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I recently stumbled on a Reddit thread where a young woman asked how to wear drapey/tunic style tops without creating — well, I believe her phrase was that she wanted to avoid creating a “boob tent.” As someone who has always been large-of-bust, I’ll agree that’s a problem, and never moreso than when I was pregnant and nursing. For my own $.02, I’ve always thought the trick was a really well-fitting and relatively freshly purchased bra — but a number of others wrote in to say that their trick was to wear a long pendant necklace. So let’s discuss, ladies — have you found pendant necklaces essential to make a drapey/tunic-y top look good if you have a larger bust? This pretty Kendra Scott necklace is pretty affordable at $80-$90; it comes in three colors. Kendra Scott ‘Rayne’ Tassel Pendant Necklace
(I’m linking to our recentish post on Corporette on style tips for busty women, but we clearly need to do a specialized feature here for busty style tips for pregnant/nursing moms (especially if you try to avoid underwires during the period when you’re nursing). Did you find the rules were different? Any great tips?)
(L-all)
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See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
sigh.... says
So today my husband mentioned that he feels like our younger child is “my” kid and he doesn’t get any input into her parenting. Ouch. On one hand, I feel like this is all my fault. She’s now 2, but when she was a baby I was into babywearing and I breastfed her for 18 months. I did almost everything with the baby and my husband did almost everything with our older daughter. So I didn’t start out well. Now, he works two jobs (starting a business) so he’s gone 4-5 evenings a week plus most of the day Saturday. I guess I’m on my own so much that I don’t do a good job of incorporating him when he’s home. I am surprised because he traveled Mon-Thu when our older daughter was 0-2. To me, that situation seemed similar to our current one but apparently he felt much more involved when our oldest was young. I’m not sure why. So what the heck do I do? Start leaving him alone with the kids on his day off? Split up childcare tasks by task rather than kid (aka he gets both dressed, I make both breakfast)? I haven’t dug this hole intentionally and not sure how to get out since he is gone so much.
Legal Canuck says
my husband does daddy/daughter time where he spends time with one kid exclusively (either by taking them to an activity, or out for a treat). IT is a great way for him to get spend time individually. We also split tasks, he does night routine, I do morning. I also do try not to correct his parenting (the clothes he picks, how he does homework with them)
Two Cents says
This is such a great idea. I’m sure both your daughter and husband would enjoy this. And if she’s at all reluctant to go without you, make sure hubby takes her somewhere she really enjoys so that she will want to go out.
Anonymous says
I’m an only child but my dad and I had special “Daddy/daughter” time when I was growing up and it’s one of my favorite memories of my childhood.
sigh.... says
OP here – thank you for these ideas! Any thoughts on day-to-day opportunities?
Momata says
We just went through the same transition after weaning my second. While I was nursing, DH took care of the toddler and I took care of the infant. Now, I make more of a point to step in and take care of toddler and leave him to take care of baby. I suggest trying that as much as you can when he is home.
Mornings with Dad? says
Does he babywear? My two year old is often happy to tag along in the carrier for typical ‘Dad’ activities like raking leaves. Love back carries.
Doing bathtime is another great way to bound. Or if he has to run errands like picking up a package at the post office – have him take the 2 year old – post office is super exciting at that age.
It sounds like he’s not around in the evenings a lot, if he’s around in the mornings -can that be their special time? Maybe he goes in and wakes her up/gives milk/reads a book /starts breakfast every morning while you get ready?
Also, main point — if he wants more time with her – it’s HIS job to suggest what that looks like and when. Not your job to do the emotional labor of figuring this out.
rakma says
I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think this is his mainly problem to solve, not yours. If he wants to be more involved in your younger daughter’s life, he should schedule a time, or a task, or whatever will make him feel more involved, and do it.
That’s not to say you two shouldn’t sit down and have a conversation about it, but I don’t think that you deciding Sunday afternoons are Daddy DD2 park time is getting to the root of the issue. Also, I’d ask what made him feel more involved the first time. Was it that you were both new to parenting and you were figuring stuff out together, even if he wasn’t physically there?
Also, this sounds hard for you–you’re doing the bulk of the hands on parenting if he’s gone 4-5 evenings plus half the weekend, and it doesn’t seem fair for him to then tell you that by doing all that, you’re making him feel left out. Maybe I’m misreading this, but it sounds sorta cr*ppy that he’s dumping this on you.
CPA Lady says
Yeah, agree. If he has a problem, ask for his solution. You haven’t dug any kind of hole. He has other priorities right now, and he’s feeling the consequences of those priorities. Being in charge of him and his parenting is not your job, it is his job.
Also, I would be so burned out with that schedule and tempted to take 5-6 hours every Sunday and just go do stuff by myself while he solo parents. That’ll make him feel involved, right?
Meg Murry says
I’m hoping that he isn’t dumping this on the OP, but rather telling her his honest feelings, that he just felt more connected to the oldest kid, and he doesn’t feel that so much with the youngest.
Can you think back to what he did more of with Kid 1, or ask him what he liked to do? I agree that outings are good to give them each individual time, but part of it is that he needs to learn her everyday stuff, like which books or stuffed animals are her favorite. For that, I agree that OP planning to just leave for a little while on his days off (either taking one kid and leaving the other with Dad, or leaving both at home) is probably the best way to let him just figure this stuff out.
I would suggest instead of planning some kind of “amazing Daddy’s day out” you suggest he just do some of her favorite things with her – take her to the playground, take her to the library, read her favorite books with her, etc.
I also think splitting childcare by task, or pushing him to handle more of the 2 year old stuff instead of defaulting to the 4 year old would help.
SC says
I agree to some extent. My first reaction was, “Why don’t you ask him what (if anything) he wants to do to feel more involved? Why are you asking us?” I won’t go so far as to presume that you’re carrying an unfair load or that you and your husband haven’t discussed your general workloads while he’s starting a business. But I think you’re unnecessarily internalizing a lot of the blame here. You breastfed and wore your baby and formed a strong bond with her, presumably while raising another child and working–go you! Your husband works full-time and is starting a business on the side; that’s hard to do, so go him too! If he wants more input into parenting, it’s up to him to solve that problem. I don’t think your brainstorming ideas on the internet for him really addresses the problem. The way you phrased it, it’s not even clear to me that he feels there is a problem, rather than an observation that things feel different with Kid #2.
