Here’s a question: Have you ever taken a vacation without your kids, leaving them in the loving arms of some other caregiver? Do you and your partner make a habit of this (for example, three weeks every year!), or is it a rare, quick getaway — or would you never, ever take a vacation without your kids?
For my $.02, my parents have never taken a vacation without me, at least as far as I can remember. So my husband and I were really reluctant to leave the kids for more than a night, at least in the beginning. But it is a truth universally acknowledged that a new destination with kids is a trip, not a vacation, so we started to ponder whether vacationing by ourselves was a possibility. By the time my older son got to be around 5, we tried it for a few nights, driving a few hours to a fancyish bed and breakfast place. Not only did the kids survive just fine with the grandparents (even my youngest son!), it was amazingly restorative to both me and my husband, as well as to our relationship. (Always good to remember that you actually like each other, too!) So now, once a year, we try to go away for just a few days — we’ve found the Veterans Day holiday a prime time because the kids usually have school but my husband usually has the day off. That way, we can go for a Sunday–Tuesday kind of thing so the kids still have their regular school schedule on Monday and Tuesday and the grandparents don’t have to fill a long weekend day without additional support. (Last November we went to New Orleans for a few days… we have Auntie M’s wedding to attend in Lake Tahoe this August, though, so that may be our getaway for this year.)
How about you, readers — have you ever taken a vacation without your kids, or would you ever? Where have you gone; what did you do?
Stock photo via Stencil.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We just got back from a 2 night vacation without the kids actually – first time away from our second! We’re planning another trip for just the two of us for a little longer later this summer. We’ve also done vacations for about a week each year when it was just DS1. It definitely helps to have my parents available and willing to watch the kids for multiple days and nights – I am aware of how privileged and lucky we are to do this. I don’t think either of our parents vacationed without us when we were younger, for various reasons. I found it really restorative and it does help us connect again in a way that we haven’t been able to since the kids were born.
I think we’re going to try to do a one-week vacation each year while the kids are little (and my parents are willing!) and then see how everyone feels when everyone’s older and hopefully a little easier to travel with.
Anon says
We did a weekend away for a wedding when my kid was about 1 year (she stayed with my parents). But in prime toddler stage currently at 2, she’s a lot for my parents to handle for more than a couple of hours, and my inlaws are not physically capable of keeping her at this age at all. We don’t have a good line-up of non-family babysitters either. I think once she’s older we might try to do 1-2 long weekends a year with my parents watching her, and then as she gets older, and maybe gets another sibling, we might pay for one of my sisters to come stay (they are young, fun, childfree and single, i.e., the cool aunts).
avocado says
Only for weddings when our daughter was very young. She loves to travel, and it doesn’t seem fair to leave her behind. We get our alone time by sending her off on her own adventures–camp, sleepovers, school trips, solo visits to out-of-town family.
Leatty says
Yes, absolutely. We just got back from an 8 day international trip without our 2 year old. She stays with my parents in another state (4 hours away) when we travel. My mom is a teacher who adores my daughter, so she strongly encourages us to go on couples’ vacations a couple of times a year. These vacations have been so good for our entire family, including my daughter. We come back recharged and happy, and my daughter gets to develop a good relationship with her grandparents.
PregLawyer says
We did a long weekend when my son was 1.5; a week long trip to England when my son was 2.5; and a long weekend when my son was 4 and my daughter was 1. The kids stayed with my parents each time. It’s great for everyone.
FVNC says
Similar — my parents are thrilled to watch our kids when their work schedules permit, and until recently have lived in the same town or within easy driving distance from us. So, we’ve been able to take one international trip when older kid was ~20 months, one trip across the country when baby was 1 and older kid was 5, and numerous overnights. Going forward, I think we’ll try to travel more as a family, especially as my parents get older and may have a harder time handling two kids with never-ending energy.
ElisaR says
nope. not sure how i could do it.
B says
My husband and I have both done it separately, and we’re planning our first trip together without the kids for next year. I think it’s so healthy to get some alone time and to reconnect. I’m so excited!
