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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
AnotherAnon says
Can we do cute kids stories a day early this week? It’s storming out, so I guess my son didn’t realize it was morning because he didn’t make a peep. DH went to get him about an hour after he normally wakes up and said he was just lying in his crib quietly (he’s 2 so he doesn’t normally do anything quietly). I thought that was really sweet. Also, DH made me coffee to go this morning and it is giving me life.
SC says
My husband took an adorable video of my kid walking around in his pajamas and my high heels yesterday. Also, Kiddo has decided that his favorite food is fried shrimp :-)
lawsuited says
Pajamas + mum’s high heels = my 2 year old’s favourite outfit
The grin on his face when he puts the high heels on is so beautiful that I just let my wood floors take the beating.
Lana Del Raygun says
My baby (5.5 months) now “sings along” in church, not too loudly (I hope).
Anonymous says
I started taking ballet classes recently (I have zero previous ballet experience) and my 4 year old daughter is obsessed. After my class the other day, she sat down all business-like on her train table, and instructed, “Now mommy, I want you to show me ALL the ballet you know, and if you do a really good job, I will give you… *this medal*” whereupon she slowly opened her hand to reveal the treasure that could be mine: a little plastic medal she’d gotten in gymnastics class.
2 minutes and all-the-ballet-I-know later, she gave me a standing ovation, a huge hug, and bestowed the medal on me with hearty congratulations and all the gravitas a 4 year old can muster.
Anon says
Aw I love this! I really want to take ballet classes but they don’t have classes for adults in my small city. One studio lets the adults take kid classes but I’m too embarrassed to do that.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t want to take lessons with the kids, either! I was embarrassed to try lessons at all, but I’ve really enjoyed it and wish I’d done it sooner. A ballet school in my city and has an adult intro series for total beginners. Some of the other students do have previous non-ballet dance experience, but mostly it’s a bunch of other adults, age range 25-60 and spread pretty evenly, who are trying to learn to balance and control of their limbs semi-gracefully. It’s a really fun, supportive group. I hope you can find something similar!
Anon says
Sadly, I have called every studio in town and no adult classes anywhere, and only the one studio that lets you join with the kids (but no thanks). One of the (relatively few) things I hate about living in the middle of nowhere.
IHeartBacon says
I love this so much!
FVNC says
My five year old learned the knock-knock interrupting cow joke and thinks it is THE funniest thing in the world. My two year old has learned high five-up high-down low, and also thinks it is THE funniest thing in the world, especially when I say “too slow!”.
Spirograph says
haha I love this. My kids discovered the interrupting cow joke a while back with similar reaction. Also, it took them so much practice for them to tell it successfully. The first 100 attempts had the “moo!” a beat or two too late, or after the “who’s there?” Who knew knock-knock jokes were so difficult!
FVNC says
Ha, yes, comedic timing is hard!
Anonymous says
I definitely don’t know the interrupting cow joke. Please share ;)
Anonymous says
Oh no! It’s a gem:
A: Knock-knock
B: Who’s there?
A: Interrupting Cow!
B: Interrupting c—
(interrupts before B can finish) MOOOOOO!
Pigpen's Mama says
I’m 40-mumble-something and I still can’t get the timing down right on the Interrupting Cow joke.
My four year old has a good sense of humor, but like me, she can’t tell a joke — her knock knock joke repertoire is basically a riff on “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana” but she subsitutes other words for orange and banana, so it makes no sense. But since she cracks up, it’s hard not to laugh.
Anonymous says
Truthfully, my kiddo (3.5) has really had some gems recently. Last week I took her pear slices for a daycare pick up snack, and she thanked me for bringing her a healthy snack so she could grow. Yesterday, she told me I am really special. This was as we left for swim lessons where she swam for the first time independently (with a floatie). Just in January she basically refused to get in the water at the start of swim lessons. She was so excited and so proud of herself with the biggest smile and talked about it all night. And she wouldn’t get out of the pool when it was time to leave. My heart was so full.
GCA says
I had the day off on Monday (we’re in Boston) and daycare was closed; during baby’s nap I left her with husband and took kid 1 to a cafe where we shared a sandwich and cookie. I haven’t had quite enough 1-on-1 time with him since the baby arrived so it was a treat for both of us. (Then I dragged them both out to watch the marathon and he was super patient while I wrangled a squirmy baby and checked my app every two seconds to see where our friends were.)
Anonymous says
That sounds so fun. I miss living in Boston and taking the day for the marathon! We used to live in Brookline Hills so it was a quick walk to spectate.
Mama Llama says
My 5yo kiddo has set up an ice cream shop using a toy cash register and some play ice cream. The other night she asked if I wanted to buy an ice cream cone, and I said I would after I finished my dinner. Her dad came and told her it was time to get ready for bed, so she came to the table and told me, very seriously, “I’m sad to say, the ice cream shop is now closed. You will have to get your ice cream tomorrow.” She really killed me with “I’m sad to say.”
