Everyone Thursday: Airport Greeting Cardigan

This ModCloth cardigan has been a very popular cardigan for Corporette over the years — a lot of people have really liked it. We’re featuring it half zipped, but you can zip it all the way up so that it has a sort of moto look to it, and you can also wear it open for a flowy look. It’s marked dry clean, but not dry clean only. The cardigan comes in six colors, sizes XXS-4X, and it’s only $54. Airport Greeting Cardigan

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  1. Anonymous says:

    I love this. Does anyone have experience IRL? Wondering about how snug in the sleeves are.

    • I got a version of this from StitchFix a few years ago. I like it, but in practice there is so much fabric in the front that I rarely end up zipping it. Which makes it just a cardigan with some weirdly-placed zippers.

    • I have it. I have large arms proportionately, and the sleeves are snug but not uncomfortable. I really like it and wear it both open and half-zipped.

    • I had this and it was moderately snug in the arms, but not tight. But the material is scratchy – my baby would cry when I wore it so it went in the giveaway bin. Also, it pilled after a few washes (I don’t dry clean sweaters; that’s a cop out by the manufacturer as dry cleaning actually damaged sweaters over time). Looked cute zipped up though.

    • I also LOVE this. I actually have something similar from Nordstom (caslon brand) from a couple years ago. I rarely zip it up but I’m not bothered by the zippers.

  2. I recently got engaged to my fiancee who has full time custody of his six year old son for ten months out of the year (he spends summers with his mother/my fiancee’s ex-wife on the other side of the country). The son and I have a good relationship and he is generally a happy kid, but I was hoping for some parenting book recommendations, or any advice in general, for a soon-to-be stepmom. FWIW his mother is supportive of me playing a larger role in his life, which I would like to do. TIA!

    • Anonymous says:

      No specific book recommendations. The most consistent advice I’ve seen it to focus on being another caring adult like an aunt or trusted babysitter. That will make the kid feel comfortable that you are not trying to ‘replace’ mom. A caring/affectionate relationship where you are not the disciplinarian when dad is around, but when he is not, you are a caring adult with authority and responsibility. Be positive and encouraging about kid’s interactions with mom (I presume there is facetiming/phone calls during the ten months) Sounds like you have a good start to your situation as the mom is supportive and you have a non-confusing arrangement on when kid lives where.

      Maybe try to establish as shared activity unique to you and kid. I love baking and I’ve started baking muffins every weekend with my kids. They love it, it’s our ‘thing’ on weekends. Pick something that you love to do and figure out how to share it with the kid – baking/swimming/painting, whatever.

    • AnonStepMom says:

      Congratulations! I have two now teenage stepchildren and two toddlers. I subscribed to Stepmom magazine (online only) for about a year after my husband and I got engaged. I found it helpful. I also read A Career Girl’s Guide to Becoming a Stepmom, Stepmonster, and Stepcoupling. I would recommend bits and pieces of all of them. I could write a novel on this subject but my biggest piece of advice is to be authentic to yourself – don’t try to change who you are based on what the books (or your friends and family who have NO idea what it is actually like to parent a stepchild or be married to someone who has an ex-wife) tell you the “ideal” version of a stepmom/stepchild relationship will be. In time, you will find your own relationship with your stepson. It sounds as though you will be the day-to-day “mom” figure for your stepson for a large portion of the time, which will probably be overwhelming at first. It’ okay to need to take a step back and let dad take the lead on all things kid-related. It’s also okay if you want to jump right in. I guess what I’m saying is that I’ve been there (and am still there!) and the dynamics change all the time. I will say that having stepchildren has been the greatest and most humbling privilege of my life – even more than having my own babies. If you are lucky, in 10 years that now 6 year old will never remember life without you and you will be the person he calls to tell you good or bad news just as soon as he hangs up with his mom.

    • Congrats! I have a ten year old stepdaughter who lives with us half of the time. I met her when she was four. It has been challenging sometimes, especially since we are in the thick of pre-teen angst, but also really rewarding. She’s a great kid. It’s a tough line to dance on – you’re an adult, but you’re not really a parent, but you’re sort of a parent. Don’t be afraid to check in with your husband. I did this a lot in the beginning – checking his comfort level with my involvement and how I was approaching discipline/responsibility.

      And to you two veterans above, I might be checking in with you – I’ve been struggling a bit lately during this really challenging tween time. Don’t love it.

    • Anonymous says:

      I am divorced, as is my partner. We each have a child from our first marriage, and we recently moved in together (no plans to marry). I read, “The Lasting Legacy of Divorce” which was really helpful for me to read. It’s important for you to allow your stepchild to have a full range of emotions about your marrying his dad, about your new place in his life, and about how he has to share Dad with you. When the 3 of you are together, try to focus on your stepchild and not on your new fiance. It sounds easy, but I still get pangs of jealousy when my partner has to focus on the kids for too long and doesn’t have time/energy for me at the end of the day. Many children have a mourning period when one parent remarries — children frequently harbor a hope/desire that their parents will reunite, and a marriage solidifies that cannot happen. With everything, don’t be afraid about screwing up because inevitably, you will. Just own it and apologize. Don’t force conversations with the child, just sit and play with him. 6-year-old boys are really excited about baking soda volcanoes (especially with food coloring). You will gradually come into a really comfortable, loving place with your stepchild, but it will take time. That’s okay.

      • Anonymous says:

        Also — read How to Talk so Kids Will Listen. It may really help your communication with your new step-son.

        • This was really useful perspective on the divorce aspect, which I sometimes overlook. Fiance has talked a number of times about how his son is so adaptable and excited about baking soda volcanos and Transformers that it’s easy to forget how much divorce dynamics can affect him.

    • I *am* a stepchild so thought it would be worth putting that perspective on the table. My mom married my stepdad when I was 10, 3-4 years after the divorce. Like others have suggested he was authentic in sharing his interests with us, he showed interest in us as individuals (not just as adjuncts to our mom), he showed parental affection, he let us know he would be happy if we called him by his first name for as long as that felt appropriate to us, and he was unfailingly patient with us (a personality trait of his generally) – at the time I didn’t think of him as an uncle/babysitter type of role but as a third parent, with slightly less authority than my non-custodial father and way less than my mom (he would enforce her rules if he knew her view; otherwise he would say, “Go ask your mom what she thinks about that” – it was cumbersome and I suspect humbling for him, and I’m sure put a lot of enforcement pressure on my mom, but it completely avoided power struggles).

