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Happy Wednesday! I know what you’re thinking: this skirt looks kind of sad. But I think it’s just the way it’s been styled here — it’s nearly sold out at Macy’s, Amazon, and Neiman Marcus (actually, hang on, it’s back in stock for preorder, and looks MUCH better with booties), and it’s been winning rave reviews everywhere else. The skirt is washable (Eileen Fisher is one of the stalwarts for washable workwear!) and at $118, it’s hard to go wrong. Nordstrom has it in two colors (black and olive), sizes XXS-XL. Eileen Fisher Knee-Length Flared Skirt Here’s a plus-size option from Eileen Fisher, also at Nordstrom. (L-5)Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
stinky says
This is embarrassing, but here it goes. Ever since I had my son, I stink. I never had an issue with BO until now. My son is almost two, and it’s still a problem. I have been done nursing for many months, and I was hoping the post-weaning hormone drop would help, but it hasn’t. I’ve tried every over-the-counter prescription strength deodorant/antiperspirants, but by lunch time, I always stink. I often re-apply halfway through the day, but that only helps so much. Is this at all normal after having a child? What should I do? See a doctor? If so, what type of doctor deals with something like this? Are actual prescription deodorants (rather than “prescription strength” any better?
MomAnon4This says
What do you smell like? Could it be something (else) in your environment – your sheets, your haircare products?
Have you had your thyroid checked?
Is this something only you notice, or is it something your SO partner or friends have noticed, too?
Are you sure you’re not just smelling dirty diapers everywhere you go — I have boys, I swear my whole house smells like pee but no one else mentions it, even when I ask, so who knows.
Anonymous says
I would see an endocrinologist.
FWIW, I noticed a similar if maybe less extreme issue before I had a baby. Baby didn’t make it better or worse. I just feel like I have built up an immunity to deodorants. It’s not generally noticeable if I reapply regularly, but my regular Secret stick is definitely not as effective. Two things that help for me (without seeing a doctor): men’s deodorant and Donna Karan Cashmere deodorant (sold in Sephora and department store counters). Not sure if their scents are stronger or what, but they generally make a difference.
AIMS says
I think the difference between the skirt looking dowdy here and the shot with the booties is that it’s too long on this model and just at/above the knee on the other. Eileen Fisher is amazing like that – it can look fantastically frumpy or super slouchy cool depending on your body type/how it fits you.
AIMS says
That’s obviously not where that was meant to go.
mascot says
I’d call either your OB or your PCP and tell them what’s happening. In my 20s, I sweated a lot and found that Certain-Dri completely stopped my sweating. Not sure if that would help you.
Anonymous says
+1 to the suggestions above about seeing your OB/PCP/endocrinologist and about men’s deodorant. Also, I would try men’s bodywash. I would also make sure your clothes are clean and not retaining any stink — I use Tide laundry detergent and a scoop of baking soda in every load, and my clothes (or my H’s, or my son’s) are not stinky.
I definitely felt an uptick in stench post-baby, but I have been using men’s deodorant and I’ve been fine.
Anons says
Yes, if you think it is more on your clothes than *you* I would suspect a crappy front-loading washing machine that isn’t actually cleaning your stuff. If you dry off with a dirty towel, sleep in dirty sheets, and wear dirty clothes, of course you would smell. We had a GE washer that I wanted to burn, it was the most horrible thing I have ever owned.
Meg Murry says
I wouldn’t go back to a top loader now because I’ve gotten used to the quirks of front loaders, but I’m pretty sure by the time I’m done doing extra pre-rinses, post-rinses, spin cycles, etc on regular laundry, and running special empty cycles with bleach to clean my washer, I’m willing to bet my “super water saving” washer is actually using as much water as a top loader. I pretty much don’t use the super low water use efficient cycles my washer is rated for unless I’m washing clothes that are already mostly clean, like a box of hand-me-downs I’m pretty sure my sister already washed, or clothes that I’m re-washing because my kid threw them on the dusty floor but weren’t actually worn. I tend to use the cycle meant for stained clothes (but turned from hot water to warm or cold) most often, especially for anything my young boys wear.
