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Even though this looks like a sweater, I am putting this under the category of “accessory” because it is more like a scarf to keep in your office (remember offices?). I’ll admit, I did have to google the word “ruana” because that is a new vocabulary word for me. I like that it is a hybrid of a shawl, scarf, and a light, open sweater. It looks more comfortable and easy to wear than a scarf while working. The camel color is beautiful, and this style also comes in black. I never thought I would miss my office, but working from home has made me appreciate how I set everything up to my own preferences — and oh yeah, not have to entertain a 3-year-old while working. This ruana, which is “one size fits most,” is $88 at Bloomingdale’s. Lightweight Elbow Sleeve Ruana
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Sales of note for 3.28.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything plus extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off 2+ items; 40% off 1
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- Lands’ End – 10% off your order
- Loft – 50% off everything
- Nordstrom: Give $150 in gift cards, earn a $25 promo card (ends 3/31)
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item; 25% off everything else
- Zappos – 37,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off entire site
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all swim; up to 30% off HannaJams
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; 50% off select swim; 50% off kids’ styles
- Old Navy – 50% off Easter deals
- Target – 20% off Easter styles for all; up to 30% off kitchen & dining; BOGO 50% off shoes & slippers for the family;
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Hey, here’s something we haven’t done in a while! I’m always curious about the demographics of who reads this board, so if you’re willing, respond with your kids ages, where you live (generally), and maybe your family situation.
I’ll start: 3 yo boy, baby due in 2 weeks; 2 parent household; live in MD suburbs of DC
tk says
6 year old boy, baby girl due in 2 months, 2 parent household (both attorneys, 1 litigation and 1 Gov’t), Twin Cities.
Anonymous says
Hi fellow Minnesotan :)
2yo girl; 2 parent household (Me litigation attorney, DH part-time consulting), Twin Cities
lala says
Another Minnesotan here! 6yo boy, 4yo boy, 7 month old boy. 2 parents (me corporate negotiation, DH programmer). Twin Cities
Cb says
Nearly 3 year old boy, academic + civil servant, living in Scotland.
anon says
11 month old girl; 2 parent household; both parents work out of the house normally, live on MD/DC line
Anonymous says
Live in MD suburbs of DC as well. 32, 3yo girl and 8m old boy. 2 parent household.
avocado says
I have been reading CMoms since its inception. I live in a mid-sized city with my 13-year-old daughter (headed to high school in the fall), husband (involved in software development), and large dog (household’s chief squirrel chaser). I have a weird specialized research and consulting job.
JTM says
3yo girl & 7wk old girl; 2 parent household w/both work outside the home; Twin Cities.
Anon says
Boston burbs, 35. 2 parent household. 2yo girl and trying for #2 via fertility treatments currently on hold thanks to our friend COVID.
Anon says
Just sending you a hug. I’m pregnant with our first via IVF after about a year and a half on the fertility train (transfer was late January, before the madness), and I was heartbroken for my friends who were mid-process when all the Boston clinics closed. I understand the rationale and agree with it, but it’s still so hard.
Anon says
Thanks for the hugs. I was posting here real time at the time it was happening, but I missed by IUI by a day before MGH shut everything down on 3/21. I was fully medicated and triggered. I was dreaming earlier about how someday this will be our pandemic story, in the same vein as a “where were you when X happened…” for major historical events, and a distant memory. Best of luck to you and your baby!
Anon says
Thank you for the good wishes!
We went to MGH, too (and will go back for future children since we were fortunate to have additional frozen embryos). We’ve been really happy with their care – hopefully you’ve had the same experience!
Pogo says
Another virtual hug. I had my transfer in mid-December and I feel the same way. Lucky and sad at the same time.
Boston burbs, 2yo, baby due in Sept, husband and I are both in tech.
Patricia Gardiner says
2 parent household (both in healthcare), 18mo son, baby girl due in October (thank you IVF for both!). Baltimore.
Anon says
NYC suburbs, 4 and 2-year-old boys, hoping to TTC #3 when this crisis starts to pass. I’m in my early thirties and currently a SAHM, and have been reading Corporette since I graduated college
Anonymous says
Normally – 1 WFH dad and 1 WOH mom. Currently both attempting to WFH. Non-law household.
9YO girl, 5YO boy
MD suburbs of DC, too! Hi neighbor!
Anonymous says
VA suburbs of DC. 2 parent household, 7 YO, 5 YO, 2 YO. Been reading since the blog started, when the 5 YO was in utero!
AnotherAnon says
3 y/o boy (adopted). DH is a financial advisor; I work in IT support, normally outside the home (Houston suburbs). We’re 34.
Actuary says
I love this! I do a lot of lurking but love reading each day.
5yo son, 8 week old daughter. I am on maternity leave and will be going back to my job in actuarial consulting in July. Husband was just made partner two weeks ago at his midsize firm. Suburbs of Midwest city.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Me, almost 34 (lawyer), husband, 35 (software engineer), both typically work outside of the house now both WFH, 4 year old boy, 1.5 year old boy. Boston suburbs.
lsw says
3.5 year old boy, 14 year old girl (turned 14 yesterday!) who is my stepdaughter – typically lives with us 50% of the time but has been with us for the last month due to the virus and her desire to live with us more. Live in the city of Pittsburgh in a pretty busy neighborhood. I grew up in the straight burbs in Lancaster County so I am often thinking about what it must be like for my kids growing up in the city. Just so different from my childhood.
My son is still in daycare (or, will be when it reopens) and SD is starting high school (GULP! GASP!) in the fall.
lsw says
Oh, my husband also works FT. He’s in union organizing and I’m in fundraising.
GCA says
Boston burbs, 36 with a very nearly 5yo and a 1.5yo. Niche research and consulting; DH is a STEM PhD now in job search mode outside academia.
