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I don’t know about you guys, but I got a lot more into hats after I became a mom (and wish I had during my first pregnancy — I didn’t realize how important sun protection was back then!). Running around outside, pushing a stroller, hanging out at the playground — all of this just put me in the sun a bit more than I’d been before. Hence, the hat — I think of it as a physical protection from the sun, as well as shade for my eyes. The only problem: I’ve found that straw hats are really good for one season only, so every year it’s a new hunt. I like this one from Nordstrom right now — it looks like the perfect go-with-everything solution. Which are your favorite hats right now (or in years past), ladies? August Hat Straw Topper Fedora
(L-2)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
KJ says
Paging CPA Lady: I will contribute to the kickstarter for your non-judgmental baby book! I experienced similar frustration when I decided to wean. Every book, even the non-crunchy Baby 411 book, seemed really focused on deciding when/if to wean and had extended discussions about that. But there was NOTHING on how you actually go about it. I got good advice here and on other websites about dropping pumping sessions and tapering down, but I didn’t find any of that in the “official” literature.
Merabella says
Seriously, I’ll throw some money in too! Hell I’ll even edit for you. I wonder if there are books in other languages – about this that we could translate – because I feel like this judgement thing is a uniquely American thing.
CPA Lady says
I’m actually kind of serious that I’d like to do it. Maybe just a website or something instead of a book. I don’t even know how I would go about doing that though. There is just so much pandemonium and judgment and so little actual information of how specifically to do stuff.
I planned ahead of time to wean to formula at the end of my maternity leave, but once I discovered that I liked nursing, I could find hardly any info about how to combo feed. I think my baby book had half of a page out of hundreds of pages about it, and it was all doom and gloom like “if you try to combo feed your milk will dry up”. Uhm, not necessarily always the case.
Famouscait says
I didn’t nurse at all and went straight with formula. I found NO information ahead of time about what I could do immediately after birth to stop milk from coming in and manage discomfort, etc. Nothing at all seemed to talk about my particular situation.
Turns out – the best thing you can do is wear tight sports bras. Thank goodness my mom was staying at my house while I was in the hospital and she could bring me what I had from home. Also, keep water off your chest in the shower. Information like this should be more readily available and I’d be happy to be a par tof making that happen!
Merabella says
Maybe a facebook group to start? So people can share their tips/tricks of having to deal with combo feeding/exclusively formula feeding/etc?
You could make it a rule of the group that if someone is judgmental the get kicked out. Kind of like the Longest Shortest Time Mama’s FB group – also, if y’all haven’t found this podcast/fb group it is awesome!
rakma says
I’d love to see this CPA! I also had no information about combo feeding, and felt like a guilty failure because DD needed combo feeding/supplementation/whatever from birth due to a bunch of different things, and all the information I could find just made me feel worse.
RDC says
Count me in too! I’m considering switching from EBF to combo feeding and have no idea how to actually do that.
Anonymom says
I combo-fed my twins from the start (and still do, 4 months out). Many if not most mothers of twins do. You are right, there is very little info out there about how to do it; most resources say to talk to your pediatrician. Lots of trial and error for me, plus a session with a lactation consultant who specialized in twins.
mascot says
Cute hat, but I have a hard time find hats for my larger than average head. My son has a big head, too (yes, it did hurt). It’s hard to find hats for him and even some shirt brands won’t go on.
KJ says
I have this same problem, and my baby is still off the percentile chart for head circumference, so I feel your pain. Literally.
NewMomAnon says
If you or someone you know sews, there is a free reversible bucket hat pattern from Oliver + S that you can find online. I made a couple for my kiddo and it’s a challenging beginner sewing pattern. It has a big range of sizes (from 6 months through 7 years, I think?) so you can pick the size that fits your kiddo.
hoola hoopa says
My MIL made bucket hats for our kids. Might have been that pattern, I don’t know, but they are probably all similar. She’s an experienced seamstress and found it quick and easy.
Naturally she chose ugly, bold prints with animals – but the kids LOVE THEM. They call them their “zoo hats”, lol.
They normally won’t wear hats, but they’ll wear these because the prints are so… awesome if you’re 4. So it’s also an idea for y’all who’s kids need the sun cover encouragement. Hooray for tacky hats!
mascot – have you tried men’s hats for yourself?
PregAnon says
I have the opposite problem – tiny head. I wear a 6 5/8 and that is smaller than a “small” in most brands. Very sad because I love hats!
Merabella says
I have made the decision that despite not having my baby yet (I’m at 40w6d), I’m not coming into work tomorrow. I’m tired of my body being the topic of EVERY conversation with coworkers. Our admin today felt the need to tell me how large my feet have gotten, this is the same woman who felt the need to comment on my peeing habits, eating habits and has gone out of her way to come up to my office 2 floors away to check on me each day for the last two weeks – you know just in case… I’m quite proud that I have not made overly snarky remarks to anyone, because I actually quite like my job, and would like to come back. I was just wholly unprepared for how much my body would be thought of as public domain.
POSITA says
I would just take it that their lives are boring. You having a baby is the most exciting thing in their lives!
If you are off tomorrow go find a movie theater with the plush reclining seats that have a footrest. Get a cold beverage and enjoy a movie. I did this at 41 weeks and it was AMAZING. I still dream about it.
Merabella says
This is our plan! My husband is taking tomorrow off too and we are going to go see the Avengers at like 10:30. GLORIOUS! I’m going to be induced on Saturday evening… Let’s not get started on that – it sounds terrifying.
POSITA says
I’m sure you’ve had more than enough advice, but I felt much better about my induction when I realized that I could take some control. I made them start on half the normal dose of pitocin and waited longer between increases to see how my body would respond. I also asked to lower the pitocin dose once my water broke to see if things would proceed more naturally (and they did). Don’t be afraid to own the process–as long as the baby is safe, you should have a say in how you want things to go. If things stall they can just up the dose again. Its not a race. You will know how you feel better than they do and whether you’re done and just want the baby out or if you want to give things more time. They should be willing to discuss options at each step.
Merabella says
Thank you for this. I actually haven’t gotten any practical advice – more like “Sleep now, because you’ll never SLEEP AGAIN!!!” or “Hope you don’t like showers, because that ain’t happening!”
