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I’m not sure why, but there’s a TON of Rebecca Minkoff jewelry marked way, way down at Amazon. Like, under $10 low — “add on item” low. Now the stuff wasn’t extraordinarily expensive to begin with, but it’s still trendy. I got these earrings a week or so ago and while they’re not 100% my style, I’m happy to have a newer, trendier pair of earrings to wear for $8 (down from $48). (They might make great stocking stuffers, too!) Rebecca Minkoff Pearl Two Part Curved Earrings
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Grump shclump says
I need some cheering up. 20 months after I had my second, I’m still not able to fit into some of my work clothes (or if they fit, they just make my pooch look pronounced and I feel self-conscious). I was always one of those annoying girls who couldn’t gain weight if I tried, and after my first kid my body bounced back relatively quickly. This time around, it’s not been the case.
Now granted, I am not working out so I know I shouldn’t expect a miracle. It just sucks to feel like you can’t wear half of your wardrobe.
Curious: is there anything about having a natural delivery vs. a c-section, in terms of the body recovering? After my C my body went shape to its usual shape, but after my VBAC I have a pronounced pooch. Is there anyting to make of this? Obviously I wouldn’t go back and change anything but I wonder if there is anything to that distinction btw natural vs. c-section.
Vent over.
JayJay says
Gurl. My second-born is 3 and I’m not quite back to pre-pregnancy and I work out all the time. But I do understand that frustration.
My experience is that my c-section gave me a new spare tire at the incision site that I never had before. I know several others this happened to, but I don’t know if there’s something difference with a VBAC (or natural) versus incision.
Anonymous says
I feel you. It sounds trite, but try to give your body some credit and be thankful for what it’s done for you. There was kind of a sweet article on a related topic in NY Mag the other day. I’m 20 months pp after my second as well. I lost the weight super fast with my first (and now I realize I was probably one of those women who everyone sort of hates because I thought it was just sooo easy!), and with my second the weight is pretty much gone, but there is a pooch that won’t go away. You could check to make sure you don’t have diastasis that is causing the pooch, but I think in my case is just extra skin and general flabbiness from not having time to work out. I think it may just take more time after the second one stretches you out more? I also got stretch marks with the second that I didn’t with the first — I guess my body just sort of gave in. I’m not going to say I don’t miss my flat belly, but my husband couldn’t care less, and I’m trying to focus on taking care of my body for the sake of my health, which is hard enough! I can’t speak to C vs. VBAC though — both of mine were natural.
Anon in NYC says
Uhh, well, I’ve only had 1 and she’s now 15 months and I *have* been working out, and I still haven’t lost the baby weight and can’t fit into half of my former wardrobe. And I think that some of the work dresses that I purchased for my new weight are actually making me look like I’m carrying even more weight. So, I feel you.
MH says
I’m interested in hearing what others have to say here. I’ve heard that C-sections make it more likely that you will have a pooch of fat/skin than a natural birth, but not based on anything scientific. I lost the weight really easily after my first baby (vaginal delivery) but will probably have to have a C-section for my second and was selfishly thinking of the tummy pooch as another reason I’m dreading it.
It could also be that second births are just more difficult to recover from than first births, regardless of mode of delivery, because your abdominal muscles are all stretched out from the first pregnancy.
NewMomAnon says
So, I am close to my pre-pregnancy weight but most of my pre-pregnancy pants still don’t fit because my hips spread. I think at this point, I can consider it a permanent change. My rib cage also spread, so some of my closer-fitting shirts and undergarments also don’t fit.
Also consider – at this point, most of those clothes are 3 years old (20 months postpartum, 10 months of pregnancy). So maybe it’s time to buy some new ones that don’t make you feel bad about yourself?
AnonMN says
I think it’s a second baby thing rather than a C-section v VBAC thing. I’ve had V for both, bounced back with my first. Second, not so much.
Anonymous says
+1
Less time to work out and being older mean much longer bounce back time after #2.
Ally McBeal says
Also, I really think your body just doesn’t respond the same way. It’s like the muscles know what it’s like to be stretched out, and don’t bounce any more.
K. says
You might also look into whether you have diastasis recti. This is a separation in your abs that doesn’t heal back after pregnancy. That can contribute to a pooch and can be helped with physical therapy. I’ve also strengthened my core a lot by using programs like Mutu or Restore Your Core. They are pricey, but have been helpful.
MDMom says
My first is 16 months and I still have a bit of a stomach pooch. I had mild diastasis which is almost completely resolved but not quite the same as before. I have been working out though not as often as I’d like. I think I’m still up 4-5 lb but not sure because I don’t weigh myself. Also I’ve been gaining muscle so I don’t think I have that much more fat than I did before. I don’t diet, but have always eaten pretty decently.
1. Find something physical to do that you like. I lift weights and it really helps me feel good about my body. I don’t do it as often as I’d like but I try. I also like walking outside. A friend of mine plays in a rec volleyball league. Do whatever you will look forward to, ie is not some kind of torturous cardio/mommy boot camp weight loss focused thing that you have to bribe yourself to do- that may work better/faster for weight loss but it doesn’t help boost your relationship with your body in the same way, in my experience.
2. Buy bigger pants. It hurts at first but then it helps so much not to be squeezing into your pants. And you will have less “muffin top” if your pants fit. Sounds like maybe you are similar to me and will basically go from a 0-2 to a 2-4. This is not a big deal. It feels like it, but it’s not. I can technically button my old pants, but I shouldn’t.
3. Reevaluate other outfits that emphasize the pooch. I used to like clingier tops, now everything is loose and flowy. I actually like this style change in general so no problem here, and it makes me feel way less self conscious.
OP says
Thanks everyone for making me feel better. :)
In House Counsel says
I could’ve written this post too! my 2nd is 21 months and I’ve only started working out since he was about 17 months trying to aim for 3-4x a week and found that the weight is coming off much more SLOWLY this time around vs my daughter where I lost most of the weight by her 1st bday. And my rib cage is bigger after this 2nd pregnancy so some of my old tops even after weight loss still don’t fit correctly.
I did get a bra fitting to help and sized up so that things skim but don’t hug. And continue to work out in order to feel better for myself and set a good example and not worry about having the pre-baby body but just embrace having a new healthier body!
