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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Cb says
Private nurseries are due to open July 15th but my son’s city-run nursery won’t open until August 11th. I nearly cried when I got the news today.
Realist says
Oh no. Go cry. That is a long time. You can do it and hang on until August 11, of course you can, but that is still a long time, especially if expectations had built up for July.
Anonymous says
Can you get into a private nursery?
Cb says
I’m going to send an email to the private nursery down the road. Maybe they have space as not everyone will come back down the way. If I had 2 full days to write, I’d probably be okay?
katy says
YES! if you are willing to accept whatever combination of days (even one or two)… think how much more child care that is compared to now!! Good luck.
– signed…. woman’s who told boss that she couldn’t come to an in person meeting tomorrow and boss’ daughter is now being dropped off at my house at 9 am tomorrow (we are obviously paying her….)
Boston Legal Eagle says
Ugh, I’m sorry. That is a long time to wait. Can you team up with another daycare family to do a nanny/sitter share until then? Even a few hours in the mornings will make such a difference!
Baby grabbing says
What’s the best way to deal with my mom and MIL “snatching” my baby from my arms. They come over and both just grab DD and wisk her into a different room and walk all over the house with not so much as a hello to me or DH. It’s been going on since she was born. She’s 8 months now. I know I should be happy they want to help and see their granddaughter but sometimes I just want to hold her. I work all day (I’m essential) so I feel like I don’t get much time with her as is. We took a break from seeing them during quarantine but they have started visiting again and the grabbing and holding her constantly while they visit is driving me nuts. I wish they would just ask first.
Anon says
Ugh, my sister in law does that and she will not carry on a normal conversation with me or say much to me beyond hi. It’s so rude and it annoys me, though admittedly I have a BEC situation with her where everything she does annoys me. I find though that now that my baby is 10 months old he’s not so fond of strangers and if they come up and hover the baby will turn away. I tell them that baby needs some time to warm up.
Anonymous says
Use your words like an adult my goodness! “Sheila, give my baby back right now. Never grab her out of my arms. If you would like to hold baby, ask.” Every single time. How have you not already done this?!?
Anonymous says
That kind of language would cause a huge rift in my family especially if something was an established pattern.
Anon says
I feel like that wouldn’t come across very maturely when said out loud and probably would cause a rift in the family… sometimes subtlety is better you know? People aren’t typically doing things like this with the express intent of being mean, they just don’t think about it. Most people are going to bristle at being dressed down like that and a little tact goes a long way.
Anon says
Uh – this is objectively bad advice. Don’t talk to people like this. Some finesse is required.
anon says
I would soften the language and add the word please a few times, but directly stating your expectations re your child seems appropriate to me.
If I were upsetting someone in this way, I’d appreciate a heads up before I did the offensive thing (“I’ve never mentioned this, but would you please ask before taking baby from me. I’ve been working so much and really want time to bond.”)
Anon says
+1 to anon at 10 am. I read about situations like this and sometimes am puzzled about why they never happen to me. I’ve concluded that it must at least partially be because I’m pretty blunt and clear about all kinds of boundaries and everyone close to me knows that. There’s probably some emotional cost to that but that doesn’t bother me as much as it does others.
Anon says
It could also be that you have family that is more thoughtful.
Anonymous says
Baby wearing to break the habit. Baby is up in an ergo whenever they arrive. If she’s happy, leave her there. If baby is reaching for them and they ask, you can decide if you want to take baby out or not.
It will take 2-3 visits at least before they learn new habits.
Anonymous says
I like this, or the suggestion to let them have 5 minutes and then “steal” baby back. If they are grabbing baby away from you, then you can grab her back from them.
Anon says
They love your baby. Stop dreaming up problems.
anon8 says
No. It’s incredibly rude to just take a baby from her arms without asking. And they don’t seem to seem to acknowledge or say hi to the parents. MIL should ask first.
I think you should address this with DH since it’s his mother and then figure out the best way to bring it up to her.
Anon says
I think the OP is being silly. First of all – maybe don’t invite people over when she wants one-on-one time with the baby? And also, she could let them have the baby for a little while and then ask for her back. It’s not rocket science.
