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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 126 Comments · by

Everyone Thursday: Italian Flannel Blazer

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A woman wearing a Italian Flannel Blazer.What a pretty blazer — and it’s only available online. I like flannel blazers as a way to add comfort and warmth during the winter months inside, as well as an outerlayer in cool fall/spring. The seven colors here all look lovely, and I like that the blazers are available in misses, petites, woman, woman’s petites — and they’re on sale. Italian Flannel Blazer (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  1. Paging Betty & MSJ says

    from PEN: thank you so much for offering to send me au pair resources!
    philly r!tt! mom at g mail

    the !s are es. And no spaces

  2. Jdubs says

    How do you tune out the “life noise” while you are at work? I had an incredibly busy day at work yesterday, yet I was fielding questions and communications from our nanny, my husband, and my mother. I feel like I should say “full stop” to all of this stuff during business hours but it isn’t really possible. I ended up being more frazzled than I should have been and didn’t come across as totally focused during the day.

    • Anonymous says

      Honestly, I unplug from personal stuff for about an hour or two at a time. But that is so frustrating, so mostly, I’m just here for commiseration.

    • Strategy Mom says

      If it’s the really busy days that you want to focus on, I’d redirect as much as you can. “Nanny, I’m jammed at work today – If you need anything urgent, do you mind going through husband?” They probably overcommunicate because they are used to you being responsive. If you want to reduce the volume on a daily basis, take longer to respond or make your texts with the nanny a group text that includes your husband. My husband gets lonely at work and loves texting all day, whereas I like to get in the zone. After a few months of me spending too much time on the life noise, I started pulling back a little and we’ve eased into a new cadence. They call if it’s urgent. (They also called too much initially, so I started screening calls and sending a text “I’m in a meeting, if it’s urgent, I can step out” and 90% of the time, it was a decision they could make without me. All of this is predicated on my willingness to cede control over a lot of smaller day to day decisions (nanny can decide what to get at the grocery, etc.)

  3. Strategy Mom says

    Fun podcasts and leadership reads: I left consulting for a strategy job with a big company and now have a longer painful commute. Looking for good podcasts that are lighthearted and entertaining (I currently love Anna Faris is unqualified). Also looking for podcasts/blogs/books to help me think about what leadership style I want and to help me develop leadership skills (I led teams before, but my old work environment didn’t help me build great leadership skills, something I’ll need at my new job). Any suggestions? Favorite books?

    • Cate says

      I love NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour podcast. I also sometimes enjoy Gretchen Rubin’s Happier podcast. Both of those are pretty light. The former still makes me feel like I’m engaging intellectually with something, even though that something might be the Golden Globes…

    • BTanon says

      +1 for PCHH, and also like Slate’s Mom and Dad are Fighting. This thread has lots of other good ideas, some of which cross into leadership territory: http://corporette.com/podcasts-working-women/

      On that front – I’ve been listening to the audiobook for Quiet by Susan Cain, and definitely recommend it if your personality leans introvert.

    • anon says

      I enjoy RuPaul’s podcast and something called Gayest of All Time with Johnny McGovern. The latter in particular is probably most appropriate for women who love gay male culture (obviously?).

        • October says

          Does the cadence/pattern of Hillary’s speaking grate on anyone else? It’s like she’s reading prepared text but trying to make it sound conversational, so adds in all sorts of weird “ums” and stutters. I generally enjoy the show aside from that…but find myself only picking and choosing certain episodes because I get annoyed listening to her narration.

          • FVNC says

            Oh my gosh, YES. I loved a lot of the early podcasts, but don’t often listen to one all the way through, mostly because of her speaking patterns. Drives me bonkers.

    • Betsy says

      Lainey Gossip has a new podcast that I am obsessed with called Show Your Work. It’s sort of highbrow celebrity gossip/cultural analysis.

  4. EB0220 says

    I have a gray version of this blazer and wear it often. I accidentally washed it once, and I think it actually made the fit a little more modern. I am going to pick up another in a different color now that it’s on sale! I also have and love the flannel pencil skirts.

    • JayJay says

      I don’t have the blazer, but I have three of the Italian flannel pencil skirts and also love them.

  5. rarely anon says

    I am feeling spiral-ly today, and just really down. Everything feels overwhelming – pumping/nursing enough, money, my house is a wreck and possibly too small for our family but I’m afraid of moving, the baby (almost six months) is waking up all the time and I’m falling asleep nursing him in bed which means that we wake up, I put him back, he wakes up half an hour later, we nurse all over again, I feel like I got nothing done at all on my break from work over the holidays, I was sick my entire pregnancy so I didn’t prepare anything how I wanted and the ensuing six months have been insanity so I feel like I’m behind from, like, last year. I could barely get myself to work today. I don’t want to be here and feel like I’m not being a superstar at work. An awful woman I work with wrote an awful email to my team and I’m trying to respond with equanimity and dignity and instead I want to throw dirt at her. I feel like I’m spiraling and everything that makes me feel bad makes me feel worse about something else. I haven’t been to my therapist since before the baby was born but I set up an appointment for next week. I just want to quit my job but somehow have someone still take care of the baby so I can go sleep during the day.

    • Anonymous says

      *hugs*

      You’re doing great. You and baby are both fed and clothed and you are employed. The first year is really really hard but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

      If you’re open to co-sleeping, you could side-car the crib to your bed and just slide baby back over to the crib when he’s done nursing. Or nurse and let DH deal with getting him back to sleep.

      If you can, take PTO tomorrow, send baby to daycare and just sleep.

      Get back to a schedule of regular appointments with your therapist.

      • Betty says

        Agree with all of this.

        It is easy to focus on a perfect image in our head of how it should be: great mom with a baby who sleeps (ha! neither of my kids were that baby), the superstar employee, great housekeeper, and person who has all the things under control. The problem is that no one can do all of that, you are doing enough and that is amazing. The first while back from maternity leave is rough, but it will get easier.

        A few other thoughts: Co-sleeping is the only way I got sleep after returning to work. Can you hire a housekeeper? Outsource anything else? Also, I completely agree about taking tomorrow off and sleeping. Sleep, eat a hot meal, take a long hot shower, go for a walk and indulge in any other way you can. You are ok and this will get easier. Huge hugs.

    • Marilla says

      Lots of hugs. Almost six months is such a hard time and this is all overwhelming stuff. You’re so tired and so ready for the baby to be sleeping normally and they just aren’t yet. I would embrace co-sleeping for a couple of weeks and then start gentle sleep training so you get your evenings and then your nights back. Can you take a sick day or a vacation day or a work from home day? Just by yourself, at home, baby at daycare, wear yoga pants and do a couple loads of laundry so you feel semi-productive and watch Netflix and eat and rest.
      Awful co-workers are the worst. Be gracious, document everything you discuss in email, and pick someone to vent to. And leave the office to walk in circles for 20 minutes when you’re full of rage and tears.

