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I recently had a blissful day when my son’s daycare was open but my office was closed. I was livin’ the dream and leisurely walked the hair and beauty aisles of my local Target, looking to spend money on “self care” items — including these Pixi Glow Peel Pads. Normally, I would have some price sensitivity on a Target item for $22, but I was feeling pretty zen so I just threw them in the cart. I used them for the first time the other night, and the tingle they gave off seemed pretty reassuring. I plan on using them twice a week or so, as my skin is pretty sensitive, not to mention this incredibly dry weather, so results are TBD. I do like how the instructions make note to also use them on the back of your hands, and I did notice my skin softer there immediately. These pads are available at Target for $22, online and in-store. Glow Peel Pads This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
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Kid/Family Sales
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Patty Mayonnaise says
Good morning, ladies! We’re planning to take a quick last minute babymoon to someplace warm from DC and I’d love any recs you might have. We’re thinking Bermuda or Bahamas due to low Zika risk and short flights, but would love any specific recs for resorts/hotels, etc. Thanks so much!!
TheElms says
Oh me too! Probably going early to mid-March. We’ve been looking at the Cove on Eleuthera. Has anyone been?
Anonymous says
I liked the Fairmont South Hampton in Bermuda but depends on when you are going. May is the earliest that it will be warm enough to swim.
Anonymous says
We’re going to Atlantis in the Bahamas with my parents in March — they suggested/planned it and we didn’t know I’d be pregnant when we booked but the timing worked our perfectly for a babymoon as well. I’ve never been so I’m not sure if I recommend yet, but it looks great and will definitely be warm and beachy!
Anonymous says
Bahamas is not Zika free, a colleague’s father in law lives there and contracted it. I don’t believe they accurately report cases from locals.
siblings sharing a room says
We live in a 2BR apartment, so our 2-year-old twins share a bedroom (and I have nowhere else to put them). How do I get them to go to sleep when they’d rather play with each other for hours after lights out?!
For background, they’ve been great sleepers since we sleep trained them at 3 months. Then we had to transition to toddler beds. They initially had trouble but learned to fall asleep by sharing a bed or having one of us sit in their room until they fell asleep. I hated sitting in the dark, but now even that doesn’t work (they just ignore me and run around chasing each other). They won’t nap either. Help!
Anonymous says
Put one to bed first then the other. Alternate each night. We alternate bath nights as well so whoever’s turn it is for a bath, goes to bed later. After bath, we read books in our bedroom until first twin is asleep.
Anonymous says
Not OP (or even a person with 2 children), but this is such a great idea. And what a great way to have one-on-one time with each child built into your day.
Anon in NYC says
I realize that this is probably a terrible answer, but what about just letting them play until they fall asleep? There are definitely days where my (only) kid won’t fall asleep until 9:30. I just avoid going in her room as much as possible. She still has to wake up at her normal time, and she’s usually grumpy in the morning, but it is what it is. I can’t force her to sleep.
anon says
This is what we do. After lights out, our 4 year old can play as long as he wants, but he can’t cry for us and he can’t leave his room. We don’t adjust wake up times in the morning.
Spirograph says
What works for us (usually):
1. Give them a short amount of time to play quietly (talking/singing is OK. running around the room is not). ~15 minutes or so. Sometimes they just need to get it out of their systems.
2. After the grace period, remind them that lights out means in bed and quiet. If they don’t calm down, one of us goes and sits in the room as an enforcer. Podcasts and kindles are good for this.
3. Last resort, one kid is transplanted to parents’ bed, to be moved once everyone’s asleep.
2 to 1 Nap Advice says
Happy Monday! I know there’s been advice on this here before, so asking for any updates. DS is 14 months, and down to 1 nap at daycare when everyone naps from 1-3 PM.
At home, on weekends, he wakes up around 7 (after being an early riser for most of his short life this feels blissful, but also know it can change at any moment), and by 9:30-10 is ready to nap again. He’ll take a good morning nap, and then in the afternoon will be clearly tired but will fight his nap, or sometimes just hang out in his pack-and-play instead of napping (in our home, it’s nap/sleep/play time regardless so we let him do what he needs to do).
I’d like to push him to 1 nap moving forward on weekends since he’s doing that at school anyway (and night time sleep has been fine so far). Any thoughts on how best to approach? Not sure if I should gradually push back, or just start putting him down after an early lunch on weekends. Kind of not sure how to keep him from getting over tired or stimulated. At school, he just takes the lead from the other kids and then everyone has lights out nap time 1-3.
I have loosely been following Moms On Call, but DS would typically go down for naps at 9:30 AM and 2:30 PM, whereas their schedules have a 9:30 AM and 12:30 PM nap. Any advice would be welcome, and thank you for reading this long, overly-detailed post!
Anonymous says
How long does he nap when he naps at 10am? Could you do a mini-lunch at 10am, let him nap 10:30-2:30 and do another mini-lunch/big snack at 2:30?
Anon in NYC says
When I went through this I pushed back the morning nap and would let her sleep as long as she wanted when it was nap time (max of 4 hours), and then not do a second nap.
AwayEmily says
I think your instinct to put him down after an early lunch is a good one — so maybe have his nap start at 11/11:30? Our daughter is almost three and still goes down earlier on the weekends than she does at school. At school she goes to bed at around 1:45 and sleeps for about 1.5 hours; at home she goes down an hour earlier and sleeps for at least 2 hours. I think it’s fine if their school schedules and home schedules don’t match up perfectly — the goal is to maximize sleep and also your sanity!
OP says
EXACTLY. I don’t care if they don’t match exactly – he’s always napped better and longer at home for all the obvious reasons. I just want more sleep all around for everyone :)
Anonymous says
Try and hold him off until 11, then 11:30, then 12, then 12:30. It won’t take long and he might sleep a little later too (maybe not- mine never did).
Cb says
I need to start pushing my kiddo’s nap back – ideally he’d go down after lunch, leaving us the am free. He wakes up at 6 and wants to nap at 9:30 if he’s home with us. It’s hard to push him to stay awake when he’s begging to go in the buggy and go to sleep. I think nursery is able to push him a bit later but sometimes they mistime it and he naps through lunch.
OP says
That is *nap/play/cry
Anonymous says
Yup we went through this – just gradually push back starting at 11 or 11:30am.
Anonymous says
I know this is much easier said than done this time of year in the bitter cold…but when I needed to push kiddo back for napping/nursing, whatever, being out and about really helped. So maybe head to the grocery store or whatever mid-morning to help keep kiddo awake.
Anna says
Same. When we pushed nap to the afternoon, I found it really helped to go do something in the morning. Especially something active that will lead to a good long sleep later. And pack a snack for the car ride home to avoid a car nap ruining everything.
lawsuited says
The same thing happened to us around 15 no. We gradually pushed the morning nap later so he was going down for his nap at around 11 for a month or so then at around noon for another month or so, and now pretty closely mirrors the timing at daycare. During the transition, we’d do heavy snacks/light lunch before and after nap as we eat breakfast later on weekends so he wasn’t hungry for lunch by 11am and was often too tired to eat a proper lunch before his nap anyway.
Anon says
Has anyone sent food to daycare when the daycare provides meals? I hate the waste aspect of it, and I don’t want to be “that mom” who thinks her little one is too good for daycare food, but the meals are really not great – technically compliant with USDA guidelines, but lots of Rice Krispies, sugary cereals, lunch meats, ground beef and hot dogs. I care not one bit if my kid eats any of that (or cookies or cake) at a playdate or party, but day in, day out as 5/7 of her diet I’m not psyched about it. It’s weird because I think of myself as so laid back in terms of baby food nutrition. I used a lot of jars and pouches during infancy and I believe fruit is a healthy part of a meal, which horrifies my BFF, who treats fruit like a dessert her kid can have only rarely. But my 14 month old is currently a big fan of healthy, whole food (I take no credit and am aware this is just luck) and it seems a bit of a shame to introduce a kid who currently loves salmon, plain yogurt, unsweetened peanut butter, blueberries and steamed peas and carrots to all this processed food. Thoughts? Would you try to pack lunches and snacks until kiddo gets pickier? Just have her eat daycare food from the get-go?
Anonymous says
I would do daycare food. I think it’s hard on them to be the only one with different food. A big part of why my kids ate so well at daycare was the social aspect of seeing their friends eat something.
It’s not 5/7 days because it’s 3 meals a day and 7 days. So if it just lunch at daycare it’s only 5/21 meals. That’s lots of time to have more optimal foods outside daycare.
If she’s there for breakfast and lunch, I would maybe send breakfast as that’s when there is more likely to be the sugar cereals and all the kids won’t necessarily be there then so it’s a bit more free flow.
Anonymous says
adding that sometimes they get exposed to ‘obvious’ food that I didn’t even think of giving them. I hate egg sandwiches and never make them. Turns out my youngest kid LOVES them and can’t want for sandwich day at daycare.
mascot says
This was our thought process too. We fed breakfast at home and supplemented with healthier snacks. You may be surprised at what they can get the kids to eat (foods with sauce on them, different textures of meat, etc.)
CPA Lady says
^ agree with this. I am personally lazy and willing to cut corners and let my kid eat daycare breakfast, lunch, and snack, but if you are worried, I’d focus on making breakfast and dinner healthy, and letting lunch and snack be whatever is provided.
A typical day at my kid’s school would be something like this:
Breakfast – sausage biscuit, banana, milk
Lunch – chili, crackers, broccoli, cantaloupe, milk
Snack- blueberries & strawberries, yogurt, graham crackers
It’s good enough for me. I’m hoping she will be okay with eating school lunch once she gets to elementary school too, because she’ll be familiar with eating this kind of food. And, as previously mentioned, I’m lazy.
Anon says
This sounds a lot healthier than our daycare, fwiw. There is limited fresh fruit except grapes and there isn’t much in the way of veggies. When there is a veg, it’s often something like corn (which I have no issue with in moderation, but definitely isn’t a super healthy vegetable). I’d have a lot less hesitation about the menu you described. Meals are required to have “fruit or veg” not both, and it’s often something like applesauce that I would barely consider a fruit.