US family culture is so frigid and focused on decorum – and then we wonder why we don’t have that village to help up.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Disagree with this. I’m from an immigrant family (granted not a stereotypically “hands on” one) and my parents definitely help us out while still respecting boundaries. I too would be annoyed if they just came in and took the baby from me without even saying hello or asking. I don’t think you have to give up boundaries to have a village. It’s just a sign of respect to ask the parents first.
rosie says
I think that not inviting them over will be seen as blocking their time with the baby. That’s way overkill here unless there are other things going on. How is OP being silly? What adult grabs anything that another adult is holding, let alone the other person’s baby?
There are boundary issues, but OP can address them. Just say no, with a smile — “actually, I’m going to hold her for another few min and then I’m happy to give her to you for some cuddles.” But this is really an important boundary to set for you as the parent, and I would get going on that now.
anon8 says
It’s not frigid to ask someone first if they can hold the baby. It’s just being polite.
However I feel that OP might have issues in general with MIL and possibly other things that are annoying along with this one.
Lana Del Raygun says
I disagree. I’m from a mixed-race family and we’re all super close and involved, and we would never dream of *snatching a baby out of someone’s arms*.
First of all, it’s not safe; second of all, it’s the opposite of helpful to pay attention to the baby at the expense of the parents. Our village is valuable because we care about taking care of each other, not hoarding recreational baby time for ourselves. My mother-in-law is like OP’s family and it’s a big reason why I don’t lean on her for support — because she’s made it clear that she’s not there to support me.
Anon says
Well it’s rude to take the baby and walk away. Sit and talk like a normal person, you know?
Realist says
Anon (at least one of them using that handle) is a mean hearted troll that would themselves probably snatch a baby and not see the problem. Safely ignore any comments like this from Anon :)
OP is thankfully getting better advice elsewhere on this thread.
Anon says
My arms are full of babies. Trust me, I don’t want another one. What I do have is tons of help from my family because I don’t nitpick about Every.Single.Thing.
asdf says
That sounds so frustrating! I like the baby-wearing idea. One comforting thought: given time, this problem will solve itself. I have an 18 month old; if someone tried to grab her she would run away and make a huge fuss.
NYCer says
If you don’t want to directly ask/tell them not to hold her so much as someone else above suggested, can you just “ask” for the baby back after like 5 minutes? Walk up to them in the other room or wherever and say “Hi baby, mommy is going to steal you back now.”
rosie says
I find that talking to the baby/kid is a good way to communicate what you want to happen when the grandparent has trouble with direct communication. However I gently disagree with NYCer that I would allow the initial behavior of taking the baby without asking upon arrival. This is a boundary OP needs to set now. But you can use the same tactic: grandma comes in and puts her arms out for baby, OP can say “oh look, baby, grandma is here! we’ll finish cuddling and then you will hang out with her a bit.”
NYCer says
This isn’t a hill I would die on honestly. But to each their own.
Anonymous says
I’d probably let it happen, have Mom or MIL hold kiddo for 5ish minutes, and then snatch back. “I feel like I’ve barely seen baby the last few days; I need some kiddo snuggles.” Then invite Mom or MIL to have a seat and visit.
AnotherAnon says
Your mom and MIL are being rude and violating your boundaries – probably not on purpose. I’d baby wear and/or address it not in the moment. I think you can say exactly what you said here, maybe soften it a little “Hey I know you aren’t doing this on purpose, but it hurts my feelings when you take the baby without asking. This isn’t your fault, but I feel like I barely get enough time with her as it is. Could you please ask before whisking her away?”
anon says
My MIL did this and it was a really tricky situation. She is really sensitive and it didn’t go well when I tried to ask for the baby back. Even after the baby was clearly hungry, grandma had been holding her for 2 hours and only i could feed her. Ugh, that was a horrible time. Hugs to you! I don’t have any advice, other than soon enough the babies will learn to walk and go wherever they want.
DLC says
I don’t know what your dynamic is with your own mother, but with my own mom, I definitely call her on things that bother me. Granted, it usually comes out in my petulant teenager voice- like I would literally say, “Dude! Don’t grab the baby from me without asking!” Of course, I guess if this were your dynamic with your mom, you might already have done this… Plus I would never dream of doing this with my MIL while she was alive- she was a little scary.
