go ahead and book the sitter now for several hours to give a helping hand.
Anonymous says
Tell the house guests not to come. If that’s not an option tell them you’ll have no time to spend with them and they should fend for themselves.
shortperson says
have the house guests help entertain the kids?!?
anon says
Can your house accommodate the guests and 2 extra kids? If not, I like the suggestion of staying at your sister’s. If so, I wouldn’t worry about it. Either way, let your guests know what the situation is. It’s unlikely they are expecting you to entertain them, especially since they are coming for a specific event. Maybe plan one night for a casual, easy dinner at your house so you at least get to see them a little bit (even if there are extra kiddos running around).
Anonymous says
Since the house guests are in town for a special event, and you feel like you can’t un-invite them, I like the idea of you and your kids staying at your sister’s house, and leaving the house guests to fend for themselves. They’ll understand.
Induction? says
I’m 36 weeks pregnant and my OB said they will do an elective induction at 39 weeks if I want since it’s my second (first is 2.5). With my first I was all about natural birth and resisted getting induced even though my doctor was pushing it because I was late. Ended going into labor on my own the day induction was scheduled. With this one I’m tired and over being pregnant and am considering induction. Any pros or cons to consider? I’ve seen recent study about inductions actually leading to less risk of csection. I am going back to work in January no matter when I have baby so if I have baby early I’ll just get one more week off (unpaid) which is fine.
anon says
I’d take that study with a big grain of salt. It’s so new, and there are no additional studies that back up those findings. Also, the hormonal changes that happen to prepare the body for labor also get your body primed for nursing, if that’s an important consideration for you. As long as you’re low-risk, chances are you will not end up with a c-section, no matter whether you get induced at 39 weeks or go around 40. Personally, I would just wait one more week and wouldn’t opt for an induction unless medically necessary.
Anonymous says
I’d wait but I also wouldn’t have accepted an induction before 41 weeks unless there was a specific reason it was medically necessary. Your cervix needs to be ready for an induction to work smoothly anyway.
LH says
I had an induction and loved it – less than 12 hrs from start to finish and I was basically never in pain because they let you get the epidural as soon as they start pitocin. It was my first and I had a Bishop score of zero to one. I think you have to have five or more for good odds but it went beautifully and ended in a v delivery. I realize this is anecdotal but it was great for me. Caveat that I was overdue and induced for medical reasons.
Turtle says
My induction at 40.5 weeks was driven by reduced fetal movement, though I would have had it at 41 weeks without the movement issue (OB practice preference to not go past 41). Still, the induction itself wasn’t bad. They did tell me it could be as many as 36 hours from start to finish seeing as I was zero everything – CMs, effacement, etc. That said, it was 22 hours from start to finish. I wish I had gotten my epidural way sooner, though – mentally I was thinking I was in for 36 hours of this and didn’t want to be bedridden for three days while not realizing things were progressing way faster than that. I got it when contractions were 2 mins apart. I did end up needing forceps after 4 hours of pushing but that whole mess was not induction related.
The induction itself was so great that I wouldn’t be upset if my next delivery had the same need. However, I think I would try to hold out for spontaneous labor…. but I say that with one stationary LO and not 39 weeks pregnant. Oh, perspective…
lala says
One of the old Bachelorette’s, Ali shared about her second induction regrets on her blog (AliLoves I believe it is called). So that might be interesting to you.
I had a great (medically needed) induction at 39 weeks for my second, so I can’t say that all inductions will be like hers (my guy was clearly ready to come as we went from Pitocin to baby in under 8 hours – no epidural though, so that might have helped the speed). But I would hesitate to do one without medical necessity just because of the unknowns.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, if you have already had one vaginal birth the chances of needing a C for this one are super low, regardless of induction. One reason it might make sense to do an induction is that you’d be able to arrange childcare for your first. I say go for it if you want (I did not have inductions for either but would have with my second if he had gone much later).
anon says
Don’t underestimate the childcare arrangements, unless you have someone on standby. I was induced for my first and my second, but I went into labor with my third in the middle of the night, and we were cutting it super close waiting for my MIL to drive down (they live half an hour away). I underestimated how fast I would progress. I was induced the first time for medical reasons at 36 weeks, and it took ages (2+ days), but my second went very smoothly (40 weeks, my option) – epidural was in, 5 hours start to finish. And I didn’t have to worry about giving birth in the hospital wheelchair, which was seriously an issue.