Girl envy says
The discussion yesterday about wanting a third got me thinking: anyone feel sad about not having a girl? I have two beautiful boys whom I adore, but I grew up in a family of women only, and I always thought I would have a girl to bond with. We are contemplating having a third, but of course there is no guarantee we would have a girl.
Part of why I feel sad is that I am not close with my MIL and I can honestly say I don’t have a single girlfriend who is. I’m worried this would happen if and when my boys get married.
Anyhoo, first world problems I know, but I do think about it from time to time.
SC says
I sometimes feel sad about not having a girl. There are times when I want to buy cute little-girl things, or have certain mother-daughter experiences, or just know that I’ve raised a kick-a** independent young woman. But I remind myself that if I had another child, there is only a 50% chance of that child being a girl. And if I had a girl, she would be completely her own person and might not want girly clothes or my idea of mother-daughter experiences, and really there are no guarantees that she’ll become a kick-a** woman or that she’ll even like me that much. In fact, you could have a biologically female child who identifies as a boy. So I know having another child is not the right decision for me until I’m ready to accept and love and bond with any child.
FWIW, I’m pretty close with my MIL and DH’s step-mother. Obviously, it’s not the same relationship that I have with my own mom. But we live in the same area as DH’s family, and I see both of them more regularly. From the DIL side of it, the key to being close with your DIL is just acceptance and treating them like one of the family because your son loves her. It’s pretty basic, really, but so many parents seem to miss the mark on this.
NewMomAnon says
I was really close to my MIL until the marriage ended; she was very supportive (she came out to cheer me on during a 5K when it was only 30 degrees outside), made it a point to be around whenever I asked, was interested in my life, and really welcomed me.
And I am not at all close to my mom, because she does none of those things for me. She is my brother’s biggest cheerleader, and he would walk through fire for her and stays very close.
So…I think it’s about how you raise your boys and how you treat their future spouses (who could also be boys).
Anonymous says
Of course there is no guarantee your boys will like girls and/or that they will eventually marry, but odds are at least one of them will marry a woman, and I second NewMomAnon’s comments that your relationship with your future DIL really depends on how you treat her. Most women I know wish they had closer relationships with their MILs, but feel like their MILs are judgmental or think they aren’t good enough for her son. If you make a lot of effort to welcome your DIL into the family and don’t nitpick over every single thing she does, you’ll probably have a very good relationship. If you REALLY crave a mother-daughter relationship with your DIL, be ready and willing to relocate to your son and DIL’s area when they have children, if that’s something they would be happy about. I have a couple of friends who are as close or closer with their MIL than they are with their own moms, because the in-laws relocated to live near them and their own parents didn’t.
Anonymous says
This so much. I literally had to do therapy to accept that my MIL would always view me as the person who ‘took away her son’ because the model I had was my mom who was super close with my grandmother (her MIL). Like they used to take trips together just the two of them.
I have a daughter and I look forward to welcoming future DIL into our family.
Anon says
I agree with this so much. It’s something I think about a lot, and our family sort of adopts people into our family. I’m hopeful that this culture of open acceptance will help us when our kids bring their spouses home.
Also, I really agree with the willingness to move. If we don’t have 3, we joke that we’ll buy condos near our grown children with the funds we would have used to put hypothetical kid through college. I do think that proximity makes a big difference. I really enjoy my in-laws, but they live a plane ride away. If we were closer, I know the relationship with my kids would be much stronger.
Anon says
I am the OP of the 3rd child post yesterday (which I read all the responses late last night, and they all really resonated – I even had a dream that I had a newborn! Then, I woke up after 8 hrs of uninterrupted sleep, and re-thought the whooooole crazy idea, ha!).
I have two boys, and I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t part of the decision. To be clear, my husband and I both agreed that we wouldn’t have a 3rd if we felt like we wanted to “try for a girl.” That’s not fair to the 3rd kid. We would both love to have a girl, though. I always envisioned raising a strong, tough girl, as I’m from a big family of (lots of) matriarchs (so is my husband). Also, I’m extremely close to my (very supportive, loving) parents. Even though they do not live close, they’ve been there for the birth of my kids, and been a huge part of my children’s lives. My MIL, not so much. Sometimes I look at my two boys and mourn a relationship with my adult children, which is objectively crazy. Anecdotally, though, most of my close friends have very good relationships with their MILs, but none are as close to their MIL as they are to their own families. None of the families in law have the same relationship with their children as their own families do. This dynamic is present with my own brother, who has a great relationship with my parents. His kids, though, are much closer to his in-laws.
Of course, I know there is no way to guarantee that a daughter will be close to you when she grows up, or if she wants or can have a family. so, I guess I love the idea of adding another child and constantly reinforcing how important siblings are while you are raising them. So adding “volume” to our family and hoping that they get the message when they are older? My husband jokes that I’m trying to play the numbers game, and trying to increase the odds that SOMEONE will be close to you when they are older? He might not be wrong, there…
JTX says
I am in this exact situation. Husband wants to try for a third, but I feel like I already have a very tenuous grip on my sanity. I love, love, love having boys, but I would also like the opportunity to parent a girl.
That being said, I am closer to my mother-in-law than I am to my mother, for a variety of reasons.
JayJay says
Another vent. My husband has been traveling for work every week (M-F mostly) for the past six weeks. So, it’s just been me and my two kids (4 and 3 yr old boys), and me working my in-house job AND filling in for a C-suite position on an interim basis while the company hires a new executive. (This totally outs me if anyone I know reads this. Hi!).
I. Am. So. Tired.
I can’t hold it against my husband because he really does need to travel for work and he would do the same for me. But sometimes it just sucks, you know? And I’m at the point where I feel like all I do with my kids when I get them home at night is make some perfunctory dinner and yell at them to brush their teeth and take a bath. So much guilt. I know others have it so much worse, but venting to my husband makes him feel awful, so I guess I need to do it here.
Legally Brunette says
You’re doing so much. Do you have any help? In your shoes, I would hire a mother’s helper from 5 – 8 pm every day who can help you with dinner, bath, bedtime, dishes, etc. Heck, my husband doesn’t travel all that much and we still have a mother’s helper who does this 4 days a week.
