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CorporetteMoms

06/03/2020 178 Comments · by April

Washable Wednesday: Henley Linen Tee

Recent Recs

I really like this elevated version of a tee shirt. It looks easy to wear, comfortable, and flattering. I love the wider V-neck that has a border that leads to the buttons. The easy cap sleeves are nice and loose. From looking at the various color options, the model wearing the “sandy cove” version looks to have a larger size for her frame, and the sleeves are more fluttery.

I like it both ways — sized up for a relaxed fit, or more form fitted. It’s nice to have a linen top on hand for the summer, and this one fits the bill for me. It is $34.50 at Ann Taylor Loft and is available in regular and petite sizes — but right now you can get 2 for $20. Henley Linen Tee

Old Navy has a plus-size option (sizes 1X–4X) that comes in two prints and a solid color. The site is offering 20% off of everything with code SWEET, which makes the price $20. 

Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.

This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Sales of Note…

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

  • Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price tops and sweaters; up to 40% off all sale styles
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles; up to 40% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 40% off your purchase
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; up to 50% off clearance; extra 15% off orders $100+; extra 20% off orders $125+
  • Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
  • Talbots – 30% off entire purchase
  • Zappos – 24,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.

Kid/Family Sales

  • J.Crew – 40% off your purchase
  • Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
  • Hanna Andersson – 100s of new markdowns; up to 30% off Easter
  • Carter’s – Swim 50% off; up to 50% off sandals; up to 50% off spring break deals
  • buybuyBaby – Major clearance markdowns

See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:

  • Week in the Life of a Working Mom: In-House Counsel in Texas
  • How to Fit Date Nights In
  • How Do You Fit Exercise In as a Working Mom?
  • Do You Encourage Your Kids To Make Resolutions?
  • Almond Mom: How Do You Talk To Your Kids about Dieting?

Click here to see our top posts!

And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

  • If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
  • Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
  • Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
  • Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
  • My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
  • ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
  • I think I suffer from mom rage…
  • My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
  • I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
  • If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
  • Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
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About April

April is a working mom, a longtime reader of CorporetteMoms, and wrote our morning fashion advice for working moms from April 2018 to October 2020. She has one child (born 2/17!) and she’s a public interest lawyer in NYC.

« Previously, on CorporetteMoms…
Anti-Racism Resources for Parents Raising White Children »

Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    06/03/2020 at 8:40 am

    So this is an awful year, and week, clearly. Anyone have cute kid stuff? I’ll start:

    I decided to grow a garden and some flowers from seed this year. Thought it would be “fun” and “educational”. Trying to start from seed with the 3YO was a messy sh*tshow of course. But 3 months later the petunias bloomed in the flower box on her playhouse and she’s over the moon. She goes “Look mommy the flowers came out. I can’t believe it!!”. So sometimes the pain in the butt things I do with my kid actually turn out. Every day we check on the progress of the vegetable garden and talk about how plants flower/bees pollinate/they grow into veggies.

    • Cb says

      06/03/2020 at 9:14 am

      Ah, that’s so cute! We’ve been doing lots of gardening lately. We don’t have an outdoor tap so my son and husband are in charge of watering every evening and my son’s very excited to see what’s going on and what’s growing.

      He’s also learning to tell jokes. My husband asked what is white, round, and giggles? A pickled onion. So now he just says “pickled potato!” and laughs hysterically.

    • asdf says

      06/03/2020 at 9:32 am

      My almost-2-yo is really starting to play with our dog. He and the dog will chase each other through the house while my son giggles like mad. It’s so much fun to watch them become friends.

      • Pogo says

        06/03/2020 at 10:06 am

        Conversely, mine is obsessed with the cat but of course the cat does not care at all. It is sweet how he pets him gently, says good night to him, and cooks him pretend food or builds him duplo towers. He also lists the cat and his unborn baby brother when he talks about our family, which just warms my heart so much. Last night the cat even let him brush him and he was SO gentle, it was the cutest thing.

    • Clementine says

      06/03/2020 at 9:34 am

      Toddler is obsessed with playing hide and seek and LOVES to count… but… is too little to count?

      So instead, just covers their eyes and shouts syllables that mimic the sound of what counting sounds like. “AHHH. MEH. DEH…” until they run to go ‘seek’ the other person. Toddler doesn’t care whether or not other person knows that they’re participating; as such, they are an EXCELLENT seeker.

      • Pogo says

        06/03/2020 at 10:04 am

        Mine will “measure” stuff with the tape measure including people. Everyone is “45”. No units. It’s so cute, he concentrates on “reading” the tape measure and then pronounces: “You are 45!” He certainly can’t count to 45 so I have no idea where he came up with that.

        • Anonymous says

          06/03/2020 at 11:06 am

          Oh man yes!! my daughter loves to “weigh” us on various things and everyone weighs 47 for some reason. Me, her, stuffed moose, everyone is ’47!’ She can reliably count to about 20 so where she got 47 is a mystery.

    • Pogo says

      06/03/2020 at 10:09 am

      My almost-3yo is learning his letters and has taken to “assigning” us our letters from his alphabet puzzle. “D for daddy! M for mommy!” He gives us the puzzle piece and we have to hold onto it for an unspecified period of time. If you leave it on the table and he finds it he hurriedly brings it to you exclaiming “M for mommy! It’s your letter!”

      • tova says

        06/03/2020 at 3:15 pm

        Mine also has a list of (letter is for (person) she knows. However, her name starts with M, and she won’t share with me, so I get “O is for mommy”, d is for daddy, p is for pops, n is for nanna, g is for granny….I’m the odd one out

    • Jeffiner says

      06/03/2020 at 11:08 am

      I forgot to give my 5 year old her allowance on Friday, so I put it at her breakfast spot on the table before going to bed. When I got to the kitchen the next morning, I asked her if she’d put her money away in a safe place. She proudly said, “Yes!” and showed me that she had hit it under the couch cushions.

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 11:31 am

      I take my 2-year-old out jogging most days, and a lot of the time, he just sings and sings and sings for most of the run. All the other joggers and walkers around always pass with a big grin. He’s such a joyful kid, and I’m glad he’s passing a bit of joy around the neighborhood when it’s sorely needed!

      • Pogo says

        06/03/2020 at 11:39 am

        Mine also sings the whole time! B-I-N-G-O is his current fave. Just belts it out while we run.

    • AnotherAnon says

      06/03/2020 at 11:47 am

      I say to my 3 y/o often: “I’m glad you’re my boy.” A few days ago we were doing bedtime routine and he told me “I’m glad you’re my girl.” I about died. So sweet.

    • Anon says

      06/03/2020 at 12:15 pm

      My almost 3 year old is speech delayed. This week, when we’ve been asking her to do things she doesn’t want to do, she huffs and goes “FIIINE” with all the intonation of a teenager (we’ve clearly hit threenager). There is just so much sass, and because I’m so proud of her for using words I haven’t yet had the heart to correct it. We’ve always known she’s a feisty one, but as her words are ever so slowly coming out, it’s such a pleasure to really get to see her funny and mischievous personality (in words in addition to actions).

  2. Anonymous says

    06/03/2020 at 9:02 am

    I seriously need to just anonymously complain about a friend. Not sure that I need any advice, just maybe if somebody could share in my eyerolling.

