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Admittedly, this is a pricey toy. However, it looks like the quality is very high, it’s basic enough that your child won’t get tired of it quickly (at least mine wouldn’t), and it can probably be passed on to another grateful family one day. I can see this being a good gift from a grandparent, or a big holiday season gift — something special. My son is currently obsessed with trains, but if he ever expanded to vehicles, I’d probably get him this. I also like it for the creativity/building aspect and how the pieces can be made into many different formations. The 40-piece set is $139 at Amazon and is eligible for Prime and free returns. Flexible Race Track This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Anon says
Silly question but I’m looking for any tips. DH is a great partner around the house, but he’s as slow as molasses. I’m usually in the camp that says you can’t nitpick an activity your spouse does but I’ve never seen someone who takes so long to get out the door. This has been an issue for years but now that I’m going back to work with our second I’m getting irritated by it again. It literally takes him an hour to get up, get coffee, feed the dog, and gather DD’s snack, breakfast, outfit for the day and come back upstairs (I’m usually nursing during this time), and this is before he even gets himself ready. Then it takes him 10 minutes just for him to get dressed (just getting dressed, not including showering, etc). He keeps his clothes in different places all over the house – there’s no underwear or undershirt drawer and he can’t remember where he put them because he just shoved stuff in whatever drawer has some space. I’ve asked him to get stuff together the night before but he never seems interested. Any tips? I don’t want to mother him but I’m going crazy.
Buble says
Does his slowness cause him not to get done what you need to be done, i.e., are you leaving the house on time? I’d try to tie it to something concrete, not just “You’re annoyingly slow and disorganized,” but, “Honey, DD and I need to leave the house by 8:15 every day for me to make it to work on time, and for the last week, we haven’t been ready to go because you haven’t yet [whatever thing it is]. Can you make sure to get up early enough that XYZ is done by 8:15?” Then let him figure it out. That’s not mothering him, that’s making your needs known and letting him decide whether to meet them or not.
If it’s just annoying/not how you would do things, definitely let it go.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hm, maybe I’m slow too but it takes us 1.5 hours from wake-up to out the door to get ourselves and two kids fed, dressed, pottied, etc. and ready to go. Do you do drop off? Can your husband do drop off instead if it’s making you late for work?
My main strategy for taking a while in the morning is to just wake up earlier. I don’t like feeling rushed and I’d rather get the half hour less of sleep than feel hectic and stressed in the morning.
Redux says
Same here. No matter what we do the night before 1.5 hours is our standard. The only way I’ve been able to trim (when I have an early meeting or something) is to have breakfast and make coffee at the office instead of at home. It saves only ten minutes though. We are pokey little puppies.
S says
It takes us closer to two hours to get both of us and two kids up and ready and out the door so that doesn’t sound so bad?
Anonanonanon says
Is it irritating because it’s going to make you late? Do you do drop off but you’re relying on him to get the older kid ready while you nurse? If so, is it possible to switch so that dropoff is his responsibility?
Anon op says
Yeah the issue right now is it makes us all late and also it makes the mornings way more stressful than need be. When we just had one, i wouldn’t nag because it just made him late and just bit my tongue since it didn’t affect me. He does some drop offs but that doesn’t really help because I have to help them get out the door or else he’d be even later.
Anonanonanon says
Is one of the children in Elementary School? Otherwise, is it possible to just let him be late and suffer the consequences of his actions? I think as long as you make it clear “I start work again next week and will have to leave at 7:30 am no matter what. I will do what I can to help, but there’s only so much I can do while I’m nursing. If the kids aren’t ready to go at 7:30 I’ll need you to handle dropoff, because I really can’t afford to be late my first week back. Is there anything I can do to make things easier?”
So Anon says
+1. Let him deal with the repercussions of his actions. Unless there is a material negative impact on a kiddo, i.e. tardy to 1st grade, let him handle how this plays out. The solutions he derives when he feels the impact will be much more likely to stick than anything you suggest.
On this note though, I am just not a morning person. At all. I’ve read all the books and articles about productivity and getting up early. And, its just not going to happen. I am a night person, and I love my time late at night when the house is quiet. This means that mornings are a bit more hectic. I wake up later than both of my kids, and I feel like we’re always making it out of the house at the last minute. But, we always make it. I’ve made my peace with my late nights and a bit more hectic mornings; it works for me and it works for us. Maybe this is the same for your spouse?
Anonymous says
Then let him be later! Leave after you are done nursing and dressed. He can handle drop off and you can do pick up
Anonymous says
What’s the problem?
Anonymous says
I feel like I could have written this. No solutions so far, but I hear you! I guess what has sort of worked for us is having a drop dead time and working backward from it. But truly, I have found myself just doing as much as I could to take care of things so that I don’t have to wait around for him. It ain’t great.
Cb says
Oh my goodness, my husband is not quite as bad but just moves so slowly in the morning. He’s a morning person, he just dawdles. He doesn’t make us late but only because I’ll periodically remind him of the time – he just doesn’t seem to notice it passing.
Anon says
My DH moves so slowly, all the time. Zero sense of urgency. During my last pregnancy, I was having chest pain so he took me to the hospital in the middle of the night, and even then it still took him 25 minutes to get clothes on and out the door. I remember thinking what happens when I go into labor?!?! Scheduled C, so non-issue, but I get how frustrating it is.
