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When I was a kid, I had an extremely sensitive scalp. Anytime someone besides me brushed my hair, I always ended up in tears. I wouldn’t even sit to get my hair French braided at camp, so you know it was truly an issue, because what tween girl passes up French braids?! I’ve heard a lot about these Wet Brushes and how they’re miracle workers on tangly kid hair. I haven’t used them myself, and my son doesn’t have much hair to brush, so I can’t say I have any personal experience, but I’ve heard good things. They now come in a “plush” version where a little animal friend is attached to the brush head. Very cute — and hopefully it will encourage tear-free brushing. Puppy, kitten, unicorn, and panda brushes are available at Target for $12.99. Detangler Plush Hair Brush
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Anonanonanon says
I have had an adult skincare routine for exactly 24 hours now. Feel free to pat me on the back :-P
Signed- 31-year-old woman who finally upgraded from Cetaphil
GCA says
Ha, nice! What is your newfound skincare routine? I actually got more into skincare after kid 1 was born, as it was one thing I could readily control to feel better about my body. I may have been up twice last night and my hair is still growing out after postpartum hair loss, but hey, I have good skin!
Anonanonanon says
I bought a bunch of Drunk Elephant stuff (The jelly cleanser, the Vitamin C daytime serum, the daytime mineral sunscreen, and the nighttime AHA serum) but after reading more I realized I need to get a moisturizer as well, Drunk Elephant encourages you to mix the serums with a moisturizer for a “cocktail” and for more even application.
I know there are cheaper products out there (a lot of people recommended The Ordinary) but I am a sucker for the pretty packaging and I didn’t want to spend time and mental energy to sort through what I needed. I felt like the Drunk Elephant site made it easy. Also, the price makes me more motivated to actually use it!
KW says
Nice work! How does one develop a skin care routine? As I’ve gotten older (late 30’s, FWIW), my skin has gotten a lot more sensitive. Unfortunately, I’m allergic to aloe vera, which seems to be a common ingredient in products made for sensitive skin. And a lot of products seem to make my face red((der) than it normally is). I’ve tried two different vitamin C serums and they both seemed to irritate my skin. Any suggestions on how to get started? I hate to buy a bunch of products that I won’t like or be able to use. I currently wash morning and night with a gentle face wash and then use moisturizer in the morning and night cream at night. I don’t generally use sun screen on work days because I’m never outside.
Anonanonanon says
The brand I bought my stuff from doesnt use a lot off add-ins and doesnt add any essential oils for scent etc. They have a “littles” collection that has travel-sized versions of almost all of their products. One reason I was drawn to this brand is they claimed that, because of the way they formulated their products (I already forgot the specifics) you can mix it all together to apply. I did not have the interest level, time, or mental energy to learn/remember what order serums and moisturizers should go in. The website suggested routines, so I chose the following:
-water wash in the morning (they claim if I used the face wash the night before water is fine in the AM)
-vitamin C serum
-sunscreen (I used to not wear it during the week but my derm pointed out the left side of my face is much more aged than the right side, because of sun exposure while driving)
Nighttime
-face wash
-AHA serum/moisturizer mix
If this goes well I’ll explore all of the different options out in the world, but I wanted to start with something basic
anon says
Has anyone had trouble paying for a pump with FSA monies? Our FSA administrator is terrible and is denying the costs of my pump not covered by insurance. All my research indicates pumps are fsa eligible, is this not the case anymore?
Pogo says
Why wasn’t the pump itself covered – did you buy an additional one, or buy one that is considered “extra” in some way? I would ask your OB to write you a specific Rx or letter of medical necessity for it, maybe that is what’s needed? For my pump to be covered by insurance this is what I had to do. Pumping supplies are definitely covered, because whenever I bought pumping stuff at Target it showed up w/ the little F marker on my receipt indicating it was FSA eligible, and I submitted no problem.
Anonymous says
When I got mine, I had to order through a specific company online and then didn’t pay anything (they processed the paperwork) so didn’t pay out of pocket and then get reimbursed. Is that the problem? Also, I could only get 1 every 2-3 years, so not necessarily a per kid.
Anonymous says
The hospital we delivered at has a pump store and takes care of filing all the insurance on it. You just pick it up on your way out. Not sure where you’re buying it, but a medical store like that could help.
potato says
The ACA (Obamacare) mandates that health insurance cover a pump.
https://www.healthcare.gov/coverage/breast-feeding-benefits/
Anon says
“A” pump, not all pumps, though. She may want a pump that’s not entirely covered by insurance. My insurance didn’t cover the Spectra so I got a Medela PISA.
anon says
+1, my fed insurance covered the Ameda purely yours (which friends warned me was useless) so I had to buy a Spectra.
