Based on holiday cards from friends and family, I’m a bit late to the matching pajama party. My daughter, who still adores her baby brother (for now), asked for matching sister/brother pajamas for Christmas. Done. I’ve always liked the cheery colors and hand-me-down quality of Hanna Andersson’s kids’ clothes, and they currently have a wide range of babies’, kids’, and grown-ups’ holiday pajamas to outfit the whole family.
Some scream Christmas more than others. I chose a subtle green plaid pattern that would look great on Christmas morning but still fresh in February. Right now, all pajamas are on sale starting at $29.
The pictured pajamas are $29.00–$35.00 Hanna Andersson Pajamas
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Anon for this says
I need advice on how to support (parent) friends from my child’s school. They have twins and one was recently diagnosed as on the spectrum. The school can’t support him and he can’t have a support person due to their covid restrictions.
Parenting in a pandemic is stressful. twins even more so. And now this. I reach out to them, we’ve offered to watch their other son while they’re in therapy. But is there something more? Should I be getting them dinner? I know they’re under so much stress right now.
anonymommy says
So. Hard. And it’s a hard time to be supportive. Meals are always great. And then making it clear you are a judgment-free zone and they can always text/call/complain and you won’t think they’re bad parents or “negative” for complaining.
Realist says
Unless they have a weird situation with no room in the fridge, I would think that sending over some easy to reheat food would be helpful. Just texting to check in and let them know you are thinking about them is nice too. And you can ask specific things like “We’re ordering pizza right now and I would love to send one over to you too. What do you want?”
Boston Legal Eagle says
I love Hanna’s pjs and just bought some new ones for my older kid (which will then be handed down) at their 50% off sale. The quality is great and they look cute (and my 4.5 year old says that they’re very comfortable!)
On another note, this came up late yesterday but what is the rationale for shutting down playgrounds (part of CA’s recent order)? Are they really that risky if everyone is in masks, outside, generally socially distancing? These can’t possibly be as big a driver for the increased hospitalization rates as indoor dining, bars, etc., where people inevitably get unmasked and expose others. Is this just doing something for the sake of appearances or am I missing something?
Anokha says
Kids don’t vote.
Anon says
Their parents do though!
Anon says
The rationale is they don’t contribute to the economy so it’s easier from an economic recovery standpoint to shut them than to shut bars or something that would put people out of work. There’s no data that they contribute in any meaningful way to spread. Even if you’re worried about surface transmission (which seems much less of a factor than airborne transmission) they get direct sunlight every day and UV radiation is pretty effective at inactivating viruses, including this one. It’s infuriating, and not science-based at all.
Sf says
No one is distanced on the playground. I still think they’re relatively safe but kids are constantly on top of each other. But ca forgot about playgrounds. They only reopened recently so last hired, first fired. But also we’re not supposed to walk or bike in LA but beaches are open for recreational activity. Eyeroll
Anonymous says
It really depends on the playground. There are some in my city that are always packed, but there’s one in our neighborhood where we’ve literally never seen another family. I feel like if the concern was really overcrowding, it would make more sense to post capacity limits than to just immediately leap to closing all of them. Of course it would be largely self-enforced, so not perfect, but I think it would be much better than nothing. I know many parents, us included, do try to avoid the most crowded playgrounds and I imagine official capacity limits would increase the number of parents doing that.
Anonymous says
I thought it was pretty common for playgrounds to be among the last to open and first to close? I live in a red state so we’ve been fully “open” since the summer with no apparent plans to roll back despite skyrocketing hospitalization numbers, but playgrounds were part of our final stage of reopening (in July) and the governor has hinted they would be among the very first things to close if we do have to move back to an earlier stage. The official reason is that everything that’s open now needs to meet rigorous cleaning standards and the city/state (understandably) does not have the staff to clean all the playgrounds regularly. Of course that’s silly because even with all the cleaning in the world, indoor bars and gyms are much riskier than outdoor playgrounds. I think it’s what the poster above said, kids don’t vote, plus closing playgrounds doesn’t result in increased unemployment claims and state budget deficits.
FVNC says
I think the cleaning requirements are a big component (whether those requirements make sense or not, is a different discussion). When we moved to our new city this summer, I let me kids play on empty playgrounds despite signs saying they were closed. They were not roped off, as I’d seen in my old town. A parks dept employee came by to pick up trash and I sheepishly asked if I should leave. He told me not to, and that the only reason playgrounds were “closed” was because they didn’t have the staff to spray them down periodically. Since then our playgrounds have officially reopened but even if they close again I’ll let my kids play. I’m in a small city where we rarely see other kids playing on them.
Anonymous says
The problem is that many people don’t actually socially distance very well in play settings and it results in a lot of bubbles mixing. Less risky when the cases are not through the roof but makes sense for how bad things are in CA right now.
For reference, they were closed for a while in the spring in my small Canadian city as well even though things were not near as bad as they are currently in CA. Our response is being led by three doctors so I trust their judgment on risk.
Anonymous says
In the spring, everyone thought this primarily spread via surfaces so it made a lot more sense to keep playgrounds closed. The science has done a total 180 and it makes a lot less sense to focus on surfaces now. I assume non-essential businesses were also all closed in your area in the spring? If a state goes into total lockdown, of course playgrounds should be part of that. The issue in CA is that playgrounds are closed but indoor non-essential businesses are allowed to operate with reduced capacity limits. That’s what’s insane.
CCLA says
Cosign all of this.
