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My mom and I are big fans of the Calvin Klein Performance brand. They have a lot of well designed activewear, and most importantly, it is almost always on sale. After I complimented my mom when she came over wearing this top, she bought me one for my birthday. I’ll be honest, it doesn’t look great on the model on the website, but I really have been liking wearing it during these days at home. The cowl neck is flattering, and the drop shoulder is cute because all of the colors meet where the sleeve meets the drop shoulder. I also like the in-between length of the sleeves when I am at home, since I am constantly doing art projects, typing, or washing endless dishes. One weird note about the website is that I think they’re using the same photo of the back of the top for both color combos. This top is on sale for $20.82 (gray) and $25.57 (black) at Lord and Taylor, and you can get an extra 20% off with code DETAILS. Cowl-Neck Waffle-Knit Top
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
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Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
How did you know when it was time to wean? DS is 9 months and so active. He’s easily distracted during nursing, climbing all over me, pulling hair, etc. At the same time I really enjoy it (more than I expected to) when he’s not being a nutcase. He’s our last baby and I EPed with kid 1 for 6 months. When I weaned off pump with kid 1 I had emotional swings, which makes me reluctant to wean in this weird state of the world when is already harder than normal. And it feels like while I’m WFH I should just nurse. But I’m tired of fighting his distractions and it takes up a lot of time that I wish I had these days while DH and I both try to WFH with daycare closed.
I know many give up daytime sessions and just nurse morning and night but I dried up pretty quick last time when I reduced sessions do I’m skeptical. Just looking for perspectives.
AIMS says
How long has this been going on? I feel like both my kids went thru phases like this but they passed in a week or two. How are you nursing? I would try going into a dim, quiet room and try to make it as soothing an experience as possible. I don’t know your nap schedule but at that age, my kids were doing 3 naps (morning, noon, and afternoon) and I generally nursed right before nap time (and then bed) which helped because they were already tired and this was a good way to wind down. The rest of the time, including first thing in the morning, we did ‘real’ food.
I totally get wanting to wait, esp. now. Do what’s right for you. It’s total anecdata but I also had a bit of an emotional time after first weaning and expected with the second and it never happened.
Anonymous says
Going back to work was the beginning of weaning for me. Canadian so had a year off and just nursed morning and night when I went back at 1 year. All three kids dropped both feeds by around 16 months without any encouragement on my part. If you’re home, maybe offer morning, lunchtime and night? It’s okay to set a time limit, and decide to end nursing after 15 or 20 minutes. He’s big enough to get enough in that time period.
FWIW, Canadian Pediatric Society says it’s okay to use cow’s milk at 9 months if they are eating solids well so you might be able to skip formula altogether. It’s totally normal to both enjoy BF and also sometimes feel frustrated by a wiggling, distracted baby. After 6 months, I generally had to nurse my babies alone in their room or my room as anything else was too exciting/distracting for them.
Anonymous says
DS is 8mo and also easily distracted by his older sister so we nurse in his quiet dim room. Opposite of most people I nurse him when he wakes up from his naps, in the morning, before bed. I do wear my hair up or pull it behind my head because it’s long and he’ll pull. He just pulls on my shirt instead. At 9m your baby will still need bottles and I’ve seen in stores formula can be scarce, so we are EBF for now even though I was hoping to start on some formula before COVID happened. I weaned DD at 14m, I’m hoping to wean DS around the same time. I’ve never wanted to nurse until 2 because I’ve seen many people struggle to wean an older toddler. I did not have any emotional issues when weaning DD.
Anonymous says
We went through an easily distracted phase around 10 months also. It was only a phase, but kiddo ended up dropping an afternoon feeding. She wouldn’t sit still for it, and it just stopped making sense to try on my end unless she tried to nurse, which she didn’t. We still kept up with the other feedings. You might find that nursing keeps up your supply with fewer sessions better than pumping did.
layered bob says
As long as my babies are staying close to their growth curve I don’t worry about how much or how often the baby nurses and assume that they’ll do what they want. I don’t take any specific action to wean or not wean at that age.
All my kids had periods where they were distracted little nutcases and then they would eventually settle down. Nurse in a quiet room, get a nursing necklace for him to fidget with, and then end the session if he is showing he’s just not that interested in nursing. Have DH offer food if it is close to a snack or mealtime, and tell him you’ll nurse again [before nap/in an hour/after he wakes up] – whenever is the next convenient time for you.
I nurse my kids until 22-26 months and haven’t had any trouble weaning. By 18-20 months we’re usually down to 1-2x/day, although now that I am WFH I’m back up to 5x/day on average with my 21-month-old, but sometimes that’s four times one morning if my morning is slow, and then the next day just once + bedtime if I’m busy all day. I personally find it easier to just keep nursing (without worrying about how much/how long/how often) until they are old enough to reliably eat a meal of table food and understand the concept that we’re not going to nurse any more but they can have a cuddle and a sip of water or milk instead.
