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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 70 Comments · by

Maternity Monday: ‘Bengaline’ Straight Maternity Skirt

Machine-Washable Work Clothes· Maternity· Recent Recs

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Japanese Weekend 'Bengaline' Straight Maternity Skirt | CorporetteMomsThe Bengaline maternity skirt has been around for several years now, and I like the looks of it — it’s simple, chic, and stretchy; everything you need in a pregnancy skirt. It’s $68 at Nordstrom. Japanese Weekend ‘Bengaline’ Straight Maternity Skirt Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines. (L-2)

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Comments

  1. MomAnon4This says

    Yay, Baby due in about 5 weeks and we got the nursery mostly set-up, and I got registered this past weekend at Target for friends who wanted to give. I feel very productive and on-top of things, and Husband was a great help, and even Big Brother (age 6) was patient and helpful.

  2. KJ says

    I loved this skirt when I was pregnant. I wore it with a non-maternity blazer to fake a suit on several occasions, including two interviews for my current job. Highly recommended.

    • anon says

      I’m going to need a maternity suit and I’ve been wondering about this. Did you wear a black blazer to fake your suit? I’m worrying the fabrics will be obviously mismatched. Alternatively, does anyone have suggestions for a decent maternity suit that will get lots of wear over the next 6 months? I might need 2.

      • KJ says

        I wore a black blazer. The fabrics were similar in weight and texture, but obviously not an exact match. No one seemed to care (I got the job!), but I’m in government in DC, and people don’t care too much about clothes.

      • sfg says

        As I already owned other Theory suiting pieces, I bought a pair of their maternity suit pants to go with the non-maternity jacket I already owned.

      • Maddie Ross says

        I faked it with black separates – you can’t really tuck in a shirt, so there is a natural break between the two if they’re not exact. I also would wear black bottoms with tweed or textured blazers so that the exact match was less obvious. I also wore a ton of maternity dresses with black blazers over them.

      • JEB says

        I mostly wore maternity dresses with my regular blazers/suit jackets. I also had a skirt similar to this one (from ASOS) that I wore with black blazers…I agree with the prior poster about shirts not tucking in, so there’s a natural break between pieces. I was in federal court a lot, and my outfits were never a problem. I was very anxious about attire at the beginning of my pregnancy and looked for a true maternity suit, but I found them all to be ill fitting and cheap feeling (even some at higher price points).

    • SFBayA says

      I am also doing this. I have worn this skirt and my normal-sized black suit blazer to CA superior court probably a dozen times so far. They are obviously not a match, but I am obviously pregnant and none of the judges have ever said a word about my lack of actual suit.

      • Anonymous says

        I practice in fed ct in CA and did the same thing. No one said anything, including judges I have seen chew out male attorneys who didn’t have their top button buttoned.

      • acf says

        If I am a junior associate and going to be in trial in state court (not a major city – almost the opposite) and slightly pregnant, do I need to be wearing a suit (or fake suit) the whole time, or are dresses with non-matching jackets okay?

        The other thing I am dreading is timing on when to tell the partners on the case. I would’ve wanted to wait longer to tell work, but the trial is going to start right around the 15 week mark and will go at least a couple of weeks. Not sure how successful I am going to be at hiding this when we are together day in day out. They also work in a different office, so I would have to tell them over the phone (if before trial) … also less than ideal. Anyway, just venting out loud and open to advice/suggestions.

        • layered bob says

          if this is not your first pregnancy/you are already wearing maternity clothes, then ignore this completely, but… I worried a lot in advance about how to hide/dress for an important thing in the 15-18 week mark. As it turns out, I shouldn’t have worried – I was 20 weeks before I couldn’t comfortably wear my normal work clothes, and at 22 weeks I can still do the all the jackets and blouses, and some of the pants with just a hairtie. I just figured I’d be showing a lot earlier since a lot of people do… I keep waiting and waiting for the much-vaunted ‘bump’ to show and it’s… not. So for a trial at 15/16/17 weeks you might not need to worry!

        • SFBayA says

          I wore a Bellaband with my real suit skirt completely unzipped at around 15-17 weeks, and an untucked silk shell. I didn’t need the full-on maternity skirt until like 22 weeks, though of course we all carry differently, and the maternity skirt was a lot more comfortable than the Bellaband. I also didn’t tell work until about 18 weeks. I just looked like I’d put on some weight and no one asked (as well they shouldn’t!).

