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Sales of note for 12.5.23…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – Holiday sale up to 50% off; 5x the points on beauty for a limited time
- Ann Taylor – 40% off your purchase & extra 15% off sweaters
- Banana Republic – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 40% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything & extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – Extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase with code
- Lands’ End – Up to 70% off everything; free shipping (readers love the cashmere)
- Loft – 50% off your purchase with code (ends 12/5)
- Summersalt – Up to 60% off select styles & free scarf with orders $125+ (this reader-favorite sweater blazer is down to $75)
- Talbots – 40% off your regular-price purchase; extra 50% off all markdowns
- Zappos – 34,000+ women’s sale items! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- Crate&kids – Free shipping sitewide; up to 50% off toy + gift event; free monogramming for a limited time only (order by 12/15)
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off your purchase with code
- Pottery Barn Kids – Up to 50% off toys, furniture & gifts
- Graco – Holiday savings up to 35% off; sign up for texts for 20% off full-price item
- Walmart – Up to 25% off top baby gifts; big savings on Delta, Graco, VTech, Fisher-Price & more
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Kris says
I have and love this dress- but size down a size!
Help! says
Somehow I forgot to pack my pumping bottles today, but I do have the pumping parts. I need to pump at least once and preferably twice today. Anyone have a suggestion of how to rig some sort of replacement system? Was thinking maybe attaching ziploc bags (if I can find them) to the flanges and then dumping into an emptied out water bottle? Ugh.
Anonymous says
You could try 2 empty water bottles… maybe those short ones would be easier to manage? But UGH that sucks :(
CHJ says
Do you have a CVS/Walgreens/Rite Aid near your office? If you have a Medela system, those simple generic baby bottles that they carry in the baby section will fit the horns. And store all the milk in an empty water bottle for the trip home. Good luck!
Sarabeth says
If you are pumping at a desk, you could also pump into two empty coffee mugs – it’s a bit awkward, but easier than trying to aim into the top of a water bottle, for example.
Meg Murry says
Yup, coffee mugs or disposable paper cups do work in a pinch -been there, done that. If you don’t mind transferring twice, coffee mugs are easier to pump into if you have a desk or flat surface, since they are less likely to get knocked over – then transfer to a paper cup which you can bend to pour into a water bottle’s narrow mouth. If you have to hold the cups underneath the whole time, its a toss up between paper cups and mugs.
All this is assuming you have a Medela – I think Ameda’s may require the bottles screwed on to create suction, not sure
+1 to buying the medela bags – they come with little pieces you screw on to attach to the medela storage bags. One of my co-workers used the Medela screw on adapters pieces to pump into lansinoh bags (that she poked holes into to attach to the medela adapters) because the Lansinoh bags are much better for freezer storage.
Help! says
Thanks everyone. I have an Ameda. I’ll try a few of these suggestions.
eh230 says
Do you have a pumping bra? If you do, maybe you can hold some paper coffee cups under the pumping parts and then pour the milk into a water bottle for transport home? Also, next time you are out, grab a box of the medela milk saver bags. They rig up to your pump parts and saved me many times when I forgot bottles.
NewMomAnon says
So I’m thinking that I’d like to keep my married name post-divorce; I hated my maiden name, and wanted my last name to match my children’s last name, so I changed my name. Both of those things are still true. Is it weird to keep my married name? I also have used my married name for most of my career (6 years now), so I feel like it would be a pain to go back to my maiden name. It’s a fairly unusual last name, so I know I’ll get questions about “are you related to (ex-husband/ex-father-in-law/ex-mother-in-law),” but I can handle that.
T. McGill says
You do you. If you like the name, like the connection to your children, and don’t want to feel like you need to establish your reputation using your maiden name, keep it. Plus changing it back is a hassle (in my experience).
Anon says
Yep, you do you. People who question your choice or tell you that it is too complicated/strange/etc. are way too up in your business :)
Burgher says
My mom kept my dad’s last name even though they were only married for about 5 years. It was definitely easier when my sister and I were in school for our mom to have the same last name. I think she did it partially for our benefit, and partially because she didn’t want to bother to legally change it back.
