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Betabrand is an interesting brand that makes/crowdfunds a lot of machine washable workwear — and this interesting skort caught my eye. Beneath the classic, full skirt is a secret: black shorts with a slim cargo pocket for keys or whatnot. At the very back of the skirt, there’s another slender, zippered pocket built into the waistline (like in athletic shorts) that can hold a few credit cards/ID cards. It’s an interesting skirt for a lot of reasons, but it reminded me of why I swapped my nude-for-me Spanx for black Jockey Skimmies after having kids for most casual dress/skirt-wearing: it makes it a lot easier to get down on the ground and play with your kids without worrying about flashing everyone; I have also tended to carry a TON less stuff after having kids (driver’s license, phone, tinted lip balm and I’m good!). The skirt is $88 at Betabrand, and comes in four colors. Marsala Work-It Skort
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Public v. Private says
I’m sure this has been discussed here before, but here’s my situation: I live in a LCOL area with mostly mediocre public schools and good private schools that are Very Important to people who are from here. When people ask “where did you go to school”, they mean high school. My kid will eventually probably go to one of these snooty private middle/high schools because we’re zoned for an awful middle and high school but we love our house and are unlikely to move.
But currently, we’re trying to figure out kindergarten/elementary school.
Option 1: mediocre public elementary school. In recent years past, this school was truly horrible. One of the worst rated public elementary schools in the area. However, with some community involvement and a new STEM program, it has risen from awful to mediocre/almost decent. No after school programs are available, so I’d have to pay for some kind of care in the afternoon. Plus several additional thousand dollars (? I have never had to do this, but I’m budgeting for worst case scenario) for summertime camps.
Option 2: mid-range (in terms of cost) private elementary school. $11k year in tuition, plus several additional thousand dollars for after school care through the school plus several additional thousand dollars for summertime camps. Plus more money to pay for lunches from the fancy organic grocery store that caters.
So, as I see it, the benefit of the public school is that 1. it’s free and 2. She will meet people who are not exactly like her. She’s a well-off little blonde white girl with educated and involved parents. I really don’t want her to grow up to be a stuck up snob who thinks that an organic kale salad is a normal thing that normal people eat for lunch. The drawback of the public school is that it’s mediocre in terms of quality of education and has a history of student behavioral problems that were bad enough that one of my public school teacher friends moved out of the school district so her children would not have to go to school there.
The private school has a lot of really neat programs and opportunities, but it’s a bunch of kids that look exactly like my daughter. Plus it’ll be $70k+ for K-5th tuition. Which we can afford without a problem and isn’t much worse than paying for daycare, but is still a big chunk of change.
What would you do?
EP-er says
We were in this exact situation. And we moved. We stuck it out while while my oldest was in K-2, but really wanted to move before our youngest started K. We LOVED our home and yard, but there weren’t many kids around and the middle school/ high schools are really terrible. Like 5th percentile in the state terrible, with gangs and behavioral issues that the administration refuses to address, but some really great programs too. It just wasn’t an option for us. We wanted our kids to go to school with kids in the neighborhood, to make friends that didn’t require setting up a play date & a 20 minute drive.
I admit that I felt some guilt about moving out of the area. If all the affluent, well-adjusted kids move out, aren’t we perpetuating the problem? Do we have a civic responsibility to stick it out and help? And then our son was punched at school, unprovoked, and the principal didn’t even bother calling us to let us know. It just wasn’t what we wanted for our family.
We are now in an area with terrific public schools, still in a diverse area. My kids can walk to school, have friends down the street and around the block. My commute is slightly worse, but not worth talking about with advantages of the school neighborhood. I don’t know if you have any other local options in different school districts, but it might be worth investigating. If you really, really want to stay and go with option 1, I think that you need to commit to being very involved in the school. Make sure that your child is getting an education in elementary school that will enable her to be successful in the private high school.
hoola hoopa says
Literally the exact same, word for word. (Except my commute is a lot worse). No regrets. My children are at a public title 1 school that looks like a crosscut of the US, but the community is very supportive of schools so student performance and teacher satisfaction is high.
A child from a secure and educated family will do well wherever, but safety concerns were my issue. In our situation, the teachers won’t send their kids there and friends who live next to the school are warning us off (both happened to us).
We did a year at the private school that functioned as the neighborhood school. Really positive experience. But with three kids to churn through K-12, we were looking at a ~$420k in total tuition ($8k for K-5, $10k for 6-8, $15k for 9-12) BEFORE college.
My biggest advice, though, is to think about entrance into private middle/high school from a public elementary. Ask around. What we heard from people with older kids is that it’s hard to get in after kindergarten, because the cohort has been established so they can only enroll new kids if someone moves out of the area. We actually started with preschool associated with the private school because you got priority for the kindergarten (and in the end in the kindergarten cohort there were only two slots for kids who weren’t siblings or preschool students, so our chances would have been slim).
JayJay says
Honestly, if you can afford it, I would go for the private school. My kids will be in public school and I went to one of those snooty private schools. I completely understand your concern, but there are many ways you can demonstrate to your daughter how privileged her upbringing is and that many people are not like her.