          As for whether you have to wear a suit or can wear a dress and jacket to court… my experience is that the more rural/less major city the court is, the more formality they expect in attire, especially from young women. I would not wear a dress + jacket to trial until you see someone else do it, particularly if it is a jury trial.

  3. Carine says

    I just wanted to follow up from my post last week re: early pregnancy anxiety and thank everyone who responded. I really appreciated all your comments and commiseration!

    Kind of funny–shortly after that post I had a pregnancy-related issue that sent me to my doctor the next day (very painful but not serious or threatening), my daughter came home from daycare with a high fever and threw up hourly all night, so I stayed home Friday to take her to the doctor (it was strep), and spent most of the weekend off schedule, in pain when I was able to think about myself, and barely sleeping. What sleep I did get was rather poor quality due to the thrashing, sickly toddler in my bed. Needless to say, I have had very little time or energy to worry about this pregnancy!

    She is feeling much better, last night everyone slept a full night in their respective beds, and I am very happy to be back at work in some semblance of normalcy. I’m not feeling anxious about the scan Wednesday, just excited, but when it inevitably creeps back, I will be sure to look back at your comments to help me through! Thanks again.

    • KJ says

      Wow, that sounds like a rough weekend! I’m glad you are all doing better and good luck at your scan on Wednesday!

  4. Kate says

    LOVED this skirt when I was pregnant, and still love it (my waist isn’t what it was, and regular pencil skirts are kind of uncomfortable by the end of the day). I will say, though, that because you aren’t tucking a shirt in to the skirt, it takes a very specific top. Blazers work, but depending on how pregnant you are, might not be an option. I was pregnant over the summer, and wore this with a cute peplum blouse. Now, I wear it with blazers or sweaters so that it’s a more streamlined look. Also, this thing wrinkles like crazy and is kind of a weird texture. I wouldn’t recommend trying to match it to a blazer for a suited look.

    • Nonny says

      Agree with all of your comments but I found a similar skirt that doesn’t wrinkle and is very easy-care: the Vince Camuto Midi Tube Skirt, at Nordie’s. I had two of them during pregnancy. They aren’t actually maternity skirts, but worked really well for me all the way through the third trimester – I just bought one size up from usual. They were staples in my work wardrobe and I am sad they are now too big for me. I’m planning to buy at least one in my regular size now – as Kate says, my waist is not what it used to be and those skirts are super comfortable.

  5. anon says

    Did you or will you send a printed birth announcement? I love receiving them and planned to send them but my spouse thinks they’re unnecessary (him: isn’t that what the email was for?). Just curious what others do.

    • SC says

      I plan to send out a printed birth announcement. A friend even bought me a gift certificate to one of the websites that prints announcements. But to be honest, I’m not very on top of these things, so we’ll see if I ever really get around to it :-) I do like receiving them and putting them on my refrigerator, usually for a few months.

    • Meg Murry says

      For kid #1 I made one myself and emailed it to most people, and just had printed ones made up for the baby book and our parents, because we were super broke at the time, and emailing it just got them done since we didn’t have to hunt down mailing addresses.

      Poor kid #2 got nothing but his picture on Facebook.

    • anne-on says

      I did an old fashioned one from Crane’s on nice thick paper one along with a photo of the baby. We didn’t send very many, but my family keeps them, and it was nice to have one to frame along with a family photo. Addressing and stamping the envelopes also gave me an activity when the baby was a few days late!

    • KJ says

      I did because I love receiving them. I made as easy on myself as possible, though. I printed up address labels before I had the baby and bought return address labels with the announcements. I used snapshots, not professional photos, and designed the announcements online. When it came time to send them, I just had to stick all the labels on and drop them in the mail. I may have been showering only once a week during that time period, but I was happy I took the time to send the announcements.

    • In House Lobbyist says

      I did with both of mine. I used snapfish and it was super easy and pretty inexpensive. I have a friend who is a photographer so I used the newborn shots at around 4 weeks. But I would have used snapshots if she wasn’t my friend.