It was a little weird that she never changed it with her 2nd marriage, especially since she had 2 more kids, but that marriage didn’t last very long either, so whatever. My dad’s current (3rd) wife absolutely hates that my mom still has his last name, though, but she’s a miserable b!tch.
You can always change it later if you decide you want to!
NewMomAnon says
Yes, I’ve thought about that – I don’t know what I would do if I got remarried, but I’ll cross that bridge if/when it happens. I have friends who actually legally changed their children’s name on remarriage (so from ex-husband’s name to new husband’s name) and I might look at that, but it depends on whether my soon-to-be-ex remains involved in my daughter’s life.
anonymama says
Madeleine Albright kept her name post-divorce :), so I say not weird.
NewMomAnon says
Love this. Thank you!
JMDS says
Thanks for all the encouraging words on sleep training. Moms who are debating, just do it. I am so upset with myself now that we waited so long. I think we got lucky, but the longest he has cried was 25 minutes. Then, when he woke up the next morning he was so happy and had a big kiss for my husband who did all the checks.
We have done 4 nights now, last night was the worst with 3 bursts of crying (when we put him down, 11:30, and 3) but the longest he cried was 15 minutes. I am hoping last night was the “extinction burst” because he was up the most, or it may have been because it was the first night I was doing the checks.
Starting to tackle nap training tomorrow. He is a great napper, but we/our nanny hold him to sleep for naps as well. My husband is off this week so he is going to tackle it.
fatigue says
Thanks for this – how old is your kiddo? I posted last week that I’m struggling with my guy’s lack of sleep, and it’s starting to drive me into a low-grade depression. I think we all need a break, but due to the crazy weather, I had to cancel the doctor appointment where I was going to ask how old sleep training can start.
pockets says
Some people say you can do it at 8 weeks, some people say you can’t do it until 6 months. I did it at 4 months.
RR says
I feel like 6-7 months is the sweet spot. I can’t imagine doing true CIO extinction method at 8 weeks, and I think 4 months is the absolute earliest and likely to be too early for most kids.
JMDS says
He is ten months. He was a great sleeper until he hit a nasty 9 month sleep regression, so we hadn’t even thought about sleep training until then. I agree with the other commenters that 6-7 months may be the sweet spot. Absolutely before they develop object permanence which is when I think the big issues can start.
JMDS says
Just reread your post, and remembered your post from last week and wanted to say that as long as you have your doctor’s sign off, go for it. If I had to do it again, I would start at 6 months because of my little guy’s personality and sleep habits, but I think you have to go with what age works for you.
There are also a couple posts on hellobee about sleep training at 4 months which I found helpful even now.
fatigue says
Thanks very much to all for the comments and feedback!
NewMomAnon says
My pediatrician suggested starting with 15 minutes of crying at 2 months, and not going to the full one hour of crying until 4 months. I thought she was nuts at the time, but I wish I would’ve listened to her. The books I read said not to start until 4 months.
Jen says
We did this around7-8 months. We have always had a pretty good sleeper, but we got into the habit of nursing to sleep because the baby just sacked out mid-nurse. She would take a bottle to sleep instad of nursing, but it’s a habit we wanted to change. Day 1 she cried for 5 min (check), 4 min (sacked out before the next check). Day 2 she cried for 4 minutes (no check needed!). From then on we were golden.
She’s now 16 months old and teething like mad and needs milk (in a sippy with a straw) to calm herself down/chew on to make her gums feel better before sleep. It’s not a great habit to get into, but there are only so many battles I will fight. If this lasts another week I’ll start thinking about it.
CPA Lady says
Yall helped me be brave too. I think my daughter is finally going through the 4 month sleep regression at 5 months old. I started the CIO where you go in every 5 minutes tonight, then 10 minutes tomorrow etc. She cried for about 10 minutes tonight before conking out during my second check in. I was expecting it to be so much worse and maybe it will be, but so relieved the first try is over.
anne-on says
Just a vent. With all the snow days and the daycare sickness that has been running rampant through our house I feel like a totally unproductive harried employee and kind of a cr*p mom thanks to all of the TV I’ve had to sit my child in front of to maintain any semblance of productivity. I am just so very ready for this miserable winter to be over.
