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This is not designed as a nursing poncho — it’s a “yoga convertible fleece pullover” — but it has sleeves and looks like you could wear it as a regular sweater. I think it would be a great piece for nursing because it’s chic, flattering, cozy, and machine washable. It’s even got sort of a sexy thing going on with the way it hangs off the shoulders (although it looks like the strappy component will help it not fall off of them). It seems like this would be very functional as a nursing poncho, so if you’re looking for something for holiday plane travel, for example, this looks like a great option. And as someone who is no longer nursing, I kind of want it for myself, too, maybe as a cute thing to wear after yoga (should I ever actually make it to a class). The pullover is available in black and gray in sizes XS-XL for $132 at Nordstrom and Amazon (eligible for Prime). Beyond Yoga ‘Cozy’ Convertible Fleece Pullover
(L-all)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
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- Boden – 15% off new styles
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- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
HSAL says
What are good types of places to stop with a 14 month old on a 7 hour car trip? We’ll stop at least once, maybe twice, to let her stretch her baby legs but I’m not sure the best places for that. Midwest, so it’ll be too cold to run around outside. She’s probably too little for a McDonald’s playland or that sort of thing. Ideas?
mascot says
The shopping malls in my area have soft play indoor playground type things. Some may also have rides in the food court. You could even just walk around inside (depends on time of day for how crazy crowded it may be).
Anon in NOVA says
It’s hard to say without specific info on where you’ll be, but I never appreciated official “rest stops” (or “rest area” or “welcome center” or whatever they’re called) until I had a little one. Let her walk in, ya’ll can use an actual clean bathroom, she can toddle around the lobby (where they probably have brochures and small exhibits about the local area), then jump back in the car.
Anon in NYC says
Yes – actual official welcome centers are pretty good!
CLMom says
Clean bathrooms is not my experience at welcome centers.
PhilanthropyGirl says
The big rest stops on the OH and PA turnpikes are a life saver. Clean. Spacious. Big lobby for running. Mommy and me bathrooms with a buckle seat to keep kiddo contained while you do your thing.
At that age I made sure I had coat/hat in the car, bundled up and let him run outside at small stops without the space. Way better than cranky kiddo with too much energy.
Spirograph says
This was essentially my family’s route to grandma’s house when I was a kid. I did not appreciate how uniquely wonderful those rest stops are until I did a lot of driving around the rest of the country as an adult…
PhilanthropyGirl says
I discovered the OH turnpike as a college student, and never again took the route that required me to drive through a million little towns. Because Panera! Starbucks! Passing lanes!
They are 100 times better as an adult with a child who needs a place to run.
Anon says
Try to estimate where you’ll be geographically at her normal energetic times. Mine at that age needed some energy release early morning, late morning, after the afternoon nap, and between dinner and bedtime. So I looked up potential stopping points ahead of time based on where I thought we might be at each time period. Then I had a good list by exit number and if they started to get fidgety, I could know how many miles away we were from a break.
McDonalds with a playplace is better than nothing, but also rest areas, shopping malls, overpasses, Cracker Barrels, giant gas stations, and roadside museums all are good enough places to let them toddle around and explore something new. Plan for a good 30 min stop so you have time for bathroom/diapers, refreshing toys or blankets or whatever in the car, and lots of walking around. 7 hours is a long time even for adults to sit still, that’s going to feel like torture for most 14 month olds.
It may add another hour or so to your trip, but depending on your schedule when you arrive, it might be worth the extra time to have a semi-well-adjusted kid rather than one who is bursting from too little activity.
ml says
These are all good suggestions. I assume this is travel for sometime in the next couple weeks, so I would strike shopping malls just because they’ll be an absolute zoo, but in normal times they are a great option. I wouldn’t rule out McDonalds/ Chick fil a play places. Many of them are tame enough for toddlers as long as there aren’t a bunch of older kids running around. The McDonalds website will search for playplaces near you!
If this is a trip you’ll be making more than once, I’d just look up/be on the lookout for local attractions along the way. The route between my childhood home and grandparents’ house had a couple small “animal encounter” and roadside museum-type places, and what we always called “The Big Wooden Playground” in a park about 5 minutes off the highway. My current route to my grandparents’ house takes us past the Little League Museum. Don’t plan or rush your trip too much and just be flexible about stopping when you see something that looks promising or when a meltdown means you need to get. out. of. the. car. right. now.
