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Wow — these nursing bralettes are #27 on Amazon for women’s clothing — out of ALL clothing purchases. They are from a brand unfortunately named HOFISH — but they are super highly rated, with 452 reviews and 4.5 stars. Interesting. Ladies, have you tried them? They’re certainly affordable, as a three pack is $6.99- $25.99. HOFISH Seamless Nursing Bralette
(L-2)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Anon in NYC says
Ugh, my daughter has HFM. Fortunately it’s a mild case, but it’s mostly concentrated in her mouth, so she’s barely eating or drinking (except for graham crackers. She can always eat graham crackers).
Also, how annoyed should I be at her daycare? Apparently there was an outbreak last week in the other toddler room and we were never notified. The rooms spend so much time together, and if we had been aware of the outbreak we would have been on higher alert for HFM. Instead we sent her to daycare yesterday, possibly infecting other kids.
Anonymous says
Not sure how old she is but my daughter would still eat pouches with HFM. So we kind of reverted to baby food and that made her happier.
Good luck! That stinks! Not sure on daycare, I think HFM sucks for everyone.
Anonymous says
Mine does too. He looks like a leper. Poor baby. By the time daycare knew, your daughter may have already been infected. That’s what happened with mine. Oh well.
Betty says
HFM is rampant in many locales in the summer. It is incredibly contagious and, in our experience, a lot like colds in the winter (spreads very easily, even with the most hygienic procedures, amongst the daycare crowd). HFM is horrible but is part of being a kid. I really wouldn’t be that annoyed with the daycare.
As for what a kiddo will eat with HFM: Stay away from anything acidic, especially anything with citrus. It burns like crazy. Cold milk based ice cream went down well and can help soothe. This is one of those time where you go with whatever works. She wants to eat gram crackers and drink chocolate milk? Go with it. Focus on keeping her hydrated.
NewMomAnon says
My daughter’s experience with HFM was that she got fussy for 12 hours, then popped a fever for a few hours, and then broke out in an amazing rash. So by the time it’s clear that your kiddo has HFM, it’s too late.
Also, the kids are going to pass it around regardless of whether your daughter is infected and present at school. That’s part of the reason so many of us told the poster last week not to say anything about the kid with the runny nose. Sometimes your kid catches whatever from another kid, sometimes your kid infects the whole class. It’s the lottery of daycare illness.
GCA says
Ugh, yeah. My son has had HFM twice this summer (I presume different strains), both times luckily very mild. He had the fever before any rash ever showed up, so by the time we realised he had HFM, it was definitely too late.
Our daycare’s policy is not to exclude unless the child is obviously unwell/ not eating/ feverish and unable to participate in activities. I think they realise it spreads very easily, one is infectious sometimes before anyone notices they have blisters, and it really is just part of being a daycare kid. That said, they have always notified parents of an outbreak (‘Your child may have been exposed…’) and let parents decide whether or not they want to take kids out for a few days.
Anonymous says
I would be annoyed too, but it is part of the game. I have also heard that it is contagious for 1-2 weeks after the onset of symptoms, but most doctors say the kiddo can go back to school 24 hours after fever. That results in even more spreading :( Be extra careful to wash your hands and avoid swapping germs if you can. I got HFM when my daughter did and it was truly miserable!!
Anonymous says
Oh wise and wonderful moms, favorite lunchbox for an 18 month old?
shortperson says
planetbox
Anonymous says
can these go in the dishwasher?
Have you tried yumbox? Better/worse?
Anonymous says
not op
Ally McBeal says
I love planetbox. We’ve had ours for at least two years and I throw it in the dishwasher and it’s in perfect condition. The compartments are sensibly designed to accommodate just about whatever I want to put in, including a sandwich. We had a sea of lousy plastic lunch containers and the Planetbox has replaced them all.
