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As someone without much of defined waist, I’m a huge fan of paperbag-waisted skirts, and Ann Taylor gets this style right.
Along with the pleated paperbag waist, this below-the-knee pencil skirt features a tie waist, pockets, and a gorgeous “wild lotus” color that’s perfect for late spring. I hope the linen blend fabric will feature the breathability of linen without all the wrinkles. I’d pair it with a white suit jacket for work or a white tee for brunch.
The skirt is $89 and available in sizes 00–18 (but since it’s Ann Taylor, be on the lookout for sales).
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
COVIDrestrictions says
Has anyone had any luck working around COVID travel restrictions so that (fully vaxxed, already have a U.S. visa) relatives can visit from overseas? Having a baby in a couple of months and my MIL would LOVE to come help us out (and she is genuinely really helpful whereas my U.S. based mom is not). Guessing the best way is a two-week stopover in another country??
Anon says
Yeah I think if they’re coming from one of the restricted areas they’ll have to do 14 days in another country.
Anonymous says
Yeah that would work but you’ll need to find another country that will let someone from India in.
COVIDrestrictions says
It’s actually South Africa but probably similar from a visa perspective. Sigh. I have never had someone so keen to cook and clean for me; feels like a waste not to have her come when we need her!
Anonymous says
No I think S. Africa is a lot better. India is sort of excluded from the whole world at the moment because of their current massive outbreak. I bet South Africans have more options for travel.
Anonymous says
From the current rules it looks like she would not be eligible – https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/presidential-actions/2021/01/25/proclamation-on-the-suspension-of-entry-as-immigrants-and-non-immigrants-of-certain-additional-persons-who-pose-a-risk-of-transmitting-coronavirus-disease/
Not sure what country she could stop over in as it seems like the restrictions apply to a number of countries.
It’s super frustrating. In Canada parents of citizens are allowed entry if they quarantine on arrival for 14 days and have a negative test before coming. Quarantine away from family that they are visiting. I hadn’t realized that the US was even stricter. Hopefully restrictions for fully vaccinated people will be eased soon.
Anon says
Sorry :( My best friend (a US citizen) lives in France and when she came home to the US to see her ailing parents, she couldn’t even bring her domestic partner with whom she has a formal civil union in France because they’re not legally married. She said the rules for entering the US are incredibly strict if you’re not a citizen or permanent resident of this country. We also have good friends from Canada who are US permanent residents and their parents can’t visit. They’ve gone to Canada a few times to visit their parents (with quarantines, tests, etc.) but the parents apparently can’t come here at all.
Anonymous says
I think if your spouse (MIL’s child) is a US citizen she may be exempt from the 14 day quarantine rules, so I suggest looking into that piece of it.
Anon says
There is an exception for parents, but only if the citizen child is under 21 and unmarried, so wouldn’t apply to OP. And it’s not just a quarantine – barring certain narrow exceptions like spouses and minor children, people who aren’t US citizens or permanent residents can’t enter the country at all.
AwayEmily says
I have two friends from South Africa who are in this country at this very moment visiting. Neither was vaxxed when they came over. One is a US citizen and one is not. I think if she has proof of a negative test it shouldn’t be a problem at all.
AwayEmily says
But maybe there’s some magic trick that I am missing! I will ask them.
Anon says
If you want to enter the US and you’ve been in South Africa (or Europe or India or Brazil or a few other countries), you have to either be a citizen or permanent resident or married to one or the child of one or the parent of one who is still a minor. Your citizen friend obviously got in on that basis and I assume your non-citizen friend falls into one of the other categories. Tests are required for everyone, including citizens. Vaccination doesn’t matter for this purpose (which is silly, in my view, but it is what it is).
You can read all the details here (https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/travelers/from-other-countries.html) but the exceptions for non-citizens/permanent residents are really narrow.
Anonymous says
Citizens and spouses are not barred from entering. Parents of citizens can only enter if the citizen child is under 21.
COVIDrestrictions says
It looks like Mexico might work since she has a valid multiple entry visa for the US
COVIDrestrictions says
Thanks all! Yeah, husband is a permanent resident and obviously both married and significantly over 21. This is a tough one!
Anon says
A lot may change in a few months or next year – even if situation is not workable now, could be very different by time baby is a few months old and having extra help at any point in the first year is so valuable!
anon says
Have you asked the S African embassy? I have the opposite situation – live in Europe as a resident of a European country, want my American mom to come. Here, the Embassy can assist in special situations (e.g. parent of the bride or groom, birth of a child, parent of a critically ill person) to get permission for US citizens to come in, even though they are normally not allowed. I don’t know if there is a reciprocal agreement for people coming into the US, but, you might ask.
Lily says
Any suggestions for a book or other central resource ( one stop shop) for tips on conversations with toddlers/elementary schoolers on how to react in certain situations (eg getting lost, stranger approaches, etc)?
avocado says
I never used a book, but I frequently quizzed my child on what to do if she got lost. 1. Find a worker (we practiced identifying workers based on name badges, aprons, etc. in various places). 2. If you can’t find a worker, find a mom with children. If you can’t find a mom with children, find a dad with children. 3. Tell the adult helper you are lost, parent’s full name, and where you last saw parent. 4. Do not ever leave the store/amusement park/etc. with the helper adult, but it is OK to follow them to the customer service desk, a phone in the park, etc.
In crowded situations (amusement parks, etc.) we wrote a parent’s cell number on her arm in Sharpie.
