Washable Workwear Wednesday: Caitlyn Shift Dress

Caitlyn Shift DressI love a basic sheath dress — particularly one that’s washable and lined! Love the wide boatneck here, the slits in the sleeves, and the fact that today it’s 25% off today at Bloomingdale’s with code FRIENDS, bringing it down from $285 to $214. Caitlyn Shift Dress

Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.

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  1. ElisaR says:

    has anybody’s son had surgery for an undescended test*cle?

    My son is 18 months old and was scheduled to have this surgery in a pediatric ambulatory center. The anaesthesiologist called me yesterday and said she wasn’t comfortable with him having the surgery there due to the fact that he has had 3 episodes of croup, so she recommended he have it done in a hospital.

    Selfishly, this is a little frustrating because I’m 32 weeks pregnant and would like to get this done before the new baby comes while I can still hold/comfort him. So we are having it done at the hospital on the 30th (ruining his halloween but he’ll really be none the wiser).

    Just looking to see how little dudes recovered from this surgery and what challenges we may be facing here…..

    • Katala says:

      My oldest had a different surgery in the same region and honestly the worst part of the recovery was coming out of anesthesia. He was closer to 13 months so you could possibly explain it a bit more to him at 18 months. He was really out of it and upset, then nursed a ton really fast and threw up everywhere. It did not last long though and once we were home he was totally fine. The hardest part was cleaning p**p from the bandage/catheter. Little guys are so resilient – he’ll be fine before you know it. Good luck!

  2. 2 boys - yay? says:

    Boy moms, give me your best “it’s great to have all boys” pep talks. I just found out that Baby #2 is a boy (as is our firstborn) and I’m feeling kinda blue about it. We’re likely done after these two, and I always pictured having a little girl to do girly things with (I’m really into makeup, dresses, etc.). It probably doesn’t help that our firstborn is 15 months and just a handful right now – never sits still, constantly getting into stuff, etc. It’s exhausting for me to think about 2 of them! But I know that lots of moms loving having only boys – so help me see the bright side!

    • POSITA says:

      As a mom of two of the same gender, I can say than hand me downs are awesome. Coats, bikes, clothes, rain boots, and on and on. I save soooooo much time and money just being able to pull something from the closet for the younger one. It’s awesome.

      As to getting into stuff, that’s non-gender dependent. My oldest is so much busier than my younger one. She just doesn’t have the same go-go-drive-me-crazy energy. Wishing you a calmer no. 2!!

    • I’ve got a girl and boy (I wanted all boys) and I think a lot of the boy vs girl stuff is very much social. My girl is much much more rough and tumble, rambunctious, loud, destructive than my boy is. And my boy is much more into sitting still while I brush his hair, and begs me to paint his toes when I paint his sister’s. They are both sweet with baby dolls, and they both are very into Paw Patrol and Princess Elena.

      The only thing I’ve done is not designate boy vs girl toys or shows – we just repeat that we share things in this house. They have a few special toys on their beds that they don’t have to share, but everything else is communal property. So I say buy dolls for your boys (find boy baby dolls, or the boy American Girl dupes at Target and Walmart), buy a play kitchen, paint their toenails, watch princess shows, and do all the stuff you’d do with a girl. It’s good to expose all kids to a variety of play, regardless of their sex or gender.

      • Oh and I forgot – I know everyone says little girl clothes are cuter, but I think they’re just not looking at boy clothes. I DIE for a little pair of suspenders and a pageboy cap. Or skinny jeans and a hoodie. And there’s literally nothing cuter than a mini-tux on a toddler. It’s way more fun to dress up a boy, in my opinion.

        • Walnut says:

          Cosign cute boys clothes. I could find adorable clothes in good colors for my son, but everything for my daughter is a pink bomb unless I specifically go on a hunting adventure. I miss being able to pick up something cheap and easy at Target.

    • mascot says:

      My “all-boy” son has requested that we go get mother/son pedicures this weekend. While his interests now tend towards sports and such, he’s also happy to do other activities so long as he has some company to do them. He loved dressing up and playing house and having tea parties and all the other pretend play activites that we tend to relegate to the girls. You may be surprised at how adaptable boys are to traditionally girly things and vice versa.

    • anne-on says:

      Built in playmates! You can use your hand me downs for the next child! You don’t have to deal with the fights over combing/washing/styling hair! So much easier to get them dressed and out the door! All the parts are external – easier for diapers and fewer UTIs (heh – gross, but true).
      Honestly I was a little sad that our only was a boy, but I really love it. He’s super sweet and cuddly and is just such a fun kid. Your next one may be more quiet and into cuddles and books – you just never know! Embrace it, and then you can be the kind of MIL we all hope for – one who is lovely and welcoming to girlfriends/partners.

    • boys boys boys says:

      I have identical twin boys and was upset that I’d have two of the same kid, which is obviously ridiculous. They couldn’t be more different, and have really reinforced to me that so much of the experience of having a child and building a relationship with them is driven by who they are innately, and their sex and what they look like are just a couple of so many facets of them. Sex and appearance are just the first things you find out. Your kid could be a super physical wild man and you could spend years sharing outdoor activities with them, or he could be really into music or art or math. All of that just takes longer to find out.

      In the meantime, I’d recommend watching some good “buddy” movies with strong male friendships. The way my kids are best friends and partners is heartwarming.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I had an image of what a girl child would be like, and kiddo does not fit that image – she doesn’t sit still, she’s not cuddly, she’s super into rough-housing, and her bad moods take the form of sullen, angry destructo-monster. On the flip side, she is incredibly curious, a great leader, charismatic, sociable, independent, generally happy, and can negotiate anyone under the table. She also likes nail polish and hair accessories, fancy dresses, and dolls. Legos and dump trucks co-exist with My Little Pony toys. She frequently mixes superhero capes with sparkly earrings or tutus. Which is just to say, your boys probably would love some of the things you had expected to do with a girl, if you give them the opportunity. It’s all part of the parenting journey; your kids will smash every expectation you had.

    • Katala says:

      I was in the same boat – my first was about the same age when I found out #2 was also a boy and we are probably done after 2 (less sure now, actually, than we were at the time). I think more than disappointed about a boy I was mourning the loss of what could have been. My boys are so cuddly and adorable and love love love their mama. They’re starting to play together and both love anything with wheels so it’s easy for them to share toys. They’ll be able to share a room as long as we want with less chance of conflict over decor etc I’m also pretty happy that I won’t have a tween/teen girl that will hate me for several years and have to deal with mean girls.