      Over a few years we switched to calling him “Dad” as our relationship developed. I really did think of him as my third parent (in contrast to my two successive stepmothers, who did not develop much of a relationship with us and who I always referred to by their first names). Eventually my father took himself out of the picture, unable to deal with me as a teenager, and my (step)dad really stepped up at that point – he hadn’t been looking to replace my father, but he was willing to take on the sole dad mantle when the circumstances changed. When I turned 18 I asked him to adopt me, so now he’s legally my father, reflecting our actual relationship. I think his overall willingness to love me like his child (affection, interest in my interests, humility in navigating the awkward parts, unconditional love based on our relationship and not just his relationship with my mom) without (at first) knowing whether that love would be returned in the same way was important, as it provided a safe foundation for me to invest in the relationship too. I wish you the best! No kid has too many people to love him!

    • Thank you to everyone for the advice! He does talk to his mother via FaceTime a few times a month but frankly my fiancee has expressed that she is less involved than he would prefer. Obviously there isn’t a lot we can do about that though. Thankfully he is the happiest, friendliest, and most outgoing child I’ve ever met so building a relationship has been relatively easy so far. Regarding “our thing,” his father made a similar recommendation and now I read with him every night before bed.

      The advice and book recommendations are extremely helpful—I have almost no experience with either children or divorce and didn’t even know where to start.

  3. Meg Murry says:

    I’ve liked the look of this cardigan every time I’ve seen it posted, but now that ModCloth has been sold to Walmart it gives me a little bit of a pause. I may be a bit of a hypocrite because there really aren’t any other stores/companies I have a personal boycott on (although I did pause my Lands End spending after the Gloria Steneim kerfluffle, and I never shopped at American Apparel or Lululemon in the first place, for examples of the only places I could think of that I might have added to the list. Oh, and I guess I don’t patronize Hobby Lobby either, but I hadn’t shopped there in 5 years anyway because there isn’t one convenient to me.) But somehow I just don’t like the idea of giving any more money to the Walton family.

    I know that my Walmart boycott stems partly from the fact that there was a big anti-Walmart movement in my hometown when one moved in and local stores started going under. And another part of it is that the handful of times I’ve had to go to any of the local stores in my area I’ve had terrible experiences with their customer service, employees and other rude customers, so I just avoid it whenever possible. I know it’s hypocritical because I don’t really boycott other big box stores and I can’t seem to curtail my Amazon addiction despite the fact that it is probably hurting local stores now even more than Walmart. Anyone else have stores/companies/products that give them pause before buying even if it isn’t totally rational or 100% consistent?

    I’m not in a place to shop right now, so I wasn’t planning to buy this anyway – I’ve just added this style of long but zipped up cardigan/topper to my mental list of pieces I should look for when I break my shopping ban.

    • Anonymous says:

      You don’t have to be 100% consistent and perfect in order to make these kinds of decisions. I don’t buy from Land’s End (Gloria Steinem incident) or Amazon (The Guardian reported on their awful labor practices). But I do buy from Walmart and H&M (usually just the conscious line). It might be hypocritical but I have a busy life and I do the best I can, but I don’t expect it to be 100% logical or consistent. Less than perfection still has value.

      • Ugh, yeah Amazon. I heard a similar report (don’t think it was the same one) on the radio from a reporter who worked undercover at an Amazon warehouse. Super depressing. I’m not a big Amazon person anyway, and it definitely made me not want to go for the Subscribe method that some people have of buying everything from Amazon (paper towels, cat food, etc) even though it would save time running errands.

        • Meg Murry says:

          Yes, I feel a little bit guilty about my current subscribe and save for laundry detergent and that I’ve started to default to Amazon to bulk buy toilet paper, paper towels, toothpaste, etc. But as others have said, I’m trying to balance my ethics with my sanity – and ordering from Amazon cuts down on the amount of impulse purchases I make at Target and the amount of random driving around I do for errands, etc.

        • I’ve seen a few articles about the Amazon issues, but I haven’t heard anything particular to Subscribe & Save. A quick search didn’t turn up anything – what’s the deal there? I use it for diapers and toilet paper.

          • Sorry it’s not the Subscribe & Save program itself that’s bad, but from the report I heard, when someone is buying a bunch of random different products for their order (like diapers, one package of toilet paper, one bottle of laundry detergent, etc) it’s harder on the ‘runners’.

            Basically the interview I heard the reporter said, Look, you can’t avoid Amazon. I use it. But I don’t use it to buy paper towels I could just as easily buy at the grocery store down the street.

            So it made me think twice about signing up for Subscribe & Save, which people mostly use for things they *could* get at stores nearby, utilizing distribution models that are marginally better to their employees… in theory.

            I’m in agreement it’s impossible to be a perfect consumer and your sanity is important. I was just bummed to hear how bad Amazon was to its warehouse employees.

          • and here’s the story if you’re interested! http://www.radiolab.org/story/brown-box/

            Or maybe not if you’re worried it’ll make you feel guilty… Like I said, I still buy from Amazon. Now I just feel bad about it…

          • I don’t understand this line of thinking at all. Yes, it’s a physically demanding job with low tolerance for error. But that is literally how EVERYTHING gets made and shipped. You order from Nordstroms, it’s the same deal. You buy in a Target store, it’s the same deal. Follow the line back far enough (and rarely do you need to go very far) and you will find hourly workers in a warehouse or factory floor, pushing buttons or driving forklifts or running/picking, for 8 hours straight without furnace or AC.
            I assure you, in your local city you will find a factory of some sort. Or turn on “How It’s Made” for an hour. I don’t understand how this is a surprise to anyone. I feel like maybe you don’t know that bacon comes from slaughtering pigs, or your eggs come from giant chicken factories.

          • Anonymama says:

            It’s not the fact of factory work, but the conditions within that: allowing the legal breaks, having restrooms/break room that are actually accessible at break time and don’t take the entire break to get there and back, having predictably scheduled shifts, appropriate overtime pay, and not trying to cut corners at beginning/end of shifts.

        • Anon in NYC says:

          I agree that you don’t need to be perfect. I use Amazon frequently. I shopped at Nordstrom’s when it was still carrying Ivanka Trump’s line (I just didn’t buy her products). I don’t shop at Walmart because there isn’t one close to me; I have shopped there when elsewhere, but I would prefer to shop elsewhere. I won’t shop at American Apparel or Hobby Lobby, but I have no problem with Lululemon. I know that some people are protesting DAPL by moving their money out of certain banks.

          Long story short, I think you have to pick and choose your battles. This is not yet a hill that I’m willing to die on.

        • bluefield says:

          I would reserve judgment on Amazon (& its subscribe & save program) until after you have a baby. The year before I had a baby, I had 20 Amazon orders. The year after, I had over 200. You have no clue how difficult it is to get anything done with a newborn, and then once it’s more manageable you’re back to work and don’t want to spend the precious few hours you have with your baby buying toilet paper.