When I decided to wean my daughter at two, she asked to nurse, I said “not tonight, not anymore,” and she replied, “ok, back rub?” and that was the end of it. So that’s how I knew it was time to wean!
Anon op says
Thanks, everyone. This phase has been going on for about a month. It does seem better if I take him to another room (away from kid1’s noise) but then DH and I are both on childcare duty so it’s hard. But reading all these responses made me realize I’m not quite ready to stop yet so thank you.
Anon says
To me this looks like the Belichick hoodie – just not feeling it.
Pogo says
lol. his outfits crack me up.
GCA says
Ha! I cannot unsee it now.
Anon says
Now I want it!
FVNC says
What are some things you all do to make your spouses/SOs feel appreciated?
My husband is basically functioning as a SAHD — doing almost all childcare and home-schooling and cooking, plus a few hours of his own work after the kids go to bed. My job requires regular business hours and is busier than usual, so I’ve been hiding out in my home office working business as usual. He’s 100% okay with this arrangement and I want to make sure he knows how much I appreciate being able to work seamlessly, because of him. My usual go-to’s of arranging babysitter + date night or picking up a little treat from the grocery are not an option, obviously. Ideas?
Anonymous says
1. Say it out loud.
2. Give him a break on the weekend.
Anonanonanon says
100%. Tell him how much you appreciate it and how great he’s doing and that you feel lucky he’s your partner during all of this, and give him a break on the weekends or some evenings.
anonymous says
I feel like this is a love languages thing – what specific things make him feel loved and appreciated – gifts, acts of service, physical affection, words of affirmation?
Anonymous says
I could have written this because that’s how our life looks right now too (beyond thankful). I’m taking the kids for a couple of 4-5 hour chunks over the weekend to give spouse some time to work, exercise, or have personal time. I’m trying to do more than my usual share of daily household chores (dishes etc) that I can do at night while he works. But the time to exercise and just be away from kids is what he needs most these days.
Spirograph says
Same. And also giving him the option to do whatever he wants after the kids go to bed. If he wants to spend time with me so he has an adult to talk to, I do that. If he wants to veg and play video games, I make myself scarce.
Anon says
Advice on WFH with a 3 yo and 10 mo? My husband and I are both fortunate enough to be able to work from home, but it’s v hard with our 2 kids home. We’ve been having a babysitter come a couple times a week and it’s helped a lot but I’m getting concerned about it for a couple reasons. First, soon I think we’ll go over the $ limit for domestic employees and we haven’t ever had a nanny or anything so not even sure what we’d have to do. She’s a laid-off daycare teacher, so this has been a really mutually beneficial set up so far, but I’m worried about any repercussions. Also, this technically violates the stay at home order – she lives with her parents and siblings and she just mentioned in passing something that makes me think that her whole family isn’t isolating. So I’m concerned about exposure. Ugh I already feel like I’m not doing my best at work. Any advice? What would you do? (We’ve also become pretty close with the babysitter over the past few weeks so I’m worried about taking away some income if we were to stop having her come…)
Anon says
Tough call. I’d be strongly tempted to keep her on anyway, but of course having your family get sick would be terrible. Hard to know the risk these days because health authorities default to the most extreme measures across the board.
Anonymous says
Hahahaha nope.
Anon says
Hahaha yep.
Anonanonanon says
you’re such a troll lol
Anon says
Not a troll. Why are you so rude?
Anonanonanon says
Because you’re frequently on here being rude to people.
Anonymous says
You must have psychic powers to know which anonymous person is frequently being rude on here. Glad you leap to conclusions so easily!
Boston Legal Eagle says
We have a 4 year old and a 1.5 year old so not quite the same ages but still both very needy and hands on. We trade off working and childcare and my husband is doing part time hours. We don’t have to bill our time and both bosses are generally understanding. Can one of you go part time to avoid having to work nights and weekends? It’s a tough situation. I don’t fault you for the sitter – maybe you could also try getting someone else who you vet for more stricter social distancing?
Anonymous says
Nannies don’t violate stay at home orders in my state and a lot of others, fwiw.
Anon says
We’re in this same situation (almost sane aged kids too) and are also struggling with it. Basically the social distancing of the family has been our deal breaker. We have a cousin coming; her family is practicing strong social distancing we’re told. If we learn that changes (honestly have been checking her siblings’ instas to make sure) then we’ll discontinue. It’s a tough call
Realist says
Possibly look at a different nanny that could live in with you (or some other arrangement that doesn’t violate your state’s orders and is more aligned with your own comfort level for isolation steps needed). Get a payroll service like Homepay or get comfortable with the risks of paying under the table and not complying with all the laws. The payroll service is better for everyone but obviously costs more.