What helps me is just to mentally reframe for the amount of time it actually takes him. I have to know that he needs a minimum of 1.5 hours from the time he wakes up to the time he has to be out the door. To his credit, he will wake up earlier and not schedule things back to back so he is not rushed out the door, but it is quite an adjustment for me who can be out the door in less than 30 minutes showered if needed and someone who hates “wasting time” and values sleep a lot. I typically go to another room or floor and tackle other things in the time it takes him to get ready because sitting there watching it will drive me bonkers, and if he really needs to be out the door on time, he gets up first.
Pogo says
Yes, make him responsible for dropoff. That is what I did. The man has still not learned how to streamline his morning routine but it’s not my problem.
Anonny says
Seeking recommendations for a digital picture frame as a gift for the grandparents. Both sets of grandparents are extremely computer-illiterate, so it has to be a “set-it-and-forget-it” option. I’d probably be the one to go over and set it up with the wifi, etc., and then cross my fingers it keeps working as long as possible. TIA!
Buble says
You can get ones that run with an SD card with pictures loaded, so no wifi connection is necessary — it’s plug and forget. You’d have to physically access the disk to update the pictures, but it would likely be simpler than a wifi option.
Anonymous says
Yeah, we use one with an SD card for a great-grandparent. She knows how to take the card in and out, so when she comes to visit she’ll bring the card with her, we’ll add on new pictures, and then she can reinstall it when she gets home. She doesn’t have wifi at her apartment, so this works well for us.
Tweeter says
We have the Aura. I add/remove pictures right from the app on my phone. Very easy to use. Grandparents say it’s the best gift they’ve ever gotten.
buffybot says
Second the Aura – it’s also very attractive and looks like a “real” photo frame. We can add photos remotely, which the grandparents love.
Anonanonanon says
I love this! I also feel like it would be fun for us to have one and for my parents to send photos to it. I think the kids would get a kick out of checking for a new photo of my parents’ dog, something cool they found on the beach, etc.
Anonymous says
LOVE my Aura.
Everlong says
The Aura looks awesome! Do they ever go on sale anywhere?
Redux says
yeah, yikes!
Buble says
If you found out you could quit working at your job, but still receive your full salary and benefits, what would you do with the time instead?
Anon says
Be a quasi SAHM with preschool and/or a mother’s helper (depending on kids’ ages) to give myself a break; volunteer; travel
Anonanonanon says
Open a consulting business doing the work that is currently my full-time job, so I could just take on as much work as I felt like doing. I like what I do and am of the opinion it helps people. My youngest would go to part-time preschool (oldest is in elementary school). We would travel more than we can now, since my husband has way more PTO than I do, I’m the limiting factor. I would visit my parents more (they live out of state). I would take advantage of the long weekends from teacher workdays etc. more for short trips with the kids. I have a chronic illness, so I would take better care of myself and listen to my body more.
2 Cents says
I second all of this! (Also a chronic illness sufferer. Maybe I’d actually listen to my body’s warnings before I pushed myself too far, if this dream scenario were the case.)
Pogo says
Start a non-profit with my friend/fellow alum to promote women in STEM and close the pay gap. Maybe get more into policy, or employer education. We still might do this, but if I didn’t have to work FT it would obviously be easier. Travel more.
GCA says
Love this! (A lot of my work currently involves convening corporates that want to attract and retain women in STEM.) I’d consult in the same space, write more and fight harder for freedom of speech and democracy in both the US and my home country.
It occurred to me the other day that the key difference between SAHPs and working parents is mental – as a SAHP you are primarily spending your mental energy on your family, whereas as a working parent your mental energy is so, so divided between family and work. With small children it’s certainly no easier physically to be a SAHP. So if I didn’t have to work, I’d also enjoy having a little bit of that mental space back.
Boston Legal Eagle says
So true on the mental part. I think one of the biggest advantages sole income earners have is that the SAHP is the one in charge of all of the organization of home and childcare life, leaving the earner to just concentrate on work. They may be as involved as they can be with physical childcare, it’s that pass on having to think about who needs what when that is the big leg up. Honestly, that seems to be the case more with SAHMs than SAHDs as moms tend to still take on that mental load but this may be a generalization.
If I didn’t have to work but still got money and benefits, I’d probably exercise more during the day, read some more books and still do my work tasks on a freelance basis and set my own hours. I like the intellectual challenge of my work, it’s just the deadlines, politics and whims of others that are most challenging. This is my semi-plan for the future for when I have enough money saved up to not need a steady corporate gig. I’d want my husband doing the same so that we could go on more adventures together and with the kids.
mrskbp says
I would help out at my children’s school more, volunteer for causes I support more, go to classes at the gym during the day! Save money by not having to have my kids go to AM care at school, cook more at home -and I don’t mean pasta or buying a rotisserie chicken and a bag of salad.
Sarabeth says
Ideally, I’d keep my job, but work half as much. I’m an academic, and would love to teach only one class per semester and/or take more sabbaticals. No interest in actually leaving behind my career, though!
AwayEmily says
Also an academic and I thought the same thing. I think teaching a 0-1 would be ideal!
Anonymous says
I would keep my kids in part-time preschool and use free time to do volunteer work and pursue my own hobbies. I’d do a lot more adventures and exploring with my kids in the non-preschool hours. I’m not interested enough in my career to keep doing something similar, even on a part time basis. I might teach piano lessons a few hours a week.