In House Lobbyist says
We opt for Chick-fil-A, Cracker Barrel and Bass Proshops or other outdoor stores (huge with lots to look at). You can also Google something like “stops along interstate –” and see what you get. We go to the same beach every year but when I Googled that this year I found a good suggestion or two that I didn’t know about.
NewMomAnon says
Public libraries? I’m trying to figure out the same thing; I know one of my stops will be a Target along the way, and I’m looking for a couple public libraries or shopping malls mid-way. There is also a really nice playground, and I’m considering just bundling my kiddo up and letting her run outside if it’s not to cold/slushy.
For planning purposes, my kiddo won’t do more than 1.5 hours at a stretch in the car, so I plan for 1.5 hours with a 15 minute break, then a one hour break after the next 1.5 hours, and then a half hour break after the next 1.5 hours. And hopefully we’ve made it after the next 1.5 hours (fingers crossed!). In essence, I’ve found that between stopping for meals and running around, I need to plan an extra hour out of the car for every 3 hours of driving – my 6 hour car trip is now an 8 hour car trip.
(was) due in june says
A friend of mine recommended Bass Pro Shops for this. I’ve never been to a Bass Pro Shop but apparently they are gigantic, very family friendly, and have a live fish tank that enthralls kids.
avocado says
… but they also have terrifying stuffed bears. My kid will not go near Bass Pro Shops.
GCA says
Is it possible to drive overnight? That’s how we did the 10+h trip back to ILs’ for Christmas last year, and that’s how we’ll be doing it this year (lots of coffee!). That way, kiddo sleeps in the car most of the way, we stop for breakfast and let him run around at McDonald’s / diner/ rest stop, and then it’s only a couple hours more to Grandma and Grandpa’s.
HSAL says
On the way down we’re doing part of it overnight, but unless we want to drive through the night on Christmas (we don’t) the 7 hours during the day is the only good option for the return. We are timing it so it covers both of her naps, so hopefully that’ll be helpful. She does three hour stretches in the car (usually with one nap) great, so maybe we’ll just try one long stop in the middle.
Thanks for all the suggestions, everyone!
Is this normal says
I have a 2 year old. I think she is starting to be afraid of things. My husband leaves the house for work before 6 a.m., so I get us both ready in the morning alone. There have been a few instances where she’s been really scared lately– a big gust of wind blew a bunch of dried leaves across the driveway, my husband jumped out of the guest room to “surprise” her, and I yelled at her really loudly not to touch the hot stove. Each time she has completely freaked out and melted down in what looks to me like terror. When I yelled at her not to touch the stove, she dropped to the floor face down and started sobbing hysterically. She has also had what I think are nightmares every once in a while during the past couple of months where she’ll wake up in the middle of the night screaming for us.
Now when I’m in a different room of the house from her in the morning, even when I tell her where I’m going and what I’m doing, she freaks out like I’m gone forever. I have to get ready in the morning. I have to be in a different room from her sometimes. That Janet Landsbury stuff about how your child should be able to play quietly in a different rooms sounds like a complete fantasy. I just want her to not start screaming in terror(?) when I’m brushing my teeth and she is in the living room and realizes I’m not there– just like I told her “mama has to go brush her teeth now”.
Is this normal? Does she have some kind of anxiety issue? What exactly am I supposed to do? I say this as someone with lifelong anxiety who is hoping not to pass it on to her or make it worse than it is.
AnonMN says
My son went through (a seemingly really long) phase of this around 2.5. He’s always been a little skittish, but it went off the charts. Turned my awesome independent sleeper into one that required our presence until he was completely out. Fortunately for all of us that phase ended and now he’s happy to be on his own making mischeif in rooms that I am not in.
The ladies here reassured me that it was a common phase, so I wouldn’t worry about anxiety just yet. I think the best way through it to continue to reassure her fears. For example, “I see you were scared, but Mommy was in another room, you can alwasy come find me or call for me and I will answer.” “It seemed to scare you when I yelled really loud, but the stove is dangerous and I wanted to keep you safe”. For irrational fears, we found that irrational solutions helped. Monsters in the playroom were taken care of by a bottle toy that became “Monster Spray”, etc.
Good luck. It was a really long and sometimes frusterating phase for us, but It did end!
layered bob says
I really like this point – to find irrational solutions for irrational fears.