    • Butter says

      I feel this way sometimes, and sometimes I just have to throw a tantrum. I don’t direct it at anyone, I just have to get it all out. You’re also in the thick of it. I definitely felt that way several times in the first year, particularly over where we lived (house was too small/too loud/not designed right/too warm/too cold/had TOO MANY STAIRS) and my clothes (everything was too big/too small/too tight/too loose/outdated/frumptastic).

      I think that when your immediate nest is off you feel particularly fragile. Make a list of what’s bothering you and figure out what’s real and what’s just anger transferred, and then from there what you can change and what you can’t.

    • PEN says

      You are doing great and you are not alone! Give yourself permission to take a day off and sleep–if you can’t do that, sleep in your car over lunch. Throw money at the housekeeping–use a chain/service if you don’t have the energy to research. With pumping/nursing advice from here really helped me: don’t make the absence of formula your goal, but rather the inclusion of breast milk. Get regular with your therapist. I also suggest reaching out to your ob/midwife to check in.

      • Pogo says

        +1 sleeping in your car

        OR, a great tip I once got from the main site – schedule a massage at lunch (or if you work late, 4-5 pm). I would tell people I was going to the chiropractor (true! it was at a chiropractor’s office!), so no one ever questioned it. Massage = nap. I regularly used this when I was at a very stressful job and needed to sleep during the day to make it through.

    • Pogo says

      In response to the awful email, do you have a friend or mentor at work you can vent with? That helps me SO much to get perspective after something like that, so I can cool off and not throw dirt at people.

      I have a few people I go to – one in my actual group/function who is technically and logistically helpful to talk to; someone in my same office but totally different group for some perspective; and someone at a different office who is the highest-ranking of all of them (ie, who I want to be someday). Sometimes talking to someone far away from the situation really helps me.

      • NewMomAnon says

        My stock answer to awful e-mails is “Thanks for your input. Let’s follow up on this after I’ve discussed with my team.” I would reply all. Usually by the time you “follow up,” they’ve calmed down.

    • EP-er says

      So many hugs to you. From the main site “The only way out is through.” There is light at the end of the tunnel, but it is so dark right now. You will get through this though, I promise!

      You don’t talk about your partner or child care arrangements — Is there any way you can call in help on the weekend? Your mom, MIL, someone? I know it is hard when you are nursing, but can you take some time away and do some self care? (That is, sleep all day?) And then throw some money at grocery delivery/house keeper/general helper?

      Give yourself some permission to not be a superstar in every area of your life. The only place you need to be a superstar in is survival!

      • Anon says

        YES. I’m on my second baby, who is the same age as yours. #2 is a much more difficult baby than #1, but I have perspective- in *just six months* she’ll be one! She’ll be walking and talking! This time next year she’ll be having sassy convos and we’ll be thinking about potty training and she can feed herself 100%! Three months from now (only 3!) your baby will be so much easier.

        It really gets better. My older one helped set the table at 2 and at 3, she can clean her own messes AND wipe the floor when the baby throws food.

    • anon says

      It sounds like you might need sleep more than anything else right now – agree that trying to find a way to take a day off to sleep could be so valuable. Give yourself permission to just survive for now. It does get easier, your baby will start sleeping better eventually, and your house can be a too small wreck until then. You don’t have to excel, just survive. And good for you for setting up a therapist appointment!

      (I confess that Superstorm Sandy was like the best thing ever for me – my son was almost 5 months old, and on the tail end of a big sleep regression. I had gone back to work when he was 3 months old, and my husband was in a new stressful job that involved getting up at 5 am every day. We were living in a 1 bedroom apartment and basically I never slept. Anyway, due to the storm, my job closed for a week and I couldn’t work remotely due to power outages at work. But daycare stayed open, so my son went to daycare and I slept so much. It was amazing. I still feel guilty for enjoying that week.)

    • Lyssa says

      Agree with all of the above, but, more specifically, feed the baby some formula at night. Really – it keeps them full longer and will make you both happier. Baby will still be getting plenty of benefits from nursing, I promise.

    • OP says

      Thanks everyone. I think I needed a few deep breaths. I sat in my office and cried during my first pumping session to get it all out of the way. Then I went out for lunch with a colleague I trust for a little venting. I scheduled a massage for tonight. They couldn’t get me in until 9 pm which actually sounds ideal – maybe I’ll fall asleep! Our pediatrician’s office has a sleep class, and I’m signing my husband and me up for it. My mom watches the baby at home T-F and we have a nanny on Mondays, so I’m thinking of asking Mom to watch him at her place one day next week and taking a day for me with no baby. I money-medicated by buying a new bathing suit for a vacation we are taking later this year and who cares if I don’t lose the 20 or so pounds I have left. My husband is totally supportive of formula so I might try to come to grips with that and start supplementing. I also texted my husband that we have to trim the baby’s nails tonight come hell or high water – it might sound crazy but feeling like I was being sliced by tiny knives this morning somehow made me feel super resentful of my entire life. Trying to deep breathe. So grateful for all of you. Phew.

      • SC says

        I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself. FYI, I recommend that you ask your nanny or your mom to trim the baby’s nails. Our nanny did this for us the entire year she was with us. Even now, whenever she babysits, I’ll ask her to do it if it’s been a while. Trimming Kiddo’s nails just falls into one of my most-dreaded tasks.

      • Anon in NOVA says

        I’m so sorry. I remember those days (barely, they’re a blur now) and it is very, very rough.

        I recommend reading “balance is a crock and sleep is for the weak” that was recommended on this site. Gives some good encouragement re: outsourcing things, not being perfect, having tough conversations with spouse, admitting when you need help, etc. and is geared for working moms.

        I don’t want to armchair diagnose, but please don’t be afraid to try medication if it’s suggested to you. Some of the things you’re describing I experienced as well- something like baby nail scratches escalating into my head to “omg this is my life now and it is literally painful and I hate it” etc. Sometimes medication helps get you through this dark place/over the hump- and that’s ok. You need to do what you need to do to be there for you and your family. I really regret not asking for that form of help sooner. I only needed it about 6 months but it helped me get out of a rut and back on track mentally. Hugs.

        Also, my kid is almost seven and I still utilize lunchtime car naps, so no shame in that game :) Sit in your car for your lunch break and dont do work emails, don’t check in with the nanny, anything. Just you. listen to a podcast, nap, do whatever. but take that one hour a day to not focus on home or work. It will make a huge difference.

        The days are long and the years are short. This too shall pass and I promise you’ll barely remember the misery :)

      • Pogo says

        Hugs!! Good for you making all those adjustments. Just taking positive steps should help a lot.

      • bluefield says

        Formula is a godsend. Seriously, you don’t have to be the sole milk provider for your baby. Science solved that problem. Embrace science.

