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Sales of note for 8.30.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 20% off
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lands’ End – 40% off sitewide; 50% off backpacks, 40% off kids’ apparel
- Loft – Summer sale, 30% off new arrivals; up to 50% off much more
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- Zappos – 28,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off everything
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 40% off everything
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; extra 50% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 50-60% off; 50% off pants for the family
- Target – 20% off select clothing for all; up to 50% off home; up to 30% off select nursery furniture; up to 30% off kitchen & dining
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Dilemma says
I know this is the age-old problem for working mothers but I am frozen with indecision on whether I want to “lean out” into a less stressful, lower paying, job or stick it out in mid-law. Third year associate, billing approx. 1800 hours a year. Due to the nature of the job that includes routine evening/weekend hours. I am just over the hours—I’ve missed so many bedtimes, dinners, playing at the park before dinner, etc. All of the partners in my practice group seem stressed out all the time, so it’s not like there is light at the end of the tunnel. On the flip side, we work in an area of the law with awesome clients and my co-workers are great. There is a lot of personal satisfaction that comes with our work and knowing we helped truly deserving clients. I am afraid that in five years when our three kids (under six) are less demanding I will regret leaving and be stuck in government somewhere with a flat salary. My husband does way more than his fair share of house/kid work and is supportive of whatever I want to do. We can afford the pay cut by cutting out some extras in the budget. This feels like such a cliche question but thanks for anyone who has insight!
anon says
Are you me? Though I’m billing less than that and feel the same way. Are 80% hours an option for you at your firm? So that way you can keep your foot in the door and ramp back up if you want to later. A friend of mine was at 80% for several years while her two kids (including a special needs child) were young. Now that her youngest is in kindergarten, she’s ramped back up and is enjoying it.
I also think your year of practice is relevant too. I think I felt the height of stress in my practice around that time – you finally know what you’re doing which is all the more stressful. I’m in my 7th year now and there’s stress but it’s a very different stress than when I was younger in practice. Hugs. I know it’s hard.
J says
I was exactly you two years ago and was able to negotiate a decrease in my billable hours to 1500 per year at my firm. So I get to work with the same coworkers I (mostly) love and same amazing clients. I also work from home a lot and am no longer interested in becoming partner in the foreseeable future (which my firm respects as long as I remain profitable). It has really changed my life and met all the issues you’ve mentioned. It eliminated the regular evening and weekend work. I still do some, but it is usually because that is how I’ve chosen to arrange my schedule that week. I really recommend looking into that as an option. If you’re ready to lean back in later, you can look at increasing your hours or, if work isn’t available, spend more time on business development activities. But, from what I’ve learned on here, once kiddos get to the age that they’re in activities, they require more hands on time again.
Meg Murry says
Not a lawyer, but +1 to kids requiring more time again once they get older. It stops being about bathtime and bedtime routine and starts being soccer practice and homework and school art shows, etc. And now that my kids are older, they don’t go to bed that much earlier than I do, so there isn’t a chunk of time to get stuff done (work or housework) between their bedtime and mine – once they go to bed, I start my own getting ready for bed and that gives me a little bit of time to read or whatever to wind down before I crash out myself.
Depending on your setup and community, you may find that a lot of kid stuff that I handle on the “second shift” could be handled by a good after school program or nanny and/or tutor to do homework and activities after school, but the way it works around here is that all my kids activities (piano, soccer, baseball, karate, swimming, etc, whichever 2 or 3 they are doing at that time) start sometime between 5 and 7 pm, not right after school.
anon says
I’ll cosign all of this. I don’t know where we ever got the idea that it would be “easier” when the kids entered elementary school. As far as I’m concerned, preschool is the holy grail for working parents. They’re no longer in the hard baby/toddler transition phase, and they don’t have after-school activities or homework yet. I’ve found that elementary school poses all sorts of logistical challenges because schools and activities still operate like it’s 1982. That said, having a kid in school has definitely equalized the partnership between me and DH. He does as much juggling as I do.
J says
“That said, having a kid in school has definitely equalized the partnership between me and DH. He does as much juggling as I do.”
My hubby is awesome, but our partnership definitely skews in the direction that I do more hands-on toddler care while he does more picking up/cleaning type stuff. I can see that changing when we get to the stage you mentioned. Hubby is genuinely more interested (and infinitely better) in most sports and music than me. So many activities will make more sense for him to be the point-parent or at least change the dynamic. That said, I have more flexibility from 3:30 – 5:00, so who knows!
Betty says
Completely agree. Elementary school is its own beast with a 8:30ish-3:00 standard day (so before or aftercare), activities, concerts/art shows, summer camp schedules and bigger kid experiences/emotions/needs. It becomes less physically taxing with fewer middle of the night wakeups, but is challenging on a different level – emotionally and logistically.
anon says
To the second shift point – we hired a part-time nanny to handle all of the after school activities/pickups/errand running, and that has made things so much easier. Honestly, I couldn’t stand to do that stuff.