    Friend had first baby and has gotten very into the fact that everything needs to be perfectly curated and a magical ‘experience’. Like, was complaining that she hasn’t had the postpartum ‘experience’ she wanted. (Not right after – 7/8 months later?) Purchases need to be so carefully curated and selected that she ends up not having the things she needs (like a high chair, a pack and play) because she needs to go source them from all organic elves. Her comments are also just… I don’t think she realizes that her texts read as, “Well, I CARE about my child so I couldn’t just use whatever high chair I was given!’ (Note that I am 100% using a hand me down high chair, it’s been through 3 kids and it’s done its job.)

    Part of me thinks that I was a little extra like this with my first kid? We had a talk about her MIL trying to give her a (fairly normal) kid’s toy and her comment was along the lines of ‘OH, well, Precious prefers his thoughtfully selected WOODEN toys.’ Yeah, okay. My first kid also LOVED his wooden toys… until he started using them as a weapon against Baby #2… suddenly, I was all about the soft foam/rubber stuff.

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 9:15 am

      Hmmm. This sounds a lot like PPA/PPD to some extent to me. I mean some of it sounds like the organic culture that I’m not into. But I went through a similar stage (and still do from time to time) about needing things to be perfect. And it is all rooted in anxiety and insecurity.

      • OP says

        06/03/2020 at 9:21 am

        I actually brought up to her that some of her behaviors are mirroring what another friend experienced with her severe PPA. I framed it SO gently – using the experience of PPA friend who only realized after diagnosis that many people were concerned but nobody said anything to her. Framed as caring and positive and supportive.

        Didn’t go over well.

      • Anon says

        06/03/2020 at 9:26 am

        yea i was thinking the same thing. i definitely obsessed unnecessarily over every single thing purchased from diaper cream to clothes. i had really bad PPA/PPD after the birth of my twins. i mostly didn’t share with friends though – DH had to bear the brunt of my indecisiveness and anxiety and desire for things to be perfect.

      • Anonymous says

        06/03/2020 at 10:43 am

        The person I know who acts like this has generalized anxiety disorder. Her child is 3 and it hasn’t gone away. The only way to deal with it is to try to change the subject whenever she talks about parenting. Of course then we have to talk about gluten-free vegan cookies free of refined sugar (when no one in her family has celiac disease or any allergies).

        • AnonLaywer says

          06/03/2020 at 11:19 am

          Man, that’s not going to be good for the kid in the long run.

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 9:16 am

      Yes this is common to many of us first timers! It hard mothering in a society which puts a ton of pressure on moms to be perfect, and also it is a hideously annoying stage.

      • OP says

        06/03/2020 at 9:23 am

        and this is why I haven’t just written her off as a friend. Because I get this.

        I feel better just venting.

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 9:21 am

      I share in your eye rolling. She may just see someone who has become more obnoxious as a parent, which is a thing. You can care about organic whatever without being annoying to others.

      I do think a lot of first time parents want to control the gifts/toys given to their child. Now when there are space constraints this is a real thing. But you can also just accept a gift graciously and then donate it if you really don’t want it in your house. FWIW my first loved (and loves) all noisy electronic toys and has no interest in wooden Montessori toys (she is great at pretend play). My second is bougie AF and only wants wooden toys so now I have to get him all Melissa and Doug toys.

      • OP says

        06/03/2020 at 9:26 am

        Re-reading what I wrote, I fully acknowlege that part of it is sheer jealousy that she’s able to have such a curated collection, meanwhile I have the giant obnoxious plastic thing that relative gave kid for Christmas and kid ADORES in the middle of my house.

        …she’s not gracious about just taking it and stashing it away (which is what I did until my kids were old enough to know and complain).

        • Cb says

          06/03/2020 at 9:33 am

          Ha, true! My son got the Fisher Price Farm for his 1st birthday. I picked up the package and it started singing ‘Taking care of animals’ and should have written return to sender. Two years later my toddler is obsessed with it and all efforts to get rid of it have failed. Trying to make it an outside toy and let nature take its course. I told him I gave his ‘James and the Quarry’ train to another child who had no trains.

      • Anonymous says

        06/03/2020 at 10:21 am

        LOL’ing at your bougie little guy. I now have a mental image of a little hipster toddler in a fedora and suspenders who will only play with wooden toys while drinking cold brew milk from a mason jar.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      06/03/2020 at 9:33 am

      I see this sometimes with “influencers” (for lack of a better term) on instagram, and then also those who say things that are trying to be relatable like “Oh, I’m such a bad mom – my kids had cheetos or some other non-organic thing, or watched TV, look at me, I’m so bad.” Like we’re supposed to feel guilty about this? I just… don’t. A lot of it is the “perfect mother” culture and I think most parents eventually realize that no matter how many organic wooden toys or no screentime you do, your kid(s) are just who they are and you don’t have that much control beyond a general baseline of safety and care. The lack of control is tough for anxious people (I count myself there), but we need to accept it somehow.

      As for what to say to your friend – that’s tough, has she always been this way or is this a new parent thing? If new, then I agree there may be some PPA there.

      • Anonymous says

        06/03/2020 at 10:05 am

        At this point, I’ve tried gently saying something, reminding her to be kind and forgiving of herself, talking about how I personally had to let go of preconceived notions.
        At this point, I respond with a lot of shark or unicorn emojis. It works. It’s a longstanding friendship and I think she’ll come out the other side.
        And you know, the perfectionism isn’t new – the obnoxiousness is. Like, there was no place to sit in their house for many, many months because she got rid of all their living room furniture when they moved into a house she couldn’t decide on a couch and then wanted some absurdly expensive couch. I think eventually her husband just bought something because he was sick of watching March Madness in a camp chair.

    • Anon says

      06/03/2020 at 9:50 am

      (This is probably the wrong answer of what to do) Honestly I knew a few people that were so over the top like this with babies, and I just leaned out of the friendship for a bit (or in some cases if we weren’t friends but met through moms things, just kind of kept a distance and let it run it’s course). I wasn’t doing it to be mean, it’s more like… I need something in common with people I’m friends with, and I just didn’t relate at. all. to that line of thinking so it felt like forcing a friendship with someone I had nothing in common with (since in the baby years that is such a big part of life/conversations, it’s a little harder to find common ground in other things at that exact moment). That being said, reading the other posts that this all might be a sign of PPD makes me feel a little jerky now.

      I feel like (as you probably know) the chaos of having a toddler/preschooler etc. (or having #2) will make all this run it’s course, and in most cases force her to calm down a bit. That, or post the baby phase when hobbies are returned to etc. hopefully the kid-perfect talk becomes more of a side bar to other things you can talk to her about & remind you both why you are friends otherwise.

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 10:53 am

      I was kinda like this after my first. Bad birth experience that I dealt with by trying to control the things I could control like what toys baby had. In hindsight I should have gone to counselling.

      If you find this aspect tiresome, remember that your friendship existed prebaby and focus on those topics of discussion

      • layered bob says

        06/03/2020 at 3:39 pm

        yep, same.

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 11:28 am

      I have a cookbook that includes snippets with the recipes from people like your friend. They’re all about how “oh my baby haaaaates that gross jarred food! this is much better!” “well of course my baby has a wonderful palette and loves his kale! I would never feed him from a jar! If you do you’ll ruin baby’s tastebuds forever!!!” Like there is not a shred of self-awareness at all. But fwiw, I think it’s easy these days to fall into a pattern like that with everyone on a baby forum talking about things they buy or pinning pictures for their nurseries.

      • AnonLaywer says

        06/03/2020 at 11:31 am

        I recently googled “Do you have to make your own baby food” because I was feeling so overwhelmed at the idea of taking on another task and the answers varied from “yes, unless you don’t care if your kid becomes a serial killer” to “you monster, you should never ever consider anything other than baby-led weaning.” I realize it was my fault for googling it.