Anonanonanon says
Oh man, that’s really tough now that she’s already there. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that, but I would definitely have interviewed about social distancing and taken the fact she cohabitates with multiple family members who may not be social distancing into account with the hiring decision. Now that you’re there, I understand how bad you’re going to feel if you are taking away income. I’m high risk so for us it would be 100% a deal breaker, but it’s a very personal decision for everyone. Sounds like you’re still exposed to fewer extended contacts than your child would have at daycare, but it’s tough to know what to do.
Clementine says
Okay, somebody talk me out of buying a Tripp Trapp.
We have a perfectly fine high chair – Chicco 3 in 1 Stack. It’s been great for 4 years and looks fine (cute seat cover from Etsy helped a lot).
But why, oh why, am I currently lusting after a high chair when I already own one??
FWIW, currently 3 kids – newborn, young toddler, and preschooler. Because we foster, highly likely but not guaranteed that we’re looking at 4-5 more years of high chair usage.
layered bob says
sorry – we love ours so much that when we bought the first one, we very shortly bought a second one for my youngest child as well even though they were still in a perfectly fine high chair. We’re thinking about getting a third even though our kids don’t really need three, but when we have guests…
Anon says
Any thoughts on tripp trap vs. stokke steps high chair? Currently deciding between the two…
Anon says
I love ours and is worth every penny. It gets used all the time and is so easy to clean.
CCLA says
We have the stokke steps. Got it when DD was 2.5 so can’t speak to its infant features, but we love it so much a year later for its facilitating her independently getting in and out of it without keeping a separate stool in the dining area.
Clementine says
Okay, so next step: how do I convince my husband? (Note that he now says that was what he wanted to buy in the first place.)
…I think I might give it to him as a tongue in cheek Father’s Day gift. (This is pretty normal for us – we often ‘give’ the other parent a gift that is actually for us/the house for the Hallmark holidays.)
layered bob says
you can use the Bed Bath & Beyond coupons for 20% off if BB&B has it in stock in the color you want… if that helps!
AnonLaywer says
Ugh, should I get one? I’m not loving the Fisher Price Space Saver one but it’s soooooo much cheaper.
Anon says
Any thoughts on tripp trap vs. stokke steps high chair? Currently deciding between the two…
Cb says
We have a Tripp Trap, it was used by friends for 7 years and is 2 years with my son. I think if you’re fostering, it’s definitely worth it. Our friends even use it as (small) adult seating in a pinch.
Mrs. Jones says
Our son still uses the Tripp Trapp and he’s 9. Adults have used it too.
KatieWolf says
I got the tripp trapp knock off – the abiie. I couldn’t justify the tripp trapp cost w/ accouterments, so I thought it was the next best thing. DH was NOT on board bc he’s (sometimes unnecessarily) cheap and we already had the ikea high chair but you know what? I ordered that sucker anyway and when it was delivered to the house he said “how much did that cost? nevermind, it doesn’t matter” Know your spouse, I guess, and I knew I could get away with it :) I’ve been very happy w it so far and like that it will grow w baby the way a tripp trapp does. Just another option to look into before you pull the trigger!
Clementine says
Thank you. In my house, I’m the saver and he’s more likely to spend, so it’s going to be fine if I just buy it.
(Please note that we have an agreement that he never asks how much I spend on hair/nails/makeup/self-maintenance and I never ask how much he spends on ‘tools’ for ‘projects’ at the hardware store(s). We literally joke about it. “How much was that new drill?” “I dunno, like 4 manicures?” )
Katy says
Get it. I really regret not getting it! :)
Anon says
i have 22 month old twins, who are trying to figure out the concept known as sharing. Twin A is my dominant one – less verbal, will grab things out of twin B’s hands, more prone to tantrums, impatient, but is also cuddly and loves to hug and kiss. Twin B will express verbally that she wants something Twin A has, but doesn’t quite understand how to ask, if someone doesn’t intervene, generally lets Twin A take stuff without putting up a huge fight. Janet Lansbury has a podcast episode on this, but to be honest, i did not find it to be particularly helpful. She says to try to intervene by saying to the aggressor “you want that. i see you really want that, etc.” It is exhausting doing that all day and sometimes I feel like Twin B gets the short end of the stick. Like this morning, I was reading a book to Twin B, Twin A decided she wanted a different book to be read at that second and threw a major tantrum, trying to take the book from me, etc. and so for me to deal with Twin A, means I need to stop reading to Twin B. I can’t just fully ignore Twin A if she is trying to lay down on the book. Twin A also says the word “share” and then takes something out of Twin B’s hands. Or Twin B (who has more of a sweet tooth), will finish her cookie first and then insist that Twin A has to share, since they do not fully get this whole sharing/taking turns thing yet. In the half hour I spent with them this morning, there were probably 4+ instances. Help!
layered bob says
We are admittedly Janet Lansbury fans and don’t really believe in “sharing.” The instances you describe don’t sound like sharing issues to me and I wonder if reframing them would help handle them. So 1) If Twin B lets Twin A take stuff without putting up a fight, then maybe Twin B doesn’t care about it as much as you do. She may value letting Twin A have it, and it’s not up to you to decide what she should care about or how much she should fight it.
