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I spied these baby milestone cards over at Nordstrom a few weeks ago and thought, aw, what a great idea. When J was little we created our own little signs that we held up next to him; and at that time the “milestone stickers” were big, for you to stick a huge sticker on your kiddo that said, for example, “2 Months Today!” I like the idea of these cards much better — they’re not blocking whatever cute outfit you’ve got, and they look a heck of a lot cuter than our little printer signs. (Another pro: I might have actually used these with my second kiddo if I’d had them laying around.) The cards are $24 for a pack of 30 cards. Milestone Baby Cards Illustrated Cards (Set of 30)
Update: note that Amazon has similar, more affordable cards for pregnancy, in Spanish, and more.
(L-all)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
ANP says
Urgh. I never did stuff like this with my kids and am in general feeling like a major failure at documenting their lives. We have three shorties (age 6.5, 3.5 and 1) and I have thousands of disorganized digital photos, a baby book for the youngest that’s gone untouched her entire life, and all kinds of other tasks I’m behind on. Any tips on trying to get caught up (or even “good enough”) on these types of projects?
JayJay says
No tips, but I just want to commiserate. I have two (4 and 3) and only own a baby book for the oldest and I have never put a single thing in there. I have everything shoved into a large shopping bag in my home office. And thousands of unorganized digital pictures.
sfg says
Upload your pictures to Google Photos (use the app for your phone pics). Google will organize them chronologically and will suggest albums based on timestamps. You probably have more than you think. From there, you can start grouping by kid or event or whatever makes the most sense to you. But even just getting them into Google will make you feel more organized.
HSAL says
I’ve been looking into one place to put all of our photos. Two questions – can multiple accounts upload to one Google Photos account? And do any photo printing sites import from Google Photos? I’ve decided I’m done with physical albums but would like to do an annual photobook.
anon says
On multiple accounts – not that I know of. We set up a dedicated Google account that we both upload to.
I believe Shutterfly can import from Google Photos.
Potomac Ave says
I’m pretty sure you can share albums. Not sure if uploading is included as part of the “share.”
Momata says
I make a photo album every year as my husband’s main Father’s Day album. It’s a great way to get me to do it — I have to give him SOMETHING and it also serves to back up / organize our photos. I use the album creator on our desktop Mac – it’s very easy to navigate and the printed quality is great.
Closet Redux says
I have one kiddo and another on the way and never put a single thing in first kid’s baby book. I rationalize it by acknowledging that we live in a very different time than when we were little when if a photo wasn’t printed or a memory written down, it wasn’t accessible. My kiddo, on the other hand, is well-documented digitally via FBook, Insta, and email. No, I don’t remember when she got her first tooth, but I could probably find out to the day by searching my email outbox.
As for strategies, we take a professionally-photographed family photo every year so we have at least one moment captured in time (now printing and framing in a timely manner is another thing!). I also try to use down time (commuting, waiting in a doctor’s office, etc.) to go through my phone’s photos a month at a time and pick 2 to “favorite” (I have an i phone) and upload those to an online album (that one day I will print?). And I really like Momata’s suggestion of making an album every year for a set purpose, so maybe will adopt that stratgegy with my “favorited” photos.
layered bob says
I do NONE of this (milestone pictures, baby books, cutesy announcements and parties…) I understand that some moms enjoy doing cute projects like this, but (no offense if you like doing it!) I sort of feel like all this cr@p is for moms with not enough “real” work to do.
Obviously I probably feel this way because I am insecure about my own choices etc. etc. but there it is. I make sure that my child is always receiving excellent care, whether from me or someone else, I make sure that she has interesting opportunities for learning and fun in her life, and that she feels like a loved and valued part of our family, and I do that without stressing about photos, signs, costumes, parties, scrapbooks, and all the other random stuff mothers are “supposed” to stay on top of – I have lots of other things to do!
Many, many children have grown up without a baby book and miraculously become confident, happy adults with fond memories of childhood. Again, if you enjoy doing this stuff, great! But no need to feel like a “failure” for not “documenting” their lives.
ChiLaw says
Yeah, my baby has a scrapbook of her first …well, 11 months, because I dropped the ball on her birthday and all that… maybe one day. But I made it because I *like* making scrapbooks, and it was a happy little hobby for me to work on after she was in bed. I am also terrible at remembering things (my MIL, who has three sons, remembers when each learned to crawl/walk/everything, but without looking at her scrapbook, I don’t think I could tell you the month my daughter learned to crawl!) so I want her to have some stuff written down, in case she cares.
But I thoroughly agree that it’s totally unnecessary, and is really only worth doing if it’s something you like to do. Other moms are probably taking their kids on cool outdoorsy adventures or teaching them songs from old musicals or whatever — we can use our particular interests to make our kids’ lives fun.
anon says
ha, I love your honestly. I could care less. I hate crafts. I think baby books are dumb. We’re not celebrating our second child’s first birthday. My boys will be fine.