        • Anonymous says

          06/03/2020 at 12:12 pm

          I give you permission to not make your own baby food. I had to shut down my MIL on this subject who told me it was “so easy.” When I was working 40hrs/week plus commute and DH works 55-60 hrs a week. I was just like “I don’t have time for that”. FWIW we have done a mix of store bought purées and BLW for both kids. They’re both “good” eaters but neither DH or I are picky eaters. Don’t stress yourself out.

        • Anon says

          06/03/2020 at 12:20 pm

          I tried making baby food but found it wasn’t worth the effort! Half the time my baby wouldn’t want to eat what I made. So frustrating. It was easier to feed her a greater variety of foods with prepared baby food anyway.

          • anon says

            06/03/2020 at 12:35 pm

            Agreed! I gave up on it so quickly because the juice was not worth the squeeze, so to speak.

          • Anonymous says

            06/03/2020 at 12:47 pm

            Same here. They only end up eating purees for a few weeks anyway. My kid gagged at my homemade broccoli puree, but she would eat jarred spinach. Then when she started finger foods, she would eat all the broccoli on her tray first.

          • AnonLaywer says

            06/03/2020 at 12:56 pm

            Thanks. My baby does not care at all about food right now (she’s 6.5 months). She’ll eat a couple of spoonfulls at most. I just can’t go through a whole thing about straining peas that then go bad in the fridge. (And she is also not into finger foods which I also try sometimes.)

          • Anon says

            06/03/2020 at 1:51 pm

            Yup. I tried with my first and even I could tell my feeble attempts with the purées frozen in the ice cube trays to then thaw out looked soooooo much less appetizing than the store purées. Also agreed, felt like they got much more variety from store bought. There’s only so many frozen ice trays of baby food I can keep in my freezer. Didn’t even try for my second.

        • Anon says

          06/03/2020 at 1:59 pm

          My twins ate Gerber purees (so *gasp* not even the fancy kind!) and their same-age cousin did BLW. Now I have 2 4-year-olds that eat everything while their cousin subsides on carbs. There’s so much about food preferences that’s not actually dependent on what you feed your kid between 6 and 12 months.

    • Anon says

      06/03/2020 at 3:13 pm

      Either she’s completely gotten sucked into the ‘magical’ experience b.s., or you’re seeing that she’s actually an obnoxious person and the friendship will slide. The former resolves itself; the latter gets worse.

      I took a long time to find my husband and have a baby. Prior to that, I heard soooo much “You can’t understand because you’re not a mother!” Being a mom hasn’t actually changed many of my views, because I’m still against performative womanhood. Problem wasn’t me; problem is a certain type of woman who becomes unbearable once she has kids.

  3. Anon says

    06/03/2020 at 9:38 am

    last night at bedtime, DD and I were reading a book, that we’ve had for a long time and read before, that has a character with DS’s name, though last night was the first time she noticed. At first she was excited, but then upset that we don’t have any books with her name (we do have some of those books you can order for people with your child’s name, but she said those aren’t ‘real’ books). Anyone have any books with reference to someone named Hannah for a preschooler?

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 9:55 am

      So many! https://www.amazon.com/s?k=hannah+banana&rh=n%3A283155%2Cn%3A4&dc&qid=1591192515&rnid=2941120011&sprefix=hannah+banna&ref=is_r_n_8

    • Anon says

      06/03/2020 at 10:31 am

      Also ‘Hannah and Sugar’ and ‘Hannah Sparkles’.

      • Anonymous says

        06/03/2020 at 12:52 pm

        My Hannah loves Hannah Sparkles, even though she is totally a Sunny Everbright ;).

    • Anon says

      06/03/2020 at 3:14 pm

      Hannah Is a Palindrome!

  4. Anon says

    06/03/2020 at 9:53 am

    Frivolous question. Do you have a lipstick you absolutely love? Please tell me what it is and the color.

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 11:11 am

      If you want to splurge I really love the Tom Ford lipsticks. I don’t generally buy expensive makeup but they are amazing.

    • KatieWolf says

      06/03/2020 at 11:15 am

      Ilia- Perfect Day. Its a red but not a fire engine true red. I love the name and every time I put it on I’m like, yes, this IS making my day better! Alas, with masks, I put it on then forgetting I have to cover it up.

      • potato says

        06/03/2020 at 11:37 am

        I know! I think lipstick sales will skyrocket when we give up our masks.

    • Emily S. says

      06/03/2020 at 11:40 am

      Clinique Black Honey!

      • Mathy says

        06/03/2020 at 12:05 pm

        +1 to this. Very flattering.

    • lydia says

      06/03/2020 at 11:44 am

      Kosas! I love the feel and the colors last a while and fade nicely (no drying, no weird wearing off in the middle of your mouth, no weird taste). Rosewater (it’s a rosy neutral) or Stardust (like a sheer red? slightly warm?) and Violet Fury (like a hot fuchsia, not actually purple) for when you’re really feeling it…

      • Cate says

        06/03/2020 at 12:49 pm

        +1 Kosas Rosewater too. Very flattering! That and Bond Girl are my only two right now and I rotate through them depnding on occasion (Rosewater for day, Bond Girl for evening mostly)

      • KatieWolf says

        06/03/2020 at 2:22 pm

        second anything by Kosas. I love my Ilia but Kosas keeps my dry lips from being even drier.

    • Anon says

      06/03/2020 at 12:22 pm

      Clinique Different Think Bronze (had this color for 15+ years and still reach for it often) and Bobbi Brown Sheer Lip Color in TuTu (what I wore at my wedding).

    • Cate says

      06/03/2020 at 12:48 pm

      Charlotte Tilbury – Bond Girl. Love love love it.

      • Anon says

        06/03/2020 at 1:06 pm

        My favorite, too! The matching lipliner is also great with a bit of balm on top.

    • Blueberry says

      06/03/2020 at 7:13 pm

      Julep

  5. Anon says

    06/03/2020 at 9:54 am

    I’m thinking of subscribing to a kids news magazine. Any recommendations? Kid is 6 years old. I am considering The Week or Time, any others?

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 11:17 am

      My son got Time for Kids in kindergarten and/or 1st grade (he’s only in 2nd now but I cannot remember!) and liked it. But it doesn’t look like you can buy less than 10 copies – subscriptions are set up for teachers to buy for their class. Each “issue” is basically a single sheet of 11×17″ paper, folded into a couple of newsprint pages similar in feel to a scholastic book order form. It’s also not necessarily current events; it is more thematic nonfiction articles that are reasonably timely.

  6. Redux says

    06/03/2020 at 9:57 am

    This is an extremely boring question, but LAWYERS: where do you get free CLEs? I clicked around on Westlaw as I have heard of getting them there, but I am not sure where to look. Normally I get all my CLEs knocked out at an annual conference but this year the conference is canceled.

    • anon says

      06/03/2020 at 10:01 am

      Lots of law firms will do free CLEs. Sign up for their mailing lists.

      • Redux says

        06/03/2020 at 10:10 am

        Any suggestions in NY?

    • anon says

      06/03/2020 at 10:13 am

      My state bar association has/had a large selection of free online CLE for COVID times. Have you checked your state and local bar associations? Also, Bloomberg was offering some free online CLE.

    • NYCer says

      06/03/2020 at 10:55 am

      My firm offers free CLEs through PLI. They have tons of on demand options.

    • Eek says

      06/03/2020 at 10:57 am

      If you’re an ABA member, they have tons of free-for-member CLEs available on their website.