CPA Lady says
Oh, sometimes there’s mandarin oranges or applesauce at mine too instead of fresh fruit. And sometimes the afternoon snack is goldfish crackers and a cheese stick, with no fruit in sight. It varies. I think overall it’s pretty decent though, so I go with it.
Mama Llama says
We send food because my daughter is very picky and just straight up refused to eat the lovely, healthy daycare lunches for almost a year. In your situation, I don’t think it’s being “that mom” to pack a lunch. If she’s eating healthy foods and happy and you have the time and energy to pack it, why not?
Anonymous says
Honestly, I’d let this go.
Kiddo will be older and go to school and camp and it is a blessing upon blessings that a kid will just eat what is put in front of them. And is food-friendly. Otherwise, you may be their personal chef for all of their summer camp meals and school meals and that is awful for you.
If kid eats healthy for bfast and on weekends and maybe dinner during the week, it is just 5/21 of her meals. And even if it is 10/21, you still have 11/21.
rakma says
Can you feed her some breakfast before drop off, let lunch ride, and keep the healthy dinners? This way she has the option of daycare breakfast like everyone else, but maybe isn’t too hungry for it. I find mornings are just so much more pleasant if my kids get some food in them as early as possible, even if it’s just a little snack.
If you figure there are 21 meals a week, even if breakfast and lunch 5 days aren’t optimal, you’re still feeding her half of her meals a week. Plenty of room for a variety of healthy foods.
Anon says
We thought about doing this, ended up deciding not to, and regret that. Our kid now refused all vegetables and most fruits. Maybe that was inevitable, but the five days a week of sugar-added, super-processed foods can’t have helped.
OP says
One additional wrinkle is that DH and I dislike cooking full meals and have takeout/delivery/restaurants at least 3 nights/week for dinner, so breakfast and lunch is actually when DD currently gets her healthiest meals and we tend to not worry much about dinner, since she eats progressively less throughout the day anyway. I’d MUCH rather prep simple healthy lunches for kiddo every day than try to cook one additional family dinner each week and I think DH feels the same, so I don’t see the takeout situation changing. Kiddo is a bit of a night owl so I think it will be hard to do breakfast at home because I’d have to wake her half an hour earlier and I hesitate to do that.
anon says
Does daycare even allow outside food? At ours, food from home isn’t allowed because of allergies, etc.
What about prepping healthy smoothies or other to-go food for her breakfast that she can eat on the way?
anon says
I think if you have the time and inclination to pack her snacks and lunches then do it. Do they give you a menu ahead of time? My sister’s daycare provides food and some of it looks fine while other options seem like junk. Maybe cherry-pick the meals and snacks that you provide so that sometimes your daughter eats what her peers eat and other times she eats what you send?
Anonymous says
why don’t you just serve whatever you would make her for lunch, as her dinner?
Anon says
We try (especially on the nights we have takeout) but she’s already getting to the point where she wants to eat what we eat and gets mad if we try to prep her a separate meal. I know it’s likely at some point the pendulum will swing the opposite way and she’ll want PB&J every day no matter what we’re eating, but for now she wants what we eat.
Anonymous says
I would absolutely send food and insist they serve what I pack or change day care.
ElisaR says
i haven’t read the other comments yet – but I totally get what you’re saying. I send in my own food. and after he eats the food I send, they give him the Life cereal or whatever as a treat. It’s not really wasting food anymore than kids already waste a ton of food. if you have a healthy eater keep that momentum going! Mine started out healthy and slowly has gotten junkier and junkier.
Spirograph says
I don’t think the waste aspect should come into it at all. If you talk with the daycare and make it clear you’re going to send your own food, they will stop ordering food for your child. They surely already accommodate kids with allergies this way.
If you care about this enough to add cost and inconvenience, send your own food. You do you! Personally, I do not care what my kids eat at daycare and rarely give the monthly menu more than a cursory glance. They get a generally balanced diet including fruit and vegetables, and I feed them how I see fit when they’re at home. The ease of not worrying about school snacks and lunch is worth more to me than the marginal nutrition gain I could squeeze out of sending their meals.
Anonymous says
Our daycare varies wildly in the healthiest of provided food, but I figure I really don’t want to have to deal with prepping two toddler lunches every day and there’s something to be said for daycare peer pressure to try new things. They get a lot more cereal than I’d feed them, but breakfast also always has fresh fruit. Lunch also always has a fruit and a vegetable, though it’s often canned vegetables, which isn’t something I’d choose to feed my kids on my own.
For example, here are two daily menus for this week:
Breakfast: Cornflakes, strawberries / French toast, grapes
Lunch: Baked fish, green beans (canned), pineapple slices (canned), quinoa / Chicken nuggets, broccoli (frozen?), peaches (canned), couscous
Snack: Rice cakes, dried cranberries / Yogurt, graham crackers
shortperson says
i send in food officially because i dont want my kids eating meat at school, but really also because of this issue, and our school is not as bad. i think if you care about this and have the energy, go for it. our school is super nice about it. i also send in a little square of dark chocolate so that my kids perceive getting lunch as a treat. my 1 year old eats what i send in, and my 4 year old gets both what i send in and the non meat items served at school. i dont know how much she eats of what but i’m happy just having a healthy option for her and sending her the message that healthy food is something we value as a family. i still remember my mom’s healthy lunches while other kids got chips and little debbie. of course i wanted those things at the time but i got her message too.
Anonymous says
Can you bring in something for the whole class to supplement? I do this when we have extras- like we’re going out of town this week and have half a box of clementines left so I brought them into daycare.
When our garden went bonkers this summer my middles daycare got cucumbers and tomatoes every week. We literally could not keep up.
You could do fruits and veg. And then just gives a pass on the rest.
AwayEmily says
Hopefully the mix of answers here will give you confidence that either decision is fine! Also, no matter what you decide, you can always change your mind if it doesn’t go well.
IHeartBacon says
If you’re willing and able, then I say go ahead and send your own food. I wouldn’t worry about the waste aspect. I don’t consider it a waste at all for me to refuse to allow a third party to feed my kid crap. I also don’t care if I’m considered “that mom.” My goal is to get my kid to eat healthy nutritious food, as often as I can. If what he is being fed doesn’t align with my goal, and I have the ability to control what he eats, then I will exercise that control. And for the record, I would absolutely let him eat things like cakes, hot dogs, and rice krispies at play dates or birthday parties. But at school day in and day out, nope.
IHeartBacon says
Wow, my use of the word “crap” sounded harsher than I intended.
Walnut says
FWIW, my kids would happily consume everything I put in front of them until about 18-20 months. Then they turned into toddlers and survived pretty much off of yogurt and grapes. Most days I’d be happy with them eating anything just to know their stomachs occasionally fill.
My suggestion is if you want to send lunches along – great. Just be prepared to be flexible as your kid’s eating habits change.
Anon says
Oh yeah, I totally anticipate that will happen. I guess I just feel like there’s no reason to rush it and if she happily eats healthy food now, why give her the less healthy options? I know it’s inevitable and at that time I will almost certainly stop packing lunches.
Loser says
We live far from family. When we visit them, it is to visit. My MIL is elderly and I don’t think she’d be a good overnight childminder (plus, I don’t want her to die while watching my kids; she is old and not in the best of health). My parents are old, and also a plane ride away.
As a result, we have never even had an overnight child-free since becoming parents. And our kids can read and do math. We have one adult sitter who would be competent at this and our kids are old enough that they just need to be fed (can do 8 hours of screen time easily), and could almost do this themselves (at least bfast and snacks).
It’s time to try this (my worry — sitter will get married and won’t want to do an overnight by the time we get around to asking), right?
Any tips (do you just pay for a weekend)? Advice? Sitter has a car and already drives them home from school and to the pool sometimes.
Anonymous says
If they can read and do math, they might be ready for summer camp! My daughter went to her first sleepaway camp at age 6, entering second grade, and had a blast.
Anon says
If your kids can read and do math isn’t it time for a sleepover? Or sleep away summer camp? Those were the only child free nights my parents had until we left for college. They’re still happily married.
SC says
If you want an overnight alone, it’s definitely time to try! We have a sitter who does overnights, and she charges her hourly rate while kid is awake + $100 for overnight.
Are your kids old enough for sleepovers? Trading off sleepovers with friends could give you one night to yourselves.
Anonymous says
Other key thing — one kid has primary eneurisis, so isn’t dry at night (we are praying that resolves in the next year or two). And is very, very sensitive about it, so isn’t comfortable with camp or sleepovers :( The kindly adult sitter is aware and would handle this (but the teen sitters don’t know this yet).
Anonymous says
I would not rule out sleepaway camp. Camp staff are very experienced at dealing with this issue with sensitivity. Have you tried calling camps to ask about their approaches?
If my kid were otherwise ready for sleepaway camp, I would push him to get out of his comfort zone and attend. Sleepaway camp is such an important way of building independence and self-confidence.
RR says
Agree regarding camp staff being very good at dealing with this. For our camp, it’s a straightforward question on the form, and the counselors are very discrete. My son went the first year with pull ups and no one knew or said anything (and I’m sure he wasn’t the only one at all). It was handled so well it was a complete non-issue.
anon says
TBH, why wouldn’t you try it, assuming cost isn’t an issue. I would definitely try this before jumping into a sleepover/summer camp, because it’s contained (you could try one night at first) and there’s no potential for embarrassment (the anticipation of which could be a bigger issue than the event itself). Also as a precursor to sleepovers/camp – an overnight with a trusted adult is definitely a good way to ease into it.
Anonanonanon says
If you have a sitter you trust, go for it! Talk to her about what she will accept for payment and be sure to leave extra cash for her to take them to the movies etc. I would go for a flat rate for the weekend, and let her know that you’re OK with them watching TV all day etc. I think that will be easier on your family than committing to camp when you have concerns about one of the children being in that environment.
If you’re feeling unsure, can you “staycation” at a hotel or resort that is very close by so that you have the peace of mind that comes with knowing you can get there quickly if something happens? Do your kids have a way to contact you if you something goes wrong? (Our 8yo has a gizmo gadget through Verizon). If it’s just one night (like leaving early to mid morning saturday, coming back around 3 or 5 pm sunday, so around 28 hours) I would probably offer around $250 since your kids are old enough to entertain themselves and should sleep through the night, but I would love to hear what others think about that.
