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This ponte dress is only $74, and like a lot of Christin Michaels styles it’s a machine wash, tumble dry, type of dress. This brand had not been on my radar until a reader wrote in to recommend it — and they look like nice dresses. I like that this only has a half zip, although it does have a little ribbon on it, and I think the seaming looks nice. It reminds me of the $300 Tuesday dress from Corporette. It’s in lucky sizes only at this point, but here’s another CM option at Zappos. Christin Michaels Ella Short Sleeve Ponte Dress Here’s a plus-size option, also machine washable, from Pink Blush Maternity. Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
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Kid/Family Sales
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
When did your toddler start using a pillow and/or blanket? Curious about age and also signs that they were “ready”. TIA!
NOVA Anon says
As soon as we converted the crib into a “big boy bed,” which was about 3 weeks after his 2nd birthday. I think it really helped the transition.
Anon says
Blankets right at a year old. Pillows came a bit later, right around the 16-17 month mark. We do the “daddy pillow” / “hug a hero” concept since Daddy is away from home a lot, so they get one as soon as they start showing signs of missing him at night.
A real pillow and all the sheets and stuff is around the 20 month mark, when I just move them into a twin bed. “Ready” just means that they’ve napped in the twin bed a couple times. We have a gate on the kids’ room and don’t force them to sleep (just that they have to stay quiet) so it usually means a few weeks of chaos, then back to normal.
mascot says
They had to bring in a blanket for nap cots at daycare around 12 months, so then for sure but I think we did it at home earlier. We used a toddler size pillow and muslin or open weave blankets. He was crawling and pulling up so we were comfortable that he could extract himself if needed.
HSAL says
Same – blanket and pillow when she went into the toddler class at daycare at 11 months. We started a blanket at home shortly after that? We didn’t start giving her a pillow at night until 16 months (17 months now), but that was mainly because I hadn’t bought another one yet.
AIMS says
We did a blanket at about 12-13 months and still haven’t done pillow (15 now). But the blanket is her favorite thing. She even drags it around the house when not sleeping. It’s one of those crochet blankets and the ‘holes’ are pretty open so if you’re concerned baby will pull it over themselves, maybe that will help (it did with us, although maybe that’s entirely illusory).
Anon in NYC says
Similar – blanket at around 13-14 months (after she moved into the toddler room at daycare and started using a blanket for naps). She loves her blanket. We actually got a backup of the same blanket because she carries her blanket around the house. No pillow yet.
Lyssa says
We used receiving blankets for blankets around a year, though they both used them more to cuddle than actually staying covered for any length of time. The older kid started using pillows when he moved to a big-boy bed a few months after 2, but he still refuses to use anything more than the receiving blanket (he sleeps on top of his sheets and bedspread) at age 4. I can’t understand how he’s not freezing, but he seems fine.
Anon says
Yes, our 2 year old refuses to be covered by a blanket ever for any reason, even when snuggling in our bed or on the couch. Sleeps in fleece PJs (with a sweatshirt if it’s realllllly cold). No pillow; moves all around crib all night. Started offering a lovey in crib around 9 or 10 mo and a snuggle blankie shortly thereafter, which he currently add leeps on top of.
Rainbow Hair says
Ha, wow, kiddo is 2 and sleeps with neither. She’s such a fussy, roll-all-around sleeper though that I think it would bother her more than it would comfort her. Then again, she’s still in a crib (hallelujah hands emoji) so maybe it’ll change when she moves to her big girl bed.
Sarabeth says
We also waited until 2.5, when our daughter outgrew her Woolino sleepsack, before starting blankets as part of a larger transition to a floor bed. Pillow was at the same time.
Anon in NYC says
I’m actually dreading the day my kid outgrows her sleepsacks. She loves them and they’re part of her night time routine.
lsw says
What sleepsacks do you use for older kids?
lsw says
(older meaning 12+ months)
Anon in NYC says
I have just sized up – like Halo sleepsacks in L or XL. They have the “walker” versions (where it’s not a sack and the kid can walk around in them), but I’m not sure that my daughter will like those. Right now she asks for her sleepsack at night!
lsw says
Thanks!
Onlyworkingmomintulsa says
I used sleepsacks (Halo XL) on my oldest until she moved to big girl bed at 3.5! My two year old is still in a crib, with a pillow and blanket, and still loving his sleepsack too : )
Marilla says
Sleepsacks forever! My daughter is 16 months and is so cozy in them. Harder to find warm versions in the bigger sizes though, so by next winter we’ll probably need blankets instead (but then she’ll be 2+).
Anonymous says
A readiness sign would be when they move around less and/or ask for one (with words or gestures).
We generally start using blankets when we move to a toddler bed, when sleep sacks are outgrown, and/or the first winter after first birthday. So ~18 months?
We wait on pillow until kiddo asks for it. For my three, it’s been ~3 years old, but I’ve known kids who want one well before. We’ve started with toddler/travel pillows and flat regular pillows, depending on age, sleeping arrangement, and what’s on hand.
shortperson says
mine asked for a pillow at 26 months. probably because other kids in the 2 yo room at school had them. i got her a toddler pillow.
OP says
Thank you all! My 19 month old is asking for a pillow but none of her similar-age friends use them. Just ordered her one! Will wait on blanket though since she seems to be still happy in her sleep sack.
Alex VA says
I was not the original poster, but I appreciate this post also! It is interesting to see how every child is different. My son is about to turn 2. He pushes off blankets and sleeps on his stomach.
AIMS says
Didn’t get to reply before but just wanted to say thank you for all the flying with toddler tips from a few days ago. Very helpful!
CPA Lady says
Random philosophical question for your Wednesday morning.
What, if anything, do you think parents owe their children and children owe their parents? I ask because of some random comments my husband has made. For example, I think when you decide to have a child, you owe them financial support until age 18. My husband said something about paying his dad back for supporting him as a kid. He’s given his dad fairly large gifts (e.g. $1,000 cash). It is just totally not how I was raised. We’re doing better than our parents are, financially speaking, and we pay my mom’s phone bill, but I don’t feel like I “owe” it to her. That’s just a financial example, but surely there are others things…. elder care coordination? A safe environment to grow up in? etc.
Mrs. Jones says
I can’t imagine paying my parents back. Nor would they want it.
I expect to financially (and otherwise) support my child until at least age 18, probably through whatever schooling he does.
Lyssa says
Agree with that, though I’m not sure how much adult schooling support is or should be expected. (I had none.) For kids, I would owe them care and love and ensuring that their needs are met, but I often think that the “extras” are more for us than them – we had this toy and want the kids to have something similar, we want to take them to Disneyworld, etc.
For parents, not only do we not have that cultural expectation of providing support, but also, both my and my husband’s parents became very financially successful after we grew up, so it’s not likely that they would need support (though both were poor when we were kids). They are still the “givers” in our relationships (in the sense of giving us and the kids fairly generous gifts, not providing support or anything that we would actually ask for or rely on).
JuniorMinion says
The only wrinkle with college tuition is that the FAFSA / related federal loan programs consider college students under the age of 24 who are unmarried (so basically all traditional college students) to be under the purview of their parents. If you as a parent are legitimately unable to contribute to a student’s finances this is handled well, but if you as a parent can afford it and CHOOSE not to, your college student child will likely not have access to federally unsubsidized / subsidized loans (which are the loans with the preferential 6 and 7% rates) as well as won’t get any grant money from whatever institution they attend unless they become an emancipated youth and the barriers to doing this are very high.
Ask me how I know….
Anon in NOVA says
This is true, I forgot about that in this context. I really worry about this with my son and exhusband. Since my ex-husband is his legal father and makes a very decent income, it will jeopardize his ability to get assistance, even though my ex-husband doesn’t value education and will not likely contribute anything towards college
Anonymous says
I don’t know the specifics, but I do know that my mom had primary custody of me and somehow my dad told the FAFSA people that he wasn’t going to contribute significantly to my college. Moot point, as I ended up joining the military, but I definitely got financial aid awards based on only my mom’s income. There is a way around this somehow.
Anonymous says
Were your husband’s parents divorced? I could see my ex trying this on our daughter. Trying to tell her that if she is successful, she owes him for the child support he paid/is paying.
Otherwise, I agree with you 100%.