Public v. Private says
Yeah, that’s true. And while we have resources, we don’t live an ostentatious lifestyle (on purpose). We don’t live in a giant house in a trendy neighborhood. We just live like normal people and feel very fortunate. I’m probably completely overthinking this. But I just want her to be a good person who treats everyone with kindness.
Closet Redux says
“We just live like normal people…” I think this is exactly what you’re trying to challenge, right? What is “normal”?
Anon says
My husband and I go back and forth on this issue and always end up at Public for elementary, Private for middle/high. Largely because that’s what we did. We both went to terrible public elementary schools in terms of “quality education” but believe we gained social skills and the ability to work with a variety of people. Neither of us fell behind, and when it comes to academics, transitioned seamlessly to private schools for middle/high. Socially the transition was a bit harder for me as I went to a private school where most of the kids had been there since Kinder. I was shunned by the “mean girls” group, but honestly, I don’t want my kids to be a part of that group anyways. I ended up finding a small group of “smart” friends who didn’t tow the mean girl line, and I did just fine (and am actually way more successful than any of the girls in that group).
In the end, the social skills in elementary school are more important to us than the academics, so we choose public. This might change for us if there were a wider variety of private schools in our area, but they are largely what you describe above. It helps us though, that we live in an amazing school district. So even our not 10 out of 10 school is still pretty awesome.
Jen says
Are there any charter/magnet school options?
mascot says
We are in a similar situation with the distinction that our public elementary option is actually decent. And we still chose the private option. Part of it was practical, we needed a pre-k spot and the public schools were lottery only. We also liked the curriculum, size, and feel of the school and it seems to fit our child’s needs. It’s not very racially diverse (not that the public option was much better in that regard), but I know that the school leadership is trying to change that. It is more socioeconomically diverse than we realized at first. Multiple families we know receive need-based financial aid.
What are your summer camp options? Are there other opportunities for her to meet a variety of kids her age. We deliberately chose the one that drew kids from all over the city and lots of different schools. We also play in city-wide sports leagues.
Em says
I would go with option 2 (if I could afford it) and find other ways to teach my child that not everyone looks like her and comes from the same background as her. The reason most of the children who go to those schools grow up entitled is probably because of how their parents raised them, not just by function of going to those schools. Regularly talk to you child about poverty, racial inequity, etc., volunteer as a family so she can see that not everyone gets to eat organic kale salads for lunch (or anything, for that matter), go shopping to buy back packs and school supplies for children whose families can’t afford them and talk to her about that issue, etc.
Goosebumpy says
I am curious as to whether you might live in my mid-size Midwest city.
Public v. Private says
No, I am in the south. I think this situation is more common than it should be, unfortunately.
Anon says
Atlanta? (not LCOL but the rest of what you wrote definitely applies)
Goosebumpy says
Ahh, gotcha. I was going to offer to compare notes! We live in the city proper and while our neighborhood schools are improving, we’re almost certainly going the private route. We will likely investigate the magnet options, though. I know the private schools work hard to try to maintain a “diverse” student body, but socioeconomic diversity is going to be tricky when there’s not a lot of scholarship money to go around and tuition is between $15-20K.
(was) due in june says
This is also an ongoing, wrenching debate in the SF Bay Area. It appears on posts on my FB on a regular basis.
We all want to believe in public schools and say we value diversity and also would appreciate not having to pay $$$$ tuition on top of our property taxes. But then again we all want “the best” for our kids and are risk adverse, and public school seems more of an educational risk than private school, so generally what seems to happen is that those can afford the $26k/year post-tax tuition PLUS aftercare (because that’s what private schools cost around here, on top of the mortgages on our $1m 1300 sq ft homes) send their kids to private school, sacrifice diversity, and feel really guilty about it because we know we are hypocrites who say we value diversity but clearly don’t really, as demonstrated by our actions.
So then the middle and upper class kids go to private school, and the lower middle and working class kids go to public school and the cycle continues to perpetuate itself, with public schools regarded as worse than private schools.
I haven’t decided what my vote will be and I feel really terrible about it. DH is starting to push for moving away from the area entirely.
East Bay Mom says
Those aren’t your only choices. I absolutely understand your plight (and have agonized about it a lot myself) but there are great public schools in the bay area, and I’m not even just talking about Palo Alto or Menlo Park.
Anonymous says
I really believe, safety issues aside, sending your kid to a private school is actually a vote of no confidence in your kid. All these parents are signaling that their kid is so damn fragile and useless that they’d never get a job or be happy if they don’t attend the right university, that they are too incompetent to get into that university without the right high school/essay help/SAT prep, that they are too stupid to get from a regular middle school to that hallowed high school and on and on. I suspect it’s the real reason super rich kids in private schools do drugs and are disasters: it’s clear nobody thinks they could manage anything without their parents. And middle class parents have bought into it. Nobody made sure Einstein went to a STEM based preK.
Anonymous says
You might live in my city, then.
I sadly have to vote for option 2 with diverse extracurriculars if possible. I am white and attended magnet schools with racial quotas in a huge, diverse city as a kid, and it was a terrible experience. I was the target of racial bullying and there were gang, drug, and safety issues. I believe that my experience attending these schools was harmful because it conditioned me to believe that most nonwhite people thought all white people were evil racists and didn’t want white people around. As an adult, I am still cautious in relating to people of other races–I’m always afraid they don’t want to talk to me or won’t trust me because I am white. My husband, who is also white and grew up in a town that was nearly 100% white, doesn’t have this issue.