I would also consider doing a bath only every other day, getting take out or just making simple grilled cheese, etc. Don’t make it harder than it needs to be. Hang in there. Hugs.
Betty says
I know it probably feels like you are drowning, but it sounds like you are an absolute rockstar right now. It does suck, but you are doing it and making it through. Is your husband’s travel going to continue? Any light at the end of the tunnel?
Either way, I would take a few steps: (1) like Legally Brunette said, can you get any help in the evening or otherwise? (2) Lower your standards absolutely everywhere that you can and get rest anytime you can. This is a time for paper plates, pre-made meals and outsourcing whatever you can (cleaning, laundry, meals, etc.). Go to bed when they do once or twice a week. (3) Can you take a recovery weekend? Check into a local hotel for a Friday or Saturday night, sleep, and get a message the next morning. Take 24 hours to yourself. It sounds like a luxury, but after this sprint turned marathon, you absolutely need time to recuperate. You are managing a huge amount and doing great.
Meg Murry says
+1 to light at the end of the tunnel. Does the travel marathon have an end date (and is it soon?) Or is it indefinite or the kind of thing where your husband doesn’t know he needs to go until the last minute and this is just an unfortunate series of back to back last minute?
If you have an end date, then hopefully you can put your head down and power through – although if you have the option to call in extra help (babysitters, family friends, neighbors, famil, etc) by all means do so for the sake of your own sanity.
If this is going to go on for a while, it’s time to get more of a Plan B/backup second adult for your sanity. If you can’t hire a full out babysitter, could you hire a teenager to come be a mother’s helper and play with the kids? Or could you hire someone to grocery shop or make dinner (or the kids lunches if you have to pack them) or do laundry?
Also, no shame in the things Betty mentioned (paper plates, the hot foods bar from the grocery store for supper, cereal/PB&J/oatmeal/hummus and veggies for supper, etc). I’m not proud of this but I reached the point where I ordered everyone in the house new socks and underwear from Amazon Prime during a stressful time so I didn’t have to bother trying to hunt down all the missing ones or spend 20 minutes every morning digging through laundry baskets to find matching pairs for each of us. I also reached a point where I switched the kids to an “all sweatpants/gym shorts” wardrobe that served as both pajamas and clothes to wear to daycare.
Doing the work of 2 high level positions = rock star
Solo parenting for 6 weeks without killing anyone = rock star
Both = recipe for burnt out rock star. Do what you can to get through this and try to lose the guilt – this will be a tiny blip in your children’s long term memories.
JayJay says
He usually travels 1 week per month, so this has been an unfortunate string of travel that’s back to back. We leave for a family vacation the first week in October, and then I start traveling for work some, so I’m hopeful things slow down after that.
Not going to lie, I’m irrationally excited about my work travel and sleeping in a quiet hotel room.
Thanks for the advice everyone! My kids had toasted waffles with peanut butter on them for dinner last night (and a side of strawberries to make it healthy!). I think I need this weekend to get here quickly.
Huzzah! says
Woman, I hear ya!
My husband has been out of town on work for more than two months. I wake up extra early to have five minutes to myself. I have lowered my standards.
You got this. You seriously do. Go get a pedi this weekend and turn off your phone. Heck, get an iced coffee to. Go wild. Vent to me anytime.
J says
Argh. So frustrated. My kids start pre-school tomorrow but my son needs to see a specialist for a non-contagious rash and the ONLY appointment time they have is the exact same hour as school. For some reason this is making me sit in the office and cry – I had no illusions of perfection and am not even doing drop off myself – but I hate that he’s missing the first day and that his sister will have to go alone (twins). I know it’s not a huge deal, but it’s sad. Probably more indicative at my current frustrations balancing seemingly a million different projects at work plus upcoming travel and kid-related commitments.
My husband is being maddeningly reasonable about the whole thing, which of course is extra infuriating. sigh
MDMom says
Could you hold out the sister too so they could at least start together? Seems like maybe thatd the bigger source of sadness than missing day 1?
Anonymous says
I have twins and I’d take both to the medical appointment and start them together later that day or the next day.
new to formula says
I am switching my baby to formula at 6 months and I am wondering . . .
– Do you mix your formula with distilled water or regular tap water? I’m confused about whether I should be more concerned with the risk of tooth decay or the risk of fluorosis?
– How do I prevent all of her clothes from getting stained? My baby spits up after every feeding but her breastmilk spit-up never stained her clothes.
– How do I know how big of bottles to feed her? Coming from EBF, I never had to think much about volume. I started giving her 8 oz. bottles of formula and she chugs the whole thing, but I’m wondering now if that is too much and maybe making her spit up more? Do babies stop eating when they are full or is it a possibility that she is chugging the whole bottle just because it’s delicious?
JayJay says
I made the switch around that time for my firstborn. I always just used tap water and our pediatrician never expressed concern about the fluoride in there. I never had any problems with formula stains, if I remember correctly. My second was a crazy spitter-upper and his clothes would have been irreparably damaged if formula had stained them permanently.
As for how much, it was always a guessing game for me to see how much my kids wanted in a bottle at first. My doc always told me that babies will tell us how much they want to eat the first year of their lives.
D. Meagle says
I mixed formula with regular bottled water (not distilled), mostly because of the convenience factor – we kept a big jug on the counter so it was always room temperature (no need to heat the bottle) and we could take bottled water with us when we were out of the house. Unless the baby is falling asleep with formula (and later milk) in its mouth, not a whole lot of concern over tooth decay.
No real solution to preventing stains other than trying to wash out the spit-up as soon as it happens. My kids either dribbled (so a quick wipe was sufficient) or spewed (necessitating outfit changes for everyone; would just rinse off clothes in the sink.)
One of my kids was a grazer, so never finished any bottle in one sitting, the other one chugged as much as we provided; for the consistently “good eater,” 8oz bottles were the norm by 6 months.
CLMom says
I use tap water, usually run through a Brita filter, but sometimes not.
I’ve never had a single outfit stained by formula (I’m using Baby’s Only).
