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My youngest is a fall baby, so I was very pregnant during a hot and humid mid-Atlantic summer. As the weeks wore on, it was getting harder to drag my growing bump around — I would have preferred spending the entire summer wearing this dress next to a sparkling pool with an icy drink.
I love Kindred Bravely’s nursing bras and would be eager to try their midi maternity dress — it comes in three minimalist colors (pistachio, black, and gray heather), features a super soft bamboo fabric blend, and hugs your bump without being too tight.
If you change up your accessories and shoes, this versatile dress will take you from brunch to poolside.
The dress is $49.99 and available in sizes S–XXL.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
What kinds of activities would you do/have you done for a six-year-old boy’s birthday party? It would be a few friends at our house for a couple hours, maybe without all the parents. I’ve got pizza/cake/presents, but I’d like the rest of the party to be mostly structured rather than free play.
Candy hunt? Games like follow the leader? It will be in July so will be hot and maybe buggy.
Mrs. Jones says
Pinata
Bounce house
Sprinkler
EDAnon says
We are not super structured but we are bounce house people. Kids love it. It’s easy on parents. You do have to have an adult to watch it though.
Anonymous says
I’d do water stuff…sprinkler, slip and slide…
No Face says
At our house, slip and slide, water balloons, and sprinklers make kids and adults very happy in the summer.
Anonymous says
Water balloons, hose, sprinklers.
anon says
We rented an inflatable water slide for my 7 yo’s birthday and it was a giant hit.
I’m not sure I’d host an outdoor, hot, buggy party without water activities. That sounds miserable.
anon says
Anything involving water play is a big hit. And I also second the recommendation to get a bounce house.
Anon says
Just had one over the weekend! This might not work for every yard, but we got an inflatable pool, a slip and slide, beach balls, and just set the kids loose (they could also use the trampoline and swing set). We set up a tent and chairs for the grown ups and put out a lot of drinks and snacks, then offered pizza. The birthday girl also got a nail polish set, and insisted on setting up a “spa section” to do nails, which seemed to be a big hit.
I realize that you said that you don’t want just free play, and this was pretty much all that, but I really think this is an easier way to go at that age. Trying to organize kids activities like that is more trouble than it is worth, IMO. But if you are doing outside in July, I would definitely recommend water activities.
Anon says
Sounds great! And I think those would fit my broad category of structured…mostly, this is a group of kids with high energy that get really revved up when together, so I didn’t want to just turn them loose. Channeling that energy into a slip n slide or something similar would probably be perfect.
Anon says
We’re traveling this weekend with our two year old who still sleeps in a crib, staying with friends at their vacation house. Big kids will be in a bunk room, but two year old will be with us. I think she’s too big for a pack n play at this point. Any recommendations for a weekend sleep solution?
Anon says
Air mattress! I bought a Shrunk’s Toddler Travel Bed on a rec from here, and we like it a lot.
AwayEmily says
We like the Shrunks inflatable toddler bed.
Anon says
Special treat of co-sleeping, a sleeping bag on the floor (maybe of a fun character) or we have the aerobed toddler air mattress and loved it for that age.
Anonymous says
At that age our son often slept on couch cushions placed on the floor.
OP says
Just purchased an air mattress – thanks for the suggestions all! And if that doesn’t work out… special treat of co-sleeping! For her, not us!
Anon says
For anyone else looking, we’ve used one of the cushions from the Nugget as a travel sleeping mat. It worked fairly well.
Anon Lawyer says
I was wondering whether that would work! They seem pretty comfortable.
Pogo says
When our 2.5yo was still in a crib, we did keep him in a PnP for travel. Once he was out of crib at home we did mattress on the floor.
Anonymous says
at just before 2 we could just barely fit him in a pack and play (he also at that age slept in a tiny ball so there was actually lots of space).
If that is at all possible (length wise) I would highly recommend it. Being contained in a “different place” would absolutely have advantages. Our guy slept in a sleep sack. On the above described trip we tried mattress on the floor first and it was an epic disaster because he would slither off the mattress but for whatever reason never tried to climb out of crib / pack and play in his sleep sack.
Anonymous says
My 2 year old still naps in his pack n play daily, so I would just use that. I would want him contained, especially for naps.
Anon says
Where is everyone today!? I asked the other week about east coast-Hawaii jetlag and am happy to report that my 3.5 year handled it like a champ. The first day she crashed hard when we got to the condo around 6 pm and slept in until 6 am local time, the next night she woke at 3 am but was able to go back to sleep (or at least be quiet) until after 5 and after that she was on a 7-6 + long nap schedule that was perfect for what we wanted to do. Sooo much easier than when she was a baby who woke up in the middle of the night every day and stayed awake for hours. On the other hand I found flying with a 3.5 year old surprisingly more exhausting than flying with an almost 2 year old (9.5 hours of non-stop questions like “Why doesn’t the baggage go in the wing of the airplane?”). I guess it will be a while yet before I can actually read my own book on a plane. ;)
NYCer says
Amazing!! I was thinking about you guys the other day. Happy she adjusted so easily. :)
Anonymous says
Does anyone have a recommendation for a facial moisturizer for my 5 year old with dry skin? Must be gentle. We’ve already tried a bunch of Cetaphil products, and they don’t do the trick. I’d like to stick to a drugstore product (I mean, she’s 5), but if I have to get something nicer, I can.