    • Spirograph says

      I did with both of mine. Obviously almost everyone knew before they got the announcement in the mail, but I kind of feel like the existence of a new person deserves something a little more tangible than an e-mail.

      We used tiny prints with one, and shutterfly with the other. Both were quick and easy, and not too expensive.

    • TBK says

      I didn’t and regret it. We were trying to save money, but now I kind of wish I had some to keep for the kids. I still have mine tucked away somewhere.

    • Carine says

      I really like to receive printed announcements and intended to send them for my first. I ordered from Tiny Prints with a good quality snapshot right after the birth, but never got around to addressing and mailing them. I handed a few out in person to family and friends, but the rest are in a box in her closet! I regret not sending them. This time, I’ll print address labels beforehand.

    • Burgher says

      We have a lot of older family members that aren’t really online, so we had them printed with both kids. I was really pleased with Shutterfly – nice pre-made designs, good quality, not terribly expensive (with a sale & coupon code).

    • Anonyc says

      This was the one old-fashioned thing I did–made birth announcements for all three kids. I forget who I used for the first two, but by kid 3 I was all Tiny Prints. I included a pictures separately for the first two. I knew everyone already knew but I wanted a little memento for later in their lives (and the grandmas), plus to give an update to folks we’re not in regular contact with (after my first, I wasn’t into huge “I’m pregnant!” announcements, have fallen off FB status posting, and most of my friends live elsewhere so I don’t see them in person). I will also acknowledge that for kid 3 they were not actually mailed until, ahem…many months after her birth.

  6. JMDS says

    Wondering if anyone has had high blood pressure readings early in pregnancy that turned out fine. Had my 12 week appointment last week, and my bp was 140/90 which is quite high for me. No protein in my urine, but my Doctor ran a full preeclampsia panel and I had to do the 24 hour pee collection. Returning on Friday for another blood pressure check. I’m hoping it was a one off reading, but I have literally never had high bp before (this is my second pregnancy) so I’m obviously a little concerned. Any good stories? TIA.

    • Meg Murry says

      I had high blood pressure readings early in pregnancy that, looking back, are directly correlated to me being stressed out about driving to the doctor’s office in a snowstorm, almost getting into an accident on the way there due to terrible drivers, and then left to wait for almost 2 hours in the waiting room because the doctor was also caught in the snowstorm, on a day when I really needed to be at work and not sitting in that waiting room.

      Any chance you had any situations to give you higher blood pressure that day? You could look into having your blood pressure checked somewhere that isn’t as stressful for you (maybe a Walgreens/CVS type clinic)? I’ve also found doing a few minutes of yoga-type breathing before an appointment helps me feel a little better, and hopefully, have my BP more in line

    • layered bob says

      I always have high BP when I’m nervous, and I’m always nervous at the beginning of doctors’ appointments (usually for no specific reason.) I let the dr./midwife know that and now they take it in the middle or end of a visit, and have someone else distract me – rubbing my shoulders or tapping my hand/wrist. When they do that my BP goes from 150ish/90ish down to the 120/78 range. Since you will probably be nervous at a follow-up appointment, ask the nurse if they can not take your BP until later, after you have been sitting relaxed for while.

    • HM says

      Hopefully it’s just “White Coat Syndrome” — every time someone with a white coat takes my BP, it jumps. Buy yourself a blood pressure cuff. You need to sit quietly for at least 1-2 minutes, and take it. My white coat’s got so bad that the doctors instructed me to take my pressures at least 3 times each reading. Sure enough, it went down steadily. Now that I am used to taking my pressures, they are more normal, but I always always take it the morning of a doctors appointment to let them know whatever the crazy reading is in-office is not an accurate reflection of real life.

    • Merabella says

      I had 2 high blood pressure readings – due mostly to stress – we were buying/moving into a new house. I had several higher, but still normal, blood pressure readings after that at the doctor because they basically told me every time I went into the doctor’s office that I might have to be induced early because I had high blood pressure (this doesn’t help the readings by the way…) Eventually my doctor’s had me self monitor for a week, and then put me on a 24 hour monitor to get a baseline of what my actual blood pressure was, not the white coat syndrome induced craziness. Once I had that done my readings have been normal again. Maybe ask your doctor if you can do something like this, because the stress of even the idea of having to have my baby early just freaked me out.