Anonymous4 says
Another vote for private school. If your family values high quality education, I think – like someone above mentioned – there are other ways to educate your child on her entitlement. Children become snobs not because of what they have, but because of how their parents talk to them about what they have. If even the public school teacher wouldn’t let her child attend, I would take that as a serious warning.
TK says
Dissenting voice here. Mr. TK and I ended up in identical places – both accepted to a good law school, both relatively successful practicing lawyers – and in many ways, our upbringings were similar. Each of us had parents with advanced degrees (3 of 4 have degrees beyond college), and each of us grew up in homes where reading / education was valued and encouraged. His family was upper middle class, mine was lower-middle class (but not poor, we always had food to eat).
Mr. TK went entirely to private schools, while I went entirely to (so-so) public schools. So I didn’t have opportunities to join the down-hill ski team, or to travel cross-country with an elite choir. But, I did have the opportunity to become friends with kids from different circumstances than my own – poor kids, recently immigrated kids, kids with disabilities. I grew up keenly aware of my privilege, and I think this has helped me in life in ways that are difficult to quantify.
My husband didn’t interact with anyone who wasn’t white and wealthy and typically-abled until college, and even then at a very fancy private college he didn’t have much occasion for interaction. Even his peers who weren’t white were all wealthy. He’s a compassionate person, but doesn’t *really* understand that most people are poor for reasons outside of their control. He also takes a little bit too much credit for how ‘hard’ he’s had to work to get where he’s at – doesn’t really recognize that he started ahead of most people.
So all that’s to say – if the parents are involved, unless it’s a truly terrible school where safety is an issue, your kid will learn things in a public school that they won’t in a private school. Valuable stuff. Stuff that is hard to ‘teach.’
1anon says
I very much agree with this. While exposing kids to the realities of the world through volunteering, etc. is great, there is a difference between seeing people from diverse backgrounds and situations as their peers/ equals/friends in school. My kids have learned to not judge a book by its cover – often times the trouble maker kid who likely has a very different home life than them is actually very bright and capable when given the right tools and situation. Not to say there aren’t a lot of issues with our pubic middle school and there are times when I question the quality of traditional education they are receiving, I still think the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Frozen Peach says
Gotta say that (and if it’s ATL, this was exactly my parents’ dilemma when I was a kid) I agree with the public for elementary, private for the rest approach. Most of my educator friends who teach at prep schools have done the same for their kids. And those kids are much more grounded and responsible than their classmates at private high schools who’ve been in the crazy bubble their whole lives. There’s a dark side to private schools– eating disorders, homophobia, racism, anxiety disorders, disgustingly insane academic competition, parents who are so overly involved that the school has to refer the parents to counseling. None of those things will be discussed during the shiny open house.
The things you learn in elementary school are really not, for many kids with well-educated parents, really core academic skills. Elementary school for those kids is about learning how to exist in the world beyond your family and home– your kid will learn to read either way.
Here’s a suggestion– try the public option for a year and see how it goes. The private schools will still be there. And you’ll get a lot more info about what you’re getting into with the public option. If you think your kiddo will be safe at school, then I don’t think you learn anything in Kindergarten that can’t be tweaked or improved later.
octagon says
This, exactly – start with the public option, and you’ll have the ability to switch if you see your kid isn’t getting enough from the local school.
Pumping Breaks says
Just received an all day meeting agenda for 1.5 weeks from now. Day includes two 15 minute breaks and a working lunch. I typically pump 2x during the workday and those breaks take atleast 20 minutes based on pump room location, set-up, plus pumping for 15 minutes. Meeting is with 10-15 people, so my absence would be noticed. This is for a company women’s group I am in. Cutting my pumping short isn’t really an option because I get major engorgement issues (yay good supply, boo leaking), and we’ll be finishing up later than my typical work day, so I don’t want to push it. Should I let the organizer know ahead of time I will be taking longer breaks? Just take longer breaks? Option C I am not thinking of?
Background: I had to ask about our evening agenda ahead of time knowing a dinner would be planned and that my husband had an evening work event on one of two women’s event days. Since we potentially needed to secure a babysitter I asked the president/organizer which night the dinner was being planned. Being that she has two kids similar age to mine I thought she would understand the whole “might need a babysitter” thing. She seemed annoyed that I couldn’t just be available at the drop of hat/that I was asking in advance. So that’s why I hestitate with being upfront.
Momata says
Just take longer breaks. The organizer doesn’t sound like she’d be very sympathetic, and the fact that the organizer knows why you’re late coming back won’t inform the other attendees. I might whisper to the person next to me on my first late arrival “sorry, I had to pump” and I’m sure she will understand and word will travel.
Jen says
I have never been to all day work meetings where the breaks were exactly 15 min. Everyone in that meeting is trying to squeeze a days worth of emails and crises into those 15 minutes. Take 20 minutes and apologize if you are the last one in and it’s obviously clear they were waiting on you. Or tell the organizer you’ll be back in 20 and to start w/out you if they are rigid about the schedule.