TheElms says
Vanicream Moisturizing Cream or Cerave. Vanicream is fantastic even on chapped skin because it doesn’t sting.
OP says
Thank you!
Pogo says
We like Vanicream as well. Also Tubby Todd.
Anonymous says
Lubriderm lotion. The one with red-colored writing on the bottle. My whole family uses it and it’s both extremely moisturizing and very gentle- I have a couple eczema prone sensitive skin kids. I used it on my face for years since nothing else was moisturizing enough (until I switched to straight aquaphor on my face which is also a great option!).
CCLA says
We use cerave for daily use. Used to use vanicream, which worked fine but was a little thick for my liking for daily use. When she’s really dry we use palmers cocoa butter lotion (which I’d never use on my face but works well on her).
Anon4this says
Regular poster but anon because this level of detail outs me to anyone I know in real life! Ugh, our second car has a big repair bill. Can you help me decide whether to fix it or buy new? And if new, what to get? Car is a 2011 Hyundai Elantra touring (a big hatchback that is no longer made) but only has 50k miles. It needs $2500 of work (brakes, drive belts) and it probably only worth about $6-7k fixed. It has historically been reliable and cheap to maintain. It does not have very good AC though and I live where it is hot and swampy with a rear facing kid that gets carsick. The plan was for our nanny to drive this car with our kid to school, activities, etc. We’re hoping to add one more kid to our family in the next year or so. One driver is 6’2″, the other 5’3″. Nanny is also tall at 5’9″.
So, what would you do? If buying new the things that I think we’d look at are a Honda HRV or CRV, Mazda CX5, Subaru Crosstrek, Hyundai Kona or Santa Fe (so basically a bigger hatchback or a small SUV).
Anon says
I drive cars forever, but I would just pay the $2500. The re-sale value of the car isn’t really what matters here, it’s the value to you and if you think you can drive this car for even another few years it’s worth investing that much. I think you could easily expect to have another 10 years out of this car and that makes this investment worth it, assuming you reasonably believe this is a one time expense and not something you’ll have to repeat every year. Fwiw, I have ’99 and ’09 Toyota Camrys and the ’99 Camry had about $4k of work in 2010-ish and we’re very glad we did it, even though at the time the resale value of the car was probably only about $5k. It’s been very cheap to maintain since then.
ElisaR says
this is a good way to think about it
Anonymous says
+1. My father presented it to me this way when I was balking at a big bill – what kind of car would you buy for $2500? The devil you know is worth a lot. If you haven’t already, ask the repair shop if it is worth trying to add coolant to the A/C or something.
Spirograph says
+1 I’ve never had a Hyundai, so can’t speak to their overall longevity, but assuming your Elantra is paid off, spending $2.5k to get another several years out of it seems like a better deal than taking out a multi-year loan on a new car (or plunking down 10x that in cash). You would have to put this kind of money into bigger-ticket maintenance of any car after 10 years.
I’d just wait until you “need” the minivan. (Personally, I got a minivan when I was 8 months pregnant with my 3rd. I didn’t want to attempt 3 car seats in a 2 row vehicle.)
Anon4this says
Minivan is not in the cards; we’d get a 3 row SUV first. Husband will not move on this point even though he acknowledges a minivan is more practical. Nor is kid number 3 (unless kid 2 is twins).
Aunt Jamesina says
This, plus the car market is absolutely insane right now. We were thinking of trading in my husband’s car this year, but prices are crazy.
Seafinch says
Same. And the Elantra Touring is an awesome vehicle. I would pay to keep it.
AwayEmily says
I can’t speak to the roominess, etc, but we LOVE our Honda CRV (we have a 2014 one). It’s a workhorse and also Hondas are very cheap to repair. I have an anti-recommendation for Subarus…I know they are popular but our two best friends and my mom have Subarus and all of them have dealt with incredibly expensive repairs over the past few years.
rakma says
Similar concern with the Subaru–the amount we put into trying to keep our Forrester on the road was such a frustrating waste. I know they have a reputation for longevity, but we found the opposite.