Volunteerism would likely be a combination of PTA/school stuff; museum, zoo or nature center; and CAVA or similar structured individual engagement.
shortperson says
biglaw–>legal services
Anonymous says
We have some train tracks that have road markings on the back, and a Brio garage that connects with train track, but my train loving son never seemed really into building roads. He’s older now but really enjoys this inexpensive puzzle, which can be used with little cars too:
https://www.amazon.com/Orchard-Toys-Giant-Jigsaw-Puzzle/dp/B005IX6ZOY
So Anon says
You all have been so supportive, and I want to share an exciting development: I approached the CEO of my company a few weeks ago about my professional development. I asked for his insight outside of the regular feedback schedule and asked, from his perspective, where I needed to improve and where my weaknesses lie. (We have worked together extensively prior to him assuming the role of CEO.) He asked about my goals, and I took a deep breath and told him that, eventually, I would like to have his role. He sat back, looked at me and said, “Great. Let’s get started.” This has morphed into a full development plan with him volunteering to mentor me through this process. I am a little shocked (imposter syndrome) but so excited.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Woo! Congrats! You sound like an amazing mom and worker!
LadyNFS says
Amazing!! This is so so so impressive that you had this conversation, and so fantastic that he reacted the way he did – it means that you deserve it (or you will, eventually)! Well done, and thanks for inspiring us all this AM with your bad@_$ self. Sorry for my over enthusiasm from an internet stranger, but this is the pick me up I needed today :)
rosie says
Yay, amazing!
Pogo says
YES YES you are KILLING it!!!! I am so proud of you :)
GCA says
That’s amazing!! I am so, so happy for you.
Coach Laura says
That’s fantastic! You should be proud.
Toddler bedding question says
How do you keep a toddler under a blanket? Mine wakes up chilly with her covers askew.
Anon says
Sleep sack? My 2 year old still uses one.
Anonymous says
+1 We used one until kiddo was fairly old and in a regular bed.
Mrs. Jones says
Does she wear footie pjs?
rosie says
Not really sure you can? Maybe a few layers of blanket or a heavier one (we are using a blanket that someone knit layered with a quilted blanket) to try to keep them on. I just try to have blankets within her reach in her crib and figure she’ll get under one if she needs to, and encourage warmer clothes for sleeping. I like the idea of a sleepsack but my toddler no longer does.
Anon says
This.
Pogo says
Sleep sack. Mine will not stay under the covers. I am concerned how this works when potty training starts, but will cross that bridge when we get it.
anon says
I was stressed about this too, but DD is fully potty trained, she still sleeps in a crib and sleep sack. She gladly wears a “just in case diaper” at nights and it’s never wet in the morning. We reuse it for 2-3 nights. It was wet occasionally for the first 2 weeks, but not since then. We plan to ditch it when she moves to a toddler bed in the next 6 months or so.
Pogo says
This gives me great hope!! Thank you!
Anon says
Don’t most people separate day training and night training? I assumed when we day train at 2.5ish we would still put her in a pull-up at night, so the sleepsack wouldn’t cause any potty-training complications.
AwayEmily says
I think it depends a lot on the kid. My 3.5yo is still nowhere near giving up her night pull-ups, even though she’s been fully day-trained for a year and a half. But I know other kids who dropped the night diaper much younger.
Irish Midori says
My 7yo boy has been day trained since he was 2, but still no (and I mean NO) progress toward night-training. Pediatrician says this is within the range of normal, probably more common for boys than girls. Just takes some kids longer for those night-time hormones to kick in.
SC says
I think of them as separate. We had a lot of issues potty-training, and Kiddo wasn’t day-trained until close to 4. By then, he was waking up dry–but forgetting to use the potty as soon as he woke up and wetting himself within 5 minutes of waking up.
Pogo says
I have a few friends who had to ditch any kind of containment at the time of potty training (Sleep sack, crib) because toddler refused pull-ups or diaper, and needed access to potty 24/7. Otherwise, at 5am, you would hear MOMMY I GO POTTY NOWWWWW and bedwetting and tantrums would follow if you did not respond immediately. For their sleep and sanity, it made more sense to go with it.
Cb says
The Grobag company makes some sort of snap in duvet which might be worth checking out. But my son is still in a sleepsack – mostly to discourage any efforts at climbing.
Anonymous says
Sleep sack or 2 layers of PJs
Anon. says
Thirty second anonymous rant about my normally very self-sufficient husband: Yesterday he texted (presumably from his desk at work) to ask favor. He was in charge of getting the group gift for a colleague’s wedding. Selected gift: Target gift card. Fine, great – my schedule is more flexible so easier for me to run out over my lunch break and I have other things I need to pick up at Target. I asked if I needed to get a card for them all to sign too – ‘Um, sure but you don’t have to. You can just do it online if that’s easier.” He then proceeded to tell me about the gift item they had picked from the online registry, but the item (pots & pans) wasn’t available in our local store or online. Wait, so you just spent 20 minutes on the Target website looking at their registry but you need me to actually click the ‘buy giftcard’ button?
Buble says
What the actual hell. Does he not get a lunch break at work? Does Target’s website not have a “print online gift card” option? That’s probably what I would have done, TBH, just acted very innocent like, “Oh, I think the website has a “print gift card” option you can use and just print it right there at work, or if not, I know A***zon does!”