Meg Murry says
Is the agenda specific as to what is happening when, or is it vague and just says “presentations” in the morning, lunch at noon, and “guest speaker” in the afternoon? Where is this meeting happening? Is it at your office, or company headquarters, or a hotel or conference space?
If it’s at your current office but you are just concerned about how long it will take you to walk back to your own office/lactation room + pump, that’s different than if you are going to need a key to the lactation room at corporate headquarters or going to need them to set up a private space at a hotel/conference center. If it’s an off-site event, I’d call now and start with informing the organizer that you need a private space to pump (and be 100% clear, perhaps send the exact wording in the FLSA “a place, other than a bathroom, that is shielded from view and free from intrusion from coworkers and the public, which may be used by an employee to express breast milk” and include other details like whether you’ll need an outlet, chair, fridge, etc – and then work on the times to do it once you have a place. Because if you aren’t clear and you are speaking to someone who’s never dealt with this before, you could wind up being shown a handicapped bathroom, a dusty closet with no outlets and barely enough room to stand in, etc.
Alternately, is this being organized by a committee and are you close with anyone on the committee (or even just know that one of them is a mom that pumped in the past and will get it?). When I had a similar situation (all day work offsite conference) I pulled aside one of the women on the committee early on and informed her that we would need a space set up because we at least 4 women using the lactation room at our current office, and/or we needed to know ASAP if we were going to have to walk the quarter mile back to our cars to pump in the parking garage if there wasn’t going to be a space. If its a big enough event that it’s being organized by a committee, this might be the type of detail that you are better off going to one of the other committee members about, rather than the head. And if it’s for a company woman’s group and this event has happened before, I’m sure you aren’t the first person to deal with it – and you might even be one of many people trying to figure this out.
I apologize if all that above is a “duh” to you and you already have that figured out. If that is the case, and you have a detailed agenda, I’d just look at the sessions that are closest to your current pumping time and try to determine which of them you think you’d get more out of and which you’d rather miss, and then ask someone on the committee “so, I’m going to need to take a 30 minute break sometime around 9-11, and another sometime in the 1-3 range. Would you recommend I miss Session A or Session B, if I have an option?” If one of the sessions is a speaker and another is some kind of small group participation, I’d opt to skip the speaker and slip out before they start talking, and if you finish before they are done just stand at the back of the room when you come back.
And again, at a meeting specifically for women? You won’t be the first, and you probably won’t be the only one. If your pump is in the obviously Medela bag, just sling that over your shoulder as you exit the room – plenty of people will know exactly what you are doing, and none of them will fault you for it.
Although if you are really worried about leaking and engorgement, I’d suggest an emergency hand pump in your purse and lots of extra nursing pads just in case something goes totally wrong you aren’t completely up a creek. Slipping into the bathroom for 5 minutes of every hour to hand pump (and dump) s*cks, but it’s a better option than mastitis.
Spirograph says
Tell the organizer, then just take longer breaks. I’d respond to the emailed agenda with “I need to take 2 breaks during the day to pump. I will use the planned break times, but will be a few minutes late rejoining the meeting. no need to wait for me to get started again.” You’re not asking for permission, just informing as a courtesy. I believe you’re legally entitled to adequate break time to pump if your baby is younger than a certain age, but I would hope a women’s group wouldn’t push the issue anyway!
ChiLaw says
Yes, exactly. It’s something you physically need to do, and you’re telling them so they know what to expect. I’ve found that assuming someone will do the right (or at least acting like I assume they will) often pressures them into doing the right thing — in this case just being cool with your break being a little longer!
Navy Attorney says
Great way to negotiate without seeming like you’re negotiating!!
Bilingual Preschooler says
posted a comment on yesterday’s language post about what worked for us with second language – hope it helps a couple of the posters that were wondering how to make it happen for their families.
Closet Redux says
I added, too.
Allergies @ school says
We just moved my daughter from daycare to a preschool + nanny combo. We love everything about the new school, but I’m super confused / taken aback by their food policy. We don’t have any allergies in our house, and I’m happy to do whatever needs to be done for kids that do have allergies, but this seems awfully extreme/ineffective…
All food brought in for your kid’s personal lunch (ie not class treats) must be nut/peanut free (ok, easy, and common). All food must EITHER be in its original packaging OR be labeled “SAFE” which indicates that the parent read and verified via the label that the food was not processed in a plant where it could be cross-contaminated.
So, I get it. Maybe there is a kid that has an allergy sitting next to my kid and steals one of her pretzels which perhaps was made in a facility where there could be cross contamination– that’d be bad. But what about the sandwich I made on my counter where I made a PB&J yesterday? Wouldn’t that be WAY higher risk?
For anyone that either has a family member with a nut allergy or has been at a school with these super cautionary policies before, could you throw out any “sneaky” items that someone may not suspect has nuts or is in a facility where nuts are also present? I didn’t realize I’d have to up my awareness to this extent when packing lunches at this new school. Also–I did ask and there aren’t any kids in her actual class with this kind of allergy, just the school in general. But I guess they share facilities so everyone is cautious.
To be very clear–I am happy to comply. I’m just surprised that this is the biggest problem (cross contaminated personal food). I got a call from the school admin asking me to check the packaging on my bread (clear!) and to label it next time. But the cheese wasn’t an issue? Or the turkey or mustard?
Help me, allergy mamas!