Anonymous says
Our health officials have focused on person to person spread from the beginning. People congregating and not distancing was the reason given for playground shut down – this was pre-masking though. Agree that it’s crazy to allow non-essential businesses to operate while shutting playgrounds.
Anon says
I am not at all worried about outdoor playgrounds, and the ones in my area are not crowded. I really think it is so important for families to have SOME positive outlets away from home. Our outdoor playgrounds have been open for months with no talk of closing them, thankfully.
Spirograph says
Same. Public playgrounds here reopened sometime over the summer and have not re-closed, but I wouldn’t put it past our county health officer. Masks are required and I see about 80-90% adherence to that. I’m not terribly concerned about kids in close proximity with masks outdoors; I do remind my kids to keep space if there’s a family not wearing masks. We mostly frequent our neighborhood playgrounds, and they don’t get crowded.
Our daycare is not using their playground this year, which is really disappointing to me (and my kid!). I get that they’re high-touch surfaces and it’s impractical to clean between each class’s use, but it’s certainly not any worse than a public playground that is never cleaned! (To be fair, it’s probably the logistics for avoiding having more than one cohort on the playground at a time + enough teachers to supervise. I guess in the open outdoor area they can keep cohorts separate but still have eyes on both)
anon says
Ours shut down in the beginning, when so much was unknown, but they reopened in June. And it’s been a Godsend. We recently started wearing masks again, even outdoors, because we’re in a hot spot. Also, kids don’t do a great job of social distancing, so if it’s too crowded, we’ll leave and try again later.
buffybot says
Playgrounds in NYC closed in April and opened in June/July (well before schools). They’re crowded and kids don’t social distance. Parents aren’t great at it either. BUT: people wear masks, even most of the kids. While it’s anecdotal and contact tracing may not be flawless, I would say that NYC data seems to support the playgrounds are not a major source of spread. Nor are outdoor tracks! I live right near a park with outdoor workout equipment and track and it is CROWDED and has been since spring, yet there’s been no notable “hot spots” as a result.
All of this is to say, while when things are dire, even the slightest increased risk may be Too Much, because health services are strapped. But I think in most cases it makes sense (at least in urban areas where people don’t have yards) to keep the playgrounds open. The kids need them.
Anon says
I live in a red state so pretty much no one wears masks at the playground, and I still don’t think they’re a significant source of spread. My county has a relatively low positivity rate (under 5%) and pretty good contact tracing, and most cases can be traced to an indoor business where people don’t wear masks (bars, gyms, etc) or a planned social gathering with someone outside your household (two families meeting up at a playground would count as a gathering, but just visiting a playground with your own kids doesn’t). We’ve been going to playgrounds regularly since they opened in June with no problems, although I realize that’s anecdata.
Anonymous says
+1 – I’m also in NYC, and one thing that is different about parks and playgrounds here is that most New Yorkers do not have access to any outdoor space that is not communal – parks and playgrounds are our yards and the only places our kids have to play. So the powers that be may take a slightly different view of them here. Even at the height of the pandemic in April, we were allowed to be in parks (not playgrounds). I haven’t heard a peep about any parks/playgrounds shutting down again, even in neighborhoods that had school and other closures due to high positivity rates earlier this fall.
CPA Lady says
My sister lives in CA and she said that most people haven’t been wearing masks or social distancing on the playground. People think that since it’s outside they can skip masks, apparently.
That said I feel like they should def still be open.
Anonymous says
I don’t know where she lives, but many parts of California are extremely politically conservative. It’s a myth that the whole state is liberal. I would assume mask compliance is terrible in the conservative areas (and it’s not just rural areas that are conservative – Orange County is very red).
Anon says
Just FYI, OC is not as red as when I grew up there. The changing demographics have also led to a changing political landscape.
Anon says
Fair enough. I’m guessing it’s still considerably more conservative than the Bay Area and LA though, right? I’m in the Bay Area and everyone here wears masks on playgrounds.
EB says
What site do you recommend for picture holiday cards? Bonus if it’s got a solid coupon code right now, or is budget friendly. One year, I used Amazon photos of all places, and it turned out pretty good, but I think they might not have that service anymore.
Also, what is your process for addresses? I keep all mine in a word document set up to print on labels and update them right inside the document. I prefer that to using excel and uploading for the site to print on the envelope because I am not quite good enough at excel to do that.
Anon says
I use Tinyprints and write addresses by hand but we don’t send that many cards (usually around 25 or so).
Boston Legal Eagle says
I use Shutterfly. They often have 50% off sales, so it’s reasonable. I do the option where they mail everything out for you, and once you add addresses once, it keeps a record year over year, so you can just update there or add as you go. There’s also an option where they can print the addresses on the envelope (you still mail), but I believe they keep the addresses on file then too. I keep a separate excel file for my own records, but update both there and on Shutterfly as needed.
Spirograph says
I used Shutterfly this year (have also used Tinyprints in the past, they are now the same company but the Tinyprints designs are a little more sophisticated and expensive). I have a paper address book, so I get blank envelopes, hand-address, and use all the billion return address stickers I get in the mail from every charity I’ve ever donated to in my life; but I’m pretty sure you can get addresses and return addresses printed on the envelope.
We usually send about 50 cards. It takes a whole night to get them all addressed, but I enjoy it and write notes on the cards too.
Anonymous says
Shutterfly. They typically have some sale going on. And once you’re on their mailing list, you’ll get even better coupons and codes sometimes. Particularly for next year, you’ll probably get something in the mail for 50% off if you order before Thanksgiving.