Meghan says
Moment of humility: I thought that because I was a frequent traveler before kids and my son traveled so well as an infant that all the “don’t fly with an 18-month-old” warnings didn’t apply to me. WELL. I learned my lesson. I also learned that you can take your toddler across nine time zones, but he will prefer to stay on his home time zone. 5:00 AM bedtimes in Paris were a TREAT. So yeah, enjoy that 3-8 month-old window when they’re easy travelers, but then grit your teeth for flying during the toddler years. And get ready for the seasoned moms to smirk and say “no duh!”
Anon says
Thank you, I needed to be reminded of this today. (Ignore FOMO, get through this phase, and then travel).
Anon says
When you go East, can’t you wake them up early and then they’ll be tired enough for a normal bedtime? Our worst trip ever was to Hawaii at 11 months – I wasn’t sure how to avoid the 3 am wake-ups, even if we kept her up really late, she was still up at 3 on the dot. But Europe has always been easier due to the ability to wake them in the mornings, spend the day outside and have exhausted kiddos by the time it gets dark.
Ymmv but traveling actually got a lot easier for us around 19-20 months when they get more verbal and we could explain it was bedtime. Toddlers are stressful in other ways, but being able to communicate really does make a lot of things easier. Don’t give up on travel forever!
Anonymous says
Don’t beat yourself up. I think this must vary by kid, as I had a coworker who blithely ignored my warnings and had a great time in London with her toddler. So you couldn’t necessarily have predicted this. I personally have terrible memories of a horrible trip–to Mississippi, the Paris of the deep south I’m sure–with a toddler with bad diarrhea and diaper rash so severe he had open sores. That which does not kill us, etc. etc. Hope you can get some sleep!
GCA says
I chuckled a bit, but I completely feel you – have to haul the kids 12 time zones to see my family at the end of the year. Kid 2 will be 16 months then. Thoughts and prayers appreciated.
ifiknew says
so when does travel get better? age 3? 4?
Anonymous says
I actually think at 2 or 2.5 when they can watch shows/movies for longer. But we’ve never gone across time zones. I know plenty of people travel with under-5s but we’re saving any big trips until our youngest is 5 or older. It’s a season of life.
Anon says
Not to be a Debbie Downer, but people of all ages can get seriously jetlagged. And 5 year olds throw epic tantrums too and people on planes tend to be a lot more understanding when it’s a toddler melting down vs an elementary schooler. And then not too long after that, they’re bratty tweens/teens who just want to whine about everything and ruin your plans. One of my biggest fights ever with my parents was on some cruise when I was 12 or so and didn’t want to go on the day’s shore excursion. My dad physically dragged me out of bed, and I spent the rest of the cruise telling anyone who would listen that he’d abused me and showing off a tiny mark on my arm from this incident (my parents just *loved* that). Waiting until the perfect age doesn’t make sense to me because there really is no perfect age to travel with kids…unless you have unicorn perfect children, there will *always* be kid-related stress and drama. Toddlers are easier than teenagers in some ways. A lot of ways actually ;) I may have to wipe my toddler’s butt and spend hours trying to get her to fall asleep, but at least she genuinely loves traveling and having adventures with us and rewards us with endless affection and comments about how much fun she had.
Redux says
OMG, yes, I can remember being a monster to my parents at that age. I think the best you can do is have a sense of humor about it (and very low expectations). Retroactive solidarity to your parents!
Anon says
We did a 10 hour road trip with our then 2 year old this summer, and because she loves all the screen time and sleeps well in a car, it went great. Haven’t flown with her since 12 months though, not sure how that would go, but if under a 2 hour flight, probably fine.
Travel Anon says
I echo the comment above re: varying by kid. Kids are people! Some people adjust really well to jetlag and time zone changes. Some don’t and will wake up at 3:00 AM. I’ve had many time zone changes across the world with the same kid at different ages and sometimes she is a champ and sometimes…we all struggle. Biggest advice is sunlight. All the sunlight. And if we need to sleep or take a veryyy long midday nap…we do. We keep traveling (crossing our fingers that the good outweigh the bad experiences) and we don’t over schedule ourselves to allow for any erroneous sleep that may need to happen. Concerns about missing out on pre-kid travel was one of the reasons we delayed having kids and in hindsight, of course I’m grateful for the pre-kiddo travel, but we still load her up and take her. We lower our standards and we still manage to enjoy ourselves. Though I cross my fingers every time, wondering if this will be the trip that puts us off family travel for a few years…
Anon says
Yes, all the sunlight! We also plan to spend the first day outside as much as possible whenever we cross more than a couple time zones. It really, really helps. Melatonin can help too if your ped is ok with it.
Anon says
We have a lot of long distance family and like to travel so we’ve done long-ish (international or cross-country) flights with our now 2.5 year old every couple of months at least since she was 6 months old. I think 9-12 months was actually the hardest age for us as far as the actual plane flight goes. She was very mobile and not content to just be held or rocked like a baby, but she was too young to be entertained by anything (even screens) and she wasn’t walking, just crawling, and I wasn’t about to let her crawl up and down airplane aisles. Once she was walking (or at least able to walk holding an adult’s hand) there was a lot more we could do to entertain her in airports and on planes. She also started being entertained by screens just after a year. We flew to Europe at 14 months and she watched TV for the whole 8 hour flight, much to her sheer delight. Around 18 months, she started to actually understand what flying means, that we’re going to see such and such person, so we could talk about it in advance and prepare her for it. Around that age she also started to be entertained by a whole host of activities like eating snacks, coloring, playing simple pretend, etc., so now we bring her a backpack of activities and don’t even need rely on screens that much. But yeah, for us flying at 15 months was way easier than 9 months due to walking and being able to use screens. Maybe I’m an outlier.
