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Sales of note for 11.28.23…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – Black Friday deals have started! 1,800+ sale items! Shop designer, get bonus notes up to $1200. Markdowns include big deals on UGG, Natori, Barefoot Dreams, Marc Fisher LTD, Vionic and more!
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your purchase
- Banana Republic – 40% off your purchase, including cashmere; up to 60% off sale styles
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- J.Crew – Up to 50% off almost everything; up to 50% off suiting & chinos; up to 40% off cashmere; extra 50% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – 50% off sitewide (readers love the cashmere)
- Summersalt – Up to 60% off (this reader favorite sweater blazer is down to $75)
- Stuart Weitzman – Extra 25% off full-price and sale styles with code
- Talbots – 50% off all markdowns and 30% off entire site — readers love this cashmere boatneck and this cashmere cardigan, as well as their sweater blazers in general
- Zappos – 29,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- BabyJogger – 25% off 3 items
- Crate & Kids – Up to 50% off everything plus free shipping sitewide; save 10% off full price items
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 50% off everything + free shipping
- ErgoBaby – 40% off Omni Breeze Carrier, 25% off Evolve 3-in-1 bouncer, $100 off Metro+Stroller
- Graco – Up to 30% off car seats
- Nordstrom – Big deals on CRANE BABY, Petunia Pickle Bottom, TWELVElittle and Posh Peanut
- Strolleria – 25% off Wonderfold wagons, and additional deals on dadada, Cybex, and Peg Perego
- Walmart – Savings on Maxi-Cosi car seats, adventure wagons, rocker recliners, security cameras and more!
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
I’d like to take a moment and vent. I have an obese (clinically) 7 year old. I do everything to (i) not give him food or body issues, (ii) encourage physical activity, (iii) give him healthy foods. I love him so so much. I just want him to be happy and healthy. That’s the only thing I care about.
We enroll him in fun weekend sports, which he enjoys. But after every practice, there is an f’n snack handed out by the parents. Guys, I’m ready to cry over these stupid snacks. He burns some calories and then consumes them back (and more) in snacks. It’s Gatorade and Goldfish and gummies. We are saying no. But he gets really upset because everyone else on the team gets to eat them, and it’s super hard to explain why we don’t want him to have it. He’s 7, so not getting a snack that everyone else gets is a big deal to him. So, we’re in a catch 22. We need to get him active, but every f’n activity concludes with a caloric, low nutrient snack. I’m so, so over it. I feel like every part of parenting is so frickin’ hard.
Anonymous says
Ugh, I hate “snack culture”! Depending how well you know the parents on the team, maybe a group e-mail suggesting fruit instead? I would be very sympathetic to an e-mail like that, but at this point, I know the families on my kids’ teams reasonably well and it’s probably a know-your-audience thing. As a side note, my kids must burn more calories running around and kicking the ball by themselves or with their dad than they do in organized practices and games, so it’s definitely not the case that organized sports need to be the be all and end all of physical activity.
mascot says
Yeah, you need to rally the other parents for this. And ironically, once we switched to more intense sports with 90-minute practices and multiple games in a day, the constant barrage of snacks stopped. Our coaches also talk to the kids about proper nutrition and hydration for athletes so it’s not just a buzz-kill parents message.
But you may not be able to change this once/twice a week snack. If that’s the case, focus on what you can change. Water for dinner pal, bc you already had your sweet drink after practice, remember? He can still have these “sometimes” foods, but he can make choices about when that is.
avocado says
+1 to all of this. My kid doesn’t get a snack break during her 3.5 hour sports practices. Water only.
When she was really little and first starting out in her sport, the coaches would often give the kids junky treats after practice. She was allowed one small treat per day, so if she chose to have the treat after practice she didn’t get any other treats that day. We still do the same thing with Halloween candy, birthday cupcakes, doughnuts at choir rehearsals, post-event ice cream outings, etc. Allowing her some access to junk food within reasonable limits seems to have worked well. She will often turn down or not finish junk food or dessert, I think because she knows there will always be another chance for a treat another day.
justgettingintosports says
just have to know what sport has 3.5 hour practices, wow! Is it multiple times a week?
Lily says
I’m so sorry. If I was a parent on your kid’s team, and you emailed me asking if I could substitute healthy snacks (fruit or maybe nonfat string cheese?) I would absolutely do it, no questions asked.
Anon says
I really doubt some Goldfish are making him obese, especially if they’re combined with physical activity. Can you look at what he’s eating outside of the sport? If his overall calorie intake seems reasonable, can you ask the doctor to do further investigation into his overall health? There are certain health issues (hypothyroid for one) that make it hard to lose weight.