      Also, ask the nurses to let you sit for at least 5-10 minutes before they take your pressure when you come into the office. I think one of the other things that happened was that I’d rush to the doctor, have to pee, then rush back to the room and they’d take my pressure. Being pregnant, everything is more of a workout, so even that would raise my blood pressure.

      And it is good that they are doing a work up. Better to be safe than sorry in this department, but I’m totally empathetic that all the worry is a pain in the a**.

    • EB0220 says

      I had a few. I found that my BP was very sensitive to if I had been moving around or was nervous, my BP would go up pretty significantly. Now, I try to relax until the nurse comes to take my BP and I will not talk to her at alll. My reading was always higher when I tried to chat with the nurse. So I just close my eyes and breathe deeply. Good luck!

    • Katarina says

      I had blood pressure readings in that range throughout my pregnancy. I do think it was partly stress related (not from the doctor, although I found some slow breathing in the waiting room helped some). I never developed pre-eclampsia, and my blood pressure did not really go up throughout pregnency. I did have significant swelling, but it was summer. I had frequent monitoring late in pregancy, which never showed any issues. My OB would have induced me on my due date at the latest, but I went into labor before then. I gave birth to a healthy and relatively large baby who never had any issues. My blood pressure readings went back to the healthy range after giving birth.

      • JMDS says

        Thanks everyone. This all makes me feel much better. I realize pre-eclampsia can be serious and I appreciate my doctor being on the cautious side (especially since he knows me from my last pregnancy and delivered my son), but I do just think it was work-stress related, and obviously all the extra monitoring is just adding more stress. Hopefully after Friday I will be done with this.

  7. PregAnon says

    I had some interesting baby shower drama this weekend…I live about 45 miles (which is about an hour drive to two hours if you hit bad traffic) from my 3 aunts, and I talk to one of them a couple of times per month, and the other two pretty much just on weekends and holidays. I’ve lived this close to them (versus 600 miles away) since 2003, and the only time they’ve ever come to see me is for funerals of our relatives that live near me. If I want to see them, or go to lunch or whatever, I have to go to them. So that’s the background.

    So unexpectedly the aunt that I almost never talk to wants to take me/husband to lunch Sunday. So we go…and she starts talking about having my baby shower down there by my aunts at a restaurant I like. Hmmm….that’s interesting…you want all of my friends to drive 1.5 hours to my baby shower? Including me? I let her know really nicely that my best friend was going to do it for me, because she has a great backyard and the two of us are the “party planners” of the group, and I just want to have a really informal “come hang out” type event in the backyard, and she has a pool, so that is going to be easier. (Also, none of the three aunts have backyards, they all have too many pets and smoke inside their houses, and all three of them are having a hard time paying their bills right now, so I didn’t want them struggling to do a shower).

    Aunt clearly isn’t listening, and says, oh, we’ll find a restaurant to have it at, we’ll talk later. I said, “no, I don’t want to have it at a restaurant, I want everyone to be able to mingle and hang out and come and go without the structure we’d need to have for a restaurant…and I want my friends to be comfortable bringing kids to run around…” She didn’t hear me at all. So weird. So I get home, and other aunt calls, and asks how it went, and I filled her in, and she got all huffy about them being “entitled” to throw me a shower, and it isn’t going to be co-ed, and this and that, and I need to give her my best friend’s phone number. I kind of just sat on the other end in shock, and said, “no, this is how I want it to be, invitations are going out already so…you guys can help and participate if you want to…” And she got pretty mad and hung up on me.

    It is so bizarre. These aunts have never really been a big part of my life. I don’t have a lot of family here, my mom and all my grandparents have passed away, I just have one much younger brother, and my dad lives 600 miles away, up near my in-laws. I find it so crazy that now that I’m pregnant they think they are going to be this guiding influence in my life…I wouldn’t even trust them to babysit! I’m pretty sure I shut down the crazy, and did let my dad know (they are his sisters) so if they call him to complain he’ll be ready (dad’s response – you’re the pregnant one, do whatever you want!).

    Just so strange. I never thought I would have family coming out of the woodwork like this.