Butter says
I know this has been asked 101 times, but would love to hear your ideas for gifts for daycare teachers as we depart for a new city. We have absolutely loved our infant care in the corporate daycare LO goes to, and would like to let them know how much we’ve appreciated them for the past four months (cared for LO from ~3 months to 7 months, which I consider one of the most vulnerable times). There are two main teachers and 3-5 helpers that rotate. Any recommendations? Gift cards, baked goods, all of the above or otherwise?
mascot says
Gift cards are most appreciated I think.
Huzzah! says
Card with a photo of kiddo on it/piece of artwork by kiddo (finger paints blobbed on a piece of cardstock put in a gallon sized ziploc bag and then given to the kid to ‘paint’ works great without making a GINORMOUS mess- Thank you Pinterest for providing this fabulous tip) plus a gift card.
FVNC says
When we recently relocated, we gave the main teachers Target gift cards ($75 I think?), along with a picture of kiddo and a thank you note.
EB0220 says
I almost always give an Amazon gift card w/ my kid’s picture on it + a nice hand-written note inside. Easy, flexible, somewhat personalized.
Curious says
We usually go to FL for a week or so in the winter, but I am concerned that with Zika outbreaks and how little is known about Zika and babies, travelling to FL with a one year old is not the best idea. I realize all the news reports focus on harm to fetuses but when I asked our pediatrician about zika and babies, his answer was that “no one knows what effect it has on babies,” which I do not find terribly reassuring. Add to that the possibility that may be trying for no. 2 at some point after next winter and I wonder if we should abstain from our annual trip.
Curious – is anyone else with small kids but who is not actively TTC concerned about Zika?
South Padre Island says
I’m concerned. But I got blasted on the main site last week for voicing questions about mosquitos in Texas. You know, that state which has no documented cases, but a health care system that’s so bad that people with knowledge of the system don’t think they’ll know about Zika infections until babies with birth defects are born. I got blasted because there are no documented cases yet. Probably from people who don’t have children and don’t fully comprehend the stress of being so totally responsible for the welfare of defenseless little humans that rely on you for everything. (Not that a person without kids *could* not understand, just that those commenters may not have.)
I’d skip it if I were you. You’d probably be fine, but why would you take the chance and have to live with the regret?
South Padre Island says
Also – I’m not TTC ever again, but have a 1 yr old and a 4 yr old.
Curious says
I think people have a different tolerance for risk when it comes to health matters. I have friends without kids who are freaked out about every disease they hear on the news and friends who have kids who have a much more “live and see” attitude. I’m not normally one to panic myself. But the lack of information coupled with the documented cases is making me nervous.
Anonymous says
Nah, I have a child and I think it’s crazy to worry about Zika unless you’re pregnant or TTC. I believe in science and science say it causes birth defects in pregnant women but isn’t a serious illness in anyone else. I wouldn’t think twice about going to Florida or the Caribbean with an infant or toddler.
Curious says
Well, actually “science” doesn’t specifically say that. Everything I’ve read is that it causes harm to fetuses and poses no serious risk to adults. No one seems to know what it does to very small children. Certainly my doctor didn’t. But if you have some “science” you can point to, I’d be appreciative.
Anonymous says
The same evidence that says Zika likely poses no serious risks to adults also applies to babies and kids. I’m not sure why you think doctors have studied adults but not babies or kids, because everything I’ve heard only distinguishes between fetuses and people, not between babies and adults.
See eg:
“For adults, Zika usually causes only mild symptoms. There’s a rash, fever, joint pain or red eyes, which go away within a week. And many people don’t get symptoms at all. So far, this is also what doctors have seen in babies and older kids, says David Vu, a pediatric infectious disease specialist at Stanford Medicine. ‘There haven’t been any reports that suggest Zika causes more severe symptoms in children or infants.'”
The bottom line is that there are a million things in life we can worry about, and if I stressed out about all of them I would never get any sleep and would be an anxious, unhappy mess. The media has sensationalized Zika and for some reason Americans love to be scared of these big headline-making things, but not the every day risks that are actually waaaay more likely to kill us. The reality is your baby is much, much more likely (like, probably by a factor of at least 100) to die in a car accident on the way to Florida than s/he is to catch Zika while there, let alone suffer any serious complications from it. But you don’t hear people saying “We can’t take a vacation this year because we might die in a car accident on the way there.” It’s just kind of silly to me. If you don’t let the big but not-discussed risks stop you from living life, why would you let the small but much-discussed risks stop you?