Meg Murry says
When you say stink/BO, do you mean sweaty underarms? Or is it an overall funk?
Antipersperants/Deodorants that work for me: clear Mitchum unscented (they sell it separately as men’s and women’s, but it’s the exact same product in either a light green or dark green package, so buy whichever the drugstore has) or Certain-Dri clear unscented. Both take a full minute or two while to dry and can stain clothes, so I try to either put on immediately post shower, or take off my shirt if I forget before I get dressed. If you shower at night, applying both post-shower and in the morning can also help.
Separate but related: any chance your clothes or your washing machine are mildewy, or your clothes aren’t getting totally clean, so your clothes seem ok off the hanger, but as soon as a drop of moisture touches them (like a tiny bit of sweat) they stink again? This is especially common with synthetic fabrics like workout clothes. You can test it by sniffing a clean shirt, then dripping some clean water on it and sniffing again. I have a couple of shirts and socks that are prone to this, and it took a combo of running the cleaning cycle on my washer repeatedly, getting rid of all fabric softener/dryer sheets (we use vinegar in the fabric softener dispenser instead) and using a special detergent (Sport Suds) on the worst offenders.
Also, for mid-day re-application – if you aren’t using a deodorant that contains alcohol, wiping down with a baby wipe or a paper towel wet with Purell (or other alcohol based sanitizer) will kill the bacteria that are causing the smell – anti-antiperspirant will keep you from sweating, but if you don’t kill the bacteria you’ll still smell. I have a little atomizer of hand santizer from a vendor (that I refill with Purell) and I’ve been known to surrepticiously spritz my blazers/cardigans if I’m a little concerned they smell.
Since it’s postpartum, any chance its related to your laundry sitting longer since you have less free time, or re-wearing the same bras frequently if you haven’t restocked in your newest size? Or not dry cleaning as often? Any chance it’s not you, but rather that your office, car or shoes stink?
Do you have a really honest friend or spouse that you could say “I feel like I smell like BO. Be honest with me, do I smell today, and have I been smelling lately?” and get a true response from them?
stinky says
This is so helpful! Thank you. I’m going to “test” my clean clothes like you suggested (as well as employ some of your other suggestions).
Anonymous says
It’s my understanding that the actual BO smell is caused by byproducts of your individual microbiome, so it makes sense that could change post-baby if your hormones have “permanently” shifted. I’d definitely experiment with changing body wash (maybe try an antibacterial one), and adding baking soda to your laundry, but an endocrinologist would be my next stop. It’s also possible you are more sensitive to smell — so I agree with MomAnon above that it’s worth asking your SO and most brutally honest friends whether they’ve noticed.
OliveMac says
Any chance it’s just a heightened sense of smell? Maybe you can ask a friend or partner that you trust to tell you the truth if s/he thinks you smell?
Katala says
Hm, I’m surprised at the responses. I stopped wearing products with aluminum (so now do “natural” deodorants/no antiperspirant) while TTC and during pregnancy/nursing. I was wetter at first but now don’t sweat too much, and while preggo I hardly had any BO and it was amazing. Immediately after delivery though, oh man. Such strong BO. It’s clearly BO and not as offensive as dirty laundry, etc. – not sure how to describe it (musky? earthy?) but it’s clearly my armpits.
I’ve tried lots of natural deodorants, none with that much success (Green Tidings is the best, but irritates my skin). I do sometimes purell in the afternoon and try to reapply when i notice smell, but I’ve mostly just tried to live with it. The clinical strength antiperspirants made my pits raw and bumpy and I just don’t like all the stuff in them, so I decided I’ll live with being a little stinky. I think/hope that I smell it more than anyone else (I don’t get super close to coworkers generally, so I think it’s oK?). Husband “likes” the smell but confirms it’s not noticeable from a normal interpersonal distance.