Anonanonanon says
Ugh my insurance covered that one as well and it is THE WORST PUMP EVER. The HAND pump they gave me at the hospital was better than that. I ended up just buying a Spectra and eating the cost and it was worth it.
Lana Del Raygun says
Haha I told a lactation consultant that was what BCBS covered, and she sighed and said “I don’t know why that pump even exists.”
anon says
I actually complained to the FEP BCBS representative about it when they told me about the pump benefit. I told them they needed to cover a better pump, or alternatively, at least give us the option to upgrade to something like the Spectra for a small fee. I didn’t bother having them send me the Ameda given the reviews (just got the free milk storage bags). SMH.
Lana Del Raygun says
And ACA says they have to cover a pump without “cost-sharing,” so if op is trying to use her FSA it’s presumably a pump her insurance doesn’t cover.
Cb says
I just booked a steam train experience with a Thomas meet and greet for my son’s 2nd birthday and he’s going to lose it. He’s obsessed with the one Thomas book I’ve allowed into the house and his Brio set and I can’t wait to see his face. We’re meeting the grandparents in Portugal for his actual birthday.
drpepperesq says
we are going this weekend for Day out with Thomas! my 2.5 year old is thomas OBSESSED and he’s going to have a ball. we haven’t told him yet, and i feel like i’m bursting.
Anon says
So fun!!
anon says
This was so fun. Watch out for all the gotchas (including the giant gift shop).
anon says
We did a steam train ride with our almost 3 yo a few years ago and we sat in the first car so she could see the engine. She ended up being terrified of the whistle, which they blew incessantly for the kids. She screamed through the whole thing. I’d try not to sit as far as you can from the whistle unless you’re sure he’ll be fine with it.
Anon says
Help me believe that having a second kid won’t be a disaster?
Kid 1 is easy, and our transition into parenthood was easy too. But now kid 2 decision time is nearing, and I can’t help but think it’ll be a disaster. Small house, daycare commute, just LIFE with 2 kids. I bought into the idea that people either have a rough transition with kid 1 or with kid 2, and since 1 was easy . . .
Boston Legal Eagle says
It won’t be a disaster! Yes, it will be hectic and the work with two, especially two little ones, multiplies. When figuring out whether you want more, I’d also ask yourself what you hope your life will look like in 10 years. Do you see multiple kids? Do you want that? I knew I wanted more than 1 so we went ahead, knowing that the baby+toddler years would be rough, but that they will end (eventually…)
And also, some hope, I had two relatively easy babies who slept well early on (knock on all the wood that it stays this way) so it’s possible to get another easy baby. The toddler years have been challenging with our oldest, but even he is starting to mature as the days go on. Of course, there’s no guarantee either way and you can’t really predict how the second will be. He/she may be a terrible sleeper. Who knows. Remembering the future helps though, I think.
Having 1 is certainly fine too. I’m an only child and I love it as an adult.
Anon says
Fwiw, this was part of the reason (but definitely not the only reason) that we stopped at one. Our first was a great sleeper, has a super easy-going personality, is a terrific traveler and didn’t really change our lives that much (admittedly, except for liking to travel, we were boring homebodies before having her). I felt like there was no way we could get that lucky again. From friends it seems like it’s rare for lightning to strike twice, and even if you get crazy lucky and both kids are super easy, having two just makes everything more complicated – if nothing else when kid #1 is napping, we are FREE. From friends, it seems like when you have two, someone is always awake and needing something and as an introvert, the idea of having much less time when we were fully off duty scared me. And our house is just so much quieter. I love spending time with my friends with bigger families but it is always such a relief to me to go home to our tiny family and have peace and quiet.
Of course many people feel strongly they want a second child no matter what and wouldn’t let these worries stop them, but if you’re on the fence, I don’t think it’s silly to consider how the second one may upset your family balance.
Cb says
Agreed. My son was a terrible sleeper for the first 18 months but is just a chill, easy going, fun kiddo at aged 2 and we aren’t willing to go back to the stress and discomfort of pregnancy and the newborn years. Part of our decision to stop at one is definitely financial – we have a 2 bed flat which is fine for 3 but would be teeny for 4 and nursery is 2x our mortgage.
Anon says
Yes, finances is another big reason for us too (daycare for one is also quite a bit more than our mortgage) and health is another big reason (I had the world’s easiest pregnancy and delivery – no morning sickness or aches and pains, super fast induction that was painless thanks to the epidural – but pregnancy triggered an autoimmune disease that would make future pregnancies riskier and more complicated). So definitely not making this decision solely because our first is easy and managing two seems like it would upset our nice routine. But it is a factor.