Anon says
It’s a normal phase – google “2 year old fear phase” and you’ll see a ton of hits. Basically they start to get an imagination and don’t have a good handle on fantasy vs reality yet.
There are a couple different techniques, but my favorite is giving them control. We tell stories at bedtime, so I’d let her “choose her own adventure” when I told mine. “Do you think she ate a hot dog or a hamburger?” “Did she meet a dragon or a dinosaur?” “Did she talk to him or play with him?” etc. And give her choices in the morning – “mama has to brush her teeth. Do you want to come with me or stay and play? Ok, if you change your mind, you can come get me!”
The idea of choices, and being able to influence what happens by making a choice, seemed to make the phase a little shorter than usual. But hugs mama, it’s a trying phase, esp when you’re solo parenting.
Anonymous says
Completely agreed. For a while (not sure if it was days or weeks), every time I had to go to another room from my 2-year-old, I would say, “Mommy is going to X room, do you remember where that is? You can come with me now, or come get me later whenever you need me.” One day, she was so exasperated and said, “I know where dat room is, mommy!” and that was my cue to stop asking her, “do you remember where that is.” It seemed to help her feel in control. Around the time I stopped asking if she remembered where rooms were, I also started telling her that it’s inappropriate to shriek in terror the way she was. “It’s ok to feel scared, but it’s not ok to scream like that. You know how to find Mommy if you get scared and we’ll fix it.”
Also, I had no problem with her being in the same room as me while I was getting ready — she liked to play on my cell phone while I showered (lego game is still a huge hit), she liked to bring her stuffies and “put them down for a nap” while I was getting dressed… random stuff worked. Just keep trying different ideas — you’ll hit on things that work eventually!
Anonymous says
Totally normal. I have three kids and they’ve all gone through this phrase.
RDC says
Strategies for dividing up default parent responsibilities? DH is an involved and loving dad, but over time I’ve become more and more the default parent, especially for everything that requires remembering or planning. (Calling for Dr appts, scheduling and showing up for teacher conferences, returning the school pictures, buying all the Xmas presents, etc.) I’m very pregnant and had a small meltdown last night feeling like I’m both running our family and doing all the (mental/planning) prep for the baby (DH has done the actual lifting/building parts). I know the answer is “delegate” and DH is always willing to help when I ask, but I’d like us to be more of an evenly matched team, not a default/helper dynamic. Any thoughts?
AnonMN says
I read an article where it said to divide everything into larger categories. So Medical (doctor appt scheduling, daycare forms, taking to appts), Extra Curriculars (swimming, classes, etc), Food (meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking), House upkeep (cleaning, work, etc). And give each person an equal delegation of an entire category. So whoever has medical is in charge of scheduling appointments, filling out daycare forms, and ensure one parent has time off for taking the kids to the appointments. This keeps you from just delegating everything, as it would be his job to delegate in his category. he would also have clear direction of what he is supposed to do.
This is all just theory in my house right now, as we haven’t implemented it yet, but it’s what I am planning on doing when we both have a week off next week.
Sarabeth says
This is what we do. It works decently well. I did have to stop myself from managing my husband in his area – realistically, if my kid’s four-year appointment happens when he’s four years and two months, it’s going to be fine.
Anon says
Date night. Come with a list of all the planning activities you’re doing. Ideally grouped by type. Say “We’re dividing everything in half. Which parts do you want total ownership over?”
So like, he owns everything related to daycare. Paying the bills, keeping stashes of diapers and clothes there, packing lunches, whatever. You own everything related to kid rooms – laundry, toy sorting, season-appropriate clothes, etc. He owns everything medical. You own everything playdate. Whatever groupings work for you, whatever split makes you both the same level of happy. (No one wants to do any of this crap, but it’s the price of admission of parenthood.)
Tell him he gets total ownership. As long as it gets done to reasonable standards, you’re not thinking about it anymore. And he doesn’t have to think about the stuff you own. When something new comes up, you say “hey I think that falls under playdate. I’ll take it.” or “This seems like medical, thanks for taking care of it.”
H says
Ok, sorry, but anything that exposes your shoulders is not “cozy”. Also, you HAVE to wear a bra when you are nursing and exposed bras are pretty tacky IMO.