We use a Google sheet for addresses that we update throughout the year. My husband handles merging them onto a label. He also prints labels for our return address, usually with a cute little design. Every year we consider springing for pre-printing, but it is so darn expensive.
Anon says
We use Minted – I get them preaddressed, we send out a ton, and it’s way too expensive. I have some guilt. But we also receive a lot and my kids looove getting classmates cards – in a year where we aren’t connecting in an ordinary way I thought it would be nice to send to the kids in their class’s families! And we have three kids sooo.
On handling addresses, I have a google spreadsheet with a separate tab for each year with the format the way Minted requires so I can just copy over. I also have a tab where I paste addresses of people we’ve removed from the list – I think that’s helpful to have too.
anon says
You’ll get the best deals on Shutterfly. I’ve used them and liked them. I’m also a big fan of mpix. Quality is amazing, prices are OK but they don’t run quite as many sales.
I keep all my addresses in an Excel spreadsheet and update as needed. Some years I’ll use it to make labels; other years I just hand-write everything.
Cb says
I use Snapfish and really like the matte card ones.
Anon says
I’ve landed on Shutterfly. Quality is mediocre (some years great, other years with odd fading or darker photos) but it’s the best value for the money (in terms of the mainstream sites). If I had a really gorgeous picture or special event I was marking, I’d go with Minted or Mpix.
I address by hand, while listening to Christmas music and having some alone time. I honestly love “doing” Christmas cards and stuffing them in the envelope doesn’t feel like enough for me, so I prefer hand addressing. I do refer to an excel sheet on my computer as my address book.
SC says
I’ve used Simply to Impress the past two years. They’re affordable, and I had a 50% coupon code last weekend, though I don’t know their current options.
I keep my addresses in a Google Sheets spreadsheet. I try to keep it updated throughout the year, but inevitably, I’m texting people in November and December. I use the option to upload the addresses to the site to be printed on the cards. It probably saves me 1-2 hours writing addresses myself, and it’s one less thing to potentially mess up. Simply to Impress has a template you can download to make sure your addresses are formatted correctly, and they give you a warning if the address is formatted incorrectly. They will also charge you the cost of postage and mail the cards for you, but I prefer to write a note and sign the cards.
Anon says
Vistaprint. And I do the same thing you do for labels. My “label document” is essentially my address book. We send around 130 cards each year, so I am definitely not hand-addressing, but not tech savvy enough to have a third party print on envelopes.
Seafinch says
I have tried them all and always go back to Vistaprint, too. Way more customizable. Best price and I order 150.
AnotherAnon says
I have always used Simply To Impress, but I chose a non-photo card this year and was disappointed in the quality. They’re very affordable though and I always find a code. I may try Minted, since family photos are this weekend so I could still maybe send them in time. For addresses: I have an excel spreadsheet. I will text anyone whom I know has moved. I hand-address the cards because I enjoy it and we normally send about 25, so it doesn’t take that long. Which reminds me I need to pick up washi tape and stamps.
anonymous says
I use Walgreens. Right now they are having a promo for 50% off.
Cards says
I like tiny prints for quality, but this year I just did Costco and it’s soooooo much cheaper, even taking into account sales. It prints on photo paper rather than cardboard but it’s 2020 so seems more appropriate ;)
rosie says
Costco is the cheapest. They have some that print on photo paper and some slightly more expensive that are on the thicker cardboard like Shutterfly, but still much cheaper, even with deals/coupons from Shutterfly. Designs on Costco are more limited, especially if you don’t want Christmas ones (vs holiday/new years/etc).
Anonymous says
For dirt cheap, in the past I have had good luck with finding online deals for Staples cards. They have limited designs but the price was waaaaay less than Shutterfly, etc. I cannot for the life of me think of the deal website right now, but it is the one where discounts are offered for a limited time and it was originally geared towards tickets/experiences.
Realist says
Groupon?
DLC says
We usually do Costco- it’s less expensive than most other options out there (unless you score one of those 75% off coupon codes). This year I did Snapfish, because I like to have a lot of text on the back and it seemed to have the most customizable options for that; the Costco options for text on the back was limited. I didn’t love the quality of Snapfish as much as the Costco ones, though. And the return addresses on the envelopes were streaky- as if printed on a dying inkjet printer.
I might try to design my own layout and use VistaPrint or some such next year because I’m finding fewer and fewer designs that I like these days.
Anonymous says
I do Vistaprint. They have a code (HOLIDAYFREE) that gives you 10 free cards of almost any type, you just pay for shipping. I got 10 of the fancy gold embossed photo cards for $6 shipping, then just ordered in batches of 10. They all shipped in one package. Their cards are great quality. I used them for save the dates and wedding thank you cards. I would order an additional batch of 10 though. Sometimes a card will have a line running through it – customer service is great with refunds, but it’s good to have extras on hand when the card is time sensitive, like during the holidays.
Anonymous says
I’ll vouch for the longevity of the HA pajamas. We first bought them 3 years ago, and they are in constant rotation year-round. We donate the smallest set and buy one new one for the oldest kid when needed… I think the set that my youngest is now wearing is what we originally bought for the oldest, and it looks as good as new.
anon says
We have a couple of HA sets, but truthfully, the much cheaper Carters sets have also held up just fine through multiple kids. PJs just don’t get worn that hard.
AwayEmily says
Same. I buy a few Hannas because they are cute, but my Carters last, too. So do Old Navy. The only pajamas I’ve found to actually fall apart are Cat & Jack, which is weird because generally Target stuff is pretty decent.