Em says
Same. I came very close to having a second kid because of family and societal pressure. One makes so much sense for us and our lifestyle.
Anonanonanon says
How far apart are they?
We had kid #2 recently and the small house plus two separate drop offs/pickups is a lot. It really is. However, our kids are eight years apart and I think it would have been much easier if they were closer together. Toddlerhood is hell either way, I wish we could have gotten it out of the way all at once rather than have had a chance to settle into having one fairly self-sufficient child and then start all over. However, the grass is always greener!
At the end of the day though, tired is tired and busy is busy. You cope. If you broke your leg right now it would be a lot to deal with, but you’d figure it out and make it work, right? It’s the same. Just like with havinf a first kid, it’s a lot to deal with and it doesn’t look appealing on paper but you couldn’t imagine your life if you hadn’t.
Irish Midori says
For me, having a second was almost no big deal. We were already into the routine of being parents, and in a lot of ways, the two entertained each other and took some pressure off of us. Child #1 would sing to Child #2 and shake rattles at him, which melted my heart AND allowed me to cook dinner. I suppose the kids’ dispositions matter in the analysis, too, but for me, I am very glad we have two.
Now someone assure me that three is no great disaster!
Irish Midori says
I will add–Child #2 may have been a bigger transition for my spouse than me–he would have to testify to that. Because I was tied up a lot with new baby, he had to do more lifting with Child #1 than he was used to. But it was actually really good for his relationship with #1, forcing him to step up a bit more like that. Now with a third on the way, we’ll be outnumbered, so we’ll see. But I have a big age gap between #2 and #3, so I’m sure it will all be different. At this point #1 and #2 are pretty independent, so I’m optimistic.
Anonymous says
We have 3. Our transition from 1-2 was the worst, but partly that was because of the age gap- they are 3 years apart so we were out of baby mode for a blissful 8 months. No diapers! Full night sleep! And then…#2 am mad and was not only a baby, but a really hard baby. She still our hardest kid at 3.5. My 3rd came 22 months later and at almost 2 is actually easier than my preschooler. My oldest is moody but a walk in the park now. She showers independently, makes her own lunch, makes food for her siblings, etc. and she’s not even 7.
Childcare was $$$ though. No way around it.
Anonymous says
Oh and for the other poster- 3 was NBD. Our 3rd is a piece of cake. The chaos level is greater for sure, and stuff like making all the car seats work is a pain, but we love our 5 pack. Everyone is a bit more self sufficient bc mom and dad can’t do it all.
shortperson says
i felt the same way, we went for it, and now that baby #2 is 21 months old (#1 is 3 years older) it’s starting to get easier. but the first year, combined with a busy year for me at work, was nothing to sneeze at.
we had an easy #1 and #2 is pretty easy as well. i will say that an easy, pleasant kid will be a pretty easy older sister. #1 has been 99% kind and helpful to her little sister which makes our lives so much easier. so far their time together is spent playing with not much fighting.
OP says
Thank you all, I appreciate this more than you could know
Justneedtotellsomeone says
I had a miscarriage about a month ago. One of my close friends just found out that she miscarried yesterday. I am really angry right now. Also hosting a house full of people for the next week. Last night trying to put my 2 year old to bed and he woke up like 10 times b/c of noise of people going in and out of the house. Looking for how people processed their miscarriages from an emotional standpoint.
Anonymous says
Grief is real and hard and takes time. Anger is a very normal part of it. It’s okay to take care of yourself, even if that means you don’t do bedtime, or you tell a house full of people you can’t host them, or insist your spouse, if you have one, take time off to help host.
KW says
I agree with this. Give yourself some time and do what you need to do. Temporary co-sleeping with your 2 yo or letting him stay up later than usual? Go for it. In the grand scheme of life, you won’t ruin his sleep. Say no to extra things that will cause you additional stress. Take the easy route on other parts of life – let your house get messy, get takeout for dinner, outsource other chores if possible. I lost a baby at 24 weeks last summer and was a mess for awhile after that. It’s better now, so it definitely gets easier with time. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Anon for this says
Hugs. I really struggled with this. Reading about other people’s losses (not necessarily pregnancy losses – just any time of loss or grief) was really helpful for me. It made me feel less alone in knowing that there are other “sad people” out there, as terrible as that sounds – but loss can be so isolating.
I also was pretty aggressive in protecting myself emotionally as much as possible. I didn’t go to baby showers and consciously avoided pregnant people for awhile. I unfollowed anyone on social media who posted pregnancy pics or lots of baby photos. Again, that probably sounds bad to some people, but we miscarried after years of infertility and at the time I was just in survival mode.