          • Anon 9:22 says:

            Avoiding Amazon isn’t that hard. We have three kids under 5 and we both work full-time. We have diapers/wipes on autoship from Walmart. We have twins so it’s a lot of diapers and wipes. We buy toilet paper/paper towels/garbage bags during a quarterly trip to Costco. Costco in our area is unionized and has great wages. Extras get stored under beds/in basement.

            Maybe it’s because I was never really a big Amazon user before, but I find it relatively easy to avoid compared to something like Land’s End. I miss LE’s winter coat selection.

          • Marilla says:

            But of course avoiding Amazon is easy if you just use Walmart instead – but aren’t they basically equivalent in terms of corporate evil / corporate social responsibility? Agreed that Costco is amazing, we use it whenever possible both online and trips to stock up every 2-3 months (ordering cases of wipes online is the best).

            Before baby, and before living in a fairly suburban neighbourhood and trying to make it work with only one car, I never ordered so much of my life online. Now 80% of my purchases are probably online. Diapers, wipes, baby gear, clothes for the whole family.

          • Anon 9:22 says:

            I haven’t research exhaustively but my impression is that Walmart has made efforts to improve in recent years and Amazon is pretty awful. This is the article that really hit home for me: https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2013/dec/01/week-amazon-insider-feature-treatment-employees-work especially “When I ask Sammy how the job compares with the one he had in Sudan, where he was a foreman in a factory, he thinks for a minute then shrugs: “It’s the same.” And subsequent I heard about the situation in Allentown when they only installed air-conditioning after the local newspaper reported on the ambulances lined up to take workers away when they collapsed from heat exhaustion.

            There’s no clear right or wrong here. Walmart is a long way from perfect and Amazon’s Smile program is great. We do Costco a lot plus local grocery stores that do home delivery and autoship from Walmart as needed. Everyone’s balance/comfort will be different.

        • Edna Mazur says:

          I use Target like Amazon. They have subscribe and save, and if you have their Red Card (5% off everything) shipping is always free. Don’t have to pay for annual prime subscription.

      • Amazon Wife says:

        My husband works in a warehouse for amazon, though not as a picker. The horror stories are not everyone’s experience, and they have improved some of the things that were issues in the past. I do think warehouse jobs are physically hard in a way that a lot of white collar upper class people do not grasp and never think about unless they are reading an expose. But if you’re going to work in a warehouse, it’s not necessarily horrible for everyone. Also, Amazon hires a lot of people who have a very difficult time being hired by other places, which I think is a good thing.

        There is also a crazy amount of upward mobility available at amazon, and if you’re good, you will be noticed and compensated. My husband started out as the lowest level warehouse maintenance tech six years ago, has been promoted several times, and is now making six figures and has a quarter million dollar amazon stock portfolio. Obviously I’m biased, but I kind of bristle when I read that amazon is a hellhole and all employees are treated like crap. Obviously it’s not perfect, but “everything is awful” is not the entirety of the story.

        • NewMomAnon says:

          I agree; I’ve read a few of those reports and they don’t mesh with my experience with Amazon. I have three cousins who all work for Amazon, all with only high school degrees, and all are in management. All started as runners. One moved to “managing logistics across warehouses” status; another is now in charge of establishing new warehouses; and the third is a single mom who trains and manages the runners and was relocated by Amazon, with her kids. Amazon has taken great care of all three family members and provided them with an amount of career mobility that is unusual for folks without advanced degrees or specialty training programs.

          I really bristle at these “reports” from a reporter who obviously doesn’t care about climbing the Amazon ladder (because they want to be, duh, a reporter), and never wanted that kind of job in the first place, and probably has a college degree. Yeah, he or she is going to hate that kind of job and see it as dead end.

        • Meg Murry says:

          Amazon Wife, I’ve also worked in factories and warehouses, so every time I read one of those “exposes” I’m always amused because most of what the authors wind up focusing on are the things that are pretty much the same in any factory/warehouse job. 110 degrees in the summer? Yup, been there, done that. Limited breaks and low pay? Yup and yup. And while the OSHA violations aren’t good, I think the amount of news coverage they receive is probably disproportionate to the levels of violations, and I certainly hope they are working to resolve that.

          My reasons to try to limit my dependence are Amazon are less about how they treat their workers and more about the fact that I live in a semi-rural area and after watching how many stores went under once Walmart moved here, I try to make a point of patronizing the nearby brick and mortar stores, especially those locally owned. We’ve learned the hard way in this area that if you appreciate having a local grocery, pharmacy, hardware, etc store that is less than a 20 minute drive away to a place that has only big box options, the only way to keep them in business is to shop there. So I’m not demonizing Amazon in and of itself – moreso just trying to keep myself in check with regards to the amount on online shopping I do vs local – otherwise I know that someday the ONLY way I’ll be able to buy laundry detergent, toilet paper, etc is via Amazon/Walmart/etc delivery or a long drive.

          • Amazon Wife says:

            Exactly– and I think it’s hilarious when they did the expose of how they treat their white collar workers. They were like “yeah, they make a lot of money, but they are constantly criticized and urged to do better, expected to work tons of overtime and be constantly available, and are mean to people who want to prioritize their family!!! Can you believe that???!?!?!!”

            And I was just sitting there thinking that they could write the exact same “expose” about any big law, big 4 accounting firm, wall street investment bank, high pressure white collar job in this country. I actually worked in a job like that when I read that particular article and couldn’t stop laughing.

        • This is a good perspective to hear – thank you for sharing.

    • I know enough people who have worked for this company that I have never bought a single thing from there. I know a lot of companies treat their employees like garbage but it’s definitely different when you actually know those people.

    • I totally think you pick and choose your battles and do not fault you for perceived inconsistencies. But I will say that for it’s problems, Walmart also seems to be fairly on top of things like disaster response–e.g., stationing supplies (including prescription meds) in advance of catastrophic weather events, giving local managers authority to take measures to distribute supplies (I think Atul Gawande may write about this in the Checklist Manifesto, but I don’t remember where exactly I’ve read about it). I am not super pro-Walmart, but I will shop there when it makes sense to do so (I don’t have one particularly close by right now, but wouldn’t hesitate to stop on a trip or order online).

    • Because Walmart was/is under more scrutiny than other companies, my research indicates that over the last decade or so they have made concerted efforts to improve their employment practices.

  4. Maternity clothes opinions wanted!

    When you needed to size up bras during pregnancy, did you just buy normal bras bigger, or buy nursing bras to get more mileage out of them later on? I have to be honest with myself that I have only one bra that truly fits and this is Not OK. I bought one at Target in my larger size but it’s such a piece of [email protected] I don’t want to repeat that mistake; I’m going to end up shelling out the bucks and trying to decide if going for a nursing bra is worth it or not. Will the girls have another growth spurt (I’ve heard yes)? Are nursing bras annoying to wear if not nursing?