I also think re-framing things in your head and seeing your baby as a happiness spreader as opposed to your Mom and MIL as a baby grabber, might be helpful. Carolyn Hax had a nice column this week about noisy neighbors and whether or not to speak about them. Her advice was to enjoy the music and see it as an affirmation of joy, and save confrontation for things that really matter. It seems also applicable here, perhaps? (And then, I agree with other posters- ask for the baby back after five or ten minutes)
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/advice/carolyn-hax-she-doesnt-want-to-be-the-mean-old-lady-next-door/2020/06/23/255d9880-acf3-11ea-a9d9-a81c1a491c52_story.html?utm_campaign=wp_carolyn_hax&utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&wpisrc=nl_hax
Leatty says
I need advice on dealing with toddler procrastination. My 3 year old has mastered the art of procrastination, and it is driving me absolutely crazy. Things that should take 2 minutes take 20-30 because she wants to do things herself, and throws wild tantrums if you try to help or stop her from doing something. I try to build in additional time into our routine so we aren’t so rushed, but she has really been pushing boundaries lately. This morning I lost my temper with her because she was throwing a tantrum about wanting me to redo her hair from a ponytail into pigtails and because I picked her up and put her in the car when she wanted to press everything that looked like a button a million times. I apologized to her later, but I really need to do a better job (1) helping her procrastinate less and (2) managing my frustration when she procrastinates excessively. My daughter is VERY strong willed (as am I), which doesn’t help matters. Plus, I’m heavily pregnant and exceedingly uncomfortable, so I’m already more short-tempered than normal.
Any advice?
Anon says
So much sympathy–this is exactly my life right now! My 3-year-olds can put on their shoes in 2 minutes when they want to, but it often takes us at least 15 minutes to get out the door because they dawdle soooo much.
I don’t have any amazing suggestions, because I regularly just get really frustrated at them, but the best solution we’ve found is timers to help set known boundaries. Once we come upstairs for bedtime, they have 15 minutes to pee and put on their pjs. If they’re not done by the time the timer goes off, they don’t get a bedtime story. If they finish with lots of time to spare, they can have an extra bedtime story after their brush their teeth. Similar things in the morning–a parent will sit with them for x amount of time while they get dressed, but if the timer goes off and they’re not dressed yet, the parent gets to go downstairs to work on breakfast and they have to finish by themselves. It definitely doesn’t mean no tantrums, but at least everyone knows what the rules are so it seems slightly less arbitrary.
Leatty says
Thanks, I like the timer suggestion! I’ll give that a try.
CPA Lady says
At that age, 1-2-3 really worked for us. I would calmly tell daughter that I was going to count to three and by the time I counted she need to [do whatever] and if she didn’t by the time I got to 3 I would [name consequence].
Example: Kiddo would want to get in her car seat by herself but was dawdling and taking forever. I would say, “I am going to count to three. If you do not get in your car seat by the time I count to 3, I will put you in your car seat myself.” Then I would count. And if she got in, great! Praises heaped on her for getting in her car seat all by herself in a timely manner! If she didn’t, I forced her into her seat myself, despite her kicking and screaming. It only took a handful of enforcement-of-consequences before she understood I was serious.
FWIW, boundary pushing and wild tantrums over enforced boundaries are normal at that age and not a sign that you are doing anything wrong.
Leatty says
Thanks. I’ve tried the counting 1-2-3 a few times, but it would be more effective if we consistently did it.
And thanks for your last sentence – sometimes I feel like I am failing miserably at being a parent.
Anonymous says
if you figure it out PLEASE let me know. In fairness – the dawdling hasn’t been helped by having far fewer activities the last 3 months!
Spirograph says
Gently, I would reframe this. Your toddler isn’t procrastinating (I don’t think 3 year olds are capable of understanding this concept), she is trying to be independent and exploring; things you think are mundane are still new and exciting for her. This is a phase! One thing that has helped in our family is using a timer. Set it for 5 minutes and say “I bet you can’t do XYZ before the timer goes off! Ready, set, go!” you can also use it as “You have 5 minutes to try XYZ, but if you still need help after that, I am going to help you because we need to leave.”
avocado says
I do think 3-year-olds are capable of procrastination to some degree. I don’t want to go to bed, and I know the grown-ups will never deny me a trip to the potty, so I’ll sit on the potty instead.
I agree that it’s helpful to keep in mind that this is a normal phase of development and will eventually lead to positive things. With the “I do it myself!” tantrums, I used to reflect back the feeling (“You are mad because you wanted to put your coat on yourself!”) or basically ignore the tantrum while doing the task for the kid. The good news is that if you are consistent and don’t react emotionally, they will learn that if they want to do the thing themselves they had better get it done or mom really will do it for them.
In general, I have found it useful to remember that sometimes kids just need to have a meltdown, and it’s not always necessary or helpful to try to stop it. This goes for tiny babies at the witching hour, toddlers who want to push all the buttons, and dramatic teens.