I suggest starting closer to 4 ounces than 8 ounces. My 10.5 month old could drink 8 ounces, but I usually give her between 6-7 ounces, which (judging from previous threads) is on the high side for one sitting.
My baby will eat and eat and then just throw up afterwards. So, no, not all babies will stop when they are full.
If you have the opportunity to weigh her before and after a breast milk feeding, you could measure how much she is getting and work from there. It will be trial and error at first, but you know your baby. Follow her cues.
CPA Lady says
1. Babies stop eating when they are full.
2. Shout (the stain treater in a spray bottle) is AMAZING. My kid is a messy toddler who eats real food and Shout has rescued a lot of her clothes. If you are totally on the ball, you will spray the clothes as soon as they come off your kid and just put them in the hamper like that. If you are not on the ball (like me) you can just spray them before you put them in the washing machine.
mascot says
For stains, we kept the Dreft stain remover everywhere – in the diaper bag, by the laundry basket, etc- and pre-treated even if we weren’t doing laundry for a few days. I’m not sure if it was the stain remover or the fact that we were really diligent about pre-treating stains while they were still fresh. Either way, the clothes looked pretty good. Also, we used bibs/burp clothes a lot and those took the brunt of the mess.
Anonymous says
My uncle is a dentist and whole-heartedly recommended that we use tap water for our kiddo’s formula. Our tap water is fluroinated. I kept a brita pitcher on the counter so that the water was room temperature. You didn’t ask, but definitely try to get kiddo to take the formula at room temperature: it makes it so much more convenient!
Frozen Peach says
Also just a plug for mixing with pumped BM if you have it– our kiddo rejected straight formula but responded extremely well to mixing. Some sources say not to do it, and we tore our hair out until our doctor was like, uh, that’s silly, of course you can mix as long as you’re making sure she’s getting enough!
SC says
My 16-month-old has for the past 3 nights thrown horrible tantrums during dinner. He’s never been upset about meals or being in his high chair before. He is still happily eating breakfast in his high chair, and his daycare teacher says that he’s happily eating snacks and lunch at daycare. But, for the past 3 nights, he’s been in his chair, seemingly fine, taken a bite of food, and started howling and crying and reaching for me to pick him up. He calms down after about 2 minutes, takes another bite of food, and howls again. On Monday, we thought something was wrong, like he had something stuck in his throat or something like that, or maybe that he didn’t like one particular food. On Tuesday and Wednesday, I fed him bland and easy-to-chew foods that I know he likes, same result. He’s actually eating a decent amount, because he keeps going back for more–it’s just that he then acts like that food was a complete betrayal. He’s not talking yet, and I’m not exactly sure why he’s so upset about dinner all of a sudden.
Is this just a phase? If so, any tips for dealing with the tantrums? Last night, I just left the room for 5 minutes so I didn’t go crazy, then returned and let him down, and he was happy the rest of the night. I usually give him dinner as soon as we get home, but would it help to change up the routine and do bath time first to allow him some time to decompress and maybe get hungrier?
Anonymous says
I vote just a phase. He also sounds like he may be tired, since this happens in the evening and he’s eating normally throughout the rest of the day. Could you move dinner earlier? Has his sleep pattern changed?
SC says
I give him dinner within 5 minutes of walking in the door, at 5:30, so I can’t move it earlier. He definitely WAS tired Tuesday night because he skipped his nap, so I figured his meltdown was related to that. But yesterday he took a great nap at daycare and was really happy before and after dinner.
His sleep pattern has changed since he started daycare last month, mainly shorter naps at daycare (2 hours) than he was getting at home (3 hours). I pick him up at 5:15, give him dinner around 5:30, give him a bath around 6:00, and put him in bed between 6:30 and 7:00, depending on several factors. He wakes up between 6:30 and 7 am. I’m not really sure how he could get more sleep even if he needs it.
grey falcon says
Phase. Or at least, I am hoping this is the case for my own sake. +1 on the possibly he is tired front. When this happens for a few days in a row (because it takes me that long to remember, every dam* time) moving dinner 15 minutes earlier often goes a long way toward a happier outcome for everyone.
SC says
Hmmm. I’ll try to pick him up 15 minutes early today and test this theory. It’s tough getting to pickup by 5:00 though.
Another R says
Ask daycare to feed him a snack right at the end of the day. Or give him a small snack to eat on your way home.
SC says
They give all the kids graham crackers shortly after 5:00, or right before I pick him up. I’ve been wondering if that was part of the problem, but it was fine for the first 3 weeks.
MDMom says
Agree. Also, I think my 16 month old does better on days when he has a little 5 pm snack at daycare before I pick him up. I think the combo of tiredness plus hunger makes him kind of crazy.
shortperson says
maybe he’s getting too big for his high chair and he’s uncomfortable? we switched to a tripp trapp around this age.
Frozen Peach says
Sounds like teething to me— the biting, uncontrollable crying, followed by calm, rinse, repeat, has always meant our kid is cutting a tooth and so eating is painful. Just another thing to keep in mind.
Samantha says
+1 to this. Teething or throat pain (sometimes pain while swallowing is my – or my kid’s – first symptom of a full-on cold and cough) is my guess.
SC says
He has all his teeth except his second year molars and has for months. Can he still be teething? We thought throat pain when this happened on Monday, but why would it only bother him at dinner time?
Also, re: shortperson’s comment, it might be his chair. We were thinking he might not like being strapped in, since he sits in chairs at daycare, but it might be getting uncomfortable for him. He’s fine in the same chair at breakfast though.
Anonymama says
I think often teething pain is tolerable for kids during the day because they are so busy, lots going on at daycare, and then by evening time they are tired, gums are more sore, and there is less going on so they notice the teething pain more. Try giving him some motrin before you feed him and see if it helps?
Katala says
I was going to say teething. Could be he just can’t handle pain at the end of a long day that he powered through earlier. Also my kiddo seems to have more pain from teething at night for some reason – not during meals (yet) but he’s fine all day then up crying 2 nights in a row, then hello molar!
