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I posted about this dress a while ago at Corporette because I’d tried it in a bright purple for an alumni event I was shopping for, and although it was a good dress, for my height (5’4″) I would have needed to hem it. It’s definitely on the thin side, but it you’re looking for a nice, basic sheath dress in a variety of colors, this one is as low as $31 in some color/size combinations. It comes in 14 colors, including the blue flame we’re picturing, bright purple, light ice blue, cobalt, burgundy, mustard, teal, orange, and a minty green. I like the cap sleeve and that the dress has some stretch, although note that it says dry clean only. Prices vary based on size (0–16) and color, but for the most part, they’re eligible for Prime, which is always a win. Donna Morgan Cap-Sleeve Stretch Crepe Sheath Dress A plus-size option that comes in purple, cobalt blue, and black is at Saks OFF 5th for $49.99 and is available in sizes 14W–22W. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
AwayEmily says
Recommendations for edible gifts? My dad is impossible to shop for so I want to get him something he can eat. Notes: no Harry and David (he gets that already from other family), he loves cooking, he has pretty adventurous taste in general, and he especially loves Korean food.
ElisaR says
For one of my milestone birthdays my girlfriends got me “cheese of the month” from Murray’s Cheese Shop in NYC (they ship on dry ice). It was AMAZING. I still think about it and it was over 10 years ago.
Anon says
What. I need this.
DLC says
Golden Island Korean Beef jerkey! They used to sell it at our local Costco, but I think you can also find it online.
ElisaR says
thanks for that rec, my DH will love it. I just bought for his stocking…
Cb says
I love consumable gifts and would enjoy one of those smoked salmon in a wooden box (we got one as a kid and I remember being very impressed), any sort of fancy tea or exotic treats.
anon says
A couple of things I’ve gotten for my dad, who isn’t as adventurous as yours: fancy mixed nuts (Fastachi is a good source) or chocolate-covered macadamia nuts, which are pricey, but that’s why he’d never get them for himself.
Mama Llama says
Penzey’s spices
Anon in NYC says
Mouth might have some good options. You can build your own gift basket. They have Korean beef jerky and some Korean bbq sauces, but they also have lots of different snacks, seasonings/sauces, cocktail mixes if he’s into those sorts of things, pickled things (okra, asparagus, cherries, etc.).
Anonymous says
I love the cheese from iGourmet dot com. Delicious and reasonably priced.
Anon says
https://www.universalyums.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI04ujnYqd3wIVyJ6zCh2HCAVSEAAYASAAEgKrY_D_BwE
Someone just told me about this. Every month you get a snack box filled with snacks from a different country! Sounds like a ton of delicious fun to me.
Anonymous says
What about a cookbook for a particular regional/ethnic cuisine that he doesn’t already eat regularly (could be Korean or something else) + some of the spices or ingredients that are a bit of a PIA to source. So Korean cookbook + gochujang paste / kimchi or Moroccan cookbook + ras al hanout / preserved lemons [I got that gift one year] or middle easter + za taar etc….
anonnnn says
Not an edible gift but you said he loves cooking – there’s a Korean cookbook that I’ve seen on several “best of 2018” cookbook lists. I don’t recall the name but maybe he would like that.
Lily says
I recommend Olympia Provisions. They do fancy charcuterie. It’s local to Oregon, but they ship.
Anonanonanon says
Zingermans! Not necessarily adventurous, but delicious!
AwayEmily says
These are such great recommendations — thanks everyone!
Anonymous says
I have bought my dad unusual spices and umami pastes and so forth from Amazon, which is a hit with him. Maybe a gift certificate to Penzey’s if there is one near him?
school organizational struggles says
One kiddo is in grade school and is struggling with turning things in late.
I am realizing that compared to day care, my kids might as well be in college, as far as having a window into their school life is concerned. A lot of times I only see math homework (which we work on together and I have them check). Lately, the problem is that seatwork to get done over a week is turned in late (so you get a whole grade deduction for that). It seems that since they switch classes for their 4 core classes (math, reading, social studies, science), they have a book and folder for each class (4th grade, if it matters). I have a feeling that maybe the solution is writing the due date on the top of each to-be-turned-in-later paper and perhaps tabbing (using post-it tape flags you see in offices) items so that you look for red tabs for what gets turned in on Friday, etc.