      • Anonymous says:

        I understand your comment was well-intentioned to try to cheer up the OP, but your last line is so sexist. Not all tween/teen girls hate their moms and it’s not like boys escape the hormones and angst of being a teenager.

    • I’m in the same boat. I was definitely sad when we learned that baby #2 was a boy. SO many advantages though — less clothes, so many common interests, same circle of friends, constant playmates (some of this may have less to do with gender and more than I had my kids close in age). I’m still potentially holding out for a third but knowing my luck I’ll end up with another boy. :)

    • Edna Mazur says:

      I have three boys. I always wanted a girl as well and we (cough cough husband) are almost certainly done. Agree with other posters that each boy will be so different, most of the time you don’t think that they are the same gender. The hand me downs are awesome. The two oldest will be able to be on the same sports teams frequently (15 mos apart) and they are definitely bffs. The thing that helps me is having little girls in my life in other capacities. My very much not traditionally girly sister is really thrilled that her daughter has an auntie to discuss clothes and get nails done together. I buy my friends kids the glitteriest, girliest clothes for gifts.

      I am resolved, when the time comes, to be the best mother-in-law. I am super close with mine, because she is awesome, and hope that if one or all of my boys marry, I can get a little taste of what it is like to have an adult daughter through their wives.

      Also, whenever I get a little case of the sads about never having a daughter, I remember that I wouldn’t trade any of my guys for all the girls in the world and how happy I am to have each and every one of them.

    • I have two boys, and for me it has been so nice to utilize hand me downs. I LOVE buying kid clothes, so now I just get to supplement my younger boy’s wardrobe with a few ubber cute expensive pieces. I don’t feel bad about it, because we’re saving so much with the hand-me downs.

      If you have the same political leanings as I do, part of the disappointment was not being able to raise a strong. confident little girl. Then I read a really amazing article about how important it is to raise feminist boys, and that got me excited about raising the next generation of men that respect women and are willing to be their equal partners.

      My boys also couldn’t be more different, and I can definitely see my eldest being my shopping buddy in the future!

    • I was you 2.5 years ago, and I can echo everything that everyone else has said. In fact, I posted here at the time, and got similarly good advice. I won’t repeat what everyone else has said about hand-me-downs, built-in playmates, not needing to be gendered — it’s all true. Some kind member of the hive also recommended that I look for lifestyle blogs and families IRL that have two boys. Cup of Jo springs to mind (and also our own Kat). That was (and, frankly, continues to be) helpful. Finally, congratulations! Being a mom of (only) boys is great! Truly!

    • Anonymous says:

      I have 2 boys – 8 and 6 – and I confess to being sad for a long time about it, so I get your feelings.

      I had no idea what to do with boys. I had no experience with boy children having been 1 of 2 girls and a fairly girly one at that (although not so girly as an adult). I was ambivalent about the number but my husband was pretty set on 2 and done and the baby years were so tough for us that I didn’t think we’d go for another.

      BUT…around when little guy was 2.5, I just sort of accepted that this was my family and that my 2 boys were AWESOME. Especially since they are exactly 2 years apart, having them the same gender was just great. So I slowly made peace with my little family and I could not in a million years imagine trading either one for a girl. I just can’t not have my sweet boys.

      And then I made friends with a mirror image of my family – 2 girls – and realized how awesome it was that I have boys. Someone mentioned above that raising a strong feminist boy is so, so, important for societal change and I really echo that – that helped me to see what a blessing it was to have the chance to do so. (And especially because although they are not “white” they definitely pass as white). Anyway, the other family – just as progressive as me but they.could.not.fight.the.princess.culture! (That they were bombarded with outside of their home through family and daycare and society.) So the girls play with dolls and princesses and want all the stereotypical girly things and sure they also do nongendered things like ride bikes (but they are not really into Lego or building things, only when my boys make them…). So then I realized not only did I have a chance to make a societal change (HA!) but also, I get to play way funner games than girl moms…. ;)

      • I know you’re trying, but “I get to play way funner games than girl moms” is definitively sexist. There’s actually nothing wrong with wanting “stereotypical girly things.” There is a HUGE. PROBLEM. with criticizing “stereotypical girly things” because you’re saying it’s not ok to be a stereotypical girl. That’s not feminism. The whole point of feminism is that you can be a girl– whatever kind of girl you want to be– and you still deserve equality. You can like dolls and princesses and you still deserve to be paid equally. You can raise a feminist daughter who likes dolls. (You can also use dolls to show little boys that both mommies and daddies take care of babies, by the way.)

        • Anonymous says:

          Agreed. Plus there are plenty of girl moms playing with the same kinds of toys you are. My daughter plays with Legos and trains. Your friends’ daughters happen to be more into the princesses and dolls. It’s not universal.

  3. More Painless Bedtime? says:

    Does anyone have tips on making bedtime less tearful? My 9-month-old is very good-natured right up until she gets out of the bath. But she falls apart during the whole diaper/pajamas/sleepsack (and lately snotsuck, as she is battling her first daycare cold) routine. Her flailing and my trying to soothe her makes the whole process take much longer than it should, and she gets increasingly upset. I originally thought maybe it was a phase/teething/a leap, but this has been going on for about a month. Changing the time of bedtime in either direction doesn’t help. It’s such a small time period so it’s not a huge issue, but I would love if anyone had advice on how to make bedtime more calm.

    • Can you change up the routine a little? My 10-mo old was having a hard time with bedtime recently, until I started letting her play for 10-15 minutes between PJs and staring the sleep routine. Apparently she had just that much more energy to burn off before turning in for the night.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      It’s been a while since I did bedtime with a 9-month old, but I found that the more I interact with kiddo (age 3.5) at bedtime, the more she fights bedtime. I wish I had known that when she was a baby, because I bet it would have helped then too. I calm her as little as possible – if she is upset, she can cry in her bed (I stay in the room until she falls asleep which is a battle for another day), but I will not give her more hugs after “last hug” or more covers/water/food, etc after the lights go out. It was hard to enforce for about a week, and now it’s just her normal. So much easier.

      When kiddo was under a year, I thought it was my job to make her fall asleep. She hated being sleepy, so she would fight it, and I would try to hold her still or sing her into submission. In retrospect, I think I should have just done as little as possible, left her in her crib, and closed the door. If you can, consider switching bath to morning and pj’s right after dinner, with some play time after pjs, so all you have to do is sleep sack before bed.

      • Interesting, I’m finding the exact opposite with my 3.5 year old! Focusing on the task of getting her in PJs and teeth brushed was turning into a huge battle, so I just started narrating my day one night, and she calmly got dressed while asking me questions (what’s a webinar mommy?) She needed my attention focused on her, not on the routine.