EDAnon says
We have two Hondas after a Subaru mainly due to the crazy repair costs of the Subaru. We love them and they have been so cheap to maintain (one is an ‘09 and one is a ‘15)
rakma says
Brakes and belts are regular wear items–I’d get the work done and try to get another year or two out of the car, with the plan to buy new so that if something bigger should go, you’d be ready for it. (I am a run the car into the ground type person, but the trouble with that is that eventually the car is run into the ground and it never seems to happen at an opportune time)
If you feel like it would not be a reliable car for the nanny, or that the heat + carsick kid is too much of a liability, then skip the first part. We really like the Santa Fe, and my MIL has a Tucson that she also really likes. Both easily fit two carseats in the back (In the Santa Fe we can get one carseat, one booster and an adult in the back seat, haven’t tried that in the Tucson)
octagon says
Car prices for both used and new are realllllllly high right now, and you may face delays for new. You might contact your Hyundai dealer or Carmax and see what they would give you for your Elantra — it might be more than you think. My benchmark has always been when repairs cost 50% of value it’s time to buy another car, so you are right on the line.
Pogo says
+1 it’s a nightmare out there. people paying over MSRP, no room for negotiations, etc.
Anon says
I would probably pay. $2500 doesn’t seem crazy to me if you like the car. I also love my Honda CRV, but it does not work for more than two kids (we tried, then got an Odyssey). So if you think you will be adding a third, I would wait until then to assess the car situation (or just go for a minivan now!)
AwayEmily says
Oh no, I was really hoping to cram a third carseat into our CRV and avoid the minivan for a few years (I like minivans and realize it’s inevitable, but was hoping to put off the expense until 2/3 are out of daycare). What didn’t work? Just too tight?
Anon says
It was too tight for car seats for us… however, if you want to try I recommend the new Graco SlimFit LX, which I think is the slimmest on the market right now (it’s different from the original SlimFit, FYI). We bought two of those and a Chicco KeyFit and they *just* fit but it was very close (following all manual rules of car seats not sharing airspace, etc). Also, we have a 2012 and I’ve heard the latest models are even trickier because of belt overlap.
We knew we wanted a minivan sooner or later so we decided to just go for it about a week after #3 was born. We found a gently used one for a great price and I really love it now. All three kids fit in the second row so we have a huge trunk and flexibility for the future
Realist says
Carseat Lady tried a bunch of configurations in the CRV: https://thecarseatlady.com/vehicles/suv/honda-cr-v/
Anon says
Any other time, if it were me, I’d look at buying a new-ish model used car to replace it. The leaps and bounds in safety features are remarkable (I have a 2013 car but have been driving DH’s 2020 model and it’s like I’m in the dark ages).
HOWEVER, DH is super into cars and keeps telling me right now is a terrible time to buy (I’m starting to look around at replacing my car in the near-ish term). You’ll get top dollar for your trade in, but both new and used cars are in super short supply, which means selection is limited and prices are crazy (chip shortages, supply chain constraints due to COVID factory slow downs outside the US, etc.). So I would repair now and start looking with a goal of replacing in a year or two once prices and supply even out.
FVNC says
I’m also on team Pay for Repair. A family member is in a similar situation (having to pay $2k+ to fix a 2011 Subaru). What tipped them over in favor of paying for the repair was that the replacement cars they are interested in are not available. And, because of the scarcity, there are no deals to be found where they live. They decided to repair now and then look for a replacement in a couple years when the supply has (hopefully!!) stabilized.
anon says
Agree to probably repair, and for the RF sick kid, get a Noggle to address the AC issue. It really does help.
Anon4this says
Thanks for all the thoughts. I think we’d like a new car longer term, as opposed to driving this one into the ground. Although I like that I wouldn’t be handing a brand new car over to the nanny to drive. (I don’t think she’s a risk at all as a driver, but stuff happens). That said we know its a terrible time to buy. Maybe I’ll call around and see what the stock is on the Honda CRV/Mazda CX5/Hundai Santa Fe. If we can find one we like it might make sense to get new now even if its not the best deal rather than spending money on a car we know we planned to replace in a couple years. That said it seems like either path would be reasonable, so I’m glad I’m not crazy to think about doing the repairs.
Anonymous says
If you repair it, then you will be able to sell it more easily, and most likely get back at least what you put into it for the repairs.
Anon4This says
UGH. The 6 month old had a fever again yesterday (after getting off antibiotics for a double ear infection just last week). It’s low grade, and his 6 month check-up is tomorrow so holding off on running to the ped.
I’m just…so annoyed and feel so sad for the little dude. Also of course worried and hope it’s not anything serious. Selfishly, I feel frustrated because I’m nursing/pumping, and literally ~40 lbs heavier than I’d like to be in part because of it and the least it could do is…be a magic potion to keep my little guy healthy! I know this is all not logical but just venting.
anon says
I know this has been asked before so apologies for the repeat: my 18 month old has pretty much outgrown the pack and play. We are traveling for 4 nights away in August and I can’t figure out where he’ll sleep. We will likely get one hotel room (all we can afford) with two double beds. We used to put his older sister in a bed by herself surrounded by barriers to keep her from rolling off but I don’t think they can both share the second bed (she’s now 5 and they both like to roll around). Any ideas on what to do with the 18 month old? He’s still in a crib. Maybe he won’t mind being crunched up in the pack and play for a few nights?