Anon for this says
Apologies in advance if this posts multiple times! I got a little enthusiastic with my clicking this morning.
Anon for this says
Hugs. I really struggled with this. Reading about other people’s losses (not necessarily pregnancy losses – just any time of loss or grief) was really helpful for me. It made me feel less alone in knowing that there are other “sad people” out there, as terrible as that sounds – but loss can be so isolating.
I also was pretty aggressive in protecting myself emotionally as much as possible. I didn’t go to baby showers and consciously avoided pregnant people for awhile. I unfollowed anyone on social media who posted pregnancy pics or lots of baby photos. Again, that probably sounds bad to some people, but we miscarried after years of infertility and at the time I was just in survival mode. It also gave me a little mini-outlet for my anger and a sense of control, as silly as that sounds.
anon says
Sorry for your loss. I found reading and connecting online about the extent of what I was capable of. I liked some of the miscarriage pieces at verily (verilymag dot com, put “miscarriage” in the search bar). I found just telling my story helped to — in therapy, anon online groups (obviously theknot etc has its issues, but I found the miscarriage board on thebump dot com to be a very supportive). I agree with the suggestions above to be gentle with yourself. It’s definitely survival mode. Hugs.
anon says
It was tough for me (and I had no children yet when I had mine) but what worked was just getting back into trying again as soon as I was medically cleared. It helped me feel like I was actively doing something. Of course YMMV and I know that’s not for everyone. I ultimately got pregnant four months later and had a healthy son. Another friend has had two miscarriages the past year and is now pregnant for the third time, hopefully with a sticky bean. It’s tough but knowing how common they are also helped me process it better.
Law mama says
I’m so sorry. Talking to people about the miscarriage helped a lot, and also revealed that most of my friends had also miscarried at some point but never told me. That was sad in its own way but also deepened those friendships and provided good support. Also, Emily Bazelin and Dahlia Lithwick wrote a series of letters back and forth about their miscarriages that were very helpful for me.
Anonymous says
Omg heard The Mother by Brandi Carlile last night and I’m still shattered
Anonymous says
ME TOO. I heard this song two weeks ago and started crying which last happened what? When I was a teenager? It’s everything. But I’m loving motherhood/this season of life more than anything even though it’s hard. Have you watched the music video on YouTube? Kill me it’s too wonderful.
Anon says
It’s a beautiful song, but I kind of feel bad for her non-Evangaline daughter. Hope she gets a special song someday too.
Anonymous says
Omg this is your take away? Reflect on why it’s so satisfying to cut down and critique women
Anonymous says
I’m so beyond tired of the attitude that women should never ever be criticized by another woman for any reason. Reflect on why you’re so threatened by the opinions of people who disagree with you.
Anonymous says
Thanks for ruining my nice thing
Anonymous says
Pot meet kettle much? And I didn’t think that was a harsh critique at all.
Anon says
I love this song SO much. It’s so beautiful and so true and so poignant.
I’ve also been sobbing to Ben Rector’s Extraordinary Magic lately. I don’t think it’s necessarily meant for kids but it reminds me of my toddler and is such a sweet song.
Anon says
Wow, I loved that so much.
Adoption gift? says
Any ideas what to gift someone who is adopting a child? I’d like to get my friend something to acknowledge this big occasion but I have no idea what might be appropriate. I want to say the adoptee is 4ish.
SC says
Is the gift an adult gift for your friend or a gift for the adopted child? What is your budget?
Adoption gift? says
I’m not sure whether it should be for the friend or the kid – I just want to acknowledge the occasion like I would with a baby gift. I’m flexible on budget.
SC says
My son is 4, and his favorite toy is his train set. If it’s in your budget, you could buy some wooden tracks and train cars. I also love books, and you could write a message on the inside cover.
If you decide to buy clothes, I love having play clothes–just seasonally appropriate shorts/pants and tshirts from Target.
If there’s anything in particular they like to do as a family, you could buy something related to that hobby. Or buy them a family membership to the local zoo/children’s museum/etc., if they don’t already have that.
Anonanonanon says
I knew someone that adopted a family member around that age and her friends threw her a shower with a registry and everything, it was really cute and special.
She registered for kid-friendly plates/dinnerware, special bedding for his room, etc. Just like you would for a baby.
Magnatiles are a great gift for that age assing they are neurotypical and won’t eat the magnets. Is she decorating the room before the child arrives or letting the child pick out what they want? Either way, ask where she thinks they’ll shop and get a gift card for that maybe?
