This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
These hair coils are my true MVP of my quarantine. I have very thick hair and I am also very due for a haircut. When I get my hair cut, I also have them thin it out a little at the ends and in the back because it’s so heavy and dense otherwise. Since discovering these types of hair ties, I won’t go back to my regular bands. These never get loose during the day, are strong enough to hold all of my hair back, and I think they’re healthier for my hair. One downside for me though, as with all of my hair ties, is that they do stretch out, so that is one problem not solved. Another problem is that they’re not comfortable to wear on your wrist, at least for me. Anyway, these are helping me rock my everyday quarantine hairstyle of a messy bun with ease. An pack of eight is $9 at Shopbop. 8-Pack Hair Coils
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
Click here to see our top posts!
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Katy says
For the stretching out, a friend puts the coils into just-boiled water for a couple of minutes, and she says they’re like new afterwards.
Anon says
Thank you! I will try this.
Anon says
I was laid off before the Corona-shutdown began in earnest, and had been aggressively networking and job hunting before daycare closed and my preschooler stayed home all day. In the grand scheme of things, I am thankful I am not juggling her and a job I hated, and the company was generous with severance because life looked good for them early in the first quarter. But now I cannot get motivated to do any of the activities that her school has prepared for at home. Any free time I have (nap, husband taking a late lunch to cover for my job interviews) is spent on my job hunt. My daughter seems happy with extra outdoor time and walks and extra tv time. Kindergarten is two years away for her. In the big picture, I think me getting a job is best for our family, her and me…but those other parents at preschool are posting photos of all the school-provided activities they’ve done with their kids while at home. I’m feeling guilty.
nah says
Stop feeling guilty! Your daughter is so young that she learns from almost every experience. (Read an article, in fact, that pre-school aged kids even have the best educational tv.) FWIW, my spouse is a high school teacher and he says that almost no one has been doing their elearning (which for equity reasons is optional).
anon says
Agree with this. Preschoolers learn from basically everything.
My 3 year old has really enjoyed cooking with me, which is just mixing anything that can be mixed, placing pepperonis on the pizza on Fridays, etc (life skills, fine motor). She cuts all our junk mail with her safety scissors (fine motor). We go for walks and balance on the curb (exercise, gross motor). We talk about the things we see and hear on walks (vocab, gross motor). We count random things. She uses her tablet for literally hours every day, and that involves math games and letters and reading and all kinds of things.
Really, the only real loss is the lack of social contact outside the family. When school starts up, all the kids will be in the same boat when it comes to that.
Pogo says
Yes, everything is learning when they’re that little! Mine is big into finding letters everywhere – like if he sees an O on an orange juice container he’s like “Mommy! It’s a O for Olivia!” (best daycare friend). Lots of counting in any game he plays, same with shapes and colors. He has a few different games/puzzles where you sort shapes or colors, he likes to divide them up for each family member: “This is the blue circles for mommy, and the orange triangles for daddy, and the green squares for me!”
I make zero effort to do any real “school”. No guilt.
Anonymous says
Unfollow them. Preschool is optional.
Realist says
You are doing fine. Do not let yourself feel guilty for doing what is best for you, your kid, and your family. Down that path lies madness. She is learning enough just being with you and observing the world. If she is fed, getting outdoor time, and safe at home, you are doing great!
Cb says
I absolve you of any guilt! My son doesn’t love his nursery Zoom calls so we skip them and draw roads on cardboard boxes (delivery boxes are the MVP of this ordeal) and go for cycle rides through the woods. He gets an hour or two of TV as well. I’ve been doing letters with him because he’s super interested but I’m not fussed about it.
Mrs. Jones says
I wish you didn’t feel guilty. It’s just preschool for crying out loud. Good luck with the job search!
AnotherAnon says
Please don’t feel guilty! Your job hunt is helping to provide a stable future for your daughter. DH and I are working ft, and my kid is also two years away from kindergarten. I have to keep reminding myself that outside time, one-on-one time with me and free play are enough. If you want to do more school activities, what helped me was setting up a schedule. But honestly, kiddo seems happier going for a bike ride or digging in the dirt than practicing number beads. What you are doing is enough.
Anonymous says
Free play is very important. If your daughter is relatively happy, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
Anonanonanon says
Oh gosh do not feel guilty AT ALL! We talked last week (months ago? time doesn’t make sense anymore) on the board about how the main reason most of us send our children to preschool is for the social and behavioral aspects they need to learn before Kindergarten. Right now, ALL kids are missing out on that, and there is no way to homeschool that for a 3-year-old. Cynically, I think preschools are doing this as an excuse to still get a payment out of parents. They have to know 3-year-olds can’t do online learning. If 3-year-olds had that kind of attention span and self-control, we could all work at home with them without childcare or bring them to our office all day with us!
avocado says
I share your thoughts on the motivations behind on-line preschool activities. My daughter’s sports club is doing the same thing. The same day they announced that they’d be doing quarantine workouts on Zoom, they announced that instead of suspending tuition as previously announced, they were going to “allow” families to pay tuition if they wanted to. So naturally we felt that we had to pay because they were providing something.