I didn’t have these issues in school (if anything, I am truly a Virgo in that I love an organizational challenge and have never met a problem that I couldn’t solve with a trip to Staples). And this is something that kiddo will have to solve herself with some trial-and-error. But if anyone has any thoughts, I am all ears.
Meeting with her teachers next week (previously scheduled 504 meeting, but have added this to the mix). In case it matters: kiddo is ADHD, but has never received services b/c she was doing well academically (and gets pulled out with the other “gifted” kids for some enrichment activities), and isn’t on meds (concerns re appetite suppression and magnifiying some anxious tendencies). 4th grade may be an organizational hurdle to try to master with compensating skills (and perhaps revising meds). I know that this challenge will just get greater and that these are valuable life skills to develop (even if she didn’t have ADHD on top of it).
Cb says
I remember fourth grade being very difficult, not so much academically but organizationally (all that moving about) so I think you’re right to think about supporting the development of a system that works for your daughter. I think the tab dates would be good – I often label my papers that way when I know I’ve got a week where I’m moving around for meetings etc. Get some cool sticky notes.
Could you put a big sticky note on the outside of the folder where she can list what needs to be turned in and tick things off?
Anonymous says
I’d ask the teacher for a syllabus so that you can just remind kiddo. I was like this as a kid, and while I applaud you for teaching organization, the truth is that I just didn’t care enough about pre-college education to keep track. I still got A’s and B’s, so it worked out fine. One thing that I personally love is a daily/weekly planner (which I discovered in college…maybe I’d have done better at organization in HS if I’d had one). My favorites are weekly. I liked writing an assignment down on the day I received it in pencil, and then on the due date in marker. I also appreciate having a monthly calendar hanging up at home with due dates on it. I really appreciated getting a semester long syllabus so that I could write these due dates on at the beginning of the semester.
But, for real, it’s 4th grade. I feel bad for kids these days…they just shouldn’t have these expectations at school.
Anonymous says
OP here — I hear you re expectations.
At another (also public) school in our city, a friend’s kid has no homework b/c “their kids are smart and work hard when they are in school.”
I guess the benefit is that this should be NBD in high school and college when you are truly on your own to sink or swim. I’d rather fail when the stakes are low than fail later when they aren’t.
Anonymous says
I think in 4th grade you need to be more involved. It isn’t realistic to expect a 4th grader with untreated ADHD to figure this out. Talk to the teachers about ways to make sure you know the assignments and deadlines so you can be on top of them.
Anonymous says
In girls, ADHD often is very different than the stereotype is with boys.
Assuming that the OP’s kid isn’t having behavioral issues and academics are OK, I’m not sure why you’d introduce meds (or why you’d hold off until it seems that they are needed). What would you be treating?
Anonymous says
Oh I do t think you have to introduce meds. But she is struggling and needs more help.
Anonymama says
You can absolutely treat ADHD without meds, by helping teach organizational skills and other coping mechanisms.
9:31 Anon says
You make a good point!
I remember having homework in elementary, but we had lots of time to work on it in class. It wasn’t too common that we’d have to take it home.
It would be so much easier if everything was just due from the week before on Fridays or Mondays. I wonder about even imposing an artificial deadline on kiddo…like all nonmajor projects (like worksheets and stuff) always get turned in on X day or something.
Spirograph says
Like you said, OP, it’s better to fail when the stakes are low. 4th grade is low, low, low stakes. If your daughter is upset that she’s turning in work late and her grades are suffering, you can help her develop an organizational system that keeps her on track. But if she doesn’t care, she’s not going to follow a system anyone else designed for her.
Personally, I would step back and let her learn from this. Tell the teachers what you’re doing and be alert for any signs that her learning is suffering, but let her feel the consequences of disorganization and decide whether they’re acceptable to her or not.