CPA lady says
Yes. I am right there with you. My billable hours are down the crapper, both from work coming in later this year (for everyone, this isn’t just a problem for me thankfully), and from the weather, daycare closing, etc. I just can’t. I am so stressed over it that I’m queasy. And to top it all off, I think my baby is going through some kind of growth spurt/sleep struggle. She’s usually a great sleeper but has been sleeping badly lately and was up crying her head off 4 times last night.
I seriously don’t know how I’m going to catch up with my hours. I worked for all but 2 days for a month and a half straight at the end of last tax season and barely made my hours, and there is no way I’ll be able to do that this year. Somehow we will get through it though, right? It’s almost March.
As far as the TV thing goes– I watched a fair amount of TV as a child and am still a decently well adjusted functioning human being. You are definitely not a crap mom.
Jen says
+1 my daughter is in daycare 5 days a week and watches no TV. Even 10 snow days worth of TV is a tiny blip in the grand scheme of things. I wish my 16 month old would WATCH tv. She prefers to sit in my lap and type. And harass the dog. And pull every single toy and book onto the floor :)
KJ says
Does anyone have any sleep tips for traveling with babies/toddler? We have been on two trips in the last two months with my 10 month old, and her sleep has completely fallen apart on both of them. We have had her sleeping in a travel crib in the room with us with her usual white noise machine and sleep sack, but she wakes up every couple of hours and won’t go back to sleep. On the last trip we ended up mostly co-sleeping and getting very little rest. She also has short naps while we are away. At home she is a good napper, and after a long, hard slog through sleep training, she is doing pretty well at night – usually 8-9 hours without a wake-up. On the first trip I thought it might have been the time change, but the second trip was in the same time zone. We tried to keep pretty close to our usual nap and bedtime schedule, so I’m out of ideas about how to improve things. Are we doomed to sleepless vacations for the next few years?
anne-on says
Have you tried putting a nightlight or one of those sleep sheep/twlight turtles in her crib? My son freaked out when we went away with him when he was about 14 months old, he would go to sleep but then wake up in an unfamiliar room in the middle of the night and was very scared. Having lights on helped, but honestly he slept best in between us and would continually touch our faces/arms to make sure we were still there. Naps went fine but the change of scenery was just a little much for him at that age. Once he got past 2 we were fine with traveling, so she may grow out of it.
Katarina says
She might do better in a different room.
OMGWTFBBQ says
Regular poster switching handles…I think I had a faint positive pregnancy test this morning, but am not sure I believe it. What did you find to be the most reliable brand?
Tunnel says
First Response Early Results (FRER). Pink box. Good luck!
JJ says
Congrats! I liked the First Response ones (the ones with the pink lines) as those seemed to tell me earlier than the digital tests that I had.
Anonymous says
A faint positive should still be a postive, and false positives shouldn’t happen outside of crazy medical scenarios (or a very early MC). I’d test again tomorrow. I believe First Response has a relatively lower level of HCG detection to get a positive.
Newly pregnant says
I like First Response. But really, I still took like 3 tests a day for several days after the first positive, so I’m sure any one will work. Just to be sure. Congrats!!
Katala says
Another first response user. Encouraging anecdote: I got 2 negatives (2 and 3 days before my missed period, as the box says but it’s not reliable at all yet), then a faint line on approx. first period day (so faint I brought it to husband saying oh well, not this month, but he turned on the light and saw it). Now I’m 28 weeks – even a faint line is good!
KJ says
My faint positive is 10 months old now! I used like 3 of every brand because I couldn’t believe it. Test first thing in the morning for best results.
Mean Mommy says
Any suggestions on how to keep a fairly young infant entertained for 5-10 minutes when trying to get out the door or get some housework done? Is it even possible?
(Warning, this may turn into a husband vent).
My husband is in charge of getting our baby (5 months old) to daycare in the morning, which means I get her stuff and her ready, then hand her off to him so I can get ready and out the door to beat traffic, since I leave early to do pick up. In theory, he’s supposed to be ready to take her at a particular time, but he’s really not — so either I’m actively watching/entertaining her, making it hard for me to get out the door, OR he’s putting her in her carrier and turning on the TV for 10-15 minutes. I’m not at all hardcore about screen time, but I’m really not thrilled with this — since once the TV is on, she’s fixated.
