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There are certain things from my son’s baby days that we still have and use today, and hooded towels are one of them. They look so sweet on a baby’s head and now look adorable when they’re on my preschooler’s head — but flapping in the breeze as he runs down the hallway.
I will be sad when he gets too big for hooded towels and footie pajamas, but until then I’ll keep using them, washing them in Dreft, and inhaling that amazing baby smell during bedtime and bathtime. (For someone who did not enjoy the baby stage, I sure am feeling nostalgic lately!)
A set of two is $24.99 at Buy Buy Baby (both online and in store) and Amazon. 2-Pack Hooded Towels
Psst: Looking for info about nursing clothes for working moms, or tips for pumping at the office? We’ve got them both…
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Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Cb says
My mom made big fluffy hooded towels from a hand towel and a bath towel and my son loves them, they’re much more absorbent than the baby towels. Might be worth asking a crafty grandparent.
rosie says
You can also buy hooded towels in larger sizes and with regular towel fabric. We have one from Ikea. I also recommend the etsy seller crafting4caleb.
Mrs. Jones says
Our son is 9 and still uses hooded towels. So cute.
Clementine says
Uh, I just need somebody to tell me ‘yeah, that worked for my kid’.
Middle child turned 2 and promptly decided that she wanted to potty train. Now, she’s literally barely 2 so we were like, ‘Whatever. We won’t rush it. Let’s just put her on the potty and see what she does.’ Um… 3 days later she’s going with one accident all day.
With my oldest, I did the whole ‘Oh Crap’ method and TOTALLY ascribed to the philosophy that once you were potty trained, pull ups are only for naps and bedtime. When my kid regressed, I chalked a huge part of it up to the fact that his daycare teacher (who just… didn’t really like wrangling the kids when somebody told her they needed to go and it wasn’t on the ‘scheduled’ potty time chart… yeah, now she works with older kids) would put him in a pull up right after we dropped him off. Well… because of circumstances beyond our control, it makes sense that kid needs to wear pull ups for a while.
Somebody tell me I’m not going to undo this kid’s progress because I’m going to be putting her in a pull-up? And just tell me that it’s fine and I can not feel guilty?
AwayEmily says
I used Oh Crap for both my kids, and have recommended it to others, but I think the author is WAY too intense about her way being The Only Way. Plenty of kids potty train with pull-ups! Plenty of kids successfully use reward systems! I don’t know if it’s her personality or just a writing style to sell more books, but the intensity of her insistence that all other potty training methods are BS is really off-putting. So in sum, I think your kid will be totally fine.
Clementine says
Thank you. I think this is what I needed to hear. I feel like I just tattooed into my mind that pull-ups were BAAAD…
avocado says
It’s more than fine, it’s great! You are supporting her desire and readiness to potty train earlier than you’d planned. If you are really worried that she won’t be able to feel the wetness, you can put underwear under the pull-ups.
Clementine says
What a good idea, thank you!
anon says
After my kids potty-trained we still used pull-ups for various situations for at least 6 months and they almost always kept them dry and would still use the toilet while wearing them, if that was an option. Daycare would put newly-trained kids in pull-ups before they went out on walks to the playground, because they didn’t want to have to bring back the whole group of kids after 10 minutes because someone thought she had to pee. We also used them for plane travel (lol sob back when that was a thing), because a kid who claims they have to go pee during take-off is going to be a problem, and long car rides.
So you’re fine!
Clementine says
Thank you! Husband reminds me that there were other issues with daycare and potty training #1 other than just the pull-up thing (I swear, I’m scarred). He’s also reminding me that on plane rides (I do remember those! They were so fun.) we put on ‘airplane pants’ (aka a pull-up) over his underpants.
Anonymous says
No, you won’t undo. If she’s potty trained she prob won’t even go in a pull-up. FWIW we day trained and after DD was dry for a while we night trained. There’s no one right way to potty train. But congrats!
Clementine says
There’s on one way. And kids are SO different. My oldest kid – we tried the m&m’s trick my MIL swears by and… he didn’t seem to care. This kid? Loves that immediate gratification of a chocolate chip and a dance party.
Anonanonanon says
Yea, that worked for my kid. :)
Clementine says
Perfect!
Mary Moo Cow says
Aargh, we’re going through this now in my house, except DD just turned 3. We used the “potty training in 3 days” method (book by a different author) with older sister, who was a dream to train, and it just…didn’t work 100% for Little Sister. The 10th day I had to scrape a BM out of her panties, I went back to pull-ups. (DH was there from day 4.) I’ve been anguished over my choice — my behavior truly has been, I’ve come to see, out of proportion with the situation. She won’t be 10 and not trained. I need to hear that it is fine and I can not feel guilty, too.
Clementine says
YEP. Barring any major developmental concerns, it’ll happen. (Right? I mean, you’re talking to a woman who just went onto the internet for reassurance on a Tuesday morning…)
blueridge29 says
We started training my DD at 3 and it was a battle of wills. We tried candy bribes, toys, hair accessories…she would occasionally earn a reward, but it did not click. We went on vacation 4 months later and she decided she was ready and after that point no more accidents.
If I could go back in time I would just back off and let her make the decision. FWIW, my older child was very easy to train and was fully trained by 2. I don’t think there is a perfect method, just kids that are easier or harder to train. Good luck!
Anon says
My newly (~2 months) potty trained just turned 3 year old still stays in her (dry) diaper most mornings and asks to use the potty while using it. Also true while using swim diapers for the pool (because, ew) and pull ups for long car rides (because I spend enough time cleaning vomit out of car seats, I don’t need to add potty training accidents). We had a long PT journey (failed Oh Crap disaster at 2.5, then finally success using mom-intuition (can I patent that process?) five months later, but the occasional diaper or pull-up wearing has not caused any regressions.
Walnut says
My daughter potty trained herself around two, then decided she didn’t want to be for a couple months, and then one day around 2.5 flipped on us again. Sometimes with the very strong willed two year old set, you just have to roll with it.
I don’t think daycare using pull-ups will detrimentally impact the situation. Just keep switching to underwear at home and see how it plays out.
Anon says
I’m six months pregnant and feel hungry most of the time. I crave treats especially after dealing with a toddler and isolation and frustration at work. Part of me just wants to let myself eat what I want, because I lost the baby weight ok last time, but the other part of me feels gross when I cave to temptations and it feels like a constant struggle. I’m not someone who has dieted or been too intense about food in the past, but I guess I’m just tired of my pregnant self at this point. Thoughts on coping?
Anon says
I’m of the mind that as long as you’re eating healthy meals, eat whatever else you want. Maybe I’m wrong, but I feel like people get into trouble when they start eating junk instead of meals — like doughnuts are great, but eat a real breakfast first so you don’t screw up your blood sugar.
Anon says
A few things:
1) I think that having some treats is totally fine. You’re pregnant! Food tastes good!
2) I have recently started listening to the “Weight Loss for Busy Physicians” podcast because I’m trying to become healthier. I am NOT saying you should focus on losing weight!!! But your comment about craving treats due to stress makes me think you might like the “thought model” she presents if you want to process those feelings and not resort to food. I am not a talk-about-my-feelings person but I have found it helpful. I think she goes over it in the second episode of the podcast. The idea is that you write down these things: circumstance, thoughts, feelings, action, results.
3) Be gentle with yourself. You’re 6 months pregnant and have a kid and it’s a pandemic and you’re working. Do what you need to get through your day and stay healthy.
Anonymous says
Eat the food.
Clementine says
A vote for team ‘be kind to yourself’.
One coping strategy I have when I have cravings is to figure out EXACTLY what I want and then hold out for just that.
So, if I want a cupcake – I’m not going to ‘waste’ a cupcake on some crummy supermarket shortening-iced cupcake (unless that’s your jam). I want specifically a dark chocolate cupcake – either homemade from x recipe or from the bakery that’s in Y – with the really good buttery icing. Also, if I start eating a cupcake and it’s not hitting the mark, I have permission to toss it and decide that cupcake ‘just wasn’t right for me’. I know I’m not alone in ‘cupcake disappointment’.
If I think, ‘Huh. I want fries.’ Do I want shoestring fries or steak fries or curly fries? Do I want them alone or with some garlicky aioli or on the side of a burger? For me, I’m not going to ‘waste’ fries on those soggy crinkle cut, undersalted monstrosities that some places try to pass off (looking at you, shake shack) as fries.
Anon says
Ha! I am an anti-shake shack fry person as well, much to my husband’s disgust. Give me good McDonald’s shoestrings — hot and super salty. TYVM.
