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My daughter is going through a leggings phase — no jeans, chinos, or sweats. As the temperature starts to dip, these fleece-lined leggings from Gap Kids will be perfect for her outdoor adventures.
They currently come in six colors/patterns (I hope Gap Kids will release more as we move later into fall) and are made from a soft knit and sherpa lining. These leggings also have an easy, pull-on elastic waist and skinny fit, so they’re perfect for under dresses and skirts. They seem so comfortable that I want an adult version for myself!
Gap Kids’ Cozy Fleece Leggings are on sale for $23 for solid colors and $19 for patterns. They are available in sizes XS (4/5) to XXL (14/16).
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Ifiknew says
We’re looking for a new house in Texas where we can reasonably swim 6 months of the year with a backyard pool (heated slightly some months). 95% of the homes were looking at have a pool and our kids are 4 and 2 and it’s more useful right now to have grass than have a pool but I’m having trouble finding homes without a pool. Some of the homes are on quiet cul de sacs but my husband refuses to let the 4 year old play in our front yard unsupervised (I disagree but as in all things parenting, the person being more safe should win).
We have a fenced backyard now and the kids run around and I can see them from my kitchen and I’m not sure if I’m overthinking how much of a PIA it would be to a) not have grass in backyard and b) never let them out in the backyard for many many years for pool safety without supervision. Any tips from others in this situation? At what age will grass in yard feel less necessary?
Anon says
I think statistically a pool is more dangerous than playing in the front yard of a cul de sac.
Can you fence off the pool to give backyard play space?
Anon says
So also in Texas. We just went through the same thing buying a house with 3 year old twins. At first i was firmly no pool, then when i thought about giving up our apartment building pool i became much more open to the idea of having a pool and either wanted a house with a pool or enough space to put one in later. I honestly don’t understand why some people even who have large enough backyards make the pool the entire backyard. One house we looked at had such an unnecessarily large pool with no green space. We ended up with a house with no pool but space for a swing set. I’m sure come next summer i will really really miss the pool, but i also do a lot of solo parenting and would not be comfortable swimming solo with two young kids. I could have gone either way. That being said, I’m with your DH on not allowing a 4 year old to play unsupervised in the front even though you are on a quiet street. I grew up on a cul de sac in a very safe neighborhood where the only cars on the street were people who lived there, but without parental supervision there definitely could’ve potentially been a few incidents of ball rolling into street, kid running to get ball etc
Anonymous says
Maybe I’m conservative, but I wouldn’t let my 4 year old play in the front yard unsupervised, even in a cul de sac. I definitely wouldn’t let them play unsupervised with a pool in the yard unless it had a locking fence that was too high to climb over. I don’t live in TX, but I would much rather a community pool than one I had to maintain any day of the week! Is that an option?
Anon says
+1, community pool walking distance from your place is the best of both worlds. My parents have an apartment near us with a community pool a block from their building and it’s wonderful. But I wouldn’t want a pool at my house even if someone offered to build me one for free. It’s expensive and time-consuming to maintain, and dangerous for little kids who aren’t strong swimmers.
Anonymous says
Same. We are in VA, and all the subdivisions built after around 1990 have well-maintained community pools that are funded through very reasonable HOA dues. We can walk to the pool and I never have to lift a finger to maintain it, pay for liability insurance, or worry about the safety of a backyard pool.
I grew up in SoCal with a backyard pool, and after watching my mom try to keep it clean and deal with filter breakdowns I never want a pool of my own. The availability of neighborhood pools seems to depend very much on local culture, though. If most of the homes OP is looking at have backyard pools, I’d assume neighborhood pools are not a thing in TX.
Anon says
Not the OP but a different person in Texas. Where we live a lot of people have pools and there are neighborhood pools but depending on where you are in the neighborhood it is not necessarily walking distance
anon says
I agree with all of this. I wouldn’t want a pool with tiny kids unless there was a fence around said pool. I also don’t think your DH is being unreasonable for not wanting your kid to play alone in the front yard, even in a cul-de-sac. It wouldn’t take much for a 4-year-old to wander into the street. A fenced backyard, I’d be OK with.
EDAnon says
I grew up in FL with a neighborhood pool within walking distance and it was the best ever. We had a swing set in the yard and super easy access to a pool. And when were old enough, we could walk ourselves to the pool and swim.
Anonymous says
Wait I’m confused. Do you want a pool or not?
OP says
I don’t want a pool but I can’t find houses without pool. Ideally we’d have pool and green space but that’s super hard.
Anonymous says
Oh gotcha sorry!
Anoon says
Friends bought a house with a backyard pool. Same as you, they had toddlers and decided to have the pool removed and the backyard restored to grass. I don’t know how much it cost, but they bought the house for the house/neighborhood and just got rid of the pool.