Along with CPA Lady’s non-judgemental breastfeeding book, I’d love a book or pamphlet or anything that actually gives you guidance on what to do. I feel like all birth plan suggestions are for people who want natural childbirth/no drugs.
mascot says
You’ll find a way to do whatever matters the most to you. For me, that was a daily shower, including one as soon as possible after delivery. I also made sure I ate a snack before arriving at the hospital when I went into labor. Inductions may have different rules. Good luck .
POSITA says
I never found a good source on how to manage an induction. There is not much out there. I got most of my info from a birth class. I went into it thinking that until my water broke there was no time limit. Naturally first time mom’s can be in the early stages of labor for days. I started pitocin slowly at zero dilation and figured that if I hadn’t made much progress by the end of the day we could turn it off and try again the next day. The baby was fine so I saw no reason to hurry. The doctors and nurses wanted to be more aggressive, but I’m glad we took it slowly. My water broke naturally a few hours in and I delivered 12 hours later on the lowest dose of pitocin. Experiences can vary wildly, but I was glad we at least tried it my way. If I’d felt nothing on the lowest dose, we would have just upped it. No harm.
Towards the end I did feel some pressure from the nurse to deliver before shift change, but pushed back again. Really, you call the shots as long as everyone is safe. At (almost) any point you can ask for a C-section and they’ll take the baby out. Totally in your court.
Good luck!
Meg Murry says
When I was induced the first time, I was told not to eat for 12 hours before the induction, and the induction went really slowly, so by the time my son was born it was almost 24 hours without food and I was going crazy.
With baby #2 I was scheduled for an induction, so I didn’t eat, then it was rescheduled for the next day so I had a huge breakfast, and then they called and said “want to go back to this afternoon instead?” I was confused and told them I couldn’t because I had eaten, and they said “oh that’s fine, it doesn’t matter” and then they let me continue to at least have ginger ale and gatorade, not just water like at my first hospital.
So ask your doctor about the rules about eating before/during an induction, and again ask the L&D staff – don’t let them starve you if it’s unnecessary.
The thing that drove me craziest about being induced was that I had to be on a monitor the whole time, so I had to stay in or near the bed. I had a really good L&D nurse though for one of the shifts, and she helped me do things like get up on a balance ball next to the bed (so the wires to the monitor still worked) instead of just being stuck in bed for hours and hours.
KJ says
Can this be another section in CPA Lady’s book/website? I had an induction that went *horribly.* And I was not prepared for it at all by my “natural” childbirth classes and reading.
RDC says
(wrong place)
RDC says
Just wanted to say I also had an induction, it also went smoothly and I was really happy with the process. Ask your dr about all the options (beyond pitocin). I had a balloon dialator thing (I’ve apparently blocked the name from my memory) that got me to 6cm before we had to use any drugs. There are lots of ways to manage an induction, and as others said, it’s not a race. You’re in charge, advocate for yourself. Good luck, it will go great! And at the end, you get a baby :)
hoola hoopa says
My third was induced, and it went great. I had heard it was awful, but it was my easiest. I spent the majority of the time doing jigsaw puzzles and sleeping.
I could eat until they gave me my epi. The monitors were wireless and waterproof, so I could still easily walk around and get in the labor tub. (They kept sliding around and needing to be repositioned, but NBD). I didn’t feel like I needed a specific plan of action on controlling the pitocin; I just talked with the labor nurses about what I was feeling and we adjusted as we went.
I’m a huge proponent of ‘go as long as you can, then get an epi when it starts to hurt’. I do suggest pushing with an epi so that you can take your time pushing to reduce tearing.
Burgher says
I had an unplanned induction for my first (infection in my placenta 1 week before my due date) and it was traumatic, but only because I was really sick and I don’t think baby was really ready to come out. If I weren’t so sick, however, I don’t think it would have been so bad. I went a long time before my epidural because they wouldn’t do it until I had so many courses of antibiotics, and I think that helped my labor to progress, so I would second holding off on the epi as long as you can take it.
My 2nd, I had an induction planned at 10 days late and ended up having him naturally the night before – 2 hours after waking up in labor and 13 minutes after being admitted to triage! No chance to do an epi (they couldn’t even change out the bottom of the bed) and the doctor wasn’t even in the room. Funny, first time around I wanted all natural and then begged for the epi and second time around I didn’t have a choice and loved the natural birth experience! TL;DR every birth is different and do whatever you feel like you need to do in that moment!
Momata says
I was induced and found the whole experience very peaceful. Bring earplugs so you can get rest the night before (assuming you’re doing the whole cervadil sleepover). I also second the advice to eat as much as you can before they cut you off. I was frustrated at my lack of mobility once they started the pitocin the next morning. I second the comments to participate in your pitocin levels – personally, I asked them to keep it on a low dose in the morning, but once my water broke after lunch and I got an epidural, I joined team “let’s have this baby today.”
Jen says
I was 9 days late. I gave birth on a Thursday and my doc had me scheduled for induction on that Friday AM. I am from a family of late baby-havers, and was pretty against the idea of induction (I am stubborn and felt like if all the other women in my family made it well into 41/42 weeks….well I would too). My plan was to skip my Friday induction appointment and give it the weekend, since our hospital doesn’t do weekend inductions. Then if still no baby that MOnday, I’d be induced. Luckily, kiddo decided 41w 2d was enough time and she made her entrance natrually….FWIW my labor was fast and a bit painful (til the drugs kicked in), but FAST. On Weds I was 4.5cm dialated. Water broke 2am Thursday and by the time I go to the hospital at 4am I was almost 7cm dialated. Had an epi which apparently slowed things down a bit, but baby was born around 9am and I pushed for I think a max of 4 minutes.
FWIW says
People suck. Period.
Also, when my mother was just about 41 weeks, someone told her that walking would help the baby come. We lived in Brooklyn and she started walking in Prospect Park… several hours later, she called from a payphone. She had walked all the way into Manhattan and then proceeded to walk and walk and walk. The payphone was at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. (According to google, that’s about 10 miles…)
I’ve been told that in France, people generally go out 4 weeks before their due date. I’ll bet a lot fewer coworkers get slapped there, too.