AwayEmily says
I could use some help from more experienced parents about early wakeups…so, my 5.5 month-old had been sleeping through the night (~11.5 hours) since she was two months old, but three weeks ago she started waking up at 4:22am (she goes to bed at 6:15pm, which means she’s now only sleeping for a little over 10 hours). And she has continued to wake up at 4:22am every. single. morning. since. Like, to the minute.
Unfortunately we can’t really move the bedtime later because of her annoying daycare nap schedule (they have the kids sleep from 1 – 3, which means she won’t take an afternoon nap, which means an early bedtime). I’m fine with even a 5am wakeup, though the 5:30 – 6 range would be ideal.
She obviously needs more sleep — she wakes up tired and goes back to bed about an hour later. We’ve tried CIO (how we sleep trained her initially, so we’re fine with that), but only for about 30 minutes (until 5am). Maybe we should let her cry for longer? I don’t think she’s waking from hunger since she doesn’t cry much if we leave her be — just intermittent squawking.
Any ideas are welcome! THANK YOU.
GCA says
Daycare 1-nap schedule is a toddler schedule, not an infant schedule. 5.5 months seems awfully young to be doing 1-3, and they should know most infants can’t cope with that. No wonder she’s tired! Poor kiddo! Would they have some flexibility in putting her down for 2 x 1.5h naps during the day?
AwayEmily says
Should have been more specific — she has a morning nap at daycare, too – from about 9:30 to 10:30 (she’s also taking a 6am – 7am nap at home before we bring her to school). I totally agree that even two naps a day is not ideal for her age, though I’m sympathetic to their scheduling needs, and I think 2 naps will be enough when she gets to 7 months or so.
CLMom says
My excellent sleeper (similar to yours) had a rough patch around that age. I don’t think it lasted more than two weeks. And, she still sleeps like a champ.
Do the sprinklers come on at 4:22am? Perhaps it’s explained by something like that…
PhilanthropyGirl says
Yes – mine too. I also had an excellent sleeper with a near identical sleep schedule (6:15 – 6:15). I think he was reaching the end of a sleep cycle at that 4:30 time and was waking more fully than he he did when he was younger. He did eventually get through it (don’t remember how long it took). I would go in, no lights, etc…. calm down any crying, then put him back in bed. Turn on the sleep sheep sound machine in a routine similar to bedtime. We had a few days of modified CIO as he learned to get himself back to sleep.
CLMom says
We also use a white noise machine.
Spirograph says
So, no advice on getting kiddo back to sleeping through the night, but when mine started doing 4:30am wakeups, I’d nurse him/her back to sleep and then go to the gym when it opened at 5. It made me at least feel productive with my interrupted sleep, and less resentful of the baby. (I don’t fall asleep again easily at that time of morning, so it was all just wasted restlessness otherwise)
Anonymous says
I would try to leave her to fall back asleep when she wakes up at 4:22. Easier than it sounds I know.
A sleep consultant told me that when you give an early nap to compensate for an early wake up, you are giving the baby no reason to sleep in later. Why sleep till 6 if you know that you’re going to get a nap at 6? It will be rough but I would (a) leave her when she wakes (assuming you don’t think anything is wrong) and (b) don’t give her a nap before daycare.
AwayEmily says
yeah, I think this is probably the right call, as much as it will suck to implement. I do worry about what happens if she *doesn’t* fall back asleep by, say, 5:30…I eventually have go in and get her, right? So in that case does she just learn that if she cries for an hour, someone will come? Sleep training at night is so much easier…
Anonymous says
Given the super specific wake up time, is there something new going on that wakes her up? Neighbor leaving and car door slamming? Garbage truck with a new route? If it’s an external noise waking her up, a white noise machine might help muffle it.
Otherwise, if you’re still nursing and she’s still tired, I’d just take her in bed and let her nurse and sleep for another hour/two.
Meg Murry says
Yup, since its to the minute I’m guessing there is an external noise aspect to it. Does her bedroom share a wall with a neighbor that perhaps has an alarm clock? Has the weather shifted enough that you have windows open that weren’t before 3 weeks ago? We discovered at our old house that the 2 crack of dawn noises were: garbage trucks banging dumpsters at the hospital across the street every single day at 4:30 am, and a programmable thermostat that we had set for an hour before our alarms went off that caused the heat to kick on with a loud “whoosh, bang, clank clank clank”. Running a window AC unit or large box fan helped deaden the noise, so it generally woke H or I more than the kids.
It’s possible this 4:22 noise always existed but for whatever reason it’s only now waking her. Is she really awake and wailing, or is she just fussing? Does it escalate or would she fuss herself back to sleep?
GCA says
Sleeping like cr*p:
This morning I am feeling irrationally enraged about people who post on Facebook that their babies slept through the night, like it was something they did. Being up 5 times last night != rational thinking.
I’m allowed to tell myself my 16mo is a sh*t sleeper because he’s a genius, right? (He typically wakes up 1-3x, 5x is highly unusual, and we live in too small of a space to sleep train. But he hasn’t slept through the night even once.)
Someone please tell me they sleep through the night eventually. No question, just a rant.
CLMom says
He is a genius, and he will eventually sleep through the night.
(don’t respond the thread above yours)
CLMom says
*read, not respond
GCA says
Hahaha! No kidding :) I may also be PMSing and thus irrationally stabby.
Wow says
I truly urge you to set up a phone consulation with Dr. Erin Evans, a sleep consultant based out of Boston. All of her consults are over the phone, so your location is irrelvant. She has been enormously helpful in getting our kids to sleep well. Even if you can’t sleep train, she can be helpful with other recommendations (and if you wanted to sleep train you could, you could put a travel crib in the bathroom which I know some parents have done).
https://childsleepscience.wordpress.com/
Getting up even once during the night for a 16 month old is not normal and anything more than that is not sustainable long-term. You, your husband, and your child are all exhausted. You need some professional assistance ASAP.
Two Cents says
I would echo the sentiment that you should try whatever you can to help your child sleep through the night. Read Healthy Habits Happy Child (or something like that) by Dr. Weissbluth. Reading that book really hit home for me on how crucial sleep is for young children, in terms of developing their temperament, IQ, intelligence, etc. Even “bad” sleepers can significantly improve with the right training.