Anon says
12 year old twins–boy and girl, 6 year old girl; two parent household; live in Columbus, Ohio.
So Anon says
Single parent with full custody of my kids. 6 yr old girl. 9 yr old boy with ASD. In house counsel in Maine.
Anon for this says
Single parent with shared custody of a preschooler. NYC.
So Anon, I’ve followed your story and often wondered if you and I are the only ones without a partner around here…
Spirograph says
Another in MD suburbs of DC. Two-parent household, both mid-30s, both work outside the home in non-covid times.
3 kids: 3, 5, and 7 (boy, girl, boy). DH is a federal government employee, I’m middle management in the private sector.
Anonymous says
In south Brooklyn, 2 parent household, 1 kid (7 yo boy), fundraiser for large arts organization + public HS teacher
Doodles says
Midwest suburbs. 30 YO and 37 DH. 23 month old boy and another boy due in 8 weeks. And a Goldendoodle. Both WOH typically with some flexibility to WFH 1-2 days a week (lawyer + other). Both have been home for 4-5 weeks at this point.
Anonymous says
4.5 year old daughter, me (IP attorney), DH (engineer). Smaller town in the Midwest. I WFH for the firm I’ve been with for 8 years that is in our state’s capitol. We moved to the smaller town for DH’s job about 3.5 years ago. Normally DH works out of the home and kiddo is in all day preschool/daycare.
anon says
Live in suburb of Midwestern city. Both mid 30s – I’m a transactional partner at a mid size law firm; DH is an accountant. 2 kids and 1 dog. Kids are 3 year old girl and 8 month old boy.
Anon says
2.5 year old girl, DC suburbs, two parents (one SAHD and Biglaw).
Anon says
Midwest college town. DH (34) is a professor, I (also 34) work in higher ed communications. We have a 2 year old daughter and a dog.
FVNC says
Daughter (6.5), Son (3), me (in-house lawyer; full time remote employee), husband (military lawyer; currently WFH + homeschool teacher), 14 y.o. dog who sleeps 23.5 hrs of the day. Currently living in a suburb in the midwest but will relocate to the west coast at some point (???) this summer.
Anon says
NYC suburbs, 4 and 2-year-old boys, and hoping to TTC #3 when this crisis starts to pass. I’m currently a SAHM and have been reading the main s i t e since I graduated college (and this one since it began).
Anon says
Whoops double post because of mod…
Quail says
Chicago, 36, lawyer in litigation. Spouse is a gov’t attorney. Two kids – 5 year old boy and 6 month girl. Starting our fifth week at home!
Anon says
Inside the loop in a major Texas city; 2 parent household where ordinarily we both work outside the home full time; 5 yo, 3.5 yo, 1 yo and a dog; have been reading this site for 5+ years and three jobs!
Anon4This says
Inside the loop, likely in the same major TX (and U.S.) city! Hi!
2 parent household, I’m 36 and DH is 37. DH is in big law, I work in health care (on the business side). DS is 2.5. We also have a puppy.
Other Texan says
Ha, I’m 36 too! Clearly we need to have some regional corporettemoms meetups!
Anonymous says
2-mom household with 3-year-old twins. Also in Maryland!
anon says
Aw, nice to know I’m not literally the only not straight person here. Sure seems like it sometimes.
Two-mom household in a close-in DC suburb. One biglaw, one tech. One infant.
ALC says
Two attorneys (husband in government, me in BigLaw), both 32, in DC with an 8 month old. Currently all working at home!
anon says
2 parent household: me (small firm litigator), DH (blue-collar business owner)
3.5 year old, five month old
my mom also lives with us
close-in suburb of small Midwestern city
Anonymous says
Two boys 3.5 and 18 months. Two parent household. I (35) work in higher ed. My husband (37) is an attorney. Both WOH usually and WFH for 4.5 weeks. We live in the Midwest.
Anon says
I’m in a dual academic couple, both 35, with a 3year-old in Norway
AnonPDX says
2 year old, two parent household, I’m a lawyer and husband is a SAHD temporarily. He was about to start a new editing gig, and we just got offered a daycare spot and now…who knows! In Portland, Oregon.
Anonymous says
Hi fellow Portlander! We are two parent household, 37 and 35, two kids 5 and 1. I’ve been reading this blog since probably 2010. All of us are currently at home and just hoping we have daycare and kindergarten in the fall.
Anonymous says
Two parent, two lawyer house hold. 10 month old boy. I’m 34 and a commercial real estate lawyer in Charlotte. Husband is an in house lawyer at a bank.
Katy says
Canada. we have 2.5 year old boy. 2 working parents (finance / energy related-fields) – mid thirties / just turned 40. Both work out of the home with FT daycare. Going insane during the oil price wars AND it is SNOWING here.
Amelia Bedelia says
two daughters, ages 4 and 5.5.
Private practice (law partner) in the DMV.
two working parents, but husband works part-time.
Part-time nanny to cover days husband isn’t home.
anon says
Live in SoCal, 18 month old son and due with #2 in September. Two lawyer family.
CCLA says
Hey fellow lawyer in SoCal!
Lawyer (me) physician (DH), and two daughters 3.5 and 1.5
Anon says
Midwest college town. Both late 30s; I’m a lawyer, he’s a professor. One baby, one adorable feline.
Anoner says
3 yo boy and 6 month old baby girl living in Brooklyn, 2 parents both in law. Long time lurker :)
LittleBigLaw says
5 yo and 2 yo girls; 2 parent household, both FT (lawyer, accountant); Deep South :)
anon says
6, 8, 11 y/os (girl boy boy), biglaw partner + R&D director spouse + 1 dog. Both FT (I was PT for 8 years but recently switched). FT nanny. Bay Area.
LadyNFS says
2.5 year old and due in 1.5 weeks with #2. Two parent household – I’m a lawyer and DH is self employed. We live in NYC.