Anonymous says
Oh man. I am 9 months pregnant, read this comment, and immediately ate McD’s for lunch for the first time in… years? Ever?
Anon says
^^ I do this too. Also, you are less likely to overindulge if it is what you are actually craving– like go for one scoop of the good ice cream instead of a pint of the “healthy, but not what you wanted” kind. Also, try for things that are pre-portioned. Like, instead of baking cookies yourself where you have 3-4 dozen in the house, go buy one, wonderful decadent cookie.
Spirograph says
You sound like pregnant-me, and I just ate all the food. I did have to retrain my healthier eating habits once I was no longer pregnant, but I figured there were enough other things making me uncomfortable esp in 3rd trimester that I deserved a d@mn treat. Did I gain too much weight while pregnant? Yup. But I also lost it all by 6ish months post partum, so it’s a blip in the grand scheme of things. Don’t beat yourself up over this. Make sure you get actual nutritious food too, but do what makes you happy.
AnonATL says
I spent way too much of my third trimester eating cookies and cream ice cream straight out of the tub. No regrets :)
I definitely tried to eat real foods for every meal and quality snacks, but when it’s 100 degrees outside and the world is burning around you Ice cream tastes darn good.
I say try to eat quality most of the time, but if you want to eat junk, eat some junk. Only if you can let go of the regret though. Maybe limit yourself to one treat a day?
Anon says
just eat what you want and throw in some healthy stuff too. i’m slightly jealous as i have a HUGE sweet tooth, but when i was pregnant i was just so nauseous and just didn’t want sweets. i had all of these visions of eating pints of ice cream, cookies, etc. and i think i ate the least amount of dessert when i was pregnant
Anon says
Maybe this is the wrong approach, but pregnancy has always been a total “hall pass” for me in terms of eating whatever I want. I had severe morning sickness and nausea with both kids, so I spent most of my pregnancies eating bland toast and dry cereal. When I actually wanted to eat something, I let myself have it because it was such a welcome change from having no appetite (even if what I wanted was a Five Guys burger and fries or sour cream potato chips straight from the bag). I was absolutely starving and could not stop eating during the third trimester of my last pregnancy, yet I still only gained thirty pounds in total (which is exactly the same as what I gained during my “ate like a bird” first pregnancy). Listen to your body and deal with any weight gain after the fourth trimester is over (or even a full year later because having a baby is exhausting).
Realist says
This is a different strategy, but I found the “abstainer” and “moderator” framework really eye opening. Most advice is given as if we are all moderators. But I’m not. I’m an abstainer. That mode is much easier for me. If I indulge occasionally, it is really hard for me to moderate. It is so much easier for me to entirely cut out something that I have decided is not good for me anymore. Just in case you are that way too, don’t feel bad if you can’t get the “occasional treat” approach to work for you.
Link to framework: https://gretchenrubin.com/2012/10/back-by-popular-demand-are-you-an-abstainer-or-a-moderator/
When I’m trying to eat healthier, what works for me is to have easy food on hand that is unlimited. So, for example, I will have carrots, fresh cut fruit, almonds, oatmeal, and a bunch of other easy snacks on hand, with no limit on how many healthy snacks I can have. This might mean spending money on things you normally wouldn’t, like pre-cut fruit or healthy snacks that seem ridiculously expensive for what they are. You just need to make it easy on yourself to make good choices when you are hungry, stressed, and busy.
If there is an emotional need (like needing a break after dealing with the toddler), it can help if you have a way to deal with it that isn’t eating food you are going to regret eating later. Just do whatever works and get your partner’s support if needed. We all need a break sometimes. Make sure you are getting enough fresh air and staying hydrated, as cravings can definitely spiral from there if you aren’t meeting those two needs.
If you are adding some indulgences around an otherwise healthy diet, there is no need to beat yourself up about it or to emotionally feel “gross” or feel like you are struggling under some unrealistic ideal of what you should be eating. (If you are feeling gross because the food actually makes you feel bad later, such as by making your stomach upset, giving you headaches, or making it difficult to sleep, then that is a different sort of “gross” that probably means you do need to find a way to cut out the foods that aren’t getting along with your body.) Your body is pretty smart and is probably craving things for a reason, so no need to worry about giving into those cravings.
Anonanonanon says
I have on real work clothes today. I’ve been in sweats or “responding to an emergency” clothes for months and today I have real work clothes on to serve on a panel. I knew I missed it but I didn’t realize how much. I have missed walking in somewhere in a shift dress and a blazer and heels and feeling like I look put together and ready to take charge and just…ugh. Too bad it’s just for a webcam!
ElisaR says
ooh i’m kinda jealous
Redux says
For those who send your kids to private school (not daycare)– is it common to agree to pay the full year’s tuition, even if you disenroll for any reason? We are moving from public K to private 1st grade this year and just got the contract. I suspected we’d commit to the full semester’s tuition, but not the full year. Is this common?
Anonymous says
All the private schools in our area have this requirement.
Clementine says
My husband just pointed out that we agreed to this when we signed ours, so… yes? Aftercare though we can sign up on a weekly or monthly basis.
Anonymous says
Yes extremely common. They know they probably can’t fill a seat mid year. And they will often sue you for it. To their mind, you’re lucky they don’t require payment in full up front.
Realist says
Yes. Very common. I think most schools are run by people who are reasonable–they won’t collect the full tuition if the family unenrolls due to a medical emergency, job loss, etc. (though legally the contract says they can, and often they will try to find at least a partial scholarship if the child is otherwise able to attend school). But if the school isn’t a good fit or you decide to move or whatever, you are on the hook for the whole year. Our private school collects most of it in advance so that everything is paid at least 4 months ahead and you would still have paid most of the year even if you decided to leave midway through.
Anonymous says
Common. It’s worth asking if they have any sort of tuition refund insurance.
Spirograph says
I’m new to private school, myself, but our contract was the same. I don’t love it, but it does make sense — realistically the school is committing a spot to your child, and is unlikely to be able to attract a new student mid-year. It’s not like daycare when new kids are starting all the time.
Redux says
Helpful, thanks, everyone!
SC says
All of the schools in my area require this. The Catholic schools require full payment upfront, but you can take out a bank loan, with interest.
FVNC says
Adding to the chorus to say, both private schools we considered for our daughter this year had this requirement. We were also surprised, but it probably makes sense to allow the schools to plan and budget.
Anon says
Yes
Anon says
My 4 year old was just diagnosed for ASD. Any good resources or books for parents of ASD kids? She’s on the milder end of the spectrum if that helps.
Anonymous says
May I ask how it was flagged/what her symptoms are?
Anon says
She originally got into early intervention because of a significant gross motor delay and a speech regression. Preschool revealed major socialization issues (wandering the perimeter instead of engaging), waiting for the other kids to leave the activity before trying it, problems with transitions. She is easily frustrated.
That said, she is a happy, delightful kid with normal to high intelligence. Just needs some help with some issues.
SC says
My son is 5 and has either mild ASD or some neurological condition with overlapping symptoms, or several things that make a diagnosis difficult. (He was evaluated when he was 3, which is a little early, and the psychologist didn’t come to an ASD diagnosis. We haven’t had him re-evaluated because he’s getting the resources he needs.)
My biggest advice is to assemble a team of professionals who can help your kid. At this point, my kid sees two psychologists, a psychiatrist, and two OTs (from the same practice, but one in school and one after school on a different day).
Specifically on books, my son’s psychologist recommended Raising Your Spirited Child and The Out of Sync Child, and I found both to be helpful. Raising Your Spirited Child focuses on temperament and behavioral strategies. The Out of Sync child focuses on sensory issues and has more of a clinical perspective, but it helped me understand why we’re paying thousands of dollars OOP for OT.
Also, my kid’s other psychologist just introduced the series Superflex and the Unthinkables. Superflex is a flexible thinking superhero, and he fights “bad guys” like Rock Brain (stuck), Brain Eater (distracted), Body Snatcher (wandering/turning away), Glass Man (gets upset quickly), and Space Invader (too close). There are plenty of others, so you can pick and choose based on your kid’s specific struggles. The books and videos are for kids, but they’ve really helped me understand/visualize what’s going on with my son, and given us some common language for talking about what’s happening and trying to work through it.
Anon says
Thanks! This is so, so, so helpful.
We have/had an excellent team of professionals at her public preschool and she was thriving! She had PT, ABA therapy, speech, and consultation with OT all at school. Unfortunately, we are all virtual at the moment.
