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I love this washable blazer for its classic shape in an interesting color. It is machine washable but not dryer safe, which is pretty typical for a washable blazer. I really like the color of this suit set (pants available here); Zara calls it “heathered,” but I think it’s more of a gray/blue. It’s really unique! The color and the crosshatch, or heathering, of the fabric makes it look way more expensive than it is.
I like how the suit is sold as separates so that you can buy different sizes of each. Even though I don’t necessarily have to wear a suit in the near future, I may just purchase this to refresh my suit collection, as I am assuming that I will eventually have to be in court in person again one day.
The blazer is $49.90 at Zara and available in sizes 2–14. Heathered Tailored Blazer
Marks & Spencer has a washable light gray blazer in sizes 2–20 for $105.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
My almost three year old daughter is hitting all. the. time. I just got hit in the face when I told her it’s time to get ready for school and we need to stop playing.
My husband and I have decided to distance ourselves after she hits and kicks to avoid getting hit more. We read hands are not for hitting. It always stems from having to go through transitions and we have a routine schedule and give her prompts about the next move. I feel like I’m trying to do it by the book, but feel like I’m just getting hit more.
Anonymous says
First, solidarity. Second, we found transitions were better when we gave a 2 minute warning leaving the park, done with breakfast, whatever.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Sympathies. My now 4.5 year old used to hit a lot, and still does when he gets really frustrated, but it’s gotten a lot better. I think it stems from him being extra sensitive and getting very frustrated, and not any actual aggression (which is really common at this age). I’m not sure if what we did helped beyond just letting him get older, but we started to physically hold him when he started to hit and say things like, I understand that you’re frustrated/sad/angry, but I can’t let you hit/kick. And hold his arms and legs down so that he couldn’t hit us, in a bear hug almost. I think Janet Lansbury calls this the mama and papa bear hold?
Anonymous says
Hitting is an immediate time out in our house. Strong ‘no’ and ‘no hitting allowed’. Carried or walked to room for time out with door closed. 1 minute for each year of age. I’ve also said, ‘No hitting in our family. Mommy and daddy do not hit you, you are not allowed to hit us’. We don’t do time outs very much so a strong, clear reaction with a time out was impactful. Consistency was also super important. Immediate time out, every time. And a logical consequence like if hits one morning while playing before school, not allowed to play before school the next morning. Can try again the following day. No consequence longer than a day later as connection is too far away.
Anne says
Same. This.
Anon says
Yup, this.
anon says
Agh, what about siblings? We have a 3 and 4 year old and they actually get along and play great, but if we took them to time out every time they were physical with each other… we’d never see them. They don’t hit other kids at all or mom and dad, so I’ve kind of let them work it out between themselves unless it escalates, but I find it difficult to navigate!
anon says
I have 3.5yo twins and we don’t let them hit/bite each other. Same sort of rules as above, whoever hits has to go take a break away from her sister. If they’re just wrestling on the floor we ask them to listen when someone says stop, but hitting a hard line that results in removal from playtime.
Ditto about them only doing this with each other–their daycare teachers were rather taken aback that first time they fought over a toy and ended up wrestling in a pile on the floor trying to pull hair and bite, because they never did that with other classmates.
Spirograph says
There’s hitting, and then there’s hitting. My kids wrestle and are physical with each other all the time. I let jostling and light contact go with a warning, but hitting in anger with an intent to hurt the other person gets an immediate time out in our house. The distinction is really obvious if I’m watching. If it’s happening out of my sight, I go by crying. Both the person crying AND the person they name as the cause of it get a time out, because by then, they both need to take some time and calm down (and very rarely does anyone hit unprovoked).
Anon at 9:55 says
We have three kids (2 boys, 1 girl). They are allowed to wrestle/tickle /by physical with each other. Physical play is important for kids. That’s different than hitting one or us or their sibling because they are mad. Daniel Tiger has a great episode about ‘it’s okay to feel angry, it’s not okay to hurt someone’. Basically it’s not bad to feel angry, everyone feels mad sometimes but what is not allowed is hitting other people.
I didn’t mention it in my comment above, but we are very consent focused, so my kids know that if they tell their sibling to stop tickling them and they don’t then they can shove them off without consequences. There’s a time out if their sibling tells them to stop tickling/touching and they don’t stop/respect their sibling’s body. We expressly tell them that they are in charge of their bodies and if someone is touching them in a way they don’t like they can say stop and push them away if they don’t stop. Hitting because you are mad someone took your toy or hitting because you don’t want to stop playing and go to school is totally different.
Strategy mom says
Any day she doesn’t hit praise the heck out of it! Before school and at bed we would repeat a family mantra – we are the xxx family and we are kind people. No pushing, no hitting, and we share! (3 things we were working on). Made a HUGE difference – especially positive reinforcement
AwayEmily says
My daughter is going to be the ringbearer in her godmother’s 8-person outdoor wedding in October (8 attendees, not 8 people getting married to each other). It will be pretty casual (I got her a corduroy dress and tights to wear) but the only shoes she has are sneakers. Her godmother could care less but I was thinking a cute pair of short boots might be nice. Ideas for kids brands that are reasonable quality and maybe even waterproof? I would like them to be more than single-use (and perhaps be able to pass them onto her brother someday).