    Second – maternity workout clothes. Worth it? I can still wear my Nike tempo shorts below the bump with no issues. Same with yoga pants. But I’m thinking at some point I will need to purchase actual maternity workout stuff? Is something like Old Navy the place to go for this, since I will be wearing them for a short-ish period of time? I only have four months left and realistically am I really going to work out in the last month (lol)?

    thanks all!!

    • bluefield says:

      I am large of bust to begin with, and I had to buy new bras twice during pregnancy. By the end I was a DDDD. I went from DD to DDD to DDDD. Target bras do not cut it for me, so I bought (at least) four $60+ bras while pregnant.

      Don’t buy nursing bras just yet. You don’t know what size you’ll be at the end (like I said, I went up twice) and you don’t know if you’ll nurse (despite your best intentions, a millions things could happen that make nursing unfeasible, and the last thing you want is to be reminded of that unfeasibility every time you put your bra on post-partum). Just accept this as an expense of pregnancy.

      Gapfit also has maternity workout clothes.

      • +1. I was a DDDD when I started, and sized up a couple times. Your ribcage gets bigger, not just the cups. And at the very end you may not want an underwire. I swear I spent more on bras than all my other maternity clothes combined (lots of hand-me-downs).

    • I, too, only have one bra that fits. The perils of being large chested. Like bluefield, I bought 4-5 new bras during pregnancy/nursing. I went from DD pre-preg to DDD, DDDD, then went to nursing bras (two different sizes there, basically OMG and then back to DDDD, because I nursed for a year each time), and now that I’m done with kids I seem to have settled on DDD. I think I will buy a second one now that I’ve stayed this size for a good 6 months now.

      I hate nursing bras with a passion and promptly threw them away as soon as I was done. Like, I hated them more than my pump. Well maybe not really. But they were up there. I would not voluntarily wear them without actively needing to nurse.

    • For bras, I got so enormous that I had to buy actual good non maternity bras for pregnancy so that i would have enough support. I bought two and alternated wearing them. Also get some band extenders because your rib cage will get a lot bigger in the third Tri. Second the waiting on nursing bras for the reasons bluefield said and also because your size will change yet again!

      You’ll wear maternity clothes for a little while postpartum (at least I did/do) so it may be a decent investment to get a few workout pieces you like.

      • mascot says:

        +1 to band extenders. My cup size didn’t change as rapidly but my ribcage (permanently) expanded.

    • Anonymous says:

      Old Navy and Target both have maternity workout clothes for reasonable prices. I suggest you invest in a few pieces, you’ll want looser pieces after giving birth (stomach doesn’t go back to normal size right away) and I think you’ll be surprised how long you wear them for during maternity leave. Get pieces that can go over the bump – around 6 months or so, the “below the bump” pieces aren’t really practical anymore (at least they weren’t for me).

      • I would just wait till you need something before deciding to buy. Unlike anonymous above, I could not tolerate ANY over the bump pieces AT ALL, and also could not wear any of my maternity clothes one week postpartum (couldn’t wear any of my regular clothes either– still larger but s different shape so maternity clothes fell off). Wait and buy as little as possible!!

    • I was a C before pregnancy, at least DD while pregnant, and off the charts while nursing. (32F, maybe? G? Don’t remember. They fluctuated throughout the day.)

      When I was 4 or 5 months pregnant I invested in a couple good, non-nursing bras in a larger size during a sale at Macy’s. Totally worth it. Thank goodness, I waited to buy nursing bras until about 2 weeks PP because I had no idea how absurdly large I would get.

      After nursing I deflated to a saggy B.

      • Thisperson1 says:

        This +1000. I ran through pretty much the same sizes as you mention, and nursed for a year. Poor ladies are now completely deflated and sad. I’ve started a savings fund specifically for perking them up someday. Can’t stand them now.

    • Similar experiences to those above. I was a 36DDD when I got pregnant, and my bras were too small almost immediately. I bought two in a 36FF that lasted another couple months, then went up to 36GG/H for the last few months. The band extenders were incredibly helpful and cheap at the end rather than buy a set of bras in a 38 band. I didn’t wear a bra until I went back to work at 10 weeks – nursing camis only, just to account for sizing. At 8 weeks postpartum I spend $600 ordering nursing bras of varying sizes and styles, and just kept three that worked. They’re not worth wearing if you’re not nursing – I could have gotten away with two pretty easily.

    • avocado says:

      I first tried buying normal bras in a bigger size and hated them. Part of it was that I bought a different brand than usual and the wires squeaked whenever I moved. I also found normal structured bras uncomfortable because of the increased sensitivity associated with pregnancy. I then found a stretchy, wire-free nursing bra by Bella Materna that I loved and bought several. They accommodated all the pre- and post-delivery size fluctuations and lasted throughout nursing. I did not find them annoying to wear when not nursing.

    • Newbie Momma says:

      My pregnancy boobs have nothing on my nursing boobs. I’d get something you like while you’re pregnant and save the boring nursing bras for your likely new size and for when you’ll actually need those clips.

    • I bought my uniqlo bras in one size up and that seems to be working. Tried to get a bra fitting but the women at the store were really rude and mean and I haven’t braved another store. I’ve bought a couple pairs of maternity leggings but don’t know if I’ll actually need them? Thought it might be worth it to avoid stretching my nice stuff out though.

    • I was a 36C pre preg, a 38 D+/DD by the end of pregnancy, a 38DD for the first few weeks post partum and am now a 36D on month 9 of nursing. This is my second and it was about the same for me the first time around- I gained almost 60lbs during each pregnancy.

      With my first, my rib cage really widened- I had to use a strap extended on my 38 bras at the end until she moved down. My second was nestled in differently and my rib age widened less during the actual oregnancy.

      So…it depends how your baby is sitting in there, how much water weight you retain toward the end of pregnancy, and how long your body takes to go back to baseline. Unhelpful, I know.

    • FTMinFL says:

      I hated nursing bras with a passion and only wore them for a week postpartum. Pre-pregnancy I was a 32DDD and while nursing went up to a 32K. In the event that you are similarly large chested and find that the fit of your bra makes or breaks your outfit, I recommend the Panache Women’s Envy Stretch Lace Full-Cup bra. Nordstrom carries them in a glorious range of sizes. I just moved the cup down for nursing and/or pumping (no hands-free bra!) and felt like I looked like a million bucks, which was priceless in those first several months postpartum. I also second the recommendations for extenders in the third tri.

      On the workout clothes front, will new workout clothes motivate you to work out? If so, BUY THEM! I just ordered a few pairs of Senita shorts in a size that should fit my pregnant hips. They are reasonably priced and have spandex under the regular running short fabric. I’ll report back on fit and quality!