Anon says
Also true for grown-ups that are just tired and DONE….
avocado says
Ha, definitely!
Leatty says
You’re right, she isn’t always procrastinating; sometimes she is just trying to be independent and exploring things. At bedtime, she’s definitely procrastinating because she doesn’t want to go to bed :)
We’ll definitely give the timer a try.
SC says
It definitely helps to give them plenty of time to do things independently. Beyond that, I set limits but present them as a choice. So, for getting into the car, I’d say, “It’s time to get in your seat. If you choose to press buttons, then you choose for me to put you in the car seat.” If she continues pressing buttons, you calmly put her in the car seat. If she objects, at whatever volume, you say, “Next time you can make a different choice.”
I have a boy, so hair is less of an issue in my house. But roughly the same advice–let her choose the hair style, and remind her that once she makes a choice, that’s it for the day. If she throws a tantrum about wanting to change, say, “You chose a ponytail today. Tomorrow you can make a different choice.”
Also think about any underlying issues. Procrastinating to me implies that she’s avoiding something, so maybe she’s worried or trying to get more time with you. Sometimes it’s a matter of distraction and impulsivity–basically, they don’t have the executive function to complete the task without some guidance. Visuals help on multi-step tasks, but we often have to be in the room supervising something like “get dressed.”
Leatty says
Great suggestions, thanks. Sometimes she procrastinates because she doesn’t want to go to bed or because she wants to spend more time with us. Sometimes we can’t discern a reason for the procrastination, but its a good reminder to be cognizant of the possible reasons for procrastination.
Anon says
Solidarity. In addition to now having to pick out her glass and put it on the counter and take a sip before I can put a lid on, my almost 3 year old is now insisting on pouring her own milk from the gallon which went about as well as you can imagine (note she is big and strong enough to open the fridge herself, get the gallon of milk on the counter and take the lid off before anyone even notices, but not strong enough to pour). We’ve compromised that she can “help” pour (meaning I am thankfully still strong enough to counteract her pushing and pulling while we both pour), but that compromise has taken boatloads of tears to even get there. My top strategies are giving choices, which typically goes something like this “A or B (both acceptable options to me)” “C!” “A or B, or mommy’s going to pick”, “no, C!” “OK Mommy’s going to pick A” tantrum “You had a choice, A or B, mommy picked A, which do you pick” “FIIINE, B”. And leaning in to the things she wants to do that drive me nuts but don’t actually cause any problems (sure kid, mix the plaid with the floral for clothes, press the toast button yourself, turn the lights on and off yourself), so that she has some more control over her day in ways that don’t significantly impact us.
Anonymous says
>> mix the plaid with the floral for clothes
Omg yes, my preschoolers have completely hideous outfits these days because it is not worth fighting about it.
Cb says
Could you set up an outdoor pouring station to work on her pouring skills? I did this with my son yesterday and he spent ages and got really good by the end. But I appreciate our milk comes in smaller bottles than US gallons.
Anonymous says
I refuse to buy milk in gallon bottles because I can’t even pour from those neatly.
Leatty says
Great suggestions, thanks.
Fortunately, my daughter hasn’t (yet) demanded to pour the milk, only to put the lid on her cup (which results in the milk being spilled everywhere). It’s probably only a matter of time!
AwayEmily says
Echoing some other people to say this is a normal, healthy stage and it will pass on its own. At 3, everything took FOREVER with my daughter. Now, at 4, she rarely dawdles and can either do things efficiently herself or will ask for help. That may not be much help in dealing with it in the moment, but maybe you can take some comfort in its temporariness!
Leatty says
So glad to hear that!!!
DLC says
I’m not sure if this will help, but something I learned from my friend who is a Montessori teacher is that if my 3 year old is not doing what we need him to do, I will sit down with him in my lap, and say, “Ok, we will wait until you are ready.” And we will literally sit there and not do anything. So, for example, if it is time to leave and he won’t put his shoes on, I sit with him on our steps and say, “We will sit here and wait until you are ready to put your shoes on and go to the car.” And if he tries to get up to do other things, I say, “No, we’re going to wait until you are ready to put your shoes on and walk to the car.” And eventually he will say, “Ok, I’m ready to put my shoes on.” It doesn’t work 100% of the time, and sometimes I myself am too worked up to do it effectively, but works surprisingly more than I would have thought. For me, it’s a good compromise between not negotiating with the terrorist and also allowing the child to feel like they have autonomy. It does take a bit of time and patience, admittedly. But I also find that sitting down and waiting together also gives me a moment to take a breath and calm down.