Spirograph says
Yes! I just threw away some cat & jack ones the other day that got holes in the knees. We have some Carters Halloween ones that are probably equally old as our Hannas and still decent. Carters do seem to fade more in the wash but who cares.
Anon says
Carters last through 1.5-2 kids here, but they noticeably shrink, stretch or get threadbare. Now that I am expecting #3 I am more willing to splurge; the Hannas still look brand new on my second kid. We like to stay in our pajamas through the morning, though, so they get more wear than just sleeping
Anon says
Maybe because I leave my kid in PJs until she’s ready to change for the day (which is sometimes right before bath and we just put on new jammies), we are harder on jammies. My kid is almost exclusively in Hanna jammies in part because she’s a big kid and they fit her best and in part because the quality is so much better. They still look brand new when she outgrows them, in a way that jammies from other brands do not (gap, carters, old navy). Plus I pick up a few pairs for me in adult sizes so we can match (if you stick with the stripes in a traditional color, you can just size up the kid as needed). Random (i.e., not holiday) matching jammies warm my heart. I do not ever pay full price for them; I just stock up in sizes ahead during various sales.
DLC says
Hah! Yes we are similarly hard on our pjs. Many days my kids live in their pjs all day. There is no distinction between clothes for sleep as clothes for Awake in our houses particularly during pandemic times. The Hanna’s have held up pretty well.
stressed says
I’m sure this has been discussed before, but what are y’all doing for stress reduction these days? So many of my go-tos are not things I’m comfortable with right now–my usual plan of taking a day off work, keeping child care, getting a massage then reading a book in a coffee shop is basically impossible. (Even if parts are possible, I don’t think I’d be able to relax in the same way) I’m not opposed to throwing some money at it, but I’m out of ideas.
I have tried meditation apps with mixed results (the sleep meditations are great, but a lot of the ones for stress just seem so ridiculous), I am begrudgingly exercising, I am still a walking ball of stress.
Anonymous says
Do you have a spouse/partner who can take the kids out of the house for a couple of hours this weekend? Being 100% alone is what I find most relaxing these days.
Anonymous says
+ a million.
rakma says
I don’t meant to shoot down the suggestion, but where would they go? Playgrounds are closed in our county, we haven’t been taking the kids to stores or really anywhere since the numbers started spiking again. I guess a long car ride?
Being alone would be a help–maybe I should take the long car ride.
Anon says
My husband takes our 3 year old whenever he goes to get a curbside pickup from a grocery store or restaurant.
Anonymous says
Long walk, tossing or kicking a ball in an open field or park, hike, picnic, series of curbside pickups, drive …
Anon says
Are parks open? We take soccer balls to parks and kick them around.
Anon. says
My husband takes our 1 year old and 3.5 year old on a two hour car ride at least once every weekend if not twice. Usually to coincide with baby naptime. Big kid brings toys, books and sometimes an iPad movie. Those two hours are MINE and they are fabulous. Sometimes I workout, sometimes I clean, sometimes I nap or stare blindly at the TV or read a book or call my mom. But I am doing it alone and it is marvelous.
Anon says
My husband takes my kid out to go joyriding. They literally just go drive around (both kid and DH enjoy this). I will sometimes ask them to pick up curbside dinner on the way home, but that’s a side effect not the primary purpose. If you celebrate Christmas, could he take the kids out to drive around and look at lights in nearby neighborhoods?
Anonymous says
Christmas light drive is a great idea whether or not you celebrate the holiday. Our local fairground even has a drive-through light show with coordinated music.
Anon says
Yep, we’re Jewish but will be doing a Christmas light drive this year with our 3 year old because it’s one of the few things we can safely to do without having to go outside in the cold. We’re just going to call them “holiday lights.”
Anne says
Hiking. We do a lot of hiking. Short easy paths when solo with the kids.
Anonymous says
So, not everyone’s risk assessment allows for this…but I’m really considering asking my husband for a night alone at an upscale hotel for Christmas.
Cb says
Yeah, that’s my January plan. Hotels are so cheap at the moment, and hotel without cleaning service seems quite safe. I just need to be alone, to work and to thing and to sleep.
Anon says
I love this and think I’m going to ask my husband for the same thing.
SC says
Reading. Doing puzzles. Watching cozy mysteries on Britbox. Taking a drive and listening to “my” music. Yoga (I feel more relaxed after moving/stretching than with straight meditation). Talking to friends and family on the phone. Sitting in my sunroom or in my yard and watching the birds and butterflies and squirrels in the yard, and now, enjoying the Christmas tree in the sunroom too.
This is a little weird, but I painted my bedroom. The actual process of sanding and painting is pretty boring in a therapeutic/meditative kind of way. Also, the old color reminded me of baby poop, and now it’s a relaxing sage green, so I feel more relaxed when I’m there now.
Anon says
Everyone has a different comfort level, but at this point I’m convinced that we have enough data that masks really work and anything indoors is within my comfort level if every person is required to be in a mask at all times. We’re seeing my elderly parents over the holidays (after a quarantine) but I have a massage booked for the day after they leave and in January I’m starting a weekly dance class with a mask requirement (and distancing). I’m not comfortable with anything indoors if people are allowed to remove their masks, so no restaurants or coffee shops for me (I popped into my fave coffee shop a few weeks ago just to pick up a donut and man, it was seriously nerve-wracking being indoors with so many people not in masks. Fortunately nothing happened, but I will not be doing that again). If you’re not comfortable with being indoors in public even in masks, what about just taking the day off work on a day you have childcare and having a relaxing day at home – reading, watching TV, at-home pedis, calls with friends?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Day off work, while keeping childcare, is the best I can do now. I recently did that and caught up on a TV show in my bedroom, which felt relaxing. We have a treadmill so I use that on a daily basis to get some exercise in and have a break in the middle of the day. Watching TV with my husband and then reading a book at night. Maybe we’ll try puzzles too, as it’s a nice break from screens and news, if I can figure out a way to keep it hidden from the kids!