NewMomAnon says
Yeah, I never did this stuff. I realized early on that I was not going to keep up with a baby book, so I bought one of those pretty boxes from Michael’s and jammed all my favorite dresses, baby cards, first hair cut certificate, tiny little shoes, etc into the box as a “memory box.” And shutterfly organizes pictures chronologically in the app too, so I rely on that for picture organization.
Meg Murry says
Is there someone else in your life that is good at this kind of project and enjoys doing it? My sister and mother enjoy scrapbooking and making online photo books, so I upload the contents of my phone and my husband’s phone into Smugmug, snapfish or similar and let them go to town. I try to tag some favorites, as others have suggested, to make it a little easier on them. I feel a little guilty because my oldest has an actual scrapbook from my mom, while my youngest doesn’t yet – but not enough to actually work on one.
Honestly, it really doesn’t need to be fancy – my kids loved it when my mom had the pictures from a trip to the aquarium printed at Walgreens and then put the prints into one of those cheap photo sleeve books that cost $1 – I think she may have written [City Aquarium] and the year on a piece of paper and then let them decorate it. It often winds up in the cycle of their favorite books to “read” for a while.
And hey, as long as you keep track of your digital photos, my mom made me a scrapbook of my childhood photos after she retired – decades after many of the pictures had been taken. And at least now with digital photography that automatically date stamps your photos, you don’t have to squint and say “hmm, I wonder if this is older kid or younger kid” – because I’m pretty sure my sister and I have a couple of swapped photos in our albums, or pictures of “gosh this is cute, and you are probably around 8 years old, but I have no idea when or where that picture was taken or who that other kid is in the picture with you”.
But yes, I’m on the got rid of the baby book so my kid wouldn’t see that it had only been written in 3 times, haven’t made any photo books, didn’t take a picture with the same prop every month bandwagon, and I’ve stopped feeling guilty about it.
However, if you haven’t already been there, you may want to get in the habit of printing a couple of family photos a year (even if they are snapshots) or being prepared to print them – it seems like daycare/school often asks for kids to bring in family photos, and we wind up scrambling. Luckily their latest teacher is tech savvy, and is generally ok with me emailing her a pic that she prints on the copier at school.
Ally McBeal says
I also feel like a failure at documenting my children’s lives. Photos and baby books and all those cute “milestone” pictures are just beyond me. But then I think, there are SO MANY WAYS to fail as a parent, and I’m hanging in there on most of them. My kids are happy, safe, clean. They have excellent high quality childcare and/or school. They are active, athletic, thoughtful, good people. I love spending time with them. I even throw them the occasional birthday or Halloween party. Maybe they’ll forgive me for failing to also be the archivist of their lives.
Let's get real says
Nobody did this when we were children. As an adult, I feel like seeing monthly pictures of myself growing up might be neat, but I’d rather see the candids and real memories of growing up. Pinterest has corrupted what we think of as the baseline. You can be a fantastic parent and not take monthly photos, I promise :-) All you see online are people who are posting monthly photos, but I’m willing to bet at least as many aren’t taking them.
CPA Lady says
Just wanted to toot my own horn for a minute– I went out of town for three days/two nights with my 21 month old alone. And we survived! I’m so proud of myself. I’m the sort of person who will not do anything I’m afraid will be a hassle, but we did a lot of stuff, including going to a parade, and it was hard and frustrating at times, but went well overall. Especially considering the house we rented was probably the least childproof house I’ve ever been in. Did not think that one through, but I’ll do better next time. I’m so pleased with myself.
Anon in NYC says
Woohoo!
Let's get real says
Way to go!
CLMom says
After a brief “vacation” this weekend. I am EXHAUSTED. Other than the waking up at 5am to get to work on time, I am so happy to be at work and get a break from chasing after and entertaining a very mobile 8 month old who is teething.
sfg says
+ 1000
quail says
+1 My “vacation” with an 18 month old was a regular weekend, in an unchildproofed house, with fewer naps. Though there were more good friends and more beer than on a regular weekend, so I’ll take it even though I am exhausted. :)
SoCalAtty says
10 months over here, and I dropped him off at daycare this morning and went back home to work from home. I’m comfy and so much more productive than I would have been in the office!! Phew.
D. Meagle says
Any moms out there with “breath holders”? My son has been having episodes that I thought were seizures, but after a few trips to the ER and a visit with a neurologist, it seems they were breath holding episodes. So while that is good news in one sense, he is still passing out with enough frequency to frighten me. I feel like I am in a constant state of anxiety worrying what is going to trigger the next spell, and not truly believing its fairly harmless. I never understood why people turn to the internet for these questions, instead of medical professionals, but now I get it – yes my doctor has explained things, but I want to hear from people experiencing this for real, not just in a clinical sense. Seems like kids grow out of it by age 7, but he is 2 so I’ve got a long ways to go. TIA
Clementine says
So my caveat is that I have never dealt with this as a parent, but growing up I had a cousin who did this All. The. Time. (Apparently, his father did the same thing as a kid, so there’s that…)
It was bizarre and kind of scary to see a healthy toddler just sorta flop over, but I can tell you that every time he started to do it, his mother would dance around and do ANYTHING to get him to stop. Consequently, the kid realized that he got everything he wanted if he just held his breath. (His mother is, to this day, the parent who is convinced her child can do no wrong to the point where when he failed out of college she got his grades expunged, so… do with that what you will.)