      • Oooo I like that bra! I’m probably a DD right now (was a C pre-preg and have been limping by on a couple D’s I bought early on), so nothing crazy but it’s possible I will need a 34E or F someday.

    • I was suffering through this a few weeks ago and mostly wearing sports bras everywhere, and I finally went to Nordstrom and got a proper fitting at my current (5 months pregnant) size. It made such a huge difference! I ended up with two regular bras in 34DD (up from 34B normally) and I’m finally comfortable and all of my clothes are fitting better. I tried on about 15 bras and bought 2 of them.

    • October says:

      In the second trimester, underwire started realllllly bothering me (and I read that it compresses breast tissue in possibly unhealthy ways during pregnancy/nursing), so that was the impetus I needed for new bras. I went to Motherhood Maternity and stocked up on some of their nursing bras, including a couple that were more like sports bras. They were great! They seemed to accommodate my changing sizes, and I wore them straight through delivery and about 5-6 months postpartum.

    • Meg Murry says:

      This also depends on your size/body shape and whether you need more “performance” workout clothes for serious exercise or just some type of pants that don’t fall off when you want to wear something other than work clothes. If you are a relatively slim person with a basketball belly in pregnancy, I suspect real maternity workout clothes are probably necessary to stay up (although Old Navy, Target, etc is probably fine). If you more like me (plus sized, wide hipped, until almost the very end I could pretty much just wear sized up regular clothes as long as they had some stretch to them), you may be able to get away with just larger non-maternity gear, which you also might want as lounge clothes for the first few weeks postpartum.

      If you are a hard core runner that needs specialized performance gear (leggings for running in very cold weather or other things that I don’t even know about because I’m not even slightly athletic), I’d say you should probably go for whatever makes you happy and willing to keep exercising – but otherwise I’d guess Target/Old Navy etc would probably be fine and you may not even need to go for maternity-specific.

      FWIW, my son is 5 now and I’m still wearing a couple of pairs of foldover capris and sweats that were technically from the Old Navy maternity section as lounge/pj pants – other than the foldover part being slightly larger than the non-maternity ones I have from Target, they aren’t really “maternity” styled. One pair might even be ones I bought from when my oldest was born and I needed something to wear postpartum around the house that wasn’t pajamas – so those would be 10 years old, yikes.

    • Thank you everyone as always for the great advice! Sounds like I need to suck it up and buy a couple good bras in my current size and be ready to keep sizing up, and not bother with nursing bras at all yet.

      On the workout clothes front, I think that’s also a place where I should just suck it up and buy some stuff. Totally can see wearing the leggings PP, so that is a worthwhile investment.

      I’m pleasantly surprised that I’m carrying like a basketball and ribcage and hips (KNOCK ON WOOD) have not gotten ridiculous yet – I’m a size 8 pre-preg so not exactly a model or anything, and I was totally expecting to just look extra chubby. I hope this doesn’t mean baby will punish me by never sleeping or take 37 hours to exit my body or something. But probably yes.

      • I’m surprisingly happy with the cantaloupe I’m smuggling under my clothes. I’ve got a few dresses that don’t fit (or just feel a bit constrictive through the waist) but everything is fine thus far. This might be my compensation for constant nausea.

      • Anonymous says:

        Ha! Laughing at your last paragraph because I, too, was concerned that I would be one of the unlucky ones who just looked fat and not pregnant. I was a size 8 pre-pregnancy and ended up only gaining about 15 lbs., all of it in my stomach (I had a definite basketball). And I haven’t paid for it at all since baby boy was born – easy delivery (c-section) and he has slept through the night since month 3 :)

      • shortperson says:

        for months 6-7 i could wear normal leggings and a mternity workout top or vice versa, but by 8 & 9 i needed both to be maternity. then again, i gained 50 pounds. i did fine with the normal capri leggings from pea in teh pod, which were so soft and the only thing i liked from that store. i wasnt exactly running miles, just walking and pilates and yoga, and these were fine. i got like two maternity workout tanks from gapfit that were great. athleta used to have a maternity line but it looks like they are phasing it out.

        im 13 weeks now and i’m already needing a maternity bathing suit for swim workouts. my speedo is not as stretchy as i thought.

    • ElisaR says:

      lots of good opinions here but I figured I would weigh in as well.

      i got fitted at nordstrom for 2 new (bigger) regular bras that I alternated between for my pregnancy. It was pricey but I was so happy I did it because it felt good to wear a properly fitting item when NOTHING else seems to fit properly. You really can’t predict what your breasts will do while breastfeeding so I think it doesn’t make sense to buy nursing bras while pregnant. My right breast produced like 10x more milk than my left and it was (comically) larger. I was only able to wear the bravado nursing bras that are not underwire/cup specific for 6 months that I breastfed.

      As for workout clothes – My SIL gave me 2 pairs of old navy leggings that I thought i’d wear for yoga…. turned out I wore them everyday except while I was at work. I think they were probably only like $10 each and SO worth it. PS. Yoga pants under the bump while actually doing yoga would not have been comfortable for me – I would have been self conscious.

  5. Penelope says:

    What are the best tracking applications for multiple babies? We just started in a nanny-share and are looking for something for our nanny to track bottles and sleep. We currently use the Glow App and like it but are in need of something easy to use for our nanny who has limited English reading proficiency. Thanks in advance for your advice!

    • mascot says:

      Going low-tech might be the easiest for the nanny. The daycares we used had daily report sheets for each child where they could just write down the times for diapers/naps/ bottles. It was faster for them to jot the info on each sheet rather than having to juggle a bunch of electronic logs. You can probably find templates online so you could set up a notebook. If you then wanted to log the information into an app for your own records, you could.

      • Anonymous says:

        +1 for low tech. If you really want an update during the day, nanny could take a picture of the sheet and email it.

        A sheet of paper for each baby with categories like bottles, naps. diapers (pee/poo) preprinted so nanny just has to make a check mark or write a time.

    • Baby Connect was wonderful. You can have multiple kids AND multiple care-providers. I think it was something like $5 per device, which isn’t bad at all.

    • momoftwins says:

      Our sitter uses this paper log for our twins. Works great.


  6. I have 3 1/2 year old twin boys and I would appreciate guidance on discipline. Lately they are completely wild at home. We have had unfortunately freezing weather where we are, so their outside play has been limited. Still, the boys just aren’t listening AT ALL to me or my husband and it is a struggle to get them to do almost anything (e.g., put on pajamas, go to the bathroom, walk calmly up the stairs). Apparently they are good at daycare, so maybe this is what they need to blow off steam. I don’t want to be too restrictive, but at the same time, I feel that they should follow basic directions, like “take off your daytime clothes” without my having the chase them around the house for 10 minutes to get them to do it. I realize this isn’t a direct question, but I’d appreciate any wisdom out there!