Clementine says
Age? I saw some cute metallic ankle boots on 6PM.com – stride rite brand, toddler sized.
Realist says
Pediped usually has cute and functional girls boots in toddler and girls sizes. But they are usually feminine and may not work for younger brother. I haven’t looked at their boys boots, so maybe you could find a unisex style there.
anne-on says
If you are ok with going a little funky I would 100% go with baby Docs!
https://www.zappos.com/p/dr-martens-kids-collection-1460-strap-toddler-black-romario-smoother-finish/product/9228478/color/813350
AwayEmily says
Oops, forgot age. She’s 4, in a size 8.5 toddler.
Redux says
I love love love these adorable and hip little chelsea boots: https://www.thebundlestore.com/collections/infant-toddler-clothing/products/toddler-wax-leather-boots-sedona-brown
(they come in two other colors, too, at this site)
AwayEmily says
those are SO cute. I was looking at a few similar options — either the Bobux kids (https://www.zappos.com/p/bobux-kids-desert-toddler-little-kid-caramel-2/product/9128444/color/389799?zlfid=191&ref=pd_detail_2_sims_vis) or the Esteban from Target: https://www.target.com/p/toddler-boys–39–esteban-chukka-boots—cat—38–jack–8482–brown-9/-/A-78865059.
Anonymous says
How old is she? Kid blundstones in black are cute and unisex.
Anon says
Lands’ End?
Anonymous says
Not the best quality, but my daughter got a ton of use out of low boots from Target last year. But I would *love* an excuse to buy her baby docs!
Anonymous says
Frye makes toddler boots. Personally, I’d buy a girls’ pair and a boys’ pair of a less expensive brand for the same price (or less), but most of the ones I’ve seen are reasonably unisex. And presumably high quality given the brand.
Anon says
Target has a cat and jack penelope ankle boot in a camel color. They have held up pretty well and kiddo (3) loves to wear them.
AwayEmily says
Good to know that the Target ones are decent; they have some cute options.
Anonymous says
+1 we have these and they’re really cute!
shortperson says
my fave for girls boots these days is mini boden. how about these (technically high tops) https://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/rainbow-glitter-high-tops-multi-rainbow-glitter/sty-c0789-mul?cat=C1_S13_G11
these are also cute
https://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/suede-slouchy-boots-camel-sparkle-suede/sty-c0788-met?cat=C1_S13_G11
i also love livie and luca boots, like these
https://www.livieandluca.com/collections/boots/products/wink-boot-gold-shimmer
Anon says
politics aside, i cannot imagine having 7 children and being a supreme court justice
Anon says
I actually feel like being a judge is probably mom friendly. It’s a lot of work but you are really your own boss, can work hours on your own schedule, have clerks feeding you the research maintaining your schedule etc. Sort of like being an academic. Seems like a the dream to me! All I have to do is find someone to nominate me! lol.
So Anon says
Totally depends on the court and schedule. From what I have heard (and seen): Federal judges have a bit more control over their schedules and support. Our local judges have little say over their schedule and do not always have support of law clerks to assist in their research and decision-making.
Anon says
I think once you have that many children, they kind of take care of each other. 3-4 seems to be peak difficulty to me (I say as someone who only has one, lol).
Clementine says
The marginal difficulty of each subsequent child definitely goes down.
I think that people also need to acknowledge that help – either from family or paid childcare/housekeeping is a huge thing here.
I’m most impressed that someone has had that many maternity leaves and still managed to stay in good professional standing.
Anon says
She may not have taken maternity leaves, my MIL didn’t. Also, Barrett was a professor for most of her career and that is pretty different than a corporate law job. A professor on leave can work from home being an infant’s primary caregiver and still get a fair amount of work done during naps, etc., which (at least pre-pandemic) was not really an option available to most office workers. And summers are always WFH/work at your own pace for professors. Not saying most academics don’t work in the summers, they do, but especially once you have tenure you don’t really *have* to. And they certainly have a lot of flexibility about when and where they work (eg., could work out of the grandparents’ city for the summer and have them watch the kids).
Anon says
I am generally pro big families (one of 3 but with lots and lots of local cousins), but watching American Ninja Warrior this week there was one contestant who had 11 siblings and one who was one of 23!!! And there is likely some element of blended families, adoptions, etc. in there, but the thought of spending a decade of my life pregnant is just unfathomable!
car seat coats says
Just spotted Buckle Me Baby coats on sale at Buy Buy Baby. 6-9 mos through 4T. in pink and blue.
Also, North Face Nanoball coat for PA winter. Yay/Nay?
Anonymous says
We just got the Land’s End coat that has been discussed on here, and I said I’d report back. We really like it. Kiddo was between the 4 and the 5/6, so I ordered both. She will be 5 next month. She is about 42.5 inches and 37.5 pounds (so 5/6 height, but 4 weight). The 4 fits well, and the sleeves are a little long in a good way for winter attire. I sort of wish it was a little longer in the body for when she plays outside to keep her bum warm in the fall, but it fits as appropriate for the style. I don’t think other comparable jackets are longer in the body. The 5/6 was huge on her and will be going back. The material seems really nice and compresses quite well. I got it on sale for about $42 in purple. The color is nice. I can’t speak to how it will hold up. But so far we are happy.