Road trips were really hard for a long time because she HATED being confined in a car seat, but got a bit better around 1.5. We still don’t do drives over about 4 hours though, we all prefer to fly even if it involves multiple layovers.
SC says
For us, the process of going from Point A to Point B got much easier around 2.5. Kiddo was more communicative, could watch screens in the car, enjoyed the excitement of airports and planes, slept well while traveling. But being at our destination, and particularly enforcing bedtime in a new bed without a crib, was SO hard at that age. Naptime was impossible. Then Kiddo was tired and cranky all week, and honestly, so were we. Everything just seemed like so much work. I remember returning from a week at the beach and feeling like I needed a personal vacation.
The overall trip improved a LOT around 3 years old. Kiddo was even more communicative. We could reason with him about why it was bedtime, and he’d sleep reasonably well. Other things were easier too–he was more able to sit in a restaurant, less likely to wander off or run away, etc.
Kiddo is 4 now, and it’s even better. He’s excited to travel, enjoys many of the experiences, and is fun to be with. Meltdowns are rare. We did the same beach trip again, and I managed to read 4 books that week, which means I got some substantial personal time.
Cb says
Ooh these look very cool but I’m not sure I have the square footage for another transport track. I got home last night and my son and husband had used all the brio track to build a track that stretched across the sitting room, nearly to the kitchen.
Anon says
When I get home from work every night, the ruling queen of our house demands I sit on the floor and play trains. Our brio tracks are definitely getting their money’s worth.
Pogo says
Same – “play choo choos mommy!” every single night. We have a relatively small set-up, hand-me-down’d from cousins. I appreciate it because he really doesn’t need more than 25 track pieces and 5 trains, since he ends up involving non-Brio toys into his games.
EB says
3 month old has her first cold – tips or tricks for getting rid of congestion? We are in touch with ped on medication and when to bring her in if it gets worse, but would love tips on how to make her more comfortable!
Anonymous says
Saline in the nose + nose frieda
AwayEmily says
Definitely saline in the nose before bed, I’d say that was the single biggest help for our babies.
Anon says
Bulb syringe (I prefer those to the nose frieda, but the hospital ones work so much better than every one I’ve tried – glad I managed to come home with two), steam (run the shower on hot in a closed bathroom and sit in there) or humidifier, keeping her upright (we did a lot of skin to skin chest naps). Make sure to suction before feeding (easier to eat since they have to breath through their nose to drink and less likely for spitup). I find tylenol helps with the achey-ness and what I can only imagine is a sore throat from a post-nasal drip.
Pogo says
Humidifer + saline drops + snot sucker as mentioned above. Also mine has always been a puker when sick, even more so when little and he had reflux. So prepare for that potentially. Luckily at that age, I could actually wfh when baby was sick because he just slept like a little lump on my chest.
anon says
Dissenting opinion: our ped said that if the snot sucker was too upsetting for kiddo we could skip it because the snot kiddo generates from rage crying negates the useful of the snot sucking. We’ve switched to boogie wipes/diaper wipes for boogers in addition to the humidifier. Game changing.
EB says
If she isn’t making tears yet, does she make snot when she cries? Probably a stupid question, but I really don’t know the answer.
Pogo says
Interesting. Mine didn’t start rage-crying about the snot sucker until much older. When he was a little babe, he seemed more surprised than anything by it.
Anonanonanon says
When mine cried from the snot sucker, I immediately stopped trying to use it and busted out the boogie wipes and took the opportunity to wipe and pull at the snot. (gross, I know). The crying kind of got it flowing and I was usually able to get huge strings of it out.
S says
The only thing that really helps for us is to hold the kid in a steamy bathroom.
Anonymous says
I’m thinking of stopping pumping and going to all formula when I go back to work at 4 months. I’ve been supplementing the whole time – baby wouldn’t latch and I’ve been pumping, but could only ever get about 16 ounces a day (and only 2-4 ounces per session) so we use formula for the rest. I am pretty sure this is the right call for us, since I won’t be able to spend that much time pumping at work, but I’m feeling bad about it anyway. Any encouragement?
AwayEmily says
This sounds like one thousand percent the right choice! It’s going to make your transition back so much easier.
Anonymous says
4 months EP is awesome! Good for you.
Pogo says
Since it sounds like you have bottles and formula that your LO loves already, go for it! I think the only people that struggle with this is when kiddo doesn’t react well and they have to try different bottles or formula. I think w/ only 2-4 oz/session weaning yourself off the pump won’t be too rough. Congrats!! I am in awe of all EPers.
Anonymous says
You’re doing what’s right for you, your baby, and your sanity. Your baby will be healthy and thrive just fine on formula. And although I had an employer who was supportive of pumping it still was a giant pain in my butt. No more washing pump parts! Or worrying about getting too full!