Thankfully, she just received her diagnosis as a part of a clinic that will do in person therapies with her.
anon says
Is anyone else completely over school system incompetence and hysteria? My daughter’s school is opening fully DL, but her 2nd grade teacher had sent a note saying that she was going to set up a time for outdoor, distanced, timed slotted, masked introductions on the school field. It was at least something and my kid was very very excited to get to meet her teacher. Yesterday the teacher sent a note saying that these introductions are too dangerous so now we get to drive by with the windows up while she waves to us from the curb. It’s all so ridiculous and yet another let down.
Anonymous says
Yes, this is disappointing, but we’re in a pandemic. If this is the most you have to complain about right now, consider yourself lucky. Tired of people blaming schools for what was a larger federal and state government failure.
anon says
Trust me when I say have plenty more to complain about. Our school system has been very resistant to teaching at all during the pandemic, objecting to both in person (“unsafe”) and virtual learning (“too difficult” and “inequitable”). They have provided zero education since they closed in March (including dropping summer school for the neediest kids) and have delayed the start of school because they were unprepared for DL. This optional brief meet up–which meets all safety guidelines–was going to be a small olive branch after a dismal go of it.
If they didn’t want to offer a meet up they shouldn’t have sent and email saying it was going to happen. Neither the feds or the state govt made them do that. This let down is their own incompetence after a long string of incompetence.
anon says
Reading the tea leaves, it sounds like something the teacher wanted to do and the administration pushed back on it after they found out.
Anon says
That was exactly my thought. I really doubt the teacher is to blame for this event being canceled.
Anon says
I’m tired of my school board saying “this is a community problem; we can’t fix it.” You. are.the.community.Your job is to figure out solutions for school. School board isn’t a purely government entity, but their failure to plan, execute, and communicate deserves blame.
anon says
Trust me when I say have plenty more to complain about. Our school system has been very resistant to teaching at all during the pandemic, objecting to both in person (“unsafe”) and virtual learning (“too difficult” and “inequitable”). They have provided zero education since they closed in March (including dropping summer school for the neediest kids) and have delayed the start of school because they were unprepared for DL. This optional brief meet up–which meets all safety guidelines–was going to be a small olive branch after a dismal go of it.
If they didn’t want to offer a meet up they shouldn’t have sent and email saying it was going to happen. Neither the feds nor the state govt made them do that. This let down is their own incompetence after a long string of incompetence.
Anonymous says
I get all that and don’t mean to be unkind, but this feels like a pretty small complaint. I am guessing it’s the straw that is breaking the camel’s back, though. Good luck and I hope things turn around.
anon says
I’ve been trying hard to psych up my 7 yo for DL, which is going to be 5.5 hours on a computer per day. This was the one thing she was excited about. Why should my anxious kid trust me that this is going to be okay when I keep having to backtrack?
For that matter, why should I trust the school district that this is going to go even a little okay when they are continuing to be so incompetent? Come up with a reasonable plan and execute for goodness sake. Stop passing the blame. This is a school district issue.
Anonymous says
I’m with you. I do think though that this is a thing you can fix. Email the class and get together for a distanced, masked meetup at a local playground. The teacher doesn’t have to be there.
anon says
There’s no way to set up a class wide meet up. They won’t share class lists with contact info until October. I have heard from parents of her friends, and she knows several friends in her class, but I have no way of identifying kids whose parents I don’t already know. Once school starts in a couple of weeks I can look over her shoulder and try to identify kids and look them up in last year’s directory, but class lists aren’t shared until all parents consent for the info to be released.
This cancelled meet up was only to meet the teacher, whom she doesn’t know at all and hasn’t met before. It wasn’t for the kids to meet each other. The kids were supposed to show up only for their 10 minute time slot and stand 10 feet from the teacher while wearing a mask. No kid-kid interactions.
Anonymous says
I’m the one that suggested it. Does your school have a FB group? Our PTO does, and if I were in your spot I’d post on the PTO facebook group: “2nd grade meetup at XYZ playground. Mr. A’s class 1-2pm. Ms. B’s class 2-3pm. Mr. C’s class 3-4pm. Wear a mask. One parent/guardian only, no siblings.”
And/or if you have a 2nd grader, you must know parents from K-1, right? Send an email and pass the word that way.
I totally get that you are annoyed, but it seems at this point like everyone has to step up a little as a community to make things happen. It sucks and we all have a lot on our plates–parents and teachers and admins. If you want to see something happen, you should try and make it happen! Or do what I do and plant the idea with a Parent That Makes $hit Happen (this parent is not me).
anon says
I have reached out to all of the parents I know, including on FB groups, and I’ve identified 5 of the 25 kinds in her class. It’s just not that easy.
Even if I could, there is zero chance that I’d feel comfortable setting up a large group playdate right now given local sentiment–I’d have to face the wrath of many angry parents. The schools just shot down having a single kid meet an adult 1:1 outdoors with distance, masks and clear boundaries. There is no way I’d go out on a limb to suggest convening a large group of adults and kids for a class wide meet up. Most parents I know aren’t even comfortable with outdoor 1:1 playdates.
anon says
Anonymous, the more I think about it, the more that I think you’re really really off base. I can absolutely expect the schools to have their act together without being personally responsible for personally navigating the social and political complexities of COVID risk by setting up a community event. It’s not my job and to suggest otherwise is ridiculous.
The schools offered for my kid to be able to meet her teacher and then took it away without explanation. Me setting up a classwide anything doesn’t fix that.
Lay off.
Silicon Valley parent says
I am also over the incompetence. All of this is really hard, but competent leadership could make this so much better. The local superintendent is awful and still somehow has the school board’s support.
Elections are this fall and I just want to vote in people who will replace the guy who a) didn’t think to include teachers in planning for reopening until the end of July; b) lobbied our local public health department to allow aerosol-spewing activities while at the same time refusing to open schools for normal classes (which was allowed by public health); and c) is condescending and obnoxious in communications with parents, including sending a tantrum of an email to every parent in the district, calling them unreasonable because too many parents were emailing him.
Anon says
The level of incompetence at some schools is truly astonishing. It just shows how hard it can be to rapidly change large institutions when they are facing complex unknowns. But it’s clear bad judgement calls are made again and again.
Anonymous says
The incompetence is really at all levels. In Maryland, the governor announced last Thursday afternoon that all school systems should really be getting kids back in the building in person because look at these just-published guidelines that all the counties meet! I sympathize with the schools who had put all their eggs in the virtual basket, absent clear guidance from the state, earlier in the month and couldn’t change course less than a week before the first day of school… but also why were they not trying harder to get kids back in person when infection rates are well within what the WHO, CDC, etc consider “under control”?
I understand there are moving pieces, I understand individual families have different health risks, I understand this is a massively complex problem. But I do not understand, and do not accept the all-or-nothing approach (landing on nothing) the school district has taken.
MD anon says
Hogan and Salmon’s announcement last week was completely out of line and a total publicity stunt. You can’t tell school districts that they’re free to make their own decisions, approve all their plans (including the ones that are virtual until February), and then announce less than a week before school starts that everyone should be in person.
I get that virtual is not ideal in many ways, but at this point I’d rather my kids’ teachers and principal were spending their time trying to figure out the best way to do virtual elementary school (which my kids’ school has been amazing at) than scrambling to put together an in-person plan.
Anonymous says
Isn’t this the same governor who recently told private schools that they couldn’t open?
Anonymous says
No. That was the MoCo county health executive. Hogan responded that it was an over reach of that position/authority. Private schools can open.
Anonymous says
They can legally open, but many are still waiting until at least October because they didn’t want to flout local health officer guidance (even if that guidance is in conflict with other health guidance). Mission accomplished, regardless of the order being rescinded. MD and MoCo are a cluster with pandemic schools.
Quail says
I’ll validate that this is super disappointing. Whatever the reason, you are totally valid in feeling disappointment and for being mad that school disappointed your child.
(And yes, I’m over incompetence. I know my kiddo’s teacher has been on top of it as we’ve received multiple emails from her, but the school held a FAQ zoom in which there were not a lot of actual answers. We start fully remote in a week.)
Anonymous says
I think more than ever, it is really going to be up to individual teachers to salvage this school year. From what I’ve heard from family and friends who are teachers, the school districts are tied in knots trying to please everyone, and end up pleasing no one. The teachers don’t have good guidance, and the guidance there is ties their hands from doing the things their instincts suggest are right. That’s before you even add in the dynamics of some parents and families being much less able to create an effective home learning environment. Some teachers will be able to make lemonade in spite of this, but it’s going to be a tough year.