Anyway it’s my understanding from googling that this is a common problem PP, but not sure if it gets better. I’m pregnant again and so far it hasn’t had the magic non-stinky effect of the first…
JTX says
If it’s your armpits, you could do some research on getting botox injections. I don’t have any personal experience with that, though.
stinky says
Thanks for all of the responses. There are so many great suggestions. It would not have occurred to me to try men’s deodorant, so I think I’ll try that next. And who knew Sephora sold deodorant. And the antibacterial wipe mid-day…so helpful. I had my thyroid levels checked recently. My husband says he doesn’t notice the smell, so I could be more sensitive than I used to be. I’m really self-conscious about it, so hopefully one of these solutions will help.
AltaLitGirl says
Thanks OP for raising this subject. I’m 13 +4 weeks and for the last month I have noticed a huge uptick in the B.O. department. I got really sick around week 6 and wasn’t up for doing more than the bare minimum of self-care, but I developed this stench that has never really seemed to wash away. I scrub away with a clean wash cloth in the shower, take a sniff while I still have soap on me in the shower, and I still reek. I have never had issues with B.O. in the past, but even my husband’s post-gym odor smells better than I do after a relatively sedentary day at work. I’m currently using Tom’s of Maine natural deodorant–which isn’t particularly strong, but has certainly done the job in the past–and I’m at a loss for what to do next, as I don’t really want to start using antiperspirant. Hearing that your B.O. issues are still lingering 2 years PP is not encouraging :/ Thanks all for the deodorant/endocrinologist suggestions. I’m seeing my OB tomorrow for a regular appointment and I’ll raise it with him then. Sigh.
Anonymous says
FWIW, I’ve heard terrible things about Toms of Maine deodorant post-baby from friends.
Meg Murry says
Yes, I tried to go toward natural products postpartum and I think Toms of Maine actually made me smell worse than wearing nothing at all. Every so often I run low on my regular anti-persperant or forget to get it out of my gym bag and I wind up grabbing that stick of Toms – and every time I regret it. Maybe it’s just the scent I have, but it smells sort of like Froot Loops when mixed with my body chemistry, but in a terrible, horrible way. The crystal/rock deodorants actually work pretty well as long as you are applying them to perfectly clean skin, but since they aren’t antiperspirants you can still wind up sweaty. I hate feeling sweaty, and I really hate going to bed feeling sweaty, but I wasn’t willing to go to showering every night to get the sweat off and then again in the morning to wake myself up and tame my hair.
I gave up on natural products pretty quickly, because carrying a little extra weight + time to shower being at a premium + never being able to remember if I’d actually applied the stuff in my state of fog = too much time spent trying not to let people see my damp armpits, and/or being paranoid that I stank, plus too many clothes that absolutely couldn’t handle being worn more that once.
Anonymous says
For those of you with full-time nannies, what have you done for your nanny’s birthday? Kiddo is too young to make a project or card – she’s been with us for a little under a year so this question has not come up before…
Anon says
Nicely framed photo of the two of them, and cash.
sfg says
Last year, cash. This year, probably a framed pic and cash.
Meg Murry says
Do you think she’s the type to go out and celebrate? For a nanny you think would want to go out on the town, the very best gift you could probably give her would be to offer her either the day of or the day after her birthday off (or if you couldn’t swing that, offer to let her come in a little late the next morning?) Totally understandable if you can’t make that happen, it’s just coming from the perspective of someone who enjoyed the 4th of July a little too much and is kicking herself that she didn’t take a vacation day on the 5th, and is still kind of dragging the next day …..
Otherwise, I agree with others that cash is the way to go. Even though your kiddo is too young to make a craft, you could put a handprint or footprint in a card if you have any paint around the house, or just sign all your names to a card.
Anonymous says
Her birthday is a Saturday so it’s a bit too complicated this year but will definitely keep that in mind for the future!