Will this be their first child?
Anonanonanon says
If it’s their first child and they have a bit of a sense of humour, I’d probably do a little gift basket with gift cards with notes and some small items. For example, a gift card for pizza delivery with a note along the lines of “because dinner isn’t always a hit”, or some colorful/character-themed bandaids with a note like “for when a regular bandaid just wont do”, a $5 amazon gift card with a note like “it’s raining and you’re trapped inside, time to rent a movie!”, some children’s tylenol/advil/dramamine etc with a cute note about sick days, etc. If you know the child’s size, maybe something useful that they may not have already purchased, like Native shoes they can wear to the pool/to play outside?
rosie says
I really like the idea of a gift basket with assorted items for the child (practical stuff like the medicine and cute bandaids, plus a toy and book) and then a gift card for food delivery or Amazon/Target.
IHeartBacon says
I love this so much it actually made me tear up! What a sweet, thoughtful, and funny way to celebrate the adoption of an older child. If I were the recipient, I would LOVE this.
Anonanonanon says
I saw below that you aren’t sure about sizing. Would definitely include a Zappos gift card with a cute note. It never ceases to amaze me how children seem to suddenly grow out of their shoes overnight!
AnotherAnon says
I think a card congratulating the parents plus any gift a 4 y/o would like is appropriate. Mine was 18 months when we adopted, and we received a few books as gifts. I appreciated cards, words and texts congratulating us on the milestone the most.
AnotherAnon says
Sorry – I assumed they had been fostering the 4 y/o prior to adoption. If not, clothes or an amazon prime gift card are always good gifts.
Adoption gift? says
I should add that it’s not their first child and the child wasn’t living with them prior to the adoption. I like the idea of clothes but I honestly am clueless on sizing and I have no idea what he might need.
AK says
Target / Local kids clothing store gift card so kiddo can pick out his favorite could be a hit.
I would also include a bottle of wine/champagne for the parents (and a sweet card), but that’s me!
anon says
What about a name plaque for the door of his bedroom? Something that says he’s permanent. :)
anon says
Just a complaint. I failed the 1-hr glucose, so took the 3-hr a month ago. And passed it. Phew. …Only to be told yesterday that there was a “lab error” and, in fact, I did not pass. So I’ve had untreated diabetes this entire time. What. Even.
And now I get to feel bad about how I cut loose and had all sorts of carbs and simple sugars in the past month thinking I was fine (I am high-risk for GD, so was generally watching the carbs before thinking I was in the clear).
Just. Argh.
Anon says
I have no advice, but that’s awful!! So sorry that happened to you.
Irish Midori says
It took them a month to detect the lab error!? Argh is right! That’s just awful on their part. So sorry. It’s frustrating when you do your best to be responsible and get good medical care and all that, and then it kinda drops a step.
Anon says
Just a psa. If you’re thinking of replacing your Bob with a Thule, they are on major sale as part of the Nordstrom anniversary sale. We bought a double for our twins during Black Friday and this is an even better price
ElisaR says
that Nordstrom sale just hit my credit card hard in general….. i didn’t even look at strollers!
Anonymous says
Ooh thanks for the psa. For those of you who are knowledgeable about kid-gear in the Nordstrom Sale, what is the likelihood that this and the Nuna Rava carseat sell out before the sale hits the general public? I am somewhat tempted to open a Nordstrom card, but I generally don’t shop there enough that I would usually consider it.
ElisaR says
i doubt it will sell out…. I think in general people go there for the clothes and shoes and stuff like kidgear gets a little overlooked even though it may be a great deal!
AnonLaywer says
Any advice on bassinets/sleepers for the early months when baby is in your bedroom? The Graco pack ‘n play with bassinet insert is on sale at Target for $70. I’m considering buying for that purpose (my friend has offered me her used one, but I also want one for our downstairs area to set the baby in). My friend has also offered me her Arms Reach Co-Sleeper, but it’s quite old so I’d want to replace the mattress. Not sure what the best option for bedside sleeping would be, though.
Anon says
We loved the Chicco Lullago; I was sad when my LO outgrew it.
Pogo says
+1 we loved it
Lana Del Raygun says
I love my pack n play with bassinet insert! I don’t think the Arm’s reach is a safe sleep surface so I’d pass on that, but the PnP fit nicely against our bed (low enough that she felt right next to use, but the sides are high enough that I never worried about our blankets falling in).
shortperson says
figure out the travel crib you will want and use that. we love our guava lotus and used the bassinet for the newborn.
Anonanonanon says
Second this. We used the guava lotus bassinet and now use it as our travel crib.