Also, I’ll challenge the idea that either of you dug any holes here, at least permanent ones. Children are amazingly adaptable. If your husband starts feeding the kids breakfast or doing bath time or taking your younger daughter to the park on the weekends, she’ll probably love it. If he doesn’t, you two can still teach them that Daddy works hard because he loves you and them, and he loves the time you all get together on Sundays.
JTX says
From the information you provided in your post, this is in no way your fault. Did I read correctly that your husband has one day – Sunday – where he is able to hang out with the kids? He misses their nighttime routine 4-5 days a week and he’s gone most of the day on Saturdays? When do you spend time as a family? On Sundays?
Why do you feel it is your responsibility to “incorporate” him into the kids’ routine? You did not “dig this hole” and it’s not your responsibility to fix your husband’s relationship with his daughter. It sounds like you feel almost guilty about your close bond with your youngest. Don’t. Your close relationship with your younger kid does not detract from your husband’s relationship with her.
The most effective thing you could probably do is leave town for a few days, leaving your kids in your husband’s care without any assistance from grandparents or nannies or friends. You can’t fix this for him.
Meg Murry says
While it’s not OP’s fault, and it’s not her job to directly fix this, I could see it being easy for her to slide into the default parent role even when her husband *is* around, so while she doesn’t need to “fix” it, being aware of it so she can try to stop the pattern isn’t a bad thing. For instance, does she just power through bedtime routine every night, even if he *is* home? Or if he tries to do something with the 2 year old, does she cry for mommy instead, and since you are both worn out you just cave to her and step in (been there, trying to break that pattern)? At a minimum, OP can be conscious of if she’s correcting her husband or sending the “you’re doing it wrong” message with words or looks. For instance, my MIL was a stereotypical SAHM while her husband was a 50s style “provider” (nevermind that my husband was a kid in the 80s …) and even once she went back to work and to this day she still defaults to being the “caregiver” when they are watching my kids, jumping up and anticipating their needs and letting my FIL just say “I don’t know” and be helpless.
Yes, not OP’s problem to fix – but she could watch to make sure she isn’t stepping in to “help” or automatically just doing things herself instead of letting her husband flounder through parenting tasks.
JTX says
Yes, I agree with you. The tone in OP’s post just really struck a nerve with me. I am actually in a similar situation with my two kids (14 months and 3 years). But the difference is that my husband doesn’t blame me or make it my responsibility to fix the situation. He actively tries to fix it himself, and suggests and implements possible solutions.
OP, seriously, plan a fun weekend away with friends, or a relaxing solo weekend at a hotel. That way you won’t be tempted (or expected) to slip into the default parent role. Your husband (and your kids) will figure it out.
Another R says
I think the biggest contribution you can make toward resolving this is to leave him and the kids alone some of the times he is available (it’s looking like your options are mornings, the portion of Saturdays he is around or Sundays). I’m sure the time away would be good for you too! Without knowing more about your dynamic this is just a guess, but splitting things by task may make it more likely that you’ll slip into your parenting role.
If he’s looking for suggestions of what to do with one or both kids, steer him towards options but if you select, prepare and organize “his” parenting time, I don’t think that fixes anything.
Finally, you imply his schedule/absence is work related, but is really? I know that work responsibilities can result in less-than-ideal schedules and to some extent that’s life… but maybe sit down together and look at all that time away and see if there’s another way to schedule it, an area where he can cut back or a way to reschedule things at different times of the day.
sigh.... says
Thanks everyone. Lots of good stuff in your comments, so thank you. I’m taking it all in.
OCAssociate says
Can you increase his day-to-day involvement in small things? diaper changes, tubs, getting dressed, feeding, making snacks, putting them to bed? My daughter (frankly both kids) want ME to do all these things, but we make an effort to have my husband do half. (Including scheduling bedtimes – we alternate nights.)
Daddy daughter time is a great idea, even if it’s just 5 minutes to read her a book, sit down and do some coloring/play dough, etc.
Also, when my husband is travelling/working late, he sends the kids “pictures” on my phone – either selfies or fun emojis. The kids send some back, and feel like they’re still getting some Dad interaction.
Honestly, sometimes for us this means hearing “Noooo! I want Mama to do it!” But we just tell the kids that Dad takes care of them too and they usually just accept that I’m not going to do everything for them.
Jdubs says
My oldest daughter is 5, and I feel like in the last five years I did a pretty good job navigating the kid/work balance, but now she started kindergarten in public school. Everything is during the day and at awful times. How do you make this work? I work 7-5, my husband does dropoff at school and she gets picked up by our nanny. Teacher meetings are held between 2:20-3:00 on tuesdays, this morning was a curriculum meeting for all kindergarten parents from 8:20-9:00, last week I attended an evening PTO meeting where they encouraged working parents to join because the meetings are friday mornings (wth??) and the parent curriculum involvement meetings are wednesdays at 2:15. Anyway, my previous feeling of being able to balance it all is quickly dissolving and I’ve been feeling like crap about the working mom thing lately. Do I just have to make peace with the fact that I can’t be as involved with her education as I would like to? How do other people do this?
GCA says
My son is 1.5 so I can’t speak from that experience, but my parents both worked when I was growing up, and while I was sore that my parents never, ever showed up for parent-teacher meetings (literally, they showed up for two: the first one in first grade, and the final one in 12th grade approximately 5 minutes before HS graduation), I turned out fine.
anon says
Can you complain to the school, teacher, and/or PTO? (Or ask them for suggestions rather than complain?) At a minimum, the PTO should be able to have some evening meetings since they don’t need to pay the teachers for that time. You can’t be the only working parent that has to actually work during the day. My husband is a teacher, and they definitely have some parent teacher conferences, open houses, etc at night in our area.
Navy Attorney says
We’ll face this next year and I worry about it. These seem to all be on the administrative end (curriculum, PTO); don’t forget to consider the other events like parties or plays. Maybe split some with your partner if you can? Look at the value of participating in the PTO – are they planning fundraisers to which you can absolve your time constraints by writing a check, or are they doing (possibly unnecessary) things like decorating the school for every month, organizing teacher gifts, etc.? I agree that parent-teacher conferences held only during the day is odd; my husband is also a teacher and they’re always in the evening.
Anonymous says
Don’t do the PTO and you don’t need to meet with the teacher every week. You won’t be as involved as someone who is a stay at home mom. And that’s 100% okay. Focus on doing the stuff your kid will actually notice – attend the concerts and the occasional field trip if you can – forget about PTO and fundraisers. Write a cheque and get back to work guilt free.
I signed up for a field trip this week because it’s my daughter’s birthday on the same day. She’s excited but I wouldn’t have felt guilty if I couldn’t do it because I had a trial.