For strangers, no unknown adult ever needs help from a child (e.g., finding a lost puppy), and parents will never ask an unknown adult to give a child a ride. If an unknown adult asks you for help or says they will take you to your parent, run away and yell “You’re not my mom/dad!”. Run to parent or known supervising adult. If parent or known supervising adult is not available, follow steps above to seek adult help.
Never, ever let an unknown adult take you somewhere or put you in a vehicle. Scream “You’re not my mom/dad!” Kick the crotch. Scratch. Hit. Bite. Wriggle away. If the person threatens to hurt you or a family member if you don’t cooperate, they are lying. Run away anyway.
Look into the RAD kids’ self-defense course, if it’s available in your area. I took the adult version years ago and was very impressed.
Anonymous says
Agree with all of this. I add for my young elem schoolers that if they cannot find me in a store, go to the checkout area. If they don’t see me, get a worker to help.
They are getting old enough that I will sometimes let them browse Target in a separate area and sometimes we miss each other. “Meet up front” works with kids that are old enough to get themselves there.
avocado says
Yes, in elementary school we used “meet up front” in Target quite a bit!
Anonymous says
This is great. Adding that the non-scary explanation we used at preschool ages for why they should approach a mom with kids (and failing that a dad with kids) is because they have kids and will know how to help lost kids. At elementary ages, they were ready for the concept that there are bad people who hurt kids.
Lily says
Thank you!
Anonymous says
My parents had a “safe question” we could ask unknown adults – we were instructed that if the adult said our parents sent us, we should ask for our dog’s middle name and the street we lived on; if they didn’t know the answers, then we were not to go with them or talk to them further. I remember getting some weird looks from a teacher at school when I quizzed a family friend who picked me up during a family medical emergency but the family friend knew the answers. (I also remember my much younger sibling asking random strangers what our dog’s middle name was, so…ymmv)
Anon says
My parents did this with us, too. If anyone came to pick us up and didn’t know “the password,” we were not to go with them. The password was a specific family nickname for the dog. LOL.
TheElms says
Does anyone have the Athleta Kinetic Backpack? Thoughts about it? I’m looking for something to be a toddler diaper back / day trip with a toddler / short hike with a toddler bag. That is gender neutral enough that my husband would be ok carrying it. And that also could be a carry-on bag for short plane trips with a toddler. This one seems pretty perfect because it has a laptop compartment and a strap to go over rolling luggage and also has water bottle pockets and is plain / sleek-ish looking.
Anon says
Does anyone else find the “nice” way teachers, specialists, social workers, et al, speak to you to be grating? It seems that a large majority of the ones I interact with have a cutesy style that – while I believe they think it’s being “nice” – is actually insufferably condescending. It’s like they can’t turn off their kid voice and treat adults the same as kids and it makes me want to scream. Please, please tell me I’m not the only one.
Anon says
I don’t interact with social workers, but my kid’s teachers are just nice, not “nice.” it doesn’t seem cutesy to me, just very friendly, which I find kind of refreshing in a world where most adults avoid interactions with people they don’t know (and I live in the supposedly friendly Midwest!).
Anonymous says
Yes. I think it’s because these professionals assume that parents/family members are part of the problem and couldn’t possibly be educated, intelligent, equal problem-solving partners. For these meetings, it’s helpful to dress up like you just came from a very “important” professional job, have an agenda and prepared questions, speak assertively, avoid discussion of emotion, cite specific examples as appropriate, and take notes.
I interact professionally with a lot of social workers etc. who work with adult clients, and their general attitude towards clients and families is terribly condescending and paternalistic. I think many people enter these professions because they want to exert power over vulnerable people.
AIMS says
Haha, I find a lot of mediation professionals annoying for the same reason. Give me an aggressive litigator any day!
anon says
Yes!
Anonymous says
Not the only one. BIL is a teacher in Europe and has the same condescending tone on occasion. DH will call him out on it sometimes. All day long they are the experts in a room of 30 kids and they get to set all the rules. They don’t have work places where they are not in control and don’t get to decide what happens all the time.
Aunt Jamesina says
“They don’t have work places where they are not in control and don’t get to decide what happens all the time.”
As a former teacher I literally LOLed at this. Sure, they can have their say with their students. But they most definitely don’t when it comes to the wider school! A huge proportion of my work was determined by those above me.
Aunt Jamesina says
I find that manner of speaking to be really grating, but I imagine it’s because they’re used to speaking to young kids and have a hard time turning that off while still at work. And some people who are great with kids might just be really awkward around adults. I wouldn’t read too much into it unless you have other indications that they’re being condescending.
Anonymous says
Agree. Personally I find my older white male coworker’s tones much more grating.
Anon Lawyer says
Yeah, I like my kid’s pediatrician a lot but he definitely has that going on. it does bug me but I try to remember that he’s good with kids and that’s the important thing.
That said, I do think the medical profession in general tends to way too condescending to patients.
govtattymom says
How would you handle leave for a summer nanny? My daughter is going to kindergarten in the fall, and we are using a college student as a nanny from May to August. Should we provide her with sick leave or annual leave for those three months? We are paying her for the week of our vacation but that is based on our schedule. Should we offer her any additional time off? We have a fairly formal relationship with her (paying through a service, giving her pay stubs, etc.) FWIW she seems fantastic and there is a lot of competition for nannies in our area.
Anon says
Has she accepted your offer or are you still at the negotiating stage? To me, paid vacation is not necessary for such a short term arrangement but if you’re still competing with other families it might help to offer a week. We had a nanny for 5 months when my daughter was young and we told her she could take vacations unpaid but we were not offering paid vacation time.