Anonymous says
I loved the Halo swivel bassinet. It was soooo convenient for those early days. I was also sad when my super long baby outgrew it.
Emily S. says
We used the PNP with our first and Halo Bassinest with our second, and I would recommend the Bassinest. I had a c-section both times, and the twisting to get up and out of bed to walk to the PNP to nurse every hour was excruciating. Sitting up and roatating the bassinets was much gentler on my body. (Tip: If you are balking at the price, check for consignment or open box specials to save some cash. I bought mine as a warehouse deal on Amazon, and saved about $90.)
Anonymous says
I am the Anon above who recommended the Halo. Also want to mention that you totally should get the cheapest swiveling version (Essentia I think), I do not think the vibration and sounds justify the price hike for the more expensive version. You also do not need the newborn insert (this is a bassinet… it is for newborns on its own).
On my local mom’s group listserve there are constantly Halo’s for sale in the $75-$125 price range and they usually include sheets.
Babymoon? says
Babymoon ideas? We’re looking to go someplace for 5-6 days this October. Coming from San Diego but willing to travel. We are totally open to location – would love to head somewhere luxurious and warm. We’ve done Hawaii quite a bit so we’d like to go someplace new.
Anon says
I’m not sure about its Zika status but Bora Bora is the ultimate in luxurious tropical vacations. It’s really not a bad flight from SoCal (only a couple hours longer than Hawaii), so I think going for 5-6 days would be totally doable.
Anon says
I second the suggestion to go to Bora Bora! The travel time is reasonable from SoCal and it’s super baby-unfriendly, so you likely won’t go for a long time. We went for our honeymoon four years ago and still talk about how amazing it was.
shortperson says
my 5 yo wants light up shoes for this school year. i want to avoid shoes that are hideous. any suggestions?
Anonymous says
Buy him which ever shoes he wants that are within your budget and comfortable. He’s a 5 year old boy he belongs in hideous light up shoes.
shortperson says
i dont know why youre assuming that he’s a boy and specify that boys belong in hideous shoes. i’m also not sure why you think that’s a helpful response.
Lana Del Raygun says
I also don’t know why she assumed your kid is a boy, but I think it’s solidly fine for kids’ clothing to be at least a little hideous. They’re not hideous to the child, right? This seems like a good avenue for a child to start asserting his or her own personal taste.
Anon says
Yeah I think the “he belongs in hideous shoes” just meant “let him wear what he wants even if it’s hideous to you.” Same logic applies if your child is a girl (at least imo!)
shortperson says
i get that. thats why im looking for her rather than saying no. she will be super happy with any light up shoe as long as there is no — god forbid — green anywhere on it, which is why im trying to find something i like too. sounds like it does not exist. maybe i should start a company.
Anonymous says
I find all light up shoes hideous. My kids are girls and my oldest has sketchers lightbeams which aren’t so bad.
My middle has stride rite hot pink and green emoji print ones with flashing pink lights. They are the result of some inside joke: “no human would actually want these, right??” Well, my kid and grandma went shopping and that’s what came back. She loved them so much she slept in them. I wanted to kill my mother. The only way they could be more awful is if they made noise or had wheels.
Anonanonanon says
I don’t think this is a ridiculous request. If my child wanted lightup shoes I would definitely be searching for the least hideous-to-me pair, unless their heart was set on a very specific pair. Unfortunately, I have no suggestions, but I just wanted to say I sympathize.
AK says
There are some not-really-hideous pairs at Target in the boy’s section if you’re interested (one pair: “Toddler Boys’ Surprize by Stride Rite Gunner Light-Up Performance Athletic Shoes “). I did not check the girls section. I think I also found some at our local Kroger super store that were Carter’s brand light up.
Emily S. says
Maybe the shoe store is “out of stock?” My shoe store really was out of stock in DD size last time we went, which is how I avoided it. But I think ultimately we’ll own a pair. They may make you cringe, but it’s temporary, right? Little feet grow fast and they’ll have years to stuff their feet in boring black and brown stodgy shoes.
Sasha says
I got really cute Sketchers that light up on Amaz*n for my girls. They’re called the Twinkle Toes, they come in tons of styles and are pretty cheap.
FVNC says
+1. My daughter and my niece have had a couple pairs of the Twinkle Toes over the years (they’re 6 yr old now), and they’ve always been hits.
Irish Midori says
Yes, I see these all the time in Sketchers brand at chain stores like Rack Room and Shoe Carnival, both in boys and girls section. There are (I think) some not so ugly ones for girls. My 6yo is crazy for them, so I always cringe at the price/value proposition (the velcro never seems to last as well as other shoes in that price range). But yeah, it’s temporary. They’ll outgrow them soon enough anyway.