KateMiddletown says
I juuuust saw an article today countering the elective @ 39 weeks study. I’ll see if I can find and post. TLDR is you definitely don’t need t.
Anonymous says
So with the caveat that I haven’t read the study…
My first baby was 9.5 lbs and we both had complications which can be tied to her being overdue/her size. So I knew I didn’t want to go overdue with #2 who was also measuring 9 lbs. But I also wasn’t eager for an induction. My OB did stretch and sweeps at appointments when I was 38.5 and 39.5 weeks. (Caveat that I think you have to be showing some signs of ripening to get a sweep). I also went for “induction” acupuncture several times during this time period. At the same time I scheduled an induction for 40+1. My water broke and baby arrived on his due date.
anon says
They’re flying here for a special event. If push came to shove, they *probably* could find another place to stay, but it would be a big inconvenience for them and the mutual friends they’d have to stay with.
lsw says
I feel like this is sort of a “shove” situation! But if f your friends are really go-with-the-flow and supportive people, can they stay with you and help?
Anonymous says
It’s a big inconvenience for you. This is the shove.
Rain gear? says
My 5 y/o needs a raincoat. She got 2 good years out of her Hatley one (bought a size 3 when she was 2.5 and it lasted until 4.5!) but neither of us like the patterns enough this go around. The mini Boden ones don’t seem like they’d work for us- the lined ones are heavy. I love the LLbean rain jackets but the only color she likes is the pink one, which my other daughter already has in a 2T!
Any suggestions for brands or specific rain jackets? She’s a tall 5 y/o, so we need kid not toddler (eg a 5/6 vs a 5T)? We’re in Boston and use raincoats in summer, early fall and mid/late spring. She uses her winter coat once it gets too cold. Ideally it’d be lightly lined and she’d like matching rain boots but that’s a firm “nice to have.”
shortperson says
gap print jersey-lined windbuster
Anonymous says
I also like the Gap print jersey-lined ones. For an even lighter weight, check out Target’s Cat & Jack lined wind breakers. For a bit heavier, check Target’s Cat & Jack raincoats.
Anon says
Polarn o pyret makes good gear or Lands End Kids or Patagonia. They have ones that have inserts that you can snap in and out so in the cold fall you can make it warmer, but for summer it will be lighter.
anon says
Lands End Kids waterproof rain jacket. I’ve been really happy with our Lands End Kids outerwear purchases!
Anonymous says
Eddie Bauer – they have like nothing else for kids but they do have great, reasonably priced raincoats in basic colors. I’d add a lightweight down underneath (patagonia?) for cold days.
Looking for resources says
My mother has a terminal illness, and likely doesn’t have more than a few months to live. I haven’t explicitly talked to my 2.5 year old about it, and wasn’t really planning on doing so until we’re near or at the end. (Kiddo has seen me cry, but I just say that I’m very sad right now, and that’s the extent of it.) We don’t live in the same area, but have visited several times since the diagnosis. I’ve seen threads on taking kids to funerals and family pets passing, but may have missed any about grandparents being very ill and/or passing at this age. Any resources to share for how and when to tell kiddo, especially at this young age?
shortperson says
daniel tiger has an episode about death in the newest season.
mascot says
I’m so sorry. 2.5 is probably too young to understand death in any meaningful way. I think you can use your religious beliefs if those apply. Is hospice involved? They may have some age appropriate suggestions. If you have a spouse/partner/co-parent in your kid’s life, I’d ask them to do some of the heavy lifting here, especially when you need time to work through your own grief and feelings.
annonn says
I am so sorry for you and your mother, and I hope that you both can find support and solace in the coming weeks and months.