Blueberry says
In-house lawyer in a small town in the south with a 3.5 yr old girl and 1.5 yr old boy. Husband is self-employed.
TheElms says
Ohh I like this – its a desk sweater but its a scarf. I wish it came in more colors! Oh I do miss the office!
Toddler Rash Update says
Eczema FTW!
Well, not really. But that’s the presumed cause and we’re going to treat with a prescription cream and also children’s claritin for the next two weeks. Seasonal allergies can exacerbate symptoms and DH and I both have terrible seasonal allergies, which can be passed to kids. Her 2 YO check up is in three weeks so we’ll reevaluate then, in person.
anne-on says
Glad you got it diagnosed! If it helps, at this time of year vacuuming more frequently, washing clothing after every wear, never wearing shoes inside, drying clothing in the dryer, and keeping the windows closed all help my family (even our lab gets seasonal allergies, and is fed children’s claritin, ugh). Lukewarm baths/showers (quickly!) and lotion on still wet skin also every day also helps a ton.
Pogo says
Last fall I had a crazy allergy flare brought on my construction in my office. If I miss my Zyrtec for >2 days, I break out in hives. Never happened in my life before but apparently it’s a Thing.
For eczema on my LO I actually use lanolin and it seems to help a lot, as long as I’m consistent. He has it very mild though, just on his face randomly.
AwayEmily says
Thanks for the update!
anon says
In case helpful, DD (who is 7) gets terrible eczema in the winter and one thing that helps is that we switch her soap to J&J baby soap (or the target equivalent).
Anon says
What are y’all doing about family / grandparent visits and newborns? I’m due in a month and am having a hard time figuring out logistics that are consistent with best practices for social distancing / keeping grandparents safe.
We have a five year old, and local family (grandparents) who we’re visiting with once a week or so, outside, maintaining appropriate distance and while wearing masks. I’ve already let them know they may not be able to see the newborn right away, and they’re disappointed, but they understand. But I can’t figure out how this is going to work.
Our hospital has a 1-visitor policy. Do I leave the five year old home with dad when I’m in labor, or have him stay with grandparents while DH comes with me?
Do I need to keep the 5-year old and the baby apart from each other for 2 weeks under either scenario?
After 2 weeks home from the hospital, should I be standing firm on social distancing with grandparents and baby – and really not letting them get within 6 feet of her from some as yet undetermined period of time? I think the answer is probably “yes” but maybe you guys can help me think of a loophole because I’m not looking forward to soothing hurt grandparents’ feelings while also trying to survive those early newborn days with the additional pressures of all of the Stay at Home business.
Anon says
Short version: I think we are going to have my MIL move into our basement to help.
Longer version: Due with twins in 4-6 weeks, and have a just turned 2 year old. My in laws are local, but my FIL has heart condidtions that put him at high risk (he was in the hospital two weeks ago for a scare). They’ve been VERY quarentined before and after the hospital visit, but I still don’t want to endanger him. MIL is in good health. Right now MIL will come to pick up 2yo and MIL and 2yo will stay at our house while I’m in the hospital, and for at least 2 weeks after we return. This is all complicated by the fact that the twins will arrive no later than 36 weeks so will have extra sensitive lungs/potential NICU time.
My parents are about 2 hours away, and for various reasons aren’t super quarentined. My mom won’t be able to visit like she planned for awhile, which makes me (and her) very sad, but I don’t see another option. She’ll be jealous of my MIL, but hopefully she’ll understand. If there’s any pushback, I’m saying I’m doing things on doctor’s orders.
Anon says
as a fellow twin mom (though did not also have an older one) i think your plan sounds great. you will be glad to have those extra hands. we had one in the NICU and one who went home right away, which presented its own set of challenges and I’ve heard different hospitals have different NICU rules these days. Good luck!
Anon says
Thank you!
Anon says
Our plan is to have dad come to the hospital and leave older kid home. (We’re leaving him with a neighbor, in our case, because all grandparents live out of state and having them drive here doesn’t make sense under stay-at-home orders.) There’s no way that we’re keeping the kids apart for 2 weeks, since that would be a logistical nightmare and also probably pretty upsetting to older kid.
Anonymous says
I have ideas, but I wonder if your pediatrician or OB would be a good resource. I expect they have dealt with this issue already.
Anon says
Yes, ask the medical experts.
That said, every situation varies, but I would not kill yourself and upset your kid and divide your immediate family for weeks unless absolutely necessary. Grandparents can hopefully visit soon, but maybe not right away since they are in the high risk group.
Anon says
Depends where you are located, but I really think rules are going to start relaxing in a month (or slightly after), at least in the Northeast. So I would plan, but not stress! I would probably have your family and grandparents do a huge grocery shop in a week and then all stay home, to hopefully get in a 14-day quarantine period before you deliver. Then I would leave your older child with them while DH goes with you to the hospital. At that point I’d probably also “combine households” aka one adult out of the four does shopping, necessary trips, etc and you can stay together. I’d still keep the newborn pretty close to you (maybe even cloister one your room for a week for your recovery) but it’d be nice to have help.
ALC says
For virtual visits, we got everyone Portals and they’ve been really great! Easy for grandparents to use and nice picture and sound quality. The downside is you have to use Facebook.
Anonymous says
These are excellent questions for your pediatrician.
AnonATL says
I’m really hoping the situation changes by the time I’m due this summer, because these logistics hurt my brain.
And also how heartbreaking are all those photos of grandparents meeting their first grandkid through a window..
I don’t have any great suggestions other than those already offered above. Just commiseration and internet hugs.
Anonymous says
You have grandparents take care of 5 year old. No other visits. No need to isolate.
Anonymous says
What I would do: leave 5 y/o with grandparents while you go to the hospital and have the baby. When you come home, collect 5 y/o and let grands see baby at a distance.