Going “back” to work says
Give me your one-liner pep talk for going back to work. This maternity leave has been not great (not entirely due to The World Right Now but that’s a good chunk of it) and I’m dreading returning next week. I am feeling all the feels but it’s time.
For the record, WFH indefinitely due to covid (office closed a month after babe was born), pre-K-er and 4mo are going to be in our trusted daycare during the day. I know I have it good but going back to work right now is depressing.
Boston Legal Eagle says
As we always say here, give it 6 months before you make any sudden changes. You’ve just had a huge life change (even without Covid!) and going back is an adjustment that will take time. Expect to cry and since you don’t have to go in anywhere, that’s a little easier to take some breaks for yourself. One of the best parts of going back for me was to be able to have conversations with adults again and getting lunches out, which is a little trickier now with WFH, but maybe try to arrange some catchups with coworkers you like and miss?
OP says
BLE, as always, great wisdom here. Thanks.
I don’t think I’m approaching “I want to quit” territory but keeping a 6 month period free of major decisions is a good reminder.
Anokha says
No advice, just same. I go “back” to work on July 6, and while I know how lucky we are (healthy, safe, etc), it is hard not to mourn that I didn’t get a traditional leave with time to bond with my little one. Really dreading the return.
OP says
Gosh. It’s tough, isn’t it? I definitely had a mourning period over the leave I wasn’t going to get.
JTM says
I went back to work ~4wks ago in a similar situation – WFH until 2021, 3yo and new baby are at daycare. I actually took an additional week of leave (covered by vacation time) because I wasn’t ready to not have my baby with me 24/7. She’s our last and I’ve been trying to savor every moment with her.
First day back was hard, but each day has gotten easier and easier. I did a lot of sitting around watching stupid TV on my maternity leave, so getting back to work has been nice, in the “have something to do” since. I also do daycare pickup so I get to see her little smiling face and then we cuddle for about an hour when we get home.
OP says
Thanks. Those post-daycare snuggles are the best, aren’t they? Definitely hear you on savoring the moments — I’ve been holding the baby for naps the past couple of days.
sillyquesttion says
Talk to me about how to clean your cookie sheets? I see all these bloggers that roaste veggies directly on the pan without foil and while I don’t love foil, cleaning them is such a pain and they don’t fit well in my dishwasher. They get so gross sometimes even with foil. What am I missing?
avocado says
1. Parchment.
2. The gold Oxo nonstick sheet pans with the waffle texture. So much easier to clean.
rakma says
SOS pads have made our cookie sheets less gross looking.
Cb says
We use the silicone baking mats which seem to work well.
Spirograph says
Are they nonstick? If they are supposed to be nonstick and are getting gross, it may just be time for new sheets. If they are not nonstick, steel wool is my go-to. For less elbow grease, my husband swears by Bar Keepers Friend.
anne-on says
Foil or parchment when roasting and barkeepers friend to handwash in the sink and really get the gross off.
Anon says
I often roast (if 425 or lower) with a silicone mat underneath (note this can impact carmelization and spread for cookie baking – I still don’t care – but parchment is a better choice if you do care about those things). My pans are aluminum, so they cannot go in the dishwasher without major discoloration (confirmed by DH….anyhow). Between foil and the mats, I don’t get a lot of discoloration except around the sides, and I just accept that well worn pans in my house have discoloration? When they get really bad (think drip pan for a holiday roast), I go at them with bar keepers’ friend (note that this is likely not safe for non-stick pans, all of mine are uncoated aluminum).
Anonymous says
Baking soda makes cleaning the stuck on grime so much easier!
anon says
I use my older, less-nice cookie sheets for roasting and keep the newer, shiny ones for cookie baking. I have never managed to fully remove the gunk from some of my pans. I also have zero shame about using aluminum foil or parchment paper when I roast stuff but agree that it doesn’t prevent all the grossness.
Lana Del Raygun says
a silicone mat
Anonymous says
If they are not nonstick, you can use Barkeepers Friend cleanser to help with the baked on oil. But I use foil and silicone liners for most messy stuff and do not try to get them super clean.