Merabella says
Last night I helped my husband install a ceiling fan… Didn’t do a thing. I am starting to believe these labor inducing things are complete hokum.
Nonny says
Well, FWIW, my baby was officially due on January 6 last year. On New Year’s Day, it was a gorgeous sunny day, so my SO and I went out for a walk (well, as much of one as I could handle), without even the slightest idea of trying to induce anything. I went into labour at 5am the next morning.
Burgher says
My mom was standing on a bucket painting when she went into labor with me. I tried demolishing my kitchen floor, painting, and removing wallpaper and it did not do a dang thing! I think all those anecdotes are purely coincidental.
Carrie M says
That sounds like a great decision! Enjoy the movie!! And who knows….maybe being so relaxed and knowing you’re “done” with work will give the baby the green light to start moving on down! Keep us posted!
anon says
There is no reason that this baby needs to “start moving on down”. You’re just as bad as the people pressuring her in real life. Babies come when they are ready and even considering getting antsy about it before 42 weeks is absurd.
Merabella says
One of the benefits of knowing that today will be my last day in the office is that I can set everything up without a rush for my leave. I’m taking 12 weeks, for which I’m eternally grateful. Part of me wants to leave a positive/encouraging message for myself when I return – any suggestions?
I’ve already used my nesting instincts to completely clean up my desk, organize my files, clean out my email, so everything now would just be icing on the cake.
Carrie M says
I love this idea! I wish I had left myself a note to remind myself why I’m returning to work – the things I love about my job, about being challenged, about the clients I work for, the partners I work with, providing for my family, etc. It would have been nice to see a note from my pre-mom self when I returned after maternity leave to help stay focused on the big picture (and maybe not be so sad about leaving my little infant, missing her developing, not nursing her during the day, etc…..all the stuff that seemed SO BIG to me at the time and made me question my decision).
Nonny says
Write down your passwords. I took more time off than you are planning to, but still, you might find that switching your brain back over to work after your mat leave requires more of an effort than you thought. In my case, work was so far out of my daily reality that if I hadn’t written down my passwords I’d still be looking for them now.
Merabella says
This is helpful – thanks for this!
hoola hoopa says
My boss when I was pg with my first almost aggressively pushed me to leave on my EDD, and she was so right. I did it with my other two, because it works so well to have an expected end date to prep work and to spend your last days relaxing.
Ditto writing down passwords and organizing/cleaning desk/files. Also write notes about the current status of tasks/projects and actions or events you expect to happen while you’re away or near your return (you WILL forget, even if now that seems impossible).
Also, set up email filters so that your cases/projects/etc are organized upon your return. It really helps get through the backlogged email when you return.
Meg Murry says
Make a list of all the things you like about your job, so on those first days when you are asking “why am I here and not at home with my baby?” you can remember them. A “you rock, you can do this!” note isn’t a bad idea, and something specific “you were the youngest person ever to win an XYZ award” would be even better.
If there are upcoming deadlines (like 6 month or 1 year deadlines) that you have in your head, put them on your calendar so they pop up – when you come back in a sleep deprived state it’s best to have dumped as much of your brain as possible into your computer and don’t assume you’ll remember anything – chances are you will, but it can’t hurt to have it on the calendar.
If you have things on your bulletin boards like you coworker’s extension numbers or cell phone numbers, take them home or take pictures of them. Export your work email address book into gmail or a personal one, or at least you make sure you have the major people’s email addresses in your phone.
POSITA says
Weaning question. We dropped to two nursing sessions a day at 12 months. At 19 months we dropped the morning session. Now at 20 months she appears to be dropping the evening session. Should I expect pain or engorgement with such a slow weaning process? She asked for a cup of milk instead of nursing last night so I’m assuming there isn’t much there.
Meg Murry says
You might feel a little full after 24 hours or so of not nursing – the advice I was given was that if I felt really uncomfortable to just hand express enough so that it wasn’t painful anymore but then leave it be otherwise – hand expressing for just a minute in the shower helped for me. Wear nursing pads for a couple of days just in case.
Be prepared for a conversation about how the milk is “all gone” if she suddenly decides she wants to try to nurse again in 2-3 days, which may or may not happen.
CHJ says
My son was down to one night nursing session when I weaned him, and I was uncomfortable on days 3-4 post-weaning, but otherwise it was fine. I think it’s a your-body-may-vary situation though. (And FWIW, tight sports bras made me feel a lot better.) Good luck!
CPA Lady says
I weaned my daughter once we’d been down to one session a day for about a month. I had barely any pain at all. A minorly clogged duct about two days later that I got her to nurse out in a couple of minutes, but other than that, no pain. A kind of tingly feeling for a few days. I ate an entire tin of altoids over the course of the few days after I stopped nursing to be on the safe side, since peppermint oil decreases your supply.
I also didn’t have any of the emotional roller coaster/hormonal rages or freak outs that some people get. I’m still a bit nostalgic over it and sad that it’s over, but just in a bittersweet way. My fear of weaning was way worse then the real thing.
Maddie Ross says
I’ll mention my story again (I’m like a record on repeat, I know) but I had horrible pain and engorgement for two weeks when I weaned – and I had gotten down to two minimal feedings and would skip them altogether on occasion. Cabbage leaves, sudafed, sports bras, ice and good old binding were my friends. I only mention it again because my experience was a bit of an outlier, but no one ever ever mentioned that there could be an outlier experience like this.
Samantha says
My weaning was similarly slow and no problems with engorgement, but I did feel an emotional hit. I was feeling down for days afterwards and realized later that it was probably the lack of oxytocin associated with nursing, FWIW be kind to yourself.
KJ says
I did a similar slow taper and did not experience any pain, leaking, or engorgement. I think it varies pretty widely from person to person, though.
EB0220 says
I have a question that was sparked by yesterday’s traveling + pumping post, but I didn’t think anyone would be looking in the comments there today! I pump at work and nurse at home. My baby gets a bottle in the evening sometimes when we have a babysitter, but she’s never gone an entire day without nursing. Has anyone intentionally done a full 24 hrs with pumped milk only to see how it goes? I am worried that if a trip comes up I will have no idea how much milk to leave or what to tell my husband/MIL/etc. about her schedule.