October says
Outright “paying your parents back” is weird and I don’t think expected (in our U.S. culture). However, I can see doing things like paying for your parents to come on vacation with you, taking them out to dinner occasionally or picking up groceries, helping them upgrade to a nicer car if they need it, etc. Again, I don’t think this is expected, but are small ways to express gratitude to parents if you can afford it. As they get older and may need more care, I can also see chipping in to help them, but not at the expense of bankrupting yourself.
With kids, I plan to support them through college (or, if they don’t go, giving them equivalent assistance while they get on their feet) and hopefully pay for some/most of college, too. I don’t feel compelled to pay for all the “extras” that society tells us we have to do — regular trips to Disneyworld, a house big enough so they all have their own rooms, multiple sports/activities per kids, etc — but will keep them fed, clothed and educated.
avocado says
I think parents owe it to their children to finance their own retirement and make arrangements that minimize the burden on their children should they become incapacitated. This includes things like picking out an assisted living facility ahead of time, establishing a trust if necessary, setting up powers of attorney, and documenting health care preferences.
Anon for this says
+1
My parents took it upon themselves to go into debt to pay for things like my college education, buying me a car, generally supporting me until I was out of school. I never asked for this and they never asked if I wanted it; I don’t think it is a 17 year old’s responsibility to assess her parents’ finances and determine if they can afford the things they buy for her.
Instead, I wish they’d focused on being financially secure in retirement and living within their means. They just shifted the burden to later in life.
SC says
+1
My parents have a will, have established a trust, set up powers of attorney, and documented their health care preferences. It really means so much, especially since I’m an only child. I also have the information for their attorney and financial planner (and have met them personally), have access to their bank account passwords, and know where they keep their important documents.
They have also cleaned out their home and storage units. I’m not sure parents “owe” their children this, but my FIL is a borderline hoarder, and cleaning out his house will be a huge burden on his family. I’m at least appreciative that my parents’ home will be relatively straightforward to clean out and sell (but hopefully not for a long time!).
Anon in NOVA says
+1 My parents always say to me they will die broke, because they feel the greatest gift they can give me is to take care of themselves financially as long as they are alive. I also have a special needs brother that will likely end up living with me, so they feel strongly about leaving me enough money to successfully do that if the time comes.
My parents did make some not-great financial decisions to pay for my expensive college. I do appreciate it, thoguh. But that may not be the route I go with mine. I will try my best to offer him in-state tuition somewhere.
Butter says
++1 To Avocado and Anon for this. Agree so hard on both of these points.
anon says
Parents owe children:
– love and support
– their best effort at giving them a good life, within their means
– food, clothing, shelter, safety, access to education
– to set them up to succeed in life by teaching/modeling resilience, resourcefulness and responsibility
– taking care of business, in the ways that avocado described so well
It’s harder to answer what children owe their parents, because it depends so much on the age of the children and the family’s overall dynamics. I do think grown children owe their parents respect and gratitude. (Under “normal” circumstances. I’m not talking about parents who have caused serious damage to their children through abuse, narcissism, or overall bad behavior).
Sarabeth says
I think parents owe kids full support through age 18, and I think that if it’s easily within the family budget, maintaining some degree of support through college and even grad school is the right thing to do. I wouldn’t take out big loans for my kids’ college, but if we can afford to contribute without skimping on our own retirement, I think it would be stingy not to.
Conversely, I think that kids owe their parents help in dealing with the realities of aging, to the extent that it doesn’t impair their own wellbeing, financial or otherwise. I anticipate managing my parents’ care when they are older, and I would be happy to help pay for appropriate care as much as I can afford to do so. This assumes that the parents were good parents and lived up to their end of the bargain.
Paying parents back directly, though? No. Definitely not.
NewMomAnon says
I got a term life insurance policy with my brother as the beneficiary in case I die before my parents do. I watched my mom support her aging parents. Taking on that responsibility alone would likely require my brother to quit his job(s). I also sometimes pick up the tab for breakfast or dinner, maybe because it conveys to them that I’m financially secure enough to afford that luxury? It certainly doesn’t feel like an obligation.
Having said that – my parents have done a great job planning for their retirement and possible health declines, and they were high earners while working. They have paid off their house, retirement accounts are well stocked, they hold more liquid side investments (publicly traded stocks and bonds, not actively managed real estate or family businesses), estate planning and advance health care directives are done, long term care insurance, the whole thing. So I don’t feel any real obligation to support them financially; it’s just the time commitment and emotional drain of supporting them through scary doctor’s appointments, hospitalizations, helping them move into assisted living or nursing care, etc.
Anon in NOVA says
I spoke a bit about what I think we owe children, but what we owe parents can be tricky. My first marriage had a lot of issues because my husband felt he owed his (perfectly capable of working but choosing to be unemployed) mother significant amounts of money every month…. over paying our own bills. I don’t agree with that.
I think that we owe parents a bit of understanding (provided they weren’t abusive, horrible people),and I think we owe them help that we can give without sacrificing the needs of our new family we’ve created. By “sacrificing needs”, I mean I’m not obligated to pick up my family and relocate 1,000 miles if my parents need help, for example. I’m not obligated to help them financially if it means not making my bills or not putting in to my child’s future, etc. I’ve never really been asked to do anything for my parents, it’s not how I was raised, and I don’t think it’s the cultural norm here.
Marilla says
This is so, so culturally dependent. And family dependent. And individual dependent. But I lived at home until 22/23 (moved out when I left the city) and moved my parents in with me at age 29 when one of them was terminally ill and needed me to be primary caregiver, so I don’t think I have a mainstream perspective on this at all. I think you “pay your parents back” by being there to help them in their old age, whether that’s actual caregiving or coordinating assisted living and being their medical and financial advocate. But again – this depends on your relationship with your parent(s). And I expect to be on the hook for my children’s schooling through undergrad.
H says
I don’t feel any financial obligation towards my parents, as far as paying them back for my childhood. They chose to have kids and the price tag that comes along with it. I do, however, feel obligated to hang out with them, but that’s another story. And this would be more complicated if they were not financially able to care for themselves.
I hope we are able to support our child into adulthood, including paying for his college. I am very proud of myself for becoming financially independent right out of college, but at the same time I felt relief knowing that if I needed help, like truly needed it, my parents were willing and able to help. I hope my son becomes an independent adult but with the security of knowing his father and I are here for him.
Alex VA says
I do not feel a financial obligation obligation towards my parents. However, they also are doing better financially than when I was growing up simply because they are no longer supporting children. They have made financial decisions that I would consider poor decisions, but they are their decisions. If the situation arose where they were destitute, I may need to revisit my position. However, at this point that is not the situation. Right now, I feel my obligation is to regularly speak with my parents as we live far apart.
When it comes to my child, the circumstances are slightly different. I qualified for some need based aid for college. My child will not unless my circumstances change before he fills out his FAFSA. As such, I feel an obligation to save now for higher education. That does not mean I feel obligation to pay for $$$$$$$$$ college of his choosing but instead a reasonably priced option or instead paying towards the more expensive option that he prefers.
Anonymous says
This is so interesting to read because in my culture and home country (in Asia) it’s expected that children support their parents at least financially after the parents’ retirement or illness. Ideally, your parents would move in with one of their adult children and the other sibling(s) would contribute financially.
Growing up I saw my parents give my grandparents some money every other week, so it’s never crossed my mind that I shouldn’t give my parents any money when I can afford it. The other thing in our culture is that education is highly valued, so when my sister was admitted into a highly prestigious US university, my dad insisted that she go at all costs (loans and all). It’s expected by everyone in our family that once my sister becomes a medical professional, she will pay it back by financing their retirement (with some contribution from me because that’s how it works).
Mrs. Jones says
I just ordered this dress. Thanks Kat.
Contemplating a third says
I have a few dresses like these and they are super flattering on my hourglass/pearish shape. I just wish this came in different colors and was longer (only 37 inches).
Betty says
Y’ALL!!! My son’s Crohn’s is in remission!! The low level intervention is working! And… now I’m crying happy tears in my office. Thought I would share this good moment with this amazing community that has been so supportive.
avocado says
That is wonderful news!
LegalMomma says
Yay!! Congratulations, that is wonderful news.