I would be inclined to offer generous, maybe even unlimited, sick leave especially with Covid, but you have to trust her not to abuse it. You could put a clause in the contract that says you reserve the right to ask for a doctor’s note (in case you feel like she’s calling in sick on Fridays to have three day weekends or something like that).
anon says
I would definitely offer paid sick leave because I’d want to incentivize her to stay home if sick. Especially during Covid, but really anytime. For just a summer, I would probably start out with just my state’s statutory minimum of 3 days and top up if needed.
Since it’s just a summer, I wouldn’t offer vacation beyond the week you’re paying.
Anonymous says
3 days sick leave and a week off when you are on vacation is fine for a 4 month job.
Anon says
I would do 2 days sick leave and 3 days vacation, as an approximate pro-ration of what we give our year-round nanny.
Katala says
Are you giving her Memorial Day off and a day for 4th of July? Maybe even two for the 4th so she can have a 4-day weekend? That seems like plenty and I agree with adding a few sick days.
Anonymous says
Absolutely not
anon says
We have had a college nanny this year with pre-negotiated vacation to match ours (e.g., holiday break, spring break, certain holidays). We also pay on the books.
We didn’t offer formal sick days, but have had a conversation each time with a general understanding that we’ll cover actual sick time only with no limit. We’ve covered some COVID-risk sick days, but not others. For instance when she delayed getting a test for 24 hours because she didn’t feel well with cold symptoms and chose to sleep instead, but then was feeling completely better but didn’t have test results; we covered the day she was sick, but not the extra waiting-for-test-results-day when she could have gotten tested a day earlier. She also chose to fly in February to a hot spot for a party with friends, and we didn’t cover the days she was out to quarantine and test once she got back, as it was a straight up choice to go on that trip. On another occasion her brother (a close contact) had symptoms and we paid her for two days that it took her brother to get a negative test.
It’s a weird COVID world so we’ve tried to remain flexible but reasonable.
Anonanonanon says
3 days paid sick and the paid time you’re already giving her. it’s a temporary summer job, she can either schedule her vacation around yours or not take the job.
Anonymous says
So, a little different from most of the above responses. We are so so so grateful for our college sitter. We are employing her on similar terms to when we employed longer term nannies — she accrues 1 day of vacation on the first of each month (so she’ll end up with 3 days), she takes sick leave when she needs it, and two holidays (Memorial day and July 4 ). And we’ll pay her when we’re on vacation because we weren’t organized enough to tell her dates when we negotiated the employment, we are privileged to be able to afford it, and she seems truly wonderful.
AnotherAnon says
Do mosquito bands work? If yes, what kind do you recommend? I use DEET on myself, but my four year old has some sensory processing difficulties so doesn’t like anything on his skin. TIA for not saying “your kid needs to get over it.” If you have sensory avoidant/seeking kids, you understand.
AIMS says
No help on the bands, but wirecutter recommends this Thermacell machine if you’re just outside on the patio: https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/reviews/mosquito-control-gear/
AnonATL says
They haven’t worked for me in the past. Could you get some lightweight longsleeve shirts instead? Some adult hiking clothes are pre-treated with chemical bug repellant.
Or if that doesn’t work, gently spray their clothes with the bug repellant instead of skin
Anonymous says
There’s a way to DIY a clothes treatment. (I forget the name of the chemical and the exact method but google should find it for you pretty quickly.) So you should be able to get some clothes you know he likes and then treat them with the stuff.
So Anon says
Permethrin. I soak a few pair of socks, spray our shoes and do t-shirts as well. You soak, let dry and are good to go for a certain number of washes.
I hear you on the sensory issues. My oldest is similar, and it is always a struggle.
Anon says
I don’t have sensory issues but my mom believed it was bad to apply DEET directly to skin so she just made me wear long pants and long sleeves and sprayed the clothing. You could get linen or something very lightweight and breathable if you’re in a hot climate.
Katala says
Bummer if these don’t work. I can’t imagine trying to make my kids wear long sleeves/pants during our super-humid 100+ degree weather in the summer. I was pregnant during the Zika summer and wore LS workout tops and light linen pants and felt like I was on the verge of heat stroke some days.
I don’t find many “safer” bug sprays to work, but I just bought Greenerways Organic Insect Repellant per online recs and hoping that it works well enough. We definitely need to set up some systems in our backyard as it’s already swarming with mosquitos but I don’t want to treat the whole yard and kill the bees that enjoy our flowers.
Anon says
Pregnant women are more sensitive to heat than non-pregnant woman and adults are generally way more sensitive to temperature extremes than kids, so I don’t think you can extrapolate your preggo experiences to your kids. 100+ degree weather is definitely tough (I’m the one who said my mom dressed me in long pants and sleeves for bugs, and this was in Maine so temps mostly in the 70s and lower 80s, even in the summer) but kids are often unfazed by things that would be uncomfortable to adults. I dress my preschooler in long sleeves (for sun protection, not bugs) if the “feels like” high is below about 85 and she’s fine even though I want to be in short sleeves myself if the high is above about 75.
Mary Moo Cow says
The Buzzpatch is all over my social media feed; I was going to try come of those. Anyone have any experience with them?
Anon says
i use DEET on myself and i still get a million bites. is there anything else? one of my kids seems to be like me and we are just mosquito magnets
Anonymous says
Honestly I moved to a different part of the country and this was actually part of our consideration. (Obviously not the whole calculus!!) I did not grow up with mosquitoes and never got used to getting 15-20 bites at a time all summer no matter how much deet I used, or having to cover myself in deet just to walk to the mailbox.
anon says
We live in a wet area and have terrible, terrible mosquitoes. When we’re going to be outside, I’ll fog the bushes near the patio and under the patio furniture and deck–places where we don’t touch but that are near where we sit. We wait about 20 minutes after fogging to go outside. It’s not perfect, but helps a ton. I’m sure it’s not great for pollinators, but we’re not doing the whole yard, only an isolated area where there are no flowering plants.