Anon says
My kids have a brand called Made 2 Play that aren’t too terrible looking. I went out of town one weekend and when I came back my husband had gotten light up shoes for all, lol.
ALC says
Just toured a daycare center that looks amazing, but… it’s more than my mortgage. We can swing it, but wow, sticker shock is real.
Anon says
I’m in a LCOL area, but it’s really only housing that’s cheap here, so my mortgage is $1300 and daycare is $1800/month. That said, I have no regrets about paying for an amazing daycare that we feel so good about. We had a worse childcare situation until recently (not for financial reasons – we were on the wait list for our current center) and I thought every single day about quitting my job. Now that my daughter is thriving in this center, I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I’m so much happier as a working mom. I would pay a lot more for this center. Good childcare is truly worth its weight in gold.
Sasha says
Wow, that’s interesting. Does your area have a class of high-paid professionals who spend far below their means on housing, for the childcare market to bear those types of rates? I’ve lived in both LCOL and HCOL areas, and monthly daycare for one child has never been more than 1/3 of our mortgage.
Anon says
To answer your direct question, it’s a university town, so yes there is a class of relatively well-paid professionals who generally spend below their means (but I would not say “far below” their means) on housing. The vast majority of families that aren’t affiliated with the university have a mom who doesn’t work – with housing and childcare costing what they cost, it’s much more affordable for a family to have one parent work and one parent raise the children, and since this is generally a conservative, traditional area, the default is mom stays home.
However, I have to say that having daycare be only 1/3rd of your mortgage seems low to me in any low cost of living area. I think LCOL areas are really only “low cost” when it comes to housing. I used to live in the Bay Area before I moved here. Our nice, new five bedroom house was $300k – it would easily be $3M+ in a place like SF. However, nothing else is anything close to 10x times cheaper here. At most, maybe things in SF are 1.5-2 times as much. A lot of things, groceries included, seem pretty comparable to me. And some things (cleaning services, etc) are actually more expensive here because there is more demand and more people willing to take those jobs in SF. So I think generally in a LCOL area you would expect a higher daycare:mortgage cost ratio, because housing costs are comparatively low.
Anonymous says
I live in a HCOL area and daycare is only slightly less than my rent. I do probably pay less in rent than many people in my situation, but I can’t imagine daycare only being 1/3 of rent or mortgage. Daycares around here are in the $2500/month range for an infant. For that to be 1/3 of a mortgage, you’d have to be paying $7500/month. I don’t know anyone who spends that much, although I do know people who spend in the $4500ish range.
Pogo says
HCOL and most people’s daycare is about 2/3 of their mortgage for one infant – care is more expensive near the city, but so is comparable housing. With more than one kid you’re definitely paying more in daycare than mortgage.
Em says
Same. Also LCOL area and our mortgage is $1500 (which is higher than a lot of our peers) and we were paying $1800 for infant care.
anon says
The sticker shock is real, but a good center is worth its weight in gold.
lsw says
Agreed. I complain about the cost of ours but I would pay $500 more to stay there if they suddenly raised the price. I have complete trust in them and my son loves it.
Lana Del Raygun says
What do you do when the government is violating the law? My friend’s CHIP application was rejected because they’re basing it on gross income when it should be based on MAGI. No one she can get on the phone will let her speak to a supervisor. How do you escalate something like this?
Anon says
Contact your state legislators and ask them to help.
Anon says
My 16 month old recently started daycare. It’s going great except she’s sleeping dramatically less. She went, pretty suddenly, from sleeping 12 hours at night with a 2-3 hour nap (so ~14-15 hours/day most days, which I know is a lot of sleep for a toddler) to taking a 1 hour nap at daycare and only sleeping ~11 hours/night for a total of ~12 hours/day. That’s a huge shift right? I wouldn’t worry about it so much except she definitely seems cranky and overtired in the evenings. The teachers say she is an angel at school, but as soon as we get home it’s just tears and tantrums left and right. We have tried a late afternoon nap (she naps from 12-1 at daycare and we have tried letting her come home and take a nap at 3:30 or 4) and varying degrees of earlier bedtimes. She fights both, although I think the sun setting so late (after 9 pm) is definitely a factor with bedtime and hopefully that will improve in the fall. We don’t wake her in the mornings and she wakes pretty consistently at the same time she always did (8 am). Any suggestions?