Meg Murry says
I never did, and just froze milk in the same size increments as daycare and just trusted my husband to figure it out. My son was older (8-9 months) so my husband didn’t really worry too much about it and basically just wound up giving on pre-bed bottle, one middle of the night bottle, and one before school bottle – it was actually a good way to cut back on the “nurse every hour all night long because I’m already in mommy’s bed” habit he had gotten in to.
The one thing I did do was have daycare give one formula bottle daily about 2-3 weeks before my trip, to make sure that if they ran out of b-milk for some reason my son wasn’t going to have a horrible puking reaction to formula (he had had a dairy intolerance when he was really young, so I was a little concerned) or otherwise refuse it because I didn’t want my husband and daycare trying to figure out different formulas when I wasn’t there – but luckily he took just fine to plain old Similac. That one bottle a day of formula also helped stretch out my freezer stash a little more too, and it was so freeing once I knew that if something went horribly wrong with my pumped milk (like the day I accidentally left the cooler on my desk at work, or in the car overnight) at least he could drink formula at daycare and be just fine.
EB0220 says
That is very helpful, thank you! My daughter is 9 months now, and I don’t have any trips on the horizon. The schedule you describe is about what I would expect as well. I’ve been stubborn about formula but good point to try it out just in case. I’ll probably wait on that until I have an actual trip planned! But it’s definitely good to know that your child will drink formula if needed.
mss says
DS2 would not take a bottle, ever, at day care or with a sitter or with my husband, but I took two trips, one at 3 months (3 days) and one at 6 months (5 days), and he took bottles, even bottles with formula. Basically, as long as he knew I wasn’t there, he was willing to do it.
If she’s eating solids too, she won’t starve!
Samantha says
Wow, what did your DS2 do on a regular basis at daycare? Just solids and/or reverse cycling?
dl says
I didn’t experience pain or engorgement with a slow wean as you describe, but once I weaned completely I went CRAZY hormonal for about 3 days – very uncharacteristic for me, complete with tears, irrational yelling, serious depression – then I woke up on day 4 and was fine. So be prepared (and prepare your loved ones) for, perhaps, a few days of nuts-o.
CHJ says
Yes to this! About three days into weaning, I started sobbing and wanted to wake up my son to nurse in case he still “needed” it. He was 21 months old and capable of inhaling a plate of enchiladas for dinner – he truly didn’t “need” to nurse anymore. By 4-5 days out, I was totally fine and felt like a hormonal fog had been lifted.
hoola hoopa says
Yes! I feel like this is never mentioned anywhere. It’s arguably the craziest of the crazy baby-related hormone phases for me.
No real pain or engorgement with the final feeding on a slow wean, but I would wear nursing pads (or pantyliners if you don’t have any) for a day or two.
NewMomAnon says
Toothbrushing question! My kiddo has molars and the doctor was very clear that we need to be consistent about brushing teeth. Which is like saying you need to consistently brush a feral cat’s teeth….anyone have any strategies? Her father just pins her to the ground with his arm and forces the brush into her mouth, but I’d like a more civilized tactic.
FWIW, she likes the toothbrush and chews on it a couple times a day. She just clamps her little lips and runs away when we come at her with the toothbrush.
JJ says
I’d like to say it gets better, but…
The easiest way to do that we’ve found is to buy a step stool so the kids can stand up at the sink. I then use my leg, propped up behind them, to barricade them in and basically force the toothbrush in. The good news is, if they cry about – that means their mouth is open! (God, this sounds horrible when I type it out…)
Silver lining is that one day, a local pediatric dentist came to my toddler’s daycare class and gave a presentation on teeth. He has been obsessed with brushing his teeth since then (about 3 months now) and it’s like a switch has flipped.
CHJ says
I’ve had intermittent success with giving my son his own toothbrush when I brush my teeth, and then getting down on the ground with him and brushing my teeth as if it is the MOST FUN THING EVER. He will often (but not always!) get into it and brush his teeth too. Although his toddler tooth brushing technique is not that thorough, so I’ll still have to get in there to get his molars at the end, but by then he’s usually having fun so he’ll go with it.
mascot says
It gets better, but that resistance stage is a doozie. Sometimes you just have to pin them down and get it done. Get her involved in picking out the toothbrush/toothpaste, let her brush/chew for a while and then it is your turn, give stickers for cooperation. We didn’t go to the pediatric dentist until around 4 (oops, apparently they should go around 2) and he was fascinated. She also told us that kids aren’t good at brushing themselves until they can tie their shoes (so 7-8) and that we need to assist for at least one session a day. So now my child demands that we help him because the dentist said so.
rakma says
I feel like an expert on this topic (note: I am not an expert on this or any other parenting topic) because we just had a fantastic first dentist’s visit.
While DD is in the bath, we give her the toothbrush with some flouride-free toothpaste. She eats the toothpaste, then chews on the toothbrush a bit. After that, we can usually take back the toothbrush, add more toothpaste, and actually brush them (for about 30 seconds). The dentist fully approved of this, and said once a day was fine, as long as it was right before bedtime.
Momata says
This is exactly what we do, too. I find I can get a quick brush in while she’s distracted with bath toys.
Maddie Ross says
We do the same thing, too. She’s easier to contain in the tub and more interested in chewing on it/brushing while in there than while out.
Another thing that helped us (though compeltely inadvertently), our LO is obsessed with Caillou (I know, he’s totally annoying, but she loves him) and we downloaded a “Bedtime for Caillou” or some similiar name game for my iPad. On of the games is to brush his teeth – there’s electronic smile and you “pick up” a toothbrush with your finger and rub your finger over his teeth. They go from a yllow color to white. That really made the “brushing” aspect hit home for our LO and now she does that herself.
Nonny says
We do the same thing. My SO is a dental hygienist so he is in charge of brushing. We make a big game out of opening our mouths and all saying “aaaahhhh”, and when he has finished brushing her teeth we give her the toothbrush and she “brushes” our teeth (gross? Whatever. We all share the same germs anyway.). We don’t brush her teeth in the morning, only at bathtime, but when she sees us brushing our teeth in the morning she asks for a toothbrush and pretends to brush her teeth too. We’ve tried to make it a game.
