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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 104 Comments · by

Washable Workwear Wednesday: Henley Top

Machine-Washable Work Clothes· Recent Recs

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A woman wearing a Henley Top.We just rounded up workwear with hidden shaping powers over at Corporette, and one of the brands we included was NYDJ. Readers were singing its praises and, FYI, noted that taller women can get NYDJ pants in tall sizes at Long Tall Sally. This machine-washable henley from NYDJ is available in sizes 1X-3X (here are other size and color options) and is on sale for $58 right now at Nordstrom (was $98). NYDJ Henley Top Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear. (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    Need some advice. My 3 year old mentioned twice this week that he is sad because no one is playing with him at preschool. And I know that bullying, etc. happen and that I need to teach my kid resilience, etc. – but this age seems a tad young. I’ve already mentioned this to his teacher and asked her to keep an eye out and let me know what she sees. On the one hand, I don’t want to make a mountain out of a mole hill. But, I also think that at this age, the teachers should be made aware and intervene if needed.
    This really upsets me. Have any of you been through this? Any advice?

    • Artemis says

      This is so hard but you’ve started with the right thing–talking to the teacher. You’re really going to need her observations first to determine how to move forward. Your preschooler may be exaggerating because it feels so big to him to be excluded in any way, in which case you need the teacher’s information about who he is actually playing with so you can prompt him after school to talk about those times. Or maybe he’s being left out of specific activities for specific reasons (like, he wants to play with the dolls but girls tell him something like “boys don’t play with dolls”).
      Since he’s 3, you’re not going to be able to get totally accurate information out of him no matter how smart and articulate he may be. I went through some of this with my kids at that age and it was the teacher’s input that helped me frame it–for example, if girls are telling him “boys don’t play with dolls”, you can help lead him to the words to stick up for himself, like “boys can play with dolls just like girls can play with trucks” or “superheroes are dolls too” or whatever. (Not meaning to pick on little girls, I have one! Just the first example I could think of).

      • avocado says

        The potential for exaggeration at this age is enormous because to a 3-year-old everything is a big deal, and a 3-year-old has little ability to step back and look at the big picture. He could spend 99% of the day happily playing with the other kids, but if one kid says once “you can’t play with us,” then he might come home and report that nobody ever plays with him. Even my 9-year-old recently did the same thing. She had a meltdown one evening because her BFF “doesn’t like me anymore and is ignoring me all the time.” Upon further inquiry, it turned out that BFF had spent maybe 10 minutes at recess talking with the new kid in the class, who was of course the object of great interest on the part of all the kids just because she was new. The next day, everything was back to normal.

        Also, 3-year-olds have just discovered the power to exclude, and some of them enjoy exerting it without necessarily having genuinely malicious intentions.

    • Anon says

      I would start by talking to the teachers again to make sure that what he’s telling you is accurate. My 3 yo tells me all sorts of stuff that is detached from reality. I agree that if there is a problem, the teachers will be the first to be able to help. Individual playdate with other kids outside of school may also help.

      I’ve noticed recently that my 3 yo has a number of annoying habits (e.g., roaring in people’s faces if they do something she doesnt like, snatching toys). These habits often irk her friends. Sometimes they will refuse to play with her if she is too obnoxious. (And rightly so.) We’ve been working on getting her to play nicely, to share, not to hit, etc. Her friends tend to forgive and forget quickly, but there is some peer enforcement of proper behavior.

    • Anonymous says

      The move from parallel play at age 2 to interactive play at age 3 is a hard one. Try role playing with him asking his friends to play. You pretend to be him, let him be his friends, then switch. Give him a few simple phrases to practice “I want to play too”, “Can I play with you?” “I like trains. Let’s play trains.”

    • Meg Murry says

      I agree with role playing – work with him on saying “do you want to play blocks with me” or “Can I play X too?”

      If it’s only been this week – any chance that the kids he usually plays the most with are out (perhaps parents are off this week?) Sometimes “no one will play with me” can mean “Joe and I always play trucks during free choice time but Joe wasn’t there this week so I sat alone in the trucks area and played”

      It’s not unlike how I can spend 3 hours building with my kid with Legos and then leave him happily playing to go make dinner, and 15 minutes later he is asking for my help while I’m elbow deep in raw meat and when I say not right now he says “You never play with me!” and then my husband comes home and he says “Mommy’s so mean, she won’t play Legos with me!”