Anon from 1:01 says
My guess would be that Goldfish are the least problematic of the three things she listed. Gummies tend to have a ton of sugar and Gatorade is liquid calories, which are usually the first thing you want to cut out when trying to cut back on mindless caloric intake.
Anon says
Agreed. I am weirdly anti most drinks with added sugar except in very small, special occasion doses & the Gatorade is what sticks out to me as being the most problematic for a variety of reasons (but I’m sure is super common in this situation). Mindless calories when water would do just fine, and the overtly sweetness I believe makes you crave more sugar.
Anon says
Yes! Gatorade has its place but we’re talking long-distance running or very intense prolonged exercise. Why we serve it to kids I do not understand.
FVNC says
This sounds so frustrating, and I agree with the others to try to speak with other parents. I’d be thrilled to serve healthy (or NO!) snacks.
I have a friend with a six year old daughter in a similar situation (very active, healthy, but obese) and they are simply very strict about snacks and food at parties. Over the years it has absolutely caused meltdowns, and yes, it’s unfair…but by now she understands that she doesn’t eat the same food as other kids and instead gets delicious fruits and veggies (which she loves, thankfully).
Anonymous says
So I come to this from a slightly different perspective but this may help. My oldest is 8 and has a severe dairy allergy. A lot of kids snacks contain dairy. For those that don’t, we are also trying not to do too much sugar because a lot of dairy substitute foods (like soy yoghurt) can be high in sugar. Being able to be included socially and not ‘stand out’ is really important to her. We deal with a lot of social situations where she can’t have the treat at all (cupcakes at Christmas parties etc).
At these types of events, she takes the snack and says thanks. If it’s something she can’t eat, she gives it to her little brothers at home. If it’s something she can eat, we talk about reasonable limits. E.g for Gatorade, she can drink to the top of the label (like 1/4 to 1/3 of the bottle), and the rest comes home. At home, it’s cut 25% gatorade at 75% water and alllowed one cup at each meal until it’s gone. We don’t have any juice or sports drinks in the house at all so it’s a big treat. Similarly, for gummies – she can take them but if she eats them then there’s no dessert after dinner or she can take them home and have them for dessert after dinner.
I would not worry about the caloric aspect as much. The physical activity is good but most kids sports are not burning a ton of calories.
Anon says
I would suggest water, fruit, and string cheese (no need for low fat; in fact, some evidence suggests that full-fat is better).
Most athletes end up having to be serious about nutrition. Kids get hungry. The overlap on these things is healthy post-workout snacks.
Also, if you’re up for the expense, I cannot recommend Shield hydration enough (made by the makers of Sword). It has 45 calories per packet, which gets mixed with 16.9 oz of water. It’s a low-sugar electrolyte drink. They even make it in popsicle form. For kids, definitely go with the berry.
Nan says
Ughh! I hate the constant barrage of snacks. I agree with trying to rally the other parents. Even kids without weight issues do not need a sugary snack or Gatorade after every sports practice, and maybe (hopefully!) others feel the same way you do but haven’t wanted to rock the boat.
FVNC says
The Gatorade for rec sports blows my mind. I was a college D1 athlete burning a ton of calories over 2-3 hr practices, and we still mostly drank water (sometimes with pickle juice and bananas from our coaches) to avoid the high sugar content in Gatorade!
avocado says
I think the bigger issue is whether the sport meets his needs. I’m not sure a “fun weekend sport” at the rec level really provides much actual exercise. It’s fun and social, but not much of a workout. By age 7, there should be plenty of somewhat more intense opportunities available with multiple practices per week and no snack issues. Where we live, a 7-year-old of any physical ability level could take martial arts two or more times per week. He could also join a preteam swimming program or take tennis lessons or sign up for a YMCA cross-country team. By age 8 or 9, he could enroll in a serious ballet program with two classes per week. Etc.
OP says
This is just for fun – to get him moving and out of the house. It’s not meant to be a workout.
avocado says
Then I would definitely try banding together with the other parents to abolish snacks. I have never, ever met a parent who actually liked having to deal with snacks. Whenever one of my kid’s activities has decided to drop snack, all of the parents have rejoiced.
Blueberries says
If my kid was doing this activity, I’d be really grateful if you arranged to have group snack end or at least switched to a healthier choice. I see two ways a) see if the coach will say something general (either for health generally or because so many people have different dietary restrictions) or b) rally the parents directly.
It seems like a major hassle and totally unnecessary to bring snacks for all kids. My kids have at times needed snacks when other kids haven’t—I just bring the snack and feed it to my kids on the way home.