        So much of this is kid dependent, and requires a lot of experimentation to get right. Another thought for OP–could she be hungry? DD2 dosen’t have this problem, but DD1 needed to be really full to fall asleep, and got a bottle as one of the last steps in the bedtime routine. It felt like all we did between getting home from work and putting her to bed was feed her, but that’s what she needed at that age.

        • EB0220 says:

          I agree. If I focus on the bedtime march with my 5 and 3 year olds, it’s hell. I recently instituted “special time” with each kid where we talk about their day while sister takes a bath. It somehow shifted the focus from “forced march” to “connecting” even though we do all of the same things. Not helpful for younger kids, of course….

        • More Painless Bedtime? says:

          Thanks, all! I think my biggest take-away is just to change up our routine and see if something else works better for her. We currently do a final feed right as the last step of the routine, so maybe if I switch and do that before her bath she’ll be more calm and relaxed after. I’ll play around!

          • EB0220 says:

            The throw-things-against-the-wall-to-see-what-sticks approach to parenting has always worked well for me. Good luck!

    • Anon in NYC says:

      If I recall correctly, this is a prime age for separation anxiety at bedtime. I think my daughter went through this too. Do you sing songs? Or perhaps read a calming book. Both can help soothe my daughter.

    • AwayEmily says:

      And in general, just maximizing routine and consistency. We do the same things at every bedtime down to the specific phrases we use (for example — and this is so silly but I will tell you all anyway — every night post-pajamas, I say “Will all tired babies please report to the bedroom for their milkie snack!”). So the routine is to do pajamas, then books/milk in our room, then toothbrushing, then a “walk-around” (her father or I carry her around and quietly say goodnight to different things in the house), then into her room for lights-out and a final song. I know kids differ on how much they respond to routine but ours is VERY into it. I don’t think the exact routine matters so much as doing the same things, in the same order, even with the same words, each night.

  4. City Mini GT or Uppa Baby Vista? says:

    City moms, what stroller did you use and did you like it? I was totally set on the City Mini GT, but then I started to obsess over the Uppababy Vista. We live in Boston, and we’ll be doing a lot of walking, especially in snow or on hills. We’ll also be walking 10-15 minutes to do the daycare drop-off and storing the stroller in the daycare stroller closet. We live in a walk-up, but we can keep the stroller with other strollers on the first floor so we don’t need to carry it more than 5 stairs to get in the building.

    • I have a city mini gt and I think there is a split between uppbaby and the city mini in my urban area. I mostly babywear so haven’t used it loads but I like that it folds easily and is quite compact. You also seem to be able to use it for ages. I bought the bassinet (used) which I’d recommend, I think it is too big for a newborn.

      • I didn’t get the City Mini but would if I did it over for the one-handed folding feature alone – I have a bumbleride, which does well on long walks and in the snow and slush but is a pain to fold tot he point where I either baby wear or use an umbrella stroller if I’m planning on taking any form of public transit.

    • bluefield says:

      I am in Brooklyn and have the Cruz (smaller version of the Vista). FWIW, my mom friend had the Citi Mini and told me she was constantly jealous of my stroller because it could parent-face without using a carseat. I think this is a huge plus, as is the large under-stroller basket. Uppababy also has amazing customer service.

      • Anonymous says:

        +1 love our Cruz, and we’re city-dwellers. Huge basket (without the big bar through the middle like the Vista has), seats face both ways, handles well, not too heavy for stairs or getting in and out of the car. It gets a ton of use, (at least an hour a day– we have a carless nanny who walks kiddo everywhere he goes) and has held up well. We’re coming up on year two and while we want to get the wheels replaced, it’s otherwise done great.

        • Anonanonanon says:

          So glad to hear, we’re going for the Cruz this time!
          I posted a couple of weeks ago asking for uppababy/cruz reviews and got a lot of positive reviews from this site, and a lot of people brought up that they have excellent customer service (which I hadn’t even thought to ask about!)

          • bluefield says:

            Between all the free replacements I’ve gotten for parts (nothing really broke, just a lot of wear-and-tear) I basically got a brand new stroller over the past few years. And they are always so happy to help on the phone.

        • bluefield says:

          You really cannot fully appreciate the huge basket until you’ve gone grocery shopping with the stroller (and no car). Can easily fit a weeks’ worth of groceries under there.

    • anne-on says:

      I would go for the Vista – HUGE under-stroller basket, you can rear face/convert to a double/add on a riding board/etc. Plus those tires are really thick and sturdy – great for curbs and it is a very easy stroller to steer one-handed (think about going backwards out of a store – in fact, I suggest all parents to be practice this in a store with your stroller!). When it folds, you can store it standing up, which we did in our foyer and it was very handy to have it take up much less of a footprint. Uppababy also has wonderful customer service. The Vista is HEAVY though, if you plan to space your kids far apart the Cruz may be a better bet, but if you’re going to have 2 under 3 or so, I’d go with the Vista.

    • Legally Brunette says:

      We lived in Boston for 5 years (Beacon Hill area) and loved our Uppababy Vista. The wheels are large and sturdy so it was good for going through snow. We also had a 10-15 minute walk to daycare and it was a very smooth ride.
      Another big advantage is that the basket is huge so I would often pile all of our groceries in it. We also used it briefly as a double stroller, which became heavy but doable. Now my son just stands on the boogy board while my younger one sits in the stroller and that works out great.

      the only thing I did not like about it is that it is heavy and if you are lifting it into the trunk of a car, I found that personally difficult (husband had no trouble, however). But aside from that, as a daily stroller to go around Boston, I found it excellent.

    • Katala says:

      Don’t underestimate how hard it might be to carry a heavy stroller + swiggly baby + both of your stuff + groceries, etc. up 5 steps each time you come home. If you can, I’d recommend trying it with a neighbor’s stroller. I have to drop baby inside and go back out to bring the stroller (a jogger, but probably about the weight of a Vista) up on the porch, which might not work in an apartment building.

    • Anonanonanon says:

      I had a Citi Mini back in the day and it’s “mini” by jogging stroller standards but not that mini. I’m about to have my second and am definitely going for the UPPA Baby Cruz this time!

      • Anonanonanon says:

        This was mentioned above, but the ability to have a child parent-facing without the carseat was a huge factor in my decision this time as well. I found it wasn’t really “easier” for me to use a system that required a carseat, because carseats are so dang heavy and bulky and I hate snapping them back in the base etc. Also, I don’t believe it’s great for a child to be in a carseat for too long and a stroller allows them to recline more/less if needed.