Anon says
These are small but…
Naps.
Do a face mask while taking a hot bath. Turn off the lights and have a candle going and play music.
Sit outside in the sunlight.
Get a stack of magazines or books to read when you have downtime and want something to engage your mind.
Listen to podcasts on a walk or while doing chores.
Anonymous says
My work is so difficult right now (health care administration) that planning and taking family day trips is a huge relaxation thing for me – having something to look forward to. We don’t do any indoor anything for Reasons, but have done many day trips to the beach, hiking, new-to-us state parks and wildlife refuges, etc. kids are 2 and 5, and the little one can skip nap occasionally without any issues so we’re pretty flexible.
Honestly though at this point my spouse is planning to take the kids on a day trip without me so I can be ALONE AT HOME and just putter!!!
Realist says
It is so hard these days. I bought a sauna tent when the pandemic first started and I love it in the colder months. I sit in the sauna for an hour (I have one where my head sticks out) and watch the Great British Baking show.
Redux says
This is a hilarious image! Enjoy!
Realist says
omg, it is the ugliest thing ever. It is a portable thing so you could theoretically fold it up and store it in a closet or something. I just leave it set up in the guest room all the time because we aren’t using that room because pandemic. In my dream home I would have one of those fancy, beautiful wooden ones installed permanently in a bathroom, but the tent was less than 1k and it does the job.
Anonanonanon says
My husband taking the kids out for a drive (Christmas light hunt as others said, driving through Sbucks for a cake pop etc.) is really my only alone time.
My other thing right now since I’m not commuting as much is to put on noise-canceling headphones and listen to a podcast. Like others said, alone time is the big thing right now. Or I’ll take a drive myself.
I’ve been throwing money at buying “stuff” to occupy the kids so I feel less guilty hiding from them when my husband takes them. Small lego sets, crafts, kinetic sand and sand molds, a cardboard house that they can color together, stickers, etc.
We are super super super cautious, probably to the extreme, but even I will gently suggest considering a sitter. Depending on the weather where you are, a sitter to play with the kids outside for a couple of hours, who will stay masked, is probably pretty low risk, especially if they stay outside.
Anon says
Any suggestions on how to work on taking turns with an only child 3 year old? We’ve been trying to use the dog as someone she needs to take turns with, but it’s not really working. I – perhaps naively – assumed this wouldn’t be a big deal since she’s in daycare, but it’s now becoming clear that she’s behind her peers on this and I worry that soon it’s going to start really affecting her ability to make and keep friends. I know it’s at least to some degree personality (she’s extremely strong-willed and very rigid about the order in which things should go, so she really struggles with things being “out of order”) but would appreciate any suggestions on things we can do.
Anon says
Can you give an example? I ask because obviously she shouldn’t grab something away from someone else or cut in line, but if she’s using something she shouldn’t have to give it up just because someone else wants it (limited communal property like a swing at a public playground is a bit of a different story). I like to say things like “X is using that now, when she is done you can use it”, or when my own kid is playing with something I will say that to other kids.
I think repetition and reinforcement is important at this age; if she snatches something from the dog, take it from her and give it back and reiterate about her using it when he’s done. You can empathize with her while she’s waiting (“it’s hard to be patient when you want something!”)
Anonymous says
This. I don’t like the way that “sharing” and “taking turns” tend to be interpreted to mean that whenever another kid demands something you are using, you have to give it up.
Anon says
I think (?) she’s pretty good at not snatching things from other kids, and I agree that it’s ok for her to stand up for herself if someone else snatches something from her. But she has a lot of issues with her place in lines. What prompted me to post today is that she ran ahead of another kid today to get to the classroom door and when I told her she had to take her turn and let the other child go first, she had an enormous tantrum. I think it’s less about being unable to share and more about how she feels things “should” be (we were running late today, she is normally dropped off before this child and I think she was upset that things were “out of order”) but it’s still something we have to work on.
Anonymous says
Yeah, that sounds like an issue with rigidity rather than strictly with taking turns.
Anonymous says
Agree. It’s pretty typical three year old behavior. I would have barely noticed. Was the other kid upset? Why couldn’t she go first if she ran faster? I hate how we socialize girls to hold themselves back. Having both a girl and boy, it still amazes me how differently they can be treated about standing in line and taking turns stuff.
Anon says
The other kid and his parent were walking ahead of us right near the classroom door and when my daughter saw them she bolted ahead to get to the door. The other kid tried to say hi to her and she totally ignored him because she was so laser focused on getting to the classroom door first. By the time I got to the door both kids were banging on it demanding to be let in, so maybe she technically got there first but either way it was pretty rude and very much felt like cutting in line. I’m aware there’s a difference between how we treat boys and girls, but I don’t think we have to excuse everything rude our daughters do because we don’t want them to be too passive. My parents are both very brusque/rude people and I feel like I struggled socially because they didn’t really work on this stuff with me, so it’s important to me to do it differently. I love that she’s strong-willed and assertive but I feel like there’s room for both nurturing that aspect of her personality and also working on sharing and taking turns, following social cues, etc.