Anonymous says
Also I’m in the Midwest.
Halloween Mom says
OK, here we go. The CDC is recommending no trick-or-treating. Thoughts? I went down a total anxiety spiral last night, trying to figure out whether we should do it with lots of precautions (for example, only going to homes of people we known and trust), or find a fun alternative at home.
Here are the factors weighing on my mind:
– We live in a college town with high levels community spread.
– Our neighborhood is CRAZY on Halloween. Parents, kids, families everywhere. Many adults drinking and socializing while walking their kids around. Crowding at doorways and on sidewalks is an annoying issue even in the best of times.
– My neighborhood has lots of people in the “get back to normal already” camp. They’ve been there since May, btw. So my level of trust is quite low.
My 5th grader had a total meltdown last night about how much this pandemic sucks and how he’s tired of missing out on stuff. Me, too, buddy. It’s weighing on me, even though I know that cannot be the deciding factor.
If we didn’t trick-or-treat, I’d plan fun activities at home and still let them wear costumes. We’d still stop by the grandparents’ house.
IDK, this all feels terrible.
Anonymous says
Have them trick or treat at the grandparents house. Can you do dinner at the grandparents house? Maybe some old school Halloween party type activities like bobbing for apples. That’s pretty funny to see grandma bobbing for apples. There’s a Curious George book where he goes to a costume party and they bob for apples etc. Make and bring a fun Halloween themed cake and grandma could make candy apples or something? Or even order Halloween themed cupcakes from a bakery? Parents/grandparents could dress up and trick or treat too – kid might find it fun to give them candy.
This also gets you out of the crazy neighborhood for the night as you are out at a family party.
Anonymous says
I’d just let them trick or treat. Since we are now living with this for what I would consider “long-term”, we need some normalcy. DH and I had a discussion last night that we’re going to evaluate events on a case-by-case basis going forward. We’re still doing at most 5% of what we did socially pre-Covid, but we feel like a reduction of 95%+ to allow for some special events works for us now. We’re also low risk and our percent positive is remaining steady at a reasonable level. If cases skyrocketed in our county, we’d re-evaluate.
anon says
Yeah, we’re the same. I’m going to let them trick or treat. Going to go out early when its not very crowded fingers crossed. Or maybe trick or treat grandparents neighborhood that’s much less popular?
Anonymous says
I think a lot of cities will be officially canceling trick-or-treating based on the CDC recommendation. Mine just did.
Anonymous says
Yes, but trick or treating isn’t really “organized” right? Like you can’t really stop people from ringing doorbells in costume,
Anonymous says
The city sets the day and hours and at least in our area, no one trick-or-treats outside of the designated times, so no, I don’t really think it will happen this year. I’m sure some people will form pods and trick-or-treat at their podmembers’ houses, but I don’t expect anyone to go ring strangers’ doorbells.
Anon says
With the caveat that I don’t think the CDC has done a great job with this and I don’t think their recommendations are always evidence-based, this changed things for me. We will not be trick or treating.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, agreed this is a hard one and I also keep going back and forth. I think what we will do is (1) actual trick or treating at 3 neighbors’ houses (who I will confirm with beforehand — we don’t live on a heavy trick or treating street) followed by (2) having my kids search for hidden candy and maybe a few Halloween trinkets in the front yard with flashlights (sort of a Halloween/Easter mashup…).
anne-on says
+1 – As Halloween is on a Saturday this year we’re going to be doing a ‘spooky’ candy hunt in the yard (hide candy in glow in the dark eggs, hunt them after dark with flashlights), then project a scary(ish) movie on the back of our garage outdoors for a 4 of the kids in my son’s class to watch outdoors (each brings their own sleeping bag and gets to chow down on their candy along with popcorn) while the adults hang out around a fire pit chatting. These 2 families are part of our ‘pod’ if things go south and our kids are all in school together so we’re already ‘co-hort’ing’
We’ll put out a bowl of candy for the neighborhood kids but I just can’t get comfortable with the big group of neighborhood kids running around together situation that we normally have. I expected my kiddo to be upset but he’s actually really excited for an outdoor slumber party movie thing.
Anon says
your plan sounds super fun! but please don’t put a bowl out for the neighborhood kids
Anon says
Why? Isn’t that safer than door to door trick or treating?
Anonymous says
When people in our neighborhood put a bowl out, kids bunch up around it. Too dangerous, especially since kids will be excited and yelling.
Anon says
the reason not to put out a bowl of candy is because why contribute to the problem.
rosie says
Also, I’ve been seeing a lot of people in my area talking about how great it is that with the Halloween costume mask, no mask will be required. Um, no.
I think the CDC suggests a table with spaced out goodie bags as a lower risk idea, that would probably be safer than a bowl of candy.
Anon Lawyer says
Someone in my neighborhood recently hung goodie bags on their fence with a “take one” sign. That might space people out a bit more.