In DC says
Are we talking shiny cookie sheets with the roasting or full on brown cookie sheets? I’m certain mine were very cheap when bought, but I’ve now had them 20+ years. They are ugly and brown but are virtually non-stick through years of seasoning. You just have to embrace the ugly.
Anonanonanon says
Thank you! I’m a clean freak (not a neat freak, a clean freak, there is a difference) but I thought cookie sheets were supposed to turn brown over time? Should I be scrubbing them with barkeeper’s friend?!?! am I actually gross?
I wash ours in the dishwasher because whatever. Only cast iron gets cleaned by hand.
Anonymous says
No, they are not supposed to be shiny if you actually bake with them. They are only supposed to be shiny if you are using them as serving trays like a food blogger.
Anonanonanon says
Thank you, I feel better. I was worried I was secretly disgusting and had no idea.
I love a good-looking food setup as much as the next southern gal, but that’s what my actual serving trays are for! guests do NOT see cookie sheets!
Spirograph says
Haha yes, I’m one of the barkeepers friend people, but my cookie sheets are brown (except the non-stick, sideless, textured ones, which wipe clean pretty easily). I scrub them to get sticky residue off, but discoloration is a fact of cookie sheet life.
Anonymous says
Bar Keepers Friend
sheetpanlover says
I make sheet pan meals 3-4 times a week. I chop up everything the night before then when i get home shove it all on the pan and put it in the oven.
I have a silicone mat I use for sweets (cookies, granola, etc) and then i used pre-cut parchment sheets for the more oily savory dinner dishes. I found the silicone mats soaked up the savory flavors and then also soaked up the dishwasher soap flavor (ugh). And i had a hard time keeping up with handwashing.
anon says
How do you like the silicon mats for cookies? I’m intrigued and would love to cut back on how much parchment I use, but do you lose some of the crispiness on the bottom?
anon says
I use only silicone mats for cookies (and have for years) and they turn out just fine!
Anon says
I don’t lose the crispness (that I notice). The biggest complaint I have seen is spreading, and since I only make frozen cookies now (make dough, usually chocolate chip, peanut butter, molasses or confetti, roll into balls, freeze in a single layer on a (browned but mat covered) sheet pan, then toss frozen into a gallon baggie labeled with time (add 1-2 minutes) and temp), the extra spreading isn’t an issue. Then we can bake off just a few at a time which means they are both hot and fresh and less impactful on the waistline. Serious Eats has an article called “How silicone baking mats are ruining your cookies” that gets more into the science.
anon says
I do enjoy freezing cookie dough! It’s like a high-five to my future self.
Anon says
Use an SOS or Brillo pad. I feel like roasting doesn’t work as well with foil.
Coach Laura says
The Kitchn runs a series about “five best” x recipes, best pasta sauces etc. Their article on cleaning cookie sheets is genius. Baking soda and peroxide, overnight action, no scrubbing is the winner. Link to follow.
Coach Laura says
https://www.thekitchn.com/skills-battle-best-way-to-clean-sheet-pans-23038187
anon says
Fascinating! I love these types of breakdowns; they are so satisfying to read & observe.
Pre-Baby Meal Prep says
What sort of meal prep and/or freezer meals did you all do pre-baby? Getting ready to have our second with a not-yet-2 year old toddler running around and I’m feeling the stress. Covid has pretty much eliminated our family help; if I’m being honest, we haven’t established a great support network, even in normal times. Between that and limited child care, this is just really hard.
I know I need to do everything I can now to make this easier on ourselves (learned that the hard way with #1). To me, that seems like it should include pre-making lots of freezer meals – but I’m already overwhelmed and everything I have found on google just seems too complicated for my current time/condition/mental state. Any ideas or resources for super simple freezer meals?
Anonymous says
Pinch of Yum has a whole bunch of easy freezer meals.
Coach Laura says
Pinch of Yum has wonderful recipes. I’ve tried ~13 of them and they are great. https://pinchofyum.com/freezer-meals
Anonanonanon says
Stouffer’s, or an organic alternative if that is your preference. Trader Joe’s frozen orange chicken etc. In other words, you don’t have to do the prepping, just buy frozen meals.
Also, it’s OK to not have a full-on dinner every night when you have a toddler and a baby. Give the toddler some cheese, fruit, peanut butter, and crackers and call it a day. Shove some hummus in your face while you sit on the couch with the baby.
Anon says
Our local whole foods has pretty good frozen meals. Probably regional but I like Severino lasagnas, it’s basically what i would have made anyway.