    • Anonymous says

      I swear Danie Tiger is like therapy for toddlers. There is an episode that deals with this (episode 206 – Daniel’s Friend Say No).

  2. Artemis says

    I’m sure this has been discussed before, but is anyone ever just . . . . tired of being motivated? Tired of pushing ahead? Tired of being ambitious? Tired of working towards the next thing, mentally and emotionally? I’m not quite sure how to put it, I’m looking for commiseration or a kick in the bu*t if more appropriate.

    My husband and I are both lawyers. We have young kids. Two years ago I took a mega-lean-out job which has worked out well for our family time-wise and was survivable paycut-wise. My husband was in biglaw and finally found an in-house job recently and he is so much happier, it’s wonderful. I’m happier because he is, and because I see he now has the mental and emotional space to contribute more and start taking back some of my default-parent load, which we’re slowly working on. Still survivable paycut-wise but not long-term, and I’m getting the itch to want to earn more again as long as I can find a reasonably flexible job.

    So now I’m facing a job hunt, albeit not an “emergency OMG get me out of here” hunt like last time since I am basically happy. We’ve also been trying for years to start our own business and I worked on it for the past two years by myself (he didn’t have the bandwidth) and didn’t get too much farther but learned a great deal. Now he’s back to contributing to that effort which overall is good, and I know long-term it’s what we both want.

    But I’m tired. I don’t feel motivated to search for a new job and all that it entails, even though I want a new job, I want to be paid more, I even have an idea of what field I want to go into. I don’t want to do all the business stuff on my husband’s timeline (which is a good one, admittedly) after doing it by myself for two years. But I feel conflicted because I feel like my attitude is indicative of being lazy and giving up, neither of which I really want, and which I believe betrays my personal ambition and capabilities. Am I just another working mom who’s giving up when I shouldn’t? I feel like I’m throwing a 2-year-old “I don’t wanna!” tantrum in my head all the time and don’t know how to get my mental and emotional act together.

    Thanks for the vent!

    • POSITA says

      Honestly, it sounds like you need a vacation. I need one too and totally know the feeling. I keep telling myself that I’ll get a new wind eventually and just to survive until then. It’s slowly coming back with a new in house job. I’m slowly starting to do some fun things for me and it’s helping too.

      Perhaps pick the business or job hunt and just do one for now? You don’t have to do it all at once.

    • Star Light, Star Bright says

      I’ve posted here a couple times before about helping a friend while she was out of state for medical treatment. I managed her finances, her elderly mother’s care, including a cancer diagnosis and eventual hospice, death, and funeral planning for the elderly mother. That was several months ago, and it is amazing how much better I feel now than I did then. I was an exhausted, burned out, emotional wreck. Four months later after doing nothing other than going to work and coming home, I feel basically fine and like myself again.

      I think you need to take a break. Don’t do any extra work for the business. Don’t interview. Just go to your job and enjoy your family for a couple of months and see how you feel. Since this isn’t a pressing emergency, just take some time to breathe. You aren’t tired of being motivated, you are too tired to be motivated. If you don’t listen to yourself and take a break, you are going to crash. Also, what’s wrong with contentment? Being content is not the same as being lazy. Dreams can change. Plans can change. But you are not in a good place right now to keep charging full steam ahead.

    • NewMomAnon says

      Objectively, I think you’re mentally creating work that doesn’t *need* to be done, and then berating yourself when you don’t do it. Raising a young child while working is a huge undertaking. Adding in a job search for a more demanding job is another big step. Adding on creation of a family business is a huge undertaking, and one that you need to be really committed to (as in, I’ve started counseling clients that they shouldn’t work while building a new business, because you should put 200% of your energy into a brand new business). Once I allowed myself to accept the fact that a child and a full time job were as much commitment as I wanted, life became much easier.

      Give yourself permission to view what you are currently doing as “leaning in.” And then decide if you want to lean in more. If the answer is no, you’re happy with what you have, then don’t do it. There is always a tomorrow.

    • anon says

      I agree, you probably just need a break. I definitely have days when I get home and I feel like I don’t want to do one single thing that I should do/need to do – I’m talking about routine stuff, not even big projects like finding a new job – and when that happens, it is definitely best if I can just give myself the night off and rest. And then often I find my motivation again after some time to recoup. That said, I personally would have trouble going into business with my husband, and especially taking orders from him. I don’t think a little time off would solve that for me.