Anonymous says
My kids (4, 2) daycare didn’t provide any activities. Lots of us aren’t doing extra enrichment, we just aren’t bragging about it on insta. My goal is to keep everyone safe and sane— and that includes me and my husband.
I did get Khan Kids and let my four year old ply around on that, which he loves. And we’ve upped TV screen time, and I swear the extra Daniel tiger is really helping the kids— I hear them sing the jingles and occasionally adjust their behavior to be more Daniel-like.
Seriously, don’t feel guilty. We’re all doing the best we can.
AnotherAnon says
I should donate to the corporation for public broadcasting because DT has helped my 3 y/o: potty train, wash his hands consistently, be patient, deal with anger, and try new foods. The only tradeoff is I have to sing the dang jingles to get him to do these things. I caught him peeing in the yard this week (full disclosure, this is an activity we allow when he’s playing outside), but singing “flush and wash and be on your way!” pretending to wash his hands in the bushes. SMH.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, please try not to feel guilty. My older kid is 4 and we’ve done nothing “school-related.” No worksheets, no tracing, none of that. We read to him, go outside when the weather is good, play and he also watches fun TV. These kids are so young! They have plenty of time to do educational learning. And honestly, in this pandemic, I don’t know how important it is for even elementary school kids to focus too much on educational learning. They’re all in the same boat so probably will be fine even if they wait until September. The biggest thing we’re missing is the social aspects, which hopefully he’s getting with us and his younger sibling.
I don’t know who’s posting those preschool pics but I don’t follow them and neither should you.
anon says
Maintaining a safe, healthy, happy home is the best thing you can do for your kiddo right now. I completely agree with the above posters that preschoolers learn from literally everything. That isn’t to say there isn’t value in school prep but it isn’t necessary right now. Free play is still learning. Reading books together totally counts. Also, my 5-year-old is getting at least 2 hours of either Wild Kratts or Daniel Tiger on the daily.
I have had to significantly limit how much comparative social media I’m viewing right now because it puts me in a deeper funk than I’m already in.
AwayEmily says
Same as everyone else said. I have a 4yo and a 2yo so the only activities we do are ones they can BOTH enjoy…which means no letters, no numbers, not even all that much art since it doesn’t hold the 2yo’s attention and it’s not worth it for me to set up/clean. Like you, we are doing a ton of outdoor time. Lots of imaginary play and snuggling on the couch reading books. And of course plenty of Daniel Tiger and Sesame Street. But seriously, ZERO “school” related things. And like yours, my kids are really happy overall. They are getting tons of exercise, sleeping better than they have in years, and learning to do independent play while their parents work or clean. I am not at all worried about my kids or yours, and you sound like you are doing an amazing job.
SC says
Don’t feel guilty. My son is turning 5 next week, but we delayed him starting pre-K for social/behavioral reasons, so Kindergarten is also 2 years away for him. DH is a SAHD and is home with him all day. DH is not doing any typical preschool curriculum. Kiddo is continuing with some teletherapy sessions with an OT and a therapist we’ve worked with for years, so DH is facilitating those and doing some of their recommended exercises with Kiddo on the “off” days. Other than that, Kiddo is learning from general play, helping us around the house, TV, ABC Mouse, and being read to before nap and bedtime.
I’m super worried about the transition to pre-K in August/September for this kid, who was already struggling with social, emotional, and behavioral stuff in daycare. We held him back to give him extra time, and he’s missing 1/3 of that time, and likely camps this summer. I’m not at all worried about academics.
TheElms says
You are 100% correct that getting a job for you is best for you and her if that is what you want (i.e. if in 2 months you decide getting a job is not best then that will be right as well).
Anon says
OP here…thanks all for the support. I cried (happy tears) when I read it – thank you!!
My daughter is overall very happy, and I laughed at my reaction of “don’t worry about it, you’re doing great!” when I saw the post below of the mom struggling to get her work in and feeling guilty about not doing the daycare suggested arts and crafts.
My job hunt is going well in that I had four separate companies express interest and conduct first round interviews with me the second half of March, when the corona shutdown was very real where I live. Now down to two true job options that I am excited about and progressing, though slowly. My hope is that I can feel secure in landing a new job but have some time before starting so that I be more relaxed in my time with my daughter. We will see!
lsw says
Good luck! You’ll get there!