Second day of daycare says
I know this has been posted over and over, but my 6 month old started daycare this week and I’m struggling with it more than I thought I would. I miss her!
And she naps at home only in a quiet, dark, cool room with white noise, and she didn’t stay asleep at daycare more than 15 minutes at a time yesterday, and I’m afraid she’s going to be chronically sleep deprived for all of her early childhood.
CLMom says
Babies are adaptable. She will learn to sleep there, and she will be a-okay. However, don’t expect the naps to be as long as they would at home.
anon says
Our son started daycare at 6 months, too, and has been there for a month. I was really upset about how poorly his naps went in the beginning but they have definitely improved!! The main thing that helped was time. But they also put blankets up around his crib now because they realized he didn’t want to miss out on what was going on. My biggest issue now is that he really needs to have his first nap about 2 hours after he wakes up (and every 2-2.5 hours), but they keep telling me they try and he refuses/isn’t tired. At any rate, he now naps for at least 30 mins at a stretch and usually gets one 1 hour+ nap in there. We did have to adjust by putting him down earlier for a while but on the upside, he started sleeping in til about 7:30! If only he coordinated his sleep ins with his 4 year old brother… Anyway, I know you’re stressed out but it will be okay!!!
Carine says
Same!! My son is 7mos, started daycare a month ago, and I can’t get them to do that morning nap (2 hrs after wake-up) either! The other day at drop-off I said repeatedly that he’s tired, he needs to go down for a nap, and I got to my office and had a notification that they fed him. Arg. Overall he’s napping ok at daycare–and better than when we started, OP, so hang in there–but it bugs me that he isn’t getting that first nap when he needs it and I feel guilty that my schedule doesn’t accommodate it. I have wondered whether they are trying to push it later to prep for the mid-day nap that becomes standard as they move out of the infant room? Anyway, I post with no solution, just commiseration!
anon says
Isn’t it so annoying? At first I thought my husband was just a poor communicator but then when I did a few days of drop off, I felt like I was on another planet. I’ve surrendered to it because it didn’t disrupt his overnight sleep at all and he’s still really happy, despite being pretty exhausted when we do pick up. But I still also feel really guilty about that first nap. I suspect they’re stretching him for the reasons you mention–the other babies in my son’s class take their first nap around 10 and I think they’re trying to get him there but I know that’s not what his body wants to do! (okay so maybe I haven’t surrendered to it, lol!)
NewMomAnon says
Hugs. It gets better.
On the sleep – my daughter never consistently napped in the infant room, and now sleeps like a champ in the toddler room. So even if it doesn’t get better in infants, I wouldn’t worry that you are doomed to a bad sleeper. I recall a thread a while ago where a bunch of other moms had similar experiences of poor to nonexistent infant room naps, with no lasting adverse effects on the kids. But here’s hoping!
RDC says
Ditto on naps dramatically improving when my kid switched to the “older infant” room at 1 yr, and even more so when he switched to the toddler room. Now he actually naps better at daycare than at home.
AB says
More daycare drama/nightmare –
Background: Last spring my kid changed classes. A couple of weeks after she changed, her previous teacher was removed from the classroom and later terminated by the board of directors. Because we weren’t in that room anymore, we didn’t get any official communications from the center about it, but I did get an email from a parent extolling the virtues of the teacher and asking for the parents to send messages of support to the board. Some email discussion followed about how great people thought the teacher was. It seemed clear that no one knew what she was accused of.
Over the weekend, I found out that the teacher was removed after a parent witnessed her striking a child in a clearly abusive way. I heard the information from the parent who witnessed the incident, so I think it’s reliable. The parents of the child who was the victim were part of the email discussion supporting the teacher, which leads me to believe that, at least at the time that email was circulating, the Center had not told the parents about what the teacher did to their child.