        As someone else mentioned, lugging a heavy stroller in to an apartment or up townhouse stairs is a PITA

    • Will you be taking it on transit frequently? If so quick fold and weight are a huge factor, but as someone else pointed out you probably could just have a second umbrella stroller on hand for that, like a used bare bones Maclaren or GLite. I’m in NYC and we used a Britax B-Agile, which was almost identical to the regular City Mini. We liked the Britax brake better and the shape of the rear axle – my husband found it was less in the way of his stride. We used it daily for daycare commuting on foot, and I managed to grocery shop with it although the basket is tiny. I can see the advantage of a larger basket but I would not have wanted to haul anything heavier up and down subway stairs. And I loved the quickfold for storing it at daycare or taking it on the bus (which requires you to fold up your stroller in NYC). Price was probably the biggest factor influencing our decision though. We also had an ancient Maclaren we used for travel. Getting a stroller through snow is really hard, and larger wheels make a difference. But for deep snow you will probably end up baby wearing. (Get some traction-thingies for your boots!)

      • re: carseat strolling – when my son was small we also had a used snap and go that we used with his car seat. It was great for grocery shopping and cost us all of $10 or something, if that (it may have been free). He outgrew the infant seat pretty fast, so it was useful for a brief period. Used strollers are really cheap, so consider getting different ones for different purposes.

    • Anonnn says:

      We have the uppababy cruz, in a city, and love it. It is kind of heavy, so you won’t be carrying it. My favorite things about it are the giant basket underneath which holds a ton of stuff, and the fact that the handles can adjust to height, as my husband is about a foot taller than me.

    • Call Me Maeby says:

      Another thing to consider — are you at all interested in jogging with baby at any point? Rather than buy a separate stroller, we’ve used our Joovy Zoom 360 as our primary stroller. It was super easy to attach a $35 adapter for the infant seat (KeyFit 30 Zip), and the big running-oriented tires were very effective in the ice and snow of an upstate New York winter. After kiddo reached 6 months/sufficient neck control, we started to use it without the infant seat. I echo an earlier comment re 5 stairs being a lot, which is another reason I loved using our infant seat. I just popped the baby out and took her up the 3 stairs to the front porch, than came back down for the stroller. Way more manageable than trying to carry the stroller with the baby in it, or each in one arm.

    • Anonymous says:

      Another vote for the Cruz. City dweller here and LOVE IT! for all the reasons others have listed.

    • Love our Vista for many of the reasons mentioned above, especially: 1) big basket underneath for groceries/shopping from errands and 2) hardy for snowy/poorly maintained sidewalks (major issue in our city). Also, my husband and I are both tall, and I am tall with short arms for my height, and the Vista is AMAZING for us.

      Downside – it is heavy and bulky, but we also have an umbrella stroller for when we need it to be more compact. I definitely drag it up and down the stairs quite a bit, but that’s been okay.

    • I love the citi mini (non-GT). The one handed fold is clutch and it’s so much lighter than the uppababy and even the GT.

  5. NewMomAnon says:

    I just declined an interview for an in-house role because the “top end” of the compensation scale (for a full-time role with frequent weekend expectations) was $30K below what I would be making full-time at my current job. I even told the recruiter what I would have expected the comp range to be for a similar position, based on other inquiries I’m seeing from the market.

    It felt really powerful and competent to tell a recruiter, “Nope, I think you misjudged this market.” But now I’m second guessing myself. Should I have just declined and said nothing? I was interested in the role, but I would probably need to spend more to line up reliable weekend childcare. I would need a compensation bump, not an effective pay cut, to take on weekend responsibilities.

    • What would be the advantage of declining and saying nothing? You don’t have much to loose if you are turning down a position, and better for the recruiter to know what you really want. The recruiter may also not be in charge of setting the salary and may know full well it is low.

    • avocado says:

      You did the right thing. The salary range was not in line with the market, and the recruiter and the company need to know that. If this recruiter is going to keep bringing you opportunities, she also needs to know that you are not going to accept being lowballed.

      I would not, of course, mention child care as a reason why you would need a higher salary.

      • Anon in NYC says:

        I agree. Also, this is useful feedback for the recruiter to go back to the company and tell them that their comp was too long. Maybe they’ll bump it up.

      • NewMomAnon says:

        I definitely did not mention child care in my response! Just that the comp package was lower than market given the job responsibilities. I guess a part of me is concerned that my declination was viewed as posturing or playing hard to get. Honestly, probably it’s me just being a woman and feeling like I’m not entitled to ask for what I’m worth.

        • avocado says:

          I should have specified that I am sure you didn’t mention child care to the recruiter! You are not going to come across as posturing and playing hard to get if you simply state the facts of the situation.

          • Katala says:

            I agree you probably did not come across as posturing, given that the range was below market, but… so what if you did? What’s the worst that could happen? It’s even possible they could come back with a more acceptable salary.

    • Anonymous says:

      I think you did the right thing. If the company/recruiter can’t find good candidates, they may come back to you with higher (or at least, more open ideas about) compensation.

    • ThatGirl says:

      I think you did the right thing. As long as you’re respectful, I’d think a recruiter would welcome that kind of feedback.

  6. climbing furniture says:

    Does anyone here have Bobles or other climbing/active furniture? I know it’s expensive but I like that it can be used for many years and in imaginative ways – I’d appreciate any ideas that aren’t quite so spendy or any firsthand experience with the brand. Thanks.

    • Similar Question – Does anyone have the Dawanda rainbow rocker? Trying to find unique, fun “furniture” that will last.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      All furniture is climbing furniture if kids believe in themselves and try hard.

      • This has been my experience too

      • +1. As much as I hate them, the cliche Pottery Barn chairs have been the biggest hits at my house, far more than any “active furniture”. Those stupid chairs have been forts and slides and trampolines and subjected to all sorts of abuses, but they continue to hold up wonderfully. Our active furniture sits in a corner, no matter how many times I try to encourage them to use it, no matter how often we switch it with the PB chairs.

        A close runner up to the PB chair is our sectional couch and associated couch pillows. Those seem to be excellent stones in a volcano, and/or a gymnastic floor.

      • Anonymous says:

        You just me snort and my office door is open. ;)

    • avocado says:

      We had something much less expensive and smaller called a Bilibo, which is a plastic shell that kids are supposed to be able to use for all sorts of purposes, from a spinning chair to a toy boat to a doll bed. My daughter thought it was dumb and only used it a few times as a doll bathtub. We also had a set of giant cardboard brick blocks that got a little more use. For open-ended creative play, she much preferred things that were not meant as playthings–couch cushions, throw pillows, shipping cartons, cardboard panels, blankets, storage tubs, etc. For this reason, I would be cautious about spending a lot on furniture designed for creative play. YMMV.

