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I love turquoise jewelry. I think it’s flattering on every skin tone and is classic in style when used the right way. These earrings are minimal and appropriate for both the office and the weekend. I like that they are noticeable but won’t compete with a necklace if you want to wear both. Being as busy as I am, I also appreciate that if I forget to change them I can wear them with all different outfits and they will match pretty much anything I wear. Also, since it’s a stud, my son is less likely to try to pull them out of my ears. The price is right at $40 at Gorjana, but they look like they could be more expensive. Dez Bar Studs
Update: Unfortunately, these earrings have sold out — but for substitutes, Etsy has a few.
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
HSAL says
Ugh, daycare math. Once we have three in daycare this fall, I will be bringing home about 6K more + insurance/year than we’ll be paying in childcare. We’ve considered other options and this is still the best/cheapest, and I love our daycare and have no interest in staying home, but man, that’s stark.
BC says
I know it’s like a drop in the bucket at that point, but can you ask for a discount at daycare based on the multiple enrollment status?
HSAL says
Yep, we’re getting one. They normally don’t apply their sibling discount to infants, but once we found out about surprise twins, they took pity on us so both babies are discounted. :)
avocado says
Eeek, infant day care for twins! That is very nice of the center to offer the discount.
Anonymous says
It’s hard, but it’s an “investment” as you aren’t reducing your long-term earnings, missing out on raises/bonuses, and hopefully you have employer contributions to your retirement. There are online calculators to see how much lifetime money you would lose if you left the workforce for even 3 years. But yeh….daycare is so expensive but sadly the workers are paid so little!
ElisaR says
+1 it is an investment
EB0220 says
+1 https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/early-childhood/reports/2016/06/21/139731/calculating-the-hidden-cost-of-interrupting-a-career-for-child-care/
Mama Llama says
Ouch, three in daycare is A. Lot. BUT, don’t just subtract it from your salary! Daycare is a household expense that factors into your entire household budget, not just a way for you to shirk your nature/God assigned childcare duties that you must justify by earning more than it costs. (Not saying you were saying this, but I think the “childcare comes out of mom’s salary” is an assumption that we should be pushing back on.)
Anonymous says
Agreed. Maximum half of that comes out of your salary.
Anonymous says
This. Half the cost is yours, half the cost is your DH’s.
avocado says
From a moral standpoint, yes, child care costs should be considered to come out of the total household budget and borne equally by both partners.
From an economic standpoint, however, child care costs actually come out of the salary of whichever partner has a more elastic labor supply–in other words, the partner who is more likely to drop out of the labor force in response to a decrease in effective wage. So if dad’s labor supply is more elastic, the child care costs actually come out of his salary. This is why I know a couple of SAHDs even in our very SAHM-centric area. In both cases, the mom had an advanced degree, loved her job and had no desire to stay home, and earned more money. The dads were not as career-oriented, so when child care costs exceeded their incomes they decided to stay home.
The same principle applies to the marriage penalty in the income tax system. The higher marginal rate applies to the partner whose decisions about whether and how much to work are more responsive to changes in the after-tax wage.
It’s totally ridiculous that child care costs so much yet child care workers are paid so little. Countries that invest public money in child care have it right–high-quality child care is a public good.
Mama Llama says
Avocado, I agree with you in the abstract, but I think we also have to take into account the social and cultural beliefs that cause people to assume that the female parent’s labor is automatically the more elastic of the two as well as social and cultural conditions that cause women actually earn less money and be in lower paying professions. I don’t think these decisions are all being made on an entirely rational basis or in objective conditions.
HSAL, this is no comment on your or your situation at all, just an observation about broader trends.
avocado says
Mama Llama, I do agree that there are many social and cultural factors that contribute to the assumption or the reality that the woman’s labor supply is more elastic. The economic reality is that whoever’s labor supply is more elastic (even if that elasticity results from social pressures, wage discrimination, etc.) really does bear the full burden of child care costs. Whether the mom’s labor supply should be more elastic is another question entirely.
Anonymous says
No avocado. Sorry. We aren’t in Econ 101, we don’t need a lecture, baby has two parents, both of those parents pay.
Anonymous says
What a bizarre response to avocado, who gave a perfectly appropriate take. You sound like a very unpleasant person.
HSAL says
Oh, I’m not at all suggesting that it comes out of my salary. For the last five years my husband was getting his PhD and I’ve been the ‘breadwinner’ – for the last couple years he was the one counting how much of his salary covered daycare for just one and I was the one pointing out that it was a family expense. We both want both of us to to be working, regardless of the childcare costs, I had just never done the post-tax math before so it was crazy to go from thinking I made 23k over the daycare cost to 6k.
Pogo says
wait… are you talking per month or per year?
HSAL says
Per year. I make around 66K gross, and if I exclude my HSA contributions/retirement (which is pretty minimal), I net around 49K. Including those means I net 46K. Daycare is about 43K.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Just think – this will be the most you will be paying for your kids for a while! (Until college, but that’s at least 15 years away, right?) Even with the costs of aftercare, sports and summer camps that come with elementary school kids, you should still be paying less then.
avocado says
… and with three, you can probably justify the cost of an after-school or summer nanny!
Jen says
It’s the worst. I’m looking at 3 in childcare this fall- I’m having #3 this summer and I’ll have an infant, 2 y/o, and a preschooler that misses the kindergarten cutoff. Even more fun than the cost (for me it’s less than $6k but only because my kids aren’t full time…full time is $6k++) is that mine are at two different schools :)
Have you looked at the cost/logistics of a nanny? I wouldn’t suggest an au pair for young infants, but maybe once they’re more like 12-15 months you can look at a nanny for all 3 + part time preschool or consider an au pair if that’s a logistical option for you.