Katala says
Yeah, I like the idea (sort of) but this doesn’t seem practical for nursing. If it’s cold enough to need that much coverage, I think having your entire collarbone exposed would be too cold. I can see running an errand after yoga, but not for extended wearing/nursing. And good point about the bra straps! I’d probably do a nursing tank if I could get it to not look too bra-like, but still… either too chilly or too warm.
Momata says
How long is reasonable to wait for a pediatrician’s appointment? That is, how long is reasonable for the pediatrician to run late on a scheduled well visit? My kids are 3 and 1 and while we really like our pediatrician (convenient location and hours, wonderful nurse help line, and we really like the doctor), there is always at least half an hour of waiting. Is this normal?
GCA says
Yikes, half an hour? Ours, in a practice with 3-4 doctors, is usually a 15-20 minute wait. We always try and snag the coveted first appointment of the day, even if it means rushing out of the house, and this is one reason – less chance of pediatrician running behind! The other reason is I only have to do daycare drop-off once. If that’s not an option, I try for the first post-lunch appointment. This is also the strategy I used when pregnant and seeing an OB in a very popular practice where appointments would run an entire 1.5 hours behind.
Anon in NYC says
Not normal in my experience. We’ve had to wait maybe 5-10 minutes, max. But some doctors just run late. I had to stop going to my former gyn because she was always late, even when I was the first appointment of the day (one time she arrived at the office 15 minutes after my appointment time).
me too says
I switched away from a specialist who routinely ran more than an hour late, including showing up 45+ minutes late to the office for my first-of-the-day appointment. more than once. I broke up with that practice in spectacular fashion after waiting nearly 2 hours one afternoon while the office staff kept telling me I’d be called back in 5 minutes (come to find out, I wasn’t even the next patient in line! there were at least 2 others ahead of me!) and unapologetically sassed me that running late made him a good doctor because it showed he cares about his patients too much to rush them out the door. I said something along the lines that it might make him a good doctor but it makes them terrible office managers if they haven’t learned by now to compensate for it, and that if I did my job the way they do theirs, I’d be fired. Not my most gracious moment, but there it is. Then they told me it was my fault for not calling ahead to ask whether the office was running late, which was especially galling because I indeed had called the office before I left work, and they’d told me that I’d better get there on time. I stormed out and registered a complaint with my insurance about the timeliness of the practice. The doctor called me, himself, a few days later to confront me about the complaint, was also completely unapologetic, and basically said too bad for me because he’s one of the only specialists around. That’s totally false; I live in a major metropolitan area with lots of specialists of all medical stripes, and now drive a mere extra 5-10 minutes to a doctor that runs on time (and has a better bedside manner, to boot). Good riddance to all of them.
pockets says
Good for you!
Anon says
What is their late policy for YOU at appointments? If you’re 15 min late, what happens?
I had this situation with my OBGYN, where I sat naked in cold rooms for an hour each time I was there. Super frustrating. So I talked with the front desk, explained that I was going to start walking out at 15 min of no contact, and I would expect a no-hassle reschedule. I get that doctors are busy and emergencies come up, but consistently running an hour behind schedule by 9am is completely rude and poor planning. I work too and don’t have the flexibility to spend hours at a dr office.
I ended up switching practices, and that was one of my first questions when I visited – what is the standard wait time, and what is your policy if the dr is running more than 15 min late. I found one that actually respected patients’ time.
Spirograph says
Our pediatricians’ practice is exceptionally well-managed compared to basically every other doctor’s office I’ve ever visited. We’ve never waited more than 10 minutes, and the norm <5. Up to 30 minutes is in line with my experience at most other doctors, though.
RDC says
FWIW, our pediatrician practice schedules 15-minute slots for appointments with doctors but 30-minute appts with nurse practitioners. I feel like the NPs run pretty close to on-time (since they have a bigger “buffer”) and also are much more willing to really talk thru questions and concerns. We usually see a NP for our well-visits and have been happy with it. Possibly an option?
Meg Murry says
I think it depends on what happens once the doctor gets to you. If they are running behind because they are the kind of doctor who always is able to answer your questions take time to be thorough or squeeze you in when there is an emergency – I’m willing to give a little slack and mentally prepare for moderate waits (and perhaps pack a few toys in my purse so the kids aren’t playing with the potentially germ-y ones at the doctor’s office).