Coach Laura says
When I was team mom and had to set up a snack roster, I know most parents went with pre-packaged snacks like chips and such. It is much harder to get parents in the mind of getting a bunch of grapes and cutting them into portions or cutting up oranges, apples etc. But especially since there are peanut sensitive kids, and dairy-sensitive kids and diabetic kids and gluten-free kids that parents now might be more open to bringing better snacks. If there is a team parent, talk to that person to ask them to set a rule (early in the season is better). If not, can you talk to the coach and ask that s/he set the rules about healthy snacks?
Finally, if the kids is 90+ percentile for both height and weight, is he really obese? That is height/weight proportionate, right? Maybe a pediatric dietician consult for your child would be helpful.
Anon says
Do kids that young really need to “workout” though? I feel like rec sports are perfect for that age.
Anon says
+1000, honestly I think the negatives of getting pushed into an intense sport at that age FAR outweigh the benefits, especially since OP’s son does not seem to have any health problems other than the number on the BMI chart (not talking about kids who are self-driven to do an intense sport, that’s different).
Anonymous says
OP, I’m in the same situation (with less snack drama) and just want to send hugs. It is really hard to know what to do. Every choice feels like a mistake.
OP says
Thank you – I really appreciate that.
TheElms says
Is your pediatrician concerned about your son’s weight? I was a heavy child and grew into an adult who teeters on the edge of clinical obesity. But I’ve always been reasonably active, eat a reasonably balanced diet, never had high blood pressure, high cholesterol or any other issue that might commonly be associated with obesity. My BMI is currently 29.3 and 29.9 is considered obese. With extreme effort under the guidance of a nutritionist and doctor I can get and keep my weight at around a BMI of 24/25, but I have to exercise strenuously for 30-45 minutes 5 out of 7 days and eat a very carefully planned diet of about 1550 calories. Its exhausting and makes me miserable and none of my other health indicators change as a result of doing it. I think its just the way I am programmed, maybe your son is the same.
Anon says
+1. My husband is technically obese. It’s shocked every doctor who’s ever looked at his chart because, while he isn’t scrawny, he doesn’t look fat at all and certainly not obese. He can run a 5:30 mile and does at least an hour of seriously intense exercise every day. His cholesterol, blood pressure, etc. are all fine. The only explanation the doctors have come up with is that he’s relatively short for a man, he has a lot of muscle and is body is just literally wide. BMI does not account for bone structure, and although “big boned” is sometimes used as a euphemism for fat, some people literally have large/wideset bones. Also, with kids, their growth spurts come and go so it’s very easy for a kid to be overweight immediately before a growth spurt and then a healthy weight, even on the slim side, immediately afterwards.
anon says
A 5:30 mile? That is impressive.
And yeah, I totally agree that some people are literally big-boned. My brother falls into that category — short, broad, really muscular. He has gained weight in adulthood but even as a child, he was just not meant to be that slender kid. His son is built exactly the same way.
Anon says
He’s 99% weight and height. He looks like a 10 year old. He’s just a big boy. I think the pediatrician looks at the BMI and advises accordingly. So, she wants his lipids checked and all that. (Doing that over Christmas break.) She’s concerned because of the guidelines, but he’s healthy and happy. I think he will always have a big build, which is perfectly fine, but will have to watch his intake a little more than the average person.
Anon says
How does 99% in both height and weight translate to obese (which I’m assuming is 95+%) in BMI? The math on that does not track to me. If he’s the same % weight and height, shouldn’t he be more like average BMI? Because some people are taller than they are heavy and some people are heavier than they are tall and some people are equal % height and weight…
Pogo says
The BMI charts for children are different I think? In any case, I know a couple other people who have been told their kids were obese per BMI and to my eye they just look like slightly chubby kids. The clinical definition is very different than what we think of as “obese”.
Anonymous says
So, my daughter is 6. She is 95% weight and 80% height. By the numbers, she’s obese.
She jus told had her physical and her ped weighed her twice, then picked her up to make sure (in a kidding sort of way)—because she is in superb shape. She is extremely active and all muscle- but she’s dense! She is built like a skiier or soccer player on the bottom and a swimmer up top. She weighs 18 pounds more than her best friend, who is of similar height.
I would have found myself a new doc if she’d mentioned being concerned with my kiddo as she is literally in the best shape of anyone in our 5 person family.
One of my other kiddos is actually 90% for height and 90% weight and *is* chubby!
Anonymous says
I have a kid who is 99% on height and weight. If the doctor suggested restricting his diet or testing his lipids, I would firmly but politely decline to do so (unless I actually thought there may be an underlying health concern).
Anonymous says
Isn’t 30 mins of daily hard physical activity recommended for everyone though? That doesn’t seem particularly unusual.