Anonymous says
I don’t think it’s necessarily an only child thing–in my observation it’s mostly about personality. If you want to practice, I would have her take turns with parents rather than with the dog. I’m not even sure what she and the dog would be taking turns with–dogs and preschoolers don’t tend to play with the same toys.
Anon says
Yeah, they don’t share toys. But like if the dog is sitting on our laps, and she demands to sit on our lap (this happens often) we tell her that she has to wait until the dog has finished her “turn.” Maybe that’s silly, but we thought it would be good for her to not always immediately get everything she wants.
Anonymous says
Ah, that makes sense. That would not work with our 75-lb dog.
Anon says
Haha yes we have a chihuahua who thinks she’s a cat.
GCA says
A tactic we learned from daycare: if someone else is using the thing you want, ask them ‘in how many minutes can I play with it?’
We have a 5yo and 2yo so are pretty big on reinforcing appropriate turn-taking norms – you don’t snatch something from your sibling, you wait till they’re done with it; you can ask them how many minutes and the other party has to stick to that agreement.
If kiddo is an only child, this might not come up organically, so I’d love to hear what suggestions parents of onlies have.
avocado says
My only child had, and still has at 13, the opposite problem–she never learned to stand up for herself and take her turn instead of letting other kids push her aside. No amount of strategizing, encouragement, role-playing, or practice will fix it. She even refuses to attend certain camps and programs because “the boys always push me aside.” I have concluded that day care/school/activities provide plenty of learning opportunities, and beyond that it’s mostly just personality. To some degree a pushy kid is just going to be pushy and a timid kid is just going to be timid, no matter what the parents do.
Anonymous says
I was like this and the boys did push me aside. Until I went to a women’s college. She needs support!
avocado says
Our city’s best private school separates the girls and boys from 4th grade through 8th grade when it makes the most difference, then puts them back together for high school so the girls can learn to stand their ground in a mixed-gender environment. This seems like the best of both worlds. I always wished we’d been able to send her there, but the tuition is higher than my law school tuition was.
GCA says
@avocado I went to a series of public magnet schools and was in a girls-only one (this was outside the US – it probably would not fly in US public systems) from 7th through 10th grade and back in a mixed-gender environment for the last couple of years of high school – it was perfect for my personality.
Anonymous says
@GCA apaprently there are some public schools that separate classrooms by sex in the US! It was really surprising to me when I found out, and personally I would be livid if my daughter had to attend one (though of course I support the right of other people to choose this), but they do exist.
SC says
Board games introduce turn taking. Sneaky Snacky Squirrel and Stack Em (which is a cooperative game) were both good for my kid when he was 3.
Our play therapist also has us do a thing with Kiddo where we take turns picking an activity for the two to do together. One person chooses the activity, you set a timer for 5 minutes, then the next person chooses the activity. Go back and forth for 20-30 minutes. You can choose to continue the activity you’re already doing, go back to a previous choice, or choose a new activity. You don’t “have” to participate in the other person’s choice, but you can’t do anything else during their time. We didn’t start this until Kiddo was 4-5, so shorter times are probably more age appropriate.
Also, be aware that “taking turns” is a really loaded issue for kids who tend to be rigid. I don’t like how our daycare handled taking turns (they did a “5 minute rule”). Our son became too rigid with the concept and thought he was always entitled to a turn when he asked for one. One of the issues we encounter is Kiddo trying to enforce “turns” in situations where that’s not appropriate or other kids don’t follow the rules. It has taken a lot of work to un-do that. I highly suggest the Daniel Tiger book “Friends Ask First”–each time the friend asks for something, the person playing with the item says “no,” and the friend has to wait or deal. We’ve read it many times.
Last thing–in addition to turn taking, work on cooperative play–which our therapist describes as “yes, and …”
Anon says
This. We take turns while “playing” candy land or chutes and ladders (DD is 3). More common of an issue for us is taking turns while talking. I.e., it’s mommy’s turn to talk to daddy, then you can talk to daddy. We just remind and reinforce, repeatedly. Same thing for when we talk on the phone with the grandparents; DD thinks only she gets to talk and we have to practice taking turns talking to grammy and papa if the adults want to say something.
SC says
Omg the taking turns while talking! Kiddo’s daycare also used to have the kids take turns telling a story during lunch. So then we had to work on general conversational ebb and flow at dinner instead of having meals be entertainment hour. Also, kids’ stories are agonizing to listen to.
CCLA says
I’ve had great success with enforcing turn taking for song choice (not always – sometimes you just need to put on spotify and they know “the radio is picking songs for us”). But at breakfast, or drive to daycare, we take turns picking songs – and grownups get a turn too!
Anonanonanon says
The only thing that has worked with my kid is sort of acting like I’m a 3-year-old. Meaning I’ll nicely say “no, you can’t have the red crayon, I’m still coloring with it. You can have the blue crayon, or can wait until I’m done.” If she snatches it from me I may calmly say “I don’t feel like coloring with you right now, because you aren’t sharing the crayons. I’m going to go play something else.”
It feels harsh (especially because I obviously don’t care about the crayon) but I feel like she needs to learn that people will not want to play with her if she snatches things.
Also, as others pointed out though, I hate that society thinks our kids HAVE to share. In certain situations, yes, but if my kid brings their own toy to the park (in the before times), they are in no way obligated to share with some stranger kid imo.