    • quailison says

      That’s weird! I also found that relatives who didn’t communicate with me before now are reinvesting in the relationship. I guess everyone loves babies and sees them a bit as communal family property!

      Maybe this is the perfect situation to have 2 showers – one for family (and you suck it up and drive out there for it) and one for your friends (casual, chill, awesome shower – can I be invited?) Or maybe this is the first step in establishing boundaries and you just need to put your foot down like you’ve done.

      • PregAnon says

        I thought about that, but the “family” shower would be the 3 aunts. That’s it. So kind of silly.

        I think this is an opportunity to set some boundaries…while it worked really well with my wedding (here is your invite, hope to see you there!) I may have to work a little harder with these boundaries.

        • MomAnon4This says

          They’ve probably been guests at a lot of their friends’ family showers – for daughters and daughters-in-law, and now want to host for THEIR friends, but, yeah, not really for you.

          It actually sounds like you handled it really well. I don’t think 2 showers (1 with THEIR friends, not YOURS or your circle) would be bad – it might be nice if you can swing it time-wise, but yeah, definitely weird of them.

          • PregAnon says

            That’d be fine, if they wanted to do that. I’d play along – but they don’t have any friends to invite either! Maybe I’ll suggest a “family lunch” or something and see if they want to scrape up some cousins or something….

    • pockets says

      It sounds like they’re trying to start a relationship with you because of the baby, albeit in an annoying, inconsiderate way. I’ve been in similar situations (parents are divorced and my dad and his family are basically a non-entity in my life) and whenever my dad/his family suddenly appears, I try to be accommodate with the understanding that I don’t owe these people anything, but at the end of the day a very small commitment on my part can go pretty far in making me look good and not giving anyone anything negative to say about me.

      To me, driving a short distance (maybe you could meet in the middle?) is more palatable than my aunts thinking that I won’t even let them throw me a shower. I know different people will have different takes on that calculus but that is what would work for me.

  8. EB0220 says

    For those of you who have to send food to daycare with your child, what is your prep approach? My 8 month old is eating solid table food, but I can’t cover her entirely on family leftovers. I’m sending things like black beans, rice, cooked peas/carrots/sweet potato/etc. I have a ton of little tupperware containers. I’m thinking of just doing one meal prep session a week, but will the food last that long? I would cook the food, store in individual containers and stash in the fridge. Maybe I need 2 sessions? I just don’t have time in the morning to be steaming peas (or whatever needs to be done.)

    Editing: Just remembered that there was a post on this recently. I will go back and check it out.

    • Nonny says

      I just do it every night – it’s part of my regular routine. I’m sure that if I only did it once or twice per week, I’d forget, but if I do it every night, it happens like clockwork. Just what works for me!

      FWIW, often when we cook veggies we deliberately make one or two extra toddler portions so that I have peas or yams or whatever ready to go for a couple of days. It does help to save a bit of time!

    • anne-on says

      We cook on the weekends and then freeze it, and take it out either the night before or morning of, most things thaw nicely. Stuff I routinely freeze and send in – peas/carrots, homemade muffins, waffles, meatballs, sweet potatoes (in chunks). Frozen fruit medleys (trader joes is great for this) are also fantastic to portion out and send in in Tupperware.

    • ADE says

      Along these lines, does anyone have any recommendations for lunchbox/bento boxes for a one year old? There are some cute bento/laptop options, but they seem best for an older toddler who sits down for lunch and eats the whole thing at one time. My son is still eating several times a day at daycare — breakfast, lunch, snack — and I tend to think that having the food in individual containers is best. Any advice/recommendations/thoughts?

  9. Done says

    Decided that I am DONE pumping at work. Still nursing at night, and babe drinks a bit of milk at daycare. Am beginning to introduce cow’s milk and will mix that with thawed b*milk from freezer until he is good to drink all cow’s milk. If he needs anything else at daycare until then, he can just drink formula. I made it a whole year (9 months at work). I am really proud of myself for doing it but now I am DONE.

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      Awesome job!! You should totally be proud of yourself!

      I cut down pumping at work at the 6 month mark and started supplementing with formula. I will probably stop at 9 months and just hope I can keep up a supply for nursing in the morning and possibly the evening.