Meg Murry says
I make friends with the SAH/part time parents that volunteer in the classroom, and get the scoop from them. My kid’s teachers have also been pretty responsive to emails, and scheduling phone conferences instead of in-person meetings when there is a minor concern. You could start by just sending a “Hi, I’m Jane’s parent, please feel free to email me if you have any concerns” message. Or even slight praising by leading with “Jane has been so excited about [making play-doh/studying your fish/the math project] in your class, I just wanted to let you know.” Teachers tend to only hear from parents when there is a problem, so telling them something good is a nice change.
Don’t forget that at the end of the day a lot of teachers are ALSO working parents who can’t make it to their kid’s school functions if they go to a different school, so they may actually get it more than you think.
H says
Ug, I am not looking forward to this (LO is almost 2 so I have some time). My initial thoughts: Can’t you just…not do it? I mean, how important is it to be in the PTO? If it’s not convenient, don’t do it, and don’t worry about it. You’ll do the best you can and you’ll find other ways to contribute. It doesn’t mean you love your child any less just because you can’t volunteer in her classroom all the time.
Samantha says
Can you try going in late to work one morning in a month – say a friday morning, and take kiddo to school that day, and stay a bit and talk to teacher if possible, or else participate in the Friday morning PTA meeting? Even that little thing (walking with her, talking to her on the walk) may help you feel more connected to her while not losing much by way of work time (go in at 9am instead of 7am one day).
EP-er says
Our PTO meeting was this morning. At 9:30. Ugh! But what I have found after a couple of years in school is that I don’t want to be a part of the PTO. The PTO is great and they do a lot of great things for the school, but I want to be involved where I can make a difference in my child’s classroom. Our PTO is run by the SAHMs and they have different priorities in term of time management than I do. I can’t sit through another meeting where we discuss water for the fun run for 30 minutes.
Talk with your child about the upcoming events and find out what is important to her. Three field trips this year? Use a vacation day to chaperone one. Four parties this year? Take a half day vacation to go to the Valentine’s, but skip the others. Send grandma & grandpa! I can’t make the Fun Run tomorrow (9:40-10:20) but grandma is a welcome substitute.
It is hard, especially when you are surrounded by SAHMs — but remember that you setting an example to your child about working.
Anonymous says
No advice, but I just wanted to say I really sympathize and I’m seriously considering becoming a SAHM now that my daughter has hit kindergarten. When you have a baby or toddler, everyone says “it gets easier” but I’ve found that’s really not the case. Daycare is geared to working parents (hours in our area are 7:30-5:30) with no expectation that parents will do anything during those hours, but suddenly the kid hits public school and they’re released in the middle of the afternoon with no option for aftercare and there are parent-teacher conferences, PTO meetings, field trips, etc. scheduled in the middle of the work day. It doesn’t help that I’m in a college town in a red state and literally all the other moms in my daughter’s class are stay at home moms or professors who have flexibility to attend a meeting at 10:00 am on a Tuesday. It’s been brutal and I’ve felt like a horrible mother every day for the last two months – which I never felt when I was dropping off my daughter at daycare. I really feel duped by all those people who said you just have to survive until they’re school-age. Having a kid in public school is so much harder than daycare in many ways.
Coach Laura says
I don’t understand public schools that do this. We were in an upscale neighborhood with a majority of SAHM but our elementary PTO/PTA meetings were at night (I was Treasurer and then Co-President and President). I think it would be hard to have them change the time but that sucks. It’s like they’re saying only SAHMs wanted – no working dads, no working moms. Agree that starting late on Fridays might be something you could try.
And the Parent/Teacher meetings were scheduled from 2:30-6 so parents could sign up for times that worked – I’d have to leave work at 4 or 5 (which was early). But we only had parent/teacher meetings 2-3 times a year. I honestly would talk to the principal and teacher and ask that you be kept informed via email instead of in person meetings and schedule those every 2-3 months, unless your child is having issues.
For volunteering I had an employer that allowed volunteering during the workday (like 5 hours a month) so I made my charity the public school and went once a month for an afternoon.
Public schools says
This seems like a basic question, but I am at a loss. How do you research public schools in an area you don’t know well?
Our family is moving to a totally new (midsize) city soon. Our daughter isn’t school-age yet, but the public elementary schools in different areas will probably be a major factor in deciding where to live. Without basically any friends in the area at the moment, I’m struggling to figure out how we are going to evaluate public schools.
Part of the problem is I don’t know how to evaluate different criteria. I mean, I can look at Great Schools ratings, but I’m not sure that gives me the information I want. For example, I don’t care as much about test scores. I’d like my daughter to be exposed to (racial, ethnic, and socio-economic) diversity.
I’d love to hear…what are the most criteria for you? And how do you evaluate different schools for those criteria? Are there any resources I should look into?
Closet Redux says
Post the name of your city and maybe someone has a local resource.
In my area, the local newspaper does a round-up every year that is helpful.
anon says
Does the school board have a website that reports that kind of demographic information? Ours does. Look for local parenting groups, listservs, etc and ask members for input. Ask a realtor for local resources.
Katala says
We moved to a new city earlier this year and tbh there was no way we could have evaluated schools without getting to know some people here who are familiar with the public system. As you said, Great Schools ratings are fine, and probably will tell you if a school is just awful, but are heavily test score-based. We also care less about testing and more about the experience, especially for elementary school.
All I can recommend is to consider renting for 6 months to a year so you have a chance to gather more information. People at my work are really helpful, so if you need to decide before you move, could you ask your manager/recruiter to put you in touch with parents of school-age kids who might be able to give some insight? Online parents groups are another resource, although again, I found it hard to get access to those before getting recs from people who live here. Good luck!
Meg Murry says
+1 to renting before you buy, and if you are moving for a job, asking if there is anyone with elementary school age kids that would be willing to give you some inside info (or at least ask which towns/suburbs/neighborhoods are popular with employees with elementary school aged kids).
I’m with you in that I hope to expose my kids to diversity in school, but that is nearly impossible in the area I live, and the same is true in a lot of areas – our school districts have unfortunately become self-segregating by income. One way you can check is to look at what housing stock is available within the district – if there isn’t housing available across multiple price levels feeding into the school, there probably won’t be income diversity in the school. My town is so-so when it comes to economic and racial diversity, for which I’m grateful – but that’s really hard to come by in my state.
Greatschools does show racial breakdowns for individual schools, so you could look at the “compare” tool and throw out any that are significantly skewed to be much more homogeneous than the state average.