I am obviously totally freaked out by this. My husband had to talk me down from immediately quitting my job to be a SAHM and never leave my child with anyone again EVER. What do you guys think? Does this sound like the Center handled things appropriately? Do I have standing to go to the director and tell her what I know and demand some answers? Would this make you distrust the whole center and all the teachers? This center has a good reputation, low teacher turnover, and no major citations from the State, so if we were to look for a new center, there wouldn’t be an obvious way to tell if it were any better.
NewMomAnon says
So, a teacher did something bad and was fired? That sounds like an appropriate course of action. As long as there wasn’t any indication before this event that the school had done something wrong (like, forgetting background checks or ignoring prior reports of abusive behavior), I would look at this as an example of things working well at your school and stay there.
mascot says
Agreed. I also think that there may be a few missing facts regarding the handling of the incident and some apparent support of teacher from the parents. Keep in mind, the center’s director may reluctant to talk to you about this for legal/privacy reasons (employer and student).
H says
It sounds like they removed her from the classroom (not sure how quickly after the incident as your post does not indicate), which was the right thing to do, and later terminated her (presumably after some sort of investigation?). What else would you expect? What else could the center do if she interviewed well, had good references, and passed a background check?
Anonymous says
Not OP, but I am assuming the issue is the lack of transparency regarding the reason for the termination?
ChiLaw says
It’s worrisome to me that it sounds like the parents of the child who was hit weren’t immediately informed? If that’s correct, that would worry me. If I’m misreading, it does sound like they’ve taken the correct actions by terminating the teacher.
Anon in NYC says
Yes, this is the part that stands out to me. I’d be worried if I felt like the parents of the affected child were still supporting the teacher because they didn’t know the facts.
AB says
Yes, that’s a big part of my concern. It’s just an assumption on my part, though. I’d like to ask the Director point-blank if the parents were told, but I don’t know if that appropriate given the privacy concerns involved.
mascot says
Maybe the better question is “what is your policy on contacting parents when there is an incident involving their child and a staff member?” You could even pose it in the hypothetical that you read some article online about an incident and are just being cautious. That way you get the answer about what their current policy is (which may be different than how they handled it a year ago) and they don’t have to get into the details of that particular situation.
EB0220 says
I agree that it sounds like they did the right thing by terminating this teacher, as long as there wasn’t an unreasonable amount of time between the incident being reported and the teacher’s dismissal. What would you have wanted them to do differently? I probably would have preferred to see them notify the entire school, or at least those parents whose child was in the care of that teacher at any time. But that seems more like a PR failing and not, inherently, a major flaw in the center (again, as long as all state regulations and school policies were followed). We had one daycare director who was an ex-management consultant and he was fantastic at communications of this sort. Otherwise, I find that daycare directors are nice and well-meaning, but not lawyers/managers/consultants/etc and don’t handle these things in the way we would expect at work. It’s not good, necessarily, and I would probably say something to them. But for me, it wouldn’t be a deal-breaker. (I would still be really worried in general, though, because you’re right – sometimes you just don’t know what a person is really like.)
AB says
Thanks for your perspectives everyone. As far as I know, they removed her from the classroom immediately while an investigation was pending, and there isn’t anything I’d want them to do differently with regard to that. I just don’t know what they have told the parents, whether the assistant teacher knew anything about this, whether they are doing anything differently in terms of training or anything like that.
It’s just really rattled me because I have to assume that this wasn’t the first/only time she did that, and my kid was with her for 6 months. It’s so unsettling how it’s impossible to know 100% that your kid is in a safe and healthy environment.
Spirograph says
I totally get your concern, but for me… one of the reasons I feel more comfortable with my kids in a daycare center is that there are always multiple adults around. At least in my center, because of class size and mandated teacher:child ratios, there should always be at least two teachers present in every classroom (I’ve observed the shuffling of kids and teachers during drop-off and pick up enough to be confident that the center takes maintaining the proper ratios seriously). Obviously an adult can hit a child in front of another adult, but the likelihood of there being a long-term pattern of unnoticed/unreported abuse is pretty low.
