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Cb says
Are your kids dressing up? What are the costume choices for tonight?
Anon says
My 4 year old is Spider-Man. Although she woke up at 4 am for no apparent reason and refused to go back to sleep so trick or treating should be fun…
Cb says
Oh no! T is a skeleton although somehow this ended up to be a Star Wars / skeleton mashup when I remembered he had a hand me down Kyle Ren hoodie to wear on top of his skeleton pjs. I was surprised school did dress up today, rather than the Friday half day.
Lily says
Yes, we’re doing a family paw patrol theme. My husband and I do not usually dress up, but this year it was easy enough to do since paw patrol readymade costumes are available everywhere.
Pogo says
We have a cheetah and a sloth. I have no idea why the 5yo was so insistent on being a cheetah, but he is ecstatic. He does need help unzipping it to go potty, so that should be interesting. They did dressup Friday at the 2yo’s daycare so of course today he was like, “My costume?” when he say big brother all dressed up.
Daddy is picking them up early for a quick dinner and then a few local houses (maybe 10?), as meltdown-o-clock is 7pm here. Our neighborhood doesn’t get a ton of traffic so the houses are VERY generous. I will be flying to Europe this evening, which I am slightly bummed about but scheduling this trip was already nightmare with everything else going on so didn’t have much choice.
Cb says
My plan is to do 10, but we have no kids on our cul de sac, so I think we might have to go further afield. Hoping I’ll spot which houses look good on the cycle home from school.
Anon says
Things could be different in the UK (I didn’t even realize Halloween was a thing there!) but here you actually want to go to the houses without little kids. If parents have kids under about 8, they’re usually out trick or treating with the kids and not home to hand out candy. The last year we handed out candy was the year my daughter was an infant.
Pogo says
Exactly – our neighborhood has mostly older couples whose children have moved out, and they give full sized candy bars or big ol handfuls. And they are so excited to see the kids.
The few other young families just leave out a bowl.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Pikachu and Owlette! Supposed to be warm here tonight, so much better than the one year we had to trick or treat in the snow.
Anonymous says
My almost-4-year-old is also being Owlette. Baby brother will be in a hand me down pumpkin costume :)
It is sadly supposed to be rainy here this evening. So disappointing. We will at least go out to a few houses with our umbrellas.
Anon says
Catboy was the original plan for my Spiderman, then she changed her mind.
Anonymous says
Spider man here too for our 3 year old. They’re doing a big party/parade at daycare this afternoon, though, so I’m not sure how much energy he’ll have left for trick or treating. I’m keeping my expectations low.
Anonymous says
I’ve got Spider-Man, a horse and an elephant. I think I’ll be Rosie the Riveter…if I feel like doing hair and makeup. If not, I’ll just be super mom like I am every day.
Clementine says
Harry Potter, a princess (Jasmine for preschool and Cinderella for trick or treating) and Baby Yoda.
Oh, and mom is going to be a marathon runner because I needed a last minute costume that was easy to maneuver in.
SC says
A ghost. For the fourth year in a row.
Clementine says
I mean, it’s all about establishing your Brand these days. Clearly, lil’ SC is on the ball here.
SC says
Oh, he’s definitely got his own brand.
anonamama says
LO is three so, let the games begin! I added some custom lettering on the back of his fireman jacket (purchased from publicsafetystore.com) and he has been wearing the boots EVERYWHERE (including our family photos) AND practicing saying “Trick or Treat, please!” so if we hit 5 houses… it will be a success.
Anan says
My two youngest are going as Darth Vadar and Baby Yoda. My oldest is going as an iPod, which was this past weekend’s project of cardboard and spray paint. Though we live in the DC area and my husband just texted me “Can she go out in a cardboard costume in the rain?”
I suggested clear trash bags and umbrellas… and wished him luck. I have to work tonight so it’s all on him.
Anonymous says
One of mine is going as an Oompa Loompa and she looks magnificent.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
DS #1 – NFL Player of our home-city team; DS #2 – 70’s NBA Player – DH got him the jersey and everything. DH is a NBA player from the 1980’s so they are matching.
My costume is…not related to sports.
Our subtropical climate is giving us weather in the 60’s tonight which is perfect (IMHO) for trick-or-treating! I bought a fun bottled cocktail that adults will sip on this evening over ice while walking the streets.
GCA says
7yo is fully committed to giant golden-crowned flying fox. 4yo is (probably) Skye from Paw Patrol (DIY!) but options are key because she is 4 (Skye, dragon, Elsa, squirrel). I should definitely go as something with wings, right? Bird, insect, pteranodon…plague of locusts…
Anon says
My 3 year old refused to wear his costume at his daycare Halloween celebration slash trunk or treat on Friday, so who knows if he’ll wear one tonight. He has a Paw Patrol costume and a hoodie with ears that make him look like a little bear. I couldn’t even get him to wear the sweatshirt that’s barely a costume. lol.
Anon says
DD (5) and I will be butterflies. She has a dress, I have a cape out of wings, both thanks to target. With an umbrella and probably rain boots.
Leatty says
So my 5 year old has been really looking forward to trick or treating this year, but it is supposed to rain all afternoon/evening. We can throw on raincoats and rainboots, but I’m so not looking forward to it. Tips for making the most of it?
Cb says
My plan is to just go to 10 houses… so we leave while it’s still fun. Then home for hot chocolate and some “spooky” music.
Anon says
Ymmv but this would not work with my 5 year old.
Cb says
I guess we’ve only gone once (too little, and then covid, so last year was the first real year) so I’m not sure, he knows it is “typical” to go to more houses?