Anon says
Yes you’re going to need local input, and you’re going to have to try to suss out your advisors’ priorities to make sure you understand their biases. Here is a good place to start.
Why are you moving – I assume related to a job? Have the job-taker ask coworkers (or any contacts at the company) where they live – then what they like about the schools and what they think about the commute.
I have similar feelings – in the two cities I’ve moved to, I actively avoid the highest test-scoring schools and look for the diverse options. I don’t think the competition at the best schools is healthy, and I think overcoming the shortfalls of a less-good school is a better character trait to have, plus I want my children to know and understand people with a variety of backgrounds.
I honestly searched Zillow for school scores in the 4-7 range (out of 10) and then did extensive googling to read about the current issues at each of the schools. (Don’t forget to look at elementary, middle, and high all separately.) I found that different schools within the same district can have vastly different challenges, so the specific schools really mattered. Then I combined that with asking around, and made my decision. Not easy. But again, I feel like every school is going to have its challenges, so as long as I’m not at a 1-2 or a 9-10 (on Zillow), I’m fine.
ANON says
I would get in touch with a local realtor and they can tell your the skim of it or get in touch with a local parent. Where are you moving? Chances are the main site will have someone…
Anon says
Realtors are prohibited from making certain statements about schools. Violation of the Fair Housing Act. They can’t steer you in any direction. They can only give you objective info.
Pogo says
Do you know anyone who has lived there at any point in their life?
I started looking into the town where we bought because another woman in my sorority in college grew up here and attended the public school. She gave me info about not only where the top kids in her class ended up, but her younger siblings and their classmates as well.
As far as racial/ethnic makeup, I believe that is actually available online from GreatSchools (or similar) – or at least from census data. The other proxy is different houses of worship and cultural centers.
Sarabeth says
Doing the same thing right now. Niche has good demographic info. But we are definitely renting for at least a year first.
Public schools - OP says
Thank you everyone for the input (would have responded sooner but, you know, fires at work). The city is Sacramento, CA. We’re only considering living areas within a 15-20 minute drive from downtown. I think we will definitely rent for a while and try to suss out the situation. We’re moving for my job, but my office is small and I’m not sure whether anyone has school-aged kids…but I can ask once I let it out that I, in fact, have a child!
I actually lived there as well as a young child and have good memories of my elementary school, but that was, oh, 20+ years ago and I don’t trust my memory. And my mom moved because she was “concerned” about the local junior high to the sort of homogeneous, high-pressure highest-rated public school system that I would prefer to avoid.
Anon in NYC says
I had heard to avoid underwire nursing bras (principally due to mastitis), but as a DD pre-pregnancy and then a G+ during my pregnancy and postpartum, I simply couldn’t do it for longer than the first few weeks when I was mostly confined to my apartment. I wound up buying 2 underwire nursing bras and loved having the extra support. It also made me feel less self-conscious generally and more confident in my work clothes.
PhilanthropyGirl says
I was the same – the first few weeks I wore the Leading Lady women’s front close sleep bra – and it didn’t do too bad a job. But I didn’t feel comfortable leaving the house without more support. Even my boutique bra store didn’t have anything without an underwire in my size (very similar to yours).
I also appreciated the extra support, and never had a problem with mastitis. I suspect mastitis is more of an issue when the bra is fitted incorrectly.
lsw says
I just purchased three nursing bras with underwire as I am back at work and similarly did not want to leave the house looking schlubby. I know at least one of them has what the bra person called “flexible underwire” which apparently helps prevent mastitis. So far, so good, but honestly I couldn’t wear those uniboob bras anymore.
lucy stone says
I have to wear an underwire or the weight of the ladies gets painful. I wear the Freya nursing bras and like them. I can’t imagine going out in public in one of the other ones…I’d look 90.
ChiLaw says
SAME! I DIY-ed my own nursing bras out of well-fitting underwire bras. I had a few clogged ducts but never anything major.
H says
I’ve never heard of this. I wore underwire and it was fine.
DC mom says
Anyone have rain boot suggestions for a toddler with large calves? He’s size 9-10 toddler, and I’ve already tried Carters and Kamik rainboots. The Carters I could get on as long as he’s not wearing pants – not super helpful for rainy days – and the Kamiks I couldn’t get on at all. Help!
Closet Redux says
Have you tried Bogs? I’ve never used them but they look pretty roomy in the calves.
ANON says
+1 they are great because the top are waterproof scuba material. Pricey but well worth the warmth and they are 100% waterproof even after a few hours in the water.
DC mom says
We’ll try these – thanks!
anon says
Do they still make overshoe style rainboots? I remember the ones I had growing up had really wide calves with a little elastic closure.
Ally McBeal says
Western Chief rainboots are great and might work! Available on Zappos.
hoola hoopa says
Crocs!!!
I was always a hard core Kamik fan for my kids (although they are quite slim cut!), but now all we own are Crocs because they are so light weight. We live in an area where they get a lot of use. They aren’t as indestructible as Kamik (which easily handled three kids and still looked brand new), but definitely good enough for one kid and I think I can get two.
Jlg says
Yes, crocs makes rain boots that are pretty roomy. My dude has sturdy legs and wide-ish feet they work well. They are lightweight and can be hosed down inside and out.
lucy stone says
Touring a daycare today. What should we ask? I’m so sad about it I can’t think straight. Our baby is six weeks right now and will be 3 months when she starts.
NewMomAnon says
Hugs. Daycare can be amazing, but I understand the sadness. Categories of questions:
– basic safety and care questions: teacher ratios, sleep protocols, what is protocol for handling bmilk (if relevant), any citations from licensing authorities
– convenience questions: does the daycare provide food, diapers, wipes, formula (if needed)? Will they administer meds if baby needs them during the day
parental information and comfort questions: how do parents get updates? Do we get pictures of baby throughout the day? Who will be caring for my baby and in what shifts? Who subs when caregiver is out sick? How much turnover have you had in the infant classroom? How do you replace teachers in the infant classroom?
Anonymous says
When and how do they notify you of illnesses that other kids come down with in the classroom/daycare?
When and how do they notify you if your kid spikes a fever? has diarrhea?
How soon do you have to pick your kid up after she spikes a fever? (1 hour, 2 hours, etc)
How do they quarantine the sick kids (incl. your kid) until a parent/caregiver picks up?
How can you authorize alternate pick up people in the event you or the child’s other parent cannot pick up?