TheElms says
No, not quite. Recommendations vary but the American Heart Association recommends: “Get at least 150 minutes per week of moderate-intensity aerobic activity or 75 minutes per week of vigorous aerobic activity, or a combination of both, preferably spread throughout the week.” https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/fitness/fitness-basics/aha-recs-for-physical-activity-in-adults
I was doing double the recommended high intensity exercise (30 minutes, 5 times a week) (think spin or running to the point I couldn’t easily talk and was dripping sweat) on a light week in addition to regular life of walking to/from public transit, walking the dog daily, etc.
Anon says
But kids easily get that through recess and other unstructured play time. Barring weight issues, there’s no medical reason for a kid to do formal exercise. They get plenty of exercise just through play.
OP says
+1 He gets a good amount of recess time during the school week.
anon says
I don’t have any great advice about food and exercise, but I am so sorry that you’re dealing with this situation. It sounds really difficult, and the fact that you’re even asking yourself the hard questions indicates that you are a very good parent. What’s your pediatrician’s take on the weight issue?
Also, I, too, hate snack culture. It’s freaking EVERYWHERE. We have had a very difficult time teaching our kids that snacks are treats or extra fuel, not the default expectation. One of my kids struggles hard with moderation — the constant snacks at kids’ activities have definitely been a battleground for our family, and I hate that.
Anonymous says
Can you volunteer to bring snacks and bring cheese sticks and apples and oranges?
Anon says
Something nobody has mentioned is that it might be worth getting a second opinion. Our first pediatrician told us our then 2 year old was overweight bordering on obese. Similar situation (though obviously a much younger kid): she’s 98th percentile height and weight and just looks like a 4 year old overall. She’s very active, and eats pretty well (lot of carbs and not a ton of veggies, like most toddlers, but almost no added sugar, no juice, no desserts). We were ok with things like switching to low fat dairy, more whole grain carbs and encouraging active play (not that she needed much encouragement), but I didn’t want to start calorie-restricting, which is what the first ped wanted. We got a different ped who is WAY more relaxed. She’s 3 now and looks like an average 5 year old but our new ped has no concerns – he will keep an eye on her BMI of course, but he’s much more focused on her lifestyle and overall health than the number on the chart.
I don’t think obesity is something ignore, but I also think people are built differently and there are many important health metrics besides BMI.
Buble says
Yeah, I mean, 99th height/weight doesn’t say “obese” to me. You can tell when a kid has high body fat percentage and needs to lose fat, versus when the kid is just a large person (in all dimensions) based on genetics… in the latter case, I wouldn’t be worried at all about calorie restriction.
Anon says
When can kids start teething 2 year molars? G*ogle says 23 months but my 21 month old has been fussier than normal and biting everything this past week (thankfully, no biting people…yet, anyway). She’s had her first year molars and canines since the summer, so the only teeth left are the 2 year molars.
Anon says
Mine is getting one of hers (lower) and she is 22 months. She’s always been sort of early with teeth though.
Anon says
Mine started teething them around 20 months (all other teeth were in, but teething signs and symptoms started again), but they didn’t break the surface until right around 25 months (it was such a long 5 months).
Anon says
5 months!? OMG. I thought her first year molars were bad because they took about 2-3 months.
Jeffiner says
Mine got hers so early that they were already fully in by the time we checked at 24 months. She’s now 4.5 and has two 6-year molars.
SC says
Mine got his 2 year molars early. I don’t recall the exact timing, but I think it started around 18-19 months, and he definitely had all his teeth at the 2-year-old dentist appointment. It seems like he’d had them for a while (weeks? months?) by that point. He got all his teeth really early though.
Anon says
My twins had all their molars by the 2-year ped appt, but I have no idea when they started. 1-year molars were miserable for us, but the 2-year ones were magically no big deal.
Lyssa says
Regarding the pad suggestion above, you know, both my kids were planned c-sections, and posts like this always leave me a little baffled about the idea that the more traditional way is better. I mean, yes, I have a scar, but recovery was pretty easy, and I never had to ice my you-know-what.
Anon says
Me too (just one planned c section). I found my c section recovery surprisingly easy. I guess I heard a lot of horror stories?
Anon says
Eh, I didn’t have an easy delivery (third degree tear) but I never iced anything outside of the first 24 hours in the hospital. I don’t think I’m some kind of pain warrior, it just wasn’t that sore when I was resting in bed or walking around the house slowly (obviously I would have been in a lot of pain trying to run or ride a bike, but you don’t do these things when you’re newly postpartum). To me, major abdominal surgery sounds terrifying and way more painful than a sore hoo-ha.
Anonymous says
+1
I’ve never had surgery let alone major surgery and really didn’t want to have surgery unless it was necessary. Maybe also wary because my sister had two planned sections for health reasons and had rough recovery each time. I probably spend more time icing my knee after a half marathon then anything post-childbirth. Every experience is so different.