Anon says
Can you add a roll-away bed to your hotel room? A roll-away is basically a twin-sized mattress on the floor. If you’re driving you can bring an inflatable mattress (I find them too bulky to fly with). Or I would do one parent and one kid in each bed and pillows on the non-parent side.
Anon says
Yeah we do one parent per bed with a kid in that situation.
Anon says
We used a PNP until my daughter was 2.5. If he hasn’t hit the weight limit it will probably be fine. But I also think an air mattress would work fine in this situation. If necessary, you can put the air mattress in the a closet or the bathroom.
Cb says
We have a tent which works really well. The Little life one, mine is nearly 4 and he’ll likely fit (snugl) until 6 or so.
Anon says
my 90% height, 80% weight child slept in a pack n play at 2 years, 4 months with no issue. Are you sure he is too big for it?
Anon says
There are official height and weight limits. Ours was 35″ and 30 pounds. A 90th percentile kid would likely exceed those limits before 2. My kid had no complaints about being squished in there, but I felt it was a safety issue to use it well past the height and weight limits.
Pogo says
+1 I just commented this above. He wasn’t 90th %ile, though.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – same – DS #1 was in the PnP until a little over 2.5 with no issue. I wasn’t worried regarding safety since it is in a non-moving environment, and he was older and more hardy if that makes sense. We also used the Guava Lotus when traveling until that age (haven’t traveled with kids since) with no issue.
Anon. says
My 95th percentile weight and 90th percentile height 18-month old slept in the pack n play this weekend at our hotel. She’s not attempting to climb out yet and even if she did, we were in the room with her all night so unlikely she could accomplish that quietly enough for both of us to sleep through it and interrupt her. We put big kid + dad in one bed and me in the bed next to the PNP. Plan was to cosleep if she woke up freaking out but she was happy as a clam.
OP says
If you fix it, how long will you keep it?
I’m on Team “I need working AC”. We have a CRV and love it. I reocmmend it if you decide to buy new. $1999 is probably my limit for repairing/maintaining a car with little value.
Anonymous says
Sorry. Meant for above, and the OP was leftover from thanking a poster for the Vanicream suggestion above. Must be a Monday, lol.
Willow pump says
Anyone have the Willow pump? Like it/hate it? I’ve been using the Spectra 2 for the past 8 months (one extra session daily, in the mornings, plus during the day anytime that the nanny gives her a bottle instead of me nursing). It’s great but now that my daughter is mobile, it’s hard to do that extra morning session while watching her because I have to keep unplugging to chase her down. I was thinking of getting the Willow since it’s an Amazon Prime deal today, but would be curious to get feedback from those who’ve used it. I’ll only need it for ~4 more months (plan to breastfeed until 1 year) and then again for subsequent pregnancies.
Anon says
people i know who have them love them and definitely say it makes them more mobile. i will say that a friend who either has that one or one of hte other wearable pumps said that as she approached the one year mark (when she planned on weaning) it’s strength was definitely not the same as it was at the beginning. i have twins and regret not getting one
Anon says
I haven’t tried the Willow, but I think pumps with cups that stick in your bra are a huge improvement over horn-style pumps.
Lavinia says
I have the Willow and only used it a handful of times. It is LOUD – think old school ribbon printer or fax machine. I was hoping I’d be able to use it while WFH during Zooms, but I’d need a cover story about my ancient printer. Also, as an oversupplier, I found the 4 oz capacity for the containers pretty limiting. I also found it kind of a pain to empty and clean. That being said, being able to move around while pumping was much better for my mental health…but the extra time dealing with emptying the containers and starting up again and plus cleaning made it not worth it for me in the long run.
Anonymous says
Make sure the flange sizes work for you–I use quite a small flange and they don’t have an option for me at the moment
Willow pump says
I think I’ll be fine there. I use 20mm for the Spectra, and Willow makes a 21mm (although, annoyingly, you have to purchase it separately – the kit only comes with 24mm or 27mm).
anon says
Yes, I liked mine (2.0 version) but only ended up using it about 10 times because of the pandemic. It was great to be mobile while pumping. There is a noise, but it’s fine if you aren’t planning to be speaking at length on a call or anything. In fact, now that I’m thinking about it, if you want a 2.0 cheaper than the Prime deal (with a bunch of bonus 21 mm containers) email me at shaylakey at the googlemail.
Nanny Car says
Hi – has anyone bought a car for their nanny before or bought an extra car for your nanny to use on the job? Our nanny has her own car but it’s a small sedan that can’t safely fit two convertible car seats now that we’ve had a second kid. Any tips or advice?