Anonymous says
We do “activities” and sometimes post about them on FB when the results are amusing, but this is just because that what’s work best for my preschool-aged twins. If they’re left to their own devices for too long they start to fight, so we try to have one planned thing for them to do in the morning to keep our own sanity.
Anon says
Your kid is learning so much from being around you and in the home and on little neighborhood haunts if you can do that. I taught my toddler the I Spy game and it’s great for vocab! Also the other day a friend posted on Insta her best efforts at being a Pinterest mom this week and it was completely hilarious – so don’t forget that social media is a tiny fraction of people’s lives and you rarely see the failed crafts or elaborate school activities that end in a tantrum.
anon says
Any nursing-friendly summer uniform ideas?
I had planned on weaning by now because of my travel-heavy, courtroom-heavy job. I planned for my summer wardrobe to be tee shirt dresses with shorts underneath. Now I’m home all day so I’m going to keep nursing through the summer. Crew neck tee shirt dresses are not really the best option anymore. What should I get?
Anon says
wrap dresses, and shorts with tees.
anne-on says
For whatever reason I felt more exposed lifting up a tee than buttoning down a shirt? I think it was because my c-section scar was still pretty gnarly at that point…
Anon says
My C-section scar is so low my underwear covers it in addition to my shorts. But you could also pair nursing tees with shorts. Kohls has a line of nursing tees I really liked – maternity a glow is the line but they’re not maternity, just nursing. Had a lot of friends compliment me on them and not realize at all they were nursing tops.
anon says
These Kohl’s ones are perfect! I buy 95% of my clothes at thrift stores, so even the most basic recommendations are helpful.
Now I need to find some shorts…
Anon says
I like the Gap inset panel maternity shorts (and I still wear them 2.5 years PP because it’s the only thing that has solved the muffin top issue with my tiny flat rear).
anne-on says
When I was nursing in the summer I wore a TON of button down shirts tucked into shorts – like this:
https://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=550127002&pcid=999&vid=1&searchText=roll-cuff+top#pdp-page-content
It’s a pretty preppy look, but I like in the Northeast so it’s pretty standard around here. Plus – the shirts are washable, it looks put together (even though it’s basically buttoning and tucking) and shorts offered more bottom coverage for all the crouching/lifting I was doing (stroller into car, picking up car seat, etc.). Maybe pair wit chucks if you want to make it more casual? I wore it with a lot of strappy (as in, strapped to my feet) sandals.
Marshmallow says
Short-sleeve button down shirts. Loose cardigans over nursing tanks. Nursing tees and dresses (B o o b brand has good ones if you can get over the name; Figure 8 Moms also good). If you tend toward a sporty style, you could experiment with nursing sports bras or bralettes and tanks with low armholes– I found that with several athletic shirts I already had, I could pull the armhole over to the side instead of pulling the bottom up.
TheElms says
I liked the two shirt method (also I was always cold so YMMV). I wore a nursing tank that clipped down with any shirt I wanted over top. Lift up top shirt, unclip nursing tank. Stomach stayed fully covered, which I also liked. I had/have very noticeable stretch marks that go up to my belly button. I typically wore yoga pants, but this would work with shorts, skirts, sweats – whatever you would typically wear on your bottom half in summer.
Anonymous says
I did this.
The Amazon Essentials swing tank works great as the top shirt. A little flowy, so stuff isn’t all bunched and tight; soft material on baby’s face; and super cheap, so who cares what you get on it. Two thumbs up.
Meg says
This. Nursing tank under normal shirts. I find many nursing clothes rehash frumpy 2009 styles (the v-neck empire waists were very cute on our going-out tops back in the day but look prettttty lame now). Mix up your regular tops over tanks, occasionally wear a skirt instead of pants, and buy one or two nice nursing compatible dresses or jumpsuits (wrap styles work) for when you wanna feel nice.
lsw says
I never lifted up a t shirt to nurse and don’t get it. There are tons of nursing shirts out there. I just wore that or a nursing dress. I wore exclusively nursing specific clothes.
Anonymous says
I did it because I didn’t feel like buying new clothes and was really mainly nursing at home, but also nursing clothing tended to look like something a sister wife might wear. Lots of them have a weird flap /fabric layer over the chest. Maybe I was looking in the wrong places but there is a lot of hideous stuff out there.
Anonymous says
I couldn’t deal with nursing clothes because they were all combo maternity/nursing and had excess fabric around the middle. Also they looked frumpy.
DLC says
My nursing uniform is a Gapfit tie back top layered over a nursing tank. The top isn’t specifically a nursing top, but because it is open in the back, it is really easy to nurse in, and as a bonus it sort of acts a nursing cover too. And you can tie the shirt in the back to get a more slimming silhouette or leave it loose.