Anonymous says
I have 3 in childcare for a few more months til my oldest starts K this fall. It’s $4600/month, and more than my husband’s take-home pay. Major commiseration. I like to think of it as an investment in our sanity, as well as careers. Because Lord knows, my husband or I would go crazy staying home all day with three under 5.
Anonymous says
When I was a (higher-than-standard-pay) postdoc, I calculated that we were breaking even to slightly negative on what we were paying the nanny, after accounting for everyone’s taxes, and I was so very sad that there wasn’t a way to just transfer my salary to the nanny, so that she could make a higher income than what we could afford to pay her, since my salary wasn’t coming home anyway. It was something like:
My salary: $65k
– state & fed income taxes approx $20k
– nanny taxes for employer approx $5k
Nanny salary: $40k, on which she paid taxes.
…I wished she could have just made the $65k, you know?
Flat iron says
Parent-neutral question but can’t drag myself over to mainsite. What is the best flat iron these days? Left my beloved 8-year-old Chi in a hotel room and looks like I’m not getting it back. Is there a better option? I have thicker, curly (read frizzy), dry hair FWIW.
EB0220 says
No answers, but I would like to know, too. My Chi is dying and I’ve got to think there’s something better out there now.
LadyNFS says
I have the drybar flat iron and love it! I have gone through many over the years (former Chi user myself!) and like that I can straighten and make “Beachy waves” with the Drybar one.
Babyliss is the way to go says
Babyliss Pro! My Chi died a few years ago and the ladies at Ulta talked my husband into the Babyliss and it’s wonderful. They told him that Chi’s quality had gone down and they weren’t the same as they used to be. I love it so much I bought a Babyliss curling iron too. It gets super hot, makes your hair feel like silk. I have course, curly, dry hair too.
SC says
I have the Babybliss Pro and love it. I haven’t compared it to any flat iron other than my previous $30 drugstore one, but I can flat iron my hair in 5 minutes instead of 20 now.
EB says
I have one that vibrates. It’s amazing. I can’t remember the name, but it is black and the plates are green. My stylist had one and recommended it to me.
anonymous says
I used to have a Chi and now I use the BaBylissPro™ Nano Titanium iron. I forget what size it is, but I can use it to straighten or make waves.
Cb says
PSA: Check out Cup of Jo’s best parenting advice post. The comments are full of some really lovely insights that I’m going to put on the fridge.
Anon says
My kids (5 and 3) are struggling lately, like since the beginning of the year. I’ve been majorly stressed with a new assignment at work, DH has been traveling multiple weeks at a time, and he and I are not connecting like we should, which means we have lots of “discussions” that the kids overhear. Plus it’s finally nice outside after a long dreary winter in the Chicago area. Clearly all this household stress is affecting them, and they’re acting out at school. They’re not listening, really whiny, and generally being disruptive.
I took a day off work last week to recharge myself, which helped me lower my own stress levels. DH won’t be able to do that until the end of the month. We spent the entire weekend outside playing and biking and digging in the dirt, hoping the exercise and focused attention and fresh air would help calm down the kids. They had at least one parent fully engaged at all times all weekend, except for a much needed date night on Saturday evening. But I got yet another note from teachers (one last night and one this morning) that they both were majorly disruptive yesterday. One was hitting/ chasing friends, the other was doing the opposite of every request. (Line up to go outside was met with dumping the truck bin on the ground.)
Any ideas on what we can do? I feel like I’m drowning with the job AND having to manage the house/ kids all by myself. I thought last week was a turning point, and I feel less stressed now that the work is calming down a bit, but I feel like the teacher notes back-to-back just knocked the wind out of me again. I feel so guilty that my stress is clearly affecting them, and I don’t know how else to address their behavior. They’re pretty good at home, although a little whiny each time DH leaves, and I feel like I’ve talked about listening and being kind to others until I was blue in the face. What am I missing? Any tricks I can try? Any harsh words I need to hear?
Anonymous says
How is the school dealing with this/are they overreacting? Sounds like pretty normal kid behavior.
Is it a structured program or do they get lots of free play and outside time? Maybe a new school might be a better fit? Or part time school and part time nanny if your DH is traveling a lot on the regular and you need more support at home – nanny could do kid laundry and prep supper for kids.
Anonymous says
Honestly, I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. I think your kids are two young to be disrupted by dad’s travel without there being another anchoring presence in their life. Really dad should cut back on his travel or change jobs. Which seems really extreme, but that’s clearly what they’re reacting to.
Some less extreme, but perhaps out of the box ideas: is there a park or playground on the way to school? Could you (or a babysitter) get them there for pre school playing or just walking around in some nature? Including eating breakfast outside.
I’d cancel any activities they are signed up for (even on weekends). I’d build some stronger routines (on Monday we eat oatmeal for breakfast / we have pasta for dinner, we wear blue shirts) and just try to eliminate any changes or extraneous thought processes for them.
Another Anonymous says
This seems counter intuitive, but if your H is gone for several days in a row, could you get a sitter the kids like for one of those nights so you can get a break? My H travels and it’s picked up the last month or two, not nearly as frequently as your H, but knowing it’s not all on my shoulders every night he’s gone helps a lot.
If you can’t do that, anything else you can outsource?