Anonymous says
Ugh I’ve started snoring recently (I think it’s allergies) and it’s bothering my husband’s sleep. I also have a messed up insurance situation at the moment and can’t see a doctor until January. Any home remedy suggestions?
Anonymous says
My husband snores. We’ve tried BreatheRight strips, OTC steroid nasal sprays, and allergy pills. The only way for me to get any sleep is to sleep in separate rooms.
Anon says
SnoreRX was a godsend for us. It really works! We used to sleep in separate rooms but no longer need to, a seeming miracle. But try nasal strips first in case it’s just from your nostrils and not your throat passage that causes snoring.
TheElms says
Try an OTC allergy medicine (Allegra, Claritin, Flonase) to see if it helps. Try elevating your head a bit more (I use a GERD triangle pillow for this), it helps me in the spring when my seasonal allergies are at their worst.
Anon says
Hey everyone! I think it was this board where someone was asking if anyone had info from their doctor about pregnancy and the Covid-19 vaccine. Currently pregnant and went to my OBGYN yesterday. She said that she doesn’t currently have enough information about the Covid-19 vaccine to recommend getting it during pregnancy and wants more data before recommending it to any of her pregnant patients. She also thought it may end up not being recommended for pregnant women in the long-term. In terms of breastfeeding– she said she was not aware of any reason that the vaccine would not be safe while breastfeeding and that it may actually be recommended during breast feeding to give the baby some immunity.
*I’m not a doctor and recommend asking your own OBGYN about these issues but thought this information might be helpful to those that were asking.
Anon says
Thanks for sharing! Not an MD but that’s what I would have expected. Common side effects like fever are much more concerning in pregnant women than breastfeeding women. As far as I know, no vaccines are contraindicated in breastfeeding women except certain live virus vaccines and the current Covid vaccines do not contain live virus.
Katala says
Thanks for sharing! I always like to hear what different doctors are advising. I will of course talk to my own and wouldn’t go against her direct advice, but no one doctor can possibly have all the data and it’s interesting to have a wider range of experiences to consider.
AnotherAnon says
Am I overreacting? I got a babysitter last night from 7-9PM. We’ve used her for months; kiddo loves her. When we arrived home last night there was a glass of whiskey out on the counter. We keep our whiskey on a shelf that you need a ladder to reach. We will lock it up next time, I suppose, but how would you address this with her? The first time she babysat I said “help yourself to anything in the fridge” – was I being unclear that liquor is not included? I feel like I shouldn’t have to instruct her not to drink on the job but I guess I do. It’s mostly a “should I hire her again if she thought this was ok.”
AwayEmily says
How old is she?
Anonymous says
I’m curious what answer to that question makes this better. Drinking underage is a whole nother can of worms, but I feel like anyone 21+ should definitely know better than to drink on the job, especially when the job is being solely responsible for minor children.
AnotherAnon says
Yeah OP here. I’m a little ashamed that I don’t actually know how hold she is (mid-20s I think) but I don’t see how that’s relevant here at all. If she were 50 would you say “oh she’s having a hard year, cut her a break?” The issue is that I hired her to do a job and she drank while doing it. If the job had been gardening or doing my taxes, I’d feel the same.
Anonymous says
I’m not Away Emily but wondering how old she was my first thought too— probably because I think of babysitters as teenagers and that would be so much worse than a 20-something. Although fire-worthy no matter the age.
Anonymous says
That is absolutely out of bounds. You don’t drink on the job, especially if you’re driving home!
Anon says
I think I’m a little more pearl-clutchy about alcohol than many people, but this would be a dealbreaker for me.
Anon says
I am not pearl-clutchy about alcohol at all, and I would never hire this babysitter again!
Anon. says
+1
Anonymous says
Same. I would ask her if she was drinking, tell her it was wildly inappropriate and fire her.
CCLA says
same
Anonymous says
+4
SC says
I am not at all pearl clutchy about alcohol, but this is wildly inappropriate. I drink frequently, but I would never drink while responsible for another person’s kids. I would never drink while being paid to do a job. I would never help myself to someone else’s alcohol, especially if I had to climb a ladder to reach it. I would not hire her again. You shouldn’t have to say that drinking on the job is inappropriate. You do not have to be more clear that liquor on a high shelf is not included “in the fridge”–maybe I’d be a little more forgiving if she’d poured herself a glass of white wine from an open bottle in the fridge, though I’d still say it’s inappropriate while being paid to babysit.
Anonanonanon says
^this. Babysitting is a job. If the rate where you live is anything like it is where I live, it is a VERY well-paid job. There are very few jobs where it is OK to drink on the clock. It’s unprofessional behavior, and I would question this person’s judgment in general.
Anonymous says
Wow. I would never hire her again and I would also tell her why.
Double extra no if she was driving or underage.
It’s like asking if it’s okay to have a glass of whiskey while on a work call or while waitressing or while being a crossing guard.
I probably drink more than I should. I used to babysit a ton in my 20s and go right to a bar after to party. But I never not once ever even considered drinking while babysitting.
Anonymous says
Did she have a guest over? Obviously still very inappropriate (especially with COVID) but perhaps better than drinking on the job?
Anon says
I’m sure you have, but make 100% sure it was the babysitter. Could it have been your partner who left it on the counter? I only ask because after a backup care provider left one day, we saw beer cans in the recycling and were shocked – who brings beer to drink on a nanny job that ends at 4pm?! Then, my dear dear husband remembered that he picked up some trash that (we assume) was left by guys working on the neighbor’s pool. He thought it was Coke cans, but they were red Budweiser cans. Took him a bit to make that connection…
AnotherAnon says
Thanks. I will ofc ask but it seems like it had to have been her – DH is the one who asked me if I poured a glass of whiskey right after I paid her and she left. Kiddo is 3 and can’t reach the liquor.