Pogo says
This is precious.
FVNC says
“I’m sad to say” — too much! I hope you have a kid quotes journal, or that you start one after this!
Mama Llama says
I actually do keep a “line a day journal” and a lot of it is her quotes because she is eminently quotable!
Boston Legal Eagle says
My almost 3 year old has been helping me make coffee in the mornings – we have a Keurig and he likes to take the old packet out, put the new one in and press the button. This morning, I had already made my coffee but he then came over to the kitchen saying, “Can I make coffee, please” with a sad look on his face, so I had him help make another cup. I think he gets a lot of joy in watching the coffee pour out and then also doing it all himself. He’s been getting more independent lately with being able to put his shoes on himself and going to the potty himself (including attempts at wiping). Kind of crazy to see this little person who we previously did everything for turn into…a person who can do things for himself!
Baby is still a baby and does lots of baby things, and still needs us to do everything :) Trying to appreciate these moments now that I know for sure how finite they are.
anon says
So, uh, our 9-year-old kind of walked in on adult playtime the other night. Both of us were still wearing some clothing but were topless. We thought he was long asleep and the door was open, oops. His reaction: “Mom? Are you doing something inappropriate to Dad?”
His gasp of horror was both hilarious and mortifying.
AnoninBigLaw says
How did you respond??
anon says
I said that I was giving Daddy a back massage. I mean … that’s how it started?
But mostly we fumbled around and told him to go back to his room and we’d answer any questions in the morning.
He never asked.
AwayEmily says
My mom is coming over this evening to help out since my husband is out of town for the week. I asked the 3yo if Nama should bring pizza when she comes, and she said “Yeah, cause when Nama don’t bring pizza, it makes my tummy hurt.”
octagon says
Earlier this week, kiddo (3.5) held my hand, looked up at me, and said “Mama, you are my best friend.” I melted.
Anonymous says
My four year old daughter just started soccer at our gym. (By “soccer” I mean a bunch of three and four year old running around chasing several balls and maybe actually kicking one in a net every now and then. Adorable.)
She’s not the most coordinated or athletically inclined child (sorry kid—you got my genes!), but the look of determination on her face as she chased that ball was amazing. And she was SO PROUD when she kicked a ball in the net. My usually shy child ran up to the coach and high-fived her. Then came running to me for a hug, screaming “I did it!”
anne-on says
For our anniversary yesterday my son came home with a (very squashed) daffodil that he picked on the playground for us to celebrate. I quite seriously put it in a vase and they we talked about pressing it. He also clearly remembers how our wedding video ‘used to be my favorite because everyone I love is in it!’ (dying of cute).
Anon says
Aww!
Anonymous says
My almost-two-year-old is starting to get a lot of words and just beginning to sing. She loves music. She always asks for “row row” (Row Row Row Your Boat) but I recently discovered she has been requesting and attempting to sing Wheels on the Bus. There’s a verse they sing at school, “the mama on the bus says shh shh shh”. She’ll say “shh shh shh shh shh shh mama shh shh all day long”. It’s so stinking cute and her eyes just light up when I sing that song to her.
Anon says
My 14 month old loves music in general and Wheels on the Bus specifically! She can’t sing along yet but she grins and dances. It’s adorable.
Anonymous says
My two year old does this too and with the same songs! Also twinkle twinkle little star she’ll sing “up above”. It makes me feel good that all the effort I put into reading/singing to her was sinking in, just took 2 years lol
Anonymous says
I have an almost identical story with my almost two year old! She calls Wheels on the Bus “round and round” and for several days had been requesting “rown and rown” which I mistook for “row row” and she would shout “No!” so I would stop signing, but now I’ve figured it out. Her other favorite songs are Happy Birthday, Baby Shark, Frere Jacques and “bye bye poo poo” which is a song I made up because she was resisting diaper changes, but now we sing the song and she laughs along and will lie still long enough to change her diaper.
Anon says
My 20 month old last night sitting next to me decided to take an adult fork and feed me rice from my plate, all the while making an “mmmmm” sound with each bite and shoveling it in faster than I could chew it (no facial features were harmed in this escapade, but there were a couple near misses!).
Anonymous says
My 3 year old has been copying DH talking to our 3 month old daughter and will tickle baby sister’s belly and say “What are you doing pretty girl” in the same way DH says it. It melts my heart.
CCLA says
I love these threads. My 2.5 year old this week started asking DH and I when we get home “how was your work?” just like we ask her how was school (daycare). 6-mo old is starting to hang out sitting independently a bit, so the two are finally starting to play a little more interactively, which basically consists of older kiddo passing toys to baby and asking if she likes it, which older DD thinks is hilarious. Baby lights up at big sis doing anything with her, which is supremely adorable and makes me look forward to when they can really play together in earnest.
lsw says
Right now my son (2.5) is super into Star Wars, and we love everything about it, including: yesterday waving his popsicle stick around like a lightsaber and going “voom, voom”, making R2D2 noises, calling Darth Vader “Star Wars” as in “Star Wars is sad”, and asking to watch the “Star Wars train” aka a five minute clip on YouTube of the Jawa sandcrawler/purchase of the droids scene.