      The stress/time involved in pumping at work just doesn’t seem worth the benefit to me, especially if that’s time that I can spend with my daughter. BUT the guilt, it is strong.

      • RDC says

        I’m only at 4.5 months right now but I think this is my plan – make it to 6 months and then try to nurse morning and night as long as possible. Agree that the benefits don’t seem nearly sufficient to justify the time and hassle involved … But yes, the guilt.

      • Done says

        Thanks, Pigpen’s Mama and RDC! NO GUILT! As far as I’m concerned, if formula makes a happier mom, that’s better for the baby. Cheers to you. I nursed/pumped exclusively, but on reflection I don’t think I would do that again. It just wasn’t worth the cost to my sanity, and I think it would have been better for all of us if I had used more formula in addition to nursing at night and on weekends.

    • Ciao, pues says

      Celebrate! Bust out your favorite pumping unfriendly outfit (or buy something new!), schedule meetings and calls without regard to those daily blocked out chunks of time on your calendar, and switch back to your small work bag! The week I quit pumping was so gratifying. I felt great that I had done it and great that it was over. Whoop!

    • JEB says

      I’m almost at 5 months now, and I dream of quitting EVERY DAY. But the self-imposed guilt is so strong (I have no judgment whatsoever towards formula feeders…I don’t have a good reason for imposing so much guilt on myself, yet it’s there). Plus when I really think about it, I can do it for a few more months. I highly doubt I’ll make it to a full year.

      Congrats to you…that’s amazing!!

      • Anonymous says

        I had the same self-imposed guilt. Its so odd. I have zero judgment on friends and family members who supplemented with formula, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. At the end of the day, I made it to 11.5 months of pumping, and then I just started giving her milk at day care. She still nurses at night and on weekends.

    • Msj says

      Congratulations! I was planning on scaling back from 3 to 2 sessions this week as the babies are eating more solids and I ended up with some bad plugged ducts that I’m still working out (after two days of not working/pumping only bfeeding) . So now I need to up my pumping until this resolves :( and I am super fearful of weaning for real

  10. TBK says

    Anyone else see this? (link to follow) Maybe there’s more to the story, and yes, it’s the 24 news cycle problem (things seem common because we see every little instance on TV), but it really scares me. My kids are obviously way (waaay) too young for us to be worried about this sort of thing yet, but I am honestly afraid that I’m going to decide they’re old enough for something and wind up having to prove to a court that I’m a fit mother. Actually maybe my kids aren’t too young. We park on the street, but it’s right out in front of the house and I can clearly see the car and its interior. And yet when I forgot my phone in the house recently, I unbuckled the kids, put them back in their stroller, and wheeled them back into the house to get the phone rather than leave them in the car for 3 minutes (it was 50 degrees and cloudy — not at all dangerous for three minutes, all of which I’d spent in sight of the car except for maybe 20 seconds). Why did I do this? Because I thought my kids would be unsafe? N o. I did it because I was afraid someone would walk by and call the cops to say someone had left two babies in a car alone. I’ve told the au pair to never never leave the kids in the car even for a second — because it would be dangerous? no, I trust her to know what’s safe for the kids or else I’d never leave them in her care 45 hours/week — no, I said that if someone saw they might call the police and take the children away. And even an hour of my children being in state custody would be agonizing. Plus the follow up. I’m sorry for the rant, but there are children who are actually in danger. This approach (1) takes up police, court, and CPS time on cases that don’t merit attention; (2) leaves our kids unequipped to be on their own as they grow up; (3) forces parents to face criminal charges for behavior that isn’t codified in law most places (so you’re supposed to use your judgment for what your kid can handle but then random passer-by will use his/her own judgment to determine whether to call 911, and then a court, based on no actual law, will decide ad hoc if you guessed right about what the court and random passer-by might think your kid, who is a complete stranger to them, is capable of); (4) makes children face the scary, scary situation of being forcibly separated from their parents. How is this a good idea? Okay, that’s my rant. It just makes me so angry, sad, and very scared that I’m going to be the parent in court someday fighting to get my kids back.

    • JJ says

      Agreed completely. If the police and child services had not done this, it would be called what is was: kidnapping.