Anon says
I used to do this all the time for families in my parent’s neighborhood in college. It really wasn’t much more responsibility than I was already used to when watching the kids. I did it for a few families- one with 4 kids with various sports practices and events and it was fine. If you trust the person to watch your kids, it shouldn’t be any different. $250 would not be enough though. I was paid at least 350-400 eight or so years ago I think?
Name game says
Anyone in the mood to give baby name reactions/suggestions this morning? We’re expecting our second girl and the first name came so naturally to us. She’s named after family, it’s unique but not totally “out there,” comes with a cute nickname, will wear well as an adult, goes with our one-syllable last name, gets tons of favorable reactions, etc.
For a little background, we live in the South (although I’m originally from the North), and preppy Southern names have really grown on me. My husband’s not much help in the naming department. I’ve been scouring the internet and was stuck on Elowen Claire for a few weeks (nickname Winnie, which is a cute complement to our other girl’s nn), but I’ve nearly ruled it out because the more I think about it, the more I realize 1) it will always be mispronounced 2) it will always be misspelled 3) it sounds a little too elfish. Vivienne (or Vivian) Alexandra has been on my spreadsheet, but it’s charging the ranks in popularity and I worry it’s going to be the next Olivia or Charlotte. I sort of like Eloise as a more normal but still-not-too-popular alternative to Elowen, but lately the name I’ve been stuck on is Maren. Unique but not too “out there,” preppy feeling, and has the -en ending I like (our other girl is an -ly ending which I also like, but I worry it’s over the top if we have two girls with -ly names).
At any rate, I’m just curious to see how any of the above names feel to a group of well-educated women. And if they inspire any alternative suggestions, I’m all ears. Thanks!
Anonymous says
Like Maren Morris, the songwriter with the My Church song? My 8 year old would say that that rocks.
Also in SEUS. Agree that Elowen sounds elvish.
I’m so, so partial to Josephine, which I am saving for when we get a dog. Wishing I had used that or Margaret.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Of those, I like Vivianne the best but I have two boys with classic, traditional names (i.e. that were probably numbers 1 and 2 of boys’ names born in the 50s) so my style is definitely traditional and names that everyone will know how to spell and pronounce. I don’t think Vivianne is quite the same as Olivia in popularity and it sounds classic and also has cute nicknames for a baby.
No to Elowan and Maren for me personally.
Anonymous says
If it matters:
Johnny Cash’s first wife’s name was Vivian.
Vivienne is the name of one of Angelina Jolie’s kids (so that makes it a no for me).
Anonymous says
I think either Maren or Eloise would be delightful–neither too common nor too out-there, and appropriate throughout her entire life. I would not go with Elowen for the reasons you mention (will be misspelled and mispronounced, sounds like a character from Lord of the Rings), and because it doesn’t sound like a grown-up’s name.
Cb says
I love Maren. It was on my girls list but rejected because we have a double barrelled surname with -n endings.
FVNC says
I think Maren is really pretty!
Emily S. says
We’re in the South, too. Have you drawn the monogram out? (Bc we’re in the South, y’all.) DD 1 has a double first name bc “Helen” (named after 3 grandmas) sounded like a grandma and bc I feel that’s more common here. DD 2 has Margaret in her name for the great-grandma, so I’m partial to Margaret. We considered Frances and Penelope, two names that I love. With a sister who is Jennifer, I wanted a name that wouldn’t get shortened or have her last initial added to distinguish the other 3 Jennifers in the class. Mary Grace, Mary + anything is a perpetual fav. I know one Vivian who goes by Vivi, which is sweet. Good luck and have fun with this!
Name game says
Haha of course. I like Alexandra for a middle name because it’s my sister’s name and pretty, but our last name starts with D so if we go with Maren that would be MAD. Which isn’t really a monogram problem as much as an initial problem. Either way, MD looks ok with most middles. I like Maren Elizabeth (sounds a lot like Mary Elizabeth which is common down here, but we wouldn’t call her by both names).
Anonymous says
Do you really love Maren Morris? Elowen just no. Eleanore? Mirriam?
Name game says
Actually never heard of her until someone mentioned her in this thread (I’m not a country fan, or maybe I just live under a rock). Her twitter bio includes “still hungover,” which is -1 for Maren representation, but I actually typed “Maren” into Facebook like a lunatic the other day to see what other Marens had made of themselves, and there are some strong representatives lol.
ElisaR says
I love Maren! Elowen is a little too unusual for me but I tend towards traditional and I”m in the NorthEast so take it with a grain of salt. Winnie is an adorable nickname, we considered Winifred just so we could get to Winnie but then I had a boy. All the names you mentioned are pretty but Maren is my vote!
RR says
I like Maren or Eloise. Both should be easy for people to pronounce. I don’t like Elowen–I agree with the poster who said it sounds like a Lord of the Rings character, and no one would ever spell it right.
anon says
I love Maren. Vivian has lots of different accepted spellings, which I find frustrating (just got something with a friend’s Vivian’s name on it and checked the spelling like 15 times).
I would caution that I live in a big city in Texas and I know four Eloises age 2 and under. It’s popular! One of my friends with an Eloise regrets it for that reason.
Anonymous says
I like Eloise. Also, Maryn or Marin or Mara. And Claire. Mara Claire?
Redux says
Also, Marian!
SC says
I like all the names you suggest. I agree that Elowen sounds a little elvish, but I find that those preconceptions go out the window when I know a real child with a certain name.
Also, the names you suggested remind me of Evelyn, which is my mother’s middle name and the name I would have chosen for a girl.
anon says
I know several women who go by their first and middle names. I like the sound of it a lot but they struggle to get people to use both names, and as they’ve gotten married I’ve felt bad for them that they can’t easily drop the middle name and keep their maiden without keeping all four names. (At least two of them are professionals and need to hold onto the maiden name at least a bit for name recognition purposes.) Anyhow, just my two cents. I think you’ve got some really good options going, though would say Maren gets a -1 from me. I know young girls (2 and 5) named Marin and Merrin and am perpetually mixing up who pronounces which name how.
NYCer says
Of the names you listed, Maren and Eloise are my favorites – though if you are worried about popularity, I would caution that Eloise also has the potential to be the next Olivia or Charlotte (I know of two girls named Eloise under age 3 in my circle). Not a huge fan of Elowen.
Name game says
This is really helpful anecdotal data to hear re: Eloise, especially since two commenters have now mentioned that. I don’t know any Eloises, and it felt safer than some others with its 190 popularity ranking in the 2017 social security database (whereas Vivian had climbed to 97). Then again, it was ranked 914 in 2009, so that’s a pretty rapid climb. It’s always interesting to me to watch the way names trend and how relatively quickly something can jump from rarely heard to top 20. Scarlett, for example, was #942 in 2000 and #18 in 2017.
Anonymous says
A friend named her daughter Louise and calls her Lulu, which I think is cute.
AnonNC says
Oooo I like Maren! We were considering Marion/Marian (family name) but ultimately skipped. My goal was something in the #50-100 range. My second daughter is Alice Clare and we frequently call her both names. We’re in the south too. I do lean toward names that are common enough that people can spell/pronounce/remember them. On my list but not picked were: Elise, Hazel, Marion.
Anonymous says
Since I won’t be using this on future girls, having already given my daughter an “E” name with an “L” in it, I am going to suggest Eulalia, which was one of my top choices. First of all NO ONE in the US named their kid that last year, which blew my mind; second I think it sounds very southern (we are also in the south) but is actually greek for “well spoken” or “beautiful speech”; and third I think it lends itself to cute nicknames like Eulie or Lolly or Lia (I was going to go with Lolly). I love my daughter’s name but writing all that out makes me regret letting him weigh in :-)
Anonymous says
Pooty Tang and his wife Eulalia Tang were my hypothetical people whenever I had to test new will-drafting software. And I picked Eulalia b/c it was so out there that no one would ever use it as precedent. I could never use this name now — maybe Eudora (as in Welty, as in the original e-mail program) for the classical Greek-ness?
Rainbow Hair says
I like Maren! (Also like Maren Morris’s music)
Like every librarian/smart chick/couple that had a book-themed baby shower I know has named her daughter Eloise, so to me it seems pretty done (but needless to say that’s some of my baggage).
What about Clara? I just think it’s the prettiest name…
Lana Del Raygun says
I love Maren!
Anonymous says
Love Maren and I know a 5 year old one.
I love the story of Margaret Hamilton who wrote the code for the Apollo mission and I’ve always been partial to Margaret. I’d use Maggie as a nickname but a colleague is a Margaret who uses Meg as a nickname.
Other faves are Clara, Evangeline, Kira, Elyse
Name game says
Thanks all. It’s reassuring to see that Maren is a plus with most and Elowen inspires some of the same concerns.
Rabumba says
In the past few weeks, our three year old has developed an aversion to going to daycare. I thought it was just moving up to the next class, but this morning my husband dropped him off and saw one of the bigger older kids (between 4 and 5) have a total meltdown, start hitting teachers, and throw chairs across the room. Our son was fine until this happened, and as soon as this kid came into the room he became visibly upset and wanted to leave. It seems totally reasonable to both of us that his reaction to going to daycare is tied to this new kid at the school and his daily reactions to being dropped off. How would you address this with the school? My husband is of the mind that either this kid goes, there’s a plan for containing him, or we need to find a new daycare for our son. What would you do?
lsw says
Wow, that’s pretty intense. I would start by speaking to the director about exactly this – that he’s been reacting differently to school, then you observed this child and your son seemed to be very upset by him, and you think they might be related. Their reaction to this will probably tell you a lot. If they seem surprised, I would want to remove my child because it doesn’t sound like they realize the gravity of what’s going on. If they react with understanding, they know the other kid has been having issues and are probably working with that child/child’s parents. In the meantime, no reason not to check out other daycares, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the other child isn’t long for the daycare.