Anonymous says
Preschooler said “look! A Ford Flex taxi! That’s a new one for me!” It was the “that’s a new one for me” that did me in :)
anon says
I had a rough conversation with DH last night. It started out as a conversation about disciplining our kids, which we needed to address, and quickly devolved into both of us realizing that everyone in our house is super stressed out. There are some changes we need to make in our daily routine — which I’m on board with — but one thing DH kept bring up is that he feels like the kids are in too many activities. That surprised me. Right now, our two kids are in two activities each. I thought we were handling the schedule well, but he feels strongly that on days when we have activities, they’re going through too many transitions at the end of the day (daycare or after-school care > activity > family time). I will fully admit that we have one kid in particular who needs a LOT of downtime. His 7 p.m. weekly soccer practice is … really bad. Like he never wants to go and can barely hold himself together to focus, even though he likes the games.
How do other families manage to not become cranky, burned out messes like we apparently are? We’re not even doing intense activities. The sports are YMCA rec league stuff, everything happens within a 10-minute drive of our house, and we’ve kept weekend stuff to a minimum. DS has soccer games on Sundays at the moment, but the season is only a few months long.
So I guess where we’ve landed for now is that our preschooler DD will be done with gymnastics at the end of the month and she’ll keep doing swimming lessons through the end of the school year because we’ve already paid for them. DS will finish out the soccer season. No summer activities for either kid, which I’m fine with. I just hate the idea of limiting our kids from trying new things because we, as parents, can’t seem to handle the go-go-go lifestyle on top of having two full-time jobs.
Maybe other families thrive with lots of activity, but we apparently do not. And I’m not going to hire a sitter to cart kids to activities. I know that’s a solution for many, but DH would absolutely put his foot down on that idea, and truthfully, I also think it would be a flashing sign that we’re trying to do too much. No judgment, I swear — I think it’s a great, creative solution for many families.
I don’t know what I’m looking for. Advice? Commiseration? Reassurance that staying home is fine and good and that we’re not depriving the kids of essential childhood experiences? It is such a rat race in my town, and I already feel like my kids are behind the curve because they haven’t “committed” to anything. I try to remind myself that most kids drop out of sports by age 13 anyway, but … yeah. Feeling lots of guilt for not being able to give them everything.
Anon says
Staying home is fine and good and you’re not depriving the kids of essential childhood experiences. Kids get plenty of socialization through school/daycare. If he needs downtime in the evenings, he needs downtime and you should let him have it. You’re not “limiting the kids from trying new things” or “not being able to give them everything” you’re listening to your kids and treating them like the individuals they are. Trust, letting them drop/cut back is the right decision.
avocado says
“You’re listening to your kids and treating them as the individuals they are.”
+1,000,000 to this. If the activities are stressing the whole family out and bringing no one joy, then they are detracting from the kids’ lives, not adding to them. Different kids, and different families, need different things, and those needs change over time. Maybe soccer is too much for your 9-year-old now, but in sixth grade he might come home asking to join the choir or the band or audition for the play or go out for cross country. Or maybe he will always prefer to have plenty of downtime.
Redux says
How old are your kids?
anon says
9 and 4
Mama Llama says
Oh man, I could write a novel in response to this. To keep it succinct, I will just say that I agree with your husband. To address your last line about not giving them everything, how about changing your perspective to giving them calm family time? the opportunity to be bored and connect with self-initiative and creativity? the example of how to go against the grain when something that’s commonly done doesn’t work for them? Time and space and freedom from pressure are not nothing. The book There’s No Such Thing as Bad Weather might be interesting to you for giving a different perspective on the pervasive American go-go-go lifestyle.
Lana Del Raygun says
I love this re-frame. And even if you and dh could “handle” giving them everything, they can’t receive everything, because they’re kids and because there are only 24 hours in a day. And imho the things Mama Llama lists are better/more important than soccer.
Spirograph says
I really like this reframe, too. Thank you!
OP, did you have a SAHM as a kid? Because I did, and I struggle with the same feeling that I need to give my kids activities. Siblings and I all did swimming lessons, gymnastics, music lessons, sports, etc. We still spent plenty of time running around with neighborhood friends and playing in the back yard, and I never felt overscheduled. I try to remember that my mom was working with a lot more un-allocated hours in the day than working parents have, but it’s tough to feel like I’m giving less.
anon says
OP here. Yes, I did have a SAHM. It is true that I simply have fewer hours in the day to fit everything in. I feel like I’ve done a lot of work to accept that and be OK with it, but sometimes that “you’re not doing enough” feeling rears its ugly head again.