LittleBigLaw says
This sounds like a ton of fun and a great alternative to neighborhood trick or treating! Thanks for sharing!
blueridge29 says
We have told the kids there will not be any trick or treating, but we will be wearing costumes. We did compromise by agreeing to pick out new Halloween decorations for the house/yard. :) We also discussed a Halloween/Easter mashup as well with a surprise Halloween basket and some candy hidden in the front yard. BTW, I love the flashlight idea and will add that to the planned activities.
We may change our decision if the numbers get better, but we will see.
Halloween Mom says
I like these ideas!
Anon says
we are not trick or treating. i was not going to trick or treat before the cdc recs came out and am def not doing it now. depending on how one’s neighborhood plans, the cdc had some recs on things you CAN do. as we’ve talked about so far with birthdays, a lot of parents seem very upset their kid can’t have a traditional bday party and then you creative parents figure out something else to do to celebrate and you typically have reported back that your kid still has a great bday and seems happy. i think the same could be said for Halloween. again depending on your level of comfort, here are some ideas:
– find a few families who you trust and do something in someone’s backyard
– are you seeing grandparents indoors? if yes, do something there, if not, do something outside.
– hide candy around your yard and around grandparents’ yard for kiddos to find, or make it a scavenger hunt with clues
– maybe celebrate Halloween both Friday night with some Halloween PJs and a movie night and Saturday or make it more of an all day thing on Saturday – Halloween breakfast, games, movies, crafts, costumes, etc. and go crazy decorating your house
– trader joes has a great Halloween house to decorate
-if mom & dad don’t usually wear costumes and you think your kids would think it is fun, dress up!
Anonymous says
Why are you better at public health than the CDC is my question?
Spirograph says
Not the OP, but…
Unfortunately, this is where we are with the politicization of science. Public trust in the CDC has been compromised by the perception that they bungled both management and messaging around the pandemic initially, and by the shenanigans with the administration appearing to pressure them them (or at least attempt it) into changing recommendations and take over data collection.
I don’t think I’m better at public health than the CDC, but I also really don’t see how they drew a line from What Is Known About Covid to trick-or-treating outdoors wearing masks is a high risk activity. That’s a messaging failure on their part. Indoor boozy parties and haunted houses are clearly high risk, but I have not seen any major outbreaks tied to outdoor activities throughout the summer, so to suddenly say that trick or treating is a problem doesn’t feel very evidence-based.
Realist says
Yes. I’m not a public health expert, but I am an experienced researcher and was once a research scientist. I’ve been trained on sorting through data, evaluating the veracity and biases of information, etc. The CDC has clearly been politicized, any guidance or statements they release cannot be taken at face value without further review of their evidence/sources along with and getting outside information on scientific consensus. I’m really sad it is has come to this for the CDC.
Anon says
yes, but do you think the president really cares that much about kids trick or treating? how does that impact the economy? i feel like for something less economic it is easier to trust the CDC
Anonymous says
It’s not that Trump hates Halloween. It’s that the actual public health experts want us to be cautious about everything so we could have a real shot at beating this virus or at least controlling it the way pretty much every other developed country has. The president then pressures them to be less cautious about restaurants, gyms, etc., and anything else that impacts the economy, so then the CDC recommendations end up sounding comparatively more cautious about free things like Halloween and playgrounds.
Anonymous says
Yeah the CDC ultimately takes their marching orders from the president, who cares about the economy at all costs. It’s clear that the CDC expresses less concern about activities that help the economy and more concern about things that don’t.
Anonymous says
Not the OP. I guess I see the CDC’s purpose (politics aside) as recommending best practices for the very risk averse. Basically, here’s what you can do to never get sick. But then it is up to the individual family to decide what their risk assessment is. Some folks will land on being okay taking more risks. However, I understand the frustration becuase it is “public” and societal health we are talking about.
Anon says
This is not an accurate assessment of the CDC’s guidelines. They expressly have different recommendations for the at-risk and those recommendations basically amount to “don’t leave your house if you don’t have to.” The general recommendations that include guidance about things like Halloween, are for the general public and are based on public health. The CDC is not suggesting that your kids will die if you take them trick-or-treating, they’re arguing that trick-or-treating is risky for the public health because it will increase community spread, which will eventually reach more vulnerable people (and potentially close schools, which affects all families regardless of your individual risk status).
Anonymous says
I’m not endorsing trick-or-treating, but if you live in a college town I assume most of the spread is among college students? That’s certainly the case in my college town. Our public school district has been open for almost two months with a grand total of three cases so not exactly a huge amount of spread among kids and families. Someone, I think CNN, has a tracker where you can look up case numbers by zip code, which is more informative for an event involving your neighbors than your county numbers.
EP-er says
So my oldest is on the cusp of being out of Halloween. He was always more of the “Let me pass out the candy” than go and get his own. My younger one is all about Halloween, though — loves dressing up, getting candy, eating candy…. I am seriously thinking of going to our cottage for the weekend. It removes the issue of peer pressure and seeing what is happening in the neighborhood. We can have a haunted wood walk, stay in and watch some Halloween movies, and eat favorite candy which I just buy.
Anonymous says
That sound so fun!
Halloween Mom says
This sounds amazing!