Anon says
Yeah, same we didn’t do it until last year due to age and pandemic. For my kid it’s not about knowing what’s “typical,” it’s more just like if she’s having a ton of fun she won’t want to stop so soon. And seeing other kids her age still out and about wouldn’t help. But like I said ymmv. my kid is definitely strong-willed/stubborn.
Pogo says
Yeah this is my kid. He has no idea what is going on, having no memory of ‘real’ trick or treating pre-pandemic. I have no problem if he wants to do a million houses, but I feel like he’ll get tired.
Anon says
I took my almost 3-year-old to a neighborhood business district trick or treat on Saturday and after two stops she started saying “more candy! I need more candy!” and insisted on hitting up the entire street, so yeah, we’ll see how it goes tonight.
Anon says
Same here, but I’m in the Midwest so 60 and rainy is very far from a worst case Halloween scenario. In 2019 it snowed.
anon says
Right? That was a memorable year! As long as we’re not in parkas on Halloween, I can stand a lot.
But to the OP, I wouldn’t feel bad about calling it an early night while everyone’s still having a good time and not drenched and miserable.
HSAL says
Oh man yeah, 2019 was rough. My 4 year old hit four houses and I had to carry her most of the time.
Finish the night with doughnuts? My grandparents always did hot chocolate and doughnuts after trick or treating and it was a nice way to wind down a bit.
Anonymous says
Hot chocolate and donuts would definitely wind my kids UP not down!
Anon says
Yeah! Also I’m not pearl clutchy about sugar and lord knows my kid eats a lot of it, but it seems like more sugar on Halloween night when they have a huge candy haul is not the best plan.
Anonymous says
I remember that! Upper Midwest here, and today’s weather is just about as perfect as we can get for Halloween.
Anonymous says
I distinctly remember snow in my midwest Halloween in 2nd grade when I was dressed as a hula dancer. My mom made me wear a sweatsuit under my grass skirt and I was indignant.
Anonymous says
Hot cocoa at the end, maybe a pot of chili, perhaps a flask for you while walking. My kids don’t care much about the weather and are focused on the candy, the friends and the general party atmosphere. They’ve gone out in both rain and snow. Probably hit fewer houses, but they’ll wear rain boots and a raincoat without complaint.
SC says
Thermoses filled with a hot beverage, possibly spiked for the adults. The adults in our group are planning to walk around with margaritas in solo cups tonight, lol.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think I may try this this year (the adult drinks that is)! I feel like that would make trick or treating much more fun for me, and kids are old enough that I hopefully won’t have to constantly be “on.”
Spirograph says
Oh yeah, adult drinks are where it’s at! My kids go in a pack with our neighbors, and while they’re racing up to ring doorbells, all the adults just stroll down the street drinking our adult drinks and chatting. All the kids are big now, but when we still had littles we would bring the wagon with refills ostensibly so that the small kids could ride once they get tired. Can confirm it is very fun.
DLC says
In our old neighborhood, there was one house that handed out shots to parents. It was awesome.
Anonymous says
Umbrella and hot cider.
Anon says
Grin and bear it! You have the gear you need to make it work. It’s worth it to make the effort so your kid can have a special night and rain isn’t THAT bad. Then you can plan something special for you at the end of it (bath? hot chocolate? wine? anything you want!).
Spirograph says
If it’s a full on downpour, your 5 year old will probably call it early on his/her own. If it’s just a drizzle, raincoats and boots solve all your problems. Put a hot beverage in a travel mug for you and carry an umbrella; kids don’t feel the cold anyway.
In any case, there will likely be fewer kids out, and therefore people will be unloading larger handfuls of candy, so even if you only do 10 houses, you may end up with a comparable haul (which is all my kids care about anyway. They stop once they have “enough” candy / the bag gets to heavy to carry comfortably).
DLC says
I agree with the sentiment to let the kids decide if possible. In 2019 we decided not to go because there was impending storms, and I think my kid was so disappointed. Im hindsight it would have been better to have bundled and gone and let the kid call it herself than take the choice away from her. Of course in 2019, we thought, “We’ll go next year!” Hah.
EP-er says
Check the weather! Our rain they had been predicting this morning for tonight has mostly moved out and it might be okay!
Anonymous says
I loved the Target PJs while pregnant in a size up from my normal size. Similar style to this and very soft.
Anon says
i had a rough weekend. DH was out of town all of last week, and my MIL came on Wednesday to help me. Usually my girls LOVE her and have the best time, but this visit they wanted almost nothing to do with her and wanted mommy all the time. As 4 year olds often are, not always the most polite about expressing their preferences (something we are working on), there were a lot of big feelings and tantrums. She told me that one of my daughters should go to therapy. My MIL got offended by something at one point, and I felt like I was being judged the entire weekend for not saying “no” enough and having kids who meltdown. I’ve been with DH for almost 17 years and he has a much younger brother, so while I wasn’t around for his brother’s preschool years, I was definitely around for the elementary ones, and lets just say it’s not like my MIL was known for enforcing rules/boundaries, focusing on manners, etc. I’m exhausted and feeling like a horrible parent
startup lawyer says
eff her. you gotta parent for your children not for the comfort of some other adult who should regulate their own emotions
anon says
I’m sorry, that sounds like a horrible weekend. I’ve found that in-laws often have blinders on about how things really were when their kids were young.
Anonymous says
Nah she’s the problem here. A 4 year old doesn’t have to be polite. Don’t have her come again to help. She’s not helpful.