    • drpepperesq says

      06/03/2020 at 12:19 pm

      If you’re looking on Westlaw, then you’d go to the “LegalEdCenter.” I believe if you work for a nonprofit, then your organization can get free CLEs through there.

    • Anon says

      06/03/2020 at 12:28 pm

      I’m at a law firm, so between our internal (and client-facing) programming and our PLI subscription, it’s never been an issue. My husband (SAHD but keeping his license active) just buys the 12 hour pack (mix of on-demand and you can pick a handful of live online classes) for a couple hundred bucks through whoever has the best deal. I will say that being at a law firm I’m always happy to add friends who are in house to our client-facing CLE webinars which are free for clients – I would say we usually have at least one a month on various different topics.

  7. Anon says

    06/03/2020 at 9:59 am

    Can we talk about meal time? We have always tried to do the Janet Lansbury method where we provide the food and everyone eats without a lot of comments. But what do you do when your kid only eats one part of the meal? For example, we had veggie noodles last night and my daughter ate around the vegetables and kept asking for for more noodles. We told her she had to finish her vegetables before her next bowl of noodles. And then the struggle began.

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 10:08 am

      I give her more noodles.

      • Anon says

        06/03/2020 at 10:13 am

        same. i just give more of what they ask for, unless i don’t have more, need to save it for another meal or am legitimately concerned it will mess up their digestive system (3 bananas in one meal is probably too many)

        • Pogo says

          06/03/2020 at 10:18 am

          you mean like that time my husband fed the kid exclusively watermelon for dinner when he was like 14 mos old and I somehow ended up dealing with all those diapers the next day? “how much did you let him eat” “I don’t know, a lot? he just wanted more watermelon!” never again, lol.

          • anonn says

            06/03/2020 at 1:14 pm

            lol we’ve have more than one babysitter give our toddler an entire container of berries. Yes, we said she could have anything in the fridge, and I guess 17-20 me would not have known either that fresh berries are crazy expensive and too much fruit will do a number on your digestive system.

      • Anonymous says

        06/03/2020 at 11:32 am

        We do more noodles but kids have to try one bite of other things on their plate first. We thank them for trying, and remind them that sometimes we change our minds about what tastes good so it’s important to keep trying. we will model this thought process out loud for ourselves as well.

    • layered bob says

      06/03/2020 at 10:13 am

      Follow Feeding Littles and Kids Eat in Color on instagram. They are very Janet Lansbury/Ellyn Satter-compatible. I think the instagram dietitians would say that she can have more noodles until the noodles are gone, and even picking around the vegetables on her plate counts as an “exposure” that will eventually make her comfortable eating vegetables.

      We do a modified approach where we’ll serve 2-4 tablespoons of the food we know she likes, along with 1-2 teaspoons of the things we suspect she might not like and about 1 tablespoon of the “dessert.” She doesn’t have to eat or even touch anything if she doesn’t want to, but everything on her plate must be eaten before she can have more of any single food. (“Everything eaten” is easier to enforce and permits less negotiating than “two bites”). Other than that there are no portion restrictions.

      The tiny portions of the less-favored foods make them less intimidating. If it’s something she truly hates, we may only require that she move it from one side of her plate to the other (interaction is an exposure) before being able to have more of what she wants.

      I had to measure when I started doing this to make sure I was serving tiny enough portions of the less-favored foods to be fair.

      • SC says

        06/03/2020 at 10:38 am

        I only discovered Kids Eat in Color a few months ago, and my kid is now 5. We tried the approach of tiny portions of less favored foods. It’s magic! Kiddo has tried SO many foods he “didn’t like” in the past few months. Last night, I put one brussels sprout on his plate. Kiddo ate it, liked it, and asked for a lot more. (I gave him like 5 more, and he only ate 1 of those, but it’s a huge victory.) DH and I have probably had brussels sprouts 12 times in the past 6 months, and Kiddo refused to try them.

    • Pogo says

      06/03/2020 at 10:15 am

      I have to say I’m not super consistent on this. I might give one more helping of the preferred food, but then if he just keeps eating that I’ll ask that he at least try some of the other foods. Mine is pretty good about then at least eating a bite of his other food before I give him more. Realistically, this happens only for mac & cheese.

      Depends on how often and how stubborn your kid is? If it happened at every meal I’d probably draw a line and say “If you’re still hungry, you can eat your carrots and salmon” (or whatever). I do this sometimes, for sure. 50% of the time he’ll eat his second fave food, 50% of the time he chooses to go play.

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 10:31 am

      I’m not the best at consistency…If this is dinner and kiddo ate great otherwise throughout the day, I’m more of a pushover. That said…typically our rule is that you can have seconds of anything, but before you have thirds, you must finish your vegetables and fruits. Or at least the vegetables, kiddo eats plenty of fruit generally, so we don’t always push it. We often frame it like “yeah, but you need to eat your salad while I’m getting it” versus “eat your salad first”, and kiddo feels like she is getting more of a win. Then we take our time getting it ;)

      • Jeffiner says

        06/03/2020 at 11:24 am

        Yes, we don’t put the food on the dining table, we leave it in the kitchen, and ask kiddo to eat some of the vegetables while we get more noodles. She typically does.

    • SC says

      06/03/2020 at 10:31 am

      I also would give more noodles. I don’t know if this is Janet Lansbury approved or not, but I would probably encourage/ask my child to try a vegetable first. If he said no, I’d accept his no and still give him more noodles. If he tried a vegetable, I’d give him a lot of positive reinforcement, ask him how it tasted, and then give him more noodles. I try not to make any food contingent on any other food or on behavior. You don’t earn seconds or dessert by eating something else, or by acting a certain way outside of mealtime.

      My son used to lick the jelly off his PB&J and then ask for more jelly! We never really found a great way to handle that, but I can tell you that he did not receive seconds on jelly when he didn’t touch the rest of his sandwich. I can also tell you that something as simple as PB&J became a bit of a power struggle, so maybe there’s no way to feel great about that decision. Now we’re repeating the same struggle with ketchup. He basically uses a chicken nugget, hamburger, french fry, etc as a vehicle for his main course of ketchup. This time around, my approach is to let it go and give him as much ketchup as he wants, while encouraging him to eat more of his food. DH wants to limit the ketchup more than I do.

      • Anonymous says

        06/03/2020 at 10:41 am

        I make a distinction between actual food and “extras.” Jelly and ketchup are extras that are fun to eat but do not contain nutrients useful for your body, so we don’t get seconds on those. If my kid refused to eat anything but condiments, I probably would stop serving them. PB sandwich instead of PBJ. No ketchup at all.

      • Anon says

        06/03/2020 at 10:41 am

        oh we have this challenge with condiments as well. i’ve given in. in the context of pick and choose my battles, ketchup is not one i’m willing to battle over and we just don’t serve ketchup every day and we most certainly don’t serve ketchup for every meal on a single day, so i figure kid will be fine. we also have this challenge with hummus, soy sauce, etc

        • Anon says

          06/03/2020 at 1:33 pm

          Hummus is a vegetable in our house. We used it as baby food when she was little.

      • Anonymous says

        06/03/2020 at 10:51 am

        I don’t serve ketchup. It’s just dousing your meal in sugar.

        • anon says

          06/03/2020 at 2:14 pm

          Thanks, that was helpful. Eyeroll.

        • AnotherAnon says

          06/03/2020 at 2:50 pm

          If your kid was a foster placement, below the first percentile for height and weight and the only way you could get him to eat anything is by dousing it in ketchup…would you serve it then?