Then I remember that swimming lessons took place in the morning, only during the summer, and were practically a social event for all of us, Mom included. And we had a school bus that drove us to and from after-school sports. And piano lessons happened at a neighbor’s house and the school bus just dropped us off there. It was the ’80s/’90s in a rural community, and nobody batted an eye at that arrangement. For gymnastics, five of us girls went together and the moms took turns carpooling. So my mom had to get us there not even once a month!
It’s funny (not really) to me that even though I lived outside of town, on a farm, my parents did less running around to activities even though I was involved in more. I also had three siblings. There was a whole social network set up to support that kind of thing. Life in the ‘burbs is really different — and to be fair, some of these arrangements wouldn’t fly in my hometown today because so many families have two parents working.
I don’t want to be a SAHM, but even today, it seems like there are more support structures for SAHMs in my community. Kind of a bummer, but this is what I’ve chosen.
Spirograph says
Same, same. I grew up in the ‘burbs, but there were tons of SAHMs and we had carpools, the school day was shorter, and there was no rush hour traffic. Solidarity at trying not to compare yourself to your SAHM in a totally different time and place. My mom is lovely, and even reminds me that it’s silly to compare parenting in a major metro area with a full-time job to what she did, but it’s hard when that’s your frame of reference for what childhood looks like.
Anonymous says
Staying home is fine. Free play time outdoors is so important for kids so we don’t do activities on the weekends with the exception of skating in the fall. We try to do family hikes or trips to the playground/pool.
Surprised at the resistance to a sitter. That’s actually sort of our solution. After school program at school 2 days a week and 3 days a week of activities. Grandma picks up oldest kid from school and brings to the activity. This way we don’t have activities on weekends. After school program then activity would be too much for my 2nd grader. Twins start school in the fall so we are looking at the same schedule for them but will likely need an after-school nanny to assist as Grandma can’t handle all three so will split up Grandma taking twins or older kid and sitter taking the other depending on the day/activity.
What works for us is doing activites that are low key and looking for modifications when the desired activity is too long. LikeB allet/Tap/Jazz combo class – I called the studio and arranged to have older kid do only Ballet/Tap so class is only one hour long and she is home for supper. No soccer league but yes to evening soccer program at school that is 10 weeks long with no practices. Or skating lessons on Sundays but only for 12 weeks in the fall, did not register for winter term. Will register for fall only again this year.
Can you consolidate so you have one activity day during the week and move one activity to the weekend?
Boston Legal Eagle says
My kids are still very little so this is mostly based on my own experience growing up, but I didn’t have a ton of activities growing up and those that I did participate were things I really wanted to do and things my parents made work with their schedules. No away games/competitions or anything like that. Yes, I didn’t excel at a particular sport or dance, but those kids who did? Pretty much all quit before college and I don’t think their lives are better or worse for it.
It sounds like your son doesn’t really want to do soccer right now, especially at night. You are giving him what he needs by listening to him and respecting his wishes, despite what other families are doing. That’s more important than being involved in lots of activities just because others are doing it. I will admit it is very very hard to go against the grain, especially in competitive towns, but just know that this outsider thinks you’re doing great for your kids! Downtime from school/other people is super important for a lot of kids, especially introverts.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 to this – as someone who is far away from the activity phase with a 17 month old – I remember reading in “Bringing up Bebe” that French parents just…don’t stress out about all these “activities” if it gets to a point where it’s not enjoyable for the family. Growing up, I was in Girl Scouts consistently and tried a few things and quit pretty quickly – and I think I turned out okay? My brother also was in Scouts and guitar lessons consistently, with a minor stint in soccer, but that’s it. No club leagues. No intense things, for better or for worse. We played a lot in our very small townhouse patio and outside of a few weeks of scout camps, many summers were spent (GASP) going to work with our parents (they owned their own small business) and being left to our own devices to read, play outside (in the Texas summer heat, yes), etc. I also think the lack of SO MANY ACTIVITIES made me a huge library goer and reader from a very early age.
I feel like a lot of families think there’s a “we have to do” mentality of enrolling kids in activities and being in some kind of stressed out sweepstakes, but life is already full enough without adding non-value-added activities. A good friend of mine who works super PT and is always stressed, tired, and, frankly, doesn’t find much joy in life, has been talking about enrolling her 2.5 year old daughter in ballet because she “loves the Peppa Pig ballet book”, and I just want to say….Y THO?!?!
Brava to you for listening to your family’s needs. Hope this brings you more sanity and downtime!
Anonymous says
I don’t know how 2 working parent houses do weekday activities. We don’t. Afterschool is an activity, you know? We’ve only ever done swim class, and only on the weekends, and we only have one kid. He’s almost 7. Thankfully he has no interest in sports (well, i’m not entirely thankful but it does help that he doesn’t want to do any activities. He just wants to play with his friends.) As I kid I really wanted to take classes etc, but I also did not go to afterschool (SAHM), and my brothers were much less interested in classes. So I think following your kids’ leads is totally okay in this.