It comes in long sleeve and tank top option and lots of Colors. I can’t manage to link, but if you search “gap tie back top” you’ll find it.
AnotherAnon says
Is it weird that I’m pretty much fine with this? I’m eating better, exercising, fine with putting in the bare minimum at work (even though it’s insane) and enjoying spending time with my hubs and kiddo. I know that a lot of people are having a hard time, and I absolutely get that, so I’m curious why I feel like this is…ok for now?
Anonymous says
Because you’re extremely fortunate to be not experiencing hardship. Which is not a problem, enjoy it.
Cb says
That’s great, you’re adaptable and resilient. My husband is similar and loves it – he’s a homebody who just likes to spend time with his wife and kid, he gets a cycle ride at lunch, he’s tackling DIY projects, and work is going fine.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m missing my village. I love my family but I’m not happy just spending all of my time with them. I miss my coworkers. I miss their daycare teachers. I miss just seeing people walk around where I work. I miss my solo lunches! And I’m an introvert who tends to be more of a homebody but this is just too much. I also have two small kids so would probably feel different if I had older kids or just one semi-old kid. If you feel fine, then it’s totally ok, but I think that most people are worried about something, or many somethings, now.
Anon says
I’m not “fine” with it, but here are the good things:
1. Exercising way more.
2. Eating healthier
3. Saving money because I’m not dropping $12.50 on a lunch daily downtown.
4. Watching my 2 year old grow and develop: she’s gone from babbling to making coherent and sometimes complete sentences while on lock down. I would have missed the daily incremental gains she’s making in the hustle and bustle of life. Don’t get me wrong, having a 2 year old in this is SO challenging, as many of you know, but I’m trying to find a silver lining?
Anon says
Is your kid happy? I’m pretty ok but my toddler is a mess without friends and school. I imagine most kids would be? Watching her be sad is the hardest part of this for me.
Anon says
My 4.5-year-old repeatedly tells me how happy he is, how much he loves being home, how every day is “the best day ever!” and how much fun he’s having. I even tried initiating a “feelings” conversation about how these are strange times and he may have seen his parents be a little distracted or cranky, and he replied that he has not and he is doing just fine. I think I lot of kids are actually loving this extra family time! A range of experiences for all of us, for sure.
Anonymous says
My 3.5 yo is the same. He talks about school every once in awhile but has no strong desire to go back.
Anon says
Wow, I’m jealous. My 2 year old wakes up every morning asking if today is the day she can go back to school. :/
Anonymous says
That’s what I’m experiencing too. Every once in awhile my 3.5 year says “school today?” but doesn’t seem particularly disappointed when I say no. The 1.5 year old is clearly loving the extra parent time. I worry we’re in for a tough transition when we go back, but thankful they are happy now.
GCA says
I get that, and it’s totally ok! I’m sure you recognize that it’s a privilege to be able to say one is completely fine – but it’s also ok to be completely fine. Accept it! Today, you are ok. That’s great.
In many ways I’m fine. I’m an introvert, still employed, with a husband who has always taken on his share of the parenting. We’re not struggling to eat or make rent. Our extended families are sheltering in place, well-informed, zero-drama, and generally healthy. The kids are mostly ok.
In other ways I am struggling a bit. Some of my colleagues in countries with better social support systems are on government-paid furlough part-time, so it feels harder than ever to schedule meetings (‘A is on Eastern time, B is on CET, client C is on Pacific time, D is on GMT, B works Tuesdays through Thursdays and D is only available in the afternoons because he splits childcare with his wife…’) and so the work has piled up. I am trying to donate to our church-run nonprofit daycare so they can keep paying teachers a while longer without charging us; donating to the local food pantry and diaper drives…I worry about my community and society. That’s where my anxiety sits today.
OP says
Thank you for the kind words. This is exactly what I’m feeling: it’s not ideal, but it’s ok. I’m trying to let go of the guilt over being ok.
Nan says
Totally! I miss my family and friends but I am loving the extra time at home. I’m also loving not having to get out the door in the morning and the constant grind of drop-off/pick-up. This is a horrible situation and I recognize we are lucky (so far, that could change at any moment.) I get very sad and overwhelmed thinking about the big picture, what others are going through, and what could easily happen to one of us. But the actually staying home part is not the issue for me.
Clementine says
Update: I may have showed my husband the comments on the Tripp Trapp from yesterday… he laughed and said, ‘Sounds like we’re getting another high chair.’
octagon says
I missed the conversation yesterday but we love our Tripp Trapp. We bought it used and it’s super sturdy and adaptable. One thing I really like is how both the seat and the legrest are adjustable. Our kid has a short torso with really long legs and it’s great to be able to lower the legrest without having to adjust the seat. (And it looks like the Stokke Steps does not have that option, but I haven’t looked closely.)
octagon says
nevermind, I see that Steps is adjustable, I don’t know how I missed that!
anone says
I have an almost 3 year old and a 10 month old. I have a few hours of family help a few times a week, but with a husband in biglaw who is slammed and can’t help at all, I’m trying to squeeze in my part-time work when I have help, when the baby naps and after they go to bed.
