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This is a maternity/nursing top that looks cozy, stylish, and professional. I really love the burgundy color, but the black looks stylish too. I like how it’s a wrap style but with a higher neck — it looks like you can wear the crossed-over part high (like in the first photo in the black version), or in a V-neck style (like in the second photo in the black version). Either way, I think it looks nice and well fitted. I like the longer length, the gathering by the hips, and how it can transition from a maternity style to nursing. The top is $28–$37 and available at Pink Blush Maternity in sizes 1X–3X. Knit Maternity Nursing Top
Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.
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Sales of note for 12.5.23…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
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- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Second child? says
I am struggling with whether and if so, when to try for a second child. I come from a large family and always imagined my life with four kids. I never wanted to have an only child. Now that I have one (who is 2.5), I find that my hands are full and am struggling to advance in my career at the pace I want (tenure-track academic) and be the Mom I like to be. I outsource a lot of childcare, so this is not it, but I am really, really exhausted and have no time off/for myself. One big issue is that I had a terrible birth that was rough on my body including major trauma to my pelvic floor (still suffering from prolapse, no incontinence so far). I have done PT, which has helped some, but haven’t been working on this issue for the last year (due to lack of time and exhaustion). The doctor said I should have the number of kids I want and deal with whatever the status of my pelvic floor is thereafter. However, I am terrified of damaging my body further through another pregnancy and birth (which would certainly be a scheduled c-section). On the other hand, I really mourn the life I imagined. But then, I am exhausted, so maybe I shouldn’t put more on my plate for this reason alone.
I am 36, so there is a bit of time, but the issue comes up in my mind very often. (My partner will defer to my decision on this question.)
How would you approach this question? Has anyone dealt with pelvic floor issues and decided to have a second despite potential risks to your own health? Has anyone had a second despite being really exhausted?
Anonanonanon says
I had a second despite the risks to my health and of course I love her more than anything but… it was a really, really dumb thing I did. Looking at the photos of me from then, I can’t believe I did that. I ended up with pelvic issues (10lb breech baby) and that was the cherry on top of the nightmare sunday. My first was 8 years old, so he was old enough to understand that mommy needed a lot of rest, but I can’t imagine dealing with a toddler who doesn’t get it. C-section recovery is awful, way worse than traditional recovery, at least in my experience. The combo of a messed up pelvis and c section recovery makes basically any kind of movement excruciating for a few weeks.
Also, gently, 36 puts you in the “geriatric pregnancy” territory. I know that’s largely BS, we don’t suddenly wake up withered old crones on our 35th birthdays, but if it was tough the first time, it’s only going to get tougher the older you get.
Anon Lawyer says
I think it depends. I had a super easy recovery from a c section for a breech baby at 36. I don’t know if it’s predictable how an individual will react but it may worth seeking out an expert regarding whether a planned c section at 39 weeks would likely aggravate pelvic issues.
Anon says
I decided against a second in part because of my health. Not pelvic floor issues, but my first pregnancy at 32 triggered an autoimmune disease and my doctors said a second pregnancy at 35+ would be harder and riskier. However I didn’t feel the same sense of incompleteness than you do.
Is adoption a possibility?
Anon says
I just want to chime in as someone trying to adopt that it is very very difficult and we have been waiting over a year with no match.
Anon says
I’m sorry to hear that, hugs. I was definitely not trying to imply that adoption is easy or something you can do at the drop of a hat – was just trying to point out that could be a path for OP to consider if she really wants more children but feels she can’t put her body through another pregnancy.
Anonymous says
My pregnancies were at 31 and 34. I would be cautious about assuming there’s lots of time at 36. As you get older, fertility decreases and your body is just older and has a harder time recovering (I noticed a difference at 34 over 31).
On the pelvic floor stuff – I had more minor issues but I found the right PT made a HUGE difference. My first PT was ‘okay’ but didn’t do a good internal exam and I was seeing minimal benefit, found someone else and made significantly more progress. Carve out time to take care of your health. It’s a put your own oxygen mask on first situation.
What’s your timeline for tenure? Can you postpone until after you have tenure so there’s less career impact? Can you change up your childcare arrangements? It’s not just the amount but type of childcare that matters. An aupair could do drop off/pick up if that’s a sticking point in your schedule.
One and done is also 100% okay if that’s what you want but not clear from your post that it is. You don’t know when you start a parenthood journey, what the end will look like. I always thought I’d have two kids. Surprise twins turned us into a 3 kid family which I love to the point that I’m disappointed DH doesn’t want 4 kids. I’ve taken a career hit for that (still working full time but not advancing) and I’m shocked that I”m okay with pumping the brakes on my career for now. My law school BFF opted for one kid and an accelerated career and she’s loving that. Hope you figure out the answer that’s right for you.
Anne says
My pregnancies were 36 and 39. The 36 one was easy, and the 39 one had no complications but I definitely noticed my age and limitation more. From a physical perspective, I had been exercising regularly before my first and didn’t before my second (young kids) and that made a huge difference in stamina while pregnant. I always wanted two kids and am thrilled I have them but it is hard. For now, with young kids, one would definitely be easier. I don’t think there is a right answer, and either choice will be great, but I think sometimes people aren’t honest about the trade offs so its right to think about it.
Anonymous says
I had a previa on my last pregnancy, which meant a lot of not trying to be a hero and being thankful I had a desk job. I had losses for my first and third pregnancies, but had my daughters from pregnancies two and four. I work a nutty job. Daughters are 20 months apart.
I think it’s easier to be PG and have a newborn while you have an older kid who still takes naps. They were in sync a bit after the initial newborn hurdles. So I’d say do it sooner if you do it.
BUT for a while I thought I might wind up with an only kid and there are more kids than just your kid. You can be that mom who makes a community and is a loving welcoming adult to other kids — friends of your kid, other kids at school, kids you may mentor in your community, and even the college kids you meet at work. So your family may wind up not being your kids and not even kids who live under your roof. Maybe there are cousins you can host for the summer, etc., etc. The world opens up a bit and you can invite it in. Or not. There isn’t one right way to do this (e.g., we know people at church who were able to have one kid and then foster babies before they can either go back to their mother or be placed for adoption — it is right for them (they are rich from family $ and the mom stays home), and was how they made sense of the limits that biology and health placed on them).
Clementine says
It’s true that there are many ways to make a family; however, from somebody who had both a biological child and has fostered (many) children, it’s honestly a totally different beast.
I provide this caveat because I know a number of people who have chosen to foster after a series of ‘loss’ events… and at least a couple of them have really struggled because fostering itself is so filled with loss.
All that being said, every kid who has come through my house has added something to my life. The current kid who lives with me came to my house when you still needed to ‘watch the neck’ and now they’re a full on toddler. A big piece of my heart is going to walk out the door when she leaves.
Anon says
I have twins, so probably easier than 2 kids of different ages, and a strong reason we’re not having another is that I don’t think I can be pregnant and parent more kids while also producing the level of academic work that I need to for my chose career.
Cb says
I’ve always been pretty sure that I was one and done but my first pregnancy confirmed it for me. I have lupus so was automatically classed as high risk. While my pregnancy and delivery were easy (beyond the 9 months of all day sickness), I’m afraid the next would be worse, especially with a toddler. I’m also an academic and just couldn’t figure it out career wise.
Anon says
I would get a second opinion on the pelvic floor and prolapse issues. Really, get a second opinion.
Not a doctor, but I’m concerned that you do not have the bandwidth to fix the current issues, and it seems like you should have recovered from one pregnancy before attempting another.
OP says
Thank you. I probably will do this. Nevertheless, it seems certain that my body will never fully recover and noone wants to predict what future pregnancy hormones and a c-section will do to it. And then, some people say that the most damage is caused by the first birth – but again, who really knows (the state of research is abysmal).
Anonymous says
I’m sorry to say it (and I am not a doctor), but if you haven’t recovered from the first pregnancy, I would expect the second to make things much worse. I didn’t have any issues after my first pregnancy. My second pregnancy left me with diastasis recti, pelvic floor issues, and foot issues. The first two will never fully heal and the third will probably require surgery at some point. Also, with two children I find it impossible to get the time to take care of my own health.
Anon says
I’m the Anon at 9:42 am. I’ve definitely heard a lot of people say that the second or third pregnancies did a lot more damage than the first. Like any injury, you can often heal from the first but not repeated harms.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hey! Fellow 36-year-old (which sometimes makes me feel old on this board, sometimes I feel like it’s the normal age around here?) with a toddler, and hoping to expand our family soon.
It sounds like you have been through a lot, and I’d give you a hug if we met in person. I would say, take it month-by-month, or even take a few months “off” to focus on you, recovery, work, eat sushi, and then make a decision. You may find things easier, for example, as your kiddo approaches 3 and is potty trained. Or, you may see the option not to expand your family become the more clear answer.
Yes, the window is what it is, but as folks on this board have pointed out to others, a few months should impact fertility.
OP says
Thank you for the hug – this is very kind. I don’t feel rushed (and part of me thinks that if it doesn’t work later, then this decides it for me in some sense). I will think and feel about it more, but wondering what questions I should ask myself, what issues to explore… to feel at peace with either decision.
Anonymous says
I had a second despite known risks to my health (that did actually come to fruition) and I’m happy with my decision. I have decided against a third due to my health, but was lukewarm on the idea of 3 kids anyway whereas I felt pretty strongly about having 2. I think the fact that you’re ruminating on this as much as you are suggests a second is really important to you. I’d take your doctors at their word and believe them if they say you can safely have another child.