Anon says
+1, one kid and we limit activities to one weekend activity only (currently, swimming in the summer, ballet in the school year). I might change my tune if she were begging for more activities, but I certainly don’t feel guilty about not enrolling her in additional stuff she’s not asking to do. This is something parents today put way too much pressure on themselves about, I think. In the 1980s, most of us had SAHMs and spent our weekends and evenings running around the neighborhood with our friends. We turned out fine.
Pogo says
This “Afterschool is an activity, you know? “. I don’t have school aged kiddos yet, but I would say that if they’re going to an afterschool program, that’s their activity. If you have an au pair or sitter take them to something INSTEAD of afterschool, and then they still get free play in the evening, I think that’s a good compromise.
anne-on says
I kind of agree with your husband. We have an au pair and I still limit my kid to 2 days of after school activities (either after school program twice, or 2 practices, or 1 and 1 depending on the term). We also drop weekend activities for most of the summer/winter and late fall (Halloween through Christmas is full up with family stuff, skiing/skating is my husband/son’s preference for winter weekends, and we swim most summer weekends). Other kids in our town do more but I know my kid and he needs to be in bed at 7:30, not at soccer practice or French lessons or Oboe or what have you. School and sleep come first, in that order.
Fwiw, I also take a fairly hard line on not letting kid stuff supersede grownup needs. I put my own gym time and time as a family ahead of a travel soccer league at 7, sorry, but I do.
Anon says
I don’t even think that’s prioritizing grownup needs (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Time as a family is important for every member of the family.
AnotherAnon says
IMHO, staying home is fine and good. My kid is 2 so I can only offer perspective on my childhood, but I will say I’m leaning toward fewer activities for him because he’s not a high energy kid (we’ll see when he gets older I guess). I was really only in one activity ever. When I was 8 I did gymnastics for about six weeks until my mom told me we couldn’t afford it; then I started summer swim team when I was 12 and continued to swim through high school. Practice was before school so there was minimal carting me around (I actually caught a ride with another swimmer before I drove, so my mom didn’t have to drive me to the pool at 5AM). I have three brothers and they were in essentially zero activities. I think the two middle ones took guitar lessons once a week for a couple of years in middle school. We all turned out relatively fine. We played outside a lot, and we were bored a lot, especially in the summer. Honestly my math homework took up a ton of my free time in high school so I can’t imagine doing more than one sport and getting good grades. I know it’s a completely different world now, but that’s my perspective.
AwayEmily says
lots of smart comments here. My kids are also too little for many activities but I can already tell that one will likely not thrive in group activities. The other is still just a toddler but he’s already 100x more extroverted than his sister was at that age. Kids are different. Some kids love coming home and playing outside and reading on their own, some kids love going to soccer and ballet and art. It seems like you have a great grasp on what is best for YOUR kids and that’s what’s important. You guys are great parents.
Emily S. says
I’m really interested in this thread bc DH and I come at it differently, and we’ve approached conversations like yours. I grew up in dance class 3-4 days a week from age 3-18, plus Girls Scouts, or a school/YMCA sport, etc. DH was allowed one activity per semester and never played team sports. Just recognizing that we come from different backgrounds has helped me from overreacting to DH’s conversation starters: they are coming from concern for our kids and his background, not a criticism of my parenting. DH also reminds me there are plenty of years of childhood, and kids will try, fail, pick up activities, drop them, etc. in due time.
It sounds like you came up with a reasonable plan. I hope you can let go of some of the guilt and (try) to trust that kids will gravitate toward what they like and you have the power to set guardrails that work for your family.
Anonymous says
“Maybe other families thrive with lots of activity, but we apparently do not.” <– this right here is what I have to work on a lot, and my therapist reminds me, "You are not 'other people'" and "Your family is not 'other families'". Some of my friends have their kids in all sorts of activities and they go out a lot to restaurants to eat or shopping and outings. Our family? Zero activities. We have 3, all in preschool and one does a soccer program which is during the day in his preschool class and that's it. But everyone is happy and I'm not having a meltdown. Whereas when we were all rushing around -storytime here, gymnastics there, church events, etc. we were spending so much time in the car, life was hectic, I always felt like I was loading up the car like there was a cargo fire (I mean, the sheer logistics to get kids anywhere…), I was always on the verge of a mental breakdown. My friend has travelled with her two young children to Japan for two weeks. I don't even want to take mine to the grocery store, and I've come to peace with that.
Mama Llama says
Yes, this is so key! I feel like social media makes this a lot worse too. I see other families constantly taking their kids to festivals, museums, pumpkin patches, berry-picking, international travel, what-have-you, and my family and I do very little of that sort of thing. Sometimes I feel bad about it, but I try to remind myself, “Good for them, not for us.”
EB0220 says
I did not read the other responses but here’s my opinion: when my kids have an activity after school, I arrive home completely drained. The kids seem to handle it OK but I hate it. They do martial arts year round (once during the week and once on weekends) and soccer spring/fall (7 year old has practice during the week and both have a game on Saturday, which replaces martial arts for the duration of the season). That is my personal stay-sane limit. Some people like a lot of activity but I am not one of them. I think you have to figure out what’s right for your family, and that will be different for everyone.