What’s more interesting to me than the fact that the director did not communicate the details of the situation – which seems reasonable in an open investigation – is that the parent who witnessed the incident apparently didn’t say anything to the child’s parents. I’m not close to other parents at my center, but I’m friendly with them and know which parents go with which kids. If I saw anything that concerned me, I would let them know. I’d hope others would do the same!
AB says
That’s a great point. The witness parents were very concerned about not tainting the investigation process, but I would certainly want to know if it were me!
Meg Murry says
I certainly would want to know too – but if were the witness parent my first response would be to find a way to get ahold of the director, and if I trusted the director and she told me she would notify the parents of the struck child, I would trust her to do that, especially if I didn’t actually know those other parents.
To put names to this: if I saw Teacher Susie hit Billy, and I didn’t actually know Billy’s parents (or possibly didn’t even know Billy’s name), I would first try to contact Director Jane. If Director Jane told me she would handle it, an investigation would be started ASAP but please don’t talk to other parents yet, and the next day Teacher Susie was not in the classroom, I would assume the Director had it under control and wouldn’t try to hunt down Billy’s parents to tell them.
Do you know the parents of the hit kid? Could you ask them how they felt about how the center handled it, and how they were notified? Unless they don’t know it was their kid still, I think it says a lot that the kid is still enrolled there.
But yes, I like the idea of just asking a straight out “so, if this incident had happened to my kid, how would I have been notified? What about communication to the rest of the parents in that classroom? Would we have been notified immediately, or only once the investigation was over?”
I’d also be interested in if they have an “always 2 adults in the room” policy like Spirograph mentioned and whether this incident happened when they were breaking that, or if the other adult had her back turned – or whether the teacher hit the child when the other adult was right there. I know our center always has 2 adults to do opening and closing together, even if there is only 1 kid, but I’m pretty sure they do occasionally have only 1 adult in the room when ratios are low enough and the 2nd adult is just going to the bathroom or taking a kid to the office, etc.
MDMom says
The witness (or the board) should have reported this to child protective services. Childcare workers do background clearances with cps in most states. If they just fire her without notifying authorities, there is no record and she will probably be hired elsewhere by another facility or as a nanny (with glowing references from parents who have no idea). Cps will also investigate and, in the course of that, notify the parents.
In any event, I would also be horrified that the parents may not know and if witness hadn’t told the parents, I’d do it myself. Because that’s what I would want someone to do for me.
Territorial mom? says
My husband is a great, involved dad. He does a lot of kid pickups and is even taking a few days off over the summer to handle a little of the insane day camp transportation. When I travel for work, he handles everything. He doesn’t always like it, and sometimes he insists that he just can’t take time off when it would really help me out (even when he has no particular reason why he must be in the office), but generally he steps up when I need him to.
A couple weeks ago he stayed home when day camp was unexpectedly closed and I was out of town. Today he took the kid to the pediatrician and is working from home while she is home sick. I am in the office. I feel horribly guilty and also strangely envious of him, even though there is virtually nothing I enjoy less than working from home with a sick kid in the house. I feel like I am weakening my mom credentials by letting him do things that I really ought to be doing. Am I just nuts, or do other working moms with helpful husbands sometimes feel the same way?
MomAnon4This says
Sometimes I feel like my husband does it wrong or wrongly – ok, most times I feel like that – and I’m jealous of his time with the kid, but in general I don’t feel guilt at times like this, I feel supported in my career and my marriage and I think it build empathy in my husband.