    • Anonymous says:

      Read How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen.
      Distill what you’re saying to a single word: “CLOTHES!” When they need to listen, “EARS!”

    • Marilla says:

      Is there any time in the schedule to give them 15 minutes of wild and crazy monkey time when they get home? Evenings can be so rushed but maybe they just need to blow off steam, as you mention. Or can you turn basic boring tasks into a game? Or have one do jumping jacks while the other one is in the bathroom and vice versa? My mom used to say she wished she could send us outside to run laps around the block sometimes to burn off crazy kid energy..

    • I have older twins, and I have a 3 1/2 year old. To a certain extent, it just the age. I try, as much as possible, to redirect things into a game instead of an actual battle of the wills. (My 3 1/2 year old is just maddening. She can just say no repeatedly and calmly. Do you know how demoralizing it is as a parent to lose your sh!t when your 3 year old is calmly talking to you like she’s the adult and you are the child? She’s evil wrapped in cuteness.) So, we make it a race (can you beat mommy in getting your jammies on?), or a game (I bet I can count all the stairs. Can you?), lots of positive reinforcement, etc.

    • For me the most effective things are consequences that matter to my son (4.5) and/or making things into a game or joke. And all of these basic transitions – get dressed, get undressed, brush teeth – are still a struggle. It’s not that he doesn’t understand what i want, he doesn’t want to do it. For getting into PJs/brushing teeth, if you take too long we run out of time for stories before bed, sorry. You cannot watch a video in the morning until you are dressed. Getting coats/boots/etc on sometimes involves a small piece of chocolate (or much loved vitamin) as a reward at the end. Jokes/game – I saw, “I’m going to close my eyes for a minute, and when I open them, I don’t want to see any of this mess cleaned up. I want to clean it up ALL BY MYSELF!” Or “I want to get you dressed all by myself, so don’t do it when my eyes are closed.” In the right mood, my son loves this ridiculous game. Or “these pajamas go on my head, right?”

      Also, my son’s wild behavior at transition points is much harder to manage when with his friends – they really egg each other on. So you probably have a greater challenge with twins.

    • Meg Murry says:

      3.5 is rough, and I imagine they are feeding off each other in terms of wildness. I’d say pick your battles, and go from there. For instance, if they are running up the stairs instead of walking calmly, are they in danger of knocking each other over, falling down or waking sleeping neighbors? If not, I wouldn’t stress about running up the stairs if it means they are heading to do what they are supposed to be doing.

      One big thing that I’ve learned from my husband is to not make it about discipline and “making them listen” but rather to take a deep breath and then do what it takes. Some techniques we use which may or may not work with your twins include:
      -making it a game/race. Such as “I bet you boys get your shoes and coats on faster than Mommy!” or “I bet I can beat you to [wherever]”. This could backfire though if one kid “wins” and the other winds up crying – so you’d have to make sure to set it up as “boys vs parents”.
      -similarly, jokingly challenging their status as “big boys”. “Are you a big enough kid to put on your own pajamas? Really? Let me see! Wow, you really are big kids! Now show me how big kids put their dirty clothes in the hamper!” Other silliness also sometimes works too, like pretending to put their shoes on your own feet or on their ears, etc.
      -following the daycare teachers’ lead on giving them instructions. For instance, our daycare teacher says “1 2 3, eye on me” and the kids echo with “1 2 I see you” before she gives them instructions. Or another teacher had kids “put on their listening ears” (cup hands around ears) before giving instructions. If they listen at daycare, trying parroting the same things. You could also try getting them to repeat back the instructions (short ones like 1:potty 2: pjs 3:brush teeth).
      -offering an incentive to get it done/listen the first time. “If you can get ready for bed in the next 15 minutes we’ll have time for *2* stories instead of just one!” you could also combine this with the first one and start setting timers to see if they can beat their time from the night before, etc.

      I am not a fan of having to play games to get the kids to listen/cooperate/follow rules, (gosh, I really would like it if they would just do it because I said so!) but it can make things go a LOT smoother when I’m willing to do that. Now that my kids are a little older, I’ve also found that they are moderately cooperative when I say to them in the car on the way home “Look boys, Mommy has a headache/doesn’t feel good/had a really crummy day, and it would really help me out if you could be extra good listeners and instruction followers tonight. Can we do that, and then we can have some extra snuggles to make Mommy’s headache go away?” Obviously, you can’t do that every night, but kids can be remarkably empathetic.

      Is there anywhere in your house you can setup to let them try to run off some steam if they can’t play outside? A place where you could set up a mini-trampoline, etc? Or even just a room where it’s safe for them to run laps around? Perhaps a corner that you could set up a pile of cushions/pillows fro them to run and jump into? After a couple of days of being stuck inside my kids *need* to blow off some energy or there is no dealing with them. Can you bundle them up and let them run for 15 minutes when you pick them up from daycare, or is it really way too cold to be outdoors?

    • Anonymous says:

      You can always ask their teachers what keywords / songs /rhymes they use at school for listening, cleaning up, etc.

      If they need outdoor time, buy you / them some better outdoor gear. Check out ebay and buy wool socks and more layers.

      The other thing that might help is reconsidering your space in some way. For example, even though it’s awful looking, I keep all our regular shoes right by the front door so there’s no fight about “put your shoes on” / take your shoes off / where are your shoes. I just herd child to the front door and that’s it. So if you need them to take off their outdoor clothes and put on indoor clothes, is there a way to renegotiate space (like if you have a mudroom or if they can come in the house through the laundry room) so they have a hamper to put their outdoor clothes in before they get to their toys?

  7. Any recommendations for a maternity swimsuit? I’m due in August and we swim a lot in the summer, so I want something comfortable and (hopefully) flattering. And I’m open to alternative solutions, like a tankini in tall from Land’s End, etc. Any leads?

  8. payroll says:

    I use HomePay (Breedlove) to for paying our nanny and related taxes. It’s expensive. Considering Intuit or Savvy Nanny Payroll Service. Any feedback on either of those or any other service?

    • shortperson says:

      we found a CPA to do it and it’s so much cheaper. several CPAs rejected us as not worth their while unless we do our taxes with them, which we are not going to do. but we found one and it’s helpful. the state recently made a major mistake on our tax bill so we had the CPA write a letter, and i was really glad to have a real person around then.

    • profesora says:

      intuit just stopped their household payroll service and encouraged everyone to switch to homepay, which I agree is expensive. I haven’t found a better solution either…

    • Anonymous says:

      Do it yourself? Once you get it setup it’s really not too bad to manage.