If I had to guess, the teacher took the initiative to set up that meeting, then someone in the administration got wind of it and shut it down. The teacher should have either vetted it first or kept it quieter, but it sounds like she at least tried. The kids are the biggest losers in all of this, of course. It’s super disappointing, and I’m sorry you and your daughter were let down.
EB0220 says
So far I have been happy with our school system during this whole thing. We are in Northern Colorado, recently relocated from North Carolina. They did switch to distance learning last minute BUT:
– The communication has been clear and frequent without a bunch of obfuscation
– Grades 3+ received a laptop, no questions asked. We had the option to request for K-2 as well but we didn’t need one.
– Schools arranged for us to come pick up physical supplies (workbooks, library books, worksheets, projects, etc) which has made a huge difference in the kids’ experience.
– Guys, they printed all of the login info on a small sheet of paper and laminated it. I love them forever for this alone.
– The teachers have been SOOOO patient trying to get 20 elementary school kids moving in roughly the same direction. It cannot be easy and they have stayed calm and pleasant throughout. I want to send them all margaritas.
– They are providing lunch pickup at school free for all kids. We scootered/biked over today and got lunch and the school administrators were outside coordinating it all. It was lovely.
Is this ideal? No. But it’s much better than the spring so we are trying to find the bright spots….
anon says
I just watched the video from our county with instructions how to access the virtual materials this year. It starts: “In order to access the materials, you will need to connect to the VPN network. This software is glitchy, so you should leave enough time, 45 minute minimum, to make multiple attempts to access the VPN network prior to your class. Please try logging in at least 5-8 times before calling our service number. Between each attempt, you will need to do a hard reset of your device. When your device becomes frozen, wait 5 minutes to see if it restarts before holding down the home and power button to do a hard reset. Then start the VPN log in process from the beginning again. You will also need to restart this process if you lose your connection during a class. We appreciate that this may be frustrating.”
They’ve had 6 months and this is the best they can do…
Different Anonymous says
Holy sh*t that is straight up unacceptable!
Strategy Mom says
My back is killing me from my work at home setup. Finally got an awesome chair, now i need a desk – any suggestions? Anyone invest in a stand up desk? I think my current setup is too high and im shrugging all day. is there a magical height that keeps you from having shoulder issues? I have one big monitor + my laptop = do i need two?
I was about to be chap about a desk, but have spent $400 on massages and adjustments and so I think I need to suck it up and invest in a better setup. Just need it to be cute since its in my bedroom. I have a big Space though. Thanks!
Anon says
I bought the fully jarvis desk and it’s great. I also think you need two monitors (on monitor arms for the best setup, which you can also buy from fully). It wasn’t cheap but I’m glad I did it.
CCLA says
I also have and enthusiastically endorse this desk. Not sure it’s “cute” but I have the basic white one which is pretty unoffensive. I was an avid standing desk user (or really adjustable desk – I do like to sit sometimes) before the pandemic so if you’re not used to it, be prepared to ease into it with initially short standing periods. Some other things that help:
-for when you’re sitting, get a footrest
-keyboard tray (the fully desk has one that you can adjust the angle on, which my ortho friends say is important)
-ensure monitor(s) at correct height
-for when you’re standing, a mat, and make sure to vary up your standing position (they make special mats to encourage that but I’ve never liked them and just use the regular mat…also make sure not stand in high heels for instance…but not so much a concern these days)
-take breaks, even just to stretch
-I also like using a yoga ball for when I’m sitting unless it’s a late night drafting session, but I’ve found the other things above to have a bigger impact
AwayEmily says
I got the “Husky adjustable work table” from home depot (curbside pickup so I didn’t need to pay shipping). It’s like a third of the cost of all the fancy adjustable desks and works just as well. Has a lovely butcher block top, too. It’s super easy to adjust to whatever feels right. My husband bought one too after seeing how great mine was.
I also recommend getting a footrest.
Melanie says
I love this one https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07WFQ3NMK/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Anon says
I have a stand up desk at work that I never used except when I was pregnant because sitting was so uncomfortable. At home I have a 36×60 glass top dining room table that I acquired 10+ (wow) years ago as my desk; my problem is most desks are too low for me, so the dining table ended up being the perfect size and height (31″ from the floor) (I’m a spreader – it now has two 24 inch monitors and a printer on it).
You either need to put your laptop on a stand or get a second monitor if you are regularly using both screens – you want both screens at the same (correct) height. If you don’t already have it, you need a separate keyboard and mouse as well. Finally, some employers are offering ergonomics consulting – you might check in to see if that is one of your pandemic perks. Highly recommend the glass top for shared spaces (my desk was in my living room 10 years ago) – the lightness helps it disappear to some degree.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I won’t get into the details but today I’m really feeling the phrase “we expect mothers to work like they don’t have children and to parent like they don’t have work,” particularly on the work front. I’m trying really really hard to change some of this culture at my work but it’s tough when very few other people that I work with seem to have this mentality. So when I’m not seen as a “good worker” because I’m not available in the early morning hours because, oh right, my kids need me, it’s tough not to take it personally even though I know that this shouldn’t be a measure of my value as an employee. Anyone have any success stories of making this culture change? Or at least commiseration?
Anon from yesterday says
No commentary, but commiseration. I am the super stressed out mom of 2 that posted yesterday afternoon, and you replied there. My job is tough and the expectation from some of the consultants I work under that I am “on” and can reply quickly to emails at all times is tough to manage. Thanks for your good advice and perspective yesterday, btw!
Anon says
I’m sorry. Trying to change company culture is a brave thing to do but a definite uphill battle.
anon says
Commiseration. I’m an equity partner at my firm (50 lawyers in midwest) and I frequently feel defeated. When I’m vocal about these issues, I’m considered difficult. The best option for now seems to be hanging in there and hoping we eventually have enough parents and women in the ranks that it creates sea change. Interestingly, some of the men with young kids are increasingly vocal about it, which I think is good but when they’re vocal about the difficulties they aren’t seen the same as the women who are.
Anonymous says
I know this is a very sensitive subject, but I want to say from the outset that I respect everyone’s choices and don’t pass judgment in either direction. I am hoping to hear from people about exactly WHY they sent their kids back to daycare (or why they didn’t). Did you base your decision on a lack of viable alternatives (totally get that), confidence in the safety measures in place (in which case, I’d love to hear what some of the biggies were), low infection rates in your area (what is low to you?), or generally low fear of what would happen if your kids did get COVID and passed it onto you (presumably bc kids are low risk in general and you/your partner may be as well).
We are very fortunate in that we have local family who have been helping with our two kids (2 and 4) M-F from 8:30-12:30. We are making this work right now, and could hire part time help in the afternoon, but our oldest seems to really crave/need socialization and pre-k learning. We aren’t yet comfortable with the risks but want to get there. Our area has a 5.8% infection rate that is starting to slowly creep up after a long plateau. Our kids would be in two classes of 10 kids (2s class) and 15 kids (4s class), which would mean 25 families that we’d be exposed to (a few less than that bc of siblings but about that). We are low risk (as far as we know) and would stop seeing my local family without masks/being outdoors.
Thanks for your patience and if you are tired of this subject, I get it.
Anonymous says
1- I couldn’t do my job and parent my child
2- I felt rated were low enough here I wasn’t being reckless
3- my kid likes it
4- it’s going great.
Do what you want but the whole tone of your comment reads “tell me reckless ones did you just not love your kids to keep them safe at home?” I get it. You’re suffering from anxiety. But reminder that other people also have feelings, and if you are a regular reader you full well know many of us are using day care and why already because it’s discussed daily.
OP says
Yikes, I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention at all. I don’t think it’s a reckless decision to send kids to daycare at all. I think parents are probably weighing a hundred different factors, and I’m trying to figure out how to come to a good decision myself.
But while I don’t read this site every day, most people don’t say much about why they’re using daycare, just that they’re happy they’re there. And that could be because they live in the middle of nowhere with zero cases of COVID, because they’re low risk, or because they have demanding jobs.
Anyway, thank you for answering my question.
Walnut says
Hey OP,
I sent my kids back to daycare because I was losing my gd mind. I could no effectively work and parent. I was doing both poorly, logging back in from 8pm-1am to just barely stay afloat.
Our daycare restructured to minimal cross-classroom exposure, had parents drop off at the door, temperature checks and 72 hour quarantines or a negative Covid test for any kid and their siblings with a symptom.
At the time, we were all low risk. We’re re-evaluating, as I will be high risk in a few months, but I think we’re going to stay in a daycare setting and take the risk.
Anon says
Walnut – i was thinking of you all weekend. how are you doing?