So I feel like my choices are:
1) entertain baby until he’s actually ready to take her, messing up my schedule
2) pass baby off and just let it go, 10-15 minutes of morning news isn’t going to turn her brain to mush at 5 months
3) come up with some easy alternative to keep her entertained while he gets stuff together.
I realize there is a magical fourth option of him actually being ready to take her and entertain her, but I’ve been with him long enough to know that’s not going to happen and will just result in me micromanaging and nagging and him getting more stubborn about it and taking even longer. All stuff that I’m SURE I should have thought about before baby, but it is what it is and I’m adult enough to realize that no relationship is perfect, especially when children are involved.
So, perhaps the bigger question is how to do just let go when your spouse doesn’t do things the way you would like them to be done?
anonymama says
Yes, as everyone else said, put the baby down on the floor with some toys (or in an exersaucer – I would never be able to cook dinner without an Evenflo Exersaucer Day at the Beach Bouncer (I got it at Kohls).
Independent play is good for the baby, plus it’s good for baby to strengthen muscles, have tummy time, practice rolling, and get ready for crawling and sitting up. And fussing for a few minutes may drive you nuts but isn’t going to hurt anyone. And really, 10 minutes of tv is not going to hurt anyone either… this may be one of those times where you decide letting husband have the say in how he takes care of baby is more important than having him do it the “right” way. What often happens for me is I put baby down in exersaucer or on blanket on floor with toys, baby is fine for 5 minutes and then starts fussing while I’m in the middle of something, husband hears baby fussing and picks baby up.
CHJ says
Does she have a jumperoo/exersaucer? Our son would happily play in that for 10-15 minutes when he was that age. We also had one of those Baby Bjorn bouncy chairs that he liked. I would also lay out some mats in our bedroom and let him roll around while I was finishing getting ready, and put some very prized toys just out of reach so he’d have to work towards getting to them.
Mean Mommy says
Thanks! She doesn’t have one yet — I think she may be finally old enough for one. I’ve been overwhelmed by the options on Amazon, but I should probably just pick one and order it. It’s not like she’s going to be complaining that I bought the wrong one (I’ve got a few more years til that hits, right?)
She does have a bouncy chair, but is quickly growing out of it and losing interest in it.
FVNC says
Yup, don’t overthink it. We inherited both our jumperoo and exersaucer from a friend, so I didn’t have to deal with the hundreds of options. But just buy one and revel in the 20 minutes of hands-free childcare they can provide. We actually still have our exersaucer in the playroom (kiddo is 16 months) b/c she likes to dance to the music.
pockets says
Not sure if 5 months is old enough, but mum mums (rice crackers) are my trick when I need to put baby down for 10 minutes to get myself ready to get out the door. Mum mums actually solve a whole host of problems – entertaining baby for 10 minutes while getting ready is just the tip of the iceberg.
If you choose the mum mum route you should give one to your baby while supervising to make sure she can handle it and won’t choke (although I think it’s almost impossible to actually choke on one because they dissolve, it can be pretty scary to hear the hacking of a baby almost choking on one).
Chronic Overachiever says
I put our baby in his exersaucer or on his playmat.
Liz says
At 5 months you should be able to leave her nearby in a safe area to independently play with a couple toys. See the literature on REI ( I like Janet Lansbury’s blog) on independent play for infants. Also, your husband’s philosophy on watching her could be different than yours. Maybe he doesn’t think he needs to entertain her while you’re getting ready. This was the case in our house and I have become less type A about constantly entertaining the baby (now 8 mos) after some discussions with hubby and seeing that she does enjoy independent play.
Spirograph says
I think #2 is not the end of the world, but at 5 months, she probably isn’t crawling much yet, right? I remember just plopping my son on his playmat with a mirror and a toy or two while I was eating breakfast or doing whatever in the morning. If I needed to shower, I’d leave him in his crib where I was sure he couldn’t get into trouble, but I was comfortable being out of sight around the corner in the bathroom or my bedroom with him playing.