Anon says
Yeah, my MIL does not like my oldest kid. I mean, she wouldn’t say that, but it’s kinda true. Loves her, but she’s definitely her fifth favorite grandchild out of five. Oldest is also the most like me, so that’s awesome. Solidarity!
Clementine says
Oh hey friend. Yep. That’s a her problem.
Also, people wonder ‘well, why don’t you just ask for help.’ Um… 1. Nothing is free. You pay in some way. 2. THIS. The ‘not helpful’ type of help. 3. I swear to God, if it were Mom gone, everyone would just talk about ‘what a hard time they have without Mom’ but when Dad’s gone, it’s that Mom isn’t an adequate parent.
Anon says
You’re not a horrible parent! But I also don’t think your MIL is a horrible person who hates your kids as some of these comments suggest. Just because you felt judged doesn’t mean she was actually judging you. Suggesting therapy is probably coming from a well-intentioned place, although I know it’s not necessarily helpful. My MIL has done the same and I think she’s a fundamentally good person. I dunno, maybe I’m being too charitable. Maybe there’s backstory here that’s relevant. But just based on what you said here it doesn’t sound like either of you is a bad person. It just sounds like a hard weekend with 4 year olds being 4 year olds. And I think it’s normal for grandparents to be hurt when a kid says hurtful things, even if it’s developmental normal for the child to say things like that. I have seen that with my own parents, even though the rejection is more temporary than what you describe here.
Anon says
+1. Your MIL isn’t a monster for getting her feelings hurt when your kid said something hurtful, especially when your kid is age 4 (so talking/interacting with adults using real speech and words). It sucks it was a bad weekend and I hope that future ones will be better for all of you.
OP says
yes, i definitely don’t think my MIL is a horrible person by any means at all! I think she just forgets what is age appropriate behavior for 4 year olds and bc they are usually super excited to see her and weren’t quite as excited this time. usually her visits are delightful, but this one was just very very very rough
OP says
thank you all for your support. usually it goes well and honestly I was looking forward to her visit bc my own mom passed away a few years ago and so it is typically my ‘break’ when she visits, but it just wasn’t as smooth this time. I guess there is always next time (which is Thanksgiving) and hopefully things go more smoothly. it’s hard bc my in-laws are the only ones who can watch my kids if we are ever out of town, etc. and now i’m anxious bc my SIL is getting engaged soon and hoping to get married next August, potentially the weekend right before my girls start kindergarten, or right after, and I’m sure they’ll be on their best behavior after taking a 4 hour flight, driving etc. with this big transition looming over them…
Redux says
As someone with no local family, I want to gently push back on the idea that your inlaws are they only ones who can watch your kids if you’re ever out of town, etc. If that were true, we’d never leave! We have developed a good network of babysitters who will do overnights and friends with kids who have watched our kids overnight and we do the same for them. It’s awesome! Might be helpful to grow your network beyond your MIL for a variety of reasons.
Also, I totally agree with the other posters who have said this sounds like normal responses all around. You are not a bad mom, your kids are not bad kids, and MIL is not a bad person. Just sounds like a rough several days. Hope you get several nights off when your DH is back!
Anonymous says
Unless you have one of those mythical super helpful grandmas, I don’t think the extra set of hands is worth the judgment, the making conversation after bedtime, the making sure there is a decent meal, or the picking up after another adult. While it is tough, I’d rather just do it my way and sit on my couch in peace after bedtime, eating cheese and crackers, not listening to a story about such and such from church.
Anon says
Yeah I actually really like my MIL but I would still rather solo parent than have her “help.”
Anonymous says
I also really like my MIL and am happy to spend time with her with or without kids, but I would not want her to “help” by staying at my house because I would also rather eat cheese and crackers on the couch. For some real help, I would send the kids over to Grandma’s for a day or a sleepover instead of having her stay here. Then I’d go out for a girls’ brunch with Grandma after my husband got home.
My husband, on the other hand, is an extrovert who cannot survive without adult company. He used to have my mother come stay with him while I traveled.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I don’t like my MIL and do not want to spend time with her, with or without kids. Through time and therapy, I have realized this, and it feels weirdly freeing.
Of course I will spend time with her, because she’s DH’s mum and my kids’ grandmother, but now I know I have limits/boundaries. .
Not related to anything, I just have realized that this year and it feels good to put that somewhere. :)
NYC says
Love to read this! I’m slowly coming to this realization and then I struggle with feeling like a bad person, a bad daughter in law etc. Do you have any tips for handling this situation? I try to have my in-laws come over while I’m at work to see my daughter but then I’m reluctant to give up my weekends to send my daughter to them or see them Al together (I work a big job)
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Hi – first of all commiseration/hugs. I’m South Asian, so there’s a big emphasis on having these warm, open relationships with family (especially in-laws). I tried for years, outside of my comfort zone (and let’s be real, probably hers) to try to build this with her.
However, my MIL is…not the type to have relationships like that with anyone, even her own children and family.
I have a big job, too, and weekends are sacrosanct; I think having them come over when you’re not around is a great start.
What helps is:
1a. She lives a few states away (long drive/short flight). There was a point she planned to move closer but since we’re all “too much” that has been canned.
1b. My FIL, her ex, now lives with us, so she ain’t coming to visit. I’m not complaining. My FIL is an excellent housemate.
2. DH has to go back to his homestate (where she lives) 2x/year for some work-adjacent stuff – he’s taken DS #1 the last few times, where DS #1 gets 4-5 days of fun time with Grandma. Simpler to do with a 4 year old. I will say DS #1 comes back with lots of stories and lovely memories with her. (Next year, DH plans to take DS #2, who will be 2…so let’s see how that goes…) –> For you, maybe grandma fun time when kid has holidays/you’re at work?