I would start out reading that book and implementing some of the techniques (consistent bedtime routine, child in his own crib, etc.). Do you have a closet where his crib or even a pack and play would fit? If so, you can try and sleep train that way. Or as Wow said, there is always the bathroom (I have a surprising number of friends who live in small places and have put a travel crib in the bathroom to sleep train).
Good luck! What you’re doing now is so exhausting. I think you can correct this but you need to nip this in the bud.
Anonymous says
??? It’s totally normal for a 16 month old to wake up once in 12 hours – they teethe, have nightmares, have a cold/stuffy nose, etc, just like the rest of us humans and occasionally wake at night. 5 times a night/every night is obviously a problem but don’t make the OP feel like her 16 month old isn’t ‘normal’ because he wakes once a night.
Wow says
I shouldn’t have used the word normal, I should have said it’s atypical. I’m not making this stuff up. If you read leading sleep consultants like Ferber, Weissbluth, etc., the majority of children should be able to sleep 12 hours straight without waking by the time they are 1 year (or maybe even earlier). Not all children, of course, but most are. Waking up multiple times as a 16 month old is very atypical and tremendously exhausting for everyone involved, which is why I urged her to consult an expert.
Anonymous says
Except the American Society of Pediatricians actually says waking multiple times is not ‘atyptical’ it’s perfectly normal. I’ll believe them over Ferber/Weissbluth trying to sell me a book.
“Beginning in the second half of the first year, separation anxiety can cause many nights with disrupted sleep. During this stage (which can last for several months), a child may wake several times and cry anxiously for one or both parents, often expressing a strong preference for one.
This is a normal stage in children’s emotional development and needs to be managed with a loving and consistent approach. Separation anxiety usually fades away somewhere around the second birthday. Until it does, your child may need reassurance several times night after night.” https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/sleep/Pages/Separation-Anxiety-and-Sleeping.aspx
AnonMN says
+1 to anonymous at 12:40, I’m pretty sure American sleep books are the only sources that tell us night wake ups aren’t normal at this age.
Betty says
Agreed. Totally and typical normal for a 16 month old to wake up once, if not many more times a night. And if by chance you are BFing, the wake ups continue for a long while. It is tiring, exhausting, frustrating, etc. and for some kid/parent combinations, the Ferber/Weissbluth works for them, but for many kid/parent combinations, it just doesn’t work or isn’t what they want. Whatever works.
NewMomAnon says
Ugh, who are you people? I’m sure you mean well, but this comes off as mom-shaming. I suspect you were blessed with decent sleepers who maybe needed a little help, and don’t really understand the struggle that is an easily-stimulated, active child. For moms who have difficult sleepers, those books are painful to read. I know my daughter needs sleep. Seriously, I know. But I haven’t found the “off” switch yet on my kiddo, so stop badgering me and my fellow sleep-deprived parents with your “facts.”
GCA says
+1 million i love you NewMomAnon
EB0220 says
Yeah, my new mom self read two pages of Weissbluth and threw it out.
K. says
We have a 25-month-old who we haven’t done any sleep training with. We do cosleep with her. But, she has slept through the night about 3 times now. I know…nothing major. But, now she only ever wakes up once in the night for a drink of water and then goes right back to sleep. Things are much improved now over when she was 16 months old and hasn’t taken any work on our part–she’s just gotten better as she got older.
NewMomAnon says
If cr*p sleeping makes a kid a genius, then my kiddo is gonna graduate from college at age 5. Sleep comes and goes in waves; we’ve had months of sleeping through the night, and now we’ve had months of multiple nightly wake ups. At least now all I have to do is replace her covers and we both go back to sleep; I used to have to rock her back to sleep every single time and nearly lost my mind.
I sleep trained while living in an 800 sq ft apartment; how small is “too small to sleep train”? Most of the crying happened before 10 pm, so I just figured – neighbors will have to deal with it. It will make everything better for all of us in the long run.
GCA says
400 sqft apartment! We tried once before, around 8 months – it was a complete fail. He actually goes to sleep on his own after bathtime – it’s the middle of the night wakeups that we are dealing with.
Anonymous says
Is he hungry or teething?
I found when my toddler was having a growth spurt, he’d wake more at night because he was hungry. Is he getting 3 meals and 2 snacks/day? Maybe an extra bottle of milk before bed? If you think it’s teething, you could try advil to take the edge off the pain overnight.
AIMS says
So something helpful to remember: no one complains about shitty sleepers who are 13, right? It will stop eventually. I used to crawl into bed with my parents all the time until I was 10 or 11 and then I just stopped. You’ll be fine.
That said, I will offer what my pediatrician said when I told her I couldn’t do anything about baby waking up because we were all sleeping in the same room: she said if it works for you, fine; if it doesn’t, pick a week when you can afford to be even more exhausted at work, hang a sheet from the ceiling around the crib so baby can’t see you and let her learn to soothe herself back to sleep.
Anonymous says
My mom’s answer to everything is : there are v very few developmentally normal kids going into middle school who can’t use the bathroom alone / don’t sleep through the night / still suck their thumb / bite / whatever. Whatever the problem is, kiddo will outgrow it. Not that it helps you get any more sleep right now, but it must get better!
Betty says
At 16 mos., my oldest was up many times each night. I don’t even remember how many because I was so exhausted, and everything from that time period was such a blur. By that point, the cumulative effects of sleep deprivation had me exhausted, rage-y and ready to throttle those whose toddlers went down easily and slept 12 hours each night. Little dude is now 5 and goes to bed with a kiss on the forehead and sleeps through the loudest of noises (i.e. his 3 year old sister who talks/yells in her sleep at all of us who have wronged her by eating all the grapes — that was last night’s midnight rage in her sleep). I never thought he would sleep through the night. He does. Now if only I could get the three year old to stop talking/yelling in her sleep.
AnonMN says
From someone who had an amazing sleeper the first time (up until we took his pacifier away at 2.5), and now has a terrible sleeper (my 7 month old requires a person, namely me, next to him for his night time sleep and he wakes up every 2-3 hours to nurse, we tried to have my hubby rock him instead of him nursing, which turns into rageful screaming until I have had enough and just nurse him. He also only takes 30 minutes naps at daycare), I think it is all just genetics and the braggers can eat something that would catch the mod filters so I won’t say it, haha. We have done EVERYTHING the same. My second is just sensitive to all the things, and, well, a different person. So here we are, tired, haha.