One point in favor of sticking it out – as you get more senior, you have way more control over your schedule, and your compensation (presumably) increases to where you can afford to pay for the things you’d prefer not to do.
Artemis says
I have three kids (oldest in early elementary) and when I was pregnant with my third, I left my mid-size firm after nearly 10 years and I’ve been in a government job with a flat salary for the last 3 years. I had reduced my billable hours from 2100 to 1800 and I too loved my coworkers and clients and work but the firm business model and management was horrible and I just couldn’t deal with it anymore–especially as I seemed to be working almost as much as my husband, who was in Biglaw then, for way less pay (thank you midlaw).
I don’t regret moving into my government job AT ALL. The leaning out was what I needed to recover from a toxic environment and I have now acquired skills and experience that I never would have developed in a law firm. But, now that my husband has an in-house job and is more available and flexible, I’m frankly ready to get back into a more intellectually challenging role that pays more (we too could handle the paycut with some minor budgetary changes, but I’m tired of bringing home a tiny paycheck when my husband seems to have almost as much flexibility as I do–somebody pay me what I’m worth, please!).
I’m on the job hunt right now, so I can’t say for sure that I (or you) will be able to lean back in, but just getting out of the law firm opened my eyes to the realities and benefits of the private sector and how the things that you think are so flexible about being a firm lawyer really just still suck. I’m optimistic given my expanded skill set.
If you lean out, government or otherwise, do what you can to keep yourself connected to the private legal community and business community–I still belong to the local bar association, give CLEs teaching attorneys about the processes and procedures of my government office, etc. etc.
Honestly, no one I know who felt ready to leave a law firm, and then did so, has regretted it, no matter what twists and turns their career has taken since. Maaaaaaybe if you can stick it out to year 5 just to make sure, and because I feel many more opportunities might be available to you then, but that’s only if you’re not completely miserable in the meantime.
anon says
I was facing the same decision about 2 years ago. I was billing about 2300 hours a year and hated my life. I made two changes and love my life now.
First, I switched to an in house job. I get to work on important litigation, think strategically, and outsource all evening and night work to outside counsel. It’s amazing. A holy grail job. If you can find a job like this, absolutely take it and don’t look back.
Second, we switched to an au pair and left daycare. Before mornings were incredibly stressful as we had to get them out the door before work, and then evening were also stressful with exhausted kids and a rough transition. Now, the kids get ready for work with the au pair after I leave in the mornings. I get to enjoy happy PJ’d time while I get ready. I often have time to read them a book or two and cuddle. No more frantically running around and fighting about stuffing them into clothes and carseats. And when we get home from work, the kids are happily playing and completely calm. No more stressed out kids. No more tough transitions. I love coming home to a quiet, happy house. We get to play and enjoy our evenings. During the week, the kids go to half day preschool, as well as a few other fun classes . The au pair also schedules lots of playdates with other kids so they get lots of socialization time. It’s been amazing. I think it’s also going to work really well next year when our oldest goes to K. It should be an easy transition, as our au pair has decided to stay on for a second year with us.
Good luck.
hmm says
For every happy au pair story I’ve heard of so many nightmare stories of au pairs who were completely incompetent, rude, lazy, etc. So glad it worked for you but I couldn’t handle the stress of having to switch au pairs every year/every two years. One of my friends has fired 3 au pairs.
anon says
Maybe we just got lucky, but it’s been great for us. If your friend got three “bad” au pairs in a row, I think I’d question your friend’s role in the problem. That’s a really, really high failure rate.
Also, it should be said that there are a fair share of surly, incompetent and unmotivated daycare workers and nannies. I hated leaving my kids with unhappy daycare workers.
I’ve also found that most childcare seems to switch up every couple of years anyways. We had our first nanny for 2 years, did daycare for 2 years and then will have had an au pair for 2 years. I don’t know that they transitions are that much more frequent than they would be with both kids transitioning daycare classes or switching to public K.
Anonymous says
Help with transitioning off bottles? DD is 13 months old. She’ll drink water out of sippy cups during meals. She’s almost fully transitioned to cows milk, but still drinks 5 ounce bottles (1 ounce formula, 4 oz cows milk). At this point I think she’s drinking too much milk and not eating enough solids. Her pediatrician confirmed at our 1yr appointment that they would like her drinking a *little* less milk. She’s all finger foods all the time, and has been that way since 6 months. We barely did purees. Do I just drop one bottle and offer milk at meals and see how she does? I’m thinking of doing a sippy cup of milk in the morning and dropping that bottle. There just seems to be so many different ways to do this and what I would really like is a manual! Even the pediatrician was like “well you could do X or Y or Z!”
AwayEmily says
Is she at daycare? I basically put a lot of this into daycare’s hands — I figured they had a lot more experience than I did. I honestly can’t remember what we did but I think it was dropping one bottle at a time.