3. When I do spend time with her now, there are others around/focus on something else – e.g. last holiday season, SIL + fam were also here, so lots of bodies = less chance for anyone to have to be 1/1. Since MIL loves to be “busy”, DH farmed out a few tasks/requests for her – e.g. make some snacks, make dinner one night, etc. DH and I also had a safe word we used whenever one of us needed some down/alone time. SIL is also on the same page as us with her mum, which helps.
4. NO Expectations. There could always be a pleasant surprise!!! To her credit, we had a nice time and a lovely holiday.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m sorry, that sounds difficult. Agree that she’s not being helpful here, and you are probably better off hiring a babysitter. We have my parents come over a lot on the weekends to help out, because they actually help out, and keep their comments to themselves. I also have a 4 year old, who is…4, and wailed for the entire 10 minutes when my parents came to get them and said he wanted to stay home and didn’t want grandma and grandpa (they see each other a lot, so it’s not a fear of strangers or anything). You know what they did? They still took him, and sat with him and read, while older brother played. And didn’t comment that we were bad parents because this isn’t about them, or us, this is life with small children.
Grandparents definitely have blinders about what it was like when they were raising kids, because they’re not in it every single freaking day anymore, and memory softens the edges. The helpful ones do not judge their children for the hard work of parenting.
Pogo says
This is every interaction with my MIL, and it is a major topic in therapy for me (lol). It says more about her, than it does about you, when she says something judgmental or perceived by you as judgmental. I am still working on this, and letting go of my perception of her expectations of my parenting, but know that this is a pretty normal dynamic I think. Also sometimes I think they are genuinely trying to be helpful when they suggest things, even if it feels like salt in the wound when you’re literally dealing with a screaming child in front of your mother in law.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Screw her. She’s supposed to be helping, not making it worse.
It’d be one thing if you were at your wit’s end and venting, and she lightly suggested therapy…based on what you wrote that doesn’t sound like the case. It sounds like this level of help may not always be a fit for her. I’m 100% biased because my MIL is only capable of being fun grandma, preferably in her own home (milkshakes and chicken nuggets for every meal! Staying up late!) but the day-to-day stuff in “real life” – diapers, tantrums, meals with actual produce – in our home she has less/limited capacity for.
Anon says
Should I be worried that my 5 year old still prefers board books and lift the flap books to books designed for kids her age? She’s never shown a ton of interest in being read to (she would rather be moving, doing arts and crafts, or playing pretend), but when she does want to read she always picks out books designed for babies with very few words and lots of tactile parts. I know kids do things in their own time and not everyone is going to love reading, but I don’t know other kids her age who have this kind of preference for baby books.
AwayEmily says
Does not seem at all weird to me. I bet part of it is their familiarity/comfort. We got out all our board books again recently when we had a baby and my 6yo and 4yo were super into them and still ask for them a few times a week. Also, SO many bigger-kid picture books are terrible — I feel like they are written for grownups rather than kids. I kind o of think board books are more consistently good (maybe because the authors know parents will be reading them a million times). Do you think she’d like picture books that have more of a rhythm? Maybe Julia Donaldson? (Gruffalo, Room on the Broom). Anyway, to answer your question directly: no, I do not think you should be worried.
anon says
Agree with you on some of the bigger-kid picture books being trash. One that comes to mind: The Book With No Pictures. Can’t believe that ever got published, but ya know, celebrity author and all.
OP says
I haven’t seen that one, but I read BJ Novak’s memoir and intensely disliked it.
Anonymous says
My daughter has actually loved that book since she was 2. She cracks up at our animated reading of it. Now at 4 she randomly comes up to me and quotes insults from the book like “Mommy- your only friend is a hippo named boo boo butt!” It’s one of our favorites, but admittedly we do enjoy all things silly.
anon says
I wouldn’t worry, honestly. There is something very comforting about familiar books and titles.
Anonymous says
My 7 year old beelines for the board books/flap books and baby toys section of every single store we are ever in. I don’t know why. She reads above grade level and loves reading chapter books at home. I would not worry about this, or tell her that those are for babies, etc. If she’s interested in dolls or stuffies, I would encourage her to “read” to them.
In terms of encouraging interest in reading — my daughter got “into” reading around that age when I started reading chapter books out loud to her. Apparently she really likes plot and most picture books are kind of thin on plot and she was never into them (like you I also thought she didn’t like reading!). Once we got a series she loved going, she was really excited to find out “what happens next.” For us it was the Unicorn Academy series, but I don’t think there’s anything particular about those books.
Another thing that I think helps get her interested in reading is that she sees her parents read. When she was smaller I always used to wait until she’s in bed to read, but then we started having “quiet time” regularly, where she could quietly play/draw/read in her room, and I sit on the couch and read. She loves copying whatever I do, so now she regularly sits on the couch with a book shushing me because “I’m reading!”.
Anonymous says
As a kid I also liked playing with lift-the-flap and tactile books even after I was reading chapter books. I remember playing with Pat The Bunny and thinking about how cleverly it was constructed (five-year-old me found the use of sandpaper very creative).
I agree with the suggestion to find chapter books with interesting stories and read aloud to her. So many picture books are just bad. The good ones tend to have very few words and be mostly about the pictures.
OP says
We’ve had even less success with chapter books than picture books. I’m not sure if it’s an attention span issue or not being able to follow a more complicated plot (I don’t think so, because her imaginative play is very complex?) or what, but she has zero interest in chapter books.