On a practical level, I think the same principles apply to human/family deaths as to pets and other cases. I would be honest with your child that you are sad because Grandma is sick. If s/he asks questions about why Grandma is sick or whether Grandma will get better, respond with honesty (fine to say that you don’t know whether Grandma will get better, but you hope she will, and that in the meantime you are trying to tell her you love her and to spend time with her as much as you can). I wouldn’t introduce the concept of death unless your child’s specific questions get at that, or unless death is imminent (days away). Death is supposed to be presented in a really literal way — we tried to explain what happens to the body and where it goes and that it does not come back. We stressed that when somebody dies, you can still love them and remember them and talk about them, but their bodies are gone, and we will not see them again.
Know that your child may ask questions that are extremely literal (e.g., about what happens to the body) or that feel inappropriate (e.g., about jewelry/makeup/toys). It may be helpful to have your partner present where possible to answer questions that are too painful for you. And it’s okay to say that you don’t know the answer to a question, and you will think about it and get back to your child later. You can also pivot to things we can do, like talking to Grandma on the phone, drawing her pictures, etc.
There are also some great books on this — it could be helpful to stock up now so that if your child wants to have a conversation, or if you find it easier to answer your child’s questions indirectly, you can offer to read the books with your child (and they also offer good scripts / canned answers if you read them on your own):
-When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death (Dino Life Guides for Families)
-Life Is Like the Wind (A Big Hug)
-Tess’s Tree
-Alfie and the Birthday Surprise
AIMS says
I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you’re being very thoughtful about all this and, whatever you do, I don’t think you will mess it up. Kids at this age are young enough that they are actually pretty resilient. I would err on the side of letting your kiddo say goodbye, personally, even if s/he doesn’t fully understand what is going on.
PBS has a lot of parenting resources that I find to be generally thoughtful, including this on death of a loved one: http://www.pbs.org/parents/whenfamiliesgrieve/
Been there recently anon says
I was in a similar situation recently, though one child was a bit older and one a bit younger. I viewed it similarly to education about other facts of life—it’s not one conversation, it’s bringing it up in an age-appropriate way and then talking about it as the kid wants to. Here’s what worked for us for the kids:
-chat with the pediatrician about how to frame it
-talk about how grandparent is very old, he has cancer cells in his body that are growing and stopping the regular cells from working, and that they’ll eventually stop his body from working and he’ll die. Dying means that we won’t get to see or talk with him any more, his body will be in the ground, he won’t eat, or talk to us, etc.
-explain relatives’ religious views of death(my older one seized on asking the deity to bring back grandparent for awhile)
-explain sometimes that I’m sad because grandparent is dying
For me:
-I took most of my time to be sad when the kids were at daycare. I tried to mostly just hold it together and keep on going with the kids and focus on them. Everyone says it’s ok to fall apart when you’re grieving—it’s also ok to just hold it together if you have to. It doesn’t mean you love your parent any less.
-I let calls from/related to dying parent interfere with kid time for far too long and it was not good for my little ones or me (the disease, situation, and drugs made dying parent as unreasonably demanding as the worst of my big law clients). I eventually stopped taking dying parent’s calls before/after school, though I sometimes had to take calls from medical personnel.
-I flew to the funeral with a support person, but left my spouse with the kids. This was absolutely the right call for me; I would have liked my spouse’s support, but it was better to have a couple of days to grieve and not also care for jet lagged kids.
-This is an incredibly hard time—I wish I had started therapy or grief support while my parent was still living (the hospice, if there is one, can put you in touch).
-Give yourself permission to focus on yourself, your kids, your dying parent, maybe your other parent, if in the picture. You don’t need to take care of/make time for others, like aunts, uncles, cousins, unless it’d be helpful for you.
For the parent:
-I was doing the best I possibly could to manage care from across the country. It was so, so hard, but I did a good job. At the very end I engaged an elder care consultant who was incredibly helpful—both to have someone who reported only to me on the ground and to have her wealth of knowledge of facilities and services because it looked like we were going to have to move my parent to a higher level of care at a point when he could not give me feedback. I would encourage anyone in a similar situation to consider a consultant even earlier.
Spirograph says
I don’t have much advice, just wanted to say I am so sorry you are facing this. I hope your mom has the care she needs to be comfortable, and that you and your family are able to make some happy memories together in the time she has left.
If you have a faith community, I recommend talking with one of your faith leaders about this. They usually have extensive training and experience supporting both individuals and their loved ones though illness and hospice care situations, and might know of more resources.