If they are the kind of office that is always running behind because the doctors, nurse or desk staff are scattered, rude or disorganized though, and they aren’t accommodating when you really need them, a long wait would be my final straw to start looking for a new pediatrician. I would rather wait 20-30 minutes occasionally to see our pediatrician that can almost always get us in within 24 hours when we need it, or 1-2 weeks for a well-child visit, vs a local system that has 3+ month waits for a checkup.
CPA Lady says
^ This is exactly why we stay with our pediatrician despite having had to wait 45 minutes on more than one occasion for late in the day appointments. Because he’s that good. He won pediatrician of the year in our state this year and I 100% understand why. He is thoughtful, takes time to answer questions, and brings things up proactively. Things run behind schedule with him because he actually addresses concerns rather than just rushing through.
Betty says
Yes. We do the same. Our pediatrician can run behind but it is because she really takes the time to answer questions and be available and present with her patients. She is also incredibly responsive via email. Nabbing the first or second appointment available in the morning can help with the wait time, but we appreciate her approach and are willing to wait.
SC says
A normal wait at our pediatrician’s office is about 15 minutes. They’ve been on time, and they’ve been 30-40 minutes late as well. But it’s worth it to me. We love our pediatrician, who takes his time during office visits, has given us his cell phone number (which we use sparingly), and will return calls on his way home. The doctors in the practice respond immediately on the after-hours call line. We’ve never had a problem scheduling a same-day sick visit, and once our doctor came in 15 minutes early to fit us in. FWIW, the longer waits seem to happen more during the winter, when every kid in the city is sick, so I don’t think it’s just an office management problem.
My OBGYN regularly ran late, no matter what time of day I scheduled the appointment. I felt like it was a little different because it was always that she was doing deliveries. Once I had the first appointment of the day, and she was 45 minutes late, but she had been called in at 5 am and already done 3 deliveries that morning.
Anon says
Ours runs late. I have two kids and we switched dr’s when we moved so I have comparison. Current doc is always 15 min late, more often 30 min and occasionally it’s been almost 45. I’ve considered switching.
HOWEVER, I talked with her medical assistant and realized that she’s always late because she takes extra time with her patients and moves schedules constantly to fit in emergency sick visits. She’s part of a large practice so they can always take us for a sick visit, but she always tries to squeeze in her patients last minute, even if she’s not the on call sick visit doc. When our kids need extra time or have a complex issue, we NEVER feel rushed. And she is extremely responsive by email and when we call the nurse line (as in, she reads the update from the nurse and reaches out, whether we asked her to or not).
So, recognizing *why* she’s late, I just plan accordingly for my day and end up pleasantly surprised when she’s on time. I also call ahead and see how she’s doing some days, and they’ll let me know if she’s more than 15 behind.
EB says
How far out of your way do you drive to take your kids to daycare? I am struggling to find anything between my house and my office (about a 30 minute highway commute) and am wondering if I am being unreasonable. Do I just need to get over the fact that my commute is likely going to double or that I’m going to have to drive south to drop the kid, then north to get to my office? DH’s office location is up in the air right now (with no ability for him to give input) and he has a ton more flexibility in his job than I do so I’m trying to think about this primarily from my perspective (within reason – wouldn’t send him all the way to the other side of town or something).
NewMomAnon says
Rather than looking along the route between home and work, look right around your home – it won’t matter where your husband is located if daycare is very close to home. That will also help keep daycare drop off and pickup flexible between you and husband.
Anon says
+1 to somewhere in your hometown/neighborhood. As a bonus, you’ll get to know local working moms/ families and maybe even make friends, get semi-local babysitters (the daycare teachers), and likely have a built-in friend or two when school starts.
Spirograph says
This exactly. Our daycare isn’t on the way to either office, but it is very close to our house. My husband doubles-back a little to get to or from the highway, and I take a less-direct route on my non-highway commute, but the extra travel time for either of us is usually less than 10 minutes, depending on traffic. Our previous daycare was similarly close and resulted in similarly less-direct routes, but added more like 15 minutes because the traffic getting there was consistently worse.
As a bonus, on days you need to take the kids to daycare but are not going to your office (eg, sick days, travel days, unicorn holidays-for-office-but-not-daycare), you don’t have very far to go!
pockets says
I take the bus the equivalent of 2 subway stops farther from my job, and then take the subway to work. On the days I don’t do dropoff, my commute is like 15 minutes. If I do dropoff, I’m looking at at least 45 minutes, closer to an hour.