Anon says
Yes, we’ve done a 2 week trip within the US when our eldest was 2.5, and are about to embark on a 2 week international trip without our now 5 year old and younger 2.5 year old. We are very lucky to have grandparents who want to spend time with and care for the children, and this enables us to take these trips. It doesn’t mean we don’t miss our children like crazy – in fact, we prefer taking these trips as a family. But parent only time is important for relationships and so we know this is time we’re investing in each other that will further strengthen our relationship with our children.
Anonymous says
Never. My parents never did either. I just feel like I get so little time with my kids, and I want to spend my vacation days with them
SC says
So far, we’ve just gone away for the weekend to attend a couple of weddings. Next year, Kiddo will be 5. DH and I are planning a longer (9 day) trip to Hawaii for our 10th anniversary. My parents are planning to fly to where we live and take care of Kiddo at our house. Their condo isn’t really set up for kids (their preference is to travel to or with kid rather than host often), and we can get help from in-laws and paid babysitters so my parents can have a break.
I’m looking forward to some time with just DH. Most of our vacations are with his parents or my parents or visiting other family or friends or attending weddings–all of which are great, but DH and I haven’t done a whole trip just the two of us since our honeymoon, and this will be our 10th anniversary.
Anon says
I would love to, but I think this is only possible if you have family who are willing and able to keep your kids. I’m really envious of people who can pull this off but I have no idea how we would even go about it.
octagon says
Yep. We’re a decade away from sleepaway camps that would make this possible. This is where family help really, really matters.
Anon says
yeah, I agree. And that’s consistent with the comments here. It seems like for everyone who mentioned who the kids stayed with, it was grandparents with one mention of aunts.
CCLA says
One alternative to consider if no family is available is a trusted nanny or babysitter. It’s pricey, but maybe not as cost prohibitive as might be expected if kiddo is already in daycare and you vacation during the week. Then caregiver is only responsible in the early morning and evening hours plus sleeping. We did this when DD1 was about 14 months and went to Hawaii for a week – she had a great time, our sitter was able to do her regular job during the day (and was cool with being on call for an emergency or illness). Now when we can we just pay to fly my dad into town – we first did this when our scheduled sitter for a long weekend away fell ill, we scrambled and he agreed to try it out. He and DD1 had a blast, and now he’s our go-to caregiver when we need some time away. It’s been a great way to get them some time alone with gpa that they otherwise wouldn’t get since he’s out of state, and we just pay for the cost of his trip. First time he kept our infant in addition to the toddler, I actually arranged a sitter to help out a few hours a day to give him a break, and gpa said no thanks, don’t want a break, just want to play with my granddaughters. So cute.
My parents rarely if ever did vacations without us, but DH and I like the time away together. We are itching for another Hawaii trip sans kids now that DD2 is getting closer to a year, but we have done a few long weekends since she was born, which have been great. We’ll probably do a week long trip again later this year.
Anonymous says
Indeed
Caitlin says
My husband and I did this for the first time when our first was almost 2, and since then we’ve taken I think 3 trips without the kids (they are now 4 and 2). The longest one was 5 days, and the other 2 trips were 2 days each. Our family got a little tired after the 5 day trip, but it was amazing for our relationship. We plan to keep taking these short trips once or twice a year for the foreseeable future. My parents never took vacations without us, but they also had an awful relationship and eventually got divorced. I believe a happy marriage is among the very best gifts you can give to your children, so if a few days a year away from them helps with that (and I think it does!), that’s well worth it to me.
Emily S. says
My parents spent one night away from us when I was about 12 and my sister was 15. I’ve been really reluctant to have an adults-only vacation (tho, curiously, our upbringing seems to have a different influence on my sister bc she spent a week away from her 6 month old). DH and I recently celebrated our 10 wedding anniversary with a concert and a night in a fancy hotel here in town, and it went so well, I’m convinced we can do a longer trip. No concrete plans yet, though.
Anon says
Nope and – unpopular opinion – I don’t want to.
Anonymous says
One week trip when oldest kid was 2. And a one week trip when twins were 2.5. Unfortunately now my parents can’t really handle the kids on their own for more than a night or two. We’re still going to try to take a night or two every year. Also hoping to have twins do sleepovers at grandparents house if older kid starts having a sleepover with friends. Partially influence by marijuana legalization. Legal here now but don’t want to try with kids in the house.