2) If Twin A interrupts the book reading, that’s not a sharing issue, that’s a waiting issue. You can’t ignore it, but you can tell her that you are reading now and she’ll need to wait for her choice of book, and if she can’t wait quietly here you’ll take Twin B to keep reading elsewhere.
3) If Twin B wants Twin A to give her part of the cookie, that is also not sharing, that is just giving part of the cookie away, and you tell Twin B that she is not permitted to take food that others are still trying to eat and that you’ll help her move away if she’s having a hard time being near the cookie.
4) For the issues with expressing verbally to have a turn – coach them that it’s not necessary. If someone is still playing with something, it’s not their turn yet, and it will be their turn when the other person is done and has abandoned the item. No verbal interaction necessary. Likewise remind them that if they are done playing with something and have left it alone, it is ok if another person starts to play with it. But you don’t really have to enforce this with constant sportscasting – you can let them figure it out once you’ve given them a framework.
Anonymous says
+1 to #4.
I agree that “sharing” is usually misinterpreted by young kids and their parents to mean that a kid who is using or eating something should have to give it away before she is done using it if someone else wants it. That’s not sharing, that’s being a doormat. I wouldn’t let either kid grab or demand something that the other has, and I wouldn’t make either child give away a toy before she’s done with it. If it’s something that is in very high demand and there’s only one of it (e.g., you only have one tricycle), I’d set clear time limits before letting either one use it. “We are going to ride the tricycle now. A gets it for 5 minutes, then it is B’s turn for 5 minutes.”
Anonanonanon says
Yes! That is one of my playground pet peeves, when a kid would take something from my kid and their parent would say “awww he wants to share with you!” to my son who would be fussing. I had no problem bending down to get the toy back from the kid who took it (politely and gently) while saying to the mom “sorry, (son) is confused. We teach him that sharing means you ask first and wait your turn, so he doesn’t understand when people take things from him without asking”
Anon says
Yes!!! I have also noticed this in moms with babies who are trying to figure out the whole sharing thing and honestly end up overdoing it (I probably did too). I remember one time we were at the library and my toddler son was playing with a communal toy there. A younger kid came up and tried to play with the toy with my son. When my son understandably pulled back, the other mom actually reprimanded my son and told him he needed to share and the toy wasn’t his! Um, no, your son needs to learn that “sharing” doesn’t mean getting to play with whatever he wants to whenever he decides he wants to.
Anon says
p.s. this was not a dig at OP, who isn’t doing this necessarily. Just a general pet peeve that the posts had me agreeing with.
Anon says
how do people define “sharing” vs. “taking turns”?
Anonanonanon says
In my mind, you “share” items but you “take turns” at an activity. You can share a box of crayons while you are both coloring, but need to take turns going down the slide. I think of “sharing” as applicable when it is something that you can both do simultaneously. If my kid has two shovels and is digging in the sand, it makes sense for him to share a shovel so a friend can dig with him. If he has one shovel, he might be asked to give his friend a turn.
layered bob says
Agreed, if it’s something that more than one person can use without detriment, it’s sharing. E.g. two people can use a box of crayons (taking turns with individual crayons), two people can share a large blanket when sitting together on the couch, two people can share a food where there is more of the food than one person can eat anyway.
If it’s something that won’t be used up but only one person can use at a time, that’s taking turns. Most things you can take turns with, but the first person gets to use it until they are done.
If it’s something that will be used up, that’s just giving – if I have only one cookie that I was planning on eating, and I give you half, that’s not sharing, it’s just giving it away. We don’t require our children to give something away, although they often choose to do so out of politeness or generosity.
Anonymous says
I think you’re looking for a solution that doesn’t exist. This is just how it’s gonna be for a while.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Toddlers are exhausting. Twin toddlers are super exhausting. Twin toddlers in a pandemic where you can’t go anywhere or get any help? Wow, that would break most people I think. I think you’re doing great and that you’ll continue to experience these irrational tantrums until they’re a little older.
Anonymous says
This. I have twins. It’s tiring AF but it does get better. Mine are 5 and they play well together most of the time.
Anon says
Yes, it is very exhausting to do this all day every day. The goal is that putting in the time now will help them learn (how to share, how to deal with emotions, etc) and make it less exhausting for you in the future.
AwayEmily says
Mine are now 2 and 4 and the method we use has worked pretty well…if Kid A has something that Kid B wants, we say to Kid A “Ask Kid B if you can have it when she’s done.” Kid A asks, and 90% of the time Kid B says “okay.” If she doesn’t answer we push her til she does. We don’t make Kid B specify how long — if she wants to play with it for another hour, fine. But we will often give Kid A more attention to make up for her not getting the toy, which has the side benefit of Kid B losing interest. We don’t actually ever use the word “share.” This didn’t work overnight but now they have very few sharing squabbles.