Ditto to the routines, maybe add in a special treat that they get when dad is gone, although I worry that will encourage her to want dad to be gone! On the weekends can you each get some one on one time with each kid and then swap?
It’s been a tough first part of the year with the weather and it sounds like your schedule has made it even worse, so my sympathies!
P says
This might not be anything that you can try, but I’m in a somewhat similar situation and I’m getting an au pair. I’m hoping that just having another familiar “adult” around will take the stress out of the air.
CHL says
If you’re anywhere near Oak Park, I’m happy to help you out with a 3 and 5 year old playdate at the park! We had 6 month stretch recently where I started a new job and we bought/sold/moved and it was winter and I feel your pain! I got a standing babysitter two nights a week and for 4 hours on a weekend day to come regardless of what I had going on. Sometimes I was even home with her but doing chores or generally getting some sanity. I also used that time to have 1:1 time with each kid which I’ve noticed is something that really helps when they start to act out.
Anonymous says
“They’re not listening, really whiny, and generally being disruptive.” = that’s my 3 yo and 5 yo exactly. I think having friends who feel your pain helps. We have playdates or meet up with other parents from our daycare sometimes I think it helps to see how normal / typical a lot of this really is. You don’t need to feel guilty!
Betty says
After 7+ years of motherhood, I finally got myself the mother’s day present that I’ve wanted: two nights by myself at a resort on the coast (off-season) starting Thursday and coming home Saturday. Its about a 2-3 hour drive, which means that I need audiobooks for the drive and then more books to read by myself while not getting anyone else a drink/snack/talking about the farm/finances/therapies for the kids. Any suggestions? I love young adult books (Wonder, A Wrinkle in Time, Divergent Series) good chick-lit (Katherine Center books, Crazy Rich Asian series) and books about how the mind works (Habit, How We Learn, Blink).
Anonymous says
Ooh you’re in Maine right? I’m curious about which resort you’re going to! :)
It’s not really about the mind but I just read and enjoyed Everybody Lies: Big Data, New Data and What the Internet Can Tell Us About Who We Are. It’s a quick read and kind of like a modern Freakonomics.
Betty says
I’m headed to Bar Harbor! Thanks for the recommendation; I’ll check it out!
Meg Murry says
When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead is a YA book I’m recommending to anyone that likes Wrinkle in Time. It won the Newbery Medal for YA fiction, but to me it’s more of a good “YA-ish book for adults that like YA” rather than a book that I would recommend so highly to actual young adults. I don’t want to spoil anything, but although the description doesn’t mention it, there is a Wrinkle in Time tie-in that comes in and will make you want to go back and re-read Wrinkle if you haven’t read it recently.
I love Madeleine L’Engle (as you could probably guess by my username) so I’d recommend any of her fiction – she wrote both YA and adult fiction novels. Her nonfiction is good too, but most of it has a strong religious component (from her Episcopalian perspective) so you have to be up for that going into it.
I personally love re-reading YA books I read as an actual young adult when I have downtime, so I’d suggest seeking out those. My favorites are M L’Engle and L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables etc). Looking through the lists of Newbery Metal nominees and winners also brings back books I love to re-read from when I was a kid (examples: Caddie Woodlawn, Roll of Thunder Hear My Cry, etc).
avocado says
Ooh, my kid is a huge Wrinkle in Time fan and is reading When You Reach Me right now! I will have to ask her about the tie-in.
anonymous says
Looking through my history of e-books I’ve checked out from the library. Here are ones I’ve enjoyed recently. These are all young adult-ish:
Without Merit – Colleen Hoover
Holding up the Universe – Jennifer Niven
The First Time She Drowned – Kerry Kletter
The Hate U Give – Angie Thomas
Tell Me Three Things – Julie Buxbaum
One Past Midnight – Jessica Shirvingtohn
Finding Audrey – Sophie Kinsella
Em says
No suggestions, but I’ve been following your posts and everything you’ve been dealing with, and you deserve this! I hope you have an amazing time!
avocado says
Yes, enjoy some well-deserved time off!
Pogo says
agreed, good for you!!
EB0220 says
This sounds like a fantastic Mother’s Day present!
LegalMomma says
Not sure if these fall into your categories, but I absolutely loved the Discovery of Witches trilogy by Deborah Harkness (bonus – the audio book versions are awesome as well). A little big of magic, a little bit of historical fiction, and a little bit of romance all very well written.
Mama Llama says
Did you ever know that you’re my hero? This sounds like the best mothers day ever.
A light read that I really enjoyed recently is The Royal We by the Fug Girls. I was written several years ago but has enough parallels to the Harry and Meghan situation to make it extra fun.
Anonymous says
This sounds amazing!
Tfor22 says
I loved listening to Anne of Green gables a couple of years ago.
GCA says
Happy Mother’s Day! Enjoy!
Some YA-ish (fantasy-ish) books I’ve enjoyed recently are: Uprooted (Naomi Novik; also love her Temeraire series) and The Girl Who Drank the Moon (Kelly Barnhill). Not YA but currently appreciating: Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng.
Betty says
Thank you all for the suggestions and the kind words! We have an amazing community here!!!!
Anonymous says
I just learned last week that my beloved aunt is transitioning to hospice. I live far away. It sounds like she is planning to visit in June, although I may make a visit as well. Any advice for things I can do or say?
ElisaR says
I always mourn the loss of family stories when my elders passed. Even if your parents are still around, your aunt probably has some memories of her parents and grandparents that she can share with you. I loved hearing from my great aunt about the day my grand parents met (she was there too), its so special and makes me smile thinking about it now…..