Anon says
We did this in Texas. Cost about $20k? And we’re in an expensive area? It’s much cheaper to take one out than put one in! (Pool took up whole yard and we had young kids – never regretted it for a moment)
Anonymous says
My sister had the same conundrum – the house they liked all had pools and she had a ~3 / 5 year old at the time. Ultimately they bought a house with a pool and 1 year in they were SOOO happy to have it. Yes. it means that the kids can’t play outside unsupervised and yes the 3 YO wore a lifejacket a lot the first summer, but net net in the end it was way better to have the pool for the long-term.
to me the real question is how long you plan to be in the house?
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think a pool will be nice when the kids are older, especially as you’re in a climate where you can use it for more of the year (here in New England, we can use a pool for about 3 months at best, so a lot fewer homes have them). When the kids are little, you’re going to have to supervise them a lot more in the backyard if there’s a pool, even if it’s gated off. For the cul de sac, for reference, we just started letting our 5 year old go around by himself on his scooter and bike, but we’re still outside within viewing range (just not hovering right behind him). I wouldn’t be comfortable with him playing by himself in the front if I wasn’t also outside. I see the neighborhood kids who are a few years older play by themselves, so maybe closer to 6/7.
anon says
If the yards aren’t set up to fence the pool separately, can you get a safety pool cover? This way the kids could play in the backyard unsupervised for chunks of the year (or anytime you were willing to cover the pool).
Anon says
I was team NO POOL EVER when my kids were your kids’ age also for safety reasons, but now, with a 7 and 9 year old – I would love one. It’s such a wonderful way to get the kids outside and playing, even after a long day at school or camp. I’m also in Virginia, and our climate isn’t as hot as Texas (yet), but we still struggle getting the kids outside when it’s sweltering in mid-July. If pools are really prevalent, you could look for a house with one of those mechanical pool covers that makes the pool inaccessible when not in use? Or add it after moving in? I think you can add one as long as the pool is rectangular.
Anonymous says
We are in this exact scenario: in Texas with a 4 year old and 6 month old twins. Our 13k sq foot lot has basically no grass in the back (plenty of tropical plants and trees though!): the trees just percent grass from receiving enough sunlight to take hold. I would advise you to buy a house with a pool, then fence around the pool or put a net over it (we have katch a kid, and I love it). I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you’re looking in my suburb. In our experience your options are to buy a newer home where they’ve clear cut the trees or an older one with trees but minimal grass. We decided on the latter. Do I wish my twins had space to sit in the grass? Sure, but I can easily take them to the park. The four year old plays on the deck and could care less about grass unless he’s looking for somewhere to pee. Welcome to the neighborhood!
OP says
haha I wish I had a 13k SF lot, then we could have plenty of space for pool and grass!! I can’t imagine we’re in the same neighborhood, those would cost upwards of $1.5mm :)
MomInFL says
We are in FL, so I feel your pain on pools being everywhere. One of our neighbors (safe neighborhood, pretty quiet street) actually put a white picket fence all the way around the front yard to create a safe space for their young children to play with parents watching from the window inside. It isn’t the most attractive thing ever, but it also isn’t unattractive. A fence can be a temporary solution that is way cheaper than removing a pool. That said, we are in an area that is allergic to HOAs, so there are no restrictions on what we can do to the exterior of our homes.
AwayEmily says
There are a couple of houses around here that have done that, too. Our kids LOVE to play in the front yard. We don’t let them do it unsupervised (they are 3 and 5), but it’s so great because we end up meeting lots of people in the neighborhood. We do let them play without us on our front porch, and I can often overhear them shouting to people passing by (eg “What kind of dog is that??”). So I think it’s awesome if you could figure out a way to actually use the front of your house.
OP says
These are great ideas, but I think the HOA would have a heart attack if I fenced the front yard. I think the kids could play in the front yard well but as everyone stated but I would need to supervise and it’s harder than throwing them in the backyard while I clean up the dishes after dinner. we would absolutely fence the pool, but it’s all hardscape out there, so it’s not like we could set up the bounce house or the kids play tball etc.
TheElms says
I would look for a pool with a mechanical cover or one that could have a mechanical cover installed and just factor that into the cost of the house. With a mechanical cover I would feel comfortable having even preschoolers play in the backyard unsupervised.
OP says
even if theres no grass? it’s all hardscapes out in the backyard, so I dont know if they are more likely to get hurt without grass.
Anonymous says
How long do you plan on live in this house? Would the house fit as your children grow up? Yes, supervising in the front yard is annoying (I did that) but my son is now 6 and needs very little supervision in the front yard.
Anon says
Our local Costcos have been out of the kids MyFLTR masks that my son really likes for a while. Any leads on good disposable masks for kids that I can order online? He’s 7 but has a larger face/head than most 7 yos.
lulu says
My 7 yo likes the Lutema masks. They are the only ones that survive a school day and he says they’re the most comfortable too. Lutema.com
AwayEmily says
We have the Tiger masks from BeHealthy, and my kid likes them a lot.