Anon says
Expecting, so I haven’t given birth either naturally or via c-section quite yet, but I would rather have my abdominal muscles pushed aside than tears in my…. Tears. There. AYFKM.
But I think a lot of the problem comes from how we study postpartum problems. If you’re admitted to the hospital or need many types of additional care, the negative sequelae get factored into the risk analysis. If a woman ends up with permanent s-xual dysfunction, huge scars, or incontinence, it’s “part of being a woman” and not a factor.
That’s not to say that we should all have C-sections, just that it’s weird how little the mother’s quality of life and own feelings are not really considered to be important.
Anon says
A lot of the problem with s*xual dysfunction and incontinence has to do with the weight of the baby on your pelvis at the end of pregnancy. Women who have c-sections have these issues too. I agree with you that women’s health and quality of life is pushed aside too often, but there’s lots of evidence out there that generally V deliveries are easier and safer for the mother (lower risk of postpartum hemorrhage, faster healing times, etc.) Obviously there are plenty of exceptions and I’m sure the roughest V deliveries are worse to recover from than the smoothest planned C sections, but I don’t think the emphasis on avoiding C sections is because the medical establishment doesn’t care about the mother’s health and comfort.
rosie says
V births and c sections are both Big Deals (as is pregnancy), which are all too often underemphasized — totally agree with you there. I really wish we had a stronger push (no pun intended) for pelvic floor PT as standard. It’s really hard to know what’s normal and what’s not during and after pregnancy and childbirth and even if it is “normal,” that doesn’t mean you need to accept that it’s how it has to be for you. Like ok, now I am a person who pees when I sneeze, great…but just because it’s common doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be treated. I live in a large U.S. city and view it as a small miracle that I managed to find a good pelvic floor PT who accepts my insurance and didn’t have a months long wait.
C sections are major abdominal surgery, which, all things being equal, I would rather avoid. But of course v birth is no walk in the park either. After having my daughter, I heard that coming home with a baby after childbirth is like recovering from a car accident while also having to take care of another person who was in the car accident, and I think that is a pretty apt analogy.
Anon says
Hum, I think you missed my point.
I’m well aware of why C-sections are considered to be more dangerous for the mother and baby. What I was focusing on is the limited way in which we discuss negative outcomes of childbirth. C-sections are associated with a lower risk of incontinence and pelvic organ prolapse than v-ginal births. S-xual dysfunction issues are obviously lower as well.
But when we talk about negative sequelae, those issues tend to not even factor in. That is my problem.
Again, you missed the point.
Anon says
I mean, I’d rather pee when I sneeze than be dead, but you do you.
ElisaR says
wow. harsh anon at 11:04. And guess what. I had 2 c sections and no v births and I STILL PEE WHEN I SNEEZE. pregnancy and age itself can cause that gem.
Anonymous says
But you’re also missing the point that those issues are better addressed via pelvic floor PT both prenatal and postnatal. Women’s health is undervalued but the answer is not more interventions like surgeries.
And especially, given that it is increasingly clear that there are microbiome benefits associated with v-birth and the role of the microbiome in immunlogical conditions like asthma is not yet fully understood. https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-019-02807-x “Epidemiological studies have suggested that children born by c-section have an increased risk of asthma and obesity later in life.”
Anon says
ElisaR, that was literally my point, made in the first sentence of my post at 10:48 – incontinence is most often due to pregnancy, not how you birth. It’s the Anon at 10:59 who thinks I missed her point because apparently only women who have V births have incontinence. I’m just saying that (assuming her statement that V births have a significantly higher risk of incontinence than C sections is true), I’d rather deliver via the method that is safer from a health perspective, not from a quality of life perspective. Totally agree that there should be more focus on improving women’s quality of life during pregnancy/postpartum, but I also don’t think it’s insane for doctors to recommend the method that is statistically safer. I definitely wish all women had better access to pelvic floor therapy, etc.
Anon says
Anon at 11:21, I did not say that “only” women who birth v-ginally have incontinence; I specifically said “lower risk.” We can all read what I wrote; you’re clearly lying about it. Sorry that you are so immature that you feel the need to behave that way, but my suggestion is to work on yourself instead of snarking at me.
ElisaR says
Sorry it’s very confusing to figure out who said what when everybody is “Anon”. Come up with names!
Anonymous says
I fortunately had very easy deliveries, so a C section would have been much harder on me. I am out and about a couple of days after birthing a baby, but I am a giant whiney baby after even minor surgeries.
Anon says
I ended up having a planned C-section for my first, and I thought it was the best thing ever. I’ve never had the “traditional” experience, but I also don’t feel like I’m missing anything. The only “complication” I had was the emergency gallbladder removal at 6 weeks PP (more surgery, yay!), and that would have happened no matter how I delivered.