ElisaR says
and I’m sorry you are going through this – sending love through the internet waves….
anon says
The best memories I have of final visits are the laughs. I brought my baby to visit my uncle when he was in very rough shape and we all enjoyed laughing at things the baby did. Later that day my cousin brought his guitar and we had an off key sing-a-long. It was nice. Both things ended up being a fabulous distraction. It was great stress relief to have a few normal moments where we could all just enjoy being together.
Au Pairs says
Can people who have experience with au pairs talk about those? I’m having a bit of a childcare crisis – I live in a university town in a rural red state. Childcare here $ucks because so many women stay home. The university runs a couple of daycare centers for faculty families (which we are) that are supposed to be fantastic, but they have 2+ year waiting lists (I got on them when I found out I was pregnant and they won’t have a spot for daughter until she’s 18 months and we need care beginning when she’s about 6 months old). There are only a couple of licensed non-university daycares and I’ve visited them and am really unenthusiastic about my baby being there. People I’ve talked to have told me nannies are not a thing here, and the only people I’ve been able to find on care dot com are college students looking for very part-time babysitting gigs. We need care from 9-5 at least three days a week, ideally four. It’s getting to the point that I’m thinking about leaving my job and staying home even though I like what I do and we can definitely use my salary. But I want to exhaust all options before I do that and I haven’t looked into the au pair thing at all. But I have no idea how it works or if we could even get a foreign au pair to come to our boring Midwestern town.
anon says
My recollection is that au pairs aren’t allowed to be alone with babies who are less than 6 months old. (You can google to confirm.) There is also a narrower pool of au pairs who are qualified to watch infants (i.e., sub-12 months). Have you looked for in home daycares?
We have an au pair for our toddler and preschooler and have had a fabulous experience. If you do decide to try an au pair, I would plan to spend a bunch of time interviewing to find the right person. I would also make sure that you have a good amount of overlap where the au pair is with you before you have to go back to work so that you can make sure that you trust the au pair with your baby. Unlike a nanny, you’ll need to plan to train the au pair to take care of a baby. Despite their background, I would assume no baby skills going in.
anon says
Every au pair agency should have LCCs (local childcare consultants) in your area who can come to your house to tell you about their agency. They should be able to share how many au pairs their agency has in your agency, their nationalities, the norms for your area, and what educational opportunities the au pairs usually use to get their credits. The LCC should be about to tell you if there are weekly meetups or other socializing opportunities. The biggest agencies in my area are Cultural Care Au Pair and Au Pair in America.
anon says
*in your area
P says
I think it’s 3 months.
Anon says
I can’t answer your question but I wonder if one of those many stay at home moms would like an income for watching an extra child. That’s how my mom got into running a home daycare. A neighbor asked if she could pay her to watch her daughter and then two more neighbors joined in.
Sarabeth says
This is how I was cared for growing up, in similar circumstances (college town in rural red state, very few women worked, including the wives of almost all the men on the faculty. My mom was only the second faculty member to give birth. There was literally no daycare in town).
Upside – it was awesome, and we are still close to the family that took care of me.
mascot says
No personal experience, but my friend who has an au pair likes it (multiple kids, HCOL city). I’m pretty sure that au pairs are required to complete an education requirement and take a couple of classes at the same time they are with you so having a university right there might be appealing.
Jen says
Au pairs: I don’t have one, but they are very much a Thing where I live. Consider that your au pair may feel isolated without a local au pair community.
Other idea: have you tried finding a SAHM who might be interested in additional income? You could drop your kid off and she could watch your kid ~3 days/week in exchange for nanny-level pay. It might not be something people are advertising, but you might find a lot of interest– at least to bridge the gap between 6 months and 18 months (maybe a little earlier if someone drops out earlier than expected…). I’d suggest going to some mom meetups and start to meet people and get the word out that you’re looking.
Anonymous says
Can you combine a couple college students? Maybe one does mornings and the other does afternoons?
You might be able to attract a great au pair if you are only needing 4 days a week of care. That gives them a long weekend every week to travel to nearby cities. Many western european au pairs are looking to travel around a bit but might also like a typically ‘American small town’ experience. Someone outdoorsy maybe who would be motivated by a more rural environment?
farrleybear says
I also wonder if combining could work. We’ve had great college nannies who typically could do two full days, so you may be able to get two to cover four days.
Meg Murry says
Since its a university town, any chance there are recent grads that haven’t found a job yet that might want to nanny for a year? Could you ask the university career services center if they ever do postings for that kind of private position?
Since you are thinking au pair, do you have a spare room? At a minimum perhaps you could find a student that might want to nanny for the summer partially in exchange for room and board – that would at least buy you a few months. We live in a college town and I know some families that have done the summer nanny for room and board for older kids, although I don’t know any examples of infants.
SC says
Another suggestion–several people I know worked as nannies for college professors the year after they graduated from college. They didn’t necessarily have much experience with infant care beforehand, but they were responsible, conscientious young adults who wanted to stay in their college town for various reasons and save money for grad school. Maybe you could ask around the university to see if you could identify interested (and responsible!) students that way?
Betty says
We had an au pair for a year and probably still would if they hadn’t changed Pre-K from part to full-time this year. It was not without its bumps (our first au pair left after a week because she realized that she didn’t want to care for children), but it was a great experience overall. From my recollection, it is 45 hours of childcare, not to exceed 10 hours in any day. It can be a very flexible option. You will need an infant qualified au pair.