SC says
I agree that that child’s reaction is intense, and it’s possible that he’s why your son has developed an aversion to daycare. I would worry about a second possibility–that your son and that child are both having negative reactions to a different problem in the new room. I don’t think it would hurt to talk to the daycare director, but I’d probably try to talk to your child more about what’s going on in the class, and maybe observe closely to see if any other kids are having trouble at drop off.
lsw says
Talk me down that this gets better. My 2.5 year old has slowly gotten more and more picky to the extent that he has stopped even eating his favorite fruits most of the time. This is driving me crazy because 1) I already have a picky preteen, my stepdaughter, and am dreading him growing up to be picky also, 2) he’s not eating any vegetables at all unless they are in a pouch, and we are a fairly healthy family where veg are a big part of our meals, 3) I am throwing away food all the time because he will suddenly refuse things he loves, like string cheese and apples.
At daycare he seems to do a little better. I send a variety every day and sometimes he will surprise me with what he eats. Currently we are doing the no pressure system, where I just put his food in front of him and he eats what he eats. If we at all even suggest that he try something (even a food he normally loves), he will adamantly refuse, so we are just letting him feed himself. We did baby led weaning and that worked great until about age 2.
I got the “Child of Mine” book from the library, but I remember other posters on here saying it’s not a great fit for a stubborn child. I am sick of throwing away food and also him not eating anything but chicken nuggets (or refusing chicken nuggets, like he did last night) and bread.
Do I just ride this out? This is more about control than taste, right? When he is older I want to do the “we eat one bite of everything” method but that’s totally lost on him right now. ARGH!
Mama Llama says
Yes, it’s a control thing. Just keep telling yourself, “My job is to provide a variety of healthy foods. His job is to decide what and how much to eat.” I have a picky eater, and we got so far down the rabbit hole of, “You have to eat three bites of this. No, the bites have to be bigger. Come on just do the three bites. No dessert until you take the bites,” and every meal was a miserable battle. She’s still picky but letting go of my end of the tug of war rope has been really good for us. Food waste drives me crazy too, but kids waste food and if they are so inclined, there isn’t much you can do about it. I started composting when my youngest was a toddler so that I could at least do that with a lot of her leftovers instead of throwing them out.
Aly says
I agree on food waste driving me nuts. To combat this, I serve tiny portions at dinner to my toddler. Like a tiny spoonful of each item that we are eating. So when she declared red cabbage yucky, despite liking it the night before, I was like cool story. If she wants more, I will serve more. It is often a surprise of which food she’s willing to eat more of. I also always offer a bed time snack of something boring – bran cereal and milk (I know not every parent does this, but it’s fine with me).
Anon says
It’s about control at that age. Would he have more interest if he got to pick one element of the meal? My vote would be ride it out – signed, former picky child who only ate potatoes, corn and iceberg lettuce for vegetables until college, but finally eats something approximating a “normal” variety of food.
blueridge29 says
I don’t remember where I read this, but I liked the suggestion of putting the food items in the middle of the table and the kid picks what they want to eat. When my son was in his pickiest stage this was the only way he was willing to try new things. He is better now that he is older, but we still have to remind him to take a bite. I also remember singing a lot of Daniel Tiger – “try new things ’cause they might taste good!”
Good luck the tug of war is tough and dinner can be so miserable with a strong willed picky toddler.
Anonymous says
We’ve always done one bite of food per year of age (capping at age 7). If they don’t eat that, there is nothing else. If they do eat that, they can chose to have a piece of toast in addition, no other alternatives. If they want dessert (usually fruit, sometimes ice cream), they have to eat most of their meal. The logic being that if there is room for treats, then there is room for healthy food.
Avoid a big snack after daycare, just do water and cheerios or something, keeping them hungry but not hangry is to key to getting them to eat. They eat what we eat, no special meals. I will often preload their fork when they are tired. Sometimes we forget how hard it is for little people to actually do the eating steps of getting an appropriate size bite on their fork.
anon says
I have a very picky and very stubborn child. I personally didn’t have the stomach to force the issue. To me, dinner time is family time, and if we spend the whole time arguing over food (which is what we were doing), then it’s really awful family time. (He wouldn’t even take bites of food.) . Around age 3, we gave up on that. Now, we put everything on the table, and you serve yourself. We try to put out carrots (which he likes). We also still do fruit/veggie pouches (he’s 7), fruit/veggie leathers (I really like the ones from Naked Edge, the berry ones are good), spinach in smoothies and barilla plus pasta (which is more of a lentil, but that counts right?). I talked to my pediatrician, and his view was that as long as he’s eating fruit, it was probably fine. We do have a few anytime foods, because sometimes he won’t eat anything on the table (which is his problem) – whole wheat toast, plain yogurt with granola, Go Lean Crunch cereal, carrots and string cheese. (He also eats limited protein.) I do think it gets better over time – he’s still really picky, relative to my other kids, but just started eating salmon, which just about blew my mind.
I do think this is very personality dependent, as my oldest is somewhat picky but also susceptible to bribes and more of a rule follower, so I can tell him to eat 5 green beans or try a bite of something and he will without much of a fuss, even if he really doesn’t want to.
Elle says
Ride it out. Keep offering. Focus less on what he’s actually eating at each meal or even per day and look at it over the entire week. Having that perspective helped me on the more difficult days.
My 4.5 year old is now eating fish like crazy. She ate it as a baby and then went for like a long time where she wouldn’t eat it. Now it’s self-reported as one of her favorites.
Another thought, she also tends to front load her caloric intake. So she usually has a big breakfast, then she gets snacks at school plus lunch. At dinner she doesn’t eat as much, regardless of if she likes it, so I try to remember that too.
lsw says
Thank you for all the ideas (and assurances). I’ll keep plugging away.
Leaving Cleaners a Key? says
Hive, I could use some input. DH doesn’t want to leave our house cleaners alone in the house, leave them a key, or get a keypad for the front door. In fall 2018, the service that we had for 2 years abruptly shut down, we weren’t able to get our key back, and we had to change the locks. We’ve had a new service for a few months/4 cleanings, and even though DH is full-time WFH, it’s on me to schedule the service around his meeting schedule. He’s reluctant to talk about why he doesn’t want a keypad or to have them leave through a door that doesn’t have a deadbolt so that we don’t have to be there. (And frankly, I bet they would be more comfortable if we weren’t there.) What am I missing? Any words of wisdom? – Emily S.
Cb says
Erm…if he wants a clean house, he can book the cleaners or clean it himself. Just tell the cleaners you are placing the service on hold, DH will be the new point of contact, and he will be in touch when he’s worked out his schedule. Then don’t pick up a finger – embrace the squalor.
Anonymous says
and even though DH is full-time WFH, it’s on me to schedule the service around his meeting schedule.
– change this and you solve your problem. Key and schedule are both his issues so not your job to solve.
Anon says
I don’t know if this is the case with your DH, but my home was burglarized by a cleaning service when I was a kid and it was pretty traumatic. I will never give cleaners a key and prefer to be home for the entire time they clean. I work from home when I can, and when I can’t, I let them in and then come home at lunch to see them out.
I wouldn’t worry about the cleaners’ comfort. They’re adults and if they don’t like being there when he’s there, it’s on them to tell you. However, I would tell him that he has to handle scheduling them, since he knows his work schedule better than you do.
FVNC says
Wait, I’m confused. Is he objecting to being the scheduler? Or objecting to giving them a key? The latter I can understand, the former seems unreasonable.
I WFH full time, coordinate with our house cleaner, and am home when she cleans. It’s a matter of one, maybe two, texts every other week to accomplish this. If he wants to be home when they clean, that’s fine (that’s always been our situation, and it’s never been an issue for our cleaners) — but then he needs to schedule them, not you.
Anonymous says
lol I don’t get how adult women fall for this. It’s his job to schedule the cleaner around his schedule not yours. Tell him that either he can schedule it or you will, without regard for his meetings and you will be leaving a key.
avocado says
He is full-time WFH? Great! He is the most logical person to take 100% responsibility for cleaner scheduling and logistics.
anon says
Yup! And any other home-visiting services.
Anonanonanon says
^Yep. I wouldn’t even make a thing of it, I would just be like “I just realized that it probably makes the most sense for you to coordinate with the cleaning service directly since I don’t have access to your work schedule, and I’d hate to accidentally schedule them when you have a meeting. Here’s the number!” in a very “silly me for not realizing this sooner!” tone of voice
Anon says
My husband is super paranoid about cleaners stealing from us. I do not worry about that as much, but I just don’t like people being in my home without me there (yes, I know I’m a weirdo). When I didn’t WFH at all I had them come on Saturdays. Now, our housekeepers come during my WFH day and it’s no problem (and as part of our “pre-cleaning” so they can actually clean rather than pick up toddler disasters we put away the valuables). But definitely agree he should be the scheduler. As the working parent, I have ours scheduled for a fixed time every other week and block that time out on my calendar so I’m not taking calls with vacuuming in the background (as opposed to the usual toddler and husband noise). Then we text the morning of if they are running late or whatever.
Emily S. says
OP — thanks, ladies! You all validated my feelings. DH and I had a conversation about division of labor, and scheduling the cleaners was, unexpectedly, a bone of contention. I’m going to bring it up again when its not dinner with 2 toddlers.
Anon says
My 15 month old is really starting to favor my husband. I’ve read that this is normal, since they’re starting to discover more people in the world, but still makes me sad. Few examples…always wants dad to read a book, wants dad to pick her up out of the crib, will only want dad when she falls flat on her face. Makes me feel think I’m doing something wrong in the parenting game and I’m even actually better at playing and sillier than dad.
She’s still lovely and snuggly and fun to play with, but I just want her to want a hug from mom when she falls every once in a while.
This phase too shall pass, right?
Anon says
My husband struggles with this because our 18MO really favors me (and always has). The phase passes, I think, when they start trying to play one parent off of the other. Our friends have 2 kiddos and the first is like mine (all the mama time) and the second is like yours (dada walks on water). If this is something that bothers you, try building rituals or routines that are just you and her. E.g., we’ve started reading books with daddy at night and swim class is always daddy-daughter time. Or make bathtime your time with her. Or every Sunday afternoon you and LO go for a nature walk, etc. Once your LO gets the hang of the routine, she’ll probably look forward to that special time and it may make you feel better.