Actually, legitimately self quarantine you, DH, baby and 5 y/o for 2 full weeks (nothing in/out of the house, you don’t leave). After that, invite the grandparents over to visit where they can hold baby.
If you actually self-isolate/quarantine (vs just plain ‘ol social distancing) for 2 weeks, you are very unlikely to have the virus. I would consider this low risk to then see grandparents.
If you are concerned about your family (5 y/o, DH, baby) getting the virus, you’d want to have your parents do a 14 day quarantine as well, but IMO that seems unnecessary.
Anon says
Due in the next week and we have a 2-year old. My mom (who’s been self-quarantining/isolating responsibly since mid-March) will come to watch our toddler while I’m in the hospital with my husband. Once we get home, we’re going to do a “socially distanced” toddler hand-off/let my mom meet the baby from a distance in the driveway, just in case we’re bring the virus home from the hospital with us. We will then send my mom back home while we isolate after being home from the hospital for 2 weeks. After that point, we’ll re-evaluate and see when/if we feel comfortable having my mom or my sister (our only local family) over, even if it’s just for a “socially distanced” outside hang out. Both of them have been following strict quarantine/isolation for the last few weeks with the motivation of meeting the new baby at some point.
It’s really hard. I hate that this is happening right now when I’m giving birth to our last child. I’ve been a stickler for responsible social distancing but I also know the toll that having a newborn takes on your mental health and I didn’t plan on doing this with no outside support at all.
LadyNFS says
Long winded answer but we are dealing with this now and have changed our plans many times to adjust. We are in NYC and due with a baby in about 1.5 weeks. We also have a toddler. We have loads of local family (and before this, a nanny and housekeeper, doula) so thought we’d be fine for toddler care while at the hospital for delivery and PP care. Obviously, all of that has changed. We have ruled out Nanny (husband is an essential worker), housekeeper (same) and grandparents for various reasons. Siblings and close cousins are also “out” due to various living situations (so and so is married to a doctor, or nurse on the front lines, living with other essential workers, etc.) where we didn’t feel comfortable “exposing” our household before bringing a newborn home. We even decided against a close neighbor who was previously in our plans because the manner of their distancing, while fine for them, was not the level we wanted for our family right now. We ultimately decided that when I deliver, my 24 YO BIL will watch our toddler at our house. He has been WFH for weeks, has not gone out, and can get to our apartment without taking a taxi or public transportation. He’s never babysat or even changed a diaper, but we know he is healthy and safe. Besides, DH has to leave the hospital essentially right after I deliver so it’s unlikely that BIL will be alone with kiddo for 2+ days as we initially anticipated. When we come home, we’ll do a socially distanced hand off so we don’t risk exposing BIL to anything we may have picked up in the hospital, and then we will go back to isolating as a family of 4. Unless things drastically change, we expect that most of my leave will be spent at home as a family of 4 with no in person contact with anyone outside of our immediate family. Grandparents and other relatives can zoom like we’re all doing. It may be extreme and I am going to miss having help (heck, I miss it now!) and I am sad and have Feelings about it (especially because with my first we had so.many. hospital visitors and loads of help once we got home), but this is what makes the most sense to us right now. We can always adjust and reassess as time goes on, but that’s the plan right now. Hopefully in a month things will be better for you!
Pogo says
Last night as I logged back on to work while DH did bedtime, LO said, “No work mommy! I lock your office!” and he pretended to lock my office door. Believe me, kid, I wish.
Anon says
Everytime I tell toddler it is time for mommy to go back to work after taking a break, she runs and shuts the office door or closes my laptop. Life is so simple for them.
Anon says
My 2 year old has started saying things like “No play now. (Her Name) has a work call.” And “(Her Name) can play soon! Need to work first.” It’s adorable and depressing.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yep, my 4 year old is taking his turn to “work” by going into our office and typing on my work computer. He tells me to close the door because he’s working.
So Anon says
Last night, my six year old told me “Shhh. I’m trying to listen.” as she was watching a video, and I was finally free of work and playing around.
FVNC says
My first grader wrote me a letter as one of her homeschool assignments, and it starts: “Dear Mom, it is so great being a kid. You do not have to do stuff like clicking on computer buttons all day.” Adorable and depressing, indeed.
Twins says
We are reading through the little house books and my 5yo asked, how do Pa and Ma work if they don’t have computers
Cate says
We’re reading them too! Um, Pa and Ma work A LOT. I just told my daughter that clearly she needs to listen to us or be attacked by a swarm of bees. DH thought it was funny. DD did not get it…
avocado says
We read the books up through On the Banks of Plum Creek when my daughter was little. When this whole thing started, I tried to get her to read The Long Winter with me. Laura is the same age as my daughter in that book, and the whole theme of being confined to the house with nothing to eat seemed relevant.
Anonymous says
Us too. On the Banks of Plum Creek, with the two year swarm of locusts, is much more horrifying to me as an adult than it was as a kid. I’m so glad I’m only stuck in my house right now, not stuck at home with millions of locusts chewing loudly all over the house and no end in sight. 5 year old was not really bothered by this.
anon says
My older two are also reading. I made them start with the Long Winter too! I also reminded them that they are inappropriately (for the current times) sexist and racist.
Amelia Bedelia says
this is legitimately the best and worst thing i’ve read today!!!
(and you are doing great!)
Anonymous says
Lol this is so funny! My boys keep sneaking up to the high chair at my husband’s standing desk and pretending to type on his computer saying, “Look, I’m a man!”
Quail says
Our five year old yelled “why aren’t my headphones working!? Why is the internet not working?!?!” and then sat down with some propped up pillows as his computer and a baby rattle mouse and said, “don’t interrupt me, I’m working.”
I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. A good reminder to not vocalize every frustration…
Anonymous says
This reminds me of one of our preschooler’s favorite pretend games. Pretending she is the parent and dropping us off/picking us up at daycare/school while she goes to work.