Anytime he would be watched by one of my parents or my grandmother, they just would fully ignore it when he went into breath holding mode. He would generally start freaking out and hold his breath a bunch of times when they started watching him, but once he realized it didn’t get him anywhere, he wouldn’t do it with them anymore.
Now, you’ve done the right thing by making sure there isn’t an underlying medical issue and I am a firm believer that if your gut tells you something is really wrong, you should be following up. If it’s really a breath holding issue, it sounds really hard. My first thought is that maybe your kid is realizing that this is how he can get an immediate response to whatever toddler need is unfulfilled. You know, like not letting him climb out of a second story window or eat the cat…
CPA Lady says
I also don’t have direct experience with this particular issue, but my toddler will on purpose repeatedly gag herself, sometimes to the point of throwing up, when she is bored or irritated or what have you. She has also recently discovered that she can gag herself just by flexing her throat a certain way. I have been told that this is normal but it bothers me so much (she is smart and completely aware of how much it bothers me… probably why she does it). I know the best way to get it to stop is to ignore it, but that is so so hard. So hugs and tangentially-related-commiseration.
D. Meagle says
Thanks. The doctor explained that it is an involuntary reaction, so it is not that he holds his breath purposely as a negotiation tactic, but he passes out from the crying. Most recently, he was running, slipped and kind of banged his head. Not hard enough to knock him out, but I guess enough to startle him, and then all of a sudden he went limp. DH grabbed him, started blowing in his face and hitting his cheeks until he came to. But yes, aside from my primary fear of physical harm, there is also the secondary fear of him growing up to be an entitled little jerk because no one says “no” to him… I can recognize when a spell is starting, but I am looking for advice on how to deal with it emotionally. I am exhausted walking on egg shells with this guy.
NewMomAnon says
A totally different situation, but maybe helpful – my daughter resists sleep so hard, and I get almost panicky that she will never sleep again. What has helped me is having a mantra and a short, concise plan. So when the panic kicks in, I tell her, “it’s bedtime now. no more talk.” and then I say nothing else, roll on my side, and take 10 deep breaths before I do anything else.
It probably doesn’t even matter what the plan is, just something that becomes so routine that you reach for that instead of whatever emotional response would otherwise kick in. So when your kiddo goes limp, maybe the plan is you first take some deep breaths, then repeat out loud whatever plan the doctor suggested (blowing in kiddo’s face, smelling salts (is that a thing?), cool washcloth, whatever), then carry out the steps of that plan.
And hugs, that sounds scary.
GCA says
Apparently I did the same thing as an infant/ young toddler, but then grew out of it, and here I am, still alive…Once they pass out the breathing reflex kicks in. My mom ignored it (this was the 80s and she is a medical professional).
TK says
In August we are spending a vacation week with family that includes 5 and 7 year old boy cousins that little TK adores. He will be 2 1/2 by then. Is this week the perfect or the worst time to double down on potty training? Pro: he loves his cousins and wants to be like them in every way. Con(s): away from home, away from typical routines, need to always know where a toilet is at all times while on vacation. Thoughts?
AIMS says
No idea as to timing, but can you just bring a little portapotty with you so that you always have it handy and don’t need to worry about knowing where a toilet is at all times?
Anonymous says
Is a washing machine available? If so, than yes
Meg Murry says
What are you planning to do on the vacation? Will you have to be in a car or on a plane for a long ride home that could screw up the progress (or cause you to stop every 15 minutes?)
Can you spend the week just praising up the skies about how the cousins use the potty “like big boys” and encouraging him but not pushing it or going cold turkey, and then go for cold turkey when you get back? Could you take a couple more days off to do a boot camp at home? Perhaps you could even make one of the rewards for when you return letting him Skype with his big cousins to tell them how he used the potty?
Warning/caveat – 5 and 7 year olds will probably be standing to pee, and you probably *don’t* want to start off potty training a 2.5 year old to stand, because in the beginning he isn’t going to have the idea of aiming down (and may be too short without a stool), and also it’s easier to have them sit at least until they are consistently pooping and peeing.
EB0220 says
I wouldn’t personally. I think it will get in the way of things you want to do outside of wherever you are staying, and you’ll constantly be worried about accidents in a place that’s not your own. Also, in my experience, it takes a lot longer for a younger child to learn the habits from older kids. Now, I’d definitely talk about the whole potty thing, have your kiddo go to the bathroom with the cousins if they are open to it, and maybe plan to start right after you get home. You could even buy some underwear on the trip and promise to start wearing it when you get home….