SC says
I can commiserate and assure you that you haven’t done anything wrong. My kid completely favored my husband starting around 15 months. It’s tough.
It has definitely helped to have routines that are “our” time. I am not so good at playing and being silly, so I had to find things that I would enjoy doing with him. Those things are going on walks, going outside to look at the moon (or sunrise if he happens to wake up early), reading, and making pancakes (or baking).
Keep in mind that it can be tough for the always-wanted parent too. You don’t have to follow along every time she only wants daddy to do something. It stings when your kid tries to refuse your help or attention in favor of the other parent, but it will help build your relationship with her and give your husband a break.
Anon says
Anon from above, seconding the last point. If I am within 100 yards of my child, she is either glued to my side like a barnacle or screaming for me, which is incredibly draining and exhausting in a way I’ve never experienced. Gives new meaning to touched out and many days I would love for DH to just take her and go do something (and the screaming eventually settles once she is engrossed in a new activity).
Anonymous says
Yes to this. My older son generally favors my husband (though he goes back and forth). But we enforce that I do bedtime every other day. And that time ends up being really special and I know he loves it too. In fact, last night when I said I loved him, he said “I love you, too” which was amazing! He’s 2.5 so you probably won’t get I love yous but it can still be a nice time.
H13 says
I am also the non-preferred parent in my household. It is really hard but I have found this article reassuring. I reread it every so often. Also, my five year old went through this for basically years but now it is much more even. Echoing what others have said, it is also really hard on my husband to be the preferred parent to our almost two year old. I actually send him this same article read.
https://www.janetlansbury.com/2015/02/when-children-prefer-one-parent/
CPA Lady says
Random food PSA since we seem to be on the topic this morning:
We let our kid have one or two small pieces of candy each day (like two starbursts or something that size). This, over time, turned dinner into what felt like a hostage negotiation situation. “How many bites do I need to eat” etc.
WELL, I had the genius idea to let kid eat her two pieces of candy as soon as she wakes up in the morning. Now dinner is pleasant, she eats until she’s full with no distraction. And she wakes up in a good mood because she knows she’s getting candy. So. Just an idea for those of you who allow sweets but don’t want it to turn into a battle of wills.
Cb says
That’s so smart, and doesn’t suggest that healthy food is something that needs to be tolerated rather than enjoyed.
Mama Llama says
We do something similar, but she picks out dessert when we are getting dinner ready and is permitted to eat it any time during the meal. This is always right at the beginning, of course, but it’s small, like 1 Hershey kiss, so it doesn’t ruin her appetite. I was SO sick of the hostage negotiation, and I’m really happy that we let it go.
anon says
A piggybacking PSA that my husband came up with. When we want the kids to eat more food, we’ll say, show me a T Rex bite of chicken or how a hippopotamus would eat that tomato, or whatever. They will go from whining about the food to chowing down in a split second.
Anonymous says
“Show me how the piggies eat.”
I definitely say this with love. Our kiddo is 3. This Christmas, hubby and I were discussing how that woman is actually a genius.
Legally Brunette says
So on the first day back to work after the shutdown, my son has the flu. :( And yes, he had the flu shot.
The doctor prescribed Tamiflu and liquids. Any other advice? He’s 4 and neither of my kids thankfully have ever gotten the flu.
Also, how long was your kid out of school with the flu? Trying to plan if I need to be out this whole week or not.
Anon says
I don’t have experience with Tamiflu, so that may shorten the duration. But for a normal course of flu I would plan to be out for at least 4 days (fever usually lasts at least 3 and then you have to be fever free for 24 hours before returning, normally).
Anonymous says
+1. Hopefully the tamiflu works miracles!
AwayEmily says
Mine had the flu in the fall (influenza A) and it was surprisingly mild…he was out of school for only about three days before his fever was gone.
Also the other day I read a recommendation to mix Tamiflu (which tastes HORRIBLE) with chocolate-caramel flavored creamer. We ended up mixing ours with ice cream for our 2.5 year old, which was a huge pain. The creamer solution sounds like a genius idea (it has a sort of bitter taste so it is masked better by flavors in the chocolate family).
1st Birthday Party? says
We’re considering a birthday party for our soon-to-be 1 year old this spring. I’m thinking verrrrry low-key: at our house or a park with some food and dessert (and booze for adults). Some cute decorations, but nothing Pinterest-y. We’d probably invite a couple friends with babies, and other friends without kids. I don’t think we’d do a smash-cake at the party — but maybe we’d do one with just our immediate family. Our families live out-of-state, but we’d invite grandparents and aunts and uncles. My husband isn’t very into it – I think he’s mostly stressed that my parents would come in town for the weekend and turn a low-key event into a big to-do. I’d love to hear some thoughts about what you did, what you didn’t do, what you would have done differently? Thanks!
Emily S. says
We had out-of-state grandparents for both parties, so I feel your husband’s concerns. For both DD, we did a party at home, with 2 sets of grandparents and one family we knew that had a child the same age. For DD 1, we booked the photographer who did our hospital shoot (a splurge, but I was so relaxed not trying to get the perfect shot.) For both DD, we did BBQ take-out set up as a buffet plus a few drinks, fruit tray, veggie tray, and a cake. We didn’t do a smash cake; just cut a piece of the big cake and served bday girl first. Decorations were low-key; I made a tissue paper banner (and I am not crafty); sprinkled big paper confetti on the table and countertops, and balloons on the mailbox. We opened presents, played outside, then had lunch and cake. Timing was key, bc she did an afternoon nap, which gave an excuse for a hard stop. Both times, it’s been lovely to have family and one set of friends (to keep family on their best behavior.) The best advice I got about 1 yo’s parties is, it is not about the baby, it’s about you. So don’t stress about throwing an event for the baby. Good luck and have fun!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hey! What a fun question – and congrats on surviving the first year!
DS turned 1 in November. We made a huge reservation at a local sports bar (it’s a chain and typically has mixed reviews) for the back area that is a littler quieter and good for groups, but not a private party area. Ordered a bunch of platters of bar food, kept an open tab so folks could drink whatever they wanted (some went for coffee, some went for beer, which is what we wanted), football screens were on and muted in the background. We loved it, it was perfect for us because we really saw this as a way to have fun and get together friends who had supported us through the first year of parenthood, which was really challenging for us as a couple overall.
I tried to get a cute cake but it ended up being a bigger party than we thought, so got one from Costco, which is always received happily. DS had a slice of this cake as his “smash” cake.
Had a very simple theme, and got balloons, tablecloths, napkins, loot bags, etc. from Oriental Trading Co. that tied into it but nothing pinterest-worthy. Friends helped day of: One friend picked up cake, the other met me there early with balloons, and had a good friend do tattoos on the kiddos (the sponge-on kind, nothing custom, and they tied into the theme). DH was on DS duty that morning to free me up to handle set up/logistics. Again, it was AMAZING. The staff went kind of above and beyond, all the adults enjoyed, and the kids had just enough space to run around without getting lost (plus, the bar was in a complex with an ice skating rink, so that was another option if folks needed kids to take a break).
The total bill was still MUCH less than it would have cost had we rented a proper space, brought in catering, drinks, etc. and with a much lower headache factor. My friend did a park party recently for her 5 year old and just got bagels, coffee, fruit platters, etc. delivered via Postmates or Uber Eats that morning and then brought in other things, like a pinata, snack pouches for additional kid treats, etc.
Anon says
We are doing…nothing? And I honestly feel super guilty although I know she won’t remember it. Our families aren’t local and haven’t expressed interest in visiting, and our kiddo doesn’t go to daycare so she doesn’t have classmates. We don’t really have local friends. She doesn’t seem to have much of a sweet tooth, so I don’t even know that it’s worth baking a cake. Will she hate us some day when she realizes she didn’t have a first birthday party? I hope not.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Girl, do YOU. I think the 1st bday party is more for the parents. If anything, just have a good bottle of wine with your partner and celebrate survival. :)
Anon says
Yeah, I know we don’t need to do anything, but I guess I was bummed because I kind of wanted to and was feeling sad we don’t have any local friends or family who want to celebrate this milestone with us. So after I posted this, I texted DH and we ended up calling and inviting my MIL and she’s probably going to come that weekend!
Spirograph says
If it makes you feel any better, we did a 1st birthday party for my oldest, but didn’t bother for the younger two. We had cake as a family (because I like cake and excuses to make or buy it!) and got the kid a helium balloon. Balloon = happiness for a one year old.
Spirograph says
Oh, and for the OP: our 1st birthday party was a backyard BBQ with no decorations. Kiddo has a late Spring birthday, and we had typically hosted a BBQ around that time pre-kids; I don’t remember whether we even billed it as a birthday party, or if we just made cupcakes and called it good. Definitely no cake smash, I don’t think that’s cute enough to waste perfectly good cake. Our families live out of town, but my mom visited that weekend. Otherwise, we just invited our friends (many without children) and the other families at the in-home daycare.
Katarina says
We did cake (store bought) and my parents visited (they wanted to). Both kids really enjoyed the cake (a small slice, or a cupcake, not a whole cake), but it was their first real junk food. We gave the 1 year old presents. For my second, we tried to server food he especially liked, but for my first we served food we liked. My kids are 3 and 5, and we still have not had a real birthday party, although we try to do something special for them.
DLC says
When we are invited to low key “come when you can” birthday parties, I appreciate it when the invite tells us when cake will be. It also helps me know the arc of the event and won’t feel like it is going to drag forever (both for when I host and when I’m a guest) . Also planning the party before nap so you have an excuse to kick everyone out is good trick to keeping it manageable. We also for the first birthdays collect diaper donations for the local diaper bank in lieu of presents.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – We asked for donations to Planned Parenthood, local food bank, or charity of your choice in lieu of gifts. We live in an apartment and DS is lucky to have a lot of good stuff, plus he goes to daycare 5 days a week and has ALL THE TOYS there!