  3. Emmer says

    Has anyone picked up swimming as exercise for the first time during pregnancy? I’ve just started my third trimester and am at the point where it’s really uncomfortable to do just about anything else at the gym, but I’d like to keep exercising. I know how to swim in the sense that I can move forward and keep myself afloat, but have never paid attention to form or anything. Would it be bad to start now? If it changes the answer at all, the swimming would be done in an “endless pool,” not a lap pool (that’s what’s available at my gym).

    • Artemis says

      I started swimming for exercise for the first time (although I was previously an avid “for fun” swimmer) during my first pregnancy and it was wonderful. Go for it!!! You can get out of it whatever you put in, you don’t have to be an expert or have the best stroke, but the weightlessness and the cool water will feel soooooo good. When I was really tired sometimes I’d just get in and “jog” up and down the pool instead of swimming, maybe that would still work with an endless pool.

    • mascot says

      Caveat: I’ve never used a resistance swim machine, but I swam competitively growing up and am comfortable with my form.
      I think one of the harder aspects to get used to in swimming is the cardio endurance that it requires. You’ll feel out of breath pretty quickly when swimming continuously and it takes some time to get used to it. Feeling short of breath was common for me in the 3rd tri because everything was so smushed. So you may want to switch up your stroke if you are having a hard time catching your breath and/or you don’t have great side breathing form – try backstroke, work with a kickboard so your head is out of the water, that sort of thing.

    • EB0220 says

      I swam while pregnant, but I have decent form from years of childhood swim team. If you’re worried about form you can always use flippers and/or a kickboard. That way you don’t have to worry so much about form.

    • Spirograph says

      I go through phases where swimming is my main workout even when I’m not pregnant, but it is my hands-down favorite pregnancy exercise, because weightlessness! I don’t see any reason why you couldn’t take it up starting in 3rd tri — there’s basically no way you can hurt yourself at the intensity you’ll be able to swim right now. Do you have a passing idea how to do the front crawl or breast stroke? That’s all you need. The only thing I’d focus on doing well is breathing; make sure you can smoothly turn your head to the side to take a breath. Or just use a kickboard and kick with your face out of the water. Side note: be careful with breast stroke kick if you have any hip or pelvic pain, you won’t hurt yourself at a lazy 3rd trimester pace, but it might be uncomfortable. In which case, stop.

      I’ve never tried an endless pool, but I think the only difference would be that you’ll tire more quickly than in a lap pool because you don’t get the wall pushes. Easily fixed, though: just take breaks.

      • Sarabeth says

        Yeah, I’ve had to give up the breaststroke halfway through both pregnancies, when I developed SPD. If it hurts your pelvis, stop. Unless you have very bad SPD, freestyle should be fine.

    • Emmer says

      Thanks for the reassurance, all! Just ordered a maternity suit and am excited to try something new (doing the elliptical in 10 minute increments because it makes me have to pee has gotten very old…)

    • Anononymous says

      When I taught swim lessons we would regularly get pregnant women who would join the pool for the year they were pregnant and that was it. So it’s pretty common. Using a kickboard, doing backstroke, water jogging are all good, especially if you have trouble breathing. Just standing in the water for a while can help relieve ankle swelling (the water acts like compression socks!).

      • Pogo says

        +1 to aqua jogging. Though not sure how that floaty thing would fit on a pregnant belly, might need to order one special?

        • Meg Murry says

          you can wear one of the floaty things basically up under your armpits instead of around the belly, or use other things (like water aerobics dumbbells) under your arms to keep you upright.

          I used to go to the pool and just walk around in the water or put on the floaty belt and ‘jog’. Basically, if I was in the water and moving that was exercise for me.

          For your first session in the pool, plan to only go for 15-20 minutes and then see how you feel – don’t overdo it. I would often feel like I hadn’t really worked out all that hard – and then go home and absolutely crash and fall asleep like 3 hours early. Just walking in the water can take more out of you than you realize.

    • lsw says

      Swimming in my third trimester was soooo gooooooood. (And added bonus, when my baby was upside down I got to do headstands every day in the water before my ECV.)

      I do know how to swim for real but basically I just moved myself from end to end via a variety of different moves. (Didn’t do, like, actual strokes.)

    • P says

      For anyone who is picking up swimming for the first time, I would recommend supplementing with some rotator cuff exercises. I started swimming a lot a few years ago when I was having knee problems that eliminated running/elliptical. It was great until I got a rotator cuff injury. I’ve never recovered, even after some physical therapy — I haven’t been able to swim freestyle for 7-8 years now. After I had the injury, my husband, who did swim competitively in HS and college, was astonished that I hadn’t been doing shoulder exercises before or after I got into the pool….but how would I have known? (But caveat since you’re in your third trimester: I’m the type of person who likes to go all out during workouts. May not be an issue for you.)