SG says
Encouragement! I’m likely to do something similar, pregnant with #2 now. I hated pumping the first time and am not looking forward to it again. Props to you for going so long.
ifiknew says
I’m with you. My baby is almost 5 months and he just doesn’t love to nurse like his sister. I’m up all day and night trying to nurse and it’s just not working. My sanity and my happiness is more important to their long term well being than the formula vs. bfing debate is what I tell myself. Hugs, I know it’s hard to not feel guilty, I feel the same way.
Buble says
Eh, don’t feel bad. I quit BF at 3 and 6 months for my girls, and they’re absolutely perfect and amazing. It’ll be fine. :)
anon says
Related question that I may repost later: how do you approach decision-making around breastfeeding questions? For context, I had a lot of trouble breastfeeding my first and then was so, so incredibly happy after switching to formula. I couldn’t believe I didn’t switch sooner but I know that a lot of that had to do with societal expectations and my husband’s expectations. I decided that we would do combo-feeding from the start for theoretical baby #2 and then told my husband that was the plan. This started a huge, huge fight with him being really upset that I made the unilateral decision and wasn’t open to discussing. I was rage-filled that he felt like I should sign up for something that gave me so much anxiety last time. We didn’t resolve it and plan to discuss this weekend. How have you approached this decision with your partners?
anon says
just wow. This is unilaterally your decision because its your body that has to go throguh so so so so much. If it’s not working for your well-being, I say that’s more important than any benefits through breastfeeding.
Anonymous says
+1000 even the American academy of pediatrics says that only MOTHERS are uniquely qualified to decide the best way to feed their baby (not meaning to exclude two father/non-binary families/etc…). But seriously. You’re the one going through it and though your husband may see it he has no idea.
Anon says
I would tell him if he thinks breastfeeding is important, he’s welcome to breastfeed your child himself. Seriously though, I think men get no say in this decision, and I’m not sure I’d want to remain married to someone who wasn’t supportive of a choice that made me “so, so incredibly happy” and didn’t harm my baby. Why does he want his wife to suffer needlessly?
Anon says
I am a huge breastfeeding advocate but this is YOUR choice. This is your body and your effort and your sacrifice. I don’t have great advice on approaching the discussion, but I wanted to support you (however, you said theoretical, so if there is no baby #2 in the making I would not borrow trouble and wait on this discussion…if you do have it, I’d understand/empathize with his reasoning, but let him know that even with combo feeding your baby would get all the benefits of breast milk.)
Also, just wanted to add that I had lots of trouble with #1 (including exclusive pumping for three months to start) and #2 was so easy from day one, so don’t assume your second experience will mimic the first. But it’s whatever you are comfortable with.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think this is one of the few parenting decisions that ultimately comes down to what you want. The benefits of a happy, sane mom far outweigh any minor benefits of breastfeeding, and in any case, breastfeeding was not working for you, he can’t breastfeed, so you decide.
My husband was supportive of whatever I wanted to do – he’s even been encouraging (kindly) me to wean completely so that he can do more of the morning routine with the baby but ultimately the decision to keep bfeeding then is mine until I decide I’m done.
Anonymous says
I’m so sorry and I unfortunately don’t have too much advice. It’s your body. He’s prob upset because it’s his kid too but…no. Breastfeeding just cannot be fully understood by men because they don’t do it. I had a coworker whose husband and MIL were so militant about bfing that her baby ended up dehydrated because she truly had low supply and hormonal issues. My DH has always been supportive of bfing but also does not care if we use formula and says we can give it if clusterfeeding ever drives me bonkers. We combo fed our first and it was great. EBFing our second and it’s also great. I have friends who love the split duties of formula from day one.
Anon says
Saying it’s your choice alone won’t help your relationship, sadly. Can you educate him about why this is the right choice? There is so much fear mongering about formula and the importance of breastfeeding, he may worry about the effects to your child (not knowing it’s actually a great option). But I’m sorry you didn’t get his support. That hurts. Relationships are hard.
Pogo says
I’m sorry he’s taking such a hard stance on this. It is your body, and I don’t think you really need to justify it. But you could talk about all the stress, anxiety, lactation consultant visits, etc – whatever reasons you have for not doing it – and explain that outweighs any potential good. As the one doing the actual feeding I can’t see how he would argue with this – did he go to every doctor’s appointment when you had mastitis? Did he weigh the baby before and after every feeding? Did he struggle to get a screaming tiny infant to latch? Nope. So he doesn’t know the physical and emotional toll it takes.
Again, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I’d do if my husband took this position – he’s always been supportive of me doing what is best for my health and the baby’s (including during pregnancy, when I continued to take certain medications for my health).
Anon says
Yes, do it! I pumped at work for about two months after returning, but only once a day, so we were always making up the difference with some formula. Dropping pumping completely at 6 months postpartum was great for my sanity and work productivity, and wasn’t the end of our nursing relationship (baby nursed until 18 months). Not sure if we are having a second but I’ve told DH (and he’s fully supportive) that if we have#2 we will supplement with formula from day 1 so he can take some night feedings, and I will not pump at work, just do the morning/night nursing thing.
June says
Just a word of warning, I had similar supply issues to OP (EPed maybe 18/20 oz a day) and when I dropped to just morning and night my milk dried up in less than a month.
June says
I had similar supply issues and was so relieved when I stopped breastfeeding. But I knew I wanted to give pumping at work a shot so my baby could have some breastmilk while he started daycare and I wasn’t quite ready to stop nursing then anyway. So when I went back to work, I started dropping a feed every week or so. I pumped at work for about 6 weeks, then did morning and night feeds till my milk dried up (which was only a few weeks later).