MomAnon4This says
Don’t do it. Your kiddo will need to go every 45 minutes and those big boys can hold it and hold it and hold it… ever seen them play video games? If you want to buy a toy beforehand as a bribe, you can mention it, or if the cousins are nice (it might be weird if they talk about potty training with the 2.5 yo, you know best) they can talk it up, but I would NOT double-down on potty training on any kind of vacation at that age. Sorry :(
Let's get real says
Would you like to actually enjoy your vacation?
Anonymous says
My milk supply has decreased by about 1 oz per pumping session. Not a big deal when I am home with the baby but makes getting bottles together more of a PIA since before i would generally pump a solid 5 oz each time, which is exactly what baby eats when I am not around. This has been happening for only a week or so and I suspect it has to do with some cold meds I took while I was sick. OTH, may be just natural drop off around the 7 month mark. Has anyone experienced something like this and did you find your milk supply resumed in time? Or is this just the new normal?
Due in December says
Interested in replies. My kid is 6 mos. old, but I’ve experienced the same thing in the last week or so.
3L mama says
my supply has always jumped around so much – sometimes I get practically nothing, the next week I can pump 6 oz. bottles in no time – and it’s been like that for the last 10 months! Usually I can trace a dip to something (cold meds, stress, sick baby, etc.). Usually when I notice a drop-off it’s a sign that I need to drink more water, eat more calories, get more sleep, and be a little more predictable with my pumping. I’ll do those things and my supply will come back up to what my baby is eating.
Anon in NYC says
My supply started to even out at around the 6 month mark (from a huge oversupply), and then stayed fairly steady until about the 9 month mark when it started to drop. It’s probably a combination of natural drop off / the cold meds. I’d recommend upping your water intake over the next week and eating oatmeal. Oatmeal was really effective for me in increasing my supply by about 1-2 oz overall.
Potomac Ave says
Also – if you’ve been introducing solids that can change your supply too. Mine dropped off pretty significantly around 7 / 7.5 months as baby got more established on solids.
GCA says
Could be a number of things – cold meds, solids, postpartum period. I had a drop-off in supply around 10 months when my period returned, too.
Anon says
I’m not that late in the game yet (Have a 5 month old), so can’t help with the why, but I had a recent dip in supply that was instantly (within a day or two, but you get my jist) remedied by water drinking + 1 glass of mothers milk tea per day. I’m guessing the water did more work than the tea.
RDC says
Sudafed is known for “drying you up” so if that’s what you took for your cold, I’m betting that’s it. I would think you’d be able to bring your supply back up again once you’re feeling better.
Amom says
Talk to me about your sleeping co-sleeping arrangements. I am just exhausted.
I have a 3.5yo and a 1.5 yo and we all sleep in the same room. 1.5yo is in her crib in the next room and the 3.5 yo has such anxiety that she tells me that she need to sleep with mama every night. I have to hold her really close when she sleeps. And this kid still reaches to touch chest for reassurance. Nights that I sneak out into my guest bedroom she will wake up at 4-5AM, cry out for me and run around looking for me and in doing so wakes up Kid2.
Dad sleeps in another room and does not have to handle any of this as Kid1 does not want to sleep with him. He’s got very early mornings and is pretty loud so sleeping with him isn’t an option.
We had a family discussion asking Kid1 how we can resolve this problem if Mommy wants to sleep by herself and Kid1 wants to sleep with mama. She teared up during this duscussion and got really upset at the prospect that she would need to sleep alone or even in the same room as her sister.
I just need some outside perspective.
JLK says
Has kid1 always done this? This is my biggest cosleeping fear!
We never co slept but we did have a major issue getting DD to stop drinking milk from a bottle (or bottle-like cup as she got older) before bed. We did a tough love + reward approach at age 2.5 when it because unacceptable enough to take action.
Step 1: talk it up. Big kids don’t sleep with their mommies. Big kids sleep (wherever).
Step 2: new thing: new sheets/stuffie/ whatever she might be interested in. Big girls can pick out their Very Own New Sheets. Have the stuffie be a snuggle replacement for mom. With us, I allowed her to have a few sips of water from a Big Kid Cup but didn’t give in to cries for milk.
Step3: move back into her room. Get her out of your room. Put her to bed and tell her you will sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag. Do this for a bit. Then tell her you will sleep in the hall. Do it. Then get yourself back in your bed with your husband and sleep!!! This sounds awful.
Optional step: bribe/reward. My kid was told that all her milk bottles and cups were going to babies that needed them, but she was a Big Girl and would get a new bike. And she did! 6 months later whenever milk cups/bottles come up she tells us that he milk cups went to the babies.