Anonymous says
My gifted kid (not diagnosed with ADHD, but we and the pediatrician have some suspicions that she may have the inattentive type) has periodically struggled with late work and careless errors, starting at exactly the same age. She usually only has issues when the work is not challenging enough to hold her interest or when she is upset about something outside of school. Like you, I want my child to learn to handle this stuff herself, but I have learned that sometimes it is necessary to step in and provide some guidance. In your meeting, I would ask the teachers and counselor to brainstorm an organizational system that both you and the teachers can help kiddo to maintain. They may already have a standard system that they prefer to use in such cases, such as an assignment book that the teacher reviews and signs each day, then you review with your child at home. What works best with my kid is to jump in and provide a lot of hands-on guidance and supervision when a problem first becomes apparent, then step back gradually to let her take on more autonomy and responsibility as she demonstrates capability and motivation. The other thing that helped a lot was ensuring that she was placed in the correct math level so she wasn’t quite so bored (math is the only course in which there is placement flexibility). Good luck–it’s so tough to strike the balance between allowing too much freedom and being a helicopter parent.
Sarabeth says
This all seems pretty ambitious to expect from a 4th grader without ADHD, much less from one with ADHD. It’s good that you are addressing this in the 504 meeting. I would ask the teachers what strategies they suggest. At this age, it is reasonable to expect them to also take a hands-on role in reminding your kid to do things like enter the appropriate information into a planner, or to provide you (the parent) with a list of work to be turned and relevant deadlines, so that you can coach kid through the process. No, you don’t want to just do it all for her, but it is entirely appropriate to have some adult involvement in all this.
CHL says
I recommend Ana Homayoun’s book called “That Crumpled Paper was Due Last Week” for folks in your situation (maybe more for slightly older kids) and have heard good things. ]
Walnut says
I was a hot mess about turning in homework in the 4th grade. My desk was also a hot mess and I rarely paid attention to what I needed to be doing. I recall completing an entire year of handwriting assignments the last week of school and don’t even get me started about my reluctance to complete art projects. My parents can recall with crystal clear clarity the saga of the sheep art project the three of us worked on well into the night.
My Mom and teacher’s strategy was largely notes sent back and forth where my teacher would indicate the missing assignments, Mom would have a come to Jesus with me and make sure the work was completed in the evenings and sent back in a folder. Some assignments I was given a zero on and that’s just how it was. I’m sure the grades weren’t pretty, but Mom and teacher were both focused on ensuring that enough was completed for me to be warranted a passing grade. Fortunately comprehension wasn’t an issue, just laziness and disorganization.
Good luck!
MomAnon4This says
My son has anxiety about turning in papers late and would rather not turn them in at all.
I asked the teacher to talk to him about the worst case scenario – that is really not so bad – for him to see the challenge is overcome-able. I asked him to show me where to turn in the papers, how, when (right when walking into the class? after sitting down and taking it out of the binder?) Make a plan. Visualize the plan. Do the plan.
I WILL wait with him at after-school for HIM to get the papers out of his bag and put them into the teacher’s mail box in the office or lounge (because the classroom is locked for the night). Just. Keep. Practicing.
I promise you, this is not the first time the teacher has seen someone like this.
Hope this helps.
Anon says
For those of you who do long flights or drives with your kids, how do you get them to sleep in their car seats? My 10 month old LO is a great traveler in general, but she won’t sleep in her car seat at all. We’re going to Hawaii soon and it’s 18 hours of transit door to door… I’m worried about what its going to do to her sleep schedule if she gets zero sleep the whole time (especially on the flight home, which is an overnight flight). Anyone have tips? She’s a great sleeper in her crib at home and will take short snoozes in my arms (after nursing) on planes, but when we transfer her to her car seat she just seems to think “ok time to be awake!”
Cb says
Could you put her in the sling and let her sleep in there? We had a bassinet seat when my son was the same age but he wouldn’t sleep in it so I put him in the sling, reclined my seat, and was able to snooze a bit as well.
Anon says
Do slings work for toddlers? She’s big for her age and is the size of a typical 15 month old.
Cb says
I have a 16 month old and I took him to nursery in a Tula toddler this am. He doesn’t sleep as well in the sling when we’re out and about as he did when he was littler but if we’re on a bus, train, or plane, he’ll happily take a sling nap.
Pogo says
or climbing up a mountain… LO passed out in the Ergo (carrying him on my back!) when we hiked several times this summer.
Front carry is actually much more conducive to sleep and the only way it would work on a plane.