I think the health issue is separate from the working mom balance issue. Before I had my second my husband and I could easily spell each other off (because solo parenting one kid was pretty fun whereas solo parenting 2 feels like a slog) so I got a fair amount of down time from parenting that I could put into my work or myself or my other relationships. That has become much less frequent with 2 kids, although we’re still in the thick of it with a 1 and almost-3 year old. I wonder whether the fact that you’re so exhausted is a sign you need your husband to share childcare more equally? If you think there’s room for improvement in that area, you could put your decision on hold for 6 months, see if that improves and then revisit.
Anonymous says
I realize you referred to your partner not husband – my apologies!
OP says
thanks – and no worries :). can you share a bit more about how you feeling happy with the decision despite the risks materializing? With my first, I had no real idea about the risks. Now that I know, it just feels like a huge decision. In part, my exhaustion might be physical as well. I kind of feel like my body never recovered (huge amount of blood loss, emergency surgery, low iron, sleep deprivation, …).
Anonymous says
I’m feeling happy with my decision because my family feels complete and my experience mothering my second has been so much better than it was as a first time mom with my son. I have a lot more confidence parenting her and it is such a balm to the anxiety I felt (and still often feel as I face new challenges/milestones) with my oldest. Although the last part of my pregnancy (10 weeks bed rest) and my postpartum recovery was very, very difficult, now that my daughter is 1, that time feels like it’s in the review mirror and not something I think about much. There are lasting effects, but they are fairly minor and not something I find myself dwelling on.
I should add that my second pregnancy was actually a surprise (we were talking about having a second but undecided on timing) so it was a decision to continue the pregnancy versus terminating, and I appreciate that’s easier than the decision you’re making.
Lastly, I wonder whether you might be dealing with some PPD? Of course, feeling exhausted, feeling like you need time away and can’t get it, and feeling like you can’t be the kind of mom you want to be can all be normal parts of motherhood, but if it feels like a larger struggle perhaps it would be worth talking to someone? My sister had delayed onset PPD and didn’t put it together initially because she had a toddler and thought PPD only happened in the early days.
CPA Lady says
I can’t speak to the health thing, but I have an only child by choice, so I have several thoughts about that:
1. The book “One and Only” by Lauren Sandler is fantastic if you’re interested in doing some reading about what it means to have an only child. She explores all kinds of different aspects of it– cultural, economic, logistical, stereotypes, etc. and it struck me as a really scholarly book when I read it. It also gave me some things to work on so I can hopefully make my kid’s only-childhood as good as it can be.
2. I found the 1 and 2 year old years particularly exhausting. I’m still tired now that my kid is 5, but it’s very different. The permanent weight of responsibility thing does not go away. But I got my life back in terms of being able to do more stuff just for me, and felt like myself again by the time she was 4. So, if you decided to stick with one, know that there is a light at the end of the slog-tunnel.
3. It seems like you assumed you would mirror your mother’s/large family’s experience, but I’m guessing you are operating in a completely different context. Was your mom a tenure track academic? Was she living in the current time period where you’re expected to be on all the time, both as a career woman and as a mother? Did she have her first child at age 34? Did she have a difficult pregnancy and labor that caused long lasting damage to her body? Do you have the same personality and the same interests? Do you have the same family involvement and geographic location (or whatever else existed in her life that made having a large family work)? It’s okay to admit that what worked for her in her context is not going to work for you in your context. You don’t have to force yourself to do things that won’t work for you just because you always thought that is what you would do. And it’s okay to be sad about it too.
OP says
Thank you so much, your questions made me tear up a bit. Of course the answer to all of them is no. I love my siblings very much and love how they will be in my life forever. I also think that seeing how different all your kids can be despite the same gene pool is a very healthy perspective to experience as a parent and that it is nice for kids to not be the sole center of attention. But I will read the book you recommended to explore my feelings further.
Anon says
On the “kids being the sole center of attention” point, I think this is very much a choice. I’m an only child but I never felt smothered or like I got too much attention. My parents had very full lives that included two demanding careers (my mom was also a professor!), hobbies, friends, etc. and their lives didn’t revolve around me any more than my friends’ parents lives did. I will say that I can see how my mom would have gotten too focused on me if she’d been a SAHM, simply because that’s sort of her personality type – she throws herself into everything she does, so if being a mom had been her sole job, I can see how it might have gotten a little over the top. But fortunately she had a job outside me, and my childhood was beyond great. If you have a career, particularly a time-consuming, fulfilling one, giving your kid(s) too much attention is not something I would worry about too much.
Anonymous says
I love your third point. So we have two and I always imagined I would have three because my mom did. But it’s just not a good idea for us. Well hello, my moms entire family lived in the same town. My grandma watched us and I didn’t go to daycare because of my grandparents. We also had aunts/uncles for backup childcare. None of which do we have. Duh!!
octagon says
It’s fine to admit that what you imagined pre-pregnancy and what you know now, after having been through it, are two very different things. Becoming a parent affects us all differently. I marvel at a friend who just added a fourth (at 39!) and was back in her regular clothes and back at work after 3 months without missing a beat. Meanwhile I feel like it took me about 4 years for the brain fog to completely lift (and just now am close to fitting back in my regular clothes).
One thing I urge you to consider is your partner’s capacity. You say you feel like you are maxed — what about partner? What if you have complications that lead to bedrest or a difficult recovery? Of course you hope for the best, but you never know. A dear friend had a serious condition with her first and nearly died — I was so surprised when she got pregnant again. She had clearly decided it was worth the risks. But those last 5 months of her pregnant were filed with trips to the ER, scrambling to find care for her toddler while she was sick, and 20 weeks of bedrest during which she would have lost her job if not for FMLA and a very accommodating manager. Her husband nearly had a total breakdown. So it’s good that you are thinking about this, but make sure you think about the potential impact to your partner and the extent of family/friends you can rely on in times of need (you may need them if you have another kid, anyway!).
Anon says
Thank you all for your thoughtful comments. I am struggling with the same thing (turned 37 last week), kiddo is 2.5. I feel like it is crunch time for the decision.
I really thought I was one and done, and a year ago my husband and I were on that page together, although he has some niggling regrets. I think he processed that it was going to be one kiddo and now he is reluctant to reopen the discussion. BUT… I just can’t seem to throw out all the baby stuff!! it breaks my heart.
We both have “big-ish” jobs. (Me more so that my husband – but he has lots of client / networking events / transactional hours where he will spend several weeks at work past 10 pm most nights). I am looking for a promotion (via changing companies likely) to CFO. I don’t see how we can fit in another kiddo unless one of us takes a big step back. We have no local family and cannot continue our careers and move near family. While we have demanding jobs they are no longer in fields that allow for throwing money at all problems (like big law / investment banking etc.) – not that as a CFO your pay is terrible though either…
Any other thoughts on stepping through this process are much much appreciated. and also maybe i just wanted to vent.
(also I had a relatively “easy” pregnancy though i still have some lingering pelvic issues from labour. I think that this was because i was working out 4 times per week throughout, other than first trimester. That is definitely not going to happen a second time)
Anon says
Fwiw, I’m 100% confident I’m one and done, and I cried so hard giving away baby stuff, even though it mostly went to the children of dear friends who I know and love – it’s not like I was just dumping it on the curb or at Goodwill. There’s been lots of good advice here about how to know if you want more, but I wouldn’t put too much weight on emotions around throwing out the baby stuff. Everyone I know has had a tough time with it, whether they have one kid or five.
Anon says
Thank you!
OP says
Thank you all so much for your thoughts and for sharing your experiences.
Anon says
This is so tough. I’ve walked this road! (Long-time poster, anon for this.) I had a very damaging birth with my first, furthered the damage with a second big-headed heavy baby four years later, and was caught for years agonizing over the decision to have a third child and risk further damage. My doctors said basically the same thing you’re hearing, nobody could quantify the risk, etc. My babies were born when I was 32 and 35. I set the question aside as much as I could; the damage from the first two births meant I had to give up long distance running (my salvation! So essential to my mental health!). It was a significant life-changer. I was angry and sad and went round and round….and I also kept coming back to the longing for a third child. I was an attorney in Big Law until my second was 6, and I was utterly exhausted with the children and work, but I just couldn’t move beyond the desire for a third child. Some (not all!) of the responses on this board were helpful in my figuring out how to think about the decision.
The heart wants what it wants.
I had my third child, by planned c section, a month after I turned 43. No further pelvic floor damage in my case, and personally I found the c-section recovery no worse than naturally birthing two giant babies. You pay one way or another; there’s just no easy way to bring children into this world. We got so lucky, and didn’t need any help with conception, my pregnancy was easy, and the delivery was smooth and uneventful. I adore all three of my children; privately I will tell you my third baby is the joy of my life.
Here’s what worked for me in approaching this difficult decision: make space for yourself to get this right. I took a few days off from work (I mean, a day once a quarter or so) to have a personal retreat day; days where I forced myself not to do any of the errands, childcare, housework, work-work, that needed to be done, but just to think. I packed a lunch, went to a nearby garden, and sat with my thoughts. (This feels very strange!) This is a big, difficult decision and a person needsspace and distance to understand all the forces and consequences. I talked with other people who had 3 children and big jobs. I saw three different pelvic floor drs, and three different physical therapists before I found ones that heard me. I tried one month thinking No Third Baby and feeling how that felt; I took one month thinking Yes Third Baby and felt how that felt. I read everything I could find about multiparous advanced maternal age births and pelvic floor injury. I talked about it with my partner until I couldn’t any more.