      • EB0220 says:

        We have one of those too and my kids never use it. Interestingly, my daughter’s kindergarten class has them as well for seating (with a low table) and the kids LOVE that.

      • Yeah, expensive + wins design award = my son hates it; found in trash + ugly = favorite toy ever

    • Thanks for all of this!

    • AwayEmily says:

      yeah. Mine ignores the stupid Bilibo entirely but cannot get enough of the laundry basket. So now a hideous laundry basket lives in our family room indefinitely and gets constant use.

    • Rainbow Hair says:

      Here’s your friendly reminder to bolt your dressers and shelves to the wall!

  7. Postpartum Essentials? says:

    I’m having our first baby in 8 weeks (eek!) and I’m trying to figure out what kind of clothes and other items I’ll need or want on hand for the postpartum recovery period. Any recommendations for your favorite nursing bras/tops, maternity/postpartum leggings or pants, and other, less “fun” items (like should I buy Depends?) are much appreciated.

    • Blueberry says:

      A robe — bonus points if it has pockets and is not white. I don’t think you need to buy Depends — just some extra absorbent pads. My favorite nursing bras are the Anita brand, but during the first week or two, I mostly wore less structured sleeping bras because everything was so engorged and changing day by day.

      • +1 to sleeping bras! I didn’t know this was a thing until about a month in and they were much more comfortable than the underwire nursing bras. I got some at Target. I’d also recommend a button down sleep shirt for easy access during the night.

      • bluefield says:

        If your water breaks before you’re at the hospital (which, admittedly, is not likely but can happen), Depends are nice because it’s a lot of fluid and unlike what they show you in the movies it’s not a huge whoosh and then done – it comes out for a while after.

    • ThatGirl says:

      This is a rec for a little later, but I think you need a few shirts that you don’t mind being spit up on constantly. I went to Goodwill and bought about 5 t-shirts that were marked down to $1. Some of them have held up really well, some of them fell apart after 2 wears. It’s a little less convenient than going to Target, but at least it’s not fast fashion. Good luck!

    • Knope says:


      I bought several cheap items on Amazon to get me through the first few months. You will want stretchy lounge/yoga pants for the few weeks after. I also found soft-cup “crossover” style nursing bras to be more helpful that the clip nursing bras in the first few weeks, as my boobs were changing sizes and it was more comfortable. I don’t think you’ll need Depends unless you have serious tearing, but in all likelihood you’ll need regular maxi pads (the big kind with wings). My hospital gave me a can of Dermoplast (pain-relieving spray) that was very helpful; if yours doesn’t you should order some in advance.

      If you plan on breastfeeding, I would a) if you can, order your pump in advance so that you have it if you need extra help getting milk to come in, and b) have some lanolin on hand. If you need heat to soothe your boobs, I found that filling a disposable diaper with hot water was more effective than one of those bean bag or gel heating packs. Good luck!

      • Call Me Maeby says:

        On the other hand, I loved Depends. Way more comfortable than the mesh undies + crazy big pad they rig up at the hospital. I recently sent care packages to a couple friends in their third trimesters; they both laughed at the Depends before labor and thanked me profusely after, so YMMV.

        • Anonymous says:

          Cheap cotton bikini style undies and thin pads with wings worked great for me. I ditched those awful mesh things with giant pad after day one.

        • I also much preferred the premium style Depends for the first few days.

          • I too loved Depends. They were also great to use with “padsicles”, which I used a lot to help my recovery from stitches (and, frankly, just felt amazing when it was 80 degrees in our house in the middle of July).

    • I wore Old Navy maternity yoga pants for years. I mostly wore maternity T- shirts with a nursing bra in the early postpartum period, but I think your preferences in nursing tops may depend heavily on how busty you are – I was too big to find nursing tanks supportive. I did have some cake maternity/nursing sleep tanks I wore at night but they were kind of obscene. I agree with giant maxis over depends – I bought some depends and didn’t want to wear them once I was home from the hospital.

    • Anonnn says:

      I got a couple nursing tanks from Target, and super soft gilligan o’malley pajama pants with pockets (pockets everywhere were key for putting tissues, phone, snacks, when walking around the house with the baby!). They also had super soft nursing sleep bras (also gilligan o’malley i think) that i still wear regularly now, although in one size down, on weekends when nursing my 11 month old. Also the barefoot dreams circle cardigan which has been mentioned on here and is truly the stuff of dreams- super soft, and more pockets. So basically i did: nursing sleep bra with nursing tank (offered more support than just the tank alone, which I didn’t find comfortable), leggings or pj pants, and cardigan. Bra/tank/cardigan combo offered easy and quick access for nursing but kept me pretty covered up for modesty and warmth. Also add leggings and scarf instead of pj pants and i was relatively put together for quick errands.

      • AwayEmily says:

        Target has really cornered the market on Extremely Soft Loungewear. Go there and buy lots of soft pants, tops, leggings, etc in a size up from what you usually wear. Those cocoon cardigans are nice; you want stuff without zippers. Oh, button-down flannels were also great.

    • Anon. says:

      Not clothing, but I think an essential is an external phone battery charger (or two or three in different rooms…). I would be stuck on the couch with the baby asleep on me and my phone running out of charge!

    • 8 weeks post partum here, planned c-section. Unplanned emergency gallbladder removal at 6 weeks, so basically a double recovery. My number one rec is to sign up for grocery delivery – Peapod, instacart, your local store, whatever. That has been the biggest help.

      I have been living in my gap maternity yoga pants and gap maternity vintage style t-shirts. Cake lingerie has a decent nursing bra for the first few weeks – cotton candy I think, that fits my 38H’s. With all the different incisions, having multiple waistband options has been huge. While my limited pregnancy weight is gone, I still have a rather large pooch/dunlop so my regular clothes are not quite there. I bought a few pairs of stretchy jeans in one size bigger for once it cools off. I was pleasantly surprised by always pads with the flex foam – pretty comfortable as far as pads go. +1 to the lanolin for breastfeeding.

    • Katala says:

      Padsicles!! Pour some witch hazel on maxi pads and freeze them. Life. changing. I also found chilled soothies good for sore n*pples.

      Agree with recs for leggings/yoga pants + nursing bra or tank. My b**bs are not so big, even while nursing so tanks were fine. I liked target and old navy for those. I wore my maternity clothes for several weeks and just ordered more stuff from amazon/old navy/gap as needed.