Burgher says
What has worked with my son is brushing with him so he wants to do what mommy is doing. I make a big production out of it and do it really dramatically. I also tell him I have to hear him brushing so that he’s not just sucking the toothpaste off. He will even occasionally let me brush for him now. TL;DR We started off with trying to force it and it worked much better to make it a fun activity.
Meg Murry says
If you can risk the chomping, my kids did better with the toothbrushes you stuck on your finger rather than regular toothbrushes – far less likely for you to accidentally jab them in the sides of the mouth or gums and hurt them and then have them whine about that. We used those finger toothbrushes up until almost 3.
I found sitting kid on my lap was easiest way to hold them and brush. We also sing a little song about brushing teeth which at least keeps me from screaming. When my 3 year old is being resistant to tooth brushing, sitting him on my lap and flipping him upside down gets him giggling (with mouth open) and sometimes he likes to be brushed upside down – which is actually easier for me to see what I’m doing that way.
Reminding the kid “remember, the dentist (or doctor) said you have to let mommy help you brush teeth every day” also helps sometimes. But sometimes nothing works and you have to just pin down and brush – not ideal, but neither is a lot of parenting.
anne-on says
We used an electric toothbrush right off the bat, which in retrospect helped A LOT with the first dentist visit since he was used to the sensation. Plus the buzzing sound is apparently really fun for him? Honestly my son loves the taste of the toothpaste and will happily open his mouth and let us brush for a good minute plus, but standing or sitting behind him for leverage helps a lot too.
(former) preg 3L says
Ladies, this is amazing. Thank you all. I can’t wait to start being serious about brushing my daughter’s teeth with tales like these…..
Jen says
I have a 75 pound dog and have engaged in strategic tooth brushing warfare since he was a pup (6 years ago- we only do it like once a month, if that, but it is an EPIC SITUATION and requires stealth, agility, speed, bribes, and nerves of steel). I was prepared for a similar engagement with the toddler and have been pleasantly surprised. Ever since she got a step stool and can Do It Herself, she’s taken to toothbrushing. As stated above, making it super fun and exciting is a big help. Letting her brush my teeth and then brushing hers helps. Over dramatizing when I brush my teeth helps.
I also sometimes hold the toothbrush and we shake our heads “no no no no no” with big smiles. This causes lots of giggles and gets the front ones nice and brushed.
FWIW toddler is better at baths, listening, and walking (holding hands) than the dog too.
Nonny says
This is where I wish we had a “like” button.
“Stealth, agility, speed, bribes, and nerves of steel.” Also required when cutting my toddler’s fingernails.
HM says
We sing the Raffi song – “when you wake up in the morning… you brush your teeth”, complete with the brushing teeth sound, and a little bit of dancing. I also do the brushing, and then she gets a turn, too.
Sarabeth says
Just had our first dentist visit yesterday and they showed us a very effective technique. It requires two adults, sitting in chairs and facing each other knee to knee. Kid sits on parent A’s lap, facing parent A in a straddle, and leans back to put her head in parent B’s lap. Parent B brushes teeth, using a finger to pull aside lips as needed. Parent A distracts/comforts. So much easier than our previous efforts! Something about leaning back gets her mouth to fall open naturally.
Newly pregnant says
I just need to vent about two things:
1. My mom made a comment to me about me being big the other day and I’m still not over it. I immediately confronted her about it and instead of acting like a sane person and walking it back she just doubled down and kept insisting that I was big! I told her that I didn’t think I was particularly large and that I looked to be about the same size as women in my birthing class who are at the same stage of pregnancy and she was like, “no, you’re big. You are bigger than I was when I was pregnant with you. I’m not saying this to ‘shame’ you – I’m just saying that you’re big.” Gee, thanks, Mom.
2. I’m 37 weeks and just had a pelvic exam. I’m not dilated at all. My doctor said that she thinks I’m going to go past my due date. I realize that it’s still early, but this makes me want to scream.
mascot says
2) Don’t lose hope. I was locked up like Fort Knox the entire time. Seriously. I went to the hospital with measurable contractions, was less than cm dilated and 75% effaced, water broke couple of hours later, gave birth 7 hrs after that (so within 12 hours of contractions coming on). It was 2 days before the due date when my child was born.
pockets says
+1. When it comes to when you’ll actually give birth, a doctor’s prediction is akin to reading tea leaves.
(former) preg 3L says
+1000. My doctor said my mother’s birth experience didn’t matter at all and that I had plenty of time, and then the baby was nearly born at home (just like when my mother gave birth to me). I had contractions at home for a week before it was finally go time.
pockets says
My mom’s birth experience with me was similar to my experience too.
Burgher says
So true. I had no progress, even past my due date, and then the baby decided he wanted to come out within 2 hours time!
NewMomAnon says
Ugh, that’s awful about your mom. My mom liked to tell me how big I was getting while I was pregnant and actually keeps mentioning it (kiddo is over a year old). Hugs, it is hard and it will be over soon.
On the exam – I was not dilated at all at 39 weeks, and baby was born at 39 weeks and 4 days. My friend was dilated at 37 weeks and baby was born at 39 weeks. Pregnancy and labor are such a crapshoot.
EB0220 says
Do not worry about the dilation (or lack thereof). With my first, I was locked up tight on Friday afternoon and my baby was in my arms the next Monday morning. With my second, I was dilated to 3 cm for 3 weeks before she showed up. Doesn’t mean a thing!
Ciao, pues says
FWIW, my midwife practice never measured dilation in advance of labor because they said there was no correlation to date of delivery whatsoever. You could be at zero one day and deliver the next, or stuck at 3 for weeks.
just Karen says
My water spontaneously broke, and contractions started after that – within an hour they were every 3-4 minutes. Five hours of that, and the nurse told me I was 1cm dilated. I said screw this, get me the epidural…and when they checked me two hours after the epidural I was 9.5 cm dilated and ready to go…. so I went from zero to pushing in less than 9 hours, first baby (was also very premature, but I don’t think that affected how quickly labor went). You can be zero when you wake up and still have a baby that day – fingers crossed for you!