Anonymous says
We did a two week European trip this spring while my parents and in-laws watched our 3 year old. So fortunate that our parents were able to travel to us and stay at our house so kiddo’s regular schedule wasn’t interrupted. Loved having an adults-only vacation (Stay up late! No need to plan around naps! Days of long walks/hikes!) BUT by the middle of the second week we were really missing our kiddo and wished he was there with us
Anon says
My family is super awesome and watch our kids, so we can go for a week vacation once a year. We are headed to Paris this year. Very lucky to have them
Anonymous says
We’ve done one night away from our 2 year old twice, both within an hour drive of our house. I’m definitely not comfortable being a plane ride away from her (not sure I ever will be until she’s like an adult). I’d love to do a weekend away, but with number two on the way I doubt that will happen anytime soon. Definitely in favor of sending the kids to sleep away camp eventually and DH and I can take time off that week to be alone, even if it’s in our house! My parents did parent-only trips about every 5 years growing up and it was good for their marriage.
anon says
We haven’t had a couples-only vacation since … 2013? I really miss traveling alone with DH, but we do not have the family support to make it happen. In-laws absolutely can’t handle two kids for more than a few hours at a time, either physically or emotionally, and my parents are grandparents to 10 kids and just don’t want to.
I have been on a few solo vacations with my sisters, which have been lifegiving. DH has an annual trip with his college friends. I’d like to make it a priority to have my own solo vacation every year, but finding the travel partner can be tough. Sisters both have babies right now and not many of my friends are up for leaving their kids.
Pogo says
So far just for a wedding, and another time when we each had separate events in the city we were attending and staying over for. You definitely do need to have capable family to pull this off, although once my parents left me with a family friend when I was older and they were away. They also sent me to my cousins’ house a couple times as a child, which I could see potentially doing with my brother- and sister-in-law (maybe trading weeks with each other to give the other couple a vacation).
Anon says
We haven’t and have no plans to. My parents never did, so it wasn’t really something I ever really expected I would do. I would have had more interest in it when my daughter was a baby, I think. But my parents weren’t enthusiastic about watching an un-pottytrained child, so leaving her with them was a non-starter until she was almost 3, and by that point she was just so fun to be around and easy to travel with that DH and I both felt like vacations were more fun with her than without her. Perhaps my attitude will change when she’s a whiny teen but for now she’s a (mostly) adorable and fun kid who is independent enough that we can really relax, but still loves being around us, and this time feels really precious and fleeting in a way I didn’t entirely anticipate before I had a child.
We had originally talked about going back to our honeymoon destination for our 10 year anniversary next year without her (she’ll be 5.5) but have decided to all go instead. It probably won’t be as romantic (although we will have separate bedrooms), but I hope it will be an epic family adventure that we’ll all remember for the rest of our lives. I think there’s something sweet about returning to our special honeymoon destination with our now-complete family (well, minus the dog :P). And hopefully we’ll make it to 25 years and have the chance to go back alone again.
Anonymous says
Nope. We don’t have the family support for this to happen anywhere near regularly. We are planning a week away in fall 2020 for our 15th anniversary. We’ve asked my in-laws to watch kiddo, and they’ve agreed. But they have a history of backing out of things, so we’ll be buying extra trip insurance. My parents just retired and basically moved half a continent away even thought they still have a property in our neighboring state. I’d like to look at a weekend away this fall if the stars align for us. But who knows. Kiddo will be 4 this fall.
Pigpen's Mama says
With H, no, with friends/solo, yes, for short trips. Mainly because we don’t have family around that would make it feasible,but also because we don’t have that much vacation time and our D loves to travel and I (mostly) like traveling with her, so we end up using the bulk of our vacation time traveling with her.
We’ll probably try for a weekend away locally in a year or so if we can get family to watch our D at our house, and she’s spending ~ 10 days without me this summer at my parents because of a minor child-care issue — so if that goes smoothly we may try to coordinate a similar grandparent holiday with a trip for us next year. It wasn’t possible this summer because of pre-existing vacation plans.
If we both had more vacation time and willing family, I’d definitely be up for it!
Anonymous says
Completely silly point, but if I can’t share this anonymously here….I know this may make me sound like a teenager, instead of the 40-something mom that I am, but a part of me is almost embarrassed that my parents would watch our child when we went off to a romantic bed and breakfast. Despite having a child, I’m still weirdly uncomfortable with my parents thinking that my H and I were going to go get it on. Ahem.