CCLA says
I’m sure this has been discussed before, but search is failing me – any book recs for a 2-yr old to prep for arrival of new baby? DD is 2 next month, baby is due a month later. So far she knows “baby growing in the belly” and “I’m a big sister” (which she always follows with “Daniel big brother” – there’s a small chance she thinks I have baby Margaret in my belly). She adores books and I think one or two on point may help make things more understandable for her. Thanks!
shortperson says
our favorite was “there’s a house inside my mummy”
Anonymous says
There is a very sweet Helen Oxenbury book that my kid loved at that age.
Anon says
My daughter loved this book. It doesn’t explicitly talk about pregnancy but teaches them to relate to babies.
https://www.amazon.com/Look-You-Baby-Body-Book/dp/0763639192
NewMomAnon says
I have a night potty training question. Kiddo’s dad keeps telling me she wears undies to bed at his house and stays dry all night. He has gotten pretty intense about demanding that she wear undies to bed at my house too. BUT – she has never had a dry night at my house. And I have coin op laundry in a common laundry room, so washing pjs and sheets daily is both time consuming and expensive.
I asked him a bit more about it this weekend and he says he wakes her up twice a night to go to the bathroom. In my mind, that isn’t “night time trained,” and I don’t like the idea of waking up a kiddo at night for anything short of an emergency. Am I right in thinking that she isn’t ready if she has to be woken up for late night potty breaks? She is 4.5, so I understand that she seems “old enough” to night train, but….I just don’t think she is ready. In my mind, “ready” means she wakes up on her own when she has to go potty. (for clarification – if he wants to wake her up, I am not going to push back on that – I just want to be sure I’m on solid footing in insisting on diapers at my house)
AIMS says
I am just getting the lay of the land on all the supplies here, but would training pants be a solution? We’re getting ready to potty train and they seem like underwear that is intended to be leak proof.
It may be an easy way to avoid conflict. Otherwise, I would just tell him that he is free to do what he thinks is best at his place and you will do same at yours.
NewMomAnon says
Training pants meaning the plastic underwear that go over regular undies? Or the extra thick cloth undies? Either way, it’s gross extra laundry that could be avoided with pull ups….
Anonymous says
Sure but your child is 4.5 and wearing diapers and you shouldn’t be encouraging that because laundry is annoying.
Anonymous says
Wow. Are we the main page now?
Some kids really aren’t ready to wake up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night at age 4. Others are, but are lazy enough to just go in the pull-up if available. Given that you have previously mentioned that your daughter has sleep issues, it’s understandable that you don’t want to wake her up twice a night. In your shoes, I’d try pull-ups with underwear underneath so she feels wet and wakes up but doesn’t mess up the whole bed. We tried the plastic training pants, and they were terribly leaky.
Anonymous says
She is 4.5!!! She is more than ready. Cut off liquids before bed, don’t use diapers, and wake her up if you need to.
NewMomAnon says
Her pediatrician was very clear that “ready” means the body knows when it has to go to the bathroom and wakes up on its own. She is obviously not doing that….what do you mean by “more than ready”?
Anonymous says
I mean it’s time. She’s not going to figure this out wearing diapers half the time. Try doing it dad’s way. Wake her once if you need to. Get a rubber sheet. But I think he’s making a reasonable ask here, and it’s worth trying.
mascot says
Nighttime training isn’t just a hands off approach that they grow into in my experience. You can take them to do a “dream pee” without having to fully wake them up. We would do one before we went to bed (so 10-11pm). We’d then try to wake him up in person in the morning so we could get him used to getting out of bed and going straight to the bathroom. Also, you can talk it up to her a lot that any time she needs to go to the bathroom, she should get out of bed and go.
mascot says
We used pull-ups during this period and they worked well. But, some kids wake up, know they have to go to the bathroom, and decide they’d rather utilize the pull-up instead of crawling out of their cozy bed. So they are ready developmentally, but kinda lazy about it. If you think she’s doing that, then you may have to do some extra laundry while she adapts.