Anon in NYC says
I’m pretty sure we started replacing one bottle at a time at daycare. I think we started with a cup at lunch, because that was the one we could be most consistent about at school and at home. Then dinner, and then breakfast. As for the amount, I’d just start scaling it back by about an ounce per cup.
Anon says
I don’t think there’s really a wrong way to do this!
We basically just swapped out bottles for solids + sippy cups of milk at meals all at once. We’d been giving our 13-month-old a bottle in the morning, so started putting her in her highchair and offering 4 oz of milk in a cup plus some breakfast. At the same time, daycare switched to only offer milk in a cup at meals (second breakfast and lunch). She gets a cup of water at afternoon snack. The main change we made was to stop having a bedtime bottle of milk and instead offering a cup of milk with dinner and then a drink of water before bed.
With this schedule she’s offered about 16 oz of cow’s milk a day (which is the max her pediatrician wanted) and will vary between drinking half or all of it. If she finishes her milk at a meal, we switch to water.
Anonymous says
Perfect advice, thanks. Our pediatrician also recommended the 16 oz limit, so it’s a good guideline. I think we’ll keep the bedtime bottle for now, but I’ll switch out the morning bottle for sippy cup starting tomorrow (I was thinking since she’s hungry in the morning she’ll be more likely to take it).
Anon says
Not a doc, so I hate to really disagree with your pediatrician, but I think this will happen naturally as you up solids and your child becomes more accustomed to them. I’d stop offering bottles and let kiddo ask for them instead. And maybe decrease the amount of milk in each one. You child needs nourishment beyond dairy milk, but it seems like pediatricians get so hung up on this when in reality, if you chill, it’ll happen on its own within a couple months if you offer substantial solid meals and stop offering bottles.
Anonymous says
Our child, personality-wise, does best with cold turkey transitions, so we just switched bottles for sippy cups one day around 11 or 12 months. He had been pretty persnickety about drinking anything from a cup, so we started with soft-spout cups for the first few weeks. He was cranky for a few days and drank less milk than normal, but adjusted. I think by that time he was already just having milk at meals. I know we switched a mid morning bottle for a snack sometime between 10&12 mo.
Patty Mayonnaise says
Thoughts/suggestions on travel with a ~1.5 year old? After taking 2 years off from our previously (pre-baby) annual big trips, my husband and I are itching to go somewhere – probably early fall timeframe. But this time we’ll have our 18 month old in tow. I’d love to go to Italy, but I’m wondering how that will work with a toddler.
Friends have recommended just keeping him on East Coast schedule so we can still go out to dinner, etc. But then I think he’ll be sleeping until like noon? I don’t want to spend $$$ and not be able to experience the place that we end up going. So I’ve also been considering a resort type setup where husband and I could hang out/go to the pool, etc. while baby sleeps. Maybe Greek islands or something? Anyone have any advice or suggestions that worked really well for them with a kiddo this age? Thanks so much!!
Anonymous says
Could you rent a house/apartment somewhere? I think for us the hardest part is being in one hotel room without having a separate sleeping area. I know that people travel with toddlers, but it is so exhausting for us traveling with our 13 month old we’re just not into it right now.
Patty Mayonnaise says
This is what we’ve been thinking, but we’re trying to figure out where to do it! We’d want to feel like it’s worth the money for the trip…
Em says
Cup of Jo had a post about taking her toddler and young child to Italy. I think she even links to the apartment they rented.
J says
What about a South American destination? Or the Caribbean? Then the sleep will be less of an issue.
Clementine says
We took a trip to Germany (Bavaria), Austria, and France when kiddo was 22 months. It was fantastic! I’ll echo the fact that having more than one area where you can put the baby to bed is key. It’s fun to just hang out and play cards and drink wine with your spouse once the kid goes down. The ideal is that you also have access to a balcony/patio so you can sit outside and enjoy some down time at night.
You do have to reset your expectations. Long, leisurely dinners aren’t a thing unless the kid falls asleep. We did find awesome places, many suggestions which were from local parents we met hanging out at the playground. I’m happy to give more details, but it was really a fantastic, positive experience for us.
My big pro tip: just book the airport hotel for when you get in. Nobody is at their best after a long (usually overnight) flight and just being able to walk to a bed and crash for a few hours before having to use brain power is key.
J says
I would love to see an entire post dedicated to European travel with toddlers/preschoolers.
Pogo says
Same! We are considering Italy and Croatia next year with a toddler. Also probably Ireland at some point. Trip #1 would be with inlaws and Trip #2 would be with my parents, so we’d have extra hands. But I feel like there is so much to figure out logistically!
anon says
Love Taza has had some good blog posts in the past on this topic, including a trip she took with two toddlers to Italy. She also had a whole post devoted to packing for a Europe trip with toddlers.
Clementine says
I would be really happy to write that post, with collab from some friends who regularly travel abroad with small ones (mostly to visit family).