I know the pressure is immense between career and child-raising; these are the difficult years. I’m sending you *hope* that you can find the time and grace for yourself to decide what is right for you. Good luck to you.
octagon says
What a beautiful approach and thoughtful response.
OP says
Wow. I am sending you many hugs and thank you so much for your openness. It has been very hard on me to feel so alone in this (I seem to only know women who had easy births and recovered in no time, running again soon after). I will take your advice to heart. The truth is: I so want to want more children, but I am too exhausted to actually want them right now – if that makes any sense. Add in uncertainty about a big thing (my health), which is too often ignored when it comes to having children (imo). I have also not jumped or run since the birth and think I never will again to avoid further prolapse. My baby had a huge head and there were other complicating factors (including more than three hours of pushing, a vacuum extraction, etc.), all bad for the pelvic floor. The birth as such was the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life (though of course I love my child) and something I don’t ever want to do again. The recovery took a many, many months (there was also huge blood loss and emergency surgery)… May I ask you: was your third pregnancy hard on your pelvic floor (with hormones relaxing muscles and a baby “sitting” on top of an already weak pelvic floor)?
Anon at 11:48 says
Same!! I had vacuum extraction after an extremely long labor and 3 hours of pushing, and my big baby was sunny side up with a large head. It was a traumatic experience that I never want to do again. It IS an isolating experience—all my fellow mom friends also bounced back to running with no issues and I just couldn’t.
My third one was 9.9 pounds, so I’m sure there was *some* damage to my pelvic floor from carrying the pregnancy, but I do not notice any worsening of things after that (3.5 years out from that birth). I am what feels like exactly where I was after the second birth. I had an advantage of 8 years between my second + third, during which I did not jump or run but I did do a ton of physical therapy. It was healing. At any rate, my current physical therapist is a *god* and under her coaching, I’ve even been running a few miles with no issues. I’m not home free and will always have this baseline damage, but it has improved so much since the first few years. I am happy now that I made deliberate choices consistent with my priorities. There is hope. Take the time to speak to more than one pelvic floor doctor, whether or not you decide to have more children. It’s hard to set aside the time (I know this), but prioritizing yourself in this way is essential. (And you probably already know that, because you noted that the mother’s health is frequently given less attention in these scenarios.). You’ve got this!
Anon says
Thanks for sharing. This is similar to my experience. Running is getting a bit better. Jumping is still another story. Not sure why the difference.
AnonATL says
How’s Pinkblush quality? I want a few “trendy” maternity tops so I have something other than my tshirts to wear. I realize it’s all polyester and other synthetic materials, but it’s also inexpensive so that’s expected. I just don’t want to buy anything that falls apart after 1 wash. If you hated this brand, were there any others around the same price point you liked instead?
rosie says
I think I have one dress from this brand, and it’s fine but not my favorite item. For trendy tops, I’d look at Old Navy & Motherhood Maternity. I got a print, exposed zipper, peplum shell from MM that I tried on for kicks and ended up being a great addition to my maternity wardrobe.
Pogo says
I actually love this company and have recommended them here before. I would put it on par w/ Old Navy and Target. If you take care of the items – wash gentle, hang to dry – they will last longer. I’m actually wearing a dress today from PB that I bought in the fall of 2017 and I have worn a bunch (it’s a maternity/nursing dress that looks good even when you’re not pregnant, though I am now). There’s no pilling like there has been on some of my stuff from ON or Target.
I just ordered three more dresses from them, and again – they’re all synthetic, nothing fancy, but they don’t feel overly cheap. Haven’t washed/worn yet though.
Anon says
I just placed my first order . . . and most of it is on my desk to return to them today. Bonus: easy returns. Half of the returns are sizing issues (run of the mill cusp size issues) and the other half are quality issues.
It’s . . . fine? You’re not wearing these clothes for very long, so I think they’ll hold up for as long as you need them. Overall, I think you can get better stuff at old navy and target (I had a gift card to use). Some of the stuff I thought was pretty good, and some of the stuff was awful (tissue weight navy yoga pants, you are going back). I think it’s like almost all online maternity shopping – buy a bunch a expect to return half.
Anon says
Any recommended potty training resources other than oh cr*p, esp for difficult trainees? DD is 3 and has struggled with being almost trained since 2.5. We’ve tried taking breaks to take the pressure off and are trying again and if anything she’s doing worse this time.
Anonymous says
What do you mean by ‘almost trained’? At that age if there’s only 1-2 accidents a week, I would consider that trained. Even my 5 year old sometimes need reminders to go as he’ll get caught up in playing and start wiggling but not want to stop playing to go potty unless I insist.
Keys for us at age 3 were regular reminders to potty (e.g. every hour from time you get home until bedtime), including adult accompanying to the bathroom and had to sit long enough to sing the DT potty song twice. House rule of everyone pottys before we leave the house.
Anonymous says
Honestly, I just found my daughter was NOT ready until she was ready at 3. Pushing it earlier ended in a ton of frustration for her. She was really upset she couldn’t get it. Then one day she was just ready and got motivated by a fancy pink potty that faux flushes and she did it! We keep her in undies only no pull ups so she can feel an accident. She seems to have a fairly large bladder so we do potty when we leave/come home, but super frequent reminders just stress her out so otherwise she tells us when she has to go. She’ll even tell me in like Target she has to go. Maybe she’s just not ready?
Anon says
We used the potty training in 3 days book and the DT episode on pottying. I think Lucies list has more suggestions too.
Pogo says
Looking for reassurance that body image issues in 2nd pregnancy are normal and will get better. I know you show earlier with your second, and while I haven’t gained any weight technically, I feel like I just look chubby (13w). It’s surprisingly crushing on my self esteem – with my first I had such a classic little basketball belly and felt all cute. I only started this pregnancy about 5lbs above that weight, but I just feel… blobbish.
Is it best to embrace the maternity clothes and the “bump” such as it is (I’m out at work now)? Buttoning my normal jeans gives me a terrible muffin top situation. Does anyone remember in 2nd pregnancy when the blob phase ended, or do I need to make peace w/ this?
Anonymous says
I had to embrace the maternity clothes earlier on my second pregnancy even though my core felt strong. Being comfortable in your clothes will make you feel better about your body. Maybe buy yourself a great new maternity outfit? Try to focus on the function of your body – it’s building a whole human being – that’s an amazing thing!
Anonanonanon says
Honestly, maybe make peace with is. I was a blob my entire second pregnancy. By the end I had gained around 70 lbs (a lot of that was edema, though). At 6 weeks PP I had around 25 pounds to lose. However, I bounced back much quicker than expected, I even got below my pre-pregnancy weight unintentionally, without any crazy dieting or crazy workouts (just regular yoga and not letting junk into the house). I share that not as a brag, but just to say that the fact I was a huge blob was in no way an indicator of how my body settled after the fact.
A few nice “important meeting” dresses went a long way for my morale.
Anonanonanon says
also, fwiw, my OB lectured me on gaining too much weight (THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING EVEN THOUGH I WAS A SIZE 4), I sobbed and I think I told this board about it and y’all offered support. Anyway, again, all that to say it turned out OK.
DLC says
With my third pregnancy whe. I complained to my OB about feeling as if everything was falling apart sooner, she said, “With your first kid, your body tries to resist and keeps everything tight. With the subsequent pregnancies, you’re body is like ‘Oh yeah, I remember how this goes’ and lets go sooner.” That kind of helped me make peace with it. I also second the above suggestion to splurge on nice maternity clothes- I received a gift subscription to rent the runway when I was last pregnant and having cute trendy clothes really helped me feel more excited about my baby bump.
Anon says
Wear clothes that fit and flatter! Not doing so is a great way to make you feel bad about yourself.
You might just be carrying differently, more watermelon than basketball. (I hated the basketball belly, FWIW, and really wished I had a more watermelon belly.)
You don’t have to go straight into maternity clothes; sometimes, clothes one or two sizes up are fine in the second trimester (and are great for postpartum).
For me, nice clothes and an exercise routine helped my body image. I ran up until a few weeks before delivery, which helped remind me that my body was still mine.
Anonymous says
Even in my first pregnancy, which quickly developed into the “classic basketball belly” with a total weight gain of 18 pounds, I was feeling thick around the middle and wearing maternity pants by 13 weeks. Just go with the maternity pants. You will look and feel so much better.
lawsuited says
Yeah, gurl! I had to move into maternity clothes at 10 weeks during my second pregnancy. I say embrace stretch waistbands and the bump. The silver lining was that I got way more wear out of my maternity clothes the second time around…
rosie says
I would embrace the maternity clothes. Be comfortable, and get a few more pieces to make you feel good if that would help. Also, I have found that certain maternity items that I am pretty sure I wore for the duration previously are no longer working in the third tri since I’m just bigger & carrying lower…so wear the stuff you like while you can.
Anonymous says
Pride goeth before a fall
GCA says
Oh man, I was in your shoes 2 years ago exactly! I gave in and embraced the belly band and maternity clothes around then, but the ‘cute bump’ stage didn’t happen till mid-late 2nd trimester – up until Easter (*checks family photos*) I was still in the ‘too many burritos’ zone. We did a fun 5k in June and I definitely rocked a basketball bump in maternity capris, so it can happen! Gained about 40lbs+ each pregnancy at a non-linear rate and my midwife never said a word about it.
GCA says
PS, my maternity clothes for 2nd pregnancy were at least one, sometimes 2 sizes up from my maternity clothes for the 1st pregnancy, don’t be surprised if this happens to you! Embrace it and get clothes that fit, maternity clothes are easy to pass on or resell.