Search: Raid Yard Guard Mosquito Fogger
Anon says
They do not work.
There are bug wipes instead of spray if allowing him to do it himself would help.
You can also get permethicine treated clothes, but it has to be re-applied monthly.
DLC says
I’ve had some luck spraying DEET bug spray on clothes before putting them on, or spraying a sheet and hanging it next to where we are sitting. We just got a Thermacell this year and I’m excited to see if it works.
Also – someone on a local parents listserv just recommended “The Bug Thing” which is a litte suction tube tube that you can use as soon as you get the bite to suction some of the venom out. A couple parents chimed in to say they really work to lessen the itch, though you can also just use your mouth. I’m intrigued by that idea too.
Anonymous says
I think I’m a smart person, but I’m really terrible at guesstimating things off the cuff. I guess I just can’t think quickly, especially since having a baby and now with the Covid brain fog on top of that. I was just on a call where someone said to me “guess how many ____?” I guessed 100,000. The answer was 583. He was *clearly* expecting me to give a much lower answer so he could “shock” me with the 500+ number. I actually want to die of embarrassment.
Anonymous says
Actually, you were terribly clever in deflating his silly gimmick.
2 Cents says
Whenever someone does this to me (and it’s a “gotcha,” not something fun), I try to react as blandly as possible. Do not beat yourself up over this.
AnonATL says
My husband does this sometimes and drives me nuts. “guess what movie this song is from” or something silly to him where he’s just trying to start conversation, but my brain is too tired to guess 6 times. Just tell the stupid answer.
Katala says
Sammmeee. My husband is really into music and I try to talk to him about it as much as possible (far less than he’d like, especially this year without his previous music-buddy time), and he thinks asking questions, or from my perspective, quizzing me, about the song that’s on is a good way to start a conversation. But it just bugs me, I don’t particularly care to remember that stuff and it’s annoying to be wrong all the time.
Anonymous says
Goody bag/favor ideas for a parent-thrown PK graduation? It’s 10 kids that have been together for 2 years, though school was closed March-October due to the pandemic. The school isn’t doing anything for graduation so a few of the parents (inc me) are throwing a party. We’re going more all-out than is entirely reasonable, more than half due to COVID and for many of the parents it’s their last PK kiddo. There is a stage, cap and gowns, a slideshow, etc. involved.
I’m in charge of goody bags/favors. I think I want to do water bottles with their names on them, fill them with candy/food (goldfish, blow pops, other non melt-y sorts of things), and maybe something else. We are also coordinating a class photo (which was not done at school this year due to COVID and will be sent to the families) and having an ice cream truck.
(1) what water bottle would you get? (a friend of mine has a cricut and will be doing the personalizing)
(2) any other goody bag / favor type ideas? There will also be balloons so maybe tie one to the water bottle?
Seriously, I know this is a little nuts but I’m 100% on board this party train so please don’t rain on the parade :)
Anonymous says
No specific water bottle recommendations but the water bottle filled with candy and a balloon tied to it is a great idea for a party favor. I would do a clear water bottle so the kids can see the candy.
Anon says
We like Thermos Funtainers, and they come in a few different solid colors
Anon says
on that note, maybe do the same color for all the kids. is there a school color?
Mary Moo Cow says
I am here for this party train! I like Contigo water bottles because it’s all one piece (i.e., the straws don’t get lost in the drain when I’m washing them.) Second favorite is Thermos funtainer. Individual bubbles — especially the Fubbles because they don’t leak? I’ve given sunglasses as summer party favors. You could do solid colors to coordinate with the room color (like, my kids were in Toddler Purple) or school colors, if school has one, or grad themed.
Tea/Coffee says
I love the water bottle idea. I would get a cheap one = bigger one = useful for many years!
Candy- make sure it’s not melty, if that’s an issue in your area right now. Or, colored pencils and stickers. This works best with a taller bottle.
Also, squirt guns or water blasters or whatever. My school is actually including these in gift bags for 5th grade graduation!
Small containers of kinetic sand
Temporary tattoos
Anonymous says
At that age I would just get a regular small Nalgene or similar screw-top bottle; I don’t think they need the sippy lid. If you want a sippy lid I like the Nalgene grip and gulp – easy to wash.
Fishy says
Any recommendations for a starter fishing pole for a 3 year old boy? Way too many online options. TIA!
Spirograph says
What kind of fishing are you planning to do? From a boat, pier, shore? My dad still has the poles he bought for me and my siblings 30+ years ago — bamboo, break into segments for easy transport and storage, and pretty un-fancy. They were completely sufficient for us to sit on top of a giant drain pipe and fish for little perch in the large pond behind our house, and also worked well for my kids to fish from a riverbank. I’d focus on getting something that’s a manageable length for a 3 year old to wield.
Fishy says
Right, and I’m not sure what would be the most manageable for a 3 year old to wield. Is there a suggested length? Brand? Like I said, lots of online options…
Spirograph says
It depends on your kid! I think ours are about 5 feet, which my tall, coordinated, then-3 year old could hold and sort of side cast last time we used them, but 3-4 feet would have been better to make casting easier. In any case, his attention span for fishing was pretty short.