Amom says
She has always done this. when Kid1 was about 1.5 we did a tough love two weeks of her sleeping in her own room, new sheets, bed, everything. Every night she would wail and fall asleep outside our door and we would walk her back, tuck her in and she would be at our door 30 minutes later. After two weeks we just gave up.
She also has night terrors, not sure if this has anything to do with it?
mascot says
I think JLK’s suggestions are good. There are probably some other methods out there that you can try too. She didn’t make this habit overnight, so it will take some time to undo. Just stay consistent and keep the long term goal in mind.
And re-frame the family discussion. She’s not a mini-adult so asking for her solutions isn’t really going to work. You can talk positively about the switch, maybe let her pick the color for her sheets, but having a discussion of any length doesn’t solve anything.
Anonymama says
Yeah, asking her for solutions might be causing her more anxiety. The uncertainty of not knowing if you will be there or not seems to be the problem, and having a solid understanding of when and where you will be might be more reassuring than feeling like you don’t want to sleep with her but she’s not sure how or when you will leave. It’s your job to come up with a solution, and be firm about it, in a pleasant and reassuring way, not in a dictatorial way (e.g., mama’s going to come check on you, or sit on chair outside your room, or whatever you decide, until you fall asleep. When you wake up you can c all for mama and I will come check on you/tuck you in but you have to stay in your own bed until it is morning. (Mama, I want mama) Yes, when you wake up in the morning and it is light out you can come run into mama’s room and we will have such good cuddles!) if you want her to have input you can give her the basic plan and then ask, when mama comes in should I rub your back or sing you a song?
MomAnon4This says
Give the stuffie hugs each night. Make sure it is big and soft (like Mom). (or, also buy a baby stuffed animal! ) Explain that when you wake up in the middle of the night, the stuffed animal will hug you back with Mom’s hugs!
We did this. It was a good reference point. Not sure if it actually helped in the middle of the night, but it was a good ritual.
Anon says
My sister had this issue with my niece (2 1/2 years old) who she had coslept with since birth. She let it go on for 9 months after initially trying to move her to her own bed and anytime she would even talk about my niece sleeping in her own room she would cry hysterically, sometimes to the point of throwing up. My sister had to get a new bed for my niece because they are having a new baby and baby needed the crib/toddler bed, so I found her a no frills, vintage bed on CL. She talked up the new bed to my niece and was preparing for a battle, but my niece was so excited to sleep in the new bed that there was zero fighting and zero tears. She’s been sleeping in her own bed for a couple months now with no issues.
EB0220 says
If it were my kid, here is what I would do:
#1: Talk up and then get a big girl bed. She picks the sheets, maybe even decorates her room, etc.
#2: Mommy or daddy will sleep on the floor next to the big girl bed for ~ 3 nights.
#3: Mommy or daddy will stay in the room until she falls asleep
#4: Tuck in and go
We never co-slept with my 4 year old, but she is definitely a cuddler. She (almost) always has the option to come into our room in the middle of the night, but she has to fall asleep in her own bed first. When she was younger, she came in maybe half the time. Now, she sleeps through the night 9/10 times and only comes in when she really needs to. Having the alone-time before bed and at bedtime really makes a big difference to my husband and I and we don’t mind having her with us from early morning hours to wake up time.
Anonymous says
2 book suggestions: Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems and How To Talk So Kids Will Listen. I would get both of the books at the library, read them both, and in 2 weeks (or whenever you finish reading them), call a family meeting to discuss the sleep thing. Maybe send your little one off with grandparents/babysitter so you, your partner, and your older child can have a family meeting. Make sure she knows this is Serious (but not bad!). The problem is “Mama needs to sleep alone in mama’s bed.” How can your older child help come up with solutions? Does she want a reverse video monitor so she can see you if she wakes up? Does she want you to leave a sign up, so that if she sees the sign, she goes back to bed but you take the sign down when you’re awake and available for cuddles? Some of this may be “special snowflake” ridiculous territory, but just brainstorming with your kiddo and trying to figure out what her fears are, may help. If you need help, call in a sleep specialist. Make sure there’s nothing else going on (eg, ear infection). You’re doing awesome. Mom-ing is HARD.
Anon says
Anyone here originally want one kid and decide to have a second one when their first got older? I always thought I wanted two kids, but now that I have a baby (currently 4 months old), I think one may be the right fit for our family. My husband has told me multiple times he doesn’t want a second child, but is willing to have another one if I want to. I didn’t mind being pregnant and absolutely love being a parent, but don’t have a strong desire to do it again. I’ve decided to table the decision for at least a year, but was curious if anyone else felt the same way and changed their mind later? For added fun, both of our families would be vehemently opposed to us only having one kid, and have already told us that it would be selfish, that we would ruin our current child, and that our child will grow up to be weird. Obviously they don’t actually get a say in the decision, but still yay for family pressure!
Amom says
I think 50% of parents in the first 18 months will declare no more children. That was certainly the case for us. Especially if your child is your first there is such a huge learning curve. We found after we got into the swing of things we were already discussing baby 2 when Kid1 was about 12 months. For us that was about the time when we had a good routine down.