Realist says
This is also my favorite pretend game because I get to do ALL the annoying things my child does. “No, I am not putting on my shoes! Yes, I am randomly going to run off while you try to get me in the car. Oh, and now I am going to complain because some minor little thing is terribly wrong and I’m not going to let it go.”
IHeartBacon says
The other day my 3 y.o. was pretending to talk on a phone. He walked up to me, held up his finger, and said to me, “hang on a second, I am on the phone,” and then he walked to the other side of the room and said into the phone, “sorry about that.” It was hysterical and really sad at the same time.
Babysitter and Nanny Convos says
Following up on yesterday’s thread: For those of you who are using a nanny/babysitter (whether temporarily or someone you used in the past), how did you handle social distancing conversations? I am trying to hire a part-time temporary nanny and finding it really awkward; I know it’s necessary to talk about, but I’m not sure when or how to broach the subject. This is complicated by the fact that my state is not under a stay-at-home order (though we’ve been home for weeks leaving only for groceries). Any tips or, even better, a script for what to say?
Anonymous says
If you are hiring a new nanny, I’d make social distancing the first question in the phone screen. “Let’s start off with the elephant in the room: coronavirus. Even though we aren’t under a stay-home order, tell me about the social distancing measures you’ve been taking.” I wouldn’t start off by enumerating your expectations, because that could motivate the candidate to lie in order to appear to meet those expectations. If the conversation is awkward, the candidate is not the right person. If she responds, “Oh, I totally understand your concern! Here is what I’ve been doing….” then it won’t be awkward.
Anon for this says
+1. Let her explain what she’s been doing. When we had this convo, it was clear that the nanny was also concerned about what *we* had been doing, which was a good sign (and a reminder that she’s putting herself at risk as well).
Realist says
I like this response because it encourages the candidate to show their own expectations and doesn’t encourage lying, which I agree will happen if you make it clear that your family expects X, Y, and Z levels of social distancing. It will work out better if everyone is already on the same page as to what measures are strict enough.
So Anon says
Agree 100%. When I was talking to my babysitter about our social distancing/isolation, she came back with more questions about what we had been doing and what else we would be willing to do to keep everyone safe. If it is an awkward conversation, that may tell you what you need to know.
IHeartBacon says
I agree with this completely. How the applicant responds to the question will tell you how seriously she takes it. You want someone whose attitude about it matches yours.
anne-on says
So we have an au pair, not a sitter or nanny, but did have to have conversations early on about quaranting/taking trips/etc. before our state went on a stay at home order. I think the easiest way to frame it, is that this is simply a condition of employment, and not subject to negotiation. I’d calmly state your rules early on in your interviews, let applicants know they are a condition of employment, and that if they feel they can’t/won’t comply please let you know so that you can interview others. Of course the hard part is you then have to trust them – for that reason I’d definitely try to get referrals or ask for a few references!
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
I would definitely just mention it very early in the process – even in the initial job posting. That way, expectations are clear on both sides. I would say: Our family is social distancing in the following ways: x, y, z. We would like to hire someone who is following the same guidelines.
Anonanonanon says
This sweater makes me think of the 30 Rock episode where she wants to wear long flowy clothes in the Hamptons all summer and relax and drink wine and learn a new language and she imagines Ina Garten next door
I just want to complain says
So I was laid off just when schools shut down (educational non-profit) and my husband is an essential employee at a hospital (non-clinical). Our bills are paid, I don’t have to juggle WFH and childcare, but I’m SO EXHAUSTED. My husband is dealing with a lot and I’m doing everything I can to make it easier for him. It’s become a very traditional stay at home situation for me. This week he’s finally coming home at normal hours (he’s been home late/going in early since Feb) and if he gets home before dinner he showers or naps. Which is fine! This is an emergency, I get it.
Anyway, he does one thing that makes me want to scream. If our daughter (4) is asleep when he’s getting ready in the morning he wakes her up! I know he misses her all day, but I then I have to get up and entertain her or get breakfast going. I just want to sleep in!
Thank you for letting me complain, since I can’t to him. (Or anyone, I feel so terribly ungrateful.)
Anon says
I would want to murder him.
Props to you for staying strong during this very difficult time.
Anonymous says
You can absolutely tell your husband not to wake your daughter up. You are doing 110% to support him, and he can give you this one thing. If he’s coming home at normal hours, he should be able to see her in the evening before bedtime.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think everyone has a right to complain during these crazy times. Your pain doesn’t negate anyone else’s pain and playing the suffering olympics just makes everyone miserable.
Honestly, I think I would hate the traditional set up of me doing all the housework and childcare with no job more than what we’ve got going on now. So I feel you. Since your husband is getting home earlier now, can he see her more at night? Tell him that sleep is very important now, to help everyone cope a little better.
Anonymous says
That is rough. At the least, I’d think you can compromise and he could give you a few mornings per week to let kiddo sleep in.
Anonanonanon says
You would not be unreasonable at all if you told him not to do that. That’s insane. I’d be so mad.
I feel ya. My husband and I are both working a lot during this but he is out of the house every day and I am teleworking most days. We have a temp nanny, but I’m still juggling work and the kids until she arrives at 9 AM (so getting them dressed, fixing them breakfast, cleaning before the nanny comes, etc.) and getting dinner started. We are avoiding the stores and delivery food completely, and have since the end of March, which means more cooking which is just plain exhausting. I literally made bread last night, not for fun, but because we needed bread. (I used a bread machine, but still). It is not fun or relaxing to make things from scratch when you’re doing it because you actually need to.
Anonymous says
He’s out of the house every day and you have a nanny coming and going. The added risk from going to a store or getting restaurant food delivered is minimal and I encourage you strongly to stop being a martyr and buy food.
Anonanonanon says
I’m immunocompromised and, as you pointed out, we already have outside contacts. Trying to eliminate them in the areas I can.