Anon says
This is kind of off-putting to me. I’m liberal and support PP, but being asked to donate to it as a gift to a child’s birthday feels wrong, I guess maybe because I feel like a gift should be to the child and choosing a (very political) charity on the child’s behalf feels icky. Donations to the local food bank don’t bother me as much.
Anon says
Our grandparents are local-ish (across town and 2 hour drive). We had a (late summer) low-key BBQ type festivity at our house, maybe 30 people (family and friends), and I served a mix of prepared food (chicken tenders, coleslaw, veggie tray, buns), food I cooked in advance (pulled pork in the crockpot I had frozen the weekend before, we dumped in the crockpot that morning with sauce), and then my sister prepped the salad and cheese board when she got there that morning. We had drinks in our sunroom and a little pool and sprinkler for the (older) kids, although we did use the pool for my LO to rinse her off post-cake. My sister also made a cake for everyone else and a small 4 inch smash cake for LO, which she just did in her high chair. Decorations were some balloons and some streamers left over from a birthday party she had with out of town relatives the month before. My sister and mom and I all took turns taking pictures. It was actually really nice.
AwayEmily says
My baby just turned one and we did…nothing. I think we sang to him at breakfast? We didn’t have a party for my first, either, although I did bake her a cake.
What about asking the grandparents to come on different weekends? Might make things a little less intense.
Anonymous says
For each of my 3 we had a big family party, at our house. Low key but invited the big extended family. Nothing fancy: burgers/beers for our summer babies and chili/tailgate type food for our early November baby. We had cake. we took pics.
Anonymous says
My LO bday was about as low key as we could make it (end of July)…. picked up cake at bakery, did slow cooker pulled pork / salads / slaw etc. ALL done in advance.
I have good advice on decorations (that we did right)
1. Helium balloons!! makes everything look so festive and you can send them home with other kids at the end of the day [I did an order at party city and they filled them for me… I just had to cram them in the car to get them home.] I tied a couple to LO’s high chair and the rest just randomly floated around the house to the delight of the kids in attendance.
2. See bakery above…. the cake was beautiful but simple (tall, rainbow sprinkles… having that on the buffet on a nice cake stand feels very festive.
3. Some colourful Happy Birthday banners (like $10 investment, also party city)
4. “Craft”: a ribbon with clothes pens that had a cardstock “1 month / 2 month etc) glued to them. Clothes pin a pic of the little one at the corresponding age. Grandma LOVED IT. Ordered photos from my phone to Costco… the whole thing took no time to set up.
HOWEVER – I did mess up the guest list. In part I did feel some pressure from my inlaws to have a proper party, and I wish I kept it smaller. There were a LOT of <2 year olds that suck up a LOT of energy – this was an issue because we had a lot of people that were important to my survival in the first year (family / neighbourhood mom / baby group / old friends) BUT that didn't necessarily know each other. I failed to appreciate how hard it would be to be the good host that could properly introduce people to each other to help the flow of conversation.
so my advice is to trust your gut and keep it small.
New nanny pains says
I’m hoping for some advice and perspective on our new nanny. I am going back to work after maternity leave and my nanny just started 2 weeks ago, while I’m still home to show her the ropes. She’ll be caring for my 6 month old twins. Her infant experience was all in a daycare and there are serious lapses in knowledge about infant safety – she did not know that carseat straps need to be tight, that babies can’t wear coats in a carseat, that bumpers are not safe in a crib or that babies should continue to be placed on their back past 5 months. I have informed her of each of these things and she has seemed to remember them. In addition, in 9 days of working for us, she has tried to cut my son’s fingernails without asking if it was ok and cut a sizable chunk out of his finger (it bled for an hour), she has arrived 5-10 minutes late almost every day, she has left the front door open once and has left it unlocked every time she has come in the house without me, there is still milk in bottle parts sometimes after she washes them, she rarely remembers when the kids woke up from naps or remembers to do tasks besides making the kids bottles and doing their laundry. On the other hand, she is really great playing with the kids and encouraging them to do activities that push them to their milestones.
I had wanted to hire an experienced nanny, so this is definitely not what I was looking for, but I’m trying to decide if I can live with her. A friend has counseled me that its actually good that the nanny is a bit of a clean slate so I can teach her how I want things done. I have been telling her the things I want changed and she acts receptive though it takes me telling her numerous times to change so I’m still waiting to see if some of the behavior will change. My real concern is that she has shown a general sloppiness/lack of attention to detail in how she goes about things, so I’m not sure she will be able to really change and be a more careful person, which I think is important for someone responsible for our babies’ safety. I’ve told her the things she needs to fix and am giving her time to do so, but am I right to be concerned? Would you look for someone else in this situation?
Anon says
I’m in a very similar situation with a nanny who just started watching my 11 month old. She’s sweet and loving to my daughter, but displays what I consider to be a kind of shocking level of carelessness and doesn’t know a lot of baby care basics that are considered standard, at least in my educated, affluent circles. Like your nanny, she generally takes direction when we offer it but it takes numerous times before it “sticks” and it seems there’s a limit to what she can store in her brain, so telling her one thing over and over until she learns it will eventually lead to sloppiness on other things.
We’ve decided to live with it for now, although that’s driven by the fact that we have a spot in daycare this summer, so this was always intended to be a short term arrangement. We’ve focused on letting anything that’s not a serious safety hazard go, and prioritizing safety hazards. So yes, it’s annoying if she leaves baby’s lunch leftovers out on the counter all afternoon and we have to throw them out when we get home. But it’s potentially life-threatening if she serves baby whole grapes. So we emphasize correcting the latter kinds of behaviors, not the former. We’ve also made a decision she won’t drive our child because her carelessness could be much more dangerous on the road. So our daughter doesn’t get to go to playgroups, etc., which isn’t ideal, but also isn’t a dealbreaker since she’ll be starting daycare soon.
It’s frustrating because her references were glowing, and several of the people I spoke with had babies the same age and raved about her ability to care for infants. I think the sad truth is that a large majority of Americans just don’t know or follow the AAP recommendations for safe sleep, carseat safety, food safety, etc.
Aly says
I’d be concerned. How comfortable are you going to be returning to work with this nanny at home? Based on what you’ve said, I think I’d be sitting her down and discussing my biggest concerns and how, if these aren’t fixed, we are going to have go separate ways. If it’s a case of she simply is not a careful person, then this may not be a good fit for either of you. For me, the lateness would drive me nuts, as well as the dirty bottles. Any safety issues would also stress me out at work. I’d be looking for someone new, honestly, while you are still on leave.
Anonymous says
Nope nope nope. I would not trust this person to watch my kid(s). Yeh it’s great she plays with them but the number one criteria of childcare should be the children’s safety. She seems completely unqualified – does she have childcare experience at all? I’m actually pretty laid back and don’t think my kid needs the most expensive/enriching childcare environment but it HAS to be safe.
Anon says
Other than the carseat stuff, which would give me pause, I’m not really sure I agree that she’s not a safe caregiver. Bumpers are controversial and ok-ed by some peds, and most peds are pretty flexible about putting a baby to sleep on their tummy once they can easily roll over, which most 6 months olds can. My daughter screamed bloody murder when we tried to put her to sleep on her back at that age, and since she was just immediately rolling over to her tummy anyway, we (with ped’s approval) began putting her to sleep on her tummy. It only lasted a couple weeks and then she was ok with going down on her back and immediately rolling over, but the point is the ped was ok with putting her on her belly once she could roll both directions. And there’s a pretty easy solution to the carseat stuff: just don’t have the nanny drive the babies.
ElisaR says
Hmm. I wouldn’t be too concerned but I admit, your comment about the car seats gave me pause. Will she be driving them places? The being late thing could become a problem too. 5-10 minutes might not be a big deal but sometimes there’s the whole “give an inch take a mile” thing that comes into play. Even so, I say give her a chance. Ask her document their schedules like they do in daycare. Can you put bottles in the dishwasher? I don’t think everybody starts off 100% comfortable w/ childcare set ups and it takes some time for all parties to settle in.
Anonymous says
+1 to the bottles in the dishwasher.
anon says
Another +1 to bottles in the dishwasher. The OXO Tot basket has a place to hold nipples upright so they get clean, and later holds the Munchkin 360 rubber insert really well.
Anon says
I would want to make 100% sure that she is following the safety rules, particularly for safe sleep and car seats. Infants who normally are put on their back to sleep are much more vulnerable if they are suddenly put on their stomachs to sleep – it just isn’t something I’d want a nanny to suddenly decide to do (as opposed to a parent with a pediatricians guidance, which is totally different imo.)
Anonymous says
Your baby’s finger bled for an hour? Put a pin in the nanny question and investigate if he has a clotting disorder.
anon says
Probably worth checking out, but babies can bleed. I once cut my 3 month old’s nails and this happened to me too (I mean literally once, I did not cut his nails again until he turned 9).
I would write everything out, in detail, so she can refer to it. It’s annoying, but I think it’s easier for both of you if you can keep track of your expectations (which are perfectly reasonable). Also, does she have to drive your kids? Could she just not drive them while you adjust?
Anonymous says
I think you need to let your level of comfort with the nanny be your guide. If your gut is telling you this won’t work, then it won’t work. Find someone else. Gently, though, think about what you’re really looking for in a nanny and whether anyone will make you happy, or if you might need to adjust your expectations. No one is going to do everything just so, exactly how you would do it. Pick your battles and know where you’re going to leave room for judgement calls.
I would probably let all of this go. She knows you’re at home, so she may not have been as careful about timing as she will be when you’re leaving the house (make that clear. If you need to leave at 8, tell her she needs to arrive by 7:45. It shouldn’t be a high-five handoff with no overlap anyway). Daycare providers don’t deal with car seats, so not surprising she didn’t know that. Crib bumpers… I don’t understand this issue. You either have them or you don’t, I can’t imagine she is bringing them because she thought you forgot to furnish your babies’ room properly. “Back to sleep” is surprising she didn’t know after working at a daycare, but a simple instruction. You might want to specify a bare crib for sleeping until you’re comfortable with blankets or stuffed animals, too, for avoidance of doubt.