      • Edna Mazur says:

        My hospital, and me afterwards, used extra strong tea. But agree, some kind of padsicles!

    • ElisaR says:

      Congrats! I bought Depends and they were GREAT for when my water broke 3 wks early, but I didn’t wear them after the birth. I went through a few pairs as I packed for the hospital and rode in the car over…..I used maxi pads after birth.

      For clothing: I wore those nursing tank tops with a cardigan over for weeks…. maybe months. I continued to wear the old navy maternity yoga pants and I also bought a few pairs of regular old navy lounge pants as well. They didn’t look good, but I was not really concerned with fashion. Button down shirts were another thing – I had a chambray shirt from j. crew that got a lot of action. Action being milk/spitup.

    • Anonanonanon says:

      I remember being traumatized by all of the bodily fluid issues after birth, so mine are definitely all related to that. You’ve been warned.

      some nice pajamas for the hospital THAT ARE NOT PANTS. At least if you have a non-c-section birth, they’ll literally be peeking down there to check on you every so often while you’re in the hospital (or I had some weird nurses?). Either way, easier the access to “down there” the better. I suggest a knee length maternity nightgown and a robe. Also try to get a pattern you like but don’t love so you won’t be too sad when you bleed on it.

      I don’t think depends are necessary, but super absorbent pads are! Also they have these cool chemical packs in the hospital that are like ice packs for down there, hoard those as much as possible. Every time you see a new nurse say that you’re out and ask if they have a few more and they’ll grab them. There’s “hacks” out there for making frozen pads but I wasn’t feeling like a pinterest craft after giving birth so the hospital ones were the way to go for me.
      They also give you a squirt bottle to wash yourself off after you pee so you don’t have to wipe, but maybe get an extra or two so you can keep one in each bathroom at home? I don’t remember how long it is before wiping is OK again.
      My hospital gave me tucks pads as well which were useful both for their intended purpose and for down there pain.
      They also gave me dermoplast pain relieving spray. I don’t know if all hospitals give everyone that stuff, but it was all GREAT to have while in hospital/the first few days home. Definitely buy an extra for yourself.

      A lot of nursing pads. you will be leaking, a lot. I’m not sure how it works if you plan not to breastfeed at all but I imagine even that has an initial leaking period to get through.

      Have some standard over the counter meds available for yourself (if you’re breastfeeding check into what’s safe to take) so that you can take something if you have a headache, can’t poop, get a cold, etc. without an extra trip to the store.

      A huge water jug of some sort. I actually loved the one the hospital gave me, a huge cup with a handle and a lid/bendy straw, it was perfect for chugging water post-partum! (good for breastfeeding but also for helping to prevent constipation).

      Pretty lounging pajamas would have been nice. I wore yoga pants and tshirts last time but this time I bought some maternity PJ sets that are pretty but also nursing friendly so I can feel “put together” in my lounging clothes. Feeling somewhat put together (even if it’s in all-day pajamas) goes along way in terms of your mental state, at least for me.

      Those are the items I don’t remember thinking of/realizing I would need the first time around

      • Anonanonanon says:

        OH buy some big comfy underwear to take to the hospital with you/use after. Shoving ice packs and giant pads in there+swelling+my post partum @$$ meant I needed big underwear, and it felt nice to have big ol’ new ones to use.

      • AwayEmily says:

        this is all such great advice. Make sure to ask your doctor about how much OTC pain medication you can take so you are maximizing that! My doctor recommended alternating Tylenol and Advil every 4 hours or so, I think. I ended up writing on a whiteboard that I kept next to the pills when I took them so I wouldn’t forget and take too much or too little. OTC pain medication made an ENORMOUS difference in my ability to function.

        I also loved the giant cup with the bendy straw that the hospital gave me. I have a clear memory of drinking out of it like 3 weeks post-partum and suddenly realizing IT HAD NOT BEEN WASHED SINCE THE BABY WAS BORN. And I had been using it constantly. Gross.

        Anonanonanon, any specific recs for nicer nursing friendly PJs? Sounds like something good to ask for for Christmas (I’m due in January).

        • I can’t wear pJs all day and a morning shower is a must after being up all night with my colicky gremlin, but I am loving the Jessica Simpson shorts and tank set from Macy’s right now. Motherhood maternity through Macy’s has a 3 piece set that I loved when I bought, but now the straps have stretched out and don’t hold the girls up unless I am completely drained. My favorite so far has been a button down non maternity set I got at the Nordstrom sale, Nordstrom brand. Super soft and I can just unbutton to nurse at night.

  8. ThatGirl says:

    I think this dress is adorable, but the price seems high for a polyester dress. Am I out of touch? I buy a lot of secondhand clothing so…probably. Also, I really appreciate that the tone of this s!te has overall remained helpful. I appreciate the recs I get from you all!

    • I’m right there with you on all counts. But I think my wedding dress was only $300 and it was silk, so I am clearly not the target audience. (From one cheapskate to another – can I just share that I recently found a lot of good pants on swap.com for like $7 each? Very exciting.)

    • Anonymous says:

      I don’t buy secondhand stuff much (just don’t have the patience for the hunt anymore) but I feel in general prices for polyester clothes are ridiculous. So many times I’ve clicked through for something that looked like a dream and was priced crazy high but, you know, it looked perfect, and then I realize it’s some kind of polyester or acetate or cheap synthetic that is going to break down and look ugly in a few wears. And then I wish I were better at finding old stuff made with natural materials.

  9. badday says:

    Ugh, just need some support this afternoon.

    3rd week back from mat. leave. Baby seems to be adjusting a LOT better to being with our moms all day. I have, what I think, is a fairly good schedule. I get in at 9 and leave around 4. Baby wakes up at 6:30, I see her for about an hour before she goes down for a nap and I leave for work. I see her again for about an hour from 4:30-5:30 before she gets sleepy for the night.

    It’s killing me to only see her for 2 hours a day and those two hours don’t feel quality, because she’s either tired when she wakes up or tired before bed. I get so many happy pictures/videos when I’m at work and I just don’t see that happy baby when I’m home. She’s only 4.5 months old, so sleep is still kind of a mess and I’m hoping it’ll sort itself out as she hopefully goes to bed at 7 pm.

    I just feel like I’m missing her babyhood.

    I thought I’d hate working and I could quit in a few months, but I’ve enjoyed it far more than I thought I would. I don’t want to make any big decisions in the fog of the 1st year anyway, but ugh, just having a hard day.