AwayEmily says
My second is not a great car sleeper either. We did realize on a recent long car trip that right before he falls asleep, he cries for a minute or two. If we try to comfort him during that minute he will just wake up, but if we let him cry then he will pass out afterwards. Sharing in the off chance yours is the same way…
Anon says
Thanks, that’s worked for us in the past (in the crib at home even) so it’s a good reminder to try it again.
Pogo says
Do you still nurse LO? At that age, nursing to sleep in a carrier would have been the best bet for a flight. Not the most comfortable experience for me, but most guaranteed sleep.
Other suggestion is a lovey or paci. We also try to mimic sleep in the carseat as much as in the crib- jammies on, overnight diaper, lovey, and blankey – so he realizes ‘ok this is night night time’.
And echo the point that sometimes they need to CIO a little in the carseat. We’ve had this experience both on flights and in the car when LO is overtired, and he falls asleep within 10 min.
Anonymous says
Will she be in her car seat on the plane? Have you checked if there is a bulkhead bassinet option?
Anon says
Isn’t she too big to safely sleep in a bassinet? She can crawl and pull herself up, so I just assumed it was unsafe but maybe it would be ok if I stayed up to supervise her.
Pogo says
Yeah, I think once they can sit up and crawl you’re probably not allowed to use the bassinet. It’s typically not an option on domestic flights, I don’t think, but depends on the airline.
Anonymous says
I always used my Ergo when flying. Great for walking back and forth in the aisle and then you can sit down when baby is asleep.
Rules are that you have to take it off during take off and landing but flight attendants have been satisfied if, unclipped the back, removed my arms, folded the back panel down and just held sleeping in place. I’ve never actually been asked to remove the waist belt.
Anon says
I’ve only ever been asked to take it off during take off and landing once – the rest of the time they looked at my sleeping baby and tiptoed by.
Pogo says
I’ve never been asked to take kiddo out of a carrier during any part of a flight, though I recall reading on here that I might need to for takeoff/landing.
Anonymous says
I’ve always been asked to take my carrier off during take-off/landing (~15 flights), but have also always done this strategy of just removing the shoulders and back panel (and putting them back on as soon as I’m allowed).
Anonymous says
YMMV, but what’s worked for me is getting the baby to fall asleep in my arms and then trying to transfer sleeping kid to carseat. They usually wake up, but if I’m right there with a hand on their chest jiggling them they usually settle down. I find it easier to do in a rf carseat, but have had success even when forced to ff. Bringing a blanket to drape over the top to block out the light also helps.
For older toddlers, I also explain that it’s night time and time to go to sleep in the carseat and look, everyone else on the plane is going to sleep and that’s why it’s dark, etc. My kids started getting this around 18 months, so 10 months is probably too young, but worth a try.
Jeffiner says
I read somewhere that if you hold them after they fall asleep for ~15 minutes, they’ll enter REM sleep and won’t wake up when you move them. We tried that a lot, and it worked for us 75% of the time.
cbg says
maybe it’s your car seat? Our infant-carrier car seat (Chicco Fit 2, but I will never fly with it again bc its too big and the person in front can’t recline) still has the canopy on it (17 month old) and that’s helpful to block out light/noises. We also use an ocean sounds app on our phone. She sleeps with that sound at night, so using it in the stroller/car/plane has been helpful to stimulate that “time to sleep” situation. she does grunt and fuss for a few minutes before she falls asleep.
Anonymous says
My current 3 year old would pretty much only nap in his crib starting around 4 months. Maaaaaaaybe in the carseat for 30 min after he’d been in the car for 3 hours. We traveled cross country with him several times between 10 and 18 months, always a a lap child, and he would eventually succumb to a short nap in the Ergo. Now I would recommend a Kinderpack or Tula for comfort, especially since it sounds like your kid is as huge as ours was (huge!), but even an Ergo was fine for those purposes. Take heart, though, that it may not be as bad as you think — our kid had NEVER, not once, fallen asleep in the stroller past one week of age and yet he even fell asleep in the stroller in an airport layover for 30 minutes given the level of fatigue he was accumulating over the course of the day of travel. When kid gets tired enough she will eventually sleep. Not as much as you’d like, but SOME.
lawsuited says
Our LO has a few things that he’s only allowed at sleep time – a bottle, a soother, his lovey – so when we give him those things in his car seat he gets the message and falls asleep. That’s in the car though, getting him to sleep on a plane is a nightmare.
