I was emailing with a friend recently who lives in a state that is still very closed, and she noted (as I’ve seen readers note anonymously in the comments!) that they couldn’t do the “two working parents and no childcare” thing and quietly brought back their nanny, who now lives with them during the week and goes home on weekends, driven by my friend’s husband. I think a lot of people are doing similar things — quietly — and so I thought we’d take an anonymous poll. What are you doing for childcare right now? As states open up, what are you planning to do for the summer? (I debated adding a separate “screentime/running wild” option, but really, isn’t that included in half of the answer options anyway?)
(The first poll is below; if you can’t see it please try this link…)
And let’s take a second one — what are you planning to do for childcare over the summer? If your daycare is open, will you send your children? If camps are open, will you send them? (If you can’t see the second poll, please try this link…)
Do tell, ladies — what are you doing now, and planning to do in this summer?
Anonymous says
Where are the polls?
Kat G says
They’re javascript polls — which browser are you using? Trying to debug. Thank you!
Kat G says
Does this link work for you? https://poll.fm/10558877 — it links directly to the poll.
Anon says
Mostly splitting between two working parents, which is miserable. My parents live driving distance away and visited in May and plan to keep visiting regularly until daycare reopens (which is currently a big question mark – maybe July? Maybe August? Maybe never???).
anon says
We were both miserable (especially me) so we hired a trustworthy neighborhood teen to watch our kids for 3 hours a day while we both focus. We’re switching on/off the rest of the time. I hope to send my youngest back to daycare at some point, maybe in late June or early July. The school-age kid is going to have an old-fashioned summer at home, I guess. He’s doing a few virtual camps; we’ll see if those go well or if they’re more hassle than they’re worth. I would say most in-person camps in our city have been canceled.
Anonymous says
Oh ladies I am so over trying to work while watching my 10-month old. Every week I keep hoping that our daycare will announce it’s opening, but not yet! We’re trying to wait it out but we might have to get a sitter because we’re barely holding it together.
Ann says
I don’t understand why you would have to have your nanny work for you “quietly.” We have 3 kids ages 5 and under and a full time nanny. She hasn’t stopped working for us the whole time. My state’s (VA’s) stay at home order provides you are allowed to go out to go to work and to care for others, so it’s allowed. I wrote a letter stating that she works for us and commutes to work that she could keep in her car if she was stopped for violating the stay at home order. My 5 yo lost her pre-K and her activities and my 4 yo lost over 30 hours per week of autism therapies, but at least they and my 1 yo still have their beloved nanny and my husband and I can still do our jobs. I’m grateful my household could keep our tiny corner of the economy running by keeping our nanny, our house cleaner and our yard services.
Anonymous says
Where in VA are people being stopped for suspected violations of the stay-home order?
Anonymous says
I’m in VA too, and I told a group of preschool mom friends that my babysitter was coming back last week, and one replied, “Is that safe?” So then I had to explain why I thought it was safe. To which she replied, “I’m sorry if I made you feel defensive.” Not another way to feel after asking that question. So that’s why people have been having nannies or babysitters come back “quietly.” I feel like the pandemic is going to create a whole new mommy wars between moms who start to have babysitters come back, let their kids play with the neighbors and otherwise return to some semblance of normal life and moms who plan to homeschool next fall even if schools open.
Anonymous says
Where in VA are you getting this reaction? NoVa? In central VA, we are literally the only people in our neighborhood who are still staying home and avoiding in-person interactions.
Ann says
Nowhere that I’m aware of, but I gave her the letter as a precaution when the stay at home order came out and we didn’t know what to expect.
Ann says
Oops. I meant to reply to Anonymous above about stopping people.
Ann says
I am in nova.
Anonymous says
Yes, Arlington. Everyone is being very careful, which is great, but the shaming has definitely begun as well. Arlington Public Schools also announced that the most likely plan for the fall is continued distance learning.
Anonymous says
I’m in VA too, and I told a group of preschool mom friends that my babysitter was coming back last week, and one replied, “Is that safe?” So then I had to explain why I thought it was safe. To which she replied, “I’m sorry if I made you feel defensive.” Not another way to feel after asking that question. So that’s why people have been having nannies or babysitters come back “quietly.” I feel like the pandemic is going to create a whole new mommy wars between moms who start to have babysitters come back, let their kids play with the neighbors and otherwise return to some semblance of normal life and moms who plan to homeschool next fall even if schools open.
Anonymous says
The fact that many people who have abandoned social distancing are approaching, and allowing their kids to approach, others in public without consent is going to fan the flames of those mommy wars.