AnonMN says
Congrats!! That is awesome news!
Anonymous says
Yayyyy!! So glad to hear this!
Spirograph says
I caught up last night on the last few days’ worth of threads and I was thinking of you this morning. So happy you got good news!!
Frozen Peach says
Yaaaaay!!! Made my morning too!
GCA says
Congratulations! That’s fantastic news!!
Anon in NYC says
SO happy to hear it! Yay!!
Pogo says
Oh so many hugs to you and kiddo!!!! That is amazing.
lsw says
amazing!!!
Momata says
Happy news!!!! Thank you for sharing!
EP-er says
So happy for you!
AnonMN says
Opinions on letting kids go without clothes at home? We have been pretty open with allowing our 3yo to go without clothing/underwear at our house when he wants too, under the thought that I don’t want him to feel shame about his body and that Americans, in general, make too big of a deal out of bodies without clothes. However, my SIL was agast that we let him do this, and said they do not allow their 3yo daughter to do this because she wants her to have privacy. I made the point that if she wanted her clothes off, she wasn’t asking for privacy. But, I think she made a good point about not sending a confusing message regarding private parts.
So, i’m probably way overthinking this, but I’m struggling with where the line is. Body shaming vs privacy. Thoughts?
AnonMN says
As an aside, i’m not afraid of the work naked, I was just worried it would send me to moderation, ha.
AnonNC says
We are pretty open about bodies and nudity in our house. Husband and I usually sleep n*ked and we don’t close the bathroom door when we’re showering, using the toilet, etc. Our kids can go without clothing inside if they want, but they must get dressed if we have non-family guests, are expecting a delivery, etc. My oldest (5) knows that she can ask for privacy at any time, and often does ask for privacy when using the bathroom. I make sure that the girls undress themselves and clean their own private parts. We often discuss that the only people who can touch/see their private parts should be themselves and mommy/daddy. They sometimes ask my questions about this or that body part and we’ll talk about it, but overall they don’t make a big deal about anything. I imagine they’ll want more privacy as they get older, and we’ll respect that too. Also – at some point soon my husband will probably start being more covered up around them but we haven’t reached that point yet.
Anonymous says
We wear clothes at home but that’s because Canada – it’s too cold not to and I don’t want to be heating my house above 22 degrees C. But we are also low key about nudity. Our 5 year old daughter and 2 year old son are bathed together regularly and I/DH might have a kid wander into the bathroom when we are showering. We talk about that our private parts are only for our ownselves (mirroring kids language) except when mommy/daddy/caregiver is changing diapers/toileting or helping wash. Will adjust as appropriate with age depending on kids reactions/wishes.
Anonymous says
If my kids want to run around naked, I don’t really care. They don’t though, because this would usually involve being late for school or bedtime. Also, funny story, I let my 2-yo run around naked after bath for a little while a couple days ago, and then he hid under my bed and peed. Normally he says, “I’m hiding!”, but this time, he said, “I’m peeing!” Wiggling around under my bed with cleaning product and paper towels after bedtime was not something I envisioned when I decided to have kids.
mascot says
We don’t have brightline rules in our house, but this generally sums up how we’ve handled it. What you wear in your own room/bathroom is your own business. For hygiene reasons, underwear at a minimum must be worn in the rest of the house. No bare bums on the furniture, little people with questionable wiping skills. I also prefer that everyone have clothes on/hats off for meals, although I am flexible. My kid sees us in various states of undress and still may end up in the shower with one of us. I’m becoming a little more conscious of covering up around him and expect that will continue now that he is older. Also, we all have on clothes when there are guests.
Privacy lessons/body safety- we always knock and seek permission to enter a closed door, no one except our parents and doctor should be allowed to see private parts (ie what a bathing suit covers), we do not touch people’s parts, we play games with our clothes on and say no/find adult if someone asks us to take clothes off or show them private parts.
October says
+1 I was thinking the same…little kid bottoms are not the cleanest. I like your overall rationale/approach.
Pogo says
Yeah, I would veto underwear or diaper-less playing around the house for hygiene reasons as well! But I wouldn’t freak out about kiddo taking off pjs and hanging out in undies until they got the motivation to put clothes on (unless trying to get someone on time, obviously). I don’t like wearing pants either, lol.
Anonymous says
“no one except our parents and doctor should be allowed to see private parts” How does this work in terms of childcare arrangements? I focused on activity and person combination so mommy/daddy/caregiver is changing diapers/toileting or helping wash (all together referred to as ‘helping cleanup’) because I didn’t want them to think that anything at all that someone does is fine. Haven’t really mentioned doctor as it hasn’t come up.
mascot says
I think until the child is toilet trained and able bathe alone, you have to include the caregivers and put the activity in proper context. That’s what we did. The dialogue will change over time so the parents/doctor (and occasional extended family member providing care) is where we are now. It’s not a once and done conversation. We continually reinforce the body safety rules.
Anon says
Ugh, and after hearing news about bus antics and s e x t i n g, we’ve slowly started incorporating that private parts are also not for photographing or letting others photograph. Our standard line about caregivers is that it’s only okay for toileting purposes – if the kid okays it (as our kids are past the point of needing help usually), and only the doctor/nurse if I’m in the room (for now). We always add that even if we’ve said it’s okay, or if they’ve said its okay, the kid can always, always change their mind if they start to feel badly about a touch, or if a touch makes their tummy hurt, or feel upset, or (describe feeling here). Also, no secrets, only surprises! in our family.
Blah, I’ve seen a few too many cases on this, clearly.
Sarabeth says
Our rules are that you have to wear underpants downstairs (in the living/dining/kitchen areas), and you can only touch your private parts in private (in your own bedroom). Otherwise, no rules about clothing. Lots of emphasis that only mommy, daddy, and daycare teachers touch your private parts, and only to help clean or check if there is a problem. (We use specific language for private parts, but I don’t want to go into moderation).
Anon says
I think you have to follow the kids’ lead a little too. No shaming around nudity, and don’t go overboard with covering up while we dress or shower (hello 1 bathroom!). We bought our 3 year old a book that we read and talk about when he asked about differences between boys and girls. We use proper names for parts, and we tell them it’s absolutely fine to be curious and explore your body, but that’s private and should be done alone in your bedroom or bathroom only.
BUT. I think you have to pay attention to when they start to seek a little more privacy. Now speaking from personal experience, my dad grew up with brothers in a teeny-tiny house, and was just used to being open. My brother kind of fell into the same routine. I remember being really uncomfortable that they were so “open,” and when I brought it up, everyone just kind of laughed it off. I think I’m a little more prudish as a result with my own self, so I’m trying to make sure that I pay attention and respect their boundaries.
Anon in NOVA says
I’ve always allowed my son to run around in underwear (he’s 6.5 and this still seems to happen…) but not naked. I think it’s also important to teach him that, while you can be comfortable in your body, people have a right to decide they don’t want to see your private parts and request that they be covered. I do have him put on shorts and/or pants if we’re expecting a delivery or the curtains or open, and fully clothed with guests.
Anon says
I don’t know if I’m in moderation, or my comment got eaten, but I agree with all of the above.
My other advice was to follow the kid’s lead, too. There may come a time when they want more privacy, and I think it’s important to respect that. Growing up, my older brother and dad were pretty “open,” which made me uncomfortable as I got older. Nothing terrible — just keeping the door open while using the restroom or shower, or walking from the shower to their rooms. My dad had grown up in a small house with lots of brothers, and just didn’t thinking anything of it, and my brother just didn’t care. When I brought it up, they both kind of laughed at me, and thought I was being too sensitive. Not cool, guys!! So, just keep an eye out for the pendulum swinging back the other direction…
TK says
My kids loves the be naked at home – I think it’s fine. We use proper names for genitals, talk about using the bathroom in pretty frank terms, have a rule that we have to wear clothes outside. I’m hopeful he won’t inherit the body shame that my husband and I have bit of.
Along these lines, I’ve struggled a bit with finding the right tone in responding to Grandma’s totally well-intentioned teasing with comments like, “Grandma always gets to tickle you! You don’t get to say no to Grandma!” It’s important to me that little TK knows he can ALWAYS say no to people touching his body, so I try to follow up any of those comments, in TK’s presence, with something along the lines of, “Silly Grandma. Of course you can say no. You are the boss of your body and you get to say who gets to touch it an who doesn’t.” I want Grandma to know I don’t approve, but also don’t want to make such a big deal that she’s embarrassed.