Walnut says
I’m feeling really good physically right now! I’ve been able to distract myself with work and putting my house together after three weeks of clutter, randomness and mess accrual.
Anon says
I’m thinking of you too, Walnut! Please keep us posted and let us know if there’s anything your internet friends can do from afar.
Anon says
this was a nasty response. OP indicated that she respects all choices and realizes it is a sensitive topic.
ElisaR says
I was kind of on the fence. My kids are also 2 and 4. We ultimately opted not to return to daycare. I leaned towards sending them back but my husband strongly leaned against it. We hired a nanny and she actually started TODAY! yay (all summer we had patchworked time w/ family and a teenage babysitter and didn’t work full time full time because of it).
I felt comfortable w/ the steps our daycare took, but really what our kids would have gone back to was nothing like the daycare they once knew. There’s a plastic curtain taped through the middle of the room so they can have 10 kids on each side (you can see your friends but not play with them). Also there were VERY strict drop off and pick up times and they were early. I am in finance and pick up was at 4pm as the market is closing. That won’t work for us. We decided since we have the means to have a nanny that we would take that route for now.
Good luck with your decision. It’s not easy and remember: there really is no wrong decision.
Anonymous says
I couldn’t do my job well with my kids at home, even with a nanny there part time. I was interrupted constantly to help break up sibling fights, for bandaids, to help them use the potty (they are 5, so they want me, not the nanny). It was frustrating for me and for the kids. I had headaches from wearing noise cancelling headphones all day. my very social kid was acting out. My husband was becoming depressed and angry. We worked around the clock. My kids have been back in their pre k since June, no cases, no closures. We are lower risk. I was more concerned about my kids seeing me angry and frustrated all the time, and losing my job. If your system is working for you, great, keep at it. mine wasn’t.
OP says
Thanks for walking me through your process. It sounds like you made the right call. And no, it is definitely not working great for us. It just isn’t as bad as I know it is for most or as bad as it was for the 8ish weeks we did this solo. If we didn’t have local family, our kids would have been back months ago. Now I’m wondering if they should go regardless for education/social reasons.
Thanks again!
Anonymous says
we don’t have local family – and my non-local mom keeps seeing friends and going to the office, so I hate to say it, but I’m not going to sacrifice my own system to reduce her risk when she won’t do it herself.
I was having a really hard time with it – the endless days, the even worse seeming weekends. with them back in school, it gives us structure and makes the weekends fun again. I still need to work nights and weekends some, but it is more to stay ahead than to stay above water.
Anonymous says
We are in MA. Our town is really low infection rate. Our schools, IMO, should be open full time but are going back hybrid, so my 2nd grader is going to be in school 9-3 2x a week and I’m sending her to a program at our local dance school 9-12 on her “off” days. My preschooler’s preschool (not part of a daycare) is opening “full time” (which is part time- she goes 3x a week 9-1 and will be doing that this fall. they are not offering their usual 1-3 extended day, though).
Our 2 y/o is going back to daycare starting next week. It’s a small daycare- 60 kids but only 30 families. She’s going to be in a room with 6-7 other kids, same teacher every day. They’ve been open since June. No issues.
At this point, we are doing activities (swimming, soccer-with-modifications, dance [masks], gymnastics [distanced], tennis, theater [masks/distance]). It seems silly to keep my toddler home.
Anonymous says
Oh, and my family is low risk.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We sent our kids (almost 2 and 4) for most of the reasons you mention in your first paragraph – infection rates have gone way down in our area, daycare is taking all the recommended safety precautions, we can’t do both our jobs and watch our kids for the foreseeable future (it was bad enough in March – June), we are low risk and I’m not too worried about either the kids or us catching it (though again I think our risk is pretty low at this point – I think I was at most risk taking the train maskless into the city everyday Jan-March!) . We didn’t go with a nanny for several reasons: 1. cost 2. I don’t want to be an employer. 3. The kids would then be home for part of the time and we have to seclude ourselves somewhere. 4. I don’t want daycares to close and I’m hoping my sending the kids back is supporting them at least a little. 5. I want my older kid to socialize with peers, and it can’t hurt for the younger one either. My parents are local but can’t watch both kids full time every day. No other local family. If daycares close again, or there are too many issues with our current set up, we’ll reevaluate, but for now it’s been working well.
anon says
+1 Basically all these comments.
Also, I’m the poster who whined last week about how hard this has been with our daughter who has special needs. We discussed and weighed the risks with her doc and felt there were compelling social reasons in our daughter’s case to send her back. As a trade-off, we minimize all other risks. We aren’t seeing anyone else or going anywhere else unless it’s a social distanced hike just us or something on the weekends. I’m cognizant this may change at any point but it’s just day-to-day.
Anne says
It was a tough choice. The nanny search wasn’t going well, we are in an apartment in a location where our competition to hire nannies mostly has houses, it would be A LOT to all be in our apt. together, a daycare that usually has a two year waitlist had slots open, our daycare has its own playground and we wanted our kids to get to do that this summer/Fall, we don’t think this pandemic is going away anytime soon so it seemed good to get socialization now while rates are low in case everything shuts down again this winter, our daycare is taking ALL of the precautions and we trust how seriously they take them, we were worried about a nanny getting poached or quitting on us.
AwayEmily says
Big things that made us say yes: low infection rate in our area (well below 1% for most of the summer), no other viable options, daycare’s clear commitment to safety (teachers always masked, kids over 3 masked indoors, toddlers have masks in any public spaces, masked temperature check and questionnaire about exposure outdoors and masked before kids can enter, no parents allowed inside the building, minimizing physical contact between kids). Also, the fact that it’s a very small center (25 kids total).
The biggest cost has been that now we consider ourselves potential vectors, so we only see family or friends outdoors/masked/distant. Before daycare we had been in a pod with my mom and saw her often, and the kids really miss being able to hug her and spend more time with her.
CCLA says
Very similar for us. Basically same rules, which gave us comfort that while it wasn’t no-risk, nothing ever is, and for our low-risk family we felt comfortable with the precautions. Also we felt comfortable with the other parents, most of whom we knew in passing at least. From the start, we had an email group among the parents candidly discussing risks, processes, intent to cooperate and openly communicate. Definitely one of the big downsides like AwayEmily notes is is viewing ourselves as vectors so we’re not doing any grandparent visits or the like, though we don’t have local family so the difference is less noticeable on a regular basis.
Also, a big factor was realizing this was likely to last well into 2021. The lack of socialization for a couple of months was noticeable for our almost 4yo, but manageable. We decided (and I respect and realize that not everyone will have the same assessment) that we didn’t want our kids to be mostly interacting with each other for a year, that it was likely they’d end up back in daycare at some point while the pandemic was still happening, and that the risk assessment was unlikely to change much in the next few months.
Anonymous says
My kiddo was 3.75 when we sent him back to daycare. The social interaction completely changed his personality (back to normal!). He had gotten into a really bad place, emotionally. And we didn’t see how bad it was until we sent him back.
We decided to send them back because we are low risk, we have no local family, we were struggling to work, the kids were sad at home (our other one is 2), and there was no end in sight. We didn’t choose a nanny because socialization was important to us and we didn’t think it would work for us to be home and have the kids home.
We also have no other exposures. We don’t even go into grocery stores (we occasionally pickup food if they won’t bring it out to the car). We don’t socialize except with the occasional neighbor outside and masked. I don’t know what the other parents do, but our daycare is healthcare affiliated so parents are very aware of the risks.
AnotherAnon says
I sent my kid back to day care. If I’m being honest, the main motivation was that kiddo and I were both suffering emotionally from being at home all the time. He needs socialization with his peers. I need 8 hours of uninterrupted work time. I also felt this was the least disruptive to our before times routine (other options would be me quitting to watch him or hiring a nanny – neither of which address the socialization issue). I felt our day care did a good job of attempting to mitigate what the supposed transmission risks were at the time. It’s a hard decision. I might feel differently if we had family around to help, but we don’t.
Spirograph says
All of this.
Plus we’re low risk, positive tests in my county are ~2.5%, and I am totally comfortable with smaller class sizes, open windows, and wearing masks as adequate safety protocol.
I chose daycare over a nanny for a lot of reasons pre-pandemic, and none of those have changed. Even if I had local family to help, I would have done the same thing.
Anon says
I was a wreck and only able to work for a few hours a day. My husband works in healthcare and couldn’t help with childcare at all during the day. It came to the point where I was breaking down in tears in front of my child and hating life.