Anon in NYC says
Another preschool / babysitter gift question (sorry!). We have 4 preschool teachers, and 1 director (who often fills in as a teacher). We hired one of those teachers who also bring our daughter home a few days a week. We’re just going to give everyone gift cards, but do we give the teacher/sitter more? Do we give her a separate, extra gift card one day at home? I want to be sensitive to the other teachers, but also recognize that we ask this teacher to do more.
Anon in NYC says
Sorry, that question should read: I think we should give this teacher a larger gift, but how/when do we do that? A separate, additional gift card at home? Or a larger-than-the-other-teachers amount in a single gift card?
More coffee!
anne-on says
I would do giftcards enclosed in an envelope along with a handwritten holiday card for all the teachers, the teachers who do more would simply get giftcards with more value on them, so nobody necessarily ‘knows’ just from looking at the cards who got what. If you have the time/energy, I’d also write up nice notes thanking the teachers and give them to the director for their files/to put up in the office.
HSAL says
I’d do the separate gift card at home.
anon says
+1 Partly so the teacher who is getting more realizes it.
So Anon says
Need supportive vibes: Headed to the appointment where we will receive my son’s diagnosis (thinking ASD). I know that it will not change the little boy I love, but its still a tough day.
Anonymous says
It’s a tough day but it’s also a good day. Figuring out what an issue is is the first step to resolving it. You got this.
Anonymous says
Hugs to you and your entire family. May this diagnosis serve as a key to help you unlock more support to help your son thrive. You are a great mom.
anonnnn says
Hugs. This will be hard, but I agree with others that this will unlock resources and support for you. But also be kind to yourself. It’s ok to be upset and to grieve the loss of a different future you might have imagined. I’m a special needs parent and when we got our daughter’s diagnosis another mom told me that and I finally felt seen and heard.
lsw says
Hugs. You got this. You’re a great parent and taking care of your kid. For me, 100% of the time knowing is better than being in limbo, and I hope it’s the same for you.
Seafinch Paging East Coast Canadian considering German Au Pair says
I posted a reply very late the other day to you. I just wanted to highlight that we aren’t (and have never been) in Vancouver, just our agency is. We have been in very mundane cities like Edmonton and Ottawa and our Au Pairs all universally love Halifax and Cape Breton (where we have a summer place). We will be likely recruiting to Fredericton in two years. Happy to PM about Canadian Au pair search.
Fellow Canuck says
Thanks! Definitely makes me feel better about our chances to attract good candidates when the time comes in a couple years.
Anonanonanon says
I am MORTIFIED. My son’s teacher emailed to say that lately, he’s been having trouble with talking to other kids in class when he shouldn’t be (like when they’re still doing work or trying to read independently), and despite redirecting him or even moving him in the classroom it has persisted. She said she made eye contact with him after a warning and he looked her in the eye, shrugged, and continued with the behavior.
I AM MORTIFIED. He doesn’t do this at home so I’m at a loss. Also, he is with his father every other weekend (roughly) who is NOT on board with enforcing repercussions, so our options there are kind of limited. He already doesn’t have TV or video games during the week as a matter of course, so there’s not much to take away?
I suggested to the teacher that my husband and I meet with her and my son in-person and discuss, so that he can see all the adults are taking it seriously and are in communication so that he knows he can’t get away with it. He’s kind of sensitive at heart, so I’m also going to talk to him and stress that that probably hurt the teacher’s feelings.
Any other suggestions? I’m really at a loss as to how he could dare act this way!!! For reference, he’s 8 years old and in third grade.
Anonanonanon says
My other ideas are:
-Order books about manners for kids and that is now his weeknight reading until I hear he is behaving properly (he is in the middle of a series he LOVES and he reads about an hour an evening currently). Or his required 60 minutes a week of reading will all be about manners and then he can move on to other books, haven’t decided
-He needs to write an apology note to the teacher, which will take responsibility for his actions, apologize for how it must have made her feel, and his plan for doing better
Anonymous says
No. Don’t punish your child by taking away reading. Just no.