To your bigger question, just bite your tongue, take some deep breaths, and remember that, by all accounts, it really takes a lot to “ruin” a kid, and a loving father using TV as a babysitter for a few minutes in the morning is not going to do it. I know how you feel about screen time; my husband often watches sports on TV with my toddler or plays video games or watches movies – some of them fairly violent or with explicit language – while supervising toddler as he plays with his toys. I hate it, and every so often I gently suggest that maybe he could at least stick to PG-rated stuff, but it’s kind of a losing battle that I’ve decided isn’t worth the effort. I try to justify it that happy husband and occupied/supervised toddler in any form = happier me.
JMDS says
Do you have a bouncy seat that she likes? We have gone through two fisher price bouncy seats as our little guy loved rocking himself in it, and playing with the attached toys. I would plunk him in the chair in the bed, and he would be pretty happy with the toys, and then with me handing him random things to touch/look at.
Meg Murry says
If he’s turning on the news because he likes to hear the headlines/weather/traffic while finishing up getting ready I don’t think that’s a battle worth fighting about. But if he’s doing it strictly for her benefit, try putting her in the carrier and handing her a toy (one that velcros to the handle if she throws and then fusses) or put on the radio or play some music if she likes that.
Its not my favorite habit, but my kids watch one PBS show every morning while eating breakfast so the H can get ready in peace – and they have learned the “one show then tv off and time to put on shoes” rule, plus they’ve actually learned some interesting facts from Curious George or Wild Kratts. The only time this really backfires is when we all oversleep and there isn’t time for a whole episode – but those mornings are never good anyway.
She isn’t mobile yet, but you probably want to start thinking about how you want to handle that – do you want to have one room you feel safe gating her in to so you can set her down for 5 minutes here and there? Would you rather put her in an exersaucer, jumper or pack and play? Or make the whole house toddler proof and just close off the stairs, kitchen and bathroom? Again, you’ve got time, but its something you and H should probably talk about. We went the “living room is 95% toddler proof and we don’t leave them out of earshot” route, plus a jumperoo that could be dragged into the kitchen or set up in living room so I could prep dinner or fold laundry with kid next to me.
Mean Mommy says
Thanks everyone for the great feedback and pointers — I know the issue of keeping her entertained and contained is only going to get trickier as she gets older and more mobile. Excersaucer is on it’s way, and control freak tendencies are being tempered.
The TV exposure isn’t a hill I want to die on, but part of me was worried it really was a bad idea. I’ll suggest putting her in the excersaucer at least, so she has a few things to play with/bang on, even if the TV is on.
I’m also realizing it’s not really about the TV, but that his time with her during the week is already limited due to his work schedule and her bedtime. If he doesn’t interact directly with her in the morning, it really won’t happen during the week. But, that’s also out of my control, thanks to the nature of his job and her sleep patterns.
Spirograph says
Jumping back in to say that I also totally get that you want your husband to interact. This might get a lot better with time, so try not to worry about it too much. My husband kind of benignly ignored my son until he was closer to a year old, but now he loooooves spending time with him and makes time for reading stories, playing outside, talking about the sports game on TV, whatever (and is ignoring my infant daughter instead). At the risk of over-generalizing on the gender wars, moms are hard-wired to interact even with a newborn… I think dads are more likely not to see the point until the kid is old enough to obviously respond to that kind of attention. Babies just really aren’t that fun.
Mean Mommy says
Thanks! I know he loves her and looks forward to seeing her, it’s just that after a few minutes he enters into the “benignly ignoring” phase and can ignore her squawking much easier than I can.
Logically I know it’s normal and will probably not be an issue when she’s more ‘interactive’, but sometimes, like this morning, it just concerns me. I keep trying to remember this parenting thing is a marathon, not a sprint…
pockets says
Yeah, and I’d say 5 months is just at the turning point of interactability. My husband, who is a super hands-on, caring, attentive parent (way moreso than me) told me that during the first three months he would rush to get home to see the baby before she went to sleep, but then once he got there he didn’t know what to do with her.