Emily S. says
Definitely unbutton the jeans so you are more comfortable! If you don’t want to full on commit to maternity wear at this stage, you could try belly bands, elastic waist/pull on pants, dresses with tights, etc. ( I remember with my 2nd that I was really excited about the possibility of wearing maternity clothes because I was tired of my frumpy, postpartum clothes, but when I actually needed them so early in my pregnancy, I was depressed.) Also, be kind to yourself: I bet most of us forget exactly when that blob feeling morphed into feeling cute and instead focus on the negative. Celebrate the days you feel spectacular and try to acknowledge the days you don’t and then let it go.
Boston Legal Eagle says
From the start of my first pregnancy to now (following two pregnancies and two large healthy babies), I’m up about 25lbs. I also showed earlier during my second pregnancy and gained more weight then (45lbs!) I’ve also been considered skinny and never really worried about my weight so this new body is a bit of surprise to me but I’m also trying to embrace all that it has done to build my family and how strong it really is, despite maybe not fitting into society’s “ideals.” As best as you can, try to remember that you don’t have to look a certain “cute pregnant woman” way and know that your body is doing an incredible thing and as long as you generally eat ok most of the time and feel healthy, it’s all good. And wear those maternity clothes! I still wear looser maternity shirts and tights.
Anon says
Going through this right now. I’m naturally on the thinner side and had no body image struggles with my first pregnancy. I actually surprisingly enjoyed having a baby bump, since I’m usually most self-conscious about my stomach. I ended up gaining about 30 pounds and easily lost it all within 9 months post-baby without really trying (I know. I’m one of those annoying people).
This time around, I’ve gained more weight more quickly, even though my nausea and vomiting was so much worse that I actually was eating less. It’s hard to look in the mirror right now at 7 months pregnant and feel like I have four chins or notice my thighs rubbing together when I walk, since that’s not how I’m used to my body feeling and looking. It just doesn’t feel like my body in the same way, especially now that I’m in my third trimester. I was complaining to my husband about it last night when he kindly but also firmly reminded me, “There are two of you sharing one body right now. That’s incredible.” So that’s what I’ve been repeating to myself as I waddle my giant pregnant self to the bathroom for the 8th time this morning or when I don’t even want to wear maternity pants anymore because they feel so constricting. Just a few more weeks to go! We can do this.
Pogo says
Thanks all for the support! This was what I needed to hear. It’s a shallow thought I wouldn’t admit to anyone in person, but it had been bugging me. Definitely going to embrace the maternity wear and the changing bump (which def fluctuates more hour by hour than I remember it last time too, which is weird!!)
Sigh says
So, humor me. We’re not really “trying” but would want to expand in the very near future. I went off BC after my last cycle in January, was 3 days late (with lots of PMS/pregnancy-esque symptoms)…and was bummed to get my period this AM. Any advice?
Anonanonanon says
I got amazing advice from this board to put money aside every month you have a negative test, with the goal of spending it on something fun. For me, I was going to spend it to fly across the country to visit my friend and put us both up in a nice hotel. When I got a positive result, it served as a nice nest egg to spend on nice maternity clothes. Getting to contribute to a “fun fund” after a negative result helped to take some of the sting out of it.
anon says
Similar to anon above, DH and I take each month (in between my period and my next fertile week since we’re actively trying) and do something that I probably wouldn’t or couldn’t do it once I got pregnant. Last month is was getting drunk at a great dive bar we like. Assuming I don’t get pregnant this month, next month will be treating ourselves to expensive sushi, and in the spring, if we’re still striking out, it’ll be going on lots of roller coasters.
Anon says
Advice on how to get pregnant? Your cycle off of BC may not match up to your cycle on BC. For example, on BC, my cycle is 28 days, off is 31-32 days.
Anon says
Ovulation tests are the quickest option imo. You can temperature track, but that takes a few months of data to get right.
I had the same feelings when we first started trying. We just pulled the goalie a few months before we were going to really try and it was a major bummer each month and I quickly decided on OPKs. In my case, it was more important to actively try or not. The sorta kinda trying thing was hard on me emotionally.
Agree with all the previous posts to reward yourself somehow for each month you aren’t successful, whatever that looks like for you. For me, it typically involved a nice bottle of wine or margarita. We had also planned that if we weren’t pregnant by X date, we would take a break and go on an epic vacation that wouldn’t be kid or pregnancy friendly.
OP says
You’re right – I guess I have the chance to better understand my “real” cycle now that I’m not on BC! Based on last cycle and this one, I’m about 31-32 days as well.
Anonymous says
Every other day worked for us (1 month on first pregnancy, 3 months on second). Pre-kids we kept it interesting by taking advantage of being able to do it anywhere in the house whenever we wanted on the weekend (because that disappears after kids). Post kid 1 – we took advantage of nap time because with two kids, you hope but are not guaranteed that they will nap at the same time.
Anon says
I do not know how two working people actually do this in real life! I used an ovulation test kit because I knew we could not do this kind of frequency.
Anonymous says
Pre-kids before work was a common time or right after dinner. I’m not a right before bed kind of person. DH is allowed to work from home on an ‘as needed’ basis – e.g. to let the cable guy in etc. I work close enough to come home at lunchtime so we decided he ‘needed to work from home’ a few times.
Anon says
It definitely turned it into more of a chore, but I think actively TTC is always kind of a chore, unless you’re super casual about it and just “not trying, not preventing”
Anonymous says
For getting pregnant, use ovulation strips so that you can figure out when you ovulate and have sex accordingly. You can have sex every other day if you want to, it will certainly hit your window, but it’s not necessary.
AwayEmily says
Sleep needs…my just-turned-2-year-old sleeps for 10-10.5 hours a night (7pm to 5:30am) and takes a 1.5 hour nap. This seems like not nearly enough sleep to me…at that age my older one slept for at least 11 hours, with a 2-hour nap. Can anyone reassure me that this is normal-ish?Or offer advice as to how to help him get more sleep? I’m feeling especially over it after today’s 5am wakeup.
Anonymous says
This is normal. I have twins and one has needed less sleep since birth. Dropped the third nap first, dropped the second nap first and went nap free six months before his brother who still complains there is no nap time in kindergarten.
Try bumping bedtime to 7:30pm so kid will hopefully sleep until 6am.
Anon says
It’s well within the guidelines here: https://www.sleepfoundation.org/articles/how-much-sleep-do-we-really-need (says 1-2 year olds need 11-14 hours, your son gets 11.5-12). Different people have different sleep needs so I wouldn’t worry about it in relation to your older child. Is he crashing hard at 7 pm? If not, you could potentially move bedtime later and have him get his 10.5 hours between 8 pm and 6:30 am.
GCA says
That sounds within the normal range to me. Both my kids seem to have similar sleep needs to yours – kid 2 is 18mo and typically sleeps 7.30PM-6AM with a 1-1.5h nap. But the biggest clue would be how he’s acting: does he seem tired and grumpy, or happy and alert?
Anonymous says
I think you got lucky with your first – that’s a pretty normal sleep schedule. At 2, my youngest was sleeping about 7:45 to 6:15 and took about an hour nap most days. I think the goal is for them to get about 12 a day.
AwayEmily says
Thanks all, this is really helpful. I tend to get in panic-spirals around sleep in a way that I don’t about any other aspect of child-rearing (like, these ridiculous worst case scenarios of HIS BRAIN WILL STOP DEVELOPING BECAUSE HE IS NOT SLEEPING ENOUGH), so it is very reassuring to have smart people tell me that it’s within the normal range.
And we have tried the “putting him to bed later” thing but sadly his little internal clock goes off at 5:30am regardless of whether bedtime is 7pm or 8pm. I’m really looking forward to the time change — I’m hoping we can at least get an extra half hour bump out of that.
Anon says
I get it. Sleep is SO important and we as a society don’t put enough emphasis on it. But when we talk about sleep deprivation, it’s in the context of adults using alarms and kids being woken by their parents. If he’s waking naturally and doesn’t seem unhappy or tired, he’s totally fine. :)
Anonymous says
With the anxiety – I have noticed that my kids will let me know if they aren’t getting enough sleep. They will be grouchy , aggressive, have dark circles under eyes or be very classy-eyed, etc. if kiddo is happy, kiddo is probably doing fine for his or her own needs!
Boston Legal Eagle says
My 16 month old sleeps from 7/7:30pm – 5:30/6:00am and gets about a 1.5-2 hour at daycare and longer nap on the weekends home with us. I think our first was the same, so it seems pretty normal. My almost 4 year old on the other hand… sleeps from about 9:30-6:30 now as he still naps, but we’re thinking it’s time to drop that nap down as a 9:30pm bedtime is difficult for us!
Anonymous says
I have a 22 month old who sleeps from 8:30/9-6/6:30am with a 2 hour nap. Try for a later bedtime.
spring break help? says
I’m in a major Texas city and spring break is coming up (March 16-20). We don’t have anything planned and I’m suddenly bummed! Kids are 10 months, 3.5 and just turned 5.
10 month old doesn’t have a passport but I think we could get her one.