Allergies @ school says
They also require that you bring in only “one ingredient foods” (fruits/veggies) for celebrations/treats, and that preparing them must happen in their sterile kitchen– so the food can’t be contaminated at home.
I assume there is a kid with an extreme nut allergy and that this isn’t their general policy…not really my business so I didn’t ask.
Anonymous says
This is a weird policy. It would be easier and safer just to ban all treats. And the idea of having parents designate foods as “safe” is not actually going to keep anyone safer, for all the reasons you mention. It sounds as if this policy was formulated by inexperienced and ill-advised administrators whose primary concern is to push responsibility (liability?) onto the parents. If there are kids whose allergies are truly severe enough to warrant these types of restrictions, the school should just serve lunch and snacks itself and ban outside food, which is what our preschool did.
Ally McBeal says
Our school just announced a “no food” rule for celebrations. You can bring in a book to donate to the class, bring a goodie (like a pencil or stickers) for the kids, or do something else – but no food. Parents actually clapped when they announced this rule!
Anonymous says
I find the bread thing a bit weird but I guess it’s because sometimes breads have seeds/nuts that could be an issue? I think they’re assuming that you washed the cutting board after making the PB+J.
Daycares have to be even more cautious than schools because babies/small kids are often not verbal enough to articulate that they are experiencing a reaction before it gets really bad. They also put everything in their hands/mouth.
Our daughter once had a milk exposure when the cups got mixed up and the daycare missed it because she was just sitting on a bench crying and saying her tummy hurt like a half hour after it happened – 15 mins later the reaction has gotten bad enough that she needed the epi + hospital. It was two days before we figured out what had made her sick because no one noticed that she drank from the wrong cup and we had to piece together what happened via her limited verbal skills.
Signed,
Allergy Mommy who super appreciates efforts of other parents and reciprocates by spending hours meeting with school to figure out how to keep our kindergartener safe while still allowing dairy/egg in the classroom because I know going dairy free is a PITA.
Allergies @ school says
What’s so strange is that we moved from a daycare (which had a nut free policy) to a preschool– so it’s the OPPOSITE of what I’d expect– the preschool is MORE strict than the daycare.
Re: cross contamination- does just soap and water avoid the issue? Or do dishes have to be run through the sterilize mode on the dishwasher (I think they do for gluten? but that’s not the allergen here).
Anonymous says
I’d say the new preschool either has a highly sensitive child, super concerned parent, or inexperienced/cautious administration – or all three. If the child with the allergy also has a developmental issue (e.g. autism, ADHD) sometimes more caution is needed because they aren’t able to avoid foods or express reactions in a way typical for 3-4 year olds.
For peanut butter, I’d be inclined use the sterilize mode on the dishwasher. Trying to handwash peanut butter off a wooden cutting board would be a PITA. Your easiest solution might be to buy a small plastic cutting board to keep with lunch supplies and just use for daycare food prep – you could even mark ‘daycare’ on it with a sharpie. Ikea has tons of inexpensive ones. That way you don’t have to stress about washing the cutting board/cross contamination.
The labeling thing sounds like a PITA so I’d print yourself a sheet of address labels with the word SAFE on them to use. You could store the labels with the lunch supplies.
Anon says
This would be enough for me to search for a different school. I do NOT have my $H1t together enough to be this organized on a daily basis, and I would not want some poor child to suffer because I didn’t sterilize my cutting board well enough.
If my child were severely allergic, I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with this level of effort required from other parents. My school struggles to get parents to afford tissues, I can’t imagine expecting them to have separate cutting boards (and/or have a diswasher, let alone one with a sterilize option). This seems insane to me.
OP says
I just picked her up…and I think there is a kid with a super severe allergy.
She only goes 2 days/week (at home with nanny other days) so I can deal with the lunches…but I certainly wasn’t expecting it. I found several boxes of nut-free crackers that I sent to daycare previously that are labeled as being made in a plant shared with nuts- so they are out.
hoola hoopa says
I’ll try to answer what I think are your questions. One of my children has a peanut and tree nut allergy of moderate severity.
Yes, my child will and has reacted to products without nuts but were processed on the same equipment. Poignant examples were by plain M&Ms, animal crackers, and – no lie – plain rice cakes. In our experience, she can tolerate the same facility – but there are people with more severe allergies who probably would.
Bread can have nuts in it – and seeded bread makes it really hard to know just by looking. The request for bread (as opposed to cheese) does not surprise me.
Yes, if you make a pb&j for yourself and then a sunbutter & j for your kiddo with the same tools, it would be contaminated. You don’t need a whole set of nut free tools – just wash them and/or make the preschool lunch first.
As for labeling the homemade lunch items, I’ve had luck with only labeling the first half-dozen times that I send something. (I have to follow all the same rules with my other kids ;) ) After that, the teachers seem to remember that it’s clean. The only thing that I label every time is seeded bread. (see! I’m not surprised!) I keep a sharpie where I pack lunches, so it’s not much of a burden.
The single-ingredient treats rule surprises me only because I’m surprised you can bring anything home prepared at all. In all of my kids’ daycares and schools, shared items must arrive in original packaging (for labels but also because of hepatitis and food borne pathogens). The single ingredient rule also helps with other allergies (ie, gluten) or dietary restrictions and maintains some degree of healthiness to the snack (since you’re more likely to bring in fruit than say, a box of sugar cubes), so I can see it.