Also, EVERYONE felt the need to comment on my size while pregnant. I literally cannot count the number of people who asked me if I was having twins, and then when told “no”, asked “are they sure”. Hugs.
anonyc says
Echo the other who say there is no correlation between dilation and when you go. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Things can go from 0 to 60 in a matter of hours. My lovely doctor didn’t even really check dilation at my final check ups for that reason. For my third kid, I was having contractions (not BH) off and on for the last week, and steadily (like, every ten minutes) for the two days preceding birth…but no baby until that nonsense had been happening for 48+ hours (DH: “are you in labor?” me: “no idea. this could go on for a while, or we could have a kid in 4 hours.” We had that conversation about 100x that weekend…through gritted teeth by the end).
And for the big comment: I’m sure I’ve told this story before, so apologies. But when 7 (8?) months pregnant with my second, while commuting 2.5-3 hours every day for my FT job, and with a toddler at home, we went to my MIL’s for Thanksgiving. We arrive late (2am) and husband leaves me to sleep in the next morning. When I come downstairs and see MIL for the first time in several months, her very first words: “Hello, Fatty!”
I think it’s a miracle that (1) I did not respond in kind, and (2) I’m still speaking to her, TBH. DH still doesn’t get why telling an exhausted, stressed, pregnant lady that she’s fat is pretty much the worst thing ever, and I will admit this issue will probably never go away for me. I’m still agog these words came from her mouth years after the fact.
So, hugs. People are morons sometimes, even people close to us…WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER.
MomAnon4This says
Also, Moms are crazy about pregnant daughters and also newborns.
Just remember that you had the baby and you’re the sane one. You’re ok.
Merabella says
Also, mother in laws are crazy about pregnant daughter in laws – see the poem thread from a few days ago… I’m fairly certain that there is some gene that gets turned on when you become a grandparent that just makes you go SUPER CRAZY.
My own mother was pretty ridiculous as well. She kept mentioning how I could go buy plus sized clothes since I was getting so big… I’m not getting fat mom, I’m pregnant, why don’t I just buy maternity clothes? She also tried to give me her clothes (she is a size 2x, I’m not a size 2x). She also mentioned that I could do weight watchers while I was pregnant if I was really worried about gaining weight (never really had this fear, stop projecting mom… also, I’m pretty sure that they don’t let you do that!)
PinkKeyboard says
I’m 28 weeks and my Mom told me that I’m so enormous she can’t imagine how I can get bigger for another 12 weeks and it’s a good thing I’m not pregnant with twins anymore because she can’t imagine how huge I would be. So a. apparently I’m a walrus and b. it’s a good thing my other baby died. I’m not overly sensitive and it’s the way she is but…. really? That is what came out of your mouth?
Newly pregnant says
WOW. I cannot believe your mom said that! That’s so awful, and waaaay worse than what my mom said.
Thanks, all, for sharing your stories. (Anonnyc, I remember your story and I’m really surprised you’re still talking to your MIL after that!) I consider myself to be a pretty even-keeled person but I’ve definitely noticed an uptick in my emotional swings in the past few weeks of pregnancy, which is probably why the above two very minor things affected me so much!
PregAnon says
I just have to share this experience from the maternity wing tour at my hospital last night. There were probably about 20-30 couples in the room, and, as we were going through the different procedures for natural / c-section, a woman raises her hand to ask a question:
“You separate the women who have c-sections from the women who have v births, right? Because I’ve heard that when you have a c-section, you have loud alarms going off ALL NIGHT LONG in your room, and those are pretty loud. So they’ll be on separate floors?” (This, after clearly being shown the maternity wing floor plan with all private rooms with your own bathroom / shower and everything)
Presenter: “No, you’re all on the same floor….that’s where the 34 maternity bonding / recovery rooms are located…they’re all private”
Woman: “But their alarms are really LOUD and since I’m not having a c-section I shouldn’t have to hear them….”
Presenter: “Yeah I’ve never been asked that question before, maybe ask your nurse.”
I don’t know why, but this just hit me wrong. Unless you want to slap down $3,000 – $10,000 a night for a fancy private suite at the hospital in Beverly Hills, then I suggest you deal with the fact that it is still a hospital, despite how amazing you think your birth experience is going to be. Of course, being sick, tired, and cranky, I waited until we got out in the very echo-y hallway, turned to my husband, and said: “You don’t think they are going to make us scheduled c-sections stay near the L&D rooms for “regular” births, right? Because those woman can be in labor for HOURS and they scream REALLY LOUD and I don’t think I should have to put up with that.”
I think, for the first time, I may have embarrassed my husband! I just have zero patience at 8pm after a super long day at work.
Don’t know why that rubbed me the wrong way, but it just did. Good news is the facility is great any they only have private rooms, so no paying extra to get one or dealing with insurance.
KJ says
Ugh, that would have annoyed me too. What “alarms” is she even talking about? I had a CS, and I don’t remember any alarms.
rakma says
Oh god, I would have wanted to slap her, I think you were calm and composed in your response.
I did not have a C-section, but I had IVs and constant blood pressure monitoring, and the machines that were involved in that would beep loudly when a bag was empty, my blood pressure went over a certain threshold, or the battery was low (even though it was plugged into the wall), or a bunch of other weird things. Yes they were loud, yes I hated them, so did the nurses, but they just showed my DH how to silence them (since they also got an alert at the nurse’s station) and we moved on. I don’t think I heard anyone else’s ‘beeps’ and I was in L&D for 2 1/2 days.
RR says
This. I don’t remember hearing anything in any other rooms (including other babies crying) in either of my two post-delivery hospital stays (at 2 different hospitals), as long as our door was closed.
Lyssa says
Same here. There was one point where my IV went weird and started beeping like crazy (and it turned out that there was some sort of emergency going on with another baby having to be rushed to the nearby children’s hospital and it took *forever* to get a nurse in to handle it), but that was the only thing. And (with the caveat that I am a little hard of hearing) I can’t remember hearing anything from any other rooms, or at least, no more than I would hear in a normal hotel or apartment complex.
People are so weird.