  4. anon for this says

    Vent/request for encouragement follows. For a number of reasons, I may be facing the prospect of becoming the sole breadwinner, chief caregiver, and sole manager of my household. I am not coming to this from a good place, being already exhausted from the lead-up to the impending crisis and barely keeping my head above water at work and at home. Now I need to kick things up a notch at work, partly because there are some goals I want to achieve and partly to ensure that my job is rock-solid because there will no longer be any room for failure. I also need to transform myself into a supermom and superwife. Regular exercise would help a lot, but it has become impossible to squeeze into my schedule. Spousal support is not available–I need to take over more of the household work, not delegate it. Any advice for transforming myself from a tired, beaten-down working mom into the “@$$-kicking Amazonian queen” (or whatever the phrase is from Wild) I want and need to be right now?

    • TK says

      This sounds tough. I hope this is a temporary thing to power through, not a permanent change.

      Throw money at the things that can be outsourced – meal delivery, housecleaning, childcare.

      Call in sick one Tuesday and get all of the household things done (grocery shopping, house cleaning, etc.) without kiddo(s) in tow.

      Let anything extraneous go – forget about volunteering for the PTA or driving the extra 20 minutes to the organic grocery store. Getting everyone safely through the day is enough.

      Ask friends and family for help, without shame.

      Plan a vacation for 6 months to a year from now – a goal, or reward.

      You can do this.

    • Anonymous says

      Take as much work as possible off your plate at home. Is there grocery delivery from a local store for produce? Put all household items on autoship from Amazon. Change your standards – kids will survive if sheets get changed every second week instead of weekly or if you eat spaghetti for dinner twice a week.

      Ask for help. I noted that you only referenced your spouse’s support. My DH is involved and I still need to lean on grandparents/paid household help/SAHM friends. Use your village. Don’t be afraid to ask for help – that includes your kids if they are old enough to be responsible for putting away their own clothes etc.

      • RDC says

        For us, “village” includes paid help too: house cleaner, dog walker, daycare, baby sitter, grocery delivery, lots of Amazon prime / subscribe and save, and a roomba are all involved in keeping the wheels turning.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      Honestly, these sound like impossible goals (superwife, supermom superwork etc. ) I’m not sure what your current situation is but I agree with the posters above – you’re going to stress yourself out trying to do it all yourself. Outsource and bring in family/friend help as much as possible. I hope you can find some time to take care of yourself too.

      Take it one day at a time and just remind yourself how awesome you already are.

    • Spirograph says

      First, big hugs, because anything that leads to the situation you’re describing must be very difficult. I hope it’s temporary.

      What is your local support network like? You cannot do it all alone. Let your friends and family know you’re in a bind, and take them up on any offers to watch the kids for a couple hours, pick up some things from the store, etc. I’m harried working mom, but if I’m going to the store anyway, I would absolutely be happy to pick up milk or eggs for a neighbor who doesn’t have enough hours in the day. If you have any money to throw at trouble, housecleaner and grocery delivery are where I’d start.

      I thrive on schedules and routines, and writing down my plans makes me happy and less stressed. If you’re similar, I’d take an hour and make a list of things that need to be done and how frequently you need to do them, then plan out your days. Don’t forget to include time for you! I literally schedule “relax” for an hour occasionally. Figure out a rotation of quick, easy food so you can put groceries and meals on autopilot. If messes bother you, take 15 minutes to clean/declutter every day so your house doesn’t become a to-do list that you walk into at the end of a long day at work. I’d pick one thing to really kick @$$ at (maybe work, since you probably have the best chance of actually focusing there, without home distractions in front of your nose), and start there first. Doing something well gives me energy to do more things, even when I’m struggling to keep up. You’ve got this.

    • EB0220 says

      I agree with others that you should do a few things:

      #1 – Outsource as much as possible. Cleaning for sure. Order groceries. Get someone to do your laundry, landscape, etc.

      #2 – No extra activities, literally none. Don’t commit to anything beyond working and keeping your kids alive. Exception would be kid playdates/birthday parties, which are important to building your mom village (see #5).

      #3 – Let it go on food. Simple, healthy-ish is OK.

      #4 – Don’t be afraid to use TV/devices when you need a break.