Lurker says
My mom’s a pre-school teacher w/ a kid with a nut allergy. They have had a few mishaps. One was bird seed. The kids were feeding the birds and no one stopped to check whether the birdseed had nuts. It did. Many soaps, lotions and lip balms have nuts too. She can’t hold the kid if she has used any of those things. The kid might have an almond allergy instead of peanut actually now that I think about it. I’m not sure. Another time a different kid had a Halloween sized candy bar in his coat pocket and didn’t know it. The allergic kid never even touched it but still reacted to it just being in the room.
Anonymous says
Words of reassurance for my 1st trimester screening today? (NT scan as well as blood test). We’re still in our late 20s and at low risk of any genetic problems, but I can’t help but be nervous!!!
Jen says
I’m sure all will be fine. But if you have the option and the money (if your ins doesn’t cover it), I’d recommend the genetic screening blood test–not sure if you are getting the basic blood test or the genetic panel. The first time around my ins covered it, but with my second kid it wasn’t covered (new ins plan). We paid out of pocket– it was like $350.
anon for this says
+1 to paying for that NIPT test if you can afford it. I would absolutely pay $500 out of pocket for that test next time. I endured some very very scary drama that could have been completely avoided if the thing the doctors noticed as a possibility during that screening and “continued to monitor” for months had been conclusively ruled out by that damn blood test months before.
Katala says
Very likely, everything will be normal. I totally understand being nervous, especially for the first, not knowing what to expect. For me, the tech was really good at being calming/reassuring, and once they got the scan going the nerves all turned to excitement. It’s so cool to see your little one moving around, little fingers and toes, organs, bones – just amazing!! So do try to enjoy it too.
ChiLaw says
I have this skirt and I don’t like it. It’s impossibly wrinkly, sadly. And because of the way the shorts are sewn in, I can’t wear it as high on my waist as I’d like to.
I do quite like their Yoga Pants for Work or whatever they’re called. They’re my standard travel uniform.
Postpartum Bladder Issues says
I’m 6 months post partum and am wondering if I am having post partum bladder issues. I have almost no issues with incontinence, but I have to pee all the time. It’s never just a general urge to go, but rather a feeling of having to go right that minute (and I actually do have to pee, it’s not just the urge to go). I’ve had bladder infections before and I don’t think this is one – there is no pain or burning. It’s like I go from fine to having to pee really badly every 30-45 minutes. I am drinking a lot of water because I am nursing, but this seems to be excessive in comparison to what I am drinking (plus I was drinking a lot of water when I was pregnant and didn’t have an issue). My sister said she has experienced the same thing ever since she had her first child. Anyone else experienced this?
Anonymous says
you may want to consider pelvic floor PT there was a few comments about this last week – can’t remember exact day.
anon says
Yes! I asked about pelvic floor PT. My issues are different from this, but probably half of the intake form questions related to incontinence. I cannot stress this enough – GO. The pelvic floor is an amazing part of anatomy that affects intimacy, hips, bladder, and posture, among other things. I’ve been going to PT for about a month and have seen amazing improvement for my issues.
Anonymous says
I think there is such a thing as “urge incontinence” which is different from “stress incontinence”. I would bring it up with your OB to see if you ought to get PT or if he/she has any recs.
bigcitynewmom says
I am 6 months postpartum too and experiencing this EXACT same issue. The extreme urge to pee is even stronger when I’m pumping and nursing, curiously. Just made an appointment for an annual exam and plan to bring it up then because there have been no signs of this lessening.
Anonymous says
For both nursing and pumping you are usually sitting so it could be related to a posture issue and putting pressure on your bladder. Do ever nurse while side-lying? Do you have that issue then?
PT may help strengthen your pelvic and abdominal area and improve posture.
shortperson says
i did at night. i went to a postpartum PT for a different issue and i mentioned this and she said that the bladder is a muscle and trained to go all the time and i should just not pee even if it feels like i have to. it went away in less than a week. not peeing when you need to is probably not generally good medical advice so you shoudl probablye see a postpartum PT to see what’s going on but i bet they will fix it easily. and btw my ob/gyn was of no help.
Frustration says
It’s kind of a drag, isn’t it, how anything set up for “moms” is actually set up for “moms who don’t work M-F, 9-5 (or more)”?
Like I would love to do ‘Mommy and Me’ yoga or dance or music or art classes with my kiddo. But I can’t, because they’re all on like, Tuesday at 11 or Thursday at 3.
I’m a member of a local parents group online but all their get-togethers are in the same kind of time frame.
None of the local specialists in PPD therapy have evening or weekend appointments.
I’m not begrudging stay at home parents their activities, it’s just frustrating that it feels like there’s nothing available for the rest of us.
mascot says
Does it help if you re-frame it? My kid was in daycare so I didn’t need to come up with extra classes because he was already spending his days crafting, dancing, singing, learning, etc. As for the mommy and me part, of course they need mommy. The local play gym can’t keep 10 2-year olds moving in the same direction, nor does it have the resources to deal with their individual needs like bathroom breaks. So parents have to go to help out. This gets a little better when kids are older and don’t need so much assistance, just someone to drive them to activities.