Newly pregnant says
That is so obnoxious of that woman. I wish her all the best on her planned birth experience, and hope that she doesn’t have any complications that require a c-section.
On my hospital tour there was one couple who asked questions about how loud the woman could get in labor and if anyone would shush them. It struck me as really hilarious.
NewMomAnon says
I had a woman on my tour who asked if her 4-year old daughter could get in the tub with her during her water birth. Just…no. No.
Also, the hospital didn’t allow water births (just tub laboring) or children to be present during the pushing stage, so that woman was a pretty unhappy camper for the rest of the tour.
EB0220 says
Wow, that is bizarre. Hospital tours are so weird. One of the families on our tour was really concerned about the security measures (at least 6 questions about it) and also wanted to know if the baby could stay in the nursery the whole time rather than rooming in.
pockets says
Your reply is amazing.
PregAnon says
Thanks!! I’m so glad it isn’t just me that rubbed the wrong way. The good thing is I’m really happy with the facility, and lucky me I’m also good friends with their head of facilities and a couple of the members of the board of trustees. I highly doubt I’ll need anything but nice to know I have friends there!
I tell you, doing your city’s leadership program when it is sponsored by your local hospital and college has its perks!
Merabella says
I’m proud of you for not scoffing and looking at her askance in the moment. Your presence of mind to wait until you got away from the situation in my mind makes me think that you have a lot of patience.
PregAnon says
Thanks! May be a skill from dealing with crazy in laws. Walk away…and THEN be funny when they can overhear you but you can run away?
MomAnon4This says
I think you were fine. What a crackpot.
pockets says
My 14 month old now chugs 2-3 pouches of food every night right before bed. This is after she has a pretty full dinner of finger-food protein and veg. She won’t act hungry, but when we try to put her down to sleep she screams (she has been going to sleep with no fuss for like the past year). I only figured this out because I thought she was in teething pain one night and gave her Tylenol, and her gusto at sucking the Tylenol from the plunger clued me in that she was hungry.
So my first question is: this is weird, right? My second question is: 2-3 pouches of food per night, in addition to three meals a day and 20 oz of milk, seems like A LOT of food. Doesn’t it?
rakma says
Think she’s gearing up for a growth spurt? Nighttime hunger is usually a sign that DD will suddenly shoot up a few inches (and thus be wearing capris until Mom gets her sh*t together. She’s all leg)
hoola hoopa says
+1
I have no explanation as to where the food actually resides while being digested, but this isn’t unusual for my kids.
(former) preg 3L says
I have a 14 month old and based on her number of diapers, she is going through some sort of growth spurt. I’d say, go with it! If she’ll eat, great. Keep it healthy and keep the food coming. Nothing wrong with it, imo, unless/until it causes her to wake up at night.
NewMomAnon says
My kiddo eats three meals and two snacks a day, with about 16 oz of milk. When she is in a growth spurt, she raids the panty like a teenager before bed and right away in the morning – graham crackers, veggie pouches, Kix, it all disappears. And then for a few days after that, she eats like a bird. I try to take the opportunity to slip her new types of food that she might otherwise reject.
mss says
My kids eat three meals + three snacks (including one right before bed) + milk a day. When my kids were that age, I swear they ate more than I did. They can pack it in.
Nonny says
Mine pretty much eats more than me too! I cannot figure out where she puts it!
JEB says
Based upon your experiences, how long does the postpartum hair loss last? I’m 5 months postpartum, and it’s absolutely insane. I’m amazed I have any hair left on my head. Multiple handfuls come out in the shower, and my hair is literally everywhere. Poor baby, it’s all over her and all over my clothes, the floor is a mess, etc. I’m really hoping it doesn’t go on much longer!!
JJ says
Mine lasted maybe 10 months, maybe a year. Long enough that I felt like it would last forever. The hair loss seemed to peak in months 4-6, though.
JEB says
Arg – that’s such a long time! Glad to hear there was a peak though…fingers crossed it at least slows down in the next month or so.
anonyc says
Similar. Didn’t have it so much with my first kids but third–so much hair gone. It seems to have abated around 9/10 months, and now I have all these 2″ pieces making me look wackier (than normal). Don’t have a huge amount of hair to begin with, so this was less than awesome.
Anonymous says
I didn’t have any hair loss while I was exclusively BFing, but as soon as I stopped (around nine months), my hair loss was significant — and most significant in my eyebrows — four months later and it is still noticeable but hopefully post-peak.
Burgher says
So depressing, especially after that luxuriant mane pregnancy gives you. Mine started around 3-4 months and peaked at 6 months to where I felt like I had no hair left. That’s when I sucked it up and chopped everything off. After the point where it’s so bad you get the mom cut, then you should be god to start growing it back out!
Anon says
Looking for commiseration, I guess. My husband very unexpectedly lost his (relatively new) job yesterday. I’m so thankful for all of the good parts — good severance, pretty good cash savings, I’m working in a stable job, great job prospects for him already, and the old job wasn’t a great fit for him or our family (crazy hours and we have three little ones at home that I was basically taking full responsibility for). Also, with all the hard worldwide news, I realize I’m coming from a ridiculous place of security and safety.
But, we’re both still reeling. I’ve been very positive at home with him, but sitting here at work, I realize I feel nauseous and a little shaky and am having a hard time focusing. I want to keep his spirits up – even if he has a smooth transition, the position had a lot of visibility in our little corner of the world (and his hiring was well publicized about 8 months ago), and I know he’s anticipating some reputation bumps. We also work in the same industry, and I admit I’m a little afraid of the whispers once this becomes public. Any words of advice would be appreciated.
JEB says
I’m sorry I don’t really have any advice, but I unfortunately can relate. My husband was let go around 6 weeks ago, very unexpectedly (and with a new baby at home). We’re in the same boat: small severance, good cash savings and emergency fund, my job is stable, etc. But it’s still scary, and you have every right to feel nervous and upset about it.