ETex says
Depending on the type of place, be prepared for some “what is your teaching philosophy” questions. I was COMPLETELY unprepared for this (first pregnancy, did no research before visiting first place) and when she asked what we were looking for in a daycare, I had no idea how to answer beyond “please return it to me alive?” My husband jumped in and turned the question around by asking her what they do there, etc., but it threw me so off and I keep having those “I should have said __” moments. Obvi it doesn’t matter when they’re that young, but this place goes up to preK and she was getting at the fact that they teach them all kinds of stuff when they’re older, but I was literally only thinking of what would happen in the infant classes.
Anon says
Visit two more times during different times of the day and pay attention to where the babies are and where and what the teachers are doing (are all the babies in “baby containers,” are the teachers engaging with the babies, are they holding the babies?). Also ask what their teacher/baby ratio is and, if you can afford it, send her to a daycare that operates with 1/3 or lower. We found there was an immense difference in the quality of care at the center our son was at that operated at the legal 1/4 ratio vs. the one we moved him to that voluntarily operates at a 1/3 or 1/2 ratio (depending on time of day). After she starts, drop by unannounced a couple of times (if you feel weird, do it on the pretense that you need to nurse the baby, forgot to leave something, or need to pick her up early). I don’t want to scare you, but this was how I found out our first daycare’s baby room was not so great despite having all of the “right” answers and a great looking schedule (which they didn’t really follow).
Anonymous says
+ 1 to a 1/3 or 1/2 ratio and lots of holding the babies. It’s worth giving up other things for this. Being held is good for babies physical and emotional development. If you don’t love the preschool aspects but the baby part is great – you can always switch centres down the road. Focus on the infant care (up to like 18 months) as you won’t want to switch in the first year. Put less emphasis on the older kid programs.
Jen says
Spend time observing the infant room. Do caregivers hold babies and give them attention or put them in various contraptions and chat with each other?
What are their emergency closure policies and how many days per year has the center closed in the past few years-and why. This was an issue at one center we used that had their heat break over the winter and it took a full week to replace. Center was closed AND they charged tuition!! Also, see about snow days.
Do they let staff babysit off hours? This was an awesome feature of both centers we used but not all centers allow it.
Is the infant room all littles or a mix of “anyone under 15 months”? I prefer centers that Dona young and an older infant room.
Talk about time spent outside- we had one center that always took kids outside (weather permitting), and one where babies only went out it totally gorgeous/optimal weather.
Biting policy, potty training policy, ask also how the place is managed- is it a corporation? Is there a parent board? Single director who calls all the shots?
What if any kind of parent/family network events are there? We had one center that did things like once a month “date nights” where teachers stayed until 10pm and kids could come for like $30. Also summer Friday or sat movie nights, a few other things. We moved and the new center did none of those things, which we missed.
FTMinFL says
+1 to the comment about younger and older infant rooms. Also ask about the criteria/milestones/procedure for “moving up” a room. At least one daycare we visited turned me off a little by holding to hard and fast rules about when baby would move up. This turned out to be a big deal for us as a few of these would have moved him up to the young toddlers room when he was 8 months old based on milestones and he would have had to drop a nap – I would not have been happy!
Jlg says
Ask what the babies do outdoors at different stages. In the city I see a lot of day cares where kids are strapped in buggies for their entire time outdoors thru around 2 years old. Ours has a fenced, dedicated outside play space with separate sides for babies/young toddlers and older toddlers/preschool. Only the littlest babies stayed in the buggy on trips outside. Once they were crawling, they had at least some time to explore outside. For me this well offset the lack of natural light inside the center.
H says
Mine has a webcam so I can watch the classroom during the day. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I think that would be a deal breaker for me now, especially with an infant.
Lurker says
Do you mean not having one would be a dealbreaker or having one? I’m afraid having one I would just sit and watch it all day so I would almost prefer there wasn’t one.
AwayEmily says
The sleep situation! Do the infants sleep in a separate (dark) room or are the cribs right out in the open? Is there a set napping schedule or do they let the babies keep their own schedules? Sleep has been the biggest issue for us with daycare.
Anonymous says
Yes!
Also ask about how much they move children and teachers around between the rooms during the day. Do they just maintain the minimum staffing in each room or do they do better than that? The more teachers are moved between rooms the more kids get sick.
Do they have a rule against babies crying in their crib as they fall asleep? My daughter’s Bright Horizons started this rule and it was her Achilles Heel. When she was about 10 months she would cry when she was very tired before falling asleep and they would take her out of her crib. When we changed her to a new daycare she immediately went from not napping to napping 3 hours per day.
Do they have a Mobile Baby room? It is better if they have a stage between infants and toddlers for older babies who are louder and crawling/walking and learning to eat finger foods and hold their own bottles in a highchair. Bright Horizons didn’t and my 12 week old was in a room with babies who could walk and scream.
NewMomAnon says
Second the “older babies” room, but I don’t think it’s a common structure. My daughter walked at 10 months and was in the infant room with several newborns for another 6 months. I was terrified of what she was going to do. I heard a couple of times that she attempted to feed her meals to tiny infants, or tried to push the swings for them. I don’t know how the teachers managed to keep her from injuring one of her baby “friends,” but I didn’t hear of any casualties….
Anonymous says
My daycare has a mobile infants room and it was the best thing ever. My daughter is a bit of a bruiser and stole toys and tried to sit on/crawl over small babies before she was moved up. So glad I didn’t have to worry about that for 6 more months!
Famouscait says
I just need a shout out to my awesomeness. All of the following things have happened to me within the last 3 weeks:
1) Returned home from 2 week work trip to Russia. Kiddo was not amused by my absence.
2) Kiddo started new room at daycare. Became even less amused by new routine.
3) In-laws came for a weekend visit. FIL ended up in ER with chest pain and had emergency open heart surgery.
4) Hubby had to reschedule important job interview because of thing #3.
5) MIL moved into our home for a week while FIL was in hospital; FIL moved in for another week after he was discharged.
6) I finally got back to work this week and nailed a major win.
7) Hubby finally completed his interview and got an outstanding job offer.
8) Kiddo seems happier and now super interested in potty training.
9) In-laws left this morning.
I am in such a good mood today.
LegalMomma says
Go you! that sounds like 3 weeks from h**l, but you are definitely on the upswing!
GCA says
Oh my gosh. Go you!! I would not be amused by 3 such weeks. You’re rocking it.
Navy Attorney says
Whew! And it’s ending so well! Woot!