Suggest a meet-up with your group that is on a wknd. I was part of group when my kid was a baby that met for coffee at 8am on a Sunday at the local whole foods. Some of our members were SAHM, some were working out of the house.
I can’t help with the PPD appts. I just tried to schedule sessions at lunch or first/last thing in the day. For that, treat it like the important medical condition that it is and think of it more like a doctor’s apt than some sort of luxury time to yourself.
anon says
It’s super frustrating. I tried to reassure myself all of these activities are “for moms who are about to poke their eyeballs out because they are trapped at home with only their young children for company.” Because the 1 year old does not need yoga, you know? Our mom’s group did some weekend meetups once people started going back to work, but ultimately my social circle became the parents of other kids in my son’s daycare and then preschool, most of whom also worked.
Maddie Ross says
I feel ya. With the additional frustration at the moment that the only pre-natal yoga classes offered within 30 miles of me are offered mid-morning on weekdays. Which makes me extra stabby, as who are all these pregnant women who don’t work, but also don’t have children around mid-morning if they’re staying home? This has to be a small subset of those out there. Grr…
Frustration says
Maddie, yes with the pre-natal yoga! I found that so frustrating too!
I agree that to some extent, kiddo is getting these benefits at daycare: she does messy painting and lots of singing and such there. But I think it would be fun to do stuff together, particularly yoga and dance, and to meet kids her age and parents in the same life phase as me. And I like the idea of having structured activities to do together so not all our bonding time is wooshing around in a cart at Target.
PhilanthropyGirl says
It is so frustrating. Every time I approach activity organizers about moving it to a time when moms who work can also be there, I receive the feedback that “we’ve tried this in the past and no one comes” – presumably because SAHMs don’t want to be out at mom/kid events when dad is home in the evening and working moms don’t want to give up valuable home-time with kids so they don’t go either. Yet every time I bring it up with other working moms, I hear how they wish things were scheduled so they could attend. I don’t understand the disconnect.
hoola hoopa says
This is the response that I get, too, which I find puzzling since the same activities are very well attended in evenings/weekends in all of the surrounding (and similar) communities. I’m not sure if I believe that they’ve ever really tried.
We moved from an area with weekend/evening activities, and I really miss taking the kids to book time at the library or having the option of signing them up for swim lessons (literally not possible to do in my town if you work M-F 8-5). We take them to outside communities for swim lessons, but we just miss out on book times.
Anonymous says
There’s also the problem of space and instructors. A 6:00 dance room can be booked full of 12 year olds, or have 3 toddler/parent pairs. And if most instructors have an age range they work with, facilities will want to book them efficiently grouping classes together by age.
Honestly, if whatever activity doesn’t require a ton of space or specialized equipment, just round up three or four moms and hire an instructor to come to your house. When I taught dance classes in college I made $35/hour class, but I’d be teaching 8-10 kids who had each paid $25 a class. If I’d been offered $100 for that hour I’d have taught five kids in someone’s basement in a heartbeat.
TK says
If there’s an app or resource or anything else out there that provides ‘mommy and me’ (or better yet, ‘parent and me’) resources and event calendars for working parents, location-specific, I would pay good money for it. Something that alerted me to evening / weekend events .. better yet, saw me as an interested consumer and actively marketed to me … man.
Million dollar idea here.
Along the same lines, I wish I could sign up for a ‘part-time SAHM’ ideas delivery. I’m a SAHM mom at least 40 hours a week if you add up all the morning / evening / weekend time – but since I work out of the house the rest of the time, I don’t have the time or energy to plan or shop for fun craft project ideas, etc. Wouldn’t it be great to just get something in the mail on Friday, with craft supplies and instructions, for me and little TK to do together on the weekends? I have time to do the stuff, just not the planning.
Jen says
I’m in your situation. I’d be so on board with what you describe- like “bark box” for child entertainment. I’d crowd fund this.
mascot says
If you search for subscription boxes for kids, a couple of options come up. I don’t know that any of them are made for kids under 3 though. There are also craft kits that you can buy on Amazon and the like that the littles might enjoy and I think even Target carries the tinkercrate type kits for older kids.
LegalMomma says
I would so buy into this. My mother was a Kindergarten teacher and always had things planned for us to do, I so do not have that ability.
anne-on says
I would so buy this. Heck, I’d buy multiples and stock pile them for snow days…also known as the days when play doh come out of hiding in my house.
Anon says
I do “Little Loving Hands” – it’s a monthly box with a craft (and all needed supplies) that you do with your kid, but then mail to a specific charity.
But yes, I’d subscribe to this, esp if it wasn’t only crafty stuff and geared to specific age groups, bonus points if it’s structured around a theme for the month. Just give me ideas, esp in the winter, of things to do, and include supplies. Like, here’s a good 30 min activity before bed. And here’s a good 2 hour activity on a rainy weekend. Here’s a good way to keep a 1 yo occupied while your 3 and 5 yos do X.
Some SAHM could get rich from just creating a SAHM playbook for working moms who need some help with the Mom-bits.
GCA says
TK, I think you’re on to something! Want to start a business? It would of course be heavily augmented by social media – like forums or private groups of subscriber parents who would then share their experiences using the contents…
hoola hoopa says
Kiwi crate.