GCA says
Preach! And wishing you all the sleepy dust.
AwayEmily says
aw man I feel bad about accidentally posting about my relatively-good-sleeping-baby right above you. FWIW I agree it’s a total crapshoot whether you’re dealt a good sleeper and parents who brag about their kids’ sleep are monsters. Also your son sounds brilliant!
Another R says
+1 on the sleep training recommendations with the help of a consultant. There are various different methods and I’m sure one will work in your space and with your personal parenting beliefs. Every sleep trainer I know of does sessions over the phone or skype so it really doesn’t matter where you are. The one I used with my kids was within 10 miles of me but it could have been 1,000 because it was all via phone and email. Sleep is so important for everyone, find someone who can help you! I know this seems like a huge effort when you’re as tired as I assume you are, but you can do this and it will make everything so much better!
Oh yes says
+1 Yes to a sleep consultant. Ours was enormously helpful. If your child was usually a pretty good sleeper and was just going through a rough patch, that would be a bit different. But sounds like your child has never been a good sleeper, in which case a consultant can be quite helpful.
MDMom says
Sorry. 1- Kiddo will eventually sleep. 2- I don’t think consulting with a sleep trainer is a bad idea. A colleague of mine used one with pretty good results, though his kid was and remains a comparatively crappy sleeper. 3- Have you read the Honest Toddler blog? I don’t think it’s updated anymore, but the posts on nighttime shenanigans are some of the funniest and really it helps just to laugh sometimes.
Editrix says
I have been in your shoes, and yes, it does get better. My son was an awful, awful sleeper and my husband worked overnights so the wakeups were all me. I did some light sleep training (to limit nighttime nursing and to get him to fall asleep on his own v nursing to sleep) but for the most part I just waited it out, and took naps whenever I could. And a bit after he turned 2, he just started sleeping through the night. I don’t know what did it — it was around the time he stopped napping, though I can’t remember which came first. And since then (he’s 6 now) he has slept through the night, almost every single night. I can count on two hands the number of times he’s woken up in 4 years.
As I’m typing this I realize you may be focusing on the fact that he didn’t sleep through until he was 2. But he did sleep through, and it wasn’t anything I did. Your little one will too!
As for resources — I hate Weissbluth with the fire of a thousand suns. The only way that book would help anyone sleep is if you threw it at their head and knocked them out. So dense, even if you’re not sleep-deprived! I do like Ferber, even if you don’t plan to sleep train and just want some info on sleep science; it is much more digestible. I also liked Good Night, Sleep Tight. Elizabeth Pantley’s books have some ideas to try, but it’s very much “pick what works for you and see if it helps,” not “here is a program to follow to the letter.”
Bottom line, it is normal for kids to wake up. We all wake up — it’s just that adults aren’t scared when they wake up, and they go back to sleep easily. Kids have to learn how to do that. Some learn it quickly, some don’t. This will not last forever — you will sleep again, I promise. Hang in there.
Pumping says
Update from yesterday: my boss walked in on me pumping and immediately had a lock put on the door. So that’s a win I guess? Still doesn’t help with the scheduling issues but one step at a time I guess.
ChiLaw says
UGH. It sucks that that happened, but at least this last invasion will be *the* last invasion. Yay lock!
HSAL says
Haha, I’m so glad we got this update.
Bra Help says
Sorry if this is a weird question – I’m late in my second trimester and just need some larger bras to get me through the next few months. Any of you wonderful women have recommendations for inexpensive bras you’ve liked? Maybe under $30 or even $40? Target? Gap? Other?
mascot says
Department stores (there is always a sale somewhere) will probably be your best bet. If you just need some extra room in the band, but not the cup, try a band extender.
Anonymous says
Maybe get a nursing bra, since chances are it will continue to fit you (or at least fit you at some stage) while you are nursing. My favorite were Anita.
AwayEmily says
Uniqlo’s Wireless Extra Soft bra. $14.95. Amazingly comfortable. May not be great for super large cup sizes, though.
Maddie Ross says
I bought two larger bras (same style as I normally wear – smooth, slightly molded cups, underwire) in a larger size (cup and band) at Target. My late term b**bs are nowhere near as sensitive at the beginning and I hate nursing bras too much to wear any earlier than I need too.
EB0220 says
This is one of the least weird questions I’ve seen on this site. Just so you know!
Anonymous says
When I needed new bras in my pregnancy, I went ahead and got a couple nursing bras and was able to wear them while nursing. I love Anita. You can get them from Amazon.
Due in December says
Help…any ideas for a 8 1/2 month old who is suddenly refusing formula (and/or bottles)?
Baby is usually a voracious eater (breast milk, formula, food). She’s easily and regularly taken bottles since birth, of pumped breastmilk primarily but since 6 months or so, 4-5 bottles of formula a week as a supplement. She’s been taking bottles at daycare since she started at 6 months.
My supply has been dwindling, pumping at work has been increasingly difficult, and I traveled across the country sans baby for a few days earlier this month. I decided it was time to stop pumping. Starting this week, I’ve been breastfeeding once before work and once after work (a half hour before baby goes to bed), but we’ve been sending formula to daycare. She has been refusing formula at daycare and even for her dad at home.
Thoughts? I already feel sad about stopping exclusive breastfeeding (previously because I was sort of mourning the slow end of breastfeeding myself, less because I think it really makes a difference for her)….now I’m worried about hydration for her (less calories as she is eating tons of veggies, fruit, yogurt, etc. and does breastfeed a couple of times a day).
NewMomAnon says
Teething? Have you tried offering water in a straw cup or sippy cup?
mascot says
Along those lines, how are her ears?
Anon in NYC says
I agree, it could be teething. Try water in a straw cup.
rakma says
My niece started seriously refusing bottles at around the same age, (after first refusing to breastfeed anymore) and my sister eventually found that the Munchkin Miracle 360 cup was the only thing she’d drink out of.
If hydration is a concern, would you consider small amounts of water? Assuming your ped is ok with that.