I feel so guilty though when I get messages from my daughters preschool about the amazing arts and crafts they are encouraging and pictures from my mom friends who are doing them (most only have one kid though and don’t work). I don’t understand how people are finding time for this if they have a job and more than one kid, particularly one that’s a mobile baby. I know it’s irrational, because my kids are so happy to play outside, tinker with their toys, and my daugher gets 2-3 hours of screen time a day, but between making meals, getting them all fed, cleaning up after them, and doing my work, there is zero time for anything educational for her (does reading to her count?). I’m not sure If I’m doing something wrong and need to somehow find time for this and the mess many art projects create in our tiny place.
Boston Legal Eagle says
See thread above. You’re doing great and no need to feel guilty.
If it helps anyone, I did daycare/preschool in another country/language before we moved here when I had to learn it in elementary school. I graduated with honors from both college and law school. Your kids will be fine.
OP says
I totally missed the above thread, makes me feel much better. Thanks to all of you that commented above.
SC says
Reading definitely counts! Reading to your kids is the #1 predictor of academic success. At 3, kids should be learning from play and experience.
Everyone’s situation is different, and some situations are harder/busier than others. Having one kid and a stay-at-home parent (my situation, with DH as the SAHD) is objectively easier, right now, than two working parents and two kids. There are many, many reasons why 2 working parents may be better in the long run, but it’s really hard during a pandemic. It’s OK to say that it’s really hard right now.
Also, I hear you on art being messy and feeling overwhelming. My kid is very impulsive and needs to be supervised with any art supplies. He found some scissors in an art bin last week and (a) cut holes in his own pajamas, and (b) cut up DH’s prescriptions. We were just in the kitchen while he was in the living room, 6 feet away but with a wall between us. Wishing we had an open floor plan, lol.
AnotherAnon says
I commented above but just wanted to specify that: ABSOLUTELY reading to her counts! It is possibly better than other educational activities. Also, if you have adult conversations in her presence, that helps her language development as well. You’re doing great. Keep reading to her!
Anonanonanon says
Also, not every kid even likes crafts! Neither one of my kids enjoy crafts or coloring, and the older one is just fine. Not that the younger one isn’t, but it’s early to tell. He’ll do snap circuit projects, magnatiles, etc. but arts and crafts are not his jam
Anonymous says
Repeat after Mr Rogers: PLAY is the work of children. If she is three and playing, talking with you, and reading a few books a day with you then you are doing an awesome job!! I am doing zero planned activities with my three year old. She’s great at independent play, plays outside a ton, we go on walks, and I occasionally give her markers or play dough. Sometimes we bake. None of need guilt on top of this already crummy situation.
Anonymous says
We have a 4 year old and 1.5 year old at home right now. We are definitely not doing arts a d crafts or projects beyond leaving out paper and markers where 4 year old but not 1.5 year old can reach them. If one of the adults is bored we might try to make something out of cardboard but kiddo is NOT INTERESTED in adult-led projects or really crafts of any kind and we don’t have time to lead them anyway. Spouse is mostly on kid duty and thankful for that. Kids are doing a lot of outdoor play and outdoor yard work, we are reading to them, and they’re learning about gardening and stuff like that. I’m happy with that for this age group.
Extending Leave says
Thank you all who posted yesterday in response to my question about extending leave. As one commenter astutely pointed out: I want to information gather from HR before I go to my manager because he will just be like “???” if I ask. It would be helpful to say “Hey, I would like to extend leave and here is information that HR shared with me about it.” So I think it’s questions about health insurance and stock vesting so far…
Pogo says
On the struggle bus today. LO is having such a hard time with all the changes to his schedule and as not sleeping well. I was up with him until 10pm trying to get him to sleep (moral of the story I think is lean into it and just stay in his room until he falls asleep rather than walking him back every 5min and getting him all riled up).
He’s exhausted and miserable today too, and all I want to do is snuggle him. But I think popping in and out of my office is confusing to him, it’s easier if I’m working/unavailable for longer chunks of time. I also struggle with enforcing our separate work times and ignoring the screaming at the door and DH calmly repeating “Mommy is working now” vs caving and holding him on my lap while I’m on mute (which I did during most of my 8am call). That must be confusing to him right? Ugh. I don’t know what the right answer is.
anon says
I made visual schedule for my kiddo for the general progression of days, and it really helps her. There are no times because our days aren’t strict, but the general sense of order and routine has really anchored her.