Pogo says
That is a totally valid complaint. I would definitely tell him not to wake kiddo now that he’s coming home before bedtime. It’s hard for him in one way and it’s hard for you in a different way. You’re a champ.
Anon says
um, you can DEFINITELY complain to him about him waking kiddo. tell him to leave her a note and you can facetime later.
So sleepy says
Toddler and DH were both up most of the night – toddler had gas, not sure what DH’s problem was (and to his credit he was trying to be quiet, I’m just a light sleeper and his restlessness woke me). As a result I woke up almost every hour of the 6 hours I “slept.” And I have calls that started at 7:30 am and going until 7:30 pm and it is ridiculously dreary out. All the coffee I guess.
Pogo says
oh f that noise. Sending you coffee vibes. We had the dreary day yesterday year and it is SO killer on the mood, productivity, general life outlook, etc.
Opportunity to Participate in Focus Group says
I’m posting a focus group opportunity for moms in California – I’ll cross-post on the main site. Check it out!
The Department of Health and Human Services Office on Women’s Health is studying the relationship between Paid Family Leave and women’s health. If you have a baby under the age of one and are eligible for California’s Paid Family Leave Program (whether you took it or not), you may be eligible to participate in a virtual focus group. You will receive a $50 gift card. Contact Amy Lim for more information: [email protected].
So Anon says
For those who have kids in elementary school, I am curious what your schools are doing during the shutdown and what the expectations are of parents and kids of varying ages regarding school work.
Our school system has settled into google classroom and zoom. For my third grader: His classroom teacher has 3 weekly zoom morning meetings of 30 minutes. The 3rd grade team posts short videos and assignments online, with varying due dates. 3rd Graders are expected to check their gmail daily and complete assignments on their own. For my first grader: Her classroom teacher has 2 weekly zoom morning meetings of 20 minutes. The first grade teams posts short videos (5 minutes each) for the kids to watch. Each first grader has one weekly 10 minute check-in with their teacher via zoom.
I am honestly trying to gauge what schools are doing for various ages, and I get the sense that it is vastly different based on school and district. Anyone else willing to volunteer what their schools are doing?
Anonanonanon says
My 4th grader has virtual instruction ranging from 30 minutes to 1.5 hours 4 days a week, with assignments and other reading posted on Google Classroom. However, due to equity issues surrounding the availability of computers, internet, and parental support, none of the work is mandatory or graded. The district is also mailing home paper learning packets which are largely useless but I’m sure are required so they can demonstrate they offered an alternative that does not require computer or internet access. These are not mailed back to the school system.
The teachers have virtual office hours as well but I’m unclear on if those are just if we need them or if they’re being encouraged to check in with each kid one-on-one every couple of weeks or something.
Anonymous says
Our schools closed three weeks before the end of the third marking period and will remain closed for the final marking period. Third-quarter grades were based on work submitted prior to the closure. The kids had a week off, then two weeks of non-graded worksheets, then a week of spring break. For the fourth quarter, each class has three assignments graded on a pass-fail basis plus some other non-graded assignments. A handful of teachers are posting optional videos or holding optional weekly class discussions via Zoom, but all required work is in the form of downloadable worksheets that can also be picked up at the school in hard copy. Instead of helping families out with internet and computer access, the district has decided to go with the lowest common denominator. Very little new material is being taught, and a high school teacher we know tells us that many of his students aren’t bothering to turn in the work. My daughter’s high school math teacher has opted to teach new material so the kids will be prepared for the next level in the fall, for which I’m grateful.
Mrs. Jones says
Our third grader’s public school is similar to yours.
Spirograph says
For my first grader: There’s a zoom meeting in the morning for about an hour. Prior to the zoom meeting, kids are supposed to have reviewed a video lesson and done some worksheets / post in in google classroom. During the zoom meeting, the teacher answers questions, lets kids share how they feel about the lesson, or reads a story. Having some structure and a touchpoint with his teacher and friends is a very positive thing for my son, and DH (furloughed) is doing a good job keeping son on task with the assigned work, but it’s a heavy lift. There’s no standing 1:1 time with the teacher scheduled, but she is available and responsive.
Our school has a lot of kids that get free lunch and/or are English language learners. School distributed Chromebooks to any student who wanted/needed one, and is assisting with internet access, but only 50-75% of the class is on the zoom call on any given day. The teacher and school are doing the best they can, but realistically there is going to be very uneven progress through the rest of this school year based on how willing and able parents are to stand in as teachers/facilitators.
Anonymous says
My kindergartner has about an hour a day of work, a classroom zoom once a week, and a 15-20 min 1:1 with her teacher once a week.
The daily work is:
1. Watch morning meeting (prerecorded) and do f/up work
2. Do some literacy work/worksheets (usually listen to a story and do a worksheet or two)
3. Do some other pre recorded online learning (Eg social studies)
4. Do a session on the weekly math unit
5. Read (not assigned but they have RAZ kids and Epic books accounts).
Also, the “specials” teachers upload weekly PE exercises, music lessons, art stuff, etc. it’s all optional.
The teacher emails the work on Sundays, along with a week’s worth of math modules (it’s pretty much one big ppt with links and print ables). Kids can go at their own pace.
We are using SeeSaw as a communication platform, plus email and zoom. They also have various accounts to reading stuff as mentioned before.
FWIW our town has 4 elem schools. They are collaborating so one math specialist from the district will do the math module each week, hopefully spreading the burden. My daughter has 21 kids in her class.
Anon for this right now says
Private school doing two daily 15-minute Zoom sessions for kindergartners. We’re still paying full tuition, which I am fine with because they are still paying teachers and they have put together a lot of outside activity resources for us through an app. But not so sure I will be OK with this next fall, which is how long I expect this to last (at least).