      #5 – Cultivate your village: fellow daycare/school moms, friendly neighbors, babysitters. 8-12(ish) year olds (especially girls) are amazing at entertaining young kids with minimal supervision.

      #6 – I like the Amazon Dash buttons for household necessities.

      #7 – Use Google Tasks (if you have any android) phone – use voice commands to create reminders for yourself. I would not survive without this.

      • Anonymous says

        Just to highlight your point in #5 : My 10 year old neighbor is the only reason I put up all my outdoor Christmas lights this year. She happened to be walking by just as my kids were starting to get clingy, worked at getting my son,who knows her but hadn’t seen her in a few weeks and was having a shy moment, to feel comfortable around her, then played with them for a good 45 minutes to kill time until her friend got home. She has a few younger siblings around my kids ages and must know how much moms appreciate it when you keep the little ones occupied. I love her so much. “Mother’s helpers” are the best things ever.

    • NewMomAnon says

      What you don’t see is that the a**-kicking Amazon Queen has a lot of help and falls apart occasionally. Give yourself permission to be scared, overwhelmed, and angry at the situation. Give yourself permission to skip the obligations and have some fun. Give yourself permission to be imperfect.

      And – this will be a hard transition. You cannot possibly prepare for it. You will struggle, and you will fail, but nothing is permanent. As someone who royally messed up at work for a couple years around pregnancy and divorce, I can tell you – there is probably a lot more latitude than you expect. Take advantage of it without guilt.

    • Pogo says

      You have to reach out to your “village” as everyone says.

      Is this a situation where a CaringBridge (or similar) could be used? You could help coordinate well-meaning friends and relatives to actually have them do things that are helpful (rather than everyone just saying “I want to help”).

      And absolutely do not turn down someone’s offer to help. When my brother died, DH’s cousin said “I can do whatever you need.” I asked him to pick us up at the airport and DH was like, “Oh that’s so far for him, we don’t really need it we can afford a cab.” And I just looked at him and said, “He offered to help. I find this helpful. I’m sure he feels helpful.” You have to let go of some of your pride.

    • Carine says

      I just finished Laura Vanderkam’s “I Know How She Does It: How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time” and I think it could be helpful to you. It has examples of real schedules and lots of practical ideas to help you think differently about how much time you have and how best to use it. Every time I put it down I felt inspired and armed to go kick some a** at All The Things–and also be totally fine with not kicking a** on a given day because reading it helped me shift my perspective on what a successful week/month/life looks like.

      Lots of good suggestions above. Others: Drink so much water, all day. Find little ways to treat and reward yourself. Do take the occasional half or full day to catch up on household tasks or other errands–you’ll be even more productive when you get back to work without those odds and ends hanging over your head. Ask for help! Good luck and be kind to yourself.

      • CPA Lady says

        +1 on that book. As I lamented yesterday, I’m a scale backer, but when I was trying to convince myself that I could be a high achiever, I read that book. It is very convincing about how if you want to do “everything”, you can. You just have to be really good at time management, basically, and okay with not every day having work life balance so long as you have work life balance overall.

    • Lucy Locket says

      I concur with all the other posters. You cannot be supermom / superworker / superwoman, because you are merely human. Instead, you will be ok-mom, ok-worker, ok-woman. That’s fine, and your kid(s) will thrive, and you will not lose your job. Your house may get a bit messy, and your social life may “deescalate,” and you may even eat and feed your kid(s) some really non-pinterest-worthy meals (cereal, eggs, pasta, yogurt). But there will be no real harm done to anyone or anything. By contrast, if your goal is to do everything to the max in every realm of life, you will feel that you have failed miserably, and then you will actually start to do harm to yourself, your job, and your children. So get things in perspective and set realistic goals now, before you have even less time to look at the big picture.

      • anon for this says

        Thanks for this. I really do need to be supermom and superwife in some ways to deal with the stuff that is going on at home, but I agree that I need to scale back the supermom/superwife expectations in other areas.

        • CHL says

          I think the bigger piece is to really think clearly about what those things mean. Super mom might mean the kids are loved and fed but when I hear “supermom” my mind goes to “getting up at 4:30 am to make hand-decorated artisanal cupcakes to celebrate some minor holiday, while setting your hair in hot rollers and a full face of make up.” Super doesn’t have to mean perfect.