I try to be supportive and follow his lead when it comes to how much or how little he wants to talk about it. I had a few missteps at the beginning…he made a few jokes about his unemployment (joking is common in our relationship), but when I made a similar joke, it was not well-received. I think we’re both continuing to process what happened, but it’s gotten easier to talk about openly as some of the sting subsides. For him, I think the hardest part has been the embarrassment he feels and the damage to his personal pride. We’ve kept it fairly close, but of course people have found out. It seems like anyone who finds out immediately has a story of a family member or loved one who has gone through the same thing. So it quickly becomes apparent that this is unfortunately a somewhat common experience. He’s had lots of interviews, and it looks like an offer may be coming his way shortly. However, the anticipated offer would be much more work for far less pay, so now we’re trying to figure out whether he should take the first thing that comes along or wait for a better opportunity. It’s so hard to know what to do.
My intention was not to make this about myself, which I’ve totally done. But I just wanted to say that I completely understand what you’re going through. Sending some good thoughts your way as you guys begin to figure this out. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Hopefully it will just be a blip on the radar in a few months.
Anon says
Thanks – that’s so helpful to hear your experience, JEB. I think it will be a similar ride, and I’m most worried about this shaking his confidence as he moves forward. He struggles with imposter syndrome anyway, and I’m worried about what this will do to his pride. I know he’s also embarrassed, even though it won’t even be a blip to other people. It’s hard not to feel like everyone’s whispering about it, as irrational as it may be. Ugh, I hate this for him, and for us. Silver lining, though, be nice to have someone help at night for the first time in 8 months!!
JEB says
I’m probably too late, but it absolutely is a silver lining for you to have him home in the evenings and able to help out with the kids. My husband is getting some quality time with the baby (he was only able to take about a week off after she was born), so that is nice. Might as well make the most of it during this period of time!
hoola hoopa says
+1 to this. I was going to write something similar.
We’ve been through it, too. I agree that the absolute hardest thing is his concern about how other people would perceive him (ie, a deadbeat dad who couldn’t hold a job to support his family). IME, that wasn’t at all what people thought, because anyone who knows him knows he’s the exact opposite of that, but it’s hard for him to see it.
On the plus side, he really values the extra time he got at home. He appreciated it at the time – even through the cloud of stress, despair, and embarrassment – but he appreciated it even more once he was working again and missed it. It was a silver lining for him and the kids (and, honestly, me). He had some male coworkers who had grown child and had very successful careers privately tell him that they wished they had been home more and to appreciate it, and that actually did help with his feelings about being a failure.
Ditto to vent here if you need, so that you can support him at home.
Famouscait says
Hang in there. My husband was laid off several years ago and it turned out to be the best thing that happened to him and us. Keep your minds open to possibility.
Meg Murry says
I’m so sorry. I don’t have any specific advice, except to say to vent away here (and to your friends IRL) so you aren’t tempted to vent at him.
Anon says
Thanks Meg :)
Pogo says
Follow his lead as far as who to tell and when. I lost my job unexpectedly a couple years ago and was totally mortified. DH’s parents don’t even know, still, to this day. But, I eventually felt OK telling certain friends. I was really glad that DH didn’t tell anyone for me – in the rough time it helped me to be in control of the news.
If he’s able to secure a new job in the time that he still has severance coming in, no one should really have to know (although granted I’m not sure of your industry/his level in the company). I got an offer before my severance was over, so I just played it off to most people as, “I took some time off between old job and new job, isn’t that great?” and no one was the wiser.
MomAnon4This says
This is great. We’re in the same situation. Not sure what else to say, but everything here is helpful.
Anon says
My husband told me today that he doesn’t feel like he’s special to me, and that I probably do love him at some level, but that it seems secondary with me. He said it’s probably due to the baby (14 mo) and that that’s understandable, with me working full time and doing kid stuff and clearly the baby needs me, but that he still doesn’t feel like I really care. I don’t know whether to cry or punch him. He was recently away on a business trip for a week and what surprised me was how little my life changed. I get up with the baby (who still wakes up every. single. night). I get up before the baby wakes up in the morning so I can shower and do hair and makeup. Then I get the baby up, make us both breakfast, and entertain him until my husband comes downstairs, when I dash upstairs, throw on clothes and run out the door. At night, I put the baby to bed each night (20-30 min process, plus return trips to the nursery if he’s fussy) then make dinner. From scratch. Making dishes my husband likes and not making a lot of easier dishes I like. Then I pack up leftovers for both of us for lunch the next day. And I do the laundry, making sure to take his shirts out as soon as the dryer finishes so they’ll be wrinkle-free. I ask about his day and give him my full attention. I call or text or email during the workday to see how things are going and have often offered pep talks when he needs them (he’s in a new job and feels out of his depth sometimes). I’ve said many many times that I have too many responsibilities (I also plan the week’s meals, order the groceries, clean up the kitchen after dinner, and keep track of all the family stuff like doctor appointments, when the dog needs to go to the groomers, dealing with the maid service, etc.) He agreed and we were supposed to divide them up more fairly. We haven’t done that yet. I just feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water and he’s telling me that I’m not treading water gracefully enough.
Newly pregnant says
It sounds like you’re taking on the lion’s share of household responsibilities and also being (in my mind) an excellent and thoughtful partner.
Two things: 1) did you ask him (or did he tell you) how he wants you to show him affection? and 2) have you looked into the Love Languages stuff?
In my household, there is a general rule that my husband and I are not mind readers. So if I feel neglected, it’s my responsibility to tell him. But it’s also not fair to say “I feel neglected” and leave it at that. If what I want is for him to spend more time with me then I need to say it. I think this approach is great for us, but I do think that other people could find it a little cold (like, shouldn’t your partner be thoughtful enough to recognize when they’re neglecting you and find some way to remedy that?).
Also, the love languages quiz (which both of you can take online – it takes 5 minutes) is really helpful to figuring out how you like to both receive and show affection. Perhaps your love language is “acts of service” whereas your husband’s is “words of affirmation.” In that case it would be easier for him to recognize that you making him food that he likes every night is an act of love, and for you to recognize that he needs to hear you say out loud that you love him more frequently.
NYC says
Ditto the love languages recommendation. Very eye opening for both of us.
You are doing WAY too much. Why can’t the hubby put the baby to bed? Or cook dinner? Or eat a sandwich for dinner? Or feed the baby breakfast? I’m not saying it has to be equal (I think I do way more than my husband), but you seriously need less on your plate.