GCA says
What if she wrote (or, well, dictated) her own stories?
Anon says
Could you try reading to her while she does other things (like building or coloring)? I don’t know that it’s abnormal, per se, but there is immense value in reading to kids as much as possible, from a variety of types of books. I’d look over your daily routine and see if there’s room to layer in more reading…my kids always enjoy being read to during snack time, for example. Or perhaps audio books during bathtime, etc. Seems like she might need a little more exposure to start falling in love with stories, and then transition that into books
OP says
Yeah…I feel guilty about this too. I know we should be reading more. But most of her free time at home is spent playing pretend, so she’s talking out loud, and reading would interfere. She gets TV with breakfast because DH and I really need that time to get ready, but that’s really all the screentime we do other than occasional family movie night. We have family dinners with no distractions and I don’t want to change that. Honestly, I think it has more to do with her preferences than anything else. We were consistent about bedtime reading when she was little, but it was becoming a battle and I didn’t want to turn reading into an obligation before she’s even in elementary school. So we decided to let her choose whether or not she wants to read at bedtime and she only chooses to do it maybe half the time. :/
She sees me reading a lot (physical books, not Kindle) so I don’t think that’s the issue.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Some kids just aren’t as into reading as others. It’s not anything you did or didn’t do, it’s just preferences, as you said. One of my kids (younger one) would love a full day of us reading chapter books and other books to him, while the other is more into active play, building things like legos and hasn’t really gotten into chapter books. We read to them both before bed, but they have different interests. I personally wouldn’t bother reading to her when she’s doing something else, that’s just more work for you! Maybe an audio book for background noise, if she’s interested.
AwayEmily says
+1 to everything Boston Legal Eagle said. My kids are VERY different from each other in terms of their interest in listening to stories and I think that’s pretty standard. Some kids just like hearing stories more than others. My husband was an ESL student and didn’t read fluently until he was in high school. He never got into fiction and still doesn’t read it to this day. I, on the other hand, read constantly (almost all fiction) throughout my childhood. We now have the exact same job (professor) and yet are still very different in our reading habits. He listens to non-fiction audiobooks, I curl up with mystery novels and sci-fi. We both found our “thing” eventually.
Pogo says
I would say my 5yo has a wide range of book interests – from super simple, lift the flap board books, to detailed technical non-fiction about his favorite topics (vehicles, dinosaurs, baseball, etc). So she’s not alone, for sure!
When he is super into his imaginative play at bedtime and doesn’t specifically ask to read, I just start reading to him and 9 times out of ten he comes over to snuggle and gets into it. It doesn’t matter if I skipped books anyway since I would still have to pry him away from his play to get him into bed.
Have you tried any non-fiction with her? I buy books geared toward slightly older children, with some photos or illustrations, that align with his interests as mentioned above. Not only does he get exposure to language/reading, he learns about whatever the topic is and since they are topics he’s obsessed with, he’s very into it. I am also now an expert on tractors, if you’re curious.
Finally, on the Gruffalo, he was too scared the one time I read it and told me to put it away and never read it again. LOL. Kids are all different!
Anon says
I don’t think that’s a big cause for concern. I remembered loving pop up books and similar things in elementary school even though I was an advanced reader. Sometimes they’re just cool and interesting. She might also like more interactive books, like choose your own adventure books or books where you have to solve a mystery like Encyclopedia Brown.
Playdates says
We moved over the summer and my 4 year old is going to a new preschool this year (PT-preschool and PT nanny) and I think he’s struggling to make friends. Kids seem to like him fine (wave hi at drop off or if we bump into someone around town), but kiddo doesn’t seem to be anyone’s first choice to play with. We’ve had a few pladates to try to help him make friends and the kids don’t interact much – whichever child is visiting the other’s house is just interested in the new (to them) toys. At a playdate at our house this weekend, my kiddo tried to engage with the other child, but the other child just wanted to play with our toys and at the end of the playdate, when we said we’d like to have him over again, he said no, I’ve seen all your toys. Is this normal playdate behavior for 4 year olds, or do they usually interact more? Not sure if I should keep trying with this kid or if he just doesn’t want to be friends with my kiddo.
Pogo says
I’m curious to hear as well. My 5yo was bff’s with everyone at Pre-K, and now at K, he just seems fine but no buddies. I’m wondering if it just takes time, and I didn’t realize this at Pre-K because they all started as toddlers together? Every day he used to talk about all his various friends and what they did. Would insist (and still does) that we have playdates w/ so and so.
Now at his Kinder school he really only talks about one girl at his table, which is adorable and somewhat heartbreaking as the limited times I’ve seen them interact it seems a bit one sided. But I realize that this is my adult view on it and as you point out, kids are kids, they can be blunt and honest with no malice.
Anon says
I think it just takes time. Inviting kids he mentions to come over for playdates can speed up the process, but sometimes it just takes time.
Chl says
They’re too little. Some kids do have strong attachments at this age but a lot don’t and it’s not a problem. Just wait longer.
Anon says
Does he seem bothered by this? If he’s enjoying school fine I would just let it be. You can take him to playgrounds and other places where he can naturally interact with kids, but I don’t think you need to orchestrate play dates if they are stressful (for you or him!). My younger son is just now starting to have play dates in kindergarten, and they are largely/entirely hands off in terms of parent interaction.