It sounds like she has some different norms than you do regarding locking the door, or documenting sleep/wake times and diapering, and those are easy things to fix. “Nanny, I’d like you to lock the door when you are at home with the kids. Also, I like to keep track of the kids’ sleep, and got this notebook where I’d like you to jot down what time the kids sleep and wake up.”
And if you don’t want her to cut your kids’ fingernails (OR THEIR HAIR, ask me how I know!) just say that. If the problem is not that she tried to cut the nails but that she cut the baby’s finger, that’s an accident. I cut a chunk out of my first baby’s finger the first time I tried to trim fingernails, too. It happens.
Anon says
I still cut chunks out regularly!! I agree it’s weird for a nanny to cut nails without giving the parents a heads up, but I wouldn’t blame her for cutting his skin, which is a mistake than can happen to even experienced caregivers (I certainly think my kids are safe even though I occasionally make them bleed).
anon says
This is a great answer, on all fronts. A good bit (but certainly not all) of what you describe seems to be personal preference. When I was a child, for instance, we didn’t lock the front door when we were home. It took my college roommate telling me that she wants me to lock it when I leave and she’s still home for that habit to develop. I am pretty darn well educated, and didn’t know that babies were supposed to be put “back to sleep” until after X months–I thought the milestone was being able to roll over (and not being swaddled!). I would still put them on their back and let them roll themselves, but point being, I didn’t know the rule exactly right. So the solution may be to lay out all of your house rules in a super comprehensive way and see how she does. Or, if you just can’t get there, look for someone else. But you will likely have issues with the new person, too–just different ones.
OP says
Thanks, all. Fwiw, I’ve built 15 minutes into the schedule for kid handoff, but if she’s 10 minutes late, then its down to 5 (and this morning she was nearly 15 minutes late), my kids can’t roll over on their own so being put on their back is important, and we wash 90% of the bottle parts in the dishwasher, but sometimes there are things to wash here and there and we got a notebook for her to keep track of their schedule, but it gets sporadic use so far. And I wasn’t concerned about the nail cutting incident until all these other things came up. I’m really trying to focus on things that are just health and safety related. It’s the lack of health and safety knowledge together with the lack of attention that concerns me, because I can tell her about health and safety, but if she just lacks attention, then what I tell her isn’t going to stick. And of course I don’t want to go through the hassle of finding someone else and end up with someone worse!
Anonymous says
If they are behind their milestones it’s a good idea to make that clear to her. It probably wouldn’t occur to her that a 6 month old can’t roll over yet because it is a very common milestone to reach by that age. I’d give her some more time but make sure to be specific about what you want done and how.
Anonymous says
Did she work in the infant room at daycare? Are you paying a premium for her “experience”?
I wouldn’t inherently wrote her off, because while home with my kids i never lock the door, and only close the door when it’s cold (the rest of the time just the storm door is closed). My kids wear coats in car seats, but they are light Patagonia puffers. My bottles go in the dishwasher because I suck at cleaning them, 2/3 of my babies only slept on their stomach once they could roll to avoid MOTN wakeups, and I actually used bumpers with one.
Since bumpers are all over Pinterest and pottery barn, I 100% see how someone without a kid of their own wouldn’t know they are discouraged. As a daycare provider, you see kids come in with coats- so why wouldn’t you assume they are worn in the car?
With all childcare providers, be explicit. Ask for a “diary” of bottles/diapers/sleep if that’s what you want.
Anon says
Any recommendations on acne products safe during pregnancy? My skin is a mess!
Thanks in advance!
Anon says
Azelaic acid!
Anon in NYC says
Check out Marie Veronique. I like some of their cleansers and oils, and they have a pregnancy section that includes acne treatment products. They list all of their ingredients so you can make sure that you’re comfortable using them, and they have smaller sizes so you can test things out without committing to a larger bottle.
Anonymous says
Belli Skin Care products. Available via Amazon.
Boston Legal Eagle says
+1 I used their anti-blemish face wash and body wash for my first pregnancy.
anon says
Check out the blog 15 Min Beauty. There are a ton of recent posts about pregnancy safe skin care.
starting preschool? says
Trying to decide between starting preschool when our son will be 2.5 this fall or continuing with a good nanny share arrangement. The location of the preschool is great–obviously not as convenient as having care in our home–and then things like preparing lunches will get a little more complicated, but we like the philosophy of the preschool. Hit me with your best advice/considerations/etc. Thanks!
Anon says
I think 2.5 is around the age you probably want to start preschool for socialization reasons – even the kids of SAHMs generally do preschool around age 3. I mean, I wouldn’t worry about delaying six months or even a year if you love the nanny and want to continue with that, but it can’t be delayed forever, so if you have a convenient option you feel good about now, I’d go for it.
starting preschool? says
Thanks! We are interested in the socialization & opportunity for more activities. The kids are at activities a lot right now (music, library, etc.), but he’d get a lot more in a preschool setting I think. The preschool takes kids starting in the fall, so it’s either this year or wait until 3.5 (or find somewhere else, which we’d rather not do).
Anonymous says
Where does your kid fall in relation to the elementary school cut off? I wanted mine to have two years of daycare/preschool before elementary school but they were fall birthdays and our cutoff was Dec 31 so that meant they started just before age 3.
starting preschool? says
Good point. He’s spring bday, so shouldn’t be an issue.
Frozen Peach says
We skipped preschool for our daughter this year because she is really happy in a small home daycare. My gut kept saying that decision was the right one, even though where I live the social pressure to send 3 year olds to preschool is very strong.
I have since read “The Importance of Being Little” and am super glad I listened to my gut.
Anon2 says
Same. This push for “socialization” really gets me…kids can learn to socialize just fine, at age appropriate levels, by being with a nanny/SAH parent, a sibling, a small group of mixed aged kids, etc. Watching how parents interact with neighbors and cashiers is also a great way for kids to pick up on social norms. You don’t need to stick a bunch of two year olds together and watch them fight over toys for your kid to learn to be “social.”
Seafinch says
Totally agree. And in reference to the above comment to the effect that you can’t put preschool off forever, of course you can! My kids didn’t go to preschool. They went to school and opted out of the optional junior kindergarten year at four. They both lead their academic years and very well adjusted. The studies show the places in the world where we don’t early school are much further ahead and there are significant costs to early schooling, especially for boys.
anon says
Don’t underestimate making lunches! Oof. So many more daily dishes/containers and bags.
starting preschool? says
I do may lunch for him right now. Each family in the share supplies our own kid’s food. But it can be something to be heated up, simple assembly, etc. Whereas preschool won’t refrigerate/heat. But they do have the option to buy lunch, which I don’t plan to use all the time but could be nice on occasion.
anon says
Sounds like it that particular piece may even out then, especially after a short adjustment period on your side (no more leftovers, but if it’s hectic morning he gets whatever they’re serving at school).
CPA Lady says
Do any of you with kids travel a lot or do “bucket list” trips ever? The travel thread over on the main s i te is making me jealous and wanderlusty.
anon says
We travel a fair amount (3 trips per year, plus one to visit my parents). My kids are older now, so it’s much, much easier. We did a bucket list trip with my in-laws to China when my oldest was 17 months, and although it was super memorable and we would absolutely do it again, it was quite an ordeal for us with the jet lag and the travel schedule (I would definitely change some things up). We also flew to London and Paris with our 4 month old. Trips are different with the kids, but definitely doable and totally worth doing.
Anon in NYC says
We tried to travel with my kid when she was sub-18 months. Not bucket list trips per se – just travel. The trip at 9 months was a breeze. The trip at 15/16 months was a nightmare – literally the worst trip ever – and we didn’t travel again for over a year. We took a beach vacation last year, when she was just about 3, that was a lot of fun – and we’re going to take another easy, relaxed trip with her this year. My eventual goal in the next few years is to start to take 1 beach/outdoorsy/easy vacation per year and 1 “stretch” vacation (Spain/Italy, Costa Rica, etc.), and eventually work up to “bucket list” trips.
Anon says
What was so bad about 15/16 months? We’re going to Europe soon and my daughter will be that age. She is crawling but not walking and hotels can be a little frustrating for her because we don’t really let her crawl around, but otherwise it’s ok. Was it the jet lag? Or something else?
anon says
When we went to China (at 17 months), it was definitely the jet lag. But we did it all wrong – we did a tour, and we stuck to the tour even though it started early in the morning and ended late, which was stupid. We did this partly because we couldn’t navigate China on our own (our hotel was way out of the way). If I did it all over again, I would have been way more forgiving on schedule, and also tried to stay at a hotel that was more central (we spent the second week in Shanghai, which was much better). Think about your activities, too. Museums were boring for him, but temples were great for us because he could toddle around. (Not sure what you do with a crawler, TBH.) Also, if you don’t have a hiking backpack, I would definitely get one. (We used a frameless Kelty 3.0). They can see like a grown up, and much easier to navigate the subway and such than a stroller. We brought, and used, both.
Also, this won’t be relevant for you, but I had to bring all of my son’s milk, and I was super paranoid about what kind of fruit he could eat. Europe will be much easier.
Anon says
Thanks, very helpful! We’re on Eastern time so it wouldn’t be the end of the world if she stayed on our time – it would translate to a midnight bedtime, which actually would be fine in Europe since they eat so late. We went to Hawaii recently and she had a 3 pm bedtime (and a 3 am wake-up!) there, which interfered with our planned activities a lot more, but we still enjoyed the trip. I commented below at 1:42, but we’re all about working around the baby’s needs and not overscheduling. She’s pretty content in a stroller as long as it’s moving (we actually rarely take her on stroller walks at home due to weather, so it’s something of a novelty), so mostly we have plans to just walk around the city and stop for food that catches our eye. We might try to check out some museums but won’t be devastated if it doesn’t work out. And yeah, I’d definitely be hesitant to travel in a developing country because babies and toddler can’t really follow the guidelines about not eating unpeeled fruits, etc., and put everything in their mouths. Even as much as we travel, China would be intimidating to me with a kid under about 4, but kudos to you for doing it! I’m sure it was really special to make those memories.
anon says
I think you will have a great time! I would bring extra medicine (tylenol and such) and extra snacks with you, just so you don’t have to scramble. My son ate a lot of granola bars in the middle of the night because of the jet lag, and it was nice that we had them with us and also that he was familiar with them (although he happily ate everything else, so he might not be the best judge).