But if you know you’re ready to stop and your workplace isn’t amenable to pumping (I have an office with a door so it wasn’t an issue to pump) don’t feel guilty. Any amount of breastmilk they get is beneficial and breastfeeding with a low supply and pumping and triple feeds is extremely hard. One quote that helped me when weaning (which maybe was said here) was this:
It ended when I realized I was trying harder than my baby was, that a bottle was clearly every bit as acceptable to them as my breast. It ended when my supply realized this as well and chose to plummet, it ended when I realized life would just be easier for us both if I let it go.
Anonanonanon says
Zero reason to feel bad. It will make your return to work so much easier. You’re going to be dealing with enough, this should be a time to be happy to see and feed and hold your baby, not a time when making sure you can feed your baby is a huge, burdensome, miserable, painful chore.
BabyMom says
In my experience, when you go back to work time is the thing that there is never enough of – when you’re at work you feel like you need to rush home to spend more time with Baby, when you’re at home you are thinking about the work you left to spend time with Baby. (This is irrational on both ends. We all make it work.) Choosing not to pump gives you sooo much more time than if you were to keep pumping (or at least an hour or two a day). I think the extra time you get is more than sufficient to justify a decision to stop. (Of course, no justification is necessary. Our children will never know what they ate as infants unless we choose to tell them.)
Feeling dumb says
I have a stupid question, but please humor me. Every time I get pictures from my phone printed (CVS, target, shutterfly) they turn out cropped, the picture size my phone captures seems to be out of dimension with the print size. I should be able to figure this out, but how to you get the full photo to print (this happens with 4×6 and 8×10). Is there a setting I need to change for new pictures? What about pictures I already have? If it matters I have a Samsung Galaxy. My mom has an iPhone and doesn’t have this problem…
Anon says
I have to manually adjust the crop sizes because digital photos are not at the same ratio as a 4×6. The ‘zon (how I do my photo printing) actually has a size that’s cropped for the right digital size (or I manually adjust the crop for a 4×6 if I really don’t want the slightly funny-sized pictures.
Anonymous says
This has been true since the days of film cameras – the image’s aspect ratio is different from standard paper sizes – it’s narrower. Zoom out so you have a white border if they will let you.
prepping says
Please give me all your best tips for preparing for the immediate post-partum phase. I’m 33 weeks . . . is it too soon for making freezer meals? What should I stock up on? Alternatively, send me any blogpost links that cover this, just can’t find anything comprehensive on my own.
Thanks!
Coach Laura says
OMG I have to gush about Pinch of Yum’s 16 freezer meals. I’ve made 14 of them so far and love them and even DH who turns his nose up at freezer meals has raved about them, even the vegetarian ones. Many are “dump” recipies which means no chopping or prep work. You can buy frozen chopped butternut squash, for example, and frozen mirepoix (which is French ingredients – chopped onion, celery and carrots to give extra flavor). Some can be made in the both crockpot and instant pot, some are baked and some you could cook on the stove if you don’t have slow cooker or instant pot. Seriously google Pinch of Yum freezer meals and you won’t regret it.
Anonymous says
I’m not the person who asked the question but I’m going to try to make some of these for when my in-laws are visiting around Thanksgiving! Thank you for posting about this!
Anon says
Find a grocery delivery service you like, preferably one that has a deli section where you can get prepared non-frozen food. Not having to go to the grocery store is huge. For me freezer meals didn’t really work out because either I didn’t remember to take them out to thaw in time (our fridge thaws super slowly) or I was hungry RIGHT NOW and didn’t have the hour plus to wait for the frozen thing to cook from frozen (I really don’t like microwaving, which may be your solution). I also prepped not a single freezer meal. My mother left us some from her post-partum visit and other than that we used Stouffer’s, so if it’s not something you *want* to do, it’s not something you have to do. We also did a lot of takeout and food delivery and I was 100% okay with that.
Anon says
For my second (based on lessons from my first), I made sure to have multiple back ups of all of my toiletries and make up. Those are the things that even in today’s world aren’t super easy to online shop for quickly (i.e . One face wash isn’t going to meet shipping requirements, if it’s even available online, but when you need it you need it quickly).
Agreed with the other poster I did not make any frozen meals ahead of either baby. To me the whole process of that sounds more stressful even sans baby but still working than just figuring out simple meals as we went or allowing ourselves to order take out a bunch. Grocery delivery was a god send. Just to offer up it’s not something you HAVE to do.
Anonymous says
Dinner with inlaws and extended inlaw family today.
Child is a toddler with autism. He eats a wide variety of food (this isn’t a mac and cheese and nuggets situation) but somehow inlaws never cook anything he eats (last time they made peas and salmon, previous times they’ve done similar things). Inlaws know what he eats, they basically just refuse to cook any of those things (chicken, turkey, pork, beef, pasta of any kind etc).
I don’t think it’s fair for my kid to have nothing to eat (he likes to eat! haha). I’ve asked husband if we could move dinner to a restaurant (answer was no) and if I can bring food for him (he says no). He won’t tell me what MIL is cooking and she and I don’t talk (I barely got an invite to this dinner). The last time we had dinner at their place he ate nothing and wondered around saying “I’m hungry” and ate some emergency toddler snacks from my purse. It honestly enrages me. I think they feel like his autism will be magically cured and he’ll eat their overcooked fish.