Anonymous says
+1
Anon says
I get the feeling of mortification, but gently, I think you should walk back your emotions a little bit. Kids act up at school. No reason to feel mortification about it, I’m sure this is mild compared to everything else the teacher deals with.
My kids push boundaries in whatever way about once a year. We talk about the behavior I expect from them, and I make them role play with me the appropriate way to act. Usually I find out why they were misbehaving and then we talk about better ways to handle it.
And then they write a note to the teacher/ babysitter/ relative that says “Dear X. I am sorry I __[talked in class when it was quiet time]___. That was not nice. I will work hard to __[be quiet during learning time]___ in the future, and if you tell me to ___[stop talking]____, I will ___[write down my thoughts and save them for later]___. “
Anonymous says
Yeah, I agree with this. My 7yo second grade son does this occasionally too. It’s just testing the boundaries of the teacher. He’s looking to see whether the grown up making the rules is going to enforce them. So tbh I think the teacher needs to handle this. If you handle it, the message your son gets will be, “no consequences til I get home from school” – and this will teach him to hide things about school from you. You want to let him know that you heard from the teacher, you want to know his side of the story, and you want to figure out how to remedy the problem WITH him. Ultimately, you need to be in his corner before you need to worry about the teacher’s feelings. I completely agree that this is a minor behavioral issue, and it’s great that you get to figure out how to deal with school behavioral issues on a minor thing (rather than a huge thing like hurting other kids).
It’s likely that your son wants more attention from the teacher. He might WANT to have lunch with her once/week, he might WANT to be recognized by her for how quickly he’s completing his work, he might just be bored. Strategize with him and the teacher if you want, but this is not about punishment.
I hope that wasn’t too harsh. Mom-ing is hard; single mom-ing is doubly hard; but you’ve got this. Hugs.
Anonanonanon says
Thank you. I guess I’m frustrated because this is not the first time she’s had to reach out to me with issues (particularly interrupting and then reading during class when he’s not supposed to be). Those areas have largely improved (except sometimes he’s not raising his hand when he should, which is in the “interrupting” category) but now this.
I know it could be much worse, and that he’s probably going to turn out OK, but we also get similar feedback to this every year. Every teacher says they struggle, because overall he’s a great kid and is kind and has friends, but the interrupting and chatting has to stop. I don’t really know what to do.
You all are right though, I need to step back and take a breath. This isn’t fair to my son at all, but part of what has be upset is I KNOW the exact shrug, not because I’ve ever seen him do it, but because his birth father does it. Totally not appropriate to let that temper my reaction, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t contribute to my knee-jerk reaction/feelings.
FVNC says
This was my reaction, too. I’m not sure what you’re supposed to do other than talk to him about appropriate behavior and respecting his teachers, and maybe adding an age-appropriate punishment (my oldest is in kindergarten, so for her, that would probably mean no after dinner treat or similar). But ultimately it seems that if this is behavior that’s occurring in school, it should be addressed at school. And, consider the cause of the behavior: is he talking because he’s misbehaved or because he’s bored and needs to be challenged more?
mascot says
Mama, gently, calm down. This is within the realm of normal 8 year old behavior. Teachers are tough cookies and what sounds like mild disobedience is a daily occurrence for them. Yes, you can reinforce good behavior at home, but classroom management is something that the teachers need to handle in the moment. Don’t be mortified.
I’d actually go for positive reinforcement here. Maybe you can get the teacher on board with more frequent check-ins and see if he can change his behavior. If he has a bunch of good days, he gets a reward. I think mandatory reading about manners isn’t going to really explain to him what the issue is. Does he understand how he’s being disruptive?
Anonanonanon says
Thank you. The teacher did stress that she has worked on positive reinforcement with him (because I had suggested that in the past) and that those specific areas had improved.
You’re right that it’s a daily occurrence. In my mind I’m framing it as “wow, it must have gotten REALLY bad for her to email me about it!” but I shouldn’t assume that, maybe she’s emailing early on to let me know, since her strategies involved moving him in the classroom and sending him to another classroom to write out rules for behavior, and wanted me to know what happened in case he came home and reported it (which he didn’t).