NYCer says
+1. (Minus the gallbladder removal).
My mom (who had an un-medicated vaginal birth) and I (planned c-section) still joke that a planned c-section is the most “civilized” way to give birth. ;)
FVNC says
I feel the same! One unplanned, one planned c, each with super easy recoveries (I realize I’m lucky!). Interestingly, my mom and sister both had two c’s each as well, so no women in my immediate family have ever pushed. I actually felt relieved when my induction failed with kid #1 and I could have a c-section, because that seemed like the more “normal” way to give birth in my family.
Anon says
My mom had a breech C, a failed VBAC resulting in C and a planned C, so I hear you on the “normal” way. Probably made me way more comfortable with mine than I would have been otherwise.
AwayEmily says
My take, two kids in, is that both are awful in different ways. I’m excited for when they can just use a transporter ray. “Beam that baby out, Scotty!”
Irish Midori says
Yeah, I’m still a little floored that science hasn’t come up with a better way to grow and deliver humans! The whole process is darned inconvenient!
2 Cents says
First “oh crap” moment of my pregnancy was realizing that they baby had to come out somehow and I was not prepared at 8 weeks for that (or at 39 weeks, for that matter).
Jeffiner says
Ha, by 39 weeks I was so uncomfortable that I didn’t care how that baby got out or what I had to do. I wanted it OUT!
Anonymous says
Up until the day I delivered, I joked that I was hopeful that transporter technology would be invented before my due date.
Irish Midori says
I’ve done it both ways, and for me the c-section was way easier. But that may also have been because it was earlier (36 weeks vs. 39 weeks), so I got to skip those hard last few weeks of pregnancy, had no labor before the c-section, and my v-birth was a bit more “exciting” than most. So I’m sure it’s hard to make a fair comparison–each birth is different.
Anonymous says
My baby exited through the traditional route, medication-free. I had bad tearing and would still prefer that over major surgery. Especially major surgery while I was AWAKE. This is why we need choices and robust informed consent discussions. Different strokes for different folks.
GCA says
+1 — major surgery terrifies me but I also had straightforward pregnancies, v-deliveries and recoveries. Under different circumstances, a C-section certainly might have been the less hazardous choice.
Anon says
Thanks for this thread. I had a v-birth for Kid 1, but this time will need a c-section and have been stressed out at the thought of it. This has really helped.
mental health and start of labor says
Do you think your mental health can prevent your body from going into labor? Not necessarily referring to serious depression or anxiety, more like feeling anxious, sad, lonely, worried, angry, etc. about things going on in your life and that stuff delaying birth unconsciously. I’m 39+ weeks and have had a lot of stressful things happen in the last few weeks, most of which are unresolved and still contributing to an overall feeling of sadness and anger. Everyone, every book, every website says that you are supposed to be resting, relaxing, and welcoming calm feelings into your life at this point, but I just can’t do it. But now I’m also worried that my mind will prevent my body from going into labor on its own, unless I can figure out a way to get over this. I know many of you would suggest massages, pedicures, baths, etc, but I’m still working full time this week and have a preschooler to take care of, in addition to a sick partner, so I don’t think I can make any of that work right now. Did anyone else feel this way or find themselves in a similar situation?
Anon says
I’m not an expert in how anxiety plays into labour, but my suggestion is that if you’re already feeling this way, work on getting a toolbox together now for the postpartum stage. That might mean setting up an appointment, even if via webcam, with a mental health specialist. Or it might mean calling up your friends on your commute home and asking for emotional support.
Shamelessly ask for help, provided you have local friends or family.
Anonymous says
Nobody who writes those books and websites lives in the actual real world. It’s another example of the impossible standards society sets for moms. Reading that stuff will just stress you out more. Pregnancy and the early days of motherhood just aren’t the land of Instagram-worthy bliss that they’re advertised to be. The pressure to relax is ironic and ridiculous.
Late pregnancy is just a super stressful time, especially if you work outside the home. You will be fine, and your baby will arrive when he or she is good and ready. All you have to do is hang on. You’ve got this.
AwayEmily says
+1 to all this. Well put.
Anon says
+1. Woman give birth even in horrible life circumstance, so I don’t think stress can prevent you from going into labor. This is the hard part where every day can feel like a month, but all you have to do is hang on and don’t put anymore pressure on yourself to “relax”. You’ve got this!
Irish Midori says
All this. Blogs that tell women to relax and think beautiful thoughts are the worst. Stay away from those. Late pregnancy is stressful, but your body is gonna do what it needs to do on its own schedule.
Pogo says
+1 yes. And +1 to comment above about getting prepared for postpartum as well.