Anonymous says
Tried to reply on the main s-te, but appears my comment was eaten. We took our 20 month old to France for two weeks (Paris and Nice) and had an amazing time. We went in with lowered expectations, knowing it would be very different from traveling just the two of us, built in time for our toddler each day (playground time), and spent more time wandering and relaxing than trying to see every single thing in each city. We rented an apartment each place, which was perfect. Happy to send you more info if you have specific concerns or are thinking about either of those places.
Anonymous says
We were avid travelers pre-kid and have adjusted our post-kid travels (for now). We went to Curacao when kiddo was 9 months; Cuba at 18 months and Grand Cayman at 2.5. Purposefully travelling south from our east-coast home so that we aren’t dealing with time changes, and every place we have stayed has been a one bedroom suite/apartment so that we can put kiddo to bed and then do our own thing for a couple of hours, instead of being holed up in a dark hotel room.
anon says
We did this with a trip to the English countryside last summer. My suggestions:
(1) Stay at AirBnBs in cool locations where you can sit outside and enjoy a beverage while your kid sleeps. Plan to buy food at a grocery store and takeout restaurants so you can eat at the AirBnB for at least half your meals.
(2) Rent a car for the whole trip so you don’t have to worry about schlepping your stuff and can travel on your kid’s schedule.
(3) Plan for two playground stops a day to get the wiggles out.
We especially loved visiting Bath, the Cotswolds and a cottage near the Seven Sisters cliffs. A lovely trip overall.
Anonymous says
We’ve also lucked out on AirBnBs that have had kids stuff already — a crib, a high chair, toys, etc. It made the logistics so much easier and my kid loved playing with things that weren’t his. And we learned a lot of important food words from the copy of the Very Hungry Caterpillar in the local language.
Anon says
We just did Paris with a 12-month-old and it went smoothly enough that we have another trip planned for when he’s 21 months. Agreed with all the other posters that two key things are having an apartment and adjusting expectations for what you’re going to do. It’s definitely different from Europe without kids, but still fun! The time change wasn’t that bad. We pushed bedtime/wake-up time later by a couple hours, but definitely didn’t keep on east coast time.
We always love walking around cities and that was totally doable with baby in a carrier or stroller. We’d do lunches out (usually with baby napping in a stroller) but cooked and ate dinner back in the apartment after his bedtime. Building in playground time once a day worked great and we also generally managed to do our one target tourist thing each day, too.
Anonymous says
We did a week-long trip to Copenhagen with an 18-month old. It worked very well, and we will be traveling with him again. Rented an apartment, which was key to being able to do other things while he napped. Did not keep him on an East Coast schedule, but didn’t shift fully to the local time either. It worked out nicely because he would sleep a bit later there than at home and stay up a bit later too. Maybe we got lucky, but shifting him back when we got home wasn’t any worse than the jet lag that the adults faced. Copenhagen was generally a great location for kids — lots of kids around and lots of places were set up with kids in mind. And there were tons of super awesome playgrounds. For the few sites where being a kid wasn’t great — like visiting the crown jewels — we just split up and one adult watched the kid running around outside while the other checked out the exhibit. Being in an urban place made it very easy not to have a car, but still also have easy access to grocery stores, etc.
Patty Mayonnaise says
Thanks, everybody! I would LOVE a post on this.
Margo says
We took our son to Italy (Rome, Naples, Orvieto, Florence, Assisi, Venice) for three weeks when he was 2 and to France (Paris, Normandy, Mont St Michel, Vannes, Angers) for two weeks when he was 4 (and I ended up being ~5 months pregnant on the France trip). We rented one bedroom or larger apartments through VRBO (except in Naples – which I regret, and Paris – because it is illegal, although we had pretty good luck with two different apart-hotels there) – I can probably go back and find links if you’d like them. When we traveled before kids, I tended to select hotels outside the tourist center of a given city – we took a lot of public transit and also walked a lot. For these two trips, we purposefully stayed much closer to the tourist areas, often somewhat near the train station in each town (although far enough away that it was a nice area and there wouldn’t be train noise). That allowed us to return to the apartment pretty much every afternoon for a nap.
We did pay to have a private car take us to and from the airport in Italy – before my son, we would have taken public transit. I tried to pick places near a park, and we purposefully planned a little extra time in each city in case we wanted to take an afternoon off from sightseeing to play. In Italy, I vetoed places that didn’t have a crib for us to use.
Each time we arrived in a new city, one of our first stops would be a grocery store – we’d pick up breakfast stuff and snacks (this almost always consisted of yogurt, granola, milk, strawberries, bananas, and tangerines). I tried to plan our days in half-day increments, and I made very few reservations that we had to stick to, so that we could decide how energetic we wanted to be. We brought a baby carrier rather than a stroller, which mostly worked. I also didn’t schedule more than four hours of travel per day.