  9. Rainbow Hair says:

    I just bought an alternative to this “cardigan” that I think of, tongue-in-cheek-ly, as my “looking cool while taking the kid to the park hoodie.” Also it’s comfyAF. It’s called the “Puma Ladies’ Asymmetrical French Terry Full Zip Jacket” on Amazon and I got it for ~$15. I highly recommend it. Link to follow.

  10. I am so tired…..moved 1.5 year old into big siblings room (3) this weekend. Older one is doing great, but younger one is now waking up everything morning around 4:45 am and crying until we get him out of his crib. We use a wake up clock that turns green at 630 am, that is when we have been getting him out of the crib. Cry it out has always worked for us, usually within 2 nights. It has been 5 nights and the little one shows no signs of sleeping past 5 am, or putting himself back to sleep. I feel bad for my oldest, bc he is tired too. He, so sweetly, this morning said ” maybe brother should move back to his room, mommy, i dont think he likes my room.” Not an option bc au pair is moving into that room. Do I stubbornly wait it out? or try to put the baby back to sleep at 5 am?

    • Anonymous says:

      Have you tried advil for baby is he doesn’t have his two year molars? Those can take a while to come through and be pretty painful. Do you have black out curtains? I’ve also heard good things about the Lulla doll so maybe that would help. I’d be inclined to rock baby back to sleep but YMMV.

    • Can you let your older kid sleep somewhere else temporarily until the CIO works? Maybe let him come into your bed when the youngest wakes up in the morning, or even set up a mattress in the hallway/on your floor temporarily.

      • Anonymous says:

        isn’t that kind of hard on the Baby? Baby is awake and Parent comes in and wakes Toddler to bring to Parent’s room for snuggles but Baby has to stay in crib and cry? Why not just scoop out Baby before Toddler wakes up?

        • Some methods of CIO involve going in to resettle/comfort/etc. the baby at intervals without actually picking up the baby – the one we used did. I would probably either do that and get older kid after, or tell older kid if the baby is keeping him up he can leave the room and go to alternate sleep location.

        • What if older one sleeps somewhere else entirely? Sleeping bag in parents’ room or hallway, or even au pairs room of she’s not there yet. My 3.5 year old will sleep anywhere in her sleeping bag. Including our bathroom floor and closet. Ask me how I know.

    • Sabba says:

      So much commiseration. We have an early waker, and CIO never worked for sleeping longer, although it worked great for teaching baby to go to sleep. We had some luck with cutting naps short when we determined that was interfering with nighttime sleep. None of the other things, like blackout curtains, worked for us. Eventually our baby was old enough to understand that she needed to stay quiet in her room until her OK to Wake clock came on at 6:00 am. Now with spring forward we have moved it to 6:30. Try the advil, try the blackout curtains, but if none of it works, you just have to adapt. Our method was to trade off which parent got up with the baby at 4:30 or 5:00 or whenever she awoke, and trade off on the early mornings. I’m a night owl and getting up before 6:30am, usually before 6am and often before 5:30am, and occasionally before 4:30am, for years has been incredibly brutal.

  11. Has anyone made a lateral move for a better fit for your family? It’s hard to wrap my head around because until now I’ve been focused on climbing the ladder / getting more money or a higher title. I really enjoy my job but it involves a few months of heavy travel every year (like, last year I had a trip that was 16 nights, home for two nights, then gone for another seven – surrounded by two months of trips of 5-6 nights each). I recently had a baby and while I think I could swing one more year of travel, I just don’t want to do it with little kids at home. My husband is more than ok to care for them while I’m gone, he’s got a flexible job… but I just don’t want to miss out on that much time with them. I’m currently interviewing for a lateral role within my company that would be the same pay and no travel. Why does this feel so weird?

    • Anonymous says:

      It feels weird because it’s an adjustment to not have your career advancement as a primary factor in your life when making career decisions. Not wanting a travel heavy schedule when you have small kids is pretty common. I like Sheryl Sandberg’s idea that a career is like a jungle gym not a ladder. Sometimes lateral moves make sense.

    • Anonymous says:

      I left Biglaw and went to government. The hours are vastly better for a family, but it was a huge pay cut and culturally it’s just very different (and for me, maybe not a great cultural fit). It’s hard to reconcile all of the great things about my job with feeling like I leaned out, and I worry about what my future career path will look like when I’m ready to move on. I like the jungle gym idea as a way to keep things in perspective.

    • mascot says:

      Yes, both my husband and I have made them. The jungle gym analogy is a good one. And you know what, we’ve decided that we kinda like the view from the middle and may not be interested in climbing to the very top.

    • Anon in NOVA says:

      I made a lateral move for my family (and myself) and it’s been a great decision. I was able to negotiate a bit of a raise for the lateral move which didn’t hurt. Mine wasn’t just lateral- it’s literally the exact same job, just changed districts. Honestly in some ways it feels like i got a HUGE raise even though I didn’t, because certain things have value (not scrambling for last-minute childcare help, shorter or more reliable commute, not expected to be by my phone every second of the day when I’m home, allowed to not check email when on vacation, etc.). I have way more energy than I used to so I’m outsourcing less which also saves money. My new boss let me adjust my hours to so I’m getting in earlier but getting home an hour earlier as well. My son can do little league now and that wouldn’t have been an option at my last job. They wouldn’t let me shift my hours and the commute was too long.

      So if there’s value outside of just money, that’s still value. Best decision I made in a long time.

    • Meg Murry says:

      Could you look into what else about the lateral move would be good for your career (and make you a good fit)? After all, when you apply for the position you’ll have to sell the “why I want to make this move” aspect, and a hiring manager would much rather “I’m interested in this position because I’d like to be able to spend more time on A, B and C than my current role” or “right now my role is mostly X with a little Y, whereas the new job is mostly Y, which has always been something I’ve enjoyed and done well” instead of just presenting it as “I want to get away from my current position because of [negative reason]”.

      In addition to the jungle gym analogy, would making this move be a good move for your career regardless? Make you more well rounded, expose you to a different side of the business, opportunity for a new mentor, etc? Would it help you to spin it in your mind that way? In addition, or even if it is slightly a step back, it also helps me to look at it as part of the whole bigger picture in your life – would taking this job contribute to making you a happier, person in your life? An opportunity to get better sleep, exercise more, eat better, be more organized, do more of your favorite hobby, fill in whatever blank here? If you can do that *and* do it without taking a pay cut, I’d call that a win more than a step back, even if it isn’t directly an upward move on the ladder.

      • This is such good advice. I didn’t take a lateral and instead stayed in my job about 3 years longer than I should have, so I could have a better work-life balance with super young kids. I love the idea of reframing it as a “win” where I was able to be a happier person overall without taking a pay cut.