    • Katala says:

      Hugs. It is so hard, especially when they are tiny and you’re not getting regular sleep. It gets so much better. For now, can you clear your weekends to soak up as much baby time as possible? Cleaning, seeing other people, hobbies, etc. can all wait a few months until everyone’s in a better routine. If possible, you could also work from home and/or stop home at lunch to sneak in some time while she’s more alert.

    • rakma says:

      Seconding the suggestion below to get less stuff sent to you while you’re at work. I love updates, but it’s better if I can focus on work when I’m at work, and on the kids when I’m at home.

      Also, a big help to me was asking my MIL to not report any big news. So the first time they hit a milestone, first words, etc., MIL wouldn’t say anything until we told her about it. This way, we got the excitement of seeing the first steps or whatever, even if it wasn’t actually the first time baby did it.

      • +1 to this. My daycare had a policy that firsts only happened when parents were around. So they’d say things like “She’s so close to walking!” and “She sure babbled a lot today!” for a couple weeks to let us know to be on alert. And sure enough, within a couple of weeks, she’d take her first steps at home and it’d be awesome! Tell your moms to adopt this policy for any and all milestones. First DO NOT happen unless parents are around. Full stop.

        Also, you’re doing awesome. You’re outsourcing all the poop and spitup and pacing before a nap – you know from your weekends that those things are the majority of a newborn’s day. They’re grabbing at the happy moments to help get through the slog of each day. (And they’re grandmas, so it feels like less of a slog to them because they’re actually sleeping at night. So you’ve outsourced effectively. Go you!) Your kid is going to have an entire village supporting her. And you’re the smart one making that village happen. You’re doing awesome.

        • Anonymous says:

          I second this comment entirely. Awesome advice. OP, I hope your day gets better and that you get more sleep soon. 4.5 months is so, so young (meaning you JUST finished gestating and delivering a human!) and I think you should be proud of yourself for being back at work and liking it again.

          Signed, 3 time mom who loves baby snuggles more than anything except sleep and doesn’t love most of the actual sludge of taking care of a baby

    • ThatGirl says:

      It’s hard! What helps me is 1) to stop pressuring myself to make everything perfect. 2) It also helps me to think, realistically, about being a SAHM. I can barely even make it through the weekends co-parenting! I would not be a good SAHM. Baby would be bored, I’d be obsessed with housework, still not cooking and missing my independence. I’m doing the best I can right now and really trying to enjoy the moments I do have with him.

    • It is so hard, even when you are doing what is best for you and your family. It’s just a really weird transition – right when you are starting to come to terms with being a mother all of sudden are away from the child most of the time and it just feels like something isn’t right – you aren’t old you, you aren’t new you, what are you exactly? (Saggy, leaky, tired, and weepy in my case). It is unfortunate that all of those middle of the night feedings never feel like quality time, but they count dammit. And there were a lot during the four month sleep regression.

  10. Second time mom for bad day says:

    Big hugs. On mobile so this will be short.

    1. You are not missing her babyhood. You get to see her all weekend plus two awake hours during the day, each day. She does sleep during the day, too! You are seeing a curated version of her day. Also if you are spending time with her when she is fussy and you are comforting her, those are absolutely quality moments. Don’t discount them.

    2. Working and being away from the baby is more fun if work is interesting. Be present at work. Hopefully by now it will pick up as you take back control over your projects. Sounds like you have an awesome situation already.

    3. To further points one and two: tell your moms to stop sending you photos and videos during the workday. It’s great that they are bonding with the baby, but they should upload them somewhere you can view on your own time. Right now it’s not helpful for you. (But you might want to look at them later on!)

    4. Be confident in knowing that you’re doing the best for your baby. Consider whether you are internalizing the message that as a woman we have to be present 24/7 for our children. This is just not true. If you are the breadwinner, you are supporting your child by putting food on the table and providing financial security. This is huge! Go you!!!

  11. Anonanonanon says:

    I know this is late in the day but HELP!
    We’re interviewing an in-home daycare provider this evening who came highly recommended from multiple sources. I’ve talked to her a bit about her general philosophy and I’ve reviewed her Department of Social Services inspection reports. We’re looking to start when our infant is 4 months old. What questions should I ask? I have the following:
    -Do you ever close or delay for adverse weather conditions? (she’s in-home but does have staff)
    -Are there any pre-planned weeks usually take off annually? If so, how far in advance are those dates communicated to families?
    -Haver you ever had to close unexpectedly or delay opening due to reasons other than weather? (Staff shortage, etc.)
    -How do you put infants down for a nap? What sort of sleeping environment do you provide?
    -How do you handle temper tantrums or behaviour issues such as biting?
    -Are you trained in infant CPR specifically? (I’m not sure if that’s in a standard CPR class or if you have to take that separately)

    what am I overlooking here? We’ll do another visit at a time when the children are present if this goes well.

    • – How closely does she align to state child-caregiver ratios? What about at pickup/dropoff times?
      – How does she ensure a child is never alone with a caregiver?
      – What are the age ranges of the children she watches? How does she keep them separated? How does she provide age-appropriate activities for all of them? How do older children not interupt the younger babies during naptime?
      – What is the sickness policy – both for her and for the kids? (Will she close if she has a cold? What about if she has the flu or something else contagious? What about if her own kid(s) get sick? What about if your kid gets sick? A running nose will be present all winter, but HandFootMouth is a big deal. She should have levels of response based on severity of illness.)
      – If she has older kids, are they in the house on non-school days? See above questions on age-appropriate activities and making sure two kids are never alone together unsupervised.
      – How does she handle snacks and meals? Are they provided or do you need to send in? How would she handle a food allergy? If you plan to b*feed, how does she keep that organized and separated from other kids? Can you send extra bottles or keep extra formula/ frozen milk there? Does she have experience feeding both formula and b*milk babies, and understand the differences?
      – How does she track your baby’s day? You’ll want to know how much she ate, how often her diaper was changed, whether she pooped or not. This will be especially important when you start introducing solids and need to keep track of intake and output.

      • Anonanonanon says:

        The sickness policy is a good one. If my first is any evidence, i produce mucousy babies who are prone to heat rash. It would be good to know if she plans to send them home every time there’s snot. On the flip side, I work for a health department, so I also know how illness spreads like wildfire in daycares and hope she takes the appropriate prevention measures. The tracking is a great point too, if she sends home a sheet etc.
        Thank you!

    • do children watch tv?