Kids Care Package says
I’d like to send a care package to my nephews (aged 3 years and 15 months). Any ideas on what to include?
Cb says
Some road tape and pull back cars? Fresh sets of paints or gel crayons (so satisfying to color with!)? A few just published books?
Pogo says
Duplos, art/craft supplies, books.
Anonanonanon says
Magnatiles are great starting around aged 3 and it’s type of thing where it won’t matter if they already have some. They can be a bit pricey, though. Duplos as Pogo suggested.
I have already forgotten what 15-month-olds are into. Maybe some kind of play set that is a garage with child safe cars or a little people play set? Seems like something they could kind of bang around for now and then grow into.
Clementine says
Magnets and a cookie sheet to stick them to?
TheElms says
Are all cookie sheets magnetic? (I probably should just know the answer to this, but I don’t).
Anonymous says
Wouldn’t send magnets for a 15-month-old
Anon says
Puzzles, stickers, bubbles, fresh crayons or washable markers and coloring books, inexpensive board books, a small inflatable beach ball (I don’t know why but my 2 year old is currently obsessed with the one we got for free from Gymboree).
Anonanonanon says
Washable is a great point. We’re all a little more… er… lax with the supervision sometimes right now trying to juggle everything.
Anon says
Mini kickballs. They are about 3 inches or so in diameter and the perfect size for little hands rolling and throwing. Also just got my 2.5YO a size 3 soccer ball she has been loving. Also little people and megablocks are great for both of those ages.
anonn says
balloons, bubbles, sidewalk chalk, play doh, Melissa & Doug Water Wow books, etch e sketch
TheElms says
What are people’s favorite learning towers? I’ve seen the Little Partners one, but are there others that people like? I’m particularly interested in a slim one since our kitchen is long but slim.
Knope says
YMMV depending on how cautious/not cautious your kid is, but we’ve been fine with a regular old stepstool for my toddler.
Mrs. Jones says
Same
Clementine says
Same here. I think we got ours at HomeGoods?
Cb says
Yep, my kiddo just sits on the counter.
Anonymous says
We’ve always used a fold up stool, and it is has been just fine.
Anon says
We’re a fan of the Guidecraft Kitchen Helper Stool, which folds up when you’re not using it. With one kid a step-stool works okay, but with 2 kids helping I really like having that extra security of the railing, so someone can’t accidentally get knocked off.
Anon says
We have the little partners one and love it, but my kiddo is a monkey and needed a super sturdy one and we have a large kitchen, so the footprint is fine for us.
AwayEmily says
We have the little partners one. Warning, it is HUGE. at first I wished we’d gotten something smaller, but after having a second kid I’m glad we have the big one because they can both be in there. Both of my kids are huge klutzes tho.
Pogo says
We have the Guidecraft “High Rise Step-Up” which is different than the kitchen helper and has a slightly smaller footprint, I think, though it is still large. We are lucky that we have a decent sized 3/4 bath off the hall near the kitchen, so it lives in there as the sink stepstool, and only comes into the kitchen for projects. I don’t think I’d want something as massive otherwise, but it is strudy, which I really like.
Scilady says
I got the Sprout Kids Sous-Chef Toddler Tower and I love it. We started using it around 15 months and it’s used daily at 18 months. I liked the 3 enclosed slides, the fact no screws/ hardware needed to put together and the company is great.
LittleBigLaw says
I feel like a new woman today, y’all. DH is still having to go into the office, but he’s been able to work out an alternative schedule where he can go in around lunch and work late into the evening. This means that starting today he’ll cover the lion’s share of “virtual preK” in the mornings, and I won’t have to wait on him to get home before really starting my workday. I’ve moved my home office into our bedroom where I can shut the door and have swapped out my usual NPR podcasts for Spotify jams. Ah-maz-ing. Just needed to celebrate this small win! Also, it took me way too long to ask for more help and to admit that the setup I created when this first started wasn’t working. So, for anyone that might need to hear it, it’s ok to admit defeat and regroup! You’re doing a great job!
Cb says
That’s fantastic. We’re doing an AM / PM schedule and it really works if I spend 45-60 minutes in the evening mapping out what I am going to write the next day. I can’t get to my desk at 1pm and start researching, I need to have thoughts jotted down so I can just sit and write during the quietest time.
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
My husband took a day off today and I am SO happy. Remote learning started this Monday and it was killing us. I’ve gotten so much done so far today. I took a vacation day tomorrow and I’m looking forward to that too.
anne-on says
I’m taking a ‘day off’ next week when my kid’s school is closed. I am SO looking forward to not having to juggle school/work and to be able to maybe get a work out in and do some of the cuddling while watching a movie all the other SAHMs I talk to seem to get to indulge in daily.