        Also love the idea of spinning it like you would for an interviewer. To get my current job, I explained TooLong Job as “getting deep expertise in X core competency” and now I was ready to move on and apply that deep expertise at a higher level. No matter what your new job is, since it’s with the same company, you can very easily think about it as “since I’m so well versed in X, I thought it was important to learn more about Y and see how all the pieces fit together from that angle.” You’re teaching yourself to learn the same things from a different viewpoint – that is a hugely valuable skillset to have!

      • All good advice. I’m having a tough time with it because in my current job there’s a really linear way up – though it involves waiting for my baby boomer boss to retire which seems to be… not soon. And heavy travel every year until then. New job has less of a linear way up but more growth in terms of taking on responsibility in the lateral position, and possibly growing that role. And – the whole thought of being healthy/happier with a new role in the same pay – so much YES. It’s basically impossible to go through the grueling travel season without gaining 10 lbs from airport food and room service. You ladies are great – I hope I end up with an offer so I can have the option to make a decision.

  12. Newbie Momma says:

    Has anyone had a baby who refused bottles when they went back to work? I know my baby can/will take them because he took all the practice bottles we did (from me and my mom) while I was on leave. Now that I’m back at work (he’s 8 weeks, my mom is taking care of him, and he’s not a fan of bottles. He’s taking them very inconsistently, i.e. yesterday he wouldn’t drink anything until 4:30 p.m. and then took two 2.5 ounce bottles in a row and then an ounce a bit later. I’m planning on trying different bottles, but more curious if anyone ran into this issue and whether it resolved. Also I’m willing someone to hire someone to help her, but not sure who it would be — a lactation consultant, an experienced nanny?

    • Anonymous says:

      Smell your milk. If it smells at all, you might have lipase, causing baby to reject the milk. Your milk shouldn’t smell at all.

      When did you pump the milk that he’s drinking? Also experiment with different temperatures (cold, room temp, and warm). Some babies want the milk in the bottle to mimic the b00b experience as much as possible (warm milk, large n!pple), whereas some babies embrace the difference (regular bottle/n!pple, cold milk).

      • Anonymous says:

        My understanding is that lipase isn’t dangerous, just makes the milk taste bad–soapy–to some babies. Not all babies seem to care. (Mine didn’t usually).

    • October says:

      I don’t have much firsthand experience, but this isn’t uncommon. How is he once you get home? Some babies “reverse cycle”, meaning they don’t eat during the day and instead want to eat all evening and night. He’s probably adjusting from the change of you being gone (he’s also really little, so there may be something developmental going on that is throwing off his eating). Can you mom try doing “skin to skin” while feeding him, even if it’s just her bare arm (assuming you have been nursing and that’s what he’s use to)?

    • Definitely try more bottles. It sounds silly, but look for a bottle that sort of looks like your own b00b and see if that helps. My reverse cycler drove me nuts, until we found the Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature bottles. Those were close-enough-to-my-b00b that she started drinking more during the day, and would even drink fridge-cooled milk from it.

    • rakma says:

      DD2 isn’t a huge fan of bottles, but will eat better when in motion. MIL had luck in the first few days pacing the kitchen while feeding her, yesterday when she was cranky from her 4month shots MIL put her in the Ergo and that’s the only place she’d eat.

      DD1 took to the bottles fine, but only for small amounts, and ended up reverse cycling. It wasn’t the best, but she survived on her little ‘snacks’ during the day, and I fed her right before leaving the house and as soon as I got home.

      For both, we ended up using the slow flow Enfamil nipples that we got at the hospital, on the bottles from my pump. They’re available on Amazon, and hold up really well for something that’s pretty simple. DD2 will only take these, DD1 would take just about anything.

      • Anonymous says:

        +1 to eating while in motion. One of my twins was like this. Would chug a bottle if being walked in an ergo but hated them otherwise. Another option is to try feeding wherever you nurse (like rocking chair in baby’s room).

        Playtex Nurser dropins with a slow flow nipple worked best for us.

    • LegalMomma says:

      My first took a while to warm up to the bottle, so the first couple of weeks especially were challenging, my Mom just kept offering her the bottle pretty much constantly – persistence paid off! – and by the time she started daycare 3 weeks later she was much better at eating from the bottle. Also, try different bottles, she ended up liking the Dr. Browns. Also, because she was breastfed she never graduated from the smallest nipple size (I think it is a 1?).

      My second is an absolute tank and after a rough first day has been sucking down 18 ounces in the 9 hours I am gone without a problem. I now understand why I felt like I was feeding him constantly while I was home on leave – apparently I was! This just to say every baby is different, but give your baby a few days/weeks to figure out the whole bottle thing.

    • Kindergarten boy says:

      Yes neither of my big kids took bottles when I went back to work. They could they just would not. Both reverse cycled which kind of sucked for me because I never got good sleep and it seemed I had to pick between sleep training and keeping bf relationship but my 2nd one started taking milk out of a soppy cup early on – maybe 4 months old, with the nanny…w husband or my mom he would sometimes take a bottle. But mostly he just waited for me – I’d nurse him on my way out the door, he would have some milk in sippy during day most days, and I’d nurse him the minute I walked in the door (it helped that I was only gone for 8-8.5 hours), and then he’d nurse almost nonstop until bedtime a couple hours later.

      If you want pro help not sure…an experienced nanny, lactation consultant, or your ped could help. My ped always told me my kids wouldn’t starve themselves so not to worry (totally healthy and growing and able to latch, etc.).

      Not sure what to tell you now as yours is still really little and probably needs more frequent feedings except hang in there and good luck!

    • I mean, I may be the worst mom ever but I just let my kid work it out. She went to daycare at 11 weeks. She had taken bottles before- she actually drank formula for 2 weeks while I was on meds- but she decided she wasn’t going to do bottles the week leading up to daycare. The first day, daycare called and I rushed over (I was wisely working from home) and tried to give it to her myself and when that failed, I nursed her. Next day she refused and I just picked her up early (left her at 9, got her at 2:30). Third day she stayed 9-4 and finally took a bottle at 4. By day 4 she was drinking bottles like she’d been doing it forever.

      My 2nd baby only took bottles when she was *really* hungry.

  13. dc mom anon says:

    can we still get free breast pumps? i am totally blanking on the process (this is #2)

    • Anonymous says:

      Call your insurance. Probably yes. Usually only within 30 days (plus or minus) of the birth, but usually you can fill out the form ahead of time.

    • ElisaR says:

      might depend on the amount of time between #1 and #2 – each plan is different and may require a 2 or 3 year period between new pump coverage

    • Yep – under ACA your insurance must cover it. Process varies per insurance – you might have to get a script (I didn’t) or go through a medical supply company. I just had to buy mine at an approved pharmacy and got reimbursed.

      • AnonMN says:

        Not necessarily true, grandfathered plans do not have to cover. My very large corporate insurace only covered a $25 manual.

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