          • Anonymous says

            06/03/2020 at 3:21 pm

            Does he actually eat the food when it is doused in ketchup, or does he eat only the ketchup and leave the food? If (1), serve ketchup. If (2), no ketchup.

          • Clementine says

            06/03/2020 at 3:57 pm

            We’ve had this foster placement but with barbecue sauce. Literally on everything but fruit and dessert. Every vegetable and protein and carb. I bought the healthiest sauce he would eat (refused homemade).

    • Anon says

      06/03/2020 at 10:39 am

      Seconding that the Janet Lansbury/Ellyn Satter is to just serve more of the noodles as long as there are some left. This is what my sister does with her picky kid. My kids aren’t actually picky (just opinionated!) so our household rule would be that they need to eat their vegetables, but can then have more noodles. We do make some exceptions when they try a food and actually hate it–one child currently can’t stand cucumbers, so we will let her have more food even when she hasn’t finished the cucumbers on her plate, but she needs to eat all the chicken and the rice before getting more rice. And after a second serving of just rice she needs to pick something else to do with it.

      Caveat: this is 100% not what every kid eating person I follow says to do, but works for our family with kids who don’t have eating sensory issues at the moment. If it was resulting in power struggles/kids not eating, we’d try something else.

    • Anon says

      06/03/2020 at 10:43 am

      Janet Lansbury is overrated. Read her book. Not sure why she has so many fans on this board.

      • Anonymous says

        06/03/2020 at 12:38 pm

        Same with Ellyn Satter.

        • Anon says

          06/03/2020 at 1:40 pm

          No way. Ellyn Satter is amazing if you actually follow her approach and release your need for control.

          • Anonymous says

            06/03/2020 at 2:08 pm

            Not if you have a stubborn child with sensory issues. She only works for typical kids.

      • AnonLaywer says

        06/03/2020 at 12:55 pm

        I still have a baby so I haven’t gotten to her toddler stuff in practice yet but her baby stuff is insane. No tummy time because babies “can’t get themselves into that position”? Babies can’t get themselves into any position. They’re babies. And a lot of stuff that just seems aimed at guilting moms for not doing exactly what she says. (No baby carriers, just let the baby hang out on a blanket and experience life all day or you’re not respecting them as an independent person. Eff you, Janet Lansbury.)

        • Anonymous says

          06/03/2020 at 1:23 pm

          No tummy time? That is crazypants. How are they supposed to build up their muscles? And avoid flat heads?

          • AnonLaywer says

            06/03/2020 at 1:37 pm

            Who even knows. I guess they think that if you never use baby “containers” ever the babies can turn their head from side to side and it’ll be fine. Sorry, I’m trusting our pediatrician and the medical establishment over some rando with books to sell.

        • Anon says

          06/03/2020 at 1:34 pm

          She also doesn’t approve of bouncy seats or play gyms! Those items were so helpful and great for my baby. I couldn’t believe someone could voice concern over things like that… like wow, there is truly disagreement over every single aspect of parenting!

          • AnonLaywer says

            06/03/2020 at 1:39 pm

            My baby loved her gym! You could just see her be so happy and intent when she focused on the toys. And she loved the bouncy seat because she could kick and make it move. I don’t get why babies are just supposed to stare into space all the time. I don’t want to do that – why should my baby? The person I know who is super into Janet Lansbury went on a whole thing about how she just liked to watch her baby discover light and shadow and I’m like, I can’t even. (Sorry, apparently I have feelings about this.)

        • avocado says

          06/03/2020 at 1:40 pm

          Wow, Janet Lansbury sounds like the heir to Dr. Sears. He was the “attachment parenting” dude who was so popular when my daughter was a baby. His book and our pediatrician insisted that I was going to damage the baby’s brain if I let her cry for an instant, gave her formula, or set her down long enough to go to the bathroom, eat a meal, or take a shower. I am convinced that “experts” like this are major contributors to PPD and PPA.

          • Anon says

            06/03/2020 at 1:43 pm

            Nope. Janet Lansbury is RIE. There is maybe some overlap with attachment parenting but it’s a pretty different philosophy. She is big into healthy boundaries, which attachment parenting definitely is not.

          • AnonLaywer says

            06/03/2020 at 1:49 pm

            I think there’s overlap mostly in the sense that a set of crunchy parents has adopted it as The Way To Live.

          • avocado says

            06/03/2020 at 2:10 pm

            That’s what I mean–there is always some “expert” with a “method” designed to dehumanize mothers and create a host of unachievable obligations. It used to be the attachment parenting folks, now it’s Lansbury and BLW and whatever else.

          • Anon says

            06/03/2020 at 2:19 pm

            Oh please. I really don’t think you should lampoon a person whose advice you know nothing about. Her podcast and book has been life-changing for me and greatly improved my relationship with my then-toddler (and I’ve carried through her approach with my now-toddler with great success). Every approach is not for everyone, but I don’t see her approach as belittling mothers at all. Yes it does focus on the child because it is *parenting* advice, but her philosophy is all about setting boundaries for the well-being of children and parents. (Saying “no” and letting your kids vent their emotion through crying are pretty key components of her philosophy.) Perhaps people tout her so often because…what she says works?

          • AnonLaywer says

            06/03/2020 at 2:35 pm

            Anon at 2:19pm, I get what you’re saying but we’re talking about the baby advice here which I feel like is hard to defend. I made a point of saying I didn’t know much about the toddler advice; I’ve heard it works for some and doesn’t for others. But saying you’re not respecting your baby if you get a gym or do tummy time is pretty damaging and does, in fact, guilt mothers unnecessarily.

          • Anon says

            06/03/2020 at 2:56 pm

            I’ve listened to her podcast many times and read her book, and although some of her advice is helpful, some of it is also wacky and lacks common sense. That’s why I’m surprised people reference her as the Bible of parenting around here. She’s a mixed bag. Not a gold standard.

          • layered bob says

            06/03/2020 at 3:52 pm

            Every time we think we have a problem with our parenting approach or with our children, we go back to Magda Gerber and Janet Lansbury and the solution is there.

            The solution might require a change in perspective, or require more of me (consistency, acceptance, calm), but every time it works, because every time the solution is – observe your child as they are. set clear and appropriate boundaries. enforce the boundaries in a way that respects your child as a whole person (not a means to an end, an animal, or someone worthy of less than the full measure of tolerance and care you would give an adult).

            Finding Janet Lansbury was nothing short of life-changing in how I conceptualized my role as a parent and the respect with which I treated my children. (That doesn’t mean that people who don’t like Janet Lansbury don’t respect their children – not at all! That is just how *I* learned how to be the kind of parent I wanted to be – other people get there in different ways.) But I think that’s why people love her – and I feel enormous gratitude for whoever on this board mentioned her (I think once in the context of “sharing”).

            And yeah, I didn’t use baby containers or do tummy time – it worked for my kids and for me.

          • AnonLaywer says

            06/03/2020 at 4:18 pm

            layered bob, I’m glad it worked for you and if advice was phrased the way your post was – here are some strategies that work for us and might work for you – I wouldn’t have an issue. But instead a lot of parenting gurus, Lansbury included as far as I can tell, frame everything as “this is what you must do or you’re a bad parent.” I mean, it’s not “tummy time might not matter so much if your baby hates it and they have plenty of time outside containers,” which I think it’s true. It’s tummy time isn’t respectful of babies and containers are bad. And that’s neither an evidence-based approach OR a kindness-based approach. It’s a way to sell books by making women feel guilty as far as I’m concerned.