It sounds like for you this is a hey-wouldn’t-it-be-fun-to-try” activity you might do a few times vs having a serious fisherman in the family (the ones I know would be happy to talk your ear off about gear, so you wouldn’t need to ask here!), so I wouldn’t overthink it. Look for an inexpensive kit to make sure you have everything. If he ends up loving fishing, you can upgrade when he’s old enough to want more specialized gear.
Anonymous says
They now have little kids’ fishing poles where the line runs through the pole for safety. I’d get one of those and let him pick out the character, sound effects, etc. If you are shopping in person, it’s probably easiest just to go to Target or the sporting goods store and let him choose.
Kelly says
My daughter has the $10 moana pole from Walmart, appears to be Shakespeare brand and 30 inches and it’s happily caught us half a dozen bluegill in the month we’ve had it.
Anon says
Does anyone have a glider or rocker they can recommend for the postpartum/breastfeeding/sleepless nights period? No big stores near me so it would have to be something I can order online. Thanks in advance!
No Face says
I bought mine used from craigslist. People are always selling these when their last baby gets older.
Anon says
I have the Babyletto Kiwi and I LOVE it. I actually bought a second one for our master bedroom because I love it so much. It’s super cute, comfortable and the built-in charger was great for long nursing sessions.
Anon OP says
This looks perfect (and available from so many retailers). Thank you!
Anonymous says
Second this rec! The absolute best. Order it early if you can because it was surprisingly hard to get it on time (maybe that was a covid thing though)
Anonymous says
I have a glider from West Elm. It is over 6 years old and is still in good shape. I would get the same one again. My husband still believes we should have purchased a rocker/recliner so it would be easier to sleep.
Anonymous says
I almost never used the glider, and we got rid of it when baby became mobile and it became a finger-pinching danger. What I used a lot was a stationary armchair with an ottoman.
AnonATL says
We have the PB dream swivel glider/recliner and love it. I still regularly catch my husband and son asleep in it when he’s supposed to be putting the baby down for a nap.
Anon says
Maybe I’m in the minority, but most gliders I tried really leaned back far and I found that position uncomfortable. I prefer to sit more upright and liked the Dutailer Lola upholstered glider.
Anon says
Also want to say that if you’re tall, it’s important to check how high the back is or you may be sitting down and your shoulders aren’t supported. Pottery Barn is a good source of taller gliders, as is Dutailier.
Camp Scheduling? says
Accidentally posted to the main s*te.
This is my 5yo’s first year at day camp. My husband has asked me three times in the last week if there’s a weekly or daily schedule available yet. Camp doesn’t start until the last week of June/first week of July.
I think it’s nuts to expect this at this point and my husband thinks I’ve picked a disorganized disaster of a camp.
Does anyone else have a camp schedule yet? Are they really behind? Is this something I should press them on?
anon. says
I replied to you on the main page, but my kid’s well regarded day camp sent it the Friday before camp started. And I didn’t say this on the main page, but it wasn’t even a schedule! I am really not entirely clear on what they’re doing at all. It’s just … not like school at all in that way! Embrace it!
Anon says
Wait you mean a schedule like “9 am – soccer, 10 am – craft, 11 am – storytime” or whatever ? That’s crazy to expect at this point. You’ll get it the week before, if at all. I feel like plenty of decent camps never send a super detailed itinerary like that.
You should certainly know drop-off and pickup times, as well as the availability of aftercare and stuff like that by now. That stuff is usually advertised when you register for the camp.
Spirograph says
Yeah, I wouldn’t even expect this type of schedule, nor would I want one (because really, what am I going to do with that information?!). You need to know drop off and pick up times, and whether or not you have to send a swimsuit/towel and lunch.
The summer camp we use does have a high-level weekly schedule published to the extent that they have a theme for the week or a special thing lined up for particular days: ice cream truck on Wednesdays, pool on Tuesday/Thursday, that sort of thing. But I wouldn’t fault a camp for not putting that out there.
OP says
Yes we know drop off, pick up etc. My husband keeps saying he wants to take some days off and do things with her but not take her away from anything she’d be excited about.
He worked a ridiculous amount during the pandemic and I think wants to spend time with her, which is nice. But he also seems to believe that summer camp should be run with the precision of a Swiss watch.
CPA Lady says
Camp starts in 12 days here.
I have received nothing other than a confirmation email at the time I signed her up that included basic info, like what to wear and logistical info like drop off and pick up times and locations. No schedule of activities. This is a well regarded, popular camp. It actually didn’t even occur to me to ask for or expect to receive a schedule.
Maybe a week in advance he could ask the counselors if they’re doing anything special that week if he’s wanting to take some days to spend with your kid. Or he can just pull her, and if she misses something, she misses something. Getting to spend time with him will make up for it if they do fun stuff. :)
Anon says
Agreed. Ask once the camp has started, or just pull her without worrying about what’s missed. It’s sweet that he wants to do this.
Anonymous says
Lol he’s delusional
Anon says
That’s nice but why doesn’t he do that between now and when camp starts or after camp ends? Unless it’s like a six week camp, seems odd to pay for it and then not use it.
Anonymous says
Why would there be a schedule now? Why would you need this? He can reach out to the camp if he wants but this is big cray
Katala says
Our 5 yo is going to “camp” at little brother’s daycare, and they sent out a calendar with theme days for the whole summer when registration opened. But I think that is because it’s a daycare and they’re used to being very scheduled for the preschool/pre-K kids and also wanted to make it seem fun and not like just daycare for older kids (which is what I assume it actually is). I wouldn’t expect normal camp to have anything like that, unless maybe there are field trips or something where you’d need to arrive by a certain time.
milk says
My preschooler has been asking for milk in a thermos at school recently, I assume because another kid has it (the source of most of her food requests these days). What will keep it cold? I don’t really have room in her lunchbox for any kind of thermos because we use a bentgo that takes up most of the space.