    • Anonymouse2 says

      Oh, hugs! I understand the feeling. I felt most like that when I needed sleep, and co-sleeping was the answer. You could use either a side-car crib, or the mesh-sided thing that goes in the middle of the bed. Also maybe the baby is a little cold? Our kids woke up more when cold, but I couldn’t tell because they wanted to nurse too; it took me forever to figure it out.

      NAPS! Lunchtime naps under your desk or in your car. Or just head down. Lack of sleep can lead to decreased production. But also give yourself permission to supplement with formula. I cried doing so, but in the end it was best for everyone. As for house seeming too small, you’re probably tired to deal with cleaning, let alone organization. It will partially solve itself; the biggest baby stuff will go away by the first year (swing, big stroller, car seat travel system).

      You CAN do this! But be kind to yourself! Ignore Nasty Woman’s email; don’t even dignify it with a response. Cross that off your To Do list!

    • Anonymous says

      Use formula. Sleep train. Take a sick day to sleep. It’s okay.

      Most women in Europe do both (for example, Norway has a higher nursing rate than the US for the first three months, but by 10 months has a lower rate.) and their countries still have doctors and engineers.

      Your sanity and health are more important than what are essentially lifestyle choices demanded by people who want to force women out of the workplace (seriously, on the left and on the right lactivist philosophy devolves into ‘stay home with baby’ and historically breastfeeding was championed by witch burning Puritans.)

      Anyway, you are more important than some fictional idea of perfect motherhood.

  6. Marilla says

    What comes after soft-soled Robeez crib shoes? My daughter (almost 14 mos) is just starting to stand and cruise and my MIL commented that she may need more structured shoes soon as the Robeez sort of curl under her feet when she pulls to stand. Regular tiny velcro sneakers? Is this when we move to brands like Stride Rite and Pediped?

    • mascot says

      Move to “real” shoes. We also liked See Kai Run in addition to the brands you mentioned.

      • Marilla says

        Thank you! It’s crazy how these babies keep growing and you keep having to figure out new things all the time…

      • blueridge29 says

        I love See Kai Run shoes as well. The shoes last really well and the kiddos don’t have difficulty walking in the shoes and boots.

      • EB0220 says

        Ditto See Kai Run although I’ve had some trouble with the velcro on the straps coming off. Still love them though.

    • Anonymous says

      Highly recommend taking your kiddo to a shoe store. I never trust myself to figure out shoes for my kids, and I am paranoid about messing up their growing feet. They often have good advice.

      • octagon says

        Any recs in DC/Northern Virginia for a shoe store to do fittings? I don’t want to go all the way to Tysons if I can avoid it.

        • Anon in NOVA says

          Not sure where you are in the DC/NOVA area, but I know all too well the “agh it’s only 20 miles away aka 1.5 hours” dread of a NOVA errand.
          I used stride rite when my kid was that age but we didn’t live in this area, i think their only NOVA stores are tysons, springfield, and fair oaks. I think there used to be one in pentagon city but last time I was there it was closed. If you’re closer to Pentagon City maybe try nordstrom like someone suggested. Take my advice with a grain of salt, it’s been almost seven years since I had to worry about baby shoes :)

          • Anon in NOVA says

            It’s all coming back to me now… I also had really good luck at a Clark’s store (again, not in this area). I looked it up and the only one up here with kid’s shoes in stock is in Fair Oaks :-\

      • shortperson says

        ive had by far the best service at the nordstrom kids shoe department. they have a lot of reasonably priced shoes. and so much nicer than at stride rite, which surprised me.

        • Anonymous says

          Yes, I took my 13 month old to the N-strom at Pentagon City and they measured him. We got a pair of Tucker and Tate sneakers. The soles aren’t super hard– they’re rubber, so more firm than Robeez but still pretty bendy. Really like them, although they weren’t cheap. VERY cute. :)

    • Lyssa says

      I’m not a doctor or anything, but my understanding was always that structured shoes are not ideal when they’re learning to walk – that bare feet or almost bare are best. So, I’d stick with the unstructured shoes or nothing, at least unless you’re going to be outside, for a while longer.

      • Marilla says

        I think the soft leather soles are maybe not grippy enough for walking though?

    • Anonymous says

      A lot of daycares require real shoes (no crocs) with closed toes. My kids lived in Keen Newports (with socks in winter) and I think we’ve had then in every size/color starting around 15 months (they went through 2 kids each and some were still in good enough shape to donate / hand down).

  7. Cate says

    22 month old flung herself out of the crib the other day. It was scary and I think this means we had better switch to a bed asap? Is that the general consensus out there? She’s only done it once when she was upset about being put down for a nap but the way she sort of flipped herself over the edge was very nerve wracking…

    And if it is time for a move, I don’t know that I know what kind of big girl bed I want in her room. Have any of you gone crib to twin mattress on the floor to twin bed? Or should I minimize the number of transitions?

    Agh, general advice re experience moving to a bed also welcome!

    • EP-er says

      Yes, it is time. Does your crib turn into a toddler bed? We just took the side off the crib and left it in toddler bed mode. Both kids went from toddler bed directly to a full size bed, at 3 (son) and 4.5 (daughter.) We decided to skip the twin bed, since we like to snuggle in bed to read and it seems like a twin is so small for teenagers.

      If your crib doesn’t convert, you could just put the crib mattress on the floor until you figure out what you want to do. We had a couple tumbles out of bed, but went with a low profile full sized mattress set and no one got hurt.

      Our kids would sometimes get up at night and wander into our room. (Like last night?!? Hello 3 AM — I never want to see you again. I just want to sleep through those wee hours…) A little disconcerting to wake up to your child right in your face breathing on you until you wake up, but we just dealt with it. I know some people who have more of a problem baby proof the room & put up a baby gate across the door.

      • mascot says

        Yep, switch now. We had a convertible crib so we did the transition to a toddler bed, then a daybed, and finally a full bed. Mattress on the floor with one side against a wall should work the same. They figure out how to stay in bed when asleep pretty quickly. We toddler proofed the room, took out toys and things that would distract him from sleep and used a baby gate to prevent nighttime roaming. I think that this age is good because you aren’t to the point of nighttime potty training so you can focus on the stay in your room aspect with the gate.

    • Closet Redux says

      We went straight from a crib to a twin size bed at 2 and a half. We put one of those mesh bed rails on the side for the first few months and kiddo never fell out, even after removing the rail. We wouldve converted the crib to a toddler bed for ease, but we had baby #2 on the way and didnt want to deal with “taking away” her toddler bed to give it to the baby.

      • avocado says

        We did the same at 26 months. We put the rail on the wall side of the bed because I was paranoid that she’d roll off that side and get trapped between the bed and the wall. We did not use a rail on the other side of the bed. We completely childproofed the room, including making all cords and outlets completely inaccessible and strapping the bookcase and dresser to the wall. We put a doorknob cover on the inside of the door to contain her. She never once fell out of bed or had any other issues.