Can I feed my kid before dinner or bring him food to eat with everyone?
Anonymous says
This is a common issue with all toddlers, including those not on the spectrum. Feed him beforehand.
Anonymous says
I officially give you all the permission you need to do this. Your kid is a toddler, let alone the special needs! I, as a grown adult, often go by Panera on the way to my husband’s parent’s house because they will do appetizers as a meal and there is never enough and I’m hungry – and I’m an adult who can handle being hungry (maybe). I think either way is fine. If you really wanted to be gentle about it, could you bring a side to “help contribute” to the meal that’s a really hearty side your son would eat as a meal? Something like mac’n’cheese, or a pasta salad?
Coach Laura says
That sounds awful. If your child won’t eat ahead of time, I’d ignore my husband and bring food anyway and not make apologies. Isn’t the kid’s father supposed to care about his basic need for food?
Coach Laura says
And I say this as an aunt to identical twin nieces with autism. We get together for extended family dinners and my sister and I go out of our way to make the nieces happy.
Anonymous says
Completely agree.
Anon says
Good grief; that seems so cruel considering they’re his grandparents! My toddler is not on the spectrum but currently only reliably eats yogurt, bananas, French fries and meatballs. Since her palate is so limited, I bring food with us when we go somewhere. But if your child eats most meats and pasta it seems totally mean for his grandparents to not accommodate him. It’s really not that hard to serve plain meat to a child with sauce or something on the side for the adults.
Poster says
Our kid eats basically everything.
Fish and citrus are a disaster but everything else he will eat. Even fish, if it’s something like smoked salmon or smoked salmon nuggets or breaded fish he will eat it. He’s not going to eat salmon otherwise.
Personally, when we have people over we always prepare one super basic thing like cheese pizza or fries for the super picky weirdos. I dunno why MIL is so annoying but she is.
Anonymous says
Yes, it seems eminently reasonable to us that the grandparents would want to serve something the child will eat, but clearly they have a poor relationship with OP and are not going to make accommodations. She can’t change her in-laws, so all she can do is to work around the problem by feeding her child ahead of time and/or bringing food. It is not unusual even for not-picky adults to have to work around poor hosting by eating beforehand or having a snack afterwards. Or OP could just send her husband and stay home with the kid. That’s usually how we handle my MIL.
So Anon says
Absolutely! Feed your kiddo before you go or bring the food with you, whichever is easiest and least stressful for you and your toddler. I think you are setting a reasonable boundary for you, your child and your inlaws: my child needs to eat, this is how we approach this issue, and if you are unwilling to respect that boundary by providing that food, I will provide for my child.
I have a similar issue with my special needs child. He has Celiac’s, Crohn’s and ASD, so we are very conscious of what he eats, and he is as well. I have family members who blatantly ignore my directions (like don’t cross contaminate the jar of PB that is labeled everywhere with “GLUTEN FREE”), which has led to me bringing over prepackaged GF food for him in the past. My family was upset (“but we’re trying!”), and I did what was best for my son.
Pogo says
I always bring food with me in case toddler rejects whatever is served. I don’t think this is rude at all and not sure why your husband doesn’t want you to bring food?
Original poster mom says
He thinks it will come across as hostile. (His mother is a terrible cook but seems oblivious).
I just asked if we could compromise and I could bring charcuterie to start (kid would eat olives, fruit, cheese and meat) and husband says no.
Original poster mom says
Bit the bullet and asked MIL what she is cooking and if we can bring something for kidlet since husband is being useless. Stay tuned.
Original poster mom says
MIL is serving cabbage and salmon. FYI we don’t live anywhere near salmon. I have no idea why anyone would go out of their way to eat salmon where we live when there are local options.
Anon says
That’s crazy, your husband needs to grow a pair. Toddlers are almost universally picky and everyone knows that. I’ve never heard of someone being offended because a toddler wouldn’t eat what they prepared.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Bring it anyway. Your husband not feeding your child is also hostile! I know there are cultures where extended family members are given extra respect but I am of the opinion that the nuclear family of husband, me and our kids are top priority and everyone else can accommodate (within reason) or we just don’t go. And my kids’ relationship to my parents and their other grandparents is very important! But not at the expense of making them miserable.
Anonymous says
I don’t understand why your husband won’t tell you what MIL is cooking. Whether he knows and won’t tell you or doesn’t know and won’t ask her, that’s…not fair to you, the other parent whose team he is supposed to be on. I would push back on that, hard. If his parents are going to behave like this, he should be advocating for his kid to them.
Original poster mom says
I asked, it is cabbage and salmon. My kid won’t eat it (I don’t even want to eat it bleh).
Anon says
That is an aggressive meal to expect ANY toddler to eat. Crazy.
Anonymous says
Bring. Him. Food. Full stop.
rosie says
In the future, I would just bring the food for him, don’t ask permission from anyone. (Or feed your child beforehand if that is what will work best for YOU.) If someone (your husband? your MIL?) tries to prevent you from feeding your child, walk out.
SC says
I give you full permission to bring food. You can feed him before, but I’d still have backup snacks in case he was hungry again. It’s normal for toddlers to be picky. I don’t think grandparents have to go out of their way to accommodate kids, but they need to allow the parents to take care of the toddlers however the parents decide is best. I’m not sure why your husband has an issue with making sure your kid has something to eat.