Curious says
And the next paragraph in the NPR story you quote is:
“But we don’t know yet if there are any long-term effects for babies and children who catch Zika after birth, Vu says. ‘Research on this topic is just beginning.'”
I’m not saying everyone needs to freak the f8ck out but I think your response is a little bit overstated. You don’t care, good for you. I hope you are proven right.
Katala says
Ugh, I live in Texas and am very concerned despite the lack of documented cases. They really don’t seem to be putting that much effort (money) into prevention and screening here, so when they do document a case I’m not at all confident it’ll be the first one.
Sorry you got blasted. Uncalled for, in my opinion. But I agree that it’s likely people without children/not soon ttc, it probably feels like some remote risk that’s not worth worrying about.
MDMom says
I’m somewhat concerned but not overly so. I would take my 15 month old to Florida right now without too much thought (similar to the general anxiety I have re planes crashing, drowning, sharks, etc). If I were ttc though, I would not go.
I think you could really minimize the risk by going further north in Florida, like Tampa/Clearwater or Orlando (maybe waiting til February so it would be warm). Thats probably what I’d do. Or go somewhere else altogether. A vacation shouldn’t cause you anxiety!
Pogo says
I think it’s the lack of information as well as the transmission method that scares me. Many diseases you can get vaccinated or take precautions not to exchange fluids with another person, etc. You can’t control if a mosquito bites you (short of staying inside completely). I’m a bug magnet and have never made it though a vacation in Florida without bites (even wearing long pants and DEET).
I will not be going to Florida this year, but I also plan to be pregnant. With small kids, I don’t know. I think I would probably still be hesitant.
Mrs. Jones says
I’m going to DisneyWorld next month with a small child and could not be less concerned about Zika. Very concerned about small child meltdowns.
anon says
I’m totally using zika as an excuse to not visit my in-laws in Florida this year. Both because schlepping to Florida is a huge PITA but also because science really has no idea of the scope of the full effects of zika yet. DD will be 1.5 in December, and we might try for a sibling late next year. No, thank you. They can come see us instead.
Lurker says
Once you tell the in-laws you are not going b/c of Zika they are going to be bugging you constantly (no pun intended) about whether you are trying again. I worry that avoiding travel to Zika zones (particularly for business) just blasts TTC.
anon says
So true, but they do that already, so, whatever. Since science seems to say the virus lives in sp3rm at least six months, possibly longer, it just isn’t worth it to me. I’m fortunate that while business travel is part of my job, traveling to a zika zone is not. I’m really not sure what I’d do in that situation. Probably go??
Katala says
Yeah, I would skip it. My opinion is probably skewed since I’m pregnant and live in Texas, so I am feeling pretty anxious and check the news frequently. I’m also concerned about potential effects on my 16-month old. Yes, they don’t know but where they are looking (i.e., effects on the fetus) they keep finding more, and potentially ongoing, damage. Little ones’ brains are still growing and we know so little about it.
To me, travel to Florida would be very stressful, which is not the point of a vacation.
Anon says
Can anyone help me figure out the best ponte/thicker than legging pull on skinny pants for the last 3 months of pregnancy at work? I’ve been belly banding it and I can’t do that much longer. I’d love to find something like a legging but with more material/thickness. I’ve looked at a bunch online and have come to no conclusions!
Jen says
Following…except I’m 4 weeks PP and don’t fit into any of my pants ;)
pockets says
Isabella Oliver?
Jeggings? says
What about jeggings? I loved Ann Taylor pull on skinny jegging in maternity. They came in petites (which I needed), but I will say the belly band got a little tight at the end so it had to go under my bump. I wore them a lot post partum too, and honestly want to still wear them (20 months pp) because I love them so much.
octagon says
They are not ponte, but I was pretty happy with the thickness of the Gap leggings. I wore those things every single day of my third tri.