Any ideas of a fun and easy to plan trip for those ages? Cost not a major issue. Or am I crazy? (We haven’t been in the habit of doing spring break because kids were younger and it just didn’t seem to apply – then I realized my boss kind of assumed I’d be taking those days…)
Anonymous says
Gulf shores florida
Anon says
It seems a little flippant to just assume you can get a passport in time to leave less than 3 weeks from now. Even expedited can take that long, and it would be awful to be worrying a few days before your vacation about whether or not it will arrive in time. There are obviously lots of great US destinations, but I wouldn’t take a vacation just because your boss expected you to take time off that week. That seems really silly to me (and I say that as someone who does a lot of travel with kids). The obvious answer to your boss is “My kids aren’t yet school-age, our daycare doesn’t do spring break.”
anon says
We have a downtown passport office that does expedited so I think if I took her in now it would be okay. I’ve done it before for a kid. Would be a pain, but it’s doable!
We like to travel! I saw my boss assuming I’d be out as a great opportunity!
Jeffiner says
Yeah, I’m in a major Texas city, and the passport processing center is in neighboring minor Texas city. It took a week to renew my daughter’s passport, and we didn’t even expedite.
But nothing wrong with a staycation! Less planning, less stress, more time for fun.
Anonymous says
What about a staycation! If your boss assumed you’ll be off, I’d be inclined to take the time. Send your kids to daycare either half days and then go to the zoo of whatever in the afternoon or send them a couple full days so you can enjoy the whole day to yourself and keep then home full day other times. Or take each kid out of daycare for one day and enjoy some one on one time.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t take the time just because the boss assumed you’d be out. Why use up your limited vacation time on the basis of someone else’s assumptions?
OP says
Ah, yeah, our kids are in preschool so they’ll be out (the 3 and 5 year olds)!
But I like this idea. If a lot of my office is off that week I can probably take some extra time to get lunch and such. That might be a fun way to approach it!
AwayEmily says
You can also do a staycation with a mini-trip tacked on…that’s what we did on our last staycation. For two of the nights, we booked a hotel with a pool in a city a few hours away with a good childrens museum.
OP says
Ooh I like this. We could hit another Texas city they haven’t been to… thanks for the idea!
AnotherAnon says
I’m leaning toward recommending a staycation, but I have a pretty low tolerance for crowds and I like to plan things way in advance. Typical Spring Break activities with three kids sounds like my personal nightmare. You could possibly do an all inclusive resort in Mexico, but I’m not confident you could get a passport in three weeks, even paying to expedite it. Let us know what you decide!
NYCer says
Do you guys like the beach? Turks and Caicos is great at that time of year. I also have friends who love Punta Mita. The flight from Texas to Puerto Vallarta wouldn’t be too bad.
Anon says
If money really isn’t an issue, +1 to Punta Mita. We have been there with very small children and it is amazing. (We stayed at the Four Seasons but I think all of the few major, nice hotels there are supposed to be great).
OP says
Ha, maybe I shouldn’t say “not an issue” but all of our travel has been pretty modest for the last few years thanks to babies, so we have the budget to splurge if we need to!
Saving these suggestions for future travel as well – thanks all!
NYCer says
Off topic, and not sure where you are, but 36 with a toddler and hoping to expand family is totally normal among my friends in NYC!!
NYCer says
Oops this was for More Sleep Would Be Nice who said that being 36 with a toddler and one hopefully soon to be on the way made her feel old on this board.
anon says
I kind of thought that was basically everyone on this board? I am 36! With a toddler and a baby!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Thank you :)
anne-on says
Agreed, it’s pretty common for most of the working moms I know in major metro areas to have kids in your mid 30’s. I felt a bit weird/young having my kiddo at 29 in NYC at the time. There are also a fair number of moms I know (at work/through school) who have older kids but miss the baby years and have ‘just one more’ at 40-ish.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Yup, same. Major city, highly career-focused/educated group of close friends – all friends have 0 (some by choice, some are single, etc.) to 2 kids. The ones with two have a toddler and a newborn. I think this is me internalizing someone who posted last week about TTC at 36 and called herself “old” – girl, if you’re reading this, you’re not! :)
Pogo says
+1 In Boston most of my working mom friends had their first around 35. I’m one of the younger ones because I met my husband early, but we still were married for 6 years before our first was born – we saved to buy a house, waited til we were stabilized in our careers, etc. The HCOL factored so much into it. When we were first married I bet our HHI was half of what it is today, and we could not have bought a house or been able to afford childcare while saving for retirement and investing like we do now.
Anonymous says
Living in DC suburbs and pregnant with my first at almost 37…
Anon says
+1, I frequent this board and had my kids at 35+
Anon says
I’m 38 and my baby is one month old. :)
Anonymous says
Just venting… Husband has a man-cold and couldn’t sleep, so he thought it would be a good idea to wake up the entire household by unloading the dishwasher in the middle of the night. When I protested, he got mad at me for not already having done it myself, despite the fact that I had turned it on when we went to bed and it had finished running while everyone was asleep. Now he is at home using one of the gazillion PTO days he has banked to rest and recuperate while spreading germs throughout the entire house (unloading the dishwasher while sick, coughing all over my pillows, leaving an unsterilized thermometer on the bathroom counter, etc. etc.).
Meanwhile, I have exactly three days of PTO available because I am the one who keeps having to take off for kid-related things. To make things even more fun, I recently recovered from a seven-month bout of asthmatic bronchitis, finally got most of my vocal range back, and made it back to the gym for the very first time last week. I was so happy to be back to the two activities, choir and working out, that keep me marginally sane. Now I am going to catch whatever this is, get bronchitis again, and have my entire life destroyed again, and I won’t even be able to take time off to recuperate. I am so over this winter.
Anon says
Oh man – that sounds awful!
Anon says
Whoa. If he has way more PTO, why isn’t he doing all the kid sick days!? Something is not right here.
OP says
Because his entire job is going to meetings and mine isn’t. He refuses to stay home on any day when he has a meeting, which is every day.
Then he complains that he has all this unused PTO built up that he never “gets” to use for fun things. Guess what, buddy? I never get to use my PTO for fun either.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, this sounds like a husband problem not a winter problem. Why isn’t he covering more of the kid sick days? My husband has more PTO and actual sick leave (mine is combined) so he covers most kid sick days when my dad can’t make it unless he has an immovable meeting.
I’m sorry you’ve been sick, that sounds terrible.
Anonymous says
I mean him blaming her for not emptying the dishwasher in the middle of the night made it pretty clear it was a husband problem.
Hang in there OP – it’ll be spring soon!
Pogo says
omg, I had asthmatic bronchitis for the first time in years this winter. It is so much worse than I remembered. Hugs to you.
anon says
Our weekends lately have been unpleasant. DH and I have deliberately not overscheduled family activities because we’re both tired from the work week and just want to chill, in addition to spending time with our kids. I am also training for a half marathon and am doing my long run on Saturdays, which is starting to take a couple of hours each time. The kids are, frankly, driving us bonkers. They are definitely old enough to entertain themselves independently but just don’t want to? I feel a lot of guilt and responsibility for this — they’re in pre-K or elementary school + aftercare and have a fairly tight schedule during the week. And then the unstructured weekends hit and it’s like they don’t know what to do with the downtime. Our older kids seriously threw a fit when being told to go outside and ride his bike around the neighborhood. Younger kid would rather roll around on the floor or jump off the furniture than play with the toys that she loves.
Both kids have 3-4 chores that they’re expected to finish. These are not hugely time-consuming.
I feel strongly that not every weekend can be fun all the time, and sometimes you have to do things like chores and figure out how to work through your boredom. I do NOT want to feel like the household entertainment director. I can’t tell if these hysterics are a bid for undivided attention or what, but I feel like an absolute failure. I just don’t remember being up in my parents’ sh!t all the time. They were doing their own thing, I had things I wanted to do, and we were not a family that went on adventures all the time. It’s entirely possible that I have rose-colored glasses about my childhood; I’m just really struggling to figure out what’s reasonable here.
Help? This dynamic is seriously putting a damper on the weekends. I’m hoping it’ll be better once the weather is nicer and we can all get outside more, but there’s still at least another month before that happens.
Anonymous says
I don’t think you’re setting your kids up for success. They need a routine. They need ways to relax. They need time with you.
Can you start treating the weekend as blocks of time?
Saturday am- you run, husband takes kids to library. Saturday lunch you all meet up someplace casual. Saturday post lunch you take kids outside somewhere- there’s no bad weather only bad clothes. Saturday eve- family movie. Sunday- church because at Sunday school someone else will watch them, followed by donuts. Sunday afternoon- family chores hour
Anon says
“Sunday- church because at Sunday school someone else will watch them, followed by donuts.”
Not everyone is part of a religion that has religious services on Sunday mornings. Or part of a religion, period. Also, I think suggesting that someone go to religious services because hey, they offer free childcare is pretty vacant.
Anon says
Not the person you’re responding to, but it was obviously an example. Her suggestion was “treat the weekends as blocks of time” (and this is her example of this works for her family), not “take the kids to church because they have free daycare.”
Anonymous says
Obviously, but plenty of people are, and it was just a suggestion. Personally, I love church in part because it gives me 1.5 hours of childfree peaceful time every week.
Anon says
I think Anon at 11:07 intended this schedule as an example of how to break up the weekend into blocks, not as a demand that OP schedule her weekend this exact way. Chill out.
Anonymous says
DH and I are also fans of unscheduled weekends but I do find the days still need a rough plan. DH and I trade off morning fitness activities (me – yoga, him- usually marathon training but currently injured). An average weekend day goes like this – Breakfast, free play with toys for an hour, get dressed, activity with parent (DH paints or playdohs with them, I hate painting so I bake with them), screen time 1 hour, lunch (made by whichever parent was ‘off’ in the morning), outside for a couple hours – sometimes this is skating or sliding – sometimes just building snow forts in the backyard (usually DH takes them out while I catch up on housework or I’ll join), inside for a bit of screen time then free play before dinner – if I don’t go outside with them, I’ll usually take the lead on watching/playing with them when they come it.