Anon says
We ordered a couple styles from Kollecte USA (Korean masks). My kids (6 & 4) say they are very comfortable and they easily last the school day. Some styles have adjustable ear straps.
Anon says
I know a lot of people here have kiddos who’ve struggled with constipation, so I just wanted to share that the Culturelle Kids Regularity packets (basically, probiotics plus fiber + kiwi extract) have been a g-dsend for my 3 year old daughter. She went 9 days without pooping and we were afraid we were going to have to do an enema, but one of these produced a poop within 24 hours, and now she gets one packet daily and has 1-2 soft poops a day. It’s truly amazing for a kiddo who has hard, relatively infrequent poops basically since she started solids. Miralax did nothing for her and almost seemed to have the opposite effect (she was on it for several weeks before we tried Culturelle) and our ped’s only advice was “keep upping the dose.” I also feel much more comfortable about using this long term, which is good because her issues long pre-dated potty training and don’t seem to be going away anytime soon.
anon says
I wish I’d known about this when my kid was struggling with constipation. Miralax was sometimes successful, but often not. Our ped wasn’t super helpful with this issue.
Anonymous says
How do you give it to your kid? We’ve been doing miralax in choice of liquid for awhile now, I’d love to move away from it (we tried weaning and it did not go well). Is it tasteless?
Anon says
Is it tasteless but it’s a thick white powder like cornstarch. We mix it into a little bit of apple juice to ensure it all gets consumed, but I think you could also mix it into water or a food like yogurt or applesauce or even Mac n cheese. Just need something for it to dissolve in.
Anonymous says
Burnout mom from yesterday here. Thank you all for the great advice. I went to bed early and woke up to learn that in a couple of weeks my husband will be gone on a day when I have no critical meetings, so I can take the day off to do whatever I want in an empty house. The kid got out the door for school with no drama. Then my boss called to tell me that instead of getting fired, I am getting a long-overdue promotion that I’d just about given up on. I am now slowly working through my e-mail and to-do list figuring out which balls to drop. I still have way too much work and way too much stress, but there’s a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
Anonymous says
Yesssssss!!! So happy for you!
Anonymous says
Aww thanks for posting an update. I hope it keeps getting better for you!
GCA says
So glad to hear this! I was you last year (though husband was more supportive) — juggling impossible projects with no means to succeed. and then this summer got a surprise promotion and raise that made me feel seen and valued. Hopefully the promotion comes with more decision-making power to triage and prioritize.
AwayEmily says
Yay so glad you posted this! Congrats on the promotion and hope things keep looking up.
ElisaR says
wonderful, thanks for sharing this update!
IHeartBacon says
Great news!! This gives me hope…
Spirograph says
What a great update!
I tried to post yesterday and I don’t know why it never showed up, but…. my boss also does the drop-everything thing and I’ve been really focusing on saying “I can do that by Friday. If you need it sooner, please tell me which of these you want me to drop.” Usually she says Friday is fine. I also block time on my calendar and tell all the people who might pester me, “I am head-down focusing on XYZ for the next 4 hours. I’m setting do not disturb and will check email and IMs at 2 and 4pm, call if anything is truly urgent.”
EDAnon says
I am so happy for you! And jealous. I never get the house alone.
Anonymous says
Any recommendations for a nursing friendly dress for size 14/16 with very large boobs for babies christening ? Does not need to be fancy at all but I would like it a step up from the very thin Amazon nursing dresses I have been using which you can see every lump. I have not been out of around the house clothes since a (pretty traumatic ) birth, and feel kind of a loss on where to look. I’m much bigger than I have been before and still look about 4 months pregnant so something mid section flattering / forgiving would be the best . Thanks in advance
Anon says
Would something like this work? https://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/eleanor-jersey-midi-dress-black-jungle-floral/sty-j0806-blc?cat=C1_S2_G4. That kind of silhouette seems pretty adjustable and I feel like a pattern helps with lumps and bumps. Solid colored jersey dresses, especially in light colors, are my worst enemy. I also feel like it helped to wear a jardigan-type topper with some outfits to make my stomach look less pregnant.
Anon says
I posted below about the Lavinia dress. I have ordered the Eleanor one before and returned it because it is a mock wrap, not a true wrap. Would definitely recommend Lavinia over Eleanor.
Anon says
I would go for the Boden Lavinia wrap dress. I wear their 20/22 size which seems to run true to size and am super busty and lumpy all over. With a low cut bra I can wear it without pinning or tape; if I want to wear one of my other bras I just use a bit of double-sided fashion tape to close it higher. The jersey is a lovely weight, floats smoothly over my lumpy bits and it is a true wrap so it would be easy to nurse in. I bought two in the spring to ease into back to work and just bought two more this fall because I love the dress so much.
Allie says
So I HATE spanx but just gave in and wore spanx bike shorts for occasions like this in my first year-ish postpartum. Much easier than everyone commenting on my midsection.