Anon in NYC says
At 15/16 months my daughter was going through a lot of developmental changes – she was on the cusp of walking (solidly cruising and starting to walk by herself) – and we were dealing with sleep regressions, teething, illnesses, and then we threw a time change on top of that. It was A LOT. She was otherwise happy and content during the vacation, but me and DH left the vacation more exhausted than when we started!
Anon says
Gotcha. We’ve already had some illnesses and teething while traveling, so I know it can be rough. I think it helps us to keep our expectations low – like I said below, “parenting in a great place” not “on vacation” and then anything truly vacation-y that we do is a bonus.
Anon says
If by bucket list you mean like Galapagos or Patagonia, no (although I hope to start doing that kind of adventure travel when my youngest is maybe…8 or so? I don’t know the exact age but I imagine it would be possible with elementary schoolers). We do travel to Europe and the Caribbean and within North America regularly. We haven’t attempted Asia or Australia mainly because of the long flight times.
NYCer says
Having been to the Galapagos as an adult, I think it would be a BLAST to go back there with elementary or middle school aged children. From the US, the time change is also very small, so side benefit is very little jet lag!
Anonymous says
If you want your kids to remember the trip, I’d wait until they are at least 5 or so. My daughter has no memory of the trip we took when she was 4, but definitely remembers the one we took when she was 6.
Traveling with kids is so much fun, even if it’s not to your dream destination. It is really satisfying to watch your child be completely amazed and enchanted by a new place, even if it’s a place where you’ve been a thousand times (NYC) or that has zero independent appeal to you (Harry Potter World, I’m looking at you).
AwayEmily says
My husband and I have talked a lot about this and come to realize that neither of us are constitutionally suited for travel with young kids (ours are 3 and 1 right now). We like routines and prioritize sleep. We’ve started doing trips with one parent plus the 3yo (my husband took her to AZ to visit his family; I’m taking her to DC next month to see friends). But we’ve decided that we likely won’t travel “for fun” with both kids (ie, other than to see family) until the kids are 3 and 5, and won’t go out of the country until they’re probably 5 and 7. We definitely want to travel with them, but we are not in a big rush and would rather wait until things get easier.
Anon says
My baby had airline elite status (25k miles flown) before her first birthday, so yeah we travel a lot. Part of it is having no local family, so a lot of our travel is just trips to see the grandparents and other family members, which isn’t super exciting. But we have done some family vacations too. I think travel with a baby or toddler can be really fun if you go into it with the attitude that it’s not really a vacation and more just that you’re parenting in a new, interesting place. We don’t really go into our trips with long to-do lists of traditional sightseeing activities. The goal is to either eat good food/soak up the local culture (in cities) or enjoy the warm weather and take turns going to beach/staying with baby (in beach destinations). We also spend a lot more money on hotels than we did pre-kid. In cities, we like suites (preferably with balconies) so we can enjoy the city views while the baby sleeps and in beach destinations we like to be right on the water, so there’s no commute time to the beach. It is different than pre-kid travel, but we’ve found it to be very fun and rewarding even if our daughter won’t remember it at all.
anonon says
Yep, we just booked our first ticket for our <2-year-old using her very own frequent flyer miles, which were gained purely by trips to see far-flung grandparents, rather than exotic vacations.
Anonymous says
We’ve been too broke – we’re not in the average salary demographic of this board I think, in general – and have to spend a lot of time/money visiting family (including taking care of an aging parent on other side of country). We’re hoping to do more now that we are done paying for preschool and paid off our renovation. Our son is 6.5. Everything is new to him, so he doesn’t need to go to China to be excited.
DLC says
all our travel tends to be for family, even the international travel. So even though we’ve been to England, Maritime Provinces, Taiwan and Japan with our small kids (7 and 2), I wouldn’t call it “bucket list” travel. They all fall into the category of “family trip.”
My parents love to travel, so I’m slowly adjusting my idea of “bucket list” travel to incorporate them, because, honestly that seems to be how travel happens for us these days.
Anonymous says
Mine are under 2, so we haven’t done any major “bucket list” trips yet but we’ve taken them to Europe twice and on a some weekend trips (~4 hours driving). We end up doing about 6 plane trips a year, but 4-5 of those are to visit family, so I don’t really count them as “travel”. It’s definitely very different from travelling without kids, but still fun, as long as you don’t have the mentality that you must see all the things and do all the experiences. Our big trips have also always involved grandparents meeting us at the Europe end–I’m not sure we’d want to do that when we didn’t have more adults than toddlers.
Currently, the 8 hour flight and 6 hour time difference is about our max. That flight is long, but totally doable, and at almost 2 our kids don’t seem to suffer from jetlag (at 13 months it was a little rougher–they had a harder time going to sleep for the first few Europe nights and woke up at 4am our first night back). We’re thinking about an Asia trip when they’re 3, but the 24 hours of traveling plus 12 hours of time change is giving us pause.
GCA says
All of our travel is to see family or friends. Up & down the East Coast, to CO and the West Coast, and to Asia. Even if it’s to see family, we try and make the most of it by going out for good food and hitting up the local attractions. My 3.5yo actually does remember stuff from previous trips (the elephants at the Singapore Zoo were particularly memorable, apparently – he still says ‘elephants eat bananas with the skin on’ and dissolves into giggles) and we take a ton of photos so he can browse through them. It is really sweet that he remembers random things like ‘we went to the beach with Grandpa’ and ‘we ate spicy noodles with egg’ (ramen!). The next time we go back to Asia I would like to hit up someplace like Penang or Bali, or perhaps even Disney in Japan or Hong Kong. The key is to travel on a kid-friendly schedule, and it’s easier if you’re already sort of familiar with the destination (eg you’ve been to Florence or Berlin and you love it and now you’re visiting with the kids to see it through fresh eyes).
Anon says
Yeah going somewhere you’re familiar with is clutch. You have insider knowledge in advance, plus you don’t feel pressure to do All The Things. I went to Paris as a teenager with my family and am really excited to go back with DH and our baby this summer. I don’t care if we don’t go to the Louvre or the top of the Eiffel Tower, because I’ve done those things. I just want to walk around the city, hear French people coo over my “bébé” and eat all the croissants and cheese. I’d feel differently if I were going to London, since I haven’t been there before.
Anonymous says
Mine are 2, 4, and 5.5, so we’re not doing bucket list trips for both cost and enjoyment reasons. But we do travel with kids a fair amount. 1 week every summer when daycare is closed, to visit family a couple times a year, and week or so in the winter or spring just because. All of our elective destination trips are driving for cost reasons, but we have family scattered to the winds so we’ve had to fly several times, too.
The biggest change in how I travel now vs when it was just me and DH (or even me, DH + 1 baby) is that we always rent a full house or apartment at our destination now. Beach house, condo on a ski mountain, AirBNB near amusement park, etc. We need to get breakfast ASAP to avoid hangry meltdowns, and I like the option to avoid restaurants for dinner after a busy day. Plus outdoor space and the ability to put the kids to bed in a bedroom and still have living space to relax in makes it a lot easier. We stay with family when we’re visiting by ourselves, but for big family holidays like Thanksgiving or Christmas, we get our own place so we have somewhere quiet to escape to after a hectic day.
I don’t think we’ll be doing any bucket list type trips for a few more years. I don’t mind paying to take my kids international, but I want to be past napping and diapers first. Next up adventure is camping. National Parks out West are also bucket list trips for me, but my kids need a bit more hiking stamina first.
Anon says
We have a 2 year old and a 4 year old and travel by plane only to see family; we mostly go to one very family-friendly metro area 2 time zones away where we have lots of family with kids. We rarely visit family in other locations (they don’t have children, most have the means, time, and ability to travel to us, and live in places that are less child-friendly).
If either of us has to travel for major life events (weddings, funerals), we leave spouse + kids behind.
We have friends and family overseas whom we’d really like to visit, but the massive jet lag for the children doesn’t seem worth it quite yet, especially because we’d have trouble going for long enough not to have jet lag be a significant portion of the trip.
We do go on just for fun trips within 2-3 hours by train/car from our area. It’s a great time to get to know these nearby areas!
ER says
Nope. We have the money, but it honestly seems like a waste for a 3-yr-old and a 1-yr-old. I would have much more fun going to a local beach (we are in California) without having to travel far, or going to visit relatives who live in spacious houses in lower-cost parts of the country.
I’m looking forward to traveling more with the kiddos when they are older, though!
anon says
It may be too late in the afternoon for a new thread but I’ll try: how do you corral baby toys in the tub? I’m helping my SIL build a baby registry. She is fairly design conscious but their future kids’ bath is also the guest/hall bath and I’m having a hard time coming up with a good solution for the inevitable cluster of bath toys. I’ve recommended the Boon Whale Pod but would love an idea that is grey rather than bright blue, preferably still a “scoop,” and is a semi-permanent mount. Ideas? Am I missing some unicorn easy solution?
Anonymous says
We use this. https://www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Scoop-Drain-Store-Organizer/dp/B006SFUDT4
anon says
Thanks!
SC says
It’s not a scoop, but we just use a mesh bag with suction cups. It’s worked out really well for us. Once the toys are dry, it’s also really easy to move and store if you want your tub to look better for guests.
Your SIL has a fair amount of time on this one. Baby will not be ready for a big bath tub until around 6 months, when he or she can sit up. Even then, 2-3 regular toys, like stacking cups or shape sorters, in the bath is probably enough for several months.
anon says
Thanks—that very well may end up being the end result. And, I know, but baby stuff is fun and I’ve been sort of enjoying finding less obvious alternatives to the standard baby products.
shortperson says
we have 4 oxo tot bath toy bins. i like them because you can take them off the wall to play with, then scoop up toys and hang back on the wall. IMO they are relatively non hideous. we also have one large basket on the floor for the boats that are too big for the bins.
anon says
Thanks!