Anonymous says
Our household rule is to keep underwear on outside of the bedroom. If they want to be naked, they need to stay inside their bedroom with window coverings closed.
I was more lenient, but it’s become more complicated over time (many kids, wide age range, etc) so we really needed a rule that could be consistent for everyone. For example, my youngest may want to be naked and is well within a reasonable age to do so, but then inevitably my 6 year old will also want to go naked and that starts to feel strange. I was concerned my 8 year old wasn’t learning to be modest in public (ie, in view of neighbors, strangers on the street) to a point that was potentially dangerous. Another child is constantly touching themselves, which was gross when naked in the living room (and is also allowable only in the bedroom). So now it’s underwear for everyone.
Anonymous says
Any advice on Paris with a young toddler (19m)? We’ll be there for five days this summer before heading to Provence. DH and I have never been, so I think we’re looking at a mix of absolute must dos and but more “walk around neighborhoods, let kid run around park while we eat baguettes” suggestions. We’re staying in Le Marais. How easy will the metro be? We’re in DC so used to that system. Should we bring an umbrella stroller or our Cruz? Thanks for any other tips from those who have been there, done that.
POSITA says
There are lots of cobblestone streets and sidewalks. I’d bring the Cruz and maybe an Ergo. I think an umbrella stroller would be a pain.
Pogo says
Haven’t been to Paris with kiddo but have been to Paris many times. I find the Metro incredibly easy. There are not usually elevators (only one I can think of is at Abbesses because there are seriously like 5000 steps), so I’d go umbrella stroller for minimal weight/maximum portability and be prepared to carry kiddo into the metro.
With kids I would definitely do Jardin du Luxembourg or another park (I really like Parc Monceau though it’s far from where you’re staying and not really close to major touristy stuff – there are super fun structures/playgrounds for kiddos). I want to say Jardin du Luxembourg has a carousel or some other rides for kids and maybe a petting zoo?
I love Montmartre and Sacre Coeur, if only for the awesome views. But it is a giant hill. It also gets kinda sketchy at night, so would not bring kiddo after dark (I never felt unsafe, but definitely saw people buying/doing drugs openly for example).
If you had to pick one museum I think I’d go with Musee D’Orsay; I was personally super overwhelmed by the Louvre or maybe I don’t appreciate art. I went on a weekend, though, since I was working.
I think Eiffel Tour at least for the photo op is worth it, but I never went up in it. If you go on Sunday there’s a huge market at Dupleix nearby (there’s a market in every arondissement actually so you could also figure out which day is market day where you’re staying).
I’m so jealous! I love Paris and Provence.
shortperson says
the playground at Jardin du Luxembourg is amazing. we also went on the carousel in the tulieries because i wanted to and it’s historic. which it is, but in reality not the most amazing carousel. my one year old had a blast at the versailles gardens. and at every pastry shop.
we brought the kid to nice restaurants every night. not michelin stars, but nice places. no high chairs but the restaurants were mostly cool about it as long as we went early, during tourist hours and before the real parisians got there.
we also brought our daughter to a children’s play and it was amazing. i forget the details but you can track one down. it was a show for toddlers, very entertaining and they let the kids crawl onto the stage and touch everything at the end.
oh and the clothes shopping for kids was also amazing. we got a lot of adorable stuff at reasonable prices. if you become a convert to the french childrens style after seeing too many adorable kids in playgrounds there, i recommend natalys.
Pogo says
omg, the clothes!! I love petit bateau.
Gah, this is making me miss Paris so much!
shortperson says
i should add that we brought our mountain buggy nano and now i’m an evangelist for it. it folds up tiny, slings over your shoulder, but has real wheels, a basket, leans back, etc. it is great for international travel.
ANP says
Pretty sure the gal who writes the Brooklyn Limestone blog did Paris with little kids, and she always has great tips!
Strategy Mom says
Would love your itinerary for Provence! Thinking about going with our 22 month old this summer.
Alex VA says
I was in Paris when my child was 18 mos. I think part of the question on strollers depends on your stroller. I took an Uppababy GLuxe and it worked perfect. Paris is not as handicap/stroller accessible as DC, so you will be carrying the stroller at times. We did not take the metro as we were trying to enjoy the city from a different perspective than we had on a prior trip. The metro does not have an elevator at every stop. You will find the lack of elevators in many other places so do your research in advance or be prepared to carry the child/stroller a lot. For instance, we tried to get into the Louvre while my child was sleeping. The main entrance directed us to the handicap entrance. The handicap entrance was closed.
As far as playgrounds.. the two best we found were in the Tuilleries gardens and around Notre Dame. Walk all the way around Notre Dame. There are areas for children to play on the south & east sides of the ground, including the only sand box we found in Paris. For other events unique from DC, there is a bird market on the Ile de Cite on Sunday. Although crowded, it was a fun and unique experience. It is at the same location as the beautiful flower markets. Oddly, my child really liked the garden at the Rodin Museum. I had previously done the Seine cruise. I know my child would have loved that option and it is an easy way to see the city. In the same manner, although they are not as much fun for adults, the tourist hop on/hop off buses may be an easy way to see several the city plus my kid LOVES buses.
Frozen Peach says
Yesterday I had an ultrasound and they found a very large nodule on my thyroid. I’m waiting for the doc to call me about the results. I know it’s unlikely to be cancer, but beyond that I don’t know what to expect. Should I be researching endocrinologists? Would love to hear about your experiences.
NewMomAnon says
I’ve had thyroid issues for 10+ years, and I would look for an endocrinologist. I spent the first 7 or so years having my GP manage my thyroid issues and thought it was going fine. When I got pregnant, the OB required that I be under the care of an endo (so absolutely find one now if you think you’ll be pregnant again). I never realized how much more fine-tuning could be done with the thyroid treatment. If there will be any long-term thyroid management coming out of this nodule situation, I would get into an endo soon.
JDJDTX says
I have nodules on my thyroid as well. They may order a nuclear uptake of your thyroid (take a pill, get more images taken) or a biopsy to rule out cancer.
I get ultrasounds every six months or so to make sure that it doesn’t get any larger. My sister has the same issue, and had her thyroid removed because of the size and number of modules.
My thyroid function has always been normal.
+1 to NewMomAnon if your function is abnormal.
Salicylic acid says
What have you ladies heard about using a topical 2% salocylic acid while nursing? I ordered a Paula’s Choice toner but am finding conflicting advice on the internet. I also have a call into my doctor, but wondered if others had already asked the question.
Em says
I recently purchased the same product (and a retinol) from PC and opted to wait until I weaned to start both, although my reasoning had more to do with the retinol than the salicylic acid. I also researched it and the advice was 50/50. I try not to be an alarmist about risks with pregnancy/BFing (I BF after having an MRI with contrast even thought the doctor told me to pump and dump because there is no scientific evidence it comes through the milk) but decided to wait on this one since it was cosmetic (rather than medical) and I was close to weaning anyway.
Contemplating a third says
I have the same toner and opted to not use it during pregnancy, in the very very very small chance it would have an impact on nursing. My derm also told me that her general rule was when in doubt, abstain during pregnancy/nursing.
Pogo says
I was concerned early in pregnancy, but I have to be on baby aspirin for blood issues (per hematologist and OB) so I get more salicylic acid from that than I could ever possible get from swiping toner on my face. So I went back to using the toner after finding that out.
My OB said so many women are put on baby aspirin, and it’s considered safe in pregnancy, that I decided the additional risk of topical 2% salicylic acid was minimal. But I totally understand being cautious.
Anonymous says
I used a face wash with it during pregnancy, and a toner during nursing, with my first one. This was more because I wasn’t educated. I wouldn’t do it again because my perspective is why run an unnecessary risk, but I’m not that concerned that I did it with the first one. As far as I know, there were no adverse effects on my 99+ percentile 4-year-old, who seems to be a pretty smart cookie, if I do say so myself.
Anonymous says
Also, if your concern is acne, talk to your derm. Mine prescribed an antibacterial cream and recommended blue light treatments (Neutrogena now has a mask you can buy for $30 that makes you look like a serial killer — awesome!), which have helped a lot.