For my n of 1 I was insanely stressed going into week 39 and my baby came right on time.
Anonymous says
Total ancedata but most women in my office seem to go into labor 3-5 days after finishing work. So I’d say that stress can prevent you from going into labor in a good way on occasion. Once you’re done work, you’ll feel more relaxed.
Realistically, if you’re still at work and have a sick partner, it’s kind of a lousy time to go into labor anyway right now. Finish work, then take some time to relax doing whatever’s relaxing for you – yoga, hike, hot bath, zoo with preschooler, Hallmark Christmas movie marathon at home by yourself. Best case, it helps your body go into labor and worst case you have a relaxing experience.
rosie says
I don’t remember being super stressed in the last few weeks, but I was induced for low fluid and was very stressed and miserable during that process. I had an awful headache (as in, eat breakfast, puke, go for ultrasound, get sent to L&D), and I felt like finally getting an epidural allowed me to relax and rest so that labor could actually progress.
Anonymous says
I was induced at 42 weeks and still feel slightly guilty that it was somehow my fault, although I remember being relatively zen about it (always expected to go late). I’m sure if I had delivered early I would feel like that was my fault too. You can’t win.
Anonymous says
No absolutely not.
Anon says
Nope.
FIL passed away suddenly when I was 37 weeks. First grand kid, too. It was as stressful and as tragic as anyone could dream. At that point I was worried about absolutely everything and everyone but me. My OB was outstanding. She assured me repeatedly that the ‘be clam!’ chorus was a crock of BS for the developed world. The only stress that could severely impact baby simply did not exist in my otherwise able bodied, healthy, resource-filled existence.
Anonymous says
Didn’t the myth used to be the opposite, that stress would put you into premature labor? Either way, it’s all a crock.
Anonymous says
I have a friend who went into labor and delivered by herself in a tent in a refugee camp. She had a pretty stressful life, to say the least.
My advice would be to stop reading the books and the blogs until the baby is here. The baby will come when the baby comes, and you don’t really don’t have any control over when/if you spontaneously go into labor.
CCLA says
Any recs for devices for video calling with the grandparents? They are reasonably young and tech-savvy enough, and we manage fine just using our phones, but as the kids get older I’m intrigued by the portal, theoretically allowing me to not follow around holding the phone to show kiddos. It looks like there are a few of the usual suspect companies that make devices like this but wondering if anyone has real world feedback on them? TIA!
AwayEmily says
We do most of our grandparent calls at the table either during or after dinner. I balance my phone against a can of tomatoes and the kids chat away. It’s nice because then there’s also a built-in topic of conversation (what they are eating for dinner).
ALC says
My husband got us and his parents Portals. They work very well, but I’m not sure they’re worth the money. If you can get them at a discount, go for it. I like that the cameras automatically find the people in the shot and focus on them. Good picture and sound quality. I do not like that it’s integrated with F*book, but we use my husband’s account so I don’t need to deal with that.
Anon says
We use our phones, and with the accessibility settings I just lock it in the app so that toddler can toddle around and “talk” with her grandparents while she holds the phone. She’s very independent, so even if I do want to hold it (say because Grammy gets motion sick), it’s always a battle.
Anon says
We use an old fashioned laptop for video chatting through gmail.
Audrey III says
We got both sets of grandparents and ourselves Echo Shows (the biggest ones) for Christmas last year. They’ve been a huge hit; everyone uses them for things other than video chatting now, and the video and call quality beats iPhone by a mile (both sets of grandparents have poor cell reception and bad internet at their houses and it still works). My one complaint is that they are not as user-friendly as I would like; it was difficult to figure out how to set them up and link them to our account, and the online instructions were poor. I also feel like we are using a 10th of the functionality because of this. However, our weekly FaceTimes have improved quite a lot since we added these in.
So Anon says
I took my kids (6 year old daughter and 8 year old son) to see the Nutcracker over Thanksgiving. They were both mesmerized and absolutely loved it. To my surprise, both kids have expressed an interest in taking dance classes. I am completely supportive and now on a mission to find a place to teach both of them dance. There are plentiful dance studios in my area with classes targeted to the 5-7 year old girl contingent. I am struggling with what type of place would be great for my son. He seems to be older than the target audience for most “intro” type classes. Any thoughts or suggestions? Also, any things to look for in a teacher/studio? I danced when I was younger, but that was a long time ago.
AwayEmily says
A friend enrolled her 5yo daughter in dance and ended up being appalled by the amount of money she had to shell out for the “recital” at the end (full costume). Might be worth asking about that.
avocado says
6 is still usually pre-ballet. 8 is the perfect age to start real ballet classes. The first thing I’d ask is whether the studio does competitions. If so, I would steer clear. Competition studios tend to ramp up the expenses and time commitment quickly and may not bother to teach solid technique. I would go for a serious pre-professional school, affiliated with a professional company if possible. Our local pre-professional ballet school only does one performance per year and none at all for pre-ballet. The school provides the costumes. The kids spend their time learning, not endlessly rehearsing for performances. There are also special classes just for boys at all levels.