Spirograph says
Trick-or-treating is such a hyper-local activity that I’m not sure it even makes sense for me to compare notes about it with my neighbors on a more-trafficked street, let alone anyone farther away than that.
The group of kids we normally go trick-or-treating with is already in our bubble. At a minimum, we’ll trick-or-treat to all of our houses and do a group candy hunt with that gang.
I am OK with trick-or-treating given my family’s health and current local mask norms and low community spread, but if my neighborhood decides not to do it, we’ll find other ways to celebrate. I sympathize with your 5th grader, though. He is all of us this year.
Anon says
I need school to stay open. Halloween in NYC is probably going to kick the rate to 3% and then I will jump off the g-d George Washington Bridge.
So just really think about what you want and what the real ramifications are.
Anon says
THIS. I get the frustration on behalf of your kids, I really do. But we all criticized the people who kept our schools closed by hitting the bars and gyms all summer long, and now we’re kind of doing the same thing. School is SO SO SO much more important than social events like these, especially when there are much safer ways to celebrate the holiday. I understand and agree with the argument that this is a long-term situation, but that’s all the more reason to prioritize schools. We can all live with never going trick-or-treating for years or even forever. We can’t live with schools online forever.
Anon says
Still planning on doing it. Many of you are talking about neighbors in your quarantine bubbles, going to daycare, etc. We have no bubble – we are not seeing any friends. We are all at home all the time. We go to the grocery store but no other stores. I don’t see much risk in my immediate family walking around the neighborhood in masks and taking candy from other people in masks. It is a risk calculus based on your location and habits, but it is not a broad-stroke risky activity. CDC writes guidance based on the lowest common denominator – like advising women of childbearing age never to drink…
I admit that people may take it “too far” but individually we can choose to do it safely
Anon says
You can wear masks, but how do you know the other people will be in masks? I live in a pretty liberal area where almost everyone complies with the requirements to wear masks at the grocery store, but I would still expect a lot of people to answer the door mask-less on Halloween night. A lot of people feel like masks aren’t necessary in their own homes and/or (wrongly) think they won’t get within 6 feet of trick-or-treaters. We are considering a Boo at the Zoo event (waiting to see what if any capacity limits they announce) precisely because I expect so many people to be handing out candy in the neighborhood with no mask on.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, this is my worry too, that people just won’t wear masks when they open the door.
Anon says
True point. I am assuming that, or that we’ll see other kids in front of us and see if the homeowner is wearing a mask. Maybe we’ll prioritize the houses with bowls out. And I take comfort in the recent data suggesting that masks *do* protect the wearer somewhat.
Anonymous says
We are not, but my oldest is 3.5. She has an excellent memory and definitely associates Halloween with trick or treating, but it is what it is. We are getting together with 3 other kids in a backyard , and my child is already exposed to them. My opinion is it’s just one Halloween.
Anonymous says
Pre-pandemic, our friends and neighbors would “boo” us by leaving candy/treats on our front porch, then running/driving away. This all happened in the week leading up to halloween.
This year, we are going to “boo” everyone we know. Tbd on trick or treating. We live in a neighborhood with 1 acer lots so it never gets jam packed. If the neighbors are handing out candy, we’ll take the kids to a few houses. We won’t go in a pack as in years past.
So Anon says
I need a “am I being unreasonable” check on two fronts with my mom. She is local and helps out with my kids:
1. My mom is itching to travel. She wants to take my son (9) on a 12-14 hour road trip to visit my sister and my nephews. My concerns are: (a) She only wants to take my son and leave my daughter (7) behind. She adores my relatively easy son and does not have as strong of feelings toward my daughter, who is stubborn and feisty. (b) My kids are doing a hybrid model for learning (2-3 days in person). By taking him on this trip, my son will need to either quarantine for 14 days before he can return to in-person school (and by extension, my daughter would be subject to the same limitations) or get a negative test before he can come back into my house. (c) The risk of exposure on the trip itself is greater than staying home. (d) We are just getting into a new routine, and I don’t want to mess with it. My mom has an argument for all of the above and says I am being unreasonable. I’m sticking to what I think is best, but it is causing a lot of friction.
(2) My mom wants my kids and I do take a day-trip with her (in the state) to a national park on a day when my kids don’t have school. The park is 3 hours each way, and we would go just for the day. This is my busy season at work, so it is tough for me to predict when I can take a day off. My mom doesn’t understand my job (corporate attorney), and thinks I am being dramatic/unreasonable in my work.
I am really struggling with getting her to accept what I say on each of these fronts, and I could use a little support that I am not being unreasonable.
Anonymous says
The first one is unreasonable to me because she isn’t taking both kids. Getting negative tests upon return in exchange for time alone would be worth it to me. The second one isn’t an unreasonable ask to me. If you can’t, you can’t, and that’s life. I don’t know your job, but I, too, am an attorney. I don’t know any attorneys who can’t make a single day work if they really want to. If you don’treally want to, that’s your choice. But I understand her reluctance to accept that you can’t spare a single day.