Anon says
What sedan can’t fit two car seats? This is very strange to me.
Anonymous says
I had a 2 door Honda Civic and it did not fit 2 car seats very well. Rear facing could only go behind the passenger seat and only with the seat as far forward as it could go (eg, no adult could possibly sit there). I would not have begrudged a nanny not wanting to have 2 car seats in her own car. Taking them in and out is a pain, so it essentially makes the car unusable for transporting more than one adult.
Anon says
Yes, we did! I’d just make sure you choose a car you want to use too as we end up hauling the kids around in the third car a lot too (she had a rav-4 and we needed three car seats across). We bought a bare bones Atlas and we love it.
No real tips- it lives at our house and is just sort of the kid hauler car.
Anon says
I’m the poster below and totally agree with this – great for longer road trips where the car will get messy too. Just nice to not mess up my DH & I’s nicer cars.
Anon says
Yes, though we also have grandparents regularly visit and stay for weeks at a time and watch the kids, so it served a dual purpose. We also have three kids, so the car seat thing was a real issue for us. We bought a late model CRV without a lot of upgrades and called it a day. We wanted something that’ll last for *years*.
Anon says
Thoughts on drag queen story time at daycare? I am conflicted on the appropriateness (toddler class).
AwayEmily says
Seems fine to me.
Anon says
Yup.
Anonymous says
There have been a couple of really sketchy incidents associated with those events – i.e., registered sex offenders participating (Houston, Milwaukee, maybe others). They seem pretty skeezy in general for the toddler age and I also find most drag offensive to women. Why not check out what books are being read/who exactly is participating and see if you feel comfortable?
Anon says
I had never heard of this but looked it up. I have no problem with it at a public library where parents can choose whether or not to take their kids. But it bothers me more at a daycare or school, where attendance for everyone is the default. I’m a big proponent of keeping anything political or at all controversial out of the daycare curriculum. Mainly because I live in a red state and don’t want my kids indoctrinated with MAGA, but I realize it goes both ways.
Anon says
+1
Anonymous says
Oh ok so your daycare does nothing for Mother’s Day Father’s Day Valentine’s Day Christmas or Halloween? Cool none of our local ones manage to keep all these lifestyle choices out.
Anon says
Our daycare actually does not celebrate Christmas or Halloween or Valentine’s Day by those names, although they have a costume day in late October and celebrate love in mid-February. I actually really appreciate them not celebrating Christmas, since we are Jewish and Christmas is very pervasive in American society so I’m happy my kids aren’t bombarded with it at school as well. Halloween and Valentine’s Day don’t offend me and we celebrate them at home, but if they offend others I’m fine with them being omitted from the curriculum or celebrated in a more neutral fashion without using the name. But I think the comparison between holidays and drag queens is a little disingenuous and you know it.
Anonymous says
Actually I don’t. Drag queen story hour gently introduces the idea that boys can wear dresses. That’s no more political than Halloween unless you feel like being hateful.
Anonymous says
No. I think DQST is fine if that’s your thing, but do you get to opt your child out? It shouldn’t be a required event at all. It doesn’t take a genius to realize it goes against a lot of people’s religious beliefs.
Anonymous says
What religion is anti-drag? The one with a Pope wearing bedazzled dresses all the time?
Anon says
What’s the purpose of this? Drag queens aren’t a specific class of humans that we need to be taught tolerance of (this strikes me as completely different from inviting, say, a trans person to either do a normal job at the day care or even speak about his/her specific experiences). They’re entertainers wearing costumes, and they traditionally perform a bawdy, adult form of entertainment. It seems intentionally designed to push buttons and nothing more.
Anon says
+1. I agree. I don’t think it’s appropriate for 3 year olds because it would go completely over their heads, but I understand the value in having a trans or non-binary person come to an elementary school class to talk about their personal experience and/or the importance of being tolerant of those with non-cis gender identities. But I don’t really see any value from the drag queen story time except shocking people/being controversial. It’s traditionally a very ribald form of entertainment and even if the R-rated jokes and props are cut out, it seems like it’s just being done for shock value and not education.
EDAnon says
I am super liberal by most measures and agree with this. I don’t get it. I even have friends that are drag queens (and would be great at reading kids books!) but it doesn’t seem like it does much but expose children to adult entertainment (which isn’t bad! But not a kid thing).
Anonymous says
I think it’s great. If anyone understands the fun of dress up it’s toddlers.
katy says
Pre covid we happened upon “drag queen” story time at the local library and it was delightful. The costumes were more “frozen” than RuPaul. There was also a “Prince” (sparkly bowler hat / pants / shirt). It was delightful. The kids loved the costumes, the stories, the sparkly stickers they handed out. There wasn’t any commentary about why anyone was wearing a particular outfit it was just story time with pizazz. I thought it was a great way to show diversity without making a big deal about it. Kiddo was on the younger end and brought up later that the price was really a lady – we talked about how it was ok to wear what you want and be whoever you want. I am honestly don’t know if he realized the “princess” was male. My kiddo was < 2.5 at the time.