Closet Redux says
I’ll tell you what: maternity pants are a GODSEND. In my first pregnancy I used the belly band as long as I could into my 3rd tri and when I finally bought a pair of maternity jeans, I wondered why I hadn’t done so before. They are so comfortable! I realized I had been suffering through ill-fitting seams, buttons, skin indentations, etc. and the maternity pants made me so much more comfortable in what was otherwise a pretty uncomfortable stage. I really hesitated to buy maternity specific clothing since it is so expensive and so short-lived, but the pants are worth it, in my opinion!
Anon says
I bought fleece lined leggings from Motherhood Maternity and lived in them for the last three months of my pregnancy.
CHL says
My Gap maternity cropped pants were great.
profesora says
I was happy with JCrew – they usually have maternity versions of their pants. Think mine were Pixies? I had two pairs in different colors and wore them constantly. I was happy with how they held up.
3 year old b'day party says
I’m planning a b’day party for my 3 year old. Almost all the guests will be 3 or 3.5. I can have the party, which is on a farm (hayride, pumpkin picking, cider donuts etc) at one of the following times:
Saturday: 11-1pm, 2:30-3:30pm
Sunday: 11:30-1:30pm, 2-4, 2:30-4:30
My kid doesn’t nap anymore, and I know at least 2-3 of the guests either don’t nap, or only nap occasionally. Ideally, I’d do the saturday 2:30-4:30 party because I don’t have to mess with squeezing in lunch. I figure donuts/cider/apples/cake is a great afternoon snack around 3/3:30. But do I risk half the kids not showing up because it’s during naptime?
Also, is there a reason to do Sunday vs Saturday that I”m missing?
We’ve been to 5 or so b’day parties so far this year and two were at 4pm, one was at 10:30 (and had ice cream and pizza served at 11am…), one at 11:30 (served lunch at 12:30)…
Closet Redux says
I think most kids that age who are still napping could skip the nap without much trouble. You’re right that if you choose the earlier times people will expect lunch. One thing I noticed is the Sunday times are 2 hour blocks and the Saturday afternoon block is only 1 hour. Are you planning a 1 hour party or a 2 hour party? Showing up 15 minutes late to a 2-hour party to try to squeeze in a nap is one thing, but if it’s only an hour parents of nappers would have to choose between the nap or the party.
PhilanthropyGirl says
Scheduling around naptimes is a nightmare. I have a 2YO, plus a 3YO nephew and a 1 YO nephew. Trying to sort out a time for a birthday party just in the family is hard enough. Factoring in a dozen other children – eesh.
I’m generally of the opinion that one should do that best suits one’s own family. There are probably others who don’t nap regularly, or who may be willing to have a rest time earlier in the day to allow for party attendance. If I were you, I’d go for the 2:30 time frame since it really seems to suit your family best.
Sunday is often religious and/or family time for people – at least in my community. We’d have lower attendance on a Sunday afternoon due to family or religious activities rather than nap schedules.
Navy Attorney says
I’d do the earliest time, because even though your kiddo doesn’t nap, he’s likely at his best earlier in the day. As they all are. So to avoid multiple toddler meltdowns, I’d have it earlier.
POSITA says
My 3 yo would do much better with a morning party. She still naps and we find afternoon parties to be very hard. That sounds like a lot of simulation for a 3 yo without a nap.
EB0220 says
Your kid may vary, but mine would be a mess in the afternoon. I’d do Sat morning.
timing the b'day party says
I’m planning a b’day party for my 3 year old. Almost all the guests will be 3 or 3.5. I can have the party, which is on a farm (hayride, pumpkin picking, cider donuts etc) at one of the following times:
Saturday: 11-1pm, 2:30-3:30pm
Sunday: 11:30-1:30pm, 2-4, 2:30-4:30
My kid doesn’t nap anymore, and I know at least 2-3 of the guests either don’t nap, or only nap occasionally. Ideally, I’d do the saturday 2:30-4:30 party because I don’t have to mess with squeezing in lunch. I figure donuts/cider/apples/cake is a great afternoon snack around 3/3:30. But do I risk half the kids not showing up because it’s during naptime?