Extending Leave says
I am currently on mat leave and I want to ask to extend it (unpaid). I don’t know anyone at my employer who has done so. What questions should I be asking HR?
Anonymous says
I think you should talk to your manager first not HR
Anonymous says
Really? In our organization, managers won’t discuss such things. The conversation has to be initiated through HR.
FVNC says
Would it make sense to approach your manager first and get his or her approval before going to HR? My very large, very bureaucratic employer would likely not approve anything unless they knew management had already signed off. I had to extend my leave by a week back in 2017 because out spot in daycare wasn’t available on time, and I’m not sure my manager even told HR…
Anonymous says
I took unpaid leave and like the other poster said, it was at my manager’s discretion. I think all managers would need to approve it with HR and it’s good practice to clear it with them anyway. HR is there to process the paperwork, they’re not going to be managing what happens when you’re out.
Annonn says
ask if you’ll have to pay the employer’s share of your insurance costs. will they halt contributing to your retirement fund? will they temporarily stop the clock on any time based benefits like vesting? basically, what are the effects of essentially being off payroll for the extension?
Anon says
This doesn’t answer OPs question, but to the other responders I don’t know if I agree with asking your manager first. I could see doing a fact finding mission with HR first, so when you do talk to your manager you are armed with what is technically and technically not allowed, both form a co policy and legal perspective. I feel like a lot of managers would not know the details of all of this (because they are complicated and don’t come up often) and you run the risk of an old school manager denying it when it might turn out them doing that is illegal or not in line with policy.
Anon says
I’m due with #2 soon and just had my last growth scan. Baby Boy is measuring 7 pounds 5 ounces at 36.5 weeks with a head in the 95th percentile already. My daughter was 8 pounds even with a large head, but that was at almost 40 weeks. I had a bad second degree tear with her and my recovery was rough. I’m freaked out about having such a big baby. My doctor doesn’t seem concerned about his size but even if I deliver at 39 weeks, as is our plan, this kid could be 9 pounds!
Does anyone have any “I had a giant baby and it was okay and everyone recovered fairly easily” stories to help reassure me? I know ultrasound measurements can be notoriously off at this point in pregnancy, so I’ll take any “I was told the baby would be big and it all turned out fine” stories too.
Anonymous says
I was told my 7.5 pound baby would be like 9.5 pounds with a giant head. I ended up with a c-section, so can’t speak to a V delivery. But I can tell you that the ultrasound was very off. She had a very proportional head.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My first was 9lbs 9oz, second was 10lbs, 2oz. So yeah, large babies. Second one had a big head too, so the pushing was definitely harder. I had epidurals both times but I think the tearing was worse with the first (or at least they didn’t tell me much about it for the second?) We all recovered fine, I was walking around shortly after the epidural wore off. There was pain after of course, but nothing out of the ordinary for a v delivery.
This may be anecdotal but bigger babies tend to sleep longer earlier (true for both my kids), which I consider a huge plus!
Anonymous says
My kids ranged from 8.5-10.5 lbs, and it all turned out okay. :)
anon says
I had two tears with my first, 7lbs 2 ounces. I had no tears with my second, 8lbs 12 oz. Both deliver and recovery was faster with #2. Your body has already done this once!
Katarina says
I was told that my second baby was going to be huge, they were estimating at least nine pounds at 39 weeks. I was induced at 39 weeks, and he was 8 lb 7 ounces. Delivery was pretty easy, I had minor tearing. My recovery was really easy, I only used one motrin, and that was for the afterpains. FWIW my recovery with my first was also pretty easy (he was 7 lb 15 oz, I pushed for much longer, and had an episiotomy) so maybe I am just prone for easy recoveries. They did estimate the size of my first pretty easily.
My third was also estimated to be big, but not quite as big. I was also induced at 39 weeks, partly for size, partly for my age, partly because of the previous easy delivery, and he was my smallest at only 7 lb 6 ounces. That delivery was really easy, the nurses were joking that I should have a fourth baby because of my easy delivery. Recovery was also easy, maybe slightly harder than with my second.
TheElms says
I’m 5’3″ and had a 8lb 15oz first baby. My water broke and contractions didnt start so I was induced. It ended with a c-section because baby wasn’t tolerating labor. It wasn’t an emergency c-section but it was a we need to do this now, if that makes sense. So I’d been through labor and then the C-section and was up and walking that afternoon. So you’ve totally got this!
Katy says
I had a hard labour with a 7.5 lb baby at 38 weeks (though tearing was only relatively minor) which the ultrasound 4 days earlier suggested would be 7 lbs at 40 weeks. NOT helpful to your specific situation, but to echo the point that the ultrasound itself shouldn’t scare you. GOOD LUCK.