* They did not comment on how they identify – I do not mean to offend, so I am basing he / she observations on biological traits.
anon for this says
Late in the day, might try tomorrow – but anyone have anecdata about having a spirited child vs ADHD, or even twice exceptional? First let me say that when I was a POOPCUPS I thought it was so extra that seemingly all the moms in my local moms group were insisting their kid was some special needs of some kind BUT now that I have preschooler… I get it. I take it back. It sucks when it seems like your kid is struggling way more than others.
I am going to start w/ parent-teacher conference to see how similar his behavior is at school, because I got a tip that pediatricians like to see the behaviors occurring both at home and in school. I will also lean on the teacher to see if, in her experience, his behavior is within the range of normal preschooler or something more (and also curious her thoughts on his intelligence, of course we think he’s brilliant but he’s our kid and I have no idea how much he should actually be able to read/recall/etc at this age).
I’m just wondering if anecdotally, you had major concerns about your challenging preschooler and it turned out they were just a little high strung, they got past it, vs you got an actual clinical diagnosis.
Anon says
I have a 3.5 year old so I’m very much still in it. But I have a very spirited child and have mentioned possible ADHD to my pediatrician, who almost completely ruled it out. The biggest factor was that her teachers had no concerns about her behavior at school. Also a *very* limited attention span (like just a couple of minutes) is considered normal, even if many 3 year olds are starting to develop longer attention spans. Ped said lots of behaviors that would be considered ADHD in an adult or older child are very normal for (some) preschoolers. I would start with the teachers. If they say your child’s behavior is within the normal range, you probably have nothing to worry about. Teachers are also your best bet for advice on how intelligent your kid is. We’ve gotten feedback that she is very bright but not gifted, which is consistent with my own observations, not that I’m an expert.
OP says
Thank you. We’ve had just a couple communications from school about his behavior, but again, that’s like 2 data points out of all the days he’s gone to school. Certainly if he were disrupting story time every single day or smacking kids over the head with toy dinosaurs constantly, I’d hope we’d hear about it more.
I mostly got concerned recently because it seemed like he was getting worse, not better, as he got closer to 4. The level of defiance and lack of emotional regulation is unreal.
Anonymous says
No advice but commiseration our approaching 4 YO’s “level of defiance and lack of emotional regulation is unreal”. His preschool teacher (all day pre-school) says he is one of the most focused on the activities. If you have tips I welcome them.
EDAnon says
I am still not sure what will happen but I have an almost 5 year old who had enough struggle that we met with a behavioral psychologist. He is a bit wild, smart, and verbal. The psychologist said that verbal kids struggle in “getting” a lot of social/emotional stuff because they were able to…convince adults their actions were justified without learning a better approach (he didn’t say it like that but that was the jist).
When I talk to his teachers, they say he’s awesome and smart clearly needs to work on his social/emotional development. They have never given an indication that he’s not typical but a little behind his class on some things (he’s the youngest in his cohort so that doesn’t seem odd). He did have one huge meltdown at school but that was atypical for him and never happened again (it was after a bunch of change/during COVID). We are holding him to start K in 2022 to help get him a bit more developed on that side of things.
Similar to the other poster, any discussion of ADHD has been shot down so far because they’re within the realm of typical for his age. And as he approaches 5, I can see him making progress on some of the more worrying things. I am hoping the trend continues.
Anon says
The cutoff in my area is really late. Like, December late. We sent our son to school when he was 3 to start Pre-K (birthday within a month of the cutoff). It was a NIGHTMARE. His teacher had a behavior chart for him, but he literally ended up in the Vice Principal’s office daily. There were no concerns with intelligence, it was all social/emotional/behavioral stuff.
I felt like a failure and this sweet little boy would come home saying, ‘I’m so sorry I was a bad boy again today.’
Well. We had already considered giving him another year in Pre-K and then COVID hit (so he lost a whole bunch of in person time anyway). This year? He is a delight. I literally get messages about what a happy, helpful kid he is. He talks about how he’s a ‘role model’ and a ‘rockstar at listening’ and is honestly thrilled. I also see it in the fact that now he actually has some impulse control!
He’s now going to be a happy, well adjusted 5 year old heading into Kindergarten and is honestly such a pleasure to be around. It was so hard to see him struggling last year and this year he is so proud of himself.
Anon says
I read Raising Your Spirited Child and it helped me sort out in my mind that my kindergartener is probably very spirited (and very bright) but not ADHD or something outside the typical range.
An analogy I loved was that having a spirited child is like having a Mustang and trying to use the Honda manual, and you don’t understand why all the people with Hondas don’t seem to have the problems you do.