          • anon for this says

            When I think supermom in this context it means having tons of energy, commitment, and patience to implement strategies to deal with a particular challenge my child is facing, 24/7. Similar for superwife–patient, understanding, supportive, invisibly keeping everything running smoothly, doing everything possible to shield my spouse from any stress.

          • CPA Lady says

            “understanding, supportive, invisibly keeping everything running smoothly, doing everything possible to shield my spouse from any stress.”

            Ummm… How long are you planning on keeping this up? A couple of months? Or are you imagining you’re going to do this for years? I would be concerned that you are not going to be able to do that without having a complete breakdown yourself unless you have a lot of ongoing emotional support both from family members and also from a trained professional like a therapist. I just don’t think keeping everything running smoothly and perfectly is a realistic thing to expect to be able to do without your own dedicated emotional support system.

          • Boston Legal Eagle says

            Again, these goals sound unrealistic. Is your spouse seeking medical help? This shouldn’t be on you unless it is extremely temporary until spouse can seek treatment. I would also look for a support group for spouses dealing with your particular issue for coping strategies.

          • TBK says

            You need an outlet. Who is there for you to call when you’re falling apart so you can be just 100% needy and express every ugly emotion you have? Is this your mom? Sister? Best friend? Therapist? You’ll never be there for your child and spouse the way you want to be if you can’t get all these feelings out when you need to. If this situation is more than temporary, you’re going to need to build these outside relationships into your life even if it feels like you’re being selfish. That means getting childcare or whatever you need to get a night off once in awhile.

    • anon for this says

      Thanks for the support and suggestions, everyone. Right now I am taking a long lunch to make a to-do list and then run some errands, and I am adding “I Know How She Does It” to my reading queue (one of the issues I am dealing with at home comes with tons of reading). I just discovered that there is grocery delivery in my area, which I did not know existed. I think the schedule idea will help too.

      • In House Lobbyist says

        I love that book and have read all of her books. I would also suggest a simple meal plan – like Monday is pasta and chicken; Tuesday is Tacos or some Mexican dish. We often do breakfast for dinner or grilled ham and cheese sandwiches. But having a general plan helps me so much with what to cook for dinner. I also scaled back my weeknight expectations and do simple foods like breakfast for dinner. And subscribe and save on Amazon has changed my life. I automate so much and it’s nice to not have to remember to buy toilet paper or sandwich bags.

    • Anon says

      Get the kids involved. They can help at surprisingly young ages, with guidance. Eh. My two year old used to set the table (slowly, and with our plastic picnic plates, but she did it)- we just moved everything within her reach.
      We emphasized and worked hard on getting herself dressed and bought clothes she can dress herself in (i.e. No buttons). She’s 3 and picks out her clothes and gets in them. She can also sweep and fold laundry, but we don’t typically her her do that. All that to say, “kids these days” don’t have to do household stuff like they used to, but they can absolutely be put in charge of stuff.

      Reach out for help. Our town has a families network that does things like organize meal trains and carpools for families that need help (new babies, illnesses, other tradgedies just had a horrible house fire!!).

      • TK says

        Yes.

        Science has not yet confirmed that pregnant women are sexiest.

        I suspect that development is many years away.

    • Anonymous says

      I actually don’t think it’s sexist since there doesn’t seem to be much implicitly wrong with the study, and they did also look at dad’s brains for comparisons. I mean it is what it is — women’s grey matter changes for up to 2 years after pregnancy. It doesn’t mean our brain changing is a BAD thing. Saying “women won’t be as good at their jobs” or “you shouldn’t be trusted with management decisions because you just had a child” would be sexist. But just presenting the findings of a study? no.

      • layered bob says

        right, they were careful to note that a reduction in grey matter can mean the brain is becoming more efficient, stronger in certain areas.

        I am a classic ‘absent-minded professor’ type (i.e. I am very focused and on top of my work but tend to forget my keys, my phone, my mitten, my glasses, etc.). I was before, during, and after pregnancy. But it was only during/right after pregnancy that other people attributed my forgetfulness to pregnancy, which is total BS – I am as or more focused on the important things – work and now, baby – but still lose keys and phone on the regular, just like I ALWAYS have.

        I do cry at like, any depiction or mention of child peril since having a baby though.

    • Pogo says

      ha, my husband sent this to me yesterday with the tagline “Enjoy your grey matter while it lasts”.

    • HSAL says

      I posted this on fb yesterday, so it’ll out me, but I definitely think my brain has changed. Me from two years ago is definitely mocking Current Me who ordered coordinating family pajamas for Christmas. But like Anonymous at 11:12am said, changing doesn’t make it a negative.