Jdubs says
Woohoo! I love it when it seems like everything is going wrong and then you end up on the upswing again and just start knocking things out of the park!
MomAnon4This says
OMG you’re getting Mom/Wife/Daughter-in-Law Nobel Prize of the Year!!
Onlyworkingmomintulsa says
Wow! That is awesome, way to go!!!!!
Famouscait says
Thanks Y’all! I’m also taking myself outlet shopping tomorrow to “recover”.
Spirograph says
If anyone ever deserved a recovery shopping trip, it’s you!
Samantha says
Amazing! You rock!
SC says
Amazing! That all sounds so hard, and I’m glad things are turning around. Definitely time to relax a little and treat yourself well. And tell the universe “no more crises for the rest of the year.”
Pogo says
Killing it! Seriously, surviving this stuff deserves a medal. Being an adult is the worst.
Anon. says
I hate having to bargain for pumping space. I have been given small conf room B for pumping which I book for 11 and 3 daily. At 11 I approached the room and another coworker was in their with all of his work spread out. I explained to him how I needed the room and he said that he was “in the zone” and asked for more time. So I said fine and he agreed to leave at 11:30. Now it’s 11:30 and apparently he was asked to leave at 11:20 by big boss who is now holding a large meeting in the room. Ugh. I should have kicked out coworker at 11.
rakma says
I’m so angry on your behalf. Can you get in touch with HR or who ever is in charge of assigning you the room and ask them to come up with a backup place/plan for you? I don’t think you should need to bargain for the space–but maybe come up with a script if you’re asked to change the schedule again? I’m feeling adversarial today, so I’d probably start with “No, ORG is legally mandated to provide me with this space, and I booked it for TIME, so gtfo” but I’m not suggesting that’s a good idea…
Jdubs says
Thanks for being annoyed on my behalf! It feels good to have an ally at least. Every Time I complain about the space I’m told I can always use the bathroom. Yes I realize the bathroom doesn’t count as a space, but in their minds they have given me a conference room, if I don’t want to use it, then It is my choice not to use it, they are not concerned with my scheduling issues. They bathroom has no chair or table or convenient plug, so even if I wanted to, it doesn’t work. HR is offsite and they have a dedicated lactation room in their location. When I was transfered to this location HR actually said to me “good luck finding somewhere to pump there”. I totally could have kicked out coworker at 11, but I am trying to build relationships here (new in the office) so I was trying to be nice by giving him extra time… its now 12 and loud angry meeting with big bosses is continuing….
rakma says
Yeah, HR’s reaction to this issue is…umm, words I’m gonna get moderated for. But totally unacceptable.
Bathrooms are also not acceptable. (In my state, the law specifically excludes bathrooms as appropriate pumping spaces)
This isn’t a case where you didn’t want to use the conference room–it was occupied. I understand wanting to build relationships, but what you need is not unreasonable. Yes, if the room were available later in the day, a 30 minute change wouldn’t have mattered, but you can’t be assured the room is available except for the times you’re booking it.
People with shorter fuses than I have suggested ways to frame this to HR/TPTB in a way that indicates that a) it’s their issue to figure out and b) it needs to change. Maybe one of those people could suggest a way to approach it? (or point you to another thread where they already have)
Anonymous says
Definitely kick him out at 11 if this ever happens again. So ignorant. Put your pump down and start setting up the pieces while you talk to him – watch how fast he leaves.
NewMomAnon says
If he doesn’t want to get kicked out of a space, why not just use his own desk? He knew that was a hazard when he decided to work in the conference room. I agree with Anonymous – give a cheerful, “Well, I know it’s booked at 11:30 so I’ll give you half the conference table.” Start setting up your equipment and push his papers out of the way.
Another R says
Oh, please do this!
I don’t think people who haven’t lactated or had a spouse who lactated fully understand that pumping is schedule based and why. Stick to your guns on the schedule!
And please stop even considering the bathroom and start believing (and saying) that the bathroom is not a viable option.
Anon says
My company also provided one space that was also a conference room, and at first I would show up only to see external customers in the room. HR was not helpful in a resolution.
So I started booking each of my “times” for 2 hours. If I needed 11 and 3, I would book 10-12 and 2-4. That way there was plenty of time for others to wrap up, and I also had overflow time if still pushed back.
Of course, then they realized I was booking the room for half a day, every day. When I explained the issue where I legally needed an available designated space that wasn’t a bathroom, and this was the best method I’d found to ensure the “available” part, they finally figured out the need for a dedicated room. Annoying but was happy to finally have a dedicated space.
Anon says
If it was me, I would do this first and if nothing changed, I would do what the Anon below suggested. I actually have my own office with blinds and a door that locks and I still book buffer time into my schedule for pumping times. If I was relying on an external room I would be buffering the h*ll out of it.
Meg Murry says
The problem with this is that it trains people to see that you have the room reserved but aren’t actively using it, and therefore ignore the fact that you have the room reserved for those times. Maybe OP should book for an hour if she only needs 1/2 hour, but I wouldn’t book for 2 hours.
Did the other guy reserve the room from 10-11? Did the big boss have the room reserved starting at 11:30? Or is the main problem that you are making reservations and no one is respecting them, or people are always starting early and running late? If that is the case (you show up at 11 and the previous meeting doesn’t vacate, or people are randomly just “grabbing an available room” without checking the schedule), I’d start by pushing back there.
This absolutely s*cks for OP. But unfortunately, I think the only way to get through this is to not be accommodating. At most if she encounters this kind of situation again she could offer to give the person 5 minutes to wrap up, or tell them they could leave their stuff spread out on the table and you’d call/text/IM them when you were done with the space. It’s not easy being “mean”, but you wouldn’t feel bad kicking him out if you had booked the room and had a client with you, right? You being able to pump is a “business need” so approach it that way.
But yes, I feel you OP. Last time I was pumping our issue was coordinating how to share one room between 5 other pumping women – and at least there we were all trying to accommodate each other because we’d all been there.
SC says
I agree this s*cks. But it seems like OP’s only solution lies in changing the premise. OP, you started your post with, “I hate having to bargain for pumping space.” You’re going to have to stop bargaining for pumping space. It’s non-negotiable time because the conference room is your only real option.
OP says
Agreed. I need to just be more aggressive with taking the room. No one else had the room booked today, and no one respects the schedule. It seems to operate on the premise that if its open, it is fair game.
Anon says
Threaten to sue. Or actually file a complaint. All future pumping women who come after you will thank you for it. Send HR a copy of your complaint first, to give them a chance to address it.