Anon says
I don’t think your feelings are weird! It makes me kind of uncomfortable too. Maybe if we had a reason for the trip away – like attending a wedding where we could say, hey, it wouldn’t really be practical to bring a baby to this black tie wedding – it wouldn’t feel so awkward. But asking my parents to watch kiddo on our anniversary so we can get a local hotel room and bone? No freaking way.
Bean74 says
This freaked me out for a moment when my husband had surprised me with a one-night stay a new, local boutique hotel. He had asked my mom to stay at our house with our two-year-Old. But, I got over it when I remembered that she’s the one who is always making comments about us having another and since babies don’t come from the Cabbage Patch, well… I did feel a bit awkward coming home hungover the next morning, though.
Doodles says
My kid is 13 months. We did 4 days away for a wedding when he was 5 months (5 hour drive away) and also a week vacation in the Caribbean when he was 11 months. Pumping was a pain both times (both before to stock the freezer and during) but not enough to deter us from taking the trips. We’re planning a long weekend away in a few months for our anniversary (no more pumping!). We’re lucky to have two sets of grandparents locally (within 10-15 minutes) who can stay at our house with him or take him to their houses. Our nanny also worked her usual hours while the grandparents had work, so they only provided evening/weekend care. DH and I are both only children and were each often left with local grandparents while our parents vacationed alone or with their friends. We have strong bonds with our grandparents because of that special time so we’re now comfortable with the same arrangement for our son. He also sees his grandparents multiple times a week so wasn’t that concerned to be left with them for this last trip (don’t think he even noticed when he was 5 months).
Em says
I did a long weekend with my mom and sister in Carmel for my 30th birthday when my son was 8 months. My husband and I also take about one trip together per year and my in-laws come stay with my son. We went to a destination wedding for 5 days when my son was 18 months, my husband and I went to NOLA with my sister and her husband when my son was 2 1/2 (in-laws again), and we took a trip for another wedding shortly after he turned 3.
Anonymous says
DH and I have each gone on solo vacations with friends or family, but last time we went on a “real” vacation alone together was when I was pregnant with #2. We’ve a quick weekend away a couple other times, most recently last year. Both my and DH’s parents are divorced, and it’s a big ask for one person to deal with three kids 6 and younger for longer than a couple days. My mom is the most helpful and she’s said she’ll be happy to do it once they are all well and truly potty trained, so the end is in sight!
Sarabeth says
9 day trip just after our youngest turned two. Will probably do a week next summer, when he’ll be four. Enthusiastic grandparents are certainly key.
Anonymous says
Took a 5 day vacation to Mexico with my husband when my son was 9 months and my stepdaughter was 11. My mom and dad kept him and she was with her mom. It was super restorative for our marriage and ourselves and was great! I hated pumping on the trip (obviously) but it worked out.
lsw says
Whoops, this is lsw, not sure why it’s showing as Anon.
shortperson says
we just booked a weekend in napa for our 10th anniversary. no local grandparents so we are hiring a babysitter for three days. not our normal MO (our daughter is almost 5) so we will not be doing this often. but i am already plotting the trips during sleep away camps.
Anonymous says
Yes! We’ve had 4 solo trips in the 19 months of baby’s life, though only two were “vacation.” First trip was 4 days away to a city in the continental U.S. when baby was 10.5 months old. My parents drove the 4 hours to our place to stay there. The second time baby stayed with my parents for 2 days after Christmas so we could pack for an upcoming move (13 months at this time). Third time, baby stayed with my parents for a week during said move–we loaded the truck, got to destination, unpacked, then I flew back to pick up baby (14 months at this time). Last week baby stayed with in-laws for 2 nights and my parents for 4 nights while we took a beach vacation (19 months old now). I recognize we are so fortunate to have two sets of grandparents that are thrilled to have the bonding time with their grandson, flexible enough to handle it (my parents are retired, in-laws were able to use holiday/vacation time), and completely trustworthy. These times have been so restorative for our relationship and our mental health, and I love that baby is building relationships with his grandparents. I think we will continue to do this a few times a year as long as the grandparents are willing and able.