Anon says
I bring milk to work in the morning with my breakfast in a contigo snap seal commuter mug. I know yeti makes a smaller 10 oz cup, is it available with a spill proof lid (the magnet lids are not spill proof, but are easy to clean)? The thermos itself should keep things cold, I just think it will be hard to drink from. You could also try an insulated camel back water bottle if you are OK with milk in those from a cleaning perspective (we keep ours to only water). Or you could do shelf-stable milk like those horizon boxes, but at least as an adult the taste of ultra pasteurized milk is terrible enough that I would rather drink something else.
Anonymous says
The Thermos Funtainer will keep milk cold for about 6 hours. If you don’t want to go with a thermos, you could try putting the little boxes of shelf-stable milk in her lunch box. Organic Valley tastes a little better than Horizon, in my opinion.
Anonymous says
Doesn’t help you now, but the next time you are lunchbox shopping, ours has an exterior mesh pocket for a thermos.
Anonymous says
Absolutely fuming. Someone talk me out of divorcing my husband who thinks his new marathon trailing hobby is a free pass to leave me at home with our 18 month old while he’s out running. Now he wants to spend $2k to fly to a remote city nowhere near where we live for the race. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize there is only one city on earth that hosts a marathon. Interestingly, the man has no interest in running a marathon in a nearby city, or in a place where I could even drive to and watch the stupid race.
Anon says
Yeah this is terrible. If this is brand new behavior and he’s otherwise been a decent husband I would suggest counseling before divorce but I certainly understand the impulse.
Anonymous says
Sorry, nope. My husband was a marathon runner until his body decided it was done. He managed to train and race without costing our family any time or money beyond the cost of shoes and entry fees. There is certainly at least one marathon within easy driving distance of your home. In this season of life, that’s all he’s entitled to, if that.
Anonymous says
I agree that OP’s husband sounds like he’s being pretty thoughtless here, but saying he’s “not entitled” to travel beyond “easy driving distance” of their home seems really restrictive and controlling. Lots of women here have posted about solo vacations and girls trips and thinks like that, and I don’t see why men aren’t entitled to the same sorts of experiences. From what OP described it sounds like this hobby is kind of taking over their lives and leaving her as the solo parent way too much, which is definitely a problem. But I don’t think wanting to run a marathon in a cool, scenic location is inherently problematic.
Anonymous says
Maybe I live in a different world from all of you, but for the vast majority of new parents $2,000 is a ton of money and more than it would cost to take the whole family on vacation. Unless they are rich and OP also gets to take her own $2,000 vacation, he’s not entitled to spend family resources. He’s also not entitled to just up and declare that he’s abandoning her to solo parent a toddler during the trip, no matter how much money they make.
Anonymous says
I agree that it does depend on their financial situation and it needs to be a discussion, not a unilateral decision, but the tone of your comment at 3:13 was that it’s inherently unreasonable for a dad of a toddler to expect to travel for a marathon and I strongly disagree. Their kid is 18 months, not 18 days, and I really don’t think it’s unusual for a parent to want to go away alone or with friends for a few days at that age. We talk all the time here about how important it is for new moms to maintain friends and hobbies and their own lives separate from their kids and that goes for dads too. $2k is not nothing for most families, but it’s also not an unreasonable amount for a trip, assuming you’re talking about the kind of trip you do every year or two, not every month (and my HHI is much lower than many here, fwiw). I would be extremely annoyed at my DH if I’d worked hard for something like a marathon, found one in a really cool place and he was like “nah you have to run it in [boring Midwest state where we live] because I said so.” To be clear, that wasn’t OP’s tone, but it was yours.
Anonymous says
Actually I do think it’s inherently unreasonable for any parent of a toddler to expect that they can engage in solo travel and leave the spouse to solo parent. If both parents are cool with it, then fine, but it should not be a default expectation that you can dump your baby on your wife while you go off to have fun.
Anonymous says
Again, I don’t think we disagree that it ultimately both spouses need to be on board before plane tickets are booked and what not. But your comments (e.g., “There is certainly at least one marathon within easy driving distance of your home. In this season of life, that’s all he’s entitled to, if that.”) strongly imply that even asking to travel is unreasonable and I disagree. It’s not unreasonable for him to want take this trip. It might be unreasonable for him to do it against his wife’s wishes. But at the same time, there also comes a point at which the wife is being unreasonable by not letting him go. Their financial situation is certainly relevant, but I do think it’s pretty unreasonable for a spouse to tell the other spouse they can’t travel independently. What’s the end point? No travel until the kid is in elementary school? College? Of course an 8 year old or whatever is easier than a toddler, but taking care of one 18 month old solo for a few days isn’t normally *that* hard (absent special needs or something like that that wasn’t mentioned).
CCLA says
Agree. DH and I have done trips separately, but they are always worked out together…there’s a way to do things like that and I think it’s not only not inherently problematic but also important for our sanity…but it’s also true that in some seasons with tiny kids it just isn’t feasible. I’d fume if my husband left me at home with the kids without coordinating with me (and by that I mean working out a plan that works for both of us, not announcing this was happening – if he wants to run 5 days a week but the timing just doesn’t work out, it might end up he gets training time 3 days a week and the other days he has to coordinate a sitter (finances permitting) or some other arrangement like a treadmill while baby naps). Also agree w other posters that finances come into play here – if that kind of spend is the family’s vacation budget, maybe it’s not happening for DH.