GCA says
+1000 this. Early on we were so deep in the trenches we couldn’t see the sun. Now we have a pretty good routine, but I just want to enjoy this kid (13 months) on his own for another year before contemplating another!
Anon says
Yes! After a traumatic labor and delivery with my first I said no more. Then as he got older and it became more fun (still hard, but more fun) I saw visions of Thanksgivings and Christmas and wanted more than one for that picture. We just had our second, and are now planning on having 4, haha. So we might just be crazy.
Anonymous says
I didn’t want any kids. Had kid #1 after an accidental pregnancy when 2 types of bc failed. Hated motherhood until baby turned 2. Now that he is almost 5, I desperately want a second but it is not possible as we’d have to change jobs and move to make it work.
Elle says
Well, bravo for even considering it at 4 months. I was team no-2-under-2, so the conversations are only just beginning to surface. I always wanted 2, and would consider 3, but now that it is getting close to the timing we initially discussed (to get a 3 year-ish gap), I don’t feel ready. Some of it is $$ concerns though we are better off than when our first was born (higher salary for me and actual maternity leave policy vs ST disability ins only). Some of it is I don’t know if I’m a good enough mom to our one to justify spreading myself thinner with 2. That doesn’t really answer your question, other than to say, you may find as your kid gets older that you are still happy with 1.
Closet Redux says
You’re good enough, Elle. Never doubt that.
Amom says
OMG Elle, you need to love yourself too. I bet you are a terrific mom. The terrible ones are the moms who really think they are the best!
CPA Lady says
I started out firmly wanting one, went through a weird extended phase of baby fever for a while, but now that my kid is close to 2, I can’t comprehend having a second child. Completely agree with Elle about being stretched too thin. I know the little kid phase is temporary, but I am self-aware enough to know that if I had a second child right now I would probably become either an alcoholic or a psychotic rage harpy. I could see possibly revisiting the topic when my kid is 4 or 5.
CPA Lady says
BTW, I’m not saying that either Elle or I are “bad” moms, but I do think there is value, at least for me, in being realistic about my personality and my limits and what I have discovered about myself now that I actually know what it’s like to have a child in reality, rather than in my imagination.
Anonymous says
Why would you decide in a year? Unless you’re thinking of your partner have a vasectomy, is there a need to decide?
I was always thinking two maybe three but I definitely wasn’t ready for #2 until #1 was about 3 years old. Still on the fence about #3.
anon says
I figured we’d have two but was in no rush for the second. Our first was a dream and parenting was pretty easy. I liked having my body back after having him and enjoyed getting to give him all my love. He fit nicely into our lives. I was ready to start talking about a second when he was almost 3. Got pregnant immediately after going off BC and they are 3yrs8months apart. They are now 4 and 7 months. It’s a great age gap! I love it! I do feel stretched thin, and don’t think I get enough time with the baby, so I’m glad I waited until my first was as independent as he is. I can’t imagine feeling this way and chasing after a 2 year old.
Ally McBeal says
I had no interest in having a second baby until my first baby turned 2. It honestly took that long for me to even contemplate a second. If I were you, I’d just table this. Don’t think about it. It’s too soon. Just decide not to decide for at least a year!
We now have two, about 3 years apart, and I love their age gap.
Anon says
Yup. We were always thinking 2-4 kids. After we had #1, who was by all accounts a super easy baby, I had no desire whatsoever to have another baby until at least 12 months (we weren’t even back to having sex until like, 5-6 months PP). And even then it was too early, but it was on the “one day” list. Once #1 was about 18 months, we decided we’d start trying in a few months so we could shoot for a 2-3 year gap.
We started trying when #1 was 22 months, potty trained our first when she was 23-24 months old, and I got pregnant the week of her second birthday (!). When #2 came I had had almost 2 full years of no breast feeding, so I was OK getting back into it. I had also had 9 months of no diapers so even that didn’t seem so bad.
My first kid has always been mature and was so excited to be a big sister, even at 2.9. She’s probably a better mom than I am sometimes! The way the birthdays land they are 2.9 years apart but will be 2 grades apart in school, which is great.
BLW and daycare says
So, we have just introduced solid foods to our 6 month old over the last few weeks, and though we’ve offered some cereals/purees, we are really enjoying the baby led weaning approach. The baby makes a huge mess and probably doesn’t ingest much, but she’s definitely enjoying different textures and tastes.
My question is this. We’ve started daycare this week, and are sending the baby with breastmilk only (the idea of figuring out solids at the beginning was overwhelming to me). If we don’t want to send cereals and purees, but rather actual finger food for the baby, does anyone have any recommendations as to when we should start sending food? And once that starts, any ideas of good, not-too-messy options? And has anyone found daycares resistant to this approach?