RR says
Ugh. After-school activities. At some point, remember, they get better at them, and they do more of the “one” activity they are in. My kids are 11, 11, and 5, and they are all in dance. That’s it right now. Between the three of them, we are at the dance academy Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. The older two also have a music lesson after school every other Wednesday. They want to start swim again (and I want them to because swimming skills are just generally great for life), and my son wants to start a music lesson. But when? Our solution has been a nanny. They come home from school, do homework and have downtime with the nanny, then their activities start at 6 or later (and end by 7:30 at the latest), then home for dinner and into bed by 8:30 at the latest. Somehow, it works, and we get into a good routine. Adding new things though would be prohibitive. A big part of why this works for us is that they all do the same thing at the same place.
SC says
On the thread yesterday about what we do the same and different from our parents, my “different” was being less busy and having more family time. My parents both worked full-time, I was in after-care and a bunch of activities, my dad often worked evenings, the whole family was involved in church activities on Wednesday nights and ALL day Sunday, and everyone was stressed the f* out all the time. I promise you’re not depriving your kids by limiting their activities. All the running around was too much, and all I wanted was some free time.
They don’t have to do everything all at once. They can rotate. I was exposed to TONS of activities through sleep-away camp every summer. I think it was helpful for me to be pushed out of my comfort zone and try some things out, but I wouldn’t have been any better at singing or sportsball if I’d started earlier. (I’m uncoordinated and tone deaf.)
We have one kid, about to turn 4, and we do swim lessons on Saturday mornings, off and on (mostly based on availability when I remember to sign up). Kiddo does soccer a soccer program while he’s at daycare. We thought about martial arts, but right now he has a play therapy appointment and 2 occupational therapy appointments per week, and I felt like it would be too much since he’d have something literally everyday.
Holiday Anon says
I need a place to vent about the upcoming holidays. Our relationship with DH’s parents is somewhat strained for a myriad of reasons that are not worth going into here. Unfortunately, it spills into his relationship with his 3 brothers, because their mother overshares her grievances with DH with her other children. He is Jewish and I am Catholic, and in the spirit of the holidays, and because I want kiddo to have positive holiday memories, we reached out to in-laws to see if they’d be having a Seder for Passover and if we could come. MIL at first said she was thinking about it, and then decided that she WILL have a Seder…on Sunday. For those who don’t know, Passover is typically celebrated on the first 2 nights (i.e. Friday and Saturday) and Easter is on Sunday. MIL knows that it’s Easter and that for the past decade we have spent Easter with my family. It just feels like a deliberate snub. I know it shouldn’t bother me, but my heart breaks a little for DH who now feels like he’s “choosing” my family over his, when we both know his parents are inconsiderate (circle back to the strained relationship referenced above). Geographically we can’t do both in one day without making our day miserable, and we don’t want to do that because Sunday is actually Easter and while Passover extends for 8 nights, the first 2 nights are when people celebrate. Sigh.
anon says
I’m sorry; this really stinks. I don’t have any advice, only commiseration. I agree that it does seem like a deliberate snub.
Anonymous says
Do you know that it’s an intentional snub? I’m assuming the past history of the relationship is what’s leading you to conclude that?
If his brothers are married, that means co-ordinating the schedules of 10 adults and if she has a better relationship with them, I could see accommodating their schedules. E.g. if brothers are attending in-laws Seders on Friday or Saturday.
FWIW, growing up we always did church in the morning, Easter brunch/lunch with one set of grandparents and Easter dinner with the other. Same thing on Christmas. I was a teenager (after grandparents passed) before we did Christmas or Easter at home.
Anon says
I tend to agree with this. You know your family better than I do of course, but DH’s mom is one of 6 kids and her family typically does the family seder on a random night that is not the first or second night because one or more of the 6 (grown) kids invariably has another seder to attend on the first and second nights. It’s not unheard of, especially in big families.
Anon says
I also think if you want to work on relations with your in-laws, being open to sometimes skipping Easter with your family would be a good start. Most married people can’t be with their family of origin on every holiday, and Easter/Passover are almost always very close together, so if you insist on Easter every year with your parents, I kind of see why they’re hurt.
Anon says
Friends with several Jewish-Christian couples, and given that Passover is always multiple days and Easter is one day (same with Hannukah and Christmas), every single one of them celebrates the Jewish holidays on one or more of the days that is not the Christian holiday. This seems like, if not a deliberate snub, a gross inconsideration.