Anon in NYC says
I have a similar commute. On days that I don’t do dropoff, it takes me 30 minutes to get to the office. On days that I do dropoff, it takes me about 50 minutes – 1 hour to get to the office.
Em says
We originally chose a daycare that was 5 minutes from our house (and on the way to both mine and my husband’s job). That daycare ended up being awful and we had to pull our son the first week and get him in the only good center with an immediate opening in town – this center is nowhere near either mine or my husband’s work (we live and I work on the far SW side of our town, husband works in the central part of town, and this daycare is way north). Since I work right by our house, my husband does pick up and drop off unless something comes up. It adds an extra 30 minutes to an hour to his daily commute (depending on traffic). If I am doing both pick up and drop off, which is rare, it adds an extra hour to 2 hours to my commute (also depending on traffic). We will be switching him to a Montessori center near our house at 18 months.
TTC says
Did you make any specific doctor’s visits or have any medical tests run before TTC? My long-time gyn, who I would normally ask about this, recently retired. I’m looking for a new doctor, but meanwhile, I’m feeling a little lost on this front, after spending so many years focused on not getting pregnant. I’m taking prenatal vitamins and getting my thyroid levels checked (I have a history of thyroid issues), but other than that, is there anything else I should consider doing?
Anon in NYC says
I did not do anything. After about 8 months I went to my doctor because I wasn’t pregnant (and coincidentally, that’s when I got pregnant).
Anonymous says
I’m in Canada, so ymmv, but yes I did see my GP before rna some blood work and found out I was super low in B12 which she wanted to fix before I got pregnant (which I did). My friend did the same and found out she had some mild thyroid issues.
NewMomAnon says
If you have thyroid issues, you will need an endocrinologist to manage those levels during pregnancy, and you should discuss with him or her before TTC. I learned that at about 8 weeks, at which point my thyroid levels had plummeted and the endo I finally saw told me there was a good chance I’d lose the pregnancy (I didn’t). You need to really increase your dosage of synthroid soon after becoming pregnant. If I ever had another kid, I would make an appointment with the endo as soon as I knew I wanted to get pregnant, or at least within a week or two of a positive pregnancy test.
Anonymous says
The most important thing is to be healthy. Otherwise, look until you find a doc you LOVE.
Pogo says
In my experience OB did not do anything ‘special’ when I said we wanted to start trying. After a year of no success, she gave me a referral to the RE though.
The RE, on the other hand, did a bunch of tests to see if we were genetic carriers for CF or MD, a battery of STD testing, Rh factor testing, etc.
SC says
I made a specific visit to my gyn when we decided to TTC. But I had very irregular and infrequent cycles, so charting/timing would have been difficult, and we’d only have a few chances to get pregnant in a year. My gyn and I had already discussed using clomid when I wanted to get pregnant. So I made an appointment, said “Now’s the time,” and she wrote the prescription and told me how to take it. I was pregnant 2 months later.
Anonymous says
I did — but my cycles were irregular and my doctor knew we were TTC. She tested to see why they were irregular (no answer!), and she also tested my resistance to chicken pox and rubella (to make sure they were still active from my childhood vaccines — I never “caught” chicken pox). I used ClearBlueEasy ovulation strips to track and got pregnant after 6 months. If we hadn’t, she would’ve prescribed clomid in the next month or two.
TTC says
I’ve never had the chicken pox either, but I did get the vaccine as a child. I’ll look into the resistance testing.
Anon says
My OB did a full blood panel to ID any issues — thyroid, anemia, immunities, etc. found out that I was no longer immune for rubella, which is a problem for pregnant women. Had to get the MMR shot again and wait I think 3 months before TTC after the vaccine.
Def better to know if there are issues before you are pregnant. If TTC isn’t working having the initial blood work also helps get things started faster with an RE. Good luck!
Betty says
Keep up any exercise that you are doing. The recommendation is generally that you can keep doing (for exercise) anything that you were pre-pregnancy, and it is not advised to start a heavy duty exercise program after becoming pregnant. I was running pre-pregnancy with my second and was able to maintain it. The one caveat is that for me, (i.e. YMMV) heavy running (30 miles per week) had a negative effect on my fertility, but we didn’t discover that until infertility treatments and hearing if from our RE.
Lyssa says
I asked my doc at my annual when I started thinking about starting soon, and she said to take prenatals and cut back on caffeine and alcohol, but there was no need to do any testing or other planning; just stop taking the pill whenever you’re ready.