          • AnonLaywer says

            06/03/2020 at 4:21 pm

            (Also even the “container” label is judgmental even though I just used it. Like, a moby wrap while you cook or a bouncy chair while you shower is a “container”? You’re not sticking the stupid baby in one of those Ikea rubber tubs and shoving them under the bed.)

        • Boston Legal Eagle says

          06/03/2020 at 2:51 pm

          I don’t follow RIE and didn’t know about Lansbury until my oldest was 3 so I missed all of this baby “advice” – the best advice from her I’ve taken is that big emotions in toddlers and preschoolers is normal and should not be discouraged, which is kind of revolutionary to me who was taught and tends to downplay my negative emotions. I don’t agree with her about no screentime and a lot of her advice about setting boundaries in a calm and loving manner is like, well yeah, sure it’d be nice if I was calmer but my kid is screaming at me and refusing to do what I asked again and again, so I’ll just do the best I can and sometimes I yell. The accepting and welcoming emotions piece is very helpful for me though.

    • Anon says

      06/03/2020 at 12:36 pm

      I give her more noodles. And repeat over and over that food is not a battle, the pediatrician has reassured me this is a phase, etc. FWIW my kiddo does not eat noodles and will go hungry rather than eat something she doesn’t like (or even permit it on her plate without epic tantrums). List of currently acceptable foods: chicken nuggets (some days), ground beef cooked with garlic, ginger, and soy sauce mixed with rice, peanut butter toast, peanut butter sandwiches, peanut butter by the spoonful, bread, macaroni and cheese, applesauce, grapes, apples, corn, yogurt, yogurt melts (i.e., sugar in a bag), milk, water, juice.

      • Runner says

        06/03/2020 at 1:00 pm

        Love it. I want to move to this approach after buying and roasting butternut squash and then sautéing spiralized zucchini to have both thrown on the floor.

        • KatieWolf says

          06/03/2020 at 2:27 pm

          I feel ya! Pre-quarantine I drove myself crazy trying to create perfect and balanced meals for baby, just to have it thrown on the floor or spit out. One benefit of quarantine was I let go of a LOT of expectations I had (I didn’t realize meal time was so triggering for me!) and have chilled so much. Eating more “garbage” now (still haven’t undone the gospel of the church of the homemade) but I work less, stress less, and baby eats what she eats. Last night was hamburger helper (I kid you not), breakfast was zucchini muffins. shrug.

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 1:37 pm

      One of my children will only eat less-favored foods at the end of the meal, after he’s no longer very hungry. Then he’ll eat them no problem. But will scream, cry, etc if you try to make him start with those foods. We’ve finally realized that just give him the extra noodles and in ten minutes he’ll eat the eggplant if we don’t mention it again. Has to start the meal with a “safe” food till he’s eaten enough to get his blood sugar up enough to manage his emotions.

      The other one… we just give him all the foods that are part of the meal and allow seconds on what he wants. But he’s still 1. Not sure where we’ll go with that once since he’s always been way pickier than the older one.

  8. Anon says

    06/03/2020 at 10:21 am

    i completely butchered my response this morning, so i am hoping for some help from the hive. kiddo is confused that if two wrongs don’t make a right (something i’m sure many of us have said before to our kids) why some people are getting mad that the police are arresting those who are out past curfews, looting, throwing things at police, violating the rules, etc. since it seems to kiddo like police are trying to enforce the concept of ‘two wrongs don’t make a right.’ apparently this was discussed at camp yesterday amongst some of the kids and i was caught by surprise and ill prepared this morning for this discussion as we were rushing out the door.

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 10:38 am

      How old is kiddo? If he’s at least 4 or 5, it’s time to start talking about gray areas. It’s not as simple as “two wrongs don’t make a right.” A lot of the time it’s not clear who is right and who is wrong, or both sides are wrong, or both sides are partially right and partially wrong. The police and the protesters also have different ideas about what is right and what is wrong.

    • CPA Lady says

      06/03/2020 at 10:40 am

      I would emphasize a few points:

      – the history of race relations in this country and how this is a massive systemic problem that has been going on since this country was colonized. These are not isolated incidents, but part of a much bigger and farther reaching pattern of hundreds of years of racism

      – the history of various groups fighting for their rights, and how those in power never want to share power willingly

      – the concept that there can be different levels of wrong and prioritizing a lesser wrong over a greater wrong is a problem and keeps unjust systems in place, for instance the difference between the statement “it’s horrible that an innocent black man was killed but destroying property has to stop” and “it’s horrible that property is being destroyed, but killing innocent black men has to stop”

      So yes, two wrongs don’t make a right, but when you ask nicely for the people committing the original wrong to stop, and they don’t, then it is understandable that sometimes people take matters into their own hands.

    • Runner says

      06/03/2020 at 10:47 am

      Oh man structural racism conversation with a kiddo. Is this a good time to talk about how we don’t always trust every adult, or every adult in uniform? Maybe something along the “tricky strangers” piece? Communities of color don’t trust the police and haven’t for many years. That makes it hard for them to believe that police are enforcing a moral concept instead of just continuing to be…how they’ve always been?

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 10:50 am

      Only a very small number of people are not following the rules. Explain that the same way we don’t fire all the police officers when some police officers break the rules, we should not stop peaceful protests because some people break the rules.

      Show a picture of the Portland bridge protest. Explain about police trying to kettle protestors on that DC street and how the neighbours helped save them from
      Police hurting them.

      Explain that stuff matters a LOT less than black lives and that the two wrongs are the murdering of black people by police and then trying to stop the murders. That’s why things are not right. Explain that even stores which have been looted like Nordstrom have said they don’t care about stuff and it is replaceable but people are not.

      • Nan says

        06/03/2020 at 11:00 am

        I like this approach. I’d emphasize: 1) It’s not that the looting is acceptable, but the majority of protestors are peaceful and exercising their rights. It’s wrong to stop them from doing that. Also, 2) people lives are more important than property.

      • Anonymous says

        06/03/2020 at 11:08 am

        Argh – just realized I have a horrible typo – clearly the second wrong is ‘trying to stop the protests about the Murders’ not ‘trying to stop the murders’

    • Emily S. says

      06/03/2020 at 11:53 am

      I don’t always remember to do it, but I like to but time to craft a response by asking, “ what do you think? What are hearing?” Then you can respond with information and tone and emotion that is tailored to the situation and not (as I am prone to do) give an over the top, overly detailed explanation or one that is off the mark. And coming back to explain more thoroughly or thoughtfully later is wonderful! It shows you kids you take them seriously and think about them when they are away from you, and show them that grown ups don’t always get it right but try again.

      • Nan says

        06/03/2020 at 12:21 pm

        Oh, I love this approach! Kids often have better answers to tough questions than I do anyway.

      • avocado says

        06/03/2020 at 1:26 pm

        Yes, this. This approach has saved me on many issues, from serious ones to Santa Claus.

    • Lana Del Raygun says

      06/03/2020 at 12:08 pm

      I think a big difference is that ordinary people hurting each other is different from the police hurting people, since the police are supposed to protect everyone. The best analogy I can think of is that it would be worse for grownups to hit children than for children to hit each other, but I don’t know if that would be appropriate for your kid or if it would just make things worse.

      • Anonymous says

        06/03/2020 at 12:25 pm

        I’m white and still learning so I may be off base on this but I would avoid analogies that position the police as analogous to grown-ups and the protestors as analogous to children.

        Apparently Sesame Street is doing an episode on racism with CNN on Saturday.