Butter says
So I’m a newbie to this stuff and just ordered my first haul of Paula’s Choice stuff last week, and so far am an enjoying it but had no idea I should avoid this stuff while nursing. I’m using the Skin Balancing Pore Minimizing Toner and the Daily Smoothing Face Exfoliator with 5% Alpha Hydroxy Acid (and still nursing at night and morning). Are these products okay because I don’t see mention of salocylic acid on them, or they also a no go?
Anonymous says
As far as I understand AHAs (like lactic and glycolic acid) are fine, but BHAs (like salicylic acid) are potentially not okay, because they contain whatever is in asprin that is not okay. You can tell I’m really well educated on this, right? Google will give you a more detailed answer.
Anonymous says
I just stopped taking care of my skin when nursing, so congrats to everyone doing better!
Anonymous says
My 2 year old daughter is having an uncharacteristically tough time lately. She’s been crying at daycare drop-off, sulky if I try to ask her about school, and generally clingy and on a short fuse. My husband is convinced that her daycare class is the problem, and wants me to move her to my on-site daycare (we have an older son who is thriving in his class, so this would be a 2-dropoff solution). She moved up at the beginning of the year to a new room with 2x as many kids and where she is the youngest one, plus classroom management is questionable and she hasn’t clicked with any the teachers the way she did in the smaller classes.
Actual facts: Monday, my husband did drop-off and said one of the teachers had to hold her so he could get away, and even then she was wailing and reaching for him. Yesterday at drop-off, she was running away and sitting in the hallway to cry until her favorite teacher from a year ago came to hug her and take her to the toddler class for a bit. Today she was just inconsolable from the second she got in the car at home. She stopped actively screaming eventually when one of the teachers took her to calm down in the office for a while, but she still looked so, so sad when I stopped by after dropping off my son to give her another hug goodbye. Extra information: she’s potty training and very hit-or-miss about it, so she usually has at least one accident at school every day. She seems happy by the time we’re picking her up in the afternoon.
Any thoughts on how much of this is normal 2-year-old angst, and how much is actually concerning/something I can do anything about? I’m going to talk to her lead teacher to see how she’s doing during the day, but with the classroom management issues so I’m not sure what details she’s picking up about any individual kid amidst the chaos. Sigh. I’m so distracted about this today.
NewMomAnon says
My daughter (3) has generally loved daycare, but we have had blips of unhappiness – a few weeks of rough drop off here and there. I don’t remember whether age 2 was one of those, but I bet it was.
I would talk to the teacher. I’ve often found that the teachers have a much better handle on each individual kid than I would expect, and it’s always comforting.
Also consider that last week was daylight savings time, and your kiddo may be working out some sleep disruptions leading to grumpiness.
SC says
My son is not quite two, so take this with a grain of salt, but honestly, I’d be concerned that something is happening in the classroom that’s causing real distress. I’d give her some extra one-on-one, cuddle time and then try to get her to talk about school.
Anon says
My kids go through blips of this too. My youngest just moved into the 2s and is having a hard time since he also isn’t clicking with the teachers.
Talk to the teachers. Explain that you’re concerned, and could they keep track of how long it takes her to settle down for the next week or so. See if they have recommendations. My kid loves bananas, so they make a huge effort to have bananas ready and waiting for him every morning, at a table where his back will be to the door. I can walk out without him noticing, and by the time he’s finished the banana, he’s forgotten he misses me.
Talk to other parents in the classroom – strike up a convo and see if they’re open to meeting at a park on the weekend. She may need a friend or two, to help distract her.
Talk to the previous favorite teacher. Ask if she thinks this is normal, or if she has any concerns. Does she have any suggestions for you?
If none of that helps, and maybe even if it does, the classroom management issues are concerning. Set up a meeting with the Director to explain your concern – I would NOT be okay if I suspected a teacher wouldn’t be able to tell me if my kid is miserable or not. Are they following your state’s child:teacher ratios? At my daycare, I believe 2 year olds need to be 8:1.
Rainbow Hair says
I was, honestly, worrying a lot about my kiddo (just turned 2), like did something scary or bad happen to her, because it seemed like a switch flipped and she was screamy and contrary and mean in a way she hadn’t ever been, and it came on so suddenly. Well, then she came down with a fever so I am thinking/hoping she just felt like crap. I guess we’ll see if she’s a happier kiddo when she’s all better. So here’s hoping it’s just something passing?
Anonymous says
I always feel that being happy at pick up is a major sign that whatever the issue, it’s ultimately okay. Your child may just be going through a patch of difficult partings. One of my children was unusually verbal and told me around that age that she’d have nightmares about us running away and not coming back, which could be a common fear at that age. They are really figuring out negative consequences at that age – which is good in many ways (careful! don’t touch, very hot!) – but difficult in others. Drop off may just be hard for a while.
At that age, one of my kids changed rooms and simply hated it. It always takes about a month to settle in, but she hated it the entire six months that she was in that room. (We had three kids at the center, so changing everything was just too overwhelming, although we did explore options and essentially discovered that we are truly at the best in our small town). She was again happy in the next room. I’ve never looooved this particular center, but I also didn’t have concerns about her safety. The staff did their best and always moved her around whenever they could (ie, when ratio dropped in another room, they’d move her there ; at times she’d even spend some time sitting on the director’s lap in her office).
Ironically, her younger sibling LOVES that room. Same teachers.
Anonymous says
Does “beginning of the year” refer to the school year or calendar year? Is this three months of not fun or 7 months? If it’s three I’d give it a couple weeks and then talk to teachers. If it’s 7 I’d give it a couple weeks and start looking for a new situation.
BabyBoom says
We got custody of 2 under 2 in December. With a lot of help, and amazing advice from this place, I feel like we have it under control. However, we don’t really feel comfortable yet having 1 of us watch both kids at once. Each of us have watched both for about 1 hour. But while 1 can do daycare pick up or drop off, we can’t work it out where 1 does wake-up or bedtime. Kids are now 21 months and 9 months. I feel like this is actually going to get worse when the baby starts actually walking. Any tips or advice? Or should I just accept this as the new normal?
Mrs. Jones says
That is a HUGE change all at once. I’m not sure there’s a “normal.” I bet you and the kids get more used to each other, and someday you’ll be able to handle both at once, at least most of the time.
Anon in NOVA says
Honestly, the way to get comfortable being alone with any kids, regardless of how they came in your lives, is to just do it. Maybe have one of you go to the grocery store late in the evening while the other tries bedtime on their own? that way, if things totally melt down, help is close by. It may be better to do a dry run like this before you find yourselves in a situation where one person HAS to do it. That will allow you to identify what in particular was difficult to juggle with two, etc. so you can put new procedures or preparations in place before one of you ends up HAVING to do it.
Hang in there, as we’ve all told you before this is a HUGE change adjustment for everyone, but you’re doing a great thing. I wish I had better advice, and I’m sure someone else here will.
Spirograph says
You are still adjusting! Most people have a lot of time to get used to the idea and logistics of wrangling two young kids, and a lot of practice wrangling one before adding a second (hats off to twins parents!). You just need practice, and confidence in your skills as a parent/caretaker. If I’m remembering correctly, it’s likely these kids will be with you long-term and possibly permanently. You will get there, I promise. But it does take some time. Those are tough ages because they’re prone to injury and/or destruction so you feel like you need eyes on both of them, yet they’re mobile enough to go in different directions and young enough that they each need individual hands-on care that takes your attention away from the other.
Things that might help: Childproof everything so you’re more comfortable letting kids out of your sight. No need to go crazy with padding corners, just anchor tip-able furniture, and make poisons and fragile things inaccessible. Also really think about where things are located, and keep everything for bedtime and wake-up routines in as tight of a radius as possible, preferably with sight-lines. So for example, I hang my clothes on the door and get ready in the hall bathroom next to the baby’s room. My older kids’ room is on a different floor, but we stage their clothes for the next day in the baby’s room. Baby can crawl on his bedroom floor while kids and I get dressed and ready for the day, then we all troop to the kitchen for breakfast.