Anon says
Negative tests aren’t really foolproof though. If you’re exposed Saturday and test Sunday you’ll get a negative test and would then expose people. I agree it’s very unfair to take only one kid, but even if she was willing to take both kids, this seems like a non-starter to me with the kids in school and unable to do a 14 day quarantine.
10:19 Anon says
I agree about the negative tests. I’d just be doing it for the school requirements to get the kids back into my house.
Anon says
1 – absolutely not
2 – would be fine with me but I understand being busy. Could she take just the kids without you?
I live in the same state you do and leaving the state is a huge deal. Much more significant than it is for most of the rest of the country.
Anonymous says
(1) She is crazy pants and you are not being unreasonable. As you note, there are multiple reasons that the trip is a bad idea.
(2) I’d try to make this work. If the kids have to take a day off school, it might be a nice trip. Could you swing it on one of their non-in person days? Tell her that you will have a look at the schedules and try to coordinate something. For a longer drive, you can leave at like 7am with the kids in their PJs, eat breakfast in the car, get dressed when arrive. Leave at like 6-7pm to drive back. Preferably on a Friday so they can sleep in the next day. Or try for a Sunday when they have the Monday off so they can sleep in, even if you have to go to work.
Spirograph says
You’re not being unreasonable to refuse #1.
For #2, would she be willing to take both kids without you? That sounds like it could be a lot of fun for your kids and also get you a whole day of focus time for work. That said the park day trip also sounds like it could be a much-needed break for you, so if you *can* find a way to take a day off for it, I’d do it. I almost never regret prioritizing this kind of time away with my family, even/especially if it feels stressful to let work pile up.
Boston Legal Eagle says
You’re not being unreasonable on either one, IMO. The first, definitely not. She can do the trip herself if she wants, and quarantine from you when she gets back. For 2, I can see how it would be a nice trip for your kids, and you’d probably enjoy it too, but it does seem like she’s imposing this on you instead of you choosing. You can tell her, well I’m a single parent and need my job so can’t guarantee I’ll be available. She can take the kids solo. They should be old enough for her to handle, yes?
GCA says
Oh. My gosh. This is a lot, and fwiw, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Do you want advice or just a listening ear?
What’s rapid testing like in your state? The Covid testing part of it can be dealt with, but the family drama is more challenging. It’s school term (never mind that ‘school term’ looks drastically different this year), the kids need a routine, and you don’t need any extra mental load in your busy season at work. If she wants to, she takes both kids or neither on the family visit or to Acadia or wherever, for the sake of fairness. In your shoes I would stay at home, focus on work, do something nice for yourself in your alone time, and carve out some family time on the weekend…
Anon says
But rapid tests a) aren’t as reliable and b) won’t pick up positive cases if you test too early.
Anonymous says
No test will pick up a positive case if you test too early, that’s not unique to rapid tests.
Anon says
Yeah, valid point. I thought it was even more true for rapid tests (e.g. you need a virus load of X for a PCR test to pick it up and a virus load of X+10 for a rapid/antigen test to pick it up), but I may be wrong.
Anonymous says
1- obviously no
2- go on a weekend
SC says
I do not think you’re being unreasonable. On (1), (a) while it is OK for a parent or grandparent to take just one kid on a trip, there needs to be a justification for it besides favoritism, (b) you, the parent, get to decide to prioritize education and whether your kids attend in person, and missing 2 weeks of in person instruction can be a deal-breaker when opportunities are limited and your kid may have to miss because they have regular cold symptoms or school may be shut down again in the winter if there are spikes, (c) you get to decide the level of risk you’re comfortable with for your whole family, (d) you get to decide the value of routine and predictability in your kids’ lives.
(2) If you’re busy, you’re busy. I don’t think anyone really understands the commitments of a corporate attorney. Can your mom take both kids to the park and let you have a weekend off?
Anonymous says
I agree with others that if there’s any way you can make time you should take the day off and go to the national park! It’s sooo beautiful in the fall and I imagine it’s delightfully uncrowded right now due to how hard it is for people to enter your state and how few people are traveling in general. I was there for a week during the government shutdown in fall ’13 and it was paradise.
Anonymous says
1) No way, for so many reasons. Unsafe for the whole family. Interferes with school. I wouldn’t be as concerned about her taking only one kid–older kids should get more privileges than younger ones, both kids might be a lot for Grandma to handle alone on a long drive, and Grandma could do another special thing such as a day trip with your daughter separately.
2) I would make an effort to make time for this, even without Grandma. A break would be very restorative.
Primrose School? says
Anyone have kids that attend Primrose or other school-style daycare? I just learned ours does a tablet-based assessment for 3 year olds in PRESCHOOL. Admittedly I’m strongly against standardized tests and I can see this being presented as a game for my kiddo but I just really hate the idea of it. Apparently it’s letter, number, and word recognition and they “assess” them 3x a year to see progress…and ultimately (I assume) use it in marketing for K readiness. UGH.
Has anyone successfully opted out of this?
Halloween Mom says
Well — my experience in a traditional daycare settings is that assessments happen throughout the preschool years, just not in a high-tech sort of way. Is your objection the assessment itself or the tablets?
avocado says
Our crunchy granola play-based preschool still “assessed” the kids on whether they could write their names at age 3, even though they didn’t actually teach writing. These same teachers did not even notice that my kid could read for several months, so I didn’t take their assessments very seriously.