Anon101 says
Yes, I foresee the same thing happen. I am in the forego 3-k camp even if it opens (which we were excited about started in the fall). I have had people disrespect social distancing at every stage of this crisis and it has made me distrust opening my family up back to the wider world. 9 out of 10 times that Ive stepped out of my house to walk around my block since March I have the burden of dodging people who are maskless or just sauntering past us without a care in the world (families, couples, solos, don’t matter). The burden is always on me, husband, child to cross the street and practice extreme vigilance. I don’t begrudge anyone who chooses otherwise, but people have proven to be untrustworthy w/r/t official public health guidelines so I cannot get comfortable placing my child in group situations as a result.
Anonymous says
BTW, I am in NYC, so apply judgement accordingly :)
Anonymous says
We live in a single-family neighborhood in an urban area, so there is space to move around, and I’ve found people have been great about letting the less-abled bodied people use the sidewalk and the more-abled bodied people moving to the street. So, when I’m running, I always go in the street; when my 5yos are biking/scootering, I expect adult walkers to move, but make the kids attempt the street when a stroller comes through. I’m sorry that’s not your experience, especially in NYC!
Anonymous says
SEUS suburb here. People are very aggressively refusing to distance themselves. A lot of teenaged boys ride their bikes on the sidewalk, which is not a new phenomenon but is even more problematic now. There is a lot of playing chicken, and my family always loses.
Anon101 says
Yes, I foresee the same thing happen. I am in the forego 3-k camp even if it opens (which we were excited about started in the fall). I have had people disrespect social distancing at every stage of this crisis and it has made me distrust opening my family up back to the wider world. 9 out of 10 times that Ive stepped out of my house to walk around my block since March I have the burden of dodging people who are maskless or just sauntering past us without a care in the world (families, couples, solos, don’t matter). The burden is always on me, husband, child to cross the street and practice extreme vigilance. I don’t begrudge anyone who chooses otherwise, but people have proven to be untrustworthy w/r/t official public health guidelines so I cannot get comfortable placing my child in group situations as a result.
Anon says
What am I doing about childcare? Crying, mostly. Two full-time plus parents, 6-year old boy who misses kindergarten terribly. Grandparents would likely help if I really pushed it but they are older, immuno-compromised, and risk adverse – they have some concerns, even though everyone has been following strict social distancing / stay at home for months. I don’t want to force anyone to provide (free) care to me if they’re uncomfortable.
I’m having a baby in July so we’re just in survival mode until then – afterwards, I will be primary for newborn and 6-year old, also not great but vastly better to not be expected to function at work where I oversee a 150-person department.
This fall, when school / daycare may or may not open – who the F knows.
Frustruated Mommy says
Our child is at a Bright Horizons and they are just starting to reopen locations, but have told us the CDC has cut their capacity in half and so there is a waitlist to return (and no communication on when that will change). I’ve poured through the CDC guidelines and can’t find where they actually say that, so that’s frustrating. Basically, we are in limbo and the lack of communication is stressful.
Anon says
It may be state/local rules and not CDC – for example, DC has limited groups to 10, so for daycare that’s 8 kids and 2 teachers
Anon4this says
I’m at a BH in DC and we’ve heard nothing about reopening other than being asked to take a survey a couple (2 or 3 weeks ago I think) about when we would like care. My office is starting to reopen in early June and has said they will be fully open by the end of June, so I’d really like some info at this point! Coming in is technically voluntary, but my boss is heavy on facetime and I’m up for a promotion, so I think deciding not to come in could carry significant negative consequences.
KatieWolf says
We haven’t even gotten a reopen date from our BH and our state stay-at-home order ended a month ago. And daycares were never subjected to closures in my state so they closed voluntarily.
Frustruated Mommy says
Just throwing it out there, I might contact your center directly instead of just filling out the survey. We did the survey indicating when we’d like to come back. The latest option was earlier than we’ve been planning on sending the kiddo back (a family friend who is at the center of this thing has been saying we should plan on early July for daycare to be safe). So we separately e-mailed our center (which was one of the few locations that stayed open in the area to serve essential workers) and was told that kiddos age was waitlisted, but we could add them to the waitlist. Ummm, what was the purpose of the survey if not to get us in line to go back. I know a few other parents at other locations who were told the same thing (the survey didn’t actually get you in line to go back). I’m curious, did you guys have the option to pay 1/2 months tuition to guarantee a spot? We did, but my friend at another location wasn’t given that option. Long story short, BH (at least in my city) is winging it and isn’t communicating what they plan to do, so I’d make sure you contact them yourself instead of relying on their communications.