      And a definite no on the “sexiest.”

  6. Closet Redux says

    This is maybe not a thing that exists, but does anyone have a recommendation for a nursing sweater? I have a couple of open front cardigan sweaters that i wear over nursing tanks, but it’s just so cold here that i really want something more than a nursing tank covering my chest when I’m nursing. I’m imagining a long-sleeve full coverage sweater with a lift panel? Does that exist?

    • Anononymous says

      I had one from Old Navy last year. It looks like this year’s is not quite the same, but might work? (I wore an LL Bean heavy bathrobe while nursing. Very cozy.)

      • Katala says

        I just got one from old navy that has zippers near each shoulder – so you unzip one and fold down the fabric to nurse. May still need a scarf or something depending on how covered you like to be, but I thought that was a cool design. I personally didn’t like the lift-up style very much because I found I had to hold it up to avoid blocking n*pple access or having it lay on baby’s face which he didn’t like.

    • avocado says

      I wore a lot of regular pullover sweaters + nursing tanks and just lifted the sweater up. The nursing tank covers your tummy, and the sweater covers your arms and chest.

      Also check out Free People. I have one of their crazy mock-wrap sweaters from two winters ago that would be perfect for nursing.

    • Anonymous says

      There’s a lot of these and they’re becoming more popular. Seraphine specializes in this though.

      • Closet Redux says

        Ooh, yes, love some of those Seraphine ones. So expensive, though!

        • Katala says

          I would check amazon for dupes. Blanking on the brands right now but they have some cheap nursing clothes.

    • Pogo says

      Check out the Bobeau one-button cardigan or the Athleta Studio Wrap. They can be worn as open-front, or buttoned closed.

      The Athleta one has two buttons, so you could definitely undo one and take one “side” of the cardigan down to nurse while keeping covered up on the other “side”. And I think depending on how you did you it might work as a nursing cover if that’s of interest.

      • MSJ says

        Second the bobeau one-button fleece wrap cardigan. It’s essenially an elevated sweatshirt but perfect for weekends or mat leaved. I nursed under it frequently. You can wear it open or buttoned. Certain colors are on sale at Nordstrom.

        • H says

          Third the bobeau one-button fleece wrap cardigan. I actually bought one before I got pregnant, then bought two more during pregnancy. It was also great for nursing.

    • ChiLaw says

      I had two sweaters that were kind of wrap looking — they twisted in the middle but couldn’t actually unwrap? And they could be pushed aside to reveal the b**b (which was covered by a nursing tank). I think any sweater of that cut will work, whether its marketed for nursing or not. Links to follow.

    • Anonymous says

      Consider wearing a soft infinity scarf on top of your cardigan and nursing tank.

  7. Anonymous says

    Any recommendations for an awesome glider/rocker/recliner? I had one picked out at Babies R Us but now found that shipping is $100, which I think is absurd. Budget is less than $500. I am 5’8″ so something with a taller back would be preferable. I don’t want a wooden glider, we are really look at ones that recline.

    • Momata says

      The Costco Rory. It’s big, and not very sophisticated looking, but it is VERY comfortable and reclines nearly completely flat. Plus the microfiber is very easy to clean. I’m quite tall and it is high enough for me to rest my head when seated.

      • Anonymous says

        This looks great! Thanks. Parents have a membership to Costco so I could use that and just pay them back.

    • anne-on says

      Have you tried scanning craigslist (or posting on facebook) for a Dutalier recliner? They aren’t the most fashion-y ones, but we got ours as a hand me down from someone with 2 kids, and 5 years later its working just fine. We recovered the cushions when we got it (they all come off) and it looked like new.

      • FTMinFL says

        +1 to this. We got our Dutalier recliner for $50 (!!!!!) off OfferUp and I could live in that thing. I threw all of the cushions in the washer and let air dry before using and I’ve done the same thing multiple times in the 14 months since baby was born. It is incredibly durable and should have no problem making it through as many babies as I’m willing to have.

    • H says

      Buy Buy Baby has a ton of options and you can use an unexpired Bed Bath and Beyond coupon there. We got a really comfortable one for less than $500.

  8. Momata says

    Procrastinating on this shortest day of the year by making spring break plans. Can a 3yo of average height and attention span ride on the plane without her carseat? (There would be a carseat at our destination.) Looking to avoid schlepping it through the airport. TIA.