Coach Laura says
I cannot believe that people comment on your midsection, even after delivery when everyone has a midsection problem. I’ve never commented on anyone’s body like that. I did wear spanx a lot because I felt better when cinched up and the jiggle was minimized but I did it for myself. (I’m also critical of myself in photos – trying to be better at that but it happened.)
Anonymous says
I really like the Latched Mama nursing dresses. And they have pockets *swoon*.
Anon says
Have you tried JojoMamanBebe? They have some lovely nursing dresses.
Curious says
I like the Seraphine dresses I got secondhand on Poshmark for this!
2 Cents says
I did lands end dresses that had criss cross across the boob thing and an empire waist when I was nursing. Anyone who comments on your midsection can suffer the evil eye!
anon says
Moms with older kids, do you have any recommendations for good resources for figuring out screen time limits and rules for older kids? (Say, upper elementary through middle school?) Where I’ve landed is that DS needs to learn how to navigate this stuff with a lot of parental guidance and supervision, yet I still feel like it’s hard to control because there are so many stupid screens and platforms to monitor. Even when we don’t allow certain platforms, it seems that many of his peers have full access to gaming and social media at a really young age. For example, he’s fully aware of everything happening on TikTok even though he doesn’t have access to that platform, because many of his peers do. I feel like we’ve lost control of how he might be influenced by media. We’re having a lot of conversations about it, but I resent how much of my parenting bandwidth it takes to teach this stuff! Like he definitely watches too much TV but that’s almost the least of my concerns?
The newer research coming out about how kids’ brains are not equipped to handle this responsibility kind of scares me. DS is not on social media yet but does have access to Messenger Kids to talk with close friends and family members, all of whom have been approved and added by us. We’ve been looking more carefully at his messages lately and have seen that his online etiquette is not great. Nothing nefarious, but he’s pretty demanding for immediate responses from people, which I want to nip in the bud. I regret giving him access to Messenger in the first place but lost that battle to DH. Kid knows that we have the power to check his messages and we will. Before anyone yells at me for violating my kid’s privacy, I see this as being akin to training wheels on a bike. He doesn’t get unfettered access yet. Kid has access to YouTube; our rule is that he has to use it in a common area and not in private. So far, he mostly watches dumb videos from Preston Stylez and a variety of other videos related to his interests (science and music). But I’m not naive that he could run into other things in the process.
HELP. This turned into kind of a rant but truly, I would like some good resources for helping me make good decisions about what to allow and when.
avocado says
I have a 14-year-old. I wanted to hold off on a cell phone until she was 12, but we ended up getting her one at age 11 (midway through sixth grade) partly because they were using them for instructional purposes in school and partly because we wanted her to be able to text us from anywhere. The expectation around here seems to be that all kids will have cell phones by sixth grade. I remember dropping her off for a placement test at school the summer before sixth grade and the guidance counselor’s being annoyed that she didn’t have a cell phone and would have to call me from the landline in the school office to pick her up when she was done.
We started with iMessage on her iPad when she was about 10, which she had to earn by doing something or other (I forget exactly what) to demonstrate maturity and responsibility. I read the messages regularly, and she was only allowed to message with people I approved.
When we got her the cell phone, we executed a “family technology agreement” specifying her responsibilities and ours. Her responsibilities included keeping the phone charged and with her when not at home and not with a parent, carrying it in a safe place (not a pocket), responding to texts and calls from parents promptly, etc. She is only allowed to communicate on line with adults from our family and peers she knows in real life. The two exceptions are teachers, whom she can only contact through the school’s e-learning system, and e-mail lists for extracurriculars that I am cc’d on. If she needs to tell a coach or activity leader that she will be late etc., either she calls the front desk at the sports facility or I text the adult directly. The phone is set up for me to approve all app installs. I know the passcode and can read anything on the phone at any time. I used to do this much more often.
We have progressively loosened our restrictions and eased up on monitoring. We weren’t going to give allow her any social media ever (we didn’t use it either until recently), but when lockdown hit last spring we allowed her to sign up for Instagram. It turned out that other kids weren’t using it nearly as much as she thought they were, and she hadn’t been left out at all. She ended up deleting the app. She is not allowed to have the TikTok app because we have privacy and security concerns, but she watches TikTok videos on YouTube. We recently allowed her to start playing certain multiplayer games, but only with people she knows in real life. I still occasionally look at her phone to verify that nothing is going wrong. We have regular conversations about the risks of oversharing, people’s forwarding or reposting messages, sharing photos, etc. We also frequently remind her that responsible use of technology is one way she will demonstrate to us that she is mature enough to get her learner’s permit when the time comes (she really, really wants to drive). She seems to be handling the responsibility well.
From time to time, she gets too wrapped up in her devices and turns into a grumpy mess. When this happens, we make her go screen-free for most of the day until she has completed real-life activities and chores and give the devices back in the evening. We have also occasionally taken her devices away for several days as a consequence for repeated incidents of poor behavior or irresponsibility. Limiting screen time and device usage is challenging, though, because it really is an essential part of teens’ social lives and much of her schoolwork requires unfettered access to the internet and certain apps.
avocado says
Oh, and as for specific resources, I like Common Sense Media for app reviews.
anon says
This is helpful; thanks. I love the idea of a technology contract.