Realist says
This actually sounds fine to me. Your husband is allowed a hobby, as are you. He needs to communicate with you to develop a training schedule that works for you both (and schedule when you get time to yourself), maybe including additional childcare arrangements. Find out why he wanted a race so far away. It might be a good reason. Even if the reason is just wanting a trip to himself, that might be fine if you get one too (or something else big that you want).
I can understand why you are mad, but you are exiting the haze of the 1st year and may need to just work out with DH what things like hobbies look like now. He doesn’t get to unilaterally decide and needs to accommodate you and the baby in his plans.
Counseling before divorce. This just seems like a major error on his part by not working this out with you in advance and assuming you would be OK with things. Not cool.
Anonymous says
The problem here isn’t that he wants a hobby. The problem is what you state in your second paragraph, which is not fine at all. It also sounds like finances are tight and he wants to spend scarce resources on this.
Anonymous says
+1 to all this. Sure, sit down and talk with him about it, but I wouldn’t be fuming over this.
DH and I both run, and in 2019 we both did marathons a few weeks apart (2 kids under 4 at the time). Both races were local-ish, but I would love to make a family vacation out of a bucket list race. We alternated long run weekend days and we both tried to take the kids in jogging stroller on runs as possible. The other runs were our commute or me-time.
hobbies says
So my husband kind of does things like this, and I get super mad and then he’s like “I wouldn’t care if you did it, I think you should!” which makes me more mad because I have no desire to leave my young children for long periods during what limited family time we have on weekends. However, my parents never had any outside hobbies or friends and that set a terrible example for me, and made them kind of miserable people. So, I try and reframe my anger and appreciate that he is a well rounded person, that I’m really just jealous, and some day when I’m not so exhausted from the young kids I’m determined to get my own hobby.
TLDR, change yourself, not him. (apologies if I terribly missed the mark on this)
Anon says
+1 to this, my DH and I are similar. He has a pretty intense hobby that used to play two weeknights and pretty much all day on one weekend day. It was very frustrating to me, because I was stuck with a lot of solo parenting that I really hated. His response was that he would give me the same amount of time “off” and my reaction was “But I don’t want to be “off”!” I think my ideal would basically be joint parenting all the time with very brief breaks for each parent (like letting each other each sleep in on one weekend day) and his ideal would basically be each of us alone with our kid half the time, with only rare family times like family dinners. We did argue about this quite a bit but we were eventually able to reach a compromise with more solo parenting than I would have liked and more family time than he would have liked. It’s also gotten a lot easier as our child gets older, both because solo parenting and older child is easier and more fun, and because it’s easier to schedule activities for our family time which DH enjoys more than just sitting around the house as a family.
But hugs OP, it’s tough. I think you likely both have some valid feeling and points and it’s one of those things where you just have to compromise and probably neither of you will be thrilled initially but you will both learn to live with it over time.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“my ideal would basically be joint parenting all the time with very brief breaks for each parent” – this is basically our life. I think it works for us because we’re both on the same page (and are maybe both a little boring?) We have two small kids, which I think puts us more in the “all hands on deck at all times” life, but I’m curious how other people do this. I may ask again in the morning.
CPA Lady says
Oh, see, I would hate that and would feel so smothered.
My husband and I both do a bunch of stuff on our own. We spend a decent amount of time and money on our hobbies. Because of this, we both also do a bunch of solo parenting, but it’s not as tiring because we have so much time to pursue our interests and don’t have to be On all the time with kiddo. It’s MAGICAL. And then we’ll do stuff like he’ll take kid to the grocery store with him or I’ll take her to the plant nursery or zoo with me. We do stuff as a family too, obviously, and eat meals together, but each of us taking turns spending 1 on 1 time with kiddo several times a week works great for us. Constantly parenting 24/7 would burn me out so fast.
THAT SAID, I will also say that 18 months is an incredibly wretched age (the actual worst so far) and I’d probably be super ticked off if I felt like this trip had just been dropped on me with no warning, leaving me to solo parent a child that age. That’s the problem here. The trip isn’t a problem. Y’all not being on the same page is the problem. OP, you should definitely take time for yourself and prioritize yourself and your hobbies too. But don’t waste that time boiling in spite and rage. Just take it and enjoy it.
And tell you husband what you want going forward. Clear communication! Tell him you want to spend $2,000 on a family trip if that is what you want. Plan something together. He isn’t a mind reader, and clearly you two have different expectations. Neither of you is right or wrong, you’re just on different pages. Becoming parents is a rough transition. We have a lot of expectations and we just assume our partners are able to read our minds or just assume that they will have the same expectations we do, about what will or won’t change when the kid gets here.
Anonymous says
Honestly, I don’t know how one would solo parent two small children for more than a few hours at a time. I know single moms, military wives, etc. do it, but how? My SIL has a 3-year-old and an infant. When her husband took a weekend trip, she had to send the 3-year-old to stay with grandma.
Anonymous says
I certainly wouldn’t want to parent two little kids with a husband deployed for months on end, but needing to send one child away to survive a weekend of solo parenting sounds a little dramatic and helpless, especially when the oldest kid is 3+. You use a combo of lots of screentime for the 3 year old, wearing the baby while you do things with the 3 year old, relying on takeout/frozen food so you don’t have to cook and skipping any chores that don’t have to get done immediately. Most people with two young children have cared for them both solo without their spouse, whether because of a vacation or business trip or illness and few people have the luxury to hand off a kid to a grandparent every time their spouse is indisposed. It gets a lot more complicated when it’s a long term thing, because then you can’t let housework pile up the way you can when your spouse is just out of town for a week.