I highly recommend the s i t e: au pair mom . com (no spaces) for background and great resources. We got an au pair to come to our very cold, New England state. I wouldn’t rule out getting an au pair to come to you until you check it out. Also, know that there is a class action that is proceeding around the au pair program.
Pogo says
Since you’ve struck out on Care dot com this may be a dead end, but in my state there is a website run by the state licensure which shows you the address and all of the relevant information about every licensed provider in the state. This is how I found my in-home provider, who does not advertise in any way (no website, faceb00k, sign, would not be on care dot com etc).
I grew up in a boring middle of nowhere town and people still had au pairs. I imagine they did feel a bit isolated – for example, never getting to speak their native language with anyone – but honestly with the internet I would expect this would be much alleviated. Au pair could still whatsapp and faceb00k with her friends back home.
Anon says
Do you have any experience with dealing with a bone infection and surgery? A friend’s 6 year old developed a rare (but common among kids) bone infection and is going in for surgery soon. The recovery is about 2 months in a spica cast. So, also any tips on how to entertain an energetic kid in a body cast?
lsw says
My brother was in the hospital a lot as a child and one thing my mom did was have different extended family members all read books to him recorded on a tape to listen to. Also, I remember being jealous (yes, as an adult I now understand he did not actually want to be in the hospital) of him getting to play video games all the time. Are there fun Wii or other things he can play despite the cast? I Spy or other games with family and friends who visit? Planting seeds and watching them grow and develop? This sounds so tough!
Sarah says
I’m looking for some advice or tips for traveling solo with my 2 year old to Europe next week. We’re going to visit family and for a friend’s wedding. My husband can’t come but I really wanted to go and have the travel bug (haven’t gone anywhere for a few years and I love to travel). I realize it’s not going to be an easy breezy trip, but it will be manageable. My son isn’t potty trained yet but is very mobile and fun, so I’m looking forward to it. We have a layover in Boston and then onto Europe. I’ll be driving over there (what I’m most nervous about lol) so I’m bringing a car seat and will bring it on the plane. I’m planning to bring a carry-on bag for the two of us plus a bag as a personal item. I don’t want to lose our luggage so I’m not checking anything. I’m not bringing a stroller but I do have a cart for the car seat in the airport. I’ll bring plenty of diapers on the plane but buy more when we get there. I’ll have access to laundry too. I’m bringing a kindle with his favorite shows/movies and having no shame in sticking it in his face as much as he wants (he never gets it at home). And lots of snacks. Anything else I should bring? I’m open to advice. I have accepted that parts of this trip will be hard but I think the good will outweigh the bad. My son is so fun and cute at this age and I’m looking forward to spending time with him!
Anonymous says
Make sure anything you need and plan to buy in Europe can be bought in Europe. E.g. you can get playtex drop ins liners in UK but not on the continent as far as I could tell (except via Amazon from UK). If you need a specific brand of diapers or anything else specific, check if it is available.
Pack a large ziploc with a onesie, wipes, diaper and small change pad. Then you only have to take that to change kid in airplane toilet instead of the whole diaper bag. If there’s a blowout you can put the messy clothes in the ziploc. My kids always pooped on take off and landing (air pressure change I suspect) so be ready for that.
How are you getting around when you are there? I would take either an ergo or a stroller so you can be hands free when needed.
anon says
I would strongly consider getting one of those inflatable cushions that allows toddlers to lay flat to sleep on airplanes. I’ve read good things. My worst nightmare is having to stay awake on a whole night flight with a toddler who won’t sleep.
lala says
Not OP, but I think the car seat will take care of this, and will actually be better, because the toddler will be strapped in.
We have the jet kids beds, and they are awesome, but we also travel with two adults.
Even with both kids sleeping, we barely get any sleep anyways . . . we just all go to bed when we get there (assuming closeish to evening arrival) and then wake up in 12 hours, ha.
lala says
1) make sure you have age appropriate headphones (over the ear rather than in), but kids could not figure out the smaller headphones, so that made TV watching a bust. Once we got them nice over the ear ones, it was much better.
2) masking tape/painters tape. It keeps them entertained for hours (stickers, make a bridge, make a ball, etc.) and is much easier to clean up than stickers.
3) Carrier. Do you have a toddler carrier? If not, and you are open to one, I would get one (or borrow one). This was a life saver for us during those moments when we need to be paying attention (buying tickets, etc) as the toddlers were just strapped to our backs in their “backpacks”. They actually really love riding in them. we have Toddler Tulas and they are rated for up to 60lbs and really comfortable, even with my 45lb 4yo on our backs.
And, HAVE FUN, international travel with littles is actually really fun!!
Jeffiner says
Most US carseats aren’t approved for use in Europe (and vice versa), but when I went I took and used my carseat anyway. Make sure you have the metal clip to lock the seat belt after you install the carseat. The seat belts on our rental car didn’t lock when you pull them all the way out like they do in the US. Watch some videos on installing a carseat on airplanes and using seat belts/Latch systems if you aren’t familiar.
If you’re staying in a hotel rather than with your family, make sure you can check in to the hotel as soon as you land. We were all exhausted after our last flight, but had to sit in the hotel lobby (ok, we all fell asleep in the corner) for a few hours before we could check in.