Pogo says
Why do they tell women these estimates?? It’s not like it can help you if you know baby’s size, even if the estimates were correct. My OB was really hesitant to tell me my first’s size even when random strangers and unhelpful coworkers kept remarking how huge I was (thanks). She just said “I think he’ll be a solid 8-lber”.
He was 8 lb 12 oz and 21″ – not giant, but not tiny either. 2nd degree tearing, lots of swelling from 5h of pushing (he was sunny side up). But by 3 weeks PP I felt totally fine. First 2w I definitely was sore and noticed my stitches – but really, the first 2w you should be resting anyway!
Ashley says
I wonder this too! I was measuring with a big (8lb 10 oz) baby around 38 weeks but my OB told me a “suspected big baby is not a medical reason for induction.” Ok, so why tell me the measurement? It only increased my anxiety!
Anon says
omg 5 hours of pushing! You deserve a medal. I thought I pushed for hours and they told me later it was 40 minutes.
Anonymous says
My son was 9 pounds even at 42 weeks, but he was really long – almost 23 inches. Husband and I both have giant heads, and my son how does too (like off the growth charts), but somehow miraculously his head was a normal size at birth. I guess it squished? I had a “tiny” 2nd degree tear and an easy recovery despite bing induced and having just about every intervention shy of a c-section. And yeah, they thought he was going to be quite a big bigger than he was. When I went in to be induced the resident was worrying about how big he was, and I mentioned my mother had 2 9+ pound babies. She asked, “Do you have your mother’s pelvis?” I didn’t know how to answer that.
So Anon says
I had ultrasounds with both at the end of my pregnancies. They estimated my first would be 8lb+, and he was on time and a very petite 6lbs 5oz. The ultrasound estimate my second at 8lb+ with a big head and she was 9 lbs 3 oz and nine days late. I did not have an epidural with my second and had an amazing midwife. The labor went pretty quickly, pushing didn’t take too long, and I had no tearing. Don’t let the numbers from the ultrasound frighten you! You’ll do great!!!
Anonymous says
Yup!!! DD was 7lbs. I found out at 40+4 that DS was measuring 10lbs3oz. Born that day at 9.5lbs. It was seriously not harder/more painful than my first. The doctor aggressively stripped my membranes (I was scheduled for an induction 3 days later) and I had the baby 7hrs later. Doctors and I were completely surprised and freaked out. Hadn’t had a growth scan since 30 weeks and I did not gain a massive amount of weight. My only clue was that I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable starting at 36 weeks. I now know it’s because I had a full term baby inside of me at that point. Also I didn’t look large but my belly was huge and I had way more stretch marks on my stomach than I did with my first pregnancy. Anyways, labor was 6hrs long but really like 2hrs if pain plus only 30 mins of pushing. 2nd degree tear but not bad at all. Recovery was MUCH easier than my first and no pain with intimacy afterwards. Anecdotedly it seems like recovery is much easier for most people the second time around. What bugs me now is more that people say “I don’t know how you did that” not like they’re impressed but more prying “is everything, you know, OK WITH YOUR PRIVATES?”. Which yup, it is, but even if it weren’t it’s no ones business.
I had two unmedicated births and although I was totally freaked out to hear I might have a 10lb baby I quickly told myself that women have “big” babies every day all over the world without much issue. My mom and DH were encouraging as well that I could do it. Being relaxed helped me soooo much.
Anonymous says
My 8.5-lb baby was born with a perfectly round head, if that provides any reassurance.
Anon says
My second was 9’14” and I didn’t need an epidural and had significantly less tearing than I did with my 8’13” first. I think your first birth is just hard on your body.
Anonymous says
I was told my first baby would be huge; they estimated 10lbs at some late growth scan. He was actually a little under 7 lbs (and perfectly healthy).
Anonymous says
I think your medical and family history matters. My husband was a big baby as were my siblings. I was almost 6 lbs when I was born, even though I was a month early and a twin. So I was not surprised to hear that my child was measuring large. My kid came out a week early at 8 lb 10 oz with a huge head.
Anonymous says
Second baby was 9 lb, big but not giant, with 99+ percentile head. Delivery was still easier than first baby, who was closer to 8lb with a big head too. Second baby had much shorter pushing and much less tearing (2nd vs close to 4th- DRAMATICALLY easier recovery!!).
Anonymous says
Late reply, but maybe you’ll check back. (And this will totally put me if anyone knows me in real life!)
Baby 1: 9 lbs, 10 oz, 23” long. Delivered at 41+3. (Relatively) easy labor, pushed for 1.5 hours, some tearing but not awful. I had no idea she’d be as big as she was, but I gained 50 lbs while pregnant.
Baby 2: felt like she was the same size while I was pregnant. Despite my best efforts, still gained 50 lbs. Ultrasound at 36ish weeks showed that she was already 7.5 lbs. she was born at 40+4 at 9 lbs, 15 oz, 23.5 inches. Even at that size, she was out in 5 pushes. Again, minimal tearing. Recovery was easier than the first, probably because of less pushing and having done it once.