My daycare put in new safety protocols. The risk for young kids is said to be low, and my family isn’t high risk. I knew I could hold out for a few more weeks with my child at home but not months so what was the point in putting myself through the hell of extended quarantine if the pandemic wasn’t a short term thing? I had to find a solution eventually that didn’t depend on me being the sole caretaker of my child. I didn’t want and couldn’t quit my job and couldn’t afford a nanny and preferred the socialization and activities of daycare.
So far our child has flourished at daycare with no outbreaks.
Anon says
We sent ours back to preschool in June. I even unfortunately temporarily have a SAHD situation. But I wanted her back to structure and friends. I am not terribly worried about her and COVID and what it would look like/What the transmission from her would be based on the studies at the time. Our school is taking a lot of precautions, and it has gone well.
But probably most importantly…I think a wide spread vaccine available to everyone is not likely until late next year at the earliest. I don’t think this is magically going to get better or curves are going to go to even close to nothing, sorry but I think that ship sailed a long time ago when we didn’t actually lock down in a lot of places. And I’m not keeping her out of school for a year and a half given the risk numbers we are actually talking about here. So I thought given that, why not earlier than later? What’s the difference between June if I’m just going to send in (Sept etc) anyway.?
I hope to be proven wrong on the vaccine and curve front. But I have grown bitter and cynical, ugh.
Also says
My thinking is pretty much the same. If we’re talking about kids who are past preschool, I think the risks of being out of school long-term in general are much greater than the risk of Covid. It would be great to see a widely available, highly effective vaccine soon, but on the assumption that’s unlikely, the only way out of this is through.
Anon says
And the vaccine (maybe) coming in 2021 is definitely for adults only. Vaccine developmental in children goes much more slowly, and the safety threshold is higher because the underlying disease is so unlikely to kill them. They haven’t even started tests of any of the current vaccine candidates in children, and the testing takes longer. Theoretically, if a vaccine were very effective and taken by most adults, we might beat this thing without vaccinating kids. But since only 60% of adults are expressing a willingness to get a vaccine, I think the odds of eradicating this thing without vaccinating any kids are vanishingly unlikely at this point. I really fear a long term future of virtual schooling, no indoor kids’ activities, no birthday parties, etc. because I don’t see how we safely return to these things without vaccinating any kids.
Anon says
At what point do we consider it safe enough at the cost of not doing all you list for years. I suspect you and I likely differ on that definition. At some point the advanced therapies, the nuances of how cases in nursing homes and jails skew numbers, and ultimately the mortality rate have to be considered along with just “does COVID still exist”. Sorry, but I refuse to accept that my kids can’t go to school until the risk is 0.
Anon says
I agree with you that we can’t wait for zero risk before resuming things as essential as school, but I’m not sure teachers unions see it that way. I think a lot of teachers will still be refusing to go back if kids can’t be vaccinated. I’d be delighted to be proven wrong, but I suspect most things that involve large gatherings of children won’t return to normal until kids at least have the option of being vaccinated. And a kid vaccine is much further away than an adult vaccine.
Anon says
At a certain point we have a society has to not accept that as an answer anymore from the unions.
Anon says
All the same. We are sending to pre-school and church mothers day out, and could leave them home with a nanny. Strong endorsement from our pediatrician and feeling of if not now then when? were driving factors. And my 4 year old has become so unhappy! He needs school and friends and structure to be his happy self.
FVNC says
Our 3 yr old started a new daycare after we moved to a new city in June. Before that, we’d kept him home from his previous daycare even after it reopened in May. Reasons:
1) Husband’s new job requires him to go to the office everyday and I cannot work from home and take care of a 3 yr old. It was daycare or quitting my job. Being in a new city, we didn’t have the ability to interview nannies or locate babysitters and daycare was easier.
2) Daycare is affiliated with a hospital that stayed open even during the peak of the pandemic in the PNW. They had no cases during the peak, so we felt they were taking appropriate safety precautions. Teachers are masked, class sizes are small (10-13 kids) with no mixing between the classes. Ironically, now that cases are declining after a July resurgence, his class is closed for a couple weeks following two positive tests among teachers.
3) We got the daycare spot through luck and connections. If we hadn’t taken it, we’d have given it up forever. We love this school and weren’t willing to pass it up.
4) No high risk members of our family. However, sending him to daycare (and our daughter to onsite care at her school) does mean that grandparents (all 70+) will not be able to visit any time soon, even if they were willing to risk flying cross country. I’m pretty devastated about this, but there’s not really another realistic option.
5) Even with the closure mentioned above, I’m super thrilled with the experience. My kid is so happy to be at school. With school closed currently, he asks everyday to go back. Clearly mom and dad don’t measure up! Ha.
Anon says
Re: grandparents, is there a time (like maybe the December holidays) where you could pull the kids out of school for a few weeks and see the grandparents? We’re planning to do that. I also hope more rapid testing will be available by then (perhaps naive, I know) and in that case we could probably avoid a 2 week quarantine period before seeing them if we got the whole family tested. I feel you though. I have zero regrets about the decision to go back to daycare, but it’s incredibly difficult not being able to see grandparents.
FVNC says
Thanks for the good suggestion! Not sure if we could swing it (or if/when they’d be able or willing to fly), but definitely something to consider.
Anonymous says
We are going to work remotely from where the grandparents live so we can get together in more close quarters (assuming the grandparents aren’t engaging in risky behavior, which is TBD). We will be there a month total.
Clementine says
I was losing my mind and needed help. My spouse’s job is such that I solo parent for long stretches. My job is such that I need to be available and ‘on’ and… it had gotten to a point where my (very supportive) boss had to basically stage an intervention because I wasn’t sleeping, was struggling with complex analytical decision making (kind of important for my job!) and was just… not okay.
I’ll also add that for us, a nanny is a hard option because I don’t feel like I can offer a nanny without offering decent health insurance and paying over the table. Those costs mean that it’s easily $60-70k/year which is not an expense that is in the budget.
Clementine says
also the % positive in my area has been less than 1% for months, daycare has all the expected precautions, and it’s been great!
GCA says
We’re in MA, low infection rate, no nearby relatives, and the individuals in my family (myself, husband, two kids 5 and 2) are low risk. We definitely needed some sort of childcare and are doing a nanny share for a few reasons:
– Now that we both work from home, daycare would be an awkward, slightly time-consuming commute – 20 minutes there and back, twice a day.
– Kid 1 starts public K in a couple of weeks. The original non-Covid plan was to keep him in daycare through the summer for convenience, but clearly that’s not happening – there was little point putting him back in daycare for a month or two before pulling him out again for public school. He’s a very chill and social guy but I didn’t see that much point adding an extra transition.
– During shutdown, we quarantine-podded with our next-door neighbors who have two kids – taking advantage of shared back yard and extra adults to rotate care. The priority is to keep that relationship as we all like each other and kids play well together, so the youngest two (my 2yo and our neighbor’s 3yo) will be in the nanny share while the older two are in school (hybrid) – when school inevitably shuts down, there will be a bit of extra predictability and coverage.
Nanny is an existing, beloved sitter whom we converted to full-time. We try to minimize risk outside of this pod. The risk budget is spent on the older two going to school in-person, so everyone else stays home – I don’t want them to be a vector in either direction.
Anon says
1 – of course there isn’t zero risk for kids who get this but honestly the flu and RSV is a lot scarier for most kids. I say this as a mom of a preemie who qualified for the special RSV antibody shots the first two years of her life (so kiddo not exactly the lowest risk of kids), our pediatrician is/was not overly worried about the virus risk. The flip side is that the lack of socialization or interactions with adults rather than being parked in front of a TV or trying to triage working parents. Young kids need interaction with kids and adults. We weren’t able to give her that without daycare. There was a very real harm happening to her socially and developmentally by not being in daycare that was scarier to me than the risk of exposure
2 – husband and I are low risk other than me being pregnant, but my OB did not have any concerns re: kid returning to daycare
3 – things are under control in our area
4 – we live in a city in an apartment, cost aside, space wise having a nanny was not a realistic option for us.
5 – husband and I were losing our G-d d-mn minds
Anon says
we decided against sending our 2 year old twins to part time preschool this year bc we already have a nanny we love and decided it wasn’t worth the risk given that we have other childcare and i don’t want to end up paying for zoom preschool for two 2 year olds. we live in an apartment so it has been challenging, and while i think it would really benefit my kids to socialize with others, given their age and the fact we have other childcare, made it not worth it to us. we live in a large city in TX where rates were low, then they were through the roof, and now they are lower, but still not meeting the metrics for what is considered community control. we have no local family so if we didn’t have a nanny who we love i dont know what decision i would make.
anon says
I am so weary of this subject, but here was our calculus:
1) Everyone was miserable. In particular, I really struggle with having lots of interruptions. Our work schedules aren’t predictable enough on a day-to-day basis, which I found out when I tried to implement shifts for DH & I to trade on/off. It didn’t work and resentment was high. My 5-year-old wasn’t getting enough stimulation, and I felt terrible telling her to wait on us all the time. I tried to implement a preschool curriculum at home while working, but it was all on me — again, the resentment piece.