My daughter did private K at Primrose. We considered enrolling her there earlier, but opted only to do K because we were concerned that the curriculum was too focused on worksheets and rote memorization. I didn’t have any issues with Primrose’s assessments themselves—it was the underlying drill-and-kill philosophy. Opting out of assessments wouldn’t change that. We only went with Primrose for K because our daughter was slightly too young for public K and it was our only accredited option. I don’t think any of the kids in that class actually learned anything, but she got her ticket punched for first grade.
OP says
Assessments in the past have been observational, the teachers just write a few notes on each item/area the kid is doing and how they’ve seen them grow. The kid is not aware. I’m not opposed to tablets, we have one she mainly uses for long car rides.
I don’t want the kids to be told more than essentially: you’re going to play a game on the tablet now, yay have fun. Which is my question for the director.
Anonymous says
My play-based daycare shifted from “teacher writes a paragraph about kid’s behavior” to a formal assessment rubric at age 3, so I don’t think that’s uncommon. I would expect they present it to the kids as a game, but it’s fine to ask.
OP says
Or, let me know if I’m over-reacting as long as the kids aren’t stressed about it…
Anon says
You’re probably overreacting. We tested my four year old for kinder last year – WPPSI and in person visits, including one school that used tablets. She didn’t notice she was being tested, true story. I suppose she knew the WPPSI was an evaluation, but kids like the chance to show off what they know. I’m pretty sure she’s still under the impression that she was checking them out and not the other way around.
Anonymous says
+1 to kids like to show off what they know. Obviously if a teacher is telling them they failed or did poorly, that’s a very different story but I can’t imagine they would give a preschooler that kind of feedback.
True story: when my daughter was about 1.5, when she had a meltdown the only way we could distract her was by quizzing her about things she was learning, eg. “what color is the ball?” People (including my parents!) thought it was super weird, but it got her mind off whatever she was crying about better than any other kind of distraction we tried. She’s almost 3 now and still LOVES being quizzed.
Anonymous says
I don’t know what Primrose is and our daycare is very focused on play, but the kids do get assessed and we get reports twice/year.
Anonymous says
Primrose is a chain daycare that calls itself a “school” and makes kids wear uniforms. It’s a marketing thing.
Anon says
I’d worry that the preschool is focusing on the wrong things with this kind of formal assessment. I don’t care if a 3 year old recognizes words or numbers. I want them to a) be happy and b) learn how to be kind, safe, thoughtful to others, speak up for their needs, etc.
Feel foolish says
I need to vent – I have been working remotely since March. My in laws who live 10 minutes away have been watching our soon to be 4 year old son 5 days a week. My husband is in Sales so has conference calls but not as much of a structure to my 8:30 am to 5 pm multiple meetings a day etc. I belong to a local Mother’s Club that has events during the day for kiddos etc. Pre-COVID our son went to daycare two days a week and was with grandparents 3 days a week. Last night I mentioned to my husband that I may be able to take our son to a playdate at 10 am (basically taking a 1 hour break in the morning instead of lunch which I never take) therefore would keep him home until the playdate, etc. Then I realized a report didn’t get sent correctly to a client so needed to babysit that until it was done in the morning, had a team meeting Zoom call at 9 am etc. Slept crappy and so didn’t our son so when I woke up thought I’m not going to do it the playdate etc. Then I got to thinking I don’t get this opportunity very often since I work full time etc. I forgot to tell my mother in law that our son would be coming later. She texted asking if our son was awake (he sometimes sleeps late). I texted back that he was up but that I was going to a playdate so he wouldn’t be come over until 11. My husband called her about something else and she asked if we could let them know if there were any schedule changes. Totally understandable and I was rude for not telling her. I have extreme working Mom guilt during COVID and this is just making it worse. I’ve been wanting to send our son back to daycare since July when it reopened (we live in Northeast low numbers etc). But in laws don’t want to the additional exposure etc since they are early 70’s. I totally overreacted and acted irrationally screaming and banging door in front of my son. Husband got mad that I acted this way in front of son says he can’t say anything to me etc. When I dropped our son off I apologized to my mother in law. Thanks for listening!
Anonymous says
I’m sorry. We all have really tough days, especially lately. You apologized and I’m sure your family will forgive you and move on, even if it doesn’t feel like it now.
Anonymous says
That’s tough. You apologized. Try to move on. Depending on your kid’s age, it may be appropriate to apologize to DH in front of your kid so he can see the resolution. Maybe mention that to DH in advance.
And honestly, if that was one of the tougher moments since March, you’re doing a great job.
Anonymous says
I think it’s time to step back and reassess. Maybe you need day care 5 days a week!
Anonymous says
Seems like a bit much to totally cut out the in laws who have been providing care for years because they asked to be told if the kid isn’t coming? My mom was pretty involved with summer care this year and I always tried to give her a heads up if the schedule would change. She’s probably sleep in or hang out in her pjs for longer if the grandkids aren’t coming over until mid morning. It’s not a big deal to forget, but it’s definitely appreciated if I let her know.