All that to say: don’t let the big baby scare you! They ALL hurt coming out, whether they’re 6 lbs or 10 lbs, they’re bigger than your cervix! Big babies do tend to sleep better and often eat better. You’ve got this.
Anon says
I had a growth scan at 34 weeks and they told me that the baby was 7 lbs at that point, so I could expect 9-10 pounds by delivery, and that she had a big head. I was also worried based on family history because I was a 9 lb-er and DH was a 10 lb-er. I delivered at 40w5d and my baby was barely over 8 lbs with a small (20th percentile) head. So yeah…I think ultrasound measurements are really just guesses. And +1 to bigger babies eat and sleep better. A lot of my friends had 6 lb-ers who slept a lot worse than my DD.
Anonymous says
I had a 10 lb baby. I didn’t have an epidural with the first but freaked out and got it with the ten-pounder for sure. I had no trouble (well, not more than normal, I guess) pushing the baby out. I had a worse tear than with my other births (2nd degree), so recovery was not exactly a piece of cake, but not a horror show either. Frankly, I probably tore worse than I would have because I was so freaked out about the potentially (and actually, as it turns out) giant baby requiring an emergency C-section that I pushed harder and quicker than I should have. So, all told, not a walk in the park, but not terrible.
Also, as it turns out I had gestational diabetes that developed after I was tested for it in the second tri. If I were you, I’d see if I could get a second test and/or start monitoring your blood sugar and/or just start adjusting your diet as if you had GD. Babies gain a good bit of weight in the those last few weeks, so if this does turn out to be the case, it will still make a difference if you manage it. With my next pregnancy, I monitored and ate as if I had GD the whole time, even though I was never diagnosed, and I definitely got more sensitive to sugar toward the end.
Either way, you’ve got this!
Anonymous says
My first baby was estimated to be over 10 lbs at delivery based on scans, but was 8lbs 7oz. I didn’t even pay attention to the projections with my second baby because I figured it was garbage. She was a similar size and basically slipped out in 2 pushes – second babies can be much easier!
trappedinnyc says
They estimated my baby to be 11lbs (I was at 41 weeks and had only gained about 30 lbs) and immediately pushed me to get a C-section. I pushed back and ended up with a regular delivery – he was 9lbs 6 oz so not small, but well under their estimate (also 22 inches so long). My recovery was fine? I don’t have anyhting to compare it to, but I expected things would hurt for a while, and they did. The estimates can be wildly off and have very little to do with whether you can deliver a big baby. I recommend evidencebasedbirth to read more about LGA babies – it really calmed my anxieties at the time and I’m glad I didn’t go for the C.
Anonymous says
What sort of foods should I be feeding my 8 month old to move on from oatmeal/purees to finger foods? I haven’t been able to get avocados at the store. We’ve done bananas, black beans, and sweet potatoes, with varying success. He can definitely handle puffs but still seems iffy on real foods, usually spitting them out unless I mix with yogurt.
TheElms says
Roast vegetables like carrot, parsnip, sweet potato (cut into finger shaped pieces, toss in olive oil, roast at 400F for 20 minutes so they are very soft), kidney beans, blueberries cut in half, raspberries cut in half, scrambled egg or omelette, pancakes cut in strips, toast cut in strips with butter or hummus, and shredded cheese all went over well. Babies are just weird though and some days just don’t want to eat as much and other days want to eat everything. FeedingLittles and Kids.Eat.In.Color on Instagram have good ideas.
Anon says
This was the trickiest stage of feeding for me, honestly. My daughter liked roasted or steamed butternut squash cut into small pieces (I’d buy frozen or prechopped to make my life easier). Overcooked pasta. Tiny pieces of scrambled egg (though this is how we found out my daughter has a severe egg allergy, so have some Children’s Bendaryl on hand!). Shredded cheese. Shredded carrots. Basically anything that’s very soft or can be diced up tiny works well.
Anonymous says
Babyledweanteam on instagram has some great recipes/ideas. Oranges cut into slices, eggs (my 8 month old will eat quiche with spinach in it), any soft roasted veggies. But we basically feed him what we eat just safely.
Anonymous says
I don’t think BLW resources will be terribly useful for OP. She doesn’t want her baby to spit the food out, which means she needs to serve small pieces of very soft or dissolving food. Pretty much the opposite of BLW. We had a lot of luck with Cheerios–they stick to wet fingers and are easy for the baby to convey into her mouth.
Anonymous says
We’re just about there, too. We’ve tried scrambled eggs mushed into small pieces (haaaated them) and we’re trying pureed chicken soup over pastina tonight.
Anonymous says
Just chop up some of whatever you are having for dinner and put it on his tray. My kids were always more appealed when it came directly off my plate onto their tray. Get used to adding hot sauce/salt etc to your food at the table instead of while cooking.