We’re in Seattle, so sticking with East Coast time wasn’t an option. It took a fair amount of time for my son to adjust, particularly in Italy, but we got there.
anon for this today says
Just a minor whine – I am so tired. Tired of neverending winter, of seemingly neverending pregnancy discomforts (coming up on 25 weeks), of losing my primary stress-relief outlet (running) due to said discomforts, of being primary breadwinner for us my entire adult life so far, of being truly middle-income in a HCOL city without family nearby, of never feeling quite financially secure enough as every spare penny goes to daycare or retirement, of having to be a hard-ass with threenager kid#1 in the brief time I see him awake each day. Last night after a particularly rough kid bedtime I couldn’t even move, I just sat there and cried for a while. If I see one more sunny vacation photo from a friend I think I will lose it. No advice needed, just solidarity.
Meg Murry says
Hugs. I hear you. I’m so sick of this never ending winter-ish gross weather.
As for not being able to run – are you restricted from all exercise or is it just too uncomfortable to run? If you aren’t restricted, could I suggest swimming or water walking as an alternative? I loved being in the pool when I was pregnant because it literally feels like all that weight you’ve been carrying is lifted off your shoulders (and back, and hips, and knees). Toward the end of my pregnancy I went to the pool at least a few times a week, even if it was just to walk back and forth super slowly or even just float with a noodle and feel less like a beached whale.
Betty says
I gave up running with my second pregnancy at about the same point, but I kept walking the same distance. The decreased stress of walking v. running was a tad easier on me. But I didn’t get the same mental benefit out of walking that I did with running until I started also listening to podcasts while walking. With a toddler at home, listening to podcasts was the only “education” about pregnancy/newborns/toddlers that I took in for multiple years. Swimming is also awesome.
Also, just solidarity! Being pregnant with a toddler at home is so very hard! I had no paid maternity leave with my second, so we were saving everything we could for me to afford to take an unpaid maternity leave. It was really hard and lonely. Hang in there!
anon for this today says
Thanks! I’m not restricted for medical reasons, things just started to hurt more all of a sudden. Shins, calves, hips, round ligaments, top of the belly, you name it. I realize that I’m approaching 6 months pregnant and 20+ pounds extra, so it’s not really a surprise, just a minor whine. I’ll probably end up pool running soon. But it is hard emotionally to be slowing down or relegated to the pool just as the weather is about to get nicer.
Anonymous says
Solidarity. I’ve been there. Pregnancy with a toddler at home is HARD. I let mine watch TV while we snuggled on the couch when workday plus commute plus pregnancy was just too much. And he loved it. He would see me and say Mama you need to rest (which was code for I get to watch TV). It will get better. If it makes you smile at all, I’d like to share that my son accidentally peed on my iphone yesterday because he didn’t see it on the toilet lid, lifted the lid, and proceeded to pee with bad aim.
anon for this today says
Ha! Thanks for the laughs. (When DO they stop peeing all over the place?)
Anonymous says
Definitely offering solidarity! Also middle-income in a HCOL area (DC suburbs), all of our extras go to retirement/college fund/savings so we don’t get to take those big international trips that our childless friends are doing. Pregnancy is HARD and the only way out is through. Could you try prenatal yoga? I never did it, but my friends who do sing it’s praises. Just 1hr every saturday could make a huge difference in your stress levels/discomforts.
ElisaR says
i feel ya!
At least pregnancy and winter are both temporary….
social media is the worst – those sunny pictures don’t tell the whole story! I try to remember that.
Anonymous says
Solidarity, coming from a 33 week pregnant mom with a similar threenager.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Right there with you, girl. Except I am about 14 weeks so the pregnancy pains are still to come! This is just such a hard stage and I try to remind myself that this is temporary, which sometimes helps. I told my therapist this morning that I just want to fast forward to about 2 years from now, because I truly do want two kids and I think we’ll have more fun when they’re a little bit older (and I’m not with dealing the pains and hormones of pregnancy).
We’ve scheduled a trip for just me and husband at the end of June, where I am planning to get a prenatal massage and just relax. Could you do something like that, even if it’s just a night away? Something to look forward to in the dreary winter months.
You are not alone and please vent away. It makes me feel better to not be in this alone, and I’m sure others as well.
anon says
This. DH and I are about to start trying for number 2 and everyone says I seem sad about it. I know we want another kid but I don’t long for pregnancy or the baby years. I just want to fast forward too.
anon for this today says
I completely feel this. Hang in there! I would also love to fast-forward about 2 years, because I don’t love pregnancy or the baby stage but I do enjoy the hilarious toddler stage. Plus I think #1 is a sweetheart and will be a terrific big brother as he matures a bit.