One basic thing to look for is a live piano accompanist. These tend to be found at more serious schools and really enhance the class experience.
avocado says
My comments today about more serious sports and dance classes probably make me sound like a tiger mom. But my perspective actually comes from having been an intense kid who got frustrated with ballet classes where we spent weeks on end rehearsing for a dumb recital instead of doing barre and center work and actually improving our skills, and having a child who is wired similarly and will not put up with wasting her time pretending to be a cloud while half the class is goofing off or crying. YMMV if your kid is not so intense.
Anonymous says
My girls’ dance studio has hip hop programs for boys only. They also enroll boys in all the other programs- but the boys hip hop class is super popular. It helps that the studio owner has an 8 year old boy and he is always in the classes.
CPA Lady says
I know way too much about this since my daughter has been dancing for two years. So now you get to hear me ramble on at great length. Basically the key thing you want to do is find some moms whose kids do dance and ask about the reputations of the various studios in town. Some things to ask about….
Intensity level:
Do they want to be in the nutcracker? There are usually a handful of studios in most towns that put it on with varying levels of intensity, and the intensity levels are pretty widely known. My 6 year old niece had been dancing for less than a year and didn’t audition when she was in the nutcracker because she goes to a super chill ballet school. My kid will have been dancing for 3.5 years by the time she is able to be in the nutcracker (if she passes the audition) because of the age cut offs at her more strict ballet school. Who knows if we’ll make it that long before she loses interest.
Time and Money:
I do not want my kid to get into competitive team dance/competitive cheer because I cannot be bothered to spend 10k+ a year on travel, lessons, etc. for my young child’s hobby, so I avoid studios that have that as a reputation. She wanted to do ballet specifically, but I’ve not ever offered this to her as an alternative option. Our ballet school is super cheap. $200 for a semester of weekly classes and a $20 recital fee once a year. It goes way way up.
Age:
I don’t think your son’s age is a problem, based on what I’ve seen in the ballet recitals my daughter has participated in over the last few years. Beginner classes teach nothing that an 8 year old couldn’t pick up quickly. Most kids are pretty terrible ballerinas until late middle school age. My kid’s ballet school has one specific class for elementary school boys and their recital performance is enthusiastic, but … not exactly the dance skill of the New York ballet, shall we say.
General Feel:
You’ll get a feel for the school and how it progresses at various ages once you try it out and once you sit through a recital or two. I like the teachers at my daughter’s ballet school. I see the older girls who dance there and there is a lot of diversity in body type and otherwise. I would be running in the other direction if the only older dancers were emaciated white girls, especially with the reputation ballet has.
Things to consider:
– type of environment – competitive vs laid back?
– cost – do they require expensive costumes? do they do dance photos?
– time commitment – how many recitals per year? any mandatory performances?
– type of dance – some dance schools have young children doing PG-13 + dancing in their recitals and it’s not my scene. It is totally fine if that’s your scene, but if it’s not, plan accordingly. This is also info that other dance moms will have.
anon says
This is great advice and addresses so many of the issues that have kept me from enrolling my daughter in dance. Problem is, other than knowing the reputation of a few outlier cheer places, I have no idea who could give me an accurate read on the vibe of a place. In particular, I want to avoid the PG-13+ places like the freakin’ plague.
Anonymous says
And if they want to audition for the Nutcracker, find out up front about the time commitment. Nutcracker season can be intense.
GCA says
I think boys who aren’t following an older sister into ballet often start dance classes at a later age, when it’s something they are keen to do of their own accord, so many dance studios will be familiar with this scenario. And 8 is not especially old, it’s usually when actual ballet starts – as avocado said above, everything up to 6 or 7 is still pre-ballet.
I’m sure if you talk to the dance studios you can identify which ones would especially welcome older boys (they’re the ones that have male teachers and/or don’t hesitate when you ask about classes for your son and instead say something like ‘we have a great boys’ program’ or ‘we’d be so excited to have him’). Tap and hip-hop classes would also be a lot of fun and may have a better gender balance. Definitely stay away from competition-type studios!
Anonymous says
At this point in the year I’d look at the Y. Many dance schools only start inSeprember. If they like it after 6 months, then look elsewhere if they want.
Katarina says
I am done with today. My 7 month old baby woke up at 4:30 am (for the day, which is sadly not unusual). Then, we had a fire drill while I was in the middle of pumping.