Also, is there a reason to do Sunday vs Saturday that I”m missing?
We’ve been to 5 or so b’day parties so far this year and two were at 4pm, one was at 10:30 (and had ice cream and pizza served at 11am…), one at 11:30 (served lunch at 12:30)…
timing the b'day party says
ugh, sorry about the double post, the first one didn’t appear to go through..
mascot says
I’d do Saturday afternoon. Be prepared for some people to arrive a little late if they were trying to squeeze out that last bit of nap so maybe schedule any group activities (hayride, cake) for later in the visit. By age 3, we could move the nap around a little bit since he normally went down right after lunch. In my area, a lot of people have sports on Saturday mornings (for older kids) and church on Sunday mornings so we see a lot of afternoon parties for both days.
Sarabeth says
You should have it when works for you, but my three year-old naps exactly from 2:30-4:30 most weekends. For a good friend’s party, we would try to push nap earlier, but no guarantees that it would work. We’re still in the stage where missed nap leads to meltdowns.
Public locker rooms says
We have gotten used to a small outdoor swimming pool that has M and W bath/shower/changing rooms. There is an attendant b/w the two rooms. Boys go into the W room until they are maybe 3-4, but it is rare to see a boy older than that in the W room. I think that many people just use the room for the bathroom, rather than shower/changing, so people may just towel dry and then go home.
We joined a Y so that we can do swimming lessons when our pool closes. The age of the boys in the W room was a lot older — like 8ish? Definitely school aged.
I get that it’s easy for me because I have girls (6 and 8), but they’re getting to be of the age where I am trying to get them to understand personal privacy (especially as they start to spend more time doing things like being in others’ houses without me there, going to camps, etc. — how do they act and how should they expect others to act and what is crossing the line where they need to find a grownup in the personal space / privacy area). Plus, I like to have privacy myself (harder when with children, since there always is a need to turn around while in the middle of something).
FWIW, my husband would not ever take the girls into the men’s room even to go to the bathroom, even when they were tiny. He’d find a family room or we had a potty for the car. Now that they’re older, he’d wait outside the women’s room (and usually a nervous nellie who worries that people will think he’s a creep so he always blurts out “my daughters are inside” and people laugh) while they go in.
Anonymous says
Is there a question? Our local pools – both municipal and Y have age 6 as the cut off. I can’t imagine how it would function any earlier – a 4 year old in a change room full of strange adult men? No thanks.
In our family, DH just takes daughter into stall in the men’s room if there is no family room available and I’m not there. She’s 4 now and still needs occasional help in unfamiliar bathrooms – will probably let her go into women’s room alone when she’s 6.
Kids can understand just fine that change rooms are different than classrooms or shops etc so it might happen that they see private parts when they/others are changing but that they are all just body parts.
Anonymous says
I used to have to lift my kids up to the potty and then up again to wash hands. Once they were tall enough to do on their own, I have been trying to step back as much as possible (my own stall vs going in with them). Trusting them to go (even though I am sure that one needs supervision with remembering to wipe) in a bathroom they are familiar with. They go on their own at school and at camp, so why not when with me?
Pigpen's Mama says
The pool we have lessons at has an under-5 cut-off for being in the opposite sex changing room — and it’s clearly posted in several places. Is there a policy at the Y? Do they have separate changing rooms?
5/6ish seems reasonable to me from my recollection. I think at that age I would have been uncomfortable with a male classmate seeing me change.
Pigpen's Mama says
Also adding, the pool has separate changing stalls past the dressing rooms, an observation room you can use to walk from the pool to the separate stalls, and open showers by the pool. I think that makes the slightly younger cut-off completely workable.
Navy Attorney says
At our indoor pool I saw a father start to walk his daughter (about age 8) though the women’s locker room. So I stopped him, and offered to take her through and meet him on the other side. We did that, problem solved. But then I saw him coming back through with her! He was halfway through by the time I saw him, so nothing to be done. I’m sure he didn’t want to do that, but I was completely miffed and said “What the H*ll?” All to say, I guess no one really knows what to do.