Anonymous says
Do you have a Trader Joe’s nearby? They have a ton of really good frozen meals (we like the orange chicken, the frozen gnocchi, and the shepard’s pie). I also froze a baked oatmeal, which was great for breakfasts when I was barely awake. Soup is a good thing to freeze too.
DLC says
Not a freezer meal, but one thing we did was make a list of all the dinners that we like to eat and make sure we were stocked for the simplest ones. For example, for us, roasting salmon and veggies on a sheet pan was just as easy as defrosting and heating up a frozen soup or casserole, or throwing frozen chicken in the instant pot. We also ate a lot of sandwiches for dinner, bagged salad, carrot sticks, fruit, rotisserie chicken, frozen tortellini and jarred pasta sauce. My husband isn’t a fan of freezer food, so the key for us was simple dinners made fresh.
Anon says
I give you permission to NOT make freezer meals. I had a freakout because everyone swears you have to do this. But it was just adding more stress on top of an already very stressful (HG, BigLaw, etc.) pregnancy. We solved this with quick things from the freezer that cook in under 15-20 minutes (pork and vegetable dumplings, tortellini), pre-made freezer meals (stouffer’s lasagna and bagged salad, stouffer’s stuffed bell peppers, stouffer’s mac and cheese), plenty of carry-out (DH takes kiddo for a car ride means baby car nap and some peace and quiet (or toddler bonding) for mom) and delivery, and the prepared foods section of Costco (ravioli lasagna, street tacos and stuffed bell peppers) and the local grocery store (arancini, salmon, rotisserie chicken, pot roast).
My mom made a couple (maybe 4?) of simple freezer meals for me (baked ziti and I don’t remember the other) and TBH, it was always very stressful when we decided to eat them because I would have to remember to pull them out of the freezer 24 hours in advance, let them thaw in the fridge, hope they actually thawed, and then cook or reheat for an inordinate amount of time.
In my every day life, key freezer meals for us include french onion soup (frozen in quart size bags for 2-serving size and thawed in a saucepan over medium-low heat) with sliced italian or french bread (buy from the bakery then slice and freeze) topped with a little deli provolone on a sheet pan baked at 350 until it goes from frozen to bubbly. And then my northern style lasagna (I make one recipe and split it between two 9×9 pans – one to eat and one freeze unbaked). I also often keep shredded cooked pork loin in the freezer too – add sauce and buns and it can be pulled pork sandwiches; add some seasoning and it can be pork tacos.
anon says
I completely agree with this. Or, if you’re going to do freezer things, I recommend making the components rather than the whole dish (e.g., cooked chopped chicken for soups and casseroles, cooked ground beef for a lasagna, etc.). I would rather simplify my everyday cooking than stress out about making a bunch of stuff in advance. It’s not the mommy blogger way, but it worked for us.
Mathy says
+1 to everything here
Anon says
+2 with both my kids (19 months apart) I had enough going on pre-birth that the thought of planning, coordinating and making a bunch of freezer meals, jamming them in my freezer, knowing I will have to convince my leftover-averse husband to eat them later..sounded SO MUCH HARDER to me than throwing together simple meals in the moment even with a new baby, like all the Trader Joe’s stuff everyone mentions, frozen lasagna, easy sandwiches etc.
Anonymous says
Coincidentally, when I was pregnant, I was invited to a freezer meal party. It was actually a really convenient and cool concept where our local grocery store chain hosted it along with my friend. We used their commercial kitchen, and then they divvied up the costs at the end. But they had salt, etc. on hand so we didn’t necessarily have to pay for stuff like that or else would pay for a fraction of the container. Anyway, I had horrible, horrible nausea that night and we still weren’t telling people we were expecting. I went home, and hubby put the stuff in the freezer. Every time I saw it, I was overcome with nausea remembering that night. We threw it all away when we moved a year later.
AnonLawyer says
Man, I definitely still have stuff in my freezer that fits in this category. I should just throw it out.
Ifiknew says
These are the best tried and true freezer meals in our house
Mel’s kitchen Cafe – best freezer burritos
Pinchofyum – sweet potato peanut soup
Pinchofyum – chicken Tinga Tacos
Turkey chili ambitious kitchen
I’d do more takeout and do anything possible to help make everything easier this year.
Anon says
Make this your partner’s problem. In those early days, the best way for them to support the growing family is to take care of you. Tell them that some people make freezer meals, others stock up at Trader Joe’s, but it will be on them to make sure you’re all eating three meals a day for the first few weeks. (And also make sure the other kids get their meals.)