Short time blocks of undivided attention seem to help them play on their own after. They also do better when I say ‘play with your trains for a bit until I’m ready to start baking’ because it gives them a timeline of when I’m available to them again.
Anon says
I don’t think you need to plan tons of family “adventures,” but at the same time asking young kids to play independently for most of the weekend seems unfair. There’s a balance, where you’re hanging out together some of the time, and they’re on their own some of the time. It’s personality dependent, but at the pre-K age I think the balance still generally tips heavily in favor of togetherness, I’d say about the most you can expect is independent play (or rest) during what used to be a nap time – if they’re happy to play alone for more than that, great, but not all kids are. Also, if what your kid wants to do is roll around on the floor, let her. Generally my philosophy is that my kids can do whatever they want as long as it’s not dangerous or hurtful to people, animals or property. Who cares if they’re playing with their real toys or doing something you think is silly, as long as it’s not hurting anyone? If they’re in a more structured preschool program, they may need this kind of thing to burn off steam.
Anon says
Oh man, I remember this point. I only have one, so the “go play with your sibling” thing wasn’t available to us. I blame myself, in a way because up until he was 5 or so we had always done a lot on the weekends: museums, parks, playdates, zoo, etc. because my son was high-energy and we felt like we needed to “wear him down” in order to get him to go to bed on time so WE could rest. When he hit age 6, I really came to a point where I was like, this kid needs to learn to entertain himself. So we started down that road, and let me tell you, it took awhile. I didn’t want him on screens all the time obviously, but somehow even with severe screen-time limitations from birth (and being in a daycare/preschool that had no screens, at all period) he had the idea that unstructured time = screen needs to be on and so that was a struggle. We did not have very many kids in the neighborhood his age. I think I was in the same mindset you are in: I was always the kid who was very happy to spend all day in my room reading and playing with my toys; sometimes I’d get upset when my mom would make me come to the dinner table even if I had been in my room most of the day, because I was engaged in inventive play and didn’t want to be disturbed. And I did it without screens because we only had one screen in the house – the TV in the living room – that my parents controlled the use of, so I knew entertaining yourself without TV was possible. My husband lived in a rural area growing up and spent most weekends, according to him, riding his BMX bike out in the woods and hiking around throwing rocks into ponds and nearly getting bit by rattlesnakes six million times. My son was the opposite of me and my husband – he just wanted us to entertain him all.the.time and it got really wearing.
Here’s what we did that worked:
– We did finally make friends with the people across the street who had two kids similar in age to my son. They were VERY different people than us with very different values and we did have to do some boundary-setting (like, Son is not allowed to have soda, even at your house, sorry. Even though your kids drink it like crazy). I came to realize that despite the big differences in parental approaches, the kids were just kids and mostly just wanted to chase each other around, build pillow forts, etc. It was nice to have the kids get together and entertain each other.
– I went back to doing the things I did on weekends before I had my son and he could either sit and watch me (and/or participate) or figure out how to entertain himself. These things included: refinishing furniture; cleaning out closets; myriad home improvement projects; gardening and yardwork, etc. My husband went back to working on his bicycles and car repair/restoration projects and woodworking. Sometimes our son participated and learned something. Usually he would go off and play with his Legos.
– We did a couple of “enrichment” weekend class series at the science museum and that was great because we could drop him off and go run errands, and when we went back to pick him up he was good on social interaction for awhile and could generally entertain himself the rest of the day, at least.
– Husband and I decided that every other weekend we would do some kind of “adventure” one weekend day and we would let him help us pick it. So he’d have that to look forward to. But he knew that was it and every weekend was not going to be adventure-time weekend.
We also saw some fit-throwing (“BUT I AM BORED AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO! YOU ARE SO MEAN! etc.”) but it tapered off as we made it clear that there was no way we could spend every weekend entertaining him; we had things we wanted and needed to do and that was that on that. It will work once you start enforcing it; there’s just no two ways about it. Kids today are very used to having everything be super structured and monitored and observed. Even though “free play” and unstructured time is really important to their development, it doesn’t seem to be something preschools and schools create time for. It will get better but it will take time and you have to stick to your guns. I know it’s not easy. Hugs and know that what you want is reasonable.
shortperson says
hire a babysitter to take them to the playground and feed them dinner one afternoon each weekend. key to my mental health.
Anonymous says
What ages are your kids? Mine are 4 and 7 and will play together for a few hours (which is wonderful) but mostly we plan to entertain them on the weekend and do stuff together as a family. Our usually weekend schedule at this time of year (when the weather is nice and we can spend time outside – we are in TX) is kids sleep in until 8 or so, watch some tv and eat breakfast, then have a”big” outing to hike, scooter, picnic etc. as a family for a couple of hours. Then after lunch they have “nap” time where they watch a movie on tv. Then a smaller activity in the afternoon (play in the park or something), then eat out for dinner. They aren’t asked to do any chores or homework. We try to make weekends fun time as much as possible since we have little to no downtime during the week.
SC says
My only is about the age of your younger one. We also struggle with independent play, but it’s gotten better. One thing that helps is to start the weekend by really leaning into some quality time together. We have Friday night pizza and movie nights, and DH and I actually sit down and watch a movie with Kiddo and get some cuddles. (Also, DH and I get some rest and a break from the routine of cooking dinner.)
Saturday mornings, I take Kiddo to swim lessons, and afterwards, we do a family activity. If DH is busy, then I do something with Kiddo. We might go to brunch and the zoo, meet friends at the park, go hiking, go to the children’s museum, etc. Then Kiddo entertains himself Saturday afternoon/evening, except for family dinner and bedtime routine.
Sundays are usually work days–we do grocery shopping, chores, etc. If Kiddo wants to be with us, he can help or play mostly independently. If he wants to play but also be around us, he can do an activity (puzzles, coloring, Legos) at the kitchen table, which is central to the rest of the living areas. If he’s been mostly on his own a while and starts to get clingy, one or both parents might do something that really engages with him but is time limited, like a board game or one of the pretend games he’s made up or going on a walk. Then he has the same choice again–help out or play independently.
Also, I think it’s a little like building a muscle. If there’s time, have shorter increments of unstructured time in the evenings, like while you’re making dinner. On the weekends, start with an hour or two, then increase it.
Sarabeth says
What works for us:
-All the playdates. My kids will play for hours with their friends from school.
-At least one family event per weekend (going swimming at the Y, on a hike, etc); but never more than one per day.
-Sunday night is movie night, but they have to get their chores done first (clean their rooms, practice their instruments). They never start before 4 pm on Sunday, but that’s fine.
-When they are way bored, we head outside. Even if it’s just walking around the block, or (in terrible weather) driving to the nearby conservatory.
-Making pancakes for breakfast together at least one weekend morning
Also, ime, it gets a lot better when they can read independently. Still waiting on that for my second.
Anon says
Can your youngest go in a jogging stroller?
Anonymous says
Kind of late to the party here but my $0.02:
My kids (also preK and ES) need physical activity and they are both wildly extroverted while DH and I are outgoing introverts. So we try to combine Kids-getting-yayas-out with something more low key or enjoyable for us.
I always (99%) do grocery shopping on Sat AM, or we all go to the Farmers market. Kids love the food stalls so they generally come with, we run into people, etc.
ES is a great time to find a neighborhood friend. Half the time they are at our house but not in our hair, the other half of the time they are somewhere else. Playing! Having fun!
if I get really desperate I will take my preKer with me to the gym and he’ll happily play in childcare for an hour.
Midwestern says
something that has worked with my kids… develop a list of “strategies” ahead of time…so when it’s time to occupy themselves its not about “what to do” but instead “which strategy are you going to use now?” Just having a game plan makes it their job vs yours
Patent pending says
Any tips on gaining more weight in pregnancy? I’m a strict vegetarian, will eat milk products but really dislike eggs. I’m about 14 weeks with twins and have only gained 2-3 pounds. Need to step it up but I’ve been trained all my life to eat and enjoy “low calorie” snacks so I feel like I want apples and clementines, but I need to eat something with calories and just don’t know what’s good—high calorie but not junk food. Will happily eat potato chips! Thanks for any tips!
ALC says
I ate a lot of fig bars — I think its the Nature’s Bakery brand (got a big box at Costco). They have a fair amount of fiber, which I was looking for. I also ate a lot of peanut butter and crackers and bananas.
Anon says
nuts, nut butters, hummus, smoothies with nut butters, plantain chips with black bean dip are high calorie but not total junk food. also- when i was pregnant with twins i gained very little weight by 14 weeks bc i was so nauseous and then gained a ton during the second half of my 2nd trimester. also, my doc had me see a nutritionist (who in my case was totally unhelpful) bc it was part of standard twin care at my practice, but seeing a good nutritionist could be helpful
rosie says
Add peanut butter or slices of cheddar to your apples. Trail mix (go to Trader Joe’s and buy any of the kinds that appeal to you, I think you’ll get a good balance of healthy fats/proteins/etc. with variety).
Anon says
Is there a college with a decent dining hall near you? Dining halls are a great place to gain weight because there’s such a variety of healthy foods.
Anonymous says
Bwahahahaha
Anon says
All the college dining halls I’ve ever been in have very unhealthy food. You gain weight not just because of the unlimited quantity but also because the foods are so high in fat, sugar and sodium.