It has things like “Breakfast (picture of pancakes), getting dressed (picture of clothes), playing school (picture of school house, this is really arts/crafts), lunch & tablet (picture of sandwich), nap (picture of bed),” etc. I have a separate schedule for her bedtime routine. When one section is done, I say, “Let’s see what’s next!!!!” and she runs to the schedule.
My husband is working outside the home still, so I indicate when he will be there. (“After your nap, daddy will come home and we’ll make dinner!!!”). If you have one, your husband can say “Mommy will work during TV time, but then we’ll eat lunch together!!!”
All the exclamation points are there for a reason. I act like following our schedule is the most exciting thing in the history of the universe.
Pogo says
Ooooh I like this idea. I think that would be helpful. DH and I are both wfh, but our days are really different every day so I think that’s tough. If my morning is light, I can hang out downstairs doing email while he plays, but today I had to be upstairs locked in my office before 8 a.m. Maybe I’ll get super creative and make it something you can move the little icons around (with painter’s tape? my crafting supplies and skills are both low).
Ifiknew says
I remember when you posted about infant sleep struggles pogo! I think of you often as I’m struggling with #2 now. I found when my daughter when thru this phase, giving her two passes for mommy coming back worked well. Then only dad would come and we were realt strict about it and she stopped protesting bedtime for my husband.
Pogo says
aw thanks! That’s a thought. It’s the same struggle internally tho w/ whether I should just cave and stay in his room til he’s asleep, or cave and let him snuggle with me while I work… I KNOW this is hard for him too. He asks about his caregiver and friends. He’s off his game. The poor kid is only 2 and he’s just doing his best. It’s hard on ME to be the ‘enforcer’ right now (though I’m still tougher than Daddy, who when he did bedtime the other day, basically sat in there chatting w/ kiddo until 9:30 when I came in and laid down the law).
anon says
Any general resources/books for parenting a very gifted child? Just turned 3 yo has been doing developmentally unusual things for a while that we didn’t pay much attention to, but he has now spontaneously taught himself to read and is reading at an early-mid elementary school level, as far as we can tell. Maybe we should have seen this coming — I started college at 16 — but we didn’t. I’m not looking for educational resources, that’s a problem for much later. I’m wondering more about general thinking/philosophy. Thinking back, I don’t feel great about how my own accelerated academics were handled, and I want to try and avoid the weird mix of under-nourishing and over-pressuring that I got. Thoughts?
anon for this says
I have one of these kids. She also learned to read basically by osmosis and was reading chapter books at age 3. In preschool, we offered opportunities and then followed her lead. We took her to the library and let her check out whatever books she wanted. We provided her with basic open-ended craft supplies, rather than more restrictive kits, to encourage creativity. We helped her build and decorate all sorts of crazy structures she designed from cardboard boxes and random household objects. We involved her in household projects like baking and planting flowers. We gave her tracing and cutting and dot-to-dot workbooks and piles of science books to read. She had a freakishly long attention span, so we took her to the symphony and the ballet and magic shows and the theater and museums and movies. We read aloud to her a LOT. Basically the same thing you’d do with any child, but at a different level of intensity based on her personality.
At that age, most of her preschool teachers either didn’t believe she could read (they thought she was reciting books from memory) or were shocked when confronted with incontrovertible evidence that she was actually reading (she read the joke off the package of a snack they’d never served before). We didn’t much care, because preschool was for socialization.
When she was a little younger than 4 we did have to start thinking about academic plans. That was fall two years before she was scheduled to start public kindergarten, meaning that if we were going to send her a year early (which we ended up doing), we had to start the process at that point.
anon for this says
Re. resources, I have found few that are actually useful. The Davidson Institute is crazypants, although I do wish I’d signed her up while her test results were still valid so we could get some help with advocacy. CTY at Johns Hopkins has really great courses. Some of the other courses, such as those at Duke and William & Mary, have a reputation for being primarily revenue-generators that don’t provide much content. You really need to get plugged in to the resources that are available locally. My nephew went through an excellent accelerated high school math program through his local state university, and my daughter really enjoyed the free science camps for gifted kids that are provided by a consortium of school districts in our area.
I haven’t found any books or websites that offer much useful general guidance on parenting a gifted child. A lot of people swear by the Carol Dweck book Mindset, but I found it seriously lacking in concrete parenting strategies. In general, a gifted kid is just a kid with individual needs that happen to be different from most kids’ needs. Many, but not all, of them have very intense personalities and little frustration tolerance. If you didn’t have to work at learning to read or do arithmetic or basically anything else as a small child, it’s a huge shock the first time you actually have to put in effort.