Anonymous says
You don’t need a full prenatal vitamin, just folic acid. Make sure you’re using iodized salt. Flu shot. Start lifting weights (kids are heavy!).
If you only received one MMR as a kid and you are in NO WAY TRYING TO CONCEIVE, you might consider a 2nd MMR. Especially if you’re in Northern California. Or near a college that had a mumps outbreak last year. But you can’t get pregnant for a month after you get the vaccine. 1 dose of MMR confers 90% of the population with immunity, so 2 doses is now standard. There’s a blood test to check your immunity, but if my doctor had mentioned it in time I would have just got the vaccine.
PBD says
I would get a standard blood draw/panel done at your internal medicine dr/general practitioner to establish some pre-pregnancy baselines and also see if there are any health issues you should be aware of that could be exacerbated by pregnancy. For me it was prediabetes/gestational diabetes. I’ve been prediabetic for several years, and I got a referral to an endocrinologist so I could get myself at the lowest A1C possible before TTC. I ended up going on oral medication before TTC (and continued after getting pregnant), and that helped keep things under control during pregnancy. And yes to prenatals!
TBK says
PSA The Atlantic is running a really interesting series in which two college classmates follow up with their sorority sisters to see where their careers/lives actually ended up. Today’s installment is about whether a marriage can withstand only so much total ambition . Yesterday’s talked about how the women’s careers seem to fall into three categories: high achievers, opt-outers, and scale-backers. So far there hasn’t really been any message it’s pushing. Just a series of observations about here’s what actually happens in people’s lives. My husband and I are both sort of scale-backers right now, but we both worry a little about what happens if one of us gets a really incredible offer that comes with long hours and lots of pressure. How do we make the decision about whether the person with the offer should take it? How does the other spouse deal with being the default parent? Can we trade in the future and the default parent spouse take a more intense career move while the other one falls back? Or if you take a step back, are you always going to be behind? (link to follow)
TBK says
Link to second installment https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/12/conservation-of-ambition/507980/
TBK says
Oh whoops that was yesterday’s installment. I guess there are three now. But you can navigate to all of them from that link.
Sarabeth says
This concept rings so true with me (and, anecdotally, with many of my friends). I’m the more ambitious one in my marriage, and I can only do my job well because my husband is less so. He does work, but in a strictly-only-40-hours-a-week job, and he’s been willing to relocate for my career three times. We have a very equal division of labor on a day to day basis, but that’s kind of misleading, since I also travel semi-regularly, sometimes for more than a week at a time, which he never does.
GCA says
The whole series is available! (Ssshhh.) theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/12/the-ambition-interviews-a-table-of-contents/510848/
Betty says
My husband and I both have moderate ambition jobs at the moment, which is manageable with an au pair and back up from grandparents. However, we are both on the cusp of applying for big ambition jobs, and we have to apply at the same time. No idea what will happen if we both get those jobs….
CPA Lady says
Thank you for posting that. Very interesting series of articles. I’m a scale backer. Husband has great potential to scurry up the ladder. Sigh. It’s been a year since I scaled back and I’m still so torn about it. I just keep thinking that I could be doing “more”. I keep thinking that maybe someday I’ll be able to get back on the ladder. This is actually a possibility in my industry. But there are some other things in those articles that really resonated with me like the person who quit her job at IBM because all the people who had made it to the high echelons “were divorced, grossly overweight, exceptionally ill. They were good at their jobs but that’s all they did. They had no other hobbies. They never went on vacation because they didn’t know what to do when they had free time. ” Sounds like all the partners at my old job. No thanks. But somehow I still feel like I’ve failed and fallen short. Yay, modern working and modern parenting, where no matter what you’re doing it’s not quite enough!
Onlyworkingmomintulsa says
Thank you for letting us know about this article. I’m definitely a Scale-Backer and it’s interesting to read similar experiences.
Anonymous says
Had a rough morning with my 1.5 year old. I took the morning off to take her to her playgroup that her grandparents usually take her too. It was a special play group for Christmas. Let’s just say there were many tantrums, of course all of the other 15 kids were angels, and I am amazon prime-ing “raising your spirited child” immediately.