MDMom says
My baby did this a few times. Once, daycare had to feed him by spoon for a week, sometimes just milk and sometimes they’d have to mix in a little bit of cereal (just enough to taste it). Both times this happened he was pretty congested. Daycare suggested congestion or teething and didn’t seem to have a problem with the short term spoon feeding. They had seen it happen before and weren’t too concerned.
Dry diapers? says
So…. my daughter has had longstanding issues with constipation. The pediatrician has her on a low dose of miralax every day, which typically does the trick. This is partially a genetic problem, and partially because she takes a hard-line stance against hydration. The most liquid she drinks is an 8 oz bottle of milk in the morning. I should not be giving her a bottle anymore (she’s about to turn 2), but it’s the only time she drinks enough to be able to give her her medicine. Other than that she just takes a couple of sips of milk or water at meals. The pediatrician said to only give her drinks at meals hoping that she’d be thirsty enough to drink more, but that doesn’t seem to do anything to make her drink a lot.
Yesterday I got her daily sheet from daycare, which lists diaper changes, and the first two diapers of the day were dry. She didn’t have a wet diaper until the afternoon. She usually has at least one dry diaper a day out of the 3-4 that they change. Should I be concerned? I don’t know if the dry diapers are a normal part of her growing physically ready to be able to potty train or if this is something that I should be freaking out about and trying to force her to drink more liquids or *GASP* give her juice or something “bad” so she’d at least drink something. Sometimes she wakes up dry and sometimes her overnight diapers are soaked.
Another R says
The milk itself could be causing the constipation. Will she drink those 8oz in the morning if it’s water? Watered down milk? I totally understand you wanting her off the bottle. So you could stop bottles cold turkey and expect some about of time for her to acclimate… or you could work on getting more water into her, and then tackle the bottle situation.
Katala says
+1 we had constipation issues around 12 months/starting cow’s milk. We switched him to goat’s milk and the problem is 95% gone.
NewMomAnon says
Will she eat apple sauce or fruits with high water content? I’ve noticed that my daughter sometimes cuts back on fluids when she’s binging on watermelon or cucumber. Applesauce is also another way to get Miralax down (ask me how I know!).
Pear juice is an amazing substance for constipation. When I’ve had to use it, I water it down 50-50 so my kiddo doesn’t get used to super sweet beverages. In your shoes, I would probably offer an 8 oz bottle (or special cup of kiddo’s choosing) of watered down pear juice once a day and make sure kiddo brushes her teeth afterward.
Anon in NYC says
Applesauce constipates my kid, but pear sauce works wonders! Just simmer chopped pears like you would to make applesauce and then blend. It takes maybe 30 minutes.
OP, is your kiddo interested in drinking stuff out of your cups? My daughter loves drinking stuff from mommy’s cup, even stuff that she would flatly reject out of her own cup or a pouch. For instance, this past week she drank maybe a quarter cup of a green smoothie that I had in a juice glass. She likes drinking coconut water out of the same bottle that I’m drinking out of, but when I pour an ounce into her cup she won’t drink it. Perhaps you could tempt her that way?
Just to double down on the coconut water, I find it is great for hydration purposes, but they don’t all taste good. My personal fave (so far) is Harmless Harvest. If you’re near a Whole Foods or some other organic type store, you should be able to find it easily.
Also, I’ve also heard that making water readily available all the time is helpful in getting kids to drink. (Like, you’re playing on the floor in her room and produce a cup and say, “would you like some water? Why don’t you take 2 sips?” and so on). I know this is contrary to what you pediatrician said, but perhaps it’s worth a shot.
NewMomAnon says
I agree – I think my daughter drinks most of her water when she isn’t distracted by the dinner in front of her. My ped recommended milk with meals, water always; I keep a water bottle in the car (and honestly, strewn everywhere in my house), and kiddo drinks a ton of water while on the playground at school. I get where your ped was coming from, but it sounds like a parenting strategy more than a medical edict?
Anonymous says
I’m not a doc, so grains of salt, but I’m scared to give my kids miralax. Google it. There are some studies suggesting scary links to tremors and ticks and things. I can’t remember the details. I don’t want to fear monger, but I also would want to be aware of these if I were you. I would make sure people are offering her water at every possible chance, and maybe start serving her some watered down juice until she gets rehydrated and normalized.
Dry diapers? says
I’m well aware of the tremors as potential side effect. FWIW, my kid has been on miralax for over a year and has not had any tremors. If I take her off it, she doesn’t poop. I have tried everything. Fruits, juices, all the P-fruits, watering down juice, daily prunes, everything. To me, her pooping once a week (what happens when she’s not on miralax) while eating more than I do and being in horrible pain is worse than some potential side effect of miralax. Children’s hospitals that deal with GI conditions have written this as a rebuttal to the miralax studies. Trust me, I’m not thrilled to be giving her this all the time, but it’s better than watching her suffer terribly.
http://www.gicareforkids.com/conditions-we-treat/constipation/miralax-handout.pdf
farrley says
We are in the same boat with our kiddo–Miralax has stopped the extremely painful constipation that had him (and me, sometimes) in tears. Also not thrilled to be using it but chronic constipation can lead to a host of other serious issues. I am curious about the goat’s milk suggestion, though, and may have to give that a try!
NewMomAnon says
Ugh, I now understand why everyone warns against toddler screen time. My daughter watched a bit too much TV and iPad last week, and now turns into a tantruming monster whenever she gets a whiff of screen time. I swear, she actually turns into a different child.
Spirograph says
Omg yes! I thought I was crazy, but I definitely see a screen time – tantrum connection in my 3 year old. Like to the point that TV and iPad are banned as far as I’m concerned (but my husband isn’t quite convinced yet, unfortunately).
dc mom anon says
Yes! I have been trying to introduce my 2 year old to 5-10minutes of sesame street at a time. But that has resulted in huge tantrums and fights over screens. My goal was to make some screen time normal, because if it is taboo she will only want it more. But, that hasn’t worked. I try to give it to her when she is calm and well behaved and not when she is screaming for it. I also sit with her and interact and give her a warning about when it is about to end. Any advice on how to introduce screen time?