Office Chair? says
I am in desperate need of a new desk chair for my home office. Needs to be comfortable enough or a full day of work since I will be WFH for the foreseeable future, but I also want something that isn’t too “office-y” (no black mesh!). I’m tall, so probably need adjustable height. Ideally ~$500 or less, though I could be convinced to spend more on something really great. Anyone have a chair they love?
CCLA says
I really like my bungee chair (the version with arms) from the container store, I think it was like $200 or $300? Far preferable to the aeron chairs IMO and the several other fancy office chairs we’ve gone through in our various firm office upgrades. I usually opt for a yoga ball or standing mat but since WFH has been a thing I’ve found myself much more exhausted and going more often for the bungee chair. It is height adjustable and also can be either fixed straight back or can lean back.
Anon says
Cb2 has really beautiful ones but they don’t look ergonomic at all. I love my Aeron and you can probably get a used one for under $500 but they’re pretty officey looking.
Anonanonanon says
Pointless rant, but being stuck in this house makes me think about it too much.
My house is exactly the wrong size. Too small to be as functional as I would like, but it seems big enough that “small space living” hacks would look deranged. Each floor is slightly over 500 sq ft (so about 1100 sq ft plus a finished basement). Maybe I’m not creative enough, but it seems like attempts to create any sort of clever “office nook” would come off as “why is there a desk in the corner of their dining room?”
Someone who owned it before us partially opened the main floor up, as in they widened doorways so there aren’t doors between rooms and cut out large window-like spaces in dividing walls, which means the rooms are still divided but now I can’t even put clever, stylish shelving on the walls. I can just stare at my husband from the couch while he gets a glass of water in the kitchen through a weird square wall hole. The fact they are all still defined separate rooms instead of a truly open floor plan means I have too much dining room, not enough living room, and no office.
We either need a bigger house or to downsize even further so I can justify leaning into small space living
End rant.
anon says
You have described my first house. I was never able to articulate it this well, though. In the end, we did not feel like we had enough usable living space and moved after having kiddo #1. Our current house is about 2,600 sq. ft. and it works so much better for us. It’s not just the square footage; it’s the layout, too.
Anonanonanon says
yes! I would prefer the same sq footage in an apartment so it’s at least all on one floor vs. a row home.
Anonymous says
Or close up the walls?? Which costs a lot less than buying a new house/selling old ones and the associated closing costs
Anonanonanon says
I won’t actually move, just complaining. We’re in a HCOL suburb where we’ve already over-improved our current home, but larger homes are single-family and are about a $300K jump in price, so I’d much rather live under our means than over.
avocado says
My house is like this at 2,000 square feet. It feels as if it was designed to check all the boxes–formal living and dining rooms plus kitchen with breakfast nook plus family room, four bedrooms, 2.5 baths–in the smallest, cheapest way possible. None of the rooms downstairs is big enough for entertaining. The living room and family room each fit only one small couch. Neither the kitchen nor the dining room has space for a table that seats more than six people. Only one of the four bedrooms has a full-sized closet. The “two-car ” garage barely fits two small cars and nothing else. There is no laundry room, just a laundry closet that is too shallow to fit most washers. The rooms are so tiny that there is no open space for kids to play.
1,500 square feet with fewer, bigger rooms would be so much more functional.
CHL says
Our house might be similar and if you love your house and location, etc., a designer could maybe help you do some creative stuff with either closing or opening up more walls and building in storage or shelving, or bench seating etc. We some weird cutouts and we’ve filled some up and put shelving in others and it seems much more intentional. Or maybe you just have to moooooove.
nyc mom says
Daycares in NYC are still closed, even as they’re open in the state and even as daycamps are allowed to be open and the mayor has committed to the next phase in early July – so people will be able to get pedicures, but working parents still have to try to do this insane balance of working full time and parenting full time. No one is talking about reopening the centers! It’s not even in a phase! I just feel like crying. My toddler is watching so much TV and it sucks, and I’m sucking at my relatively-new job. My husband is doing half of the work, so it’s not that. This situation is so impossible and feels like no one is even planning for it to get better.
anon says
Families have been completely hung out to dry, and I am so sorry. The numbers do not add up: 2 full-time jobs + full-time childcare + all the work of running a family … and 2 adults are supposed to do all that? It’s terrible. This country makes so much noise about valuing families, and it’s all BS.