2) Our family is low risk, health wise. Our marriage was absolutely suffering.
3) At the time, cases in our area were dropping and we were comfortable with the protocols daycare had in place.
4) We don’t have the option for family help. For a few weeks, we had a neighborhood kid come over in the mornings to play with both kids, and it wasn’t as helpful as I’d hoped. I could hear everything going on and found it very stressful. And I was still interrupted.
Anon says
We kept our twins home for the summer. Major decision factors for us were that our county has a positivity rate around 8% (it has now dropped down to almost 5%) and that one of us has a flexible enough job that we could become a SAHP temporarily and still be able to go back to work when all this is over. Also, of all our local friends who have sent their kids back to daycare, every single one has ended up having their kids home for 2 weeks when someone at the center tested positive, and for us it was simpler to just not have that unknown aspect on top of paying for care we couldn’t use.
Now they’re entering kindergarten, which is remote through January. We opted to deal with the remote program rather than sending them to a daycare K program because we don’t want to lose their spots in the magnet program for next year.
88 Pzs says
Combination of factors: (1) I am one of those people that lives in a rural area with a lot of space, but also very near one of the top hospital systems in the region (if not country), (2) low rates in my immediate area/zip code (0.04%) and my county (less than 1000 cases total since February in a county with 200k population), (3) daycare had precautions that we were comfortable with, including: (a) masks for 2 and up, and we have seen strict enforcement (ours is under 2), (b) staff have strict mask/health screening/sanitizing requirements, (c) one staff member is dedicated to cleaning/sanitizing the center all day every day, (d) no mixing of rooms/small groups of under 12 children, (e) no parents in building (curbside drop off and pickup), (f) sanitizing crew every night, and (g) there’s probably more that I’m forgetting.
I’m a lawyer, my husband has a very “on call” job where he needs to answer the phone immediately (or if he’s on the phone, switch over to tell them he will call them right back, then switch back). There is no predictability to his getting calls, so no predictability to when he could take over as primary parent (so I would have to be “on call” to take over, so no guaranteed blocks of time for me). But, because of the nature of his work he does 70-80% of the cleaning of our house/yard work during the day (it’s easier to interrupt and leave cleaning a toilet than a crying child). So, we haven’t had a cleaning person come in, we don’t do restaurants or take out. Therefore, daycare is literally the only thing that any of us is leaving the house for, so we account for that risk. It’s worth it for our sanity, and our kid has done a thousand percent better developmentally since we sent her to daycare in July.
Anon says
When everything shut down we hired a nanny because we kind of had to – daycare was closed for 3 months. Nanny was a teacher so she went back to school, tried a new nanny, fired her, and daycare was there again as the best option. Finding a new nanny seems impossible and really expensive – there were like 3 people available to work as nannies on care.com when I logged in last night.
OP says
Thank you to everyone for their great responses! I appreciate it, and it’s given me a lot of food for thought. I am unsettled by how high our positivity rate is compared to most of you. That was really enlightening to me because it did feel like everyone was more comfortable than I am, and that makes sense. I think this confirms for me that we will go back when the rates in our area get below 5% (maybe 3%?). Hopefully that will be sooner rather than later because I’d really like to have them back for every reason you all have been kind enough to mention (sanity, work, marriage, being better parents, socalization, pre-k, etc). Thanks again!
Anon says
My state has an ~8% positivity rate (although my county is more like 4%) and we went back for many of the reasons stated here. Given what we know about how unlikely widespread outbreaks are in a daycare center, I don’t believe the risk of your child becoming infected is that much higher than it would be in an area with very low positivity rates. In my view, the biggest risk of being in a hotspot, so to speak, is that it’s likely to be a much more frequent occurrence that someone in the center will test positive and the center may shut for 2 weeks. Our jobs are flexible and we really cared about the socialization with other kids, so we were of the mind that any daycare was better than none, even if it came with repeated two week closures. But if you need more reliable childcare, I can see why this would be a huge downside to daycare if you’re in a region with more cases.
Anon says
Yup. I’m one of the responders that sent back and I’m in the Bay Area. I don’t know what the positivity rate is but allegedly we’re a hot spot? I think. I don’t even know I feel like the data available is a cluster. Also positivity numbers completely ignore advances in therapies and that kids are generally fine.
Anonymous says
Yes. We have a fairly low positivity rate anyway, but if you dig in more to the data, the overwhelming majority of serious cases are older people or people with pre-existing health conditions. For a while there was concern that bars were driving spread with the under-35 rates were trending upwards. I haven’t researched this extensively, but logic tells me that parents of school age kids are mostly not 65+ years old or going out to the bars frequently during a pandemic. Sure there are some multi-generational households and everyone needs groceries (that’s why we wear masks in stores!) but I’m not convinced ALL these germ bubbles overlap to the extent that we still need to be keeping our kids away from each other.
Anne says
We went back at a 3.5% rate. We’re trying to think of what rate would be too high to stay enrolled and, honestly I don’t know, but we’d have to have a serious conversation if it gets over 5 or 6%.
Anon says
Positivity is important, but only in connection with the number of new cases. I know they’re generally correlated, but I would definitely not make a decision to pull a kid out based on the positivity rate alone, especially if overall case numbers were still low. I also think you should try to consider the context to the extent you have any info about the reason for the increase. For example, an outbreak in a nursing home can cause the numbers to temporarily spike, but doesn’t necessarily translate to much if any higher risk to kids and teachers at a daycare.
anon says
We’re back at preschool and I’m in Houston sooo not a low rate. My pediatrician advised it as did my doctor friends. Kids weren’t happy at home. We have a nanny for baby, so it was definitely optional.
Anon says
My #1 reason was that my daughter is an only child and I felt like the health risks of not being around other kids (mental, developmental) outweigh the health risks of COVID, especially what with what we know about how unlikely kids are to get seriously ill, how unlikely they are to spread it, and that overall our entire family is low risk (except grandparents and we can control how we interact with them). It was really surprising to me how sad and angry my daughter was during the shutdown, so the mental health risks were not hypothetical to me. I might have felt differently if I thought things would improve soon, but I really believe this is a long haul situation. The earliest things will possibly be better is summer 2021 (and I would not be surprised at all if it was 2022 or 2023 or beyond before life really returns to “normal”) and I did not think it was safe in the mental/developmental sense for DD to not have contact with other kids for a year and a half. In a perfect world, we probably would have made a “pod” with my BFF and her kids and had her parents (who we know and love) as our caregivers, but they live on the other side of the country and even if we’d moved there I’m not sure they would have wanted to pod with us. I wasn’t convinced that podding with strangers locally and hiring a nanny was necessarily safer than daycare, which has tons of precautions. Hiring a nanny for just our family would have been really tough financially (more than half of our pre-tax takehome HHI) but we would have made it work if I felt it were the best option. I didn’t feel like it was a good option because it didn’t solve the socialization issue. Also, like a few others said, I cannot do my job with my child present in the house, it’s just too distracting for me if I can hear my kid, even if she’s being entertained by someone else. So we really needed a childcare solution that got her out of the house. My city has relatively low case numbers – not as low as NY or MA, but lower than most of the country. Adding all that up made us feel like daycare was the right choice. We went back a little over a month ago and it’s been great.
Anon says
following up on above re potty training, is there a book to read other than the Oh Crap method? i have twins and i am dreading potty training. they each poop 3-5 times a day. one drinks so much water, she can go through a new diaper after an hour. i feel like i am going to spend my life in the bathroom.
anon says
Potty training in 3 days is what we used, it worked well for our 2.5 year old – she was day-trained in a weekend, night trained the following month.
Mary Moo Cow says
Another vote for potty training in 3 days, although it worked better for my firstborn than second born.
Melanie says
I’m a working parent in upper management at a large nonprofit. My spouse and I are splitting the virtual school supervision for our 1st grade twins. From the hours of 11-3 on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I will be on virtual school duty and my kids need enough help that I will not be answering emails or messages. How do I craft a professional, yet real, out of office message for that time period that also sends a message to other staff at my organization that they don’t need to hide their care-giving responsibilities?