    • JayJay says

      I’ve flown many times with my kids at all ages (including 2-5 years) and never brought a car seat. I’ve never had problems.

    • Anonymous says

      Yes, definitely. We flew cross-country last year with a 2 year old out of his car seat. No issues.

    • TK says

      Absolutely yes. Little TK has flown without a car seat 4 times since he turned 2 – no issues (mostly because he gets to watch movies on an Ipad.)

    • anne-on says

      Totally. Though – I’d then plan on either bringing (and gatechecking) a stroller or baby-wearing. In my experience, the plane isn’t as much of an issue as trying to keep a toddler moving at a reasonable speed, keep them safely strapped in (and not able to bolt!).

      • anne-on says

        Sorry – should say ‘moving at a reasonable speed in the airport terminal!’

    • Anonymous says

      What about under age 2? We’re flying Southwest for Christmas, have purchased an infant fare (instead of opting for a lap infant) for my 20 month old who is huge (35 lbs at least). I’d rather check the car seat so we don’t have to lug it through the airport but don’t want to run afoul of any rules…

      • Pogo says

        I fly frequently and have seen kids in carseats fewer than a dozen times. Even non-lap infants of the age you mention have been fine sitting by themselves (er, fidgeting by themselves/annoying mom, until they fall sleep).

        And there’s airfrance where they put you in the bulkhead and give you a bassinet for the baby. Which seems brilliant.

    • Momata says

      Thanks all! I am surprised and pleased by this consensus. What about an 18mo old?

      • NewMomAnon says

        Yep! They may make you hold the child on your lap for takeoff and landing if child is under 2, but there is no requirement of a car seat, and my kiddo was always happier when she could move around on the airplane.

    • H says

      I’ve flown twice with my child – once when he was 6 months old, and once when he was 21 months old. I checked the carseat. He was in our lap and it was fine. I have no plans to do anything different on the next plane trip we take, when he will be over 2 and have his own seat.

    • NOVA Anon says

      I’m a big fan of the Fly Safe harness – it’s not cheap (~$75) and I’m not at all convinced it makes the kid any safer, but it kept my rambunctious newly-minted two-year-old in his seat for a 2-hour flight because it simulated his car seat. I’d flown with him at 20 months and he had a seat, and the lap belt alone did nothing to keep him in his seat. I felt it was a very good investment, and sure beat forcibly holding him in his seat/trying to keep him from kicking the seat in front of him, etc.

    • Alexandria VA says

      Absolutely! We have used a Care Harness to avoid carrying the carseat through the airport. Rather than just a lap belt, the child is more secure.

  9. Momata says

    Another question — my husband’s stepmother will be with us on our Christmas Eve, and she is Jewish. I understand that is the first night of Hanukkah. Any thoughts as to what I can do to include her celebration/tradition in the evening as well? We are not religious and will not be attending any services.

    • (was) due in june says

      Get a menorah, light the candle, and if you’re feeling ambitious, make some latkaes. Homemade fresh latkaes are THE BEST and they aren’t that hard if you’re good about squeezing out ALL the water first.

    • ChiLaw says

      I think it’s really nice that you want her to feel included! Asking her to bring a menorah (or borrowing from a friend) would be fine. Depending on your time vs. money concerns w the menorah, they’re probably available at Target and/or a thrift shop, and they can certainly be donated after the holiday. If you’re feeling really ambitious, you could work with your kid (if you have kids?) to make one — pinterest has a bajillion versions of varying complexity. Latkes are a traditional hanukkah food because they’re fried in oil, so donuts are a go for the same reason.

      • PatsyStone says

        I saw nice looking menorahs at Target last week (not in a Jewish area). They weren’t with the Wonderland section, but in the dinnerware section. Seemed weird but they were really pretty.

    • TBK says

      I’m not Jewish, but there are specific prayers for lighting the candle, right? I don’t know if secular Jewish people also say these prayers but maybe invite her to sort of lead the candle-lighting? I get the impression that your husband and FIL aren’t Jewish, but maybe your FIL could run these ideas by his wife and see if she has anything she’d particularly like to do or not do. My MIL is always thrilled when I ask for her input on these kinds of things because I think women often run family life, including holidays, and so mothers of sons are often a little left out. Stepmothers of sons I think doubly so.

      • Momata says

        Thanks, all. I invited her to bring her own menorah (great idea that I wouldn’t have thought of!) and she was thrilled, and volunteered to lead the blessing. I warned her that our 3yo will probably burst into Happy Birthday.

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