You need to be prepared for the schools to dismiss any problems that your child is having because “he’s doing fine academically.” A friend’s kid is gifted and also has dyslexia, but the school refused to do anything for her because her giftedness allowed her to compensate enough that she was making academic progress. She was so miserable that her parents pulled her from public school and homeschooled her. I have long suspected that my own child may have a mild version of the inattentive form of ADHD, test anxiety, or both, but over the course of several years only one of her teachers has taken my concerns seriously. Nobody cares if a gifted child is unhappy or not performing up to her full potential, as long as she’s still boosting the school’s average standardized test scores.
GCA says
Couple of quick thoughts:
Do: allow things to be led by his interests, but also expose him to a wide range of activities and experiences. this is the approach my parents took – lots of books on all subjects all the time, but also a wide range of activities within our means. As many opportunities for creativity and enrichment as possible. Basically the same approach I’d take for any child but tailored to the specific kid’s personality and abilities.
Don’t: assume that all aspects of his development are going to be advanced. Emotionally, he might be closer to the typical 3yo than the typical 9yo. (This is true of typical child milestones too – I talked at 9 months, read before 3… but didn’t walk till 18 months.)
Do: encourage kindness and empathy, as well as strategies for relating with peers. When interpersonal relationships became more salient in pre-K through elementary school, it was somewhat hard for me to relate to my peers who were at a more typical level for our age. Friendships might be tricky. Be prepared to help him through that.
GCA says
PS – speaking from experience, children who are verbal and read early are often expected to have the emotional maturity of tiny adults because they talk like mini adults and comprehend at a level beyond their years. They’ll still have the emotional needs of small children; they’ll get tired and hangry and frustrated and upset when things don’t go to plan (and when their tastes and ambitions exceed their current skills). Meet them where they’re at; hear what they need. The gospel of Daniel Tiger still applies :)
Anonymous says
What is really fun is when you have a tiny kid who looks younger than her actual age but speaks and comprehends like a mini adult…
Anon says
I don’t yet know if my toddler is gifted, but I just want to say as another person who was hugely accelerated in academics I have a lot of regrets about it and I think you’re right to be careful about not pushing too hard. I don’t blame my parents – my acceleration was self-driven – but I imploded in a pretty spectacular way and definitely haven’t “lived up to my potential.” Think, like, AP calculus at 14, a full slate of classes at the local public university at 16, Caltech at 17, got totally burned out in college and now working in a job unrelated to my college major with people who all went to the local (not that selective) public university. And I’m actually far from a worst case scenario, since I’m gainfully employed, married with a child, and mostly happy now. I know a lot of gifted kids who flamed out much worse than I did – su*cide, addiction issues, inability to hold a job due to believing they’re better than everyone else, etc. My husband is absolutely brilliant, even smarter than I am, but due to difficulty reading (we suspect he has dyslexia, it was never formally diagnosed) was not labeled as gifted as a child and followed a much more typical “bright but not a genius” path (AP Calc as a senior with all the other honors students, good private college but not one of the very elite ones, etc.). He went on to a top 3 graduate program in the sciences and is now a nationally-renowned tenured professor in his field. We both feel very strongly that we won’t push for early identification of giftedness or formal academic acceleration beyond enrichment at home, like reading above-grade level books. I think a lot of people on the super academically-accelerated track peak way too early, myself included.
Coach Laura says
I don’t have any resources but to address your comment on under-nourishing and over-pressuring is to just do what any parent would do – provide opportunities to learn/play, provide resources (books, educational computer programs) and mental support/awareness on your part.
To address what some have said, I don’t think gifted classes and accelerated learning should be shunned if offered, because in most public school classrooms, education is one-size-fits-all. Putting a highly gifted kid in a standard public classroom is often worse than having an overly pushy, helicopter “Isn’t my kid a genius?” attitude. We were in a good district, but elementary classes are brutal in many respects and often don’t address individual needs.
An example is that our Kid #1 had a 133 IQ and was not qualified for the gifted program in our district, unless we wanted to pursue other testing as the cutoff was 135. Her teachers would not give her extra material to challenge her and she became bored. She ended up doing well in life and it hasn’t had any big repercussions other than she was not very motivated in high school and college, though is successful, but she hated school. Kid #2 had an IQ of 155 and like your daughter, taught himself to read at age 3. He read the first three Harry Potter novels by himself the summer between 2nd and 3rd grade and had a high school reading level by 4th grade. As a 7th grader he was offered a position in the college entrance program at a local flagship university, having scored at median on the ACT without any preparation and without any high school algebra classes. He was even bored in the gifted classes but the teachers there did give extra challenging material to those who needed it and teachers were more flexible with learning styles. We had to change his goals several times during K-12 to make sure he was challenged.
Boredom is a killer of innate desire to learn and our goal for both of our kids was to not let the US Public education system destroy their love of learning and to have happy, well-adjusted adults. Luckily we were mostly successful.