Anonymous says
I have a 9 year old and the pandemic has just BROKEN us in this regard. All he wants to do is play video games and watch You Tube (at the same time). Interestingly, he’s not really interested in Messenger or social apps, although he does do some multiplayer games (Minecraft, Roblox). I have no advice, just commiseration. We will most likely get him a cell phone by the time he starts 6th grade, as at that point he will be taking NYC public transit to get to school and could be going a ways. But we haven’t given it a lot of serious thought yet.
Anon says
I think it is great you are monitoring messages and time online to the best of your ability; trust is something that is earned, and the risks are so big in this realm that you are smart to guide him as he learns.
I am not there with my kids yet so maybe this is wishful thinking, but from talking to older parents and reflecting on their advice, we plan to have a family rule of “no tech in the bedrooms”. Definitely no phones; maybe a little computer leeway if homework calls for it (although I always did my homework in common areas of my house). There is absolutely no reason young teens need complete privacy on devices, and the temptations are many.
Also, we are hoping to hold off on cell phones as long as possible – high school? – but possibly will allow a non-smart/fancy phone earlier if contact is a big issue. Look into the Gabb phone
Anon says
We are probably on the stricter side of screentime limits with our nine year old- she gets 30-45 mins a day, no social media, no Minecraft or Roblox or anything where she might use the internet to connect with other people. She mostly played games on her Switch or plays Toca World. Sometimes she watches YouTube videos or plays random internet games, but we’re always careful to screen for content and discuss when we feel it is unkind or disrespectful or demeaning. It probably borders on paranoia on our end, and I do think she does feel like she is missing out compared to her peers. Truthfully. I’m not at all sure what is “appropriate” or “recommended”… I just feel like we are so overwhelmed by the dangers of the limitless vastness of the internet. I’m pretty we are going to have to figure out a strategy when she gets to middle school…
But along the lines of a media contract, I’ve found a couple really useful columns written by Meghan Leahy in the Washington Post where she talks about the importance of sitting down together with your kids to come up with guidelines- that way both sides can articulate their wants and concerns in a focussed session rather than piecemeal here and there as issues come up. I feel like this communal plan has helped us a lot when we’ve had screentime struggles with our kid.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/on-parenting/teen-screen-limits/2021/08/10/6f457cda-f5e8-11eb-9068-bf463c8c74de_story.html
Also- the washington post is doing a series of articles on tech and how to protect your privacy that I’ve found helpful. They’ve also started one of their weekly live chats about it. Might be a good way to ask for resources…
I feel like I’m just as nervous about all this as your are.
Anonymous says
This is going to sound dumb, but what does your daughter do all day? I’m the person who posted above about my 9 year old son. He’s changed so much during the pandemic, partly just because he’s getting older, and I’m really struggling with figuring out what he can do other than play video games. It does not help that we’ve been in some version of COVID isolation for much of the last month due to infections and then this week a positive case in his class. (He doesn’t actually need to isolate per the CDC since he had COVID so recently but the class went remote). We live in NYC and have no yard, and I can’t send him outside alone. His friendships have been narrowed down greatly due to the pandemic, he no longer likes the park or legos or kiwi crate or anything he used to do that I can remember, and I seriously just don’t know what to do with him anymore. He’s a sweet kid, doing fine in school, generally responsible, no behavior issues but is overweight. I’m just so exhausted with all of this pandemic parenting.
Anon 1:56 says
Honestly yeah, we’ve really struggled with the pandemic too. Distance learning was abysmal, and I’m so glad she is in in person school now. I feel like my kid is the kind of kid who can either go cold turkey or binge, which is why we are pretty restrictive – we know if we tell her no she will figure out something else to do whereas if we let her have screens early in the day, it will be tough to get her to do other things. From what I can tell, she plays with her Barbies (including experiments in the bathroom with food coloring and scissors), reads, and she can spend hours lying in bed listening to audiobooks (on CD borrowed from the library) or musicals. We do go to the park, but that’s mostly because she has two younger siblings. I think she herself is getting bored of the park. She’s pretty inactive when left on her own. I guess after school and homework and chores she doesn’t have a whole lot of free time during the week, and then weekends we have activities and outings scheduled. Are there activities your son could sign up for? (I know… another weight on the mental load… and such a fraught issue these days)
octagon says
My kid is younger and we are not there yet, but check out the FB group Parenting in a Tech World. There are some really thoughtful discussions about ways to monitor kids’ media habits and talk to them about it. (and also has made me aware of some truly alarming things, such as how easy it is to find very bad content on YouTube).
Cornellian says
cross-posted from main site, realized after I posted this place made more sense, probably.