POSITA says
I’d accept it. We have a 3.5 yo and a 10 month old and solo bedtimes are still next to impossible. The kids are both tired and grumpy by the end of the day. Our 3.5 yo starts crazy sibling rivalry stuff if we try to put the 10 month old to bed without her present. And the 10 month old won’t settle down to go to sleep of the 3.5 yo is being crazy. It’s frustrating, to say the least. We’re hoping that it gets better when they’re a bit bigger.
rakma says
We just had our second, and sometimes it’s just really hard to juggle the needs of two small people at once.
Are you trying to do all of the wake up/bedtime routines together? I’m thinking of mornings, if they both wake up at the same time and need diapers/bottles/cuddles, it’s really hard to do that with two. If there’s even a half hour where one is up and the other is still asleep, it gives you a bit to focus on just the needs of one, then set them up with a distraction so you can deal with the other. That might mean a difference in bedtime too–one goes down a little earlier, then you focus on the other. (That said, we haven’t figured out how to do bedtime with only one of us, so when DH traveled for a week, DD1 slept in bed with me)
Also, are there parts of the morning routine that daycare can take care of when you’ve got one parent doing wake up? Drop them off in PJs with a set of clothes for the day?
Even when the little one starts walking, you can contain them in a pack and play or one of those play yards for a little bit–so they’re not wandering off. DD1 was actually really happy in the pack and play with a bunch of toys at the age she started walking, so that might not be as much of a problem as you’re thinking now.
avocado says
Take this with a grain of salt because I only have one child, but might babywearing help at least some of the time? I see a lot of moms out at the grocery store etc. with a toddler in the cart or walking next to it and a baby or young toddler in a carrier, and they seem to be having a much easier time than moms with two young kids who are not wearing one of them. Until my daughter got too big, I would wear her all the time–around the house, in the store, etc. I found it much easier than taking the infant bucket seat out of its base, dealing with the stroller, or trying to set her down and watch her while simultaneously taking care of something around the house.
I remember your original post and am amazed at what you are doing.
Momata says
You’re amazing. Be gentle on yourself. My kids are 20 months apart and it really was only once the baby was able to toddle around and eat the same food as the toddler that I felt like I had a handle on watching both of them at once. We stagger bedtime and put the older one in front of a tv show (her only screen time all day) while we put the baby down, which means it is technically feasible for one parent to do both. But this only became the case once the older one was actually old enough to watch a show. I think you’re doing a great job – give yourselves a pat on the back.
Anon in NOVA says
^honestly the screen time is something to consider, a great idea. That way, the older one will get a special “treat” while you’re putting the baby to bed and is less inclined to feel like they’re being ignored or missing out on something special.
Anon says
This is what I do when DH travels. Or, if the baby has napped late, baby and i put 3.5 y/o to bed “together” and then I put baby down and come back for one last kiss if the older one is still up.
Anonymous says
I’d accept it for now. Having just one person do wake-up/bedtime is a struggle. It will actually get easier when baby gets older. A 1 year old and a 24 month old can both feed themselves a bit and can be bathed together. You will find your path on what works for your family.
I would focus on trying to do one part of each time on your own. So one person actually gives the bath while second person gets a break for 20 minutes then second person comes upstairs to help put on pyjamas while first person gets a break and then both help put to bed. Or in the morning, one person gets kids started with breakfast, switch out and other person finishes breakfast/gets kids dressed, second person comes back to help with coats and out the door.
Anonymous says
If you don’t have one, an exersaucer in the bathroom or just outside the door can be a great help. You need to shower and partner is busy changing 21 month old? Baby goes in exersaucer. Or evening time baby goes in exersaucer while you bathe 21 month old, get toddler dressed, then into exersaucer while you bathe 9 month old. Unless they are really dirty, splashing around in a tub full of water is as much ‘washing’ as they need most evenings.
Anonymous says
My kids are 21 months apart and arrive one at a time (and I had plenty of notice of the impending arrival of each given that I gestated them). 2nd kid was fussy and when 2nd kid was very little I actually hired babysitters to come to my own home while I was home to help me if I had to do too many evenings in a row alone.
Adjusting takes time. Go at your own pace. Consider pushing things a bit. It might be helpful to know how you go about doing bedtime now (timeline, logistics, temperaments, etc.). With that info maybe some of us can provide concrete tips.
H says
I only have one and give props to anyone with 2 under 2, but for me it got much easier once LO started walking and I didn’t have to be constantly holding him. As long is your house is baby proofed (go overboard if it makes you feel better) one can be left alone for a short period while you are dealing with the other. And you can definitely put the younger one in the crib or pack in play or excersaucer while you’re dealing with the older one.
And yes, give yourselves grace. It hasn’t been that long and this is a HUGE adjustment.
Anonymous says
Do not beat yourself up about not breezing into 2u2 solo after one a few months! That’s a short learning curve, and it is genuinely hard.
It’s a mix of the new normal and improvement as you settle in. It will always be a balancing act and stressful, but you WILL get it down at least enough to feel like you aren’t completed bound.
I do agree that the only way you get comfortable having multiple kids by yourself is by just doing it. Start with solo time at home, work up to short to trip to some place easy (a nearby parent or friends’ house, for example), then an easy park, and eventually a store or larger outing. Do not one day decide to go to the zoo or pool solo ;)
I agree that bedtime and waking actually gets easier as they get older. It’s genuinely hard to get a toddler ready for bed while holding a baby, settling in the toddler while giving baby a bottle, etc. You aren’t that far away from having them go in parallel, which will make it so much easier for one person. I have multiple kids, and it’s substantially easier when the youngest enters the 18-24 month age. (I know that feels like forever right now, but it will be here before you know it). Until then, we do avoid being gone during bedtime or morning so that there are two parents available.
Anon says
You are amazing, and also jumping in at a really, really hard point. Things might briefly get harder, but then will get so much easier. But, the biggest parenting lesson I’ve learned is that everything is temporary, and not to worry too much about what the “next” stage will look like. Focus on handling what’s in front of you.
I think you have two options. Look for a post-partum doula, or seek out a trusted and experienced nanny, or a preschool teacher. Have them come over a few times at bedtime, and help you implement a solid bedtime routine. Your kids are both old enough to thrive on routine, but young enough that you can get something nailed down before they start fighting you on bedtime. It would really, really help to find someone who can show you how it works logistically. All the typing in the world won’t be a substitute for a great nanny who knows how to nail the two kid bedtime. We have two about that age spread, and our routine is rock solid, but totally geared to the temperament of the kids and the limitations of our house. Now that we are closer to the 3.5 and 5, they know exactly what’s coming next and do most of the work on their own. It will get easier!!
Or, just embrace the temporariness of it, and hire a high school kid or college kid to be your extra hands when one of you is flying solo. Recognize that you won’t need help forever, but that you might need it now. And that’s okay!!
NewMomAnon says
Vent/advice: Kiddo is having a tough time with preschool drop offs (which happens every 6-8 months or so, with wild exuberance in between). She sometimes says that she wants a new school, which is totally out of character for her. We’re having quick waves of teacher turnover in the preschool program too, and every time it seems to settle, another teacher leaves. I’m also noticing that my daughter’s clothes are often ripped, and she seems to have a lot of ouchies that aren’t written up in incident reports (for instance, a bloody scratch on her neck that she says happened when a teacher zipped her jacket up and caught her neck – no incident report).
This morning we found out that we’re going to have yet another turnover (after 2 months of consistency), and so I went to check out the licensing reports for a nearby preschool with a March 30 application deadline and, lo and behold, there is a serious investigative report for my daughter’s current preschool program that resulted in a teacher being fired and falsified incident reports.
I’m so angry. They post the reports in a corner of the entryway, but I hadn’t seen this one, and it is dated 2 months after the incident (and firing) occurred. It was in the other preschool classroom (not my daughter’s), and it obviously wasn’t any of her current teachers who we have liked. Why didn’t they say something to parents?