      • Tired Mommy says

        +1 we did the same and went straight to a twin. We really sold it as a BIG BOY BED. So this is where BIG BOYS sleep, only BABIES sleep in cribs!! It was a rough transition to daddy doing bedtime routine (because I had baby brother) and learning to stay in bed, but after a couple weeks he almost never gets out of bed now (but does call for us on the monitor). But he is a good sleeper and has only come in our room at night a handful of times after having a bad dream or because he was sick.

        I recommend getting a Toddler clock if you don’t already have one. DS loves it when we praise him for staying in his room until the light comes on, which is set for his normal weekday wakeup time.

    • Mrs. Jones says

      I suggest moving from crib to adult bed (full-size, in our case). Toddler beds are pointless, IMO.

    • blue says

      I would try moving to a bed, but from the world of anecdata, one of my twins once tried climbing out of his crib, fell, got a not-too-serious boo-boo, and scared the crap out of himself and his twin brother, so much so that we could just remind them that they had to stay in their cribs because “remember when A fell out of his crib and got hurt? You have to wait until a grown-up can get you out.” Neither ever tried to escape again.

      • Spirograph says

        Counterpoint, my daughter learned to escape from her crib at about 22 months and I didn’t have the bandwidth to switch her bed (it needed to be a crib again for the baby very soon and didn’t seem worth it). She continued to liberate herself at will, including before I even left the room. But she never hurt herself, so I just chalked it up to parkour practice.

    • Famouscait says

      Related question: Has anyone else had a kiddo that didn’t climb out, but freaked out?

      My 26m old son hasn’t attempted to climb out of the crib, but for the past several weeks has been making a real stink about going to bed (which hasn’t previously been an issue). I noticed over the holidays that he didn’t fuss at all when we had to put him down in the hotel-provided crib which had laughably low sides that he could have easily climbed over. My hubby thinks I’m crazy to consider moving him.

      • EB0220 says

        Yes, around my kid’s 2nd birthday she started freaking out in the crib. I let her move to the toddler bed we already had and she slept like a rock.

      • Anon says

        Mine did this at 18 months. We put the crib mattress on the floor and after a few nights were golden. Then we moved, and she had a few more nights on the crib mattress but the Big Girl Bed (full, but with rails) arrived. She loved it instantly and at 20 months or so was on a normal full bed. She’s been in it ever since and only started coming out of her room at 3.5 (this is when the new baby came and she presumably slept less well + needed more attention).

    • Edna Mazur says

      No to freak you out, but my two year old broke his arm climbing out of his crib, so yeah, as soon as they can physically do it, I’d get them out of there.

      We took the side of the crib off and kept the mattress low, so we aren’t using a guard rail. He hasn’t fallen out but if he did it’s only about a foot off the ground. Toddler beds are useless and everyone I’ve ever sat on has been super uncomfortable.

    • TK says

      Little TK did this twice before we moved him to a bed. He was a little over 2, not much older.

      I dreaded the switch but it ended up being so, so easy of a transition – we talked up the ‘big bed’ for a few days, put it up on a Saturday so he could get used to the idea before bedtime, bought him a new stuffed animal to sleep with on the bed, and from the first night onwards he stayed in it until morning.

      We put a pool noodle under the sheet on the outside side of the bed as a little buffer after he rolled out of bed the first night (didn’t even wake him up). No problems since.

  8. Anon says

    Work Schedule Q.

    I need to work 25 hrs/week. Suggestions on how to structure the hours? Caveats — The hours must be spent in the office (no teleworking, no exceptions), and I must have a firm start/stop time (but it can vary by day). I have a two and a four year old, both with access to full time care. We are considering keeping the 4 year old out of K next year, and keeping him in the daycare (so we’d have continued access to full time care for possibly one more full school year). While I’d love to be in early, neither kid wakes early, and our family uses breakfast as our “family meal” as my husband is not ever home before 7 on weekdays. I do not want to change this, as the whole family enjoys the time and we all love sleeping in a little. Realistically, the earliest I can be in is about 9:30.

    Otherwise, I’m conflicted – 5 days with an early departure time would mean no rushing to get dinner on the table, no late nights at daycare, and more time each day together (especially in summer when we can be outside later, so evening walks/park dates). It is also the employer’s preference, and would dovetail nicely with a K schedule (once older kid starts schoool). However, it means we couldn’t actually do “outings” – like local museums, the zoo, etc. We live in an area with easy access to these things, but the commuter traffic makes going in the late afternoon not practical.

    Or 4 longish days, so more scrambling M-Th, but a free Friday each week where we can actually go on excursions.

    Or, 1 half day and 3 full days — so a half day so I can get errands done in the afternoon, then 3 full work days, and one full free day. I’m leaning towards the last option, but my husband — who ultimately realizes it’s my call — doesn’t like having the kids at daycare until late for those three days. This is a kid specific preference — one of the kids turns into a bit of a monster at home when he’s at daycare for full days and experiences total meltdowns at home. He’s an introvert, and I think he’s worn down by being in a super social environment all day. My other kid would happily stay all day and all night at daycare.

    What else am I not thinking about? What would you do?

      • Marilla says

        Same here. You’re probably overestimating how many museum, zoo, etc, outings you’d actually do. 3 or 3:30 is perfect for early daycare pickup, after nap and snack, and leaves you time to prep dinner, toss in a load of laundry, or head to the park. A free half day does sound nice for errands though.

        • Anon says

          Thanks to both. In theory I think I agree with you guys that it would overall be a more steady pace of life — I just feel torn about having that one day a week to take advantage of all that our area offers. I live in a close in suburb of DC, so we have tons of free museums and there are free programs/classes that we just can’t make work on the weekends (too crowded, too busy, or not offered). I think I”m realizing the older kid is going off to K in the next year or so, and this time where we can have a day together each week year round is nearly gone. I also can’t believe my kids have been here their whole lives, and have barely seen the inside of the local museums (can’t handle the weekend crowds).

          • Anonymouse2 says

            I too hate the crowds, but avoid them by being there when the doors are unlocked. Spend an hour and a half, and out by noon, have a picnic on the way home, then nap. Or only go during the winter when there aren’t many around.

          • Anonymous says

            Yes, go to the museums in the winter! We avoid the Mall during tourist season, but this is a great time of year to visit the Smithsonians. I was just at Natural History this past Saturday afternoon, and while it wasn’t empty, I wasn’t uncomfortable (and I hate crowds, too). The Zoo is hit or miss in cold weather, the hill is impossible if there’s ice and some animals are off exhibit once it gets too cold, but the indoor animal houses are still nice.

            caveat, I’d steer clear for Inauguration weekend. but you knew that.