Holy crap. My XH had a car issue yesterday, and when I said I couldn’t do his (one weekly) pickup from daycare because I had a board meeting, he found friends to pick our preschooler up and drop them at XH’s apartment, and mentioned probably getting an Uber to mine. Cool.
When preschooler was not back at 7:30, I contacted XH. He said they were “walking” on a street that doesn’t actually exist. He insisted that’s where he was and that he was west of I-35 (a 12-18 lane highway). I told him to stay still I would come find them and to drop me a pin. He eventually said he was on a different street (a four-lane one with no sidewalk and a 45MPH limit), and then finally sent a pin. He was on a THIRD street, still a mile and a half from my house, with our preschooler on the side of the road in the dark. I know the crossing well because I used to bike there, and it’s sketchy as a grown adult in the daytime on a bike. there’s no sidewalk and no lights, and cars are merging on and off the highway. My fiance and I immediately drove there, and we also sent my friend who lives near by, and we found him. Kid was fine, if exhausted. I didn’t even say anything to XH because I didn’t want to speak out of anger or scare the kid.
I can’t tell if I’m being the crazy person, but who the f leaves (90 minutes later than they would need to) at dusk to walk a preschooler 3.something miles home across an interstate in the pitch black?! Do I need to limit his custody? He already just has 3-5 hour chunks, no overnights or weekends. Do I need to insist he get evaluated for something? I can’t think straight.
Omg says
I mean, if this wasn’t your XH but was a babysitter, this person would NEVER EVER watch your child again, right?
This isn’t a “we parent differently” issue – this is a safety issue. Do whatever you need to do to keep your child safe.
Anon says
Yeah but unfortunately you can fire a babysitter much more easily than you can fire a co-parent. It’s a pretty high bar to fully lose custody in most states and I doubt this would do it.
Cornellian says
Omg is right about baby sitters. I don’t really want to take away his custody, I want him to stop being an idiot. But under our order I think I could probably limit more if I wanted to.
Anonymous says
Why on earth didn’t he just ask you to pick kid up at his apartment after your meeting?
Anonymous says
Right? Or at least take an Uber like he said he would?
Anon. says
I have no idea what the best next step for you is, but you are 100% not crazy to be out of your mind upset. This is beyond the pale.
Anonymous says
Communicate via email in case you need to document this in the future for custody purposes. Additionally, email yourself a recollection of exactly what happened in case you need a time stamped record for the future. Abilty to document the contemporaneous nature of the account is helpful.
Possible text:
“I am extremely concerned that you tried to walk home with Child across an interstate in the dark. This is a serious safety risk and must never happen again. We have a good custody situation and I do not wish to make changes but I need to feel confident that Child is safe when she is with you. Please reply to let me know that you recognize the seriousness of the situation and confirm that it will not happen again. I suggest we come to a written agreement via exchange of emails on how to handle these kinds of situations in the future so we know we are both on the same page.”
Cornellian says
Should have come back to check comments before I sent my less eloquent email. He’s pretty avoidant so I have to expect not to hear back. I need to figure out what next steps are.
Anonymous says
I think it’s perfectly reasonable to restrict his custody around pick up/drop offs if he does not reply to confirm that he understands the issues and will not do it again.
Also agree with below comments that even if this was a safe route, the length is too long unless it was arranged as a planned walk with lots of snacks and rest breaks.
Anonymous says
Regardless of where they are walking, 3+ miles at dinnertime is nuts for a preschooler. My 9 year old would be a basket case.
Cornellian says
yeah. and if walking 3+ miles home was the plan, then he needed to have lights and set off literally ninety or a hundred minutes earlier.
AwayEmily says
Do you think pregnancy qualifies a person for a booster? It seems a big murky…the official wording is that people 18 to 49 with underlying conditions receive a booster “based on individual benefit and risk.” I mean, my immune system is definitely compromised. I guess the right answer is to ask my OB.
Anon says
Educator does and you are one, right?
AwayEmily says
Oh wow I hadn’t even thought of that (you’d think I’d remember given that I’m in a small windowless room with 25 college students twice a week). Thanks!
Anon says
Yes. Pregnancy was considered high-risk for the initial round of shots, no reason to treat it different for the booster. I’m not pregnant but hoping to be in early 2022, and will absolutely get a booster once I’m out of my first trimester if I haven’t become eligible before getting pregnant.
TheElms says
I was at my OB today, and while he said they are hoping for more definitive guidance in the next couple weeks, he expects to be able to offer boosters to pregnant patients 6 months after they were fully vaccinated (if they had Pfizer). He wasn’t sure what would with happen with Moderna/J&J.
Maternity Clothes says
What are maternity clothes must-haves / what’s the minimum amount I can get away with? I’ve just been wearing stretchy leggings/joggers since I WFH, but even those are starting to get uncomfortable. I had already put on some COVID weight before getting pregnant and am short and bottom-heavy in general, so generally just do not feel cute right now and don’t want to buy a lot of clothes if I can avoid it.