I’m also sad. I really like the diversity of both the students and teachers at this program, and there aren’t any nearby programs with similar levels of diversity. We’ve been here since she was a tiny baby and some of the teachers feel like family. I’ve been holding my breath that the turnover will resolve or the communication will improve because I didn’t want to leave….but I also want the consistency of a regular teacher for myself and my daughter!
anon says
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. Our family went through something really similar when my son was finishing up preschool and heading into kindergarten. His class went through a string of preschool teachers, in rapid succession, which was alarming on its own. Then one was fired. I’d never liked that teacher, but the total lack of communication on the reasons WHY it happened was the last straw. We ended up making the hard choice to leave that daycare, which we’d been at for 5 years, because the trust had been broken. We had become very close with some of the other teachers and the assistant director and I completely bawled on my kids’ last day there.
I do not regret leaving at all. While I miss the diversity of the previous school and the curriculum, once the trust is gone, it’s gone. Many of the teachers I loved have left, too. I feel like there is a management issue and as long as that director is there, our family won’t be — even though it’s literally next door to my office.
Anonymous says
Sorry you’re having to deal with this. I’ve been not loving DS’ daycare recently but this is a great reminder than their turnover is non-existent and that’s huge for his adjustment.
Pogo says
Turnover is my only hesitation about the big corporate centers. I know examples like this are infrequent, but it’s so tough to hear about.
Anon says
This sucks. I’m sorry.
We use a daycare center in St. Paul. My kid is three and only this month – for the first time – did he have a teacher in his classroom leave and it was to go on Maternity leave. So there are centers out there with a better track record on turnover.
I would have a hard time looking past the investigative report – not so much the contents (sometimes employees are just terrible, and they should be fired) but no communication about it seems problematic to me. Do you know whether the parents from that particular classroom were notified at the time of the incident?
NewMomAnon says
Nobody was notified – the classes mix up quite a bit, so I often talk with parents in that classroom and see the notices on the classroom door. Nothing. It’s been the MO of this particular school to say nothing when a teacher leaves, and not always introduce a new teacher when they start in a classroom. It hasn’t been a problem but we’ve had several complete turnovers since kiddo started in this classroom, including two teachers who each stayed less than a month.
Closet Redux says
Step one of ProjectWokeHusband is complete!
Last week we were both at our 3-year old’s daycare dropoff because we were taking the infant to the Dr. together afterward. We had forgotten her snow boots and her teacher said to my husband, “Oh I have extras, what size does she wear?” He said he didn’t know and the teacher ventured a guess, “A 7 or 8 maybe?” to jog his memory. Nothing. He has no clue what size shoe our kid wears! Because he has never bought her shoes! He was very embarrassed!
Later that night he actually thanked me for always taking care of the kids’ clothes– purchasing, sorting, putting away, cycling out seasons and sizes… He acknowledged that I do all of that every time and expressed gratitude.
It’s a far cry from him actually taking on part of that burden, but acknowledging its existence is a huge first step!
Anonymous says
That’s great! I do all the wardrobing for our three kids and it is a lot of emotional labor especially in places with 4 distinct seasons.
I measure/size the kids every couple months and update the list in my phone and email hubby. I send height/weight measurements because sizing varies across brands. That way if I’m stuck with work or otherwise busy and need an item on short notice, he can pick it up. Nothing makes him appreciate the clothing thing faster than having to locate and purchase rainpants or sandals on a random Tuesday.
RR says
This is great! And made me realize that I don’t know my kids’ shoe sizes even though I buy them shoes. I’m always like, “IDK, in the 1-4 range?” And then we measure them. So many numbers!
EB0220 says
Hilarious. I have NO idea what size shoes my kids wear and always have to look it up on my Amazon orders.
Anonymous says
The discussion of what we owe our parents reminded me of a question I haven’t dealt with yet. My husband and I finally got around to getting an appropriate level of life insurance last year. We don’t have long-term care insurance. I’m not sure if we should, and our financial planner guy wasn’t very insightful and seemed to think we (in our 30s) are too young for this. If one of us were to have a terrible accident or something and need constant nursing help or something like that, it would destroy our family’s finances if it weren’t otherwise covered. What kind of coverage do you responsible people have, if any?
Anon in NOVA says
we don’t have any (haven’t found affordable options), but I do know my grandmother had it through her employer starting in her 40s or 50s. It carried into retirement and has made a world of difference in the quality of care we’re able to offer her now that she’s in her late 70s with alzheimer’s and in a home. Her nursing home costs appx $10K a month so the insurance is really helpful.
I know that’s not the advice you were looking for, but it has really kept my father from having to dip into his own money to support her
Pogo says
This is an interesting question. My parents just bought long term care insurance; in-laws don’t have it, but have enough invested, plus assets, that there is coverage for long term care. That’s how my grandmother’s care (from like 75 until she was almost 90) was covered – her inheritance from her husband + his savings paid a home health aide full time to care for her.
For my husband and I we have not thought about this, admittedly. We both have long term disability through our employers, life insurance, and retirement savings. I know it’s not ideal but theoretically the person who became disabled could get rid of all their assets and go on Medicaid, right? Although would you have to get divorced to do that so spouse’s income and assets didn’t count against you?
I did have a friend growing up whose mother had a terrible stroke at 30, so it isn’t ridiculous to think about. I believe her care was covered by her husband’s health insurance – for PT, etc. She was able to mostly take care of herself at home (could cook some basic meals, change her clothes, shower, etc by her self), but couldn’t drive or ever hold a job after her stroke.
Anonymous says
Huh, I should probably make sure I have appropriate long-term disability insurance. My employer’s offerings are a joke.
NewMomAnon says
I don’t know if this is still the case, but long-term care insurance was priced way too low when it became popular, and the claims ended up being much higher than underwriters had anticipated. As a result, the price skyrocketed for a while. My ex and I looked at it briefly and determined that it was too expensive to get a good policy, and there weren’t very many offerings in the market. I guess now that I’m a single-earner household I might look more carefully at it.
Anonymous says
We don’t (yet?) have long term care insurance, but DO get long term disability insurance!
Long story short, this last year we found out exactly how valuable it was after a major and random medical issue caused my husband to quit working for over a year. I’m genuinely not sure what we would have done without it. It didn’t replace his entire income, but it paid for daycare (and we can live on my income alone, but not with our ~2,500/month daycare bill).
RDC says
How does one buy long term disability insurance if it’s not offered from your employer? Is it like life insurance that you can go online and apply? Any tips?
Anon in NYC says
I purchased life insurance and long term disability insurance through a broker (Northwestern Mutual). I think it’s like shopping for life insurance.
Anonymous says
That’s how we got ours as well. It’s through our life insurance company for my husband. Mine is through work, which I was fine with since I view it as income replacement. (As opposed to life insurance, which I did want to hold privately).
Pogo says
I would think maybe start with AAA or similar? I really don’t know.
The conversations on here make me realize the value of good insurance offerings by my and my husband’s employers. Our STD is full pay up to a year, and then the LTD kicks in at 60%. My health insurance fully covered all of our infertility treatments. It really puts it in perspective.
also, makes me sad that it is so employer-dependent what might happen to you if you ended up with a debilitating illness. Ugh.
Anonymous says
FYI to anyone following, I posted this question on the main s i t e as well and got some useful insight there as well. I think it is probably not worth buying until you are older, but LT disability is, and that you should really just hold your breath and hope you don’t get hit by a truck (or, that if you get hit by a truck, it finishes the job…). So, for myself, I will make sure I have appropriate LT disability insurance and then back to never thinking about this for the next 20+ years!
SBJ says
Ok, feeding question: LO is generally a great eater, but he’s starting to express more preferences now at 15 months. At what age can you really enforce “this is what we’re having for dinner”? I feel like he’s too young to fully understand the logic of why he’s not getting something else if he protests what he has; on the other hand I don’t want to set the expectation that a protest leads to different food choices. Given work schedules and 15-month old bedtimes, we’re also starting bath/bedtime routine pretty quickly after dinner, so there’s not much of an opportunity to wait and then later offer a neutral, non-exciting snack (though all snacks are exciting in his mind).
So–at what age can you really start to enforce “this is dinner” and prior to that, how do you ensure that your kid doesn’t wake up hungry in the middle of the night?
(On the plus side for this age–he’s leaned to give proper kisses, which come with a giant smacking sound, and will reach up, take my face, and plant a smooch on my cheek regularly. It kills me. I’m really enjoying this phase!)
Anonymous says
Do you give him milk in a sippy cup before bed? That was my solution (although that then becomes another habit to break down the road before potty training time!)