        • EP-er says

          I don’t know — if you really want to, you can make the museum trips happen. When I was on this schedule I was gone somewhere fun at least 3 of the 4 days off in the month. But then again, I really like going and doing instead of being at home where all of the responsibilities stare at me accusingly. :)

    • bluefield says

      I have to work 21 hours a week and I do 3 full days. If I had to work 25 hours, I’d work 8.5 hrs for 3 days. Can you do any work from home so you can do normal-length workdays and then a few hours at home for a night?

        • bluefield says

          Can you drop your kids off at daycare late? How about 3 full days and one half day, but you do the half day in the afternoon so you can still do a fun morning thing. And there’s less risk of time creep because people leave the office at 6.

          I also second the recommendation to work on Mondays because it’s really strange to have a job and not go to it on Monday.

    • EP-er says

      I’ve worked a variety of PT schedules, ranging from 24/28/32 hours. I like have a full day off, but only if you aren’t answering phone calls/emails and can actually not work on your day. (Which is why my hours kept creeping up…)

      I would try for M-Th from 9 – 3. This should work well once school starts, so you won’t have to do latchkey. (But check the schools hours; my elementary school’s hours are from 9:05-4:07. UGH!) Don’t take off Mondays, even though that sounds appealing — lots of fun stuff is closed Mondays. Wednesdays off would also be nice, but you can’t combine into a long weekend easily.

      I loved three full days — I was working W/TH/F from 8-4. I had a long weekend every weekend, and could do fun stuff with the kids and get caught up on the groceries/laundry/household tasks.

      • Anon says

        That’s a really good call on the issue about Mondays, and I love the idea of regular long weekends. Maybe I do just need to suck it up and get better about slightly earlier mornings to keep the evening scramble down but still keep that day off. I think they will stick to not bothering me outside the office, particularly b/c I log my hours. If there is an hours creep, they’ll have to offer me full time benefits, which they do not want to do.

    • Anonymous says

      I’d do the first option. You can still do the zoo and museums on the weekend, but your husband can come too. It also keeps the kids on a more regular schedule 5 days a week.

    • Strategy Mom says

      I would not do the shorter schedule 5 days a week. I would want at least one totally off day (you can volunteer at school, run errands while the kids arent home, etc.). There are some things easier to do in the morning and I think having one day off is key.

      I worked 80% and tried going in every day (half days friday and wednesday) and it was awful. I was too present so no one really made an effort to work around my schedule and instead of leaving at the agreed upon time, i very often got pulled into things that kept me there later. The time to get ready for work and the commute time also ate into my personal time since i had to go in every day.

      Are you going to be able to change this when your kids are older and in school? I get your husbands thoughts about daycare, but those kind of things could be totally differnt in 6 months when your kid is older and nap schedules change, so I wouldn’t let that drive things. I think the third option is definitely the best from my experience. Most offices aren’t pros at dealing with a coworker with a non traditional schedule and the more you can have set off days, the easier it will be for them to “get it” and set expectations so that you dont end up working 30 hours and only paid for 25.

      • Strategy Mom says

        One other thought – all of my part time friends use at least half a day of their off time to do mom errands without kids. Getting that done during the week means you can really enjoy weekends, etc. Just something to think about as you think about childcare.

        • Anon says

          Ha — it would be glorious to check off errands without a few helpers in tow or at 8PM on a weeknight! My husband and I joke that the delivery services in our area are actually a good deal because the “extra” food tossed in the cart by our kids when we aren’t looking add up to more than the standard delivery fee!

        • Meg Murry says

          +1 to this – having a full day off means you can get lots of errands done during the week and focus more on fun/family time during the weekends.

          Also, since you probably won’t have PTO as a part-timer, having a day off mid-week means you can make pediatrician appointments, get haircuts and oil changes, schedule deliveries, etc without screwing up your schedule.

          When I was working part time I originally took Wednesdays as my full day off, until I discovered that our pediatrician was closed that day and a lot of other businesses had different hours on that day, like no morning appointments at the hair place or dentist. It’s a weird quirk of my town (I think Rotary and/or Kiwanis and/or the Small Business Bureau meet on Wednesdays or something) but it threw a wrench in my plan and I switched to Tuesdays off.

          I wouldn’t plan for Fridays off, unless you *really* think they will stick to the 25 hours – I could see it easily creeping into “well, can’t you just come in for a couple of hours on Friday morning to finish off this task this one time” and next thing you know you are at 5 days a week and 29 hours instead, etc.

          Could you agree to something like a set “core hours” and then some flexibility in the beginning until it all works out and stabilizes? Like you would definitely be there Monday, Tues, Thurs, Friday from 10-3, but whether that means 10-5 on Tuesdays or 9-4 on Fridays might change depending on how it goes in the first few weeks, but it would generally be 4 days at 6 hours a day (plus a quick lunch or break).

          The only other quirk is if you are required to take a lunch break for shifts over X hours – it’s often 5 or 5.5 hours. In that case, it might make more sense to do 5 days at 5 hours, or 2 full 7.5 hours + lunch days plus 2 5 hour days. Because if you have to add 30 minutes (or more) unpaid for your longer days, it probably makes sense to schedule a couple as half days instead of having your day broken up.

      • Marilla says

        I’m revising my earlier comment – this is a solid point about having set days/times vs getting pulled in just a little later just for this one thing, over and over.

    • Anon says

      I know you said you don’t want to skip breakfast family meal… But I would do all my work in 3 8.5 hour days, so like 7:30-4. You’re still doing a family meal 4 days a week. DH can take care of the kids those 3 mornings – if he doesn’t see them at all in the evenings, it would be nice for them to get Daddy time. He can drop them off at 9:30 or whatever, you pick them up at 4:30, and it’s not really too long of a day for them.

      (And scoffing hard at a DH who doesn’t get home until 7pm 5 days a week, but doesn’t want the kids at daycare late.)

      You’d have a day to take care of house errands so your weekends can be more free, you’d have a day for yourself (and/or kid outings), and then weekends could be family time. If you’re working part time, make sure you’re getting some down time out of the arrangement and not just shifting all your time from work to others. Make sure the plans involve you getting exercise/sleep/volunteer/etc, whatever recharges YOU.

      • Anon says

        Appreciate the insight, but bristling hard at the unnecessary husband dig. His job has required responsibilities that go to around 6:30 on weekdays (think professor), and his job is enabling me to take this job, which amounts to a nearly 70% pay cut. He usually takes them to daycare in the mornings, and takes care of the morning chores. It’s a personal preference to having the family time in the mornings, which includes time with him. But the point that I don’t need to be there every morning is well-taken.

        • Anon says

          Totally understand that he contributes in other ways. Just pointing out that it’s unfair for a spouse to request something if all the work to make that happen falls on the other spouse. I can say I want my kids to only eat paleo, but if my DH is the one who shops/ cooks/ feeds them, it’s not really a fair request. The point of my comment was to make sure this pay cut and PT move makes sense for you as well as the rest of the family, and doesn’t only enable everyone else while you get the short end of the stick. Women especially can sometimes feel pressure to sacrifice for their families at the expense of themselves.