Anon says
This isn’t my experience with the interfaith couples I know. It night work if all families are local and you can do Passover seder with one family on Saturday night and Easter brunch with the other family on Sunday morning, but that’s a somewhat rare situation now, given how much people move around. It’s more common in my experience for people to give one family the winter holidays and the other family the spring holidays. I’d also add that even though Hanukkah and Passover are longer and give you more flexibility about when to celebrate, working adults only get time off work around Christmas (and sometimes Easter, but that’s much less universal) and it’s a lot nicer to visit family when they have time off work so you can all spend time together. The long Christmas weekend presents that opportunity in a way that Hanukkah does not. Also, this is not true of Passover vs Easter, but Hanukkah has essentially no religious significance and many American Jews have their own very established traditions around Christmas, so Hanukkah isn’t necessarily more significant than Christmas to American Jews (especially those who identify with the culture more than the religion, which is a lot of us).
anon says
i’m jewish and growing up for the first seder we went to mom’s side of the family and the second seder dad’s side of the family. dad’s side of the family consisted of 5 other adults who all had other in-laws/families and it was coordinated so that they always had second night. i too would interpret this as a snub and think it is obnoxious to insist on doing a seder on Sunday, which isn’t even when the Seder should technically be, though I guess it depends what the family tradition is. In my family we always do Seders on the actual days, but if in DH’s family they sometimes do them on different days, then I would say it is not necessarily a snub. Growing up we also did have some long travel days so that we could celebrate each holiday with both families. While the travel wasn’t fun, i generally have fond memories of the holiday celebrations as a kid. some years my parents would drive from DC suburb to Connecticut one day, have seder there that night, then drive from CT to Philly the next day and have Seder there that night and then sometimes stay in Philly that night, but other times drive back to DC suburb that night. My sibling and I generally got used to lots of time in the car
Holiday Anon says
Thanks for this perspective. I should mention that my in-laws just recently moved to our city, so this is the first year that we have had the opportunity to celebrate Passover with them. (We previously did not travel for the holiday, though I’m not sure really why – probably due to their relationship). In prior years, we hosted the brothers and some of my (non-Jewish) relatives for a Seder, which was fun. Now that the “matriarch” is in town, she has taken over the holiday hosting, which is generally fine with us.
I also agree that coordinating can be difficult, but two brothers are unattached. One brother is married, but SIL is Chinese and doesn’t celebrate any of these holidays. We have the only grandchild, and my in-laws and the brothers are the only family in this state, so no other family to contend with. Ugh.
Anonymous says
My MIL is from a different cultural background with different holiday celebrations and it took me a while to see the difference between when something was thoughtless vs. malice. Usually she just isn’t very good about considering the impact of her actions on others but that’s less hurtful to me than when I thought about it as intentional.
Honestly, I’d tried to go if you can. You asked if they were going to host one, did not specify that you were unavailable on Sunday evening (Easter brunch is a bigger thing in my area), and it’s the first year in the city when you’ve usually spent Passover with DH’s brothers so not attending may cause offence. Could you go to your parents on Saturday evening, do Easter morning/brunch with them and then come home for Seder?
Holiday Anon says
I appreciate this distinction between something that is thoughtless vs. malice – I’m going to try to look at it through the lens of the former – thank you!
I’m not inclined to skip or modify Easter because it’s not just with my parents. It’s all aunts, uncles, cousins, and their kids (some who have traveled from out of state), it starts at 3:00 PM and it’s about 90 minutes’ from MIL’s home (which starts at 5:30 PM). DH gave a cheerful, “Sorry, we’ll be at Uncle ____’s house for Easter, but enjoy!” I think we’ll have to try for better coordination next year, and chalk this up to “we’re all in the same city now” growing pains.
TheElms says
Even if the official Easter celebration with the extended family is at a time you can’t make because of the timing of Seder, could you nonetheless go see your family on Saturday?
mascot says
Do you typically celebrate Passover with them? The key days of Passover and Easter don’t always overlap, right? You asked MIL to include you and she did, so maybe make the effort to do it her way this time. Then next year, see if you can get everyone to commit to separate days.
Coach Laura says
In most years (4 out of five) Passover and Easter (Western) overlap. Jesus celebrated Passover just days before the crucifixion so they are connected. Some years do not overlap because of moon cycles and equinox dates, but it’s complicated.
Anonymous says
To me it feels like less of a snub and more of a test. A test that I would resent and complain about to no end to everyone who would listen. But I would probably go and try to spend Saturday or a day next weekend with my parents instead. Because I like to pass tests. Maybe while you’re there, you could talk with the other siblings about finding out if you can coordinate a time going forward that makes sense for everyone during the first two days. Let MIL know that it is what works for the siblings and that you’re happy to host if she is ready to pass the hosting torch.
Anon says
We have an opposite reaction to tests from MILs. My typical reaction is to go all “h**l no” and do the exact opposite purely on principle (unless I game play it out and think that’s what she wants me to do). But my MIL is at best a steamroller, so I’m big on preserving every boundary I’ve managed to stake out. Yours may be the healthier approach (or at least better for the relationship).
Anonymous says
This is not a test I’d want to pass. It would establish a precedent.