Anonanonanon says
My suggestion is blackout curtains and early bedtime. It stinks to lose that time with them during the week, but my 16 mo naps twice at our house on the weekends but only once at daycare. If she’s not in bed for the night by around 6:30, it’s chaos. It stinks to see her so briefly, but the extra time wouldn’t be quality time because she’d be melting down.
lsw says
How recent is recent? It took my son some time to adjust to how much more exhausted he was after a day of daycare. She might adjust on her own. We seriously did bedtime at 6:30 for a few weeks. Could you try an earlier bedtime and no nap for a few days and see how that works?
Anon says
She started about a month ago. We have tried no second nap and a bedtime as early as 6:30 – it doesn’t work. She doesn’t settle down and sleep until close to 9. We do have blackout curtains, but I think the late sunset is still messing her up. She has always been very much a “I sleep when it’s dark” kid, which was great when she was a newborn in February, not so much now.
lsw says
Gotcha. That is definitely a tough one. It’s not sleep-related, just “being away at daycare-related,” but I think that was around the age my son wanted to just be held all the time after daycare. I followed advice from moms in this group to load him up in the backpack carrier when I got home and was working on dinner, etc. It made a huge difference for that tough couple of months. It might help with the screaming and tantrums while you figure out the sleep stuff. I’m sorry I don’t have helpful advice for that part!
LW says
I’m 9 weeks pregnant after a 2 year battle of infertility treatments. I’ve studied, researched and stressed about everything to get pregnant now I’m clueless.
What are your book recommendations for first time moms and dads? I downloaded the What to Expect When You’re Expecting app and glanced at Expecting Better. Any other recommendations would be most helpful.
Lana Del Raygun says
I like the Mayo Clinic book! Other than that I’d maybe get a baby sleep book, but honestly I think just joining the Evidence-Based Safe Infant Sleep group on FB would be more helpful.
ElisaR says
congratulations!! I read a ton of stuff when I was pregnant bc that’s how I approach stuff. My favorite book (warning it’s super crunchy) was Ina May Gaskin’s guide to childbirth. The reason I liked it is that there were basically 30 birth stories of real women. They were short and I loved reading about all the different things/curveballs that you can get during delivery. The book focuses on drug free birth which was my goal but didn’t ultimately happen for me. But I still got a lot out of that book. If you’re totally turned off by the hippie-route then maybe not the best bet.
anon says
I read that book and liked it too, even though I knew long before I was pregnant I would be having an epidural (and whatever other pain management drugs they were willing to give me). The Birth Hour is a great podcast with a lot of different birth stories.
Anon says
Congrats!! I skimmed the Mayo Clinic pregnancy book and read Heading Home with your Newborn but otherwise didn’t do a whole lot of prep – you see the doctor frequently and can always call if you have any weird or concerning symptoms, I knew I wanted to be as dr*gged up as possible for the birth, so had no interest in learning breathing or pain management techniques, and I figured the nurses would teach us babycare essentials in the hospital (they did). It’s weird because I’m a planner in general. I think there was an element of being superstitious and not wanting to plan too much in case anything went wrong.
Anonymous says
Congrats! I liked Mayo Clinic book, Heading Home with Your Newborn, Expecting Better, and The Birth Partner. The Birth Partner and Heading Home with Your Newborn would both be good for an expecting dad too. I also find Pregnant Chicken funny/informative on inst*gram. I wish I had a book about what to expect postpartum too, but I’m not sure one exists. But for now you’re at the beginning of a long pregnancy journey. Soak up the pregnancy related stuff if that’s your jam (it was mine).
Anonymous says
Oh, I should add if you’re interested in Baby sleep advice, I really like Taking Cara Babies. I like how evidence-based she is while also being super practical.
rosie says
Congrats! Going from fertility treatments to “normal” OB care can be a little jarring. I started to read the Fourth Trimester post-partum and did not really have the time/attention span, so perhaps take a look at that. I found Expecting Better didn’t really speak to me as someone who had a history of infertility & loss. I liked Sleepeasy Solution for baby sleep, but read that after my baby was born…I found the time for that one, plus it’s relatively short and easy to read, as far as sleep books go IMO.
MNF says
The Happiest Baby on the Block – there’s a reason it’s so possible. I’m surprised no one else suggested it yet! I also love the birth hour podcast recommended above.
RR says
For actual baby, I loved Baby 411. It’s just practical advice. There’s also a fantastic book called Baby Bargains that goes through all the baby gear and rates it at different price points and gives advice on what you really need. I found it super useful for cutting through the chaos.
I also, 12 years ago, really found the Girlfriend’s Guide books fun. Not sure if they’ve aged well though…
With 3 IVF kids, I know it is so weird going from fertility to just a normal pregnancy and baby. Mine are 11 and 5 now, and it’s all just blissfully boring. Congratulations!!!