Molly says
Why isn’t there a poll option for those who are doing all of this by ourselves? E.G. those of us married to an essential worker spouse or single parents. I’m working full time from home AND watching my toddler AND homeschooling/trying not to kill my kindergartner. I acknowledge the pandemic is hard for everyone but it really grinds my gears when it’s assumed there are two parents at home to split the working and child care. I’m doing both and dang this is freaking hard!
mh_ccl says
Same. Husband is gone for the summer, and we’re also moving across country while he is gone. It’s just me, with a 6 and 4 year old, no school, no friends who can watch them. Each night, I finish up any work, pack boxes, and drink.
Anon says
Just wanted to say kudos to those of you with partners working outside the home. It’s hard enough with two parents working from home. You are amazing and hope things can safely return to some semblance of normal soon.
BabyWeight says
This month my kids spent 6 hours each weekday with my parents.
My preschooler is Dennis the Menace.
My parents are older and at higher risk because of medical reasons.
As long as DH and I WFH & social distance, they’ll help care for the kids.
So we’re trying to WFH as long as possible, otherwise this will be off the rails like it was in March/ April.
Not sure how long this is tenable.
Marshmallow says
I’m a day late but chiming in for the small “babysitter/neighbor” cohort. We were doing a combination of the two working parents + limited family help, but it got to be too much. Our very beloved babysitter two blocks away has been isolating with her family and watching only one other neighbor kid, whose parents are also WFH, so just this week we decided we were comfortable sending our toddler back. We can’t afford a nanny, so sending her to this very small group is the next best thing. I am keeping it quiet though, for reasons stated above– concerned about judgment from others (for example, my dad asked whether they are attempting to social distance at the babysitter’s house. Um… no? Explain how you do that with a toddler?).
mh_ccl says
I responded “stay at home parent” for both, although it’s not fully accurate. I’m still working from home, but doing about 20 hours a week while I can distract my kids with TV or at night. My husband has left for deployment, and we have no family nearby, so there’s no help for me. We also live in the Bay Area, which is one of the early epicenters.
To make life more fun, we’re moving across country in a month. I expect that, once we arrive in our new home, I will continue to work part-time while the kids stay home with me. I’m very worried about relaxing quarantine orders and resurgence, and have been eyeballing just homeschooling for all of next year. I’m hopeful that the new school district will implement an online option, but if they don’t, I can’t say for sure that I will send the kids to 1st and preschool. I also acknowledge that I have the privilege of working for a company that allows me so much flexibility, and that we’ll be able to afford having me stay home at part-time (well, in the new location. Definitely couldn’t do it here.).
SS says
My husband and I both worked from home and split childcare for our 15 month old for two months. We were pretty successful, but of course there were some stressful days. I’m an Executive Director at a non-profit with a building under construction, so I had to go back to work two weeks ago to oversee our move to the new space (everyone else is still wfh). We got lucky that my 18 year old niece had all of her spring/summer plans cancelled so she could come live with us and provide childcare so my husband can still get work done while I’m gone. We pay her a small stipend – definitely not the going rate, but we’re also cutting expenses and saving up so we can afford a regular full-time nanny after she goes home. Our daycare is re-opening next month, but we’re going to keep our babe at home as long as possible to avoid the extra exposure.
Bevy says
Our preschool wasn’t able to open for the summer due to limited interest / too many people out of work, but we hired my daughter’s favorite teacher as part time in home care. She didn’t want full Temecula but it’s better than what we have now which is nothing
Em says
I live in an inner Chicago suburb with a high COVID rate, so we’ve continued to socially-distance strictly. I have a 2 year old, and I’m 35 weeks pregnant with Baby 2. We’ve been fortunate. Both husband and I are working from home while watching our son. It’s been tough and has required a lot of late nights/weekends working, but we’ve made it work and we still get paid. I have 2-3 weeks vacation that I need to use before June 30, so I’ll be starting my maternity leave in mid-June (only 2 more weeks to go!). My maternity leave goes through the end of October. It’s all unpaid (except for the vacation in the beginning), but at least I have a guaranteed job to return to. My husband gets 8 weeks of paid leave, plus his office just announced he’ll be WFH until September.
I feel good about child care right now. But, if a second wave comes, I’m not sure how I can manage watching a baby AND a toddler while working from home in late fall. I’m a school district administrator, and we’re basically on-call 24/7 to deal with anything and everything. I’ll figure that out when it comes time. My son was previously in a daycare center. We had been paying 50% tuition each week to reserve his spot, but recently stopped because we couldn’t justify the cost. I’m hoping there will still be space for him when it’s time for him (and baby 2) to return, but again, I’ll figure it out when I get there.