Anonymous says
Some advice, though all my children are girls so there may be a gender component:
When you have a play date, provide them an activity to do together. You may also need to help them find a way to play together (eg. Suggest “why don’t you guys _____ together?”My kids all liked projects/crafts and baking or cookie decorating. Then it’s not just “hey cool toys”. Eventually it will morph into collaborative play.
Anon says
I would say this isn’t abnormal behavior for a 4 year old (being more interested in the toys than the kid, that is), but also that maybe you should try a different person for play dates next time. Even if the kids were besties, they probably wouldn’t hang out every weekend at this age – it’s good to mix it up and have a variety of people over. Fwiw my 4 year old has good friends and they definitely interact with each other on play dates, but there is also an element of “yay new toys!”
Anon says
so i have twin 4 year olds and they both love school, but neither of them really seem to have ‘besties’ that they want to play with all the time. Has your kid said this bothers him, or it bothers you? Because if it only bothers you, then you are creating a problem that doesn’t exist
DLC says
Can you do a meet up on neutral turf, like a park or nature center? Playing with other kids’ toys was definitely the exciting part of playdates at other people’s houses for my kids, and yes, they were often more interested in the toys than the other kid. I was always self conscious that my kids were being rude in not playing with other kids, but at the same time my kids are a little introverted and I didn’t want to force them to do anything they might not feel comfortable doing.
Anon says
This is kid-dependent. My kid is generally pretty social but has always been really awkward at park playdates. She expects me or her to dad to get on the equipment and play too and if we don’t, she clings to us and ignores the other kid. I think it stems from a combination of lack of interest in that kind of play and anxiety about her physical skills, and that spills over into clinginess and expecting an adult to be around her at all times. When we host or she goes to another kid’s house, the kids will run off and play with the toys totally independently and that’s been true since about age 3.5. It was the biggest blessing for us when people started getting comfortable with indoor playdates again post-covid because park playdates just don’t work for her. Also selfishly I want to do drop off play dates so I don’t have to entertain the other mom, and that doesn’t work as well at the park (I guess I could offer to watch both kids but I’d have to supervise much more closely than I do at home because of the danger of a kid running into the street).
OP says
Thanks for all the thoughtful responses. I prefer park play dates for lots of reasons and my kid does much better there, but most people around here prefer at home. I tried an organized activity for the kids, but the other child was only marginally interested (he participated a little but mostly wanted toys). Kiddo isn’t devestated, but definitely notices that everyone else has a best friend but him. I think everyone else has been in school together for 2 years already, so it’s tough to be the new kid.
AwayEmily says
Board game ideas that a 4.5 and 6.5yo can play together, ideally without parental involvement (so, no reading). Classics or new ones are both welcome, we’re basically starting from zero. The other day they were playing First Orchard together, and I realized that we should probably get some bigger-kid games. 6yo likes Sleeping Queens but the 4yo isn’t quite ready for that yet. Cooperative games a bonus, though I feel like they will find ways to get mad at each other regardless.
GCA says
What about the tactile action games? Yeti in my Spaghetti, Jenga, Don’t Break the Ice.
Or visual ones like Guess Who that don’t have reading or numeracy as a prerequisite. But the 4yo will get up to speed fast – my 4yo can handle Sleeping Queens with her older sib (but they fight over specific queens).
Anonymous says
No stress chess, guess who, spot it, trouble, maybe Sorry (my 4 y/o can play but has two big siblings to help).
Ashley says
My 4yo loves playing Trouble. No reading, just counting skills.
BlueAlma says
Yes to Trouble at this age. Also Animal Upon Animal. And Ants in the Kitchen if you don’t mind a game with a battery. All very simple and fun.
CCLA says
Mine are 4/6, and I often find them playing blastoff bingo, race to the treasure, and zingo. They also like the memory card games but shuffling/mixing is hit or miss.
DLC says
Uno or Jenga work well for my kids.
Lion in my Way is also fun.
Spot It- they sell a Jr. edition that is simpler and my five year old can usually do well with.
Also- if you have a local game store- ours will give personalized fame suggestions that are spot on. (In the DC area- Labyrinth Games.)
octagon says
Outfoxed is a good cooperative game if the 6.5yo can read and kind of “run” the game. I would recommend Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza for kids only, it is hilarious but also one of those games that never ends (like War) and drives parents crazy. Classic games like Uno, Trouble and Hungry Hippos could work too.
Anon says
We’ve only played with adults, but my 4 year old enjoys Outfoxed.
anon says
My first castle panic is cooperative and beloved by our 5 yo and she can explain it to others. They could probably do my first ticket to ride too although not co-op.
Anon says
UNO, Spot It, Go Fish, and Connect Four are the ones my 5.5yos will play together without any adult help. Also, Hoot Owl Hoot, but that’s about on par with First Orchard.
Anon says
My kids love to play Eye Found It Card Game (Disney) together without parents. No reading required, so all ages can do it.
TheElms says
Candyland is all colors (not sure if the 6.5 year old would find it boring). Chutes and Ladders is just counting (up to 6 I think). Connect 4 or Guess Who possibly. We just got given Topple and it looks promising but I haven’t tried it yet.
Pogo says
Diggin Doggies is a cooperative game my kids like, as is Feed Fuzzy. I will say in both cases the game starts off correctly with them counting the colors or whatever, but then they devolve into random imaginative play with the game pieces. I think they’re on the same level as the orchard one.
So Anon says
Can we do a brain dump of everything or every way that you outsource household and/or parenting tasks? I’ve got the standard housecleaner and grocery delivery (though it is so hit or miss with substitutions), but I’m wracking my brain for other things or ways to outsource any tasks.