HM says
I’m in need of advice from the hive:
I am friendly acquaintances with a new mom (baby is 5 months old). the Hubs and I hung out with her and her SO pre-kids in group settings, friends on facebook, brought post-partum food a few times, but we’re not close.
I’ve noticed on facebook that her posts seem to suggest she is struggling with motherhood and the transition to SAHM. I reached out to her to schedule a lunch date soon, thinking she might like a place to go with adult conversation, etc. A mutual acquaintance, who is less close to her than I, recently brought to my attention that they are concerned for this new mom’s behavior – I guess this person saw this woman yell at her baby a few times, and wanted me to “check in” with new mom.
I’m at a bit of a loss of what to do, other than take new mom to lunch (or take lunch at her house, or whatever). Obviously, I would like to assist her in obtaining help if she is struggling, either with the transition, or with PPD, but I don’t want to pry. I’m not sure that new mom has many friends in the area. Any suggestions on how to proceed?
CHJ says
Is the weather nice enough where you live to go for a walk? I found walks with “experienced” moms to be so helpful at that stage. And rather than prying, I’d just listen and be supportive. Ask her how she’s doing, relate some of your own struggles with the early months, and see how it goes.
mascot says
I think walks are great for this type of thing. Vitamin D and fresh air do wonders for moods. Plus, I think there is something about discussing things side by side instead of face to face that is less intimidating.
I’m really candid about the struggles we had post-partum. Even in the best of circumstances, parenting a small child is hard. Add in struggles with sleep, feeding, PPD, etc. and things can quickly get overwhelming. It’s very easy to feel like you are alone in the struggle. Hearing other moms acknowledge their own issues helped.
anonymama says
Try to get her out of the house, someplace where it won’t be stressful to have the baby. Invite her to meet you at a park, or go for a walk together, or even walk around the mall if you’re someplace wintry. It’s such a tough transition, and I remember I would always feel so much better after getting out of the house but unless I had a specific thing to do at a certain time sometimes it was really hard to make it happen. I can’t tell if you have kids yourself or how old they are, but if you have them you can also just say, we’re going to be at this park at this time, come meet us! Or you could also bring lunch for her and then offer to hold/play with baby while she takes a shower/folds laundry/takes a break. Honestly though getting out of the house and talking to another adult (about anything) can really help.
Mean Mommy says
First, that’s great that you’re thinking of reaching out.
I think just offering to take her to lunch and talk may do wonders, especially if you can do it every so often, since it make take a while for her to feel comfortable sharing these issues.
I agree with CHJ’s suggestion of sharing your own struggles with the infancy period. I’ve got a baby the same age, and it’s hard to open up about any negative feelings or thoughts that you’re doing it wrong, e.g., I was mildly terrified of being horribly judged by asking about my 5 month old and the TV.
If there are any new moms’ groups out there, you may want to suggest she join one.
Carrie M says
You’re a great friend for wanting to help this acquaintance.
I think what you’re thinking – lunch out of the house or some other activity – is perfect. Once you see her, you might have a better sense if you think she’s going through more normal baby blues or something more serious. I agree with folks above re sharing your own struggles (or even stories of your friends/family) just so she doesn’t feel so alone. And raise the red flag with her SO if you think something more serious is going on.
One of my highlights of those first weeks home alone with my first baby was a friend coming to my house, bringing me lunch, holding my baby for 30 minutes, washing some dishes, and just talking. Basically everything I was worried about was something she had done (or done even worse) and her kids are totally fine. It was just a relief to talk with someone who had been there/done that, and have someone tell me: you’re doing a great job, your baby is beautiful, it gets easier, etc.
JJ says
I agree with everyone above, as well. I don’t think I had PPD with my second son, but I certainly had a strong case of the baby blues, wasn’t myself at all, and was struggling. I think taking the baby and meeting someone at a restaurant (which would mean getting cleaned up and getting the baby out the door) would have seemed like a Herculean task and I might have canceled those plans.
I’d recommend inviting her and baby to walk around the mall, or to a park (if it’s nice enough where you live), or somewhere that is inherently casual and where she doesn’t have to worry about holding the baby or keeping him/her quiet might help.