1:03 Anon says
A precedent of what? Spending time with your in-laws once every decade? I think the biggest factor here is how your husband feels. Does he feel like it is his family’s turn? If so, based on what you’ve said, I think you need to respect that, go with it, and plan further in advance next year. This isn’t about you, it’s about your husband and, increasingly, your child.
Anon says
I mean, Easter is THE holiest day of the year for Catholics, so I don’t think you should feel guilty in the slightest for wanting to fully observe Easter Day every year (but also…Good Friday is a very difficult day to get together and eat with other people if you observe it, so the options this year are not great). That said, the octave of Easter is eight days long, and the season of Easter is 50, so if you really feel like you need to be with DH’s family this year I would celebrate Easter as a family on one of those other days (still going to Mass on Easter Day and all that).
To this internet stranger, this seems like a situation that you can’t win, and one day is not going to magically improve or utterly destroy the relationship…so you what you and DH feel most comfortable with.
Anonymous says
24 hours isn’t a lot of notice so it wouldn’t work to do Friday this year but OP if you are okay with Seder on Good Friday, I would make that clear in future years. She might have assumed you don’t want Seder on a sombre Christian holiday.
Pogo says
You’re technically supposed to fast on Good Friday as well, so a celebratory dinner is the opposite of what you should be doing to observe.
Whenever something like this comes up with our family, I remind myself there will be other Easters or Christmases or whatever, and try to be as equitable as possible. In this case I probably would continue to do Easter with your family, OP, because that was the plan, but be more proactive in the future about trying to coordinate for the Jewish holidays so you can be involved with MIL’s celebrations as well.
Holiday Anon says
Thank you, Hive, for the input! It is much appreciated. :)
Prenatals says
I took the NatureMade Prenatals with the DHA in one pill for 2+ years for kiddo #1. I’m taking them again (TTC) and they must have reformulated since the last time I took them, because the fish smell is just terrible now (and it’s the last two new bottles). Any recommendations for a similar prenatal? Other than the fish smell that makes me gag every single time, I was pretty happy with them (no nausea or GI issues).
anon says
There was a recent thread on this if you’re up for searching. Easy search strategy: go to g00gle, type in site:c o r p o r e t t e m o m s .c o m (without spaces) and then your search term. I think the prenatals discussion has been within the past week.
Anon says
Thanks, I’ll check, but if I recall the poster was looking for iron free (and most of the responses were gummies or take regular adult multivitamins – I’m looking for a full-fledged prenatal with iron and DHA, just one that doesn’t reek of fish).
anon says
Gotcha! I missed that distinction… hopefully someone has a helpful reco!
Anonymous says
They made this change while I was pregnant. It was ridiculous. I ended up having to split my pills to get everything I wanted, so I took Rainbow Made prenatals and a vegan DHA pill (I was just over the fish problem).
Anonymous says
Will your OB give you a prescription? I loved the vitaPearl. Tiny and no weird smell/taste!
AnotherAnon says
I take Thorne Basic Prenatal because Rhonda Patrick recommends Thorne and she seems like she has done her research.
Em says
Try keeping them in the freezer. I couldn’t stomach fish oil pills and read this tip. Somehow being frozen almost completely eliminates the fish smell and taste.
TheElms says
If you’re willing to split prenatals from DHA, I really like Nordic Naturals. No fish smell or taste — in fact they smell and taste vaguely citrus to me.
https://www.amazon.com/Nordic-Naturals-Ultimate-Omega-SoftGels/dp/B0739KKHWL/ref=pd_rhf_ee_s_rp_0_3/134-7865215-6431059?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B0739KKHWL&pd_rd_r=6af80a7d-a611-4178-87f1-883475f1c214&pd_rd_w=fFbgZ&pd_rd_wg=fR5mA&pf_rd_p=f4c63947-4e8b-4aeb-a925-1d4e1a211124&pf_rd_r=FTAY1KY2VPBER9P1ES3G&refRID=FTAY1KY2VPBER9P1ES3G&th=1
NYCer says
Replying super late, but I took these too when I was pregnant (and now take the post natal version).
Scooters says
I have a small almost-3 year old who is happily riding a 10” bike with training wheels. She struggled with tricycles, and the 12” bike we had was way too big but 10” is perfect.
I also have a 5.5 y/o who is happily riding a 16” bike with no training wheels.
We want to get them scooters. What do we get? 3 wheels (?brand?) for the 3 y/o and a 2 wheeed Razor for the 5.5? I think my older one would struggle with a 2 wheel scooter but…is it just a learning process?
Anonymous says
My older daughter got her 2 wheeled scooter just before age 6 and took to it easily. She was also on a bike without training wheels at the time. Just took some practice with braking, but really easy. We got micro brand (I think sprite kick), and are very happy with it. Friends with that same brand 3-wheeler also like it a lot.
anon says
My daughter got her Razor around aged 4 and a half, which was fine. She got it before she mastered training wheels. I think he’d be OK? We have the Razor A3 Kick Scooter, and it’s great. She had a three wheel Razor before that and it was also very good.