Anon in NYC says
Our daycare suggested to us (at around 7 months or so) to send in finger foods. We have found that peas and carrots (or chopped up broccoli) are easy and not too messy. Tiny cubes of cheese are good. I think small pieces of bell pepper, pear, or apple (or slices) are good.
My LO is 13 months and we send a bunch of food (pasta, leftover stew, cut up blueberries, avocado) and never worry too much about the mess. We just won’t dress her in a nice outfit on a day where she has a bunch of messy food. Daycare has never complained about the mess, and that’s what backup outfits are for.
MomAnon4This says
Our daycare didn’t know about BLW. I brought in the book for the teacher. It turned out the teacher would just, like, give the 6 month old food on his tray? Or make it really little so Baby couldn’t pick it up? Not sure. There was a real disconnect with expectations — Teacher was VERY CONCERNED that Baby was not getting enough nutrition from the food. I explained my mantra/reasoning that the breastmilk is the primary source of nutrition and that “food under one is just for fun” and that in a month or so the whole ingesting thing will really take off. It did. I don’t know if this answers your question?
As to ideas for what to send — for Baby #1 when we’d make his lunch we’d include many options just in case he didn’t eat it all. A cream cheese sandwich, cherry tomatoes cut up, another protein source (like hummos and cucumbers?) nothing too sweet or too salty but I focused on protein & fiber as things I could provide since I think he was getting snacks like crackers and stuff at school. hope that helps.
Anonymous says
“not-too-messy” hahaha!! Oh honey. I say this with love: Your babe will be very messy for a very long time. If you’re doing baby led weaning (which I did), just cut up whatever you had for dinner the night before into small pieces and send to daycare. They know what they’re doing. If you don’t send purees, they won’t feed your kiddo purees.
ChiLaw says
I agree! Very very early on we did send her with those puffs that look like cheerios and melt in the baby’s mouth — Baby Crack, I believe they’re called? Ha, she loved those. But I would mostly be sending those to prove to daycare that she could feed herself, more than anything else.
Wholseomebabyfood (dot com) has two recipes that were big hits for our kiddo: a cheddar broccoli patty and a zucchini pancake. My husband makes big batches and freezes them in sets of 5 and just defrosts a set the night before and sends to daycare. At first we broke them into little bites that she fed herself, so daycare basically got crumbled patties. But at least they weren’t gooey!
But I send her with like, curried chicken and blueberries and whatever — she stains her shirt and no one cares. It’s part of the deal.
H says
Peas! My LO loved practicing his pincer grab with peas at that age.
BTanon says
I initially sent purees to daycare and kept the BLW for home, thinking that it would just be easier and less messy for them. Unfortunately/fortunately, baby hated being spoon-fed to the point where we just started sending in finger foods. Sometimes the providers cut up the food into smaller bits, or they wouldn’t give baby something they thought was a choking hazard, but generally they just went with whatever I sent.
I send lots of cut up fruit, steamed vegetables, BLW “porridge fingers”, cheese cubes, tofu, small pasta, rice, barley. I still save things like whole chicken drumsticks for home. It’s amazing how even dry foods manage to become super messy, so send bibs and don’t worry about it!
Not Martha says
I am feeling totally despondent about my housekeeping arrangements and need ideas. I work FT in BigLaw in a major West Coast City. Husband works FT in a job that has biglaw hours for a nonprofit salary. Two kids. Keeping up with my house is just defeating me. Just keeping up with the daily inflow of mail and kid crafts and art projects and backpacks and breakfast dishes and dinner dishes and laundry and magnatiles all over the living room floor and shoes all over the hall — it’s just too much. I can’t do it. And I feel like I spend so much time on basic housekeeping that I never get to do the bigger projects, like sorting through old toys or cleaning out the closets. I’m spending all this time on the kinds of housekeeping projects that give me the least amount of pleasure or satisfaction, and it’s frustrating.
We have a housekeeping service once every other week, but I feel like I need more help than that. We used to live in NYC and outsourced laundry, which was hugely helpful, but it’s not as easy to do it in our new city.
Help. What would you do?
Anonymous says
You definitely need more help. I’m amazed that you’re getting by with so little help right now.
I recommend a housekeeper to come by once a week (full day) or twice a week (2 half days) to organize and tidy/do laundry/prep supper plus keep a cleaning service for the real ‘cleaning’ work every second week. It won’t be cheap but it’s cheaper than therapy. Try to find someone that can help you with setting up organization systems. Once you have systems down for the daily stuff – the housekeeper can start tackling closets/laundry etc. An organized SAHM with school age kids who’s available 9-3 might be perfect.
For perspective – I work way less than big law hours, DH is a SAHD with our kids and we still have biweekly cleaners plus someone who comes weekly to fold/put away laundry and change the sheets. When people say you can’t buy time – that’s not true – I buy weekend afternoons of not having to do laundry/change the beds by paying someone else to do it so I can play with the kids.