They aren’t being nice or doing you a favor by offering to comply with the law This has been the law for 6 years. They must offer you adequate space and time to pump, somewhere other than the bathroom.
https://www.dol.gov/whd/nursingmothers/faqbtnm.htm
OP says
I get it but they are actually complying with the law other than “available when needed.” And according to them, its up to me to kick people out of the space “when needed” which in their minds means it is available when I need it which is just awkward and inconvenient but not necessarily insurmountable.
TBK says
Honestly you need to just kick people out. “Establishing relationships” doesn’t mean being a doormat. I’m not saying you’re a doormat, but I think women often think that they need to be nice and have people like them. And oftentimes in a work environment that is the last thing you need. You need respect. Respect does not mean that people think you’re a b—ch either. It means they treat your needs as valid and treat your statements as reliable. If you say “I need this room” respect means the other person says “oh of course, let me pull my things together and I’ll get right out of your way.” Because they trust that you need the room and that your needs are important. Non-respect means “I don’t feel like leaving right now and my feelings trump whatever you it is you want.”
NewMomAnon says
Wow….I love this. Thank you.
NewMomAnon says
Sleep question! So I posted a couple sagas the last few weeks about sleep difficulties, and then discovering that kiddo wasn’t napping at daycare so I moved bedtime up an hour and a half and voila! All better.
But this week, she decided to nap some days at preschool but not all days. And instead of falling asleep within 5 minutes at bedtime, she stays up singing and talking in her crib but only if I’m in the room, otherwise she screams and cries. And she is now waking up at 5:30 am instead of 7 am.
So….how to handle the erratic napping? Do I put her to bed at the same time each night regardless of whether she took a nap during the day? Or adjust bedtime later on nap days?
WHY DON’T KIDS COME WITH USER MANUALS?!!!
MomAnon4This says
Weissbluth would say same time every night, keep to the same schedule on weekends.
In practice, if the kid isn’t tired, she won’t sleep. If she won’t sleep, she gets cranky.
I know. But schedule/routine first. For the kid. For you.
anon says
I would adjust bedtime later on nap days. Why make bedtime harder than it needs to be if you know the reason she isn’t going to sleep is she had a nap and isn’t tired yet?
Anonymous says
+ 1
Later bedtime on nap days. Totally normal during the annoying period of dropping an afternoon nap that some days they need it and some days they don’t. Flex bedtime accordingly and you’ll be fine.
JTX says
+1. I would try to figure out her ideal total wake time for the day, and adjust bedtime accordingly. How old is she? For a 3-year-old, total wake time should usually be 12-13 hours.
Also, does she need more physical activity on the evenings where she’s had a nap? We have to wear my 3-year-old son out like a puppy dog in order for him to fall asleep at a reasonable time.
NewMomAnon says
I think the bigger issue for my kiddo is that she has often passed the point of exhaustion before we even get home – she plays hard (really hard) at preschool and they spend hours each day on the playground. So when I try to “wear her out” after dinner, she just gets more and more wound up?
Anonymous says
The sleep consultant I follow is 100 percent on board with early bedtime on no nap days.
Momata says
We do an earlier bedtime on no nap days, but only by about half an hour.
PhilanthropyGirl says
Mine is a very erratic napper and has been for well over 6 months (he’s now 2). We have a 7 pm bedtime. On no-nap days I follow Weissbluth’s sleepy cues to decide if earlier bedtime is necessary – it usually is. Sometimes he stays up and jabbers, sometimes he goes right to sleep. I do a modified CIO if screams about it – checking every 5-10 minutes, reminding him it’s bed time, etc… If he’s just jabbering, I leave him alone.
I found aiming for appropriate number of sleep hours in a day (for my 2 yo it’s 10-12 hours), and let that guide bedtime, nap time and wake up time. Mine seems to do best with closer to 12-13 hours (generally 10-11 at night and 1-2 during the day) – the days he doesn’t nap are awful, and we’ve just now reached a point where he has “quiet time” if he doesn’t fall asleep, and is permitted a couple of books in his bed.
Two Cents says
DC ladies, any suggestions on great venues for a joint birthday party for a 2 and 4 year old? Bonus points if we don’t have to trek too far outside the city. Event will be in February, so indoors is a must. About 35 kids, since we’ll be inviting everyone from both of their classes.
The 2 year old probably doesn’t care if he has a party, the 4 year old definitely wants one. Their birthdays are 2 weeks part so it seems odd to have a party for one and not the other.
Any suggestions? (The Zoo doesn’t allow parties for kids below 4, so that’s out). Thanks!
POSITA says
Jumping Joeys in Arlington is great.
HSAL says
35 kids? Godspeed.
SC says
Not in DC, so no specific recs, but this seems like the ideal scenario for an indoor playground/jungle gym, particularly one with separate play areas for preschoolers and toddlers.
Potomac Ave says
There’s new place opening on Barrack’s Row – skillzone. They might host parties. I don’t think they’re open yet, but I believe they will by by February.
http://skillzonedc.com/
Anonymous says
Pump it up, but both of them are outside of the city (closest one in Silver Spring). There’s also a Little Gym in Alexandria I think.
sigh.... says
Not in DC but I can speak highly of the Pump it Up parties. We’ve been to a million and they’re fun every time.
Spirograph says
I’ve been to one at the Silver Spring location and it was great, but it’s way up rte 29, not in the downtown SS area or anywhere near public transit, if that’s an issue.
No clue if there’s one within DC proper, but I went to one party at the showroom of a swing set supply store. Basically an indoor playground, and tons of space for a big pack of kids.
MDMom says
35 kids 4 and under ?!?! Suggestions: earplugs, caffeine, alcohol, prayers. You are an ambitious lady. I would have a small home party for 2yo and friends party for 4 yo. No helpful suggestions though, good luck.
NewMomAnon says
I would skip the party for the 2-year old and just let him participate in big sib’s party. Tell him it’s something you get when you turn 4, but not before that.
Unless you want to host a gaggle of 2 year olds and parents. In which case, more power to you!
Meg Murry says
+1
You don’t need to invite the whole 2 year old class. Invite the 4 year olds, and if any of them have 2 year old siblings call that parent and invite the sibling. Or invite the 2 year old’s 1 or 2 very best friends. 2 year olds don’t really “get” birthday parties yet.
Plus inviting the entire class is asking to *get* invited to the entire class’s birthday parties. Do you really want to attend 15 2-year old birthday parties this year?