          • Anon says

            Didn’t see this comment yesterday. I’m coming out on top here – I have full time childcare, and will work part time. That’s a pretty awesome set-up. Gives me ample time to run family errands (and we’d eviscerate a part-time husband who wasn’t willing to take on more chores while the wife worked full-time), take the kids on outings they’d otherwise miss out on, or take a day for myself, as the case or circumstances may be. Disagree that your hypothetical is analogous. It’s more akin to my kid being lactose intolerant, and assuming I do the shopping, my husband pointing out he feels better on soy milk and requesting I buy that instead of cow’s milk. Doesn’t change the fact that I”m shopping, just changes what I’m shopping for.

    • anon says

      I have worked a variety of PT schedules over the years and I will say that at the time when my kids were your kids ages, I found having at least 1 whole day off to be really great. Working 5 shorter days was really hard for me – I had a hard time leaving in the middle of the work day and shutting off. I was always leaving the office later than I wanted and rushing to get the kids and trying to enjoy the time together in the afternoons. Having one whole day off with the kids during the week was great and we have a lot of great memories from the time. As they got older and were in school 5 days a week and had after school activities to attend, it was easier to work while they were at school at have the afternoons (or at least some afternoons) free to take them to their activities. Hope this helps. Good luck!

      • Anon says

        (first response got lost) Really helpful insight – thanks!! I think we’d take advantage of the day. I don’t think I’d be able to do outings all five days of the week, but I think we would really enjoy one extra day a week together. Also thinking about things like taking the kids to ski on Friday mornings, etc. when it’s a little less crowded and easier to teach.

  9. super fast dinners says

    Husband has two extended work trips coming up. I’m trying to make a list of super fast dinners. As in, I need to walk in the door and put it on a plate, but I’m trying to avoid fast food or nightly PBJs. They don’t eat dips, hummus, lunch meat, deli salads, or soup, which is what I would feed myself under the circumstances. Aside from cereal nights and fruit & cheese plates, I’m coming up short on ideas. Suggestions?

    • Anon says

      Slow cooker is my go-to! thekitchn.com / our-top-16-slow-cooker-recipes-of-2016-238497 has some great recipes. Depending on your kids’ preferences – white chicken chili, mac and cheese with broccoli, and rice/bean burrito bowls. I’m a huge fan. Otherwise, lean hard on pasta, and don’t worry too much about this time. As long as everyone gets something to eat, you’re doing great.

    • Anon in NYC says

      Do they eat pasta? I make a simple tomato sauce (or you can do jarred) and mix it with pasta and just rewarm it when we get in the door. It will last for several days in the fridge. Also, I portion out bags of tomato sauce and freeze them so I can pull a bag out as needed. I also make black beans in the slow cooker, portion out some to keep in the fridge and rewarm, and freeze the rest. I also do a lot of frozen veggies – just put them in a bowl with some water and microwave until cooked through.

      What about making a pot roast or something similar in the slow cooker? The NYT had a Mississippi roast recipe that looked really good.

      Is breakfast for dinner an easy option for you? Scrambled eggs and toast? Or make a strata or quiche on Sunday and warm it up as needed?

      • OP says

        FWIW, last month I have made the pinterest-Mississippi Roast that inspired the NYT version and I will definitely make it again but use the NYT version. It was tasty but I had the same complaints as the NYT, and I know theirs will be way better.

    • Anonymous says

      A couple big batches of hearty soup made over the weekend are what I rely on in this situation.

    • EE says

      How about preparing more of whatever you’re feeding them leading up to the trips and freezing? Many things keep in the freezer!

      Or trader Joe’s type frozen stuff.

    • EB0220 says

      How many kids? When my husband was traveling 80% I’d get a rotisserie Chicken on Monday. That would take us through at least 3 days supplemented with the 90 second microwave rice, black beans, salsa and guac.

    • GCA says

      How many kids and how old?
      Make ahead and freeze breakfast sandwiches or burritos, or a hearty lentil soup/ stew. Pull from the freezer and defrost a day ahead, then microwave! Breakfast sandwiches don’t even need defrosting. Big batch of pasta casserole with lots of cheese, ground beef, and veggies. Make a big batch of quinoa and use it to augment Trader Joe’s frozen stuff (palak paneer, sweet and sour meatballs, etc.)

      • OP says

        2 kids – 4 y/o and 20 months. These are great ideas and now I feel kinda silly for asking the question. I’m an avid home cook, and 4 years after becoming a mom, I am still working on not over-complicating dinner!

    • H says

      Crockpot meals! Takes some prep the night before but totally worth it to have a warm meal when you get home. Chili in the crockpot is great. And/or make double of what you make in the days before your husband leaves so you can just heat it up when you get home.

    • mascot says

      My kid loves a nibble plate – I just make pretty little piles of whatever bits and pieces are left in the fridge/pantry and call it done. Fruit, cheese, crackers, sliced veggies, hardboiled eggs, cold pasta, shredded meat, etc. He thinks it’s fun and fancy.
      Other ideas- breakfast for dinner, make your own pizza (English muffins/pitas or pre-cooked dough work well), frozen turkey burgers and sweet potato fries, green salads with all the random toppings.

    • CPA Lady says

      I’ve been solo parenting 4 nights a week, and these are some of my go tos:

      – scrambled eggs with toasted english muffins
      – paul newman frozen thin crust pizza (cooks fast)
      – cheese quesadillas with guacamole
      – refrigerated pasta cooked then tossed with pesto, feta, and frozen peas cooked in the microwave for 30 seconds
      – if you have publix where you live, they have stuff in the deli like enchiladas or pastas that you cook in the microwave for 3-4 minutes. these aren’t exactly gourmet, but they’re good for when you need to get something cooked FAST

      • Anon says

        +1 My 4 and 2 year old are obsessed with English Muffins. I make a “mcmuffin” (egg, cheese, slice of deli meat, on a toasted muffin) and they think it’s fabulous.

        Also I know it may be frowned upon (and I think it’s awful) but my kids love Hamburger Helper Cheesy Macaroni. They will gobble it up and ask for seconds. It takes about 15 min to brown the meat and cook the noodles, (I add a steamer bag of veggies like peas or corn to it) but worth it to get a full meal in 15 min that I know they’ll eat.

    • avocado says

      Trader Joe’s salmon burgers are amazing and quick. Naan pizza is great too.

    • Pogo says

      – Chicken nuggets (or fake chicken nuggets) + microwaved veggies
      – Veggie burgers + pita chips, carrot sticks or some other snacky food
      – +1 to quesadilla – just take two tortillas, put grated cheese in between them, add whatever veggies you think the kids might tolerate inside of their quesadilla, and a couple mins on each side in a frying pan
      – “breakfast for dinner” – frozen pancakes or waffles and fruit (ok, not the most nutritious but Whole Foods actually has some with like chia and flax in them that *seem* healthy)

    • Anon says

      When either DH or I travel, we (usually me but sometimes him) make any of the following in advance, and put it in the freezer:

      Lasagna (add premixed salad). Oven or even micro cook in a pinch.