Spirograph says
I agree too. I am psychologically fine, but with my <2 month old, some days getting out of the house to go out "in public" is just not going to happen. I might be very tempted to cancel or reschedule those plans. Going for a walk with an adult to talk to or having someone over to chat (as long as she is not going to be judgey about any mess in my house) and help out a little sounds amazing, though.
Don't be pushy or pry, but be a little persistent in making sure you actually get together with this mom. You could be doing her a world of good.
(Tw)In-house Counsel says
Hi all:
This is my first post, but I’ve been reading the site throughout this pregnancy and need advice. I’m currently 5 months pregnant with twins and working as in house counsel. I had no plans to leave, but I am being recruited for the same position at a larger company by the CFO – we worked together in the past. I disclosed to him and the GC that I’m pregnant, as I can’t hide it at this point. My question is – would you ask for paid maternity leave as part of your offer package? If I leave my current job, I’ll lose 3 weeks paid and 60% paid through short term disability insurance. I was only planning on taking two months, so I would ask for two months fully paid maternity leave. I wouldn’t be eligible for a new STD policy or FMLA protection at the new job, so I have to address it in some form. It’s a good opportunity, but I’m in no rush to leave my job now. I don’t necessarily see the harm in asking. Anyone been there?
Msj says
Had twins, haven’t changed jobs, but I would definitely ask. If they recruiting you and you’re not in a rush to leave your current position there seems to be no downside. I would also try to get 12-16 wks while you are at it. There is a 70% likelihood you will have a c-section with twins and you need those first 8 wks to physically recover. I was very lucky to have 16 wks and would have found it difficult to go back before then although women do it all the time
Congratulations and good luck with your pregnancy!
anonymous says
I am 35 weeks pregnant with twins. At 20 weeks I was convinced that I’d be the person that would sail through this pregnancy and work until 36 weeks. Surprise! At 31 weeks I went to a routine appointment and was told that my cervix had shortened to 1.5 cm, I was 1.5 cm dialated and 70% effaced and having contractions. I was admitted to the hospital for 3 days and put on magnesium to stop contractions. So I’m going on week 4 of bedrest at home. Nothing like burning maternity leave time! I don’t mean to scare you but want you to realize that a twin pregnancy is a while different animal. No matter what I read I was convinced that I’d continue sailing!
Msj says
I was the same. I had a super smooth twin pregnancy until about 32 wks and then it went downhill fast. I was able to work from home from 33wks onwards, started leave at 36 wks and delivered due to pre e at 37 wks. My mom had an easy twin pregnancy so I had a false sense of complacency.
Anon above, good luck in the home stretch! The first few months are hard but it is awesome and does get better, I promise. I often imagine how easy it would be with one, but can’t fathom life without both.
(Tw)In-house Counsel says
You are both right about a false sense of complacency. On the upside, new job would be 100% WFH/remote. I may be under the false impression that I could keep WFH even on bed rest. Is that nuts?
Good luck Anon.
Msj says
I’m sure it depends on your office and Dr’s orders but I got a lot done from my couch in the last month, so not crazy. That flexibility will also be great once the babies are here.
Newly pregnant says
Not in your shoes, but I don’t see the harm in asking.
(former) preg 3L says
I completely agree. Absolutely ask!! The worst they can say is no! And definitely ask for more than you would feel comfortable accepting! After twins, you’re going to need as much time as they’ll give you (assuming you’re in the US — if you were in Canada and looking at a year of mat leave, I wouldn’t say that).
Jen says
Ask, and be flexible with negotiations. They may not be able to offer you paid mat leave, but perhaps they can give you a signing bonus to compensate for the unpaid time off you will have to take or, phrased differently, the loss of paid maternity leave you are giving up. Or maybe even a higher salary (unlikely, but hey…).
Our company won’t budge on mat leave because they have to be “fair across the board.” same with bonus percentages (tied to title/level and non negotiable). But signing bonuses, 1-time bonuses, vacation days and flex time are all on the table for negotiation in packages.
(Tw)In-house Counsel says
This is a good idea too. Thank you!
POSITA says
I’d be worried about losing FMLA coverage. Twins often mean bed rest and you won’t have disability or leave if you need it.