Another BigLaw Parent says
I also sometimes feel this way. What assuages my guilt is having some parent things that are just my thing. We share things like drop off / pick up, switch off who stays home with LO when she’s sick (though that’s usually a “who has less important things due today” calculation). But doctor’s appointments? Mommy. I schedule them, I ask all the good thorough questions, I always go. Husband has only come to a handful of appointments (after the first few of being terrified parents of a newborn and both attending haha). That also means I am the one who rushes to daycare when she’s sick / hurt and we get a call. Could you pick something like that that makes you feel like there’s something that’s just your territory? I’ve also found it helpful to pat myself on the back a bit for all the emotional laboring that I do. I remind my husband that he often takes care of day-to-day logistics (meals, getting us out the door on time, etc.) but I save him all the time of reading the parenting information and just give him the cliff notes version while we’re chatting over a meal. Sometimes I also relay to him some of the drama on parenting sites to remind him of what he doesn’t have to wade through to get to what he wants ;) He really appreciates that!
lucy stone says
Don’t feel guilty! My mom was a trainer at work when I was little and my dad almost always stayed home with me. I have high expectations that my husband will be an equal partner because of what my dad modeled for me.
AIMS says
I think a lot of women feel similarly. I sometimes feel guilty for “delegating” tasks that are really joint responsibilities. I also say thank you for things I don’t need to thank Mr. AIMS for like changing baby’s diaper at night or taking her out for a long walk so I can get some stuff done at home (he doesn’t thank me when I get up with her at night). My way of dealing with it is to acknowledge the impulse but fight against it.
CHJ says
Should I cancel my son’s birthday party? My son is turning 3 in a few weeks, and we had booked a pool party at his swim school for his party. Unfortunately the vast majority of the friends we’ve invited are out of town that weekend, and now it looks like only 3-4 kids will be able to come. It feels awkward and weird to have such a small party, and the friends who can come don’t know each other. Should we cancel and just do something else for our son? Or should we go ahead with the small party? He loves all the kids who are coming and probably won’t care, but it still feels awkward to me. WWYD?
Anonymous says
A party with only 3 or 4 kids sounds like a dream scenario to me. Go for it!
anon says
+1. 3 or 4 friends is plenty of entertainment for a 3 year old. Having a bunch of 3 year olds who are probably not great swimmers at a party would not be relaxing.
AB says
Yes, sounds ideal!
Let's get real says
Yup, especially when they’ll be in a pool. That’s plenty of excitement and entertainment for a 3 year old.
Anon says
I don’t think 3-year-olds really need to “know” each other to have fun. I agree with the first response, this sounds like you hit the jackpot and don’t have to deal with a ton of kids and can still throw your son a fun party with his friends.
Katala says
This is going to be an ongoing problem for your summer-birthday kiddo, unfortunately. I never got to have parties for my August birthday growing up. No cupcakes at school, everyone is on vacation. I was pretty sad about it sometimes, but I got over it. When would you reschedule for? It’s likely that unless you wait for the school year to start, you’ll have similar scheduling issues. So I’d probably just do it – kiddo won’t care it’s not a huge party and less work for you!
Let's get real says
I always brought in treats on my half birthday as a summer baby, and when I was old I loved that I never had school on my birthday. You could even do a half birthday party instead of a summer one if you think low attendance will be an issue every year.
ANP says
Agree with all who said to have the party! If you want more kids there, I would contact the parents of the ones who are attending and indicate that sibs are welcome.
Meg Murry says
Yes, invite the sibs, and not to make it look like a b-list, but you could also use this as a chance to invite other families you don’t necessarily know super-well, if you have to pay for 20 kids regardless.
I’m a super introvert who hates throwing parties, so we’ve never had more than 5 kids invited for any birthday party, which is also how my introvert son prefers it – although we have tons of family, so they also get a separate family dinner or weekend lunch with cupcakes.
Also, if you canceled because a lot of people can’t make it and I was one of the ones who RSVP’d yes (and I wasn’t your BFF who would get it) I would feel a little bit rejected, like I wasn’t “good enough”.
Although if you don’t want to pay that much money for swim school for only 3-4 kids, and it isn’t 10000 degrees where you live, you could also relocate to just do cupcakes at a playground. Because friends + cupcakes + balloons = 3 year old birthday party of their dreams.