Anonymous says
HSAL’s post about the cost of childcare made me look at our budget and wonder: what percent of (household) take-home pay do you spend on childcare? For us, it’s 29% (for two). That’s more than we spend on rent…
Anon says
We spend about 150% of our mortgage on childcare for two kids each month. To be fair, we bought a much smaller house than we could afford partly because we anticipated we’ll need childcare until the oldest is 16, since both of us work and our area does all extra curricular practices/ games between 2-7pm. If our kids want to be involved in anything, we need someone to shuttle them around and make sure they get fed. Gotta love moving to a SAHM-heavy area with no local family!
Mama Llama says
Currently 9% for 1 preschooler but it will go up to about 23% when we have our second, depending on what center we get into. (Please god let us get into a center.) Mortgage is currently 19%.
Anonymous says
Roughly 20% for one, and about 30% on our mortgage and maintenance. So 50% of our take home pay goes to housing + childcare. It’s brutal, and it’s so hard to fathom affording a second.
GCA says
When #2 goes to daycare at the end of this year it’ll be slightly over 50% on childcare alone, but we also have some unusual circumstances: husband is in the middle of a PhD.
Anonymous says
Currently 10.5% for one kid. Soon to be 21% for two. Yikes!!!
Anonymous says
Whoops that is gross pay, which is easier to calculate on the fly.
H13 says
I did mine on gross too. I am terrified to calculate on net.
HSAL says
Currently, daycare for 1 is 20% of our take-home and our mortgage is 17%. My husband starts his new job next month and we’ll have a few months of a glorious 12% going to daycare, and but then once the twins start in the fall, it’ll be around 36%. We’re planning to move in the fall, but for what we’re looking at, the new mortgage won’t exceed 20% of our take-home.
H13 says
22% for two. Which is insane, right? All of these numbers are insane.
GCA says
You’re telling me…
octagon says
10.5% of net on childcare; 33% on mortgage. The net is after retirement savings so that helps, but it still is a big chunk for the two combined.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We are at just about 19% of net on childcare (with one) and 32% on rent. So yeah, around half our take home is spent on those two items. With two, it will be around 33% of net on childcare. Fun! We live in a VHCOL neighborhood at the moment, which affects both housing and daycare prices, and will probably move in the next year or so, so maybe both of those percentages will go down.
Those numbers look insane, but I’ve sort of accepted it for now because this is after maxing out our 401Ks and other pre-tax things like FSAs, etc. and we’ve paid off our student loans.
Anonymous says
Our nanny is about 30% of our takehome pay (takehome is after taxes, maxing our 401ks and contributing to our HSAs). Our mortgage is less than half that! (LCOL area).
SC says
We have one kid and spend about 17% of our take-home on childcare. We put about 12% of our take-home toward our mortgage. Our other major expenses are healthcare (varies but about 15% of take-home), groceries (10-12% of take-home), and retirement savings (11%).
Betty says
For our prime childcare years, which included full-time care (nanny and then au pair) plus preschool, we were at 30% of take home for childcare costs and 16% for our mortgage. Thankfully, now we pay for aftercare and its gone way way down to 7%. At the height of our childcare costs, I did the math and realized that we could actually send one kid to a 4 year college for less than we paid for childcare, and we didn’t have 18 years to save for daycare expenses nor were there any scholarships.
Pogo says
10% of take home on childcare (1 infant) and 32% on mortgage.
Rainbow Hair says
Daycare is subsidized by work, so I pay 6% of my take-home for it. Then again, I pay about 45% of my take-home on mortgage. So count me in with the posters for whom 1/2 the paycheck is gone after daycare and housing.
KateMiddletown says
Oh this is fun. Next summer, I will have two stepdaughters in college, a 9 year old, and a 6 month old, so we will be spending 20% of our gross HHI on education/daycare. ($500/mo for each of the college girls is our average monthly cost, $1200/mo for daycare, and $700/mo private school + aftercare.) Our mortgage + PITI is 13-14% of our gross.
The only other line item that exceeds these two is taxes (I est. 25% a year.)
J says
Can anyone recommend some good bra brands? I’m finishing up nursing and desperately need new, non-nursing bras that fit me. I am small-chested. My main complaints are that the cups gape, and I seem to muffin over a lot of bands. Any ideas for me? Pre-baby I wore Victoria’s Secret, but only because they were easy. They never fit me well. They’re just accessible and were wildly popular in my age group in high school and college (which was way too long ago for that to still be a valid excuse!). Thanks in advance!
GCA says
Check the Reddit abrathatfits guide for how to measure properly and how to address your specific bra fit issues, but as a 28C (post-nursing) I really liked my Boux Avenue bras – cute and flattering! VS32A never really fit right.
Anonymous says
+1 to abrathatfits
EB0220 says
Yes!!! I used this to buy new bras last year and am so happy that I did. For me, it was more about the type/shape of bra than the size. So worthwhile to read through abrathatfits and do the measurements.
Anonymous says
I’m a 30D (not a 34B as Victoria Secret would try to tell me) and I like Panache.
ElisaR says
haha I feel like 34B is the standard VS answer for everyone…..
Anonymous says
Aerie has a really good range of sizes particularly on the small side- for a while I was AA and was able to find some there, plus A in a range of band sizes.
anonanon says
If you’re still reading, post nursing I am also very small chested. I tried a bunch of expensive and mid range bras, and finally being unhappy tried Target’s Gilligan O’Malley line. They are $15 and way more comfortable than anything else I own. Since I’ve gotten smaller post baby I may be done with expensive bras.
NewMomAnon says
I signed up for True & Co and have liked several of the non-wire options with light padding.