Meg Murry says
Yes, my first thought was up cleaners to once a week, and ask if they can handle whichever part of laundry you hate most (juggling things in/out of the dryer, or folding and putting on hangers).
Oh, and here’s my lazy mom laundry tip: each of my kids has a hamper and a plastic tote or two. Once a week, the entire contents of the hamper goes in the washer, then dryer. From the dryer, they get dumped into the plastic tote. The kids then rifle through the totes and dress themselves. They don’t own clothes that can’t handle this kind of no-sorting, no special care instructions haphazard laundry. They each only own black socks and white socks that all match each other (Hanes easy sort). When the seasons shift, I spend a little bit of time tossing all the long sleeved shirts into a separate tote/box to put away for the winter, or put them in their dressers we otherwise don’t really use. Sometimes I bribe them into sorting it by offering $0.XX per [sock, shirt, underwear, whatever] – it started out at a penny each, now I think I’m up to 10 cents each, which is still worth it to me.
Also, FWIW, my husband and I work far less than BigLaw hours and our house is still drowning in dishes and shoes and magnatiles and mail – so you aren’t alone in this. How old are the kids? Can you expect them to put shoes away neatly or pick up the magnatiles? Can you set a timer and have a “race” to see who can fill a bin with toys, etc fastest? Or who can match the most pairs of shoes? I haven’t done it in a while, but every so often my husband or I will declare that the next day is “clean sweep” day – and they we go through and anything on the floor or otherwise out of place goes into a quarantine bin, where it stays for a week. After the tablet chargers went in the bin, the kids knew we were serious and stepped it up.
mascot says
A weekly visit from our housekeeper helps more than I thought. She cleans the house, changes the sheets and washes/folds the sheets and towels. If we leave out a basket of laundry, she’ll fold that too. Also, it keeps us from letting too much clutter pile up since she is there weekly. Having designated hooks/dropzones for backpacks and school stuff helps. I also purge art projects and worksheets guilt free. How old are the kids? Can you give them age appropriate tasks like clean their rooms, make their beds, etc?
EB0220 says
I completely understand where you’re coming from on this. Over the last few years, I’ve been working to embrace a minimalist approach to the household. I’ve come to realize that there are no shortcuts to cleaning if you just have more stuff than you know what to do with. I relentlessly prune my own clothing. I recently went through the house with a bin and put away an entire rubbermaid bin of small toys that aren’t used much and that long has made a HUGE difference in my ability to clean up. I’m not at all perfect, but at least I don’t spend 3 hrs cleaning up for the cleaning people now. Also, I’ve stopped rinsing dishes before loading the dishwasher, which really helps. And I fold laundry at night while watching a TV show.
Anonymous says
I agree that you need more help. If you are in West LA, I am happy to put you in touch with my housekeeper. She comes for 8 hours every Monday. She cooks all of our dinners, cleans, does laundry, folds and irons. If we don’t have a lot of cooking for her to do on a given day, I ask her to organize for me then. Having her come once a week forces us to tidy.
Other suggestions: (1) ikea expedit and bins. We throw toys in them and clean up goes quickly. We have the Lego bin, the marble track bin, the magnatile bin, the hotwheels bin, etc. (2) School paper/art. If it is “nice” art, I hang it in the kids room. I usually make a pile on the buffet and hang it over the weekend. If it is junk (scribbling at aftercare), it goes in the trash as soon as no one is around to see me and be outraged. School notes get calendared while dinner is being made and then that paper goes in the trash too. (3) I have a 4.5 year old, so YMMV depending on the age of your kids, but mine is responsible for putting his shoes, backpack, etc. away.
But I totally feel your pain. We have very similar demographics to you and it is a struggle. If I could teach my husband to put dishes away more than once a week, and to stop scattering his belongings as he walks in the house, it would change my life.
Anonymous says
If you see this by chance would you mind sharing how much that 8 hours costs and how you decide on meals for her to cook?
I’m in CA (not LA though) and this is the exact arrangement I’m looking for but not sure how to look for it.
Anonymous says
I pay $25/hour, and it is well worth it. I work a lot on the weekends and realized I was spending my limited free time on weekends doing chores instead of hanging out with my family. So we outsourced and I haven’t looked back. I found by housekeeper by posting an ad on Craigslist.
In terms of cooking, for years my husband and I would do cooking on the weekends with the idea that final weeknight prep would take 10 minutes max. So we have a collection of recipes that work well if prepared in advance. We draw from that collection and my husband grocery shops on the weekend. We email the housekeeper on Sunday night with instructions about what to cook and where in the prep process to stop.
Not Martha says
I’m in SF, not LA. Otherwise I’d hit you up for the name of your housekeeper so fast.
I agree that I need more help. I just need to find the right person, which feels like more work than just doing it myself, you know? (As I sit here at 12:30 AM crying into my laptop about my messy house, while trying to draft a motion at the same time.)
Anonymous says
try bayareacleaningandorganizing (dot )com – it sounds like exactly what you need