Clementine says
A friend in a similar position went to full fat everything and also added lots of nut butters, avocado, nuts, and whole milk Greek yogurt into her life.
So, she would eat an apple but add a generous spread of nut butter. She also basically added higher cal foods – pistachios were a favorite – to her normal meal patterns.
Also, daily ice cream became a thing for her, encouraged by her doc/midwife.
NYCer says
This! (Minus the daily ice cream, though I did often drink a glass of full fat milk during the middle of the day.)
I don’t gain weight easily during life or pregnancy, and I had to consciously eat a lot of substantial snacks to keep up. Peanut butter, full fat yogurt, avocado, cheese, trail mix, etc. That being said, 3 pounds at 14 weeks isn’t outside the realm of normal if you were sick a lot during the first trimester.
Anon says
I did the same thing as your friend. Lots of nuts and trail mix, full-fat yogurt, protein shakes, hot chocolate (made with milk and with whipped cream on top). Towards the end, I ate avocado toast or toast with nut butters every night before bed.
Anon says
I was low maternal weight gain, and my OB eventually told me to put butter on everything and eat more desserts (don’t need to tell me twice!). Just like what’s healthy for babies isn’t the same as what’s healthy for adults, I think the rules bend a bit for pregnant women, and at least for some people there comes a point at which weight gain is worth added fat and sugar. In the end, I only gained 18 pounds but the baby was healthy (and big!! almost 9 lbs!)
Anonymous says
High protein muffins. There are lots of recipes online for muffins using protein powder. Clif bars are also an easy source for calories and protein. Basically don’t go anywhere without a protein or granola bar in your purse.
Anon says
I did not have this problem, but a friend of mine who got pregnant with twins was told by her OB to make a packet of Carnation Instant Breakfast with 8-12 ounces of whole milk and drink that at least once a day. It worked and it was all she had to do to get her weight gain on track, she otherwise didn’t have to change her diet much.
Anonymous says
Peanut butter and full fat dairy. You can have an apple but eat it with a PB or nut butter. Had to do this both my pregnancies. But it actually got to a point where I had to go full on eating ice cream and bakery products (cheese danishes from Whole Foods yes please). Both babies were healthy weights (7lbs and a surprise 9.5lbs) and the weight came right off. One of my friends with twins ended up having to eat cliff bars/protein bars because she wasn’t gaining enough either. I haven’t had twins but I’ve found that almost all my weight gain happens in the third tri
Anonymous says
Avocado and olive oil are your friend. Drizzle olive oil on your pizza. Buy amazing bread and use it to soak up olive oil on a plate Italian style. Plan every meal and snack to have a good amount of fat and protein. Almond butter on your toast and a side of vegan bacon with a smoothie for breakfast. Smoothies are a great way to add calories.
Anon says
All good suggestions but also consult with your doctor on how much you should gain. 2-3 pounds at this point might be enough and you will find the weight will ramp up as you get more into the second trimester. At the end of my first trimester, I was 10 pounds lighter as compared to my first Dr visit because of how sick I was in the first tri.
Anon says
Is your doctor telling you to gain more weight? It’s totally normal to not gain much, or even lose, in the first trimester due to nausea, so I wouldn’t worry about it at all unless your doctor seems concerned.
Anonymous says
Not OB but I know my OB advised it was more important in twin pregnancies to ensure early adequate weight gain because there is a higher chance of not having a full term pregnancy so you can’t necessarily rely on a full third trimester. I think my protein target was something like 60 grams a day which I found hard to hit.
Anonymous says
Thank you so much all! These are great suggestions.
Anon says
Can we talk about au pairs? I know there was a discussion about this recently, but it’s still something I’m mulling over. For various reasons, the flexibility of an au pair would (I think) be the perfect answer for our childcare needs next year, since we need both morning and afternoon help, but not necessarily 40 hours a week.
Has anyone introverted had an au pair? My main concern is feeling like I’d always need to be interacting with them, whereas most nights I just want to chill on the couch with a TV show.
Anon says
Yeah, as an introvert I’ve never considered an au pair for precisely this reason.
AwayEmily says
This was also the biggest reason I did not want a nanny. The idea of having to make small talk with someone twice a day sounded horrifying.
Anon says
It’s a real concern! Daycare is so much more comfortable for me than a nanny, even though we usually end up chit-chatting with the daycare teachers a bit too, at least in the morning. I guess they’re better at it, because they have many sets of parents to chat with instead of just one.
Anon says
DH and I are both introverts and we have a nanny who we love and seems to love us! The amount of small talk we make daily is very very small.
rosie says
We don’t have a nanny anymore but had a similarly great set up. Obviously not every nanny will be like this, but I rarely felt like I had to make a lot of forced small talk with our nanny. On the other hand, preschool drop off & pick up has lots more interactions with other parents, which is sometimes great and sometimes just not what I am in the mood for. That all said, this was an au pair question, and I think I’d be really concerned about this issue with someone living in my house.
anon says
+1, I’m a severe introvert (like almost a misanthropist) and my nanny is lovely and i enjoy talking to her 2x/day.
Anon says
We have an au pair and the trick is to be upfront with your candidates during the match process so you find a good personality fit for your family. All of our au pairs have joined us for family dinner in the evenings, but otherwise retreat to their room to watch Netflix, or else go out to the gym or to Starbucks with friends. None of them hang out with us in the evening. We schedule “American” activities with her for some weekends, e.g., decorating the Christmas tree, going to the pumpkin patch, going to a baseball game, but otherwise she’s usually out with friends. It’s like living with a 23 yo cousin–she should have her own life and friends and shouldn’t want to spend 24/7 with a boring middle aged couple.
Anon says
For the record, a good match isn’t necessarily with an introverted au pair, as she may have trouble making friends and be home more. A more active and sociable au pair is more likely to be out and about, thus giving you some space. We warn all of our candidates that our weeknight routine is family dinner, kid bedtime, dishes and bills. After dinner we’re not social because we’re banging out chores. So far they’ve all understood and have established their own independent routine.
Anon says
This is helpful, thanks!
Anonymous says
Totally agree with this. My husband and I are both introverts. Our au pair pretty much stays in her room or is out and about during times when she’s not on duty. She’s lovely and friendly, but she’s not really interested in shooting the breeze or watching TV with us at night. She eats with us every weekday night, and she joins for family dinners on weekends sometimes, and usually for family celebrations like birthdays and so forth.
anne-on says
+1 – our agency has candidate personality profiles you can (and should!) read when you’re matching that talk about their social styles. We screen for extroverts (so they get out of the house with their friends!) and are pretty up front that weekday evenings are a mad rush of dinner/gym/chores/etc. so not to expect a lot of fun activities. We always include them on the weekend stuff but very rarely do they join (going to the bouncy gym at 8am on a Saturday is rarely a teenagers idea of a good time!). This is pretty common and almost every au pair we have is out of the house during the days and most weekends to go to starbucks/meet up with friends/etc.
ifiknew says
I have a 9 month old who’s allergic to dairy, eggs, and peanuts. With peanuts, he got hives over his face and was very itchy. Benadryll calmed it down and he was fine within an hour. He gets a rash around his mouth with dairy and eggs and is very itchy. He eats many pureed vegetables and fruits and grains and has been good so far with all of that. He’s a big kid and otherwise thriving so far, but it is a bit tough.
I’m afraid of trying the other nuts. I have an appointment with an allergist in April, but unfortunately they are all so booked up that it’s hard to get any sooner. I’m feeling bummed he’s allergic to the top 3, particularly dairy because we eat a lot of milk and yogurt in our house.
I know food allergies in the grand scheme of issues kids can have are okay, but does anyone have any tips? What should I be doing / trying? Is there anything I can do to help him?
Anonymous says
My oldest is peanut, dairy and egg allergic. She’s fine with pistachios and almonds but is also allergic to hazelnuts so don’t write off all nuts. A lot of people avoid nuts because they are worried about cross contamination. Mine hasn’t outgrown her dairy allergy but it is one of the most common ones to outgrow.
Avoid peanuts entirely. Based on the more minor symptoms around the dairy and egg, can he tolerate baked products like muffins? Baking breaks apart the protein. My daughter is highly allergic to dairy but has passed the baked egg and baked dairy tests so we are hopefully she will eventually outgrow dairy. Her muffins have to have one cup of milk and/or one egg to one cup of flour minimum per 12 muffin minimum and be baked at 375 for at least 20 mins.
OP says
Thank you so much, this is very helpful. I will try baking and see how he does. How old is your oldest?
Anonymous says
She’s 8 but like 80% of kids outgrow dairy allergy by age 5.
You can also use the UK dairy ladder to try some dairy items that may be tolerated even when raw milk is not. Drinking milk is the purest form of the protein and lots of kids tolerate cheese (for example) even when they react to milk. https://www.royalberkshire.nhs.uk/patient-information-leaflets/dietetics%20paediatric%20using%20the%20milk%20ladder%20to%20re-introduce%20milk%20and%20dairy
Pogo says
I am allergic to cashew, walnut, macadamia, hazelnuts and pistachio. I’m good with almond, pine nuts, and peanuts. I don’t know why, but you can definitely be allergic to some and not others!
Anon says
Technically, almonds aren’t nuts, which is why a lot of nut-allergic people can eat them.
Pogo says
correct, same w/ peanuts. However pink peppercorns are a relative of the walnut so I can’t eat those!
Anon allergy mom says
Hi! I have an 8mo with peanut and egg allergies. We also just recently found out he is allergic to garlic which we cook with a ton and which is also not always clearly labeled in foods :( I thought he was also allergic to dairy but we tested for that in office and it was negative. We have not reintroduced dairy yet. He has several things that give him a rash around the mouth that apparently aren’t actually allergies, just really sensitive skin.