No, I don’t think he quite grasps that the reason this isn’t OK is because it affects other people. I need to continue to explain it in those terms and reinforce that. Thank you for the reminder.
Anonymous says
Omg what? You must chill. He’s a kid. This is normal. Idk why you are so upset. Tell him he can’t be rude to the teacher so no dessert/screen time tonight, ask the teacher if there’s anything she would like to do, and move on. This is not remotely a crisis.
Wow says
Gently, +1000. When I read your first sentence I thought that maybe your child had pulled his pants down and ran around the classroom or something extreme like that. This is nothing to be so worked up about. Hang in there.
Anon says
I also assumed he’d exposed himself or touched someone else in a private place. This is nothing, it’s absolutely normal.
Anonymous says
So, it concerns me you’re moving so aggressively to discipline. A child who constantly interrupts and has been struggling with this for years might need some extra help and support not punishment.
Anonanonanon says
Thank you all, I really do appreciate the reality check.
I’ve been getting the emails throughout the year, so I’ve been assuming this means that he’s just horrible in the classroom, but maybe this teacher just communicates directly with parents more frequently than our previous teachers?
My initial reaction when I first started getting the emails from the teacher was that he is bored, and if he’s talking when his work is done she needs to give him a worksheet to do, or a random writing assignment, or whatever, and I even told her I supported her doing that. I think I need to focus on following up with that suggestion and advocating for my son more rather than jumping to conclusions. You all are right, I should be in his corner. Thank you all for the reminder and the reality check.
Also, thank you for the reminder that this is something that needs to be handled in the classroom. She keeps asking me for suggestions, and mentally my reaction is “idk I’ve never run a classroom, how the h*ll would I know?”
Anonymous says
I talked a lot during class time in the lower grades. I was so bored, and wasn’t swayed by the “don’t do it because it’s rude” reason the teacher gave me because “it’s rude” was a totally arbitrary concept to me. What solved it was my mum explaining that the other children needed quiet to work and allowing me to take my book to school so I could read once I was done my class work. I also loved reading as a kid, so if that would hold your kid’s attention rather than having him disrupt class maybe you can suggest that?
Anon says
I am not a mom yet (TTC ing for a year and looks like I need assistance). I am amazed that these things are informed to the parents. I just don’t even know what to say about this. I grew up in a different country, class rooms used to be noisy, there were few kids for whom it was difficult to sit still or continue to talk when they shouldn’t be talking. All I have seen is they had to do extra home work or pay 5 cents fine from their candy money as punishment. Teachers used to announce this punishment in the class, so all kids knew what the consequences are for talking when they are not supposed to. I don’t think parents would even know about this or had to do something about this. I am really sorry if I am coming across as insensitive or arrogant. I don’t know what is the norm here. I just want to give other perspective that it is really not a big deal.
SC says
When I was growing up in the US, the teachers didn’t communicate much with my parents. I had similar problems with being chatty and interrupting. We were given old-school punishments like writing lines or doing multiplication tables, and our parents usually had to sign them–but we had to tell our parents what happened. Most of the time, my parents signed and told me to do better, but I never received additional punishments. There were parent-teacher conferences once or twice a year. Other than that, the only time I remember my mom communicating directly with a teacher was when my mom called the teacher to complain about the teacher unfairly bullying/humiliating me in front of the class–and I didn’t know she did that until years later, but it was completely appropriate, and I love her for it.
I have a 3-year-old, and a lot of friends who are teachers. It seems like there is more of a norm of teachers and parents communicating directly, especially via email and apps.
Anonymous says
Yeah, this was my experience too. My mom got an earful from more than one teacher at a parent-teacher conferences about me being too chatty but I can only think of two times K-12 where my parents got a call. One time when I particularly acted up during Sustained Silent Reading, and another when my friends and I tore up a bunch of paper and threw it all over the class. I can think of lots of times I was disruptive and borderline rude to my teachers and they handled it without it ever getting back to my parents. I do think it’s partly because communication took a lot more effort and was more disruptive back then, so the bar was higher. It’s easy to dash off an email that parents can read at their leisure, vs a phone call that interrupts everyone’s evening.