Anon says
I hear ya. Not pregnant, but billing 50+ hours a week every week for the past month, with no weekends. Still nursing and pumping, and going through teething, solid food adjustment, who knows what so I’m only sleeping in 2-3 hour chunks. No fewer than 7 loads of unfolded laundry piled on our spare bed, two sets of dirty sheets to be washed on the floor, and my husband canceled our usually weekly grocery delivery for tomorrow because “we have plenty of milk”, as though that is all we need. Spent last weekend with our baby by myself working and visiting mom because her cancer is back and she needs to do another 3-6 months of chemo starting in two weeks. I am just so. so. tired. Hopefully my deal signs in 2-3 weeks if I can just make it until then. P.S. I hated being pregnant, but love having a baby.
Anonymous says
All the solidarity. I hate not being able to run. I used to power walk on the treadmill in our basement as a replacement. Not near the same as running outside but better than nothing for me.
J says
I biked a lot on the trainer during pregnancy until my knees started hitting my belly. Then I switched to walking. But I was pushing 36 weeks at that point so could only walk like 15 minutes without stopping to pee. Biking isn’t the same as running, but a hard ride is the closest thing I’ve found.
Anonymous says
I hear you!! 23 weeks, threenager in residence. I was able to jog in my last pregnancy through the end of the 2nd trimester, but haven’t found it tolerable in this one from the start. Nothing quite compares but walking really hilly routes comes close! I get so out of breathe so easily that it feels pretty similar, and it’s still outside (indoor HIIT workouts don’t have the same mental benefit). I hear you on the fatigue and readiness to be done with all the discomfort!
Anonymous says
Plus I had an almost identical crying-after-bedtime experience this week. A huge challenge is that dealing with three year old until 8 or 8:30 pm means there are many days I’m too tired to exercise at that point. If you can, could your partner take on more evenings/bedtimes? We typically alternate bedtimes but have decided to prioritize my exercise for the next few months, so my spouse is doing more bedtimes so I have enough energy to work out. (He leaves for work around 6 so I can’t easily exercise in the morning.)
anon says
Can I whine about how hard it is to even consider a career change once you’re staring down 40? I’m in higher ed and interested in moving into another area at my university. (I generally like what I do, but I’m burned out and wishing I could try something different.) Because higher ed is so rigid about hiring requirements, I would basically have to start over at entry level to even try anything new. I’m especially interested in becoming a career counselor but the salaries are a pittance, even in my LCOL city. I’m not above taking a few steps back in my career, but am I willing to go back to the salary I earned as a new graduate in 2002? No, I’m not. I have two kids, a mortgage, and a strong desire to save for retirement. It’s not like I’m raking in $$$$ as it is. It’s hard not to feel stuck.
Anonymous says
YES. Same.
Tfor22 says
I know what you mean, believe me. I am in my 18th year at my university in more or less the same program, and my new boss actually asked where I see myself in 5 years in my review. Uhh, stuck here?
My strategy has been to look for increased fulfillment outside of work. In your case that might look like getting some career counseling training (if it is not too expensive) and doing some of that work as a volunteer with an organization you respect.
Anonymous says
Has anyone used the Bookroo subscription service for children’s books? It was mentioned in a WaPo article yesterday and seems great, but I’d love to hear some reviews from real people.
AK says
I don’t, but just to check, are you signed up for Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library (if available in your area)? It’s one free* book per month until age 5.
*Donations provided by local library/early learning groups, so it may not be available in your area.
avocado says
Can’t reply directly to the first thread on phone. +1 million to preschool as the easiest time for working parents in terms of logistics. After they start school, it just gets harder and harder as they get older, the intensity of activities increases, and the child care options dwindle.
I will say that for us homework did become almost entirely hands-off when the kid hit sixth grade. Fifth grade was the peak of busy work where the kid demanded I sit with her the entire time. It was also the peak of big projects assigned with no structure or guidance to enable the kid to do them independently. In sixth grade the teachers provide rubrics, graphic organizers, and other tools that allow the kid to do everything with minimal parental intervention. All I have to do is answer a specific question once in a while. YMMV, but hopefully this is encouraging to elementary school parents drowning in homework.
Anonymous says
Cup of Jo is a multimillionaire who travels with at least one nanny, maybe more (even though she’s not super open about that fact). Her advice isn’t going to be that relevant for parents traveling without any childcare.
Anonymous says
Curious what your source of this info is?
anon says
I don’t know about the traveling with a nanny part but the ny post outed her as having bought a $4 million brownstone in brooklyn. Link to follow.
(and yes, not clear from her posts that her house is $4 million!)
anon says
https://nypost.com/2017/04/18/popular-lifestyle-blogger-outed-as-buyer-of-4m-brooklyn-home/
(and I’m not the person who posted this before – I just think it’s really interesting how she can’t really “own” her success for lack of a better word at risk of alienating her audience)
Anon in NYC says
I don’t follow Cup of Jo, and this is off topic from the travel question, but I do find it really interesting how many bloggers/influencers etc. are secretive about their success. I find it particularly annoying when an “influencer” tries to mask their paid partnerships with brands. I imagine it has to do with wanting to seem authentic and avoid addressing the reality of the fact that their income sources are their followers.