AnotherAnon says
Non-covid question: I’m looking for crewneck 100% cotton racerback tanks. Prefer one that I can buy in white and it not be see through. I don’t want v-necks or spaghetti straps. Basically I want a copy of a super old one from JCrew that I bought at Goodwill years ago. I miss thrifting.
Katy says
Gap? I think they had some like that in the active wear – the fabric isn’t too obviously activewear.
Anontoday says
Target has a bunch of options I wear for sleep shirts or layered under cardigans. Their Universal Thread brand makes more casual ribbed ones. I also have their A new day Any day tank that is not ribbed and a little thicker.
Anonymous says
Everlane?
Boston Legal Eagle says
My kids (especially the younger one) have never been more healthy than they are now at home with us. Not surprising as they go to daycare full time. I’m just wondering if as soon as they’re back at daycare and they catch some virus from there, are we automatically supposed to assume it’s Covid and quarantine them for 2 weeks? Or do we think everyone will have access to tests at that point and thus we’ll need to test the kids immediately. Ugh, just stressful thinking that going back to “normal” may end up being worse because the expectations at work will be business as usual.
Anonymous says
Great question! My kids are also super healthy (even the runny noses are gone). I assume they will be back about 2 days before the 14 day quarantine (or, minimally 48 hours without symptoms which was the rule pre-closure). I hadn’t planned for that but will now.
Anon says
I think they won’t go back to daycare until we have much better access to tests and, yes, we will have to test them when they run a fever. My kids at least only get constantly sick from November to March, so hopefully we’ll go back over the summer and have a few illness free months. And I think we may have another round of social distancing come November anyway.
Extra anon for this says
We keep talking about testing our little ones like it’s going to solve everything, but a Nasopharyngeal swab is pretty horrific to endure and it is not a risk-free procedure, especially on a kid who is likely to jerk around. I hope we figure out the immunity and vaccine issues quickly so we can do vaccines/titers
SC says
I just had a call with a colleague who was tested this morning, and she said the test was horrific.
Extra anon for this says
Yea people think it’s like a flu swab, but it’s much worse. It goes all the way through your nose to your throat. No thank you.
Anon says
They have cheek swab tests now. Not widely available yet but the technology exists. A vaccine is a minimum of 18 months away, and possibly several years. We can’t cancel school and daycare until we have a vaccine.
Extra anon for this says
I’m not saying we should cancel everything until we have a vaccine, I’m just looking forward to alternatives to the method of testing available right now, which include vaccines, accurate titers, and less-invasive testing.
Also, I bet in January we all would have said “we can’t cancel schools and order people to shelter in place for 4 months” but here we are.
Anon says
We’re not going to be sheltering in place for 4 months. We’ve been at it for one month and lockdowns are going to be lifted beginning in a couple weeks.
Fwiw my daughter had blood drawn as an infant, which was no easy feat. Finding a vein in a baby or small toddler can be challenging to impossible. My daughter was strapped to a gurney for 40 minutes screaming hysterically the entire time. A nose swab is painful but it can be done much faster and doesn’t require restraining a child for over half an hour. And as I said, they have new, much less invasive COVID tests that were recently approved and are being rolled out now.
Extra anon for this says
Lockdowns aren’t being lifted until at least mid-June where I live.
Also, I’m not sure why you’re arguing? All I said what I’m looking forward to when there are less invasive methods available… am I not allowed to look forward to things? Please advise. I’m only literally a subject matter expert but will obviously defer to what you have read on google rather than the specimen collection methods currently recommended under CDC laboratory guidance
Anonymous says
I think I’m in the same state as Extra anon. Our stay-home order is currently set to expire almost three months after the schools closed. Our governor has a relevant educational and professional background and actually understands the science, and I expect that if the evidence warrants extending the stay-home order he will do so.
Anon says
“Read on Google” ……you mean the official FDA website?! Lol, ok.
You’re clearly not an expert since you’ve said multiple false things. You can feel whatever you feel, just don’t pretend like you have some secret insider expert knowledge, because you clearly don’t, and the spread of misinformation is dangerous.
Extra anon for this says
“Secret insider knowledge” good lord, it’s a public health emergency, not a spy novel! I can’t think of a thing I have “shared” here that isn’t publicly available other than how my family was personally preparing our household when this began.
Anonymous says
“We can’t cancel school and daycare until we have a vaccine.”
I am so sick of the argument that “the vaccine will take too long and I’m tired of staying home so let’s just open everything up and let people die.” Guess what? If we do open schools and day cares and business, people who have options (read: money and flexibility) still won’t go out to work, shop, dine, or send their kids to school. The less privileged will have no choice but to go back to dangerous jobs and send their kids to dangerous schools. The economy will still be in the tank, and the most vulnerable will bear the brunt.
SC says
I hate to say this, but the most vulnerable are already bearing the brunt, at least in my area. Part of that is social conditions that lead to comorbidities related to poverty, lack of preventive care, food deserts, etc. Part of it is that severely underpaid, hourly workers also happen to work many of the essential jobs and are exposed more.
I’m not arguing that we should just open up the economy, and I assume that closing things down hasn’t saved lives of people across the economic spectrum. But it has certainly helped the privileged more. And economically, the people who were already on the brink are suffering more from closed schools, lack of jobs, etc. According to the local news, our food bank had a line of more than 2100 cars yesterday.
Anon at 1:49 says
Absolutely. The people already on the brink will always bear the brunt. This virus is not an equal-opportunity destroyer, whether the economy is open or closed. I am just pointing out that “opening” the economy won’t really be a full opening and won’t be equitable.
anne-on says
Is it the same test as it is for flu, with the swab waaaaay up your nose? Yea, those are unpleasant but it’s over in like 30 seconds, no? Am I missing something?
Extra anon for this says
Flu is a nasal swab, COVID is (currently) a nasopharyngeal swab, so it goes through your nose all the way into the back of your throat.