A couple key things that helped me was realizing he does well in school and for his teacher, and he does have a long attention span and good executive function for things he likes and chooses (like being read to, or when he gets caught up in an imaginative game). However, he is very “extra” and over the top with emotions and energy levels in most areas of life!
Anon says
+1 that’s the only parenting book that has ever helped me. It’s so kind to parents, it’s as much about telling the parents they’re doing a great job as it is about giving you strategies for dealing with your kids. It talks about the importance of self care for parents! I find many of the other parenting books have kind of a holier-than-thou attitude where if you’re not getting the right results you’re obviously not using their methods “correctly” but this one just has the kindest, most understanding attitude and it was very helpful for me. And cemented for me that my child is indeed spirited but probably not out of the normal spirited range (I’m the Anon at 3:03).
OP says
Thank you for this. Yes, he actually has a great attention span when he’s “into” something (like Legos, or listening to a book about a topic he’s very interested in) but when not… look out.
Anonymous says
My own experience: You can ask your pediatrician, but it’s likely they won’t want to test for ADHD until your child is in K or 1st grade. There’s just too much in flux before that, and it’s hard to evaluate what is ADHD-related and what is Big Feelings for little kids.
My diagnosed ADHD child had very few issues in preschool. Like, sometimes he got a little wild but he was a 3-5 year old boy. Sometimes he didn’t know his own strength and was very aggressive with high fives and hugs, but also not anything a teacher would flag as potentially indicative of neuro-atypical. He had trouble at bedtime and would melt down when things didn’t go his way, but again, not anything that’s terribly out of the ordinary. Elementary school expectations made the executive function delay/deficiency *much* more apparent.
My middle child, on the other hand, was and remains very high strung, but that seems to be just a personality thing.
SC says
My son has ADHD and sensory processing disorder and probably some type of anxiety disorder. He is 6 now, and it has been a long struggle. My son’s school told us when he was about 2.5 that it was outside of normal and that we should seek outside help. We started with a psychologist evaluating him–she observed in the classroom, had us and his teachers fill out surveys on his behavior, met with him in person, and did an ASD evaluation. Then she met with us again and referred him for play therapy and occupational therapy. He was about 3 by the time all of that was complete, and besides ruling out ASD, he was considered too young for a diagnosis, and all the professionals said you approach the behavior the same way anyways. For insurance coverage purposes, she put in a diagnosis for a general behavioral misconduct disorder.
Kiddo is 6, and we still have not done a formal ADHD evaluation because we haven’t needed it for school. (Kiddo is in a private school for kids with exceptionalities.) His psychiatrist says it’s definitely ADHD and prescribes a stimulant, which helps. As far as I know, there’s no formal evaluation for sensory processing disorder.
We had to do some of the intelligence tests for private school applications. According to the evaluator, Kiddo did well on the games he enjoyed and not well on sections where he tried to change the rules and convince her to play a different game. So, Kiddo scored in the 95th percentile for receptive vocabulary, which I’d estimate as fine but not better than other kids’, and in the 50th percentile on spatial intelligence, which I’d say is actually extremely high, and got no score at all on another section where he refused to even take the test.
OP says
Thank you! These are all extremely helpful to see the range of experiences. I do want to pick up “Raising your spirited child”, as I think that is most likely what we have on our hands.
We’ve had particularly rough patch where both DH and I have ended up yelling a lot at him. We both regret it so quickly, but we have no fuse with his behavior these days. I know we need a change in our approach, but wasn’t sure what the path would be.
Anonymous says
Get counseling for you!! I don’t mean this to sound mean, I was there too. But you yelling all the time is a you problem to solve not a him issue.
Anonymous says
Just a quick note that if your child *does* end up diagnosed with ADHD, it might be worth doing testing and potentially management strategies for you and/or your husband as well. There’s a large genetic component, and my husband is a much more patient parent on days he takes his ADHD meds. He was diagnosed as a child, but had not been treating it for years until the confluence of his role at work and his role as a dad of young kids made it advantageous.
SC says
Raising Your Spirited Child was helpful for me as a parent of a kid with ADHD and SPD! It wasn’t enough to deal with the full range of issues, but it was still helpful. In fact, I might skim it and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen again because we are in a rough patch as well.
Anonymous says
I can tell you this, if you start with calling your kid maybe twice special and talking about how bright they are, everyone will roll their eyes at you.
Anon says
This is mean and untrue. I mean, yes, if you talk about your kid’s diagnosis ALL THE TIME it can get obnoxious, but I would be happy to hear a close friend talk about her parenting issues, including this one, and I’m in a mom’s group where a significant number of the kids are 2E and it’s a regular topic of discussion there and doesn’t bother me, just like I’m not bothered by all the other parenting topics that aren’t relevant to my life. Just like any issue or diagnosis a child might have, you can certainly talk about it too much, but a good friend is not going to get upset about occasional discussion of it. There’s no indication OP is going on about it incessantly and this comment was really cruel.