Erin says
When DH and I both worked full time, our mortgage (inc. taxes and interest) payment was $3600/mo. We had 2 kids in daycare and paid about $2800/mo.
We are in the same house now, so approx same PITI payment, but I’m very part-time and our 2 kids go to preschool/daycare about 15 hours/week each. We pay about $1100/mo for that, plus some occasional mid-week daytime babysitting.
Erin says
Oh, and frankly, I don’t know what our take-home is. Our gross HHI is about $300/year. We max out retirement in various vehicles, have all kinds of money taken out for HSA and dependent FSA accounts, I am self employed so pay a ton in extra taxes etc. I’d say on average get about $12k/mo into our banks to use? Which would make it 29% take home to mortgage, 8% to child care when I’m not full time.
When I was full time our HHI was more like $400k, and if I went back now, our HHI would be more like $420-450 since DH got a pay bump in the interim.
Ifiknew says
Erin, how does your part time work? what hours do you work? How old are your kids? Id love to do what you’re doing and our hHI and Mortgage are similar, but just debating how and when to take the part time leap.
Erin says
I’ve got a 4 y/o, a 2 y/0 and i’m pregnant with #3. Not sure what kind of detail to give on my work– I do freelance consulting type work for companies in the industry I worked in for 10 years. On average it’s probably 10-15 hours a week, with some random 3 day business trips built in once a quarter or so. I work when my kids are in school (daycare and preschool), which is 9-1 2x/week, plus when my younger one naps and I have entertainment for my older one (playdates, projects, etc) which is 1-3 every day. I also belong to a gym with childcare, so on occasion I’ve dropped the kids in the nursery and hopped on a call for an hour.
LittleBigLaw says
How have you handled thank you notes for children’s birthday parties? We recently had our first “kid party” (i.e., not just family at home) for our preschool aged daughter, and I can’t figure out what “voice” to use on the thank you notes. Since the gifts ostensibly came from the kids and not the parents, it seems odd to write notes to the parents (some of whom, I don’t even know their names). And I’ve received cards written by the mom in their kid’s voice (e.g., “I really enjoyed playing with the book you got me. Your friend, Johnny.”). Either way seems kind of weird. Thoughts?
LittleBigLaw says
“playing with the book you got me” – goodness, maybe I should just let the three y/o give it a go! ;)
Anonymous says
Are thank you cards a thing at kid birthday parties? Growing up I was always told to send a thank you note to older relatives or friends who mailed me a birthday or Christmas gift but I never wrote thank you notes to the kids who came to my birthday parties. To the best of my knowledge we never received any either. Something about if you open the gift in front of the person and thank them in person, you don’t have to send a note (unless it’s a bridal/baby shower)?
LittleBigLaw says
I completely agree about not needing to send notes when gifts are opened in front of the giver but we waited until after the party to open gifts at home, which in our experience is the norm for our area.
Anonymous says
I posted below at 1:03 noting that I’ve never sent or received notes and have attended a lot of birthday parties. It is also the norm in my area to open at home – I’ve been to maybe 2 parties where they opened at the party.
Anonymous says
I have never sent or received thank you notes for kids birthday parties. We go to an average of 1-2 parties a month for the last 3 years (three kids, all the parents at daycare/school invite the whole class).
If you do write them “Thank you for GIFT” is sufficient.
Anon says
+1. I don’t even know how someone with daycare/school aged kids has time to write the thank you notes, convince the school to give up the home addresses, and post the notes in the mail.
Mama Llama says
I posted below about doing notes for school friends. I just put them in the kids’ cubbie mailbox things in the classroom. Trying to hunt down addresses sounds like a nightmare!
Anon says
I’m jealous that’s an option! We do the drive-thru drop off in the mornings and pick up from an off-site after care, so never see the teacher or the classroom. The teachers won’t put notes or invites in other kid’s cubbies unless it goes to the whole class, so the only options are hunting down addresses and numbers. Fun.
LittleBigLaw says
This is definitely what I’m doing. Same way we dealt with sending invites, too.
SC says
What I’ve received most often is from the parent but to my kid. “Jack, Thank you so much for the book. Jill loves dinosaurs and asks us to read it every night. We loved seeing you at the party. –[Jill’s Mom]”
LittleBigLaw says
Thank you! This format sounds like a great happy medium approach and is probably what I will use.
Mama Llama says
When kiddo was 2-3 I would write the note in my voice and let her draw on the card. For her fourth birthday, I let her dictate the cards and sign her name, so it was more like, Dear Evan, thank you for the Frozen lego set. I really like that it has Ana and Elsa dolls and the little polar bear. Love, Kiddo.” I gave her the formula and let her say what she liked about each gift. I am a big believer in thank you notes, but I hate writing them, which is one reason why we do “no gifts” parties. We just write them for family members who mail gifts and anyone doesn’t follow the “no gifts” request.
Mama Llama says
Oh, I will add that we don’t open any gifts at the birthday party. I subscribe to the view that if you thank the giver in person, that is sufficient.
Pigpen's Mama says
+1 — although she hasn’t hit 4 yet, but I like this idea.
Also, sometimes we’ll include a drawing, or make the drawing the thank you and I’ll just write “Dear Aunt Whoozit, Thank you for the whatzit, Love, Pigpen” on it.
NewMomAnon says
At age 4, I did this with kiddo too – let her dictate what I wrote in the thank you card. I hope the parents understand that, because otherwise they probably thought I was crazy. Kiddo had some interesting thoughts about her birthday presents.