Anonymous says
+1
Anon Lawyer says
? Seems like there was an honest mistake, the MIL politely pointed it out, the OP apologized and everyone is fine.
Anonymous says
Oh I didn’t mean to punish MIL! Just that OP seems really overwhelmed.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hugs, I’m sorry. Whenever I don’t get as much sleep as I should, it makes everything seem 10x worse. I hope you can have a full night’s rest tonight!
Anon says
+1,000,000
Anon says
I am probably too late today, but…
I have a female employee whose manager reports to me. She was on a high-profile project, so she and I have worked closely together, but not since the project stabilized over a year ago. She has a baby (less than 1) and a preschooler. Due to her responsibilities, she was swamped for the last month (like many, many hours of overtime each week).
She has a tendency to overburden herself/not ask for help. With the young baby at home, I am worried that she’s burning out. She’s sending emails (not to me, but they get forwarded to me) that are unnecessarily angry and taking things very personally when it seems clear that it isn’t a personal attack. She’s in a lead role, so sets the tone for her area.
I recommended her manager encourage her to take time off. Should I speak to her directly? I am also a mom of two little kids in the same-ish age ranges. But I am much more senior and my reaching out could be taken very poorly (especially given her most recent responses to feedback). Should I do anything else? She’s not at risk of being fired, but I am worried she might up and quit, when she really just needs a break.
Anonymous says
If she’s working tons of overtime, it’s not the baby that’s wearing her out, it’s her job. You need to fix that problem, and are in a position to do so.
Anonymous says
Agreed. The problem is she has too much work. Forcing her to take one three day weekend or whatever isn’t going to fix this. I know you’re coming from a good place, but I would react SO BADLY if I were working my a$$ off for my company and I got a message from a senior working mom reminding me to take a break.
Boston Legal Eagle says
It sounds like she’s non-exempt if she’s in a category for overtime? So yes, is there any way to make sure she’s only working the 40 hours or whatever she’s assigned per week? Although I definitely know coworkers who overburden themselves unnecessarily, who sometimes need someone else to set the limits for them more than others (i.e. tell her her work hours are 9-5 and enforce it).
Anonymous says
I am an exempt employee but still submit a timesheet with project charges. We use “overtime” to mean that a person has worked more than 40 hours in a week, even though nobody gets paid overtime. I took OP to intend the term in the same way.
Pogo says
Our engineers bill like this and it’s actually not great from a financial prospective If many of them bill over 40 hours, since that means their hourly rate goes down and they look “cheaper” than they really are in less busy times.
Anonymous says
My employer loves it. They can charge my clients my full hourly rate but pay me less.
TheElms says
I’m the sort of person who would react badly if my grand boss reached out to me about something like this. Is there a way to do it more broadly? For example, could you take all the people that report into you and see if they have taken vacation since the start of COVID and reach out to everyone who hasn’t taken vacation to remind them that vacation is important, and that the company supports taking vacation time (assuming that is true). Or take all the people who have been working overtime and reach out to them?
Pogo says
Unrelated but I love “grand boss”. DH and I call our skip level bosses our “big boss” and the one above our “big big boss” which I’m just now realizing we stole from fraternity/sorority families.
Anonymous says
I actually hate the term. It implies that the employee is the “kid.” I just use their titles: my boss is the director, her boss is the VP. Or their names.
Anonymous says
I hate grandboss too. Big boss doesn’t bother me.
Pogo says
We mostly do it when talking to our families since they don’t know names or org charts. Although my husband tends to use the global grade code for his org, which I don’t understand and we don’t have an equivalent for (technically we do but it’s not published) but is like military rank. We just use it to convey how important the person is that we’re talking about.
Anon says
It’s really nice that you’re thinking about this and considering your options. Some thoughts: How can you coach the people that report to you directly (her manager) to assess and manage their employees’ workloads and encourage them to take the time that they need? Focus on the appropriate workload (you’re in a position to get more resources/change workload) and also the inappropriate/anger stuff as a performance issue. Be very careful of veering into mommy tracking or projecting your experience onto her. Ask what support she needs from the organization to do her best.
Anonymous says
Yeah, this is my company. Take vacation and enjoy some downtime! Wait, can you also get x, y and z done, and maybe call into that meeting while on vacation? Telling me take a day off is so annoying.
Anonymous says
What is this nonsense? Yes. Do something. Give her more support and resources so she isn’t completely over burdened at work. Do some serious work on yourself.
Anon says
Thanks for your responses! She is exempt but typically has a work week that is 40 hours or less so it was a huge change (50-60 hours per week). We are getting more staff soon, but we were not able to during crunch time (in order to ensure folks could physically distance while doing their work). I feel terrible about that and that we didn’t plan better for it (which is mostly scheduling changes since I cannot make their space bigger). We will fix it for the next crunch.
I think you are all correct that time off alone isn’t sufficient and I won’t reach out directly either. My experience is irrelevant to hers. But I will let her know about our plans for the future and support her manager in giving her more direct support.
Anonymous says
Like I’m not sure you get it. The problem is clearly that your company over worked her. Nothing to do with her baby.
Anon says
Thank you? Koi