NewMomAnon says
My usually awesome, helpful, but “spirited” daughter has been a tantrumy, angry, whiny mess the last week. I think for her it’s a combo of the weather being so cold that daycare isn’t taking the kids outside, and SO MUCH EXCITEMENT about Santa and Christmas. Oh, and maybe a little bit that mama is stressed and too busy (we had a little talk about that this morning and I assured kiddo that it’s mama’s fault, not kiddo’s, and mama is trying really hard and is so proud of kiddo).
But yes, I am not enjoying time with kiddo very much the last week. It’s hard to stay positively engaged with a kiddo who rapidly shifts from over-the-top excitement to wailing-on-the-floor tantrums. This too shall pass, right?
TBK says
I’m a little relieved to hear that other people’s kids are scream-monsters, too. I was just wondering yesterday “how much daily screaming is normal from a 2 yr old and how much is too much — and what do you even do if it’s ‘too’ much?” My Twin A is a cherub almost always, but Twin B pushes ALL THE BUTTONS (literally and figuratively). At the very least, I hope you don’t read anything into your parenting from this. One thing having twins teaches you quickly is how very little control you have over who your children are or how they express themselves.
Anonymous says
“One thing having twins teaches you quickly is how very little control you have over who your children are or how they express themselves.”
+ 1 million.
The twin who was tantruming when we started daycare visits at age 2 is totally fine and the other one cries for a half hour every single morning at drop off even though he loved it when we did visits at first. Sigh.
Original anon says
Thanks!
SC says
Vent ahead… I’ve been the primary parent for my 20-month-old son for the last 6 months or so. Overall, I am happy with that, and my job allows for it. But, as I’ve mentioned here before, this is my husband’s busy season. Lately, he has had very little time to be home or spend time with our son. I don’t blame him for that, and he’s generally an involved parent and will be again once the seasonal rush dies down.
BUT our toddler is over the moon crazy about Dad and gets so angry and frustrated with me. I handle pretty much every tantrum-inducing situation, including meals, diaper changes, getting dressed, and putting him down for naps or bed. Plus I’m more likely to be around for all the other random tantrums. I feel like I am battling Kiddo all day, but he just lights up when Dad walks into the room. How is the parent who’s home for like 10 minutes a day the favorite parent? And how is the parent who is doing all the parenting the bad guy?
NewMomAnon says
*sigh* so true. I had a meltdown about kiddo’s bad sleep and it led to a big fight with kiddo’s dad because she “sleeps really well” at his house, so he doesn’t believe me. OF COURSE SHE DOES. Because he is the high-value, limited-access parent and she is therefore an angel for him. Whereas I am safe, accessible and constant and she knows I will be around even if she acts like a horrible monster for me. So…she does.
After husband’s busy season, maybe he can take son on a 3 or 4 night trip or he can stay home with son and you can go on a trip. Kiddo’s dad takes her for a week long visit with family once a year, and it’s amazing to be the treasured parent for a few days afterward.
TBK says
Because you’re the one doing the parenting? (e.g., saying “no,” being there to handle tantrums) I’m not being unsympathetic. My husband has been traveling a lot lately and even though my kids are a year older than yours, I’ve got two of them so I am totally there with you on how exhausting the constant battles and physical labor involved with toddlers can be. How long until the rush is over? Is it end of year stuff? Can you let standards slide a bit to give yourself some breathing room until then (e.g., letting kiddo have dinosaur nuggets or crackers and cheese for dinner several nights in a row because at least he’ll eat them, or watching a little more — or any — Sesame Street than usual)? Also I know I tend to get into parent survival mode in these situations and wind up having nothing left over for my relationship with my husband, which just makes me cranky and resentful. Do you have a babysitter who could give you two an evening out — or, my favorite, a whole Saturday to do what you used to do pre-kids, like a leisurely brunch followed by aimless shopping and a matinee movie?
Meg Murry says
Ugh. I have 2 more work days in 2016, and 3 projects I *have* to wrap up before then, but now problems out of my control are popping up left and right with projects I had checked off as “complete” last week or earlier.
Ugh. Banging my head against the wall. I feel like so far this week all I’ve done is negative work, undoing and breaking things that were previously fine.
Cue the rage inducing primal scream
lsw says
I hear you. Add to this we had a childcare change and I had to take a half day yesterday morning and this morning…all while trying to answer emails with my five month old who has recently decided to only take catnaps constantly needing attention. COME TO ME, HOLIDAY BREAK