There are a few great resources for my area from blogs and the local newspaper but having them appear on my calendar or getting a reminder would be great.
Anonymous says
My daughter received a single Kiwi Crate as a gift and it was fantastic. The materials were high-quality and all included and the instructions were clear. There are different crate series for all ages, even infants.
Anonymous says
Kiwi boxes may be a little older, but are monthly craft boxes. I looked into subscription boxed for baby/toddlers when I was pregnant and I found a whole bunch of defunct companies out there that didn’t survive.
There is some sort of advertising fail when it comes to working moms.
Em says
THIS. When I got pregnant I was so excited to do this Mommy Fitness group for pregnant women and moms that one of my friends did and even talked to my husband about how it was kind of expensive but I really wanted to do it. When I went to look at the classes I realized they had one at 5:30 (totally not possible with commute) and one on (some) Saturday mornings and all the rest were during the day. I emailed the owner and pointed out to her that the class schedule was not accessible to working women (in case she didn’t realize it) and she stated they were working on getting more evening classes, but a year later it is the same so my guess is they are just good with their target audience being SAHMs (or these mythical stay at home pregnant women?). I have found the same thing looking for swimming classes for my son.
Anonymous says
Seriously, who are all these pregnant women who both don’t have to be at work and don’t have to be taking care of their kids? How are there so many that they can fill up daytime prenatal yoga classes on weekdays?
hoola hoopa says
I always wondered that, too!!
Anonymous says
And how can they afford yoga classes if they are not working? When I was on maternity leave I felt like I couldn’t spend any money beyond the most basic needs because I wasn’t earning any.
Ally McBeal says
I have no idea who all of these stay-at-home-pregnant-women-with-no-children are, but there must be a ton of them, because I found that virtually all maternity clothes were in the stay-at-home or athleisure categories. It was so freaking hard to find maternity clothes for women who work in offices! Brooklyn was apparently full of non-working pre-natal yoga class-attending pregnant women. I, by contrast, was wearing a hideous maternity suit and hauling myself to the office. I was so jealous!
E says
Well, the lack of materntiy clothing for work is probably for the same reason that there’s more size 6 clothing for sale than size 16. There are more women who are size 16 than size 6, but for some reason the industry has decided that only size 6 women need to buy clothing.
GCA says
So much this! Sure, maybe my kidlet doesn’t *need* a structured gym class…but I actually enjoy spending time with him and would love to find an activity to do together!
I have found working-mom friends at the playground on weekends and after 5, though. (Caveat, we live in a university-town city…ahem, Boston…so many of my parent friends are academics with semi-flex schedules.)
Frustration says
Ha, I’m glad I’m not alone.
I love the idea of a subscription box of activities! I often kill my lunch break on Pinterest coming up with great projects to do together (I do love crafty stuff) but then the big mom-daughter activity of the weekend is more likely to be going to *get* the supplies rather than actually doing the craft! At least she still finds riding in the cart genuinely thrilling.
Ally McBeal says
How about Music Together? Even if there’s not a class scheduled for a convenient time, I bet you could find a teacher who would be willing to do a Saturday morning class for you, especially if you could round up some other families interested in going. We did Music Together as a family for a few years when we only had one kid and it was really terrific.
rolling & sleeping problems says
My 5 month old keeps rolling onto her tummy in her crib and crying because she doesn’t know how to flip herself to her back. Until now, she has been an amazing sleeper — she sleeps 12 hours a night with 3 naps a day, and is great at self soothing (she is a thumb sucker). Any tips for getting her to fall back asleep on her tummy or helping her get better at rolling back to her back?? I watch her on the monitor when this is happening and she stays extremely upright, in an upward facing dog position, after rolling onto her tummy. I wish she would just lay her head down and go back to sleep on her tummy, but she doesn’t seem to want to do that. Should I just let her cry until she figures out she can rest her head down and sleep on her tummy? I have no experience with CIO because she has been a great sleeper from birth and we never had to do any real sleep training.
anon says
Will she sleep belted into a car seat or swing seat – anything that will keep her from rolling? I’m sure she’ll figure it out soon enough on her own, but in the meantime you could try it if you get desperate.
Maddie Ross says
If you want to keep her off her tummy, you might try a Magic Merlin Sleepsuit. We moved to one at about 4 months to prevent the roll and used until 7-8 months with great success.
mofare says
+1! Love the Magic Merlin. I chose it over the Zippadee Zip because I have a thumb-sucker too.
PhilanthropyGirl says
We swaddled in the SwaddleMe sacks or the Halo sleep sacks – often with arms out – until six or seven months or when he was super comfortable rolling every which way. This also helped prevent rolling.
babysleeper says
No ideas except that hopefully it’s as short-lived for you as it was for us. Our baby did this for 3 nights. He was otherwise a good sleeper and we never did any CIO (not opposed, just didn’t have to) so we weren’t sleep-deprived and were able to go in and just flip him. In the daytime we worked really hard at trying to get him to roll over by himself (lots of practice, to the song about the mice that fell off the bed by rolling over).
Anonymama says
Can you try to “show” her that she can roll from her tummy back to her back? When she is up on her tummy crying, gently guide her over so she has an inkling of the motions?