When we first went in for the peanut and egg diagnoses, our doc suggested that we go ahead and introduce other common allergens (all tree nuts, dairy, wheat, sesame) in this manner: put a little on his skin, wait 15 mins, if no rxn give him a taste, wait 15 mins, then let him eat a morsel. If still no rxn in 15 minutes then proceed with having him eat the food. We’ve done this with sesame and a few other nuts so far with no issues. I’ve kept a log in an excel sheet of what foods we’ve introduced and when. Sometimes rxns don’t present on the first introduction, though (our peanut rxn didn’t show up until the 5th or 6th time he’d had peanut butter, he got hives and his lip started swelling so we ended up in the ER) so you still have to keep an eye on them on subsequent exposures. Also, definitely check the labels for any other nut butters to make sure they aren’t potentially cross-contaminated with peanut (manufactured on the same equipment, for example). If you have Sprouts near you, they have a lot of one-serving packages of different nut butters. Whole Foods has some too.
This method of trying new foods is difficult as a working mom because I really only have time for this on the weekend, but it’s been good for my peace of mind.
Can you try another allergist who might be available sooner?
Good luck. It is hard. Hopefully both of our children will grow out of some of these, though peanut is unlikely.
OP says
This is so helpful, thank you. How did you know he’s allergic to garlic by the way?
It was the same for us with peanuts. It’s making me anxious that it could take a few times before an allergy shows up, but we have an epi pen and benadryll, so hopefully okay.
Anon allergy mom says
I gave him some roasted garlic with lemon juice and garlic on it (had made it for the rest of us) and he reacted immediately. Tried it again another day, same thing. Doc tested for all three of those things and garlic came back positive with a pretty significant hive. He said this is his first patient with a true garlic allergy. It’s rare, but you can be allergic to anything. His reaction was significant enough that he won’t retest that one for at least another year or two to see if he is growing out of it.
Keep feeding new things and just be vigilant (which I’m sure you are). Maybe see if you can get a script for an epipen called in in advance of your appointment so that you have one on hand. We got a script from our ER visit so we already had one by the time we had the first allergist appointment.
SC says
Today’s rendition of cute things kids say…
My husband and I are planning a trip for just the two of us for our 10-year anniversary in a few months. My parents, who live a plane ride or long drive away, are going to come into town and stay with Kiddo (4 yo) at our house. This is the first time we’ve left Kiddo alone for more than a day or two, and he was too young to remember those shorter trips.
We’ve started to prep Kiddo about the trip, just being matter of fact when it comes up in conversation. My parents are visiting and arrived yesterday. As we were all hanging out, my mom started to tell him that she and my dad were going to come stay with him, and it would be just the three of them, and they’d do all these fun things together. My kid looked right at me, waved, and said, “OK, BYYYEEE!”
So, now I don’t feel even a little guilty about leaving him at home with my parents!
Anon says
That’s awesome! Happy anniversary and hope you have a wonderful trip.
A few weeks ago, as soon as we got inside her school, my 2 year old turned to me and said “Ok, Mommy go bye-bye now. [Name] go school!” I love the independence, but it kind of broke my heart because I flashed forward to when she’s too cool to be seen with me and wants me to drop her off around the block :(
SC says
Thanks. We still have 3 month to go until our trip, but I’m super excited! DH and I haven’t been anywhere just the 2 of us since our honeymoon. We spent all our PTO and discretionary budget during the first 5 years of our marriage traveling to and being in weddings. Since having Kiddo, we’ve always vacationed with him, except a couple of very short trips for weddings.
Anon says
hoping we one day reach this phase because right now my 20 month old twins are very into mommy. one in particular does not like when our nanny comes in the morning (though I know she is all smiles about 10 minutes later) and even freaked out the other day when i went to the bathroom and DH was with her (usually she doesn’t freak out when she is with DH).
SC says
My kid was SO into daddy at that age–very similar to what you describe. They are still very close, but Kiddo’s grandparents are super exciting!
Anonymous says
You’ll get there. One of my 5 year old twins keeps asking when we can go ‘sleep somewhere else’ so grandma and grandpa can stay with them.
lsw says
Aw!! We’re also doing a milestone trip this year so I’m taking your story to heart.
My 3.5 is saying “my feets are too tight” when he wants to stop walking and be carried. It’s cute/annoying. Haha.
Last night he was constipated and when he finally went, he looked at me and said, “Whew, that was a hard one!”
He’s in speech therapy and has been delayed since forever so I cherish all the little windows into his mind!
SC says
Lol, who would have thought 10% of parenthood was talking about poop?
lsw says
Soooo much talk about poop.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Right now, it’s about 50% of poop, farts and butt talk with our almost 4 year old. His biggest insult is “you’re a baby poopy” which is adorable in its innocence.
Anon says
My brand new (today!) 2 year old is really into naming emotions lately. She saw a photo of me at the beach and said “Happy Mommy!” and then saw me smiling at her and said “This Mommy happy too! Two happy mommies!!!” My heart melted.
GCA says
Too cute!
The 18mo is just starting her toddler wordsplosion and she’ll talk to herself as she falls asleep: ‘Up. Down. Mama. Dada. [Big brother]. [Big brother] sleeping bunk (she’s on a floor mattress under his jr loft bed). Mama sleep (trying to get me to lie down with her). Blanket.’
AnotherAnon says
The stuff they say alone in bed is my favorite. My 3 y/o this weekend said to me “Oh. I understand!” I don’t even remember what I said to him but it was something totally banal.
Pogo says
mine sings variations on Old McDonald to himself in bed. It’s adorable.
AwayEmily says
My 4yo and 2yo were pretending the couch was a forest, which largely consisted of yelling “We’re in the FOREST!” and looking for pretend woodpeckers. I sat down on a nearby chair and my 2yo told me “NO! Don’t sit there.” I replied “Oh, it’s okay, this is a boat! I’m traveling down the river to visit you in the forest.” He looked me dead in the eye and said, very seriously, “That is not a boat. It is a chair.”
AnotherAnon says
This reminds me of the McSweeney’s about improv with toddlers. Aren’t they the best?
Pogo says
Whenever my toddler corrects me on make believe stuff, I’m always like, “It’s your world kid, I’m just living in it.”
Boston Legal Eagle says
Our almost 4 year old typically sits down for dinner or other meals, then about a minute later gets up again to use the potty. Lately he’s been asking us to “save his seat” when he goes – there are 5 chairs, and our family is him, me, my husband and our 16 month old in a high chair so not sure who he thinks will take his chair but it’s hilarious. Clearly something from daycare applied at home!
Pogo says
2.5yo’s newest phrases are “not yet” and “not today.” Like I’ll ask if he’s done with his milk and he’ll shake his head solemnly and say “Not yet, mommy.” And he’s constantly refusing to do all sorts of thins like, get dressed, by saying “I not get dressed. Not today, mommy.”
Anonymous says
Lol, same with the not today! It’s hard not to laugh, when he’s screaming “NOT TODAY!!” and kicking his legs on the floor.
Anonymous says
My 3 year old recently came home to tell me that he learned a new word for ‘delicious’… ‘delish’! He cracks himself up saying something is delish.
cbackson says
Have any of y’all dealt with irritable uterus and did anything help? I’m 22w and have days where it’s just Braxton-Hicks contractions aaaaaaaaaall day. They don’t hurt but some days I end up with sore/tired abs because the contractions are so frequent. They don’t have any characteristics of actual early labor so my OB isn’t concerned in that respect.
Anon says
My friends who had BH contractions said staying really hydrated helped, but I think irritable uterus doesn’t respond as well to drinking water. I had no symptoms and was diagnosed with it at the doctor’s office, but my doctor said it raises the risk of early labor so she put me on travel restrictions a lot earlier, just fyi that that might happen to you down the road (of course in the end my baby ended up overdue and was induced).
Anonymous says
How is your magnesium and potassium intake? Try eating more foods with magnesium and potassium. Muscles contractions are almost always related to those for me. I often have low potassium but it only really bother or affected me during pregnancy.
Anonymous says
Sorry but I had BH both pregnancies, very frequently from 20 weeks on. Good news is that I had pretty quick deliveries (not precipitous just not long) both times. They’re so annoying but they get your uterus in shape!z
anon says
I had those with my second. I’m not sure anything really helped, other than resting and making sure I was well hydrated. Once, they were so intense that I thought I was actually in labor and went to the ER … thankfully that wasn’t the case, but I get how draining the constant contractions can be!
Anon says
I had an irritable uterus and got Braxton-Hicks contractions any time I was remotely dehydrated, and towards the end of pregnancy, whenever I was in the shower or warm. The thing that helped was a LOT of sports drinks and bananas. I used Sword, Shield, and Nuun tablets.
Fun fact: when you go into labour, you’ll be able to see the uterine spasms on the monitor.
cbackson says
Thanks, y’all. Sounds like magnesium, potassium, and staying on top of my hydration would all be things to try.
Quail says
More magnesium helped me. I had such bad BH contractions starting around that time in my second pregnancy. Also be aware of “prodromal labor” – I had bigger-than-BH-but-not-real-contractions for the last two weeks of my second pregnancy and it was mentally, and physically, very taxing! I think knowing what contractions feel like from the first pregnancy made me hyper-aware the second time – and the fact that I had a very short labor for my first and did not want a home birth for my second (successfully avoided even with an even shorter labor!)