Anonymous says
Why would you think your employer is okay with this?
Anon says
I’d think one email to the core group of people who rely on you about your schedule, and then just respond to the other emails that come in when you’re back “at work” after 3pm. People will not remember a schedule that changes every other day. An out of office message is weird to me if you’re going to respond within a couple hours. But maybe your office norms are different.
AnotherAnon says
+1. I’d let my team know my schedule, then I’d block my calendar and ignore everything from 11AM-3PM on the days I’m schooling. IANAL, but I am expected to respond to inquiries within 24 hours, even if it’s just “I am working on your request.” A 4 hour block would not prevent me from doing this.
anon says
I agree with this. If this were me (law firm partner). I’d tell all my associates exactly what I’m doing and that they can text me if there’s an emergency. For everyone else, they can wait?
Anonymous says
I definitely would not set an “out of office” for this at all. Just do what you can, when you can. If that means replying in full at 3, do it. If that means a quick email at 3 saying “Hi Jane, got your email and I’m on it. I’ll get a substantive reply to you by 10:00 a.m. tomorrow”, then do it. I sent my department an email with my schedule for the foreseeable future last week. I went in to have a conversation with my boss about my availability (during my one day in the office per month), and he waved me off and said to just send him my schedule when I have it figured out. But my responsiveness has never been an issue, and I’ve worked for him for nearly 9 years. So that helps.
SC says
Agree that I would not set an out of office for this. I wouldn’t set an out of office for leaving the office for a 4 hour work meeting when I plan to return/check email later that day.
Anonymous says
Don’t set an OOO. It makes you seem way more unavailable then you actually are. You wouldn’t set an OOO if you had a meeting both before and after lunch, which is basically what this is. Just block the time in your calendar.
Jeffiner says
My husband and I took turns when daycares were closed, and I worked from 9-12 and 3-6 every day (including weekends). I told my boss my plans in person before we went home in March, and he just shrugged. I didn’t put up an out of office, and it only took a week or so for my coworkers to figure out my schedule. A lot of people at my company have come up with their own weird schedules to make life work, no one has an out of office.
Anonanonanon says
I don’t think an OOO saying you’re helping children is necessary or even professional to be honest.
I’d be open with your internal team about what’s going on and either 1. not bother with an OOO at all or 2. if you think you need to, just say “I am away from my desk with limited access to email and will respond as soon as I’m able. If an immediate response is required (insert your cell or alternate point of contact or whatever is appropriate)”
LittleBigLaw says
Agree with everyone else that I would not use an OOO for this. That said, I also felt the impulse to do this in the spring because of the large chunk of time I was unavailable in the middle of the day and I was nervous about not proactively addressing the situation. Instead, I made a point to check my email at the last possible moment before logging off and reviewed for true emergencies about halfway through. That system helped alleviate my anxiety/guilt and ensured no one who really needed me waited more than a couple of hours (or the length of a hair appt/doctor’s appt/similar pre-Covid commitment). Given your schedule, maybe just plan to take 5-10 minutes during lunch each day so you aren’t distracted worrying about what you’re missing and think of it as 2 2-hr breaks instead of 1 4-hr break.
LittleBigLaw says
Agree with everyone else that I would not use an OOO for this. That said, I also felt the impulse to do this initially in the spring because of the large chunk of time I was unavailable in the middle of the day and I was nervous about not proactively addressing the situation. Instead, I made a point to check my email at the last possible moment before logging off and reviewed for true emergencies about halfway through. That system helped alleviate my anxiety/guilt and ensured no one who really needed me waited more than a couple of hours (or the length of a hair appt/doctor’s appt/similar pre-Covid commitment). Given your schedule, maybe just plan to take 5-10 minutes during lunch each day so you aren’t distracted worrying about what you’re missing and think of it as 2 2-hr breaks instead of 1 4-hr break.
Anonymous says
Block your calendar. Beyond that, I would sit next to your kids on their laptops and respond to emails as necessary/possible while they work.
I have an incoming 1st grader and for the time she actually had remote learning last year, it was not much all in. I don’t think you and your husband will be “butt-in-seat” with your daughter. We are going hybrid. In person days are 9-3 (8-4 for us since it’s a long bus ride). Remote days, we’ve been told to expect around 75-120 minutes of work. Of that, much is reading and worksheet doing, so I can (and did) 100% answer work emails. I didn’t schedule calls in that same time, unless it was with internal team members/colleagues in which case I made it clear that they were calling during a time I was also watching kids and they may or may not hear that in the background.
anon says
Just challenging – I’ve been supervising kindergarten for two weeks and I actually leave the room and do work with a baby monitor for kid. Are you sure you won’t be available? I thought it was helpful to be pretty tuned in the first couple days but after that it’s better for me to be farther away. It isn’t the most productive time because kindergartner has multiple breaks and then I’m on, but when she’s working I’m working. At least so far… if she’s messing things up, I’m not sure it’s that big of a deal (her teacher prefers for the parents to step away from the kids so likely expects it)
Anon says
What are your favorite daycare lunchboxes for a toddler? There are so many choices!
Cb says
I like the monbento one. We do nursery meals now, so it was relegated to our weekly museum and cafe putting in the beforetimes. Sometimes my son has us pack it up to eat his lunch out of.
Anon says
Kids Bentgo!
CCLA says
Planetbox rover
Baby gift help says
I’m looking for a baby boy gift for a friend whose husband is really into fancy hunting. This is not a world I’m familiar with. My husband thought it would fun to get a little outfit that evokes that style. Like Lord Grantham for babies. Any brand suggestions? (PS – when I told my DH that I do not have time to search for this, he suggested we ask those corpore**e ladies. So please no emotional labor feedback)
SC says
I think you’re looking for British “country style.” I’m not sure where you’d find baby clothes that mimic adult shooting or hunting attire… maybe Etsy? Try finding materials/patterns of the adult clothes and searching Etsy for those for babies?
Anonymous says
Gosh no absolutely not. Gross. We don’t indoctrinate literally babies into gun culture
Rusty says
What a nasty response. Hunting is not “gun culture”… it is often the ONLY culture that teaches responsible gun ownership. Hunters are stewards of the environment, and feed their families and communities. Open your mind and educate yourself. Are you a vegan? If not, you’re a hypocrite in addition to being ignorant. OP, I don’t have any helpful outfit tips — sorry! Cute idea!
Anonymous says
+1
Anon says
Yeah, my family owns land for hunting and they are heavily involved in environmental stewardship projects like breeding blight-resistant chestnut trees. A lot of university research relies on these kinds of agreements but it’s something that flies under the radar.
Anonymous says
Hunters were into land stewardship and conservation long before it was a political issue.
ElisaR says
“fancy hunting” made me chuckle…. How much are you looking to spend? Would Burberry fit the bill? I usually feel like that’s a lot to spend on baby clothes so not something I would typically go for but maybe it would work for fancy hunting??
Anon says
We have camo sweatpants from Baby Gap but I don’t think that’s what you’re looking for. :) Maybe try Janie and Jack?
Anon Lawyer says
I don’t know, but it sounds adorable. I feel like I saw stuff like that in stores in Scotland when I was there run by like the National Heritage Trust. I might google that and see if they ship overseas.
Redux says
Ralph Lauren, maybe? I remember we were gifted some hand-me-down baby “riding” pants, which were silly and cute and I’m pretty sure they were Ralph Lauren.
Redux says
I also found this:
http://www.shophorseandstyle.com/babieskids/
Anonymous says
This question makes me think of The Crown.
Anonymous says
I don’t think people who do fancy hunting put their little boys in hunting attire. They wear short pants a la Prince George and Prince Louis.
Anonymous says
http://www.riggedout.co.uk/childrentweed.html
Or Johnston’s of elgins. Or walker and hawkes. But those sizes start at toddler age.
Hanna Andersson PJs says
Anyone able to weigh in on how Hanna Andersson PJs fit? Kiddo is almost 5 and tall/slim. Thanks!
Anon says
They fit my 3YO very well (although long in the legs because she has a super long torso and stubby legs). She is 40″ tall, 45lbs and wears 120s (6-7) size. She has always been 99th percentile for height and weight (typically wearing double her age) and she mostly wears hanna and gap because everything else is cut so narrowly.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My 4 year old wore their 4T long john pjs all of last fall/winter and they fit well on length and width. He’s fairly slim (i.e. can wear 3T shorts with room to spare in the waist) and probably average/slightly above average height. I would try both the 5Ts and 6Ts in your case, as the length might be the difference. I’ve read that their short john pjs are very slim but we didn’t try those.