Alldaysickness says
Im 7 weeks pregnant with our first and just so so miserable with all day nausea. Its hard to do anything at work and none of the common tips seem to work. The idea that this will last for 6 to 8 more weeks seems so overwhelming.
AwayEmily says
Have you talked to your doctor? My sister took anti-nausea meds and it helped her immeasurably. Feeling a little sick is normal — feeling so so miserable all day may not be.
ChiLaw says
I’m so sorry — it’s really the pits. Try not to think about the whole “6 to 8 weeks” thing and just take it day by day. You’ll get through it!
PhilanthropyGirl says
I’m so sorry. Yuck.
Neither ginger nor mint worked for me in my second pregnancy – but lemonade worked wonders. Keep experimenting with anything that sounds good and you may find something that brings some relief.
I’ve heard Sea Bands can be really helpful. I’ve not used them for pregnancy nausea, but they were excellent for my motion sickness.
And congratulations!
SC says
Btw, I tried sea bands. Not only did they not work for me, one of the female senior associates I worked for noticed them and knew right away what they were for. So don’t wear them at work until you’re ready to announce. (I was wearing them with my door shut and forgot to remove them when she knocked to discuss something.)
SC says
I’m so sorry. I had terrible nausea and vomiting during early pregnancy and actually couldn’t work much for several weeks. Ultimately, I was unable to keep any food or water down around week 9 and was prescribed Zofran, which helped the most. I also told my bosses I was pregnant early, maybe around 9 or 10 weeks, to explain why I was unable to accomplish anything and was running out of meetings to vomit. Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Go to bed super early.
It helped me to give myself lots of time (about 2 hours) to get up and get ready in the morning, with lots of breaks between tasks. And it helped to stay cool and comfortable, so crank the AC or drive instead of public transportation or wear breathable, comfortable clothes. I took the gummy prenatals because the smell of every other prenatal vitamin made me throw up before I even had a chance to swallow it.
Anonymous says
I’m so sorry for you. My nausea was mild most of the time, but it was pretty persistent from month 2-4. I found a number of foods that continued to be appetizing enough to eat regularly, and then I made sure I snacked on them all day long (e.g., every 30-45 minutes I was eating a handful of crackers, part of a banana, string cheese, etc.) to keep something in my stomach at all times. It helped A LOT to keep the nausea at bay.
Be gentle with yourself if your capacity as en employee is different right now. Everyone has times when they can’t give 100%, some people are just better at hiding it. Chances are the other moms in your office will get it and be sympathetic (hopefully there are other moms in your office?). Dads too if they are sympathetic partners. Making a human life is really hard work and you should be proud of yourself and your body for this miracle. Hang in there!
Anonymous says
Not sure if this is a common tip and therefore something you’ve already tried but I had to eat all the time. All.The.Time. The common tip I’ve always read is not to go too long between meals/snacks but there’s a difference between that and constantly eating. I had to do the latter. Ginger and mint never worked for me either but at the 7 week mark of one of my pregnancies, chewy fruit flavored candy and fruit flavored cereal did help.
Take it day by day. It will pass!!!
Anonymous says
I was also miserable with all-day nausea and started losing too much weight. OB prescribed diclegis which really helped with the nausea (although made me very tired). You don’t have to be miserable!
Katala says
+1 for diclegis. I started a new job 6 weeks preggo and if that weren’t the case I would have powered through (or tried to for longer) but I needed to be functional. It really helped. Didn’t make me any more tired than otherwise, which was super exhausted. Going to bed at 7pm and eating before sitting up in the morning also helped.
Eileen says
Diclegis is a lifesaver. If you’re wondering if it might be worth it, ask for meds.
Anonymous says
Nothing worked for me but prescription meds. It was awful. I couldn’t even keep water down. Totally talk to your doctor – mine was so kind and understanding about how working while being so sick was just miserable.
lsw says
I’ve been there. I was miserable. Take good care of yourself and know that it will pass. IT WILL.
Jlg says
I feel you. I found that weekly acupuncture worked wonders. My acupuncturist also gave me little stick on beads for the wrist pressure points that are both more effective and more discreet than the bands. Also try changing vitamins – the iron made me so constipated that it just made the queasiness worse. The no-iron vitamin helped, also I take it at night. Good luck!
anon says
It is really really hard. I was nauseous my whole pregnancy and it is one of the main reasons I only have 1 kid. Try to just get through 1 day at a time. Even if it doesn’t get better until you deliver, you will get more used to it. And it most likely will get better. But for me, waiting for that magic day that kept not coming was heartbreaking – feeling disappointed/surprised that I was still feeling nauseous was making it worse, you know? So maybe try to work towards acceptance, and stop trying to find the thing that will make it go away. This sounds horribly counter intuitive and cruel, which is not my intention. Just don’t feel like you have to solve it or that you are doing something wrong if nothing helps.
lsw says
I completely echo anon. I kept telling myself, “better at 8 weeks. Better at 12 weeks. Better at 20 weeks.” and ultimately it was better for me to find ways to cope and stop pinning my hopes on remedies that just made me cry. Hugs to you.
Alldaysickness says
Thank you so much for all of your kind comments, tremendously helpful and just the suport i needed this afternoon.
Sea bands havent worked unfortunately and i will ask the doc for prescription meds but since i am able to keep fluids and food down even though i just feel like i want to throw it up, feels like i shouldnt need meds, but i will try to not be so hard on myself related to all this. I think accepting it is really key rather than just waiting for it to end and im grateful to the person who suggested that.
Thanks again all.
TBK says
meds! Zofran was great. Good luck!
Katala says
Yep, do the meds. It’s ok to take something – not being able to keep fluids down is NOT the standard for needing meds! I’d look into which one though, since recommendations (and recommended order to try things) change often.
Feeling sick is awful but it’s also a sign that your body is doing what it needs to do for baby.
hoola hoopa says
Unisom sleep tabs are OTC, fyi. Take it tonight at bedtime and you’ll be less nauseous when you wake. Then you can get a bit of food in your tummy and start off right. (FYI, start with half if you can *only* sleep for ~8 hrs. Save the full tab for days you can sleep in).
JTX says
Unisom + B6
anon says
I’m the person who posted above about acceptance. I should also add that I did take zofran for a while in the first trimester. And I too never actually threw up, so it wasn’t like it was “medically necdessary.” I think it did make me feel somewhat less nauseous, but it didn’t make it go away. Once I switched to a midwife she encouraged me to stop taking it in the 2nd tri, and I stopped. I will say that realizing after I gave birth the nausea was gone was an amazing moment. Good luck!