Anonymous says
Babysitter/mother’s helper that helps get kids ready (before school or for bed, whatever you would find most helpful) & makes school lunches, does kid laundry, changes kid beds, etc. Can also do some meal prep.
Anonymous says
Is this a real thing or a hypothetical?
MNF says
My SIL did this as a grad student – chopped veggies, etc. for dinner at parent’s direction and then helped with bath time and pre-dinner activities after preschool. I think she worked 3-6 a few times a week. She’s an excellent cook, but I think the tasks were fairly basic or just following recipes left for her.
Pogo says
We had this for a bit! Found her using sittercity (similar to care dot com) and as long as you are up front about what you want them to do, you can hire someone to do pretty much whatever you want. Ours did the evening routine which involved (in addition to picking the kids up) unloading the dishwasher, making kids’ dinners, dealing with their bags/tupperware/bottles from that day, cleaning up after dinner, and getting the baby all the way through bedtime if I was travelling.
Anon says
I have a personal chef who brings meals and prepped components (roasted veggies, shredded chicken ) and have in the past had an after school nanny who spent 1.5 hours on kids laundry, lunches and kid food prep (plus sun basket for grown ups before the personal chef) before picking kids up at daycare and feeding them so that when I came home they were fed and calm and house was clean. We have a babysitter for 2-3 hours most Sunday afternoons for no particular purpose. I also call our local toy store and tell them my price range, age and any special instructions and they pick out and wrap gifts for me to keep on hand for birthdays. Also school lunch FTW.
Redux says
Oh the toy store hack is a great suggestion!
DLC says
Yes, I agree! I posted in the games thread about Labyrinth Games in DC- i used them last Christmas for presents and it was such a lightbulb moment for me. They don’t wrap, but they do give great suggestions and make ordering easy. I don’t mind picking up and wrapping; it’s the deciding what to give that takes up too much mental energy.
Outsourcing to a local toy store sounds like a similarly great idea. I winder if there are other stores/businesses that offer similar concierge type services.
Anon says
this probably makes me sound spoiled, but we have a nanny and now that our kids are in part time preschool, she is a nanny/housekeeper. She makes kid lunches, does kid laundry, also washes all sheets and towels, empties dishwasher, keeps kitchen and house tidy. Cuts up fruits/veggies for the week, etc. Breaks down boxes for recycling. We also pay to be part of this home maintenance service so that we can request a vetted handyman using an app.
CCLA says
Please tell me more about this handyman service!
ANon says
it’s local to Houston. It’s called Goodsmith. Our experience has honestly been mixed, but we are new homeowners (have been in our house for less than a year), DH has many. many strengths, but he is like the least handy person on the planet, and I’m not much better. For now it has been good in terms of quick service, like they also have plumbers and electricians, etc. I don’t think it is something we would use forever, but while in the little kid stage of life it makes sense for us for now
anon says
Anything from Target is shipped to my house—I don’t go in person.
I pick a few school volunteer things to help with that are in my wheelhouse, but that’s it. There’s endless need, but if the fathers don’t feel bad for not bringing in 22 decorated mini pumpkins, I’m not going to either.
My kids aren’t interested in organized sports, so that frees up a lot of time.
Anon says
Meal delivery adds a lot more value to my life than grocery delivery (which saves very little time for me compared to free curbside pickup although YMMV).
anon says
Another vote for meal delivery via a personal chef service 3 nights a week + 2 lunches for me, grocery pick-up, housekeeper 2x a week, I have 2 breakfast options I keep in stock for myself – premade oatmeal cups (add water + micro) and pre-made egg sandwiches, lawn maintenance, daycare (take PTO on daycare days)
Have done in the past:
– hired our housekeeper to come on a Sunday and do laundry/put away all of our clean clothes- this is where I would like to hire again
– dry goods on prime auto-delivery – paper towels, TP, canned drinks, etc.
– neighborhood mother’s helper on weekends to play with oldest
Would also like a professional organizing service to help with the declutter effort and get systems in place…but need to get the kids out of the house
anon says
How do you find these personal chef services? My ideal scenario would be to have someone come in on Mondays and cook and prep food for the week. Even better if they also do the grocery shopping!
Different Anon says
Look for caterers that offer this – mostly they prep in their kitchens and drop off. Some set up shop at our local farmers’ markets.
anon says
I just googled meal delivery + my city. If you’re in the Triangle of NC we use (and HIGHLY recommend) Chef Marios. They were a corporate caterer pre-COVID and pivoted to this early in the pandemic. They have a menu and each week you can order family or individual entrees for pickup or delivery.
Another option is checking your local facebook mom’s group. They really do have the “know” on many local services/businesses. This is my only use for fb…
There are also a few caterers that do something similar. We just happened to try and love this one first.
Anon says
Are there any local places that do ready to heat meals? It seems like during the pandemic a lot of places here started selling them and it’s kind of nice to pop something in after work and not have to touch it while it bakes. We also hired someone to mow our yard this summer.
Anonymous says
I don’t have any kind of regular help beyond what you’ve described, but I’ve found it helps to be ruthless about one-offs. So if we have guests visiting, I don’t wash those linens, I send them all to wash and fold. And if we’re throwing a birthday party, I don’t bake, etc, I just outsource it all.
Anon says
how do you organize kid art supplies? my kiddos (prek age) are super into coloring, crafting, etc. they have a large playroom and we have the ikea latt table, but that is now way too small for their needs. they tend to do most of their crafting on the floor and then it feels like there is paper everywhere. is it worth getting a larger table for them to sit at? will they still end up on the floor?