Anonymous says
This is the OP, thank you everyone for the responses. Part of it is my frustration with the cost. For that amount of money we could to a nice family trip, even a trip to go to his marathon. But, he has arrange this scenario that that route is not possible. I think this comment about getting my own hobbies also hits the mark. I do have hobbies/goals/trips that I would like to pursue, and when I bring them up, his response is always “but I want to come do that with you!” Well, one of us has to stay home with the kid, so the things I want to do get put off because we both can’t do them together with the kid. So, perhaps this is my invitation to spend an irresponsible amount of money on something I want to do, and husband will have to just miss out and stuck it up home alone with the baby.
Anonymous says
Yup. Do it.
GCA says
It sounds like he has unilaterally decided on XYZ marathon plans. I would be pissed! (I’m a runner. I get wanting to do nice destination races. Usually I either make them dedicated girls’ trips or plan a family vacation around them. Again, the key here is that I have my partner’s buy-in. I don’t get to unilaterally decide on stuff. And neither does he.)
For a marathon, the training is as time-consuming as the race, if not more. Get him a jogging stroller. Toddlers love running with dad while you relax at home. 18 months is a great age to run to the splash pad or playground (or just do a naptime run). And pushing the stroller will make him stronger.
If the finances would make you anxious, I wouldn’t go and revenge-spend another equally irresponsible amount of money on your own hobby – just do things that get you an equitable amount of time and physical/ mental space.
AnonATL says
To the OP, I know lots of serious runners on here will tout expensive jogging strollers, but if you want one for an occasional run with DH, we just got the baby trend for about $100 from Amazon. I took it around this weekend and I was impressed for the price. Just make sure you tighten that front wheel during assembly.
My husband also has a hobby that leaves me solo parenting for several hours on a Saturday and I can definitely empathize with the resentment. My revenge is making him mow the lawn in 90 degree heat and not feeling bad about it.
Anon says
My husband is a pretty serious runner (he’s never run an organized marathon, but he runs 50-75 miles/week) and he’s been very happy with our ~$100 jogging stroller. TBH, I’ve never really understood why people invest money in expensive strollers in general – unless you have a lot of kids, they’re used for such a brief window of time and the cheap ones work just fine.
Anonymous says
Oh hells no. His training schedule doesn’t mean he gets to dumb extra childcare on you. You split the childcare and he works his training schedule around the responsibilities.
My DH is an ultra marathon trail runner (50-60km off road vs 42km for regular marathon). He trains year round. When he’s gearing up for a race, he gets up earlier (like 5:30am) on his morning off so he can run 6am – 11:30am before taking over with the kids at noon. I’m off Saturday mornings until noon and he is off Sunday mornings until noon. He runs Sunday mornings, one early evening a week (I put kids to bed solo on Monday while he runs, he does solo on Wednesday while I go to yoga). Other than that he runs after the kids are in bed or at lunch time for shorter hard runs. He’d like to get up to a 100km distance but he knows it is not possible right now with his responsibilities so he is working to cut the training time he needs for a 100km run by getting faster at 50-60km.
And DH is not a unicorn – at least 5-6 of his running buddies have roughly the same training plan for the ultra distance. They rarely get to run or train together because of the difficulties of co-ordinating their schedules and family responsibilities but they keep up with each other on strava.
Only extra work for me is that he’ll do a full day run about a month before his race. I’ll take the kids (and crew him) all day that day. I’m off all day for a day the following weekend and usually book myself a spa day.
For races on location – certain races are more desirable than others. I can understand why he might want to do a certain distance race but he has to plan and propose how to work that PLUS an equivalently budgeted vacation for you into the family financial plan. Yoga retreat? spa holiday? girls trip to NYC?
Anon says
Well, my kid is about the same age as your kid and we just got back from my half marathon in a different state. Key words: WE. We had fun. We went on a road trip. We saw the giraffes and elephants at the zoo. We had nice dinners out. On top of that, I ran for two hours.
Your husband can find a race close by or you can all go on the trip, which also means finding a place that is fun for everyone.
Anon says
Tell him to get a jogging stroller. I recommend the Bob. Or the Thule.
My husband trained for a half marathon this way and it was glorious. Both he and toddler out of the house on Saturday mornings? Glorious.
ANon says
I read other people’s replies, and I’m sure some of them are right, but I don’t care what they say. You are right to be fuming. Read “How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids.” There is a whole part about this. The line that struck a chord with me was about how the husband “suddenly” had to pick up endurance sports after the baby came. The author wrote, “it was like the snip of the umbilical cord was the starter’s pistol to get the hell out of dodge.”
You may want to check out the book. Reading it saved my marriage.
Anonymous says
This OP, thank you for the recommendation. This book sounds like it could be helpful. My husband is ALLLLLLLLL about picking up every new hobby he can think of that relieves him of child or household obligations. Even his “Christmas present” to me was some piece of furniture he decided he wanted to build himself, so he spent days tinkering alone out in the garage while I had to deal with baby and all the other Christmas nonsense.
ANon says
Ooof. We must be married to the same man. It sounds like you will likely get some useful tips from the book. I tried to get my husband to read the book, and he said he would, but he never did. In retrospect, I don’t blame him. I remember his face when he first read the title of the book when it was sitting on my nightstand. I can see now that it probably really hurt his feelings when he saw it. I mean, if I saw a book on his nightstand titled “How Not to Hate Your Wife…” I would be pretty wounded.
Like I said though, the book saved my marriage. Maybe just take off the jacket if you buy it in hard copy. ;)
Best of luck! And please keep us posted.