    • mascot says

      The kids are 10 and 6, right? If they can be trusted to walk to a park, maybe they can also carry a non-smart phone so they can check in with their parents or at least ask the intervening adult to use a phone. My parents made me carry change back when pay phones existed. I feel like there has to be more to the story about why the police didn’t just whip out a phone. These parents have ticked someone off and are now on the radar I’m afraid.
      I’ve always been grateful to have safe off-street parking for exactly the scenario you mention and have let my child sleep in a cool locked car while I unload or whatever. Of course, now that he can unbuckle and open doors it’s different. We just started letting him go into a bathroom stall alone while we were in the next one or even going into a single bathroom alone with us standing by the door.

      • TBK says

        According to the news reports, the boy told the cop where he lived. I don’t know why the cop didn’t just take the kids to the house and ask the dad what was up. Maybe there’s more here, or maybe it’s that there are protocols in place that limit what a cop can do in this situation. I realize it’s much better for a kid to spend a few hours at the police station unnecessarily than for the cops to risk sending a kid back to a dangerous home, but there has to be some middle ground. The problem, I think, is that we have this terrible mix of leaving the judgment up to the parents on the one hand, but then having an unwritten standard on the other and punishing parents (very harshly, given how painful it is for a parent to have their child taken away) for guessing wrong. Our culture may be too heterogeneous and disconnected (people not knowing each other or each other’s kids) for these general “community standards” rules to work anymore.

    • KJ says

      So…this is near where I live, and I have been following this story/stories with interest. For those who don’t know, this is part 2 of the story. The kids were picked up by the cops at a park earlier this year.

      I agree with the general concept of free-range parenting. It’s how I grew up, and it was great. But I think when you are calculating risks you have to take the world as it is, not as it should be. And the world, and this neighborhood specifically, is a place where kids can and do get picked up by the police for playing alone at a park and parents get investigated for neglect. Those are outcomes I want to avoid for myself and my child. I think no matter what the benefit is of sending your kids to the park alone, it is outweighed by the harm of your kids getting traumatized by the police repeatedly. As my little one gets older I will encourage her to be independent, but I will keep within the law and community standards, even if I don’t agree with them.

      • Meg Murry says

        Yes, I wonder if there is some kind of vendetta going on between the parents and the neighbors to cause the neighbors to call the cops/CPS all the time, or if there is some kind of “second strike” protocol the cops have to follow since they’ve picked up these kids before. It also may make a difference if the kids are very small or look much younger for their age than they actually are, or if even though it was “only 2 blocks” those 2 blocks involved crossing dangerous intersections.

        I agree with everyone else on the WTF, why didn’t the cops take the kids home, walk home with them or follow them to make sure they got home and THEN repremand the parents if that is what they wanted to do.

        And I also play the game not of “will my kid be safe if I leave them in the car” but rather “will someone call the cops on me leaving my kids in the car?” – which is annoying and so frustrating. I have a friend that left a kid in the car to run into the pharmacy and pick up a prescription because the kid was sick and not sleeping well otherwise so she didn’t want to wake him, and came out to find the cops there. Luckily, the cops were completely reasonable and just told her they were required to check it out and recommended she didn’t do it again but didn’t ticket her or anything like that.

      • Spirograph says

        +1 to all of this. I know this neighborhood well and would be OK with letting my kids (at those ages) play alone there, except it’s obvious the neighbors are busybodies and CPS is overzealous. Those are a risk to my family, not whatever imaginary dangers lurk between my house and the playground.

    • PregAnon says

      I’ve seen it, and I have the same exact fears you do. If my baby is asleep in the car, and, say, it is a cool and cloudy day in my VERY safe neighborhood, and I want to run into my house to grab something I forgot…I should be able to do that without worrying about some dire consequences from neighbors or the CPS. Same with running in to pick up a prescription if kid has finally fallen asleep and has been sick.

      When I was 8, I pretty much had free reign of our neighborhood on my bike, but did carry change for the pay phone, and later had a pay phone card number memorized so I could just punch in the number.

      I totally agree with all of the “WFT” sentiments. It is absolutely kidnapping, and someone clearly has it out for this family.

  11. stc says

    Good for you! I did this and had another very pleasant 6 months of nursing morning and evenings. Still had that supply, but didn’t get uncomfortable during the work day.

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