AwayEmily says
I have Opinions about all this! We invested in making an “art space” in our playroom a few years ago (when kids were 2 and 4) and it was one of the best decisions we made — the kids spend more time there than anywhere else. We got a big-ish table from Wayfair and three solid chairs from Crate and Barrel. Next to it is an “art cart” (one of those rolling carts) with the supplies they use most often — scissors, markers, colored pencils, glue, crayons — so they are easily accessible. Also nearby is a big sliding-door cupboard (Ikea Havsta) that has additional art supplies (egg cartons, pipe cleaners, googly eyes, hole punch, paint, stickers, etc). On the top of that cupboard is a horizontal paper organizer with lots of kinds of paper, and several magazine holders that contain all their coloring books.
Anyway, it’s definitely paid off for us (and the table doubles as a kid eating area when we have friends over for dinner). The rest of their toys are largely a muddle but we keep the art area fairly organized.
Anonymous says
+1 we have an art cart. It holds thank you cards, return address stamp and stamps for me, stickers, washable paint, brushes, glue, paper, scissors, string, Pom poms, balloons, bubbles, etc. Because I have toddlers the cart stays locked in a closet. Big kid gets to do art at the kitchen table when toddlers are napping. I don’t have any other hacks, but I’m lazy and this works well for us.
Anon says
After years of expanding and experimentation, we have almost exactly this same set up with the decent sized table + art cart + extra shelving, (except for instead of an Ikea Havsta it’s a Container Store Elfa drawer system. The widest one, with most of the drawers shallower vs deeper so it doesn’t become impossible to dig things out). We also have some “bedside caddy hanging storage” from Amazon hanging off the sides of the art cart for extra storage/ways to organize. We’ve accumulated a lot of art supplies over the years, and it drives me nuts when things take up space but go unused because they are piled under things – this has been a steady set up for a couple of years now.
Our table is a regular sized table with regular sized chairs (not a kid one).
To someone’s point below, while the kids doing art on the floor isn’t an issue we have, the Elfa system would allow for drawers to be taken out easily and brought to the floor temporarily.
TheElms says
We use the little IKEA hanging containers (Sunnerstra I think) on the sides of our art cart. The containers hold markers, crayons, colored pencils, glue, chalk. It is great because my 3 year old can get a container (or more than 1) take it to the table and draw and is getting decently good at putting the crayons etc. back in the container and hanging it back on the art cart. The cart also has paper, stickers, post it notes, painters tape, coloring books, and playdoh and playdoh tools. I also have a container for the paint brushes, but keep the paint separately because I’m not quite ready to trust her with paint! We also have a cabinet, currently full of play food – working on that, and some bins with other art supplies on the top of the cabinet and then shelves above that for stuff she needs a parent to supervise to use. (Generally craft kits, the paint, and some extra /duplicate supplies.) Its been like this for about 6 months and its going really well.
Anon says
We have a kid-sized table and a rolling plastic cart with lots of drawers for the art supplies. Half the time we end up at the kitchen table, though.
Anon says
My kids prefer to do all their coloring and crafting on the floor. Our solution is to have shelves that have the paper rack (colored vs white) and then boxes they can bring down to the floor with tape/glue/scissors, crayons, markers, etc. The boxes make it pretty easy for them to clean up when they’re done.
OP says
thanks all! i was looking at the carolina pottery barn kids table that can be used at different heights, though of course would prefer a less expensive option if there is one. i don’t know if it is bad for their posture to spend so much time on the floor?
Anonymous says
Probably better than sitting in chairs!
Anon says
Help, my kids’ rooms are being overtaken by toys and books. I want to get some sort of toy storage/bookshelf type furniture to replace wall mounted book racks but a lot of what I see seems to stick out too far into the room. Does anyone have something decent that doesn’t take up too much floor space? Is it worth it to get a bookcase that has those tilted bins on the bottom (like the PBKids Cameron storage bookcase) or do kids age out of those fairly quickly?
Anonymous says
Those potato bins are a surefire route to total disorganization. Random stuff will just get crammed into them, unsorted, and the kids will never be able to find what they’re looking for. They are probably actually better for teens who can use them for large items like backpacks or sports equipment, but they are a juvenile look that many teens will reject. A real bookcase (not a cube one) that’s deep enough to hold bins, baskets, and plastic shoeboxes will be the most versatile for toy and book storage.
CCLA says
Our playroom has several ikea trofast systems, and they make ones that are oriented so they are wider than they are deep which helps with small rooms. Overall my kids can manage to keep things relatively organized and then once in a while I go through and reallocate. We mostly use the shallow bins, bc the deep ones unless they are like “the designated duplo bin” definitely turn into a black hole. Over the last year the bins have become more art-heavy and less toy-heavy. Kids are 4/6. For books we just have a regular bookcase.
Anon says
Are kids, particularly third grade girls, still into things like cat’s cradle?
Anonymous says
That is prime age for something like cat’s cradle. Some kids will love it and some won’t be interested at all.
Spirograph says
My 2nd grader loves cat’s cradle! We had to get a book because I’d forgotten how to do some of the patterns.
Also hand clapping games, jump rope rhymes, and other similarly low-tech throwback stuff. (She’s also a video game fanatic, lest I give the wrong impression)
Anonforthis says
SOS — can anyone recommend an outfit in the Philly/South Jersey area that provides character-themed actors for kids’ parties? (e.g. a giant Cinderella or Elsa). I thought this would be easy to find, but when I search online all of the websites are super sketchy looking (I suppose because this whole business is rife with IP issues…) and no one respond to my requests for information! TIA!