Anonymous says
My kids have always ‘woked up’ on their own but were usually so sleepy that they couldn’t articulate that they needed to pee. I just scooped them up, put them on the potty and then back in bed. Used a baby monitor so I’d hear the wakings.
All three kids were day and night trained at around age 3.
oil in houston says
this is a really tough one. My toddler (3.5) just announced last Thursday that she was done with diapers. I was dubious as she usually wakes up wet, so I explained at length what it meant to her, but she said ‘I’m a bit girl and big girls don’t wear diapers’, and she’s been in undies during the day for a year, so… away went the diapers. She was fine the first night, had an accident the second, and the last 2 nights have been ok too. Slept 11 hours without accident in fact. I never thought she could do it based on her track record whilst in underwear. Like you, I refuse to wake up a toddler to go to the bathroom, if only because I value her sleep and mine.
BUT she was ready and asked for it.
In your situation, and because of the difference between the 2 households, I might ask my pediatrician for advice? that would give you a more solid ground to pushback or get onboard?
Anonymous says
IMO, it’s probably best to be consistent about this one way or another. My kids were pretty easy to potty train, so take this with a grain of salt, but have you recently tried just letting her go to bed with no diapers and seeing what happens (setting her up for success of course, by limiting drinks before bed, talking through it, etc)? My kids were only day trained for a short period of time before we gave that a try, and lo and behold, after a few wet sheets, they figured it out. They are very heavy sleepers (like, we sleep trained the baby next door with lots and lots of crying and they never woke up), but they figured it out a lot easier than I would have thought.
Anonymous says
Generally, a 4.5 y/o is ready. You may have an exception, but my kid is 4.5 and almost all her peers are night trained.
Anecdota: my kid was potty trained at 2 but I put off nigh training for 7 more months. Turns out to took 3 nights in a row of overnight accidents and she’s never wet the bed since . Her body just had to adjust to not waking up & peeing in place.
If your kid were younger I’d feel different but I’m going to be in camp Go For It, with the caveat that you’ll have a week of annoying laundry. Maybe buy an extra set of sheets or have her sleep on towels/a trash bag.
Anonymous says
FWIW, I know a family that does the “dream pee” as another poster called it. Sometime between 9 and 10, mom or dad essentially carries kiddo to the toilet to pee. Kiddo goes, but barely wakes up. It has minimized accidents for them with a kiddo who has had a really tough time (and is much older than 4.5 so might be considered one of the exceptions). This is what their pediatrician advised. No advice of my own – my kiddo is younger and not day or night trained yet.
Blueberries says
I don’t see the need to wake a child up twice a night just so that she can wear undies instead of a diaper/pull-up unless the pediatrician says it’s necessary. It sounds like your pediatrician advised that your kid isn’t ready, so that seems like the most relevant advice. Some kids take longer and that’s ok. To me, sleep for the whole family is more important than meeting expectations of other people.
Some normal, healthy kids are still in diapers in the daytime at 4.5.
Anonymous says
No they aren’t. It is not in any way at all normal to be in daytime diapers st 4.5.
Anonymous says
+1000. People are really taking the “this s!te must be supportive at all times” too far. It’s one thing to not shame women for formula feeding or sleep training. It’s another to say daytime diapers are normal at 4.5. They’re not remotely normal.
anon says
I have a minor in-law vent. They have this way of being weirdly critical about stuff that really has zero consequence. DH posted a back-to-school picture of our kids on Facebook. Daughter was wearing shoes, because we needed to drop her off at preschool early, and older son didn’t, because he didn’t need to leave for another 45 minutes. Three of them (MIL, FIL, uncle) felt the need to make snarky comments about the kid not wearing shoes, how they should’ve sent money so we could buy him new school shoes. Major eye roll. Did they really think he didn’t go to school without shoes? Come on; of course he wore shoes. But it’s so typical, especially for my FIL, to nitpick the smallest, dumbest thing and make it out to be an issue that needs correction. For pete’s sake, the kid was wearing nice shorts and a polo shirt. A step way above the usual athletic shorts and t-shirt. I thought we’d done pretty well in making him look “respectable and respectful,” which is a phrase FIL likes to throw around when children are acting like children.
Just … shut up, already.
Anonymous says
Block them.