      Homemade Chicken pot pie (heavy on the veggies)- lasts 2 meals with only one adult

      Smitten kitchen sausage risotto- made the Sunday before the trip, then eaten Monday and Tuesday.

      Tray of enchiladas

      I have also served:
      Mac/cheese/ham (leftovers from a weekend ham)
      Chicken nuggets (store bought or made/frozen by me in advance)
      Twice baked potatoes (frozen in advance) + meat and veggies

      We also like one fun project meal, like make your own mini pizzas or hot dogs in crescent rolls- I have a 2 and 4 y/o and they love to help in the kitchen.

      Breakfast for dinner- pre made omlettes loaded with veggies, make your own waffle, pre made pancakes and sausage.

      Tacos- cook ground beef (or turkey or chicken) in advance, use pre schredded cheese.

  10. TBK says

    Home improvement question — has anyone installed recessed lighting and if so, what was the approximate cost? (And are you in a HCOL or LCOL area?) We have a terrific finished basement but it has old school overhead lights. I put lamps around but it’s hard to get my husband to use them. I’d also love to replace the harsh overhead lighting in our kitchen/breakfast area with recessed lighting plus task lighting (pendants over the island, and at least an undercounter light over the sink — most of the time I have to work to avoid standing in my own light with the overheads we have). In both cases, there’s already wiring in the ceiling, but it would require opening it to install the lights and run the wires to them. TIA!

    • SC says

      I’ve done it as part of our kitchen remodel. If I remember correctly (and it’s very possible I don’t), I think we paid approximately $250 per light for running the wires and installing the cans. It’s been a great change for us though!

      You’ll have to consult someone about whether it’s feasible to do it in the basement. The wiring may not be there, or there may not be enough room between the basement ceiling and the floor joists. If it’s not feasible, there are some flat, thin LED lights that would accomplish the same purpose. It’s not quite as nice, and I probably wouldn’t recommend them for the main floor of a home, but it’s worth checking out for a basement.

    • Contractor's wife says

      As a contractor’s wife, this really depends a ton on your individual house’s layout and if it is straightforward or if there are any quirks like the wiring doesn’t comply to the current code or isn’t in good shape and would need replaced, if your ceilings are lath and plaster, if there is enough room to put in can lights, etc.

      When you say “old school lighting” do you mean florescent fixtures, or do you mean something like ceiling mounted single bulbs or fixtures with glass globes over 1 or 2 bulbs? Remember that a single recessed light is going to behave more like a spotlight, instead of spreading light all over the room like most ceiling mount fixtures, so you will probably need more recessed lights closer together to get the same coverage.

      Does your husband not use the lamps because he just likes to flick a switch instead of walking around turning on lamps individually? Would he be more likely to use them if you installed wireless switches or timers or “smart” outlets so they are more convenient?

      As far as the task lighting goes, that depends on whether you already have wiring in place or if that would need to be run fresh, etc, and how fancy or basic you go. For instance, if you are ok with having undercabinet lights that plug in to an already existing plug on your counter and that turn on by reaching under the cabinet and flicking a switch, that is pretty straightforward (and you may be able to DIY yourself from a Home Depot kit if you are even moderately handy). But if you want to be able to turn on with switches and have everything hard wired, the most expensive part could be not the lighting but rather fixing or replacing everything that will need holes cut in it (for instance, it’s significantly more labor intensive and/or impossible to put in under cabinet lights in most kitchens without cutting at least a few holes in the backsplash). If you don’t mind also re-painting and/or getting a new backsplash, that will make a difference, whereas if you already installed fancy tile it will make task lighting a lot harder or more expensive or perhaps even impossible.

      Most contractors will give you a free quote, but they need to see your house and layout, and you’ll have to pay close attention to whether the quote includes things like re-drywalling the ceiling (if they rip it out) or patching and painting, or if it is *only* for the electric.

      • TBK says

        Hugely helpful — thank you! We have ceiling mounted fixtures with 2-3 bulbs under a glass dome. I found an online guide that suggested taking the height of the ceiling in feet and dividing that in half to get the spacing of recessed lights for good coverage, plus placing them no further than 3′ from the wall. I think we have 8′ ceilings, so lights every 4′. Both rooms are large. Our townhouse is about 700 sq ft per floor, and the kitchen/breakfast area is about 1/3 of the main floor, and the finished basement is probably 2/3 of the lower level, plus a hallway. So we’re talking about a lot of lights. I think I prefer the recessed lighting to putting the lamps on a switch so that we can have brighter lighting without the horrible department store nightmare look of overhead lighting. As for the light over the sink, we DIYed it once, and the light fell off. We might try it again and this time actually drill holes in the overhead cabinet instead of just sticking the light on with adhesive (we’re exceptionally un-handy). We want to do a full re-do, including back splash and counters someday, but that’s going to take a few years of saving. I figured the new lighting could probably be done without interfering with the countertops or anything more intensive like that.

    • EBMom says

      Just be careful to install the right kind for your house/insulation. I think that recessed lights can be a fire hazard if not installed correctly, because you are putting a hot light right next to the insulation in the ceiling.

  11. avocado says

    I just got back from registering my baby for middle school. I don’t know whether to be proud, wistful, or terrified. That is all.

    • EB0220 says

      Aw, I am about to go register my oldest for kindergarten and I’m a little terrified.

  12. Pogo says

    This might be late for today’s thread, but while it’s on my mind…

    Doulas – if you had one, how many did you interview? For their fee what did they provide (for example, did they also answer texts or calls during the last month of your pregnancy)?

    I’ve gotten two recommendations – one from my acupuncturist that I’m a bit hesitant about because shes SUPER crunchy, had a home birth (which, go girl, but not my jam); the other from my OB practice, but it’s a doula group so I’m sure there’s more than one that might fit with my due date.

    • Anonymous says

      We had one and only interviewed her, because we liked her. (District Doulas, Candace, on the off chance you’re in DC). Unlimited phone and email during all pregnancy, some workshops we never attended, a prenatal visit to talk through our birth plan, and a postpartum visit.

    • ChiLaw says

      Note: I had a traumatic birth experience and my doula was pretty useless, and I’m therapy-ing my heart out but I am not entirely over how it went down, which colors my perspective.

      I had a doula who cost $1500. She was in the “most experienced” category at the company, so she cost the most. I just pulled up our contract, so I can tell you, she came with: two prenatal visits; unlimited phone/email contact (this really resulted in texting, mostly. or I would text and she would call me back five minutes later); on call availability 37th-42nd week; “support during active labor, birth, and the immediate postpartum period”; one postpartum visit.