Cornellian says
I don’t know if you plan on pumping/nursing, but the Seraphine maternity dresses that are sort of a line/swingy served me well during pregnancy and nursing, and I still wear the one I kept, even though my kid is in preschool. They’d be good for bottom-heavy folks, I think.
Curious says
+1. Got a bunch of them on Poshmark and am still loving them postpartum. Also really love the pair of dark wash jeans a friend lent me from Envie de Fraise… The ones without a zip fly. I hate the zip fly. Between Seraphine dresses with loose leggings (I just sized up) and a few maternity tops with those jeans, I was pretty set. Oh, and I bought maternity shorts from Old Navy secondhand as well, and three nursing bras from Kindred Bravely.
AwayEmily says
I’m in the midst of the same process (20 weeks and nothing fits any more). based on what I used in my past pregnancies, I’m planning on making sure I have a two pairs of basic cotton maternity leggings (to wear under dresses/tunics), a pair of “workout” maternity leggings (not actually planning on working out, but they tend to offer more coverage than the cotton ones), a pair of joggers, and a pair of maternity jeans. Then on top, some basic maternity t-shirts (they sell multipacks at target), cardigans that I already have, and a maternity sweatshirt and/or tunic. That’s about all I wear when not at work (I have a bunch of “work” maternity clothes too but it sounds like you can get away without those, which is great). I don’t think you need a ton but I think it’s helpful to have a few things you feel comfortable and yourself in — and I feel MUCH cuter in clothes that are specifically maternity clothes, as opposed to just wearing giant t-shirts or whatever.
TheElms says
The answer to this question sort of depends on how you carry, and what your pre-pregnancy dress style is. If you current leggings are getting tight, I think you’re going to need maternity leggings. Assuming you do laundry once a week and might wear bottoms two days before washing them (since you are just sitting at home) I’d say you need two pairs of maternity leggings, and 1-2 other maternity pants (joggers, jeans, black dressier pants). I was able to wear my looser tops until about 26 weeks and then I needed maternity tops. Probably 7 tops so you have a clean one everyday. Right at the end I also preferred to wear a dress because it was not constricting anywhere and even leggings were uncomfortable for me in the last couple weeks. So I’d recommend a couple dresses as well.
Anonymous says
You will feel a lot better in clothes that are designed to fit your changing body. Once you get some comfy maternity pants (or dresses, which sound like they’d suit your body type) you will wonder why you waited so long. I only had about a week’s worth of maternity clothes. I tend to run hot and sweat a lot even when not pregnant, so I had to wash everything after one wear. Don’t neglect the underwear and br@s either. Those make a huge difference in your comfort level.
Anon says
Latched Mama has some great dresses/rompers/tops that are maternity and nursing friendly. I lived in those further along in my pregnancy and now I’m postpartum. I had a couple pieces I’d rotate and pair with other items to change up the look, definitely didn’t need a ton of items with WFH.
AttiredAttorney says
I feel like I’m searching for a unicorn…where can I find plus-size black maternity tights? Not pantyhose, not footless leggings, but regular thick black tights with a foot. I was a solid size 16 pre-pregnancy, and have gained a good bit of weight, so I’m probably a pregnancy 18 or 2X now or an E or F on a hosiery size chart. Any leads???
Anonymous says
No leads, but maybe the answer is to wait a few weeks until more fall merchandise is available? I’ve noticed that in non-maternity and kids’ sizes fall styles seem to be coming out very late this year.
TheElms says
I would try the Spanx size D ones. I wore the size B maternity tights through the end of my pregnancy comfortably at 205-210 lbs and they were only rated to 150lbs. The size D is rated to 220lbs so assuming its similarly generous as the size B that might work for you.
Anonymous says
+1 I searched around Amazon for Spanx tights in size E.
Anonymous says
Not plus size but the best maternity tights I bought were H&M. I don’t know if they come in plus size. (but they were way better than the expensive ones I a bought)
RR says
Spanx (you can get F/G maternity tights at Lane Bryant sometimes) or check out Snag Tights. They don’t have a specific maternity line, but the size range is amazing, and their tights are amazing.
Anon says
In case you are still watching this thread: Walmart online has maternity tights that should work. Also, preggers by therafirm had a plus size line with different compression levels but they are pricey and hard to find. Buy buy baby has opaque motherhood maternity tights in plus size as well.
Cb says
Ugh, gastro has been going around nursery and we got a 445 call that kiddo had been sick. So much for weekend plans. Is this a 48 hour thing normally? We’ve made it until 4 without a stomach bug so a new ballgame for us.
Anonymous says
Usually 24 – 48 hours of digestive symptoms, sometimes followed by a few days of lethargy and finicky appetite. If you can get him a prescription for Zofran to get through the first day or two, it’s a game-changer.