My son’s (K) teacher called earlier this week to tell us the recess aides have reported twice that he was hitting on the playground. TBH, it sounds like normal roughhousing with his friends and I told her as much.
The teacher seemed to think so, too, but she had talked to him about it last week and he did it again right away, so next stop is the principal’s office and she wanted to give us a heads-up. Fair enough, DH and I talked to son and told him that hitting is not nice and against school rules, regardless of whether it’s mutual or part of a game. We warned him about the principal, and that if the principal calls us, there will be consequences at home (screen time prohibition, early bedtime type stuff).
IMHO, what happens at school should stay at school unless it’s egregious.
School Choices says
I need wisdom.
I am caucasian and my husband is from Africa (moved here as a child). We have one daughter who will be starting K5 next year. We are looking at two different private schools.
One is very small (16 to a class through 5th grade) and very nurturing, etc. It seems to be exactly where we are in terms of teaching styles. It pushes outdoor play and exploration and doesn’t require reading until finishing 1st grade (though will help you move forward with reading if you have that interest). It’s structured in a non-structured way, if that makes sense. It really appeals to my husband’s cultural expectations on nurturing children’s individual growths. I really like it as well and feel like the philosophies will match my daughter’s personality.
the other is a bit bigger (16 to a class until 3 grade and then 24 to a class through eighth grade). It is far more structured and expects kids to read in kindergarten. it doesn’t have as much outside time or field trips, but it does offer music education and requires kids to learn a second language beginning in first grade. (this is not too big a deal, as my child speaks a few languages already.)
It would seem to say the first school is better, but there is one very big difference between them. The first school (pushing outdoor play) is about 95% white. The other school is extremely integrated. Obviously, my daughter is bi-racial, and I an reluctant to send her to an almost entirely white school. My husband grew up in public schools in the midwest where he was absolutely a minority and the vast majority of people in his neighborhood and school were white. That continued through his med school (also in Midwest) until we moved to a big urban city. He thinks it is no big deal if our daughter is the only minority (or biracial) child in her class. He said she has to learn sooner or later how to exist in a white America, and it might as well be now. Of course, as a Caucasian, I can’t really speak to this. I have no experience, but I wonder whether it wouldn’t be easier for her self-identity, etc., if she were in a more mixed school population.
Can anyone offer perspective on this that might be helpful in evaluating the issues?
Anonymous says
I guess I think what about going forward? I mean, choose a kindergarten for K, but can you choose a different environment in middle school? Choosing not diverse now doesn’t need to mean sticking with that forever?
Anonymous says
+1. I would go with the best academic fit for elementary. You are likely to have more diverse options for high school.
Aly says
I’d agree with best fit. It sounds like you live in a diverse city otherwise – would it be possible to supplement school with activities (church, sports, other lessons) that have a more diverse mix? Diversity is very important, but I’m a bear on outside time, so I am biased towards the first school you describe. Also, your husband’s experience and views would carry heavy weight with me. He’s been in this situation and is probably the parent your daughter will turn to for questions about “existing in white America.”
Anonymous says
Agree with this. There may be other opportunities for diversity that you can explore outside of school. Also, it is worth asking school number 1 about their diversity initiatives. It’s a work in progress, but our school (which is majority white) has chosen to focus on increasing diversity among student body and promoting awareness of other cultures. The school can point to specific activities, academic experiences, community initiatives, etc.
lawsuited says
I think you probably need to defer to your husband on this issue, as he has grown up and lived as a POC and you admittedly don’t have that experience.
Anon says
So, I have a different perspective and think you should go with the more diverse school. I am white, and grow up in a diverse intercity and went to schools that were predominantly minority. In elementary school, I was almost always the only white girl and often one of two or three white kids in my class of approximately 30. I was often excluded from the social groups of minority kids, and I think it really stunted my social development. In effect, I had no school friends for all of elementary school and therefore had a hard time socially fitting in during middle school. For what it’s worth, from my experience, this is more a problem with girls then guys – the guys all played together, when the girls groups by race.
Hopefully, this won’t be a problem for your daughter. But if you pick the first school, I highly recommend being on the lookout for any social exclusion and resulting harm to your daughter’s social development.