      If I had a do-over (I will not), I would have put a lot more effort into interviewing doulas, and I would’ve gone with someone else. I just sort of went with the flow, because she had been at 300 births and I had been at zero, so I figured she knew what was up.
      I would want to ask her:
      “Will you give me concrete advice on positions and techniques that will help labor progress?” (she sat on the sofa with my husband looking helpless through most of labor, except at the end when she joined in everyone’s shouting at me to push. well, once she suggested I get back in the shower, after I had already been in there. when I gave in and got an epidural, she took my husband to the cafeteria and made him eat. all of that was useful, but not $1,500 useful.)

      “When will you be physically present at the hospital or my home?” (she didn’t show up until I had been induced and in very painful labor for ~3 hours, and I made my husband call her and tell her I felt abandoned. I suspect she was coming from another birth but we certainly did not get the best help from her.)

      “Specifically, if my water breaks without labor beginning, and I am induced at the hospital, will you be present from the beginning of my induced labor?” (she was not. she had promised that she would come to our home and help us decide when to go into the hospital once labor had begun, but we didn’t anticipate that it would start with water breaking and no contractions, and she was just absent.)

    • NewMomAnon says

      I know this is also late, but I interviewed one and met several more who were instructors at a yoga studio I attended. I really liked the one I interviewed, and felt very comfortable with her. Her views on medicine were similar to mine, and she was not adverse to pain medication (in fact, she helped me come up with a plan for how and when to ask for pain meds). She quoted me a flat fee, with a little increase if we hired her to do our birth education in lieu of a class. Which we did. She met with us several times before the birth, and once after the birth. Unlimited phone, text and e-mail if we wanted it.

      FWIW, I would absolutely hire a doula if I ever had a second kid. I felt so supported and cared for, and it was wonderful having a plan (even when it broke down for a while toward the end).

    • Katala says

      Both times just interviewed one. I almost interviewed a second this time because the first was very expensive, but she was highly recommended and the package had stuff I wanted to make myself do (labor prep and postpartum massages) but might not bother scheduling otherwise (and has online scheduling).

      With my first, they were a 2-person team, so you met both and had a likely person but could always end up with the alternate. I really liked that over the normal if I’m at a birth, I’ll send a random backup you’ve never met model. This time, I signed up with the owner of a full-service doula + classes + massage business but there’s a decent chance I’ll have a backup, who I can meet if I get around to it. This time I paid for a package that has a class, pre- and post-partum massage, infant massage instruction plus phone calls and a prenatal/birth plan meeting.

      For my first, the fee included a prenatal and 2 postnatal visits and unlimited phone calls. When I let them know I was going to be induced and the date, we had a long phone conversation about what would/could happen, how that changed my goals for the birth, and scheduled which doula would attend. Then we had the prenatal visit and it was tailored to my situation which was really great. I loved that setup and even though I was gung-ho to go unmedicated, she was gently insistent that pitocin –> epidural for most people, so we could try but I may want to reframe how I was viewing the situation. I got the epidural, still totally needed the doula and felt great about how it turned out.

      That was much longer than intended! TL;DR – it’s totally fine to just pick the first person you interview if you feel comfortable with their style, I think phone access towards the end is pretty standard, and consider the group so you can potentially meet your main person plus backup (or even choose your backup).

    • avocado says

      I only interviewed one doula. She was also a Lamaze instructor, so we signed up for her class and attended a few sessions before interviewing her. We were pretty comfortable with her at that point. I also met her backup briefly. For the fee, which I think was $500 a decade ago in LCOL, we got two pre-birth meetings and unlimited phone calls, but I never called her because we saw her every week at Lamaze. We also got a CD of photos she took and a post-birth visit. She even stopped by to make an extra visit at the hospital after the birth, but it was the one time I was asleep during the entire hospital stay so I missed it. She didn’t come to the house while I was in labor, but everything happened so fast that she wouldn’t have had time to do anything other than meet us at the hospital anyway.

      I highly recommend having a good doula who is in tune with your wishes and has a good relationship with the hospital staff. My doula was a former labor and delivery nurse at our hospital, so she was able to negotiate things that I couldn’t. For example, the hospital only had two rooms with tubs. When we arrived, one was vacant but waiting to be cleaned. I asked if I could wait for the room to be cleaned, and the nurse said no, I had to go right into a room that was already prepared. The doula spoke with the nurse and suddenly housekeeping was called to clean the room and I was allowed to labor in the waiting area while it was ready. She also caught a nurse who was about to give me pain medicine without my knowledge or consent, and kept my husband from freaking out. It was by far the most worthwhile baby-related expenditure we made. However, I’ve heard much less happy stories about doulas who were not a good fit for the couple or who were not on the same page as the medical staff.

      • avocado says

        P.S.: My doula also attended inductions and even scheduled c-sections.

    • Anonymous says

      I hired a doula group for my first pregnancy. I want to say it was about $700 (By Your Side Birth Services) if you’re in the DC area. They had monthly meetings you could attend thruout pregnancy to meet all 7ish of the doulas and on-call services as well. I ended up with very quick labor and the doula was responsive by phone, but barely made it to the hospital before my baby was born and was therefore not helpful (through no fault of her own. She did beat my OB to the hospital). I was happy with her postpartum follow-up, and would heartily recommend the group. I didn’t hire them for my second pregnancy, thinking it was a waste since my labor would be fast again. It was, but I also went to the hospital sooner and kind of wish I’d had a doula, because that delivery was a mess thanks to unhelpful nursing staff and I think my husband could have advocated for me better if he hadn’t also been my sole support person.

      So, I’d think of it as an insurance policy. If you have a good doula, you will be glad for it in the event of a long labor, unhelpful medical staff, or partner who “freezes.” But it is possible you won’t get your money’s worth.

    • Anon says

      This is probably not helpful, but I found screaming “YOU ARE USELESS” at my DH, during my very unexpectedly fast, very painful first birth when all he really said was “are you sure you need meds?” I was borderline blacking out from pain, vomitig, had pooped on the floor, and couldn’t stop shaking. I needed the meds.

      Turns out, A doula would have been helpful in assessing things and telling me my pain was abnormally high, that it was back labor, etc. My second birth was NOTHINg like my first. I was OK with an epi, but didn’t need one. The most painful part was pretty much equivalent to the non medicated part of my first birth. Also fWIW they put so much Epi into me the first time that the baby crowned and I didn’t feel it. I was also delerioislg exhausted after only 4 hours of labor (I was dilated to 5.5 with no contractions as of the night before, water broke, was 6.5-7 upon arriving to the hospital).

    • Anon says

      Haven’t delivered yet, but we interviewed 3. Wound up hiring the first one we met with, but I’m glad I had the perspective the other interviews gave me. For $1,200 she’s ‘on call’ for questions from when contracted through after the birth, she’s meeting with us twice before the birth, attending the birth, and meeting us at home once after the birth as well.

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