        • Lana Del Raygun says

          06/03/2020 at 12:34 pm

          No, yeah, that’s definitely a good point! I didn’t think of that, thank you.

        • Runner says

          06/03/2020 at 12:37 pm

          Point taken. I meant that there’s an overall point that people in authority do not always do everything right, and this is REALLY important for kids to grasp. Not all cops are good.

          • Redux says

            06/03/2020 at 1:24 pm

            This is a good point that carries over into the world of talking to kids about abuse/ touching, too. Just because it’s an adult you trust (parent, friend, coach, etc.) not everything they do is ok.

    • Lana Del Raygun says

      06/03/2020 at 12:50 pm

      Also, as a matter of fact, police are arresting and attacking tons of people who are entirely peaceful. They’re not preventing a second wrong — they’re just committing one.

  9. Vacations says

    06/03/2020 at 10:47 am

    We would love a driveable vacation this summer. We are in the Boston area and have a just-turned 2 year old. Part of the glory of a vacation has always been, but especially since adding DD, is having daily housekeeping, restaurants, someone pouring me a drink even. I just don’t see the joy in renting a house on a lake with a two year old. I still have to clean the house, make the meals, be concerned about childproofing. In my head it’d just be like relocating chaos from home to chaos somewhere that I have to pay for. I’d consider the Cape or the Vineyard, but things are booked solid at this point. In a typical year we vacation somewhere warm in February, visit out-of-state family through the middle part of the year and then travel again around the holidays. We generally forgo the summer vacation altogether, enjoy the nice weather and local beaches, but the desire for a Capital V Vacation as relief from everything has landed me arguing with myself on the topic.

    So, should we just submit to an ok-not-great staycation sometime in July because that’s the state of existence these days?

  10. Anoner says

    06/03/2020 at 10:48 am

    Anyone else having anxiety and sadness about returning their toddlers/babies to daycare/preschool? I’m in NYC and we’re not quite there yet and thing have been NUTS with a 3 yo and 9 month old at home with two parents trying to work from home and a small apartment. But when I think about sending them back I get bad butterflies in my stomach if that makes sense. And I’m typically a very practical non anxious parent.

    • Clementine says

      06/03/2020 at 10:54 am

      Raises hand.

      It’s scary to leave the bubble.

    • ifiknew says

      06/03/2020 at 10:57 am

      100% in the same boat as you. We aren’t in NYC so i know its a lot harder for you, but I’ve actually been kind of enjoying it and it’s hard to imagine going back to the daily grind, even though this is a grind in a different way. I have a new 3 year and 1 year old.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      06/03/2020 at 10:59 am

      I know exactly what you mean. It feels almost like going back from maternity leave. I know for certain that this situation of having the kids home and both parents eventually working full time was unsustainable but it’s still sad to think about not seeing my kids all the time and being the one to put my toddler down for a nap.

      I also feel that, with all of the new guidelines at daycares (which are useful of course), it won’t be the same experience and the whole hand my kid off to a person in a mask at the door and then drive away… is not the daycare experience I expected or wanted.

      • Anoner says

        06/03/2020 at 11:34 am

        Yes to the analogy about going back from maternity leave. Actually more worried about my toddler because his preschool up and closed completely and we now are thinking of sending him to a new preschool camp. And he won’t know anyone. Ughhh

        Thank you for all the kind words and commiseration.

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 11:21 am

      Yes, to some extent. I saw that Cuomo announced yesterday that day camps can open June 29 and thought oh crap, we’re going to have to make a decision. My husband is a teacher and so we don’t NEED any summer child care, but had planned to do a couple weeks of camp. One has been cancelled; the other – for the week before Labor Day- is planning reduced capacity and wants to know if we still want in. I don’t know what to say. We are also considering doing some outdoor playdates soon. It is finally dawning on me that no one is going to tell me when that is okay so I’m going to have to figure it out.

      • Anonymous says

        06/03/2020 at 1:43 pm

        Having a teacher husband is the only reason we’re not doing camps this summer. Kids are small enough not to care and we are just going to use the time to figure out how our family re-entry will look.

    • Anon says

      06/03/2020 at 11:53 am

      you seriously deserve an award for WFH in an NYC apartment with a 3 yo and 9 month old. we have more space than you and we couldn’t do it. i think it is normal for it to feel somewhat bittersweet and then there is also the uncertainty of will they be back for a while and then close down again, etc.

      • Anoner says

        06/03/2020 at 12:40 pm

        Thank you! I have/had plenty of jealousy at friends in the burbs or who escaped to second homes, grandparents in suburbs. But I’ve become more zen about it and tried to accept this as our current reality and be grateful for all that we have.

    • Anon says

      06/03/2020 at 12:01 pm

      I was anxious and sad at first, but my feelings completely changed after the first week or so back at daycare. Now my kid and I are both so much happier!

      • Anoner says

        06/03/2020 at 1:02 pm

        Thank you! I think this will be true as well when we start back up. Like another poster said it’s so hard to accept that no one is going to tell you what to do.

      • Anon says

        06/03/2020 at 2:17 pm

        Yes, this. Just the first day my child was SO much better behaved in the evening, playing independently, not acting out. I realized it was because he had become so used to fighting for our attention that he had learned acting out was the only way to get it vs when he spent a whole day with so much focused attention from adults his cup was full so to speak and he could be his happy little self. It made me feel awful that we had been low-key ignoring him for 2.5 mos (or mostly putting him off with things like, “Not right now – I can play in 5min” repeated over and over until one of us was actually free).

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 1:47 pm

      Have you heard anything on timelines?

      For those who have kids that have gone back- are they wearing masks? In MA the guidelines for reopening say that kids 2 and over have to wear masks at daycare when not 6’ apart. Seems insane. We are holding off on sending back bc my 2 y/o will not have any of that.

      • Redux says

        06/03/2020 at 1:56 pm

        You might double check that masks rule. In NY the rule about masks on kids over two is only when they are in public and not able to socially distance. So, if they are staying at daycare (including in the playard) they don’t wear masks.

        • Anonymous says

          06/03/2020 at 3:19 pm

          Nope, it’s for inside too (unless 6’ apart).

      • CCLA says

        06/03/2020 at 3:07 pm

        Our daycare in CA is requiring masks for kids ages 3+ (including when inside). They realize usage won’t be perfect but reportedly kids are doing well with it.

      • Anon says

        06/03/2020 at 8:07 pm

        Our preschool (ages 2-5) is planning on opening mid June and not requiring masks for the kids. CA. I personally was relieved but I know not everyone will feel that way.

  11. ifiknew says

    06/03/2020 at 10:50 am

    My 3 year old’s attention span is usually no more than 10 minutes for a lot of things (watercolors, play dough, blocks etc.) She wants me to sit with her to play longer and that’s so hard when I have a 1 year old that’s constantly getting into everything. Any tips??

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 10:56 am

      My 1 year old gets plopped in the play pen

      • Anon says

        06/03/2020 at 12:53 pm

        +1 Take this as permission from this internet stranger! We need to stop calling it “baby jail” though since the older kids call it that now too! Especially since we’re now having serious talks about protests and arrests and such… oops.

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 12:08 pm

      Our entire house is pretty babyproof and baby friendly so we don’t have to worry much about safety for the mobile 10 month old (we have a 3yo too). Cabinet locks on everything, outlet covers, all furniture secured to wall and baby gates. We have the 3yo do anything fiddly like play dough or making a necklace at the kitchen table since he can now grab anything off of the kids table. Also I tend to “set her up” and then have her do it independently.