Anonymous says
I find this really strange. Like the Dad went into the women’s locker room with the 8 year old?
Navy Attorney says
Exactly. So strange.
anon says
Our Y locker rooms are 18 and up, but there are family changing rooms and bathrooms as well. You can access the pool from the hallway.
For places we go regularly that we know have sinks and such that our child can reach, we let our son go to the bathroom alone. For big public places like sports stadiums or unfamiliar places, he goes in with one of us.
Anonymous says
I think that places where it’s just bathrooms, it’s different. At least in women’s rooms, there are stalls and doors, so it’s pretty private.
The changing/shower areas, esp. where one or both is just an open room with no dividers or curtains, is IMO very different.
Anonymous says
At our branch of the Y, the age cutoff for opposite sex kids in the locker room is 6, and clearly posted on the locker room doors. There are curtained areas for private changing, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen them used. I get that people have different levels of comfort being naked in front of others (and I’ve been a swimmer so long that I am probably not normal), but as long as the boys are clearly pre-puberty, I couldn’t care less. Esp because the family locker rooms are tiny and there’s often a line, it’s way easier to just use the women’s or men’s. The “rules” about not staring at people, maintaining personal space, etc, are the same regardless, so I’m not sure how this affects what you’re teaching your daughters. Honestly, I’m more often annoyed that people are letting their kids shriek and run around than worried about privacy.
My kids are really tall and my 3 year old son is often mistaken for a 4-5 year old, so I expect I’ll start getting comments and/or side eye in a year or two… There’s something to look forward to.
Anonymous says
How do the family rooms work? Especially to help tell my husband that he can take the girls in there, too, and not just the boys. Is it all parent / all kids? Or male parents/all kids and female parents/all kids? I’m used to the single-stall family bathrooms at airports (big enough to be a studio apartment but only one potty), but have never seen for showers.
TBK says
At the rec centers near us, the family rooms are single-use rooms (one family at a time) with a shower, two toilets, a sink, and a baby changing table. So like the airport, but with a shower and two toilets.
Spirograph says
Yup, this is what ours is like. Just one big bathroom and shower area for the whole family. They’re intended for one parent and opposite sex kids, I think. There is zero advantage over the regular locker room imho if your kid is the same sex, other than perhaps containing a toddler to a smaller area.
Anonymous says
Our Y has family rooms with lockers/benches/showers in an open area then toilet stalls and 4-5 changing stalls. Changing stalls are nice and big and include diaper change tables. There’s a sign on the door that everyone is expected to remain covered – I forget the exact language and whether it includes kids under 6 or not.
In House Lobbyist says
Our gym has a cut off of 4 years old for the opposite sex child for the locker rooms. There are 2 good sized family bathroom/showers.
Anon says
To kind of pick up on yesterday’s thread about kids having a mommy preference, my son is 2 1/2 and is going through this right now. The thing is that I think a lot of it is that my husband just doesn’t spend time with him. He’s one-on-one with him for 30 min in the morning after I leave for work and before the nanny arrives, but otherwise he barely sees him. He gets home after he goes to bed (which isn’t necessary – my husband just kind of putters around at work until he thinks it’s close to dinnertime). Often on weekends he’s eager to palm our son off on my MIL. And my MIL is happy to have him and it’s great that they have a close relationship, but sometimes I feel like if our son lived at our MIL’s and we saw him only once a month my husband would be fine with that. He loves him, but he just doesn’t enjoy spending time with him. It’s funny, my husband remarked yesterday that our son is so affectionate with me, lots of hugs and snuggles and lots of funny things he says or does, but that when it’s just the two of them, it’s all screaming and tantrums. Then my husband said “it’s just you, he’s affectionate with. Well, and my mom. And [the nanny].” He still didn’t see what his mom, the nanny, and I have in common — we all spend lots of time with our son! I know that I can’t make my husband be the parent I want him to be, but he complains so much about our lives being constrained. He says it will be better when our son is older and can interact more, but I feel like it’s driving a wedge between us. I’m not much of a baby person myself, but these days I just love spending time with our son. He’s so much fun to play with and talk with. I feel sometimes like my husband resents the time I spend with our son, and honestly it’s strange but we almost never spend time as a whole family. On the weekends my husband gets so antsy I often encourage him to go off on his own, which means that I spend a lot of weekend time just one-on-one with my kid. Not sure what I’m asking here, but just feeling kind of sad about the whole thing.