    • In addition to all of the above great points, I’d ask about baby containment device usage – namely, how liberally do they use swings, bouncers, and the like, and how do they balance that with appropriate amounts of tummy time, etc.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Can anyone reassure an anxious first time mom that it’s normal if the ultrasound tech doesn’t say anything during the anatomy scan? She did say what the baby’s heartbeat was and that it was normal, and she gave us photos, but she didn’t say anything about any of the organs and just told me the doctor will call me “hopefully by the end of the week” to discuss the results. We already knew the sex from a blood test so there was no gender reveal. It seems like all my friends got told “Congratulations, everything looks perfect!” during the anatomy scan so I’m freaking out a little bit about the whole doctor-will-call-to-discuss thing.

    • Normal I think – ours didn’t even tell me I had to come back for another since the baby was poorly positioned for them to see its heart. I learned that at a follow-up visit! I think maybe in some scenarios it is not their job to interpret the pictures, just take them?

    • rakma says:

      This is an office specific thing. In my office, the tech did the sono, then sent the report to the doctor. The doctor was the one who actually talked to us about what was seen on the sonogram. This was in a big university hospital practice where someone was on Sonogram duty every day, so probably not how most practices work.

      When I recently went for a non-baby sonogram, the tech said nothing, and I didn’t get any results until I made an appt with my doctor.

    • Normal in my limited experience. Our tech didn’t say anything during the anatomy scan. I hadn’t expected the tech to comment though – there’s a reason the doc is typically the one to provide the definitive answer: they’re trained to do so. I had a lot of ultrasounds during my pregnancy, and some ultrasounds for other medical reasons, and always the program was chat with tech about getting the right angles, etc., then wait for doc to confirm all looks good. I have never had an US tech convey a result other than “the heart beat is there and the heart rate is X”. I do think providers could do a better job about managing expectations on this front though, for instance by telling us before the scan starts what expectations are for communication and timeline. Hugs to you and hoping you get that call from the doc soon!

      • Anonymous says:

        Thanks, all! I had a dating ultrasound at about 10 weeks and the tech (same person) seemed more forthcoming then, but when I think about what she actually told us at each visit, it was the exact same information (just heart rate and measured gestational age) – which of course at the first ultrasound was all we wanted to know but now is just a small fraction of what we were expecting to find out. I also found the experience quite physically uncomfortable, so between that and not hearing what we expected to about baby’s development and health, it was definitely not the glow-y, emotional experience I had anticipated :/

        • mascot says:

          Normal to have a quiet tech. I also found the experience to be surprisingly uncomfortable. I was really queasy and dizzy afterwards. I had an anterior placenta so maybe that why they seemed to press down harder than expected.

    • Delta Dawn says:

      In both of my pregnancies the sonogram tech provided no feedback other than the sex of the baby. We asked for more info and she said that was for the doctor to discuss. No problems with either baby, so I took this just to be their policy.

    • I think this is pretty normal. The tech at our fetal medicine specialist at least talked us through what she was seeing on the screen (ie – this is the brain, heart, etc.) but didn’t comment on any of it. The doctor then came in afterwards to talk to us and do some scanning of her own.

    • ElisaR says:

      normal – i have had totally unenthusiastic techs that made me FREAK OUT for no reason. it’s their job. She’s probably thinking “oh crap I have no food at home and need to stop at the grocery store on my way home from work today….parking there stinks.” as she says “there’s the heartbeat”.

    • Just an update – we got an email from the doctor that everything (organs, placenta, amniotic fluid) looked normal. Such a relief! Thanks all for the reassurance :)

  13. anonanonanon for anon re nursing pjs says:

    Can’t nest from phone but I got some online from a site called baby be mine. Looks sort of sketchy but I promise is completely legit. They have mix and match sets that can even come with a matching gown for your baby! I got gowns and pant sets and the matching robes to mix and match and love them

  14. Anon-omenon says:

    This is late, but I need some support from the hive.

    I thought I was about 7 weeks pregnant, but I went for my ultrasound yesterday and only measured at 5w4d. The doctor couldn’t see a fetal pole, which is not surprising at 5w4d…..but not good at 7w2d. I was pretty confident on my dates and had a positive HPT at 4 weeks, so…it’s looking bad.

    There is nothing to do but wait until a repeat ultrasound next week or until I start to have symptoms of miscarriage, and I am going out of my mind. I held it together while I was with other people today but I am now in tears sitting alone in my office.

    I have a 2. 5 year old daughter, so that is a nice silver lining, but…..I really want this baby. Do you have any coping strategies? Commiseration?

    • Anonymous says:

      Big hug and commiseration. Can you go home early and get extra snuggles from your 2.5 year old? Or just go home early and sleep (which is my solution to all big stress that is out of my control). I’m really, really sorry you are going through this.

    • EP-er says:

      It is late, so I don’t know if you are reading anymore — but I just want to give you internet hugs.

      This happened to me. I am so sorry — it was my first pregnancy, so I had lots of time to be alone & grieve. I have had other losses with toddlers at home at it is so much harder. Don’t be afraid to snuggle on your daughter as much as you can, but also ask your husband or grandparents to take her out this weekend so you have time for yourself. Be kind to yourself — and if they offer a D&C, take it rather than waiting for it to pass naturally.

      It is so, so hard. I’m so sorry that you are going through this.

    • I know this is late, but I was you (although my daughter was not quite 2). I KNEW the dates and the ultrasound pushed them back two weeks, so I knew it wasn’t a good sign. My recheck wasn’t good news, unfortunately, and I ended up scheduling the D&C for the next morning.

      My silver lining is that just over a year later, after a 2 additional miscarriages, I had a similar situation – the dates were a week off, and I was bleeding. And now I have my son. But that year and a half in between was a very dark period, and I don’t like to think about it much.

      I don’t have advice – that wait until the recheck is torture. Be kind to yourself. I wanted my daughter around me, but couldn’t find the motivation to take care of her, so my saint of a husband was on solo parent duty while also taking care of a grown adult who couldn’t get off the couch. I called out of work (took off over a week for the first one), ate a ton of comfort food, and generally just hated my body. The D&C was rough but somehow cathartic and after a few days, I was able to slowly get back to my life. I was surprised how many people had gone through this, once I was able to talk about it a bit.

      Giving you lots of hugs and support. Mourning a possibility is awful. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

      • Anon-omenon says:

        Thank you, all three of you. It helps to hear from other people who have gone through this. I just feel alone and powerless. Both my mother and sister-in-law have had miscarriages, but they found out because they started bleeding. They didn’t have this horrible limbo waiting period. I am so grateful to have my daughter, but she didn’t know about the pregnancy and I’m trying to keep it together in front of her, too, and it is just all SO hard.

    • I’m so sorry. I had the exact same situation, 5 years ago, and it was such a painful, unhappy time. Love on your kiddo if that gives you comfort, but don’t be afraid to take some time for yourself.

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