Em says
I have gotten them for my friend’s kids’ parties and they were from the kids POV even though the parents obviously wrote them. I agree, it was odd. For my son’s birthday party, it was mostly family with a couple of my friends who have kids. I wrote thank you cards only to my friends and I wrote them from me to the parents.
Erin says
My preschooler (4) does her own thank-yous. For her 4th birthday, I wrote “THANK YOU” in big letters, and she copied it on each card and said “LOVE [NAME]”. Then we went through and wrote each kid’s name (I told her how to spell it) on the top.
It took a little supervision but frankly was not a big deal and I didn’t have to do anything other than spell a few kids’ name and address the envelopes.
Erin says
FWIW I get thank-yous from most (but not all) b’day parties. Often, the parent writes them–and frankly, I just toss them. For me, the point is to make the kid do the work and in doing so, we talk about how much she likes the gift. I also try and make a point to thank the kid/parent verbally if I see them (“daughter loves the puzzle!”).
Erin says
FWIW I get thank-yous from most (but not all) b’day parties. Often, the parent writes them–and frankly, I just toss them. For me, the point is to make the kid do the work and in doing so, we talk about how much she likes the gift. I also try and make a point to thank the kid/parent verbally if I see them (“daughter loves the puzzle!”).
And we either drop them in cubbies or mail them to the home address (we have a contact list with this info).
NewMomAnon says
Wow….when my kiddo turned 4, she didn’t know how to write any letters other than G and got very upset when she couldn’t trace properly. This would have taken literally hours for each card. It’s a nice idea, but maybe not an option for (even very bright, normal) preschoolers.
Erin says
Interesting. my daughter is in the 3s class in preschool and they all were writing their own names by December or so. Not 100% totally legible for everyone, but most of the kids were pretty good. And I know they can all at minimum trace their letters.
Maybe her school just focuses on this stuff earlier? I know my kid happens to (a) have pretty strong fine motor skills (she’s was doing perler beads without help at 3.5) and (b) have incredible focus and patience, so who knows. But she’s definately not the only kid in her class who can at ~4 can write her own name and at minimum trace the other letters with some degree of legibility. ABSOLUTELY not saying “all kids should”- just that I didn’t realize her school pushed harder than normal with this stuff.
gifts says
How much money do you guys spend on gifts for preschool birthday parties? $30? $50? Less? More? I have a little one, but anticipating birthday parties next year..
Anonymous says
$15-20 for preschool friends. $30 for kids of close friends.
Mrs. Jones says
less than $20 for sure.
LittleBigLaw says
We try to stay under $15, if at all possible. I love giving books for preschoolers.
Anon says
+1 – we definitely stay under $15, and try to make it either consumable like an art set or a book. There’s usually enough variety that my kids can pick out something for their friend “Maddy likes Batman – let’s get her a Batman book” or “Aiden likes art, let’s get him some new (washable) paints”. They draw a picture in the card and we call that done.
Anon says
$20 is my budget for kid birthday presents.
Anonymous says
$15 unless I like / am friends with the parents. Then maybe up to $25.
Honestly the biggest hit ever were $5 soccer balls from Target for the 1 year olds. (In size 1 or 0, can’t remember.) They were actual durable soccer balls, not just playground balls.
One year I picked up 4 $12 library bags off of etsy. (Tote bags with an image of a little girl reading with on top of a pile of books.) They were personalized for each of the little girls that my friends have, but I could see getting 6 for all the girls in my kids daycare room (there were similar boy ones, but so far no boy party invites).
Erin says
$15-30 depending on the kid’s interests, their relationship with my kid, and if my kid helps me shop (I try and make her a part of the process for her actual friends vs just kids she has in class). Eg. for the boy she does monthly playdates with, we got a nice lego kit that was probably $25-30 because they do lego kits together when they hang out. For the kid we don’t know well, we picked a fun puzzle of a firetruck because that’s what she knows he likes.
I also keep a stockpile of Generic Birthday Gifts (acquired from previous parties) and have no shame re-gifting as need be. Usually it’s when my kid gets a dupe of something she already has, I just throw it in the gift closet and regift when it works.
Erin says
good generic gifts: dress up items (butterfly wings are ~$15 on amazon and are a huge hit every time), consumables like stickers, markers, pen sets etc, I bought a bunch of glow in the dark terrarium kits and gave those to kids with a headlamp (my kids are obsessed with these for some reason) and parents loved them.
Anonymous says
I’m the cheapskate here – I try to stay under $10.
SC says
Under $20, hopefully around $15. I’ve gone up to around $25 for family members and good friends.
Vent – judgy friend says
A paralegal friend in our in-house legal department has made multiple disparaging comments about attorneys whom she’s deemed as not “making it.” She’s particularly snobby about document review attorneys, and those attorneys applying to be paralegals. She’s also made various comments about school rankings, and proudly states that she can tell you where each of the department attorneys attended law school. Her background as a paralegal is in Big Law, and she extends this attitude to other paralegals as well.
I’ve told her (gently) how strongly I disagree with her, and she pretty much dismisses it, although is polite—I myself am from a fairly middling law school so I’m sure she thinks I’m just defending myself. I’m not going to change her mind, obviously. I guess I just want to vent. And figure out how not to hang out with her – I find this kind of talk and judgment so unpleasant and unkind, and even if she drops it, I don’t want to spend time with her. I think the thing that bugs me the most is that she clearly thinks she just has high standards and is discriminating, when in fact she’s being incredibly short sighted and, frankly, dumb.