      • CCLA says

        06/03/2020 at 12:30 pm

        Yep, our kids are 1.5 and 3.5 and we have our entire main living space baby proofed and then we gate off the kitchen if we’re cooking. They usually figure it out among themselves to play together or alongside each other. There are of course cries of DD2 destroying DD1 creations, but we’ve adopted the approach that the living room is for free play and DD2 is too little to understand not touching a special project, so if DD1 wants to do an elaborate setup with no interruption she can do it in her room, so sometimes she does that to have some space. To your point about the 3yo wanting you to play with her, ours has done well with a large analog clock (“Right now I need to [do whatever]; when the long arrow is at the 6 we can do a puzzle”). She obv can’t tell time yet but can see where the arrow is pointing.

  12. Pregnancy appointments says

    06/03/2020 at 11:07 am

    For those pregnant, do you normally have a urine test for preeclampsia during prenatal appointments in the third trimester? My doctors office doesn’t do this and I’m trying to figure out how out of the norm that is.

    Not looking for medical advice, I realize I need to ask my doctor for that (and I have and will continue to ask). I’m just curious what others’ doctors do.

    • Anon says

      06/03/2020 at 11:13 am

      No urine test until I went into L&D at 36 weeks because I measured my BP at home and it was high.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      06/03/2020 at 11:19 am

      I had no urine tests beyond my first appointments with both kids. They took my weight and blood pressure reading at each appointment.

    • KatieWolf says

      06/03/2020 at 11:19 am

      I did not have a urine test, they just monitored BP at every appointment.

    • Anon says

      06/03/2020 at 11:34 am

      My OB does a urine test and BP at each appointment.

      • NYCer says

        06/03/2020 at 11:38 am

        I am not currently pregnant, but this was my experience as well. Every appointment.

      • Pogo says

        06/03/2020 at 11:43 am

        same. they check for sugar and white count in the urine, too, is my understanding – to try and catch any infection or possible GD early.

      • Anon says

        06/03/2020 at 12:42 pm

        Same.

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 11:34 am

      I think I had a urine test at every visit.

    • Lana Del Raygun says

      06/03/2020 at 12:04 pm

      I don’t think I had regular urine tests, since my blood pressure was fine.

    • BP only says

      06/03/2020 at 12:53 pm

      Currently in my third trimester. I’ve had a BP check at every appointment (except video appointments) but no urine test since my first appointment. I have never had an BP issues, maybe if I did I’d have to get more tests.

    • SG says

      06/03/2020 at 2:31 pm

      I’ve seen two OBs – one only did a urine test at the first visit, the other did them at each appointment.

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 4:06 pm

      Late, but no regular urine tests. They were very attentive to my blood pressure at all prenatal appointments and after delivery. I ultimately had a diagnosis of postpartum preeclampsia (including having a magnesium infusion), which I note here mostly to emphasize the systemic attention to the issue in my urine-test-free practice–postpartum preeclampsia is often missed.

  13. oldest daughter says

    06/03/2020 at 12:13 pm

    Not sure where to go with this, thought I’d start here. My 60+ parents have been having problems for a long time. My father can’t keep a job for more than a year, won’t manage his diabetes, takes no responsibility for anything. Won’t get help, overall hard to be around. My mother is healthy, maintains a variety of short-term jobs, motivated. Both on social security with not much in savings, retirement, etc, and i think a fair amount of debt. She’s begun the process of separating (does not intend to divorce) and wants to begin process of selling house. I think she’s going to be OK long-term; but what do I do about helpless father? What resources are there for people in this position? Just, ugh. Any and all insight appreciated.

    • Anonymous says

      06/03/2020 at 1:15 pm

      Let him flail. He will figure out a way not to be homeless. You can’t step in and fix this for him. Encourage mom to talk to a lawyer- they’re married she can’t sell a joint asset without his consent.

      • anon says

        06/03/2020 at 2:11 pm

        +1 Encourage mom to talk with a lawyer and possibly a financial planner to understand the implications for her of separation versus divorce.

        There are all sorts of things that can come up that may make you wish they had divorced now, especially if either needs nursing home care.

        I know someone like your dad. Sadly, I don’t know of anything you can do except decide your boundaries now so you don’t sacrifice everything for him (unless you’re cool with that).

        • Realist says

          06/03/2020 at 3:44 pm

          +1. You can’t save people from themselves, you will just hurt yourself and other better people if you try.

    • anon says

      06/03/2020 at 1:58 pm

      Is he good company? Maybe he will find a lonely widow who will run his life for him. That’s what I’d expect my father to do if anything happened to my mother, as he can’t manage himself.

    • AnotherAnon says

      06/03/2020 at 1:58 pm

      There’s a lot here; sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m not familiar with the legalities of selling a house if you’re not divorced (assuming both names are on the title). I might contact a lawyer about that. Next, I’d think about: do you want to help him, how much, and in what capacity. Try to get alignment from your spouse, if applicable. It sounds like your mom may need less help, but lots of support. For me, what helped with this was a book about setting healthy boundaries. I think it’s literally called Boundaries.

      • OP says

        06/03/2020 at 2:21 pm

        I’ve read Boundaries many times through my adult challenges (MIL, parents, sibs, etc). Will pick it up again. I actually think my mom has the copy. Really appreciate all these comments. From the outside, the hardest part of divorce/separation is the transitional period. The questions without answers. Now thinking about and talking about it here makes it more real.

    • CPA Lady says

      06/03/2020 at 3:26 pm

      1. Did he ask you for help? If not, don’t spend time worrying about this.

      2. If he did ask for help and you want to help, contact a geriatric social worker. They should be most familiar with resources in your area.

      3. if someone has been irresponsible with money, their health, and job their whole life, they are not going to change. If it’s going to poison your relationship with resentment to watch him take any money you give him and basically flush it, then don’t give him any.

      4. Everything you are feeling right now will get better with time as things shake out. I try to avoid difficult feelings by planning, and it is just a way to pass the time rather than face the grief. My dad is like your dad. It’s really upsetting and disappointing, and I am not happy with the way he is spending his final years. But he had decades to make different choices that would have had different consequences, and he didn’t. It’s been about 5-6 years since I went through something similar to what you’re going through and I thought it was going to be the end of the world. It wasn’t. Things shook out.

      • IHeartBacon says

        06/04/2020 at 3:48 am

        All of this.

  14. Father's Day gift ideas says

    06/03/2020 at 3:19 pm

    Any suggestions for a Father’s Day gift for my husband? I have a 2 year old and will have a 2 week old. Last year, I did a picnic at the park and a photo gift. But we won’t have newborn photos done yet. And not sure that getting out of the house for long will be feasible (although maybe). So I’m looking for a fun/cute gift I can order. Thanks!

    • Realist says

      06/03/2020 at 3:41 pm

      Stealing this idea from daycare, but if you have some DIY time and some boxes, make a big cardboard letter D and an A. Take cute pictures of kid holding the letters (peeping out of the cutout in the letter, etc). Arrange photos to spell DAD or DADA or whatever 2yo calls DH and order a print or framed print or mug or whatever DH would appreciate. This is seriously my favorite thing daycare ever sent home, the photos of kid posing/playing with the letters are just adorable. Daycare made letters that were basically the same size as my kid, but I don’t think they have to be that big.

    • Anon says

      06/03/2020 at 6:16 pm

      Our preschool sent home a photo frame with a picture of kiddo in it holding a homemade sign that says Dad Rocks – and then she glued rocks all around the edge. Super corny, and not even for me, but I love it. She does too and carries it around the house from place to place every few days.

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