AnonMN says
I think kids know much more at this age then we give them credit for, so that being said, I start around 12 months, or when they start getting primary nutrition from food not breastmilk. I could say I start right away, as when they start solids I don’t make more banana if they don’t like the peas, I just figure they’ll make up for any lack of food with milk later.
We do, however, do milk before bed. I also try to make sure I am serving at least one item that each kid likes at meals\snacks(we have 13 month old and 3 year old). It’s worked thus far. My 3 year old is still picky, but he knows that what is served is what he gets.
It’s the one thing I am a hard a$$ parent about. I didn’t want dinner to be a battle, so we are pretty solid Satter Method in our house. I set the food down, they decide whether to eat it. No “one more bite”, etc. My 3 year old will say “I can’t like that” as his version of “I don’t like that” and we remind him that he doesn’t have to eat it, but that is what dinner is tonight.
Anonymous says
we started around that age. Dinner is dinner. Only alternative is buttered toast. Our little guy gets a bottle of milk at bedtime so I would offer a sippy of milk as well if you don’t give a bottle at bedtime.
AwayEmily says
Following….mine is about to turn one and I can already sense the preferences train coming down the track. I’m also interested in the same what-if as SBJ: assuming we do enforce the “this is what we are having, take it or leave it,” and assuming of course that there WAS something she liked on the plate but she just didn’t want it, then what are the actual negative consequences (if any) of putting her to bed without having had any dinner? Long-term I’m sure it’s fine, but in the short-term will we have to deal with night wakeups? Early wakeup? Something else? What have others experienced?
Currently she almost never wakes up in the middle of the night, and I certainly don’t want to do things that make it more likely. But on the other hand I would like to just have a consistent rule about eating dinner and stick with it.
Anon says
Our 2 year old frequently eats two bites of dinner or no bites of dinner and never wakes up hungry in the night. We don’t offer another option besides what we’re having, and often he’s just not hungry I guess (even if the dinner includes items he usually likes, will often not ear them). He is pretty cranky in the a.m. on those days though, until after breakfast.
H says
We enforced it from the very beginning but we do try to give our 2 year old at least one thing we know he’ll eat. I refuse to make him a completely separate dinner. If he doesn’t eat, he doesn’t eat. To answer AwayEmily – my son has never woken up in the middle of the night to say he’s hungry. But he usually eats something, even if it is just pureed veggies (yup, still working on veggies…) and a couple ounces of milk. He does eat a hearty breakfast though, probably because he doesn’t eat much at dinner.
SBJ says
Thanks, everyone! I’ll hold firm on “this is dinner,” then, and make sure he’s had a good serving of milk if he’s not enthusiastic about the food for dinner. Unfortunately, we’re also trying to pace him on milk because he’s in a phase of LOVING milk (like is stealing other kids’ cups at daycare if he doesn’t get enough milk/get it fast enough…), so figuring out that balance is another challenge. I think the short-term solution is additional milk post-bath, as was suggested. We’ll deal with potty training challenges when they come…
Em says
We ran into this issue at 13 months. I was making enchiladas for myself and gave my son lightly spiced filling (sweet potatoes, black beans, corn) for dinner. He tried it a couple times and it was clear he really didn’t like the spices. My instinct was to get him something new, but then I stopped myself. I ended up giving him some cut up avocado on the side, since I knew he would eat that, but otherwise didn’t get him a whole new meal. He is in the 80th percentile for height and weight, so I knew he wasn’t going to starve if all he had was avocado and milk for dinner one night.
SBJ says
Ha, yeah, my kiddo is 75th percentile for weight and, um, not that for height, so he’s definitely got some wiggle room on the not starving front! He most closely resembles Pooh Bear in build right now…
AwayEmily says
that sounds adorable!
avocado says
My kid hates certain spices, so whenever possible I scoop out her portion before adding the objectionable spices.
Thisperson1 says
Following. My 15mo son has recently started expressing his preferences… he’d be perfectly happy eating nothing but fruit. I offer one portion of fruit and then whatever we’re having for dinner and if he eats, excellent. If not, he wants breakfast pretty much the second he wakes up in the morning.
PinkKeyboard says
Mine gets what we are eating and has since about a year. If she doesn’t eat her dinner she gets no fruit or cookies. She will occasionally choose to refuse all dinner and only gets a little milk before bed.
Closet Redux says
Does anyone use reusable straws with kids? A post on the main site reminded me that I’ve been wanting to banish one particularly noxious anti-environmental product in our kitchen: the plastic straw. My toddler loves choosing a colorful straw from the box almost every night at dinner. When she’s just drinking water we rinse and reuse them but for juice/ yogurt/ smoothie we tend to toss. Would stainless steel work or is silicone a better bet with little kids? Any brand recommendations?
Anon says
At home, we use the Munchkin click-lock straw cups until they’re big enough to drink from a real cup. I do keep a pencil case of reusable straws in the cars for restaurants or grandparents house. They’re silicone and came with a little cleaning brush, I think they were around $10 for 5 on Amazon. Easy to clean out in the bathroom sink after dinner. (We also carry around reusable kid-size forks/spoons. This isn’t for environmental reasons, it’s mainly because too many mac and cheeses are served with an adult-sized soup spoon and my 5th percentile tiny preschoolers would get insanely frustrated.)
Anonymous says
can you link to the silicone ones you use?
I keep stainless steel in the car for adults but they don’t seem as kid friendly. We often just use the plastic straws from their straw cups if they want a straw when they are drinking out of an open cup.
Anon in NYC says
I would probably use silicone. No recs, but there are a bunch of options on Amazon.
Kindergarten boy says
We love our stainless steel straws but got them when kids were 4 and 6. I wouldn’t recommend for younger ones because they can hurt if you poke yourself (ask me how I know). And we are fairly strict about now allowing them to walk around w whatever they are drinking w straw although this is mostly for cleaning reasons (I hate cleaning so I prefer to minimize the areas that get dirty). Mostly use straws for smoothies that are thick rather than milk or water so a straw brush for cleaning is essential to swish out gunk before throwing in dishwasher.
Just realized this is not exactly what you asked but I guess I’m saying for toddler try silicone.
Anonymous says
It sounds like your kid is too young for this, but if not, another option is explaining that you need to stop using straws to keep the environment healthy. My son started grasping this concept at some point in his third year, and is pretty much the litter cop now.
Closet Redux says
This is a good point. She LOVES reminding people to cover their coughs/sneezes “because that’s how people get sick!”, so reducing plastic consumption to help the earth doesn’t seem too far off.
Lyssa says
Honestly, we just drop the disposable plastic ones in the dishwasher (I’m talking about the completely basic bulk white ones with the bendy top and fine red and blue stripes), and they come out fine. I’ve been using them out of the same initial package for at least 7 or 8 years. We do the same with plastic silverware, if that’s being used for some reason other than a big party.
Another Mommy says
We have a dishwasher container that fits straws. I haven’t tried washing disposables, but it could do the trick. Will post link below.
Another Mommy says
Like this: https://www.amazon.com/Born-Free-BPA-Free-Dishwasher-Basket/dp/B00BFIH0PE/ref=sr_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1490212563&sr=8-3&keywords=dishwasher%2Bbasket&th=1
avocado says
I would not use the stainless steel straws, especially if the kids take them in the car. Starbucks recently recalled a travel cup with a stainless steel straw because of reports of kids poking themselves with the straws. Silicone seems safer.
For disposable options, I wonder whether paper straws are more environmentally friendly than plastic ones?
Anonymous says
PSA: Zappos has a useful looking print-out for measuring kiddie feet. Link in reply.
I’m so bummed that the one brick-and-mortar kids’ shoe store in my town closed up. That–aside from groceries–was literally the last thing I shopped for in person.
Anonymous says
https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/G/01/zappos/landing/images/zappos-kids-size-chart.pdf
Anon in NYC says
Oh how helpful. I bought one of those plastic ones on Amazon (I think it was like $20) but my kiddo screams when we try to use it. I have no idea why. She does it in the store too, when someone else measures her foot. So it’s just something about having her foot measured, I guess.
Anonymous says
There is also a cheap foot measuring product, the Squatchi, that is somewhat useful. I tend to second guess myself with it though.