Anonymous says
Very interesting, thanks! I definitely didn’t get the impression that they live in a $4 million home from her posts (although wow, I knew NYC real estate was crazy but that is really something).
Patty Mayonnaise says
Interesting! Her trip does look amazing, but yeah, I guess we prob don’t have the same budget! ;)
anon says
I’ve yet to figure out why these lifestyle bloggers became authorities on anything. They don’t live in the real world, imho.
New Mom says
I’m going back to work next week and my EBF 4.5 month old has recently started rejecting the bottle. She’ll drink an ounce or two to take the edge off of her hunger, but she refuses it after that. I’m worried about her getting enough to eat while I’m at work (I work a compressed schedule so when I’m working I don’t see her at all that day) and that she’ll “reverse cycle” and eat more at night to make up for it. Any advice from moms who have been there?
Also, are there any formulas that BF babies take to particularly well? I want to have some on hand in case we need to supplement.
ElisaR says
is she rejecting the bottle when you give it to her or when anybody gives it to her? I know some babies won’t take it from Mom but will take it from other people….
I started giving my son formula at 6 months after only BM and it was a total non-issue (I had been worried). We did Similac Advanced in the blue container.
Clementine says
The one bottle that I swear by for BF babies who reject other bottles is the Comotomo silicone bottle. Available on Amazon prime.
Anon says
I went back to work at 5 months. We had been giving 1-2 bottles a week. When I went back to work, the first two weeks she refused the bottle and would at most take 3 oz. all day, sometimes in a bottle, sometimes in a sippy cup, but she was reverse cycling at night. My pediatrician advised that she wouldn’t starve herself and that if she got hungry enough she would eventually take the bottle. Sure enough, after 2 weeks her stubborn little self gave in and she accepted the bottle again (which then caused the reverse cycling to taper off). Fast forward to almost 9 months and she’s still nursing, taking the bottle and now transitioning to two solid meals a day. Hang in there mama, it’s hard. We used the Dr. Brown’s options bottles given our DD had colic and even now struggles a lot with gas issues. The handful of times we’ve had to supplement, I think we used the Similac gentle (orange container maybe)? But then she got constipated for 4 days, so who knows.
Pogo says
Mine doesn’t love the bottle from new people or when I’m away, but after a few days he gets over it. As others mention above he did go some days only taking a few oz. He reverse cycled but he also had the four month sleep regression at the same time soooo… not sure which was which.
We gave him Similac something or rather to supplement when he was little… whatever the ped recommended, I think! He was fine with it. But he also eats anything.
Anonymous says
My EBF baby hated all the bottles but she would drink from a straw sippy cup from around 5 months. You could even try a mug and regular straw if she’s being cared for at home.
Anonymous says
Also – when I didn’t produce enough, she would take Nestle Goodstart the best. But only the concentrated liquid – she hated the powder.
Margo says
My son did exactly this – took an ounce or two total over 8-10 hours while I was gone and then ate all night. I could never stop it. I weaned him around 14 months and he is now a healthy 5 year old.
New Mom says
When anyone gives it to her, unfortunately.
Glad to hear you were able to introduce formula with no issues!
Everlong says
Solidarity on the running thing while pregnant with a toddler! I found it really tough too and nothing really replaces it. My last pregnancy, I walked in the morning instead of running and took up meditation. Meditation was the only thing that came close to touching the feeling of running. Also, this is temporary. You will run again.
Everlong says
I give up. That was for Anon For This Today
Pogo says
power yoga was the closest I got to that ‘runners high’. Swimming was nice but did not do it for me.
KateMiddletown says
What about cycling? I am hoping to do a weekend AM spinning class this weekend (not to the same degree I did before, but still a nice adrenaline boost.)
SC says
Cross-posting from the main site. Does anyone have a good, straightforward chocolate cake/cupcake recipe? It’s for my kid’s birthday party on Sunday. I’m a good, experienced baker, but none of my cookbooks seem to have a “normal” chocolate cake recipe.
Anon says
Smitten Kitchen’s ‘I Want Chocolate Cake’ Cake is super easy and also delicious. I’m picky about my chocolate cakes but this one meets my standards for having enough chocolate flavor. The recipe is written for an 8×8 pan, but I’ve done it as a 9×13 sheetcake, a round layer cake, and cupcakes, so it’s plenty versatile!
Anon says
This or the Smitten Kitchen party cakes recipes in her newest cookbook are also a standby for me (and it may be the same as the I Want Chocolate Cake Cake). My husband is allergic to chocolate and the smell nauseates him, so I get to make chocolate cake maaaybe once a year.
Pogo says
Martha Stewart one-bowl chocolate cupcakes are great!
Anonymous says
This works well for cupcakes
https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/member/views/6-minute-chocolate-cake-1209446
Anonymous says
Sorry there is a version with better directions – google moosewood 6 minute chocolate cake.
Tfor22 says
I love that recipe! That is my go-to cupcake recipe. I almost made some this morning just for fun.