Anon says
This is absolutely false. For symptomatic patients, the FDA has approved flu-like nose swabs. https://www.fda.gov/news-events/press-announcements/coronavirus-covid-19-update-daily-roundup
(“Based on available data, FDA believes that, for symptomatic patients, nasal swabs could be used that access just the front of the nose rather than the depth of the nasal cavity. This would provide COVID-19 testing that is more comfortable for patients, allows self-collection of specimens at collection sites, and that can be performed with a simpler and more readily available swab.”)
This was in mid-March. There are other, even less invasive tests (saliva tests) being rolled out now.
It’s incredibly damaging for you to pretend to be a public health expert. I have a relative who works at the CDC who has found misinformation in several of your other comments. Say whatever you want, but PLEASE stop holding yourself out as some kind of expert when you have no idea WTF you’re talking about.
Extra anon for this says
Yes, there are other swab types being approved for symptomatic patients when NP swabs aren’t possible, with NP swabs still being the swab of choice and the most widely available.
Anon says
It’s clear that more widely available testing is needed to even gradually reopen the country, so why are you basing all your comments on the state of testing today? Daycares aren’t going to be opening for at least a month, possibly several months, and testing will look very different than it does today. It seems pretty logical that as we get much more widespread testing, we will also have more access to these less invasive tests and that the testing methods used on children don’t have to be identical to the testing methods used on adults.
And you said “COVID is (currently) a nasopharyngeal swab, so it goes through your nose all the way into the back of your throat.” That is literally false. People in the US are currently being tested with the front of the nose flu-like tests, even if the original form of testing is still more widespread.
Extra anon for this says
To clarify, by “widely available” I mean what you are most likely to receive in the geographical area I work in because of liability concerns from healthcare providers and hospital systems unwilling to perform the “less-preferred” or “alternate” tests, not literally “widely available” in terms of supplies.
Anonymous says
Holy cow, why is everyone being so nasty to the person who actually does this for a living? Don’t shoot the messenger, ladies. There seems to be a lot of passionate arguing on behalf of fantasies that people wish were true.
Extra anon for this says
Of course it’s logical that testing is going to become more widespread and less invasive, that’s why I said I’m looking forward to that happening? I’m not saying it’s not going to happen or that it’s not moving that direction, I’m literally saying I’m personally looking forward to less invasive testing, vaccines, and titers being available, not that those things are required before anything can open. As you learned with what I imagine was a miserable experience having blood drawn from your infant child, procedures are miserable for young children, and I am personally looking forward to daycares being open and less invasive testing being widely available so it won’t be a choice between a very uncomfortable test or 14 days out of daycare, which is what the discussion was.
Feelinog crappy says
I feel like crap. I am doing crap work and I’m not a great mom. My bosses are already sort of over me being not my best self and refused to extend a litigation schedule without even asking if I would be okay without the extension. I don’t know how, psychologically, to get through what will likely be many more months of being crappy at everything.
lsw says
Hugs. Same. This sucks.
Realist says
I am just furious and depressed all the time. And not truly depressed. Definitely situation depression. Because this all sucks and it didn’t have to be this way. Which is why I refuse to let go of the fury. It didn’t have to be this way. Other countries are handling this so much better. We could have had the email lady. It didn’t have to be this way.
IHeartBacon says
+Infinity x infinity in perpetuity
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 to this (not the litigation part but overall sentiment).
At the same time, trying to balance this feeling with gratefulness that I am still employed…
Anon says
We hired the dad of a fellow daycare kiddo to come clean our gutters. He left an invoice that says “minimum $50”. I’m guessing this is a discount to normal pricing – I was expecting $100-150 based on inquiries. The wording of “minimum” seems to confirm this for me.
What would you do/pay?
OP says
FWIW, he was here for maybe 30 mins. I thought he was just going to take a peek but he ended up cleaning them out on the spot.
Anon says
Ask him his normal rate for that project and pay that, or pay whatever you can between the minimum and his normal rate.
Anonymous says
Would there be an (actually useful) favor you can exchange? Like, pay the $50 and offer to babysit his kid sometime when things are back to normal?
OP says
Unfortunately not. I’m inclined to send him $100 and leave it be.
anon says
This seems fair and nice of you to do.
anne-on says
As we were eating dinner last night my son asked if the (new to him) recipe was from ‘that nice lady on the internet who tells you what to cook’ (ie – Deb Perelman and Smitten Kitchen) and yes, yes it was. God bless all the food bloggers and cookbook authors who post recipes for food I KNOW will turn out properly so I can just type in whichever random supply of vegetables/meats/cheeses I was able to procure and come up with dinner.
After this is over I may need to take a VERY long break from cooking.
Anonanonanon says
That’s so funny/cute! How nice of that internet lady to tell you how to cook!
Anon says
this made me smile and i needed that this afternoon
Cb says
I feel like Deb is my friend on the internet who tells me how to cook :) I like that she’s making it work in a tiny kitchen.
anne-on says
I really appreciate that SO many of her recipes are specifically written to avoid unnecessary steps/pans, and can be easily adapted to the taste of children (because she has 2 kids). SO helpful for not wanting to tear my hair out over dinner every night.
Anonanonanon says
Oh wow. I have never seen or heard of this blog and it turns out I have everything I need to make salted caramel pretzel blondies. Uh oh.
Anonanonanon says
OH NO I CAN MAKE PEANUT BUTTER SWIRLED BROWNIES TOO SEND HELP
avocado says
Baking is an entirely proper response to this emergency situation. This internet stranger hereby grants you permission to make both the blondies and the brownies. And please report back with your recipe reviews.
lsw says
I must be a dummy – how can you type in the ingredients you have on Smitten Kitchen?
Anonymous says
In case anyone needs this, I just looked at Target’s website and they have diapers, wipes and formula back in stock!