Anonymous says
It sounds like a really frustrating situation. Sounds like your husband needs to understand that whether he likes it or not, his son needs him and he has a responsibility as his father to take care of him. I’d try to focus on his responsibility and role modeling vs. whether or not he likes it. I’d also bring up that if he wants the son to spend time with him when he’s older, he will have to start building a relationship now.
OP says
His mom has already said that to him — that he needs to spend time with our son now, not just when he’s older. But it hasn’t really sunk in, and if she hasn’t gotten through to him, I won’t. I think part of the problem is that by all accounts his own dad was just sort of peripheral until he was older. So he has this idea that since his dad was, in his memory, sort of on the sidelines for the first few years but they then had a very close relationship through his late childhood/teen years, that that’s the model for being a good father. Maybe if his dad were around he’d have a different story to tell, but sadly he passed away several years ago.
Anonymous says
Could you talk to your MIL about them doing activities all three of them? I bet she’d love to see more of her son, not just her grandson.
How old is your son? Could they do some kind of parent and tot class together? – maybe swimming lessons?
Jen says
Honestly this could have been DH and my 3 y/o until our second was born. When we had an infant that was literally attached to me for most of the day, DH became the default parent with our then 2.5 y/o. Am something clicked and they are now best buds. They have their own games/jokes/routines that lasted beyond those few early weeks. He got to really bond with her in a way that wasn’t just “not mom”.
Anonymous says
How would your husband spend time with a friend? Like would he only get together with another guy if there was a clear activity planned and then they grab a drink and discuss the activity they just participated in? Or does he do whatever his friends suggest and never, ever plans anything? Or does he spend his time with friends talking and debating?
If it’s either of the first two, you just need to step in and do the planning. An activity based class like swim lessons or something at a children’s museum or zoo. It’s regular, contained and he is not on the hook for thinking up things to amuse a young child. And then they get lunch or a snack and talk about the class.
The other option would be if your husband is really passionate about a hobby to create a ‘class’. Make matching cards to learn the names of tools or engine parts, watch YouTube videos of other people doing that hobby, try a kid version of it (when I tried to learn wood carving I was started with a bar of ivory soap at age eight).
If your husband only spends time arguing about current events, you could dig deep into kid books about history and see if your husband would be willing to teach your kid enough about the world that they can talk about things when kiddo gets to be five or six. (I’m thinking Click Clack Moo is a book about unions, etc.)
PBD says
x-posting from the main site: Does anyone have recos on where to get maternity wear for petites? I’ve just started looking and the selections seem really limited. TIA!
Closet Redux says
Loft has petite maternity sizing.
NewMomAnon says
Macy’s had a good selection of maternity petites when I was pregnant, but that was back in 2013. Not sure now.
Chi Squared says
Loft has the best petite maternity selection. I think they are return by mail only, though. I was also able to wear Gap maternity tees and sweaters in size xs.
CPA Lady says
I had some good luck at Old Navy, of all places. I’m 5’3. I got a pencil skirt and some ankle pants there that were actually almost short on me.
Baby pants says
Mamas,
What do you do for pants? Change into sweatpants when you get home? I seem to get every single pair dirty with mysterious smears as soon as I pick up my 7 month old from daycare. I can’t wash my work pants this often and drycleaners is a chore and an expense. And, if you do wear sweatpants for the rest of the day – do you have recommendations for something that looks alright?
mascot says
I change out of work clothes when I walk in the door. If we are just spending the rest of the evening at home, it’s shorts or yoga pants or jeans when it gets cooler. With the popularity of atheleisure wear, you can probably find some cute options.