Marilla says
Google the Hersheys Perfectly Chocolate Chocolate Cake. It is actually perfect and super easy (I’ve made it without milk and just used extra coffee or juice instead, still came out great).
CHL says
Advice needed – we just moved and for school year logistical reasons, we have a nanny with our 3 and 5 year old until school starts up again in the fall. They’ve been in daycare and then preschool since they were babies. I think we’re all trying to figure out the right level of structure/routine. Our nanny is well trusted, etc but not a mom herself or any kind of childhood ed person, and asked us more for the routine that they usually follow — and the answer is that we outsourced that to pre-k and they had a good mix of educational/play/nap/structure meal times etc. Any advice on how to advise her on how to set up their days? They don’t usually nap with us on weekends, but did everyday at school, so maybe I should tell her to do quiet time? Do others say things like, spend an hour reading, an hour outside, 30 minutes of crafts every day or similar? Help?
Anonymous says
Do have any of their schedules from daycare? Those often have useful ideas.
Make a list of nearby parks/playgrounds. If you have a backyard, make sure there are outside toys available – even a few balls in different sizes from the dollar store and bubbles/chalk.
Something like – Free Play Inside, Morning Snack, Outside Play, Lunch, Quiet Time (1 hour, in beds with books if not sleeping, nanny cleans up from lunch), Free Play Inside, Afternoon snack, Outside Play, End of Day. You can have here do lunch or snacks outside if the weather is nice. Like afternoon snack could be a snack brought along to the playground. If the weather is poor and she has transportation, she could take them to the library, or a children’s museum. But kids also love just jumping in puddles outside so encourage her to bring weather appropriate clothes so that rainy weather doesn’t stop them from going outside.
For Free play – you can have her mix it up by putting out different toys each day. I usually pick out a couple and if the kids aren’t interested in those, they are free to pick something else. Like – music instruments/songs, trains, kitchen/restaurant play, playdoh, painting). Sometimes one of the kids may want to play on their own.
anon says
Our kids are of similar ages and we set up a loose routine for the au pair. Generally, we try to have one structured activity for them to do every morning. It can be something free like story time at the library, but I like them to have a reason to get dressed and out of the house.
AM – free play, getting ready
Mid morning – Activity out of the house (library, music, parks-n-rec class, preschool, etc)
SNACK
Late morning – playdate or playground or craft time
LUNCH
Books, then quiet time
Post-Nap SNACK
PM activity – baking, playdate, playground, crafts/playdoh or backyard playtime
On Mondays they’ll often to a big trip downtown in the morning to a museum or the zoo, and then the routine picks up with a late quiet time.
On the whole, I’d highly recommend that your nanny set up playdates with other nannies and kids. It makes everyone so happy to have that social time.
Anon says
Unrelated, but THIS is why I would never make it as a SAHM and why I admire them so much. Honestly I don’t give a ton of thought to what my kids do all day in daycare, but I guess you’re right that it looks an awful lot like this (out of the house subbed for “learning through play” time).
I do not have the energy to make this happen on a weekend, let alone 5 days a week. I’m in particular awe of people who can fit in a mid morning activity, snack, AND late morning activity all before lunch.
(Sorry just reading this made me realize this even more clearly. I had to point out that I’m thrilled I can outsource this to a daycare. Not one of my strengths at all.)
Ella says
Feel exactly the same — wouldn’t remotely be able to come up with this, and am again humbled by my nanny and stay at home moms (including my own mom!)
Anon in NYC says
Yep. Someone posted the other day if other folks ever wanted to become a SAHM and I thought, “definitely not!” I could not provide this for my kid.
Anonymous says
I was a nanny for 10 years with kids around that age. Our days were usually like this:
Morning: I would make breakfast and get the kids ready while the parents rushed around getting ready for work. Brush teeth, put on sunscreen. Tidy up after breakfast, throw in laundry. Then off to an activity, bookstore, museum, coffee shop, grocery store, etc. I would run errands alone if the kids had morning preschool or kindergarten.
Back for lunch around 11:30-noon. Clean up after lunch.
1-2:30 or 3pm: mandatory nap or quiet time. A snack after.
Afternoon: the park. The kids preferred going in the afternoons because there were more kids there at that time.
Late afternoon: kids watched TV while I started dinner.
And throughout all this, endless cleaning and laundry, walking the dog if there was one, etc.
My best piece of advice though is to let the nanny figure out how she wants to spend her time.
CHL says
This is so helpful! Thank you!
biglawanon says
I really don’t like these. They look like men’s shoes – my husband would like them.
biglawanon says
Oh, they ARE men’s shoes.
Anon says
Lol! that cracked me up.
biglawanon says
Would help if I actually read the post before commenting! ha
Anon says
They actually have a women’s version that I’ve been considering in silver. But they’re probably too much for what won’t be a lasting trend. I might pick up some silver Toms instead.