Anon says
Yeah, you’re probably right, I was just reminded of our experience and hopeful there could be a misunderstanding so you don’t have to lose a (otherwise) great sitter! Sorry that happened, finding good childcare sucks.
AwayEmily says
Magazine recommendations for preschoolers (3 and 5)? My mom wants to get our kids a new subscription. We currently get High Five, Ladybug, and Click. They LOVE High Five, are bored by Ladybug (too many one-page songs/poems), and mostly enjoy Click although it’s a little old for them. They like animal facts, crafts, and longer stories.
anon says
Ranger Rick Jr is popular with my 4 yo.
Anonymous says
One of the National Geographic kids’ magazines or Ranger Rick.
Needs to Vent says
You know what I hate? When people who sell stuff try to talk me out of buying the expensive offering for a cheaper one. Guess what, I’m a nearly 40 year old intelligent professional. I know X costs more than Y. I still want X. Do you not like selling the things you offer?
Realist says
Such a small problem, but YES. The last time I bought q phone, the guy was like “there is no way you need this much storage, just get this cheaper one.” Like I hadn’t already researched my options, decided what I wanted and came in asking for exactly what I planned to purchase and wanted to use. I view it as misogyny because it usually comes up with male salespeople and stuff like tech, cars, etc. So it makes me angry.
Gg says
Nanny taxes… do we pay them?? Hiring our first nanny now. She is already getting SS so she implied she prefers cash. I am nervous! Even my boss (we’re in law) pays his nanny cash. Google is of course saying we MUST. Thoughts? We will be paying vacation, sick leave etc.
Re: jams: Bought the fir tree hanna pjs this year!
Anon says
If you’re in law, I think you really have to. It can get you in a trouble with the state bar if you don’t.
Realist says
+1.
Anonanonanon says
Not an attorney so genuinely curious, how does a state bar find out? I mean obviously not worth risking your career over, not saying that, just wondering how they would find out, how often this happens, etc.
Anonymous says
If the nanny-parent relationship ends poorly, a disgruntled nanny could file a complaint with the state bar, for one thing. It’s also not that hard for the IRS to find out and investigate. I’m not an expert but I believe an employee filing for unemployment or disability would result in the state unemployment office tipping off the IRS when they discover there’s no official “employer,” and an IRS investigation that results in a fraud finding would presumably be reported to the state bar. The IRS also just audits a decent percentage of people randomly and it could come out during that.
Redux says
I am an employment attorney and this is how I get most of my clients. They file for unemployment, get rejected, and learn they were misclassified as an independent contractor rather than an an employee. It happens a lot.
Anonymous says
Yup. And it’s easy to tell yourself that you’ll just explain to the nanny that she won’t be eligible for unemployment, but 1) a lot of people don’t actually understand the nuances of that or don’t remember by the time the issue arises, and 2) if she gets terminated and is upset she may try to file for it anyway, not caring if it gets you in trouble.
That said, most of the people I know who have done this seem to have gotten away with it, but it just doesn’t seem like a risk worth taking if you’re in a position where it could jeopardize your employment.
Anonymous says
We did because of our professions (law, security clearance), because I’m a rule-follower, and because it can also end up benefitting the nanny, who may want to draw down unemployment, SS, etc. at some point or have other considerations where she’ll need an official work history. We paid a higher rate to compensate, and I’d recommend using care.com or another payroll service to simplify.
Anonymous says
Exactly this. If she prefers cash because she needs more take home pay, I would just up her hourly rate (if you can afford it, obviously)
Anonanonanon says
So we’re rule followers but this is an extreme time and if I fail to get sworn in by congress someday so be it. We just started a new nanny and are not starting her on the books until after the holidays. Our contract for nannies includes paid holidays etc. and I didn’t want to hire someone, pay them for thanksgiving, pay them for days at Christmas, pay them for days at new years etc. right away. We upped the hourly rate and gave her cash and will enter into a contract with a W2 at the new year. We will pass the 2,000 limit, but not by a huge amount. Turns out she’s the best we’ve ever had, so I’ll give her extra cash closer to christmas.
This may sound harsh, but we got burned with our last nanny, who worked for us 5 weeks and used our paid covid leave, all of her paid sick leave, and some holidays so we only got like 1/3 of the care we paid for in the end.
Anonymous says
You can pay a nanny on the books without formalizing a contract, and even if you do formalize a contract you have paid leave kicks in after X days of employment. A contract also doesn’t prohibit a nanny from being at will which allows you to terminate at them at any time for any (non-discriminatory) reason. We paid our nanny on the books and only ended up employing her for about four months because it didn’t really work out.
That said, I’m a rule follower too but what you’re doing seems ok to me. It’s very different if you’re barely hitting the $2k limit than if you’re paying a nanny $70k/year with no taxes withheld.
Anon says
I am late to this one, but if you are white and haven’t read White Fragility, go do it. It is short, concise and hard-hitting. (And yes I’ve seen the argument that we should be reading black writers on this topic, and I agree, but this is a good starting point and white people need to hold other white people accountable).
Anonymous says
Chiming in with a recommendation for The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin. Also short and incredibly hard-hitting. Relevant and meaningful for all audiences, but there are some aspects that are particularly resonant if you read from a Christian perspective.