.
RR says
My older two are very similar to your two. My daughter is just shy of the gifted cutoff (by 2 points, every time, every test, for her entire academic career). My son has an IQ of 158. She’s bored. He’s super unmotivated (I think bored, but it’s really hard for him to even articulate what the issue is–he just doesn’t think about things the way other kids do). Even at our good public school, they can only accelerate and aren’t good at enriching beyond the gifted classes. So, we struggle with both of them, especially my son, just not doing work. We work more on student skills than enriching his learning. I constantly feel like we are letting him down. Both of them, although my daughter does a better job feeding her own passions (reading/writing).
My advice would be to help them keep learning fun–whatever that looks like. Gifted classes, acceleration (for some kids), enrichment opportunities, encouraging passion projects at home, etc. Help them find the joy in learning when it’s not memorization and regurgitation.
Stolen CC says
Nothing says quarantine fun like a fraud alert for my CC being used halfway across the country for the CC that is my main shopping card. Fortunately my diapers and wipes orders appear to have gone through, but I have a whole list of merchants I have to call for in process orders once I get my new card in the mail. Not like I don’t have enough else to do between work, kid and home right now. BLERGH.
Anonymous says
That sucks! I am sorry. Part of my job is overseeing some retail operations, and we just had to notify people of potential exposure. I felt so bad that it had to happen now. Luckily, it wasn’t many people.
Anon says
Yep. That happened to us this week too. Some of the charges were bizarre – like hundreds of dollars worth of crab meat!
Anon says
Same thing happened to me! They used the stolen number to buy .. . $100 of something from Urban Stems – go figure?
Anonymous says
Over the years, my fraudulent charges have included tacos, a car wash, and pizzas.
Stolen CC says
Mine were Chick Fil A ( I don’t eat chicken) and a temporary driving permit for another state.
Anonanonanon says
I’m sorry but I love hearing about bizarre illegitimate credit card charges. My card has been fraudulently used a few times and it was always at a Wawa gas station. Not very exciting, and honestly I’m not even sure how my bank picked up on it because it was in the same state! Good fraud protection, I guess! Hundreds of dollars of crab meat is hilarious (assuming you got the charge reversed)
Anonymous says
I had one at a law school gym. I suspected one of our law student interns on that one.
lsw says
I am struggling so much. Today is the worst day for me so far. I am not keeping it together. I am failing at everything. Ugh. I decided to take tomorrow off from work. I need a day where I am not trying to do everything 100%.
Pogo says
Hugs. Right there with you. I don’t know why some days are so hard and some days are OK! Such a rollercoaster.
CCLA says
I can tell you you’re not failing at everything because you are succeeding at taking care of yourself by recognizing the need and taking a day off – good for you! I hope it is restorative. I think we all need to be taking mental health days in this environment, but of course easier said than done.
Anonymous says
Today is that day for my husband, too. I had a horrible day a few weeks ago. I cried and said I was going to quit my job. I didn’t quit and things have settled down. I try to be very forgiving of people snapping at me and of myself for failing to hold it together. It is a really hard time.
CCLA says
Other apartment parents: besides neighborhood walks and using a balcony/patio if you have one, what are you doing to get your kids time outside? I am getting so worried about them missing out on outdoor play that I’m starting to look at listings for rental houses in the suburbs, something I never thought I’d say after spending a year in the burbs, hating it, and running back to our walkable centrally located apartment. Help?
Io says
We’ve been taking a blanket to the park and I’ve been reading to my 4 year old for about an hour most days. Lately we’ve been doing flower and bug hunts. I’m hoping it warms up more and we can start spending a chunk of the earlier morning out. My child is a much better person when screens can be delayed until one or two pm.
So Anon says
Has anyone had a kid do the virtual camps on IDtech or any classes on outschool? Any reviews?
Anonymous says
Y’all, even though it’s covid season, we still need to put sunscreen on our children, right? I’ve sort of let that one go and realize I need to be a responsible parent…
Anon says
Yes. Although if you can mitigate their outside time in mid-day you can get away with less. I’m hyper vigilant about it because daycare has them outside at 2 pm and solar noon in our city is 1:30 so they’re getting really intense sun at school. At home we try to go out before 11 or after 5 so I don’t worry about it as much.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yep. Even with still wearing winter jackets, it’s sunny here so I think we’ll start doing face sunscreen soon for those afternoon outdoor times.
Anonymous says
I only recently remembered that I need to put sunscreen on myself.
Anon says
If you’re not going outside you don’t :P
Anon says
We typically go out late (after the core of the workday) or early afternoon when our backyard turns to all shade, so I don’t typically worry overmuch about it unless we’re going to be outside at different times.