Lay in a supply of electrolyte drinks, ginger ale, applesauce, bread for toast, crackers, etc. in case you catch it too. The pediatrician once told us to eat lots of yogurt to help avoid catching it. Our success rate with that has been about 50%, but it’s worth a try.
Anon says
Lots of times kids can continue to spread the bug via saliva or p oo p for days or weeks after recovery from symptoms, FYI. We have caught bugs so many times over holidays from cousins who have “just gotten over” a GI bug and are dipping into communal appetizer bowls, etc (makes me mad…stay home!)
Cornellian says
Oof. In my experience the kid will get over it very quickly, but they will give it to you and you will be knocked on your a** forever. I’d order in supplies assuming you’ll get it, and see if you can get a zofran script for kid (and have a telehealth provider lined up for if you need one!)
EDAnon says
Yes and hopefully you and any co-parent stagger a little. Once I got it, and my H didn’t get it for like 24 hours and it made it all way easier (because I was done being totally down when he went down). We were both pretty sick at the same time though, which sucked.
Anon says
My daughter had a vomiting bug as a baby – she threw up violently about 15 or 20 times in the space of 2 hours (poor thing) and then was fine. DH and I miraculously didn’t get it that time but in general I agree if norovirus is in your house it’s very hard to avoid. Can’t wait til they make a vaccine for that one.
Also not to be alarmist but Covid can present with gastro symptoms in kids so probably worth getting a test.
Anon says
I am 11 weeks pregnant with my second kid and feeling pretty down on my body. I am pretty visibly pregnant already but not ready to share that news with most people, so just feeling awkward and wearing loose clothes to try and conceal it. With my first pregnancy, I was active and exercising and felt really strong and cute but don’t have as much time for that now. Is this common? Any suggestions?
Anonymous says
At 11 weeks I was spending most of my non-work time either lying in bed trying to remain absolutely motionless or hunched over the toilet. I felt like garbage for the entire 40 weeks. Thanks to hyperemesis I was skinny with a cute basketball bump, but I still cried with envy the time I saw an adorable pregnant woman with adorable fancy maternity clothes eating an ice cream cone and smiling, while I was sitting on a bench trying not to pass out or vomit. I was angry that I couldn’t fulfill my fantasy of being a perfect, healthy, joyful, active pregnant mom who did prenatal yoga and went for runs.
Pregnancy is hard and gross and it’s okay if you don’t feel strong and cute. You just have to survive. The good news is that 11 weeks is just about the worst of it. It should get better from here.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, been there. Because my second (and third) pregnancies weren’t as “OMG this is so incredible and exciting” there was more room for the crappy self-critical thoughts to sneak in. My suggestions are: (1) even if you are not ready to share with the world, wear maternity clothes at home that show off your little bump. For me it is a huge mental boost to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and be like OH WOW there is a little BABY in there and that’s why I feel so awful, and (2) don’t weigh yourself. I spent way too much time during my first pregnancy worrying about how much weight I was gaining and the third time around I decided to just ignore it and if the doctor tells me there’s a problem, I’ll deal with it then (and honestly quite possibly not even then because I kind of trust my body at this point). Finally, YMMV on this but I did a low-key fitness challenge for myself (10k steps a day for the first 100 days-ish of pregnancy) and it really helped my mental state in terms of making me feel like I was taking care of myself. Maybe there’s an equivalent for you given whatever you are into — five minutes of stretching a day? Twenty pushups a day? But it helped me more than I expected.
Anon says
Order yourself some transition clothing. You show earlier with #2 but also won’t be as excited to wear maternity clothing. Having something that you feel cute in helps.
Also, I was really happy to have clothing for going back to work after maternity leave that was larger than my pre-pregnancy size. It’s hard to shop with a toddler and infant. Get some sized up basics for your closet now. I found floaty dresses and tops to work really well, just add a sweater, blazer or jackets as a topper. Many of these items lasted me until 3rd tri.
Anon says
20ish weeks with my second pregnancy. I was SOoooOooO tired that I was tested early for anemia. Nope. I started doing kettlebell workouts at lunch 3x a week (still WFH) and that has helped so much the past two weeks. I am sleeping better and feeling energetic. I also make sure to eat a large bowl of Greek yogurt at lunch for the equivalent post workout pick me up that a protein shake used to offer. I wish I had started working out – not just walking – at week 14 or so. But the tiredness is real and the demands of first kid don’t stop. Not sure how people do this for 3+ kids. I’m done after this one!!!!!
Anonymous says
9 – 11 weeks was the worst. I specifically recall looking at my bump app and it said something like “take it easy this week – this is when you should call in those favours at work or take time off”. I was in the middle of a HUGE deal. I hurled my phone across my office in rage and quite literally lay on the floor under my desk for an embarrassingly long time. I wasn’t showing (because I hadn’t been eating much for 2 months) but I was just SOOOO lethargic and gross. it did get better.
GOOD LUCK.
Anon says
Thanks everyone – really cheered me to read your comments, and going to order some clothes this weekend