Anonymous says
Oh gosh I mean with the school not a friend!
Anonymous says
I’m half in both camps with this, and I don’t think the comment above was cruel, just matter of fact. A friend whose child is both dyslexic and identified as gifted was chatting with me about the challenges of that and I didn’t find it eyeroll-worthy. I do often inwardly roll my eyes when parents talk about how bright their preschoolers are, though. Especially when they’re talking about their first/only child, because they often don’t have a great idea what the range of normal is. Preschool brains are amazing, even for perfectly average children, and to someone who has never before paid careful attention to watching them work, it’s hard to know what is exceptional and what is just not-what-you-expected.
OP, I thought your post was perfectly self-aware on this topic, and didn’t roll my eyes at you!
Summer blues says
Something about the transition to summer has made me really depressed about working so much, and I feel like I’m missing out on all of the fun of my kids’ lives (ages 5 and 2) while I do all the work behind the scenes to coordinate a fun summer for them. Is this just the nice weather talking? The idea of my nanny getting to do all this fun stuff with them while I grind it out at the office is really bringing me down. As my kids are getting out of the baby stage, it really is so fun to be with them (and less draining), so maybe that is a factor too — I am finding myself jealous of the SAHM summer life. Anyone else feel this way?
Anonymous says
Yes. My summer nanny spent 5 hours at the pool with my kids today, and I’m glad they had fun but I’m also a little sulky that I was in my office looking at my computer the whole time.
Anonymous says
I mean, I think this is why a lot of people say saving the SAHM life for older kids vs newborn years is great.frankly I’m in a career pause and today with my kids we grocery shopped, they both napped (rare to nonexistent with the 4yo), did a poetry reading snack time, and now they’re playing in the pool/sprinkler. So good weather days are great!! But winter is the pits lol. So it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Can you manage the pool from 5-6pm some evenings during the week?
Anon says
No I think the SAHM life matters for older kids for all the scheduling conflicts – if you have more than one kid in an activity, logistics become a real issue that is hard to buy your way out of.
But I also agree with the poster that I do feel gipped out of the “fun” part of being a parent. My work has “summer hours” with Friday afternoons off. I requested to move those to Wed afternoons so I could take my kids out of camp early and have adventures, and it’s been amazing for my mental health. We’ve done a long hike, gone to the pool (which was not super busy like it is on weekends), gone to a museum, and this week we’re doing a picnic in the park with another family (teacher mom) we know.
OP, maybe think of ways to be flexible in your current job and see if you can scratch the itch that way. I know I would hate being a SAHM all the time, but one half day a week is fantastic. Maybe you can find a similar pocket of time?
PC Anon says
So late to respond so you likely won’t see this, but “gipped” is actually “gypped” which is a slur based on thieving gypsies. So if you wouldn’t use “indian giver” please don’t use “gipped.”
EDAnon says
I am trying to work out how to reduce my schedule for summers once my oldest is done with K (I have two years to figure it out!). I feel the same way about missing out. My kids will go to camp. But I want to be there for the wrap-around time (take them to the pool rather than send them to aftercare). It seemed like a good balance to me. I will report back if I find a way to make it work. I have a 40 hours all the time job in higher education and it’s somewhat frowned upon for staff to want the faculty schedule. I am hoping reduced load will be more amenable than summers off.
Anon says
I am also higher ed staff and while we don’t get summers “off” like faculty (although most faculty I know WFH quite a bit in the summers), there’s definitely more flexibility in the summers. I typically use about 4 weeks of vacation in the summer (since I can’t really take vacation any other time except Christmas and spring break due to the faculty spouse) and I know other people who also take 1/3rd of the summer off, or who use vacation time to take every Friday off or leave every day at 3 pm or something like that. With the shift to remote work from the pandemic we have flex hours, so getting your kid from camp around 3 would be pretty doable, especially if you were willing to log back on in the evenings I think. I hope you can find an arrangement that works for you.
GCA says
Yes, yes, and yes. I used to live in an apartment building overlooking a giant playground, with my desk (dining table) facing the window, and was so jealous of the SAHPs with their kids out there when the weather was nice.
But: today the preschooler took a honking long nap at daycare, so I took her to the playground after dinner. She tootled around on her strider bike pretending to be all the characters from the last Disney movie we watched, and that was a sweet little chunk of quality time. I think you don’t have to be with them the whole day to have moments that you savor — in fact, I suspect that if I was at home with them all day, the tedium to joy ratio would be vastly different. It’s perhaps more a matter of leaning into the spontaneous adventures when you can find them.
Anonymous says
Ugh, it really all goes at once, doesn’t it? In the past two weeks I’ve had to get my car repaired, the A/C conked out, and now we need a plumber.